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All right.
Ricky, I'm so sorry that the tutor canceled.
This is so hard.
I understand.
You know, when I married your father a couple years ago, and he told me he had
college -aged son, I didn't think that I would end up
needing to help you out with schoolwork.
But, um...
You know, I do have my master's degree in history, so I think I might be able
help you out. Thank you. I appreciate it. Not a problem.
Albert Einstein.
Okay.
Cool. Cool.
Looks like you've got some sample questions here.
Let me see.
Yeah, those are all the questions that are going to be on the test.
Okay. So this is, you know, this is pretty comprehensive.
Pretty dense.
But I think I can get you through that. Thanks so much.
I know it is, but this is what you signed up for when you applied to
I wish I would have known it was going to be all this.
You're going to be fine. Hang on. Let me just, you read through this, right?
Yeah. Okay, so this is what I am going to do.
I'm going to go ahead and go through these sample questions with you.
Okay. Okay, and let's see what you know so far.
It's not going to be pretty.
Okay. Okay.
Let's start with some basics. Don't look.
Where was Einstein born?
Old Germany, Jerusalem, Israel, or New York City, USA?
I don't know. New York?
No, silly.
Think about it.
It's old Germany. We'll come back to that one.
Okay.
Einstein. Einstein received only one Nobel Prize.
How many Nobel Prizes did Einstein receive?
Three, two, or one?
Two? I just gave you the answer in the question, silly.
Oh. Okay.
Einstein received the Nobel Prize in astronomy, physics,
or military science.
About Terry Siles?
Did you read?
I said I read it, but I didn't get any of it. Hang on a second. Hang on. We're
going to go through these multiple times so that eventually you get the answer.
Okay. Where was Einstein born?
Germany, Jerusalem, Israel, or New York, USA?
It wasn't New York.
That's right. It wasn't New York.
Jerusalem?
No, Germany.
Oh, okay.
Okay. Einstein received how many Nobel Prizes?
One of the choices?
Three, two, or one?
Three?
One.
Where was Einstein born?
Germany, Israel, or USA?
Wasn't New York.
Nope. Wasn't Israel.
Nope. Germany? There you go. You got one right.
See, we're going to get there. We're going to get there. We're going to do
We will do it.
When was Einstein born?
1911, 1879, or 1954?
1954? Nope.
1879.
Oh, okay.
Okay.
Einstein received how many Nobel Prizes?
What were the options again?
Three, two, or one.
One? Good.
You're getting there.
I'm proud of you. We're going to at least get you a passing grade on this
Okay, let's try again. When was Einstein born?
1911, 1879, or 1954?
1954? You already said that one, and that's not the correct answer. It's
Okay,
how about this?
This is a fun one. Einstein played the piano flute.
Or violin.
A fool?
Nope. He played the violin.
Let me see.
I know that eventually you're going to get there.
Let's see.
Okay. When?
Did Einstein receive the Nobel Prize?
1879, 1971, or 1921?
1979?
No. It was 1921.
You'll get there. You'll get there. Okay.
How many Nobel Prizes did Einstein receive?
One?
Yes, you did it!
See? Okay. High five.
Outstanding. Let's take a break, okay? Because you're probably getting
overloaded with information.
Tell me about how college life's going. How is school?
Um, pretty good.
with all these quizzes and stuff.
Your first year of college, it's a period of adjustment.
You know what I mean?
I'm having trouble getting adjusted.
Yeah, but you'll get there.
Don't feel discouraged.
How's your girlfriend doing?
We don't see each other anymore.
Oh no, what happened?
She seems so nice.
Yeah, but I don't know, it just grew apart, I guess.
That, you know, College is a time of experimentation.
It really is.
And it's important that you take advantage.
I'm trying to do the best I can.
Yeah, all you can do is try. You know, I told your father that he needed to
kind of be patient with you.
He gets a little frustrated. He has high expectations.
You know, your first year, you kind of just, as long as you're passing, it's
just a time to kind of have fun and experiment and, you know.
Studying is important, but also just the experience of being on your own. It's
important to have that, don't you think?
Yeah, I think you're right. Yeah.
So just remember to have fun, you know. Go to parties.
And, you know, getting a college, a job, like a work -study job is a great idea,
too.
It's, um, something to think about.
Yeah, I'll think about it. Yeah, and you build your confidence.
Have you, uh, have you been doing some of those chores around the
house that your dad, uh, had asked you to do?
Uh, yeah, I get to some of them.
Make sure you get to all of them.
Otherwise, I'm going to never hear the end of it.
Like cleaning the garage. It's a big one.
I already have so much to study.
I mean, I understand that, but it's important that you structure your time
that you can fulfill those obligations.
He is paying for school.
Never hear the end of that either.
I wish he'd give me less drawers.
It's not damn homework.
Well, you know, I'll talk to him about that. I will admit that...
Taking care of the entire garage is kind of a hefty endeavor, so, yeah.
It's all his stuff in there, too. I know. Don't even get me started. I mean,
would love to just donate everything to, like, charity.
He doesn't even golf anymore.
Like, what's that about?
Golf clubs. And they were so expensive.
Did you know that golf is so expensive?
Oh, man.
He's just getting old.
Yeah, I know. God.
And he complains about his back all the time.
Oh, man.
Yeah.
I just keep telling him he needs to maybe do some, like, stretching, like
I know it's goofy. Like, he thinks that yoga is, like, a female thing. I'm going
to tell you something. I see some, like, some older men in my yoga class that
are in incredible shape.
Really? Yeah.
Yeah,
I know.
I'm not even going to try anymore.
So, yeah.
But, I know it would help, and then he wouldn't complain so much.
You know what I mean?
He's always complaining.
Yeah, no kidding.
We're kind of going to stop.
Yeah.
Swimming is good.
It's like they do swimming in physical therapy.
Yeah.
They do.
Yeah.
He needs to get his heart rate up soon or else he's going to end up having a
heart attack.
It's important that you stay active since, you know, your dad doesn't have
great genes.
No offense.
Yeah, I know.
You're telling me.
Yeah.
I am planning a surprise birthday for him.
Maybe you can help me plan for this surprise birthday for your dad. What do
think?
Yeah, sure. Good.
What do you want to do?
Get some of his friends together.
Okay. Do something maybe at the club.
Okay. A nice kind of dinner.
Maybe we can go golfing.
Right.
Yeah.
That would be fun.
Uh -huh.
What were you doing last year for his birthday?
Remember? We were in Bermuda.
Oh, yeah. He did the family vacation.
That was pretty great.
Yeah, that was fun.
Except when he dislocated his shoulder scuba diving. That was weird.
He's getting old.
And then there was that weird altercation with a dolphin.
And I told him, I said, you can't just go up to them and act like you know
Like they're wild animals. They're cute, but they're wild animals.
I think he's losing it a little bit.
I kind of like them a little too much too.
Yeah, there was something that seemed a little, you know, unconsensual in that
exchange.
Oh, yeah, maybe something a little more low -key this year than last year.
Maybe.
I do
think it needs to go big, though.
Yeah, fair.
True.
Maybe a theme.
You know, he's always been a big fan of the Dukes of Hazzard.
Yeah, that stuff like Daisy Duke? No, just stuff like cars with, you know,
kind of like a western -y, not western -y, but... How
about a NASCAR theme?
I think he's more of a truck guy.
Really? Yeah. You know him better than I do.
Yeah, I think he likes trucks.
Maybe monster trucks.
Huh, maybe.
Do you think we can get some actual monster trucks?
We could rent out a venue.
Oh,
easy.
In my book club.
One of the women has a bakery.
Or she'll know someone.
Speaking of on top, I had originally thought about movie audience like a
thing, but I think you're right. I think it's trucks.
Yeah, yeah. The circus.
Who likes the circus?
Yeah.
And even clowns. I keep forgetting that.
I love clowns. Clowns are amazing.
I'm not afraid of them. I think they're hilarious.
Clowns are so funny.
Clowns are too funny.
I guess I've never been a funny clown, though. Yeah.
Mmm.
We just need to find some you can cater to eat at a monster truck event or
something.
We don't put any caters.
Yeah?
What's your favorite food?
Sounds like Philly cheesesteaks.
Oh, yeah?
Yeah.
Sounds like a Philly cheesesteak buffet.
That'd be pretty cool.
Yeah, I...
And honestly, pretty inexpensive.
Oh, yeah.
Bunch of meat.
Easy. Yeah.
We don't even need caterers.
Yeah, you could just, you know, get takeout from a local cheap take place.
Yeah.
You know, my theory is that they don't give you the recipe, so they keep
ordering, you know, going and ordering, which they tend to do.
I think we just got to figure out what's in it.
You know? Good idea.
I'll just see, you know, we can kind of work together and see, like, you know,
what kind of spices.
I'm sure we can say they're like allergic to stuff and they might have to
us, you know.
You know what?
That's genius.
They have to. If we fake like there's some sort of severe food allergy, they
have to tell us.
Wow. Yeah, we got this.
What did we get for dessert there?
We had that chocolate cake.
All that weird sauce.
Oh, that lava type thing?
Yeah. Yeah.
Weird taste. I'm a little big fan.
Oh, yeah?
Yeah. I mean, there's a way to make it better.
Yeah. I think. I think that the kind of like the math of it works. We just need
to like, you know, maybe add some sort of like a like a Cream type
thing.
Creamy.
For purposes of the cake and the candles, how old is your dad to me? Is
59?
I don't know.
Probably 65.
Oh my goodness.
You don't know?
I know I should know these things.
I've just had a lot on my mind.
For example, the server at the restaurant with the fusion pot roast?
Familiar, didn't he?
I think I saw him in a reptile dysfunction commercial.
I wonder if he's going to be our server again.
I didn't tip him very well. I hope not.
Well, anyway, I guess I'm going to go make some phone calls and see if we can
get a venue.
Okay, yeah.
I'll figure out who that is.
Yeah, please.
Whatever you can to figure it out.
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