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1
00:00:02,613 --> 00:00:03,656
Dibs
2
00:00:04,908 --> 00:00:06,277
Like all laws of the jungle, dibs
3
00:00:06,278 --> 00:00:09,005
is something that man is born to innately uphold
4
00:00:09,006 --> 00:00:10,089
and abide by.
5
00:00:13,274 --> 00:00:17,793
And there was no beast more cunning in the
dibs-calling arts than my brother, Mike.
6
00:00:18,927 --> 00:00:21,005
His cat-like reflexes were fierce,
7
00:00:21,376 --> 00:00:23,632
cunning and unapologetic.
8
00:00:24,152 --> 00:00:27,380
And like any animal sitting
at the top of a food chain
9
00:00:27,964 --> 00:00:32,363
the nature of their very existence is founded
upon maintaining dominance
10
00:00:32,429 --> 00:00:33,076
MIKE CALLS DIBS
11
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and that was Mike Hickey.
12
00:00:36,109 --> 00:00:39,195
A jungle beast in a man-child's body
who would never,
13
00:00:39,196 --> 00:00:41,618
ever move out of our house, and who had dibs
14
00:00:41,619 --> 00:00:43,917
on everything from Oak Park to Iowa.
15
00:00:48,381 --> 00:00:49,936
Such as...
16
00:00:52,629 --> 00:00:53,876
the remote,
17
00:00:56,622 --> 00:00:58,228
the good spot on the couch,
18
00:01:01,869 --> 00:01:02,979
Shotgun.
19
00:01:08,044 --> 00:01:09,525
MIKE ALL TIME DIBS!!!
20
00:01:10,162 --> 00:01:11,628
The biggest slice of pizza
21
00:01:12,039 --> 00:01:13,836
the last slice of pizza
22
00:01:14,810 --> 00:01:16,498
the end pieces of the meatloaf
23
00:01:17,500 --> 00:01:18,511
the rest
24
00:01:18,630 --> 00:01:19,630
of the meatloaf
25
00:01:20,712 --> 00:01:22,007
the first shower
26
00:01:22,457 --> 00:01:23,457
What the...
27
00:01:24,039 --> 00:01:25,039
Really?
28
00:01:26,446 --> 00:01:29,334
To this day I don't feel clean
unless the water is ice cold.
29
00:01:32,663 --> 00:01:34,543
and Mike's crowning achievement
30
00:01:34,598 --> 00:01:35,797
Merry Christmas
31
00:01:41,685 --> 00:01:42,685
Dibs
32
00:01:43,065 --> 00:01:44,705
It'll be in my room,
if you want to use it.
33
00:01:44,725 --> 00:01:45,724
I'd done the math
34
00:01:45,727 --> 00:01:48,131
and literally the only thing
in my entire universe
35
00:01:48,132 --> 00:01:51,708
that Mike hadn't called some form of dibs
on was the basement
36
00:01:51,803 --> 00:01:52,891
- Geargh!
37
00:01:53,091 --> 00:01:54,627
and there was a good reason for that.
38
00:01:55,367 --> 00:01:56,638
It's not finished yet
39
00:01:57,082 --> 00:01:59,797
Mom's eye-roll explains it all.
40
00:01:59,834 --> 00:02:03,203
The Hickey basement was so far
from ever being finished
41
00:02:03,204 --> 00:02:06,267
that Mike didn't even think
to have future dibs on it,
42
00:02:06,399 --> 00:02:08,129
which was definitely a thing.
43
00:02:08,207 --> 00:02:11,792
What? I just need to paint and varnish
the rest of the room
44
00:02:11,793 --> 00:02:13,467
so that it matches the Ditka corner.
45
00:02:13,912 --> 00:02:14,926
Once I do that,
46
00:02:15,232 --> 00:02:17,349
- that's...
- That's that, yeah
47
00:02:17,403 --> 00:02:18,628
never heard that before.
48
00:02:18,748 --> 00:02:20,224
She'd heard that before.
49
00:02:33,483 --> 00:02:35,465
PLAY BY PLAY
50
00:02:41,955 --> 00:02:43,175
You're adopted.
51
00:02:45,298 --> 00:02:47,337
You've been wearing
the same clothes for 4 days.
52
00:02:47,338 --> 00:02:49,898
This is my varsity robe,
I'm supposed to wear it every day.
53
00:02:49,918 --> 00:02:51,504
You graduated two years ago.
54
00:02:51,505 --> 00:02:54,284
Exactly, I'm retired and when you retire
you wear a robe.
55
00:02:54,368 --> 00:02:56,028
A robe with your varsity letters on it?
56
00:02:56,029 --> 00:02:59,075
What else would I do, be the guy who still
wears his high school football jacket?
57
00:02:59,086 --> 00:02:59,980
I'm not a dork, Pete.
58
00:03:00,103 --> 00:03:01,641
Your face is a dork
59
00:03:03,459 --> 00:03:04,754
What did you just say to me?
60
00:03:07,250 --> 00:03:08,250
No
61
00:03:10,478 --> 00:03:11,756
Say you have no penis!
62
00:03:12,907 --> 00:03:14,355
You have no penis.
63
00:03:14,402 --> 00:03:16,784
- Say "I, Pete Hickey, have no penis".
- No
64
00:03:20,663 --> 00:03:21,939
Just say it
65
00:03:28,506 --> 00:03:29,972
God dammit!
66
00:03:30,152 --> 00:03:31,207
Nice going, Pete
67
00:03:31,458 --> 00:03:33,889
This would never have happened if you
just admitted you had no penis.
68
00:03:33,955 --> 00:03:35,409
Hey Steve, hun
69
00:03:35,455 --> 00:03:37,451
how much does a TV run for these days?
70
00:03:37,625 --> 00:03:39,318
How much does it cost for new kids?
71
00:03:40,147 --> 00:03:42,507
Actually I don't care
grab the checkbook, we're buying two
72
00:03:43,259 --> 00:03:44,259
TVs
73
00:03:48,418 --> 00:03:49,818
That's that
74
00:03:49,909 --> 00:03:51,433
basement's finished.
75
00:03:52,785 --> 00:03:56,293
The frozen silence punctuated the moment
like a whisper from God
76
00:03:56,775 --> 00:03:59,980
telling me that this was my moment
for the taking
77
00:04:00,217 --> 00:04:01,821
and take I did.
78
00:04:04,026 --> 00:04:06,270
Dibs
79
00:04:18,727 --> 00:04:19,954
It was magical.
80
00:04:20,050 --> 00:04:22,240
Now I understood how Jordan
felt when the ball
81
00:04:22,241 --> 00:04:24,774
was midair and he already knew
it was nothing but net.
82
00:04:43,569 --> 00:04:44,589
Oh, God
83
00:04:44,730 --> 00:04:45,730
Oh, no
84
00:04:46,377 --> 00:04:47,424
I have dibs.
85
00:05:10,299 --> 00:05:11,799
Who invited Martha Stewart?
86
00:05:13,127 --> 00:05:14,461
I called dibs.
87
00:05:14,550 --> 00:05:15,706
Ask me if I care.
88
00:05:16,446 --> 00:05:18,487
Ask me if I care.
89
00:05:18,584 --> 00:05:19,584
- Do you care?
- No
90
00:05:20,623 --> 00:05:23,893
Also that Refrigerator Perry
GI Joe over there is mine.
91
00:05:24,062 --> 00:05:25,268
No, it's not.
92
00:05:25,302 --> 00:05:28,106
Well you got it with a proof
of purchase from a GI Joe
93
00:05:28,107 --> 00:05:32,421
I bought, Shipwreck if I remember, so
technically I paid for it.
94
00:05:32,521 --> 00:05:33,769
Fine
95
00:05:33,966 --> 00:05:37,552
That Fridge GI Joe is still sitting
on a bookshelf in his house as we speak.
96
00:05:37,621 --> 00:05:40,639
Now, will you leave, please
97
00:05:41,683 --> 00:05:42,975
Why would I do that?
98
00:05:43,725 --> 00:05:45,074
'Cause I called dibs!
99
00:05:45,553 --> 00:05:50,041
Pete, getting dibs is like getting a flag
on a play and having to repeat that down
100
00:05:50,312 --> 00:05:52,416
You may have scored, but it doesn't count.
101
00:05:52,682 --> 00:05:56,435
Now get out of here, Tina DiTomasso
is coming over soon
102
00:05:56,582 --> 00:06:00,721
and word on the street is she likes to repeat
fourth down all night.
103
00:06:01,210 --> 00:06:04,221
Okay, well were you at least thinking
about changing out of that
104
00:06:04,222 --> 00:06:06,957
disgusting robe before you fourth-downed her
105
00:06:07,412 --> 00:06:08,984
No wonder you don't have a girlfriend
106
00:06:09,153 --> 00:06:10,474
you know nothing of women.
107
00:06:10,759 --> 00:06:11,759
Now leave.
108
00:06:16,855 --> 00:06:18,094
No.
109
00:06:18,676 --> 00:06:19,863
What?
110
00:06:25,426 --> 00:06:27,922
That basement is not representative
of my vision, Clare.
111
00:06:27,955 --> 00:06:30,043
I didn't even put up the crown molding yet.
112
00:06:30,114 --> 00:06:32,733
You know everyone calls you
the dyslexic Bob Vila, right?
113
00:06:33,194 --> 00:06:34,209
Who says that?
114
00:06:34,271 --> 00:06:36,067
- Everyone did.
- Everyone does.
115
00:06:36,197 --> 00:06:37,719
Vila, that hack?!
116
00:06:38,200 --> 00:06:39,901
- That doesn't make any sense.
- Hun.
117
00:06:39,925 --> 00:06:41,316
What do you hear right now?
118
00:06:42,315 --> 00:06:44,109
- I don't know.
- Exactly.
119
00:06:44,508 --> 00:06:46,699
You have forgotten what silence sounds like.
120
00:06:46,700 --> 00:06:49,490
So you can either find a new project
to never finish
121
00:06:49,491 --> 00:06:52,231
or you can sit down and watch my show with me
122
00:06:52,512 --> 00:06:55,620
and enjoy this silence thing everyone's
been talking about.
123
00:06:57,303 --> 00:06:58,944
NPYD Blue
124
00:06:59,009 --> 00:07:00,424
It's NYPD Blue
125
00:07:01,789 --> 00:07:03,504
Crap, maybe I am dyslexic.
126
00:07:05,860 --> 00:07:08,895
- Leave
- No, I called dibs.
127
00:07:09,027 --> 00:07:11,351
- Leave
- No, I called dibs.
128
00:07:11,583 --> 00:07:12,583
I can do this all night.
129
00:07:12,619 --> 00:07:15,122
I don't care, I don't even like Poison anymore.
130
00:07:15,207 --> 00:07:16,986
- That was not and never will be true.
131
00:07:17,086 --> 00:07:18,086
Okay
132
00:07:20,563 --> 00:07:23,083
What are you going to do down here
that you can't do anywhere else?
133
00:07:23,095 --> 00:07:25,120
- Write another fan letter to Marky Mark?
- Hey
134
00:07:25,163 --> 00:07:30,261
Rocco says that Mark Wahlberg has the charisma
to become a major motion picture star.
135
00:07:30,321 --> 00:07:31,803
Without the Funky Bunch? Yeah, right.
136
00:07:32,033 --> 00:07:34,137
You know what, whatever, I'm going to go get Dad.
137
00:07:34,366 --> 00:07:36,625
- "I'm going to go get Dad." No you're not.
- Yea I am.
138
00:07:36,800 --> 00:07:38,915
Why can't you just admit
that you lost to me for once.
139
00:07:40,158 --> 00:07:41,764
As you can see from the robe
140
00:07:41,766 --> 00:07:43,595
I don't lose, I retire.
141
00:07:44,213 --> 00:07:46,547
This family leaves all the losing to you.
142
00:07:46,782 --> 00:07:50,951
- I can't remember if "Oh no, he didn't"
was a thing yet in 1994
143
00:07:50,952 --> 00:07:53,048
but that best sums up how I felt.
144
00:07:53,414 --> 00:07:54,523
I'd had enough.
145
00:07:59,399 --> 00:08:00,746
Nice going, idiot.
146
00:08:06,146 --> 00:08:07,249
Look what you did!
147
00:08:09,099 --> 00:08:10,378
Are we locked in?
148
00:08:12,406 --> 00:08:14,265
No!!!
149
00:08:14,727 --> 00:08:15,898
Tina!!
150
00:08:27,723 --> 00:08:30,249
I may not have won the battle
but I was winning the war.
151
00:08:31,142 --> 00:08:33,154
I'd set up most of the basement to my liking
152
00:08:33,155 --> 00:08:36,845
and with headphones on it was basically
like Mike was upstairs.
153
00:08:37,044 --> 00:08:39,261
Mom! Dad!
154
00:08:40,126 --> 00:08:41,126
God.
155
00:08:41,755 --> 00:08:43,187
Tina's going to be here soon.
156
00:08:43,586 --> 00:08:44,965
I gotta Drakkar up.
157
00:08:45,132 --> 00:08:47,265
That's Mike for, put on cologne.
158
00:08:47,461 --> 00:08:48,206
Pete!
159
00:08:48,382 --> 00:08:49,521
Get over here!
160
00:08:50,317 --> 00:08:52,511
Your girlish squeal can carry a longer distance.
161
00:09:00,733 --> 00:09:03,219
Is that the Snow CD I gave you
for Christmas? That's mine!
162
00:09:03,392 --> 00:09:04,392
Hey
163
00:09:04,422 --> 00:09:05,652
Now help me or else.
164
00:09:06,572 --> 00:09:07,902
Or else what?!
165
00:09:10,219 --> 00:09:12,583
- Mike's patented silent fart.
- Oh, wow.
166
00:09:12,787 --> 00:09:13,787
Oh my God.
167
00:09:13,849 --> 00:09:14,977
the QB sneak
168
00:09:14,978 --> 00:09:19,012
He was so good at it that Coach Carfora
himself made him a championship belt.
169
00:09:19,465 --> 00:09:23,012
- I've got thousands of those.
- You realize you just turned
170
00:09:23,013 --> 00:09:26,064
the basement into a fart-lair right
before you have a girl over?
171
00:09:26,190 --> 00:09:27,288
I'll just show her the belt
172
00:09:27,516 --> 00:09:29,076
chicks are always impressed by the belt.
173
00:09:30,903 --> 00:09:32,178
Mom! Dad!
174
00:09:32,179 --> 00:09:35,600
-Pete made me make him accidently break
the door knob off cause he's a big baby!
175
00:09:38,321 --> 00:09:39,321
Gracie?
176
00:09:39,387 --> 00:09:41,469
Sweet fart-lair Toots McGee.
177
00:09:41,522 --> 00:09:42,722
You've been down here the whole time?
178
00:09:42,848 --> 00:09:45,259
Mom and Dad won't give me money
for the video store,
179
00:09:45,260 --> 00:09:47,896
so I'm hiding down here so they think I ran away.
180
00:09:48,463 --> 00:09:50,307
- That's truly evil.
- Yeah
181
00:09:50,547 --> 00:09:51,547
Nicely done.
182
00:09:52,067 --> 00:09:55,614
Actually Gracie I think you may be
able to help us with something.
183
00:09:57,031 --> 00:09:59,142
Do you know who Tina DiTomasso is?
184
00:09:59,350 --> 00:10:03,263
Is she a little girl who died after her brothers
pushed her out a basement window?
185
00:10:03,354 --> 00:10:05,256
No, she's this super hot chick who...
186
00:10:05,356 --> 00:10:08,606
- Repeats fourth down... all night
187
00:10:08,735 --> 00:10:11,261
Like I said I've been down here the whole time.
188
00:10:11,262 --> 00:10:13,807
We just need you to crawl through
run inside and open the door for us.
189
00:10:14,080 --> 00:10:16,038
- OK, 5 bucks.
- You heard her, Pete.
190
00:10:20,010 --> 00:10:21,010
Whatever
191
00:10:23,504 --> 00:10:24,968
Thank you
192
00:10:26,584 --> 00:10:27,755
Yes!
193
00:10:40,549 --> 00:10:42,707
She's going straight to the video store,
isn't she
194
00:10:42,732 --> 00:10:43,754
Uh, yeah
195
00:10:44,204 --> 00:10:45,204
No!
196
00:10:47,617 --> 00:10:48,665
You hear something?
197
00:10:48,693 --> 00:10:50,171
It's probably just the show.
198
00:10:50,268 --> 00:10:52,838
I read somewhere that their sound
design is Emmy-caliber.
199
00:10:52,909 --> 00:10:55,616
- What's that?
- It means they win a lot of awards.
200
00:10:55,899 --> 00:10:57,283
This show wins awards?
201
00:10:57,284 --> 00:11:00,899
Did you not just see the scene with Medavoy
asking Donna's sister for advice.
202
00:11:00,900 --> 00:11:04,616
I don't know the camera's so shaky
I can't see a damn thing and it's real dark.
203
00:11:04,622 --> 00:11:07,790
- I know, it's so gritty.
- It's so unrealistic is what it is.
204
00:11:08,038 --> 00:11:09,686
"Cops" looks nothing like this.
205
00:11:09,993 --> 00:11:12,614
- Let's just watch "Cops"
- Don't even try it.
206
00:11:21,366 --> 00:11:24,386
- Where are you going?
- All this farting has made me need to piss.
207
00:11:26,952 --> 00:11:29,858
Oh look, all your laundry's in a nice
convenient pile.
208
00:11:29,898 --> 00:11:32,036
Hey, don't you piss on my clothes!
209
00:11:32,450 --> 00:11:35,387
This is what you get, this is what you get wh...
210
00:11:35,445 --> 00:11:37,289
Oh my God, there's a phone jack down here.
211
00:11:38,110 --> 00:11:39,110
Oh my God
212
00:11:42,513 --> 00:11:43,937
What are you doing?
213
00:11:46,139 --> 00:11:48,584
I knew you never threw away
your Full House lip phone.
214
00:11:49,450 --> 00:11:52,992
Hey, that's not mine but just please
be very gentle with it.
215
00:11:54,221 --> 00:11:57,047
- Who are you trying to call?
- Mom and Dad, duh.
216
00:11:57,528 --> 00:11:58,528
It's busy
217
00:11:58,944 --> 00:12:00,137
Must be on the phone with someone.
218
00:12:00,242 --> 00:12:01,935
- They were not on the phone with anyone.
219
00:12:02,394 --> 00:12:06,370
You see kids before smartphones everyone
had this thing called a landline
220
00:12:06,491 --> 00:12:08,231
and you only got one per household
221
00:12:08,232 --> 00:12:12,520
and right now my brother is using that phone
to call that phone.
222
00:12:12,994 --> 00:12:15,469
Make sense? Good, it shouldn't.
223
00:12:18,092 --> 00:12:20,441
Nothing but football plays up there, huh?
224
00:12:21,528 --> 00:12:22,600
What are you going to do now?
225
00:12:22,905 --> 00:12:24,519
- Piss in Dad's paint?
- Nope.
226
00:12:24,683 --> 00:12:25,683
You wish.
227
00:12:26,169 --> 00:12:27,704
Actually if I can't Drakkar up,
228
00:12:27,950 --> 00:12:30,027
I'm gunna have to make my own cologne and fast.
229
00:12:30,364 --> 00:12:32,994
Now get over here dork,
help me. You're good at science.
230
00:12:39,020 --> 00:12:40,473
Okay, okay, okay.
231
00:12:42,951 --> 00:12:46,511
Sorry bro, got the championship belt
for farting 'em, not controlling 'em.
232
00:12:47,111 --> 00:12:48,877
- Oh, wow.
- You'll survive
233
00:12:51,580 --> 00:12:53,628
- See, it's pretty good, huh?
- Yeah
234
00:12:53,907 --> 00:12:55,641
that Smits is one hell of an actor.
235
00:12:55,794 --> 00:12:57,919
I mean he's no Dennis Farina in "Midnight Run" but
236
00:12:57,920 --> 00:13:01,056
what the - guy butt - what channel is this?
237
00:13:01,349 --> 00:13:03,509
Fast-forward it, Clare.
Fast forward
238
00:13:03,529 --> 00:13:04,794
Or how about we don't.
239
00:13:04,843 --> 00:13:07,384
What you think Sipowicz's bare ass
adds to the plot or something?
240
00:13:07,484 --> 00:13:10,301
No, I've read a few articles in
Entertainment Weekly that I would say yes
241
00:13:10,496 --> 00:13:13,150
but really I just kind of like it.
242
00:13:13,704 --> 00:13:14,868
You like that?
243
00:13:15,073 --> 00:13:16,119
Yeah
244
00:13:16,456 --> 00:13:17,933
He reminds me of you.
245
00:13:18,412 --> 00:13:19,509
Really?
246
00:13:20,303 --> 00:13:21,670
And that's a good thing?
247
00:13:21,950 --> 00:13:23,110
Oh, I think so
248
00:13:27,756 --> 00:13:28,756
Yea, I don't see it.
249
00:13:28,776 --> 00:13:29,776
Steve
250
00:13:30,761 --> 00:13:32,641
remember last week when you grabbed the pharmacist
251
00:13:32,642 --> 00:13:34,602
by the collar because he tried
to charge me a copay
252
00:13:34,622 --> 00:13:37,817
I stand by my actions
I'm not letting some fake doctor
253
00:13:37,818 --> 00:13:40,268
- take advantage of my wife. Stupid lab-coat nerd.
- Exactly.
254
00:13:40,339 --> 00:13:42,410
And in that moment I thought to myself
255
00:13:42,698 --> 00:13:45,920
That's just the kind of thing
that Andy Sipowicz would do.
256
00:13:46,849 --> 00:13:49,863
Oh, I see where this is going.
257
00:14:12,315 --> 00:14:14,928
Hey you're good at math
how long we been down here?
258
00:14:15,189 --> 00:14:17,610
You realize that telling time isn't math, right?
259
00:14:17,714 --> 00:14:18,991
These mothballs smell like cologne?
260
00:14:19,710 --> 00:14:21,697
- Nope, no.
- Oh, God
261
00:14:38,966 --> 00:14:42,053
Mike had never offered me anything
in my entire life.
262
00:14:43,014 --> 00:14:46,412
Sometimes he'd give me a choice of which
submission hold I'd like applied to me
263
00:14:46,413 --> 00:14:48,951
but sharing something? Not a chance.
264
00:14:49,710 --> 00:14:51,452
This was a huge moment for us.
265
00:14:51,993 --> 00:14:53,470
Wait 'till you see this girl.
266
00:14:53,705 --> 00:14:54,741
she totally wants it
267
00:14:56,252 --> 00:14:57,489
and the best part...
268
00:14:57,758 --> 00:14:59,563
she looks like Kelly from 90210
269
00:14:59,704 --> 00:15:01,412
but dresses like Snoop Dogg.
270
00:15:02,561 --> 00:15:03,941
- Woah
- I know right
271
00:15:04,305 --> 00:15:06,276
I mean I'll never say out of my league but
272
00:15:07,029 --> 00:15:09,010
for the win...Jordan
273
00:15:09,292 --> 00:15:12,910
Hey dibs on Jordan for the name of
my first kid, by the way.
274
00:15:13,115 --> 00:15:15,670
- But I thought you were naming your first kid The Fridge
- No
275
00:15:15,901 --> 00:15:18,009
Middle name. Jordan the Fridge Hickey
276
00:15:18,527 --> 00:15:20,659
What's great about it is it works
for a boy or a girl.
277
00:15:22,206 --> 00:15:24,089
as I let the tart minty grossness
278
00:15:24,090 --> 00:15:26,949
cut my gums and force my eyes closed I realized
279
00:15:26,950 --> 00:15:30,261
that this is what a moment between two brothers
was supposed to feel like.
280
00:15:31,746 --> 00:15:33,261
We were strengthening our bond,
281
00:15:34,076 --> 00:15:36,071
we were connecting as peers.
282
00:15:36,420 --> 00:15:37,420
We were...
283
00:15:41,162 --> 00:15:42,768
puking all over the floor.
284
00:15:44,126 --> 00:15:47,205
God, are you serious, dude. Geez!
Tina's going to be here any second
285
00:15:47,206 --> 00:15:48,668
what the hell's wrong with you.
286
00:15:48,894 --> 00:15:51,274
It's not like I meant to swallow it,
I've never done it before.
287
00:15:51,485 --> 00:15:52,695
Freaking Dick Leg.
288
00:15:54,422 --> 00:15:55,595
What'd you just call me?
289
00:15:56,060 --> 00:15:57,427
You heard me, Dick Leg.
290
00:15:57,837 --> 00:16:01,425
I guess I should expect JV moves
from a JV Dick Leg.
291
00:16:02,317 --> 00:16:04,019
Don't call me that.
292
00:16:04,538 --> 00:16:06,392
What? JV Dick Leg
293
00:16:06,785 --> 00:16:08,203
Look, it's not my fault
294
00:16:08,337 --> 00:16:09,697
- OK, I made the first kick.
- Yeah
295
00:16:09,756 --> 00:16:10,786
the one that didn't count.
296
00:16:10,983 --> 00:16:14,126
- You know, what's you problem?
- I'm related to you, that's what.
297
00:16:14,127 --> 00:16:15,586
You suck at everything.
298
00:16:16,084 --> 00:16:18,732
Clean up your stupid puke
before my girlfriend gets here.
299
00:16:19,639 --> 00:16:22,498
Dude, she's not coming
300
00:16:23,141 --> 00:16:24,460
I mean look at you
301
00:16:24,867 --> 00:16:27,477
All your friends are off at college but here you are
302
00:16:27,747 --> 00:16:30,564
clearly getting stood up by some Berwyn chick
303
00:16:30,915 --> 00:16:33,111
wearing the same stupid robe
304
00:16:33,622 --> 00:16:37,237
and arguing with your little brother
over who called dibs on the basement.
305
00:16:37,603 --> 00:16:41,983
I mean if that is not the definition of loser
then I don't know what is.
306
00:16:42,656 --> 00:16:47,537
First of all once you're in college
no one calls it college, okay, they say school.
307
00:16:47,804 --> 00:16:48,985
And second...
308
00:16:50,541 --> 00:16:51,541
See.
309
00:16:52,205 --> 00:16:54,245
I bet that's her, calling to let
me know she got caught
310
00:16:54,265 --> 00:16:55,903
up trying to figure out what to wear.
311
00:16:56,393 --> 00:16:57,524
Happens to me all the time, bro.
312
00:16:58,844 --> 00:16:59,844
Hello?
313
00:17:00,161 --> 00:17:02,278
Oh, hey Tina.
314
00:17:03,656 --> 00:17:05,393
No, no need to apologize.
315
00:17:05,435 --> 00:17:06,986
Just know that with Mike Hickey
316
00:17:06,987 --> 00:17:09,928
you can never go wrong with
Girbaud jeans of any color.
317
00:17:15,241 --> 00:17:16,956
No, no, that's fine.
318
00:17:18,783 --> 00:17:20,384
No, that's not a problem at all.
319
00:17:22,326 --> 00:17:23,326
Yeah
320
00:17:23,907 --> 00:17:26,437
I called Mike a loser every day of my childhood
321
00:17:26,992 --> 00:17:30,000
but in all that time I'd never actually
seen him lose.
322
00:17:31,062 --> 00:17:32,510
It was hard to watch.
323
00:17:33,273 --> 00:17:36,263
Especially since growing up
he was just this thing that scored
324
00:17:36,264 --> 00:17:37,955
touchdowns and ate all our food.
325
00:17:39,143 --> 00:17:40,143
Cool
326
00:17:40,163 --> 00:17:41,908
I never thought about him having dreams
327
00:17:41,909 --> 00:17:44,719
or fears or feelings at all for that matter.
328
00:17:44,995 --> 00:17:45,995
Goodbye
329
00:17:47,621 --> 00:17:49,734
But when he hung up my Full House lip phone
330
00:17:50,092 --> 00:17:53,098
for the first time, I saw he was a kid
331
00:17:53,790 --> 00:17:54,846
just like me.
332
00:18:09,993 --> 00:18:11,273
And even though I didn't exactly
333
00:18:11,293 --> 00:18:13,591
know what being there for someone meant
334
00:18:15,025 --> 00:18:16,075
I was there for him
335
00:18:16,523 --> 00:18:17,904
in our own way.
336
00:18:22,404 --> 00:18:24,012
Sipowicz, you are outta line
337
00:18:24,013 --> 00:18:26,413
I'm gunna need you
to turn in your badge and gun.
338
00:18:28,941 --> 00:18:30,496
This family is weird.
339
00:18:36,445 --> 00:18:38,032
It's open
340
00:18:49,774 --> 00:18:51,227
I'll take the blame for the puke.
341
00:18:51,830 --> 00:18:52,830
Really?
342
00:18:53,254 --> 00:18:54,254
Thanks.
343
00:18:54,383 --> 00:18:56,463
- I really appreciate that.
- Don't mention it.
344
00:18:56,872 --> 00:18:58,977
I'm still blaming the piss on you, it's everywhere
345
00:19:01,909 --> 00:19:05,509
Oh and Puckett hits that one all the way
to the Blockbuster
346
00:19:05,510 --> 00:19:07,263
parking lot folks.
347
00:19:08,277 --> 00:19:10,046
- I let you hit that.
- Sure, you did.
348
00:19:10,144 --> 00:19:11,144
- I did.
- Uh huh.
349
00:19:11,164 --> 00:19:12,399
- Uh huh.
- Throw another one.
350
00:19:12,672 --> 00:19:14,032
- Oh, really?
- Throw another one, let's see.
351
00:19:14,481 --> 00:19:15,481
Strike.
352
00:19:16,226 --> 00:19:18,443
- Oh, oh, oh, make it, make it, make it.
- God damnit.
26116
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