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1
00:01:14,920 --> 00:01:15,593
So, this is for, uh,
2
00:01:15,677 --> 00:01:16,844
"New York Times Magazine"?
3
00:01:16,928 --> 00:01:19,550
- No. I'm sorry, that...
4
00:01:19,138 --> 00:01:20,640
there...
5
00:01:20,723 --> 00:01:22,975
mm... no, I freelance.
6
00:01:23,590 --> 00:01:24,477
I write for
different magazines,
7
00:01:24,560 --> 00:01:26,104
but this is a personal matter.
8
00:01:26,187 --> 00:01:27,438
- A personal matter?
9
00:01:27,522 --> 00:01:29,273
- Yes, I'm sorry. Is that okay?
10
00:01:29,357 --> 00:01:30,858
- No, it's absolutely okay.
11
00:01:30,942 --> 00:01:32,860
May I ask what-what this
is regarding and...?
12
00:01:32,944 --> 00:01:35,613
- Uh, it's about my son.
13
00:01:36,656 --> 00:01:38,825
- Okay. How can I help?
14
00:01:39,909 --> 00:01:42,203
He...
15
00:01:44,330 --> 00:01:48,459
There are moments
that I look at him,
16
00:01:48,543 --> 00:01:51,129
this kid that I raised,
17
00:01:51,212 --> 00:01:54,298
who I thought I knew
inside and out,
18
00:01:54,382 --> 00:01:57,510
and I wonder who he is.
19
00:01:59,345 --> 00:02:01,973
He's been doing all
sorts of drugs,
20
00:02:02,560 --> 00:02:04,580
but he's addicted
to crystal meth,
21
00:02:04,142 --> 00:02:08,938
which seems, uh, to be
the worst of all of 'em.
22
00:02:09,210 --> 00:02:11,983
And I guess I'm here
23
00:02:12,660 --> 00:02:16,154
because I just want to know...
24
00:02:16,237 --> 00:02:18,990
all that I can about...
25
00:02:19,730 --> 00:02:20,825
all of it.
26
00:02:20,908 --> 00:02:22,702
Know your enemies, right?
27
00:02:22,785 --> 00:02:24,954
So...
28
00:02:27,248 --> 00:02:29,625
My two big questions are,
29
00:02:29,709 --> 00:02:32,253
wh-what is it doing to him,
30
00:02:32,336 --> 00:02:35,631
and what can I do to help him?
31
00:03:33,481 --> 00:03:35,401
Marin General
Hospital. How may I help you?
32
00:03:35,483 --> 00:03:38,736
Hi.
My son has gone missing,
33
00:03:38,820 --> 00:03:41,489
and I wanted to check
to see if he had...
34
00:03:41,572 --> 00:03:43,115
uh, maybe had been brought in
35
00:03:43,199 --> 00:03:46,452
or-or if-if there'd
been an accident.
36
00:03:46,536 --> 00:03:49,247
- Can I have name and
description, sir?
37
00:03:49,330 --> 00:03:50,790
Nicolas Sheff.
38
00:03:50,873 --> 00:03:53,209
S-H-E-F-F.
39
00:03:53,292 --> 00:03:54,752
He is...
40
00:03:54,836 --> 00:03:56,504
18 years old.
41
00:03:56,587 --> 00:03:59,715
He is just over six feet tall.
42
00:03:59,799 --> 00:04:01,467
About 130 pounds.
43
00:04:01,551 --> 00:04:04,679
Maybe less. I-I
don't know. Um...
44
00:04:04,762 --> 00:04:07,181
He has shoulder-length
brown hair
45
00:04:07,265 --> 00:04:09,350
and green eyes.
46
00:04:09,433 --> 00:04:11,102
Thank you.
Please hold.
47
00:04:11,185 --> 00:04:13,187
Okay.
48
00:04:13,271 --> 00:04:15,439
- Mr. Sheff?
- Yes.
49
00:04:15,523 --> 00:04:17,608
Uh, there's no one
by that name, sir.
50
00:04:17,692 --> 00:04:20,278
Okay. Thank you.
51
00:05:01,777 --> 00:05:03,696
He's
been gone for two days.
52
00:05:03,779 --> 00:05:05,323
What
do you mean he's gone?
53
00:05:05,406 --> 00:05:07,283
- What's going on?
- I don't know.
54
00:05:07,366 --> 00:05:08,659
- I don't know.
- Two days?
55
00:05:08,743 --> 00:05:10,161
Why didn't you tell me sooner?
56
00:05:10,244 --> 00:05:12,790
Uh, I didn't want to
worry you, I guess.
57
00:05:12,163 --> 00:05:14,582
- I just...
- I'm his mother, David.
58
00:05:14,665 --> 00:05:16,500
Didn't you see this coming?
59
00:05:16,584 --> 00:05:17,668
Uh, no.
60
00:05:17,752 --> 00:05:18,920
What?
61
00:05:19,300 --> 00:05:20,755
No, no, I didn't see it coming.
62
00:05:20,838 --> 00:05:22,840
If I'd seen it coming, I
would've done something.
63
00:05:22,924 --> 00:05:25,176
It was just a
question, David. Jesus.
64
00:05:25,259 --> 00:05:27,428
I haven't been talking
with him a lot lately.
65
00:05:27,511 --> 00:05:29,656
Well, maybe that's why you
shouldn't be giving me advice
66
00:05:29,680 --> 00:05:30,973
in parenting, right?
67
00:05:31,570 --> 00:05:33,170
Fuck, Vicki.
68
00:05:33,100 --> 00:05:35,478
Can we just not blame each
other right now? That's...
69
00:05:35,561 --> 00:05:37,438
Who's blaming who here?
70
00:05:37,521 --> 00:05:39,649
If I hardly ever see him,
it's because he's supposed
71
00:05:39,732 --> 00:05:41,317
to come to L.A.
for the holidays
72
00:05:41,400 --> 00:05:43,402
but always finds a
reason not to come.
73
00:05:43,486 --> 00:05:46,530
Well, that's not
my fault, is it?
74
00:06:22,525 --> 00:06:24,680
Nic.
75
00:06:25,403 --> 00:06:27,488
Here's your little brother.
76
00:06:28,781 --> 00:06:29,782
Tight.
77
00:06:29,865 --> 00:06:31,200
Just support his head.
78
00:06:38,457 --> 00:06:40,376
Hi, Jasper.
79
00:06:40,459 --> 00:06:43,400
- Hi, little boy.
80
00:06:46,215 --> 00:06:48,920
This is amazing.
81
00:06:51,137 --> 00:06:53,139
He's sticking
his tongue out.
82
00:06:57,435 --> 00:06:59,520
Hi. Nice to meet you.
83
00:06:59,603 --> 00:07:01,522
- Bye.
- Bye.
84
00:07:01,605 --> 00:07:03,357
- I'll miss you this summer.
- Me, too.
85
00:07:03,441 --> 00:07:05,443
- Okay, write me.
- Write me back.
86
00:07:05,526 --> 00:07:06,777
Work on your French.
87
00:07:06,861 --> 00:07:08,154
- Oui, madame.
88
00:07:08,237 --> 00:07:09,405
Have a great summer.
89
00:07:09,488 --> 00:07:11,407
And say hi to your mom.
90
00:07:13,659 --> 00:07:16,537
- Everything.
- Everything.
91
00:08:23,395 --> 00:08:25,189
Ya!
92
00:08:25,272 --> 00:08:27,240
Come on.
93
00:08:48,546 --> 00:08:50,256
Hey.
94
00:08:51,966 --> 00:08:52,966
Where have you been?
95
00:08:53,800 --> 00:08:54,236
Yeah, I just need to sleep,
all right?
96
00:08:54,260 --> 00:08:55,427
What have you been doing?
97
00:08:55,511 --> 00:08:57,391
I just need to sleep, all
right? Leave me alone.
98
00:08:57,555 --> 00:09:00,766
Guys, go downstairs.
99
00:09:00,850 --> 00:09:03,435
I'll be there in a minute.
100
00:09:34,675 --> 00:09:36,635
Ow.
101
00:09:46,854 --> 00:09:49,440
Look, Man, I'm-I'm, uh...
102
00:09:49,523 --> 00:09:53,861
I'm really sorry, all
right? And-and I, uh...
103
00:09:53,944 --> 00:09:56,710
I fucked up, and it
was a mistake, but...
104
00:09:56,155 --> 00:09:58,449
it was a one-time mistake, all
right? I learned my lesson.
105
00:09:58,532 --> 00:10:01,869
I don't want to go through this
shit again, all right? So...
106
00:10:01,952 --> 00:10:03,720
- Let's just go inside.
- No.
107
00:10:03,120 --> 00:10:04,288
They're professionals.
108
00:10:04,371 --> 00:10:06,207
Let's just listen to
what they have to say.
109
00:10:06,290 --> 00:10:08,830
Look, I'm 18, all right?!
You can't force me!
110
00:10:08,167 --> 00:10:10,850
Hey.
111
00:10:12,254 --> 00:10:14,465
This got out of hand, right?
112
00:10:14,548 --> 00:10:16,175
Don't you think?
113
00:10:19,970 --> 00:10:21,889
Come on.
114
00:10:23,349 --> 00:10:24,433
All right.
115
00:10:24,516 --> 00:10:28,229
Okay. Okay.
116
00:10:31,440 --> 00:10:33,859
I'm doing it for you.
117
00:11:02,960 --> 00:11:04,473
He needs treatment. And fast.
118
00:11:04,556 --> 00:11:07,184
There's still a lot of
drugs in his system.
119
00:11:07,268 --> 00:11:10,354
And, worst of all,
he's in denial.
120
00:11:11,730 --> 00:11:13,899
Um, can you help him?
121
00:11:13,983 --> 00:11:16,110
Oh, yeah. I mean,
122
00:11:16,193 --> 00:11:19,113
a lot of the people here
are not here by choice.
123
00:11:19,196 --> 00:11:21,490
And they have just as
much chance as anybody.
124
00:11:21,573 --> 00:11:23,492
Okay.
125
00:11:23,575 --> 00:11:25,703
- So, we have a free bed.
126
00:11:25,786 --> 00:11:28,497
So, if you want, we can check
him in for a 28-day treatment
127
00:11:28,580 --> 00:11:30,332
and then we evaluate.
128
00:11:32,420 --> 00:11:35,296
Um... what is your success rate?
129
00:11:35,379 --> 00:11:37,548
- On the high end, 80%.
130
00:11:37,631 --> 00:11:41,510
On the low end, 25%.
131
00:11:41,593 --> 00:11:44,471
Look, he will have
daily consultations
132
00:11:44,555 --> 00:11:46,724
with a staff psychiatrist
and physician.
133
00:11:46,807 --> 00:11:50,686
We have daily N.A.
and A.A. meetings.
134
00:11:50,769 --> 00:11:53,105
He'll be monitored
very closely.
135
00:11:54,815 --> 00:11:56,734
Thank you.
136
00:11:57,818 --> 00:11:59,945
And last page.
137
00:12:01,710 --> 00:12:03,198
Everything.
138
00:12:05,659 --> 00:12:07,995
Everything.
139
00:12:53,332 --> 00:12:56,293
Why are
you always in this room?
140
00:12:56,377 --> 00:12:58,504
You hardly ever
come out of here.
141
00:12:58,587 --> 00:13:00,255
It's like you're a vampire.
142
00:13:01,965 --> 00:13:04,385
I read.
143
00:13:04,468 --> 00:13:06,970
I draw.
144
00:13:07,540 --> 00:13:09,556
You know what we should do?
145
00:13:09,640 --> 00:13:11,600
We should go surfing.
146
00:13:11,683 --> 00:13:13,394
Yeah.
147
00:13:13,477 --> 00:13:15,270
That sound good?
148
00:13:15,354 --> 00:13:17,981
I'm kind of into other
things now, you know?
149
00:13:18,650 --> 00:13:21,735
Reading misanthropes and
seriously depressed writers.
150
00:13:21,819 --> 00:13:23,278
Oh, come on, they're...
151
00:13:23,362 --> 00:13:25,720
they're kind of
great, though, right?
152
00:13:25,155 --> 00:13:26,155
I get it.
153
00:13:28,450 --> 00:13:30,619
It'll pass, though.
154
00:13:30,702 --> 00:13:32,579
It always does.
155
00:13:32,663 --> 00:13:34,540
What does?
156
00:13:34,623 --> 00:13:38,836
The feeling of being
alienated and isolated.
157
00:13:38,919 --> 00:13:40,754
Huh, that really helps.
158
00:13:40,838 --> 00:13:42,798
Thanks for the advice, Dad.
159
00:13:43,882 --> 00:13:45,843
Okay.
160
00:13:46,969 --> 00:13:49,304
All right. That was...
161
00:13:49,388 --> 00:13:50,848
That came out wrong. I'm sorry.
162
00:13:50,931 --> 00:13:53,267
Mm-mm.
163
00:14:02,192 --> 00:14:04,653
All right.
Your-your idea.
164
00:14:04,736 --> 00:14:06,738
Hey.
165
00:14:08,490 --> 00:14:10,701
Hey, Dad.
166
00:14:10,784 --> 00:14:13,871
So, we feel
he's made great progress.
167
00:14:13,954 --> 00:14:16,810
- Right, Nic?
- Hi. -Hey.
168
00:14:16,165 --> 00:14:17,875
- That's great.
- That's great.
169
00:14:17,958 --> 00:14:19,978
- So we should maybe talk
about the coming weeks, Nic.
170
00:14:20,200 --> 00:14:22,463
Mm. I think I need
to... I think I need
171
00:14:22,546 --> 00:14:24,631
a little bit more time
in rehab. So if it's...
172
00:14:24,715 --> 00:14:26,967
if it's all right with
you guys, I was wondering
173
00:14:27,500 --> 00:14:28,653
if I could stay in the
halfway house here.
174
00:14:28,677 --> 00:14:33,980
- The halfway house is
an open living facility
175
00:14:33,182 --> 00:14:35,100
with follow-up every night,
176
00:14:35,184 --> 00:14:38,562
and we would help
him find a job.
177
00:14:38,645 --> 00:14:40,689
Right. I don't want to...
178
00:14:40,772 --> 00:14:45,777
go to college... right now.
179
00:14:45,861 --> 00:14:48,739
- Oh? Okay. Uh,
um, and do what?
180
00:14:48,822 --> 00:14:52,284
I think I need to
be independent.
181
00:14:54,786 --> 00:14:57,372
Dad, I'm telling
you, this is...
182
00:14:59,416 --> 00:15:02,586
It's gonna be good.
183
00:15:02,669 --> 00:15:03,587
What is he gonna do,
184
00:15:03,670 --> 00:15:05,547
make coffee for the
rest of his life?
185
00:15:05,631 --> 00:15:06,983
You know
what, Frederick told me
186
00:15:07,700 --> 00:15:08,443
that they have friends
that had a son
187
00:15:08,467 --> 00:15:10,445
that did a four-week program
and that wasn't enough
188
00:15:10,469 --> 00:15:12,346
and now he's doing
a year program.
189
00:15:12,429 --> 00:15:14,269
I wish you wouldn't talk
to everybody about it.
190
00:15:17,142 --> 00:15:19,311
What does that got
to do with anything?
191
00:15:19,394 --> 00:15:20,938
To protect Nic. I
mean, at some point,
192
00:15:21,210 --> 00:15:22,814
he's gonna want to
get on with his life.
193
00:15:22,898 --> 00:15:24,792
And maybe it's best that not
everybody knows about this.
194
00:15:24,816 --> 00:15:26,109
Okay.
195
00:15:29,196 --> 00:15:30,572
Can we not make this about me?
196
00:15:30,656 --> 00:15:32,740
Uh...
All right.
197
00:15:32,157 --> 00:15:33,343
Look, Nic needs some more time.
198
00:15:33,367 --> 00:15:37,454
And that's fine.
199
00:15:37,538 --> 00:15:38,455
- Okay?
- Okay.
200
00:15:38,539 --> 00:15:39,414
Okay?
201
00:15:39,498 --> 00:15:41,375
Yeah, okay.
202
00:15:48,298 --> 00:15:49,466
Shh.
203
00:15:54,680 --> 00:15:55,764
David Sheff.
204
00:15:55,847 --> 00:15:56,908
Hi, Mr. Sheff.
205
00:15:56,932 --> 00:15:59,226
This is Annie Goldblum
from the Ohlhoff Center.
206
00:15:59,309 --> 00:16:00,978
Oh, yes. Hi. Hello.
207
00:16:01,610 --> 00:16:02,729
Listen, I am
sorry to disturb you,
208
00:16:02,813 --> 00:16:05,899
but I need to inform
you about Nic.
209
00:16:05,983 --> 00:16:08,151
Okay.
210
00:16:08,235 --> 00:16:10,737
- He left the facility
today during free time,
211
00:16:10,821 --> 00:16:13,532
and he hasn't returned since.
212
00:16:14,992 --> 00:16:16,243
- I'm sorry, Mr. Sheff,
213
00:16:16,326 --> 00:16:17,828
but please don't despair.
214
00:16:17,911 --> 00:16:19,997
This happens.
215
00:16:21,415 --> 00:16:24,918
But I... I thought you said
he was doing so well.
216
00:16:25,200 --> 00:16:28,589
- You should think of this
as part of the process.
217
00:16:28,672 --> 00:16:31,300
Relapse is a part of recovery.
218
00:16:31,383 --> 00:16:33,135
Relapse is part of recovery?
219
00:16:33,218 --> 00:16:35,554
Yeah. It-it's a part of
Nic's learning process.
220
00:16:35,637 --> 00:16:37,931
Well, uh, that's...
221
00:16:38,150 --> 00:16:41,518
that's like saying crashing
is part of pilot training.
222
00:16:41,602 --> 00:16:44,688
- Look, he'll be back, and
probably really quick.
223
00:16:44,771 --> 00:16:46,499
Do you have somebody
out looking for him?
224
00:16:46,523 --> 00:16:47,858
- It is not our responsibility
225
00:16:47,941 --> 00:16:49,484
once he leaves the facility.
226
00:16:49,568 --> 00:16:51,320
- Okay.
- But he is welcome to...
227
00:17:27,689 --> 00:17:29,566
Excuse me.
228
00:17:29,650 --> 00:17:32,270
Have you seen a kid
hanging out around here?
229
00:17:32,110 --> 00:17:33,904
- No.
- No?
230
00:17:33,987 --> 00:17:36,239
Okay, thank you.
231
00:18:21,993 --> 00:18:23,870
Wow. They don't want
to deal with that.
232
00:18:23,954 --> 00:18:25,140
Hey, Dad, you want
to smoke this?
233
00:18:25,380 --> 00:18:26,390
Hey, whoa.
234
00:18:26,123 --> 00:18:27,541
Wait. What...? Stop.
235
00:18:27,624 --> 00:18:28,976
- Put that away.
- We'll smoke this together.
236
00:18:29,000 --> 00:18:30,961
No, no, no. No.
Are you cra...
237
00:18:31,440 --> 00:18:32,438
- That's crazy.
- Well, I know you smoke.
238
00:18:32,462 --> 00:18:34,422
- Y... Well, yeah. I...
- So let's smoke together.
239
00:18:34,464 --> 00:18:35,924
No, no, no.
Occasionally, like...
240
00:18:36,700 --> 00:18:37,193
- Look, let's smoke to...
let's smoke together.
241
00:18:37,217 --> 00:18:38,135
- Listen.
- Or I could just...
242
00:18:38,218 --> 00:18:39,278
You know what?
- No, stop it, stop it.
243
00:18:39,302 --> 00:18:41,960
- Stop. Stop.
- I'll just light it here a...
244
00:18:41,179 --> 00:18:42,949
You know what? You're right.
I'll just light it here alone.
245
00:18:42,973 --> 00:18:44,349
Don't.
246
00:18:44,433 --> 00:18:45,142
Occasionally, from
time to time...
247
00:18:45,225 --> 00:18:46,143
- Yeah?
248
00:18:46,226 --> 00:18:47,704
- I will have a hit
or two at a party,
249
00:18:47,728 --> 00:18:49,563
but it's been a
while, so just...
250
00:18:49,646 --> 00:18:50,897
Oh, okay, so then just smoke...
251
00:18:50,981 --> 00:18:53,608
have-have a celebratory
joint with your son.
252
00:18:53,692 --> 00:18:56,486
N-No. God, come
on.
253
00:18:56,570 --> 00:18:58,196
No. No, you're amazing.
254
00:18:58,280 --> 00:18:59,823
You got... you applied
to six colleges,
255
00:18:59,906 --> 00:19:00,949
you got into all of them?
256
00:19:01,320 --> 00:19:02,325
Yeah.
257
00:19:02,409 --> 00:19:04,244
Stop doubting yourself.
258
00:19:04,327 --> 00:19:05,954
Look at you.
259
00:19:07,164 --> 00:19:08,665
Give me that. Give me that.
260
00:19:13,336 --> 00:19:15,460
What?
261
00:19:15,130 --> 00:19:16,882
Nice-nice hit. That
was a good hit.
262
00:19:18,884 --> 00:19:20,927
- What?
- Well...
263
00:19:22,471 --> 00:19:26,767
Thank you. This is a nice...
264
00:19:26,850 --> 00:19:28,935
thing to do.
265
00:19:30,854 --> 00:19:32,814
You did a lot of drugs, right?
266
00:19:32,898 --> 00:19:34,775
I, uh...
267
00:19:34,858 --> 00:19:36,943
Yeah, I did my share.
268
00:19:37,270 --> 00:19:38,695
I experimented
with some drugs.
269
00:19:38,779 --> 00:19:40,781
I did.
270
00:19:42,199 --> 00:19:43,825
- But not harmless.
- What, is this...?
271
00:19:43,909 --> 00:19:45,327
There was a guy,
and... No, no.
272
00:19:45,410 --> 00:19:46,620
This is the lecture part?
273
00:19:46,703 --> 00:19:48,413
- Right?
- Yes.
274
00:19:48,497 --> 00:19:49,857
Dad, you worry too
much, all right?
275
00:19:49,915 --> 00:19:51,666
- Everyone does it.
- Just be careful.
276
00:19:51,750 --> 00:19:53,835
It's just a little pot.
I'm just partying a little.
277
00:19:53,919 --> 00:19:56,421
It's just... you know,
it's just once in a while.
278
00:19:56,505 --> 00:19:57,756
Mm-hmm.
279
00:19:57,839 --> 00:19:59,382
I deserve to party
a little now.
280
00:19:59,466 --> 00:20:01,343
- "Deserve to party."
- I do.
281
00:20:01,426 --> 00:20:04,387
Look, it just... it takes
the edge off things.
282
00:20:04,471 --> 00:20:07,933
It-it... it-it takes the edge
off of stupid all-day reality.
283
00:20:10,435 --> 00:20:12,270
Hmm.
284
00:20:12,354 --> 00:20:15,857
What is stupid about reality?
285
00:20:15,941 --> 00:20:17,442
You know, just like...
286
00:20:17,526 --> 00:20:21,863
like daily, stupid things
that don't matter.
287
00:20:21,947 --> 00:20:23,573
Okay.
288
00:20:23,657 --> 00:20:25,116
You cannot say dumb
shit like that,
289
00:20:25,200 --> 00:20:26,576
or you're gonna
start believing it.
290
00:20:26,660 --> 00:20:28,495
Right.
291
00:20:57,566 --> 00:20:59,693
Thanks for bringing
that, Karen.
292
00:21:05,532 --> 00:21:07,200
This is my home.
293
00:21:09,350 --> 00:21:11,121
A couple
of weeks ago, you told me
294
00:21:11,204 --> 00:21:14,666
that you had only done
crystal meth once.
295
00:21:14,749 --> 00:21:17,627
And the story has to be
bigger than that, right?
296
00:21:17,711 --> 00:21:19,838
- Mm-hmm.
- There's more to it.
297
00:21:19,921 --> 00:21:21,131
Yeah?
298
00:21:21,214 --> 00:21:22,382
David.
299
00:21:22,465 --> 00:21:23,508
We
need to know.
300
00:21:24,634 --> 00:21:26,469
We need to know.
301
00:21:30,560 --> 00:21:32,392
I think I always liked it.
302
00:21:32,475 --> 00:21:34,394
What?
303
00:21:35,979 --> 00:21:38,773
Anything. Pot, alcohol,
304
00:21:38,857 --> 00:21:41,943
Ecstasy, cocaine, LSD.
305
00:21:43,528 --> 00:21:45,822
And you've been
doing all of that
306
00:21:45,906 --> 00:21:47,866
for what... years?
307
00:21:47,949 --> 00:21:49,868
A couple years, yeah.
308
00:21:51,161 --> 00:21:52,537
And crystal meth?
309
00:21:53,997 --> 00:21:55,957
Just a couple months.
310
00:21:57,417 --> 00:21:58,710
Wh-Why?
311
00:22:01,421 --> 00:22:02,421
I don't know.
312
00:22:02,464 --> 00:22:04,382
Um...
313
00:22:09,304 --> 00:22:12,570
When I tried it, I felt...
314
00:22:17,479 --> 00:22:20,899
I felt better than
I ever had, so...
315
00:22:20,982 --> 00:22:23,318
I just kept on doing it.
316
00:22:23,401 --> 00:22:26,571
I was worried that you
were smoking too much pot.
317
00:22:26,655 --> 00:22:31,117
Meanwhile, you're out doing
every drug on the planet?
318
00:22:31,201 --> 00:22:36,414
And hiding it and lying? Why?
319
00:22:38,875 --> 00:22:39,875
- I don't know. Um...
320
00:22:39,918 --> 00:22:41,628
- Why Nic, tell me why?
321
00:22:41,711 --> 00:22:42,754
Ease up.
322
00:22:42,837 --> 00:22:44,547
- I don't know.
- I thought we were close.
323
00:22:44,631 --> 00:22:46,651
I thought we were closer
than most fathers and sons.
324
00:22:46,675 --> 00:22:49,520
Yeah, I feel like you're
always disappointed in me.
325
00:22:49,135 --> 00:22:50,196
You're disappointed I
didn't go to college.
326
00:22:50,220 --> 00:22:51,471
- Can you blame me?!
327
00:22:51,554 --> 00:22:53,139
Just, uh, not too long ago,
328
00:22:53,223 --> 00:22:54,867
you were reading and you
were writing, and you were on
329
00:22:54,891 --> 00:22:57,600
the water polo team.
330
00:22:57,143 --> 00:22:58,520
And look at us now.
331
00:22:58,603 --> 00:22:59,664
- Dad...
- Can you please stop?
332
00:22:59,688 --> 00:23:01,400
- This isn't us. This
is not who we are.
333
00:23:01,640 --> 00:23:03,358
Just, please,
both of you, stop.
334
00:23:03,441 --> 00:23:05,193
Dad, I'm really sorry
about everything.
335
00:23:07,988 --> 00:23:09,739
Dad, I'm so...
336
00:23:12,909 --> 00:23:14,369
I'm really sorry, Dad.
337
00:23:19,124 --> 00:23:20,375
- Nic, what you have...
338
00:23:22,377 --> 00:23:24,450
...you're gonna find it again.
339
00:23:28,490 --> 00:23:29,509
- And you're gonna get it back.
340
00:23:32,220 --> 00:23:33,722
Ow, ow, ow.
341
00:23:33,805 --> 00:23:35,598
Ow. There you go.
342
00:24:11,176 --> 00:24:12,969
Nic!
343
00:24:22,896 --> 00:24:24,814
Nic!
344
00:24:26,191 --> 00:24:27,484
Nic!
345
00:24:29,360 --> 00:24:30,987
Nic!
346
00:24:41,414 --> 00:24:43,374
Nic!
347
00:24:58,139 --> 00:24:59,516
Hey, Dad.
348
00:24:59,599 --> 00:25:01,267
Hey.
349
00:25:01,351 --> 00:25:02,811
How's New York?
350
00:25:02,894 --> 00:25:04,104
Fine. Good.
351
00:25:04,187 --> 00:25:05,480
Good interview today.
352
00:25:05,563 --> 00:25:06,898
- Nice.
- How are you?
353
00:25:06,981 --> 00:25:09,526
Oh, I'm-I'm doing good. Yeah.
354
00:25:09,609 --> 00:25:11,152
Yeah? You sure?
355
00:25:11,236 --> 00:25:12,987
Yeah. I don't... well...
356
00:25:13,710 --> 00:25:14,781
What?
357
00:25:14,864 --> 00:25:16,366
It's, uh...
358
00:25:16,449 --> 00:25:17,867
What's going on?
359
00:25:17,951 --> 00:25:20,787
Uh, we had this
great group session,
360
00:25:20,870 --> 00:25:23,414
and one of the guys here was
saying he would do anything
361
00:25:23,498 --> 00:25:25,542
for a chance to go to
college, but he can't.
362
00:25:25,625 --> 00:25:27,545
- Okay. -And when we were
talking later, he said,
363
00:25:27,627 --> 00:25:29,796
"You could still go to
college. Don't be an idiot.
364
00:25:29,879 --> 00:25:31,756
Go to college."
365
00:25:33,490 --> 00:25:34,592
I don't know, it's just crazy.
366
00:25:34,676 --> 00:25:37,637
I realized I don't think
I should stay behind.
367
00:25:37,720 --> 00:25:38,847
I love writing.
368
00:25:38,930 --> 00:25:41,391
And I feel like I'm good at it,
369
00:25:41,474 --> 00:25:44,227
and I do it a lot, but...
370
00:25:44,310 --> 00:25:47,630
obviously, there's still a lot
371
00:25:47,147 --> 00:25:49,399
for-for me to learn and...
372
00:25:51,670 --> 00:25:53,278
Anyway, um...
373
00:25:53,361 --> 00:25:56,114
I'd love to give it a go, if...
374
00:25:56,197 --> 00:25:58,908
you know, if it's all
right with you guys.
375
00:26:01,828 --> 00:26:05,290
Yeah. I'll talk to
Karen and to your mom.
376
00:26:06,416 --> 00:26:08,168
Back here.
377
00:26:31,441 --> 00:26:32,984
Have you met your roommate yet?
378
00:26:33,670 --> 00:26:34,235
Yeah, he seems nice.
379
00:26:34,319 --> 00:26:36,279
He's just in the hall.
380
00:26:36,362 --> 00:26:37,572
I feel for you, though.
381
00:26:39,115 --> 00:26:40,366
Ouch.
382
00:26:40,450 --> 00:26:41,951
No worries. I'll educate him.
383
00:26:43,828 --> 00:26:45,955
Before you know it, he'll
be listening to John Zorn.
384
00:26:46,390 --> 00:26:47,832
Ah.
385
00:26:56,382 --> 00:26:58,384
Well, I better get going.
386
00:26:58,468 --> 00:26:59,969
All right.
387
00:27:11,898 --> 00:27:15,693
- Everything.
- Everything.
388
00:27:30,124 --> 00:27:32,835
So, this is a poem
by Charles Bukowski.
389
00:27:36,714 --> 00:27:40,385
Uh, this man saved my life
multiple times, so...
390
00:27:40,468 --> 00:27:43,960
I changed jobs and cities,
391
00:27:43,179 --> 00:27:44,931
I hated holidays,
392
00:27:45,140 --> 00:27:46,307
babies, history,
393
00:27:46,391 --> 00:27:51,271
newspapers, museums,
grandmothers,
394
00:27:51,354 --> 00:27:54,482
marriage, movies, spiders...
395
00:27:54,565 --> 00:27:56,165
- I want to see it, I
want to see it! Oh!
396
00:27:56,234 --> 00:27:57,151
- ...garbage men,
397
00:27:57,235 --> 00:27:59,280
- English accents...
- Nice. Go, go, go!
398
00:27:59,112 --> 00:28:01,489
...Spain, France,
399
00:28:01,572 --> 00:28:06,286
Italy, walnuts and
the color orange.
400
00:28:06,369 --> 00:28:10,832
Algebra angered me,
opera sickened me,
401
00:28:10,915 --> 00:28:12,542
Charlie Chaplin was a fake
402
00:28:12,625 --> 00:28:14,711
and flowers were for pansies.
403
00:28:19,632 --> 00:28:21,551
Thanks.
404
00:28:37,317 --> 00:28:40,194
Come here.
405
00:28:45,825 --> 00:28:47,869
Mm.
406
00:28:47,952 --> 00:28:50,496
Hi.
407
00:29:12,268 --> 00:29:13,936
Where's your bathroom?
408
00:29:14,200 --> 00:29:15,247
Hey, is there a
bathroom I can use?
409
00:29:15,271 --> 00:29:16,522
Sure, honey.
410
00:29:16,606 --> 00:29:18,646
I'll show you where it is.
Go right up, to the left.
411
00:30:31,222 --> 00:30:33,558
- Hey, Dad.
- Hey, Nic.
412
00:30:33,641 --> 00:30:35,309
How you doing?
What's going on?
413
00:30:35,393 --> 00:30:36,829
Oh, no, everything's
going great here, yeah.
414
00:30:36,853 --> 00:30:38,247
Oh, hey, thanks for
sending the money.
415
00:30:38,271 --> 00:30:39,355
I really appreciate that.
416
00:32:06,250 --> 00:32:08,569
Yeah,
you always hog the fondue.
417
00:32:08,653 --> 00:32:11,720
Oh, uh, Patrick and Phil
are going hiking tomorrow,
418
00:32:11,155 --> 00:32:14,158
so they'd like us to join them.
419
00:32:18,579 --> 00:32:21,123
Are Jasper and Daisy
here, by any...?
420
00:32:21,207 --> 00:32:22,375
- They're not here.
- No?
421
00:32:22,458 --> 00:32:23,936
- No.
- Oh, they didn't want to see me?
422
00:32:23,960 --> 00:32:25,145
- No, they didn't
want to see you.
423
00:32:25,169 --> 00:32:26,249
- Oh, that's tough to hear.
424
00:32:26,295 --> 00:32:29,757
Uh, well, I'm gonna just
have a seat on this couch
425
00:32:29,840 --> 00:32:30,716
and think about that, huh?
426
00:32:30,800 --> 00:32:32,718
- Oh!
- Whoa! Whoa!
427
00:32:32,802 --> 00:32:35,429
Oh, my God! Oh, my
God, it's Daisy!
428
00:32:35,513 --> 00:32:37,223
Oh, Jasper!
429
00:32:37,306 --> 00:32:40,101
Oh, my God, you guys have
gotten so much bigger!
430
00:32:40,184 --> 00:32:42,853
Oh! Oh, my God,
you're so...!
431
00:32:44,689 --> 00:32:46,691
- Okay.
- Denmark, 1632.
432
00:32:46,774 --> 00:32:48,484
- Oh, no.
- We...
433
00:32:48,568 --> 00:32:52,405
Like to look back at the
history of Hula-Hoops.
434
00:32:52,488 --> 00:32:55,241
So important
to, uh,
435
00:32:55,324 --> 00:32:57,118
the culture of
peace and wisdom.
436
00:32:57,201 --> 00:33:00,955
Um, a man named
George... Hoopulu.
437
00:33:01,380 --> 00:33:04,410
Was, uh... was, uh...
438
00:33:04,125 --> 00:33:05,751
And he thought...
439
00:33:05,835 --> 00:33:08,296
"Well, I'm going to
440
00:33:08,379 --> 00:33:09,880
develop something that I..."
441
00:33:15,720 --> 00:33:17,130
Hey.
442
00:33:17,960 --> 00:33:19,932
- Hey. Uh...
443
00:33:20,160 --> 00:33:23,477
Hey. Um...
444
00:33:23,561 --> 00:33:25,747
I was wondering, do you think
I could use your car tonight?
445
00:33:25,771 --> 00:33:27,982
'Cause I just... I want
to go to a meeting.
446
00:33:28,650 --> 00:33:29,900
- Oh. You got a meeting tonight?
447
00:33:29,984 --> 00:33:31,819
- Yeah, sure.
448
00:33:35,990 --> 00:33:37,241
Y-You good?
449
00:33:37,325 --> 00:33:39,660
Yeah. I just...
450
00:33:40,328 --> 00:33:41,203
- They're crazy.
- Yeah.
451
00:33:41,287 --> 00:33:42,788
They're really
excited you're home.
452
00:33:45,833 --> 00:33:47,436
- I mean, I'll see you
in the morning, I guess.
453
00:33:47,460 --> 00:33:49,337
- Okay.
454
00:33:50,713 --> 00:33:52,715
All right.
455
00:34:14,737 --> 00:34:16,530
Yep! Mm!
456
00:34:39,220 --> 00:34:40,888
Where is it?!
457
00:34:40,971 --> 00:34:42,473
I don't have it!
458
00:34:42,556 --> 00:34:44,160
Where is it?!
459
00:34:44,100 --> 00:34:45,518
I don't have it!
460
00:34:45,601 --> 00:34:48,620
Guys, guys,
guys, guys, guys.
461
00:34:48,145 --> 00:34:49,772
Where is it?!
462
00:34:49,855 --> 00:34:50,957
Guys, guys, stop it.
463
00:34:50,981 --> 00:34:52,108
I don't know!
464
00:34:52,191 --> 00:34:53,251
Stop. Calm down.
What's going on in here?
465
00:34:53,275 --> 00:34:54,652
She
took my money!
466
00:34:54,735 --> 00:34:55,861
I didn't.
467
00:34:55,945 --> 00:34:58,720
Okay, all right.
Come on, go downstairs
468
00:34:58,155 --> 00:34:59,841
- and see Mommy, all right?
- You took them!
469
00:34:59,865 --> 00:35:01,784
Don't, don't,
don't. Stop, stop.
470
00:35:01,867 --> 00:35:04,829
- I didn't take it, Daddy.
- I know you didn't. All right.
471
00:35:04,912 --> 00:35:07,540
Just go downstairs and
have some breakfast.
472
00:35:07,623 --> 00:35:08,708
Hey, what happened?
473
00:35:10,459 --> 00:35:11,752
They're gone.
474
00:35:11,836 --> 00:35:14,296
Okay. Are you sure
you had it in there?
475
00:35:14,380 --> 00:35:17,490
- Yeah. I had them yesterday.
- Okay.
476
00:35:24,849 --> 00:35:26,851
Jasper's savings disappeared.
477
00:35:28,978 --> 00:35:30,438
Yeah? That's weird.
478
00:35:36,527 --> 00:35:38,237
Did you take his eight dollars?
479
00:35:40,948 --> 00:35:42,324
What?
480
00:35:42,408 --> 00:35:43,451
You heard me.
481
00:35:44,340 --> 00:35:46,287
Why would I?
482
00:35:46,370 --> 00:35:48,456
It disappeared, and somebody
has to have done it.
483
00:35:48,539 --> 00:35:50,666
Right, so it's me.
484
00:35:50,750 --> 00:35:53,335
This is fucking ridiculous.
485
00:35:53,419 --> 00:35:56,297
Are you using again?
486
00:35:56,380 --> 00:35:59,425
Am I using again? No.
487
00:36:01,100 --> 00:36:03,721
Are you high right now?
488
00:36:03,804 --> 00:36:05,389
What the f...? No.
489
00:36:05,473 --> 00:36:07,475
- Fuck you.
- "Fuck you"?
490
00:36:07,558 --> 00:36:08,976
Don't talk to me that way.
491
00:36:09,590 --> 00:36:10,603
Are you high right now?
492
00:36:10,686 --> 00:36:11,979
No.
493
00:36:12,620 --> 00:36:13,606
You're not using right now?
494
00:36:13,689 --> 00:36:14,982
Are you using?
495
00:36:15,650 --> 00:36:18,736
No, Dad, I'm not
fucking high right now!
496
00:36:18,819 --> 00:36:20,696
Okay.
497
00:36:24,740 --> 00:36:27,369
Listen, it was a gamble
to send you to college.
498
00:36:27,453 --> 00:36:30,164
Everybody supported it.
499
00:36:30,247 --> 00:36:32,124
I'm glad that you went.
500
00:36:33,375 --> 00:36:35,836
Relapse is a part of rec...
501
00:36:35,920 --> 00:36:37,797
Relapse is part of recovery.
502
00:36:37,880 --> 00:36:41,717
- So we're gonna get...
- I better leave.
503
00:36:50,226 --> 00:36:52,686
- David?
- Hey.
504
00:36:52,770 --> 00:36:55,564
Just... where-where
are you gonna go?
505
00:36:55,648 --> 00:36:57,983
You can't just leave.
This is ridiculous.
506
00:36:58,670 --> 00:36:59,401
- Come on.
- Will you talk to us?
507
00:36:59,485 --> 00:37:01,870
I mean, really... we just
want to talk to you.
508
00:37:01,111 --> 00:37:03,656
Why don't... Try to
help us understand.
509
00:37:03,739 --> 00:37:05,175
- Or just let us help you.
- All right?
510
00:37:05,199 --> 00:37:06,676
I don't want your fucking help.
Don't you understand that?
511
00:37:06,700 --> 00:37:08,202
- No.
- No, you don't. Jesus Christ,
512
00:37:08,285 --> 00:37:09,930
then what the fuck is
wrong with you, then, huh?
513
00:37:09,954 --> 00:37:11,264
- What the hell is wrong
with you people?
514
00:37:11,288 --> 00:37:12,331
- Nic.
515
00:37:12,414 --> 00:37:13,517
- No! You fucking suffocate me.
- Hey.
516
00:37:13,541 --> 00:37:14,333
- Oh...
- You fucking suffocate me!
517
00:37:14,416 --> 00:37:16,836
Whoa, it's us?
We're the problem?
518
00:37:16,919 --> 00:37:18,605
No. You know what, you're
the one who's doing it!
519
00:37:18,629 --> 00:37:20,756
You're the one
who's causing it!
520
00:37:20,840 --> 00:37:23,467
And you're the only
one who can stop it!
521
00:37:23,551 --> 00:37:24,635
Fucking solve it!
522
00:37:53,330 --> 00:37:54,330
Fuck!
523
00:37:55,416 --> 00:37:56,834
Fuck!
524
00:39:49,905 --> 00:39:52,324
So, this is for the, uh,
525
00:39:52,408 --> 00:39:53,993
"New York Times Magazine"?
526
00:39:54,760 --> 00:39:55,786
Oh, no.
527
00:39:55,869 --> 00:39:57,162
I'm a... I-I write.
528
00:39:57,246 --> 00:39:58,706
I freelance for
different magazines,
529
00:39:58,789 --> 00:40:01,792
but this is... this
is a personal matter.
530
00:40:01,875 --> 00:40:04,300
- A personal matter?
- Yes. I'm sorry.
531
00:40:04,860 --> 00:40:06,338
- Is that okay? -Uh, no,
it's absolutely okay.
532
00:40:06,422 --> 00:40:08,215
May I ask what-what
this is regarding?
533
00:40:08,298 --> 00:40:10,718
Uh, it's about my son.
534
00:40:10,801 --> 00:40:12,720
Okay.
535
00:40:15,806 --> 00:40:18,934
He's been
doing all sorts of drugs,
536
00:40:19,180 --> 00:40:20,853
but he's addicted
to crystal meth,
537
00:40:20,936 --> 00:40:24,690
which seems, uh, to be
the worst of all of them.
538
00:40:24,773 --> 00:40:26,984
And I guess I'm here
539
00:40:27,670 --> 00:40:30,738
because I just want to
know all that I can
540
00:40:30,821 --> 00:40:33,741
about all of it.
541
00:40:33,824 --> 00:40:36,326
So, uh, crystal meth, uh,
542
00:40:36,410 --> 00:40:38,250
gives the user a feeling
of instant euphoria...
543
00:40:38,328 --> 00:40:40,831
at least, when he takes it.
544
00:40:40,914 --> 00:40:42,100
You know, but when
it wears off,
545
00:40:42,124 --> 00:40:43,876
with a depletion
of as much as 60%
546
00:40:43,959 --> 00:40:46,837
of the dopamine, the user
has to up the doses.
547
00:40:46,920 --> 00:40:50,883
He has to double it, triple
it just to feel something,
548
00:40:50,966 --> 00:40:53,930
causing even more nerve damage,
549
00:40:53,177 --> 00:40:56,972
which, uh, increases
the compulsion to use.
550
00:40:57,560 --> 00:40:58,557
Horrible cycle.
551
00:41:00,642 --> 00:41:02,770
- What's up?
- Hey.
552
00:41:02,853 --> 00:41:05,481
Just doing some research.
553
00:41:32,758 --> 00:41:34,676
Hi.
554
00:41:40,808 --> 00:41:42,851
Are you hungry?
555
00:41:42,935 --> 00:41:46,210
You want to get something?
556
00:41:46,105 --> 00:41:48,690
Most guys just ask me for
a blow job.
557
00:41:48,774 --> 00:41:52,277
Oh, no. No, I'm just
offering something to eat.
558
00:41:52,361 --> 00:41:54,696
Maybe talk a little,
if you're up to it.
559
00:41:54,780 --> 00:41:58,117
Meth
changes the brain physically.
560
00:41:58,200 --> 00:42:00,536
Here we see the loss
of dopamine receptors
561
00:42:00,619 --> 00:42:02,579
in a meth user's brain.
562
00:42:02,663 --> 00:42:05,124
Now, I'm gonna show you
something else here.
563
00:42:05,207 --> 00:42:08,919
Do you see, uh, right here
there are these two red, uh...
564
00:42:09,200 --> 00:42:10,546
- large, red spots right here?
- Yeah.
565
00:42:10,629 --> 00:42:13,340
Okay, what that shows is
hyperactivity in the amygdala.
566
00:42:13,423 --> 00:42:15,300
And the amygdala is a
region of the brain
567
00:42:15,384 --> 00:42:17,803
that is linked with
anxiety and fear.
568
00:42:17,886 --> 00:42:19,930
Here the amygdala is screaming.
569
00:42:23,767 --> 00:42:25,769
What this shows us
570
00:42:25,853 --> 00:42:28,147
is that there is a
biological basis,
571
00:42:28,230 --> 00:42:31,942
uh, that meth users
may be unable...
572
00:42:32,250 --> 00:42:34,690
not unwilling, but unable...
573
00:42:34,153 --> 00:42:37,364
to participate in normal
treatment programs.
574
00:42:37,447 --> 00:42:38,866
I was in rehab, too.
575
00:42:40,750 --> 00:42:41,535
Three times.
576
00:42:41,618 --> 00:42:44,370
Ran away every time.
577
00:42:44,121 --> 00:42:46,540
Why?
578
00:42:46,623 --> 00:42:48,750
It was hell.
579
00:42:48,834 --> 00:42:51,170
Wanted to die.
580
00:42:51,253 --> 00:42:53,172
Why was it hell?
581
00:42:53,255 --> 00:42:56,490
All that God shit.
582
00:42:56,133 --> 00:42:58,510
Also, you just don't
know how good it gets
583
00:42:58,135 --> 00:43:00,530
when it gets good.
584
00:43:00,137 --> 00:43:02,181
It's hard to explain.
585
00:43:02,264 --> 00:43:04,990
Feels like cocaine
586
00:43:04,183 --> 00:43:05,684
but multiplied by,
like, a thousand.
587
00:43:05,767 --> 00:43:07,436
Or, like, a million.
588
00:43:07,519 --> 00:43:10,630
What does
this mean for Nic?
589
00:43:10,147 --> 00:43:12,650
Look, Mr. Sheff, I...
590
00:43:12,149 --> 00:43:15,270
I don't know who
promised you what,
591
00:43:15,110 --> 00:43:19,310
but the success percentage
is in the single digits.
592
00:43:21,330 --> 00:43:22,326
Okay.
593
00:43:24,453 --> 00:43:27,206
What about your parents?
594
00:43:27,289 --> 00:43:29,416
- What about them?
595
00:43:29,499 --> 00:43:32,252
- Don't you think they're
worried about you?
596
00:43:32,336 --> 00:43:34,755
Shouldn't you...
597
00:43:34,838 --> 00:43:37,900
let them know that...
598
00:43:37,174 --> 00:43:39,426
- They don't care.
599
00:43:39,509 --> 00:43:42,763
- Well, I think they do.
600
00:43:43,889 --> 00:43:46,808
What the fuck do you know?
601
00:43:53,690 --> 00:43:55,609
I gotta go.
602
00:43:55,692 --> 00:43:58,779
Oh. Okay.
603
00:44:02,157 --> 00:44:04,660
Thanks.
604
00:44:22,344 --> 00:44:25,970
- Hey!
- Hey! Hey, now!
605
00:45:22,195 --> 00:45:23,613
God.
606
00:46:52,452 --> 00:46:54,329
I'm gonna
try some Klingon on you.
607
00:46:54,413 --> 00:46:55,455
Ready?
608
00:47:04,131 --> 00:47:06,258
- You know what I said?
- May I have a Coca-Cola?
609
00:47:06,341 --> 00:47:07,926
Exactly.
610
00:47:08,900 --> 00:47:09,803
That's it.
611
00:47:09,886 --> 00:47:11,805
That's exactly what I asked.
612
00:47:11,888 --> 00:47:13,265
Can I have a Coca-Cola?
613
00:47:13,348 --> 00:47:15,183
All right. If you
ask me in Klingon,
614
00:47:15,267 --> 00:47:17,185
maybe I'll get you a Coke.
615
00:47:34,828 --> 00:47:36,872
Hey.
616
00:47:49,468 --> 00:47:51,344
Oh, wow.
617
00:47:52,888 --> 00:47:55,560
This hasn't
changed at all.
618
00:47:55,140 --> 00:47:58,143
This place.
619
00:47:59,519 --> 00:48:01,188
- Hey.
- So, how you doing?
620
00:48:01,271 --> 00:48:02,606
I'm doing great.
621
00:48:02,689 --> 00:48:04,816
You know, just, um...
622
00:48:04,900 --> 00:48:06,651
um...
623
00:48:06,735 --> 00:48:08,612
just doing what
needs to be done.
624
00:48:09,696 --> 00:48:11,490
What does that mean?
625
00:48:11,573 --> 00:48:15,285
Just being responsible
for myself and...
626
00:48:15,368 --> 00:48:17,496
I've quit on my own,
you know, so...
627
00:48:17,579 --> 00:48:19,664
I got five days now.
628
00:48:21,374 --> 00:48:23,543
I feel like I'm doing well,
but I just need, um...
629
00:48:23,627 --> 00:48:26,755
I just need a few
hundred bucks, though.
630
00:48:26,838 --> 00:48:28,465
Nic, I can't give
you any money.
631
00:48:30,550 --> 00:48:32,469
Yeah.
632
00:48:32,552 --> 00:48:34,721
Okay.
633
00:48:34,804 --> 00:48:36,473
It's just 200 bucks.
I just need, um...
634
00:48:36,556 --> 00:48:38,580
I just need to get
some shit together.
635
00:48:38,141 --> 00:48:39,351
I want to go to New York.
636
00:48:39,434 --> 00:48:41,645
- New York?
- Yeah.
637
00:48:41,728 --> 00:48:43,522
I need to get out
of San Francisco.
638
00:48:43,605 --> 00:48:45,232
There's too Many...
639
00:48:45,315 --> 00:48:47,108
All these
fucking bad vibes here
640
00:48:47,192 --> 00:48:50,700
all the time.
641
00:48:50,153 --> 00:48:51,988
Yeah, I just need a
few hundred bucks.
642
00:48:52,720 --> 00:48:54,366
Why don't we just
have lunch and talk?
643
00:48:54,449 --> 00:48:56,952
- We can do that, right?
- Mm. Hmm.
644
00:49:02,999 --> 00:49:05,627
How... how's Karen and,
uh... and the kids?
645
00:49:05,710 --> 00:49:09,890
Okay. They ask about you.
646
00:49:09,172 --> 00:49:12,800
It's their step-up next week,
and I know they'd love you...
647
00:49:12,920 --> 00:49:13,986
Dad, you're, uh... you're
guilt-tripping me, all right?
648
00:49:14,100 --> 00:49:15,387
No, I'm just saying...
649
00:49:15,470 --> 00:49:17,681
I should feel horrible
about myself.
650
00:49:19,140 --> 00:49:23,728
I know they wanted you
to be there, that's all.
651
00:49:23,812 --> 00:49:25,397
I'm sorry, Dad.
652
00:49:25,480 --> 00:49:28,942
Um... I just need some
fucking money, all right?
653
00:49:29,250 --> 00:49:30,419
So please just give me
some fucking money.
654
00:49:30,443 --> 00:49:31,796
And then what?
Where does this end?
655
00:49:31,820 --> 00:49:33,297
This is... I got to
see this one through.
656
00:49:33,321 --> 00:49:35,700
This is kind of working
out for me right now.
657
00:49:35,310 --> 00:49:36,217
- I got five days sober.
- It doesn't look
658
00:49:36,241 --> 00:49:37,321
like it's working out, Nic.
659
00:49:37,367 --> 00:49:38,553
Oh, it doesn't look
like it's working out?
660
00:49:38,577 --> 00:49:39,494
- So what, then,
therapy? Huh? -No.
661
00:49:39,578 --> 00:49:40,912
- You can come home.
- No.
662
00:49:40,996 --> 00:49:42,682
- That wouldn't...
- We'll make it work. Please.
663
00:49:42,706 --> 00:49:43,832
Nic.
664
00:49:45,709 --> 00:49:46,793
Please.
665
00:49:54,134 --> 00:49:56,362
- I've been doing some research.
- Been doing fucking research?
666
00:49:56,386 --> 00:49:58,847
- You got to be kidding me, Dad.
- No...
667
00:49:58,930 --> 00:50:00,932
You think that you have
this under control.
668
00:50:01,160 --> 00:50:03,685
- Mm-hmm. -And I understand
how scared you are.
669
00:50:03,768 --> 00:50:05,728
I understand why I do
things... it doesn't make me
670
00:50:05,770 --> 00:50:07,856
any different, all right?
I'm attracted to craziness.
671
00:50:07,939 --> 00:50:10,692
And you're just embarrassed,
'cause I was, like, you know...
672
00:50:10,775 --> 00:50:12,300
I was, like, this
amazing thing,
673
00:50:12,270 --> 00:50:13,421
like, your special
creation or something,
674
00:50:13,445 --> 00:50:15,655
- and you don't like who I am now.
- Yeah?
675
00:50:15,739 --> 00:50:16,924
- Who are you, Nic?
- This is me, Dad.
676
00:50:16,948 --> 00:50:19,367
Here. This is who I am.
677
00:50:26,708 --> 00:50:28,752
You don't like what you see?
678
00:50:35,258 --> 00:50:39,471
You know, the more
I think about it...
679
00:50:39,554 --> 00:50:41,765
Mom should've gotten custody.
680
00:50:41,848 --> 00:50:44,309
Because you always
gotta be fucking
681
00:50:44,392 --> 00:50:46,186
controlling everything
all the time.
682
00:50:46,269 --> 00:50:48,772
You're allowed to be mad at
me, Nic. I made mistakes.
683
00:50:48,855 --> 00:50:51,650
I understand that. I wish
that I hadn't, but I did.
684
00:50:51,733 --> 00:50:54,444
But, God, what you're
saying right now
685
00:50:54,527 --> 00:50:57,489
- doesn't make any sense.
- You're doing this right now!
686
00:50:57,572 --> 00:50:58,966
- You're fucking controlling
me right now!
687
00:50:58,990 --> 00:51:01,868
- It's not you. It is not you,
Nic. It is the drugs talking.
688
00:51:01,951 --> 00:51:03,220
What does that even
fucking mean, huh?
689
00:51:03,244 --> 00:51:04,244
Psychological terror.
690
00:51:04,287 --> 00:51:05,413
It's what addicts do.
691
00:51:05,497 --> 00:51:06,932
What the fuck are you doing
right now, huh?
692
00:51:06,956 --> 00:51:09,459
What is this? What
are you doing, huh?
693
00:51:17,592 --> 00:51:19,511
Oh,.
694
00:51:22,681 --> 00:51:25,600
I didn't want it to go
like this.
695
00:51:29,396 --> 00:51:30,939
All right.
696
00:51:31,220 --> 00:51:32,607
I should go, Dad.
697
00:51:37,404 --> 00:51:39,489
- Let me... let me book
you a room.
698
00:51:39,572 --> 00:51:40,407
- No, Dad.
699
00:51:40,490 --> 00:51:41,717
- At a hotel for a couple
of nights.
700
00:51:41,741 --> 00:51:43,243
- No. Dad...
701
00:51:43,326 --> 00:51:44,720
- Why don't we just go get
some food?
702
00:51:44,744 --> 00:51:46,871
- Dad, I should go.
703
00:51:48,248 --> 00:51:49,488
Can you say good-bye, at least?
704
00:51:49,541 --> 00:51:50,541
Bye, Dad.
705
00:52:02,137 --> 00:52:04,970
Where does he sleep?
706
00:52:04,180 --> 00:52:06,683
Um, don't
worry about that, sweetie.
707
00:52:06,766 --> 00:52:07,809
He's fine.
708
00:52:12,939 --> 00:52:15,275
Um...
709
00:52:15,358 --> 00:52:18,690
maybe he has a friend
and he sleeps there.
710
00:52:18,153 --> 00:52:21,823
- Mm-hmm. Yeah. Maybe.
- Dolphin.
711
00:52:21,906 --> 00:52:23,575
- Hope so.
- Need "E."
712
00:52:23,658 --> 00:52:25,340
Elephant.
713
00:52:25,118 --> 00:52:27,162
- Can I call him?
- Hmm.
714
00:52:27,245 --> 00:52:28,955
- No. I tried.
715
00:52:29,380 --> 00:52:32,000
- His phone's disconnected.
- Can I send him a message?
716
00:52:32,830 --> 00:52:36,379
Maybe he'll get lonely and
turn his phone back on?
717
00:52:36,463 --> 00:52:38,798
That's a good idea.
718
00:52:38,882 --> 00:52:40,842
Yeah. Let's try that.
719
00:53:34,979 --> 00:53:36,606
Dave.
720
00:53:36,689 --> 00:53:38,942
- Yeah?
- Okay. Let's go.
721
00:53:42,946 --> 00:53:44,864
Hey, Dave, close your eyes.
722
00:53:44,948 --> 00:53:46,407
Okay.
723
00:53:49,953 --> 00:53:51,871
And... open 'em!
724
00:53:53,248 --> 00:53:54,916
Oh. Wow.
725
00:53:54,999 --> 00:53:56,376
Wow!
726
00:54:54,851 --> 00:54:56,519
Hello?
727
00:54:56,603 --> 00:54:59,355
This is Julie Ford at the
Bellevue Hospital in New York.
728
00:54:59,439 --> 00:55:01,190
Is Nic Sheff your son?
729
00:55:04,819 --> 00:55:06,321
Uh, Mr. Sheff,
730
00:55:06,404 --> 00:55:08,781
I'm sorry we missed
each other earlier.
731
00:55:08,865 --> 00:55:11,951
So, Nic is still experiencing
some respiratory depression,
732
00:55:12,350 --> 00:55:13,870
but his vital signs
are returning.
733
00:55:13,953 --> 00:55:16,289
Sir, we're ready for departure.
734
00:55:16,372 --> 00:55:17,790
Okay, okay.
735
00:55:17,874 --> 00:55:20,376
Um... may I talk to him?
736
00:55:20,460 --> 00:55:22,170
- No, that won't be possible.
737
00:55:22,253 --> 00:55:23,647
- Sir, I need you to
turn off the phone.
738
00:55:23,671 --> 00:55:24,732
- Believe me, we
shouldn't wake him up.
739
00:55:24,756 --> 00:55:25,757
- Mm-hmm.
740
00:55:25,840 --> 00:55:26,758
- Try again in a few
hours, though, okay?
741
00:55:26,841 --> 00:55:29,520
- Okay. Uh, would you let
him know that...
742
00:55:29,135 --> 00:55:30,845
- Sir. Sir. Please.
743
00:55:30,929 --> 00:55:32,929
- Would you please let
him know that I'm on my way?
744
00:55:41,272 --> 00:55:42,440
He checked out.
745
00:55:42,523 --> 00:55:43,650
What?
746
00:55:43,733 --> 00:55:45,151
Against doctor's orders.
747
00:55:45,234 --> 00:55:47,278
- No, no, he O.D.'d.
- I'm sorry, sir.
748
00:55:47,362 --> 00:55:49,614
He pulled out the I.V.
and catheter, and left.
749
00:55:49,697 --> 00:55:51,320
How long ago?
750
00:55:51,115 --> 00:55:53,534
Ten to 15 minutes.
751
00:55:53,618 --> 00:55:55,954
I'm sorry, sir.
752
00:56:19,644 --> 00:56:21,521
Yes.
753
00:56:42,542 --> 00:56:44,544
Look,
I've thought about it,
754
00:56:44,627 --> 00:56:46,462
and I'm done with drugs.
755
00:56:46,546 --> 00:56:48,548
This is it.
756
00:56:50,967 --> 00:56:53,344
I'm telling you, Dad.
757
00:56:53,428 --> 00:56:55,346
I'm done.
758
00:57:05,565 --> 00:57:07,900
And how would that work?
759
00:57:07,984 --> 00:57:11,446
I mean, after what
just happened.
760
00:57:26,669 --> 00:57:28,796
Now, if
you're in the area,
761
00:57:28,880 --> 00:57:30,381
evacuation orders and details,
762
00:57:30,465 --> 00:57:32,717
including relocation
centers, can be found on...
763
00:57:32,800 --> 00:57:35,940
So, at
3:00, we have a conference call
764
00:57:35,178 --> 00:57:36,721
with the intake people
in Mississippi.
765
00:57:36,804 --> 00:57:38,560
That's
all for now.
766
00:57:38,139 --> 00:57:39,724
3:30, the
one in New Mexico.
767
00:57:39,807 --> 00:57:41,684
And 4:00, the one in Oregon.
768
00:57:41,768 --> 00:57:44,395
I did some research
on the one in New Mexico.
769
00:57:44,479 --> 00:57:47,774
Mm-hmm.
- They charge $40,000 a month.
770
00:57:47,857 --> 00:57:49,376
You know, it's not
even that well rated.
771
00:57:49,400 --> 00:57:51,486
We'll just skip that one.
772
00:57:51,569 --> 00:57:54,238
Listen, if a spot
opens up here in Los Angeles,
773
00:57:54,322 --> 00:57:56,491
Maybe that's the best
solution for now.
774
00:57:56,574 --> 00:57:59,452
I'll hear back from
them in an hour.
775
00:57:59,535 --> 00:58:00,703
- Mm.
776
00:58:00,787 --> 00:58:02,705
Give it a rest, David.
777
00:58:02,789 --> 00:58:04,832
Why don't you let me
take over for now?
778
00:58:10,254 --> 00:58:11,756
Mm.
779
00:58:11,839 --> 00:58:13,591
Dad?
780
00:58:13,674 --> 00:58:15,176
Yeah.
781
00:58:15,259 --> 00:58:19,305
Will you check
on me every 15 minutes?
782
00:58:19,388 --> 00:58:21,682
Yes.
783
00:58:59,303 --> 00:59:01,556
Do you want to bring one
of your dinosaurs, too?
784
00:59:04,684 --> 00:59:06,435
How about a book?
785
00:59:08,146 --> 00:59:10,648
No? Okay.
786
00:59:14,944 --> 00:59:18,114
You ready?
787
00:59:18,197 --> 00:59:19,866
Hey. Hey.
788
00:59:22,201 --> 00:59:24,245
Can I have a hug?
789
00:59:24,328 --> 00:59:25,329
No?
790
00:59:25,413 --> 00:59:26,914
Why not?
791
00:59:26,998 --> 00:59:29,375
Are you mad at me?
792
00:59:29,458 --> 00:59:31,586
'Cause you have to go?
793
00:59:32,670 --> 00:59:34,255
Okay.
794
00:59:34,338 --> 00:59:38,920
Well... you'll be happy to
see Mommy, though, right?
795
00:59:40,219 --> 00:59:42,960
I want you to know something.
796
00:59:42,180 --> 00:59:44,557
When you come back,
I'm gonna be here...
797
00:59:44,640 --> 00:59:47,685
right... I'm gonna be
right here for you.
798
00:59:47,768 --> 00:59:49,478
Okay?
799
00:59:49,562 --> 00:59:52,648
And call me when you miss
me, and I'll call you.
800
00:59:53,983 --> 00:59:56,319
Do you know how
much I love you?
801
01:00:03,367 --> 01:00:07,496
If you could take all the
words in the language,
802
01:00:07,580 --> 01:00:10,666
it still wouldn't describe
how much I love you.
803
01:00:10,750 --> 01:00:13,878
And if you could gather
all those words together,
804
01:00:13,961 --> 01:00:16,714
it still wouldn't describe
what I feel for you.
805
01:00:16,797 --> 01:00:19,675
What I feel for
you is everything.
806
01:00:21,552 --> 01:00:23,554
I love you more
than everything.
807
01:00:26,980 --> 01:00:28,434
Everything?
808
01:00:28,517 --> 01:00:30,610
Yeah, everything.
809
01:01:02,260 --> 01:01:04,262
Hey.
810
01:01:04,345 --> 01:01:06,514
That's my mom.
811
01:01:06,597 --> 01:01:09,642
I'm really glad
you came to L.A.
812
01:01:09,725 --> 01:01:11,352
You know that, right?
813
01:01:18,526 --> 01:01:20,212
You just don't
know what it is to be...
814
01:01:20,236 --> 01:01:23,114
- Please don't do this, Mom.
- Okay.
815
01:01:23,197 --> 01:01:25,320
I'm
sorry. Okay.
816
01:01:30,288 --> 01:01:32,873
All I could think
about was you.
817
01:01:37,962 --> 01:01:41,215
I know this must sound
meaningless, but I'm sorry.
818
01:01:44,802 --> 01:01:46,971
I'm-I'm sorry.
819
01:01:48,514 --> 01:01:50,570
Oh, Nicky.
820
01:01:55,896 --> 01:01:58,357
You are such a darling.
821
01:01:58,441 --> 01:02:00,318
You know that, right?
822
01:02:04,780 --> 01:02:06,824
Whew.
823
01:02:21,500 --> 01:02:22,882
Hey, come on, old!
824
01:02:22,965 --> 01:02:25,193
- You're being so disrespectful.
- I'm not being disrespectful.
825
01:02:25,217 --> 01:02:27,428
You're being so disrespectful.
826
01:02:29,555 --> 01:02:31,116
- I'm coming for you!
- Oh, motherfucker!
827
01:02:31,140 --> 01:02:34,180
Uh-huh. You about to
look at my ass, baby!
828
01:02:34,101 --> 01:02:36,312
- You about to look at my ass!
829
01:02:45,112 --> 01:02:46,697
Fuck.
830
01:03:09,887 --> 01:03:11,222
That's what I get for helping.
831
01:03:11,305 --> 01:03:13,990
Why'd you pull that hard?
832
01:03:13,182 --> 01:03:15,476
- I'm sorry.
- Why do you hate me?
833
01:03:31,242 --> 01:03:33,160
How does this feel?
834
01:03:37,540 --> 01:03:40,709
Like I'm a real human being.
835
01:03:48,759 --> 01:03:52,263
One day,
I tried methamphetamine...
836
01:03:52,346 --> 01:03:54,723
Yeah. That felt good.
837
01:03:54,807 --> 01:03:57,226
...and I thought,
838
01:03:57,309 --> 01:03:59,687
"This is what's been missing."
839
01:03:59,770 --> 01:04:02,314
I felt complete.
840
01:04:02,398 --> 01:04:04,400
Today's
a good day.
841
01:04:04,483 --> 01:04:07,278
Yeah, I've been
chasing that high
842
01:04:07,361 --> 01:04:09,280
ever since.
843
01:04:09,363 --> 01:04:11,282
No matter...
844
01:04:11,365 --> 01:04:13,284
how much meth...
845
01:04:13,367 --> 01:04:17,246
Or whatever else I can find
to shoot up into my body...
846
01:04:17,329 --> 01:04:19,748
I do, it's never enough.
847
01:04:23,335 --> 01:04:26,714
And I went to a
couple of rehabs,
848
01:04:26,797 --> 01:04:28,299
I detoxed,
849
01:04:28,382 --> 01:04:31,930
they would talk
about disease, sure,
850
01:04:31,177 --> 01:04:32,720
but...
851
01:04:32,803 --> 01:04:34,388
it never clicked.
852
01:04:37,349 --> 01:04:41,479
Until one day I woke
up in a hospital
853
01:04:41,562 --> 01:04:44,815
and someone asked me,
854
01:04:44,899 --> 01:04:47,234
"What's your problem?"
855
01:04:50,154 --> 01:04:53,324
And I said, "I'm an
alcoholic and an addict."
856
01:04:53,407 --> 01:04:55,159
And he said...
857
01:04:55,242 --> 01:04:58,370
"No, that's how you've been
treating your problem."
858
01:04:58,454 --> 01:05:00,372
Mm-hmm.
- That's right.
859
01:05:00,456 --> 01:05:03,834
I know now I need to find a way
860
01:05:03,918 --> 01:05:07,129
to fill this...
861
01:05:07,213 --> 01:05:09,256
big...
862
01:05:09,340 --> 01:05:11,509
black hole in me.
863
01:05:15,888 --> 01:05:17,556
Anyway, so...
864
01:05:17,640 --> 01:05:20,726
- I'm 14 months clean.
865
01:05:20,809 --> 01:05:22,937
I have a job at a rehab.
866
01:05:24,480 --> 01:05:26,774
It's fulfilling to help
other people get sober.
867
01:05:29,318 --> 01:05:32,446
I have a sponsor, Spencer.
868
01:05:32,530 --> 01:05:35,282
Shows me how great
my life can be sober.
869
01:05:36,784 --> 01:05:39,119
And, um, I still have family.
870
01:05:41,163 --> 01:05:43,958
My mom's been amazing.
871
01:05:44,410 --> 01:05:46,794
My dad's been amazing, too.
872
01:05:52,716 --> 01:05:54,969
I want them to be proud of me.
873
01:06:34,300 --> 01:06:36,927
You all right?
874
01:06:37,110 --> 01:06:39,960
What's wrong? You nervous?
875
01:06:39,179 --> 01:06:40,389
Yeah.
876
01:06:47,620 --> 01:06:49,231
Thank you
for marrying me.
877
01:06:50,691 --> 01:06:52,651
Thank you for being
a perfect partner
878
01:06:52,735 --> 01:06:54,695
in an imperfect world.
879
01:06:56,488 --> 01:06:59,199
Thank you for introducing
me to your amazing son.
880
01:07:01,368 --> 01:07:03,287
Uh, I'm here for you,
881
01:07:03,370 --> 01:07:04,622
and I'm here to stay.
882
01:07:04,705 --> 01:07:06,707
Karen,
thank you...
883
01:07:06,790 --> 01:07:08,751
for loving me.
884
01:07:10,127 --> 01:07:11,795
And thank you for loving him.
885
01:07:21,889 --> 01:07:24,308
Looks him square in the eye,
and he says, "Superman..."
886
01:07:27,853 --> 01:07:29,313
Perfect.
887
01:07:49,291 --> 01:07:51,210
- Hey, good to see you.
- Good to see you.
888
01:07:51,293 --> 01:07:53,671
Hey, Daisy. Hey, Daisy!
889
01:07:57,490 --> 01:07:58,759
Hey, Jazzy Jeff.
890
01:07:58,842 --> 01:08:00,803
What's going on?
891
01:08:00,886 --> 01:08:02,388
Hey, I miss you more
892
01:08:02,471 --> 01:08:05,349
than the sun misses
the moon at night.
893
01:08:05,432 --> 01:08:07,351
Mm.
894
01:08:09,190 --> 01:08:10,729
- Hey, Karen.
- Hey.
895
01:08:16,110 --> 01:08:18,195
Thank you for inviting me.
896
01:08:18,278 --> 01:08:19,822
Seriously.
897
01:08:49,935 --> 01:08:52,620
Go, Daisy! Go, Daisy!
Go, Daisy! Go, Daisy!
898
01:08:52,146 --> 01:08:53,564
Go, Daisy!
899
01:08:53,647 --> 01:08:55,149
Hey, honey.
900
01:08:58,902 --> 01:09:00,738
Go, Daisy, go!
901
01:09:10,456 --> 01:09:12,750
Nice.
902
01:09:15,502 --> 01:09:18,130
Oh! Ah, you!
903
01:09:18,213 --> 01:09:19,965
It's Daisy!
904
01:09:22,718 --> 01:09:24,261
Whoa!
905
01:09:32,519 --> 01:09:34,438
"If
the marker is depleted
906
01:09:34,521 --> 01:09:36,398
"in meth addicts' brains,
907
01:09:36,482 --> 01:09:39,109
"it's likely there is a
loss of nerve terminals
908
01:09:39,193 --> 01:09:41,653
"and the brain damage
is irreversible.
909
01:09:41,737 --> 01:09:44,156
"However, when I
tested for VMAT2,
910
01:09:44,239 --> 01:09:47,201
- I found normal levels."
- So that's optimistic.
911
01:09:47,284 --> 01:09:49,161
- Normal levels
is optimistic, yeah.
912
01:09:49,244 --> 01:09:50,871
- It's...
913
01:09:50,954 --> 01:09:51,997
- It is.
- Okay.
914
01:09:52,800 --> 01:09:53,558
- No. I'm not...
- I was just checking.
915
01:09:53,582 --> 01:09:54,249
- No, no, that's good.
- Okay.
916
01:09:54,333 --> 01:09:55,501
Basically...
917
01:09:55,584 --> 01:09:56,877
the fried...
918
01:09:56,960 --> 01:09:58,962
Nic's fried nerve endings
919
01:09:59,460 --> 01:10:01,423
can grow back.
920
01:10:01,507 --> 01:10:03,634
They say it can take
two years, but...
921
01:10:03,717 --> 01:10:05,844
- Two years?
- Yeah.
922
01:10:05,928 --> 01:10:08,388
But that's great, David.
923
01:10:17,981 --> 01:10:20,609
- Hey.
- Hey.
924
01:10:20,692 --> 01:10:23,737
- You're kind of late.
- Yeah. It was a great meeting,
925
01:10:23,821 --> 01:10:25,948
and after, we went to
the speaker's house
926
01:10:26,310 --> 01:10:27,908
and watched a video and...
927
01:10:27,991 --> 01:10:31,912
saw my sober sponsee
bros earlier, so...
928
01:10:31,995 --> 01:10:33,956
No phone?
929
01:10:34,390 --> 01:10:35,958
Oh, my cell was dead.
930
01:10:38,877 --> 01:10:42,470
Would you be okay
to do a drug test?
931
01:10:43,173 --> 01:10:45,342
Yeah, I mean, sure.
932
01:10:45,425 --> 01:10:46,885
Okay.
933
01:11:04,319 --> 01:11:06,864
You understand why, right?
934
01:11:06,947 --> 01:11:11,243
Yeah. I mean, I should've
called to let you know, so...
935
01:11:11,326 --> 01:11:15,122
I trust you... we just need
to have some sort of proof.
936
01:11:18,959 --> 01:11:21,503
That's about as
contradictory as it gets.
937
01:11:21,587 --> 01:11:23,797
- But...
- I know. I know.
938
01:11:25,966 --> 01:11:28,135
I'll do it. No worries.
939
01:11:28,218 --> 01:11:30,470
Nothing to hide.
940
01:11:31,597 --> 01:11:32,973
Okay.
941
01:11:35,309 --> 01:11:37,811
Hey, you're doing great.
942
01:11:39,354 --> 01:11:41,148
You really are.
943
01:11:41,231 --> 01:11:44,151
By my count, 485 days clean.
944
01:11:44,234 --> 01:11:46,278
Wow. Come on, that's...
945
01:11:50,282 --> 01:11:52,993
I'll just leave it in the
bathroom, right? Okay.
946
01:11:54,119 --> 01:11:55,621
All right.
947
01:11:55,704 --> 01:11:57,623
- Good night, Dad.
- Good night.
948
01:11:57,706 --> 01:11:59,708
- I love you.
- I love you, too.
949
01:12:31,156 --> 01:12:33,750
All right, Jasper,
you ready?
950
01:12:33,158 --> 01:12:35,243
- Yep. Let's go,
let's go, let's go.
951
01:12:35,327 --> 01:12:37,454
Hey. No, no, no, wait.
952
01:12:37,537 --> 01:12:40,582
- Jasper, I don't want you
to go out there.
953
01:12:40,666 --> 01:12:42,376
- What? Mom, we
won't go far, I swear!
954
01:12:42,459 --> 01:12:44,312
The waves are too
big. It's too dangerous.
955
01:12:44,336 --> 01:12:45,416
- But I am a great swimmer.
956
01:12:45,462 --> 01:12:46,773
I've been in waves
way bigger than this.
957
01:12:46,797 --> 01:12:49,383
Yes, I know that, but
I don't want you to...
958
01:12:49,466 --> 01:12:50,944
- Yeah, I'll stay close.
- Nic will stay close,
959
01:12:50,968 --> 01:12:52,844
you see?
960
01:12:52,928 --> 01:12:54,513
Karen, I'm
gonna stay...
961
01:12:54,596 --> 01:12:56,473
- I'll stay close.
- Nic can go in.
962
01:12:56,556 --> 01:12:57,641
That's fine. You, no.
963
01:12:57,724 --> 01:12:59,601
And that is final.
964
01:12:59,685 --> 01:13:01,610
We'll
see about that.
965
01:13:01,144 --> 01:13:03,772
- Hey!
- Okay. It's fine.
966
01:13:03,855 --> 01:13:06,660
It's fine.
967
01:13:14,992 --> 01:13:16,910
Should we just play
a game instead?
968
01:13:16,994 --> 01:13:19,121
- Uh...
- Yeah?
969
01:13:21,623 --> 01:13:23,834
Are you a hurfboard?
970
01:13:23,917 --> 01:13:26,253
- No.
- No?
971
01:13:26,336 --> 01:13:28,255
Are you a hicycle?
972
01:13:28,338 --> 01:13:30,900
- No.
- No?
973
01:13:30,173 --> 01:13:32,801
Okay. Uh, are you edible?
974
01:13:32,884 --> 01:13:34,177
Not really.
975
01:13:34,261 --> 01:13:36,263
- Not really?
- Not really.
976
01:13:36,346 --> 01:13:37,806
So, sort of.
977
01:13:37,889 --> 01:13:40,434
So, um...
978
01:13:40,517 --> 01:13:41,852
are you a house?
979
01:13:41,935 --> 01:13:45,439
- Yes. How did you know?
980
01:13:45,522 --> 01:13:47,232
You know,
981
01:13:47,315 --> 01:13:49,860
I can read your mind.
982
01:13:49,943 --> 01:13:52,529
- Ooh...
- Ooh...
983
01:13:53,947 --> 01:13:55,365
I know you're a great swimmer.
984
01:13:55,449 --> 01:13:57,176
I'm gonna be there to cheer
for you at your next swim meet.
985
01:13:57,200 --> 01:13:58,350
How does that sound?
986
01:13:58,118 --> 01:13:59,661
Yeah?
987
01:13:59,745 --> 01:14:02,414
Okay.
988
01:14:02,497 --> 01:14:04,750
Hey, is it weird to see
me after all this time?
989
01:14:04,833 --> 01:14:05,834
Or no?
990
01:14:05,917 --> 01:14:08,253
- I guess it was, at first.
- Okay
991
01:14:08,336 --> 01:14:10,547
- I thought you might be
different.
992
01:14:10,630 --> 01:14:13,175
But you're just
the same old Nic.
993
01:14:29,649 --> 01:14:31,985
All right. Thanks.
994
01:14:36,730 --> 01:14:39,201
- That was a great weekend.
- Mm-hmm.
995
01:14:39,284 --> 01:14:41,912
Bye, Nic!
996
01:15:32,379 --> 01:15:35,173
- Go, Nic!
997
01:16:02,576 --> 01:16:05,120
Bye, Nic! Bye, Nic!
998
01:16:05,203 --> 01:16:07,330
Bye, Nic!
999
01:16:29,895 --> 01:16:32,439
One day at a time, Man.
1000
01:16:32,522 --> 01:16:33,791
Congratulations. Welcome
to the real world.
1001
01:16:33,815 --> 01:16:35,710
Oh, I don't want to
live in the real world.
1002
01:16:35,734 --> 01:16:37,277
I'm so sick of living in it.
1003
01:16:37,360 --> 01:16:38,838
- That's your disease
talking to you, Man.
1004
01:16:38,862 --> 01:16:40,423
- Oh, I'm trying.
- By trying to isolate you.
1005
01:16:40,447 --> 01:16:41,967
Trying to kill you.
You know this, Man.
1006
01:16:42,320 --> 01:16:43,783
I don't feel like I have
a disease, Spencer.
1007
01:16:43,867 --> 01:16:45,660
I feel like...
1008
01:16:45,744 --> 01:16:48,705
- Well, you got to.
- This isn't like fucking cancer.
1009
01:16:48,788 --> 01:16:52,420
This is my fucking choice.
I put myself here.
1010
01:16:52,125 --> 01:16:53,765
Yeah, you did. You did
put yourself there.
1011
01:16:53,793 --> 01:16:55,462
Are you gonna let
me talk or what?
1012
01:16:55,545 --> 01:16:58,465
Okay? Like, you're a
writer, right? So write.
1013
01:16:58,548 --> 01:17:00,800
You're good at it. This is
your day. This is a choice.
1014
01:17:00,884 --> 01:17:02,612
- What do you want to do now?
- Fucking...
1015
01:17:02,636 --> 01:17:04,363
Once you get high, you
lose all your choices.
1016
01:17:04,387 --> 01:17:06,115
- If you get high, you lose everything.
- Right.
1017
01:17:06,139 --> 01:17:08,892
All right, so you got to
keep choosing the right way.
1018
01:17:11,561 --> 01:17:13,480
- Right.
- That's right.
1019
01:17:13,563 --> 01:17:15,315
You choose the right way.
1020
01:17:15,398 --> 01:17:16,816
Right. All right, hey, listen,
1021
01:17:16,900 --> 01:17:18,419
I'm gonna give you a
call later, all right?
1022
01:17:18,443 --> 01:17:19,879
Uh, I-I feel like I'm
gonna do all right.
1023
01:17:19,903 --> 01:17:21,196
You blowing me off now?
1024
01:17:21,279 --> 01:17:22,822
You gonna call me
and waste my time?
1025
01:17:22,906 --> 01:17:24,616
Don't waste my time.
I'm here for you, Man.
1026
01:17:24,699 --> 01:17:26,260
You know what, look, I'm
having some steaks tonight.
1027
01:17:26,284 --> 01:17:27,428
Why don't you come
over for dinner.
1028
01:17:27,452 --> 01:17:28,638
- All right, I'll see you then.
- You...
1029
01:17:28,662 --> 01:17:30,560
That sounds great.
I'll see you then.
1030
01:17:30,800 --> 01:17:31,515
- Yo, Nic, Nic.
- Yes, sir. I'll see you then.
1031
01:17:31,539 --> 01:17:33,583
- Nic...
- All right, bye-bye.
1032
01:18:31,224 --> 01:18:33,226
Nic Sheff.
1033
01:18:33,310 --> 01:18:35,228
Lauren. What?
1034
01:18:35,312 --> 01:18:37,480
What are you...
1035
01:18:39,399 --> 01:18:41,670
Wow, it's been a long time.
1036
01:18:41,151 --> 01:18:42,527
What-what are you doing here?
1037
01:18:42,610 --> 01:18:45,155
Just, uh...
1038
01:18:47,730 --> 01:18:49,284
What?
1039
01:18:52,495 --> 01:18:54,800
I've been sober for a while,
1040
01:18:54,164 --> 01:18:57,830
but I'm seriously looking
to party right now.
1041
01:19:20,482 --> 01:19:23,109
I got what you need. We
have E, we have pills, Man.
1042
01:19:23,193 --> 01:19:25,236
We have E. I told
you, I told you.
1043
01:19:33,244 --> 01:19:35,955
Can you get me a cup
of water and a spoon?
1044
01:19:36,390 --> 01:19:37,374
Mm-hmm.
1045
01:19:37,457 --> 01:19:39,751
All right.
1046
01:19:56,184 --> 01:19:58,520
- Mm-hmm.
- All right.
1047
01:19:58,603 --> 01:20:01,147
- Here you go.
- Thank you.
1048
01:20:02,232 --> 01:20:04,359
Cotton and a spoon.
1049
01:20:27,173 --> 01:20:29,926
Mmm.
1050
01:20:40,687 --> 01:20:42,856
All right, that's it.
1051
01:20:42,939 --> 01:20:44,858
That's it.
1052
01:20:54,617 --> 01:20:56,536
Wow.
1053
01:23:15,925 --> 01:23:17,969
Your call has been forwarded
1054
01:23:18,520 --> 01:23:19,971
to an automated voice
messaging system.
1055
01:23:20,540 --> 01:23:21,848
At the tone, please
record your message.
1056
01:23:23,266 --> 01:23:24,601
It's Dad again.
1057
01:23:24,684 --> 01:23:26,853
I feel like you might
have been a little down
1058
01:23:26,936 --> 01:23:29,772
when you left, Nic, so I'm
here to talk if you need to.
1059
01:23:29,856 --> 01:23:32,442
All right.
1060
01:23:44,537 --> 01:23:46,956
So you have no
idea where he is?
1061
01:23:47,400 --> 01:23:49,500
Uh, Spencer told
me he heard from him.
1062
01:23:49,584 --> 01:23:52,462
He was having a difficult time,
but he was pulling through.
1063
01:23:52,545 --> 01:23:56,257
But, yeah, he's not at
work, he's not at home.
1064
01:23:56,341 --> 01:23:58,635
- He's unreachable on his cell.
- Damn it. Damn it. Vicki,
1065
01:23:58,718 --> 01:24:01,638
he left here two days ago.
Why didn't you check on him?
1066
01:24:01,721 --> 01:24:04,150
You're supposed to be taking
care of this kid, right?
1067
01:24:04,980 --> 01:24:05,642
What the fuck, David?
1068
01:24:05,725 --> 01:24:07,935
Who's been taking care
of him the last year?
1069
01:24:08,190 --> 01:24:09,562
Well, you could've
checked on him.
1070
01:24:09,646 --> 01:24:11,314
I mean, what the fuck
is your problem?
1071
01:24:11,397 --> 01:24:13,816
What do you think I do all day?
1072
01:24:13,900 --> 01:24:17,278
Besides, we can't run
surveillance on him 24/7.
1073
01:24:17,362 --> 01:24:20,239
I think you need to go
to the police right now
1074
01:24:20,323 --> 01:24:22,283
and file a missing
persons report, okay?
1075
01:24:22,367 --> 01:24:24,243
- Stop yelling at me!
- No, I'm not gonna stop
1076
01:24:24,327 --> 01:24:26,496
- yelling at you, Vicki.
- I hate it when you do that.
1077
01:24:26,579 --> 01:24:28,150
- Because you're just...
- You're totally crazy.
1078
01:24:28,390 --> 01:24:29,332
What are you even doing there?!
1079
01:24:29,415 --> 01:24:31,295
- Fucking unfair, David!
- No, no! Listen to me!
1080
01:24:31,334 --> 01:24:33,252
What are...
1081
01:24:34,337 --> 01:24:36,589
Damn.
1082
01:24:36,673 --> 01:24:39,920
Fuck!
1083
01:24:45,723 --> 01:24:47,392
Dave?
1084
01:24:47,475 --> 01:24:50,144
Could you call my
phone, please?
1085
01:24:53,189 --> 01:24:55,240
What's going on?
1086
01:24:55,108 --> 01:24:56,901
He's gone.
1087
01:24:58,361 --> 01:25:01,364
How do we even
know he's in L.A.?
1088
01:25:01,447 --> 01:25:03,991
I mean, he could be in San
Francisco. He could be...
1089
01:25:04,750 --> 01:25:06,452
he could be in fucking
Mexico, for all we know.
1090
01:25:06,536 --> 01:25:07,995
I need to go.
1091
01:25:08,790 --> 01:25:10,707
Yeah, but I need you to stay.
1092
01:25:10,790 --> 01:25:12,583
Well, Vicki can't
handle it like I...
1093
01:25:12,667 --> 01:25:14,919
I don't care about Vicki.
This isn't about Vicki.
1094
01:25:15,200 --> 01:25:18,589
Okay, why don't you just relax
and try to be reasonable.
1095
01:25:18,673 --> 01:25:20,842
- What? You be reasonable.
- I am being reasonable.
1096
01:25:20,925 --> 01:25:21,925
Is this reasonable?!
1097
01:25:21,968 --> 01:25:24,470
No! It's not!
1098
01:25:24,554 --> 01:25:25,888
How can I be?!
1099
01:25:25,972 --> 01:25:27,515
My son is out there somewhere,
1100
01:25:27,598 --> 01:25:29,183
and I don't know
what he's doing!
1101
01:25:29,267 --> 01:25:30,727
I don't know how to help him!
1102
01:25:30,810 --> 01:25:33,229
You can't!
1103
01:25:43,823 --> 01:25:45,491
I can't sleep.
1104
01:25:49,620 --> 01:25:50,496
You can't sleep?
1105
01:25:50,580 --> 01:25:52,390
I can't sleep.
1106
01:25:52,123 --> 01:25:53,291
Okay.
1107
01:25:57,503 --> 01:25:59,422
Good night, Daddy.
1108
01:26:00,506 --> 01:26:02,800
Good night.
1109
01:26:39,462 --> 01:26:41,130
Let go!
1110
01:26:41,214 --> 01:26:42,799
Airplane flying!
1111
01:26:44,467 --> 01:26:47,845
Airplane!
1112
01:26:47,929 --> 01:26:49,847
Fly away! Fly!
1113
01:26:51,682 --> 01:26:55,311
Airplane! Push!
1114
01:27:57,957 --> 01:27:59,309
No. Uh-uh. Come on, not
you. Come on.
1115
01:27:59,333 --> 01:28:00,585
Hold on.
1116
01:28:00,668 --> 01:28:01,937
- Get back in. Guys, come on.
- Hold on. Hold on, honey.
1117
01:28:01,961 --> 01:28:03,400
- Wait.
- Good dog.
1118
01:28:03,870 --> 01:28:04,839
What's up?
1119
01:28:04,922 --> 01:28:08,134
I thought Nic was
gonna be here today.
1120
01:28:08,217 --> 01:28:10,428
Uh, no. Something came up.
1121
01:28:11,512 --> 01:28:13,598
Can I call him?
1122
01:28:13,681 --> 01:28:15,600
No, no. You can't.
1123
01:28:15,683 --> 01:28:17,184
It's not gonna be possible.
1124
01:28:17,268 --> 01:28:18,269
Why not?
1125
01:28:18,352 --> 01:28:20,271
Because it's not.
1126
01:28:20,354 --> 01:28:23,107
Is Nic back on drugs again?
1127
01:28:27,278 --> 01:28:29,947
We don't know, honey.
1128
01:30:06,168 --> 01:30:08,400
All right.
1129
01:31:48,229 --> 01:31:50,523
Come on,
Jasper! Whup.
1130
01:32:03,285 --> 01:32:05,204
Yup.
1131
01:32:28,769 --> 01:32:29,812
You got it?
1132
01:32:29,895 --> 01:32:31,897
Oh, fuck. Okay.
Hey, Lauren.
1133
01:32:33,190 --> 01:32:34,900
- Lauren, let's go.
- What?
1134
01:32:34,984 --> 01:32:36,527
We got to go.
1135
01:32:38,237 --> 01:32:40,720
- What's going on?
- Here.
1136
01:32:40,156 --> 01:32:42,783
We got to go.
1137
01:32:42,867 --> 01:32:44,785
Fine.
1138
01:32:59,133 --> 01:33:01,677
I think I just saw Nic.
1139
01:33:01,760 --> 01:33:03,470
What?
1140
01:33:03,554 --> 01:33:06,640
I think I just saw Nic
and a girl running away.
1141
01:33:13,439 --> 01:33:14,899
Nic.
1142
01:33:14,982 --> 01:33:16,442
Uh, no.
Stay inside.
1143
01:33:16,525 --> 01:33:18,277
- Okay.
- No.
1144
01:33:18,360 --> 01:33:22,156
All right, no. Stay inside!
I am not kidding, all right?
1145
01:33:22,239 --> 01:33:23,908
Stay there.
1146
01:33:27,119 --> 01:33:29,380
- Okay.
1147
01:33:29,121 --> 01:33:31,665
Shit. Never again.
1148
01:33:31,749 --> 01:33:33,959
- It's okay. Hey.
- What do we do? What do we do?
1149
01:33:34,430 --> 01:33:35,419
It's all right.
1150
01:33:40,424 --> 01:33:42,551
That was so terrible.
1151
01:33:42,635 --> 01:33:45,763
Oh, fuck!
1152
01:33:50,226 --> 01:33:52,561
Nic? Nic? Nic!
1153
01:33:54,355 --> 01:33:55,648
Oh...
1154
01:34:06,992 --> 01:34:08,911
Oh. No. No. No.
1155
01:35:25,290 --> 01:35:27,740
Come on!
1156
01:35:55,225 --> 01:35:58,395
I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry.
1157
01:36:22,503 --> 01:36:24,213
Okay. Okay.
1158
01:36:26,465 --> 01:36:29,900
911. What is your emergency?
1159
01:36:29,930 --> 01:36:31,530
Yeah. Hi. Uh, I got a f...
I'm-I'm with a friend.
1160
01:36:31,136 --> 01:36:32,388
She just O.D.'d, and, uh,
1161
01:36:32,471 --> 01:36:34,140
I need an ambulance,
I need some help.
1162
01:36:34,980 --> 01:36:35,432
Sir, do you know CPR?
1163
01:36:35,516 --> 01:36:37,350
Yeah, I'm doing it
right now. I just...
1164
01:36:37,590 --> 01:36:39,139
Uh, we... You-you guys, you
got to send an ambulance,
1165
01:36:39,186 --> 01:36:41,355
- too, all right?
- What is your location?
1166
01:36:41,438 --> 01:36:43,399
Yeah, I don't know.
1167
01:36:43,482 --> 01:36:45,850
Y-You-you guys are gonna
have to trace the call.
1168
01:36:45,109 --> 01:36:46,819
Hello?
1169
01:36:46,902 --> 01:36:50,239
Hello? Sir, are
you still there?
1170
01:36:50,322 --> 01:36:52,574
Sir?
1171
01:36:55,494 --> 01:36:57,370
Sir? Sir?
1172
01:37:05,963 --> 01:37:08,882
- Look up.
1173
01:37:08,966 --> 01:37:10,592
Honey, look up for me.
1174
01:37:12,219 --> 01:37:15,514
Can you look up
this way over here?
1175
01:37:15,597 --> 01:37:17,599
Hey, look, we're gonna need
to take you to the ER.
1176
01:37:17,683 --> 01:37:19,101
I-I don't... I don't
want to. I-I...
1177
01:37:19,184 --> 01:37:20,745
- We need to take you to the ER.
- I'm fine.
1178
01:37:20,769 --> 01:37:22,247
She doesn't want to go
to the ER. She's...
1179
01:37:22,271 --> 01:37:23,748
She's... No, she's not
okay. We need to take her
1180
01:37:23,772 --> 01:37:25,166
- to the ER.
- But she doesn't want to go.
1181
01:37:25,190 --> 01:37:26,817
No, sir, she needs to go!
1182
01:37:26,900 --> 01:37:28,527
Okay?
1183
01:37:28,610 --> 01:37:31,710
You have a problem with that,
I can inform the police.
1184
01:37:31,155 --> 01:37:32,781
Goddamn it.
1185
01:37:32,865 --> 01:37:36,285
You're gonna come
and meet me, right?
1186
01:37:36,368 --> 01:37:37,744
- Yes. Yes!
- You promise?
1187
01:37:37,828 --> 01:37:40,205
I love you.
1188
01:37:40,289 --> 01:37:42,666
- I love you, too.
1189
01:37:42,749 --> 01:37:44,293
You promise you're
gonna meet me?
1190
01:37:44,376 --> 01:37:45,770
- Yes, Lauren. I'll
come fucking meet you.
1191
01:37:45,794 --> 01:37:46,670
What do you want from me?
1192
01:37:46,753 --> 01:37:49,715
- Okay, okay.
- Jesus fucking Christ.
1193
01:38:16,116 --> 01:38:18,452
David Sheff.
1194
01:38:18,535 --> 01:38:20,245
Hey, Dad. It's me.
1195
01:38:22,956 --> 01:38:25,417
- Nic?
- Yeah.
1196
01:38:33,884 --> 01:38:35,844
Please don't hate me, Dad.
1197
01:38:37,471 --> 01:38:39,389
I know I did wrong.
1198
01:38:41,183 --> 01:38:43,185
I want to stop, but
please, please, please,
1199
01:38:43,268 --> 01:38:45,620
please, please, please
no rehab, all right?
1200
01:38:45,145 --> 01:38:47,898
Just let me come
home. You know what?
1201
01:38:47,981 --> 01:38:51,735
I realize it's actually
I... I-I need to be home.
1202
01:38:51,818 --> 01:38:56,532
You guys, you guys are gonna
give me the strength to stop.
1203
01:38:56,615 --> 01:38:58,575
All right?
1204
01:39:01,495 --> 01:39:03,413
That's not going to happen.
1205
01:39:12,756 --> 01:39:15,801
I wish that I could help you,
1206
01:39:15,884 --> 01:39:17,803
but I can't do that.
1207
01:39:17,886 --> 01:39:19,596
I c... I can't.
1208
01:39:19,680 --> 01:39:21,682
Oh, please help me, Dad.
1209
01:39:23,225 --> 01:39:25,394
No, Dad.
I just need a little bit
1210
01:39:25,477 --> 01:39:27,437
of help.
1211
01:39:27,521 --> 01:39:29,565
Please help me. I
want to come home.
1212
01:39:29,648 --> 01:39:32,317
All I can tell you is
what you already know.
1213
01:39:32,401 --> 01:39:35,700
- Dad, why aren't you
fucking listening to me?
1214
01:39:35,153 --> 01:39:36,780
- Call your sponsor.
1215
01:39:36,863 --> 01:39:38,383
- I don't want
to talk to my sponsor now.
1216
01:39:38,407 --> 01:39:40,409
- I want to talk toy you.
- Get help.
1217
01:39:40,492 --> 01:39:42,744
- I love you.
- Dad, what...
1218
01:39:42,828 --> 01:39:45,163
- And I hope that you get
your life together.
1219
01:39:45,247 --> 01:39:46,748
- I love you, too.
1220
01:39:46,832 --> 01:39:49,293
I love you.
1221
01:42:17,232 --> 01:42:18,608
Hello.
1222
01:42:18,692 --> 01:42:21,153
- Nicolas called.
1223
01:42:21,236 --> 01:42:22,738
He sounds desperate.
1224
01:42:22,821 --> 01:42:24,656
Gonna die if we
don't do anything.
1225
01:42:24,740 --> 01:42:26,700
Well...
1226
01:42:26,783 --> 01:42:29,661
he's gonna die even if we do.
1227
01:42:29,745 --> 01:42:32,372
Nothing we do has
any effect on him.
1228
01:42:39,337 --> 01:42:41,470
I failed.
1229
01:42:41,131 --> 01:42:42,525
I know you
feel ashamed, okay?
1230
01:42:42,549 --> 01:42:45,510
So do I.
1231
01:42:45,135 --> 01:42:47,387
But you have done great, David.
1232
01:42:47,471 --> 01:42:50,348
And Karen, too, so
thank you for that.
1233
01:42:50,432 --> 01:42:52,267
You were up for
it when I wasn't,
1234
01:42:52,350 --> 01:42:54,144
and I'm not giving up now.
1235
01:42:55,270 --> 01:42:57,220
Never.
1236
01:42:58,732 --> 01:43:01,443
But I can't do it alone.
1237
01:43:04,529 --> 01:43:07,240
I need your help.
1238
01:43:09,493 --> 01:43:12,454
I don't think you can
save people, Vicki.
1239
01:43:14,414 --> 01:43:17,709
You can be there
for them, can't you?
1240
01:43:21,630 --> 01:43:23,715
Look at this.
1241
01:43:28,887 --> 01:43:30,806
I'm done.
1242
01:43:30,889 --> 01:43:33,580
- Oh.
- Okay? I...
1243
01:43:33,141 --> 01:43:36,610
Okay.
1244
01:44:09,719 --> 01:44:11,680
Hey, everybody.
1245
01:44:11,763 --> 01:44:14,432
Time to get together.
1246
01:44:24,943 --> 01:44:30,991
I... I had a rough week.
1247
01:44:33,493 --> 01:44:35,203
Some of you know,
some of you don't.
1248
01:44:35,287 --> 01:44:36,872
I, um...
1249
01:44:36,955 --> 01:44:38,999
I lost my Frances this week.
1250
01:44:39,820 --> 01:44:42,168
She died of an
overdose on Sunday.
1251
01:44:42,252 --> 01:44:44,296
So...
1252
01:44:44,379 --> 01:44:48,300
I guess I'm in
mourning, but I-I...
1253
01:44:48,383 --> 01:44:50,719
I realized something else.
1254
01:44:50,802 --> 01:44:54,764
I've actually been in
mourning for years.
1255
01:44:56,933 --> 01:44:59,144
'Cause even when she
was alive, she...
1256
01:44:59,227 --> 01:45:01,688
she wasn't there.
1257
01:45:01,771 --> 01:45:05,984
When you mourn the living,
1258
01:45:06,670 --> 01:45:08,862
that's a hard way to live.
1259
01:45:10,906 --> 01:45:13,366
And so, in...
1260
01:45:13,450 --> 01:45:15,619
in a way, it's-it's...
1261
01:45:15,702 --> 01:45:17,704
it's better, I guess.
1262
01:45:21,958 --> 01:45:27,464
She was a
dear, dear young woman.
1263
01:45:29,507 --> 01:45:31,593
I always felt...
1264
01:45:31,676 --> 01:45:34,262
I needed to... to stay strong,
1265
01:45:34,346 --> 01:45:37,682
that there'd be
some future event,
1266
01:45:37,766 --> 01:45:40,310
and I'd... I'd need
all my strength for it.
1267
01:45:43,980 --> 01:45:46,441
But there are no
events after this one.
1268
01:45:46,524 --> 01:45:49,986
I hope she's not in pain now.
1269
01:45:56,701 --> 01:45:58,620
Bye, Frances.
1270
01:47:55,737 --> 01:47:57,906
Hey.
1271
01:47:57,989 --> 01:48:00,158
Hi.
1272
01:48:09,501 --> 01:48:10,960
How's he doing?
1273
01:48:11,440 --> 01:48:13,213
The doctor's with him now.
1274
01:48:14,881 --> 01:48:16,633
He said it's close to a miracle
1275
01:48:16,716 --> 01:48:19,594
Nic survived with all
the drugs in his body.
1276
01:55:19,597 --> 01:55:21,390
Either peace
or happiness,
1277
01:55:21,474 --> 01:55:23,267
let it enfold you.
1278
01:55:23,351 --> 01:55:26,270
When I was a young man,
I felt that these things
1279
01:55:26,354 --> 01:55:28,773
were dumb, unsophisticated.
1280
01:55:28,856 --> 01:55:31,250
I had bad blood,
a twisted mind,
1281
01:55:31,108 --> 01:55:33,152
a precarious upbringing.
1282
01:55:33,236 --> 01:55:34,820
I was hard as granite.
1283
01:55:34,904 --> 01:55:36,739
I leered at the sun.
1284
01:55:36,822 --> 01:55:40,159
I trusted no man and
especially no woman.
1285
01:55:40,243 --> 01:55:42,537
I was living a hell
in small rooms.
1286
01:55:42,620 --> 01:55:44,288
I broke things,
smashed things,
1287
01:55:44,372 --> 01:55:46,916
walked through glass, cursed.
1288
01:55:46,999 --> 01:55:48,543
I challenged everything,
1289
01:55:48,626 --> 01:55:50,795
was continually being
evicted, jailed,
1290
01:55:50,878 --> 01:55:53,890
in and out of fights,
in and out of my mind.
1291
01:55:53,172 --> 01:55:56,800
Women were something
to screw and rail at.
1292
01:55:56,920 --> 01:55:58,135
I had no male friends.
1293
01:55:58,219 --> 01:56:00,263
I changed jobs and cities.
1294
01:56:00,346 --> 01:56:02,974
I hated holidays,
babies, history,
1295
01:56:03,570 --> 01:56:05,560
newspapers, museums,
grandmothers,
1296
01:56:05,643 --> 01:56:08,688
marriage, movies,
spiders, garbagemen,
1297
01:56:08,771 --> 01:56:12,567
English accents,
Spain, France, Italy,
1298
01:56:12,650 --> 01:56:15,319
walnuts and the color orange.
1299
01:56:15,403 --> 01:56:17,196
Algebra angered me.
1300
01:56:17,280 --> 01:56:19,115
Opera sickened me.
1301
01:56:19,198 --> 01:56:21,200
Charlie Chaplin was a fake.
1302
01:56:21,284 --> 01:56:23,327
And flowers were for pansies.
1303
01:56:23,411 --> 01:56:26,789
Peace and happiness were
to me signs of inferiority,
1304
01:56:26,872 --> 01:56:29,584
tenants of the weak
and addled mind.
1305
01:56:29,667 --> 01:56:32,211
But as I went on
with my alley fights,
1306
01:56:32,295 --> 01:56:33,629
my suicidal years,
1307
01:56:33,713 --> 01:56:35,631
my passage through
any number of women,
1308
01:56:35,715 --> 01:56:39,260
it gradually began to occur
to me that I wasn't different
1309
01:56:39,343 --> 01:56:41,345
from the others,
I was the same.
1310
01:56:41,429 --> 01:56:43,306
They were all
fulsome with hatred,
1311
01:56:43,389 --> 01:56:45,725
glossed over with
petty grievances.
1312
01:56:45,808 --> 01:56:48,352
The men I fought in alleys
had hearts of stone.
1313
01:56:48,436 --> 01:56:50,313
Everybody was
nudging, inching,
1314
01:56:50,396 --> 01:56:53,232
cheating for some
insignificant advantage.
1315
01:56:53,316 --> 01:56:56,402
The lie was the weapon,
and the plot was empty.
1316
01:56:56,485 --> 01:56:58,696
Darkness was the dictator.
1317
01:56:58,779 --> 01:57:02,740
Cautiously, I allowed myself
to feel good at times.
1318
01:57:02,158 --> 01:57:04,350
I found moments of
peace in cheap rooms
1319
01:57:04,118 --> 01:57:07,790
just staring at the
knobs of some dresser
1320
01:57:07,163 --> 01:57:09,415
or listening to the
rain in the dark.
1321
01:57:09,498 --> 01:57:12,418
The less I needed,
the better I felt.
1322
01:57:12,501 --> 01:57:14,337
Maybe the other life
had worn me down.
1323
01:57:14,420 --> 01:57:16,470
I no longer found glamour
1324
01:57:16,130 --> 01:57:18,382
in topping somebody
in conversation
1325
01:57:18,466 --> 01:57:21,677
or in mounting the body of
some poor, drunken female
1326
01:57:21,761 --> 01:57:24,221
whose life had slipped
away into sorrow.
1327
01:57:24,305 --> 01:57:26,182
I could never accept
life as it was.
1328
01:57:26,265 --> 01:57:29,180
I could never gobble
down all its poisons.
1329
01:57:29,101 --> 01:57:31,312
But there were parts,
tenuous magic parts,
1330
01:57:31,395 --> 01:57:33,314
open for the asking.
1331
01:57:33,397 --> 01:57:34,899
I reformulated.
1332
01:57:34,982 --> 01:57:36,942
I don't know when...
date, time, all that...
1333
01:57:37,260 --> 01:57:38,527
but the change occurred.
1334
01:57:38,611 --> 01:57:41,906
Something in me
relaxed, smoothed out.
1335
01:57:41,989 --> 01:57:44,200
I no longer had to
prove that I was a man.
1336
01:57:44,283 --> 01:57:45,951
I didn't have to
prove anything.
1337
01:57:46,350 --> 01:57:47,536
I began to see things.
1338
01:57:47,620 --> 01:57:50,247
Coffee cups lined up
behind a counter in a cafe.
1339
01:57:50,331 --> 01:57:52,958
Or a dog walking
along a sidewalk.
1340
01:57:53,420 --> 01:57:54,919
Or the way the mouse
on my dresser top
1341
01:57:55,200 --> 01:57:56,962
stopped there,
really stopped there,
1342
01:57:57,460 --> 01:57:59,480
with its body,
its ears, its nose.
1343
01:57:59,131 --> 01:58:02,968
It was fixed, a bit of
life caught within itself,
1344
01:58:03,520 --> 01:58:06,806
and its eyes looked at me,
and they were beautiful.
1345
01:58:06,889 --> 01:58:08,891
Then it was gone.
1346
01:58:08,974 --> 01:58:10,768
I began to feel good.
1347
01:58:10,851 --> 01:58:13,229
I began to feel good
in the worst situations,
1348
01:58:13,312 --> 01:58:15,220
and there were
plenty of those.
1349
01:58:15,106 --> 01:58:18,109
Like, say, the boss
behind his desk.
1350
01:58:18,192 --> 01:58:20,194
He is going to
have to fire me.
1351
01:58:20,277 --> 01:58:21,946
I've missed too many days.
1352
01:58:22,290 --> 01:58:25,282
He's dressed in a
suit, necktie, glasses.
1353
01:58:25,366 --> 01:58:28,350
He says, 'I am going
to have to let you go.'
1354
01:58:28,119 --> 01:58:29,829
'It's all right, '
I tell him.
1355
01:58:29,912 --> 01:58:31,247
He must do what he must do.
1356
01:58:31,330 --> 01:58:33,207
He has a wife, a
house, children,
1357
01:58:33,290 --> 01:58:36,460
expenses, most
probably a girlfriend.
1358
01:58:36,544 --> 01:58:37,920
I'm sorry for him.
1359
01:58:38,300 --> 01:58:39,213
He's caught.
1360
01:58:39,296 --> 01:58:41,257
I walk out into the
blazing sunshine.
1361
01:58:41,340 --> 01:58:44,510
The whole day is mine,
temporarily anyhow.
1362
01:58:44,135 --> 01:58:46,679
The whole world is at
the throat of the world.
1363
01:58:46,762 --> 01:58:49,640
Everybody feels angry,
short-changed, cheated.
1364
01:58:49,724 --> 01:58:52,351
Everybody is despondent,
disillusioned.
1365
01:58:52,435 --> 01:58:55,521
I welcomed shots of peace,
tattered shards of happiness.
1366
01:58:55,604 --> 01:58:57,940
I embraced that stuff
like the hottest number,
1367
01:58:58,230 --> 01:59:00,860
like high heels, breasts,
singing, the works.
1368
01:59:00,943 --> 01:59:02,319
Don't get me wrong,
1369
01:59:02,403 --> 01:59:04,155
there is such a thing
as cockeyed optimism
1370
01:59:04,238 --> 01:59:05,531
that overlooks
all basic problems
1371
01:59:05,614 --> 01:59:06,991
just for the sake of itself.
1372
01:59:07,740 --> 01:59:09,285
This is a shield
and a sickness.
1373
01:59:09,368 --> 01:59:11,328
The knife got near
my throat again.
1374
01:59:11,412 --> 01:59:13,247
I almost turned
on the gas again.
1375
01:59:13,330 --> 01:59:15,249
But when the good
moments arrived again,
1376
01:59:15,332 --> 01:59:17,376
I didn't fight them off
like an alley adversary.
1377
01:59:17,460 --> 01:59:20,337
I let them take me.
I luxuriated in them.
1378
01:59:20,421 --> 01:59:22,214
I bade them welcome home.
1379
01:59:22,298 --> 01:59:23,841
I even looked into
the mirror once
1380
01:59:23,924 --> 01:59:26,844
having thought
myself to be ugly.
1381
01:59:26,927 --> 01:59:28,929
I now liked what I saw.
1382
01:59:29,130 --> 01:59:30,598
Almost handsome.
1383
01:59:30,681 --> 01:59:32,808
Yes, a bit ripped and ragged.
1384
01:59:32,892 --> 01:59:35,190
Scars, lumps, odd turns.
1385
01:59:35,102 --> 01:59:37,146
But all in all, not too bad.
1386
01:59:37,229 --> 01:59:38,898
Almost handsome.
1387
01:59:38,981 --> 01:59:40,983
Better at least than some
of those movie star faces
1388
01:59:41,660 --> 01:59:42,818
like the cheeks
of a baby's butt.
1389
01:59:42,902 --> 01:59:44,361
And finally I discovered
1390
01:59:44,445 --> 01:59:46,781
real feelings for
others, unheralded.
1391
01:59:46,864 --> 01:59:48,532
Like lately,
like this morning,
1392
01:59:48,616 --> 01:59:52,360
as I was leaving for the
track, I saw my wife in bed,
1393
01:59:52,119 --> 01:59:53,829
just the shape
of her head there,
1394
01:59:53,913 --> 01:59:57,500
covers pulled high, just
the shape of her head there.
1395
01:59:57,583 --> 02:00:00,200
Not forgetting centuries
of the living and the dead
1396
02:00:00,850 --> 02:00:01,587
and the dying, the pyramids,
1397
02:00:01,670 --> 02:00:04,340
Mozart dead, but his music
still there in the room,
1398
02:00:04,423 --> 02:00:06,910
weeds growing,
the Earth turning,
1399
02:00:06,175 --> 02:00:08,260
the tote board waiting for me.
1400
02:00:08,344 --> 02:00:10,120
I saw the shape
of my wife's head,
1401
02:00:10,950 --> 02:00:11,472
she so still.
1402
02:00:11,555 --> 02:00:12,807
I ached for her life,
1403
02:00:12,890 --> 02:00:14,642
just being there
under the covers.
1404
02:00:14,725 --> 02:00:16,268
I kissed her on the forehead,
1405
02:00:16,352 --> 02:00:17,812
got down the
stairway, got outside,
1406
02:00:17,895 --> 02:00:20,523
got into my marvelous
car, fixed the seat belt,
1407
02:00:20,606 --> 02:00:21,982
backed out the drive.
1408
02:00:22,660 --> 02:00:23,818
Feeling warm to
the fingertips,
1409
02:00:23,901 --> 02:00:26,654
down to my foot
on the gas pedal,
1410
02:00:26,737 --> 02:00:28,614
I entered the world once more,
1411
02:00:28,697 --> 02:00:30,699
drove down the hill
past the houses
1412
02:00:30,783 --> 02:00:32,493
full and empty of people.
1413
02:00:32,576 --> 02:00:34,954
I saw the mailman, honked.
1414
02:00:35,370 --> 02:00:37,373
He waved back at me.
90300
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