All language subtitles for The.Night.Time.World.2025

- Believe
nothing you hear,

and only half of what you see.

- That was the great
Edgar Allen Poe,

and his words couldn't be
more true, especially now.

Good evening everyone,

and welcome to your live
podcast guide into the unknown.

Are you ready to take a journey

with me into "The
Night Time World"?

I will be opening up the
lines in just a few minutes

to hear your voices
over the night,

but as always, I have some
great stories to share with you

to help us pass the time.

The first is about an ad in
the back page classifieds

for, well, you'll just
have to hear for yourself.

And then a few on the
subject of eternal life.

That's right, my personal
favorite, vampires.

Before I get to the stories,
I'd like to start the night

by addressing some of
the feedback and calls

from last week's show,

one on the concept
of the undead,

specifically the supernatural.

I started this podcast
to look at the stranger

more frightening side of life,

the things hidden
by the light of day.

There's a reason why
we fret at night,

why fear comes to us
as we're lying in bed

waiting for sleep,

because sleep is the
closest thing to death

that life has to offer us.

I believe that
every time we sleep,

we're experiencing
a little death,

we shut down, and our
souls leave our bodies.

For where?

I don't know.

But you've told me of your
out-of-body experiences,

and let me tell you, I
think of death all the time.

I don't want to die.

I don't think anyone does.

Perhaps a few of you don't
want to live anymore,

but how could anyone want death

without really knowing
what that means?

Whether it's a quick death

or one from old age,
painless or not.

The issue for me is nothing.

I'm not worried
about heaven or hell.

Either would be fine, I suppose.

But what if there's
just nothing?

A few years ago, I had to be
put under for a procedure.

They used some great drugs.

One minute I was awake,

then they pumped
that shit into me,

and the next thing I
know, I'm waking up.

It was all over.

And in between,
there was nothing.

I don't recall any dreams.

I don't remember anything
positive or negative,

just nothing.

I see some of you want
to talk about this.

Just hold tight for a moment.

What if there is no soul?

What if your brain
is like a hard drive,

except that when you
turn the power off,

the drive goes dead?

Everything it has on
it, all those pictures,

videos, sounds,
music, experiences,

are just gone, and
there's nothing?

That is what I fear most.

That is what keeps
me up at night.

Now, for some of you, I
suppose this might sound

like a real vacation.

My mother, may she rest in
peace, worked in a nursing home,

and a real shitty one at that.

Some of the stories she
told me about that place

would make you
question human decency.

Some would make your skin crawl.

But one in particular
stuck in my memory.

There was a woman
there in her 90s,

and this was several
years ago, mind you.

She was physically
healthy for her age,

but her mind had lost
touch with reality.

She spent most of her
waking hours screaming,

just terrified,
screaming all the time.

Even the doctors were
unable to find any answers,

and they ultimately gave
up on this poor woman.

But my mother
refused to give up,

and tried to comfort
her however she could.

One night, my mother sat up
holding this poor woman's hand,

and suddenly she went quiet.

Her eyes were glued to
a spot on the ceiling,

a look of pure
terror on her face.

My mother called out to her,

but the woman never
acknowledged that she was there.

Suddenly the faintest whisper,

"If the gas chamber
doesn't get you,

they'll shoot you dead."

You see, the woman was
a Holocaust survivor

reliving her time in the camp.

The nightmares she lived through

were the only thing
left in her head,

and it was a 24 hour
a day horror movie.

Eternal life would be a curse

if it was anything like what
that woman was experiencing,

I'm sure she would've
gladly traded in those days

for a blank hard drive.

What do you think?

If you could live forever,
would you want to?

Let's take a call.

The lines are open, so give me
a ring if you'd like to chat.

We have a call.

This is Nada, and you are
on "The Night Time World".

- I'm being
made to call you.

- Okay, so I take it you're
not a big fan of the show.

- I want to die.

- All right.

Uh, one vote for not
wanting eternal life,

albeit a strange one.

Thank you for calling.

- Listen,

she is making me call you.

- Who is making you call me?

- This isn't a story.

This is for real.

So-so you listen, and
you listen carefully.

She's standing right here,
and she's gonna talk to you

when it's time.

- Are you in danger?

Is she going to hurt you?

- She won't let me die.

- And this is a problem?

- A month ago, I
placed an ad on a website

for someone to kill me
and record it on video.

- Why would you do that?
- Listen!

She answered the ad.

- Okay, I'll bite.

Put her on.

- Not yet.

She wants me to tell you
why she answered the ad.

- Why would anyone
answer an ad like that?

- It's-it's,
it's more like

a very bloody assisted suicide.

But this girl that
answered, she's not human,

- Okay, I don't
think I can help you,

and I have to take
another call now.

- She says that you
don't have any other calls.

She says that she is
controlling your lines

and that I'm the only person
who can call in right now.

- Regardless, I
have a show to do.

So best of luck to you, sir.

Well, I certainly hope that
I'll be getting some calls soon,

but in the meantime, let's
get into our first story.

It's called "The Back Page",

and it takes us back to
a time not so long ago

when there was something
called newspapers.

- That's when I found out

that the two chicks
were actually two boys.

- No.

- Shane, come on.

Dude, I'm so
fucking bad at this.

Let's just go sit at the bar.

- Bad at what?

- I literally just
smiled at that girl,

and she showed me
like I was a leper.

- Oh, come on Paul.

You just gotta loosen up.

And how do you expect
to meet somebody

when you're staring at your
lame ass lite beer all night?

You gotta turn around and
face your fucking opponent.

And so what if some chick
thinks you're a leopard?

You know, it's just-
- Leper.

- What?

- A leper is someone
with leprosy.

It's like a skin disease.

You said leopard,
which is a cat.

- You got a cat?

- No, no dude.

A leopard is a cat.

What I'm trying to
tell you is that girl-

- Oh my god, dude.

I don't even give a
fuck about the words

coming outta your
mouth right now.

What's up Catalina?

- Shane, hi.

- There's like a hundred
hot girls here, dude.

One of 'em is bound to
be into this hobo look

you got going on these days.

It's all a numbers game, man.

It's about presenting
yourself to as many women

as physically possible.

And when I say physically,
you know what I mean,

like physically, you know?

- Yeah, I know what you mean.

You don't need to mime boobs.

- Oh, I'm glad you
have a vague memory

of what boobs look like.

- Fuck you.

- Fuck me?

Sorry, I think this
chick's got dibs on my dick

for the night.

- Yeah, she seems real into you.

- Dude, I don't care
if she's dumb as fuck.

What I care about
is she has a sister,

and I think if we
play our cards right-

- Hold on, wait.

You think her sister
would be into me?

- You?
- Yeah.

- Dude, no.

No, you didn't let me finish.

I'm saying I think
I can fuck 'em both.

Alright, fine.
I'll ask.

Hey, uh, you think your
sister would be into Paul?

- Um.

- Exactly.

Sorry, it didn't work out, bro.

- I'm just out of practice.

I mean, it's been six
months since Emily, and I-

- No, tell me you did
not just fucking say

that horrible word.

What's the first commandment?

- I know, I know.
- No, say it.

- I'm not allowed
to say the evil-

- No, say it like we chiseled
it into goddam stone.

- Stone?

We wrote it with
Sharpie on a pizza box.

- It was symbolism, you piece of
shit. Now say it.

- All right.

Thou shalt not say thy
evil swine's name aloud

for she hath ruined thine life.

- Exactly.

And what's the second command?

- Get pussy.

- Amen.

Now peace be with you.

Uh, go get 'em, tiger.

- Come on Shane,
I need your help.

I mean, I'm rusty.

In fact, I'm pretty much an
out of shape ball of rust.

Now-now you, you, my friend,
are a well-oiled machine.

If there's a hundred
hot girls here,

you've probably
banged 95 of them.

- 95?

No.

Well, uh, are we
counting mouth stuff?

Because if we're
counting mouth stuff,

I might be pretty
close, actually.

And I also believe I finger
blasted this bartender,

which might explain why I
can't get a fucking drink

to save my life tonight.

Oh hey, yeah.

Very nice, very nice.

Same finger I used on you.

Alright, all right,
dude, I'm sorry.

Sorry.

You know, you just
need something

to get you back into the
swing of things, you know,

like, uh,

I got it, dude.

You need a fucking massage.

- You want me to have a spa day?

What the hell are
you talking about?

- No, I'm talking about
a fucking massage,

like when where you have
sex with the person,

like a, like a mass-fuck.

No, that's dumb.

That's dumb.

Like a fuck-sage?

You, my friend,
need a fuck-sage.

- Yeah, thanks, but I'm
not trying to go to jail.

- Oh my god, Paul.

You're not gonna go
to jail, you nerd.

There's a thing out there,
it's called the internet,

and on it, you can do
a lot of stuff, okay?

It won't make you as
handsome and awesome

and as hugely donged as me,

but it'll definitely
help you find a site

to get your dick sucked.

- I don't know, man.

- Relax, okay?

I've done it a couple times.

I know which sites
are safe and discrete.

You're definitely not
gonna get arrested.

Besides, Paul, look at me.

You need this.

- I just don't think I've
completely hit rock bottom.

- Hey.

- Hi!

Um.

Back at 'cha.

- Is anyone sitting here?
- No, no.

Uh, all yours.

Go ahead.
- Thanks.

- So, I'm-I'm Paul.

- Casey.

- Tight.

Super tight.

I've always dug
boys names on girls.

- Sorry, what?

- What the fuck are you saying?

- I don't fucking know!

So I'm-I'm Paul, by the way.

- Still Casey.

- Yeah, still tight.

So, uh.

My mom's birthday coming up!

- Happy birthday to your mom.

- Thanks, that-that's
really nice of you.

I'm gonna, I'm gonna text
her that you said that.

Oh, my phone's dead.

Can I borrow yours?

- No.

Um, I don't, like,
give my phone out to-

- Oh yeah, yeah.
- Random people I just met.

- Exactly, yeah, totally.

No, I get that.

Um, so do you, uh,
live in the area, or?

- No actually, I just
moved from New York.

- Oh yeah.
New York!

I've never understood the
whole Big Apple thing.

I mean, the city doesn't
look like an apple.

Do you guys just-just walk
around eating apples, or-

- Finally!

- Hey, is this
guy bothering you?

- No.

- All right, give me the names
of those fucking websites.

- All right.

Paul's gonna get his
dick sucked tonight!

- Who's Paul?

- "Hard day at the office?

Need to blow off some steam?

Cum", of course she
spelled it that way,

"to my private studio and
allow my soothing touch

to jerk your troubles away."

Well now she's not
even being subtle

about the fact that
she jacks off dudes.

"In call only, 300
rose donation."

Whoa, why are you yelling?

"Feeling lonely?

Experience a sensual full-body
massage from me, Kate.

No Croatians/Vietnamese"?

That's-that's very specific.

How do you get,

I'm already supporting
prostitution.

I don't wanna support
racist prostitution.

Shit.

Hmm?

"Total relaxation.

Allow me to take your
body to total relaxation.

Price negotiable,
will come to you.

Lilith."

Oh, thank god.

That was stupid.

You don't actually
wanna buy a prostitute.

What do I say?

What do I say?
Fuck.

Uh, hello.

Hi, Lilith.
How's it going?

Ah, yes.

Uh, oh, would you like to
touch my penis for $78?

Yes, I-I do know that's
an offensively small

amount of money to
offer for your services.

Oh, you're sending your pimp

to stab me in the
throat right now?

Sounds great.

I'll leave the porch
light on for him.

Fuck.

Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck.

Hello there.

- You call me?

- No.

- You sure about that?

- Second command?
- Get pussy.

Pussy, pussy.

Yes.
I called you.

I want total relaxation.

- Well, okay.

Where do you live?

- 616 Hanover Lane.

- I'll be there in 20.

- Fuck.

All right.

20 minutes.

I can just rest my eyes.

Fuck!

Hey!

Who's there?

Who the fuck is there?

- It's Lilith.

- Who?

- You called me.

The ad in the paper?

- Oh, I think you
have the wrong, um,

the wrong-
- The wrong?

- The wrong nothing.

You're in the right place.

- Well good.

Glad I still know how to read.

- I'm sorry, I fell asleep,

and I had no idea
what was going on,

and then, honestly,
I'm still kinda drunk, and I

stubbed my toe on the table.

- No worries.
I'm over it.

And if I hadn't
heard you whimper

like a little girl,
I'd probably be driving

home right now, and not looking
at your cute brown eyes.

So, are your
neighbors cool with us

doing this on the porch,
or should we maybe

go inside your house?

- Oh, yeah.

Of course.

So.

I'm Paul.

- Lilith.

- Tight!

Super.

So, do you come here often?

- To your house?

- Yeah.

- No.

- All right, good point.

Good point.

Makes sense, good point.

So, are you, like, doing
this to pay for college,

or what?

- I'm not answering
stupid questions.

- Okay.

Lilith's a pretty cool name.

Is that like your real name?

- Try again.

- Oh, okay.

Uh, how long you
been doing this?

- I don't know.

What year is it?

- What?
- A while.

Longer than I feel
like talking about.

- Oh.

I-I'm sorry.

- It's okay.

I know you mean well.

You people always mean well.

- Do you not like doing this?

- Yes and no.

The job is kind of a
necessary evil, though.

Hey, do you wanna
go to your bedroom?

- Um.

Well.

I mean, can't we just kinda
hang out and talk first?

You know, chit-chat, and-

- Yeah, sure.

Part VI is better.

- Well yeah, but this one
has the cooler poster.

You know, I never
expected my, uh, masseuse?

What should I call your job?

- Call me whatever you want.

Call girl, hooker.

Lady of the night.

Just don't call me whore.

That word is so Deuteronomy.

- Okay, well, I never
expected a beautiful woman

like yourself to be
so into horror movies.

Do you wanna watch a movie?

- Did you really invite
me over here for a movie?

You know, by now, most
guys would be begging me

to tear them apart.

- I guess I'm not most guys.

- That's okay.

We'll go at your speed.

But at some point,
I'm gonna need to get

what I came here for.

These are cute.

Are you sure you're old
enough to have a girl over?

- Hey, I'm 24.

- Okay, but if your
parents come home soon,

I don't have to explain
to them what I'm doing

to their little boy.

- Okay.

First off, every inch of this
sprawling 900 square foot

estate is all mine.

No parents, no roommate,
and no girlfriend.

Secondly, those action figures
are worth more than my car.

In fact, depending on
how things go tonight,

I might wind up
having to pay you

with one of them.

- Do you really
think I'm only worth

one of those toys?

Come on.

Let's do this.

- Yeah.

Definitely.

What's in this thing?

Because I should probably
say this right now,

if it's sex toys,
I really don't want

anything inside of me.

- It's my massage table.

Is this your bedroom?

- Yeah.

- You sleep
on an air mattress?

- Well, my ex took
a lot of stuff

when she moved out, so I'm
currently in between mattresses.

- That's depressing.

- Agreed.

Should we go back
to the living room?

I could've just deflated it.

- I don't wanna
do it downstairs.

I wanna do it in here.

You don't want your
neighbors hearing us,

you know, if things start
to get a little crazy.

- Yeah.

I think I wanna get crazy.

- Oh do you?

- Yeah.

- Great, now help me
set up this table.

What the fuck?

- Let's get you
outta these clothes.

- Wait.
Wait!

Wait.

I need to say something first.

I just went through a
really rough breakup,

and I've kind of let myself go.

Like not I need a
crane to get myself

out the door, let myself go,

but I should definitely
not be getting touched

by a woman like you.

I mean, at my physical
peak, I was a seven at best,

and right now, I'm a
solid five and a quarter,

which I'm okay with.

I really am.

But you, you,

you're a goddess.

I mean, you're basically
the most gorgeous woman

who's ever talked to me, let
alone laid her hands on me,

and just to be clear,
I'm not delusional.

I know this isn't gonna
be some "Pretty Woman"

type scenario where I woo you
into falling in love with me,

because let's be honest,
I'm no Richard Gere.

In fact, if anything, I'm
more of a Richard Dreyfuss,

and that movie would've
never worked with Dreyfuss.

Okay.

Look.

I know the only
reason you're here

is because I'm paying
you to be here,

but thank you.

I need this.

And I really hope that
I don't disappoint you.

- I'm not a goddess.

They'd be pretty pissed
off at the comparison.

Paul, don't worry
about disappointing me.

You seem like a great guy.

In fact, kinda wish we'd met
under different circumstances.

But it was meant to be.

We're here.

Tonight.

Alone.

And I can sense your
sadness, and your loneliness.

But I'm gonna make
it all go away.

I don't care about the outside.

This?

This is just flesh.

It's what's under the
flesh that I desire.

It's time to relax.

Shh, just relax.

- What the fuck?

- Let it all go.

- What are you doing to me?

- Relax.

- Why can't I feel anything?

- I said relax!

- What are you?

- Hey.

Hey!

Hey!

- Whoa, shit, whoa.

What the fuck?

What? What? Hey.

- Time to go home.
- Okay.

- Like now.
- Okay, okay, all right,

I'm going. I'm going,

I'm out the door.
Hang on.

Hey, wait a minute.

Catalina?

Catalina, where you at?

Where you at, girl?

- Dude.

That chick left like
three hours ago,

when she went to the bathroom

and you tried to make
out with her sister.

- Whatever, whatever.

Her sister's hotter anyway.

It's fine.

- You're sad.

And I don't care.

Time to go.

- Well dude, I can't drive.

I'm fucking wasted.

- Yeah, I know.

And I hope that there's
ice on all of the roads.

- What?

That is so mean.

- I don't care.

Come on.

- Well, you know what this is.

You over-served me.

Bloop,
bloop, bloop, bloop.

Look at all that.

You're a criminal.

Yeah, look away, law breaker.

Look away from this crime scene

that you have committed.

So you know what
has to happen now?

You need to take me home.

- No.

- Okay.

You need to take me to a home.

Preferably your home.

You know?

Did I tell you how sexy
you're looking tonight?

I've been, I've been
looking at you all night,

just ogling, wow.

Look at that.

Wowza.

Just, just thinking of
that time, remember?

It was you and me
in the storage shed?

- Ah, gross.

No, ugh.

- You're right, that
was pretty gross.

- Look.

I'll take you to Paul's house

if you promise not to touch me.

- Deal.

Hello?

Paul?

You home?

'Cause I am.

Car was too drunk to drive,

and then that mean
bartender lady,

she, uh, she said that
my place was too far,

so, uh, here I am.

What are you, too broke
to afford light bulbs?

The fuck is wrong with you?

Oh.
Paul!

I'm taking the last beer!

I'll get more in the morning,

so, uh, don't be
a pussy about it.

All right, Paul.
Last chance.

I'm coming up.

You better not be naked, dude.

I've had a weird
enough night as it is,

and I don't think I could stand

seeing your dick right now.

Are these panties, dude?

Are you serious?

Did you get with one of
those massage chicks?

Oh, I can't believe you did it.

Paul?

What the fuck?

What the fuck?

What the fuck is this?

Oh Jesus.

Oh fuck me.

- Not the happy ending
one would expect.

Oh, I see I have a caller

who would like to
discuss this tale.

This is Nada, and you're
on "The Night Time World".

Is someone there?

Sorry, I was eating.

So you just hang up on people
who call you in distress?

- Who is this?

- The woman
who answered this guy's ad

to kill him.

Don't hang up on me.

- Why shouldn't I?

- You talk about it,

but I live in the
night time world.

I've listened to you
for quite some time,

and I thought tonight
was the perfect night

to finally call in and meet.

- All right.

Uh.

What about the other guy?

The one who called earlier,
is he there with you?

- She's-she's
not gonna kill me.

She's-she's gonna let me,

she's gonna let me
live forever.

- I see.

- Let me
describe the scene here

for you and your listeners.

How's that?

- I'd rather you didn't.

- He's naked.

Very attractive.

Nice abs.

Shaved.

Even his cock and balls.

- This is not a sex line.

- A swimmer's
body, I would say.

Are you?

- Yes.

- Can we at least
get to the part

where this guy's
gonna live forever?

- We'll get there.

But first, I'm going to
bite his cock and balls off

live on your show.

- For fuck's sake.

- Vampires
are dead below the waist.

- Okay, good.

Well, I'm sorry to
everyone for that.

To anyone out there
who thinks that they're

gonna call in here
and hijack my show,

just take your
patronage elsewhere.

- I believe
we got disconnected.

- How are you doing this?

- You
never had a vampire

call into your show before?

Let me tell your
listeners my story.

- I don't seem to have much
of a choice in the matter.

- This guy here,

he's very much
alive, to his dismay.

You know that's why
he's crying, right?

Oh, it's not because I
orally castrated him.

- Right.

It's because you're a vampire,

and you've turned
him into a vampire.

We get it.

- Tell him

what you wanted me to do .

- Flay-flay me .

- What?

- He's
starting to fade.

Flay.

This crazy motherfucker
wanted me to start

peeling off his skin.

Had all the tools to basically
dissect him bit by bit,

and record it.

Can you believe that?

- No, actually I don't.

- I answered
his ad because I'm tired

of hearing people
say they want to die.

And this guy?

It's perhaps the grossest
cry for attention

I have seen in a
very long time.

- It's the second grossest
call for attention

I've seen in a long time.

- You
have a vampire story.

Did I hear right?

- Yes, I do.

- Tell it.

Keep me company, Troy.

Oops, sorry.

Nada.

Tell them like you do,
and maybe I'll take

the fear away that
keeps you up at night.

- Is that a threat?

- Tell me a story.

- Well, I'm afraid we
may have been hacked.

I don't know how many
people are watching

or listening right now, but

the show must go on.

And so, I'd like to
tell you about Scarlet.

- Is that her?

You should move now, then.

- Hey.

You gonna move?

- Give him a minute.

- Craig?

- Hold on.

I'm sorry.

She's gonna tear me apart.

- I can do it.

- No.
- Why not?

- She'll slaughter you.

- Craig.

- Just, do you ever wonder
how long she's been around?

How many people
like me she's offed?

- She has offed-
- I have a better shot.

- Shh!

Finish your sentence.

- You can either take action,

or you can wait for
another little Gregory.

- Look, man.

You're the most affected
out of all of us.

And that makes you
more breakable.

- She's already expecting me.

- I can do it right
there in the street.

- No you won't.

You just sit there and
shut up til it's over.

- Stop!

- Then what are you waiting for?

- Calm down!

One thing at a time.

Garlic water.

- Good luck, man.

- Craig.

- So good to
finally meet in person.

- You look a lot handsomer
in real life.

- Thank you.

You look like-

- Do you wanna
come back to mine?

- Yeah, sure.

- Are you shy?

- No.

- I'm shy, too.

- What are you doing?

- Is your heart always
beating that fast?

- No.

Yeah.

I don't know.

- You might
wanna get that checked out.

- Never noticed before.

No one's ever-

Sorry.

I'm sorry.

- What?

Why?

- What?

- Why are you so nervous?

- I'm not.

- You are.

It's okay.

Just relax.

- I'm sorry, seriously, but ...

You okay?

- Fuck.

Shh, shh.

Shh.

- Bitch!

Bitch!

- I don't think
this is gonna work.

By the end of tonight,

you're gonna beg me
to kill you!

- Scarlet?

Scarlet.

- Shit.

You scared the hell
out of me.

It's lovely to meet you.

- Nice to meet you, too.

- So do you wanna
come back to mine?

- How was that one?

My caller in the night,

did it help your
work go by faster?

This is Nada, and you're
on "The Night Time World".

- I love
it when you say that.

- Is this gonna go on all night?

- You don't like me?

I thought we had a bond,

a real connection.

You've been talking
to me for years now.

- How's our boy?

- He's dead.

For a little.

He'll be up and
around tomorrow night,

and every night
after that forever.

- Look, even if
this is all true,

and he is a vampire
now, he can still die,

and so can you.

- You
mean like the movies,

or the stories you tell?

Yeah, kinda sorta.

There are some things
that can get to us,

but we're not afraid
of crosses.

We have reflections,
we don't sparkle.

We don't turn into bats or
wolves or snakes or mist.

You ever wonder why in all
those old Count Dracula movies,

the clothes transform
into the bat too?

If I could turn into a bat,

my clothes would fall off,

and when I came
back in human form,

I would be bare ass
naked, which could be fun,

watching the boys
lose their shit.

But now that sex has been
replaced by feeding for me,

I'd rather just
keep my clothes on.

We fuck by feeding.

Did you know that?

- Is that what you
wanted to tell me?

- I just wanna talk.

He's sleeping with
the dead now.

My work here is done.

- What about sunlight?

Does that kill you?

- Oh, you want
to interview this vampire?

Let me guess.

Your next question
is how old am I?

- I asked because if
sunlight kills you,

then dead boy walking
can just walk outside

in the morning and kill himself.

- He will
not want to do that.

It's not the same kind
of death.

It's way worse.

And I'm 153, but I don't
look a day over 18.

Born, died, and reborn in
the great state of Ohio.

Go Buckeyes.

- And now, you
sleep in a coffin.

- Are
you kidding me, dude?

Would you sleep in a coffin?

No, I have a great apartment
with heavy curtains,

and a king-sized bed
with memory foam.

- So sunlight does
kill you, then?

There must be
something else, too,

otherwise your kind would
be overrunning the streets.

- Let me
tell you about my kind.

We are less than you think,

but more than you know.

Unlike the movies and the
morals that create them,

we understand
population control.

Vampires just don't go
around biting people

and making more vampires.

Some of our subjects
are stumped.

Look, if vampires
just made a vampire

with every bite, exponentially,
we would overpopulate

the earth in no time, wiping
out our own food supply.

We're actually an
organized race,

and frankly have
learned to cultivate

a symbiotic relationship
with humans.

Imagine that.

- And what about this guy?

You turned him.

- Oh, there
is something special

planned for him.

He's not ever going to feed.

Ever.

I 'm going to have him
sealed up somewhere,

almost "Cask of
Amontillado" like.

Ever read that Edgar
Allen Poe story?

I love it.

Seal him in and let
him hunger for eternity

because he doesn't respect
the beauty of life.

When I was alive, I had cancer.

I was the oldest daughter
in my family of 12.

My father died, and
my mother needed me.

So when I fell ill,
I wanted more life,

more time, and then one night,
my prayers were answered,

and I was turned.

And guess what?

I-I didn't go on a
bloodthirsty rampage

across the countryside.

No vampire hunters came for me.

I fed on livestock at first,

and then vagrants,
and backwoods yokels.

I never took too much.

Not enough to turn them,

but just enough to make them

feel tired all the time.

I raised my siblings,
and I put my mother

into the ground
with natural causes.

- You're quite the humanitarian.

- Think
what you will.

When I hear of people who want
to throw their lives away,

it pisses me off.

- So that gives you the right
to do whatever you want?

To torture people?

You wanted to live,
and you got to live.

This guy wants to
die, and you're taking
that away from him.

- Tell me a story.

Another vampire story.

- Are people able to listen?

- Nada,
tell me a story.

- A man once
said the blood is the life.

Greater words have
never been more true

from someone that
does not exist.

My name no longer matters .

And my blood will be my death.

I have a sickness.

A rare blood disease.

I will be remembered as a hero

for changing the
world through my work.

I will be remembered
as the villain

for the exact same.

So different.

Yet there's one thing both
hero and villain share.

Death.

But I'm going to defy it .

I'm going to cure it.

Lab results number 101
show a perfect bond

of my DNA and of
desmodus rotundus.

The vampire bat.

Death.

I am going to defy it.

I'm going to cure it.

So in a world of heroes,

in a world of villains,

what am I?

Eight days.

Eight days with nothing.

Years ago, I created a cure.

Years ago, I created my curse.

A man into myth.

And like the myth,
I hunger for blood.

Clean blood.

Not innocent blood.

- Hey, you got a light?

Hi?

Do you have a light?

- No.

- Was I an
idiot for even asking?

Are you just like every
asshole in the city?

- No.

- Is no the only word you know?

- No.

- So what, are you on some
kind of creepy night stroll,

or do you just prefer
to listen to music

from the outside?

- Music?

I prefer it when
someone actually sings.

That-

- Apparently you need
a crash course in good music,

because that was-

- Why are you talking to me?

- I don't know.

Guy walking around
alone at one a.m.

Seems like something
you could use.

- I don't.

- Well I do.

You wanna court me, and go
find a light for this thing?

- You shouldn't smoke.

It's bad for your blood.

- Hey, I thought you said
you weren't an asshole.

- A friend.

A luxury I can't have.

Not with the hunger.

- Nice masks.

Both of you, very nice.

- Is this the guy?

- Fuck.

- Fuck.

- Fucking kidding me.
- Fuck.

- No fucking way.
- Fuck.

- Hey!

Cute coat!

Get him!
- Okay.

- Hey!

Do it!

- Hey, pal.

What's going on?

- Just let her go.

- I don't see that
happening any time soon.

Do you have any idea, any idea,

how hard it is to
catch the undead?

Do you?

- I'm alive.

- Okay, all right.
Here, listen.

Werewolves, ugly, smelly, dead.

Witches?

Ugly, smelly, dead.

You, the undead,
about to be dead.

- I'm alive.

- Not for long, you're not.

- I'm the only one
that knows some shit.

- Oh see, there's a
mark on me, buddy.

You see, I got these.

Sorry, can't hypnotize me.

Dad gave me this knife.

He killed a lot of
undead ugly motherfuckers

with this knife now.

Now, I'm gonna add
you to the list.

Why won't you die?

- Well, here's the
thing about me dying.

It tends to happen a lot.

I'm sorry for the blood.

- That's okay.

I love the carnage.

- If you could
live forever, would you?

You'll never get sick.

You'll stop aging.

You'll live until the
sun finally goes nova,

and fries this
globe into a cinder.

- I never thought
about it that way.

- You have
to consider everything.

Can you kill to survive?

There is the blood thing.

- Are we talking
about turning me

into a vampire now?

You're not a killer.

So you'll have to get creative.

I'll give you an example.

One of us that I
know, she's a nurse,

and she will nip
at the terminal,

anemic patients, but,

and this is the brilliant part,

she simply helps
herself to blood supply

of the hospital she works in.

It's a pain because she
has to keep moving around,

and she's gone to nursing
school, like, eight times.

But she claims that
she hasn't had to kill

a single mortal
in over 50 years.

Not bad, right?

- Okay.

- What does
your audience think?

This has to be good
for ratings, right?

Should they vote?

Should Nada be turned
or stay mortal?

What do you think, "Night
Time World" listeners?

- How do I know that
you won't seal me up

in a crypt for eternity?

Because I like you.

You respect life.

I think you would seize the
opportunities afforded you.

Consider the ability to
pay it forward to people

who can't fight like we can.

I've killed pedophiles,
serial killers,

been an avenging
angel for some people.

- Judge, jury, and executioner.

- Spin
it however you like.

But I'm not ashamed.

I've done some good .

- Maybe you have.

And how do you
reconcile all the evil,

terrible things that you've done

with a few good deeds?

- You believe
you're really talking

to a vampire?

- The story.

- Yes,
the last story.

Tell me the last story please.

I've got to get
this guy moved soon

and tend to one more thing
before the night shift is over.

- This story is about justice.

Atonement.

- Is it now?

Thrill me.

One more story
before bed, please?

- What the fuck?

Hey!

Hello?

Hey!

Is anybody out there?

- Quiet down!

- What is this?

- You're pulling that bullshit?

I don't care how high you were.

Doesn't change what you did.

- Okay man, I,

officer.

I swear.

I didn't do anything.

- So you don't remember
when you killed

an innocent man?

That doesn't ring any bells?

- I what?

- Officer Blake was a good man.

A friend.

And now the thug
who murdered him

won't even say he remembers.

You know who does remember?

His family.

A little girl who's never
gonna see her dad again.

- There's gotta
be a mix-up here.

- I'll just call
up his wife and kid

and tell him it was
all just a big mistake.

- Hey!
Hey, wait!

Wait!

Don't I get a call
or a lawyer, right?

I would like my phone call.

- Right.

Turn around.

Stick your hands
through the bars

and interlock your fingers.

Step back to the far wall.

There's your phone
call, asshole.

Nothing that the
courts can hang on you

matches what you deserve.

Want another phone call?

I could lend you
another quarter.

- Man, you can't do this.

I'll press charges!

- Might be a technical error

with the security footage.

Our budget being what it is.

Things like that
are bound to happen.

I wouldn't get too
comfortable there, boy.

I'm afraid-
- How'd he die?

What'd you see?

- You tell me, freak.

You got fucked outta your
mind on PCP or something.

Nearly turned him inside out.

- No.

I-I didn't do that.

And I-I've never taken PCP.

- Bath salts, PCP, whatever.

Still gonna say
you don't remember?

- No, I-I remember him.

But I was,

I was shot!

I got shot!

I swear.

- That was Blake's
blood you were wearing.

- No, I swear!

I was shot!

Go get the shirt!

It's still got the bullet holes!

- Keep your back to me
and approach the bars.

- No, listen to me!

- Get over here!

- I burned that fucking
shirt, cop killer.

You want some more?

- Maybe I do.

- You best calm down, boy.

- You keep pulling that
schoolyard bully shit,

gotta figure one day there'll
be some consequences.

- Back the fuck up!

- You know I didn't
kill your friend Blake.

But I did watch him bleed
all that pretty blood.

- This is Blake.

Outside 1302 West 3rd Street.

No side of any-

Possible 217 in progress.

Requesting backup.

Backup is en route.

Officer is in need
of assistance.

All units respond.

- This is the police.

Make yourselves known.

- Hey!

- 911, what's
the nature of your emergency?

911-

- Shit.

- Uninspiring,
as last words go.

- What the fuck?

Get back in that cell.

Now.

Don't make me do this, boy.

Get back in that cell!

Fuck.

I'd have only taken
what I needed,

but they saw fit to
spill all of your blood.

It's perverse.

But you will educate
them, I expect.

- Police chief.

- I admit I'm hungry.

But I think I can do better

than pig's blood.

Go on, little pig.

Go hide in your house of stone.

- Hello?

Anyone there?

- Once upon a time,
there will three little pigs

who felt no obligation
to share their world

with the wolf.

They called him big and bad,

and taught the other
pigs to fear him

and all his kind.

They were hateful to him,

and threw his family in cages.

The next part of the story
I am sure you have heard,

but you will soon
learn the true ending.

One day, the wolf's
anger became so strong

that not even a house
of brick and stone

could thwart him.

- And that brings us to the end

of another episode of
"The Night Time World".

I hope that you have
enjoyed our time together

as much as I have.

If so, please
consider subscribing

and give us a rating
on the platform

on which you are watching this.

Thank you, and we'll
see you next time

on "The Night Time World".

Hello?

- I was
thinking as you told

that indictment story,

I've come to a decision.

- A decision about what?

- I'm not
going to seal him up

and starve him.

- Good.

- He has such
beautiful huge windows

in his apartment.

It's what he wanted, right?

Why am I going to waste
such a gift on him?

Even if it tortures him,

punishes him for his ignorance.

- Listen, the podcast is over.

There's nobody listening,
there's nobody watching.

Like, it's done.

Thank you, I-I appreciate
what you tried to do tonight,

but it's time to go to bed now.

- I have one
more stop before bed.

- Where?

- You gonna stay on
the phone all night,

or let me in?

Another gift.

Let's change your life.