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Your mother wants you to have nice,
straight teeth.
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I'm afraid of dentists. Tommy, I'm not a
dentist.
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What are you?
4
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Could I answer that? You just... Tommy,
I'm an orthodontist.
5
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What's that?
6
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That's an expensive dentist.
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Tommy, I'm a man who's going to
straighten your teeth. I'm a nice man
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never hurt you.
9
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Now do you know what I am?
10
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Yeah, you're...
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such a way with children.
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It's a gift.
13
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Return it.
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And while we're on the subject, my dear,
my schedule here tells me it's time for
15
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your dental checkup. Ah, so it is.
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All checked out. What's next?
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Here's an old saying. A dentist who
examines himself has a fool for a
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Of course, any dentist you see has a
fool for a patient.
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When shall I make the appointment?
20
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Oh, it's by...
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Shh, Jerry.
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It's quiet time in there.
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The group is closing their eyes and
trying to get in touch with their true
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feelings. Well, that is fascinating.
Isn't that fascinating, boy? Do they
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that, Bob? Do they like that, huh?
26
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Well, except for Mr. Carlin. He never
closes his eyes when he's scared.
27
00:02:08,590 --> 00:02:11,600
Bob, can you believe it? Jerry's afraid
to go to the dentist.
28
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I am not afraid. I just don't think it's
necessary.
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Just... butt out, will you, Carol? I can
take care of my own mouth. Thank you.
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If only he could.
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Well, I'd better get back in there.
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They should be in a deep state of
meditation now.
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00:02:26,240 --> 00:02:28,470
You shut your mouth, Colin. Why don't
you go?
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Don't call me that again.
35
00:02:32,181 --> 00:02:35,099
I'll call you anything I want to call
you. Please, gentlemen, please.
36
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All this yelling has made me drop a
stitch.
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What are you knitting, Mrs. Bakerman?
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A knitting bag.
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Takes one to know one.
40
00:02:47,269 --> 00:02:49,070
Mr. Carlin called me a wimp again.
41
00:02:49,350 --> 00:02:54,570
What is a wimp, Dr. Hartley? Well, it's
a slang expression for a weak,
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ineffectual person.
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Close enough.
44
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A wimp is a guy who can't stand up to
his own wife.
45
00:03:03,750 --> 00:03:06,820
But I think that Mr. Peterson is making
progress with his wife.
46
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He's even brought a note to prove it.
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00:03:08,691 --> 00:03:11,429
Doris wrote me a love letter today, Dr.
Hartley.
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Is the letter in her own hoof writing?
49
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That's enough of that, Mr. Carlin.
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Do you mind if I read the note in front
of the group? Oh, of course not.
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Something this beautiful deserves to be
shared.
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Dear Emil, come straight home after
group or I'll remodel your face.
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00:03:31,320 --> 00:03:33,910
Well, I'm glad that you and Doris are
getting along.
54
00:03:34,220 --> 00:03:38,179
Why don't we turn to Mr. Plager? Mr.
Plager, you haven't been able to get a
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00:03:38,180 --> 00:03:39,039
in edgewise.
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That's okay. I doubt that anybody would
be interested in anything that I had to
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say. What did you say, Plager? I wasn't
paying attention.
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Mr. Carlin, you must listen more
carefully. We all want Mr. Plager to
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00:03:53,000 --> 00:03:56,080
perfectly free to drone on all he wants
to.
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That's a very good thought, Mr. Baker.
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00:03:59,560 --> 00:04:01,180
Now, Mr. Plager, you were saying?
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00:04:03,180 --> 00:04:05,840
Well, none of my writing sells.
63
00:04:06,280 --> 00:04:10,199
I mean, I've been trying to write for
television, and they just don't buy my
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stuff. What kind of stuff are you
writing?
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00:04:12,910 --> 00:04:16,768
Well, I read where there's too much
violence in TV, so I've written a whole
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kind of cop show. What is that? Police
Barber.
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Sounds like a hit to me.
68
00:04:23,090 --> 00:04:25,050
Well, the networks hated it.
69
00:04:25,330 --> 00:04:31,250
And then I came up with a concept for a
whole different kind of wildlife show.
70
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Animals that lived in the city.
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Flies, roaches, rats.
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And I called it Berman Kingdom.
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They didn't like that.
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Well, they liked it, but they said they
couldn't find a time slot.
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So then I came up with, I think, the
best idea I've ever had. I'm on the edge
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my seat. Why not have a show to raise
money to fight an easy disease?
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00:04:54,411 --> 00:04:55,689
What do you have in mind?
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A telethon for chapped lips.
79
00:05:00,530 --> 00:05:04,690
Well, I think we all would like to see
that stamped out during our lifetime.
80
00:05:05,690 --> 00:05:08,370
Maybe the theater is your cup of tea,
Mr. Plager.
81
00:05:08,650 --> 00:05:11,240
Yeah, you'd be turned on by a better
class of people.
82
00:05:11,690 --> 00:05:15,929
I think theater's a good idea. Have you
ever written a drama, Mr. Plager? No, I
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00:05:15,930 --> 00:05:17,990
haven't, but maybe I'd be good at it.
84
00:05:18,250 --> 00:05:21,380
Maybe you would. I mean, it's important
in life to take chances.
85
00:05:21,850 --> 00:05:25,909
As a matter of fact, I devote an entire
chapter of that in my book. Let me just
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read a bit of it to you. My goodness,
look how late it's getting.
87
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The session always goes by so fast.
88
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I'm getting out of here.
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My goodness.
90
00:05:38,960 --> 00:05:41,360
Well, I guess I better start to work on
my play.
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00:05:44,660 --> 00:05:47,460
I hope you all get anxiety attacks on
your way home.
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00:05:47,911 --> 00:05:54,279
Emily, couldn't you do these chemistry
experiments somewhere else?
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Like where?
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00:05:55,140 --> 00:05:56,190
Milwaukee.
95
00:05:57,220 --> 00:06:00,950
Well, if this doesn't work, we're going
to be blowing by there pretty soon.
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00:06:00,951 --> 00:06:04,119
You're sure you know what you're doing?
Of course.
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00:06:04,120 --> 00:06:06,759
I mean, if I'm going to fill in for the
chemistry teacher on Monday, I've got to
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learn these experiments.
99
00:06:08,120 --> 00:06:10,890
Now, I want you to pay attention or you
won't get recess.
100
00:06:12,020 --> 00:06:15,270
Do I get extra credit for knowing where
the teacher is ticklish?
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00:06:16,540 --> 00:06:18,920
Now, look at this.
102
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Voila.
103
00:06:21,520 --> 00:06:23,200
Now, do you know what we have here?
104
00:06:23,500 --> 00:06:26,150
Yes, a tribe of Indians gathering in the
parking lot.
105
00:06:26,520 --> 00:06:28,340
No, we have salt water.
106
00:06:29,160 --> 00:06:30,540
Plain, ordinary salt water.
107
00:06:31,540 --> 00:06:33,460
And it's proof I'm supposed to drink it.
108
00:06:33,461 --> 00:06:36,679
Emily, you aren't really going to drink
that.
109
00:06:36,680 --> 00:06:40,279
Well, it is part of the demonstration,
and the book says it's perfectly safe.
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Who wrote the book?
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The late Dr.
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00:06:44,060 --> 00:06:49,339
Jonathan... I think I'll drink it
tomorrow. I wouldn't want to get hooked
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this stuff.
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I think scientists always try it on a
guinea pig first.
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00:06:54,700 --> 00:06:55,750
Hi, Bob. Hi, Emily.
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00:07:01,180 --> 00:07:03,590
Howard, would you leave the door open? I
want to...
117
00:07:05,840 --> 00:07:07,080
Oh, boy, fondue.
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00:07:07,311 --> 00:07:12,299
Emily is conducting some chemistry
experiments.
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00:07:12,300 --> 00:07:18,359
Howard, look at this. You see, you drop
a little of this into this and to your
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00:07:18,360 --> 00:07:19,410
health.
121
00:07:20,200 --> 00:07:21,640
Well, thanks. I'm on the wagon.
122
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Howard is perfectly harmless.
123
00:07:24,281 --> 00:07:28,039
I got a flight coming up and the airline
frowns on smoking, especially from the
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ears.
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All right, look. I will make the supreme
sacrifice in the interest of science.
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I will drink it.
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00:08:19,980 --> 00:08:21,300
That's all right. Come on in.
128
00:08:21,620 --> 00:08:23,980
This is my wife, Emily. Hello. How are
you doing?
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00:08:24,280 --> 00:08:25,900
Our neighbor, Howard Ward. Hello.
130
00:08:26,380 --> 00:08:30,479
Well, what can I do for you? You know, a
couple of weeks ago, Doctor, you and
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the group suggested I write a play.
132
00:08:32,600 --> 00:08:36,519
Of course. Yeah, well, I wrote one, and
I submitted it. Today, I found out the
133
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Neighborhood Playhouse is going to
produce it, and I get to direct.
134
00:08:39,820 --> 00:08:41,440
Oh, Mr. Plager, that's wonderful.
135
00:08:41,441 --> 00:08:44,599
I'm very proud of you. Yeah, I love the
theater. I always go.
136
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Well, what's the last thing you've seen?
137
00:08:46,240 --> 00:08:50,020
Well, the last time I was in Baltimore,
I saw Tina, an amazing frog.
138
00:08:52,060 --> 00:08:53,200
What's the play about?
139
00:08:53,360 --> 00:08:57,380
Well, Tina comes on the stage with
this... Not you, Howard.
140
00:08:58,460 --> 00:09:04,199
Mr. Flager? Well, it's about men and
women thrown together in the crucible of
141
00:09:04,200 --> 00:09:05,380
war -torn Europe.
142
00:09:05,720 --> 00:09:10,480
It's about death and destruction and
helplessness and dying.
143
00:09:10,900 --> 00:09:13,850
Okay, but I've never seen a good show
without a frog before.
144
00:09:17,710 --> 00:09:19,330
Doesn't look like a theater to me.
145
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This is the rehearsal hall. The
theater's upstairs.
146
00:09:22,470 --> 00:09:25,600
What are we doing here? Nobody ever
comes down to watch me work.
147
00:09:25,601 --> 00:09:29,169
Well, we could do that, Mr. Carlin. What
are you involved in now?
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00:09:29,170 --> 00:09:30,670
I'm subdividing a playground.
149
00:09:32,830 --> 00:09:33,880
Well, here you are.
150
00:09:33,881 --> 00:09:36,629
Listen, I want to thank you all for
coming.
151
00:09:36,630 --> 00:09:39,769
Well, thank you very much for inviting
us. It's okay. Let me tell the actors
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that you're here.
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00:09:40,821 --> 00:09:42,509
Places, everyone.
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00:09:42,510 --> 00:09:43,560
Mr. Plater?
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00:09:43,610 --> 00:09:47,289
We're all excited about your play. I
can't wait to see it. Well, thank you. I
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00:09:47,290 --> 00:09:51,189
want to remind you, this is a rehearsal,
and I would like to tell you a little
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00:09:51,190 --> 00:09:54,850
about it. It's called All Noisy on the
Western Front.
158
00:09:55,530 --> 00:10:00,610
It takes place in a trench somewhere in
France during World War I.
159
00:10:01,490 --> 00:10:04,850
We'll take the first scene through the
major's entrance, okay?
160
00:10:05,290 --> 00:10:10,489
And you'll have to imagine a world war
going on with explosions and shell
161
00:10:10,490 --> 00:10:11,429
bursts, okay?
162
00:10:11,430 --> 00:10:12,950
That'll be easy. I'm a veteran.
163
00:10:12,951 --> 00:10:14,519
So am I.
164
00:10:14,520 --> 00:10:15,840
You weren't in the service.
165
00:10:16,100 --> 00:10:18,330
Maybe not, but I sat through a bridge
too far.
166
00:10:21,660 --> 00:10:22,710
Okay, ready?
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00:10:23,420 --> 00:10:24,470
Curtain.
168
00:10:29,340 --> 00:10:30,390
Oh,
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00:10:31,740 --> 00:10:34,360
all this shelling has made me drop a
stick.
170
00:10:44,110 --> 00:10:46,520
a big one if you're going to fit your
duffel in it.
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00:10:49,370 --> 00:10:51,910
Those Hun guys really mean business.
172
00:10:52,390 --> 00:10:54,010
What do you think got them so mad?
173
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I'll bet it was that swampland you sold
them for a marching field.
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00:10:57,441 --> 00:11:02,249
Listen, Bill boy, are you saying I've
been dealing with the Hun? Well,
175
00:11:02,250 --> 00:11:03,300
knows you have.
176
00:11:03,810 --> 00:11:05,730
Harley, do you see what they're doing?
177
00:11:06,490 --> 00:11:07,750
We'll talk about it later.
178
00:11:08,930 --> 00:11:12,510
I hope the shelling lets up soon. I have
to feed the troops.
179
00:11:12,511 --> 00:11:16,549
I think they prefer the shelling. At
least when you get shot, it only hurts
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00:11:16,550 --> 00:11:17,600
one place.
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00:11:18,010 --> 00:11:22,010
I'll have you know, I was one of the
best marine cooks in the Pacific.
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00:11:22,310 --> 00:11:26,370
When the men ate my chip beef on toast,
they volunteered for suicide missions.
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00:11:29,990 --> 00:11:32,290
Mr. Peterson, sit down. It's just a
play.
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00:11:33,170 --> 00:11:36,770
Okay, give me the secret note. Okay,
here. Here, but be careful.
185
00:11:36,970 --> 00:11:40,570
If it falls into enemy hands, Doris will
remodel my face.
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00:11:42,890 --> 00:11:43,940
Give it to me.
187
00:11:46,350 --> 00:11:47,400
There.
188
00:11:47,570 --> 00:11:51,230
Now if it falls into enemy hands, at
least it'll be worth it.
189
00:11:55,530 --> 00:11:59,190
Dr. Hartley, they are portraying me as a
wanton woman.
190
00:11:59,630 --> 00:12:04,070
When a customer in the store asks for a
tart, the manager will point at me.
191
00:12:06,030 --> 00:12:09,310
Oh, I wish Major Hartman was here. He'd
know what to do.
192
00:12:10,010 --> 00:12:12,070
Oh, golly. Golly, look at this uniform.
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00:12:12,760 --> 00:12:15,170
If I get it any dirtier, Doris is going
to kill me.
194
00:12:15,460 --> 00:12:19,720
Dr. Hartman, they're portraying me as a
spineless, wishy -washy, pansy face.
195
00:12:20,280 --> 00:12:24,800
That's not true, Mr. Peterson. Shut up,
you spineless, wishy -washy, pansy face.
196
00:12:27,320 --> 00:12:30,620
Oh, here comes Major Hartman. Now we're
saved.
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00:12:31,160 --> 00:12:34,020
Oh, Major Hartman, over here, over here.
At ease, men.
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00:12:34,820 --> 00:12:39,179
Nurse. We're saved. How can we ever
thank you, Major Hartman? That won't be
199
00:12:39,180 --> 00:12:42,550
necessary. I'm here to help you get in
touch with your troop platoon.
200
00:12:42,551 --> 00:12:45,979
Well, that's all the time we have left
for today's briefing.
201
00:12:45,980 --> 00:12:48,980
We can all go home now. I just wiped out
the enemy.
202
00:12:49,620 --> 00:12:50,670
And cut.
203
00:12:50,880 --> 00:12:51,930
Okay.
204
00:12:54,360 --> 00:12:56,890
Okay, Flaker. You're going to hear from
my lawyers.
205
00:12:56,960 --> 00:12:58,620
You've made me look like a coward.
206
00:12:58,860 --> 00:13:01,880
I'll have you know I served extra
helpings to MacArthur.
207
00:13:02,100 --> 00:13:04,380
How dare you portray me as a hussy.
208
00:13:04,580 --> 00:13:09,020
If my store manager sees this, he will
have me back picking spiders often.
209
00:13:12,080 --> 00:13:14,900
Well, uh, Dr. Hartley, what did you
think of it?
210
00:13:15,840 --> 00:13:17,020
It worked for me.
211
00:13:27,180 --> 00:13:28,230
Hi,
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00:13:29,480 --> 00:13:30,530
Dr. Hartley.
213
00:13:31,340 --> 00:13:32,500
Hi. Hi, Mr. Flaker.
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00:13:34,260 --> 00:13:35,310
Hi, uh, Mrs.
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00:13:35,360 --> 00:13:36,410
Bakerman.
216
00:13:36,800 --> 00:13:38,160
Mr. Peterson, Mr. Carlin.
217
00:13:39,720 --> 00:13:41,580
It's good, uh, good to see you're back.
218
00:13:43,331 --> 00:13:50,559
It's sometimes, you know, starting off a
session with a little joke kind of
219
00:13:50,560 --> 00:13:51,820
relieves the tension.
220
00:13:53,580 --> 00:13:55,380
And then sometimes it doesn't.
221
00:14:02,780 --> 00:14:08,179
We are afraid to talk in front of Mr.
Plager for fear of being exposed and
222
00:14:08,180 --> 00:14:09,230
exploited.
223
00:14:11,310 --> 00:14:13,890
I guess this has something to do with
your play.
224
00:14:14,390 --> 00:14:16,190
I'm willing to discuss it.
225
00:14:16,410 --> 00:14:18,330
Well, that should get the ball rolling.
226
00:14:21,150 --> 00:14:23,860
Would any of you want to tell us what's
troubling you?
227
00:14:24,890 --> 00:14:26,790
I feel I've been violated.
228
00:14:28,430 --> 00:14:29,770
I wouldn't mind that.
229
00:14:31,830 --> 00:14:33,610
I feel I've been ridiculed.
230
00:14:34,810 --> 00:14:39,550
Plaguer has portrayed me as a greedy,
materialistic, money -grabbing
231
00:14:39,770 --> 00:14:40,820
I want it to stop.
232
00:14:41,680 --> 00:14:43,850
or else give me a percentage of the
profits.
233
00:14:43,851 --> 00:14:49,899
We feel Mr. Plager has put things in his
play that should never have left this
234
00:14:49,900 --> 00:14:54,479
room. Look, I'll admit that the
characters are based on real people, but
235
00:14:54,480 --> 00:14:56,939
disguised them so that they're not
recognizable.
236
00:14:56,940 --> 00:14:57,759
What Mr.
237
00:14:57,760 --> 00:14:59,100
Plager is saying is, Mr.
238
00:14:59,440 --> 00:15:04,660
Peterson, that isn't you in that
foxhole. That's simply a cowering,
239
00:15:04,700 --> 00:15:08,120
henpecked Peterson type.
240
00:15:10,920 --> 00:15:16,260
I'm suing. I was only trying to capture
the essence of men at war.
241
00:15:16,620 --> 00:15:19,330
How about if we haul your essence into
court, Plager?
242
00:15:20,200 --> 00:15:22,580
Our mutual trust has been breached.
243
00:15:22,860 --> 00:15:26,530
Hasn't it, Mrs. Bakerman? Not only that,
but we've been made to look silly.
244
00:15:26,640 --> 00:15:31,360
The nurse in the play is doing straight
knitting, and I knit and purl.
245
00:15:33,100 --> 00:15:35,620
Well, I'm sure we can work something
out. Mr.
246
00:15:35,621 --> 00:15:39,609
Plager, you wouldn't mind making a few
little changes in your play, would you?
247
00:15:39,610 --> 00:15:43,670
Well, I guess all great works have been
rewritten.
248
00:15:44,030 --> 00:15:45,080
Fine. Now, Mr.
249
00:15:45,110 --> 00:15:48,840
Carlin, do you have any suggestions on
what Mr. Plaker can do with his play?
250
00:15:51,770 --> 00:15:53,410
Let me rephrase that.
251
00:15:53,930 --> 00:15:54,980
I know what you mean.
252
00:15:55,070 --> 00:15:58,929
I got an idea for a change. Why don't
you make my character more lovable, like
253
00:15:58,930 --> 00:15:59,980
me?
254
00:16:00,370 --> 00:16:02,480
And the corporal shouldn't be such a
wimp.
255
00:16:02,670 --> 00:16:07,629
I think the nurse should be nicer,
sweeter, smarter, and built like a brick
256
00:16:07,630 --> 00:16:08,680
bunker.
257
00:16:08,681 --> 00:16:14,159
Now, wait a minute. I don't think we can
completely destroy the integrity of Mr.
258
00:16:14,160 --> 00:16:17,699
Plager's play. Oh, sure, you can say
that, because you look like a hero in
259
00:16:17,700 --> 00:16:22,379
play. I wasn't affected one way or the
other by my character in the play. What
260
00:16:22,380 --> 00:16:29,319
I mean to
261
00:16:29,320 --> 00:16:33,819
say is let's allow Mr. Plager to make
some changes and then see if that meets
262
00:16:33,820 --> 00:16:34,870
with our acceptance.
263
00:16:34,970 --> 00:16:37,440
All right, I'll work on it this
afternoon at home.
264
00:16:37,490 --> 00:16:40,730
You better make those changes good, or
I'll sick Doris on you.
265
00:16:41,070 --> 00:16:45,429
If you cross me, Mr. Plager, I will see
that you are single -bagged in every
266
00:16:45,430 --> 00:16:46,690
grocery store in town.
267
00:16:46,691 --> 00:16:51,629
I better like it, Plager, or all you'll
be writing is checks to Carlin
268
00:16:51,630 --> 00:16:52,680
Enterprises.
269
00:16:54,910 --> 00:17:01,389
Dr. Hartley, tell me, did you have to
rewrite your book a lot before it was
270
00:17:01,390 --> 00:17:03,870
published? You know, it's funny you
should ask.
271
00:17:04,510 --> 00:17:07,640
One chapter is always sometimes more
difficult than another.
272
00:17:07,730 --> 00:17:12,108
I remember chapter six, I had a great
deal of trouble with the... The
273
00:17:12,109 --> 00:17:16,789
felt that the stimulus response... Well,
I guess I'd better get started on the
274
00:17:16,790 --> 00:17:17,840
rewrite.
275
00:17:19,410 --> 00:17:22,550
I guess we can say that writing is
lonely work.
276
00:17:25,829 --> 00:17:27,690
Not as lonely as talking about it.
277
00:17:35,590 --> 00:17:38,300
You know, Emily, this is my idea of a
romantic evening.
278
00:17:38,850 --> 00:17:42,130
Bunsen burner, speaker of wine and
doubt.
279
00:17:43,110 --> 00:17:46,849
Well, honey, I'm sorry about the
chemicals. It's just for one more night,
280
00:17:46,850 --> 00:17:48,410
just pretend they're not there.
281
00:17:48,411 --> 00:17:51,869
You know, Emily, I've always had a
problem ignoring things that are
282
00:17:51,870 --> 00:17:52,920
my dinner table.
283
00:17:53,950 --> 00:17:57,490
Honey, that's just N -A -C -O -2 and a
pinch of H -O -6.
284
00:17:58,050 --> 00:17:59,490
Just like Mother used to make.
285
00:18:01,090 --> 00:18:03,200
That's just as well. I'm not hungry
anyway.
286
00:18:04,010 --> 00:18:05,330
Bad time at the group today.
287
00:18:05,810 --> 00:18:08,280
Oh, are they still upset about Mr.
Plager's play?
288
00:18:08,281 --> 00:18:11,429
Oh, they were. Then I had Mr. Plager
make some changes in his play.
289
00:18:11,430 --> 00:18:12,480
Well, did it help?
290
00:18:13,150 --> 00:18:15,320
I'm not sure I told him to do the right
thing.
291
00:18:15,710 --> 00:18:17,490
Bob, is Mr. Plager's play any good?
292
00:18:18,150 --> 00:18:22,590
Emily, if it were to drop from an
airplane, it would wipe out an entire
293
00:18:26,850 --> 00:18:27,900
Am I late?
294
00:18:30,050 --> 00:18:31,490
I didn't know you were coming.
295
00:18:31,650 --> 00:18:32,850
Oh, good then, I'm early.
296
00:18:34,220 --> 00:18:35,980
Here, Howard. Have some salad.
297
00:18:36,340 --> 00:18:37,980
Oh, thank you. Thank you very much.
298
00:18:43,080 --> 00:18:44,130
Spicy dressing.
299
00:18:46,460 --> 00:18:49,650
Howard, you may have come up with the
first self -tossing salad.
300
00:18:50,720 --> 00:18:52,100
That's fulminated mercury.
301
00:18:52,480 --> 00:18:54,950
I thought fulminated mercury was a brand
of tuna.
302
00:19:04,401 --> 00:19:06,469
to go on.
303
00:19:06,470 --> 00:19:07,520
Oh, thank you.
304
00:19:07,830 --> 00:19:10,420
But you didn't tell me Mr. Plager's play
was a comedy.
305
00:19:10,421 --> 00:19:16,369
Emily, I didn't know it was a comedy. I
don't think Mr. Plager knew it was a
306
00:19:16,370 --> 00:19:19,189
comedy. I wonder how he felt about the
audience laughing.
307
00:19:19,190 --> 00:19:20,690
I'm ruined, Dr. Berkley.
308
00:19:21,190 --> 00:19:24,710
Oh, Mr. Plager, the audience enjoyed the
play. They laughed at it.
309
00:19:24,990 --> 00:19:26,390
It stinks and I stink.
310
00:19:27,170 --> 00:19:32,070
That's not true. I felt that your play
was truly unforgettable.
311
00:19:33,950 --> 00:19:35,000
Really?
312
00:19:35,440 --> 00:19:38,330
It's going to take me a long time to
erase it from my memory.
313
00:19:38,331 --> 00:19:41,639
You're just saying that to make me feel
better.
314
00:19:41,640 --> 00:19:44,700
No, no, I'm not. As a matter of fact,
Emily felt the same way.
315
00:19:45,400 --> 00:19:46,480
Did you, Mrs. Hartley?
316
00:19:46,740 --> 00:19:51,160
Mr. Plager, a play like yours comes
along once in a lifetime.
317
00:19:52,700 --> 00:19:53,750
I hope.
318
00:19:54,760 --> 00:19:59,300
You two are wonderful, but it's no use
trying to cheer me up. My play is a
319
00:19:59,301 --> 00:20:02,939
Now, don't be too hard on yourself. I
mean, it's wonderful to be able to make
320
00:20:02,940 --> 00:20:03,990
people laugh.
321
00:20:12,040 --> 00:20:13,240
What a wonderful play.
322
00:20:14,520 --> 00:20:16,200
Howard, why are you crying?
323
00:20:16,620 --> 00:20:19,340
I never realized World War I was so
gripping.
324
00:20:20,500 --> 00:20:25,439
Well, I'm so happy that somebody in the
audience understood what I was trying to
325
00:20:25,440 --> 00:20:27,420
do. Everybody else was laughing.
326
00:20:27,800 --> 00:20:29,360
I hope your group enjoyed it.
327
00:20:29,820 --> 00:20:32,020
The group was here?
328
00:20:32,260 --> 00:20:35,870
Yes, I saw them sitting in the back when
I went out for my third hamburger.
329
00:20:38,320 --> 00:20:41,660
Well, I hope you'll excuse me.
330
00:20:42,010 --> 00:20:43,060
Gotta run.
331
00:20:43,061 --> 00:20:44,069
Where are you going?
332
00:20:44,070 --> 00:20:47,860
Well, I just remembered how beautiful my
apartment is at this time of night.
333
00:20:47,861 --> 00:20:52,429
Well, I hope you're satisfied, Plager.
Uh, you can't sue me, Carlin. I don't
334
00:20:52,430 --> 00:20:54,660
have any money. Hey, forget it. I like
the play.
335
00:20:54,661 --> 00:20:55,849
You did?
336
00:20:55,850 --> 00:20:58,800
Yeah, I'm still not too crazy about you,
but I like the play.
337
00:20:58,801 --> 00:21:02,109
No, the people seemed to like my
character. I mean, they were laughing
338
00:21:02,110 --> 00:21:06,689
applauding. Well, I'm glad you weren't
upset, Mr. Carlin. I do have a
339
00:21:06,690 --> 00:21:07,740
for you, though.
340
00:21:07,770 --> 00:21:08,910
Why don't you, uh...
341
00:21:09,350 --> 00:21:10,730
lose the other characters?
342
00:21:11,270 --> 00:21:13,190
Who wants to see a wimp in an old bag?
343
00:21:13,730 --> 00:21:17,690
Why don't you make it like a one -man
show? Call it Elliot Carlin. Tonight.
344
00:21:20,450 --> 00:21:21,500
Oh, bud?
345
00:21:21,501 --> 00:21:25,029
Why don't you put a little more
hostility into your rudeness?
346
00:21:25,030 --> 00:21:26,530
Mind your own business, creep.
347
00:21:29,581 --> 00:21:35,749
How'd you like it if I bought this
theater and put you on the business end
348
00:21:35,750 --> 00:21:36,800
broom?
349
00:21:37,100 --> 00:21:39,870
How'd you like it if I swept all the
dirt under your rug?
350
00:21:42,140 --> 00:21:43,680
God, I love this guy.
351
00:21:48,880 --> 00:21:51,890
Oh, hi. I'm glad you could make it. You
were wonderful tonight.
352
00:21:51,891 --> 00:21:53,499
Thanks. Would you like to go out for a
bite later?
353
00:21:53,500 --> 00:21:54,139
You bet.
354
00:21:54,140 --> 00:21:56,550
Let me know when you're ready for the
real thing.
355
00:21:58,440 --> 00:21:59,490
He liked it.
356
00:21:59,980 --> 00:22:04,100
Now that I think about it, it was pretty
funny.
357
00:22:11,980 --> 00:22:16,100
the notice is in. You mean you aren't
upset either? I thought it was
358
00:22:16,240 --> 00:22:17,480
I thought it was buffo.
359
00:22:17,680 --> 00:22:19,400
Did you hear the laughs I got?
360
00:22:19,620 --> 00:22:24,760
Well, I did write some pretty good
jokes, but that's easy when you know
361
00:22:26,080 --> 00:22:31,100
Now, where is the engineer who plays me
so charmingly? Oh, there she is.
362
00:22:31,320 --> 00:22:37,260
My dear. Well, the gift to amuse, Dr.
Hartley, is very rare.
363
00:22:37,640 --> 00:22:39,160
Either you have it or you don't.
364
00:22:40,840 --> 00:22:41,890
I'm with you so far.
365
00:22:44,540 --> 00:22:46,380
Mr. Plager, I loved it.
366
00:22:46,640 --> 00:22:49,980
Oh, Emil, of course. I knew you would. I
thought it was terrific.
367
00:22:49,981 --> 00:22:53,859
Did you hear them laughing at me? They
even laughed at Doris. I even laughed at
368
00:22:53,860 --> 00:22:55,780
Doris. I didn't think that was possible.
369
00:22:55,880 --> 00:22:56,930
You're too kind.
370
00:22:56,931 --> 00:23:00,659
I want to talk to the actor that played
me. I don't think he understands the
371
00:23:00,660 --> 00:23:01,980
true meaning of wimpiness.
372
00:23:04,100 --> 00:23:08,020
You know, Dr. Hartley, this is the most
wonderful night of my life.
373
00:23:08,300 --> 00:23:11,670
And I want to take some photos to
remember it by. Would you excuse me?
374
00:23:13,200 --> 00:23:14,250
Hello, Dr. Harley.
375
00:23:14,380 --> 00:23:16,660
I'm Phil Morgan. Oh, nice to meet you.
376
00:23:17,460 --> 00:23:18,510
It's uncanny.
377
00:23:19,271 --> 00:23:26,539
Well, I hope you enjoyed my portrayal of
Major Hartman. I couldn't have picked
378
00:23:26,540 --> 00:23:27,620
anyone better myself.
379
00:23:28,480 --> 00:23:29,960
Come on, Bob, let's go home.
380
00:23:37,680 --> 00:23:39,180
You two ought to wear name tags.
381
00:23:40,260 --> 00:23:44,659
Hi. Hi. Bob's been telling me all week
what a good job Mr. Plager did on the
382
00:23:44,660 --> 00:23:48,270
casting, but I didn't believe it till
tonight. Well, thank you very much.
383
00:23:48,720 --> 00:23:52,860
Pleasure. Well, everybody, it's time for
the group photo. Move up on stage, Dr.
384
00:23:53,120 --> 00:23:54,170
Hartley.
385
00:23:54,780 --> 00:23:56,400
Just kind of move in.
386
00:23:57,060 --> 00:24:01,160
Mrs. Hartley, I wonder if you'd take the
photo. I really want to be in it. Oh,
387
00:24:01,240 --> 00:24:02,580
of course. Thank you. Sure.
388
00:24:03,980 --> 00:24:05,030
Okay.
389
00:24:07,381 --> 00:24:11,669
move to the back. You're blocking
everybody.
390
00:24:11,670 --> 00:24:12,720
Oh, I'm sorry.
391
00:24:16,401 --> 00:24:18,499
Okay.
392
00:24:18,500 --> 00:24:23,050
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