All language subtitles for Lady In A Jam 1942 - Colorized Movie Irene Dunne, Patric Knowles Comedy with Subtitles [English] [DownloadYoutubeSubtitles.com]

well I'm very much interested in this reporter

doctor and rights maybe

you mean

the relationship of biochemistry to mental cases

yes he's one of our bright young men

she's rather amusing too

the other day suggested that

the real psychopaths are wandering around the streets

that once a patient gets enough sense

to visit a psychoanalytical clinic

he's half cured well

that sounds reasonable

well Billingsley

how are you Doctor Helsworth

Mr Billingsley how are you

would you sit down

well what brings you here

well I'm pretty worried about Jean Palmer

is she ill well

her extravagant is finally caught up with her

she's broke and I'm afraid when she finds out about it

she might do something desperate

well what can we do to help you

an old mutton head Palmer was a good friend of mine

he did plenty for this foundation

and I think it's up to the foundation to do something

for his granddaughter is she a mental case

and I think she's nuts

why don't you ever come in here for a consultation

and it'd be a whole lot simpler to

send the foundation after her

with a butterfly net

is she the hysterical type

she wrote the book

now before you go any further

I think you better have Doctor Enright in here

yes sir

have Doctor Enright come in right away please

sorry Doctor Enright's in consultation

and you seem to be in a pretty nervous state yourself

can I pour you a glass of water

no but I'll settle for something stronger

oh I think we might be able to take care of that too

so the intricate occurrences of our subconscious mind

have to pass through the five doors of our senses

now take the famous case of Robert Browning

his outstanding sense was that of touch

he used to fondle an apple

before writing the lines of his beautiful poetry

and I'm certain that a subconscious

reminiscence of his early youth

disengaged his genius so with hearing smell

that's true Doctor Enright

the smell of burning leaves is like a narcotic to me

I feel quite helpless and strangely touched

and I become irritable and Moody

I'm certain that this has a relation to your past

now what's your earliest recollection of this sensation

well when I was 16

I was on a mountain trip we camped overnight

it was full

there was a boy

obviously it's your subconscious crying for release

I realize

it's a far cry from burning leaves to a new hat

but the next time it occurs

why don't you go on a shopping spree

the only one

who could possibly have any objection to that

is the husband

yes yes

yes of course

now as I was saying

albido is frequently connected to our sense of taste

and we often find that suggest something to you

oh yes

uh I found a strange lipstick in my husband's car

and I rubbed a little on his lips while he was sleeping

and he began to talk and what happened then

we were divorced

does the smell of cigarette smoke do anything to you

Doctor Enroy not especially

I don't mind smoking Doctor Enroy

after your lecture at the club

so many of our members wanted to ask questions

but they didn't dare that is why we came to see you

we're so interested in all the things you know and say

psychiatry is an exact science madam

if we know the ingredients

we can compute the results

we have so many intimate questions we'd like to ask you

Doctor Enright Dorothy

I'm sure

Doctor Enright only answers intimate questions

by appointment of course ladies

I'm always available for consultations

if your check with my secretary on the way out

thank you doctor

thank you

goodbye goodbye

good afternoon goodbye doctor

good afternoon good afternoon

you looking for these Miss Allen Mrs

Allen oh no

you're not married what makes you say that

it's quite plain

despite your air of superiority and sophistication

oh you're almost rude

I'm a doctor

and my approach to any problem is purely scientific

why don't you get rid of these obstacles

that stand between your desires

and your fear of the consequences

I don't know what you mean

oh come now

you're not going to let one clumsy experience

disgust you with the whole world

are you

hmm Jasmine

where's your home Atlanta

I left there when I was 18 years old

I remember Atlanta lovely

seven nights a big golden moon

the smell of Jasmine in the air

don't torture yourself change your perfume

go back to Atlanta see the boy

then come back and marry the man who loves you

but you're wrong doctor

I promise you fine

and hang on to your gloves

I beg your pardon

Doctor Henry yes

my name is Billingsley of course

Doctor Billingsley I'm not a doctor

I'm a businessman business office is on the next floor

I'm fully aware of that fact

Doctor Brewster thought you might be a some assistant

I'm in trouble woman

young woman well

of course I'd be very glad to discuss your case with

Doctor Brewster well

Doctor Brewster and I'm a consulting psychiatrist

Mister Billingsley not a practitioner

so if you'll excuse me you're a bit of a stuffed shirt

too aren't you

perhaps but I really am busy now

young man just get down over your high horse

I wanna talk to you about Miss Palm

and I'm sorry Mister Billingsley

but I'm in the midst of a very important experiment

and at 4:30 I have to address

did you say Palmer yeah

Jane Palmer

the young lady whose money keeps this foundation going

and makes your important experiments possible

hmm what's the matter with her

well she's about to go broke

hmm

and what you want me to do

well money doesn't mean anything to her

she has no sense of responsibilities

I want you to see if you can snap her out of it

you think you can yes

of course it's merely a mental disturbance

which I'm sure can be explained by her repressed wishes

emotional conflicts and the interaction of complexes

oh simple as that huh

the underlying cause is usually found in the

subconscious mind

and must be brought into awareness

which of course

involves the question of time

where is she now right here in New York

no I mean at this moment

oh at this moment

she's at Carter's on 5th Avenue

trying to waste some more money

yes I think I can make it

Miss Martin

I'm leaving the building and I'll be back at 4:00

will you cancel all intervening appointments

yes doctor

excuse me

hey just a minute

you mean to say that

you think you can straighten Jane Palmer out

between 9 and 4:00 of course

you got anything to drink around here

in the thermos on the desk

you got anything stronger than water

stronger

let me see yes

there's something rather in the bottom drawer

hmm 20 year old

Bourbon that been here since Christmas

yes but it do well

ought to help

will you have a little snort

no thanks never touch it

he told her huh

no psychiatrist oh

well

I don't know anything about this psychiatrist business

but if you talk to Jane Palmer the way you talk to me

she'll pick you like a low hanging apple

without even a stretch

it's very nice it's a splendid piece

this is nice too

oh dear

eeny meeny miny moe

I'm like a little boy with a birthday cake

my eyes are bigger than my appetite

never could make up my mind

they're both very stunning on you

well maybe I could take them both

never thought about that

but brain isn't functioning today

if I took them both I wouldn't have to make them a mile

would I that makes sense in this

it certainly does let's see

that's these two alright

we'll send those out and this and this

and this 1

2 3

4 5

5 5

my lucky number

always that on 5 when I go through races

a lot of people don't believe in numberology

but I couldn't live without it

well thanks so much

and don't tell me how much they are

I want that to come as a surprise

oh uh

pardon me Miss Bomber

uh

Mister Carter is very anxious to have a chat with you

oh how intriguing

Mister Carter's such a nice man

that's his office there isn't it yes thank you

hello oh

my dear Miss power

so charming of you to drop in

that is so charming of you to ask

as usual you have an answer for everything

well remember the old ad

it's charming as a charming does

how true I want you to sit down

thank you

you're getting younger and more beautiful every day

well I never let anything worry me

are you very fortunate

things to worry about never really happen

well I'm terribly worried right now

perhaps you can help me well

I'd be glad to well

I have a letter here from Mr Billings Lady

he's your executor isn't he

executive Guardian

everything and he'd be a really charming man

if he weren't so fussy

this letter places me in a very awkward position

was something happened to Mr Billingsley

well he uh

I hate to say it but uh

he asked us to refrain from granting you

any further credit oh

don't pay any attention to him

every time he sends me an unpleasant letter

I just tear it up nothing ever happens

well I want you to know how embarrassing this is for me

what is why this matter of credit

but

you're not going to pay any attention to that letter

oh but I am afraid that I am forced to

well Mister Carter

if Mister Billingsley means more to you than I do

I'm just not coming in this place anymore

well I don't want you to feel that we're unappreciative

you're not at least bit appreciative

and when I said you were charming

I was just making conversation

I'm sorry oh

don't try to apologize just tell your man

not to bother sending out those things

I ordered today because if you do send them

I positively refuse to wear them

even if you come crawling to me on your hands and knees

Milton yes ma'am

you should be standing at detention

sorry miss

but I'm having a little ignition problem

I don't care anything about that

I wanna get away from here

I wouldn't be found dead in front of this place

if you wanna have ignition trouble

it's the very inopportune time to have it

these things happen sometimes miss

well you should anticipate it

I pay you well you get Thursdays

never have a Sunday off

there's no excuse for ignition trouble

especially out in front of the place

where I've just been grossly insulted

miss I didn't break down on purpose

are you being insolent

trying not to be

well if you're not insolent by nature

you don't have to try not to be

Nelson are you paying attention

Nelson are you paying attention

I'm trying not to well

I don't why should waste my breath

if you're not going to pay attention

look this is a democracy

I'm an American

my ancestors fought and died in the revolution

so did mine well

in your case they kill the wrong ancestors

let me tell you another thing

you're just a butter Patty

you've had it soft for so long

you forget there are other people in the world

and beside you owe me two months back pay

I have nothing to do with paying the help

well I'm still two months behind

I've heard enough Milton

get in and drive me home immediately

and when you get there

you can look for another position

how about driving yourself home and forget the back pay

you're probably gonna need it

under no circumstances will I give you a recommendation

hmm

may I help you

not in the mood for any more impertinence

I'm not trying to be impertinent

merely helpful but if I need some help

I'll ask for it

if you're looking for the starter button

there it is right

yes yes

yes I know

I'm a little new with it

I'd be glad to drive you anywhere you're going

oh no

I'll manage if you just get out of my way please

hey hey

what's going on here here

did I bump into something

I'm afraid so well

it's all your fault you got me all flustered

listen lady

who do you think you are I know very well who I am

I'm sorry Mister

I'm afraid it was my fault

she's driving isn't she

I'm sorry if I gave you a little bump

oh a little bomb babe

just take a look at that mess

well I

said I was sorry if you were a gentleman

you'd give a lady a little more room

let me see your driver's license

don't raise your voice to me like that

I'm standing on my righteous America

I demand to see your license

standing on

and even if I had whatever it is you're talking about

I wouldn't show it to you

maybe you'd show it to a cop though eh

well I don't see why people are so unreasonable

look if you could help me get this thing started

I'd be on my way press the same little button again

this one now

put your foot on this pedal down here

and pull that lever down towards you

not that oh

that's where I was wrong before I headed down sir

you are so much I'm fine now

hey take it easy

better get out from behind that wheel

but why should I that pair was doing

as I say I'm not taking orders from strangers

yes you are

and you better hurry here comes the cop

you don't want a jail sentence to you

I didn't do anything

someday they're gonna make a law about you

woman driver someday they're going to make a law

have taxi oh

I knocked the wheel I don't care who knocked one

come on let me see your license system license license

what's all this talking about

I can't be

straighten this whole thing out without so much fuss

but I wanna know who's gonna straighten out my face

send him away send him away

you can't push me around sister

I know my rights right

why can everybody else have rights

I don't have a right here she is officer

I was part of the crib

where I have a perfect right to be

going out of a clear guy

it's all my right in the fucking man your

I'm insulting insulting

take a look at my car

who's gonna take a look at a minute buddy

one at a time officer

take a look at that car

I've only had it a couple of months

and look at it don't get excited

I'm looking damn

it seems to be very slightly slightly

what's your idea of a serious accident

are you driving that car in a way

yes you are not

Mike Down I know my rights

women like that should be put in jail

officer may I ask a question

sure sure

isn't there a penalty for drunk driving

why are you implying that I'm drunk

not implying anything well you better not

what do you think you're gonna do

just drive this young lady home

oh you ain't gonna push me around

no one's pushing you

but I wanna know who's gonna take care of my Ben Fender

gives you right there

too many cabs on the street ending well

ain't that cute hey officer

they're trying to make a getaway

see your license

but I wanna know who's gonna take care of my Ben Fender

is this car insured I'm quite sure it is

isn't it dear

are you talking to me yes dear

full of all things all right

get going you're blocking traffic

oh what about my car

all right come on

what do you wanna do get robbed

wait a minute I demand justice

you get justice off and I got any rights as a citizen

well what about me

I'm a citizen too she hit me first

yeah well

what do you call that a love Pat

it's nice of you to do this

but I'll have to ask you not to make any more

fresh remarks I've been fresh

don't you remember what you said back there

oh I did that to keep you out of trouble then

you didn't mean it no

oh that's alright

I never allow anyone to take liberties with me

positively no one you might have gone to jail

oh I'd have taught myself out of that somehow

you always talk your way out of bad situations

when I'm in the right

do you think you were in the right

buffing people all over the street

well don't you

do you ever stop to think of the rights of other people

not when they're in the wrong

well you turn here at the next corner

you should have turned back there I forgot to tell you

is this the main entrance

yes this is it

well thanks

very much

stay right where you are and I'll hold the door for you

oh no

you don't need to bother

I believe in doing things properly

you're used to service

and I'm gonna see that you get it well

after all

I suppose I could get out by myself in an emergency

well thanks again

you've been very charming

I don't wish to be bold but now that Milton's gone

I'd like to apply for the position

what position a chauffeur

oh I forgot about

but you don't look like a chauffeur

I think I drive very well

but you don't talk like a chauffeur

I produce references and besides

I need the job

if I'm not stepping out of my place too much

I might suggest that you need a chauffeur pretty badly

well if you're not joking

I'll be very happy to grant you an interview sometime

could you do it now

well yeah

I might as well get it over

come in come in

any calls Stevens

no miss but

Mister Billingsley is waiting to see you in the study

oh is he

well I want to see Mister Billingsley

just make yourself comfortable

oh there you are

Mister Billingsley

am I going to give you a piece of my mind

well that won't be any novelty

no time for joking your secondary

and I've been going over some of your recent checks

and I can't find anything to joke about

why did you send that horrible letter to Mister Carter

I'm only trying to keep you out of jail

well there may be somebody going to jail

but I won't be the one

will you leave us alone for a few minutes

I'll call you if I want you Josephine

here's a checkmate

out for $10,000 to a dog and cat hospital

well somebody has to take care of the poor thing

here's one for seventy five hundred

are you waiting for someone

no I'm waiting to be interviewed

for what well

I hope to be the new chauffeur

you're a nice looking young man

and if I were you

I'd sneak quietly out of that door and run for my life

why did you have to get into a mess like this

what do you think money is confetti

is it alright to take this room now

who are these men they're my sheriff's office

what are they doing here taking inventory

well I don't need an inventory

I know everything in this house backwards

they always take an inventory before an auction

who's having an auction your creditors

you're being ridiculous and paternal

38 48

pardon me gentlemen

but you don't need to bother with whatever you're doing

we got two more rooms to inventory

Mister Billings loose Harry's little joke

you may go now we can't till we're done

if you don't leave at once

I'll call the police ha

ha ha ha

if you do

we'd have to pinch them for interfering with the law

and you're not joking

I've been trying to warn you about this

for the past five years warn me about what

bankruptcy and it looks like she's here

you mean to say there's nothing left in my estate

well if there is

I can't find it you can't pull the wool over my eyes

I know something about business

and if you can't explain where my money is gone

and get it back

you're going to find yourself in a very serious

predicament I'm only trying to help you help me

if you were trying to help me

you wouldn't bring these men here to humiliate me

and I know something about law too

and absconding and things like that

and what well

I'm not saying you've done any of these things

but if you have I'm going to see that you're punished

if I hadn't been so fond of your grandfather

I might lose my temper you don't need to threaten me

in spite of the things you're saying

I'll try and salvage what I can in the wreck

I'll see you at the auction Friday

Friday you intend to have an auction here Friday

the sheriff does well

you have to make it another day

I'm having a kiddie party Friday

I heard about that

and I told you a secondary to cancel it

what you're trying to ruin me socially

as well as financially if I were a man

I'd throw you out of this house

would you be kind enough to throw Mister Billingsley

out Mister Billingsley

you're being very naughty

and I must ask you to leave gladly

that was very nice of you

well I'm only too happy to be of service

what's your name Enright

oh well uh

I'm so upset I forgot what we were going to talk about

you were gonna grant me an interview chauffeur

you remember oh

stupid Alfie better get you

don't advance Enright

would you ask those two men to leave

I'm afraid that would be interfering with the law

oh come on Enright

ask us to leave you might at least take off your hats

in the presence of a lady

we're just old rude things

I don't know why I'd bother with a pair of hoodlums

won't you sit down

but isn't it customary to standard attention

well you don't have on a uniform

and I can be very democratic in an emergency

you do have a uniform but not with me

you haven't always been a chauffeur

how did you know oh

I can tell oh

that's amazing uh huh

what were you before

doctor but I've been detoured by a woman

how do you know all these things

I can tell

I leave everything to numerology and astrology

and things like that

it's much more reliable than thinking for myself

do you have any references

I can get some ah

now let's see what else must I ask you

my habits do you drink

no smoke

not on duty why do you wear those glasses

I have it

I think you make a much better appearance without them

oh thank you

it's a show for I mean

I'd like to feel that I could be more than a chauffeur

oh no

no no

that will never do I never allow any familiarity

well I didn't mean it that way

but having once been a doctor

I thought I might be able to help you out

with some of your problems

oh well

as long as you didn't mean it the other way

women don't interest me ah

I forgot about that other woman

I can't unfortunately

did she leave scars no

no scars that's all they usually do

you understand why I'm asking you all these questions

oh yes

it's very clear

lots of women say things they don't mean

but I'm not like that well

that's obvious

most chauffeurs feel it

their duty to fall in love with their mistresses

it's happening to my friends

that could never happen in our case

why do you say that what month were you born in March

well that's what I thought

you're Pisces practical intellectual

high strung oh

how interesting do you know about those things too

what are you Capricorn

that's the goat isn't it always

you see Capricorn

and Pisces can never meet unfavorable circumstances

especially during the eternal equinox

how interesting do you know anything about palms well

only when I have to and right I spy

go on about your business

is this an OIN or a vase if you break it

you'll find out thanks a lot

what do you see hmm

very unusual that's what I've been told

see Arizona and a man

have you ever been in love

when I was a little girl I was 8 and he was ten

but that's all over now and you never married

women with money don't have to marry

does it ever occur to you to marry

for some other reason a home family

heavens no my father used to say

the poor people were

the only ones who could afford to have families

of course he was married at the time

so I think he must have been joking

I hope I'm not talking too much

oh I want to hear you talk

in that way

I can find out more about you and be more helpful

ha ha

most people won't listen to me

most people have

little sense of intellectual companionship

isn't it true

well this has been so interesting

I forgotten to ask you what salary you want

don't you think

we ought to leave that until after the auction

there won't be an auction

don't worry about that

that's just Mr Billingsley's way of being funny

attention ladies and gentlemen

it is my pleasure this morning to culture

attention this

particularly handsome figure

that has been offered for sale to

the house of probitors here's a bronze Catherine

an important piece I've been looking all over

have you seen her

she's upstairs having one of her spell

I'm going out for some smelling sauce

I hope you're enjoying my humiliation

this is no fun for me

you're going to be punished in due time

and why can't you do something about all this

afraid not well

at least you're loyal

and there's nothing I admire as much as loyal

there's not a thing you can do about it now

why don't you just get into the spirit of things

well it is kinda exciting

isn't it there's Martha you little Martha

how nice of you to come

auctions bring out the vulture in there

hello Mrs

Howell hello dear

but if I known all my friends were coming

I could have had the auction

the kiddie party at the same time

they don't seem very worried

why should I worry with so much excitement

you realize you're being sold out of house and home

that's part of the fun

Mister Billingsley is going to be furious

when I make him go and buy all these things back again

I can't tell you about it now

because he's standing right behind you

but my dear he's an ABS

know what I mean

oh there's Maywell French

haven't seen her in a long

my eye on a pair of love no one told me you were here

I'm just making my getaway

with some of the loose now don't go

the parties just started pardon me miss

I'd rather a not looking couple at the front door

oh thanks

you look so funny I didn't know who you were

I feel funny are we the only ones in costume

well don't bother about that

party is a party come on now

or maybe you remember Coleman's

don't you which friends of the family are you

I was going to have a kiddie party

but we decided to have an auction instead

but it's all the same thing now

just make yourself comfortable

I'll be right back don't stand still

you might be auctioned off

Stevens

have cook fix up poodles of caviar and some sandwiches

and lots of drinks and things

you know there's hardly anything in the icebox miss

don't be ridiculous Sam Cook in here

who are those two freaks I'm not speaking to you

Mister Bellinger oh Martha

have you seen the comb and they're too funny for words

what do you gonna say to the cook

that's my business you can't blame her for anything

you haven't any credit for the groceries

so you've corrupted the grocer

all right Mr Billings

you have your innings now

mine will come later I know how to deal with an error

and you can't really do anything legally

because I haven't actually said it

yes you was

oh oh

never mind Betty

you're back oh

may I may I speak to you privately miss

is it an emergency kind of

all right Betty over here yes

what is it Betty

it's about last month's check miss

the bank sent it back well

don't worry about it Betty

when this is over I'll pay your bonus

one thing you might as well get straight

there's not gonna be anything left over

oh well

I'm a very poor woman and I have a family

don't cry Betty

I I'll sell something and pay you

you can't sell anything

there must be something in this house

I can sell only your personal belongings alright

I'll sell one of my mint coats

how's that here are the smelling sauce no

I feel alright now don't throw them away

I may need them you buy your own smelling sauce oh

oh oh

Miss Palmer if it's just the same to you

I I'll take a mint coat

alright daddy

which one do you want the dark one

after all you know

I've been pretty loyal what about me

I've been loyal too oh

I suppose

you think I wouldn't look good in a mint coating

please can have the silver fox Josephine

after all I've been here longer than she has

I said you are you look better in any coat tonight

I know you don't just a minute

you're not gonna push me we'll see about that

I don't care what you do or not

I'm gonna have that coat

you see and write what I mean by loyalty gently

by the way where's your uniform

I didn't think I need it today

you see they auctioned off the cars

have they gone too

well naturally

you would need a uniform

if you haven't got a car to drive

hi here today

I'm gone to my excuse me ma'am

I've got to whoop things up

anytime you think you can get the best of me

not while I got my strength

I have a whole flock like you

and a couple extras thrown in for good measure

hey

sorry to disturb you buddy

hey buddy huh

what is it sorry to wake you up

but we gotta load this thing

oh that's alright

glad you did I was having a horrible dream

you from the sheriffs no

I'm just custodian to a nikwit

well anyway

I'm sorry we had to destroy

you couldn't be any more disturbed than I have been

well so on

so on

did you sleep well and right

I'll tell you better

when I get this prick out of my neck

I just sleep on the floor

with nothing but an urban wrap over me

how do you like roughing it

I enjoyed it my

doesn't the place look empty and funny

it's empty alright

but I don't see anything funny about it

well you should get fun out of everything

why don't you come to your senses

please remember

you're a chauffeur I'm not a chauffeur

your attitude seems to

have changed since I lost all my furniture

not here because I wanna be

I expected loyalty from my friends

but not from my chauffeur

stop calling me that well

if you're not a chauffeur

what are you I'm a psychoanalyst

but that is I thought I was

oh yes

and you were detoured by that other woman

yes and just as soon as I can get rid of that woman

I'm gonna be an analyst again

I think maybe I can help you in this emergency

I'm here to help you yes

I think maybe

I can help you get that other woman out of your mind

because being a woman myself

naturally

I'd know more about those things than you would

see if we can find a couple of eggs

I'd talk about women on an empty stomach

well uh

I'd like to hear a little more about it

was there another man no

did she drink no

but she's driving me to it

it wasn't bridge or Jin Romney

no she was just a nitwit

oh well

those women can be very dangerous

you're telling me

I'm sure we could do something about it

now let's get at the eggs first

after all your problems greater than mine

oh I have any problem

where you gonna live what you gonna live on

what you gonna eat where you gonna sleep

have you done any work in your life before

after all I'm the granddaughter of Steven J Palmer

you've heard of the Palmer Foundation

Bigley have you any relatives

no what about cactus

Kate Palmer in Arizona she's your grandmother

isn't she how do you know about her

she's the one who's supposed to have gold

buried somewhere in the hills isn't she

do you realize that people knew she was my grandmother

it would ruin me socially

you got a pretty good start now

aren't you aren't you having any eggs

yes these are mine

that's my ice box it was your ice box

those are my eggs you owe me a week salary

and these eggs are pretty expensive

I didn't think you were mercenary

if you want eggs you cook them

of course I can starve

got to start learning do things for yourself

I thought you were going to help me out

in this emergency

and you're just being me like everybody else

I thought you were helping me

I'm the one who has the problem

you know anything about psychoanalysis

like numerology was originally called a talking cure

people talk and

the doctor should find out what they were afraid of

and then help them sounds silly

just what is it in Arizona that you're afraid of

I'm not afraid of anything

tell me about it talk it up

I don't remember much about it

you understand right away

you pull my pigtails and then I cry

throw rocks at him who's Stanley

don't you remember when I was 8 and he

was 10 oh yes

the big romance tell me about it

I remember one time

I hit him on the head with a big rock

kicked him in the shins knocked him down

took a bite out of his forehead

oh that was fun

and my grandma spanked me

that was very humiliating

you know I don't think my grandma ever liked me

if there's anything in the world I hate

it's being spanked keep talking

it's one of the reasons

I can never go back to that horrible place

Christani was alright he was very forgiving

after all what are

few bumps on your head when you're 10 years old

besides she lives in the no shack all by herself

she never has any parties or anything

see this talking business is wonderful

I feel better already

where do you learn about these things

it's like a game you know

speaking of parties I never had a party in my life

until I got all this money from my grandfather

what money the money Mr Billings liab

you know what I mean

I have the solution to your problem

you have you're going back to Arizona where you belong

and face this thing you fear

I thought you were going to help me

I am helping you Mr Billingsley was helping me too

and look

I'm not Mr Billingsley and I'm not going to Arizona

alright then I'm leaving

alright you gonna leave me here all alone

I know what to do oh

that's better that's what I wanted

what want you to do something for yourself

I don't think you'll like what I'm going to do

what are you going to do oh never mind

you're talking like a child

you're a doctor

you should know is drowning easier than gas

you're a spoiled brat you've had your way for so long

you never think of other people

just what Milton said who's Milton

my other chauffeur I don't care what Milton said

I'm gonna help you get your feet on the ground

and like it you're going back to Arizona

you never should have left there in the first place

and if you want any further help from me

you've got to take orders do you understand

yes enough

well go and get packed alright

I'll go out to that horrible place

and get bitten by something

and die I'm not afraid

I'll show you I'm not

go and get packed

I'm not afraid of anything on four legs or two

go and get packed yes enough

little domestic trouble a little

don't take them serious all women is a little touched

boom boom boom

Damon we like accommodations for the night

oh right down here

for that little love of my

quit picking those what do you think

you are bringing me to a dump like this

you was living in a worse dump than this

when I found you yeah

when I married junior we're both on four legs

go on slam the door

that's why you always have an argument

I'll just strike you we want two cottages

expect another party no

oh there's two beds in every cottage

we still want two cottages

oh well

we don't often get a request like that

don't talk so much

everybody seems to be quarreling these days

must be in the air

now this one's nice and quiet

I guess you could use a good night's sleep

this is the quiet one

never mind

where's the tub what tub

the bathtub oh

well we only got showers here

but they ain't working what have you got me into

there isn't even a place here to bathe

what's the matter with the shower

it isn't working well

we got emergency buckets in every cottage

what do I do with this take it right out of here

and fill it up with this new faucet

over there

the new reservoir ought to be in the next spring

I'm afraid I won't be back to enjoy it

this is ain't very good humor she's learning

listen slow will

how long does it take you to get a pail of water

I can't make it run any faster than it's running

you'll never get me in a dump like this again

alright we quit picking them

wait a minute what's the idea

this is an emergency give me that book

can't you act like a gentleman

I know my rights don't talk to me about rights

what's the trouble would you please knock him down

yeah man

who will she's definitely in the right

if you were a man you'd lose your temper

if you were a spoiled brat

you'd hold yours well of all

so I ain't a gentleman I didn't say you weren't

well she did

I didn't she ain't gonna get away with

well tell her that

I'm in a mood to fight don't fight me

oh you're a husband

ain't you no

thank heavens oh

a kid huh

don't do that put up your dukes

I I'm sorry

alright I just lost my temper

listen Raghead

are you gonna bring me that water

yes dear

if there wasn't no woman in the world

there wouldn't be no trouble

I'm inclined to agree with you

Stanley yes ma'am

what you doing practicing my Roper

well quick and come around

what's your matter don't let them be a roper

just listen to this telegram from Jane

Dear Grandma sound the symbols

beat the drums

roll out the red plush and polish the pewter

headed your way on the horns of the dilemma

what's a dilemma search me

well ain't no brema bull

where is she coming from New York

that's a long ride in a pair of horns

little old Genie she was quite a character

little old Jenny me I

she's a grown woman gosh

that's right ain't seen her in 15 years

bet she's pretty too

yeah takes that from my side of the family

Stanley's girl is coming to town

ah strawberry

quit your carrying on you quit Stanley

you're as pleased the sheep calendar

when does she remember me

why not you remember her

don't you oh

I still got the boat

where she hit me on the head of the two before

that's love you should have seen me

an old mutton head who is he

the biggest lush in Arizona

that reminds me

I gotta be getting over to my place and get dressed

watch a hurry well

Jane will be arriving any minute

and I figure on doing little Courten know

she'll be expecting to see a man's man

I don't wanna disappoint her

bye ma'am

bye strawberry

bye Stanley

mighty please with himself 80

yeah and ready to break right out in the heat rash

Miss Kate

yeah is she really coming to see him

hard to tell strawberry

all the Palmers are just a little bit crazy

well here we are

this is 10 miles off the main road

but I don't see any signs of life

that looks like Grandma's house over there

seems to have shrunk there's somebody now

it's Grandma Grandma hello

hello

grandma seems to shock too

she only had a time finding this place

what are you doing here you wouldn't pay me a visit

so I had to come out here to see you

it took you long enough to make up your mind oh

I don't like that soft stuff

who's the big galoot that's Enroi

what's he want here he's helping me with the problem

what kind of a problem have you got

I'll tell you all about it later

bring the things right on in Enroi

put the bags in there

if you come here after money

you ain't gonna get it who said I came after money

when a Palmer drops in from nowhere

you can bet your wife they want something

I don't want anything everybody knows

you've got gold buried around here somewhere

the newspapers have been full of it

well if you want any

you'll have to get it at the newspaper

let's not talk about in front of Anne Rice

this is a charming place

is that a portrait of your husband

yeah that's so much

then why was he known by such a horrible name

people knew what we were talking about in them days

he made a great contribution to medical science

he must have been a man of higher purpose

he got cured acorns once

so they talked him in the putting up a Monument

you can talk the Palmers into anything

don't pay too much attention to grandma

she doesn't even have she

they see a bark is worse than a bite

don't be too sure he ain't your husband

is he heaven no

he doesn't like women at least not at the moment

what about that problem business

well you remember Mister Billingsley

what about him he's turned out to be an abscondor

a what he absconded with all the money Grandpa left me

I don't suppose you helped him none

did you

so I was thinking if you could lend me a little gold

I could hire some lawyers

and have Mister Billingsley put in jail

where he belongs we'll talk about it later

where you gonna put Andrew

I ain't gonna put him anywhere

he's gonna hang around here

and take one of them shanks down there

he ain't gonna help you with no problems in this house

aren't any of those shacks occupied

oh you may find a few scorpions floating about

maybe you can help them with their problem

Enright won't mind that he just loves Arizona

and I wanna tell you something else

I can shoot a rattlesnake in the eye at 50 pacing

why should you wanna do that

I could if I have to I'm sure of it

can I have one of those shacks over there

not so fast I wanna know something about you

well I know I can confide in you

I have your granddaughter under observation

are you a detective no

I'm a doctor what's the matter with it

well it's here

oh you scared me to death

I thought it was something serious

don't lose your temper Anroy

what she talking about my very seldom no

let me give you a bit of advice

young man there ain't no cure for what she's got

I don't think it's as bad as that

I live with my grandfather for 40 years

and look at me don't see anything wrong with you

oh there's lots of things that don't show

I'm only trying to tell you that

you'll end up happier than she is

well I'll take a chance

well remember I warned you

thanks why do they call that the lost hopes alone

oh that's another Monument

Old Mutton Head you see

he gave up hope of finding gold in these parts

and then bang

he hit the mother load did he build the saloon

yes he was one of its best customers

and he carried many a load after that

but it wasn't a mother load

I see well

is it alright if I move in there

help yourself I ain't stopping you thanks

how do you like him I ain't made up my mind

that's his trouble

he's not in harmony with his vibrations

what are you talking about

she's lost faith in women

and I feel it my duty to restore it

did you scare it out of them

that was another woman

why don't you let her do her own restorin

cause you must do things for others

that's why you do something for me

if you weren't stingy if you'd been more stingy

you wouldn't be in trouble now

is this where you had it hide what

alright don't tell me

be like looking for Easter eggs

what are you talking about

your gold I ain't got no gold

but if I did have I wouldn't hide it down there

well that's a wonderful hiding place

that's where it was hiding

when your grandfather found it

well if there was gold down there then

there must be gold down there now

well if you can find any

it's all yours now okay

hello groundhog

a granddaughter wants some gold

show her to find us but

ain't enough gold in this part of the country

to fill a houndstooth and why are you looking for it

we all desert rats just dig in hope

ah hope

that's the trouble you have to have faith too

if your vibrations are right

you don't need hope

well excuse me

I'm gonna take a bath

she's more like Mutton Head than Mutton Head himself

if she had a walrus moustache and a hangover

I think I was seeing things

good morning well

you're up right Nelly brought you some ham and eggs

thanks a lot cook them myself

that will make them taste all the better

they fell apart a little but they're still eggs

thought behind an egg that counts

I'm going to learn to do things for others

I thought I might as well start right in

don't forget when you're doing things for others

you're really doing a great deal for yourself

that's a little confusing sometimes less

less confusing as time goes on

you'll get your feet on the ground and you'll be calm

I don't wanna be too calm

just calm enough I like people to show some fire

yes but on the useful side of life

you mean doing things for others and yourself

that's it

well I've got to get down that mine and start digging

that's the spirit

I hope Mr Billingsley's ears are burning

at some of my false friends too

good luck I hope you find oodles of gold

I will need more than a few buckets Paul

I'm all ready to start now

if you would just explain everything to me

don't want nothing much

just lower a bucket on this hand winch

get down there and dig

and haul your order to the stamp and panic

uh huh sounds simple enough

what are those holes going that way

oh that cross cuts the feet to the stove

what's a stove that's where a mudnaid hit the bonanza

oh

quite a way down there

well I think I'll go down

have a look around wait a minute

you gotta have a pig thanks

want me to go along no

I've got to learn to do things for myself

well you won't find nothing

but if you like to dig in a MUD go ahead

it's in the blood Frank heavens

I'm only a Palmer by marriage

she's got spunk

that big Galute must have hypnotized her

that's the first time she ever did a better work in her

life

look out for that second letter

them wrongs are slippery I'm being careful

did you hurt yourself no

but I mugged from head to foot

are you alright guess so if you wanna call it that

take it easy take it easy here

give me your hand yeah

let me help you thanks

you certainly gave yourself a walling around

I never knew gold mining was such a messy

didn't I say no big deep well

let's holler up and see what we got

if I haven't got a bucket full of gold

I'm gonna be very disappointed

well that's part of the excitement

I'm wondering what you got like fishing

I'm wondering whether Mister Billings is worth all this

who's he very unpleasant man

it takes all kinds of people to make a world

here we are now you hold this I get around here

drop this orange and go kart okay all it over to

all seems complicated

wouldn't be any fun if it wasn't complicated

there we go

too bad gold doesn't grow near the surface like cabbage

it did be as cheap as cabbage

I don't want hard work as long as I get results

don't expect to get results too quick

I believe in numerology five's the number I vibrate to

I don't get you don't you see this

the fifth day of the month oh

I see what you mean what do we do now

well we run some forks through this hand stamp

then we have Christy or what

let me do it let me do it

go ahead

come on what do you think you're doing

stomp and go you look as if you've been diving for it

I fell in the stoop stove

I mean stove

what do we do next well we take this

for that

pull it around like that

and if there's any gold and it goes to bottom

I don't see any I didn't see how discouraged you

where did you get my age before

you talk about being discouraged

when she was a baby she fell on her head

but I didn't think she hit that hard

have you hit the bonanza yet

no but if I do

I'll make better use of it than you would

you don't make sense

but you're certainly drawing a crowd

hi slim

ain't seen you in years young saloon

what you been doing with this child

ha ha how are you kid

I knew your coots would show up

as soon as you saw somebody digging

ha ha we got word of all hopeful coming life

don't pay no attention to her

she's just amusing herself

it's cheaper than putting her in an institution ha ha

hello hello

are you the girl that's supposed to be loco

loco

sometimes people are supposed to be local

aren't as local as people are supposed to be

alright but you've been digging that all worn out

mindful well

sometimes you have to do things you don't wanna do

because people want you to do them

I know it I'm always doing that

what's your name strawberry

do you live around here I live over

again the hills with my Uncle Fletcher

like Arizona you gotta like a place

if you ain't got no other place to like

think I'll ever learn to like it

you like things you learn to like

what about scorpions and snakes and things like that

Uncle Fletcher said

scorpions don't mind living with people

for long as people behave themselves

no

I don't suppose it makes much difference where you are

as long as somebody to do something for

I wouldn't know about that

you got a boyfriend can't give him no room why

oh they can't ride or shoot or do nothing

when I was your age I used to have a boyfriend

not for me I'd rather shoot sidewinders

sidewinders wouldn't help

but over here I beg your pardon

run along little girl

here's 5 cents what kind of cows do you ride herd on

run along run along

they must be awfully sweet and pretty

you don't have to go I'll come around again

when you ain't bogged down with old

fancy pants

as we call a desert male

she ain't big enough to be a rat

I think she's sweet

I know a girl her age once who was a lot sweeter

I hope you're not trying to be familiar

you don't remember me

you're not I'm Stanley

well

my how you've changed

I know you anyways it hasn't a long time ago

you ain't been out of my mind

since you was knee high to a Newborn calf

well I'm glad I've been in somebody's mind

when I heard you come back home

I sat right down and wrote a lament

a lament would you like to hear it

well I'm not quite sure I know what it is

I can play it for you but I'm not gonna talk it

you don't mind if I go on with my work

do you no

go right along don't make no difference

all in Nelly's grave

here's my darling Lily's grief

sitting there by the moon holy tree

everything's turning out just like you said it would

what do you mean that's Stanley Howdy Howdy

he's written a lament for me

is that romantic very

yes it is

do you suppose your grandmother would mind if I

borrowed some hot water I'm sure she wouldn't

you can draw more rats than the jet cheese

aren't you having fun I gotta cook supper for him

you ever seen them groundhogs eat

ah you're enjoying it

maybe so what's the matter with him

that sandwich I know

but what's the matter with him

was it pleasing to you ha

I never heard anything like it

it was something that was in my heart

and I just had to get rid of it

you better get somebody to look at your brunnicle tubes

ha ha

great God don't get it

your country is full of

you don't buy them no place up Arizona

and roundhogs nearly ate me out of house and home

it was a night party

what are you doing in that ghetto

did you see the way Anwright looked at me

I saw how you looked at the state

I think he's getting ready to vibrate

if he'd been around here 40 years ago

I'd have made him vibrate

but a man's been hurt by a woman

you have to be very careful

oh we weren't so careful about them back in the 90s

times have changed the menu

how to love and Lamb days

is this Thursday why Sunday

Monday Tuesday

Wednesday Thursday

5th day not to see five

and there's the moon

you know I'm getting a little scared

being in the same house with you

I hope I didn't disturb you

it's alright

I was just prying into the private lives of

the micro family I'm sorry I interrupted

it's alright where'd you get that

oh it's just an old rag left over from my other life

it's very becoming oh

it's nothing it's just an old rag

it was such a wonderful moon tonight

I just couldn't think of sleeping

I haven't noticed

there's something about a full moon

that makes me want to do mad things

does the moon do funny things to you

not that I noticed once you sit down

I wonder if there are people up there

looking down on us as we know

the moon's uninhabited seems a shame

doesn't it I never thought very much about those things

till I met you thank you

you've made me see things in a different light

and you feel that I've helped you

you're just everything to me

I didn't mean it that way

I wish you had I meant it in a different way

are you still feeling better about that other woman

which woman well

was it more than one oh

you mean the woman who deterred me from my work

that one

no I don't feel any goodness towards it

hang on

I'm sorry I'm being very unethical

no you mustn't be sorry

what's that noise I didn't hear anything

I am from it sounded like a gunshot

I'm not frightened Nala

I'm sorry for what I did just now

didn't you mean it no

what you doing making love

no we're just looking at the moon

I'll go in like you spark

give me two bits you don't need to go

if you'll excuse me I have some things to do

he's a jerk from Albuquerque

what's the matter Moldy Lucy

no he won't vibrate

why don't you make him vibrate

there's another woman in his life

why don't you beat her up

he carries her around in here

did he swallow her no

she's just a memory you sure

got a torch I'll say what you're kicking about

all I see torch in it

when your torch burns down your icky

you're as good as done when you're in love

you feel it and when you wait

you don't feel nothing

where did you learn all these things

Uncle Fletcher he must be very poetic

he's drunk most of the time

wish I could get him a little drunk

oh gosh

here comes old fancy pants I'm heading for the bar

you always do things don't leave me alone with him

I couldn't stand him wait for you

Howdy good evening Stan

why don't you go someplace where people might be

want you

haha she's quite a character

little girl should be home in bed

I ain't got no bed look what I found here

5 cents put it back for all of me dawg

go on a bank 10 cents

hiding right underneath there

40 to 15 cents well look

did you ever see one of those

what is it 50 cents

hot would ya

ice cream and candy times away

ha ha

we got more characters out here than dogs got fleas

ha ha ha ha

climate does funny things to some people

sit down

I knew you liked that lament I wrote for you so well

I whipped up another verse

yes I'm just in the mood for a lament

wasn't quite sad enough no

it was a little too gay in the spot I fixed that listen

now the moon

and my time to go has come

Pussy Girl Heart

all in Nelly's grave

that's the time when I will surely reach my goal

that's very pretty I ain't finished yet

oh

I can hardly wait until the day

was that sad enough no

I'm not crying about that

I ain't said nothing out of the way

no you haven't

who did it doesn't matter

was it that long leg at tenderfoot

didn't what he says it's what he doesn't say

we don't like to see our women folk crying

on this part of the country

he is answering to me man to man

listen Mister

whoever you are

I guess you don't know much about Arizona

I'm learning fast out here

we don't allow no high polluting whether women for

well I done

now you've insulted the woman with who I am unamered

did she say that leave her out of this

this is man to man

you and I are gonna do a little super

I don't fancy plug it on an arm man

you'd be doing me a big favor

this is the way we do things

in this part of the country

what is that a 45

I guess so well

I haven't handled one of these in a long time

mind if I take up the practice

shot me no

I'll pick out something over here

are you leading me on stranger

are you sure no I'm alright

women ain't got no stomach for gun play

I guess not

well here she's all yours

better take up the Shack she's quite a character

no hard feelings oh no

I'm sorry I lost my temper

that's okay

more things ought to be settled by arbitration

good night stranger good night

oh my darling

oh my darling

I have lost you forever

why aren't you working the mine

oh up to you

you have to go ain't you

well good luck to me

I was only working the mine to please him

seems like the more you do for people

the less they appreciate it

you ain't gonna give up that easy

I hope

what are you gonna do with a man you can't even arouse

guess I'll just settle down here with you

and he can go hang just a minute

maybe maybe he ain't feeding him the right bait

I thought of every feminine trick I know that

maybe a couple you ain't thought of

wish I knew what they were

did you ever stop to think he might be after your money

he knows I haven't any money

well maybe he thinks I got some

he's not interested in money

if you happen to find some gold in that mine

you might get a surprise

why do you suppose the name that mine

the last hope I don't know

just a name I guess

remember

Old Mutton Head was just about ready to give up

oh that couldn't happen twice

by the way

did you look into this cross cut

that runs over towards the saloon

no why

why don't you go down and give it one more look around

you're acting awfully funny just a hunch

okay I'll go down and have a look around

it's just a waste of time

if that ain't gold quartz

I can't smell it

oh the dolly

her granddaughter you're sure to chip off your block

she's a chip off this block

she's sure full of persistency

I'm afraid she's about 50 years too late

you all coots together great job

if she happened to hit that lost vein

that lost vein was up here in Muttonhead's imagination

I wouldn't be too sure may I join the party

you will move right there

will you have a cup of coffee

no thanks

you ain't given up are you

there's no gold in that mine and you know it

you got what I told you to

yes I don't think much of your hunches

you probably wouldn't know gold if you saw it

maybe not I think she's shown good sense

because when mutton head hit the bonanza

it was right like this

and the drift was over to the left

it was not just ran the other way

don't tell me I helped mutton head worker

you getting so all your memories beating up

I ain't so old I can't take care of myself

I never saw the dead I couldn't handle two like you

yeah

quit getting excited or you'll both fall down in a pit

plenty of life in me yes

there's plenty in me too

I won the Champion Box fighter for nothing

sit down and cool off you never saw a dead

I couldn't handle a rod like you

hey

where'd you get this get what it's

that ain't gold I ain't never seen none

let me look at that ball

something cheaper she's hit it

where'd you get that out of the line why

why you've hit a bonanza

I can't believe it is that really gold

well that's what you've been looking for indon

how did you know it was down there

maybe you ain't the only one that vibrates

it's like a miracle

why don't you show it to your boyfriend

maybe it'll start him vibrating

look n right gold it's been here all the time

what a coincidence where you going

you're all straightened out now

there's nothing to hold me here

you're not going to leave me in this horrible place

but I thought you liked Arizona

I only said that to please you

you don't care what happens to me

of course I care you hate me

I do not hate you

I only came out here in the first place

to try and find some gold

and help you get on your feet

you're being unfair you lured me out here

now you're deserting me is that gold

gone to your head last night you were perfectly normal

I am not normal I have spells and dreams all the time

but I never tell you anything about them

what kind of spells never mind

I hope you'll be very happy

what kind of spells it's nothing much

it's just a funny little click

I get back here once in a while

are you telling the truth

last night I dreamed about Mr Billingsley

I dreamed he was in prison hanging by a long rope

lot of little pink men were jumping

and dancing and singing

we'll hang John Billy Lee to the sour apple tree

we'll hang John Billy Lee to the sour apple tree

we'll hang John Billy Lee to the sour apple tree

we'll hang John Billy Lee to the tree

we'll hang John Billy Lee to the sour apple tree

well it looks like she had painters

that's what it looks like

she ain't a bad looking girl

when she's got nice clothes on

go on

she ought to get about half a million out of that mine

I'd say

someone ought to get one to 10 years out of that mine

I'd say what do you mean

when that order goes to government essay

and they find out that mine's been sold

someone's in for a heap of trouble

what do you know about salt mine

not as much as you do are you in

yes

there's a cemetery back up in them hills

and it's just full of

people that couldn't mind their own business

I had her almost straightened out

almost normal now look what you've done

she's right back where she started

can I help it if she hit the pay dirt

I'll stay on I'll see this thing through

but I don't want any more interference

you understand are you threatening me

yes you've been telling her to come to our senses

why don't you come to yours

you don't want her and you don't want gold

what do you want just watch your step

ah

hahaha

oh you fucking shit

not yet

thanks for the lift I'll buy a cone of you sometime

okay

how do you feel about your good fortune

thank you that's very exciting

come on what do you do with all your money

I touch you

what are you going to do with all your money

I'm going to punish Mr Billingsley

are you Mr Billingsley

I have one more please

are you going to settle down and get married

well I'm so mad at a certain party at the moment

I'm liable to do anything

how do you have a gay 90s

you've started something how are you gonna finish it

lots of fun while it lasts

what about those poor fellows

digging for gold that isn't there

they've been dead for 50 years

they ought to be glad and brought them back to life

what about your conscience

look why don't you loosen up and have some fun

I'm not here to have fun

I suppose my plan daughter ain't good enough

that has nothing to do with it

are you gonna spend the rest of your life

peeking through that telescope

why don't you raise your head and look around

maybe there's other things in life besides bugs

oh yeah Kate

well I'll be sashed and blown if it ain't old Bill

where in the name of time did you drop from

how long has this been going on

my granddaughter had paid her it

and this is what happened

well

something ought to be done about these kindly people

like what we might open up the old joint again

and teach them the rudiments of Pharaoh

ha ha ha

it seems a shame to waste such a lovely group of un

shared lamb

quite a lot of

fun

how nice

how nice of you to come just make yourself at home

won't you

yes how true

how true

isn't it exciting and throwing

could be more exciting later on

well it couldn't be more exciting

it's just like a kiddie party

only the costumes are different

do you think I'll deserve coffee and sandwiches

aren't you talking like a child again

I am right you must do things for others

after all look what you've done for Stanley and me

just what did I do for Stanley

if you hadn't brought me out to Arizona

I might never have seen Stanley again

isn't that so Stanley

what I was just telling and right

how grateful we are

I'll be the first to put out my hand

oh I'm so glad you're going to be friends

to me your man's a man

I'm so happy I feel like going on a spree barely

go and buy me an ice cream cone

oh yeah

ha ha

ha ha ha

ain't she a character yes

she sure is would you like to have one Emma

no treats on me the only 5 cents

or just skip mine well

some people can take it or leave it alone

ha ha

ha ha

he's so manly isn't he

if you think so and human and kind

very poetic

we want you to be sure to come to the wedding

when did you decide on a wedding

well I haven't talked it over with Stanley yet

it's a kind of a surprise

congratulations where are you going

I give up

it's what you wanted isn't it

I don't know what I wanted

I'm only doing it to make you happy

stop talking nonsense

this is the kind of a life I wanted

of course it'll be different living with cows and pigs

and Stanley you must come out and see our place

I don't wanna see it maybe you don't approve of Stanley

for the love of Mike stop talking about Stanley

I'm sick and tired of hearing his name Stanley Stanley

Stanley you're driving me nuts

aren't they sweet they make wonderful pets

so understanding not more understanding the most humans

they say yeah

they're good beef cattle too

damn it

you have to think of everything in terms of food

well everybody that eats a piece of beef steak

is a party to the killing of a cow

ha ha boy

there's nothing better than a nice

thick cut of beef steak with plenty of mashed potatoes

family please

enride has a delicate constitution

oh I'm sorry

see we never did

figure out just where you fit into this herd Fred

I don't get it there's nothing personal between you two

heavens know I'm just sort of a guardian

oh that's a big relief to me

it'll be a big relief to enray when I'm happily married

there's an old saying in Arizona

take a man like you find him

that sounds reasonable

especially if he's a man of spirit naturally

what are those men doing they're open and Brandon

takes a lot of skill well

there's nothing to it if you know how

that's what Stanley is going to teach me

would you like him to give you a demonstration

if he doesn't mind well uh

I ain't exactly addressed for it

maybe you don't think Stanley can rob a can

I didn't say that uh

I've been so busy composing laments

I'm afraid I'm a little bit rusty

I'd like n right to see a man's man in action

well anything to please a lady

hey buck

let me borrow your horse wanna do a little calf roping

yeah well here he is

I'd much rather put it off to some other time

I wouldn't think of it

this will be a great treat for Enride

he spent most of his life with bugs

and microbes and things like that

well here goes

do you think you wanna do that Stanley can do anything

good grief

oh don't get excited

Stanley always does everything a different way

are you hurt boss

no but I'm powerful humiliated

give me that rope I'll get the dagnab griller

I didn't know cough roping was so complicated

you're just being sarcastic

next time I have veal chops

I'll be more appreciative

careful careful

careful nice

careful

come here you

do you like to hear about our wedding plans

this is much more interesting

we're going to reenact the two dumb Dawson Pharaoh

now romance

would you like to hear about our what

our wedding

wait for me

so one night he drove into the salon on horseback

and shot up the place

then put her across the comedy saddle

and took her off to the judge

and they lived happily alone

you're gonna pay for this humiliation

my friend just wait till I get you along

what's he doing now Stanley come back here

that's just routine did you hear what I said

yes I heard every word

only we are going to have an Indian car

do you stink on horseback

Danny seems to be getting the best of me

who the heck was Stan

that's no way to talk about your future

I could kill you

attention folks

for your amusement and edification

that will be reenacted here tonight

that famous toucan Dawson Perronell Elophan

it will come as a surprise

and in the meantime we'd like to cooperate from the bar

and if there's anybody here

who would like to learn the implicacies of Pedro

I will be very happy to oblige right over here

ain't you staying for the wedding

no I'm not

can't you take it if anyone asks about me

just say you haven't seen it I will

here's a dollar is that a real dollar yeah

just a minute long legs

you ain't making no getaway

I don't understand

are you gonna let her marry that big balloon

I can't stop her just turn around and get going

unless you want a load of buck shot in you

what do you want me to do

you're going up to that shack

and you're gonna tell her stop

that way she's up there crying her eyes out

there's nothing I can do about it

oh there's plenty you can do about it

you just get going you'll only be reasonable

I'll try and explain the whole situation to you

maybe you don't think this gun's loaded

are you sure you're not loaded

pardon me I

I hope I'm not intruding what do you want

I'm looking for the owner of the Lost Hope Mine

who are you I represent the United States government

what's wrong with her certainly glad you came along

maybe I can help you is it about the gold

no the government's got all the gold needs

buried down in Kentucky well

what's it about well

as near as we can tell

the millions and quicksilve around this country

somewhere and the government's interested

is there anything wrong with that

are you kidding no

I'm not kidding did you say millions

that's what it looks like that's all I wanna hear

what's the matter with everybody

have they gone nuts they're all drunk inside

I couldn't find out nothing why

you wanna know

is there a woman around here by the name of Palmer

or is she a spook what the word is to tell you

are you nuts too

no I'm look lady

I'm getting desperate

is there a woman around here by the name of Palmer

my name is Palmer don't move

are you trying to be familiar

do you own the lost hope mine

have an interest in it why

I'm trying to give away $1 million

and nobody will take it

you'll have to talk about that another time

we'll talk about it right now

if you wanna give some money away

just give it to my grandmother

she loves to avoid money where's your grandmother

she just ran over the hill

oh where are you going

have you seen him right

you mean long way we mustn't talk like that

he's gone gone where

he drove off that way

and I don't think he's coming back when just now

did you see a tall good looking man drive off

sure why

I want you to follow I can't

I gotta wait for the government

would you like to get shot

this is an emergency emergency

why didn't you say so that's stupid

get right in the government can wait

hi

if

you'd have said emergency

would have been there by now

boys when you hear the shooting

bust right out in the song

where's my bride we ain't seen her

something must have gone wrong

are you looking for a fancy pants

I'm looking for my bride she ran off with long legs

white and loaded

there's no use fellas

white women ain't reliable

better get back to the reservation

I don't want this thing to run into overtime

ain't you gonna chase her Stanley

no I've done my best

I'm gonna get out of these fancy clothes

and go back to practicing the open

I see when did you first notice this strange behaviour

ever since his return from Arizona

couldn't be the climate tell him about your experience

I was talking to him the other day

and he asked me if I thought a marriage could work out

if two people weren't made it

then he asked me if I thought

numerology

had anything to do with the person's vibration

what's numerology oh

it has something to do with numbers

perhaps he's evolving a new theory

oh

hi nice to see you again

doctor how you doing

this is Doctor Bruce to the head of the foundation

this is Jane Palmer how do you do

it's a pleasure I'm sure

thank you won't you be seated

if I can help Miss Palmer find a certain Doctor Enright

she's promised not to put me in jail

jail

I'm afraid I don't quite understand

well you see

I'm ashamed to admit it

but I have turned out to be an ABS

you don't need to say it

we have a Doctor Enright right here on this floor

oh I see what you mean

but not in this office no

he's just down the hall is he a patient

well in a way

but I'm just beginning to diagnose his case

it was another woman she's thrown him out of harmony

I think we can get him back in the harmony

okay my grandfather did a lot for this foundation

and I think the foundation should do something for me

and Enright I'm sure the foundation can help you

and you can help the foundation

that's what Enright always says

you must do things for others

yes well come with me

goodbye Mr Billingsley

I hope you grow fat on your ill gotten gains

you think I've got room as for me

I found something money can't buy

and don't ever try and come

and give any of it back to me

because I positively refuse to take it

not even if you come crawling to me on your hands

on your hands and knees

you'll find Doctor Andre two doors down

he can be cured catty

he's half cured now you will have to do the rest

isn't science wonderful he's coming along

you're wonderful even Mr Billingsley's wonderful

but I wouldn't let him know it

well Billingsley

it looks if we might kill two birds with one stone

well I think you're hanging a rock around pool

inright's neck everybody to his own taste

speaking of taste

you happen to have any more of that nerve

kind of kid is hidden right down there

the last time I was here

the foundation offers all kinds of service

I'll just take it straight

I've seen everything anyway

and a few big elephants won't matter do you know

a penny for your thoughts

where did you come from Arizona

are you uh

you married not yet

what about the government man and all that money

I'm gonna let grandma worry about that

you mean you gave it all up

some people aren't meant to have money

besides being a chauffeur

I mean a kind of a chauffeur

I knew you were sensitive about those things

but now that I have it any money anymore

there's no need to be sensitive

naturally I would

have said something to you about it sooner

if it had me for that other woman

if you hadn't slapped me

everything might have been different

but you did and that changed the whole course of nature

because when a man slaps a woman

that shows he loves her especially if he's sober

I couldn't tell you how I felt before

because that other woman was in your life

but now that you're cured

I feel I can speak freely

I think you're awfully foolish about a lot of things

but then none of us can be perfect

and I want someone to take care of me

I wanted to be you why don't you say something and

right it's a wonderful relief

go on say something

see how much better you could yeah

four years in college yeah

four years in medical school

yeah two years as an intern

yes all I ever wanted to be was a man of science

I wanted to do something with humanity

I know you did

I don't know why this should have to happen to me

no I know it shouldn't have happened

it couldn't have happened

keep talking keep talking

that's better don't you feel better now haha

of course you do of course you do