Original subtitles

Previously on Family Law.

What's going on?

If you don't get out now, I'll have the police charge you with assault.

And good luck to the next sucker who has to defend himself against your imagination.

I messed up.

You'll never get that time back.

But I promise I will do everything I can to make it right.

I've been in discussions with Marcus Peterson about a merger.

Sorry, what?

Since you're my partner and I wanted to bring you into the loop.

I should have been in the loop before you two even had a discussion.

What's wrong?

Do your neighbors keep their liquor bottles in the toilet tank as well?

My friends bet me 50 bucks I couldn't talk to the cutest guy in this place.

I'm pregnant.

But you're not actually gonna... Yes, I'm keeping it.

But don't worry, I don't expect anything from you.

I just thought, morally speaking, I should let you know.

Dude, ever heard of a condom?

We used one.

At least, I think we did.

I can't believe you got your one-night stand pregnant.

You are incapable of having a sexual encounter

without turning it into a long, drawn-out downer.

That's not true.

Oh, I'm having a no-strings-attached affair with a chef till her boyfriend gets

back to town, cut to you, Chase, moping for

a year, and martyr I'm seeing their wedding.

What's that gotta do with this?

And now, it's, oh, this is gonna be my slut-era,

cut to I'm having a baby with a stranger.

It's not my fault you'd want us to keep it.

Wait, the baby mama is that chick who Mac Daddy'd you at the bar?

Yeah.

Dude, you got play.

She's trying to lock you down.

Tell me you ordered a DNA test.

Of course I did.

There's no way this baby is your horse.

You're right.

There's no way.

Think about it.

There's no one to date in the city.

Either my standards have gotten higher or the men have gotten worse.

I thought you were sleeping at Ben's.

We, uh, we broke up.

Abby, no.

What did you do?

What did I do?

Well, you have a very aggressive personality.

The women in our family are stubborn, but trust me, you won't do better than Ben.

So, I say this with love.

Fix it.

Unfortunately, this can't be fixed.

Good morning.

Good morning.

So, last night was unexpected, but nice, very...

No, I'll get her.

Don't forget to use the special diaper cream.

You're doing it again.

Sorry, working on it.

This booth is bringing me right back, Robert.

How many all-nighters do we borrow here?

When you were a wee articling student at my firm.

Cramming for court.

Blitzed on bottomless coffee.

It's been way too long.

How's retirement?

I don't recommend it.

I gave it a test drive myself a few months ago.

Didn't agree with me either.

Are you still in your Point Grey house?

I am.

Although it's felt pretty... cavernous since Anna passed.

She was an incredible woman.

Yeah.

Knew how to throw a party.

Oh, I know.

Now I hear you're back with Joanne.

Her?

I remember.

Quite a looker.

She's even more beautiful now.

Oh, that's possible.

Other things didn't work out with us.

I'm sorry to hear that.

How's the firm?

Doing well.

Lots of changes.

Daniel's a partner now.

Good for him.

He's a decent lawyer, but he's silly and lacks

respect for the shoulders on which he stands.

I can one-up you.

My son has hired a lawyer to strong arm me into handing over power of attorney.

Albert, that's terrible.

Let me represent you.

I don't need help.

Of course not, but a professional buffer could save your relationship with your son.

Not sure there's anything this safe.

But, yes, it's okay.

Stick your hands in the corners of the fitted sheet, holding it lengthways,

then bring your hands together.

The right corner goes over the left one.

This is really hard to learn.

What once you do is just like riding a bicycle.

But I don't know how to ride a bicycle.

How's the trial roommate situation going?

Great.

How's it really going?

Honestly, surprisingly well.

He's following all my rules.

Your 9 A.M.

is in the boardroom.

Thanks.

Hello, Theo.

I'm Abigail Bianchi.

How can I help you today?

I'd like to get a divorce.

You've come to the right place.

You and your spouse are claiming irreconcilable differences.

My marriage was destroyed by a Jezebel.

So, adultery.

No, not a mistress.

My mother-in-law.

My husband always prioritized his relationship with his mother.

Monica's a monster, but he's too blinded by it.

I'd have loved to see it.

Rex has certainly done well for himself.

He created a video conferencing platform that took off.

Before or after you got married?

Before.

Do you have a list of assets acquired during the marriage?

Oliver took care of all the business-y stuff.

I took care of the home.

Or request financial disclosure.

And that won't be a problem.

We never fought about money.

Or sex.

Or dishes.

Or anything.

But Monica... You must think it's crazy to end a relationship over one thing.

Not if it's a deal breaker.

Speak to you soon.

Cecil, can you get Portia Iva's office to send over the financials for Kip V.

Hatcher?

Yeah, totally.

Hey, do you have a minute?

Who?

I found Ben's secret vodka stash last night.

And I ended it.

I hate that I had to, but I'm too scared.

If you don't put on your own oxygen mask first, you're not helping anyone.

I just thought he was it.

What's going on with you?

I had my first radio segment of the Phoenix tomorrow.

You'll knock it out of the park.

Also, Maggie and I had sex.

Maggie, who abducted your baby?

I think we're getting back together.

Cool origin story.

What's a cool origin story?

She's pregnant.

Who?

Exactly.

She was a one-night stand.

She has a pet rat.

She says it's mine, not the rat that...

Wait, are you saying you got her pregnant?

I don't want to talk about it.

You brought it up.

I have a partner's meeting.

I need to focus.

Well, that's the last item on the agenda.

So, meeting adjourned.

Is there something else?

We still need to discuss the other thing.

Jerry, would you mind giving us a moment to speak privately?

Of course.

I've had time to think about the merger.

These are my terms.

Uh, no.

No.

No.

We can discuss this in the future.

No.

Okay.

I'm ready to move forward with the discussion.

Daniel, you cannot tell anybody about this.

Not Abigail, not Jerry, not that pasty lawyer you play with on the beach.

We don't.

My lips are sealed.

I reviewed Mr. Hatcher's financials.

Somehow our client's tech tycoon husband is cash-poor with no assets.

Smells fishy.

So cash the fish?

Oh, you want me to...

Track the money, Cecil.

Ah, got it.

Put a big sign on my door that says gone fishing.

Well, if I had a door, that is.

I would...

Yeah.

Your client's bid for POA is preposterous.

Robert has the sharpest mind of anyone I know.

No one is questioning Robert's mental competence.

Obviously, you are a legend.

However, Mr. Jennings feels that his father

would do better in an assisted living facility.

I bet he does.

Dad, that old house would be a lot for anyone to handle alone.

I am capable of running my own household.

The gutters are clogged.

There's an inch of dust on everything.

The only thing in the fridge is a row of expired condiments.

The good news is these problems can be outsourced.

I have a wonderful housekeeper, and I recently learned

about a meal delivery service called Dine Dispatch.

I have tried all of that.

My father turned the cleaner away and told

the Meals on Wheels woman she was trespassing.

That's hospital food for people that can't take care of themselves.

Dad, I don't mean you any harm.

Please, would you just trust that I'm trying to help?

No.

I'm not leaving my house unless it's in a coffin.

So the trick is you get right inside of the sheet.

Why are you all sitting around playing charades

like children in the middle of a workday?

It's called a lunch break.

Well, I started out.

People didn't take breaks.

Yes, before those pesky labor laws were created.

And the concept of work-life balance.

When I was an articling student, Robert Jennings would call his office at 11 PM.

To see who was still there.

Better brew some more coffee.

Gramps is gearing up for a good old walk to

school uphill both ways in the snow story.

Enough with the old jokes.

Did none of you learn to respect your elders?

I honestly don't know why I had children.

I've given you everything and get nothing but insults in return.

Kids earned investments on a payback plan, Harry.

Tell my family that.

Literally, the only reason my grandmother had children was

so she had someone to take care of her when she was older.

My parents changed my diapers, and I'll change theirs.

I would change your diaper, dad, if that makes you feel any better.

I'll wear a noose before I wear a diaper.

Oh, can we get that in writing?

For the record, this is right here.

That's why I won't commit to a retirement date.

I fear you would just sit around all day making

snotty jokes and eating fruity, miniature yogurts.

Miss Bianchi, I caught a big one.

You know those missing assets?

We found them.

Monica.

How is this for radio sign-off?

Feelings aren't facts.

Or the best way out is through, like, or...

Do you need results, Ren?

Uh... Babies mine.

Oh, I feel dizzy.

Wait, hey, take some deep breaths.

Come, sit down.

What are you gonna do?

I'm going to draft a contract giving Jude's full parenting.

And child support, obviously.

It's exactly what I did, but when Harmony was born, I changed my mind.

This is different.

You and Maggie were married and actively planning a family.

All I know about Jude is she eats cheesies in bed.

So it's an accident.

Maybe a happy accident.

I'm not father material.

How do you know?

This might surprise you, but I can be a little...

individually focused.

You mean selfish?

I don't know if that's the word.

Oh, it is.

But Daniel, when you see your child in front of you, something just switches on.

I don't want to mess this kid up like Dad messed us up.

I'm the only one that actively parents it, and I'm the least messed up.

Let's maybe put a pin in that.

Just don't rush your decision.

And above all, be kind to yourself.

Did you just test her up a sign off on me?

Be kind to yourself.

Has, uh, Nico been hounding you about this school trip to France?

The kid who's never made it through a sleepover without calling to be picked up

is Adam and he's ready for his semester in Europe.

We have to entertain the idea, right?

We're not monsters.

Of course we'll humor him.

The parents' information sessions tonight at six.

Rock, paper, scissors?

Oh, it's okay.

I'll take one for the team and represent.

I got nothing else going on.

Thank you.

Incoming ex-father-in-law.

I will take that as my cue.

Harry.

I just ran into Ben.

Apparently, you two are no longer dating.

What did you do?

Why do both my parents assume the breakup was my fault?

I don't know what you were thinking.

Ben was a massive upgrade from that little firefighter.

To be honest, a serious step up from Frank.

Well, Ben's single now, if you're interested.

Oh.

You.

Ready?

I took the competency test of my own volition.

Andrew is already in place for POA when I'm ready.

I was Associate Chief Judge, for Pete's sake.

It's absurd on many levels.

A little trick my mentor taught me.

Thank you.

This historical accounting proves that over the course of their marriage,

Mr. Hatcher fraudulently diverted funds to his mother.

Luxury homes, cars, designer clothes, this is money and property that otherwise

would have remained in the conjugal family.

Mr. Hatcher has been hiding millions from my client behind Mommy's skirt.

Thank you, your honor.

Miss Aoife.

I call Mr. Hatcher to the stand.

I didn't tell Theo about the purchases because my

mom was such a point of contention in our marriage.

I didn't want to rock the boat.

Mr. Hatcher, will you explain to the court why

you purchased your mother such extravagant gifts?

Because I owe her everything.

Growing up, it was just the two of us.

My mother was my only friend when I was a moody teenager.

She gave me the startup money for my company.

She's been a shoulder to cry on during this entire painful separation.

I literally owe my mother my life.

Your honor, my client was never trying to hide his assets from his husband.

He was simply trying to show his appreciation

to the woman who sacrificed everything for him.

I asked the court, is it a crime to love your mother?

Well, on that touching, if saccharine note, we'll adjourn for the day.

My father wears dirty clothes because the washing machine is in the basement.

With his declining mobility, the stairs have become a serious hazard.

He forgets to feed himself.

Given the circumstances, we asked the court to extend its exercise of a parent's

patriot jurisdiction to declare the defendant as per the appendix D amendment.

Council, kindly stop dropping glossary terms like you're writing an in-class essay.

Your honor, the plaintiff's grab for power of attorney is ageism at its worst.

The documents submitted into evidence

overwhelmingly show my client is compass mentus.

Mr. Jennings is acting like an overprotective helicopter parent.

Who won't let his child climb the monkey bars unless he fall and get a scratch?

Honorable Judge Jennings, despite being bone density challenged at 82,

may climb his own stairs all day long if he so chooses.

Because if a freshman here wants to play the glossary game, the Adult Guardianship

Act states that adults are entitled to the right to refuse

all assistance as long as one poses no risk to others.

That was a masterclass, Mr. Spencer.

Seriously, chills.

But, um, uh, the, uh, about the no risk to, to others part,

um, I'd actually like to call, uh, Donna Hayward to the stand.

Mrs. Hayward, did you converse with your

neighbor, Robert Jennings, on October the 11th?

I did.

Would you give the court context?

Robert was backing up his car and drove over the property line into our driveway.

He ran over our daughter's tricycle.

She had been riding it moments earlier.

That must have been terrifying.

It was.

Especially since he's not supposed to be driving.

Would you please, uh, clarify that last statement for the court?

Robert told me six months ago that his license had been revoked.

Your honor, may I request a short recess?

Granted.

Thank you.

Robert, are you, are you okay?

No.

All right.

Robert!

Dad?

I can't believe that after 10 years of setting my own dreams aside to be a

supportive house husband, I might get next to nothing.

Fight is an over, Theo.

Ugh.

Get a room!

The instructions are to double the dose for the first three days.

I heard, I heard.

The ER doctor told me this was one of the worst bladder infections he's ever seen.

No wonder you blacked out.

Why didn't you seek medical attention?

I knew he'd hold it against me.

Andrew is really worried about you.

I don't want him anywhere near me.

You're lucky he didn't migrate to your kidneys.

These last few years have been a rude awakening.

Don't take your youth for granted, Harry.

I'm nearly 70.

Well, nothing will make your 70s seem more appealing than your 80s.

Don't waste a moment.

Why did you take your car out without a license?

I needed milk.

I'm not depending on other people for every little thing.

And I was doing okay until...

That showed up in my mailbox, grabbing me of my freedom.

Wait, that letter arrived in the mail?

May I?

Be my guest.

Robert, this letter is a fake.

Hi.

Sorry, I just finished cleaning the rat cage.

Exposure to animal feces can be toxic to fetuses.

That's cat poo.

Rat poo is totally fine.

Do you mind if I eat while we talk?

Is she going to wash her hands?

Oh, I haven't eaten all day.

It's almost seven.

I know, but I had to pull an all-nighter to hit a deadline.

How long has it been since you last left?

Two days.

Do you know how much sugar is in a single can of soda?

Sugar is natural.

So is cocaine.

Okay.

Let's do this paperwork.

Um... I think my assistant printed off the wrong document.

The students will visit Versailles, explore the home of Hugo's Hunchback,

and roam the beaches of Normandy to see where Allied soldiers fought for our freedom.

The trip last year to Barcelona was a huge success.

The kids came home from Barcelona with a newfound confidence and global mindset.

Most of the students have even kept in touch with their Barcelona host families.

Do the parents at the back have anything they'd like to share?

Can't believe I have to shill chocolate covered almonds.

Even though my son is almost certainly not going on this trip.

How can you Rob your son of this experience after hearing about Barcelona?

Well, obviously, Barcelona was a trip for the ages.

But my kid can't remember to bring his agenda home from his dad's.

It's hard to imagine entrusting him with a passport.

My daughter also suffers from binder amnesia on switch days.

I'm Abby, by the way.

Kieran.

Sorry, I'm ravenous.

No, that was very long and tedious.

Hmm, I can tell these are going to be addictive.

Yeah, they are.

And at 15 bucks a pop, that's an expensive habit.

But it's for a good pop.

As a person who prefers cinema rooted in realism, I have to say I appreciated the

world building of Lord of the Rings last night.

See, I told you you'd like it.

Step right up and get your chocolate covered almonds.

Chocolatey, almondy, and overpriced today only.

Uh, no, thank you.

I'm surprised you're not tempted.

Well, you know, Winston doesn't like sweets in the house...

or coats on the back of chairs.

Sounds intense.

No, no.

Winston's just a real...

rule lover.

Yeah.

Your Honor, Mr. Jennings, Jr. admits he forged this letter, fraudulently revoking

his father's driver's license.

Objection.

Irrelevant to this power of attorney case?

Sustained.

Okay.

With all due respect, the plaintiff's actions

speak to his character, which is relevant.

Go on.

Mr. Jennings is asking the courts to Grant him decision-making power, but clearly,

as proves, he has poor decision-making skills.

He illegally took away his father's right to drive.

What other rights might he take away if given power of attorney?

Your Honor, I did that for the safety of everyone on the road.

My father almost ran over a child.

Sorry, Dad.

Sit down, Mr. Jennings.

There's a process on how to handle these things, and this isn't it.

Shame on you for undermining your father with this devious little maneuver.

But all I can rule on is the matter of power of attorney.

Robert, you know I hold you in the highest esteem.

And with all the respect and admiration in the world, I believe that despite his

foolish misstep, your son has your best interests at heart.

I hereby Grant his order for power of attorney.

She.

Was sweet, deprived, stuffing her face with chips, elbow-deep, in-road and dumb.

So you didn't give her the paperwork?

No.

Because you want to be a part of the baby's life now?

If I'm not, she might kill it.

Either of you like to purchase some ethically-sourced, lightly-roasted almonds

covered in a thick layer of organic milk cacao?

You're lawyering wrong if you need a candy side hustle.

I'm fundraising for Nico's school.

How much is it?

$15 a box.

Oh, that's steep.

You're lawyering wrong if you can't afford $15 for your nephew's education.

Unless you don't care about the future of the children.

Of course I care about the future of the children.

Fine.

Why box your waxy candy?

I'm in for three, but I'll have to settle up later.

I'm off to do my first call-in show.

Wish me luck.

Good luck, Luz.

Break a leg.

I don't carry cash.

Good luck talking to your mom, Alex.

You've got Kelly online, too.

Hi, Kelly.

Hello, Lucy.

Congratulations on your new gig.

Thank you.

How can I help you today, Kelly?

I was in a relationship with a woman who claimed she wanted something serious.

I made our house a home, protected her from the toxic people in her life,

looked as a vacation when she was overworked.

But at the first hiccup in the relationship, she abruptly

broke up with me and illegally tried to evict me.

When I refused to leave, she ambushed me with her attorney father who threatened to

sabotage my career if I didn't leave immediately.

That's a lot to unpack here.

Do you have a question?

I'm just trying to make sense of it all, Lucy.

Well, the first thing I'd say is, it's important to

remember that there are two sides to every story.

Are you saying you don't believe me?

No, that's not.

Because that sounds a lot like victim blaming.

Should I pop a plug?

First of all, I would never blame a victim.

However, a relationship involves two people.

So it's difficult to dissect with only one of you here.

As an exercise, I invite you to adopt your ex-girlfriend's point of view.

Sound good, Kelly?

Sure.

If she were here, would she say that she felt protected by you as an example?

Would she say that there was a trail of trust that

came to light that precipitated that abrupt breakup?

It appears we've lost Kelly.

Kelly, if you can hear me, be kind to yourself.

We have Corey on the line.

Hi, Corey.

Bravo, Lucy!

Well done!

You were brilliant.

But also, oh my god, that was insane.

Are you okay?

Honestly, I'm great.

How'd it go?

Well, there was some big surprises.

Nice of you to tune in.

I'm gonna listen online later, I promise.

I'm just trying to figure out how to save my

client from a doomed day and divorce court first.

Why is it doomed?

It's sad, actually.

It seems like a solid relationship.

Except my client's husband is under his

mother's thumb, like serious Norman Bates vibes.

And measurement is almost always a marriage killer.

Why?

Mom and son were probably always codependent.

Son gets married, mom's fear of losing her surrogate spouse spikes, tightens her

grip, interferes to the point where son has no autonomy, then uses her influence

to alienate the affection from her son to her

spouse so she can have son all to herself again.

And this is why you've got a radio show.

Alienation of affection.

Are you seriously running with this?

1965 called, they want their tort back.

It's an oldie but a goodie.

It's an abolished legal argument.

May I beg the court's indulgence?

You already set up the monitor.

Mr. Hatcher, could you give the court context for this photo?

That's Theo and me on our honeymoon in Sayulita.

And this photo?

A Valentine's dinner at Coquette.

And this one?

Theo receiving his Ph.D.

After four long years in a grueling dissertation process, it was a big deal.

There is nothing more torturous than sitting through

somebody else's family slideshow, Miss Bianchi.

What's your point?

My point is, there's a bigger picture in the dissolution of this marriage.

May I draw the court's attention to Mrs. Hatcher,

crashing her son and son-in-law's honeymoon.

Mrs. Hatcher, inviting herself to their romantic Valentine's dinner.

Mr. Kip's commencement ceremony.

In Mr. Hatcher's own words, a big deal.

Yet, he didn't take this photo.

In fact, he missed his husband's commencement ceremony entirely.

Why?

Because Mrs. Hatcher called with a conveniently timed and imaginary crisis.

My vertigo came back, that is a crisis.

I'll have order in my court.

With a little more context, these photos tell the story of a mother who was so

threatened by her son's marriage, she intentionally alienated his affection,

directly causing my client pain and suffering.

Oh, so now I'm on trial.

You might be if you keep this up.

Andrew, I'm here to see how your father's holding up.

Well, I appreciate that, but dad's gone AWOL.

What do you mean he's AWOL?

I came to pick him up to tour some retirement homes, and he's gone.

I will never forgive myself if something happens to him.

Robert will be fine.

Will he?

He's 82 years old.

He's fragile.

Why is he fighting this so hard?

Assisted living is a tough pill to swallow.

Well, we wouldn't have to go this route if he would just accept some help.

I have no idea where he is.

I need to call the police.

Hold off for a bit.

Please.

I am so sorry again about yesterday.

What are you apologizing for?

It was unprofessional.

On the contrary, you were a total pro.

Seriously, watching you navigate your abusive ex while she stalked you on air

solidified your badassery.

She definitely created a false narrative.

Dude, she's unhinged.

If anyone needs to apologize, it's me.

She never should have made it through.

On the bright side, the data came back, and the numbers were awesome.

First of all, I'd like to thank Miss Bianchi for

her entertaining argument pulled from the scrolls.

Kudos on the big swing.

Court favors the brave.

And it's not the quote.

Glad you got to stretch your personal injury legs, but

third-party emotional damages won't fly in family court.

I see no evidence that contradicts Mr. Hatcher's statements

that his gifts to his mother were given in good faith.

All right, hang on with all the looks at each other.

I'm not done.

Miss Bianchi's slideshow did convince me that

Mrs. Hatcher is exercising undue influence.

I find that the properties were put into Monica Hatcher's name fraudulently.

She has no legal right to them.

Mr. Kip is entitled to half of all the marital assets.

Seriously, Abby, I can't even.

You're a courtroom queen.

Oh, I got to the baseline divorce settlement, Theo.

That's it.

No, you validated my experience.

I didn't know that's what I needed till I got it.

Do you think there's any hope for you and Oliver?

I think I have to accept the fact that he's damaged and I can't fix him.

I'm through with mama's boys.

Recovered mama's boys, though.

I'm glad I found you.

I am not bunking down with a bunch of drooling cabbages.

I want to file an appeal.

I'm advising against that.

We won't win, which you already know.

Do you remember how you used to keep a scoreboard

of all the lawyers wins in the staff lounge?

I said, thank you.

Your workplace ethos served me well.

So much of my ego was wrapped up in those wins.

However, as I've grown older, I realized not all wins belong on the scoreboard.

As much as I complain about Daniel, I've learned from watching him work that

if you are willing to relinquish some control, brave some vulnerability,

and trust that both sides are working towards a common

goal, sometimes you actually get more of what you want.

I see what you're doing.

I talked to Andrew.

He says if you agree to downsize, accept all home care visits, and stop

haranguing the Poor Meals on Wheels volunteer,

you can continue to live an independent life.

Harry, I am sorry that I cannot stomach that Meals on Wheels woman.

I'm going to need you to teach me how this dine dispatch thing works.

Okay.

You'll never guess how I salvaged Kip versus...

Why are you reading that?

Shut the door.

I'm expecting a child.

Congratulations.

I didn't know you were seeing anyone.

Not, and yet, we're pregnant.

Well, she's pregnant.

You are reading an 80s guide to mom shaming while binge eating candy.

I would appreciate your discretion.

I would like to share the news with that myself.

Sure.

If you stop micromanaging me.

Deal.

And if you buy 40 boxes of chocolate covered almonds.

30.

38.

Fine.

How are you feeling?

Unprepared.

You've never been unprepared for anything in your life, Daniel.

In fact, all of your annoying qualities make you oddly suited for parenthood.

I mean, you already carry Craig on your chest.

Right.

Having a baby is just like having a dog.

You make it so hard to be on your side.

I just put the kettle on.

Do you want some tea?

Sure.

Thanks.

Okay.

I felt so good to wake up all together the other day.

It's it.

But before you go any further, I should tell you...

I'm seeing someone.

It's early days, but I'm excited to see where it goes.

Okay.

Well, thanks for letting me know.

I'm happy for you.

Thanks.

How did the show go?

It was good.

Yeah, of course it was.

I'm proud of you.

So, I'll pick the munchkin up in the morning around 8.

Perfect.

You know how much I hate losing.

But between you and me, Judge Gill's ruling was a blessing in disguise.

His ego was ruining his life.

One of the most important things I learned in sobriety was leaving my ego at the door.

I'll never be the first to tell you.

I muck it up all the time.

I think you're doing all right.

The challenge is to learn that life lesson before it's too late.

I want to.

Watch the second Lord of the Rings site.

I think I'm too tired.

Oh no, are you not sleeping well in the fold out?

No, the couch is super comfy.

So are you so tired?

Maybe just having to wake up early to abide by your morning rules.

What morning rules?

Just like how you want the fitted sheet folded.

Okay.

Takes me half an hour to get the silk edges tucked into little elastic pockets.

And how you want me to towel dry the shower walls after every use.

But by the time I'm done drying everything, I'm so sweaty I need another shower.

And then you ask me to leave the apartment for 15 minutes every morning.

And it's almost right after I pour myself a big bowl of Cheerios.

And I get back and the cereal is soggy.

And I know it's not my apartment.

But honestly, it is very confusing to be told

to walk around the block at random intervals.

I have Parcopresis.

Winston, are you dying?

No, I'm poop shy.

You should have just said that.

You can stay in the apartment when I go to the washroom.

No, it's a good excuse to get my steps in.

Oh, thank God.

Can I just roll up the fitted sheet though?

If you stuff it in the cupboard where I can't

see it, uneven edges make my eye twitch.

Deal.

Mr. Frodo, here we come.

I've sold 48 boxes of chocolate almonds so other

people's kids can stuff themselves full of croissants.

You're real philanthropist now.

Since I've already invested all this humanitarian age,

I'm wondering if we should just send Nico on the trip.

Are you serious?

I don't want to coddle him just because he's young for his age.

I mean, what's the worst that could happen?

I have to fly to Paris to retrieve him in the middle of the trip?

Okay.

Yeah, let's toss this kid out of the nest.

Nico takes Paris.

Great, okay.

I'll tell him that I'm Gail.

I'm so glad we've gone to this place, Abby.

We're killing it with the co-parenting.

We really are.

Good thing, since it sounds like we might be working together soon too.

What do you mean?

Well, because of the merger.

What merger?