Original subtitles

Mm, mm, mm. Did I get it?

- Not even close. - What are you kids doing?

Playing no-look food wipe.

No-look food wipe?

You've to wipe the food off the table.

Sounds simple? Not so fast. No looking.

- Oh, fun. Let me try. - Oh.

Eh, eh, eh... Nuts.

Uh, it doesn't seem like the best way

to actually wipe the table.

- It's not. - He doesn't get it.

Bob, your dad's here.

Oh, right. He said he was gonna swing by.

The man likes to swing.

Hi, everybody.

Hi, Dad.

Pop-Pop, I think there's a fun kite stuck to you?

Phew. Glad somebody said it.

I... I found it when I was cleaning out my closet.

Remember this kite, Bob?

Um... I... uh--

- Think back. - Yeah, I'm... I'm...

I'm not really remembering.

This is so awkward for the kite, Dad.

- I gave it to you. - Oh, you did?

Yeah. After your mom passed.

I thought it'd be a good way to spend time together,

and I meant to fly it with you, but, you know,

we just didn't get around to it.

Aw. Kind of a sorry-your-mom-died kite.

Uh, yeah, somethin' like that.

Well, uh, that's okay, Dad.

No, no, no. I... I should've flown it with you.

I should have flown a kite with my son.

Anyway, that's why I brought it over.

Pretty windy today. We should go right now.

- With the kids. - Us kids or other kids?

Oh. Um, I mean, the restaurant is open.

- Is it? - Sometimes the only way I know

is by looking at the sign on the door.

And I still have some prep I need to do

for the dinner crowd, and--

- Ha! - Why "ha"?

Those are the same excuses I used to use.

You're just like me, Bob.

Uh, I... I'm not. No offense.

Think about it. All the father-kid stuff we never did.

I never took you fishing. You take these kids fishing?

- Um... - Well, we fished Tina's glasses

out of the toilet on numerous occasions.

I can't hold them on my head

and flush the toilet at the same time, I'm sorry.

I never threw a ball around with ya.

Oh. Well, we've thrown a ball around. I think.

Kids, back me up? The ball?

Like a royal ball? You wish, Cinderella.

Oh, God. Am I like you?

No.

I mean, you're great, Big Bob, but nah.

It's not too late, son. You can make this right.

Bob, go. I can cover for a few hours.

Go fly a kite. In a nice way.

Uh, kids, you wanna?

Yeah, let's go make a thing

go up in the air for some reason.

Any excuse not to work.

I mean, I'm so excited about this.

I wanna get high as a kite.

- Is that how kite people talk? - No.

Okay. Uh, thanks, Linda.

We'll be back before the dinner rush.

I'll just go upstairs and get my phone.

You don't need your phone. Kids and their phones.

Uh, okay, but I should probably get my wallet.

What do you need a wallet for?

It's a kite. You need wind and string.

"Wind and String" is also the name of Ken's

experimental jazz duo.

They are a tough listen.

Oh, yeah. This is a good spot.

Right? Hmm.

Onshore breeze?

Someone went to wind school.

So, how do you think we do this?

Oh. Uh, I was hoping maybe you knew.

I don't. I don't know how to do, you know...

- Anything fun? - Right.

I mean, I guess you're supposed to hold it up

and then, you know, let the wind take it?

- Yikes. - No.

And the wind said, "Uh-uh, honey."

Here, you might have more luck.

Uh. Okay, um...

Oh.

Ah, you can't let it get away with that. Hit back.

Ooh, he's got a kite.

And his posture's more confident than yours.

So much more.

Whoa.

How's he doing that?

Maybe you can pay for better wind?

Premium wind.

Maybe it comes with Hulu.

Okay, he's kind of standing with his back to the wind.

I'll... I'll... I'll do that.

That's it, son. Copy the crap outta him.

Uh, here.

Okay, blast off.

I don't think the other dad said, "Blast off."

Oh, it's working.

- Yeah, it is. - You got it! Nice, Dad.

It's... really working.

Jeez, it must be 100 feet in the air.

That's why it got so small.

Does anyone else wanna hold the stri... Whoa!

Oh, my God, uh...

I'm gonna go get it.

And you're totally gonna be able to catch up with it!

'Cause of how fast you are.

I can hear his knees clicking from here.

I'm guessing you also never taught our dad how to run?

I did not.

Oh. Okay, Good.

It landed.

Ah. And I might have a heart attack.

Just a little one. Or a medium.

God, that's a lot of pain.

Yes, there it is! Train station?

Does the kite commute.

Oh, I'm too tired to laugh.

Oh, shoot.

Um, excuse me. Uh, sir?

My kite is stuck to the wheel of your--

♪ The world's gonna see me... ♪

Uh...

Sir, my kite is, um...

Sir? Excuse me!

Sir, wait!

Oh, God. Maybe I can... No. Not...

Oh.

Oh, God, the door's gonna close.

Hello. Hi.

What are you doing? And can you stop?

Uh, sorry. My kite is snagged on your bag.

Um, I have earbuds in,

and it's very hard to pause this.

Oh, God. Train door closing.

No! No, no, no! No! Crap.

I'm turning away from you now.

Great.

Ugh. What's the next stop?

Maybe I can still walk back?

This is the express train.

Next stop's not until Shorebridge.

Shorebridge? That's so far away.

That's why we have trains. Ticket, please.

Oh. Uh... right. Ticket.

- Yeah. - Uh, huh-huh.

- You guys still do that, huh? - It's our favorite part.

Uh, I... uh, I'm realizing I don't have my wallet.

I left home in a hurry to fly this kite.

Not alone. I have a family I was gonna fly it with.

Don't shake your head, I... I... I do.

But I will definitely pay you.

Is there maybe a system

where I can write my name and address down or something,

and then send you the payment--

- Jerry. - We don't need to call Jerry.

Yep.

If Dad doesn't come back, maybe that guy can be our dad?

The Kitemaster? Father of the Breeze?

If he'll have us.

So, what do we do now?

I guess, keep waiting?

Uh, you kids wanna see me

- do tricks with my lighter? - Yes.

Why have we not heard about these lighter tricks before?

Eh, I didn't want you to ask me

- why I have a lighter. - Why do you have a lighter?

Well, it's not to light my cigars

that I don't smoke, that's for sure.

Weird. Someone else must be smoking cigars

in your clothes, and your car, and your house.

- ...and your mouth. - Yeah. A... anyway, watch this.

- Whoa, ho-ho. - Nice.

That's called The Outlaw Jesse Flames.

- More, please. - How 'bout this one?

- Huh? - Damn.

How are you single?

It's like a fidget spinner and a blowtorch combined.

They did it. The bastards finally did it.

Please, I... I need a ticket back to Seymour's Bay.

Uh, what if I promise to mail a check to the train company

in, like, a really nice envelope?

- Bob? That you, buddy? - Critter?

Hey, I'll cover this guy's ticket.

- You're a senior, right, Bob? - Um...

- Where are you headed? - Oh. Uh, back to Seymour's Bay. Thank you.

Ah, two tickets to Seymour's Bay.

I'm heading back myself.

- Came out here to visit my aunt. - Oh.

Sweet lady. Other gals at the maximum security correctional facility

just love her to death.

Okay. Um, you didn't ride your motorcycle?

Chopper's in the shop.

Finally, bitin' the bullet

- and installin' brakes. - Hmm.

Oh, man, this is great.

We could be train buddies.

Our own little train gang.

Like a motorcycle gang, except all we do is take in the scenery,

- maybe sell a little crank. - Mmm.

Kidding. Not even crank season, silly.

Heh. Heh, yeah, right.

Um... Oh, uh, Critter, could I borrow your phone?

I should let people know I'm okay.

Yeah, sure. Here you go.

You on some kind of a bender, Bob?

You hole up in a motel room with this kite and party for a few days?

I did that once with a pound of hash and a pile of jigsaw puzzles.

- That's not, um-- - Bob's Burgers.

Hey, Lin, it's me. Uh, did my dad come back with the kids?

No. Everything okay?

Yeah. It... it's just the kite ended up on a train,

and now I'm at a train station in Shorebridge.

Wait, what?

Well, this happens a lot with kites, probably.

Anyway, could you text my dad and tell him I'll be back soon?

I... I don't have his number memorized

because I only know the restaurant's

and... uh, half of yours.

Okay, hold on.

I found it. Can I use the train emoji?

- What? - Never mind. I did it. Ha.

- Hi, Linda! - Is that Critter?

Uh, yeah. He says hi. I'm on his phone.

Bob and I are gonna be train buddies!

Hi, Critter. How's the little Sidecar?

Gonna start preschool soon.

- Can you believe that? - No.

- Okay, so-- - Oh, my God.

Time, huh? So, what else is new?

Let's all talk later. Bye.

Hiya, Linda. Coffee, please.

Eh, make it a double because I am having a day.

Aw, yeah?

Yeah. The theater Kathleen's working at

is putting on a production of the modern classic, Sling Blade.

Ooh, the movie about landscaping.

Yeah, sort of.

Anyway, one of the actors got sick, and it's opening night tonight.

I've been doing some work at the theater, building sets,

and I've been around for rehearsals,

so Kathleen thought that I could do the part.

Oh, Teddy, that's great.

Yeah. I... I don't know, though.

I'm nervous about my one line.

Sling Blade's working in the engine repair shop,

and I come in and I say, "I broke my mow-lawner."

- Your what? - My mow-lawn...

- Argh! See? - Are you trying to say lawnmower?

Yes, but when I was a kid, I said mow-lawner

and my parents thought it was cute,

so they never corrected me, and it stuck.

I... I can't say the word right,

so I just tried to move on, move forward.

Build a life where I wouldn't have to say... you know.

But Kathleen asked me to play this part,

and now I have to go out there in front of God and everybody

and say, "I broke my mow-law..."

Oh, God! I can't say the word!

My mow-lawn...

- Mow-mow-mow-lawn... - Teddy, look at me. Teddy, calm down.

Breathe, Teddy, breathe.

We'll get you saying the word right, okay?

Thank you.

There he is. There he is.

Also, I... I'm not very comfortable

with the cut-off jean shorts they want me to wear.

Stuff's kinda hanging out.

Okay, one thing at a time.

So, your dad got you this handsome kite to bond with ya

after your mom died, but he never flew it with you.

And now you feel like a failure as a dad

because you never flew a kite with your kids.

- Basically, yeah. - Jeez, that's rough.

I have to admit, I had a couple of good

kite flying experiences with my kid,

but I never judge anybody else's path.

We're all evolving and developing

into compassionate human beings and...

Holy crap, it's that butt-face I hate.

Oh, man. I'm gonna rip that guy's head off.

What? Who?

Over there. Dusty.

Oh. Uh, is... uh, is this gang related?

No. No. Uh, well, I mean, yeah, kinda.

He used to be in the Buzzard Kings,

but a lot of us have gone straight now.

I'm mad at him 'cause he's a nursery school waitlist spot jumping jerk.

Uh, I'm sorry. What?

My boy Sidecar was ahead of his kid on the waitlist

for Happy Gardens, the good nursery school.

They got a rabbit, a chicken, and a vegetable garden, Bob.

- Oh. - But then I heard from a parent

who's already at the school

who heard from one of the teachers that in Dusty's interview

he mentioned that Sidecar is not potty-trained.

And that he often has peanut butter on his hands and face,

which is apparently frowned on 'cause the school is nut-free.

And wouldn't you know, Dusty's kid got the last spot in the class.

And now Sidecar is going to a Montessori school,

which is perfectly fine, but we're not sure it's the best fit.

I gotta make a move here.

Wait. Do what?

I got to get revenge.

No. No, no, no, Critter. No stabbing.

I'm cutting off his mullet.

- Um... - It's biker justice.

It's about taking away a man's spirit.

The party's in the back, but the party's over.

I'm gonna need your kite.

- What? Why? - For cover.

Um, no, thank you? My kite would love to not be a part of this at all.

Come on, Bob. I paid for your ticket. You owe me.

My son's never gonna get to feed mealworms to Snowy because of that man.

- Snowy? - The chicken. The Happy Gardens chicken.

Ugh, fine. Here.

Approaching Bog Harbor station.

Next stop, Seymour's Bay.

Gah! What the hell?

- You brought this on yourself, Dusty! - Critter?

- Hold still. - Oh, God.

It's fighting for it's right to party.

You hide behind a kite,

and you pull the mullet removal move on me?

Grow up, Critter!

That's what you get for jumping us in line at Happy Gardens!

That's what this is about?

Oh, yeah, that's what this is about.

Everyone knows Sidecar's not potty-trained,

not even a Pull-Ups situation.

Everybody potty trains at their own pace.

I'm gonna take this home and stick it in Sidecar's potty,

push the button and hear Bluey celebrate.

Well, then I'm gonna take your

- attractive kite. - What?

My kite!

Come on, Bob!

What's happening?

Don't worry. We're getting your kite back.

Little bits of mullet flying everywhere. Damn it.

Yep.

Oh, God, there's some in my mouth.

- There he is. - He's headed for the scooters.

Why did you have to use my kite in your mullet war?

I'm sorry. We'll get it back. Hop on, Bobby Boy,

I've got the app for this hog.

Oh, my God. Does this work with two grown men?

Should we have helmets?

Bob, clicking "agree" on the scooter's terms and conditions

means not asking these kinds of questions.

- Hold tight. - Waist or shoulders?

- Doesn't matter! - Maybe chest? No waist is bett--

And flip it, and spark it, and ow.

And flip it, and spark it, and ow.

And flip it, and spark it,

- and-- - Maybe no more.

Because I keep burning myself? That's fair.

My turn. Pop-Pop, sing some Def Leppard

and make me feel it.

Good news. There's a bunch of litter on the ground.

Maybe we should do a controlled burn in one of those grills over there?

Eh, why not?

Or it gets uncontrolled.

Who knows? Let's find out.

Dusty may be leading us right into a Buzzard King's trap.

Bob, how are you with nunchucks?

And do you have nunchucks?

No. Sorry.

Oh, man. We might need backup.

Here, text Rat Daddy. No, text Crankshaft.

Wait, his kid's got gymnastics today.

Text Snakebite. Gah!

Close one. Hey, you ever ridden a bike with your kids, Bob?

You can feel good about that.

- Um... - Dear God. I'll go faster.

I'm just not that much of a cyclist.

I don't have the thighs for it.

- Lawn. - Lawn.

- Mower. - Mower.

Now, put them together.

Mow-lawner. Ugh.

No. Again.

- Lawn. - Lawn.

- Mower. - Mower.

- Lawnmower. - Mow-lawner.

- No. Nope. - Oh! Argh!

Hey, does it have to be a lawnmower?

Could your leaf blower be broken?

Oh, sure, Linda, just come in and change

the sacred text of Sling Blade?

A beloved, timeless story?

Yeah, I'll do that.

Okay. Okay, let's try this.

Every time you say "mow-lawner,"

- I slap your face. - Uh...

Not too hard. But kind of hard.

- Ready? - Okay.

- Lawnmower. - Mow... Ow!

You're not getting away, Dusty!

Unless, of course, your scooter's charged a little bit more than ours.

Oh, God.

Argh. Crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap!

A-ha! Got him.

Who's potty-trained now, Dusty?

Hand over the kite.

Hand over my mullet, Critter.

Oh, wait. You can't. 'Cause you killed it.

So, I'm gonna kill your kite.

No, no, no, no, no.

Eye for an eye.

Kite for a mullet.

- Please. It's my kite. - Who are you?

Uh, I'm... I'm... I'm Bob.

Wait. Did you used to be in Satan's Hole?

No, no, no. He's a non-motorcycle club guy.

A... a gentle soul. Fragile.

Um... uh, I mean--

Well, there's nothing gentle about letting Critter

use your kite to take a man's mullet.

Look at it. My essence is gone.

- Yeah, it is. You look like a dork. - Critter.

- Wha? He does. - I do!

Sorry, pal.

I'm gonna stab your kite.

Dusty, wait. That kite has sentimental value.

And I wanna fly it with my kids.

I... I just don't wanna be a bad dad.

- That has nothin' to do with me! - Yeah, but, Dusty, listen.

Today we were gonna finally fly it.

And we've never done it before.

And I actually got it up in the air,

and I was about to hand my kids the string,

but then it blew away.

So, can I have it back, please,

so I can go fly it with them?

You've never flown a kite with your kids?

No. What, has everybody done that?

Yeah, pretty much everybody's done that, Bob.

- Yeah, everybody. - Oh, my God.

Take the kite.

- Go fly it with your kids. - Thank you.

- But real quick... - Okay.

...Critter, I wanna say I... I may have mentioned

the peanut butter and lack of potty proficiency in the interview.

- I'm sorry. - Appreciate that.

I mean, it's true.

Sidecar might never pee in a toilet.

And the peanut butter on his face,

that's... that's my bad.

I've been kind of single-dad-ing it lately.

Uh, Mudflap went to Sedona with their girlfriends,

and a three-day weekend got out of hand

and turned into a mandatory 30 days.

So, it's been just us boys. And, uh...

Anyway, Dusty, I...

I get why you did what you did.

We do what we can for our kids.

Yep. Yep. Um, can I have my kite, please?

Just a sec, Bob. Let me ask you, Critter.

Do you still have my mullet?

Most of it. The, uh, after party.

- Yeah, um, yeah-- - Maybe we could send it off?

You talking burial at sea?

- Yeah. - Dusty, can I say the words?

- Okay. - Lord Neptune,

take these backward biker bangs

into your briny kingdom.

Um, c... Guys, can I just--

- Say something? Sure. - No. I...

Can I just have the kite?

Oh. Oh, oh, yeah. Yeah, yeah. Here you go.

No, no, no, no, no.

- Grab the string. - It's getting away again!

Grab it by the tail.

Maybe you can get another

super sentimental kite that evokes your dead mother

and symbolizes your desire to be a good dad?

Cold, cold water.

Holy moly, Look at him. Father of the year.

Getting closer... Maybe?

It's drifting out faster than your swimming, Bob!

I don't know if you wanted to hear that right now,

but it feels like I should share that information.

I'm here.

Snakebite.

Who we stompin'? I'm all limber from Pilates. Let's do this.

It's over. Dusty and I are good now.

Regrowin' the trust. Regrowin' the mullet.

Oh, yeah.

Okay. What are you guys looking at?

It's so far away. Can kites swim?

They sell kites by the beach, you know.

- I know. - They got butterfly-shaped ones,

and seagull-shaped ones.

Yep. Got it.

Hey, Bob, I'm Snakebite.

I came to help Critter beat Dusty's ass,

but I guess they're friends now?

Uh... Hi.

I've been told you're swimming into the ocean

to retrieve a kite because you think you're a bad dad.

Maybe I can help.

I recently got my license to practice family therapy.

Family therapy?

He's amazing.

Snakebite helped me and Mudflap rediscover intimacy

through yes-and-ing and role play.

Oh. Okay.

Hey, all due respect, I think you're screwing up right now.

He's definitely screwing up.

He's gonna drown.

I'm not gonna drown. I hope.

Bob, being a good dad is definitely not about flying kites.

It's about being present.

If you give your kids love and support

and your present for them, you're a good dad.

- Nailed it again, Snakebite. - Wow.

Make sense?

Bob?

Bob, did you drown?

Not yet. I...

...swallowed some water. A lot of water.

So, okay, yeah.

Also, stop swimming towards your death.

Death is like the number one way

not to be present in your kid's lives.

Yeah, uh,

you... you might be right.

Uh, I might've gotten a little

hung up on the kite.

- You think? - Okay.

Uh, I'm... I'm coming back.

Bye, kite.

Ew. Mullet.

Again.

- Mow-lawner - No, Teddy.

I can't do this anymore.

Maybe you can't do the play.

I know. Gah!

Why didn't my parents teach me how to say that word?

Why, Mom and Dad? You ruined my life!

They thought the way you said it was cute.

It's still cute.

Not at this point in the day,

but it was when I first heard it.

Now I never wanna hear the word lawnmower again.

Oh, God, am I saying it weird now?

- No, I'm saying it fine. - Gah! You make it sound so easy,

but I'm not you.

I can't say it with your perfect pronunciation and your lilting voice.

I can't just say... ...lawnmower!

- Oh, my God. Teddy, you did it. - I did?

Yeah, you just gotta do my voice.

I mean, I don't think I sound like that, it's a little offensive,

but yeah, just do that.

Okay. I'm gonna do my line.

"I broke my... ...lawnmower."

- There he is. - I can do it.

- Lawnmower! - Yeah!

- Lawnmower! - Okay, stop.

More trash. Bring me more trash.

It's okay to breathe trash smoke, right?

- Maybe just through your nose? - Hi, kids!

- Hi. - Hey, Critter.

Trash fire, huh?

Uh-huh. Feel free to toss something in.

Evidence, weapons...

I'm good. Thanks, though. See you later, Bob!

Bye, Critter.

Hey, everyone. Uh, I just... I wanna tell you I'm walking weird

'cause my underwear is wet

'cause I went into the ocean, to get the kite.

I was on a train, and then I went into the ocean.

It sounds like a good story, but let me just burn this first.

Ah, that's the stuff.

- Where's the kite? - I lost it. To the sea. Sorry, kids.

- That's fine. - Okey dokey.

- I'm sorry, Dad. - That's okay.

You know, son, it's not about the kite.

What is a kite, anyway?

Just a thing.

It's the time you spend together that counts.

Even if you spend it, you know, uh,

burning trash on a public grill. You'll see.

That's... so great to hear now, Dad,

and not earlier, when you said all the other stuff.

- Don't mention it. - Guys, we need more trash.

The fire is hungry.

Oh, no, but what if our town has no more trash?

Just kidding, it always does.

Hey, maybe we could call your mom

and ask her to bring marshmallows.

Trash fire marshmallow, yes!

They taste like copper wire and urban neglect.

♪ It's not about the kite ♪

♪ What is a kite anyway? ♪

♪ Just a thing ♪

♪ It's the time ♪

♪ You spend together that counts ♪

♪ Even if you spend it you know, ah ♪

♪ Burning trash on a public grill ♪

♪ You'll see Ooh-ooh, ooh-ooh ♪