All language subtitles for Bobs.Burgers.S15E03.Colon-ly.the.Dronel.1080p.DSNP.WEB-DL.DDP5.1.H.264-NTb_track3_[eng]

Got to be some in there.

Nope, that's just water.

Hmm. "Une bouteille de shampooing."

Smells like... lilies?

Also, happiness?

Eyebrows and mustache, get in on this.

- Morning, kids.
- Hello.

- Morning.
- Whoa.

- You look really nice today, Dad.
- I do?

Yeah. I mean, not your clothes.
No offense.

I think it's your... hair, maybe?
It looks good.

- You wearing a wig?
- No, Louise.

You do look really great today, Bob.
Your hair's got a lot of body.

And your body has a lot of hair.

I used that stuff
that was on top of the toilet.

- Pee-pee?
- Oh, no! The fancy stuff?

I was gonna use that.
You didn't use it all, did you?

- Um...
- Aw, nuts.

I found it yesterday
and I wanted to try it.

- Wait, you found it? W-where?
- Out at the dumpster.

That's my special lady.

- You got shampoo from a dumpster?
- Yeah!

What, um... else around here
do you get from dumpsters?

- Not food, right?
- Don't you worry about it.

Mm. I like dumpster eggs.
You can taste the danger.

So, if you find any of
the chess club's missing chess pieces,

check with us, mate. Check mate.

I was being Australian because of
the way they say "mate" all the time--

You guys don't care. Okay, uh...
and one more announcement.

This afternoon's
lunch recess is canceled.

What?

No students will be
permitted outside after lunch,

and must either go directly to the gym,

or, if you're more of a reader
than a do-er,

-you may go to the library.
- Mm.

And any students
found outside after lunch

-are gonna get in so much trouble...

...their grandchildren
will have detention.

Yes, we can do that.

Okay, have a great day!

No recess? Is that even legal?

LaBonz, get me on the horn
with the superintendent.

- No.
- Dang it!

- It is shiny. And bouncy.
- Uh-huh.

Yeah, less matted down
with grease than usual.

Thank you.

Well, I better get going.

T-minus 45 minutes
until funeral blastoff.

That-that's not a technical term.
Just making it fun.

- I'm allowed to have fun sometimes.
- Right.

- No, of course.
- Bye!

I like Mort, but he always
makes me uncomfortable.

Anyway, I got to get going, too.

Want to get to my job early
so I can finish

in time to pick up Kathleen
this afternoon.

Oh, right. Her colonoscopy's today.

Aw, Teddy, it's so nice she asked you
to be the person that picks her up.

- Right?
- That's a big step in a relationship.

Scooping her up
after she gets her pooper checked.

I know, and I do not want to blow it.

I want everything to go smoothly.
I cleaned my truck.

I added some cushy pillows
to the passenger seat.

I got all of Kathleen's favorite snacks

she wasn't allowed to eat
for the last few days:

Nuts, sunflower seeds...

Oh, yum... sort of.

And I made her a playlist:

"The Long and Windy Road,"
"Brown Eyed Girl."

- Aw.
- Hmm.

I just want to make her
feel comfortable.

You know, Kathleen could have asked
her cousin, who lives in town, to do it.

But she didn't, she asked me.

Take that, Cousin Muriel!
I win, you lose!

I've met her, by the way.
She's very nice.

What the hell is going on, no recess?
Even in prison you get recess.

Bunch of hardened criminals
playing Foursquare.

How are we gonna find out
what's going on?

I mean, do we bug their phones, or...

It had to be during recess.

- It was the only time they could do it.
- Okay, eavesdropping works, too.

- Only time who could do it?
- The drone operator.

He wants us to say "pilot,"
but I'm not saying that.

Good for you.

Principal Spoors says,

"If your school website
doesn't have a drone shot,

"you might as well
not have a school at all."

A drone's flying over the school
to shoot video?

Is our school Top Gun?

And, apparently, it's so expensive
we'll only get one shot at it,

so that's why we have
to keep the kids inside.

Principal Spoors thinks they'll try to
ruin the video when they see the drone.

That is 100% true.

Not ruin, improve.

And if Spoors
doesn't get his drone shot,

I don't get my two days off

to take my mother to Massapequa
to see her sister.

- Ooh, road trip.
- Mm-hmm.

Louise, the bell rang.

Oh. I guess it did.

Boy, it was a bit subtle,
don't you think?

It was a bell. So, no.

LaBonz, you are a hoot.
Okay, bye now!

Meet back here
after next period.

We'll talk strategy.
And we need to tell Tina.

I'll call her assistant
and get it on her schedule.

Bob's Burgers.
Puttin' yum in your yappers.

- Linda!
- Oh, hey, Teddy.

You pick up Kathleen?

No. That's actually why I'm calling.

Oh, what's wrong?

Uh... I'm kind of in the emergency room.

- What?
- I'm worried I'm not gonna make it--

Teddy? Teddy!

Sorry, it was my phone.

My face hit the button.

Anyway, I'm worried I'm not gonna
make it to pick up Kathleen.

I need your help.
But, uh, I'm fine, I'm fine.

I'm in a lot of pain, though.

You're in the emergency room?

W-What happened?
You sound kind of funny.

Well, I-I got an ice pack on my face
'cause I bit my lip.

You went to the ER
'cause you bit your lip?

- Not exactly. It started with the bee.
- The bee?

Yeah, it landed in my goggles.

And then I put them on.

It stung me on my eyelid.

Then I kind of shot myself
in the foot with the nail gun.

And, yeah, that's how I bit my lip.

- Oh, no!
- What?

Beesting on the eye,
then nail in the foot.

- Ooh.
- Aw, Bob says, "Ooh."

Aw, you poor thing.

But I'm calling because Kathleen is
gonna be done with her colonoscopy soon

and I can't drive 'cause
my gas pedal foot has a nail hole in it

and I can't see
'cause my eye is swollen shut.

Okay, okay.
So you want me to go pick up Kathleen?

No, Linda! It's got to be me!
I got to be the one to pick her up.

Okay, well, what do you want me to do?

Can you come pick me up?
And then take me to get Kathleen?

Hold on. Hey, Bob?
Are you okay on your own for a bit?

Sure. You go help Teddy and Kathleen.
My hair and I have got this.

Yeah, I could use a break from the hair.

Teddy, Bob's hair
is turning him into a monster.

A gorgeous monster.

I'm on my way.
Don't hurt yourself anymore!

Stay away from elevator shafts
and sit on your hands until I get there.

Okay, everyone, thank you for coming.

When this drone goes over,

I'm thinking resistance movement
meets covert op meets art piece.

That's what I tell the barber
when I go in for a haircut.

Hey, Tina.
What are you guys talking about?

You guys look more guilty than my Nana
sneaking pepperonis at a Papa John's.

We found out why

we're not allowed outside during recess.

They're gonna shoot
a drone video of the school.

Oh! That's why
they won't let us outside?

A secret drone shot?

They're worried we're gonna
moon the drone or something?

Yeah, so we're gonna do that.
Or something better. You in?

- Hecks yeah.
- Let's do a dance.

It's an overhead drone shot.

Those were invented for filming dance.
And for war.

You guys doing a dance
for a secret drone shot?

Guys, I'm not sure about the dancing.

What? Why? It's dancing.

Adults will notice dancing.

We have to be unseen by the naked eye

so they'll actually use it
on the website.

Who's got naked eyes?

I guess glasses
are like pants for your face.

- Oh!
- Shh.

People. People.
I've got this figured out.

We sneak out of lunch,

go to the storage area
with all the school play props,

we grab the bushes and the fog machine

that they used in that play,
Bushes and Fog.

Wasn't our best play.

And we're gonna use the bushes to form
the school's "butt," if you will,

and we're gonna use the fog machine

to make it look like
the school's butt is farting.

But to the unsophisticated adults,

it'll just look like some shrubbery
and a bit of, uh, low-hanging cloud.

The school farting?
It's elegant, provocative.

But this could be the one chance
we ever have to do a dance for a drone.

I'm with J-Ju.
I say we dance, and just be like,

we're here in this moment, truly alive.

Guys, if we don't make the website
and cement our legacy,

what's the point of any of this?

Don't you want to be remembered as
incognito, school-flatulating legends?

You had me at flatulating.

I guess I could get into being a legend.
Move over, John L... Legend.

- Okay.
- I'm in.

Let's do it.

We'll meet in the cafeteria
at lunch. Go!

And think of a cool codename
for yourself to add to the mystique.

Mine's Treat Williams--

No, no, no, no. Admiral Lasagna.

- Linda!
- Teddy! Ooh.

- Does it look bad?
- No.

No... No!

Sorry, it's a little messy.

Is that a bag of salt?

Oh, yeah, that's where the salt went.

Could we maybe...
stop by the job site

and get my truck to pick up Kathleen?

Wait, wha?
Aren't you worried about being late?

It's on our way!

And, you know, I cleaned it
and it has the pillows and snacks

and the, "Yay,
you got your colonoscopy!" mixtape.

And, uh, no ants.

Yeah, okay. Okay.

Hi. Welcome to Bob's Burgers.

- Hi.
- Hi. Hello.

Have a seat. I'll get you some menus.

- Thanks.
- Thank you.

Hmm. Are they whispering about me?

Mm, yep.

- Is everything... okay?
- Yes. Thank you.

All right. Take your time.

Hmm, no-no boogers.

Mustache is relatively clean.

Usual armpit smell.

Hm.

Thank you.
I got an update from the clinic.

Kathleen is in the recovery room.
Recovering.

Already? Oh, boy. Okay.

Gonna go a little faster.

Yeah, but not over
the speed limit, right?

No. Just maybe... ten over,

12 over, 15 over.

Teddy, 15 miles over the speed limit
is still technically the speed limit.

They factor in for that sort of thing.

And... there's a siren.

- That's bad.
- Oh! Are we getting pulled over?

Do we gun it?
Should I gun it? Should we go?

Linda, no!

Right, right.

Okay, one at a time, we should slip out
and meet in the storage room.

Ugh! What if we started turning
like a human pinwheel?

That would look so cool from up above.

Love it. Busby Berkeley?

More like Busby You-Gotta-Be-Berserk-ly
not to be inspired by that idea.

Human pinwheel does sound fun.

I've always wanted to be
part of a human something.

- No, no, no.
- Not that we're doing dancing,

but if we were, what would the song be?

"I Think We're A Drone Now"?

No, Gene! Finish food. Do plan.

Ah! I will finish my food,
thank you very much.

And whoever else's food needs finishing.

- Fine.
- You're welcome!

- Uh...
- Oh, boy.

Oh, God.
Oh, God, we're gonna be late!

- You know how fast you were--
- Sorry I was speeding, Officer.

I've never driven this truck before.
But not because I stole it.

It's his truck. He just can't drive it.
Right now. 'Cause he's all messed up.

- I mean, look at him.
- Hi.

Uh-huh.
License and registration, please.

Okay.

Uh, officer, we're late to pick up
Teddy's special friend.

Uh, this is Teddy.

She asked him to be the one
to pick her up from her colonoscopy

- and it's kind of a big deal.
- Wait.

You're picking someone up
from a colonoscopy?

- Yes.
- It's the thing when

- they put the camera up your--
- Oh, I know what it is.

A colonoscopy saved my nana's life.
And I was the one who picked her up.

- Oh.
- Oh, okay.

Yeah. She's my best friend.

- Wow, that's nice.
- Great. That's great.

You know what?
I'm gonna give you an escort.

- An escort? A police escort?
- Seriously?

You're doing a good thing. And giving
escorts is my favorite part of the job.

It's kind of why I became a cop.

Where's your friend
getting her colonoscopy?

- The Main Street Medical Center.
- Well, all right. Let the escort begin!

- Thank you, Officer!
- Yeah, thank you!

I always wanted one of these.
A nice male escort.

Wow.

Uh, I think we're actually
gonna make it on time.

You bet we are--

- Oh, my God.
- No, no, no...

- You hit me!
- I'm sorry. Why did you stop?

There was a car in front of me.
We're not supposed to smash into those!

Okay, that's a good reason.

Oh, no. It's the cops.

Don't tell him
I was giving you an escort.

- What?
- Don't tell.

I'll get in so much trouble. Shh.

- Oh, my God, oh, my God.
- Just lie for me.

- What? Lie to a cop?
- It's fine, it's fine.

People do it all the time.

Just tell him you rear-ended me,
but don't say anything about the escort.

- Eh...
- Everything okay, Earl?

Yeah, yeah. Uh, this, uh,
person that I've never met

until this very moment
just rear-ended me.

Uh, that's right,
I just plowed right into him...

into the police car.

Hmm. And where were you
headed so fast, ma'am?

Oh, I was, uh...

I was going to go... have an affair.
With that guy.

Yeah. So, I was in a hurry
to cheat on my husband.

What?

Well, I for one believe that.

- Are you all right, sir?
- I've been better.

He got stung by a bee,

and he drove a nail into his foot,
and he bit his lip.

- But, uh, that's how I like 'em.
- This is all my fault!

It's my friend, she asked me
to pick her up after her colonoscopy.

- A colonoscopy, huh?
- Oh, God.

- Earl?
- Uh...

Where's the dang fog machine?

I haven't the foggiest. Sorry.

Louise, maybe the bush butt
doesn't need to fart?

Listen to yourself, Tina,
of course the bush butt needs to fart.

- What are you doing?
- Choreography.

Just in case we decide
to bust out some moves.

- No!
- We might not be able to help ourselves.

All right! We're dancing!

- Zeke, ow! Ow, Zeke!
- I'm dancing!

- Too much, too much!
- Ugh.

Here you go.
Uh, anyone need anything else?

- More coffee?
- Uh, we're good. Thanks.

We just came
from our mom's funeral next door.

Oh. Uh, I'm-I'm so sorry for your loss.

Thank you. Uh... the thing is...

Yeah?

- You smell like our dead mom.
- Oh.

Sorry. I know
that must sound very strange.

He says
you really smell like our mom.

He, uh,
he was wondering if you know why?

I, uh, uh, great question.

Uh, do you mind
if I call my wife real quick?

- Please.
- Of course.

I'll be right back.

Sorry about all this.

The paperwork alone...

Hello? Hi, Bob.

Lin, hi. D-Do you know why I might smell
like an old, dead woman?

What? You just have to floss, Bob.
I told you--

No. A family came in
after a funeral for their mom,

and the dad thinks
I smell like his late wife.

Oh.

- Linda?
- Yeah?

The dumpster you got the shampoo from,
tell me the truth, Lin.

Was it Mort's dumpster?

Did I wash my hair
with a dead woman's shampoo?

Yeah... Sorry.
Sometimes families give Mort stuff

so he can make their loved ones look

as close to how they looked
when they were alive,

and he puts all the stuff
he doesn't use out by the dumpsters

and sometimes, if it's nice,
I, you know, I grab it.

- Oh, my God.
- Bob, I got to go.

We're running super late
'cause of the cops.

- Cops? Why are there cops?
- It's fine, it's fine.

- Goodbye.
- Uh, well, that's it.

I called Muriel, the cousin.
She's gonna pick up Kathleen.

Oh, Teddy, I'm so sorry.
I'm sorry we got pulled over.

But we really tried.
Kathleen will understand.

It's not that. I know she will.

It's just, I guess all of this
meant a lot to... me.

To be able to do this for her.

It's good for the heart,
to do nice stuff.

And I felt lucky
to have the chance to do it. I just...

I care about her a lot.

Aw, Teddy, you're so sweet.

Okay, we're gonna figure this out.

You call off the cousin,
I'll deal with the fuzz.

- It's just the theater of it--
- Officers?

I'm really sorry about the fender bender
and the speeding.

- The what?
- I mean, the fender bender.

But my friend Teddy
promised his lady friend

that he'd pick her up
after her colonoscopy,

and that's a sacred trust.

And it's not just about the importance

of sticking a camera up your butt
every few years,

this is about love.

This is about kindness.

This is about looking
deep inside ourselves

and seeing something special in there.

And yeah, maybe some colon polyps.

And if we don't get there
in the next few minutes,

Kathleen's cousin Muriel
is gonna pick her up

and we'll have failed!

So, what's it gonna be?

But this is the last one,
for real. Okay?

Mm-hmm.

Whee!

All right!

The cousin's not picking up.
It's going to friggin' voice mail again.

Hey, Muriel, this is Teddy from before.

I'm back on track here,
so do not pick up Kathleen!

Do not pick her up, whatever you do!

Okay, great. Thanks again.
This is Teddy.

Still no answer.

Maybe she doesn't want to talk
'cause she's driving.

Damn you, safety-conscious Muriel.

Look at these suckers
without a police escort. Poor saps.

- Okay. We need our distraction. Gene?
- On it.

Oh, my. This is the biggest throw-up
I've ever seen in my life!

And it's so slippery!

A big slippery throw-up?
This is when my training kicks in.

Okay. Go, go, go!

Just a normal extension cord,
nothing to be afraid of.

Pretty sure
it's been here the whole time.

Okay, okay, he's coming.

So, uh... Yeah. It's the shampoo.

Apparently,
I used your late mother's shampoo

and that's, uh, why I smell like her.

- Dad called it.
- Yep. Uh, how did you get it?

It's from France
and they don't make it anymore.

Mom bought a case when she was in Paris.

Well, my wife got it from,
um, uh, the dumpster next door.

Oh! I-I told the mortician

that we didn't need
any of the cosmetics back.

There was only a little
left in the bottle.

It's true. Sorry, i-if it was upsetting.
Would you like anything else?

Could we ask you a favor?

- Sure.
- Um... Could our dad smell your hair?

He didn't really go close
to the casket during the service.

- He was upset.
- But he'd like to, um...

have a good sniff before we go.

Is that okay?

Kind of like that scene with Demi Moore
and Whoopi Goldberg in Ghost?

Oh. Uh, sure.

Uh, am I Demi or Whoopi?

Either one. That-That's fine, of course.

There's Kathleen.

We made it. We made it. Kathleen!

Hello... everybody.

Okay, we're good. Thanks, officers!

Oh, God. There's her cousin Muriel.

I'll stop her. Hi...

Kathleen! Hi, I'm here. I'm here.

- Ready to go?
- Teddy, what happened to you?

Funny story.
I'll tell you while we're driving--

While Linda's driving.

- Linda's driving?
- Let me help you to the truck.

Wait till you hear the mix I made you.

Oh, gosh darn it.

Do the dance.

Do the dance!

Yeah!

Human Pinwheel!

Five, six, seven...

Oh, no. They got out!

Stop! Stop it!
Stop that right now! Sto--

Thank you, Teddy. So hungry.

Oh, I love the dancing.

It's like you're all listening
to a different song.

I was dancing to the high-pitched whine.

- That's not nice to say about Louise.
- Of the drone.

Oh, here's where Mr. Frond comes out

and chases Andy and Ollie
all around the field.

Oh, yeah. So angry.

Wait, is he joining the dance?
No, he's just yelling.

So, Mr. Frond knew it looked like this
and they still posted it?

I heard him say,
"Maybe no one will notice."

- And then he ran to his car.
- Oh, yeah, there he goes.

It's kind of like
a butt-bush farting, right?

Yeah, sure.

Aren't we all? Aren't we all...