All language subtitles for Apex Predators (2021) RiffTrax 720p.10bit.WEBRip.x265-budgetbits

Huh. Tijuana's smaller than I
remembered.

And more boat -like.

Oh, God. Already?

Usually movies take a bit longer than
this to strap cement shoes to our feet

drown us.

But we haven't been shown how they put
on the scuba gear in

real time. Did they learn nothing from
Destination Interspace?

The Jaws theme sounds clinically
depressed.

Yeah, I've been going through a rough
patch.

Old lady threw me out, lost my sense of
self -worth.

Now I'll appear in any movie that asks,
because what's the difference?

Wow, I'm sorry to hear that Jaws theme.
Thanks for listening.

I think we're just watching a
screensaver from the late 90s. Nah,

little more compelling.

I don't feel like an apex predator.

The shark killed us when we went to
Orange County!

It's both heaven and hell.

It's good luck to kill a seabird, right?

Yep, pretty sure that's what Willem
Dafoe said.

Yep.

You know, this is a lovely shot.

Guys, maybe this will actually be a good
film.

Elegant cinematography and thoughtfully
composed. Okay, here we go.

Well, that's one way to introduce a
character.

But not your bikini top. Keep that
loosely slung around your

neck.

He quickly changes the music to Barry
Manilow.

I've seen smoother zoom outs in
Instagram stories.

Gasp, you SPF 666.

Oh, no, it's her cow tongue.

The story of a violent gang who prey
upon low -price -point Apex DVD players.

I ate his liver with some scalded barber
beads and some nice scalded beyond

dead.

Funny they should use this song. It used
to be my go -to for karaoke.

Oh, yeah.

We got kicked out of a lot of places,
Mike.

Jason Horton can't hear a who over all
this noise.

Now one of the palm trees takes off.
It's tough. Oh, yeah.

You mean to tell me the beach was left
unattended? And the seagulls ate all my

crisps? I really had to go.

And the city doesn't supply enough
budget for two lifeguards in the area at

same time.

And the one they do pay for is this guy?

According to her, you have a history of
disappearing on the job.

Seems as last week you were written up
when you were found smoking marijuana in

the first aid station.

Sound familiar?

Gotland Yard ain't what it used to be.

See, I get these backpacks.

What about last month?

A domestic disturbance call to your
home?

A grinder hookup that got a little too
rough?

Whoa! He is making me nervous. I don't
want it in my browser history.

Do you see how this is looking for you?

Well, it's looking like two depressing
schlubs shot on home video.

I forgot my lunch at home, so I gave in
and ate at the sourpuss on the pier.

Still better than the bubblegum shrimp
company.

My digestive system didn't really like
that.

Are you trying to be funny? Like my
empty wine bottle and glass behind you.

Are you going to have me arrested?

My mom's going to be so mad.

Madder than the time the cops came
because of that grinder hookup that got

little too rough?

I may have more questions for you later.

Thank you, Detective Burns. I won't, I
promise. And I promise to do a few push

-ups so it's halfway believable I could
ever be a lifeguard.

Something doesn't add up. Why is my
office the conference room in a comfort

It's DJ Carter. Be with you again on
this beautiful Friday morning in L .A.

And as usual, Highway 5 southbound is
backed up. Looking at about a 20 -minute

delay due to a three -car pileup. That's
a drive time fatality.

A rogue shark.

A secret.

Government conspiracy.

Ah, this is one of those podcasts that
sells brain pills.

Details are still a bit sketchy, but
authorities have suggested it might have

something to do with a similar incident
in Tijuana just a few days prior.

Could authorities tell us what happened
in Tijuana? Because this movie didn't.

Let's get this holiday weekend off to a
glorious start, and let's get lit with a

brand new track from the City Bros.

Whoa, I'm impressed the City Bros don't
license their songs to just any movie.

Uh, yeah.

Hey.

Hey.

I,

um... You guys hear that faint sound
like a 13 -year -old pretending to rap

behind a closed door?

That's the city bro's signature sound,
you philistine.

Hey.

Shout out to women who had no idea they
were being filmed.

It's a dumpster, y 'all.

Wait, wait, wait. The City Bros got
Double G on this track?

Best movie ever.

Mike? We must have a gas leak.

That's what one of the G's in Double G
stands for.

Ah, Ruby. Must be next door to Sourpuss
on the pier.

I used to think beach boardwalks were
pretty and fun.

Now I find them grotesque.

That's what the other G stands for.

Hi, are you Pitbull?

I just knew I'd find you here. I mean,
it is our place as well.

What do you want now?

What?

Which one of the city bros was it?

Bullshit.

You know what? You're so fucking crazy.
Get out of my life.

This has been a scene from some other
movie.

Fine, bring on the Dolphinato. I'm
ready.

He'd really get along with the kid who
said, I like turtles.

Did he just say, you sure are a hell of
a dolphin?

You guys were right about that gas leak.
I heard it too.

You sure are a hell of a dolphin, guys.

Same to you, Bill. Thanks.

Imagine how excited he'd be if he were
actually at a dolphin show instead of

watching somebody's shaky vacation
footage.

Come on, yeah!

Someone wants to talk to me?

That's never happened before.

Hey, man, how's it going?

Oh, if it's a dolphin, he's going to
lose his mind. You should see these

jump. These things are...

You know, you've got to get out here.
You got any of the weed?

You've got the wacky stuff, right? None
of that non -wacky formal business weed.

I really want to get a little tripped
out.

I'm not trying to rush you. I know, I
know.

But meet me at the end of the pier, all
right?

Yeah, yeah, yeah. I'll see you soon, all
right? Now hurry up.

I'm sorry, I'm sorry. Get here as soon
as you can, but please soon. All right,

I'll see you soon.

Oh, wow. Was that a slug on the ground?

Slugs are great.

You sure are a hell of a slug.

Okay, so I guess we're done with that
guy now, too. Yep.

Next, the movie will follow this older
couple on their walk to CVS, pick up

prescriptions, and maybe get a copy.

Or maybe just nothing at all. Maybe
nothing at all.

Waddling like a toddler with a full
diaper on the way to his drug deal.

It's like they couldn't find the stop
button on the camera.

We better keep going. I don't know.

I really appreciate you dedicating your
morning to help us.

If every scene starts a different movie,
the audience will never get bored. Very

little time.

Now, first things first.

Sherry, did you inform the newspaper
about the time?

What about the city bros? Have they been
informed?

Wonderful.

Eric, what about the permits?

The mayor will be here tomorrow to sign
off on them. After that, we'll be all

good. But the mayor does insist you
pronounce the permits like a normal

want you to follow me.

I'm going to give you a tour of the
ground.

And one day this will all be yours, you
know. You look dope.

And you too, I would ask you to do the
cleaning.

We need to finish the mopping.

And the tablecloths. Mopping and
tablecloths to ease up on the relentless

buddy. In about an hour.

And we'll go over to plant for Sunday.

Follow me, kid.

You're looking a little too natural.
Let's tattoo some eyebrows on you.

It's crazy what happened to that chick.

Do you think it could have been a shark
that did it?

Dude,

I wouldn't doubt it, man. This beach is
so trashed, like, anything's possible. I

wouldn't be surprised if a shark bit
her. He's probably pissed off. Anyway,

think you can get my hand unstuck from
this boombox handle? This is Oceanside.

It's not going to happen out here. That
was over Newport Beach.

I mean, nothing ever happens out here.

You're probably right, dude. You're
probably right.

I hope it turns out that they are the
city bros.

You're probably right.

Right. Right.

Maybe these shades will help the white
balance. Hey, beautiful.

Hi. I'm so sorry I'm late.

I had a client last unit, and it took me
forever.

Here we go. You're worth the wait.

Sure, we're near them. Why not?

Thanks

for

ducking behind me like we're dastardly
and muttly.

I give accent lessons to men who star in
their room.

No, I haven't heard anything.

Really? Really. People are saying it's a
serial killer.

I'm willing to bet it's a shark.

If this movie's bad enough, it could be
both. What do you think?

Dommershark. They found the body in
Jesus.

What? Someone was asleep when this
happened.

Okay. If it was a serial killer, why
would you leave her alive?

And they fought with the body in shallow
water. It was found immediately.

Vin Diesel's stunt double is Ms.

Marvel. What?

If it is a shark, hopefully it stays
away from here.

Because this weekend, we're having that
big grand opening. I can't wait to see

how clean their tablecloths are. And
wait, there's more.

I heard there is three popcorn shrimps
on my wall.

Her name is Henrietta Blinkman. Yeah, my
father's the orange.

No way.

I had no idea.

Yeah, we kind of figured it out.

That guy had an affair?

With who? Baba Yaga?

Obi -Wan told Luke the same thing.

Yeah,

but with these actors, I don't think
that's going to be possible.

Well,

maybe not Marvin Gaye.

Constant background guitar,

courtesy roller gator guy.

He's such a player, it affects my
grammar.

Was she part walrus? Go pay $8 .99 at
Red Lobster.

Either the footage is blown out or the
ocean is full of milk.

Ladies Home Journal cover shoot, I
assume.

Give daddy what he wants.

Give daddy what he wants. That's it.

Oh, yeah.

Big smile.

Big smile.

That's it. That's it. Matt Groening,
beach pervert. I'll tell you what.

This is too much.

Too much, ladies.

Oh, my gosh. Oh, my gosh.

This is great stuff. This is how
Dorothea Lange got her start, too.

Wait till our mother sees it.

Oh.

Oh, wow.

Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. That's it. That's
about it. Wow.

I'm getting paid in boxed wine to be an
apex predator. How could I not smile?

I gotta

tell Beyonce I'm gonna be running late
for a Vanity Fair shoot.

Alright.

It's getting pretty hot.

Can we go shoot in the water?

Yeah, I'm down for getting wet. Okay,
now close the beaches.

Yay!

She's annoyed that she's missing the all
-you -can -eat popcorn shrimp.

Oh, yeah, that's what I'm talking about.

I bet that guy has strong opinions about
when Penthouse magazine started going

downhill.

Loving it, loving it, loving it.

Yeah.

Mrs. Kittner made a few changes after
Alex got eaten.

Okay, that's a big syringe.

We found the apex sexual predator.

They couldn't afford a GoPro.

Had to settle for a Go Amateur.

Wow, that sure is a hell of a shark.

There's something out here!

It's probably just a school.

Small baby fish or something. You're
right by the quarry. Folks, having a

is important.

Let's go.

That's it.

That's what I'm talking about.

The shark keeps dropping banana peels.

Lana!

Lana, where are you at?

Good question, Madonna.

Here's where we're going to set up the
party.

It could be rented out for conferences,
banquets, hell, even jingle night.

I don't care as long as they pay up
front.

He's like a Fred Willard character.

Fred Willard has been dead for three
years. I know, I know.

Okay, fair point.

And our only competition is a sourpuss,
so we don't have much to worry about

there.

I think Mom's watching.

Who said that?

He said that?

I'm sure she is, son.

Dad, what's it like being a
ventriloquist dummy that came to life?

Guessing this is the best shot of a fish
we're going to get all movie.

Yeah, me and the garbage ape used to
date. He'd always want me to wear my

helmet in bed.

Teeth marks alone make it obvious.

Clearly, this is not the work of a
serial killer. And clearly, that is not

real diploma.

And usually 100 feet from the shore.

But keep in mind, the shark does this as
a means of protection.

Duke Westwind? Did George Lucas name
him? Every human killed by a shark.

Two million sharks are killed by humans.
And out of every two million shark

movies, there's one good one.

Having fun in that Cali sun?

Shark fuel!

Need a pick -me -up and feeling out of
luck? Shark fuel!

Thanks to the FDA, it's now classified
as an industrial lubricant.

Shark fuel!

It's a blast!

Shark fuel. Available now at Wendlow
Grocers and Shark Fuels. Yeah, sure.

buy some. Maybe this time it won't give
me diarrhea.

Well, nice chance to catch our breath.
What else you got for us?

Hello? Oh, no.

Rotation of the Earth, everyone. Give it
up for the natural rotation of the

Earth.

Well, Mr. Fishaw, I now hate natural
beauty.

Would be very fitting if baby ghosts
flew by right about now.

Oh, yeah. That'd be wonderful.

There have been Ethan Hawke, Julie Delpy
movies that didn't have this much

sunset!

Folks, no jury would convict you if you
parody -hunted the director down and

satire severely beat him.

Funny joke.

Wow, 65 seconds. Nick Cage would have
stolen 1 .083 cars in that time.

Well, may as well head to the surface
and catch the sunrise.

Another victim.

Our patients. Long Beach.

Supermodel Alana Evans was participating
in a photo shoot yesterday on the beach

before she was attacked in the water by
what experts are now confirming to be a

shark. She was a supermodel in the same
sense that parsnips are a superfood.

...will remain closed for the weekend
until the investigation is complete.

Now tourists and you locals out there
are encouraged to enjoy one of our many

other beaches in Southern California
this holiday weekend, like beautiful

Oceanside. Since sharks are known to
respect municipal boundaries.

As always, we will keep you updated here
at WKIL LA. But in the meantime, let's

get this party started with a new single
from the Chex. Oh, we want the city

bros.

Surf Museum, also known as the
Dudenheim.

Here I sit feeling like a victim.

Singer definitely sounds like he would
even try being a lesbian.

Here I cheese and squirrely

wonder. Cheese and squirrely wonder.
That sounds delicious.

The local specialty.

Right after I see you back home.

Even when the camera's way overexposed.

You please crank the camera's exposure
down four full stops. Thank you.

Oh, please. Nothing the director hasn't
done to you at least ten times per shoot

day. Is that doing a flash? I don't
know, dude.

Did you hear that there was another
shark attack?

Yeah. Over in Long Beach, dude.

Dolphin, sharks, and weed. This guy's
character is really coming into focus

He'd be like a whole squad of sharks.
Crazy killer sharks.

Dude, this is some jaw shit.

Is that supermodel, what's her name? I
mean, she's probably out in the water,

flapping her fake boobs all over the
place, and the shark got scared and bit

her. And to think that this guy is the
head of Scripps Institute of

Oceanography. I know you want to see me
take off my shirt and see my loose

moves, but you're not going to see it.
You're not going to see it. And also, I

don't tan well at all.

Ah! Wax dummy of Regis Philbin!

Oh, no. It's just him.

Very scared of that.

Looks like it's just me.

The boys decided to take a little break
before tomorrow.

Oh. What is... No, no.

No!

Oh, please cut to something as
horrifying like a gruesome shark attack.

Hello there. No, he's getting invited to
a great Vietnamese restaurant. I love

your surprise.

Got a bunch of lunch today?

No. I was thinking sour poops over on
the pier.

I was just sitting here snuffing down
fistfuls of popcorn shrimp.

Thank you. You're welcome.

Help,

where are we?

That bitch is mine.

Dad, can I have my tube back? Dad?

I hope you get eaten.

They chose this location because there's
a wiener schnitzel right up the stairs.

Oh, no.

Guy floating for three seconds on
Child's Tube was my favorite character.

Okay, next stop on my tour of lobbies
that might have an ATM, here I come.

What do you think?

I think it's obvious.

Like shark bait to me. But then my arm
is fused to the light from the window

behind me. I'm going to need your help.

I've been tracking the four recent shark
attacks in the area, and something has

been adding up.

What do you mean?

Well, detectives seem to think it's to
work with a single rogue shark.

I'm not sure about that.

Do you have a map?

Do you have an ID or any... What am I
saying? We trust you implicitly, guy

baseball cap who just wandered in here.

Wow. In Omaha.

Yeah,

that was thick with implications.

Are sharks known for

respectfully taking turns?

For some reason, they're forming a mob
mentality and attacking in various

all at once.

Hmm. Shards can't process thoughts that
way.

However, some experts believe they
possess ESP. Some experts?

Maybe the ones who call into Art Bell's
show.

Dogs and cats do it all the time to find
their way home.

A girl I went to high school with lost
her pet cat, Fluffy, during a move, and

it showed up to her new home over 100
miles away like a week later.

Therefore, sharks possess ESP.

It's true.

If you have any evidence from the
attacks, we could try running some tests

see if the shark DNA matches between
victims.

I mean, we're the lab that makes picky,
thick candy, but we could try.

Good luck with that this weekend. All
the police are down at Oceanside this

holiday weekend.

A new resort is opening tomorrow, and
everyone will be there. Former Vice

President Dan Quayle. Yes, I said
everyone.

You could try going down and talking to
Robert at the resort today.

I bet he's there setting up. I keep a
mental schedule of all resort owners in

head at all times.

Our awful banter is killing me.

I guess that was our action scene.

What the hell is wrong?

No matter what, you're not getting me
back.

Oh, that was supposed to be dramedy,
maybe?

Oh, Apex Predators, you are a genre
-defying miracle.

Oh, no.

No.

I'm afraid your son's pool toy was found
washed up, deflated.

No!

You know what? I'm going to get this
fucking shot.

He's telling that.

Come on. Nothing to see. This carotid
artery is spraying like a lawn

It's incredibly cool.

Brown's Bar and Grill. We're no the
sourpuss.

There, buy a drink, get a free ticket to
the Dolphin Show promotion. It's a big

flop.

Yep, that's the right attitude for being
in this bar.

Ah, the sign tricked him into ordering a
Coors Light.

Most photos that come with the wallet
are bad, but I love this one.

Yeah.

Tombstone pizza. No, I know.

Pickled egg. They're the saddest of all
bar foods.

Great scene, everyone. I think we just
made cinema magic.

He's from Michelin. Gonna call in and
award them another star.

Hey. Yeah?

What is it?

Hey, do you still have that boat? That
was Elizabeth. He's wondering if you

still had QE2.

Hey, uh, I'm sorry about earlier.

Frankly, it can be a real jealous bitch
sometimes.

I mean, I know you're in the shower and
you can't hear me, but how did you do

that? I'm going to talk about her right
now.

Oh, baby. The universal sign of passion.

Oh, baby.

Just a reminder that the Pacific Ocean
exists.

You want to do this?

Someone's got to stop this thing. It'd
be great if he took the camera out of

director's hands and stomped on it.

And a helpful reminder that clouds also
exist.

So, you really think we're going to find
this bastard out here?

I think it's our best bet.

The sharks come to this area to feed.

The sun goes down.

What was that?

Settle down. That could have been
anything.

I agree with the woman who knows we're
looking out.

No, that felt thick.

It's him. I know it.

Oh, for fire. I know what you're
blasting. I'm holding my boat. Without

where would I day drink?

Mikey, go check it out. I got it. I
don't see anything.

Again,

I'm with no lady.

Wait,

he likes being eaten by a shark. Hey,
Mikey!

Mikey, where are you?

What have I done?

And who are you, and who are they, and
what's happening? Yeah, a lot of

questions going around here, buddy.

Ah, a sunset.

The last one was on screen longer than
it actually took the sun to form.

Well, I'm sure the director has learned
his lesson, and this one will be brief.

That is my promise, or my name isn't.

Michael...

J. Nell.

There. I kept my promise.

The most

passionate line we've yet was for free
wiener.

This movie was made recently, so I guess
I'm still good using the term chilling

with my homies.

That's a relief.

Oh, much like New York in a Woody Allen
film, it feels like the city bros are an

actual character in Apex Predators.

Long shot of a guy walking.

It's a long shot of a guy walking.

It's a long shot of a guy walking.

These two just scream, I have once again
spent the rent money on Dogecoin.

Oh, come on. How safe is it to have this
many cool divorced dads on the water at

the same time?

Cheryl, come back. I can change, see?

Cheryl.

Yeah, see, even a man -eating shark
isn't interested in filthy jet skiers.

This is unlike anything I've ever seen
before.

Let me take a look.

Ladies, don't you have some lenses to
make while I wait? Yeah, they just

arrived. Come take a look at this.

There was a shark tooth embedded in the
remains of the Newport Beach victim, and

we were able to extract a DNA sample.

Then we turned it into a kick -ass
necklace.

...with several other species of fish,
and it dominates every one of them.

Look here.

Okay.

What am I looking at here? And in what
sense does that dominate?

It's a rogue gene attaching itself to
other forms of life and mutating.

I don't understand this. I mean, what
could be causing this and why?

Wow, genetically mutating sharks?

This changes literally nothing about the
plot. Not a single damn thing.

Maybe we're witnessing the new phase of
shark evolution.

Still sharks, but now with pun hats.
It's really pissed off.

I mean, look at the pollution today.

Like, we've ruined the entire ecosystem
already.

The nail place and the strip mall, the
good margarita bar, everything.

6 o 'clock will be the wine tasting,
followed by the Mr. Muscle Palm test,

I'll be judging, of course.

We're supposed to get whaling flowers.

Oh, and the volunteers will be arriving
at 5 .30, and they're going to serve the

all -you -can -eat shrimp with the wine
at 6 .00. Stomach pumps at 6 .15.

Sam, what are you doing here?

Can we talk?

Sure.

You take this call first.

Hello, can you make me a real boy?

I need to speak to the person in charge.

This is he.

Who am I speaking to?

We haven't met yet. I'm Dr. Duke
Westwind.

I'm a bit of a shark expert.

For example, did you know Sharky's
machine isn't actually about a shark?

Just a bit of a shark expert.

Recent shark attack. I wanted to warn
you.

We've been studying them and their genes
are mutating. And not in a fun Ninja

Turtle way either.

You should postpone the grand opening
tonight.

We would not want to put any other lives
at risk.

Your popcorn shrimp buffet is simply too
dangerous.

I don't know what you're talking about.

It's been all over the news.

They haven't captured the shark, or
should I say sharks, yet.

Look, I'm busy.

Don't you call here again. I'm expecting
an important call about my car's

extended warranty.

Hello?

Robert? Robert?

Hello?

Damn, I missed dial tones.

That's another thing you ruined,
millennials.

I'm guessing they didn't believe him.

I wish there was something we could do.

We really did all we can.

Oh, well, why make bets on how many
people get slaughtered? His brother, the

mayor, wrapped around his finger.

Not opening today would be a physical
nightmare for them.

I just hope the professor stays safe.

He's kind of cute.

Only cute people deserve to be safe.
Long time no see.

Kind of cute?

I don't know. Some crazy person told me
I should stop the program today.

Something about innocent people being
mutilated.

Blah, blah, blah.

Sharks. I mean, that might not be a bad
idea.

There's been a lot of accidents
recently.

Getting torn apart by sharks equals
accident.

Oops. Every summer.

Lippin' night.

Didn't come here to argue with you, Dad.
I just came to say I'm sorry.

I didn't expect that. Who are you again?
Are you trying to rob me?

But I'm wanting to move on from that
now.

Kirk, there's a lot of things about the
relationship I had with your mother you

don't understand.

Beyond her taxidermy fetish, you mean?
Maybe we can get together soon.

My father and son dinner, talk about it.

I can't say no to that. An evening
listening to a bitter old man trash my

Count me in. We're short -staffed. Your
brother would love to see you.

Sure, yeah.

I do want to let you know that I'm
meeting a friend here.

A lady friend.

Oh, I beg you, never make that sound
again, Mel.

Dad, don't get into all the ideas. She's
mine.

What's up, bro?

Oh, man.

What's up, brother? Miss you, man. Miss
you, too.

Expected a deeper v -neck in your shirt,
bro. I know, man. I'm a disgrace to

bros. Actually,

hey, you want to be with the carpets
real quick?

Sure, let's do it. Oh, hell yeah. Red
hot carpet moving action.

Hey! The carpets!

Ah, I wish the jet ski guys were here.
They'd know what to do.

Then if I killed the lifeguard, I could
blame it on the shark.

No, no, no. Let's bury these dots.

Owie, owie, hot sand. Owie, owie, owie,
owie, ow.

I'll get you, shark, you son of a bitch!

No, you won't. Ow.

Good one, shark.

Maybe I'll go see that kick -ass dolphin
show.

They sure are a hell of a dolphin.

So, walking then?

Yes. Yes, walking.

One perfect shot.

What? I don't understand. Is the actor
actually just lost?

Even the lady from Carnival of Souls
considers this a bit too much walking.

Sure could go for a glass of wine and
all the popcorn shrimp I can eat about

right now.

Something of a shark expert coming
through. To your right. Shark guy.

Clear a path, people.

Shouldn't there be at least one old tan
dude rollerblading around in nothing but

a banana hammock? Yeah.

Shouldn't there be, Guy? Yes.

My God, that viewfinder is huge.

Oh, my God. Never mind.

Perspective. Movie magic, Mike.

You guys down there, you mind getting
eaten by a shark? You'd really be

me out.

Hmm. No shark a few feet over in this
direction either.

Kind of cute.

My God, the sharks are on land. Oh,
never mind.

Again. Magic.

Oh, well, might as well buy some live
crickets to throw at tourists.

Beaches be crazy.

Great souvenir T -shirt.

If watching the hotel TV channel is too
fast -paced for you... There he is.

He's walking. Yes, indeed. And he's
hoping that he will see a shark eating

someone from Tennessee.

Oh,

hi out

there. Are you... You a shark by any
chance?

Nope, just a boat.

Okay, thanks.

Don't mention it.

Be better if you were a shark, but...
Yeah.

Okay.

I know you're out there, Squarepants,
you son of a bitch.

Folks, what can I say? I'm sorry.

It's a living.

You're not a shark.

Ruby's at the pier.

We're closed now, thanks to our
appearance in this movie.

If he's waiting for someone to
compliment his hat, he's going to be

while.

Should I walk some more?

David Wallace from The Office. Shark
expert.

I will track you down.

I will find you.

And I will kill you. I say that when I
pick my lobster out of the lobster tank.

Oh, Dean Combs, you're the Hydrax to
Stephen King's Oreos.

One morning I'll match the kill count of
the SNL land shark.

This is how I talk.

She's off to tell Aquaman she spotted
his mortal enemy, Trenchcoat Wanguy.

Both

these

guys have written in Mark McGrath for
president.

There's an 80 % chance that this was
filmed during an open house without

permission.

When you're an artist but don't know how
to paint fingers.

Whoa, whoa, music! We're just looking at
some guy's house, so maybe settle the

hell down.

So this guy's been Florida, man, all
along. Oh, what a twist.

Maybe it was a mistake to turn my
tablecloth into a shirt.

He's deep in thought, trying to figure
out the difference between jelly and

Looks like I picked the wrong day to
quit drinking shark fuel.

I gotta warn them myself.

No more warning them via 19th century
messenger boys.

You know, I also like to stop by my
house, take one sip of a beverage, and

leave again.

The ocean is extra burbly today.

They're all aimlessly milling around,
not interacting with each other. Must be

some sort of shark office party.

Guess no one's concerned about the giant
red patch where Dean Kuntzlady used to

be.

Guy is leaving human society to embrace
the manatee lifestyle.

Pamela Anderson is on her way, but
unfortunately she's stuck in slow

Not now, city bros.

Make sure to pee on all the victims.

Oh, no, wait, that's jellyfish. Never
mind about the peeing.

I already started.

Good.

Oh, my God. Something's going on out
there.

Bullshit. They have a great view through
the totally real window that definitely

isn't just the wall.

The shark just nipped him. The main
injury is from stepping on a pointy

seashell.

Sir, you have to come see this.

I thought I told you to knock.

But sir, this is an emergency.

There's been another shark attack.

Damn it, I heard enough about sharks.

That's me on day five of shark week.

They're setting up in the conference
room.

Why did you tell them they could do
that? That room is still off limits.

But sir! It's weird to have a forbidden
conference room.

Excuse me? You heard me. You're fired,
and I get out or I'll have you removed.

No one is going to take this day away
from me. No one.

Asshole! Bitch.

Wow, he's being a real sourpuss.

For a while.

For a while. Calm down, everybody.

Please calm down. The police are going
to be here shortly.

I don't give a...

That's a beer helmet.

Am I too late?

What happened here?

Shark attack.

Hey, we're dealing with more than one
shark here.

What? When there's more than one, it's
called a shark attack.

Yeah. Excuse me.

Hey,

Dad, there's someone here.

On the bright side. He always wanted his
last words to be.

Bitch.

God damn it! It looks like a heart
attack.

Always good to get a medical diagnosis
from a bit of a shark expert.

A little bit.

Dad! Dad!

They're off to drown their grief in
tequila belly button shooters.

Was killed, dude.

Oh, that guy dead.

Red dead right there.

I have an idea how we can stop them, but
I need some bait.

Some human bait. I assume by human bait
he means a human dressed in a sexy lady

shark costume.

This is going to get messy.

Apex Predators is rated R for gratuitous
dad bod.

In the director's cut, you get to watch
him change his pants, apply sunscreen,

and try on six different pairs of flip
-flops.

Good stuff.

Well, it won't even go down to that 10
yards, so stay close. Sure, go with that

take.

There's only two or three sharks out
there, right? They're territorial, and

they'll fend for the hunting grounds.
This has to work.

Got it.

Just be safe as human shark bait.

Hey, you ready?

Let's do this.

Instead of a funeral, I'm doing this.

What's he doing? He's crazy.

That's my bro.

He'll be okay. Don't worry about it.
This is probably safer than half the

at Disneyland.

The cast of Entourage is excited.

The sharks will surely be defeated by
this. Wait, what the hell are they

doing? I have no idea.

It was all a dream. Soon he'll get up
and find Patrick Duffy taking a shower

his bathroom.

I shouldn't have read that note. I'm
blind now.

Mondays, am I right?

Mondays,

am I right?

The shot was so beautifully filmed, they
just had to use it twice.

Mia Skozafavi is short for Miami
Skozafavi.

It's nice to see women cast in dignified
professional roles like this.

Sure she's also a scientist?

Maria Olsen is the world's most
belligerent stripper.

I'll take him off. See?

Oh, she did a great job playing zombie
Sarah Michelle Gellar.

Glad we're getting to relive these
unforgettable moments.

Peter based his performance on Edward R.
Murrow.

These credits with this music, it's like
an extremely grim 90s sitcom.

Oh, yeah.

Elena Dee is like Alan Smithy, only for
asses.

She's a member of the famous Philpott
acting dynasty.

And these guys are the roommates you get
when you go to hell.

And who could forget everyone's favorite
character, Grandpa Squeezy.

Well, there we go. That was Apex
Predator. I guess.

Folks, thanks for joining us. Remember,
if you got this riff from anywhere but

our site, please take a break from
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you don't, Giant Sky Shark will be very
upset.

Roar! Giant Sky Shark, they're going to
do it. Don't worry. Goodbye, everyone.