Original subtitles

[Corey] Bree, how's my favorite entrepreneur?

Girl, you look good today!

Oh, my God!

These are for you.

Thank you. These are nice. What's the pitch?

Pitch? What pitch?

-What is it? -[Corey] Okay...

hypothetically speaking, if I wanted to turn this

fine dining establishment...

Diner.

A fine dining establishment into the most romantic spot

in all of Lubbock, would you be down to help?

Romantic? Oh.

Let me find out you're trying to plan that date

that you keep not asking me on.

Oh, no, Bree, I have our first date planned.

Let me tell you my bad ideas.

Okay, first, I was gonna take you on an oil change date.

Brake pad date. You need those, too.

I was gonna take you to the mall.

Now, we can't go inside and really buy nothing.

But our real date is a day at the lake.

We walk along the shore.

We spend the sunset in the lake in pedal boats.

I mean, the sun is setting. Sparks are flying.

Maybe our hands touch. I don't know, but I'm open.

But unfortunately, I'm not here for me today.

Okay, so then who is it for?

Stinney and Mother Jean.

Mother Jean and Pastor Stinney?

-Yes. -[Bree] Stop it.

No, he's legit trying to shoot his shot.

We need your space to kind of really, like, set the mood.

You know, romantic, elegant, sexy... Kind of like you.

Oh! Oh, shoot. All right, now. Since you put it like that...

[giggles] I mean, how can I say no?

But if you burn down my kitchen,

that's coming out of your budget.

Oh, of course! Scout's honor. Thank you. Love you.

Uh-huh.

? Churchy ?

? I'm going to church today 'cause I need him ?

Mother Jean...

Can I steal a moment of your time?

Jeannie, baby... Jeannie, baby?

Smooth.

You're the light of this church. And you're the...

That's not smooth. That's smarmy.

Okay...

Jean...

Mother Jean...

It's been a long time, baby.

Why am I acting so nervous?

Come on, get it together, Stinney.

[exhales heavily] Jean... Jean...

Jean, I wanted to...

Oh...

You're not here. Thank God. Okay...

Right there...

No... Let's put those right here.

How do you like that, Stinney?

[Mother Jean clears throat]

Oh. Oh... Hey.

What's all this? Did somebody pass?

Uh... No. They're, uh...

They're ask-me-out flowers.

Ask-me-out flowers from who?

From me!

Open this.

Now, you know I don't like surprises.

This better not be one of those little wind-up jack-in...

Dinner?

Is this a joke?

No, that's genuine embroidery.

So let me get this straight: City Council votes tomorrow.

Mm-hmm.

And instead of brainstorming solutions,

you holding secret sewing circles while everything

is falling apart.

I mean, when you say it like that...

So...

-[Mother Jean] Dinner? -Dinner, you and me.

Dinner might... Might be nice.

But if you make me regret this...

You won't.

Right... Very well. Then what's the plan?

Oh, you don't worry about the plan.

You just wear something nice and be ready by 8 o'clock.

P.M.?

Yes, dinner.

It's my bedtime, is what it is.

I'll be ready at 8 p.m. sharp.

-Will get you out of my office? -Wear something nice.

[gentle music]

[Corey] All right, guys.

Stinney said they're gonna be here at 8 o'clock.

So we got a few hours to turn Bree's into La Bree Luxe.

The most romantic spot in all of Lubbock.

Oh, did you come up with that yourself, bro?

-[Corey] I did. -[Rodney] Bro, sharp.

Sharp.

Uhm, you do know my bestseller is

the double bacon heart stopper, right?

Oh, well, not tonight.

Look, tonight is about elegance and sophistication.

Don't forget fine dining. [chuckles] Michelin star.

And who is supposed to make all of this happen?

Us...

Together.

[mockingly] Us, together.

-[laughing] -Boy, you a clown.

[laughing]

He really thought he ate with that.

Boy, what in the Avengers do you think this is?

-Oh, Corey. -You, too?

-It's funny. -No. You, too?

Who is on my side in this group?

[smooth music]

Never in a million years did I think I'd spend

an evening redecorating

a diner on the night that I possibly

lose my church; I mean, God is hilarious.

Welcome to Divine DIY,

where miracles aren't for Sundays,

decorators on a budget!

That's right, Bree,

and today we're here at this charming greasy spoon!

The pi�ce de r�sistance of Lubbock,

La Bree Luxe!

Y'all too old to be acting that weird.

And nothing says romance

like the gentle

flickering lights of...

right here, a strand of lights, 75 cents,

from last year's clearance bin!

And are they blinking at random? No one knows.

Maybe that's just ambiance.

Oh, my goodness. Yes! Ambiance.

And pro tip here, Corey. I don't know if you know this.

Oh, please tell me. Please ell me.

But a little tangle adds a little texture.

Oh, yes, because that's not a knot.

That's the journey.

And that'll do it, folks, for the Holy Ghost Makeover.

"It's not a knot. It's a journey."

Oh, my gosh. That's hilarious.

Yeah, we should, like, have our own TV show.

[Bree] We should.

Or be together.

[pots and pans clattering] I don't like this.

Sharon, I hope he is not back there making

that prison spread again.

You know, I don't think we should have put him

on kitchen duty.

I don't think he's ready.

Hey, yo, Calvin. Are you good back there, bro?

Sound like he back there auditioning for Stomp.

Now, that was a good musical.

Great musical.

-[laughing] -Hey!

Hey, hey, hey, hey. What do y'all want? Ooh, plates.

We're trying to make sure you not

back here boiling hot dogs in Sprite again.

-That part. -[Calvin] Okay.

Okay, listen to me.

Y'all going to stop disrespecting my process.

You hear me?

Calvin, it just sounds like there's a lot going

on back there.

We're just trying to make sure you're okay.

Mise-en-place, Sharon. Mise-en-place.

Since when they start teaching French in the prison system?

Calvin, listen, if you really need help, I can help you.

This is my reputation on the line.

I have to do this alone.

Okay.

And you? You's a hater. You always been a hater.

But you know what? You gonna see.

Because this is next level artistry.

Now, leave me. Begone, you uncultured swine!

This man looks like a piece of swine.

He just turned bad and bougie.

He's like a pig. Porky The Pig himself.

[smooth music]

La Bree Luxeis happening.

Yes, and Rodney, we need you to do your thing.

Set the vibe with the music from right there.

Wait, y'all want Roddy Rod?

-On the keys. -Little Rodney Joseph Rod?

-Light tinkle. -Okay.

-Light tinkle. -[Rodney] Light tinkle?

Light tinkle.

Ladies and gentlemen... ah!

The Roddy Rod Experience!

-Let it simmer. -That's not light tinkle.

-[Rodney] Let it simmer. -That is not light tinkle.

Let it simmer. Let it simmer. Ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch.

-There it is. -[Sharon] Rodney, please.

We don't need all that.

We just need you to do some background music.

We don't need a Vegas residency.

Date night starts at what, 8:00?

-Yes. -So I'm thinking I need like

a full sound check, full back line at, like, 7:00.

Ooh, I know a really, really, really good AV guy.

I can bring him here from L.A., actually.

-Oh, my god. Low-lying fog. -L.A.?

Yo, if we do some low-lying fog with some pyro on the back, shh!

Do we have the budget at least for two spotlights?

One coming this way,

one coming this way, with some ambient haze.

That way you carve out

the beams, like, come on... And it's like,...

[hisses]

It's like, [hisses]. It's like, [hisses].

Rodney, it's actually like, [shushes].

We don't even want you to sing.

[gasps]

We just want you to play. That's what light tinkle mean.

We just want you to play

soft...

background music.

"I work at Nordstrom's. Y'all are buying shoes.

"Look at me. Is there a pianist here?

"I don't know. I like it.

Feel like spending $1,000". That's you.

-Nordstrom? -[Corey] Yes.

The background?

Nordstrom's Rack, actually.

Oh, the Rack?

They don't even have both shoes there.

You got to take the shoe to the back.

That's how you.

You in the back playing the keys with the other shoe.

- Caillou... -Wow.

You know how that hurts me.

-You know how that hurts me. -Okay, wait.

Wait a minute... Okay.

Listen, tonight is not about y'all.

-It's about Pastor Stinney. -Yes.

-[Bree] And Mother Jean. -[Sharon] Thank you!

-Not all of this. -Not that!

That you doin'.

Broadway...

-This is art! -Rodney...

But since y'all don't get it, cool.

I'll bring it down.

But you...

when I get to the Tonys,

the Grammys,

you thought you was going with me,

you're not going no more.

Don't talk to me.

I'm on vocal rest

because I have to perform tonight.

Stop talking to me!

Have you ever been on vocal rest?

Stop talking to me! I'm on vocal rest!

I'ma go get my keyboard out the car... Stop!

Ever since he started wearing crochet shirts,

he started acting like this.

-He's crazy. -That's terrible.

Despite all that, I do think it's going to work.

I think it looks really good. Not bad at all, Mr. Carr.

Your hand was under mine. I think that was on purpose.

-Come on now. -I'm okay with it.

[Bree] I'm okay with it.

It's soft, too, because I know my hands is rough.

It's soft, too, because I know my hands is rough.

[gentle music] [crickets chirp]

Oh, showtime, showtime.

-Well I'll be. -Is this Bree's?

Welcome to La Bree Luxe. Your table awaits.

You really went all out, didn't you?

Only the best for Bethlehem Temple's royalty.

[giggles] Hola, y'all. And buenas noches.

We are ready to serve you. I will take your coat.

We're not wearing coats.

Ah, oui, oui, si, si. [chuckles] Well, buenas noches.

Well, uh...

Pastor, uh, Stinney, Mother Jean,

your table is right this way.

Come over here.

[whispering] I was practicing online.

That's it, the accent.

[whispering] We did not go over this.

Don't y'all think we should, like, fade to the background?

Should we, like, hide around here or go in the kitchen?

-Kitchen. -Kitchen.

-Definitely kitchen. -Kitchen.

How long have you been sewing?

Since seminary, actually.

Really?

Along the way, it's become my version of meditation.

And here I was thinking that you only knew how

to fix a button or two. [chuckles]

I mean, it's... It started that way.

-Mm? -[Stinney] But I realized

that there was something calming about it.

Sewing teaches you...

patience, intention.

Hmm... Patience and intention? That sounds like a sermon.

It's like a sermon in many ways.

Can't rush it.

If you pull it too tight, thread'll snap.

Go too fast, and you'll miss the stitch entirely.

Well, Stinney, if you sew as good as you preach,

I would imagine you would never miss a stitch a day

in your life.

Oh, I've missed plenty.

But the beauty about it is you get to go back,

stop,

and you fix it.

I just figured you'd toss it out, start fresh.

No, ma'am.

Some things are worth the time it takes to mend.

[gentle music]

Calvin, we need you to hurry up, man.

Stinney and Mother Jean are out here looking like royalty

and we're looking like peasants with no bread.

Hey, hey, hey. Y'all stressing me out, okay?

Stress ruins perfection.

I told you, you get the plates when they're ready.

Calvin, if I see one drop of a ramen in orange juice,

-[Bree] I'm going to... -Hey, hey, hey.

We're not doing that type of slander, okay?

This isn't amateur hour, Bree.

-[Calvin] This is cuisine... -Cuisine?

You're about to hold us hostage

with grilled cheese sandwiches, aren't you?

Grilled cheese?

That's what y'all think I'm making?

[in unison] Yes!

[Corey] Calvin, you need to focus, man.

And I mean lock in, okay?

If Mother Jean and Stinney are out here eating candle wax,

then that's on you.

Fine... I'll expedite greatness just for you!

Why did we put him in charge again?

[Corey] That's your boy.

Listen, y'all, don't worry. I think he got it.

We're going to have to stall.

-No. -Absolutely not.

We don't have another choice, y'all.

This date, is this you sewing a new stitch, Stinney?

Maybe... Or maybe it's me finally finishing the pattern

I started a long time ago.

Lubbock, Texas! Are you ready?

Because tonight,

I want to welcome you to a night

of unparalleled musical excellence.

The Roddy Rodd Experience!

Lights!

Somebody gettin' fired.

Hey, hey, lights!

Corey... Hold on.

[electricity crackles]

Ah! There they are.

I got something special for you two.

I like that haircut, Pastor.

You slicked your sides down. That's nice.

What's happening?

Uh, I don't know, but I'm kind of for it.

Now listen, for my first song,

I want to offer up a reimagined classic.

It's a song about perseverance, about unity,

and about that gentle rhythm

that it takes to find something with someone

-you care about. -That's you.

I want to remind you guys that love,

it isn't about rushing, okay?

It's about letting life do its thing.

Find your flow.

You get in the water together

and you just swim.

That's all lovers do.

But I think you'll understand it better this way.

The song simply says-

? Row, row ?

? Said I row your boat ?

? Gently down the stream ?

? Merrily, merrily, merrily ?

? Oh, merrily ?

? Oh, merrily ?

? Life is but ?

Calvin, come on, bro. We got to get this food.

They are waiting.

[Calvin] Look, I done told you once,

and I guess I got to say it again.

I will not be rushed.

Calvin, while you in there taking your sweet little time,

Stinney and Mother Jean are one nursery rhyme

-away from walking out. -[blows raspberry]

? Oh, merrily ?

? Life ?

? Is but ?

? but a dream, hallelujah ?

-[Sharon] Thank you, God. -[Rodney] Guys, guys...

everybody bring it down.

I got more! I got more!

I have more!

I want to tell you a little story.

It's a story about risks,

about seizing the moment.

Sometimes in this life, you're going to have to step up to bat.

Just step up and swing. This is for you.

Dreamers, doers,

I see y'all out there, believers...

this is for y'all.

Mother Jean,

it's for you.

It's you.

? Take me out to the ball, the ball game ?

? Oh, Lord ?

? Take me out ?

? To the crowd ?

? Buy me some peanuts and Cracker Jacks ?

? I don't care ?

? If they never, never, never, never, never come ?

Calvin?

[Calvin] What?

-It's Nancy, isn't it? -Who the heck is Nancy?

I don't know, but I'm invested.

[Calvin] What about Nancy?

[Sharon] She got in your head, didn't she?

When she wrote that review about your cooking?

When you cooked for the Faith Date Night?

What did she call your cooking?

[Calvin] Culinary war crime.

She said what?

Um, here's the thing, Calvin. Nancy ain't here.

It's just us.

And let me tell you something else.

Nancy don't matter.

The only people who matter are those two lovebirds out there

waiting to taste your food.

? You gave it to us, God ?

? And in this game ?

? We gonna have to swing sometimes ?

? And we might miss, but with you, God ?

? Anything is possible ?

? So, Pastor Stinney ?

? I believe in you ?

? You've been waiting all these years ?

But what if they hate it?

They won't, Calvin. And you know why?

Why?

Because your food is a culinary experience.

Your food is testimony on a plate, baby.

And you know who taught me that?

-Who? -[Sharon] You, Chef.

So, can you...

stop hiding behind this barricade of pots and pans

and show them who you really are?

You're right. I am gonna give them the Calvin experience.

Ladies and gentlemen,

I present to you... my cuisine.

[Corey] Oh, my God.

[Bree] What in Julia Child-

? I don't need no rocks crying out for me ?

? A rock ain't never been through nothing ?

Amen!

Rodney Joseph, ladies and gentlemen, thank you so much.

Bro, they loved me, man. I was in it.

Uh-huh... Unfortunately, that's all the live entertainment

we have for tonight.

There'll be no more of that. None... Ever.

-Hallelujah. -[Corey] Chef Calvin.

Thank you.

Thank you for your patience. Dinner is served.

-Oh. -Okay.

Tonight's menu is a celebration of culinary artistry.

We begin with an amuse-bouche, a smoked salmon mousse

delicately perched on top of rosemary cracker.

Man, that's government cheese on a Ritz cracker.

-Shh! -And for the main course,

we present...

a masterpiece of...

[gentle music]

...braised short ribs,

air-fried in a reduction of red wine, fresh thyme,

and just a whisper of Texas sunshine.

-A whisper? -[Calvin] Shh...

Whisper...

See, that's the difference between good

and great.

-[Calvin] Mm-hmm. -Now, Chef, what is this?

[Calvin] Oh...

A side of truffle-infused mashed potatoes paired with

saut�ed broccolini.

[chuckles] Kissed by garlic

and olive oil imported from the lush vineyards of...

Kirkland.

Uh, did he just call Costco lush?

Yeah. But let him cook, though.

That's fancy.

[Calvin] Oh!

And dessert... Mm!

We have a molten chocolate lava cake,

crowned with a dollop of Chantilly cream.

-Chachilly what? -Man, that's Cool Whip.

Oh... Chantilly cream.

-That's my favorite. -[Stinney] Oh...

So good... So good.

[gentle music]

Calvin!

This is incredible!

And...

I can taste the whisper!

[scoffs]

Son, this is good.

-[Mother Jean] Mm! -My job here is done.

I'll leave you to it.

Bon appetit.

"I taste the whisper".

Yeah! Whoa! What I'm talking about!

Corey, Bree?

Oh, yes... Privacy. Of course, privacy.

Yeah, so we'll just be over here in the back, you know?

Not hovering.

? Old MacDonald had a farm ?

We'll all be over here in the back, not hovering.

Thank you. Rodney Joseph, ladies and gents.

We'll be here all weekend, residency.

[chuckles] Crazy.

All right, Stinney. Now, where were we?

[gentle, romantic music]

Right where we're supposed to be.

[Mother Jean giggles]

[gentle, romantic music]

[music]

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