Original subtitles

[Anchor] Partly cloudy and...

So do you want

to tell me why you're wearing sunglasses inside?

Man, sometimes you go to sleep at a woman house...

and her nigga wake you up.

[winces] See? Told you you should have got married.

Oh, I know you ain't talking about marriage.

-That's not the same thing. -Keisha?

-I wanted to get married to her. -Keisha?

-See? She left me. -She left you on read, bro.

And that's why you can't be vulnerable.

-Yeah. -[Corey] Men, that's what's

wrong with men as a society.

Hey, keep it right there.

A whopping $1.4 million in cash could be yours.

The Texas Megabucks Lottery Commission's

still confirming with Channel 3 that the winner

has not come forward.

They have until 6 P.M. to claim their $1.4 million

here at the Quickie Quick Mart on Broadway Avenue.

That's right, those numbers are:

-[Cindy] 28, 56, 12... -Yo...

-[Cindy] ...2, 73, and 14. -73!

Those are our numbers, bro!

We finally hit after all these years!

-We won! -Yes!

See, bro, I told you I'd make your life matter.

-[Rodney] I told you! -Wait, what?

Make my life matter?

Man all lives matter, bro. Quit tripping, bro. We rich.

-Nigga, we rich! -We rich!

Bezos, we coming to space!

? Churchy ?

? I'm going to church today 'cause I need love ?

For now, the million dollar mystery continues.

I'm Cindy Strong, keeping an eye on the prize.

If you don't back the hell up, I'm gonna beat you up out here.

Hey... Back to you in the studio.

-We so rich! -We gonna get tax deductions!

We so rich!

Votin' Republican!

I mean, not votin' Republican, but... oh, oh.

I'ma put that money in the offering!

Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait.

Where's the ticket?

Uh, that's a good question. I thought you had it.

Rodney, I need that money.

I know.

Please, please tell me you have the ticket.

-Yes, I got the ticket! -Okay.

You know, and I find it real interesting

that you would just assume, ass-ume,

that I don't know where the winning lottery ticket is.

Okay, so?

So?

So where is it?

Uh, I don't know.

I don't know what I did with it, bro.

But it's okay. It's okay.

I know that the last place I had it was in this church.

So all we gotta do is find it, bro.

Man...

I could've sworn I put it in here.

I know I did.

Hold up.

-[Rodney] I know it's in here. -[clears throat]

Hey, Sharon!

Sharon...

Hey!

[Corey] Look, Rodney.

-Sharbear! -Sharon's here.

Corey, I told you there's no roaches in there, bro.

There's no roaches.

If you have roaches in a Black church,

they ain't coming back next year.

-Roaches? -Yeah, you know how roaches be.

-They be everywhere. -Everywhere.

And you know, we gotta call the exterminator.

Corey, what's going on?

All right, bro. Go ahead. You can tell her.

[Corey] Okay.

Me and Rodney hit the Mega Millions last night.

What?

-[Sharon] You're kidding. -Nope.

-[Sharon] What? -We hit.

I'm officially a millionaire now.

Oh, the working class.

You know, y'all have always been the heartbeat,

the backbone of America.

And just know that I've always appreciated you and your kind.

[Corey] Now, the only problem is

"we"...

lost the ticket.

You're kidding me.

And if we don't find it and turn it in

by 6 P.M. tonight, we get nothing.

[Sharon] Sounds like...

y'all could use a few extra hands on that.

How much?

15%.

-Hell no! -15%?

15%!

Fine, but under one condition.

What's that?

You cannot tell anyone.

Yo, yo, yo.

Hey, hey, Calvin.

What y'all doing?

Corey and Rodney won a Mega Bucks

and lost the winning ticket.

-Sharon! -Girl!

What? Money don't control me.

Mega Bucks? That's 1.4 million dollars.

1.4 million?

Corey and Rodney conveniently left

that information out.

We won the lottery, baby!

Calvin... Calvin!

We're not trying to tell nobody, man.

Right, right, right, right, right, right.

You got it. I got you, bro. I apologize.

Y'all ain't got to worry about me saying nothing.

[hums] Boop! Nothing after that.

[smooth funk music]

[bell rings]

[Calvin] Stinney? Stinney, you in there?

Oh...

yeah, that's you.

I can tell by those busted

Frederick Douglass shoes you got on.

[Stinney] Calvin...

it's not the time.

Forgive me, Father, for I have sinned.

Calvin, this is my me time.

It's been seven years since my last confession.

Boy, if you don't leave me alone...

No, no, no, not boy, you're 'posed to say my son.

We are not Catholic.

And for God's sakes,

I'm in the restroom.

Hey, hey, hey.

God is supposed to be everywhere, okay?

And if I've studied your bathroom habits correctly,

then I got about

14 more minutes to talk to God before you finish.

All right, all right... Fine.

How can I help you?

Rodney and Corey won the lottery for 1.4 million dollars.

But they lost the ticket.

Now they're trying to find the ticket.

I'm not supposed to tell anybody, but...

Oh, that feels so much better to get it off my chest!

1.4 million dollars? 1.4 million dollars...

[toilet flushing] Stinney, did you wipe?

[door thuds]

Excuse me?

I may be able to help you with your problem, my son.

[angelic organ music]

I believe you two haven't officially met.

Maverick West...

-the incomparable Mel Wilson. -[Maverick] Pleasure to meetcha.

You as well.

Maverick is one of my godly associates.

Ted has told me great things about you and that...

maybe you and I could be of good use to each other.

Well, Teddy tells no lies.

I want to bring Jumping Joyland to Lubbock.

I just got the small problem of, uh,

finding the right location.

Yes, I've heard.

[Maverick] I've also heard

that a certain political figure could use a sizable donation

to help finance their next campaign run.

You don't say?

I do say.

I feel like if all goes well,

I feel like this could be the start of a great relationship

and I see the city of Lubbock as being one

-of its main beneficiaries. -Could indeed.

How about that?

[smooth music]

[Rodney] A-ha!

You know, I got...

tickets in here dating back to, like, '05.

It's really nostalgic when you think about it.

There's two bags.

-We can get through two bags. -Hoot hoo!

[Corey] Oh my God.

[bags thud]

[Sharon] Lord...

give me the strength

not to rip this man's

head off his body!

[mockingly] Stop it, stop it!

-We got this, 1.4. -1.4

-Let's get started. -Okay, ah ah!

Not in my office.

What does this look like, the floor of a Ross?

No, let's take it somewhere else; come on.

Come on, garbage lady.

[upbeat music]

[whining]

I need that money, Frankie.

[upbeat music continues]

This right here is a shredder.

-Oh... -[Sharon] Okay.

[Sharon] And a shredder is like

a little stomach that loves to chew up paper.

So the more paper we feed it, the more it wants to eat it.

And the more it digests,

the more we progress.

-Okay, let's go. -Okay!

-[Sharon] See how I did that? -I like it.

So this is gonna be a one touch system guys, right.

So what you're gonna do is you're gonna touch the ticket

one time each; you're gonna pick up the ticket.

You gonna check the date.

If it's expired?

Shred!

-Okay? So you gonna pick... -Okay.

you gonna check, you gonna shred, copy?

Got you.

Say it after me.

Pick, check, shred.

[Sharon] I like that!

-[Sharon] Again! -Pick...

check, shred!

-One more time! -Loud and proud!

-Pick! -Hey!

-Check! -Hey!

-Shred! -For Jesus!

Pick, check, shred!

[Sharon] You got it!

Pick,

check, shred!

I said pick.

-I said check. -[Sharon] Hey, hey, hey!

I said shred.

I said shred, shred, shred, shred.

Pick...

Oh, yeah!

[Rodney] You got to pick!

Oh, you got to pick!

That's it, Shar.

-You got to do it! -Come on!

[Rodney] Out of the way!

-Right now! -Out of the way!

-[Sharon wails] -Right where you are.

Get the ushers.

Oh, God.

Yeah, yeah. Hey, hey...

-[speaking in tongues] -Guys, guys.

Guys, it's been 45 minutes. Shar, it's been 45 minutes.

We completely lost track of time.

We really got to pick, check, and shred.

[upbeat music]

I believe Maverick's vision

could mean great enrichment and growth

-for the community. -I couldn't agree more.

[Ted] I hope I'm not

overstepping my bounds here,

but I think I found the perfect location

for Jumping Joyland in Lubbock,

with a little massaging from our mayor.

-Hmm... I'm listening. -[Ted] I happen to know that

Bethlehem Temple is behind on its mortgage payments,

and if this problem gets any worse, the banks

are going to get the ball rolling on foreclosure.

Bethlehem Temple...

-Central location... -A family-friendly community.

The children of Lubbock need a safe place to play,

and I've made it my mission

to move heaven and earth to do just that.

-A heart of gold. -[Maverick] The only thorn

in my side is that darn zoning.

The zone has always been a thorn

in the entrepreneurial side of the everyday man trying

to make a way.

Amen.

[Mel] But with the right connections at City Hall,

zoning is just a small problem that can disappear.

You don't say?

For the community, of course.

Cool.

I'm so glad we could all be on the same page.

Rodney, Rodney, Rodney, boy, if the Lord ain't smiling on me,

boy, I always knew you was something special!

Totally blessed.

I'm talking about, ain't it a blessing to be a blessing?

To other people.

Look here, let me tell you how God works.

-Just last night... -Last night...

I had a dream that you was having a baby with my daughter.

That means that we kind of like spiritually connected,

like father and son.

And you always got to take care of your daddy.

Let me tell you that.

You're like a shepherd of blessings.

You should share that with your flock.

Share the blessings.

I ain't going to lie to you.

If I could, I'd have your baby.

I ain't going to lie to you. I would do it right now.

God bless you all.

Impregnate me with your greatness.

All right now.

That boy looked like money. Did you feel how soft he was?

[Friend] Like a baby.

Oh, [indistinct].

Oh, my God.

What?

[whispering] They know.

Who knows?

Everybody.

-How? -How what?

How do they know?

I give y'all one guess.

-Calvin. -Calvin.

Big ol' Calvin

That's your boy.

No, you bailed him out of jail.

Of course I bailed him out, but that don't make him my boy.

-He's your boy. -That's your boy, actually.

I don't even know him like that.

You do know him. Now you gonna lie?

-We don't know him like that. -I met him through your friend.

-We just came here. -We just came here!

-We just got here. -Y'all from here.

This is Lubbock.

Just because you're from somebody's city

doesn't mean you know them.

No, y'all got the same hair color.

Okay, I don't even know his middle name.

[laughing]

But you know, I do think

that a Jumping Joyland would be an amazing addition to Lubbock.

I do think that.

Can I get y'all anything? Anything else?

[Maverick] Oh, yeah.

Uh, can you get us some tea, some brown sugar,

and, uh, some privacy?

Yeah, man.

-Nosiness as wide as Texas. -[laughing]

I would charter a private jet and fly myself to Paris,

honey. [chuckles]

Just so I can say I had a croissant in Paris, okay?

Because I hear they taste very different out there.

They better if you're spending $40,000 on a private flight.

I mean, Costco got 20 for 18 bucks.

-They do. -But you bougie. It's okay.

I am a little bougie.

And I just want to sit on Rue Montart with my Malbec.

Malbec's from Argentina.

See, Sharon ain't never been nowhere.

I told you.

-Canada only. -[Corey] Man...

I probably would just do something for the church.

Matter of fact,

they got a new baptismal pool I read about.

You can get the water the same temperature as the River Jordan.

-Ooh. -[Corey] Like, imagine

what that would feel like for people

to feel like Jesus baptized them.

I'm definitely renovating the women's restrooms.

Every time I go in there, I feel like I'm in the movie Saw

and there's somebody under the toilet like,

"You want to play a game?" and I'm just grossed out!

That was a really good impression, though.

Like, I can't even, like, go. [knock on door]

And who that is?

-[Stinney] It's Stinney! -[Corey] Hold on, we're praying.

-Jesus, Jesus, Jesus, Jesus! -Our Father, God!

[Rodney] We call on you, God!

Thank you, God!

I need to steal you away for five minutes.

-Okay. -[Stinney] Come with me.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

We coming right now.

Corey... Sharon...

You'll see. You'll see.

Huh? Oh, yes.

[lights click] [upbeat music]

What?

[Stinney] Hello, whales.

I am here asking for

$1.4 million

and 100% stake

in Stinney's Subs.

-Stinney's Subs. -Okay

[Stinney] We have done our number crunch,

and we have estimated that there are four million people

on this planet who eat subs,

and that is not including newborns.

This is just great.

If we capture just one percent of that small group,

we can take the world by storm.

[gentle music]

[Sharon] Okay... All right.

-[Sharon] Okay... -[Rodney] Pastor...

This is not a business plan.

This is just a list of sandwiches you make,

and you don't even got no vegan option on here.

Well, if you look at the last page,

you'll see that there is a vegan option.

It's called the Judas Burger.

It tells you it's one thing, but it's really something else.

Ah, it's on brand.

I mean, we're still working on some of the kinks.

So, Pastor, uh, correct me if I'm wrong, but,

uh, did you say you were looking for $1.4 million for 100%

of your company?

That's the whole company.

That's correct.

It says you want to charge extra for bread.

Yes, that is a daily bonus bread deal.

We have some projections for you to look at.

-Whoa. -Bro!

-Bro, bro, bro! -You're just so extra.

[Stinney] With the bread add-on,

we are looking to add...

$704 million a year...

After we break even in 40 years.

All right, now, this is just getting out of hand.

Well... Stinney.

Yes?

[Rodney sighs]

But that sounds like old people touching my food.

I'm out.

[Sharon] See, he got a point. 'Cause the wrinkles?

The bacteria get trapped.

What in heaven's name is going on here?

They went to the dollar store and got these polos.

Ain't nobody go to no dollar store.

I stole these polos from the Goodwill.

-I got you for-- -One at a time.

One at a time, please!

[Calvin] Rodney and Corey

had played the Texas Megabucks, and they won over

a million dollars, but then they lost the ticket.

Now they gotta find the ticket,

because the ticket has to be turned in

by six o'clock if they wanna get the winnings,

which they've already confirmed

that they're gonna be investing in our new company,

Calvin and Stinney Subs.

Get a muzzle on him.

I'm going to go get my hair done at 5:30.

Try not to strangle each other.

And as far as that lost ticket is concerned,

I would suggest that you go to the lost and found.

I ain't know we had a lost and found.

That doesn't surprise me. There are so many things

that you don't know about this church, Corey.

But I can show you where it is on my way out.

You better follow her.

Y'all check out the lost and found.

I'm gonna actually go look for some more tickets.

[Larry] All right...

you, my friend, are going right back on the shelf.

Larry?

Is that Jean?

-It is. -[Larry] How are you?

I'm fair to middling. How are you?

Jean, how your mama been?

-Real good. -Oh, that's good to hear.

[Mother Jean] Yeah, yeah, listen,

I got two here that seem to think

that they have a lost item.

Huh?

I have two here that seem

to think they have a lost item here at the church.

Oh, okay. Yeah.

-[Larry] Come on, send them in. -Good luck.

[Larry] All right.

Hello, hello, light-skinned children.

Now, uh, describe the item in question.

Uh, it's a white and orange

Megabucks lottery ticket.

Mm-hmm.

Yeah, I think I lost it somewhere

in the church like six months ago,

and it's kind of a time is of the essence kind of thing.

Like, if we want it to be worth something, we need it now.

Yes, of course.

Now, did you say Megabucks or megaducks?

As in quack.

-Megabucks. -[Larry] Not in the quack.

-Bucks. -None of them ducks.

-No quack. -No, nothing in the...

-Bucks. -[Larry] Bucks.

-Bucks. -[Larry] As in dollars.

Bucks!

-Mm-hmm! Mm-hmm. I understand. -[Rodney] Yeah, yeah.

-Uh-huh. -Mm-hmm.

-Uh-huh. -[Larry] Yeah.

So, uh, you want to look back there on the shelf?

Oh, okay... All right.

Lottery ticket?

-In Texas? -Yeah!

Okay, okay! Rodney, Rodney! Listen now, listen.

Hold on now. He an old man.

[Larry] Okay, everybody calm down.

He ain't gonna find it if you abuse the man.

Sorry, Mr. Larry. Listen, we just...

We're on a time crunch, right?

-I understand. -[Sharon] We really need to--

-[Sharon] You understand? -Are you kin to Roy Dale?

-Yes, that's my uncle. -That's your uncle?

Listen to this: Roy Dale and Alvesteen's grandmother.

And my grandmother. Okay, they were sisters.

-Really? -So that make me

and Roy Dale and Alvesteen...

Okay, now, listen.

What was it you was looking for?

A gym sock or... a T-shirt?

-[Sharon growls] -Whoa, whoa, whoa!

No, no, no! Sharon, no! Be angry but sin not.

Be angry but sin not. Be angry but sin not.

Okay.

All right. I know exactly where it is.

It's right over here.

All right, we're getting somewhere.

[Larry] Oh, this knee just...

You know, when it gets to storming...

[Sharon] Mr. Larry. -[Rodney] Larry!

Oh, all right. All right.

Can't share my health issues with you.

-[gasping] -I think that's it!

Now, let me check it.

Because I've got so many over here.

Okay. Our eyes are better than yours.

-Let us look. -Okay, you take a look

at that one and see if that's what can make you happy.

-We did it! -It's the one!

-Okay! God bless ya! -Larry!

-Thank you! -[Larry] Okay!

-Let's go. -Thank you.

-God bless you. -All right!

Before y'all go, did Clinton win that election?

Mr. Larry, no. She lost.

She?

Oh, what about... How's Michael Jackson?

[Rodney] He dead!

Michael gone? Ain't nobody told me nothing!

Who needs to win the lottery anyway?

Not me. I love having student loans.

Builds character, just pay my bills month after month.

That's what I wanted to do until I died.

Oh, Corey!

-Who's your best friend? -You found it?

-Won't He do it! -You found it?

-We got it! -[Corey] We got it?

Nigga, we about to be paid!

We won!

-[Corey] We got the lottery! -Yes, sir!

Bang, bang, bang... Yo, yo, yo! It's 5:45, though.

Okay, let's go, let's go, let's go!

Now!

? One, two, show them what you got ?

? Three, four, I'ma drop it like it's hot ?

? Getting money, count it on the side ?

? Screaming with my body "Yeah, that mami is a trap" ?

[laughs] That was embarrassing. How many moves did you see?

Yeah, all of them. So we got this lottery ticket.

Oh, one second. [clears throat] Welcome.

-Can I interest you in-- -What is she doing--

A bean and cheese burrito

for four dollars or...

maybe our frozen fresh sushi roll?

Actually, no. We just really want to cash in--

Or how about our hot dog program?

-99 and the 100th is on us. -Okay.

Who is even eating 99 hot dogs?

I was thinking the same thing, but we have repeat customers.

Girl!

If you don't check this ticket now...

Okay?

Because I need my money!

The time is running out!

Okay...

-That's fine. -[Corey] We made it.

[sighs] We made it. [laughs]

It's time for the Millionaire's Club, bro!

Oh, sorry.

Bye, bye, bye!

One more time.

-[cashier giggles] -[Rodney chuckles]

[Sharon hums]

I am so sorry.

-What? -[Cashier] But you did not win.

[Corey] What do you mean?

[Rodney] What do you mean, expired?

You scanned it before 6 P.M.

Right!

[snickers] Technology. You know, am I right?

They say time escapes you and they mean it.

One second.

[clock beeps] [cashier hums]

Oh, I'm about to snatch her by all her hair.

Sorry about that. It's 6:05.

But you know what?

Today we're running a special on pretzels.

We also have a BOGO sale.

I could hook you up, though.

[upbeat hip hop music]

? Mami is a trap ?

Spare change?

[Rodney] It's all your freaking fault.

[Sharon] I still want my 20%. Say it again.

[Rodney] I hate you.

[Corey sighs]

God bless you, brother.

Whoa, jackpot.

[muffled screaming] [horn beeps]

[upbeat hip hop music]

[music]

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