All language subtitles for Watch Life 101 (1995) - Free Movies - Tubi

(birds chirping)
(gentle music)

- [Ramsy] One of my best
friends is buried here.

He was a very important
part of my life education.

I think about him almost every day.

(gentle music continues)

(engine roaring)
(tires screeching)

- Come on, come on, come on.
- Hurry up.

Let's go, let's go.
- Come on, hurry up.

Let's go.
- Oh, oh.

(passenger exhales)

- [Friend] We made it.
(friends laughing)

(upbeat music)

(upbeat music continues)

(upbeat music continues)

♪ Leave your cares behind ♪

♪ Come with us and find ♪

♪ The pleasures of the journey
to the center of the mind ♪

♪ Come along if you care ♪

♪ come along if you dare ♪

♪ Take a ride to the land
inside of your mind ♪

♪ Beyond the sea of thought ♪

♪ Beyond the realm of what ♪

♪ Across the streams of hopes and dreams ♪

♪ Where things are really not ♪

♪ Come along if you care ♪

♪ Come along if you dare ♪

♪ Take a ride to the land
inside of your mind ♪

♪ But please realize ♪

♪ You'll probably be surprised ♪

♪ For it's a land ♪

♪ Unknown to man ♪
- It all started

my freshman year.

I wasn't assigned a dorm room

until two weeks into the semester.

Everyone else had two
weeks to make friends,

two weeks to fit in.

(student snoring)
(crickets chirping)

(suspenseful music)

(door clattering)

(can hissing)

(student laughs)

(door squeaking and clattering)

- Psst, Ramsy, wake up. It's me.

- Huh?
- Buck.

- Who?

- Buck your roommate.

- Hey, Buck.

- Are you awake?
- Yeah.

- 'Kay, I just heard 'em talking,

and they're gonna come back in here again,

only this time, here.

(hand thudding)

- [Ramsy] Oh.

- [Buck] Okay, you guys,
I just checked him,

and he's still asleep.

Would you get him good this time?

(suspenseful music)

- Is he sleeping?

(bodies thudding)

- Sh.

(bed creaking)

Oh.
(dramatic music)

Dick, oh.

(Buck laughing)

- Welcome to Ryan Hall.

- Thanks.
- This is Lance,

your dorm president.
- Hi.

- This is Donnie.
- Hi.

- [Buck] Don't touch him.

- Ramsy Blake.

- [Student] Hey, you guys, cut the noise.

- Yeah, yeah, yeah, blow
it out your ear, man.

- [Student] Shut up, you assholes.

- Ah, the dorm poet,
let's take it next door.

(feet shuffling)
(crickets chirping)

- [Ramsy] Glasses.

(door clattering)

- All right, here we go.

- Uh, why only one bed?

- Hey, one of the bennies
of being the dorm president.

- Lance is a senior majoring in business.

I'm a second-year junior, psych major.

- Wait, second year junior?

- Buck believes a full-time schedule is

12 credits a semester, not 15.

- More to life ed than just
going to class. (laughs)

- What's life ed?

- Life education.

Donnie is majoring in baseball.

- Baseball?
- Yeah, baseball.

Got a scholarship for
baseball. I'm a phys ed major.

- I have no problem with that.

- Good.

- Donnie's all conference. He's
gonna make it to the majors.

- Gonna give it a shot anyhow.

Right?
- Right.

How about you Ramsy?

- How about me what?

- What is your major?

- What's my major?

Um, I'm a freshman, uh,
physics, uh, physics major.

- Oh, my God, an egghead.
- Freak.

- Ow.

- No wonder he's so weird.

- Weird?

- Yeah.
- Don't call me weird.

I'm not weird.

- Studying on a Sunday night,

going to bed before midnight.

- Wearing glasses.

- Being a physics major.

- Snoring.
- Snoring.

No, snoring I have a reason for.

- What?

- Well, if I'm in a weird place,

and I don't know anybody, you know,

I tend to snore just 'cause
I don't know anybody.

Plus that I, I had a, a
8:00 class this morning.

I had to, um, (laughs) I
have to get to bed early.

I go to bed, and I snore.

It's just 'cause I don't know anybody.

- I suppose you have
to wear glasses to see.

- Yes, I do.

- I guess being a physics
major is no weirder than being,

say, a Russian major.

- But, uh, we don't know
any Russian majors, do we?

I don't.
- That's true.

- We don't.
- We don't, no.

But if we did, I guess we'd
have to give him a chance, huh?

All right, Ramsy, maybe
you're not so weird,

but no more of this going
to bed before midnight crap.

- Okay.
- Right, guys?

- Right.
- Right.

- Right.
(Lance laughing)

- [Ramsy] Although Buck
asked me to go to dinner

with them the next night,

I still didn't feel like one of the guys.

- Buck, we've gotta work it out.

- Work it out?
- Yeah.

- Ready, and.

- [Friends] One, two,
three, four, work it out.

Stretch it out.
- Hey, what did I say?

- [Friends] Let it out.

And one, two, three, four.

Ooh, ah, ooh, ah, ooh, ah.

And one, two, three, four,
one, two, work it out.

- One, two.
- Stretch it out.

- One, two.
- Let it out.

- [Friends] One, two, three, four.

Ooh, ah, ooh, ah.
(feet shuffling)

Ooh.

- Far out.
- Oh, was it?

(friends laughing)

(footsteps plodding)

- Oh, gentle Romeo, if thous doest love,

pronounce it faithfully.

Or if thous thinkes I'm too quickly won,

I'll frown and be
perverse and say thee nay

so that wilt woo, but
else not for the world,

not for the world.

- Quit studying and come on.

- Where are we going?

- Go catch a flick.

- I can't.

I mean, I shouldn't, you know.

I have five or six more pages to go, Buck.

- Boring, you can study anytime.

The guys want to go see a
movie with their new friend.

- I'll come.

- Donnie, Lance, let's go.

Let's make like a banana and split.

Bing

(engine humming)
(energetic music)

- [Lance] Nice, very nice.

- [Donnie] Oh, yeah, let's grab 'em.

- Down, boy, might be good
to learn their names first.

- Need names, my friend. I'm in love.

- [Ramsy] In lust is more like it.

- Fire drill.

- [Lance] Ramsy, come on. Follow me.

- What, what?
- Come on.

- [Buck] Let's go, let's go, let's go.

Whoo, whoo.

- Come on.
- Let's go.

- Ramsy, get the door.

Get the door.

(engine humming)
(tires screeching)

- [Ramsy] So they were
my friends, big deal.

In high school, I had plenty of friends.

Of course, there was a time at the end

of the basketball season that was rough.

After all, it was the last few seconds

of the county championship game,

and I did miss those two foul
shots, but not on purpose.

Those misses could have
happened to anyone.

(phone ringing)

Buck loved to pull pranks.

He was the first to put shaming cream

on the telephone ear pieces.

- Come here.
- Raliki?

(door squeaking)

(Buck laughing)

(door clattering)

(hand knocking)

I'll see you around campus, buddy boy.

(hand knocking)
(Buck laughing)

(scoffs) Jerk.

(laid-back blues music)

- Hi, guys.

How are you guys?
- Hi, hi.

Oh, man, you know what?

I would stand on my hands for a half hour

just to see up her skirt.

- You can stand on your hands?

- No.

- I can stand on one hand.

- Get outta here.
- What are you talking about,

man?

- Show 'em, Buck.

- Watch closely.

You'll see that Not once does
my hand ever leave my wrist.

(laid-back blues music continues)

(laughs) The amazing Buck
Raliki standing on one hand.

- [Ramsy] Buck also like
to put black shoe polish

on the phones.

- [Buck] Lance, when
are you gonna take care

of the stuff for that thing?

- Would you relax? I told
you I'm gonna handle it.

I happen to have a test
tomorrow, which I do study for.

- Mm-hmm.
- Listen.

We're counting on you.

- Hey, relax. I'll handle it.

- I hear you, I hear you.
- Okay.

(door clattering and squeaking)

(pillow rustling)

(Ramsy grunts)

(Buck groaning)

(hand knocking)

(Buck groaning)

- Very humorous, Buck.

- Oh, God, oh, my, oh my head.

Oh, God, my head, oh, God, it hurts.

It hurts, oh, my head.

Oh, dear God, it hurts.

- Come on, Buck.

(Buck groaning)

(Buck gagging)

- Oh, God, oh, yes.

(Buck groaning)

Oh, yes, oh, oh, yes.

Oh, yes.

(dramatic music)

(Buck whimpering)

(Buck imitates gorilla grunting)

Oh, God, oh, it hurts.

Oh, my head, it hurts.

- Buck, Buck, uh, look,
it's been very entertaining,

but, uh, you know,
enough is, is, is enough.

(Buck grunting)

(Buck screaming)
(blanket thudding)

(Ramsy screaming)
(blanket thudding)

(Buck laughing)
(door clattering)

(playful music)

- You crack me up, Ramsay.

(bells tolling)
(footsteps plodding)

- [Ramsy] A major part of
my life education involved

the discovery of Donnie's
collection of "Playboy" magazines.

Before college, I had
certainly heard of "Playboy."

What teenage boy hadn't?

But I never had the opportunity

to study the magazine like I wanted to.

My mother would've never understood.

(birds chirping)

(pages rustling)

(upbeat music)

- Oh, hi, Ramsy.

I'm glad you could make it.

Do you mind?

(model speaking faintly)

(door clattering and squeaking)

- Hey, Buck, I thought you were in class.

- I got out early.

What have you been up to?

- Reading.
- Yeah, right.

That's a good issue, lotta good articles.

- Yep.

- But I like looking at the women.

(whistles) What a knockout.

Can you imagine if you had
one as your girlfriend?

You'd be jealous all the time.

- [Ramsy] That was good
to know, I suppose.

But when was I gonna find
a girl that wanted me?

Something always messed things up.

I was too shy, or she
already had a boyfriend,

or I missed some free throws or something.

I was ready for a girlfriend.

Man, was I ready.
(mellow music)

There was one candidate
in my calculus class.

Her name was Vicki.

She smiled at me once.

At least I think she smiled at me.

I was determined to ask her out that day.

- Hi, Ramsy.

(lips smacking)

Ramsy?

(celebratory celestial music)

(Vicki moaning)

(book thudding)

- [Professor] Uh, now don't
forget the exam on Friday.

- [Student] Oh, no, not another exam.

(students chattering indistinctly)

- [Ramsy] Vicki didn't
come to class that day.

Maybe she dropped outta school
or changed the math sections.

I never did get to ask her out.

- [Student] Yeah, this is really
nice weather tonight, huh?

- Hi, this is Lance,

the, uh, dorm president
calling from Ryan 2.

Yeah, we'd like to go ahead
and invite the whole dorm

to maybe join us for a
party next Wednesday night,

say, 7:00.

- [Ramsy] In order to
induce a woman's dorm

to party with us-
- Okay, sure.

- [Ramsy] Lance had to convince them that-

- That's fine.

- [Ramsy] we were reasonably nice guys,

that the party would be
held in an okay place-

- Hi, this is Lance-
- there would be plenty

of beer, and that the stories they heard

about our previous
parties were mostly lies.

- Look, that was in the past.

All right, thank you very much.

Bye-bye.

- Yes.
- Whoo, whoo.

- [Friends] Party, party, party,

party, party, party, party.

- Good job, man, thank you, thank you.

- [Ramsy] The drinking
age in the city was 18.

Since I was 17, I had
to borrow a draft card

from a dormmate who wasn't going.

The height and weight listed
on the card required me

to look six inches shorter
and 30 pounds lighter.

I couldn't find anyone closer to my size

who wasn't going.

- Would you relax?

- Relax?

Look, Buck, you're not the one

who has to look 5'1" and weigh 115, okay?

- Look, Rams, it'll be dark.

There'll be 30 or 40 of us with one,

maybe two guys checking us at the door.

They don't give a damn
how old you really are

as long as you got some ID.

- Yeah, but look, Buck, it's-

- No buts, just smile,

slouch a little, and think thin.

They'll hardly even glance at the card.

Where is it?

(card rustling)

- Here.

(Buck exhales)

- Don't find it so easy.

It's a giveaway it might not be yours.

Find it the second place you look.

- What do you mean?

- Okay, look, put the card
in with the money here.

But look here behind
where the pictures go.

After a few seconds of looking there,

then look where the money is and find it.

Looks more natural that way.

- I suppose.

- No problem, believe me.

Hmm, just to be safe,
memorize your new birthday.

- Maybe.
- No maybes.

It's a piece of cake.

Now what's your birthday?

- May 25th.

So it was settled.

At least as far as Buck was
concerned it was settled.

But Buck didn't have to lie about his age.

Buck didn't have to fake out the bouncer.

(footsteps plodding)

Buck was right about there
only being one guy checking,

but he never said he would be so big.

(zipper whizzing)

- All right, babe, go on in.

- [Bouncer] ID.

Some ID, kid.

- Ow.

(condom thudding)

Nuts.

(plastic rustling)

- Come on, come on, come on.

(bouncer laughs)

Carlos Milberg?

- My friends call me Carl.

- Yeah, right.

5'1", 115?

- I've grown.
- Here's my ID.

- All right, Milberg.

(fingers snapping)

What's your birthday?

- May 25th.

- All right, go on.

Yo, Milberg, don't go crazy in there.

- Oh, I won't, I won't. Rest assured.

Have a good evening, sir.

- Yeah, yeah, yeah, some ID?

(mellow music)

♪ Shine down on me ♪

- Did you?
- No.

- No?
(Linda laughing)

Ramsy, Ramsy, Ramsy.

Ramsy, Linda, Linda, Ramsy.

- So you're the Ramsy
Buck's been talking about.

Come on. There's somebody
I want you to meet.

Ramsy, I'd like you to meet Joy.

Joy, this is Ramsy.

- Hi.

- Pleasure to meet you.

- Nice to meet you.

- Well, why don't you sit down, Ramsy?

- Sit down, Rams. Come on.

Take a seat. There you go.

There you go.
(chair clattering)

Have fun, buddy.

- [Linda] You kids have fun now.

Yeah.
- Bye, Donnie.

(hands thudding)

Want a beer?

- Oh, I, I already have one, (laughs)

but, but you should get one.

- Okay.

- Easy, Rams, baby, here ya go, big guy.

- Thanks, Buck.

- Some much-needed elixir
to celebrate your passing

over the guarded threshold of life.

Enjoy.

- Thanks, Buck.

- (laughs) What, what threshold?

- Well, I'm not, I'm not 18 yet.

I had some trouble at the door.

- Mm, me too. (laughs)

I mean, I mean, I'm not 18 yet either.

I, I use my roommate's driver's license.

(Ramsy laughs)

She's 19. (sighs)

I don't think they believed it, though.

- No?

- No.
- No?

(Joy sighs)

- Maybe that's why our
mother Linda paired us.

- Maybe.

(exhales) I hope you don't mind.

- Mind? No, I don't mind.

- Are you sure?

- Yes, I'm sure. I don't mind.

- Good.
- Really, I don't mind.

(Ramsy exhales)

Would you like another beer?

- Huh?
- Another beer.

- Oh, um, (laughs) wow.

I, I didn't even realize I was drinking.

Um, you know, I, I didn't
think I liked beer.

Um, I, I guess I do, though. (laughs)

Uh, yeah, sure, great.

Um, I would love another one.

- Another beer?

All right, stay here. I'll be right back.

- Okay.
- Okay.

(chair clattering)

(Joy exhaling)
(upbeat music)

♪ I don't know what I'm doing ♪

♪ Yeah, you really got me now ♪

♪ You got me so I can't sleep at night ♪

♪ Yeah, you've really got me now ♪

♪ You've got me so I don't
know what I'm doing ♪

♪ Oh, yeah, you really got me now ♪

♪ You got me so ♪

♪ I can't sleep at night ♪
(cup crinkling)

(Joy and Ramsy laughing)
♪ You really got me ♪

- Gotta leave now if
we're gonna get the women

back to campus by curfew.

Take Joy. Ride with Barry.

(Joy laughs)

- [Ramsy] We're gonna ride with Barry.

- Okay.
- Okay.

(Joy laughing)

♪ Yeah, you've really got me now ♪

♪ You've got me so I don't know ♪

♪ What I'm doing now ♪
- Come on.

(door clattering)

- [Ramsy] It took a while
to find Barry's car.

Donnie and Linda were already there.

- Donnie.
- Something's wrong.

- Stop.
- Okay, just kiss me.

Just kiss me.

- [Buck] Lance, let's go.

(lips smacking)

- Donnie.
- Okay, okay.

Okay, okay.
- Please?

- [Donnie] Okay.

(lips smacking)
(mellow music)

- [Donnie] Ah, you feel good.

(Linda laughing)

♪ Say good night ♪

- [Ramsy] Joy.
(Linda moaning)

Joy.

- [Linda] Drunk, honey.

(Linda moaning)

- [Buck] Ready to go, guys?

(Ramsy groaning)

(feet thudding)
- Ow.

(crickets chirping)

Nuts.

It had to be Buck.

No one else would make
me look like a clown

while I was unconscious.

(toilet water sloshing)

- You know, Ramsy, you don't look so hot.

- Yeah, right.

- You've got some strange
marks on your face.

Either you're coming down with something,

or you better start taking lessons

on the importance of showers.

(Buck laughing)

- Jerk.

- [Lance] What you think, Rams?

(Donnie clearing throat)

- So what's your story, Buck?

You gonna, uh, dip your wick
in this Kathy babe or what?

- Mm, you know I'm going
with Anne back home.

- Oh, wouldn't stop me from
getting a little on the side.

- Did you, uh, hear Frank going on

about this woman he was with?

- What? Whoa, wait a minute.

What do you mean, woman, man? Come on.

She looked to me like she
escaped from the dairy farm.

(Buck and Ramsy laughing)

All Frank could talk about was, get this,

the size of her Hooters, huh?

I rest my case. How about you, Blake?

You know, you seemed to be
having a pretty good time

with that little blonde bimbo.

What's her name? Uh.

- Joy.
- Joy.

- Joy.
- And what a great name, too,

I might add.

- Yeah.
- How's it go?

The party was going great,

and all the boys were feeling Mary.

Mary had to leave, so
they all jumped for Joy.

- Jerk.
- Ramsy, sit down.

Relax.

Donatello was just kidding,
weren't you? Donatello?

- Don't call me that, man.

- Sorry, Donnie, but that was disgusting.

Apologize. Tell Ramsy you
were just kidding. (exhales)

[Lance] All right.

- Sorry, Blake, I was just kidding, man.

You know, Joy seems
like a, uh, nice number.

(Donnie laughing)

Come on, man, no offense, all right?

No offense.

- Okay.
- Okay?

- Okay.

(utensil banging)

(friends laughing)

- Excellent choice, Ramsy.

Life can be full of
nasty surprises. (laughs)

(energetic guitar music)

(card thudding)

- There you go.

(ball thudding)

(door squeaking)

- I just got off the phone

with the social director from Morgan 4.

All the girls really enjoyed themselves,

and she told me that some

of them have the hots for some of us.

- All right, Lance, how
many of 'em want you, man?

- Only three, can you believe it?

Anyway, I got a list
here of the desired studs

and their prospective studettes.

- [Buck] Anyone we know, besides you?

- Well, now that you mention
it, there is one familiar name.

Seems that a little number
named Joy is just drooling

over her prospects with
our favorite egghead.

- Get outta here.

- Joy likes you.

- (laughs) Attaboy, Ramsy.
- Ramsy.

- Here, gimme five.

You got a little filly hyped up over you.

Must be those deep, sexy
blues and the high forehead.

- Shut up.

- Come on, man. Hey,
you're a scientist, right?

Maybe she figures you're
good with figures.

You know what I'm saying?

- Get outta here.
- Hey.

- So, Ramsy, what are you gonna do?

- I don't know what I'm gonna do.

- You do like her, don't ya?

- Yeah, I guess, yeah, yes.

- She's cute.

- She wears glasses.

- Uh.

- She, she is pretty.

She is. She's pretty.

- Very pretty, should call her.

- I have to think about it.

- Don't wait too long.

Your social life's not so outstanding

that you can let a warm one get away.

- Yeah, Ramsy, you should call her.

She really likes you.

- [Donnie] Should call her.

- Tomorrow, tomorrow night.

All right, I'll call her
tomorrow night, maybe.

- Smart, don't wanna appear too anxious.

- Well, I am anxious, so
anxious I have to pee.

Excuse me.

(paper rustling)

(door squeaking)
(energetic guitar music)

(door slamming)

(Buck laughing)
- Good work, boys.

Okay, where were we?

- Gin.
- You busted.

(pensive guitar music)

- [Ramsy] I thought a great
deal about what I should say

to Joy if and when I called her.

How should I act, funny,
sophisticated, or humble?

I practiced some conversations in my mind,

but none of them sounded right.

(student singing faintly)

- You gonna call her or what?

- I want to.

- Then call her.

- Look, how should I act if I call her?

- Act naturally. Be yourself.

- [Student] Hey, fuck man.

- Thanks a lot, that's terrific, Buck.

No, look, what should I say?

- What do you mean what should you say?

Tell her that you had a good
time with her at the party

and that you'd like to go out with her.

- [Ramsy] Look, maybe I
should write this down.

- Look, dammit, just call the girl.

You're smart enough to
remember what I said.

- But it's-
- But no buts.

Just call the girl.

(phone clattering)

(phone ringing)

- [Student] Morgan 4.

- Hi.
- Hi.

Hello, hello. (laughs)

Are you there?

- Yes, I am. Um, is, is Joy there?

- Hang on. I'll get her.

- Hello.

- Joy?

- Yeah.

- Hi, this is, uh, Ramsy,

Ramsy Blake from the
party last week, Ramsy.

- [Joy] (laughs) Yeah,
yeah, um, hi, Ramsy.

- Hi.

- Um, gee, I, I, I didn't,
I didn't expect you to call.

Um, how, how are you? How is everything?

Um, I'm, I am, you know, I'm
glad you called. (laughs)

Uh, I, I really had a,
a good time at the party

the other night, um.

I hope you did, too.

- I, I, I did.

Joy.

- Yeah?

- Could I take you out
some time, uh, Saturday,

Saturday night, this Saturday night?

- Yeah, that, that, that sounds great.

I, I really like, like the movies.

- Movies. Movies are great.

Uh, okay, great. I'll pick you up at 7:00,

I mean, if that's okay with you.

- Uh, uh, that sounds great.

7:00 sounds, sounds wonderful.

Um, I'm, uh, really looking
forward to seeing you again.

- Nice weather we're having, huh?

- Uh, yeah, yeah, I, it,
it, yeah, it is. (laughs)

Thanks for calling.

- Sure, bye.

(phone clanking)

(Joy exhales)

(phone clanking)

- Yes.

(bell tolling)

Buck had already made plans
to see his girlfriend, Anne,

so he went home for the
weekend on Friday night.

On Saturday, I tried to study.

The words wouldn't stay put,

and my eyes kept looking at my watch.

I kept thinking about
my one previous date.

Dee Dee was a junior varsity cheerleader.

(door clattering)

Before leaving to pick her up,

I discovered that I only had two $1 bills.

Ow.

I had to go to my coin jar.

(coins clinking)

I filled my front pockets with nickels,

dimes, and lots of quarters.
(pensive music)

(Ramsy exhales)
(coins clinking)

- You got everything?

- I'm doing fine. Thank you.

After the movie, I asked her if she wanted

to go get something to eat.

Would you like to go get
something to eat maybe?

- I have a headache.

Take me home.

- The next week, I found out

that she'd been ticked at her boyfriend

and wanted to make him jealous.

I guess she thought it was good
enough to serve her purpose,

not exactly a confidence-building
introduction to dating.

(hand knocking)

It's open.

(door clattering)

- Hey, you want to go
throw the Frisbee around?

- [Ramsy] Uh, why not the football?

- Girls are more interested in Frisbees.

- [Ramsy] Why?

- You ever seen a girl throw a football?

- Yeah, I have. They're not that good.

- Bingo, see, if they can't
throw it, they won't throw it.

Now a Frisbee, they can throw.

- Lance, what does
getting girls have to do

with you and I throwing Frisbee?

(Lance exhales)

- Because it works much
better if you start

by throwing to another guy.

If you see a chick you like,

you can just casually throw it to her.

Then you can just casually
ask her to throw it back.

- Lance, don't you have a date tonight?

- Is the Pope Catholic?

- Well, then why do you
wanna go meet more girls?

- Because, Ramsy, you can
never know too many women.

Come on. Let's go.

(door clattering)

'Kay, Rams, why don't you
throw me that Frisbee?

Oh.

Excuse me, I'm sorry.
(student gasps)

I didn't mean to hurt you.

Wow, you're groovy.

Did I make a boo boo here?

- No.
- Let me kiss it

and make it feel better.

- It's okay.
(lips smacking)

- It's all better now?

- [Ramsy] I felt foolish just
standing there watching him,

so I decided to go back to the dorm.

(door clattering)

Finally, it was time to pick up Joy.

Buck had talked Donnie into lending me

the beast for my date.
(laid-back music)

This time I had $16 in paper money

and less than a dollar in change.

Chasing coins around a
parking lot was something

I didn't care to do again.

♪ Well, she was sweet and 17 ♪

♪ When she first hung out with me ♪

♪ I said she was sweet and 17 ♪

♪ When she first danced with me ♪

♪ She said ♪

♪ I won't treat you wrong, boy ♪

♪ You know I won't treat you mean ♪

(laid-back music continues)

(hand thudding)

- Hi, Ramsy.

- Hey, Joy.

(footsteps plodding)

You look great.

- Thanks.

- You're welcome.

Let's go.

- Oh, okay.
- Okay.

You look great.

- Oh, Carol loaned me
some makeup. (laughs)

I hope you like it.

- Yeah, I do. It's nice.

I know what it is. You're
not wearing glasses.

- Oh, yeah, well, I usually wear contacts,

but I lost 'em right before the party,

so I was gonna just go
around blind, (laughs)

but I forgot to take them off.

- Well, you look good. There you go.

- Thanks.
- Just slide on in

and all the way over.

- Okay.
- Right.

I was very careful when I got in the car.

After the movie, I took Joy out for pizza.

You cold?
- Yeah.

Can we-
- Sure.

(Joy laughs)

Switching

- [Joy] Thanks. (laughs)

- My little hat.
(Joy laughing)

(engine humming)
(car squeaking)

(gear shift clattering)

Sitting there in the dark,
I wanted to kiss her,

but should I?

Lance would.

He'd probably convince her into thinking

that it was her idea.

Donnie wouldn't talk. He'd just grab her.

I wondered what Buck would do.

- I-
- I had a great time tonight.

(both laughing)

- Me too.
- Good.

- I, I, I guess I should
be, uh, going upstairs.

(Joy laughs)

- Okay, sure, sure.

- Would, would you like to, uh, go up

to the TV room until curfew?

- Is that allowed?

- (laughs) Of course, silly.

- Sure, okay.
- Okay.

- Okay.

(mellow music)

(lips smacking)

♪ She walked past me and
didn't see me smile ♪

♪ My depression disappeared for a while ♪

♪ Had to see if she was thinking of me ♪

- Is something wrong with the TV?

- Um, no. (laughs)

♪ What can I do to make her notice me ♪

♪ Sitting over there sipping her ice tea ♪

♪ And I said, hey now ♪
(lips smacking)

♪ I said, hey now ♪

♪ She reminds me of (indistinct) ♪

(record scratching)
(Joy gasps)

- [House Mother] Curfew
in five minutes, ladies.

(footsteps plodding)

- Who is that?

- Mrs. Dilbert, our dorm mother.

- Baby, you gotta go.

(footsteps plodding)

I'll see you tomorrow.
- All right.

- [Student] All right?

- I have to see you again.

- Sure. (laughs)

- No, I, I mean, I have
to see you again tomorrow

if that's okay.

I mean, I, maybe we can go
for a walk or something.

- Great. (laughs)

- Okay.

- Um, well, gimme a call tomorrow and, um-

- I will,
- We'll figure out

something fun to do.
- Okay.

(lips smacking)

Okay. Goodbye.
- Bye. (laughs)

(footsteps plodding)

(birds chirping)
(Joy laughing)

(bells chiming)
(Joy continues laughing)

Ah, don't the chimes sound nice?

- Yeah, they do. I've gotten used to them.

(birds chirping)
(gentle music)

- Sometimes we take
nice things for granted.

- Yeah, I guess we do.

(students chattering indistinctly)

- [Buck] Where have you been?

- With Joy.
- What?

You were with Joy today?
- Yes, yes.

- [Buck] I thought your date
with her was last night.

What, (sniffing)

what do you have on?

Is that aftershave?

- Yes, Joy says I smell sexy with it on.

What do you think, Buck?
(Buck scoffs)

- I can't believe it.
I've created a monster.

- You know, Buck, I kinda like it.

- [Buck] She really said you smelled sexy?

- Yes, she really said I smell sexy.

(Buck sniffing)

Stay back.

- [Buck] What the hell?
Even I think you smell sexy.

- Shut up, ya jerk.

(Buck laughing)

- I'm sure Joy's a
great girl and all that,

but go slow, will ya?

Don't try to force anything.

- What does that mean?

- You have a tendency to go overboard.

Don't hurry things. Just take it easy.

(crickets chirping)
(gentle organ music)

- [Ramsy] Well, of course,
I planned on taking it easy.

Did he think I was nuts?

(chimes clinking)
(gentle organ music continues)

(laid-back rock music)

(laid-back rock music continues)

(laid-back rock music continues)

(Joy laughing)

(Joy moaning)

(lips smacking)

(Joy moaning)

(laid-back rock music continues)

- Ramsy wake up.
(hand thudding)

Ramsy.

Were you having a nightmare?

What were you dreaming about?

- Football, uh, I was playing football.

- Yeah, right.
- Yeah.

- The way you sounded,
you must have scored.

(birds chirping)
(mellow music)

(door clattering)

(Buck laughing)

(door clattering)

(glasses clanking)

Now what are you studying?

- [Ramsy] Health, quiz tomorrow.

- You been going to class?

- [Ramsy] Yeah.

- You've been doing the readings?

- [Ramsy] Sure.

- Then why are you studying?

- To get a good grade.

- [Buck] Grades are for crap.

- Buck, you only say that
'cause your grades are crappy.

- It's what you know and how
you act that's important.

Do you think an accident victim cares

what grade his doctor got in English 3?

- Buck. (sighs)

What do you have in mind?

(upbeat music)

(Buck laughing)

(Ramsy laughing)

- [Patron] Whoo.

(patrons chattering indistinctly)

♪ Come along if you care ♪

♪ Come along if you dare ♪

♪ Take a ride to the land side ♪

♪ And you'll see how happy life could be ♪

♪ If all of mankind ♪

♪ Would take the time ♪

- All right, fellas, welcome to Fez.

Have good time. Sally,
take care of the boys.

- [Lance] Hey, Sally.

- Hi, guys.

What do you guys want?

- Uh, I want you.

- In your dreams, big guy.

- Oh, I've had you with my dreams, hon.

- Right, uh-huh.

Now what do you guys want to drink?

- Pitcher of beer.

- Beer.

- Water, please.

- (laughs) Water.

- Yeah.

- I'll be right back with that beer.

- Did you say water?

Damn.

(energetic music)

- Oh wow.
- Whoo.

- [Patron] Ay, ay, ay, ay, ay.

- Whoa, Ramsy, check out the
nipples on that babe, man.

She could take somebody's
eye out with those.

(Ramsy and Donnie laughing)

You know why women have nipples?

- [Ramsy] Why?

- Makes suckers outta men.

(Donnie and Ramsy laughing)

- Ow.

- Here you are, guys.

- Thank you.
(glass thudding)

- Sure.
- Thank you.

- Do I know you?

- You look familiar.

- Yeah, right.

♪ You really got me ♪

- [Ramsy] Oh, I know.

- Hi, Ramsy.
- I've seen you in a magazine.

What's your name?

- (laughs) Sally, what's yours?

- Ramsy.

- (laughs) It's cute, Ramsy.

Now you, you pay attention, big guy.

I'm up next.

- Okay.

♪ You really got me now ♪

♪ You got me so I can't sleep at night ♪

- [Lance] This is not happening.

- Oh, yes, it is.

- [Patrons] Sally, Sally.
(hands thudding)

Sally, Sally.
(hands thudding)

- And-
- Sally.

- [Friends] One, two, three, four.

Work it out. Stretch it out.

Let it out, and one, two, three, four.

Ooh, ah, ooh, ah.
(fingers snapping)

(friend laughs)

Ooh, ah, and one, two, three, four,

one, two, work it out.

Stretch it out. Let it out.

And one, two, three, four.

Ooh, ah, ooh, ah.

Whoo.

- Whoo-hoo-hoo-hoo.

- [Friend] Yeah.
(friends laughing)

- [Student] Well, what
are you gonna do about it?

(utensils clanking)

(Buck gags)

- This crap's gonna go right through me.

(dish clanking)

I should just take it back
to the head and throw it in,

eliminate the middleman.

- This food sucks.
- Yep,

especially on a crappy day like today.

Pull my finger.

- I'm not gonna pull your finger.

- Come on, man. Pull my finger.

- No, man, get outta here.

- I'm gonna die. Come on.

- You let loose with one of those specials

after this, man, we'll all die.

Don't.
- Yeah, don't.

(fart erupting)

- Oh.
- Oh, man.

- Sick.
- Oh, come on.

It wasn't that bad.
- Sick.

- There should be a law.

- You're right. There should be a law.

Shouldn't rain this much when it's cold,

and the health department
shouldn't let 'em

serve mystery meat, not now, not ever.

- Here, grab it.

- God, I'd love to.

- (laughs) Oh, my God.
(mellow music)

(net rustling)

(ball thudding)

- [Ramsy] Joy's birthday was coming up,

and I wanted to get her a nice gift,

but I had no idea what to get her.

So I decided to ask Buck.

- That's a tough question.

That's what I like about you, Rams.

You always ask the hard ones.

Most guys have roommates
that ask easy questions,

like, how do you circumcise a mosquito?

(ball thudding)

- Look, if it was easy,
I wouldn't have to ask.

(ball thudding)

- Well, what does she want?

(ball thudding)

- I don't know.

- [Buck] Well, you could ask her.

- If I asked her, it
wouldn't be a surprise.

(ball thudding)

- Hmm.
(ball thudding)

How about a little
something from Lusty Lady?

(ball thudding)

- It's a little bold, don't you think?

No, Linda said I should
get her some gold earrings.

- Yeah, 14-karat earrings would be nice.

- No, she said gold earrings.

- Ramsy, 14-karat means
it's more than half gold.

- Right.

(ball thudding)

I knew that.

I knew that.

(ball thudding)
I knew that.

(magazine rustling)

- Nice shoes.

- Hey, Donnie.
- Yeah.

- You got any plans for Saturday night?

- Nope, not really.

Why, you wanna do something?

- Well, hey, actually, I got
plans to see Anne back home,

but I was wondering, uh, you know,

this Saturday happens
to be Joy's birthday.

- Oh, yeah, yeah, that's right.

She gonna be 18, right, Rams?

That makes her legal.

You can pump her all
you want now, buddy boy.

(hand thudding)

- Since this is gonna be a
pretty special day for them,

I thought it would be really
nice if Ramsy had a car.

And since you're not
doing anything Saturday-

- Hey, man, no problem,
Blake can borrow the beast.

All right?

You know me, Buck. I'll
do anything for romance.

(Buck laughing)

Just don't stain the seats.

(gentle music)

- Good evening.
- Hi.

- Would ya like to see the wine list?

- Do you have a house wine?

- We sure do, and it's quite good.

Um, it's not very expensive.

- Fine, that's fine.

- Red or white?

- Red okay?

Red.
- Carafe or half carafe?

- We'll take a, uh, car, uh, a large one.

- (laughs) Good.

An excellent choice.

- [Ramsy] Thanks.

- Ramsy, you are wonderful.

I, I never expected wine for my birthday.

It makes it special.

- I should wear a, a suit more often.

It makes me look older.

- You look handsome.

- Happy birthday.

- Thanks.
(gentle piano music)

Oh, Ramsy, they're so,
oh, they're beautiful.

You're so sweet, ah.

- 14-karat gold.
(Joy laughing)

- Here you are.

- Thank you.

- Have a happy birthday.
- Oh, thank you.

(Joy laughing)

(mints clinking)

- Want a mint?

- Is is something wrong?

Do, do you need any money or something?

- [Ramsy] No, no, it's fine.

- Okay.

(cash rustling)

You know, I, I was thinking, since we, um,

have a car tonight,

maybe we could do something
different after the movie.

- Well, it's your birthday.

I mean, we'll do whatever you wanna do.

- How about the duck pond? (laughs)

♪ Zoo love ♪

(ducks quacking)

♪ Zoo love in all you do ♪

♪ Faithful and true ♪

♪ Fly on the wings of a dove ♪

- And, uh, now we watch
the submarine races.

♪ Zoo love, zoo love ♪

♪ I'd lay down my life
for you, my friend ♪

(lips smacking)

♪ Zoo love ♪

(flashlight thudding)

(glasses clanking)
(crickets chirping)

(ducks quacking)

- Yes, sir?

- [Officer] Can I see some identification

for the young lady, please?

- Is there a problem?

- [Officer] Nothing's wrong.

I just need to see some
ID for the young lady.

- There you are.
(crickets chirping)

- This is a library card.

I need something with a birth date on it.

(Ramsy clears throat)
(crickets chirping)

Happy birthday, miss.

It's lucky that you're 18.

Otherwise, I'd have to
take you in for underage.

You kids have a nice night.

- Thanks, night, sir

(window clattering)

(Ramsy exhales)

- Ramsy, thanks.

You were so wonderful.

(sighs) I'm so tired of being
treated like little girl.

You know, I, (sighs) I just feel so young,

so inexperienced.

- Joy, I don't treat
you like a little girl.

To me, you're a beautiful woman.

Let's try this again.
(Joy laughing)

♪ And love, be the greatest day ♪

♪ Zoo love, zoo love ♪

♪ You got me going ♪

♪ You got me so I don't what I'm doing ♪

♪ Yeah, you really got me now ♪

♪ You got me so I can't sleep at night ♪

- [Ramsy] I needed
information on how to act

during what I hoped was the inevitable.

So I sought out Sir Lance,
the king of romance.

(hand knocking)

- It's open.

♪ Oh, yeah, you really got me now ♪

♪ You got me so I can't sleep at night ♪

♪ You really got me ♪
- Hey.

Is this the new Simon and Garfunkel album?

- Yeah, right.
- Have you seen Donnie?

- [Lance] It's not my day to watch him.

♪ See, don't ever ♪

- Hey, Lance, could we talk?

- [Lance] Gee, Rams, I
thought we were talking.

- Lance, could we talk seriously?

- [Lance] Okay. Sure.

- Yeah?
♪ You got me so ♪

♪ I can't sleep at night ♪

- [Lance] Okay, I'm listening.

Seriously.
- Okay.

All right.

Lance, you know a lot about girls.

- Yeah.

- All right, look, what
I'm trying to say is

you know how to satisfy a girl.

- Are we, uh, talking about sex here?

- Yes, we're talking about sex here.

- Okay, um, telling you all there is

to know about how to satisfy a woman

could take a few years.

- Oh, come on, Lance. I
don't have a few years.

- Okay, look, the main
thing you need to know is

that women are people, too.

See, some of these jerks around here,

they don't realize that.

They think that women are
trophies to be won in some type

of macho competition.

You should be considerate
of their feelings.

Confucius say, "Sex like Chinese meal,

not over until everyone
has their cookies."

- What are you saying, that every time

you have sex with a
girl, she should climax?

- Mm.

No, but it's nice.

(mellow guitar music)

- [Ramsy] Lance went on to
tell me a lot of things.

I learned a lot, but the more I heard,

the more nervous I became.

All I could think about was
how impossible it all seemed.

- [Joy] Did, uh, Bucky
go home for the weekend?

- [Ramsy] Yeah.

- Your dorm's pretty
close to here, isn't it?

- Yeah.

- Do you wanna go up and talk?

- Yeah.

(door clattering)

(Joy laughing)

(door clattering)

- Oh, too bright.

- It's too bright?

(switch clicking)

Okay.

(Joy laughs)
(crickets chirping)

- Let's have some music.

(mellow music)

- Uh, would you like to dance?

- I would love to dance. (laughs)

(glasses clanking)

Much better. (laughs)

♪ Rest your head on my pillow ♪

(Joy exhales)

♪ Lay down upon my bed ♪

♪ And when the morning comes ♪

- [Joy] Mm, too hot.

- You're hot?
- Uh-huh, hold on.

- Okay, it's hot.

(hand thudding)

(Joy exhales)

(lips smacking)

♪ Praying, Lord, to see you ♪

♪ Growing on like mysteries ♪

♪ One more time ♪
(shirt rustling)

♪ Going down ♪

(zipper whizzing)
(pants rustling)

♪ We dream of saints and angels ♪

♪ We dream that you were mine ♪

♪ We dream of saints and angels ♪

♪ And we'll have a real good time ♪

(lips smacking)

♪ We dream of saints and angels ♪

♪ We dream that you were mine ♪

♪ I see every morning ♪
(Joy moans)

- Joy confided in me that she could see

and taste emotions.

For pain, she saw sharp blue
shapes and tasted bitterness.

Um, (clears throat) did I hear pleasure

anywhere?
(Joy laughing)

- Yes, yes, you did. (laughs)

And, um, when I kiss you,

I see soft round circles,

pink, and, um,

I get a vague sweet taste,

you know, it, not too
strong, just pleasant.

And, uh, (laughs) just a little while ago-

(Joy laughing)

- Yeah?
- When we were,

you know, you know, making love-

- Yeah.
- Um, (laughs)

I tasted apples, (laughs)

caramel apples, actually.

They're my very favorite.

- Caramel apples, wow.
(Joy laughing)

Wow.

- Say, Ramsy.
- Yeah.

- How about some caramel apples?

- Come again.

- You know what,

oh, okay, cute, very cute. (laughs)

(lips smacking)

- Joy, you're on 5:00, and it's 4:00.

(Joy laughing)
♪ Looking for a fast lane ♪

♪ Playing all those foolish games ♪

♪ Caramel apples and sweets ♪

♪ Tell me who meet ♪

- [Ramsy] One beautiful Sunday afternoon,

Buck came home early and
loaned me his sports car.

♪ Laughs, smiles, a few tears ♪

♪ Get you through those years ♪

♪ See all you wanna see ♪

- [Ramsy] Christmas
came too soon that year.

Joy and some girlfriends
had planned a vacation

in Fort Lauderdale.

- The glasses look really groovy.

- Thank you.
- Let's go.

(lips smacking)

- Goodbye.
- Bye.

- Bye.
- Come on.

Let's go.

(door clattering)
(engine revving)

(engine humming)

(friend laughing)
(Ramsy sighs)

- [Ramsy] The weather was fantastic

during Christmas break that year.

I was even invited to a pool party.

(footsteps plodding)

- [Partygoer] Whoo, whoo.

(partygoers chattering indistinctly)

(footsteps plodding)
(mellow music)

- Hi, Blake.

- Karen, you look great.

- Thanks.

- How's life been treating you?

- School's okay, but Texas isn't

as nice as here.
(water splashing)

Are you dating?

- Yeah, some, no one special.

You know, Karen,

when we went to high school
together, I liked you a lot,

and I still do like you for that matter.

- I always thought you did,
but you never said anything.

- I'm a little bit shy
around girls, I guess.

- That kiss you just gave
me wasn't very timid.

It was pretty sexy.

- It just kind of happened.

- We ought to let things just
happen a little more often.

You like the party?

- [Ramsy] It's okay.

- Yeah, I'm kinda bored, too.

Let's get outta here.

(footsteps plodding)

(partygoers chattering indistinctly)

(door clattering)
(mellow music continues)

I don't have my key with me,

and I don't wanna wake my parents.

There's a spare in the
garage. Come with me.

(footsteps plodding)
(mellow music continues)

Come on, Ramsy.

♪ Better listen, girl ♪

(footsteps plodding)
♪ What I'm tellin' you ♪

♪ You better listen
girl, or we are through ♪

♪ You better stop all
you're foolin' around ♪

♪ Stop you're runnin' all over town ♪

♪ 'Cause you're pushin' too hard ♪

♪ Pushin' too hard on me ♪

♪ Too hard ♪

(item thudding)

♪ Well, I know there's a
lotta fish in the sea ♪

(Karen moaning)

- [Karen] Oh, Ramsy, yes.

Oh, yes, touch me.

Oh, Ramsy, oh, yes.

Oh, Ramsy.

Oh.
♪ Pushing too hard ♪

♪ Pushing too hard ♪
- Yes.

♪ Pushing too hard ♪

♪ Pushing too hard on me ♪
(Karen moaning)

- [Karen] Touch me, touch me, yes.

Oh, Ramsy.
♪ Pushing too hard ♪

(keys jingling)

- Here's those keys.

I knew they were here somewhere.

(footsteps plodding)

- [Ramsy] I knew she wanted
me to grab her, but I didn't.

I just couldn't.

- Poor, innocent Ramsy.

(door clattering)

(footsteps plodding)

(door clattering)

- [Ramsy] The door wasn't even locked.

(hand thudding)

(downcast music)
(Ramsy sighs)

(footsteps plodding)

(mellow music)

(thunder rumbling)

(door clattering)

- Ramsy.
- Buck.

- Happy New Year.
- Happy New Year.

- How was your Christmas?

- It was okay, it was okay.

I missed everyone.

- You shouldn't get
homesick when you're home.

- True.

(jacket thudding)

Hey, Donnie.

- What?

- Man, did I have a great break.

You guys, you won't be
believing what happened to me

when I tell you.

It was fantastic.

- Groovy.

(Buck and Ramsy groaning)

- Well, you want me to tell you or what?

Come on.

- I suppose we'll have to
hear it sooner or later.

May as well be now.

(Donnie scoffs)

- Nah, it's all right.
- Donnie, I was just kidding.

Of course, we wanna hear your story.

- Come on. Tell us.

- 'Kay, hang on.

(magazine rustling and thudding)

(door squeaking and clattering)

Friend of mine plays
baseball over at UP, right?

So last night he sets
me up with his sister,

and, uh, we all partied,

Susie, good-looking girl,
got big nipples like this.

I swear to God.

Anyway, we, uh, we drank a lotta wine.

We listened to some music.

So we all sat around the dorm room

just talking about sex, right?

Susie, she starts getting really hot.

Before I knew what was going on,

she dropped to her knees

(upbeat music)

right in front of me,

right in front of the others,
including her brother.

She unzipped me and pulled me into her.

- Holy shit.

- In front of her brother?
- Can you believe that?

I mean, I swear to God, Buck.

Before long, we were all doing it, man.

I mean, what a night. (laughs)

What a night.
- Wow.

- Before I finally collapsed,
I had made it once each

with the other two babes
and twice with Susie.

- Wow.
- Yeah, wow.

Whoo. (exhales)

What an orgy, boys, what an orgy.

Yes, sir, gentlemen, that will be a night

I will not soon forget.

(hand knocking)

(door clattering)

- Ramsy.
- Yeah.

- Phone for you. It's Joy.

- Joy.

(bed rustling)

(feet thudding)

(hand thudding)

- Go get her, Rams. Go get her, baby.

(crickets chirping)
(lips smacking)

(mellow music)

(Joy gasps and laughs)

- Hi, mm, I missed you so much.

- Oh, I missed you, too.

Oh, I have something for you.

- What, what, what, what,

what, what, what?
- Hold on, hold on, hold on.

(box clattering)

- Wow, thanks.

- So how was your break?

Go to any parties or anything?

- No, no parties.

Well, kind of, if you
wanna call it a party.

I mean, yeah, well, I went
to a party, one party.

It was no big deal. How was Florida?

- Great, great. (laughs)

Sun all day, parties all night. (laughs)

- Wish I could have been there.

- Maybe next time.

(lips smacking)

- Love this.

(Joy laughing)

Let's go.
- I'm glad. (laughs)

(footsteps plodding)

(crickets chirping)

- Hey, Buck.
- Hmm?

- Hey, Buck, do you think Donnie's telling

the truth about that orgy?

- (laughs) Who knows? Some
version might be true.

Donnie's not very imaginative.

- Have you ever been to an orgy?

- Mm, no.

- Have you ever had sex with
a girl on the first date?

- Uh, well, uh, mm, not, not really.

- Uh, what do you mean?

- Well, um, I came close.

She wanted to, but believe it or not,

I turned her down. (laughs)

- [Ramsy] You did?

All right, all right,
all right, what happened?

- I met Gigi, or maybe it was Dee Dee,

at the tennis courts two summers ago.

(dog barking)

I drove her home.

I figured we'd just make out for a while,

and that'd be it, right?

(Gigi moans)
(dog barking)

And she said her parents
wouldn't be home for-

- Four hours, why don't you come on in?

(dog barking)

- [Buck] She wanted me bad.

(Gigi moans)

(lips smacking)
(dog barking)

I just, I just couldn't.

- [Ramsy] Why?

- [Buck] Good question.

- Come on.
- I didn't know her,

and having sex with someone
I just met seemed strange.

She was very sexy, and we
wouldn't hurt anybody, I suppose,

but I just couldn't do it

with somebody I didn't really care about.

(footsteps plodding)
(dog barking)

(floor creaking)

Some people say sex is like food.

When you're hungry, eat.

But sex, Ramsy, is more than just food.

- How so?

- I like to think that there
are three levels to sex.

The first is purely
physical, like animals.

You don't think, you just
do, like eating food.

- Just like Donnie.

- Maybe. Donnie's more
complex than you may think.

- That's for sure.
- I'm serious.

Given the right woman or situation,

I think Donnie could surprise you.

- All right, what's, what's,
so what's the next level?

- Mental, you're considerate
of your partner's feelings.

There's a lot of caring
and pleasure in level two.

- Like Lance.

- Right, but Lance is one of those guys

who likes the beginning of a relationship.

He's living on appetizers.

- Level three.

- Spiritual.
- Spiritual.

- Not only are you
considerate of your partner,

but your partner is more important.

Having sex with someone
that you're truly and deeply

in love with can be
something worth striving for.

I think it can almost get mystical.

- Mystical.

(crickets chirping)

Well, do you love Anne in that way?

- No.

She's great in all that,

but I'm afraid we're stuck
on level two. (laughs)

Hey, that's okay.

You don't drop out of a relationship

just because it isn't perfect.

- Right.

- You can learn a lot about yourself

and people when you experience things.

(birds chirping)
(gentle guitar music)

(footsteps plodding)

(paper rustling)

(door clattering)

(door thudding)
(Buck grunting)

- Sorry. Buck, read this.

- Go away.
- It's important.

- Oh, not now.
- Come on, read it.

(phone ringing)

Well?
- Well, what?

- Buck, it's Donnie.

- What?
- Come on.

Didn't you read the description?

Look right here, about 5'10", 180 pounds,

wears a baseball cap.

- So?
- So it sounds like Donnie.

- [Buck] And about a million other guys.

- Come on, Buck.

Look, you and I both know
how Donnie treats women,

how he talks about women.

He, he's out all the time at night.

- Ramsy, I'm not saying Donnie
did or didn't do anything.

Donnie is not a rapist. At
least I don't think he is.

He's our friend.

You shouldn't accuse someone
of something like this,

(lighter clicking)

unless you're real sure.

- [Ramsy] The next weekend,
Joy and I double-dated

with Donnie and Sally, the
dancer from the topless bar.

- Baby, I feel good.

- Yeah, baby, you do feel good.

- Oh, yeah?
- Mm-hmm, yeah.

(lips smacking)

- Hey, asshole, get off of my car.

- You better watch your mouth,

or I'm gonna rip your head off.

- Whoa, whoa, whoa, what are you,

some kind of tough guy, man?

- Ramsy, no.
- Eat shit

and get in your pissy car.

(fist thudding)
(fighters grunting)

- Yeah, hit him, hit him.

(fist thudding)
(fighters grunting)

(knife clanking)

(foot thudding)
(fighter grunting)

(fighters groaning)

Get outta here.
- Come on.

(footsteps plodding)

(cat screeching)

- [Ramsy] Take it. Take it.

(knife clanking)
- Oh, baby, you were great.

- You liked it?
- You really socked it

to those turds.

(lips smacking)

- Ramsy, you drive.

- Come on, baby. I feeling hot.

I'm gonna drive you all the way home.

- [Donnie] Come on, man.

Let's do it.

(doors clattering)
(gentle music)

(engine humming)
- [Sally] Oh, Donnie.

(Sally moaning)

(door slamming)

Yeah, Donnie.

(door slamming)

(footsteps plodding)

- [Ramsy] Joy, don't run from me.

- What are you gonna do, beat me up, too?

- [Ramsy] What?

(footsteps plodding)
(gentle music continues)

- [Donnie] Oh, oh, yeah, baby.

(Sally moaning)
(hand knocking)

- [Student] Ramsy,
phone for you. It's Joy.

(feet thudding)
(Ramsy grunting)

Hurry up, will ya? I think she's crying.

(Ramsy exhales)

- Nuts.

Coming, coming.

Thanks. Hey, Joy.

Immediately, I knew everything
was going to be all right.

It's okay.

(gentle guitar music)

It turned out her only brother was killed

in a knife fight about a year ago.

- I, I couldn't go through
something like that again.

I love you, Ramsy.

(lips smacking)
(birds chirping)

- I love you, too.

I'm sorry about the way Donnie acted.

- (sighs) Donnie has problems,
I mean, big problems.

He's gonna get someone killed.

(lips smacking)

- [Ramsy] Buck, I'm telling ya.

It's a miracle nobody
got killed, all right?

Look, he's scary to be
around. What's his problem?

- Hmm, who knows?

- Look, the way he was going at Sally,

I mean, he could have raped her.

- Rape has nothing to do with sex.

- What?

- Rape is an act of violence.

Some people think that women fantasize

about being raped, hmm?

It's bullshit.

Some women like Sally, they
like it a little rough,

but Donnie didn't rape her.

- I know Donnie didn't rape her.

- Just keep in mind that he's our friend.

- Buck, I just wish he wasn't such a jerk.

That's all.

What are you looking at?

(birds chirping)
(gentle music continues)

- You guys read about those
two girls who were raped?

Man, you'd have to be pretty
sick to do something like that.

- You know what?

I was walking along the
road the other night,

and I heard, "Help rape, help rape."

So what else could I do?

(hand thudding)

- I helped her.
- Oh, man.

- That's not funny, Donnie.

(Buck exhaling)

- Sorry.

(hand thudding)
(pensive music)

- [Ramsy] A few weeks later, Joy called.

She wanted to meet me
in the TV room to talk.

From the sound of her voice,
I knew something was wrong,

but she wouldn't tell me.

(Joy sighs)

(door clattering)

- I don't know how to tell you this.

(Joy exhaling)

I think we should stop seeing each other.

- What?

- I've thought about it a
lot over the past few weeks,

and, um, it's just, (sighs)

it's just not exciting anymore.

- Joy, I love you.

- And I love you too, but (sighs)

I just don't wanna get serious right now.

- Serious? What did I do?

- Nothing, you've been wonderful.

(Joy exhales)

Look, I just want it to be over, okay?

- Joy, what we have is special.

- It was, it was.

(birds chirping)

- Is there someone else?

- No.
- Well, then why?

- (sighs) Because.

Because it's time for a change, Ramsy.

- Okay, you wanna get married?

- No, no, you nuts?

No, I don't wanna get married.

Ramsy, look.

Don't make this any more difficult
than it already is, okay?

- Joy, how am I supposed
to change your mind?

- I don't want you to
change my mind, Ramsy.

- Terrific.

- Ramsy, please.
- Look, Joy.

I'm sorry, okay?

Living without you is not gonna be easy.

Look, would it be okay with
you if I kissed you goodbye?

(lips smacking)

- Ramsy, please don't.

- I'm sorry.

- [Joy] Goodbye, Ramsy.

- Okay,

(pensive music)

♪ Why does the sun go on shining ♪

♪ Why does the sea rush to shore ♪

♪ Don't they know it's
the end of the world ♪

♪ 'Cause you don't love me anymore ♪

♪ Why do the birds go on singing ♪

♪ Why do the stars glow above ♪

♪ Don't they know ♪

(Ramsy sighs)

- [Ramsy] She said we
weren't right for each other.

Uh, she, she, look,

she said she doesn't wanna
go out with me anymore.

- What else?

- [Ramsy] What else?

Okay, she said, we lacked excitement.

Buck, what should I do?

- Is there anybody else?

- [Ramsy] Well, she says that there's not.

I'm crazy about her.

How could something so
good get so screwed up?

- Life stinks sometimes.

(hands thudding)

(Ramsy sighs)

- Buck, what should I do?

(Buck exhales and groans)

(lips fluttering)

(Buck sighs)

- You could try and forget her.

Or you could stay away
from her for a week or two.

Maybe she'll change her mind.

- No, I'd miss her too much.

- (sighs) Let's see.

You could send her flowers,

show her that you can be romantic,

or you can start seeing someone else.

It'd take your mind off of her.

Plus, when she finds out,

she might get jealous and want you back.

- What would you do?

- I'm not you.

Something like this, I
can't tell you what to do.

You have to do what's right for you.

(Ramsy exhales)

- Nuts.

The next day, I sent her roses.

In life, it is true,
without love, one is blue.

So no matter the cost,
without Joy, I am lost.

Love, R.

Pretty corny, I guess, but
it was the best I could do.

(Ramsy grunts)

(phone clattering)
(gentle music)

(phone ringing)

- Morgan 4.
- Joy, hi.

It's, uh, it's Rams.

- Um, hi, Ramsy.

How you doing?

- I'm good. I'm fine, thanks.

How, how are you?

- Good, good, um, I, I got your roses.

They're beautiful.

- Joy.
- Yeah.

- Did you get the card?

- [Joy] Um, yeah.

- All right, well, I'll let you go.

Goodnight.

- Goodnight, Ramsy.

(phone clanking)

(feet shuffling)
(gentle music continues)

(phone clanking)
(tone blaring)

(phone clattering)

(phone ringing)

Morgan 4.

- Joy, uh, it's me again.

Listen, I, I was wondering, (exhales)

you know, can we go out again?

I mean, maybe Friday night,
I, I'll take you to the movies

or dinner or something.

- No, um, I don't think that
would be a good idea, Ramsy.

- Okay, Friday's bad.

Um, Saturday night, maybe we can...

- [Joy] Ramsy, the day doesn't matter.

- How about, uh, you know, lunch
tomorrow, someday, any day.

- Look, Ramsy, um,

I told you that we're through, okay?

- Joy, please.

- [Joy] Goodnight, Ramsy.

(phone clanking)

(tone blaring)

- [Ramsy] Time passed
day by day, hour by hour,

minute by minute, all one dull ache.

(mellow music)

It was Friday night, date night.

I decided to call her.

Even as I dialed, I knew that I shouldn't.

- Hey, Rams.

(phone ringing)

- [Student] Morgan 4.

- Hi, um, may I speak with Joy, please?

- [Student] Sorry, Joy's not here.

She left a few minutes ago with some guy.

You wanna leave a message?

Hello?

(Ramsy exhales)

wanna leave a message?

(phone clanking)

(engine humming)

(door clattering)
(crickets chirping)

(mellow music)

♪ Grandpa said, son,
don't be lost on the way ♪

♪ No, no, no, no, don't
get lost on the way ♪

♪ Concentrate on what you do now ♪

(engine humming)

(tires screeching)

- [Driver] Look where
you're going, asshole.

(tires screeching)

Get the hell outta my way.

(door clattering)

♪ Out on my own now ♪

- Is that you?

Ramsy?

- Yeah, it's me.

Uh, look, I feel stupid about what I,

I'm happy you're seeing joy.

- Whoa, whoa, I'm not dating her.

- It's okay. I mean, I
saw you guys together.

It's...

- You jerk.

You were dragging around here
so low these past three weeks

you had all the personality of tree moss.

I talked to her, see
what old Buck could do.

- It's just, Buck, when
I saw you with Joy,

I just, I want,

sorry.

- Would you relax?

You're only responsible for what you do.

You're not responsible for what you think.

You're not responsible
for what others do either.

You can't control anyone else.

You can only influence them a little.

- I feel like shit.

- You'll get over it.

Just remember that we're friends.

Now then, Joy says that
she will go out with you

again if you want.

She says she still loves you,

though why anyone would
fall for a guy like you,

it's beyond me.

Goodnight.

- Hey, Buck, Buck, you awake?

- No.
- Buck was something.

People told him things they
wouldn't tell anyone else.

- You awake?

- [Buck] Uh, I am now.

- Hey, Buck.

You think Joy was serious when she said

she would, would wanna
go out with me again?

Or, I mean, do you think
she was just being nice?

- [Buck] Uh, I don't think
she would have agreed

if she wasn't serious.

- Well, am I being foolish?

I mean, I still care for her, you know?

- [Buck] Well, if you care, you care.

- She is special.

- [Buck] Yep.

- No, I mean it.

I mean, Buck, she experiences
things in a special way.

- (yawns) Sure.

- No, Buck, I mean it.

Look, she, she sees,
and she tastes feelings.

- Yeah?

- She has an orgasm, she sees,

and she tastes apples.

- Mm, isn't that something all right?

Apples, huh?
- Apples.

- [Buck] Hmm, caramel apples.

- [Ramsy] Did he say caramel apples?

I didn't hear that, did I?

Did I say caramel apples?

I never told him.

Did that mean he'd made love to Joy?

(phone ringing)

Maybe Joy told him during their talks.

Sure, that was it. She told him.

- [Lance] Buck, wake up.
(hand knocking)

Ramsy, Donnie's been hurt.

- As we rushed-
- Dr. Cal-

to St. Veronica's Hospital-
- to ICU, stat.

- I prayed that-
- Dr. Cal-

Donnie was not the rapist.
- To ICU, stat.

- Excuse me, can you tell us

where we can find Donatello Alberti?

Hello, can you help us
find Donatello Alberti?

- Alberti?
- Alberti.

- Um.
- Right there, right there.

- Right, here he is.

If you'll have a seat over there,

I'll have someone come
out as soon as possible.

- We're just supposed to sit down?

- Have a seat right there.

(clipboard clattering)

- [Staff] Dr. Travis. Dr. Smith,

please report to the ER, stat.

(pensive music)

- Stay here.

I'm gonna find out what's up with Donnie.

- Buck.

Don't go fooling around, all right?

This is serious, please.

- Relax.

I'll be right back.
- 'Kay.

- [Staff] Dr. Travis, Dr.
Smith to the ER, stat.

(Ramsy exhales)

- Anyone here know Donatello Alberti?

Donatello Alberti, We're
looking for friends

of Donatello Alberti.

Thought she said they were in here.

- Uh, I know Donnie.

- [Detective] Terrific, come here.

- Uh, what did he do?

- You know his address?

We need to get in touch with his parents.

- His parents?
- Mm-hmm.

- His father, I think, lives in a,

somewhere at the Oak Burney.

Uh, his name is Roberto.

- Check it out.

- Uh, what did Donnie do?

- (sighs) You know a girl
named Mary Lou Spivek?

- I don't know her.

Look, can you please
tell me what Donnie did?

- About 10:15 this evening,

Ms. Spivek was walking near the library,

and she was attacked.

She was beaten. Her clothes were torn.

- And you guys think Donnie did it?

Uh, Donnie's not a rapist.
He's, he's my friend.

- No, no, no, course not,
your buddy was a hero.

I mean, he heard the girl cry out,

and he, uh, well, he jumped the guy.

Beat him up pretty good, too.

- That's great. Thank God.

I mean, how is he?

- Well, after he knocked
the perpetrator down,

he turned to comfort Miss Spivek.

- Donnie comforted a girl?

- Yeah, but that was a mistake.

- Mistake?

- [Detective] Guy had a knife.

- [Ramsy] What are you telling me?

- [Detective] (sighs) I'm telling you

your friend's been hurt.

- [Ramsy] How bad?

- [Detective] It's very serious.

- Did you hear this?

- Donnie.
- What?

- Donnie's dead.

(birds chirping)
(solemn music)

- [Ramsy] At the chapel,
Donnie looked so lifelike,

so powerful.

I kept hoping that he'd open his eyes,

sit up, and punch me on the arm.

Then he'd laugh, and this would turn out

to be just one of Buck's pranks.

But he didn't.

(birds chirping)
(solemn music continues)

- Hi, how you doing?

- Fine, how are you?

- Fine.

I mean, it was really brave, you know,

what Donnie did saving that girl.

- I know.

- I'm sorry about what happened.

- Me too.

- I cried when I found out, um.

(birds chirping)
(gentle music)

Look, if you wanna get
together and talk sometime

or anything, gimme a call, okay?

- Thanks.

- I'm sorry.

(lips smacking)

I'm so sorry.

- [Ramsy] Watching her walk away,

I realized I wasn't going to ask her out.

Joy was wonderful, but she was right

when she said it was time for a change.

(birds chirping)
(gentle music continues)

- Death is something we all
face, a terrible unknown.

We all knew Donnie Alberti as a, a son,

a neighbor, a dormmate,

a teammate, a friend.

(mourner sniffs)

Each of us probably
knew a different Donnie

because, like all of us,
he was a complex person.

Sure, he had faults.

Which of us don't?

But when the chips were
down, I can't think of anyone

I would rather have had there beside me.

There are two kinds of
people in this world.

Some people shape their
lives by fear of death.

They live dying.

And then there are those that
shape their lives with joy

and the ecstasy that is life.

They die living.

Donnie was in this group. (laughs)

- [Mourner] Yeah.

- Donnie saved a girl's life.

He didn't have to. He just did.

He didn't think about what could happen

when he rushed into
the bushes to save her.

But even if he had,

I'm sure he would've done the same thing.

That's the kind of person Donnie was.

What a courageous and noble act.

(mourner whimpering)

Is there anything finer
he could have done?

He gave,

he gave his, uh-
- Donnie.

- Donnie Alberti was our friend.

We won't ever forget him.

(gentle music)

♪ Like an arrow flies ♪

♪ Piercing through the darkness ♪

♪ Seeking brightness, hope, and truth ♪

♪ As our day's end fell ♪

♪ With love we fix, with only love ♪

♪ Touching hearts that come our way ♪

♪ Like a candle glows ♪

♪ Burning through the darkness ♪

♪ Bringing brightness on the truth ♪

♪ As our day's end fell ♪

(laid-back music)

♪ Never wore glasses ♪

♪ Still can't see ♪

♪ All I do is walk around in misery ♪

♪ Took too many chances ♪

♪ Never did see ♪

♪ Never wore glasses ♪

♪ Now I'm not free ♪

♪ Wisdom will win the kingdom ♪

♪ Walk, do not run ♪

♪ So come on, everyone ♪

♪ We'll take the kingdom ♪

♪ We'll pay great sum for Life 101 ♪

♪ Looking for a fast lane ♪

♪ Playing all those foolish games ♪

♪ Caramel apples and sweets ♪

♪ Tell me who you'll meet ♪

♪ Living in a fast lane ♪

♪ Playing all of those foolish games ♪

♪ You were off to school ♪

♪ To learn the golden rules ♪

♪ Sometimes your truths turn to lies ♪

♪ Falling in love is such an easy thing ♪

♪ Until you have to say goodbye ♪

♪ Living in a fast lane ♪

♪ Playing all those foolish games ♪

♪ Caramel apples and sweets ♪

♪ But now we have to say ♪

♪ Goodbye, goodbye ♪

♪ Goodbye ♪

♪ Goodbye ♪