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(ominous sound)

Top story tonight,

investigators are seeking tips

from anyone who may have seen
anything out of the ordinary

related to the popular web series hosts

disappearing from "Wuzzupdoc."
(static hissing)

Reports continue to pour in

regarding the three popular web show hosts

who have seemingly
disappeared into the night.

Disappearance of
three web show hosts has

all the makings of a science-

UFO sightings over the
California-Nevada border are-

This meteor shower appear-

Burned down husk of their RV.

Military and-
- Gathering online

to help piece together their final-

- Vanished.
- Vanished.

Vanished without a trace.

(static hissing)

(TV beeping)

(eerie music)

(ominous sound)

(static hissing)

(video warbling)
(static hissing)

(upbeat music)

Welcome to-

[All] "Wuzzupdoc.com."

- What?
- Documenting the sights

and sounds of 21st-century Earth.

Thank you so much for
joining us last year,

where you watched us document Huell Howser

as he went to every pancake
house in Northern California.

We went by, uh, South by Southwest.

And we did some serious stuff.

We drove to Alaska to talk to
Al Gore about global warming.

- Mm.
- Mm-hmm.

And we got a lot of comments

from you guys on this, so thanks.

And this summer we are going

to the Burning Man Festival
(explosion blasting)

(all cheering)

in search of naked people.

- Check.
- We will be the naked people.

Thank you.
- Perhaps we will.

We are also on search of green tech-

- Check.
- And awesome late night raves.

Yeah, and this awesome
desert festival attracts

over 50,000 people from
all moon walks of life,

mixed into this beautiful
desert salad of love.

[Brad] It's like a
Waldorf salad in the desert.

The very best part is
that we will continue

to document the documentary
crew, which is us.

Which is us.

That's right, so you get to see us

totally unvarnished, unedited,
(floating hands crashing)

never touched by human hands.

'Cause this sweet ride is
tricked out with five cameras,

count 'em down.

(Neil imitating gunfire)
(gunshots blasting)

Each one of these got your time lapse.

You got your motion sensors.

They're all wired through
this random algorithm switcher

to ensure candid, autonomous editing.

What, did I blow your mind?
(Anne laughs)

(explosion blasting)
- This guy's got us covered,

so you have many different
angles to see us, warts and all.

Everything, that's our pact
to you with one exception.

- What's that?
- No bodily functions.

Yeah, no poop in the pants,
(fart erupting)

no jerking the gherkin, no
dry farts, no wet farts.

(liquid squelching)
- Ugh, God.

There may be some jerking the gherkin.

And definitely some R-rated language,

so if your parents have
a problem with that,

just keep 'em in the other room.

(door slamming)
- Yeah,

'cause mama don't allow
for no cussin' (laughs).

So, we will see you on the road.

See you on the road.

(clown horn honking)

Yo-yo trick.
(yoyo crashing)

We just came from Burning
Man, uh, which was fun.

It was wild.

(upbeat music)

(crowd cheering)
(fireworks blasting)

That one guy who got
too close to the fire,

he will take that scar home with him.

(fireworks blasting)
(crowd cheering)

(upbeat music continues)

They're gonna die.

They're gonna all die.

[Brad] Neil!

(RV road ambiance)

Oh, I beg you.

I beg you not to try to remember history.

[Neil] I know.
(Anne laughs)

It bugs Brad whenever we do geography.

Wait, did you see that?
There's a, uh, cross.

Somebody had a car accident.

Do you ever notice that, um, I mean,

you only, you only see
crosses at car accidents?

Catholics must be the worst
drivers in the entire world.

- Yeah, that's true.
- That's hilarious.

You don't see many.

(upbeat music)

It's the girls from Burning Man, YEAH!

[Fans] We love you, Brad.

(Neil laughing)

You know us, huh, girls?

[Fans] We love you, Neil.

Oh, yes, mwah, I love you, too.

(women fans cheering)

Yeees!

Hey, hey hey.

That's what, that's what girls do, Anne.

[Fans] We love you.

(women fans cheering)

[Neil] Come join us!

Oh...!

[Fans] Party!! Whoo-hooo!
(women fans cheering)

Send me the footage, yes?

YES! Yes.

Oh, there goes happiness.

(air whooshing)

And we're at, we're at speed, cap'n.

(upbeat music)

Is this us?

Oh, this is live.

- Yes.
- Yes.

Nice.

You fixed it.

[Brad] You're a genius, man, amazing.

It's what I do.

This is incredible.

Hey, where's that,
uh, Burning Man footage?

I had it here on the desktop.

[Neil] It's in the BM
folder. Check under "BM."

What's BM?

BM, Burning Man.

BM, Burning Man, Burning Man.

- Oh, yeah.
- Freaky Town.

Come on, wake up.

Get with the program.

[Anne] Okay, here we go.

Got it.
- [Brad] Got it?

What, what's your favorite
part about Burning Man?

Oh, we're here for the UFOs.

- Huge.
- This looks great.

- Wow.
- You look great.

Brad, let's start

with the cue, the cue
card for Burning Man.

I'll just do, like, the intro here.

(poster rustling)

Oh, no, no.

What are you guys doing?

Come on.
(Neil laughing)

[Brad] No, listen, before
you say anything, it's just-

- That is not funny.
- No, you need to,

We were.
(hands clapping)

Seriously?
(Neil laughing)

This is not part of the pact.

- [Neil] Yeah.
- I don't wanna be filmed

with, oh, my God!

(laughing) Yeah.

It was a joke.

Look, I consider it a vast
improvement, personally.

(Neil laughing)
- This is so embarrassing.

[Neil] It's not that embarrassing.

[Brad] Oh, man, that's-

[Anne] I'm going to work in the back.

[Brad] Oh, come on.

Hey, where are we at, by the way?

California next stop.

Show your tickets, show your tickets.

California, bye.

Bye-bye, boys.

I've had enough of it, the
boy stuff, sorry (sighs).

[Brad] Wait, where are we headed again?

(upbeat music)

A new destination.

We left Burning Man this
morning, hmm, so sad.

Unbelievable time, great
videos, go watch 'em.

Uh, so Blackrock, Nevada.

We got on 95.

We've been heading south
all day toward Las Vegas.

Keep going, keep going, keep going, uh,

to Beatty, which is where we are now.

Just got raped by the oil company.

From here we're gonna head west,

and we're gonna go to Solvang,

which is not even on this
map, to the Windmill Festival.

But before we do that, we are
going to make a slight detour

after we come over the California border

and get into Death Valley,
which by the way, is part

of the, uh, US National Park system

and, I might add, one of the top 10 places

to see before you die, so shake a leg.

We're gonna hang a Louie
here, do the off-road mambo,

and somewhere in there is Camp Anne,

a very, very special place

where I spent every summer as a girl,

very magical, mysterious.
You guys are gonna love it.

We are spending the night there.

And then, tomorrow we'll
head out to Solvang.

So, now you have an idea
of where we've been,

where we're going, where we are.

(upbeat music)

Wuzzup, wuzzup.com?

Um, I'm Neil McGuire.

Uh, you can call me Neil.

Uh, this is the RV.

I'm responsible for all
the cameras and sound

during this, uh, this little journey,

this little journey that,
um, is code named, uh,

it's a terrible code name.

It's called (laughing) "Limping Squirrel."

That's what we're calling... (laughing).

Hey, man, uh, did you get
around to the script or what,

the one that I wrote?
(fingers tapping)

[Brad] Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah,
yeah, yeah. It was hilarious.

Yeah, what about the wet dream,

the sequence of the wet dream?

[Brad] You can't write stuff
like that. It's terrific.

And yet I did, and then
I wrote it. I wrote it.

No, I know, it's an
(laughing) expression.

Uh, my other favorite part,

he's driving down the freeway
(fingers tapping)

and he's got

that inflatable doll.
- Pull on the freeway

with the, uh, inflatable doll.

[Neil] He's in the carpool lane,

so the, the cops-
- He takes the cigarette,

uh, the cigarette, uh-
- And puts it out,

and so then it starts deflating,

and it's, like, bobbing on him.

(doll popping)

And that's why the highway
patrolman pulls over.

And that's it.

You can't even, you can't
even make stuff like that up.

(Neil laughs)

So good.
- But I did, I made it up.

I know, but it-

I wrote the script, you know.

- I know.
- I came up with that.

It was good, that's all I'm saying.

Of course, it's good.

(bell ringing)

[Brad] What are you doing?
(fingers tapping)

Another unknown project?

[Neil] You guys hang out and talk.

[Anne] Yeah.
(fingers tapping)

[Brad] You know it's
untitled, the project, right?

[Neil] Have fun.

[Brad] Just FYI.

Neil'll drive.

I'm writing about total
inappropriately sexual harassment.

Are you guys talking about me?

(fingers tapping)

(Neil burp erupting)

Look, I was gonna tell you.

I thought it would, I thought
you would think it was funny.

(another burp erupting)
(air whooshing)

(graphics blooping and honking)

(gunshots blasting)

You guys talking back there?

Why does he call me Freaky Town?

He's been calling you that
all summer. You wanna know now?

Yeah, I wanna know.

What does it mean?

What, what is that, some dig or something?

It's Freaky Town.

It's a term of endearment.

Yeah, but it's not endearing.

(laptop clanking)

Well, he thinks you can be
a little bit of a prima donna.

Oh, a prima donna?

I'm a prima donna?

Yeah, well, it's not the first time

we've had this conversation.

I mean, you're a beautiful woman

who's always got everything she wants,

and everything's been handed
to you on a silver platter.

(laughing) Oh, silver platter.

I have worked very hard to get where I am.

Oh, I know, you work so hard.

Oh, God, so hard (whimpering).

You've never had to work
for anything, Harvard boy.

Wait a second.
(glasses clanking)

I've had to work hard to become,
like, a normal human being

'cause my father was a two-star general.

I dunno if you remember that?
- Well, keep working.

(Anne laughs)
- Well, it was never, uh,

never quite enough for you, but, uh.

Oh, oh, this is, so okay,
this is about us then?

No, it's about us? No,
why would it about us?

There hasn't been an us

since I saw you banging
Gosling at the Spirit Awards.

Okay, I'm so tired of this.

I was not banging Ryan Gosling.

Did I say Ryan?

Hey, did I say Ryan?

Ryan, Ryan Gosling.

I love that guy, did
you see "The Believer?"

Train.

Here's the MTV response.

Look at this.

"Thank you for submitting, Wuzzupdoc.com."

Oh, they, oh, of course,

they already have something
just like it in production.

Um, if we wanna submit
something else, we can.

Well, if they like our chemistry,

why don't we just, like,
do the same thing again

but in blackface?

They'll never know it was us.

(Anne laughing)

That's so great.
(static hissing)

That's a genius idea.

Well, at least we still
have the HBO thing.

(air whooshing)

Whoa, did we just go through a tunnel?

I don't know, maybe it was a cloud.

What was that?

There aren't any clouds.

What was that?

I don't see any clouds either.

I don't know what it was.

(explosion blasting)

(high-pitched tone blaring)

Whoa, whoa.

I think we just blew a tire.

Blew a tire.
- Wait, pull over.

Pull over.

(footsteps plodding)

(car beeping)

[Anne] Wanna check it out?

(car beeping)

[Neil] I don't see
anything on the wheel.

Tires are good.

(car beeping)

[Anne] No.

Oh, my back.

Switch up some driving time.

[Anne] Huh?

[Neil] Could have been a rogue wind.

[Brad] Rogue wind?

Like a rogue wave, only
it's made out of wind.

[Anne] What's a rogue wave?

Three words.

Rogue...

Wind.

Lemme do that again.

Yeah, well, whatever it is,

obvious that we just got chunked

by a massive piece of wind,
and it rocked the ol' Bounder,

but she stood firm, captain,

whatever the gods can throw after her.

Let's go.

I don't know, maybe I hit a Sasquatch,

or a big foot, or something?

(Anne laughs)

[Anne] Hey, maybe it was Homeless Tony.

[Brad] Homeless Tony?

♪ It's a hard one ♪

By the way, everyone
watching on the web.

If you don't hear from us again,

check in this guy's refrigerator.

His name is Homeless Tony

uh, 'cause he's weird,
and he's been stalking us.

He probably doesn't have a refrigerator

'cause he's homeless.

Homeless, crazy Tony, take one.

(slate clanking)

[Neil] Oh, this is like Animal Planet.

Look at this.

This is how my mom would
wake me up in the morning.

(Tony suffocating)

We're here at Burning
Man with Homeless Tony.

Is it okay if we call you Homeless Tony?

This is like Taj Mahal great.

[Anne] How do you survive
out here by yourself?

[Brad] What do you mean?

You ask people for food
and they give him food.

You're witnessing it. It's homeless.

It's what they do.
- I'm a survivor.

If I function or prosper
in spite of opposition.

It's a talent.

My daddy had it.

His daddy had it.
- What, what did your dad do?

Nothing.

[Brad] Look, Tony, get to the stuff

you were showing me before.

Come on, man.

Right, right, right, right.

You're not gonna find
these on the Internet.

- I'm sure I've seen this-
- These are disgusting.

[Brad] picture on the Internet.

This is me in an actual crop circle.

Get in close with that.

[Brad] Where is that?

[Anne] That doesn't really
look like a crop circle.

[Brad] Wait, wait, where'd
you take this? Where was this?

Vegas.

- Oh, God.
- Vegas.

[All] Oh, I did not need to see that.

Ooh, I don't know, I don't even know-

- I thought you guys-
- what kind of animal that is.

Were in sync with the network.

Aren't you in sync?

The TV network?

I don't understand.

(upbeat music outside)

Are you CIA?

[Brad] Okay.

[Anne] (laughing) No, no, no, no, no.

Are you NSA?

[Anne] No, we're, we're a documentary-

Are you hip

to the Majestic 12?
- Film crew.

You're one of them, aren't you?

[Anne] One of who?

Aren't you?

[Anne] Oh, God, okay, no-

- Don't lie to-
- I'm sorry.

Don't lie to me.

She's one of them.

- Okay.
- All right.

You're one of them!
(Anne screaming)

- Whoa, easy, man.
- You're one of them!

You're one of them!
- Come on.

[Tony] She's one of them!

- Whoa, whoa, easy, Tony.
- SHE'S ONE OF THEM!

If something happens to us,

get an APB out on Homeless Tony.

He looks homeless, and his name's Tony.

Shouldn't be too hard to find.

20 takes out there in the desert for you

'cause you can't get the lines right

because the sun's in your eyes-

- Oh.
- Or, the wind's blowing

- Oh.
- Your hair the wrong way,

or a bug flies in your mouth or something.

[Anne] Okay, I'm a dick.

- Yeah.
- I admit it.

Sometimes I'm a dick.
- Sometimes?

Come on.
- But I don't mean to be.

I think a little more than sometimes.

- Well, are you gonna-
- Oh, yeah, yeah.

Let me finish?

Can I even-
- Oh, please finish.

Please, please finish.

Please just let us know
when you're finished.

Just send up a flare,

some kind of signal.
- Oh, okay,

so we're not gonna have a conversation.

- Oh, now you wanna-
- This is gonna be you-

- have a conversation-
- yelling at me.

In the desert? It's, "Shut
up, Neil, and get me a coffee.

Shut up, Neil.

Can you find my, my camera bags,

or my makeup bags,
(Anne laughing)

or whatever?"
- (laughing) Fantastic.

Look, I'm just sick and
tired of being Joe the Plumber

to your Princess Diana.

- This is so good.
- (laughing) Joe the Plumber.

That's good.

Did you get that one?
- Yeah.

Did you like that, the Princess Diana?

I've been working on that one.

- Uh-huh.
- I think that's a good one.

We should keep it.
- Okay, all right, all right.

It's more, it's actually more-
- That one's a keeper.

- More like a-
- I'm gonna tail slate

that one.

That's tail slates
(slate clanking)

for that one, (Anne laughs)

for the Princess Diana thing.

I'm gonna use it.

That one's good.
- Yeah, yeah.

This driving fighting thing, you know,

I'm not sure if this is working.

What do you mean? I think it'll work.

We'll just, you know?

All right.
I think it's working fine.

Remember, he's the
one who's editing this,

so make sure you keep going.

(static hissing)
(video warbling)

Neil.

It is Neil, isn't it?

(Neil laughs)

I very much depend on you,

and, uh, you know, so yes,

I, I do push too hard, and
I trust you implicitly.

I mean, look at this.

I trust you to drive my RV.

This thing is family to me.

And, uh, you know, I,
I know I push too hard.

I push everybody too hard,

including myself, because
I wanna be perfect,

and I'm just, you know,
I know that I'm not-

(laughing) Oh, my God, stop talking.

Stop talking.

Please stop talking.

(laughing) Okay, I'm exhausted.

(inhaling) Was that good?

Was that fine?

You know, you do let me drive the RV.

I, I want you to know-
- I do.

I love driving this RV,
as much as I complain.

I love having you drive the RV.

- Thank you.
- I'm glad you like driving.

Did I ever tell you that
I pulled my girlfriend

off that bridge to land on top of a train?

It's a bridge over train,
and then I pulled her off,

so I thought it'd be
adventurous, you know,

and then, just have a good time,

and she, this is in Kentucky,
so there's not a lot to do,

and she cracked her ribs,

broke a leg, and it's.
(Anne laughs)

[Brad] (laughing)
Neil, I don't really see

how that's relevant.

I'm sharing.

We're sharing now.

I'm telling her a story, and this is,

(Brad laughs)
this is sharing.

This is the way people share.

[Brad] Yeah.

All right, so we're cool?

We're cool.

Would, can you, would you get me a coffee?

Will you gimme a freshie?

Mama thirsty.

- All right.
- Need some caffeine.

- You got it.
- Bourbon if you got it.

All right, ah, one coffee
(laughing) coming right up.

I'm not really getting him coffee.

Wait, that's it?

That's the, that's the fight?

That should've lasted days.

That's it?

We're doling it out. We'll
get in a bigger fight later.

Oh, we're gonna string
it out for the whole trip.

[Brad] Well, don't talk
about, like, don't talk, though.

- But later he's gonna-
- We'll cut that out later.

E, D, uh, E minor is.

(gentle guitar music)
(burp erupting)

So E minor?

(upbeat music)

Welcome to-

[All] "Wuzzupdoc.com."

So cool.

What, why is it so hard
to upload this stuff?

I gotta jump through all
these freaking hoops.

I'll, I'll, uh, I'll try

to hook you up a shortcut or something

- Okay.
- On the break,

like an Apple F12, I don't know.

- Yeah.
- F something.

(air whooshing)
Oh, pass me already.

Keep going.
(graphics blooping)

Well, that was your chance, buddy.

(graphics blooping)

Oh, here we go, pass me.

There goes the truck.
(gunshots blasting)

Whoo, whoo.

- Whoo, whoo.
- We got us a convoy here.

Smokey bear, man.

California border, here we go.

- Nice.
- Crossing it.

- Nice, okay.
- Three, two,

put your hands up.

Except for the driver.
(graphic beeping)

(animation whirring)
(energetic guitar music)

Whoo, whooooo.

Whoa...!

(air whooshing)

[Neil] Yoyo trick..

(explosion blasting)
(logo transition)

(air whooshing)

There should be a, um, a curve.

Candy?

- Up here.
- Curve, check.

Passed the curve.

Yeah, this is right.

Okay, then there's gonna be a wash.

Wash, past the wash, check.

Oh, shit, okay, so we're gonna turn off-

- Did that.
- Um, right,

right up here to the right.

(RV clattering)

[Brad] You used to come here every year?

This is, oh, man, this is awesome.

- [Anne] Didn't I tell you?
- [Neil] Whooooo!

Okay, so I'm a little nervous.

Um, I've never brought
anyone here before, ever.

And I'm just, I'm like,
what if it's not as cool

as I keep telling the guys it's gonna be?

I mean, they will never
let me live it down.

Welcome to the snooze fest.

Anne has (laughing)
roped us into another one

of her childhood haunts.

"Hey, this is where I was
touched by Uncle Zeke."

So, we just got back from
a week at Burning Man, uh,

in the middle of the desert,
so Anne thought it'd be fun

for her to share some of
her childhood memories

at a place she really loves,

so we're gonna go... to the desert.

(upbeat music)

(video warbling)
(static hissing)

- Fuck.
- What did you see?

[Brad] OH...! Oh God!!
(static hissing)

[Anne] Wow, these things are awesome.

Where'd you pick this up?
- Camp cam.

[Brad] Oh, you know, here and there.

Helmet cam.

[Anne] Look at this, I'm like,

uh, Ghostbusters.
- Camp cam.

Helmet cam.

- What?
- Whoo.

All rigged up.

Done, du, du, done, du,
du, done, done, done.

[Brad] Good job, buddy.

(equipment clanking)

- Here's your cam.
- I love these guys.

Look at it.

[Neil] Whoo.

(Anne growling)

You think we got enough coverage?

That's it?

You think we got cameras?

We got cameras everywhere.

We got cameras in the RV.

We got the camp cam out there.

We got the camera on top of the head.

This is the wild cam.

We got the wild cam.

We even have an, uh, a, an arrow cam.

(Anne giggling)

Wham, op, sorry, I just
killed a jack rabbit.

I'm kidding about that.
- This one-

We don't have an arrow cam, guys.

I'm sorry to let you down, no arrow cam.

- Still in testing?
- Oh, yeah.

Uh, this one's tied into the grid?

[Neil] They're all tied in the grid.

They're all tied in the grid, the grid

that I built with my bare hands (laughing).

- I did say you were a genius.
- Thank you.

Y'all heard me say that.

Y'all run through the random algorithm?

Does it hurt, does it hurt your brains?

Does it hurt your brains when I talk?

- Yes.
- Yeah.

- It sounds, um-
- Genius, buddy.

Really genius.
- Complicated.

Hey, do you guys think Al
Gore invented the algorithm?

Al Gore-rithm?

Get it?

Get it?
- Clunk.

Desert crickets.

You guys, you're merciless.

[Brad] So, it's all okay then?

It's all, it's gonna run automatically?

These things, uh, it's on auto play.

You know, work harder-
- Even at night?

What?

- Even at night?
- Of course, at night.

What are you talking about
at night? They run at night.

So, it's gonna be running

even if, like, an animal comes through?

Uh, it'll get the animal.

Like a, like a coyote or something?

[Neil] Oh, it'd get the coyote.

Or, like if a, like a spotted owl-

- Spotted owl.
- Swoops through?

[Neil] Yeah, it'd get a spotted owl.

Or, if, like, like, a
desert yak wonders through.

Desert yak, it loves a desert yak.

- Awesome.
- It gets all of 'em,

even, even the creepy
crawlies on the ground.

Even the, even the tarantulas,
(Anne laughs)

and the scorpions, and rattlesnakes.

(Anne laughs)

What, am I supposed to be
scared because I'm a girl?

You guys forget I grew up in this desert.

- Yeah, she's in a-
- In fact,

I eat scorpions for breakfast

with a little milk.
- Yeah, real, uh,

real survivor woman.

[Neil] That sounds like
a terrible breakfast.

It's true.
(Brad laughs)

That's the worst possible breakfast.

Mom came, mom and I
came here every summer.

[Neil] Oh.

Yeah.

Where was dad?

Where was father during
the formative years?

- Neil.
- Tell us, Anne.

What? I just.

Uh, well, he apparently was a dick,

and he left us when I
was developing eyelids

if you must know.
- Oh, I'm no geneticist,

but dick may run in your DNA.

(laughing) I'm just saying.

I'm just saying, it may a little bit.

[Brad] So, this is like
a second home for her?

[Neil] And then this
is where we're staying.

- [Brad] Yeah, make sure you-
- [Neil] Whoo.

[Brad] Before the sun goes down,

make sure you-
- Ah.

[Brad] the rocks, see where we are.

[Neil] It's beautiful.

Look at that, an ancient spaceship.

[Brad] Pretty beautiful.

[Neil] It's gorgeous.

(Neil imitating engine roaring)

Wham.

(laughing) Magic cam.

- Wee.
- Watch out.

I knew you'd love it.

- It's beautiful out.
- This is my favorite

time of day.

Oh, yeah, magic eye, I love it.

This is great for shooting.

Oh, tonight we have an orange roughy

served on top of shackled pompano

with an orange coulis
and an haricot vert...

We have, uh, steak.
(Anne laughs)

[Neil] Ah.

And for dessert?

[Brad] Dessert, if you're
lucky, uh, root beer soup.

That sounds disgusting.

You sound disgusting.

- Mm.
- I made it for you before.

You liked it.
- Really?

- Yeah.
- Sure?

Best root beer soup in the city.

[Neil] It's the only
root beer soup in the city.

- That's right.
- I'm pretty sure.

Yeah, exactly.

All right, boys, it's time to pee.

Okay, go ahead and pee.

You don't have to tell us.

- Creepy.
- Go right in the,

whoa, what's going on?

Marking the territory.

- Doing it-
- What are you doing?

[Brad] What, what, what?

Flag on the play.

NBF, NBF, no bodily functions.

Keeps the critters out.

You guys have never
heard of this? Come on.

- Did you ever hear of that?
- No. Whoa, whoa, whoa.

What are you doing?
- She's doing it.

She's doing it.

What are you doing?

Oh, my gosh, give me a
little more of the ass.

I need to get a white balance.

Ooh, who's scared now.

Come on, boys.
- You never did this stuff

up at Burning Man.

What are you doing?
- It was too far north.

There's no scorpions there.

[Neil] Well, I don't know.

If wild, if wild women says
it, I'm, I'm gonna do it.

I'm gonna do it.
- Just get with the program.

Well, if you're doing,
do I, do I have to film it?

(Neil laughing)

No, I had it coming.

Oh, oh, my God, this thing.

It's hard to hold with
the, with the camera.

It's massive.
- Oh, Jesus.

Oh, this thing's like
a fire hose, you guys.

It's like a, really,
it's like a fire hose.

(urine pattering)

[Brad] I don't know why I
feel so awkward about this.

- I do.
- But I do.

Thank you.
(Anne laughing)

That'll do it.

Hey, hey, Neil, uh, do you know, uh, uh,

do you think Al Gore
invented the algorithm?

(Neil laughing)

[Anne] That was my joke.

It's funny when (laughing) he says it.

[Anne] Yeah, of course.

Oh, my God, I think I just
drowned a desert tortoise.

Okay, so this place is as
special as I remembered it,

and I think the boys
are totally digging it.

I, I just feel (banging)

so drawn to this place.

I, actually,

I was conceived here.
(banging)

I know, it's a little weird,
(Neil and Brad laughing)

too much information, but
I think it's the reason

that I feel so connected
(banging)

to this place, you know?

Like I belong-(banging)

[Man] Man, get the camera
outta your way (indistinct).

Here, here.

Oh, my gosh.
(banging)

I gotta get to 'em.

Hold on.

(explosions blasting)

- Get the camera.
- Right now, bring the camera.

You gotta see this.

Look at this.

Oh, oh, whoa.
(explosion blasting)

- Holy cow.
- Yes.

- Wow, wow.
- What is that?

[Brad] I dunno, I've never seen anything

like that in my life.
- What are those?

There are hundreds of them.
- It's like a meteor shower.

[Brad] Yeah, this isn't
hardly like the Leonids.

This is the real deal.

Look at this thing.

- [Neil] What is that?
- Uh-oh.

[Brad] Look at that.

What is that?
- What are those?

- Holy.
- Whoa.

[Anne] What is that?
(video warbling)

What is that?
- Oh, the fuck is that?

- [Neil] Oh, I wanna focus.
- You're rolling, right?

Keep it rolling.

[Anne] Whoa, Brad.
(jet engines roaring)

That's, that's military
or something, isn't it?

[Brad] It's, it's F-16s.

[Neil] There was, there was something

between the jets and the meteors.

- But what-
- Did you see that?

- Yes.
- Yes.

[Neil] Did you see that?

Did you see that? Did you get it?

I saw that, and I got it.

(hands smacking)
- This is it.

(Anne laughs)
(static hissing)

- Did you see that?
- Yes.

We saw that.

Did you see that?
(Brad laughs)

Whoo.

Whoo!

Oh, I want more.

Come back, come back.

Not you, (laughing) just... the meteor...

the spaceship...
(Anne laughs)

And whatever they were, come back.

Where are you?

I am wind in his hair,
and the aliens are my friend.

(equipment clanking)
- [Neil] Look at this camera.

- [Anne] Okay-
- Ah, silly.

(Neil and Brad laughing)

That was amazing.

It paid off.

Rolling those cameras paid off.

- Whoo.
- Buddy.

[Neil] Whoo.

[Anne] What was that guys?

I don't know,

Pledidians from the
Pleiades or something maybe.

[Anne] What, like aliens,
like the ones with the cat eyes?

Cat eyes, I'm not really a
fan of the Billy Meier photos.

I mean, it's, it's like a, a-

Guys.

What are you crazy?

Area 51's one's like 100 miles that way.

This is military shit.
- Yeah.

[Neil] Yeah, from technology that we got

from, from area, from the Roswell stuff.

Area 51 is a portal.

You know that right?

You know that, right?

Guys, I know a lot about this shit.

That's all I'm saying.

[Neil] It's real.

It's experimental craft.

Experimental, do you, do you,

do you remember the stealth bomber?

Everyone was sure that was
a UFO until one crashed.

And then the Air Force,
they had the cop to it.

[Anne] Okay, what if
they're just shooting

a movie somewhere?

- A movie?
- What?

[Anne] Yeah, I mean,
Michael Bay gets the Air Force

to do this kinda stuff all the time.

Michael Bay is a douche.

(Anne laughs)

(Neil laughs)

God.

There's no way that's a movie.

There's no way (sighs).

No, it's gotta be, something
else man, somethin' else.

(wind howling)

Whoo!

(upbeat music)

(clicks tongue) Yeah,
so I did some research

on my Michael Bay
"shooting a movie" theory.

Oh, how'd it go?

Well, I'm gonna, I'm
gonna concede my case.

Oh.

- Yeah.
- It's totally-

- I know.
- Nothing, just bail.

- Disappointing.
- Oh, sorry, yeah.

- Yes, yes.
- Sucking, I'm sorry.

But you guys are gonna
duke out your theories,

and we're gonna let the people decide.

[Neil] Yes!

So, first up is Neil.

Finally, yes, thank you.

All right, ladies and
gentlemen of the jury,

I present to you exhibits
A through infinities.

Let me tell you something.

What we saw out there
is not the first time.

People been watching it
for thousands of years,

nay, hundreds of thousands of years.

Let me take you back.

Please step into (laughing)
Neil's time machine.

You might wanna check out paintings,

cave paintings from Algeria.

Look at that.

That's an alien right there.

Flash forward up to 13th century.

We have these Italian frescoes.

What's that?

Let me spell it out for you,

UFO, unidentified flying object.

Spacemen inside of space capsules.

What? Yep.

We continue on all the
way up to the present day

where we have actual NASA
photographs of alien beings,

which they went through.

They're aware of them.

The government is in on this.
- Oh, yeah.

The government is in on this.

The, wait, wait,

the US government.
- Also,

he doesn't get to talk when I'm talking.

Is that correct?

You are out of order, sir.

Withdrawn.

Let me continue.
(Anne laughs)

These are lunar photographs.

Look at these pods.

There's a body found inside of that pod.

We also have classified documentation,

not from just American side,
but from the Canadian side,

and (laughing) everybody knows

that a good Canuck cannot tell a lie.

We have eyewitness
accounts, boom, boom, boom.

There's too much to go through right now,

so therefore, I shall rest my case

on the sheer body of evidence

that I've presented here today ad nauseum.

E pluribus unum.

[Anne] I'm impressed.

You finished, you finished?

Yes, I am.

- So, I can go?
- You may proceed.

Okay (clears throat)

[Anne] Yeah, ready.
(map rustling)

- This is a map of Nevada.
- [Neil] Okay.

[Brad] Here is Area 51.

[Neil] Mm-hmm.

Uh, and here we are.

Uh, the defense rests.

(Anne laughs)

Counselor?

That's all you have?

That's it?

Yeah.

- Wow.
- I think that...

pretty much spells it out.

I think with this is a little

like the lady protesting
a little bit too much.

Oh, do you?

Let me tell you something.

First of all-

Not that this all wasn't compelling.

Oh, yes, yes.

Let me just go back.
- I mean,

I love the frescoes, personally.

Can I just come back to Area 51?

Bam, you just, you took my evidence,

and you re-presented my
evidence to support my case.

Right, can I come back to
the fact that you are a tool?

Okay.

[Neil] I think he's out of order.

You decide (laughing).

(hands smacking)
- Wait, do you want a sidebar?

Do you wanna, do you wanna,
do you want a sidebar?

Who's buyin'?

(upbeat music)

You know, that's the
thing about the desert.

You always see and hear
weird things, you know,

but you just gotta go with it.

I mean, that's part of the whole
experience is being scared.

My mom and I used to tell spooky stories

when we came out here
because we love being scared.

Those boys, you know, they're
just, they're sissies.

They talk tough, but they're not.

You'll see.

This is delicious.

How'd you learn to cook like this?

- Prison.
- Craigslist.

- Craigslist.
- Prison.

- (laughing) It's complicated.
- All right, here it is.

It's all queued up.

Look, look, look, look at the monitor.

Look at the monitor.

Hold on.

(static hissing) This is
where they start coming in.

Oh, my God.

Yeah, look at it,

streaking across the sky.
- We got 'em.

Right now, bring the camera.

(Brad imitating meteors exploding)

This one's like a fireball.

It's like magnesium or phosphorous.

It's all green and-

- Look at those colors.
- I didn't see that at all.

What are these? What
is that? Look at that.

What is that?
- Wow.

That was my favorite one.

- This guy's like doing-
- God, I could cry

looking at this.
- Curly Qs.

- Are you kidding me?
- Yes.

No, I mean it.

I mean, this is the,

I've never seen

anything like this.
- Never seen anything

like that either (laughs).

Jinx, same time.
(Anne laughs)

Ah, and then look at, that's
like stealth, that's military.

See the difference?

That one's like-

- Yeah, but I've never seen-
- stealth fighter stuff.

That is so, God, I just wanna, just be,

oh, man, am I wrong?
(Brad laughs)

Did you see how fast they were going?

How fast do you think-
- Light speed, man.

They couldn't be going light speed,

but I mean, they were going fast.

Why do you take me literally?

I just mean fast.

(Anne laughs)

Just, like, faster than light, God.

[Brad] You know what this means, right?

[Anne] We upload it to the site.

No, yes, I mean, wait, wait,
wait a second.

When's, when's the next upload?

- Friday. Friday, yeah.
- We'll do that.

We'll do that quick, but
that's not what I meant.

It mean mama can quit her job (laughs).

(hands smacking)

- Yeah.
- Mama can quit her job.

Hit it, we're gonna be rich.

This is exactly what everyone looks for.

This is what people looking
for their whole lifetimes

and never get footage like this.

This is the real deal.

It's not CGI.

This is it. We're gonna be
rich, we're gonna be rich.

Do the happy dance.

(Brad laughs)

You know what I hate about this is

some snot-nosed kid from
MIT or something's gonna say

that we After-Effected it-

Bullshit.
- On YouTube.

- Uh-uh.
- They always do that.

No way, not with this.

- It's always bullshit.
- Not with this footage.

Not with this footage.

This is real, though.

This is real.

This should be so good.

So, really you don't think that, uh,

you don't think it was a movie?

- A movie.
- Movie?

[Anne] Yeah.

Even Michael Bay couldn't
afford a, a real meteor shower,

a real UFO, real F-16s.

What's he gonna do redo a shot
because he got an RV in it?

I don't think so.

God, I'm pumped, but I'm exhausted.

Let's go to bed. I'm kidding.

- Let's not go bed.
- No.

(laughing) I would never do that.

You got copies, right?
(hands smacking)

This isn't amateur hour.

Of course, I got, there's
a, there's redundancy

on the RAID system.

We got copies.
- There's redundancy.

You got copies.

If I wasn't so worried about
people thinking I, I was gay,

I would, I would kiss you
on the mouth right now.

But instead I-
- Don't.

Here's what I'm gonna do.

I'm just gonna put my nose on your ear.

It's a little more intimate,

and it makes me feel a little comfortable.

Are you comfortable?

(Brad laughs)

You give up too easy.

I might've let ya.
- Whoo. I am fucking tonight.

(Neil laughs)

Whoo.

[Anne] Oh.

(Anne groaning)

- What's wrong?
- What's the matter?

[Anne] Cramps?

- What?
- No, no.

We're talking UFOs, not PMS.

Come on.
- Sorry.

Tonight we dance, tomorrow cramps.

- Whoo.
- Cramps

for everybody tomorrow.
(Brad laughs)

(mellow guitar music)

♪ Lost my hands ♪

♪ Now I can't eat ♪

♪ No hands, no hands ♪

♪ I lost my feet, and
now I can't run away ♪

♪ Run away ♪

♪ I lost my mind, and now
I can't think straight ♪

♪ 'Cause I'm falling
to pieces without you ♪

Whoo!
(Brad laughs)

(Neil and Anne howling)

(eerie music)

Whoo, man.

[Anne] I love that song.

- Hey, guys.
- Whoo.

(Neil howling)

[Brad] Neil, shut up.

(Neil howling)
Shut up.

[Anne] What?

Hey, there's something out there.

[Neil] Flip it on night mode.

What?

[Brad] There's a guy out there.

Yeah, there's a guy right there.

[Anne] Wow, does look like a guy.

Oh, I'm kinda freaking
out right now, man.

[Anne] He's just standing there.

You think it could be our stalker?

(eerie music continues)

[Brad] Hold on, what is that?

Is that, um, Tony?

It's the guy from the-

[Brad] Homeless Tony?

[Neil] Yeah, yeah, the
guy from Burning Man,

maybe he followed us out here.

[Brad] Tony, is that you?

I've got a gun.

[Anne] You have, you have gun?

[Neil] Hard to threaten
a homeless person.

[Neil] (laughing) I mean,
what are you gonna do to him?

[Brad] Tony!

[Neil] They're fucking homeless.

[Brad] Tony, we have a shelter.

(laughing) We've got, we've got warm food.

[Neil] We're putting you in a bed.

- Tony-
- He scared the shit outta me.

Hey, what if he's not alone?

What if there's, like,
what if there's, like,

a couple of guys out
there or something, man?

[Brad] That's a good point.

(crickets chirping)
(eerie music continues)

Stay close.

- Better get your gun.
- [Brad] I don't have a gun.

[Neil] This is a bad idea.

Okay, wait, slows.

[Neil] Throw a rock at it.

Oh, where's a rock.

[Brad] Oh, my God.
(banging)

[Anne] Oh, wait you guys.

(laughing) It's a Joshua tree.

[Neil] Oh, man, it is.

It's a Joshua tree.

I love Joshua trees.

It's not a man. It's not a man.

Hey, for the record,

it is a homeless (laughing) Joshua tree.

[Brad] Oh, my God.

A Joshua tree just kicked your ass, bro.

(Anne laughs)
- Scared the shit outta me.

Man.

I'll race you back.

[Neil] Where's she going?
Why does she always wanna race?

Why does she wanna run?

She wants, she wants us to chase her.

Yep, chase her.

That's exactly what she wants.

Don't chase her.

That's what she wants.

She's getting what she wants.

Oh, boo.

(Anne laughing)

I stopped.

[Anne] Brad was scared.

Me? No.

[Anne] You were ready
to use your big gun.

This old thing?

(Anne laughs)

(crickets chirping)

[Anne] Oh, damn, I
gotta go to the bathroom.

Shot.

(door clattering)
- Hey, wait a minute, damn.

[Neil] Why do you always do that?

[Brad] (laughing) No thanks, girl,

I got it.
(Anne screams)

[Anne] Geez, watch it.

[Neil] Sorry.

[Anne] Crazy people.

[Neil] I didn't mean
to hit you in the head.

Let me, I just, there's no injuries?

I'm next.

What a gentleman, hmm?
(hands thudding)

[Neil] What are the mysteries that lie

within the forbidden-
- This is not necessary.

Okay, you wanna know what I got?

[Neil] Yes.

Gotta plug the hole, happy?

Definitely not happy.

Oh, my God, this is my face, by the way,

when she pulls that out.

It's like, (Anne laughs)

"What?"
- You don't wanna know,

don't ask.

Plug the hole?

I thought we talked and
said no bodily functions.

That's against the pact.

We're not seeing the bodily functions.

We're just-
- No talking about-

acknowledging that they exist.

- No, no acknowledging-
- That's what grownups do.

Bodily functions.

- Grownups.
- No talking about it, no-

Have you ever had a girlfriend?

You know, we all,

this actually-
- Oh, I've had plenty.

All women have periods.

I've had plenty of women,

(Anne laughing) and not one
of them of them had a period.

I can tell you right now.
(Anne laughing)

All right, so those weren't
really UFOs we saw earlier.

[Neil] (clicks tongue)
Oh, the media shower thing?

Yeah.

Military stuff,

I don't know.
- What was that?

That's what Brad said.

Maybe it is military.

He would know, you know.

Yeah.
(latch clicking)

I guess that happens out
here all the time, you know.

- You're up.
- Get out here-

Next.

[Neil] desert, okay?

[Anne] Thank you.

Thank you.
- Enjoy.

(door clattering)

Is she freakin'?

Everyone's a little
on edge, a little tense,

a little freaked out.

- I think-
- You're not

a little freaked out?
- No, I, no,

the only reason I'm even, you know,

it'll be a little freaked out is

that we're just, like, without technology.

You know, we're out here in
the middle of Big Sky Country,

and it's like 10,000 years ago.

FYI, so you know, Big
Sky Country is Montana.

Okay.

Um, FYI, just so you know,
FYI means just so you know,

so you're a douche.

Hmm.

(wind howling)
(crickets chirping)

We're getting no reception.

(clicks tongue) Yeah, uh, 'cause we're

about a mile off the highway.

I coulda told you that.

Yeah, but if we go back to the highway,

we're still in the middle of nowhere.

Well, it's a national park,

so if you get back to the road,

you'll probably get some kind of a signal.

(latch clicking)

Think about it.

I did.

Cold.

That's, like, part of
the reason, by the way,

freaking out a little bit.
- Should we warm

this bitch up?

(Anne laughs)

What's-

Don't, please, the, the batteries.

I think, I don't think we
should waste the batteries.

We may need it for something.

Besides, I just spent
hours building a fire

with these-
- Yeah,

he spent hours building-

- bare hands.
- A fire with propane.

Really, spent hours?

Turning it on?

Should I rub sticks together?

I mean-
- I mean,

but let's set it up.

I'm not-
- It's modern technology.

- No, it's great.
- I have access

to petroleum products.

I'm gonna use 'em.

No, you did a great job,
but let's just not pretend

like you spent hours,

like you, like, found flint
(Anne laughs)

or something.
- I spent

a good amount of time.

'Kay, I'm gonna use the restroom.

Does it smell like pee

in there or worse?
- Oh, yeah.

Did either of you drop a
video off at the rental store?

And you know what I'm talking about.

No? No two for Tuesdays?

- No.
- 'Kay.

- Stalker Tuesdays.
- You know

what I did in there, so.

Oh, God, tell him.

Get ready to be disgusted.
(Anne laughs)

- What?
- Go ahead.

She's disgusting.

- He knows.
- Show her.

You don't even wanna
know what's in the purse.

No, spare him.

I don't think he can handle it.

(door clattering)

Do you wanna sleep in here tonight?

No.

The tent.

In the tent.

I love the tent.

- I know you do.
- Come on.

- I know you do.
- Under the stars.

- The stars.
- We talked about this.

The s'mores and like you
did when you were a kid.

I know. That's why we're here.

That's exactly why we're here.

'Kay, you know what
else would be really fun?

- What?
- Um, NOT sleeping in the tent.

(Anne laughs)

Not SLEEPING and BEING in the tent,

or sleeping but not in the tent?

I'm sorry I didn't hear.

I'm a little deaf in
this ear. (Anne laughs)

♪ Ya da dee dee ah doo, doo ♪

(Anne laughs)

♪ Ya da dee, dee ♪

He's a child.
(Anne laughs)

It's like, it's like living with a child.

Well, on that note.

Do you wanna go to bed?

(Neil scatting)
- Yeah.

But no sex?

No sex.

Right?

(feet thudding)

Do you wanna review the contract?

- Come on.
- I've got a copy

of it in my back pocket.

♪ She'll be comin' round the
mountain when she comes ♪

[Anne] Oh, my God.

♪ She'll be comin' around the mountain ♪

♪ She'll be comin' around the mountain ♪

♪ Comin' around the
mountain when she comes ♪

♪ When she comes ♪

(door clattering)

Hello.

Anyone?

My God, finally, trailer all to myself.

I should leave.

I should, I should drive
the hell out of here

'cause those guys are fucking insane.

And they're trying to take me with them.

Did you get that?

Did you see the way she touched me?

She was touching me.

(guitar twanging)

♪ I hear you knockin'... ♪

[Neil] This is Brad's rebuttal.

Thank you.
(slate clanking)

[Neil] Take two.

I mean, I know I don't have
a big folder or anything,

but I have pictures, and I
don't think it's important

if I don't-
- Let's see.

Let's see what your evidence is.

First picture, what is that?

[Neil] It's a picture.

It's a picture.

Looks like a flying saucer.

Well, in actuality it
is a cloud, my friend.

- 'Kay, got it.
- And this one

we got here, this is the Aurora.

It's a black shadow project, skunk works.

[Neil] It doesn't exist.

And here is the same
thing in midair refuel.

[Neil] Yeah, I've seen that.

Right here we have the
TR-3A, the Black Manta.

(photo rustling)
This one.

[Neil] Yeah, that doesn't look

like what we saw tonight, so-

I know, what we saw
tonight was more of like a

like a saucer-
- Like a saucer.

Shape, kinda like that one.

[Neil] Not like that, poor colors.

It has propellers.
- How about this one?

It was built in the
50s, didn't really work,

but-
- Fake.

US government still made.

More saucers.
(photo rustling)

[Neil] Fake.

Saucer, now I'm pretty
sure aliens don't use

the US Air Force moniker.

Saucer.
- Oh.

Fake?

[Neil] Look at that.

That's the most famous faked
one I've ever seen faked.

Oh, of course.

- I faked that one.
- They're all, all,

no, all your, the frescoes,
they're beyond reproach.

And anyways, that whole
meteor shower is nothing

but a distraction probably for the aliens

who've been coming down here
for tens of thousands of years

genetically engineering and
modifying the human race,

all that information that's hidden

right here in books that I read.

You know, crop circles, close
encounters, it's all here.

Hell, there's hybrids walking
around even amongst us.

I might even be one, and
I wouldn't even know it.

I know this all sounds like crazy talk,

but that's what they used
to say about the chupacabra.

Point Neil...

Team Neil...

Score...

Slam dunk.

I don't know what that thing was

that we saw, but you know,
(gentle music)

it was cool, but it's, um, I dunno,

it's just giving me these
weird, nostalgic feelings.

I used to come here all
the time with my mom,

and this is us, and I used to always have

this, like, anticipation

like I was gonna see my dad out here,

and all those feelings
are kinda coming back.

(gentle music continues)

And I'm just thinking about him.

(sighs) Missing the dad
(laughing) I never had.

Stupid.

(crickets chirping)
(wind howling)

(bedding rustling)

(Brad grunting)

This is the girl, who changed my life.

I'm trying to sleep.

This is the girl.
(Anne laughs)

- Brad.
- Yes?

Okay, why is this on?

The pact.

I know the pact.

I invented the pact.

I know. I'm so proud
of you for doing that.

It was so brave (laughs).

(Anne laughs) We can do that.
- How did I forget?

[Brad] We can do that tonight.

[Anne] No.

[Brad] You don't-

Go to sleep.

Wouldn't it be great if I could just be,

like, two, two and a
half inches inside you?

(Anne laughs)

It would just be so-

So happy.

Like, sort of happy
for a couple of seconds.

(Anne laughs)

But you'll be really unsatisfied
with the rest of your life.

We'll be together-
- Sh.

What?

Did you hear someone in the RV?

No, it's probably Neil.

He's, now he's probably,
like, watching midnight porn.

(Anne laughs)

(lips smacking)

(gravel crunching)

It is creepy.

(Brad exhales)

There's somebody out there.

Yeah, it's Neil, wants
to watch us (laughs).

He wants live porn.

Yeah, I can't blame him.
(Anne laughs)

I don't think we should disappoint him.

He's been so helpful with all the cameras.

I'm perfectly okay disappointing him.

Are you sure?

Mm-hmm.

I would never do that to him

because he's like a friend,
and he's given me so much,

and I wouldn't, I wouldn't
want to disappoint him.

(loud tent rustling)

Shit.
- Oh, my God.

- How did you get in here?
- The fuck are you doing here?

She's not gonna sleep
with you, you fucker.

I'm trying to sleep.

We just saw you outside.

Neil.

I've been in the tent, you dumb asses.

What are you talking about
you've been in the tent?

We just saw you

in the RV.
- Trying to fucking sleep.

Sh.

Goddammit.

Are you guys trying

to fucking scare me?
- Sh.

Sh.

- Okay, maybe don't-
- Sh.

Don't, don't shush me.

I'm gonna check outside.

Brad.

(tent rustling)

[Brad] I've got a gun.

Fucking.

(Anne whimpering)

(flashlight clicking)

(crickets chirping)
(wind howling)

[Brad] Ever been to the circus?

[Neil] Okay, take it,
don't point this this way.

[Anne] What, what is that?

[Brad] Um, you can
go with her on the, uh.

[Neil] All right.

[Brad] You'll stay with her?

[Neil] Yep, yep, are you kidding me?

She's keeping the animals away.

(Anne imitating animal growling)

Stop it.

Ah, Anne's touching me
inappropriately, Brad.

[Brad] Neil.

(Neil laughs)
(wind howling)

(Anne laughs)

(crickets chirping)
(wind howling)

(Neil grunting)

[Anne] Anything?

Nothing.

No, I saw some coyote tracks,
juvenile male, two years,

limp on the front right paw.

- Neil, we saw-
- Coulda been a rattlesnake.

A human silhouette, not a coyote.

[Anne] And we, and something in the RV.

Yeah, something
scratching around, come on.

There's animals out here.

We's got food and stuff,
all Anne's potato chips

that she crumbles all over the
floor and doesn't clean up.

And a fire isn't a
single-point light source,

so there's all kind of
shadows dancing on the walls.

That's what you saw, isn't it?

Tell me straight, son.

Son!?
- Yes.

(Neil laughs)

Stop it.

We weren't really
paying attention, I mean.

That's right.

[Anne] I guess.

[Neil] Yep, it was a dream I was having.

- Yeah?
- Yep.

- Was a-
- Was abducted.

Course, they wanted a superior male

from our race to interbreed
(Anne laughs)

with alien feminine species.

- [Anne] Big tits?
- So, they lined

up several of 'em, not big tits,
but they did have three.

They did have three.

(zipper whizzing)

[Neil] I know what we
definitely should not do, though.

[Anne] What?

[Neil] Because things are
already so creepy right now,

we should not tell any type

of scary stories.
- Scary stories.

Ooh.

[Neil] Not in any way at all.

(Anne laughs)

[Neil] So, I'll put a
button on the website,

scary stories in the tent.
- [Brad] Scary stories in the-

[Neil] This will be part of our shoot.

Just FYI, saying no to
inchworms, not scary.

You ready for this?

[Neil] Yeah.

Scary story time.

- [Neil] And-
- Hey, did you guys ever hear

the story about the, uh-

[Neil] You can't tell
it like that (laughs).

(laughs) One second,
one second, one second.

- [Neil] Okay, and?
- Scary story, scary story.

Ah, I don't, you ready?

Here it is.
- That one is cute.

(Anne laughs)

Did you ever hear the
one about the clown statue?

(Neil laughs)

[Neil] Say no.

Submitted for your approval.

(Anne laughs)

(wind howling)

[Neil] You wouldn't understand this.

This is a scary story.

I hope her boobs are
part of the fright factor.

Continue.
- Her boobs are

constantly part of the fright factor.

And so, uh, she puts Johnny to bed.

And she goes downstairs

and, uh, flips on the TV to pass the time.

"Do you mind that I put a, uh, sheet

over the clown statue in your bedroom?"

And the father on the phone says to her.

[Anne and Brad] "We
don't have a clown statue."

"Get out of the house.
(Anne laughs)

There's somebody in the house."

[Neil] Oh, man, that's a good one.

[Anne] Oh.

That's generally (wind
drowns out Neil talking).

(Anne screams)

Wow.
- Look.

Wow.

- Bloodcurdling scream
- That was-

from inside the RV.

[Brad] Okay, you nailed it.

(laughing) Please tell me
that's the end of the story

'cause I don't wanna deal
(Anne laughs)

with anything more than that.

Okay, Anne wins, Anne wins.

Anne wins, scary story
prize to Anne, everybody.

All right.
Anne wins.

Congratulations.
(Anne laughing)

(Anne laughing)

Oh promise me you'll never
scream like that again...

however how much wine you have.
(Anne laughs)

- No, sorry, no one knows.
- Say it.

Go ahead, say it.

I got it, got it.
- One of you three

We're ready for another story.

Hold on.

(Anne laughs)

This is real, though.

My Uncle Teddy used to work
in this asylum, insane asylum.

[Brad] Insane asylum.

It was like a mental facility

but for the criminally insane,
and that was the first floor

for all the psychos and those
people, and then he worked

on the second level,

which is just your regular, crazy people.

(footsteps plodding)
(ominous music)

Here, boy, it's okay, lick my hand.

He comes over.

(wind howling)

So, she just.

(wind howling)

She's gutted.

On, everywhere, the head up on the mantle,

and she hears this breathing,
and she turns her head slowly,

and there's a man standing
behind her with wild eyes.

And he looks at her, and he
goes, "Psychos lick hands, too."

(tongue fluttering)
(Brad laughs)

God, that's a good story.

Oh, man, when Uncle
Teddy told it to us, man,

oh, it gives me the chills every time.

It's... sooo...

It's a little scary.

I'm a little, there's two things.

- Scary.
- Can I criticize?

Ah.

One is it was more creepy than scary

because of the little
tongue action at the end.

I know.
(Anne laughs)

- That was really creepy.
- That was the best part.

That was really creepy.

Second of all, I've
heard that story before.

- [Anne] Oh.
- So, it wasn't your uncle.

It's famous.

It's a fucking famous story-

All right, now.

Because of my Uncle Teddy.

The story that you heard is the story-

- No, no, no, no.
- About my Uncle Teddy.

The way I heard it, the
way I heard it, though, is

that, um, the dog is, uh, the,
the guy's licking at the end,

and then she turns around,
and she sees the guy,

and the guy says, "We
don't have a clown statue."

(Anne laughs)

That's how I heard it.

(Anne laughs)

I'm going outside.
(Brad laughs)

You guys have mocked me.

You've mocked my family.
- I'm sorry.

And you've mocked the art

of scary story time.
- Send my regards

to Uncle Teddy.

I'm editing that part out
when I put it on the website

because that's a-
- Can you edit-

- fucking awesome-
- the part out

where you put your ass in my face-

That's the-
when you're trying to leave?

Scariest story since the story I told

in Wichita (laughing).

[Anne] Where you going?

I'm going outside to take a piss.

[Anne] Oh.

Thanks for your concern people.

[Anne] Okay (laughs).

I think I have this under control.

I need, takes two hands
to handle this python.

And in case I injure one of
my arms, I may need some help.

(Anne laughs)

- We're standing by.
- Hey, do you know

a good veterinarian 'cause,
uh, this python's sick.

[Anne] Watch out for rattlesnakes.

[Neil] Oh, my God, this
thing's like an anaconda.

This thing's huge.

[Anne] Oh, my-

[Neil] It keeps
getting bigger, you guys.

[Anne] Oh, boy.

[Neil] Every time,
(static hissing)

I get surprised every time I take it out.

(Anne not amused)

Guys.

[Brad] Yeah?

[Neil] Get out here.

[Brad] (laughing) What's up?

[Neil] Get the fuck out here right now.

- What's up?
- Brad, shut up

and get the fuck out here.

[Anne] Okay.

[Neil] Get the fuck out the tent.

(Brad and Anne speaking indistinctly)

[Anne] It's so dark.
(static hissing)

[Brad] Because there's no stars.

- Why are there no stars?
- And get the camera.

[Neil] Look on the horizon.

[Anne] What?

I don't understand.

[Brad] Hang on, hang on.

(static hissing)

[Anne] What, what is it?

What's happening?

Oh, oh, the sky is moving.

[Brad] Just hold on.

My, my heart's, like, beating
through my chest right now,

beating through my chest right now.

[Anne] Brad, what the fuck is that?

[Brad] I don't know.

[Neil] That's not a (indistinct).

[Brad] Some, you know,

it's probably the, the
military coming back.

[Neil] Fuck you and
your fucking military.

It's not fucking military.

[Brad] They're coming
in to get the recon.

[Neil] Man, what do you think that is?
It's a goddamn UFO.

[Anne] Hey.

[Neil] You saw earlier.

What did you see earlier?
- Neil, come on.

[Neil] What did you see-

- [Brad] You're freaking out-
- earlier?

[Brad] God, don't have
to freak out about this.

[Anne] Neil.

[Neil] Why do I need to freak out again?

[Brad] You have no idea what it is.

[Anne] You don't know
what it is either, Brad.

[Brad] Yeah, well, I'm not gonna leave.

[Neil] So, you're not gonna-

[Brad] See what they wanna do to us.

[Anne] Why would, why
would they be watching us?

Why would they be watching us?

[Brad] I don't know.
(static hissing)

What I do know is we have it on camera.

Yeah, I do know that we have it on camera.

[Anne] All right, you
guys, let's just go.

- 'Cause we're the first.
- 'Kay?

[Brad] No, we're not going.

[Anne] We don't have to camp here.

[Brad] We're not gonna fucking go.

[Anne] Why?

[Brad] "Cause we're the
first ones in the world

to see this, and it's ours.

[Anne] Fuck.

[Brad] Yeah.

[Anne] I need a drink.

I'm for staying.

(latch clicking)
(footsteps plodding)

(wind howling)

(RV creaking)

This is my, does this
look like I'm freaking out?

I'm a little freaked
out, but I'm not really-

- Oh, I mean you're-
- Come on.

- Thinking it's following-
- Something happens-

That it's following us,

do you?
- Out in the desert, you know.

A person has a right to be
a little bit freaked out.

I mean, the closest we are to
any type of civilization is

up there, and I'm telling you,
it probably has two heads,

sevens eyes, and laser guns.

You know, I promise you
this thing is Area 51 stuff.

I mean, it just is.

The, the, the worst thing
that's gonna happen is

the, the Army guys will come,
and they'll interrogate us.

I don't like those odds.

This is a national park.

There are rangers and
people close to here.

Exactly.

And we haven't done the
anything illegal, right?

They could confiscate the footage.

Did you make copies?

Oh, shit, copies.
(lid clanking)

I thought you said make coffee.

[Brad] Neil.
(Anne laughs)

Did you make copies?

Of course, I made copies.

What idiot wouldn't make copies?

To the greatest footage, uh-
(glasses clinking)

What's that?

That's ever gotten on, uh,
this planet or any other.

Cheers to that.

What's Martian for nostrovia?

(Brad laughing)
- But Neil.

(Neil laughs)

(Neil groaning)

Oh, God.

First, let me recite
the speech from Albacore.

Albacore?

The, uh, uh, king's speech from-

(laughing) Agincourt.

Agincourt, yes.

All this time, (laughing)
you thought it was Albacore?

[Neil] Whatever, (Anne laughs)

the speech is, the king's
speech in Albacore.

(sword clanking)

Let's do the tour.

Wow.

We've done this.

Didn't we do this in Houston?
- No, give us a tour.

- We did this in the-
- Give us a tour.

Give us a-
- All right.

Okay, hello, hold on.
(feet shuffling)

Oh, look at the bathroom.
- Here, this is the RV.

This, uh, this is gonna go

down in history.
- This is where-

- This is the Bounder-
- Oh.

That we, uh, were in
(Anne laughs)

when we got footage of the aliens

that we saw out here in the desert.

- Whoo.
- And here's a tour

of the very vehicle-

- Military aliens.
- Of the people.

Here are the people that-

- Hey.
- First saw and-

Those are my photos.

Yeah.
(box clattering)

- Excuse me.
- Hey, look at this.

Yes, photos.

Look at picture.
- No, no, no.

[Brad] Who's that cute little thing?

[Neil] She's cute like a, girl.

- Oh, you were cute once.
- I was.

I was a cutie.
- How did that grow into this?

How did that grow into this?

This your mom?

Lemme see this picture

of mommers.
- Yes.

- That's mom.
- There's a picture

of mommers.

Look at those glasses. Was
she a friend of Elton John's,

and was she raided his closet?
(Anne laughing)

[Anne] Yeah.

I don't know.

You know what?

She did wear, lemme see.

(wind howling)

Live here.
- Yes, here's

the wall of shame.

Somewhere in here-
- However-

[Neil] there's a picture
of my ass where I'm mooning-

[Anne] However-

[Neil] Did somebody take that down?

Okay, now wait a minute.

I do have something
interesting to show you.

(Neil laughs)

I highly doubt that.

(Anne laughs)

This is my favorite
little spot in the whole RV.

Always wanted to sit here
while my mom was driving.

(clears throat) Um,
so where is your mother?

She died.

You don't know that?

Hey, I, uh, I want something to eat.

You guys want something?

[Neil] Uh root beer soup!

Why wouldn't we make root beer soup?

You're gonna, you're gonna
be really, really upset

when you have it, and
you're gonna love it.

(Neil laughs)

It's fucking delicious.

We'll see.

Anyways, back to-

I don't know, something
happened when she was younger,

and she was kind of messed up.

She was kind of messed up.
(dishes clanking)

But in and out of institutions
and hospitals her whole life.

[Neil] She was crazy?

[Brad] Neil!

[Anne] No.
(Neil laughs)

[Neil] Who? What?

They just didn't have the
drugs then that they have now.

[Neil] Crazy, option number two.

Yeah, she did actually have
some, like, psychotic episodes

where she would have these
like nightmares, you know,

but she was awake, and she would scream,

and she was always saying
that he was coming back,

and it was really kind of scary and stuff.

Coming back, who?
(dishes clanking)

Uh, my dad, I think.

I mean, I, I have no idea.

But, um, they had to keep her sedated.

She just, she slept a lot.

And then one day she...

(discordant impact sound)

Oh, fuck!
(discordant impact sound)

- What?
- What, what, what?

There's something on me.

What, where, where?

Just tell tell me.
- Something ran up there.

Look, something's on me, or-

- What was it?
- Is it on me?

[Brad] What is it?

[Neil] What do you see? What do you see?

No, there's nothing on you.
- There's nothing.

There's nothing here.

- I don't know.
- Just stop freaking out.

You're freaking me out.

Stop freaking out.

You're freaking me out.

Neil, Neil, calm down.

What is it?

There was something crawling

on my back.
- There's nothing crawling

on you now.
- There's nothing.

It was the vent.
- It's not there?

It was just air from the vent. That's all.

(Neil sighs)

[Neil] Jesus Christ.

Air from the vent?

Yeah, that's, that's,
what else could it be?

[Neil] Air, it happens.

It's hot out. It's cold out.

Air fluctuates, rogue air.

I don't know, fuck.
- It happens?

Yeah, sure.

[Neil] Were you sitting by the vent?

It's probably from the-

- I am-
- the vent.

Definitely sober.

Yeah, that's a problem.

Ummm...

I vote we do drugs now.

(Anne laughs)

Something more than the-

Is that root beer soup ready yet?

Cold alcohol.

No, but I have a joint with a capital J.

[Brad] You start on
that. I'll finish the soup.

Mama need a joint (laughs).

Jesus Christ, this is good.

Insane, right, huh?

And this may just be the drugs talking-

It probably is.
(Anne laughs)

but this is good.

You guys.

You gotta teach me how to make this.

This is something I would make.

I would make this.
- So, like,

of course, you could make
it. You wanna know why?

Um, it's really easy.
(Anne laughs)

It's ice cream and root beer.

Wait, wait, wait, hold on.
(dishes clanking)

Back up.
- All right,

better write this down.
(Anne laughing)

I gotta write this down.

What's the difference
between this and root beer

and regular root beer float?

What's the difference between
a rainbow and a sunrise?

(dish clanking)

(Anne laughing)

You might as well-
- I don't know.

You might as well ask the gods

what's the difference-
- That was so-

between Olympus and-
- So fantastic.

What's the difference
between Olympus and manna?

- What?
- What?

- What the-
- Oh, my God.

(sound wave exploding)

(powerful sound wave
vibration continues)

(sound wave drowning out friends yelling)

(unknown force pulsating)

(powerful sound wave starts to retreat)

- Oh.
- Oh, my God.

- Oh, shit.
- Get down.

(all breathing heavily)

[Anne] I can't-

(door banging)
(Anne gasping)

[Brad] Yeah, I'm
looking for the light, shh.

Let me slip in.

[Anne] All right, okay, okay.

[Neil] The toilet.

They'll see us, they'll see us outside.

[Brad] They already
know that we're in here.

What does it matter?

(Anne breathing heavily)

(banging)
(Anne screams)

(feet thudding)

Well, find something.

We need to find, like,
a, a weapon or something.

(metal clanging)

(Anne screams)

- Sh.
- What?

[Anne] Sorry.

(whimper) I don't like this.

Don't like this.

- It's all right.
- [Anne] I don't like this.

(Anne gasps)

What was that?

[Brad] It's trying to get in.

[Anne] What's trying?

(banging)

[Brad] Locked it.

It's locked, it's locked.

[Anne] What is it?

(clothes rustling)

[Brad] I'm going out there.
(Anne whimpering)

Shhh!

(low sound throbbing)

(door clattering open)

I have a gun.

[Anne] What do you see?

[Neil] Man, I don't think a gun-

[Brad] Gimme the camera.

[Anne] Just be careful please.

[Brad] Neil, gimme the camera.

[Neil] Stay here I'll be back in a sec.

(wind howling)
(Anne breathing heavily)

- [Neil] I think I'm done.
- [Anne] What could that have

possibly been?

(camera Night vision clicks on.)

(wind blowing)

(wind blowing,
RV metal step noise)

[Neil] Anything?

Nothing, don't see anything for miles.

Okay, look, you know, it
was my idea to come here.

I've had my trip down memory lane.

Let's just get the fuck out of here.

I'm for that, Burning
Man, check, camping, check,

footage of a UFO, checked off the list.

Let's go home.

Second theory,

there are plenty of
perfectly good explanations

for what just happened.

[Anne] What?

[Brad] A, a helicopter
could have done that.

A helicopter rocked a two-ton RV?

[Brad] Yeah, sure, a, uh, Chinook

or Super Stallion, yeah, absolutely.

A Chinook wha...?

A Super Stallion wha...?

Why don't you just admit you don't know

what you're talking
(machine beeping)

about, son.

You're making shit up.
(RV electric powers up)

The lights are back on.

And things are looking up.

Oh, ain't you, man.

I don't understand what,

or you know something we don't know?

I'm just trying to be logical.

I'm trying to be pragmatic.

There's gotta be another explanation

because this is the military,

and it's what they do.
- Military, no, not military.

That is not military.

What we saw is not military, son.

Why can't you just admit
that you don't know?

You don't know what's going on.

The government don't know, the FBI.

Nobody knows.

[Brad] Neil.

I'm ready to go, okay?

Let's just push, let's fucking just do it.

That rogue wind, I mean,
the whole fucking day,

it's just been one thing after another,

and I'm fucking tired of it.
(eerie music)

I don't wanna be here anymore, Brad.

I'm tired of your goddamn explanations

and your fucking military shit.

And I'm tired of your goddamn UFO.

I just wanna go.

I wanna go right fucking now.

Goddammit.

Well, fucking help me.

You wanna go, Anne?

YES!

[Neil] (laughing) I think she wants to.

I think she wants to go.

[Anne] Tear this shit down.

Let's get the fuck outta here.

[Neil] Rogue wind.

[Brad] Fine.

[Neil] Two seconds.

You're the one who said
he just wanted to go.

You wanna go, let's go.
- I know. I wanna go.

Lemme check the files.

I just wanna check
something on the computer.

[Brad] Hurry up, let's go.
(footsteps plodding) Let's go.

(fingers tapping)

Wait a minute.

Backing up.

Holy, shit, it's been
following us all day.

(retracting RV awning)

Shit, wait a minute.

Back it up.

Back it up.

And he was coming back and-

(tape squeaking)

[Brad] Back who?

My dad.

I think they had to keep her
sedated, and one day she,

she just didn't, oh, fuck.
(air whooshing)

Oh, what?

- What?
- What, what?

(fingers tapping keyboard)

My dad, he just didn't, oh, fuck.

- What?
- What?

(fingers tapping keyboard)

Back it up, back it up.

(fingers tapping keyboard)

What's that?

(fingers tapping keyboard)
(eerie music )

(laptop clicks)

Brad.

(tent rustling)

Brad.

Brad, there's something wrong.

Hey, uh, Brad, hey, hey.

What's up?

Man, I, I was looking at the, uh.

- What?
- What is that?

- What?
- What's, what is that?

You see something?

Oh, come on, man.

What is that?

Do you have binoculars?

Get the 20 by camera,
the one with the night vision?

[Anne] Hey, what are you doing?

(Brad grunting)

Hey, that a new scarf?

Stay here.

(wind howling)

(camera night vision mode click)

[Anne] What's going on?

What is that?

[Brad] What the fuck is that?

(mysterious wave impacts)

(high-pitched tone blaring)

(discordant music)

(high-pitched tone blaring)

(discordant music)
(screaming)

(static buzzing)
(high-pitched tone blaring)

(discordant music)
(static buzzing)

(buzzing & strange sounds)

(voices warp)

(static buzzing)

(door slam)
(static buzzing)

(voices warp)

(discordant tones)

(static hissing)
(voices breaking through)

Thank you Anne, good work.

Did you do that?

You didn't do that?

[Disembodied Voice] Memories.

(static buzzing)

(equipment clattering)

There is no sound.

Why isn't there sound?

Wait.

[Brad] Left is running.
(fingers snapping)

Say something, Brad, say something.

[Brad] Uh, the cameras are on,

and everything's going great.
- Yes, yeah, okay.

Audio, audio, audio check.

Audio's back on.
- So, do we know

what happened? What's, what's
going on? (headset clanking)

Uh, judging by the color of our skins,

that sonic blast added some
electromagnetic radiation,

but at the same time
because of electronics,

maybe it was some like
low-frequency transducer.

A blast of that could have
knocked out the electronics.

[Anne] That sounds fantastic.

[Brad] It's like a sonic weapon.

[Neil] This is like ET type shit.

(RV engine turning)

[Anne] Dammit, well, we're fucked

because the RV won't start.

- What?
- Not even

with the battery back on?

[Anne] No, it just, it won't turn over.

We've got power, but-
- Perfect.

[Brad] Well, maybe, do you think it's-

[Anne] Engine's not turning over.

[Brad] Do you think it's the solenoid?

- [Anne] Oh.
- [Neil] Wait a minute.

[Brad] What's the matter?

[Anne] My arm is aching.

Just, I don't know.

Well, what time do you have?

2:15.

[Anne] Oh, I'm so tired.

What about you, what about the computer?

What time on the computer?

[Anne] Uh, 2:15.

What about the date?

[Anne] Eight, um, the ninth.

Yeah, I've got the
ninth on my watch, too.

[Anne] Didn't we leave
Black Rock on the seventh?

Wait a minute, on the seventh,

we made camp on the seventh.

[Brad] Seventh, so it
should be the eighth.

So, today should be the eighth,

so why are the clocks the ninth?

[Anne] Should be the eighth.

I mean, how can it-
- And if anything,

they should be set back.
- How's that possible?

How did we miss a whole day?

That doesn't make any sense.

How long do those webcams run?

- The webcams?
- Yeah.

They'll run until
they run out of memory.

Well, how much memory do they have?

What, each, each one of them?

Well, they're not moving parts,

so it's like SSD's and five-

- Neil, how long?
- And the RAID array.

Three weeks.

- Three weeks?
- Three weeks, and that's HD.

If you wanna do a lower
resolution, then it could go-

Well, I'm only worried about two days.

- Two days?
- Yeah.

They piss two days.

Fine, if we have two days, then go back,

and, uh, check 24 hours ago,
and we'll see what happened.

[Anne] Yes.

No, why, after the sonic,

bla... after whatever the blast it was,

if it knocked out the electronics,

then why would the camera record anything?

You saw the RV.

The RV was out, no power, no cameras.

[Anne] Did this happen
last year at Comic-Con

when you said the webcams
run on their own power cells?

What's she talking about?

[Anne] Didn't you say that, Neil?

How do you know this?

And yes, you're right.

At Comic-Con, the reason
the cameras went out is

because they were all hooked
up to the rest of 'em.

But the one cameras that had their-

- Yeah.
- Own source.

- Where are you going?
- Wait a minute.

The outside cameras,
they have their own source.

(door opening)

That means, if there's anything,
it could be on the cards.

(door slamming)

How'd you know that?

[Anne] I don't know.

I know some shit.

I gotta, I gotta go to the bathroom.

[Brad] You okay?

I don't know (whimpering).

(door clattering open)

(static hissing)

(Anne sniffing)

Yeah, something's happening.

This could all be in my head.

I'm acknowledging that, okay?

But I don't feel right.

I just feel like something's
going on, you know,

like something's happening inside of me.

I don't feel good, you know.

I feel weird.

I feel really weird.

Oh, God.

OHH!

(static hissing)

All right, this is the moment of truth.

Let's see it.

(Neil sighs)

And here we go.

This is it rolling.

This is before the blast.

[Brad] Okay, right there.

Hold on, we're coming up on the blast,

And...
(fingers tapping)

Wham.

[Anne] Wow.

[Brad] So, wait a second.
What, what's going on?

[Neil] It's time-lapse mode.

[Anne] Well, how come I don't,

I don't remember standing there like this.

[Neil] Yeah...

We're standing there.

We're just, we're just standing there for,

this is, that's it.

That's the end.
(fingers tapping)

That's 24 hours.

We just stood for 24 hours?

Fuck.

No wonder my legs are so tired.

We stood for 24 hours?

So these are sunburns.

We got sunburn.
(hand thudding)

That is fucked!

Wait a second go back.

Why, I just showed

you the whole day.
- Neil, just go back.

This time-
- That was all the footage.

- Go back this time just not-
- I'm skipping it

because it was-
- as fast.

Get it from the top

and then slow it down.
- This is the top.

This is the top, this is the top.

[Brad] Hold on, this
is right after the blast.

We already saw this.

We're just standing there.

Hold on, lemme stop it.

I'm gonna go frame by frame.

(fingers tapping)

Brad's gone.

Why are you gone?

Look at that, in that one frame.

You're gone for one frame.
(fingers tapping)

So, how long is that?

Frame is six minutes.

You're gone for six minutes,
and then you're back in.

(fingers tapping)

[Anne] Where he go?

[Neil] Anne's gone.

Anne's gone for four frames.

(fingers tapping)

Anne's gone.

(fingers tapping)

I'm gone, fuck.

And then I'm gone.

(fingers tapping)

Wait, what in the sweet Jesus is that?

Did you see that?
- Hold on.

- Wait a second.
- Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Can you focus in on her
so we can really know-

it's moving.
- [Neil] Why is it moving?

[Brad] the fuck that is.

How's it moving through the frame?

I don't understand

This is supposed to be.

What the fuck?

Lemme bring it in.

I think they put something in my arm.

What?

What are you talking about?
(clothes rustling)

Oh, my God.

What the fuck is that?

Look at this, Brad.

What is that?

[Brad] It's a bruise,
it's just a bruise.

[Anne] Just a bruise?

- Yeah, it's a bruise.
- You fucking kidding me?

Where's the scar?

Where's the fucking incision?

It's just a deep bruise.

No wonder there's no scar.

They're way beyond that shit.

It's like light energy or some
kind of fucking thing, man.

- Neil, you gotta stop-
- The military doesn't-

that (indistinct) shit.

You're freaking her out, and
you're freaking me out, man.

Dude, we were fucking abducted.

They abducted us, son.

They picked us up.

They put us back.

We were abducted, you saw it.

You saw it on the film.

They fucking abducted us, man.

Neil, I'm begging you.

You've gotta-
- Why the fuck would-

- come down-
- do that?

Off the ledge on this. What do we know?

We know that we were taken,
disappeared for a little bit,

hypnotized or something,
and then put back.

That's it.

That's all we know.

Why didn't they just keep
us? Why'd they let us go?

Mayan leaders, they
send out their minions

to stalk their prey,
and then they trap them,

and they scare the shit outta
them, and then they wait.

Wait for what?

For the leader.

For the king.

What?!

Guys, if anything fucking happens,

hit F2 and upload the footage.

If we get, if we get
any type of a service,

just hit F2 and upload the footage.

You still think this is military?

Yes, I think it's, I
think whatever it was,

whatever it is, if they wanted us dead,

they had ample opportunity,
but we're still here.

- Yes.
- We're still alive.

We're okay, so I think it's almost dawn.

At first light, we go,

we make it for the highway,

and we flag down a car.

With any luck, we'll be,
you know having margaritas

at home by noon.

We'll be okay.

And then what, Brad?

I still have a thing in my arm.

Where did we go?
How long were we even gone?

We don't even know what they did to us.

I'm sure.

Oh, no.

Oh, God.

What?

What?

I don't, I think.

I think maybe this has happened before.

What are you talking about?

What happened before?
- I don't know.

I mean, this, like, I
suddenly, I know all of this,

and it...

I mean I must have known it before,

and I've heard it from
my mom or something.

What are you talking about, your mom?

We used to come here.

Sh, sh.

What?

Wait a minute.

What?

Sh.

(wind howling; faint noise)

Listen.
- What is that?

I don't hear anything.

What is it?

It's coming from in here.

It is, it's inside the RV.

This is coming

from inside the RV.
- Oh, God.

It's a, I hear, I can hear it over here.

(strange sound getting louder)

It's in the front.

Cassette player.

It's coming from the speakers.

It's the cassette player.

What fuck.

[Anne] That thing hasn't
worked for 15 years.

I wanna stop that thing.

How do you stop it?
(discordant music)

Give me the pliers.

♪ When the world starts talking ♪

(tape whirring)

I'm fucking taking it off, man.

Get this shit off.

Okay, we're fucking going.

Let's go.

- What are we doing?
- Look, you guys.

I don't know if I can walk.

The only difference
between this abduction

and every other abduction
no one's ever shot it...

I'll fucking shoot it, it's the pact.

Fuck the pact, let's get out of here.

I'm not sure.

I don't know if I can walk.

Brad, I'm not sure I can walk that far.

[Brad] Anne, I'm sure you can.

Let's go.
- What?

[Brad] Neil, let's go.

Neil, LET'S GO!

[Neil] Well, if Anne can't
go, we're not going anywhere.

I can't, I'm sorry (Anne sighs).

[Neil] What did we
think we were gonna do?

Goddammit!

CHRIST!

GOD-DAMMIT!

Get that?

(static hissing)
- [Brad] Yeah... You're human.

(Anne screams)

[Neil] What!?

(Neil breathing heavily)

(camera hits ground)

[Anne] Neil... (screams).

Don't!

[Neil] - Ooomph!

[Neil] - (screams)

(static hissing)
(discordant music)

(gunshot blasting)

(static hissing)

(Brad speaking indistinctly)

[Brad] Hold on now,
are you all right?

[Anne] Neil, oh, my God.
(static hissing)

[Brad] Come on, we gotta get him up.

(Anne mumbling)

(Anne grunting)

(static hissing)
(eerie sounds)

(Brad and Anne speaking indistinctly)

(Neil in pain)

[Brad] Can you get in there?

Make it up (grunts).

- Okay, hold on, hold on.
- I wanna be by the heater.

I wanna be over by the heater.
- Okay, all right.

Come on, ready?

[Anne] Ah-hah.

[Neil] Ahhh!

Oh, GOD!

- You okay?
- Be careful

with the pillow under him.

(Neil coughing)

[Brad] You want a pillow?

I don't want the
pillow, I don't want it.

I don't want it,

please, please.

Just I needed to see, just, I tried to,

I thought I could make them friendly...

[Brad] Buddy, take these.
(pills rattling)

(Neil groaning)

Here you go, man.

- What are those?
- Sleeping pill, Vicodin.

- Okay, oh.
- He'll like 'em.

Here, drink.

Maybe it's the-
- I haven't.

This is still online.

Oh, of course, there's still no signal.

[Brad] Camera's FUBAR.
(Neil groaning)

- [Anne] Where are you going?
- [Brad] Hold on.

I got the first aid kit right here.

I don't have any idea what to do with it.

It's a, it's a wide-band-

- God.
- Radar beacon.

A military brat, remember?
(machine beeping)

(Neil coughing)

[Neil] I fucked up.

I fucked up.
- Have some water.

(Neil coughing)
(machine beeping)

Now listen...

the Cavalry is gonna be here any minute,

and I'm gonna get the...
footage of the century,

and you're gonna be
able to live stream it...

right there.

McGuire, this is still
backing up, right, buddy?

Yes, why?

Because I,

I'm gonna go in there...

I'm gonna find out what is going on

on board in there, once and for all.

- What?
- Is the spy cam

still running?

Yeah, it's-
- Oh, that's good.

Okay.

- [Brad] You're gonna be all right buddy.
- [Neil] You gotta download...

this footage and put it on YouTube.

[Brad] I'm gonna do it.

Fucking flew through the air at 50 feet.

Did you fucking see that?
- Yeah, I saw.

Did you get a license
plate number of that...? (coughing)

Just stay warm, buddy, stay warm, okay?

And you?
(Neil groaning)

[Anne] It's all my fault.

Relax, by the time I get in there,

they'll be everyone with guns

from Nellis to Pendleton,

and they'll be raining down on this place.

But just in case.

(machine beeping)

Why are you kissing her?

(Neil laughing)

Stay where you guys are.

I'm the one who got the footage.

Brad, is this camera...?

Brad...

[Neil] Oh, fuck.
(machine beeping)

It's okay, Neil, look.
(machine beeping)

Cavalry's coming.

Yeah, everything's gonna be fine.

This your pictures.
(Anne laughs)

[Neil] I'm sorry I teased
you so much. (machine beeping)

Oh, I'm sure I deserved it.

- No, it's just 'cause-
- I gave you enough hell.

(both laughing)

You know, I always liked you.

I always liked you, too.

[Neil] But I never
told you the first time

I ever saw you was on television.

A toothpaste commercial?
(Neil coughing)

- Mm-hmm, mm-hmm, mm-hmm.
- 'Kay.

Yeah, and I moved down to LA,

and now I'm working with you.

Isn't that funny?

It's like you're my destiny or something.

You're gonna be okay, Anne.

They should be here by now,
(machine beeping)

those guys with guns.

Yeah, they'll need 'em.

[Brad on radio]
This still synced in?

Oh my God, Brad.

[Brad] Are you guys still getting me?

Hey, he's there.

Wow.

Can you guys, can you guys see me?

Wow.

[Brad] I'm getting closer.

- Can't hear you, man.
- Oh.

(Brad breathing heavily)

You wouldn't believe this.

Oh, you're seeing it.

Just look at this.

What are you doing?

(Brad breathing heavily)

I'm gonna try to get
up as close as I can.

Oh, my God, are you still seeing this?

Oh, my God.

[Brad] I'm going in.

(Brad breathing heavily)

(equipment clattering)

No.
(machine beeping)

(static hissing)
(discordant music)

(machine beeping)

NO!

(static hissing)

(discordant music)
(Brad breathing heavily)

[Brad] Are you still seeing this?

(static hissing)

There's a window.

I can see you guys.

Can you see me?

Oh, God.
(machine beeping)

[Brad] It's not
military, not... military.

Oh, my God... Oh, my God...!

OH MY GOD!!

(static breakup)

God!
(Brad screaming)

Why's he doing this?
(machine beeping)

Oh, my God, oh, my God, oh, God.

(machine beeping)

BRAD!

Neil...

Neil?
(machine beeping)

(Wuzzupdoc music)

(switch clicking)

Neil, we... got a signal.
(machine beeping)

(wind rumbling)

(beacon machine connecting)
(Anne gasps)

(Anne SCREAMS!)

(static breakup)

(tone signal)

(helicopter whirring)
(machine beeping)

(air whooshing)

(static hissing)

I don't, I don't know what we saw.

I don't know what's happening.

I finally know what I have to do.

(Neil sighs)

No one's gonna see this.

(high-pitched tone blaring)
(eerie music continues)

(disembodied voice speaking indistinctly)

(Neil in background)

(screaming)