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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:02,000 --> 00:00:07,000 Downloaded from YTS.MX 2 00:00:08,000 --> 00:00:13,000 Official YIFY movies site: YTS.MX 3 00:01:02,359 --> 00:01:04,446 Ow, ow, ow! Fuck! 4 00:01:08,514 --> 00:01:10,750 Oh, fuck! God damn it! 5 00:01:10,774 --> 00:01:12,357 Why is that so hot? 6 00:02:54,636 --> 00:02:56,509 - It's okay. Just, uh... 7 00:02:56,533 --> 00:02:59,599 Thanks, I'm just looking for, uh, looking for an affidavit. 8 00:02:59,623 --> 00:03:01,909 You may have noticed in the news, 9 00:03:01,933 --> 00:03:05,163 I am part of a pretty rough divorce, and it is, uh... 10 00:03:06,193 --> 00:03:08,839 It's a real motherfucker, so uh, I am not- 11 00:03:08,863 --> 00:03:10,639 - Going live in 10. - Fuck. 12 00:03:10,663 --> 00:03:12,721 We gotta get going, so... 13 00:03:12,745 --> 00:03:14,209 By the way, she's, uh, she's a witch. 14 00:03:14,233 --> 00:03:16,497 I don't know if you believe in witches, 15 00:03:16,521 --> 00:03:18,199 but I think she's got a cauldron and everything. 16 00:03:18,223 --> 00:03:20,569 Welcome, questioners, truth seekers, 17 00:03:20,593 --> 00:03:23,539 and good ol' fashioned angry Americans. 18 00:03:23,563 --> 00:03:24,470 Welcome to "The Rant"! 19 00:03:24,494 --> 00:03:29,119 I'm James Bunratty, and this is "Bunratty's Rants". 20 00:03:29,143 --> 00:03:31,969 Now, I don't need to tell you folks 21 00:03:31,993 --> 00:03:35,089 what's wrong with the broken scientific establishment. 22 00:03:35,113 --> 00:03:36,199 Of course, the people that bought it, 23 00:03:36,223 --> 00:03:37,399 I'm sure they think it's working great, 24 00:03:37,423 --> 00:03:39,469 but it is not for us. 25 00:03:39,493 --> 00:03:41,359 It is not for real Americans. 26 00:03:41,383 --> 00:03:43,339 That's why I think you're gonna love today's guest. 27 00:03:43,363 --> 00:03:45,859 He is an alternative science guy. 28 00:03:45,883 --> 00:03:48,019 He knows how to think outside the paradigm. 29 00:03:48,043 --> 00:03:51,079 He has witnessed the corruption firsthand, 30 00:03:51,103 --> 00:03:53,929 and I think that you are going to be shocked today, 31 00:03:53,953 --> 00:03:54,979 truth seekers, that's right. 32 00:03:55,003 --> 00:03:57,169 Well, anyway, what I'm saying is 33 00:03:57,193 --> 00:03:59,269 what you're going to probably say is pretty shocking 34 00:03:59,293 --> 00:04:01,519 to a lot of people that don't listen to the show. 35 00:04:01,543 --> 00:04:03,919 And to those newbies, I just wanna say, 36 00:04:03,943 --> 00:04:05,200 welcome to "The Rant". 37 00:04:10,813 --> 00:04:11,780 Let's get right into it. 38 00:04:11,804 --> 00:04:15,409 Dr. Tim Travers, I am fascinated by your work. 39 00:04:15,433 --> 00:04:19,786 Tell us exactly what the Time Travelers Paradox is. 40 00:04:23,563 --> 00:04:24,563 Dr. Travers? 41 00:04:25,993 --> 00:04:29,098 - Oh, right. - Welcome to the show. 42 00:04:29,122 --> 00:04:31,549 - A few corrections there. - Uh, one, I'm not a doctor. 43 00:04:31,573 --> 00:04:33,709 And two, while I'm not mainstream, 44 00:04:33,733 --> 00:04:35,929 I am definitely not an "alternative" scientist. 45 00:04:35,953 --> 00:04:36,920 - The difference being? 46 00:04:36,944 --> 00:04:39,109 - One is for bored housewives with crystals 47 00:04:39,133 --> 00:04:40,324 and closet racists. 48 00:04:43,033 --> 00:04:46,069 - Oh, we got a show today! - Do we not, out there? 49 00:04:46,093 --> 00:04:47,959 That's right. Yeah, we can have some fun here. 50 00:04:47,983 --> 00:04:49,309 That was a good one. 51 00:04:49,333 --> 00:04:52,399 But my audience knows who the man of truth is. 52 00:04:52,423 --> 00:04:53,423 And who is that? 53 00:04:56,755 --> 00:04:58,189 Bunratty, Bunratty! 54 00:04:58,213 --> 00:04:59,120 - James Bunratty. 55 00:04:59,144 --> 00:05:01,039 Now, besides, fast talker, 56 00:05:01,063 --> 00:05:01,940 how would you know the difference? 57 00:05:01,964 --> 00:05:03,679 You just said yourself that you weren't a real doctor. 58 00:05:03,703 --> 00:05:06,769 - I was kicked out of school for behavioral reasons, 59 00:05:06,793 --> 00:05:08,239 but my grades were excellent. 60 00:05:08,263 --> 00:05:10,729 - Yeah. Establishment elites, am I right? 61 00:05:10,753 --> 00:05:13,249 I mean, who decided that they were the purveyors of truth? 62 00:05:13,273 --> 00:05:14,629 - Education? 63 00:05:14,653 --> 00:05:16,083 Peer review? Uh... 64 00:05:17,413 --> 00:05:18,413 Hygiene? 65 00:05:20,443 --> 00:05:21,443 - Okay. 66 00:05:22,393 --> 00:05:25,309 You're arguing that time travel is possible, 67 00:05:25,333 --> 00:05:27,859 which is, even for this show, quite out there. 68 00:05:27,883 --> 00:05:30,739 So, why don't you just, uh, hold your roll, pal? 69 00:05:30,763 --> 00:05:34,129 - Well, I am sitting in a radio station in the year 2026, 70 00:05:34,153 --> 00:05:35,869 so I think that it might be possible. 71 00:05:35,893 --> 00:05:37,369 Is that, is that a reel-to-reel? 72 00:05:37,393 --> 00:05:38,203 - Yes! 73 00:05:38,227 --> 00:05:41,959 That's a reel-to-reel given to me by Carl Sagan's assistant! 74 00:05:41,983 --> 00:05:43,429 I married her too, all right? 75 00:05:43,453 --> 00:05:45,439 Yeah, so I didn't invite you on this show 76 00:05:45,463 --> 00:05:47,599 to insult my audience, or me, or my team. 77 00:05:47,623 --> 00:05:49,879 - No, you invited me because Mothman was busy 78 00:05:49,903 --> 00:05:50,926 and I was bored. 79 00:05:52,723 --> 00:05:55,309 - The Time Travelers Paradox. 80 00:05:55,333 --> 00:05:56,869 Tell us about it. 81 00:05:56,893 --> 00:05:58,129 - Hm. 82 00:05:58,153 --> 00:06:00,289 It's a thought experiment. 83 00:06:00,313 --> 00:06:02,089 How much do you need me to dumb this down? 84 00:06:02,113 --> 00:06:03,349 - Just a little bit. 85 00:06:03,373 --> 00:06:04,669 - Agree to disagree. 86 00:06:04,693 --> 00:06:07,440 First, a scientist makes a time machine. 87 00:06:08,324 --> 00:06:11,260 That loops back exactly one minute into the past. 88 00:06:11,284 --> 00:06:12,889 - Oh, is that all? 89 00:06:12,913 --> 00:06:15,439 - Then the scientist kills his younger self. 90 00:06:15,463 --> 00:06:16,868 - As he does. 91 00:06:30,604 --> 00:06:32,878 - Oh! 92 00:06:32,902 --> 00:06:34,873 Yeah! 93 00:06:50,503 --> 00:06:54,169 Now you have a man who should not and cannot exist. 94 00:06:54,193 --> 00:06:56,326 Yet, somehow does. 95 00:07:03,673 --> 00:07:05,746 That is the paradox. 96 00:07:07,213 --> 00:07:08,779 Paradoxes are impossible. 97 00:07:08,803 --> 00:07:10,309 - Man, you are very smart, 98 00:07:10,333 --> 00:07:12,739 but I would hate to go to dinner with you. 99 00:07:12,763 --> 00:07:15,679 If you're just joining us, we have not-doctor Tim Travers. 100 00:07:15,703 --> 00:07:16,729 And while you're at it, 101 00:07:16,753 --> 00:07:19,999 pick up some of Bunratty's Blast Vitamins. 102 00:07:20,023 --> 00:07:22,909 And while we're there, we have our own version of HGH. 103 00:07:22,933 --> 00:07:25,039 It's not the dangerous kind that Sylvester Stallone uses. 104 00:07:25,063 --> 00:07:28,391 No, it is Bunratty's HGA. 105 00:07:28,415 --> 00:07:29,599 That's right, HGA. We'll be right back. 106 00:07:29,623 --> 00:07:30,623 Great job, man. 107 00:07:38,713 --> 00:07:39,856 - Well, shit. 108 00:07:54,380 --> 00:07:55,380 Um... 109 00:07:57,223 --> 00:07:59,359 Observation one. Uh... 110 00:07:59,383 --> 00:08:01,186 Light, or at least the perception of light, 111 00:08:01,210 --> 00:08:04,009 can only move one way through the machine. 112 00:08:04,033 --> 00:08:06,979 I can see into the past, but can't see into the future. 113 00:08:07,003 --> 00:08:10,429 That makes sense, intuitively. Um... 114 00:08:10,453 --> 00:08:11,719 Observation two. 115 00:08:11,743 --> 00:08:12,743 The fuck! 116 00:08:17,293 --> 00:08:20,629 I have, um, murdered my younger self, 117 00:08:20,653 --> 00:08:23,179 and, and causality appears to be unaffected, 118 00:08:23,203 --> 00:08:28,099 like, like completely unaffected, which makes no sense. 119 00:08:28,123 --> 00:08:30,373 I refer you to my aforementioned, "The fuck!" 120 00:08:34,333 --> 00:08:37,669 Theory one. Um... 121 00:08:37,693 --> 00:08:40,879 Time travel has, has not taken place at all. 122 00:08:40,903 --> 00:08:42,353 Instead, I have been 123 00:08:43,843 --> 00:08:47,560 transported to a identical universe. 124 00:08:49,513 --> 00:08:52,159 Problematic theory. Um... 125 00:08:52,183 --> 00:08:55,189 Since that the machine might work as a fancy teleporter, 126 00:08:55,213 --> 00:08:56,809 sending me to a, by wild coincidence, 127 00:08:56,833 --> 00:08:58,639 place that just so happens to be indistinguishable 128 00:08:58,663 --> 00:09:01,666 from my own past, seems unlikely. 129 00:09:05,552 --> 00:09:06,552 Hmm. 130 00:09:07,723 --> 00:09:10,380 Theory two. 131 00:09:12,990 --> 00:09:15,949 I have time traveled in the conventional sense. 132 00:09:15,973 --> 00:09:20,140 Please excuse my abuse of the word "conventional". 133 00:09:22,153 --> 00:09:24,559 Um... 134 00:09:24,583 --> 00:09:26,768 Time is a dimension in its own right. 135 00:09:27,626 --> 00:09:30,679 Therefore, causality must be limited by the speed of light, 136 00:09:30,703 --> 00:09:35,611 which prevents the paradox from ever catching up. 137 00:09:40,273 --> 00:09:42,102 How the hell am I even supposed to test that? 138 00:09:47,563 --> 00:09:51,542 Theory three. Um... 139 00:09:54,313 --> 00:09:57,679 Uh, my presence has spawned a 140 00:09:57,703 --> 00:09:59,753 new universe via my 141 00:10:01,723 --> 00:10:03,087 interaction with it. 142 00:10:04,163 --> 00:10:04,973 Now, that's... 143 00:10:04,997 --> 00:10:06,173 That's an interesting one. 144 00:10:07,443 --> 00:10:10,099 If my interaction is the seed, then, then from my frame, 145 00:10:10,123 --> 00:10:12,259 no other traveler could impact my timeline. 146 00:10:12,283 --> 00:10:14,659 But, but, but the traveler could continually 147 00:10:14,683 --> 00:10:15,979 impact other timelines. 148 00:10:16,003 --> 00:10:18,259 Now, that, that's testable! 149 00:10:18,283 --> 00:10:19,572 I just, I just need to have a... 150 00:10:19,596 --> 00:10:22,446 I just, I just need to repeat the experiment! 151 00:10:27,067 --> 00:10:28,489 - Now we're getting somewhere! 152 00:10:28,513 --> 00:10:31,348 As theorized, my own timeline remains unaffected! 153 00:10:33,972 --> 00:10:38,972 Oh. 154 00:10:41,903 --> 00:10:45,847 Oh, crap. Forgot about that. 155 00:10:45,871 --> 00:10:47,689 - Now there's a thought. - Now we're getting somewhere! 156 00:10:47,713 --> 00:10:50,114 As theorized, my own timeline remains unaffected! 157 00:10:51,913 --> 00:10:52,913 - Sorry. 158 00:10:54,163 --> 00:10:55,366 - What the hell, man? 159 00:10:56,263 --> 00:10:57,073 - It was an impulse. 160 00:10:57,097 --> 00:10:59,809 I was trying to catch myself by surprise. 161 00:10:59,833 --> 00:11:00,949 - That's moronic! 162 00:11:00,973 --> 00:11:01,973 - Don't be a dick. 163 00:11:04,033 --> 00:11:05,033 - Right. - Right. 164 00:11:08,143 --> 00:11:09,707 Twice! 165 00:11:12,703 --> 00:11:13,947 Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait! 166 00:11:23,715 --> 00:11:26,600 Right. 167 00:11:26,624 --> 00:11:27,624 Eww. 168 00:11:32,736 --> 00:11:34,319 No, no. Date, date! 169 00:11:55,778 --> 00:11:58,109 - Hey! Excuse you, fucko! 170 00:11:58,133 --> 00:11:59,719 Yeah, 20 minutes late. 171 00:11:59,743 --> 00:12:02,421 Bet ya five bucks he doesn't even show up. 172 00:12:02,445 --> 00:12:03,255 Nah, ah, ah, ah. 173 00:12:03,279 --> 00:12:04,416 That's mine. That's yours. 174 00:12:06,224 --> 00:12:08,457 - Wow. Are you, uh... 175 00:12:08,481 --> 00:12:10,696 Are you like this all the time? 176 00:12:10,720 --> 00:12:11,586 - Yep. 177 00:12:11,610 --> 00:12:12,886 Kinda like it. 178 00:12:12,910 --> 00:12:15,049 - That's real. - Dr. Travers? 179 00:12:15,073 --> 00:12:16,609 - Still not a doctor. - Yeah, whatever. 180 00:12:16,633 --> 00:12:19,099 Listen. You are belittling James a lot. 181 00:12:19,123 --> 00:12:21,349 He doesn't like it. Hell, he hates it. 182 00:12:21,373 --> 00:12:24,379 So, please, on behalf of the entire production staff- 183 00:12:24,403 --> 00:12:27,167 - Well, he's been dead for like 44 years. 184 00:12:27,191 --> 00:12:28,000 - Keep doing it. 185 00:12:28,024 --> 00:12:28,833 You ever been in a room with Paul McCartney? 186 00:12:28,857 --> 00:12:29,667 - It is delicious. 187 00:12:29,691 --> 00:12:31,736 Exactly! 188 00:12:31,760 --> 00:12:34,309 "Defamation"? What about free speech? 189 00:12:34,333 --> 00:12:35,689 Well, of course I made it up! 190 00:12:35,713 --> 00:12:36,527 What does that have to do with anything? 191 00:12:36,551 --> 00:12:39,259 - You go, James! We believe in you. 192 00:12:39,283 --> 00:12:41,599 Hm. I eat this shit up. 193 00:12:41,623 --> 00:12:43,576 - So, you're not into the whole- 194 00:12:43,600 --> 00:12:46,576 - Mm, bored housewives with crystals and closet racists? 195 00:12:47,637 --> 00:12:48,447 Nah, no. 196 00:12:48,471 --> 00:12:50,899 I thought this would be a great post-college gig 197 00:12:50,923 --> 00:12:54,172 while I figured out what to do with my life, but, um, 198 00:12:54,196 --> 00:12:57,409 that was 15 years ago, because time is a cruel bitch. 199 00:12:57,433 --> 00:12:58,456 Yeah, it's on the Moon! 200 00:12:58,480 --> 00:12:59,289 By the moon, I mean my ass. 201 00:12:59,313 --> 00:13:00,313 - I'm Delilah. 202 00:13:01,303 --> 00:13:02,303 I stopped talking. 203 00:13:03,531 --> 00:13:05,269 - What? - Yeah, a while ago. 204 00:13:05,293 --> 00:13:06,829 I'm sorry, is... 205 00:13:06,853 --> 00:13:07,839 Is my life story boring to you, 206 00:13:07,863 --> 00:13:09,199 or are you just incredibly rude? 207 00:13:09,223 --> 00:13:10,849 - Not mutually exclusive. 208 00:13:10,873 --> 00:13:12,019 - Wow! 209 00:13:12,043 --> 00:13:13,249 - Sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry. 210 00:13:13,273 --> 00:13:15,319 I am distracted, but it's not because you're boring. 211 00:13:15,343 --> 00:13:17,119 You're not, you're not boring. 212 00:13:17,143 --> 00:13:20,059 Um, today was just a weird day. 213 00:13:20,083 --> 00:13:21,859 - How weird was your day? 214 00:13:21,883 --> 00:13:24,291 - Uh, honest answer? 215 00:13:24,315 --> 00:13:25,125 - Yeah. 216 00:13:25,149 --> 00:13:28,432 - Well, today, I activated a time machine 217 00:13:28,456 --> 00:13:31,069 that is powered by nuclear materials 218 00:13:31,093 --> 00:13:34,639 that were stolen from a terrorist organization. 219 00:13:34,663 --> 00:13:35,673 And, uh... 220 00:13:36,673 --> 00:13:38,779 Then I went back in time and killed my younger self 221 00:13:38,803 --> 00:13:42,796 repeatedly, and I have no idea how that's possible. 222 00:13:44,953 --> 00:13:46,981 - I'm sorry. I wasn't listening. 223 00:13:47,005 --> 00:13:47,992 - What? What? - See? 224 00:13:48,016 --> 00:13:49,879 It's rude, and I was listening. 225 00:13:49,903 --> 00:13:52,306 Great bit. 226 00:13:53,473 --> 00:13:54,706 You're not doing a bit. 227 00:14:00,733 --> 00:14:02,629 Okay. All right. 228 00:14:02,653 --> 00:14:04,369 - Yeah, I've got eyes on him. 229 00:14:04,393 --> 00:14:05,776 Doesn't look like much. 230 00:14:06,763 --> 00:14:08,179 Just a waiting game now. 231 00:14:08,203 --> 00:14:09,613 Oh, yes. Hi. 232 00:14:09,637 --> 00:14:12,139 Uh, I'll have a Shirley Temple, easy on the grenadine. 233 00:14:12,163 --> 00:14:14,239 - Sure. - Thank you very much. 234 00:14:14,263 --> 00:14:16,009 - You know, um... 235 00:14:16,033 --> 00:14:17,989 Seeing you make James suffer was fun, 236 00:14:18,013 --> 00:14:20,575 but this whole mad scientist shtick 237 00:14:20,599 --> 00:14:23,119 it's like, it's like performance art. 238 00:14:23,143 --> 00:14:25,477 I'm just waiting for the cameras to pop out. 239 00:14:25,501 --> 00:14:26,311 - I avoid cameras. 240 00:14:26,335 --> 00:14:27,766 - Are your friends in on this? 241 00:14:27,790 --> 00:14:28,816 - I don't have friends. 242 00:14:28,840 --> 00:14:30,526 - Oh, gross. Not even as a kid? 243 00:14:36,823 --> 00:14:39,229 - Timothy Oliphant Travers! 244 00:14:39,253 --> 00:14:41,209 - Are those real? - No, Mom! 245 00:14:41,233 --> 00:14:44,273 I'm just using the electric potato. 246 00:14:44,297 --> 00:14:45,107 - All right. 247 00:14:45,131 --> 00:14:47,149 I do not want a repeat of the Guinea pig incident! 248 00:14:47,173 --> 00:14:48,949 Only shock the potato. 249 00:14:48,973 --> 00:14:50,326 - Yes, Mother. 250 00:14:59,061 --> 00:15:01,489 - Oh, I'm gonna have to dig another hole. 251 00:15:01,513 --> 00:15:05,476 - Went through a lot of friends, but that's fine. 252 00:15:06,373 --> 00:15:09,109 Learning how to be by yourself is a reward of its own. 253 00:15:09,133 --> 00:15:10,489 - You know, to a point, but, 254 00:15:10,513 --> 00:15:12,086 it's hard to take that armor off. 255 00:15:12,110 --> 00:15:15,229 - Some people don't have the choice, so... 256 00:15:15,253 --> 00:15:18,529 It's also fine, because I don't need other people. 257 00:15:18,553 --> 00:15:19,639 - Hm! 258 00:15:19,663 --> 00:15:20,689 That's a thing that people say, 259 00:15:20,713 --> 00:15:22,896 when they think they're better and smarter. 260 00:15:22,920 --> 00:15:25,339 - I didn't mean it like that, but I am better and smarter. 261 00:15:25,363 --> 00:15:30,363 Look. I don't share other people's values in the abstract. 262 00:15:31,033 --> 00:15:32,809 Take time travel. 263 00:15:32,833 --> 00:15:35,801 A paradox will literally break reality, 264 00:15:35,825 --> 00:15:37,639 and a reality broken can be rewritten. 265 00:15:37,663 --> 00:15:40,609 - Ominous, but yeah, I get it. 266 00:15:40,633 --> 00:15:43,609 You hate that people wanna use it for time tourism. 267 00:15:43,633 --> 00:15:46,909 Oh, kinda like when a lady discovers she has superpowers, 268 00:15:46,933 --> 00:15:49,279 and it's like, "Oh, no, but what, what does this mean 269 00:15:49,303 --> 00:15:50,599 for my job and relationship?" 270 00:15:50,623 --> 00:15:53,239 And I'm like, "Bitch, you've got superpowers!" 271 00:15:53,263 --> 00:15:54,979 Yeah! Like, laser your boss to death! 272 00:15:55,003 --> 00:15:57,469 Throw your loser boyfriend into the sun and, and, 273 00:15:57,493 --> 00:16:00,259 and go conquer the world, like a sane person. 274 00:16:00,283 --> 00:16:02,059 Exactly. Thank you. 275 00:16:02,083 --> 00:16:03,319 - Crush the peasants. 276 00:16:03,343 --> 00:16:04,819 - It's misplaced priorities. 277 00:16:04,843 --> 00:16:07,819 It's like, you know, working on a, on a, on a work project 278 00:16:07,843 --> 00:16:10,129 when someone is actively trying to kill you. 279 00:16:10,153 --> 00:16:11,689 - Right, right, or going on a date, 280 00:16:11,713 --> 00:16:13,148 when you're about to conquer the world. 281 00:16:13,172 --> 00:16:15,559 - Right. - What're you doing? 282 00:16:15,583 --> 00:16:16,583 But what? 283 00:16:18,463 --> 00:16:21,739 - You are absolutely right. 284 00:16:21,763 --> 00:16:24,366 - Did, did I say that? I, I don't think I said that. 285 00:16:24,390 --> 00:16:26,029 I said something about crushing peasants, 286 00:16:26,053 --> 00:16:27,049 but that was more for me. 287 00:16:27,073 --> 00:16:28,679 - I need to get back to the lab. 288 00:16:28,703 --> 00:16:29,989 - What? Right, right now? 289 00:16:30,013 --> 00:16:31,013 - Yeah. 290 00:16:32,213 --> 00:16:33,739 - You may not know this, but a woman driving 291 00:16:33,763 --> 00:16:36,499 halfway across the city in the middle of murderville 292 00:16:36,523 --> 00:16:38,749 is kind of a, it's kind of a leap of faith. 293 00:16:38,773 --> 00:16:40,306 That's not lost on you? 294 00:16:41,593 --> 00:16:42,963 - It is not. - So... 295 00:16:44,323 --> 00:16:47,239 You're, you're, you're joking, right? 296 00:16:47,263 --> 00:16:48,739 You're trolling me for a goof, 297 00:16:48,763 --> 00:16:50,359 because you're an ass like that. 298 00:16:50,383 --> 00:16:51,916 - I am, but I am not. 299 00:16:53,803 --> 00:16:55,819 - Well, I don't have to be polite anymore 300 00:16:55,843 --> 00:16:57,319 because you're the one who's standing me up. 301 00:16:57,343 --> 00:17:00,829 So, figure out where you are on the spectrum, dick weed, 302 00:17:00,853 --> 00:17:02,296 and then go fuck yourself! 303 00:17:03,608 --> 00:17:04,811 Fuck off. 304 00:17:04,835 --> 00:17:05,833 Bye! 305 00:17:05,857 --> 00:17:08,299 Fuck you, and fuck you, and fuck you! 306 00:17:08,323 --> 00:17:09,499 Fuck you guys, too! 307 00:17:09,523 --> 00:17:11,389 Hey, you, with the French braid! You suck! 308 00:17:11,413 --> 00:17:12,230 Fuck off! 309 00:17:12,254 --> 00:17:14,719 This fuckin' bar is shit! 310 00:17:14,743 --> 00:17:17,179 Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck! 311 00:17:17,203 --> 00:17:19,449 - Is she pointing to us? - Fuck you! 312 00:17:19,473 --> 00:17:21,052 Oh, my God. 313 00:17:21,076 --> 00:17:22,343 Ow! 314 00:17:26,128 --> 00:17:27,499 I'm not, um... 315 00:17:27,523 --> 00:17:29,209 I've been checked. 316 00:17:29,233 --> 00:17:30,620 Many times. 317 00:17:32,023 --> 00:17:33,229 Um... 318 00:17:33,253 --> 00:17:35,929 At worst, it's a, it's a case of mild psychosis. 319 00:17:35,953 --> 00:17:37,759 Which is unrelated. So, you know what? 320 00:17:37,783 --> 00:17:40,069 I don't need the judgment right now. 321 00:17:40,093 --> 00:17:42,229 And also, honestly, it's kinda fucked up that you would 322 00:17:42,253 --> 00:17:44,989 make fun of somebody for being on the spectrum. 323 00:17:45,013 --> 00:17:46,315 Fuck! Just fuck off! 324 00:17:49,603 --> 00:17:51,796 - But I didn't say anything. 325 00:17:52,753 --> 00:17:55,621 You also forgot to charge them. 326 00:17:55,645 --> 00:17:59,170 - Crap! 327 00:18:09,013 --> 00:18:10,600 - Had to know, you know? 328 00:18:13,247 --> 00:18:15,466 Maybe there was something there. 329 00:18:25,812 --> 00:18:26,862 Why am I telling you? 330 00:18:27,853 --> 00:18:31,636 You're just a localized wormhole, not a person. 331 00:18:37,686 --> 00:18:39,229 I know, I know, I know. 332 00:18:39,253 --> 00:18:41,476 Back to work! 333 00:18:43,093 --> 00:18:44,093 Alone. 334 00:18:51,103 --> 00:18:52,103 Boys. 335 00:18:58,394 --> 00:18:59,989 First rule of science! 336 00:19:00,013 --> 00:19:01,276 Repeat the experiment. 337 00:19:02,803 --> 00:19:03,826 Verify results. 338 00:19:07,003 --> 00:19:08,003 This is gonna suck. 339 00:19:11,383 --> 00:19:13,636 - You did say this was gonna suck. 340 00:19:14,713 --> 00:19:16,259 - Motherfucker! 341 00:19:16,283 --> 00:19:18,663 Come on! 342 00:19:18,687 --> 00:19:19,504 - Ow! 343 00:19:19,528 --> 00:19:21,002 Why did you... 344 00:19:21,026 --> 00:19:22,133 Come on, now! 345 00:19:22,157 --> 00:19:23,157 Oh! 346 00:19:28,556 --> 00:19:30,353 - Okay, okay. Okay, okay, okay. 347 00:19:30,377 --> 00:19:31,377 Okay, all right. 348 00:19:32,367 --> 00:19:33,919 How about this? 349 00:19:33,943 --> 00:19:36,649 Hypothetically, let's say you make it work. 350 00:19:36,673 --> 00:19:38,689 You break the world, for no point, 351 00:19:38,713 --> 00:19:41,389 but to prove that you can do it. 352 00:19:41,413 --> 00:19:42,223 What then? 353 00:19:42,247 --> 00:19:44,309 Is a time machine that goes back one minute useful? 354 00:19:44,333 --> 00:19:45,859 - That, that is a good question. 355 00:19:45,883 --> 00:19:47,689 - Yeah, well, this is all about questions. 356 00:19:47,713 --> 00:19:49,219 - Not good ones. 357 00:19:49,243 --> 00:19:53,093 Results prove... 358 00:19:54,133 --> 00:19:55,133 Consistent. 359 00:19:58,453 --> 00:20:03,453 30-plus loops and still no perceivable paradox, so... 360 00:20:08,562 --> 00:20:09,562 Fuck. 361 00:20:18,170 --> 00:20:19,337 Hold, hold on. 362 00:20:20,773 --> 00:20:23,103 - Hold on. - Results prove consistent. 363 00:20:24,133 --> 00:20:29,133 30-plus loops and still no perceivable paradox, so... 364 00:20:29,918 --> 00:20:31,579 Yes, hi. 365 00:20:31,603 --> 00:20:33,409 Um, here's where I'm at on this. 366 00:20:33,433 --> 00:20:34,999 We can safely conclude the observer's frame 367 00:20:35,023 --> 00:20:36,289 cannot be impacted. 368 00:20:36,313 --> 00:20:37,699 - You're, you're impacting me right now. 369 00:20:37,723 --> 00:20:38,899 - Don't interrupt. 370 00:20:38,923 --> 00:20:40,129 What we're testing is theory two, 371 00:20:40,153 --> 00:20:42,619 in which case, you didn't exist until about 10 seconds ago, 372 00:20:42,643 --> 00:20:43,879 but now that you do, however, 373 00:20:43,903 --> 00:20:45,736 your frame cannot be impacted again. 374 00:20:46,633 --> 00:20:47,633 - Right. 375 00:20:48,525 --> 00:20:49,525 - So, how do I test that? 376 00:20:50,863 --> 00:20:52,781 - Got it. You kill me. 377 00:20:52,805 --> 00:20:54,391 Um... 378 00:20:54,415 --> 00:20:59,415 No, no, no, no! Not, not this me. 379 00:20:59,925 --> 00:21:03,478 You, however, your frame cannot be impacted. 380 00:21:03,502 --> 00:21:05,020 - That me. 381 00:21:05,044 --> 00:21:06,500 How do test that? 382 00:21:06,524 --> 00:21:07,757 - I got it. You kill me. 383 00:21:07,781 --> 00:21:09,757 Not, not this me. 384 00:21:10,615 --> 00:21:13,039 Jesus! 385 00:21:13,063 --> 00:21:16,069 - Okay, so that version of me died, 386 00:21:16,093 --> 00:21:19,039 but I didn't, so, that holds. 387 00:21:19,063 --> 00:21:21,469 - I'm sorry, what, what, what holds? 388 00:21:21,493 --> 00:21:24,589 - Oh, he affected my timeline, and I wanted to prove 389 00:21:24,613 --> 00:21:26,389 that he couldn't do it a second time, which of course- 390 00:21:26,413 --> 00:21:28,159 - Supports theory three. I get it. 391 00:21:28,183 --> 00:21:29,446 Don't spoon feed me. 392 00:21:32,623 --> 00:21:34,296 - Does everybody else want a drink? 393 00:21:37,376 --> 00:21:39,613 Cool, it's cool. 394 00:21:39,637 --> 00:21:40,637 - What the fuck? 395 00:21:45,317 --> 00:21:47,061 - Oh, my head. 396 00:21:47,085 --> 00:21:48,085 Oh! 397 00:21:50,323 --> 00:21:52,445 What's with the, the name tag? 398 00:21:52,469 --> 00:21:54,436 - Trust me, you're all gonna be wanting these soon enough. 399 00:21:54,460 --> 00:21:55,759 All right? 400 00:21:55,783 --> 00:21:59,089 Anyway, we were arguing the merits of theory three. 401 00:21:59,113 --> 00:22:01,100 - Ah, but what if it's theory two, hm? 402 00:22:02,207 --> 00:22:03,769 And it's just the one timeline, 403 00:22:03,793 --> 00:22:05,986 but it's limited by the speed of light. 404 00:22:06,853 --> 00:22:07,853 - Good question. 405 00:22:10,982 --> 00:22:12,188 - Uh... 406 00:22:12,212 --> 00:22:13,157 I mean, who cares, though? It's, it's... 407 00:22:13,181 --> 00:22:15,697 You can't control for it, so it's pointless. 408 00:22:15,721 --> 00:22:16,759 - We, we can! 409 00:22:16,783 --> 00:22:18,627 We just have to go the other way through! 410 00:22:18,651 --> 00:22:19,649 - What? - What? 411 00:22:19,673 --> 00:22:20,491 - What? 412 00:22:20,515 --> 00:22:21,559 - Just stick with me here. Um... 413 00:22:21,583 --> 00:22:24,390 It's been six hours since, since he- 414 00:22:24,414 --> 00:22:26,419 - Mm-mm, mm-mm. 415 00:22:26,443 --> 00:22:28,789 - You started the first loop, right? 416 00:22:28,813 --> 00:22:30,949 So, the paradox, if it's moving at the speed of light, 417 00:22:30,973 --> 00:22:33,939 happened one minute in your past. 418 00:22:33,963 --> 00:22:35,329 If we go the other way, we could see it! 419 00:22:35,353 --> 00:22:36,436 That's our control! 420 00:22:38,043 --> 00:22:39,836 - You get all that? - Yeah pretty straightforward. 421 00:22:39,860 --> 00:22:41,205 - Mm. - Mm-hm. 422 00:22:41,229 --> 00:22:42,725 - Well, doesn't matter, 423 00:22:42,749 --> 00:22:44,464 'cause the machine doesn't work like that. 424 00:22:44,488 --> 00:22:46,084 - It can! It can! 425 00:22:46,108 --> 00:22:48,259 We just have to figure out how to slow the... 426 00:22:48,283 --> 00:22:49,283 Slow the, the... 427 00:22:50,644 --> 00:22:52,189 Look, I need, I need, I need visual aids. 428 00:22:52,213 --> 00:22:54,499 So, let's just grab some of these, and just do it, 429 00:22:54,523 --> 00:22:57,222 do it, ow, the other way, ow! 430 00:22:57,246 --> 00:23:00,379 - All right, the coast is clear. Come on, pick those up. 431 00:23:00,403 --> 00:23:01,999 - Jesus. - I need a drink! 432 00:23:02,023 --> 00:23:04,099 - Yeah, yep, yep. - It's gonna be fine. 433 00:23:04,123 --> 00:23:05,760 - All right. 434 00:23:05,784 --> 00:23:07,252 - What? 435 00:23:07,276 --> 00:23:08,085 You! 436 00:23:08,109 --> 00:23:08,960 - Which me? 437 00:23:08,984 --> 00:23:10,129 Sorry. Hard to explain. 438 00:23:10,153 --> 00:23:12,079 How are you? 439 00:23:12,103 --> 00:23:13,249 What're you doing back here? 440 00:23:13,273 --> 00:23:15,275 - I forgot my scarf. 441 00:23:15,299 --> 00:23:16,406 What are you doing here? 442 00:23:16,430 --> 00:23:17,512 I thought you had to go back to the lab? 443 00:23:17,536 --> 00:23:18,846 - Wasn't that yesterday? 444 00:23:18,870 --> 00:23:20,569 - No! It was two hours ago. 445 00:23:20,593 --> 00:23:23,029 - Two hours? - Yes! 446 00:23:23,053 --> 00:23:24,206 - Wow. I did way too many loops. 447 00:23:24,230 --> 00:23:27,259 - "Loops"? What is that, some kind of drink? 448 00:23:27,283 --> 00:23:28,189 - Yes? 449 00:23:28,213 --> 00:23:29,213 - Really? 450 00:23:30,106 --> 00:23:31,659 - Come buy me one. - Oh, oh, oh, oh. 451 00:23:31,683 --> 00:23:33,286 You owe me! Come on! 452 00:23:35,537 --> 00:23:37,951 Hm? Hm? 453 00:23:37,975 --> 00:23:39,709 - Oh, great! There goes the only sober one. 454 00:23:39,733 --> 00:23:43,189 I'm just too, too, too drunk to math right now. 455 00:23:43,213 --> 00:23:46,464 I know some assholes who aren't. 456 00:23:47,322 --> 00:23:49,369 - The machine only loops one minute back! 457 00:23:49,393 --> 00:23:51,349 Why did you think that 21 drunks would be an improvement? 458 00:23:51,373 --> 00:23:53,056 - I said I'm ordering coffee! 459 00:23:55,423 --> 00:23:57,499 24-hour coffee delivery. 460 00:23:57,523 --> 00:23:58,340 Yeah, it's beautiful out here. 461 00:23:58,364 --> 00:23:59,569 God bless capitalism. 462 00:23:59,593 --> 00:24:01,609 - Yeah, it took me about 20 minutes to get out here. 463 00:24:01,633 --> 00:24:02,633 - Bless it, I said! 464 00:24:22,663 --> 00:24:24,452 Look. 465 00:24:24,476 --> 00:24:26,359 I don't know who's following me, 466 00:24:26,383 --> 00:24:29,556 but you picked the wrong guy to be doing this... 467 00:24:36,013 --> 00:24:37,939 - That was worth the wait. 468 00:24:37,963 --> 00:24:40,549 I never get to use the shotgun, man. It's like too loud. 469 00:24:40,573 --> 00:24:43,039 But this place? 470 00:24:43,063 --> 00:24:46,159 You're so in the middle of nowhere here, I... 471 00:24:46,183 --> 00:24:47,266 I couldn't resist. 472 00:24:48,163 --> 00:24:49,459 Oh, fuck. Shit. 473 00:24:49,483 --> 00:24:50,809 Hold up, hold up. 474 00:24:50,833 --> 00:24:53,206 Uh, supposed to read you something. 475 00:24:54,283 --> 00:24:55,283 Ah, here we go. 476 00:24:56,060 --> 00:24:58,849 "Mr. Travers, The Kingmaker is a teacher, 477 00:24:58,873 --> 00:25:00,780 and today he is teaching you..." 478 00:25:03,105 --> 00:25:04,105 You listening? 479 00:25:08,413 --> 00:25:09,413 Shit! 480 00:25:11,240 --> 00:25:12,769 "The Kingmaker is above such things." 481 00:25:12,793 --> 00:25:14,749 The Kingmaker is a teacher, and today he is teaching 482 00:25:14,773 --> 00:25:16,909 the consequences of stealing from better men. 483 00:25:16,933 --> 00:25:18,739 "Then shoot him." Then... 484 00:25:18,763 --> 00:25:20,509 Then shoot him! 485 00:25:20,533 --> 00:25:22,339 Right! 486 00:25:22,363 --> 00:25:23,363 Crap. 487 00:25:26,473 --> 00:25:27,473 Oh, well. 488 00:25:32,351 --> 00:25:33,379 - No, no, stop it. No. 489 00:25:33,403 --> 00:25:34,519 But seriously, seriously. 490 00:25:34,543 --> 00:25:36,559 That did sound like a gunshot earlier. 491 00:25:36,583 --> 00:25:38,995 - No, no, no, no. It's just a, a firework. 492 00:25:39,019 --> 00:25:39,860 They're, uh... 493 00:25:39,884 --> 00:25:41,533 Kids, they get in here, and they, 494 00:25:42,524 --> 00:25:44,239 they set 'em off all the time. 495 00:25:44,263 --> 00:25:45,856 - Uh, you're cool with that? 496 00:25:46,933 --> 00:25:50,359 - Yeah! Yeah, I mean, kids need to get hurt. 497 00:25:50,383 --> 00:25:53,013 Like, fewer fingers, stronger moral... 498 00:25:53,953 --> 00:25:55,112 Whatever. 499 00:25:57,103 --> 00:25:58,489 - Okay, you... 500 00:25:58,513 --> 00:26:00,079 You're actually fun. 501 00:26:00,103 --> 00:26:01,853 But only when you've been drinking. 502 00:26:03,917 --> 00:26:05,149 Announcement! 503 00:26:05,173 --> 00:26:09,109 The do-over date is officially a success! 504 00:26:11,552 --> 00:26:16,399 So, so being drunk is a, a plus to you? 505 00:26:16,423 --> 00:26:17,260 - Oh, yeah, yeah. 506 00:26:17,284 --> 00:26:21,859 It makes it easier to get what I want, like answers. 507 00:26:21,883 --> 00:26:25,819 Like, why, Mr. Mad Scientist Man? Why? 508 00:26:25,843 --> 00:26:27,259 - Isn't curiosity enough? 509 00:26:27,283 --> 00:26:28,639 - No. 510 00:26:28,663 --> 00:26:30,949 I am curious about crypto, 511 00:26:30,973 --> 00:26:33,169 but I'm curious, because the more I know, 512 00:26:33,193 --> 00:26:35,269 the easier it is to game the suckers. 513 00:26:35,293 --> 00:26:37,219 I am curious about conspiracies 514 00:26:37,243 --> 00:26:40,069 because someone will always pay to believe it. 515 00:26:40,093 --> 00:26:42,109 I'm curious about sensitivity 516 00:26:42,133 --> 00:26:43,939 because humans love to control others 517 00:26:43,963 --> 00:26:47,089 while telling themselves they're the good guys. 518 00:26:47,113 --> 00:26:49,756 Curiosity always has an agenda, for people like me. 519 00:26:51,523 --> 00:26:52,523 Me and you. 520 00:26:53,473 --> 00:26:55,186 So, really. 521 00:26:57,283 --> 00:26:59,256 What is it that you want? 522 00:26:59,280 --> 00:27:01,126 - I want what everyone wants. 523 00:27:02,593 --> 00:27:04,219 To stand alone with God at the end of time 524 00:27:04,243 --> 00:27:05,719 and tell the bastard off. 525 00:27:05,743 --> 00:27:06,743 - Humble. 526 00:27:07,963 --> 00:27:10,366 And I bet ya five bucks God's a she. 527 00:27:11,923 --> 00:27:13,639 - Our world is shit. It's definitely a he. 528 00:27:13,663 --> 00:27:15,079 - Mm. - Okay! 529 00:27:15,103 --> 00:27:17,149 Let's go over this one more time. 530 00:27:17,173 --> 00:27:17,983 - Why? 531 00:27:18,007 --> 00:27:19,009 - Volume! 532 00:27:19,033 --> 00:27:21,019 I thought Eta was bringing coffee. 533 00:27:21,043 --> 00:27:25,009 - The machine works by using entangled particles. 534 00:27:25,033 --> 00:27:27,319 Now, one particle is tied to the entrance door. 535 00:27:27,343 --> 00:27:29,869 That's the door moving forward through time. 536 00:27:29,893 --> 00:27:32,629 The other particle is run through the accelerator, 537 00:27:32,653 --> 00:27:36,289 slowing its frame down to a near standstill in time. 538 00:27:36,313 --> 00:27:37,789 - Who are you explaining this for? 539 00:27:37,813 --> 00:27:40,977 - That particle is tied to the exit- 540 00:27:41,001 --> 00:27:43,156 - We all know this! 541 00:27:43,180 --> 00:27:46,339 - I'm not ashamed to admit this is actually helping. 542 00:27:46,363 --> 00:27:47,926 - But Alpha. 543 00:27:49,018 --> 00:27:49,828 - Mm-mm. 544 00:27:49,852 --> 00:27:50,959 - Alpha? 545 00:27:50,983 --> 00:27:53,779 Alpha, Alpha, Alpha has been on this side of the door, 546 00:27:53,803 --> 00:27:55,729 for longer than one minute. 547 00:27:55,753 --> 00:27:57,169 So, that means that the paradox 548 00:27:57,193 --> 00:27:58,908 has overtaken the time difference! 549 00:27:58,932 --> 00:28:00,090 - We know! 550 00:28:00,114 --> 00:28:01,287 Ow! 551 00:28:01,311 --> 00:28:02,311 The fuck! 552 00:28:03,210 --> 00:28:04,927 Fuckin' asshole. 553 00:28:05,803 --> 00:28:06,803 - Perfect timing. 554 00:28:08,503 --> 00:28:12,916 The problem is that the door only opens backwards in time. 555 00:28:14,563 --> 00:28:15,709 Send something through the exit door, 556 00:28:15,733 --> 00:28:17,599 and it's just a normal door. 557 00:28:17,623 --> 00:28:20,673 But use the entrance door, and... 558 00:28:23,196 --> 00:28:25,510 Ow! What the fuck? 559 00:28:25,534 --> 00:28:27,919 - See? I just threw that back in time. 560 00:28:27,943 --> 00:28:30,049 Hit Epsilon on the head and started that particular loop. 561 00:28:30,073 --> 00:28:32,929 - Sorry, but where did the football come from? 562 00:28:32,953 --> 00:28:34,669 - So, we just need to bring both doors 563 00:28:34,693 --> 00:28:36,319 into the same time frame, 564 00:28:36,343 --> 00:28:38,809 allowing us to travel the other way through, 565 00:28:38,833 --> 00:28:42,496 which, in theory, would let us catch up to the paradox! 566 00:28:45,721 --> 00:28:46,531 - Uh... 567 00:28:46,555 --> 00:28:49,576 Uh, seriously. Where did the, uh, football come from? 568 00:28:52,799 --> 00:28:54,319 What about the Multiverse? 569 00:28:54,343 --> 00:28:56,119 Which franchise? 570 00:28:56,143 --> 00:28:57,143 God's. 571 00:28:58,693 --> 00:29:00,649 A Multiverse is, is too convenient, right? 572 00:29:00,673 --> 00:29:02,599 It's not different versions of our lives. It's really- 573 00:29:02,623 --> 00:29:04,669 - I love the Multiverse. 574 00:29:04,693 --> 00:29:06,693 I love all the different versions of me. 575 00:29:08,083 --> 00:29:09,083 - Oh. 576 00:29:10,529 --> 00:29:11,339 Okay. 577 00:29:11,363 --> 00:29:14,176 - It doesn't matter if I fuck up, because they made it. 578 00:29:16,729 --> 00:29:17,729 I like knowing that. 579 00:29:19,471 --> 00:29:21,919 There are some days I... 580 00:29:21,943 --> 00:29:22,943 I need that. 581 00:29:24,133 --> 00:29:26,866 - But if they succeeded, does that make them you? 582 00:29:28,579 --> 00:29:30,169 I mean, maybe... 583 00:29:30,193 --> 00:29:31,609 Maybe failing is what makes you you. 584 00:29:31,633 --> 00:29:33,916 Maybe, maybe failure is your defining trait. 585 00:29:36,493 --> 00:29:38,553 By which, I mean, um... 586 00:29:39,493 --> 00:29:40,519 - Recover. 587 00:29:40,543 --> 00:29:41,746 Recover fast. 588 00:29:42,883 --> 00:29:44,626 - Would you like to see my lab? 589 00:29:48,043 --> 00:29:49,043 - Okay. 590 00:29:49,723 --> 00:29:50,923 But seriously, fuck you. 591 00:29:56,059 --> 00:29:59,029 - So, this is the, uh... 592 00:29:59,053 --> 00:30:00,053 The lab! Um... 593 00:30:06,763 --> 00:30:09,616 Which we have all to ourselves. 594 00:30:10,723 --> 00:30:11,659 Apparently. 595 00:30:11,683 --> 00:30:12,683 - Why wouldn't we? 596 00:30:13,903 --> 00:30:18,105 Oh, right! Your time-looped friends. 597 00:30:18,129 --> 00:30:19,309 Okay, okay. 598 00:30:19,333 --> 00:30:21,109 Uh, uh, uh, that's the wall. 599 00:30:21,133 --> 00:30:23,359 That's the, uh, the closet over there. 600 00:30:23,383 --> 00:30:25,669 That's a human hamster wheel. 601 00:30:25,693 --> 00:30:27,559 That's the time machine. Coffeemaker's broken. 602 00:30:27,583 --> 00:30:29,449 And that's basically it, so we should probably, 603 00:30:29,473 --> 00:30:30,829 probably go, right? 604 00:30:30,853 --> 00:30:33,670 - I'm sorry. "Human hamster wheel"? 605 00:30:35,833 --> 00:30:37,369 - That's, that's the piece you were impressed by? 606 00:30:37,393 --> 00:30:39,619 Oh, okay. Um, yeah, I mean, uh... 607 00:30:39,643 --> 00:30:43,606 I was trying a thing, but it didn't really work. 608 00:30:45,013 --> 00:30:46,219 Just too many feces. 609 00:30:46,243 --> 00:30:48,919 Wow. Wow. 610 00:30:48,943 --> 00:30:53,209 I never thought I would be into a, um, LARPer. 611 00:30:53,233 --> 00:30:56,627 But your commitment is like... 612 00:30:59,510 --> 00:31:01,189 - Uh, sorry. What? 613 00:31:01,213 --> 00:31:05,119 - This! The, the toy guns, that prop! 614 00:31:05,143 --> 00:31:06,439 - My time machine is not a prop. 615 00:31:06,463 --> 00:31:07,609 - That. That right there. 616 00:31:07,633 --> 00:31:10,439 The commitment to the fantasy, I am... 617 00:31:10,463 --> 00:31:11,689 Ooh, I am into it. 618 00:31:11,713 --> 00:31:14,298 If I could afford to support a LARP like this, 619 00:31:14,322 --> 00:31:15,529 I don't even know what I would do with it. 620 00:31:15,553 --> 00:31:17,087 I, uh... 621 00:31:17,111 --> 00:31:18,053 Ah. 622 00:31:18,077 --> 00:31:19,729 Paid LARP vacations. 623 00:31:19,753 --> 00:31:21,586 No, somebody must be doing that. 624 00:31:22,483 --> 00:31:23,989 If you could classify it as porn, 625 00:31:24,013 --> 00:31:26,157 you could have the staff screw the customers. 626 00:31:26,181 --> 00:31:27,709 - Eww! - Oh, don't be a prude. 627 00:31:27,733 --> 00:31:30,276 - No, no, no, no, no, no. Eww to, to LARPing! 628 00:31:30,300 --> 00:31:32,149 I mean, this? This is real! 629 00:31:32,173 --> 00:31:34,669 This is my, my life's work! 630 00:31:34,693 --> 00:31:37,009 - Okay, drop it already! 631 00:31:37,033 --> 00:31:38,059 Talk like a normal person, 632 00:31:38,083 --> 00:31:39,649 and not someone trying to sound smart! 633 00:31:39,673 --> 00:31:41,269 It's just not healthy! 634 00:31:41,293 --> 00:31:42,679 I bet ya five bucks you just spend 635 00:31:42,703 --> 00:31:44,403 too much time talking to yourself. 636 00:31:50,243 --> 00:31:51,479 Oh, my God. 637 00:31:51,503 --> 00:31:52,698 - Uh, Delilah, this- 638 00:31:52,722 --> 00:31:53,858 - Okay! 639 00:31:53,882 --> 00:31:55,287 Get away from me! 640 00:31:56,359 --> 00:31:57,942 - No, not that way! 641 00:32:04,642 --> 00:32:06,249 Probably fine, right? 642 00:32:06,273 --> 00:32:08,880 - If I could afford to support a LARP like this, 643 00:32:08,904 --> 00:32:10,159 I don't even know what I would do with it. 644 00:32:10,183 --> 00:32:11,730 I, uh... 645 00:32:11,754 --> 00:32:13,387 Ah. 646 00:32:13,411 --> 00:32:14,300 Paid LARP vacations. 647 00:32:14,324 --> 00:32:16,156 No, somebody must be doing that. 648 00:32:17,083 --> 00:32:19,317 If you could classify it as porn, you... 649 00:32:28,637 --> 00:32:31,256 No! Oh! 650 00:32:31,280 --> 00:32:32,644 - Oh, my god. 651 00:32:32,668 --> 00:32:33,812 - Oh, my god! 652 00:32:33,836 --> 00:32:34,790 What the hell was that? 653 00:32:34,814 --> 00:32:36,334 Damn it, did you drop something again? 654 00:32:38,301 --> 00:32:40,939 Whoa, whoa, whoa! 655 00:32:40,963 --> 00:32:43,912 Why would you do that? 656 00:32:43,936 --> 00:32:45,059 - Holy shit! 657 00:32:45,083 --> 00:32:46,609 - Just, just, just give me the gun. 658 00:32:46,633 --> 00:32:47,633 Give him the gun! 659 00:32:48,693 --> 00:32:49,759 - Stay back! All of you, stay back! 660 00:32:49,783 --> 00:32:52,097 - Just calm down. - Be cool, man! 661 00:32:52,121 --> 00:32:53,548 - Shut up, you freak! 662 00:32:53,572 --> 00:32:55,977 - Let's not be hypocritical here. 663 00:33:03,626 --> 00:33:04,580 - So? 664 00:33:04,604 --> 00:33:05,836 How did the date go? 665 00:33:08,023 --> 00:33:09,023 What? 666 00:33:10,993 --> 00:33:12,276 - Delilah? Delilah, look- - Don't you dare follow me! 667 00:33:12,300 --> 00:33:14,509 Don't, don't worry, we won't. Come on. 668 00:33:14,533 --> 00:33:16,369 Like, a bunch of guys chasing a lone woman 669 00:33:16,393 --> 00:33:18,469 around their private compound at night? 670 00:33:18,493 --> 00:33:21,753 It's not exactly a great, a great look. Um... 671 00:33:22,603 --> 00:33:23,599 probably shouldn't have said that. 672 00:33:23,623 --> 00:33:24,623 - No shit! 673 00:33:25,483 --> 00:33:27,829 Listen, I don't have a box to put this in 674 00:33:27,853 --> 00:33:29,809 that will fit in my brain without, 675 00:33:29,833 --> 00:33:31,639 bet ya five bucks, exploding my head. 676 00:33:31,663 --> 00:33:34,588 So, let's just forget this ever happened. 677 00:33:35,653 --> 00:33:38,587 - Trust me, it, it happened. 678 00:33:38,611 --> 00:33:39,949 - But reality is subjective, so no. 679 00:33:39,973 --> 00:33:41,599 - Subjective? Tell her that! 680 00:33:41,623 --> 00:33:42,623 - Nope! 681 00:33:43,599 --> 00:33:44,715 Oh, fuck! 682 00:33:44,739 --> 00:33:47,489 Motherfuckin' shit dick slug nug! 683 00:33:56,278 --> 00:33:57,379 Whoa! 684 00:33:57,403 --> 00:33:58,850 - Thanks for the jugs! 685 00:34:02,956 --> 00:34:03,934 Evening. 686 00:34:03,958 --> 00:34:05,494 - Travers? 687 00:34:05,518 --> 00:34:08,006 All right. 688 00:34:08,030 --> 00:34:09,623 Let's get going. 689 00:34:09,647 --> 00:34:11,762 Oh, Jesus Christ. 690 00:34:14,483 --> 00:34:15,293 Yes. 691 00:34:15,317 --> 00:34:18,229 - You're Tim Travers. 692 00:34:18,253 --> 00:34:19,680 - We've established that. 693 00:34:20,863 --> 00:34:23,299 - You're not gonna believe this, but earlier tonight, 694 00:34:23,323 --> 00:34:25,189 I met a guy who looked exactly... 695 00:34:25,213 --> 00:34:29,479 I mean, exactly like you. 696 00:34:29,503 --> 00:34:33,066 - Just have one of those faces, I guess. 697 00:34:33,090 --> 00:34:34,953 - You do! - Yeah. 698 00:34:34,977 --> 00:34:36,469 Okay, I'm gonna get going, so, uh, 699 00:34:36,493 --> 00:34:38,539 you have a lovely little evening or whatever. 700 00:34:38,563 --> 00:34:41,694 Jesus Christ! 701 00:34:45,373 --> 00:34:46,373 - Ah, shit! 702 00:34:47,836 --> 00:34:50,890 Uh, "The Kingmaker is a teacher." 703 00:34:53,383 --> 00:34:55,099 Fuck, I did it again. 704 00:34:55,123 --> 00:34:57,169 Stupid fuckin' note. 705 00:34:57,193 --> 00:34:59,122 I mean, I didn't even know that the gun was loaded. 706 00:34:59,146 --> 00:35:02,929 - So, does anyone else think it's a little weird 707 00:35:02,953 --> 00:35:05,329 that she shot her other self? 708 00:35:05,353 --> 00:35:08,329 I mean, I get that we did that as part of the experiment. 709 00:35:08,353 --> 00:35:09,452 She didn't know that. 710 00:35:09,476 --> 00:35:10,639 I mean, maybe that was just some other woman 711 00:35:10,663 --> 00:35:12,589 that looked a lot like her. 712 00:35:12,613 --> 00:35:15,946 Just a little weird that, uh, murder was her go-to response. 713 00:35:17,014 --> 00:35:18,019 I liked her. 714 00:35:18,043 --> 00:35:19,789 - You saw no red flags there? 715 00:35:19,813 --> 00:35:22,758 - She did mention something about "crushing peasants"? 716 00:35:22,782 --> 00:35:23,592 - Oh! 717 00:35:23,616 --> 00:35:25,549 I see what's going on here. 718 00:35:25,573 --> 00:35:27,589 You thought that she would fix you! 719 00:35:27,613 --> 00:35:29,089 - Fuck you! - Oh, fuck you. 720 00:35:29,113 --> 00:35:29,923 - Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. 721 00:35:29,947 --> 00:35:31,549 Guys, just, let's just chill, okay? 722 00:35:31,573 --> 00:35:32,756 - Fuck you, too. - Fuck off! 723 00:35:32,780 --> 00:35:34,579 - Fuck you! - Fuck both of you. 724 00:35:34,603 --> 00:35:36,199 - Fuck all of you! 725 00:35:36,223 --> 00:35:37,631 - Fuck that, too! - All right. 726 00:35:37,655 --> 00:35:38,600 - I'm just gonna gonna say it. - Fuck you, motherfucker! 727 00:35:38,624 --> 00:35:40,369 - You all thinking what I'm thinking? 728 00:35:40,393 --> 00:35:42,469 - That's exactly what I'm thinking. 729 00:35:42,493 --> 00:35:43,591 - Tim Travers? 730 00:35:44,645 --> 00:35:46,268 Go fuck yourself. 731 00:35:46,292 --> 00:35:47,398 - Fuck yeah. 732 00:35:47,422 --> 00:35:49,939 Oh, yeah! 733 00:35:49,963 --> 00:35:52,186 - What's that for? - Mood music. 734 00:35:56,293 --> 00:35:57,409 Okay. 735 00:35:57,433 --> 00:35:58,849 Okay, uh... 736 00:35:58,873 --> 00:36:00,199 Hold on. You know what? 737 00:36:00,223 --> 00:36:01,223 Let's turn it up. 738 00:36:02,623 --> 00:36:04,744 Yeah, it's pick-up from here on, buddy. 739 00:36:04,768 --> 00:36:06,215 - Hey. Hey, how are you? 740 00:36:06,239 --> 00:36:07,855 Um, the uh, orgy's happening. 741 00:36:07,879 --> 00:36:10,203 - Oh, ho, ho, ho! Well, it's about time! 742 00:36:10,227 --> 00:36:11,424 Woo! 743 00:36:11,448 --> 00:36:12,448 - Yes. 744 00:36:14,368 --> 00:36:15,932 That'll work. 745 00:36:17,515 --> 00:36:18,515 I... 746 00:36:19,987 --> 00:36:21,813 I figured it out. 747 00:36:21,837 --> 00:36:23,691 I did it! 748 00:36:23,715 --> 00:36:25,059 You guys, we... 749 00:36:30,725 --> 00:36:32,308 Where is everybody? 750 00:36:47,564 --> 00:36:50,366 - Hold that other leg. - Oh, yeah! 751 00:36:55,366 --> 00:36:57,233 Stop licking me. 752 00:36:57,257 --> 00:36:58,489 - Who are you? 753 00:36:58,513 --> 00:37:00,259 - They asked me to hold the coffee. 754 00:37:00,283 --> 00:37:03,065 Say my name. Say my name, Tim! 755 00:37:03,089 --> 00:37:05,398 Say my name, Tim! 756 00:37:05,422 --> 00:37:07,978 Tim, Tim, Tim. 757 00:37:08,002 --> 00:37:09,324 Say my name. 758 00:37:09,348 --> 00:37:11,576 Say my name, Tim! 759 00:37:11,600 --> 00:37:12,724 Tim! 760 00:37:44,369 --> 00:37:46,662 Delta, no names. 761 00:37:51,917 --> 00:37:53,788 Oh, God. I feel so close to you right now. 762 00:38:05,608 --> 00:38:07,384 No, lick there, lick there. 763 00:38:07,408 --> 00:38:09,199 - Okay, but what about the soul? 764 00:38:09,223 --> 00:38:10,999 How does time travel account 765 00:38:11,023 --> 00:38:13,609 for two spirits occupying the same space? 766 00:38:13,633 --> 00:38:15,769 - The same way that it accounts for unicorns and dragons 767 00:38:15,793 --> 00:38:17,799 or other shit that isn't real! 768 00:38:17,823 --> 00:38:19,609 We are just meat! 769 00:38:19,633 --> 00:38:21,859 The meaning of life is to eat, shit, 770 00:38:21,883 --> 00:38:24,783 fuck to create more meat, and repeat, until we die, alone! 771 00:38:27,583 --> 00:38:30,736 In the end... 772 00:38:31,813 --> 00:38:32,813 All of us are alone. 773 00:38:41,383 --> 00:38:42,889 - We'll be right back with more Tim Travers 774 00:38:42,913 --> 00:38:44,806 and his super happy outlook on life. 775 00:38:46,543 --> 00:38:49,189 - I'm so confused. 776 00:38:49,213 --> 00:38:51,349 How does someone affiliate the time dilation 777 00:38:51,373 --> 00:38:54,254 of an accelerated particle to a door frame? 778 00:38:54,278 --> 00:38:56,989 - Okay, you're not listening. - I need you to hear me, okay? 779 00:38:57,013 --> 00:38:59,719 This guy is crazy. I think, I think he might be a terrorist. 780 00:38:59,743 --> 00:39:01,639 - Oh, honey. 781 00:39:01,663 --> 00:39:05,239 Weirdo or no, labeling somebody with that term? 782 00:39:05,263 --> 00:39:06,811 - He's white. 783 00:39:06,835 --> 00:39:10,129 - Uh, oh, shit. Yeah, definitely a terrorist then. 784 00:39:10,153 --> 00:39:12,109 What is this guy's name? 785 00:39:12,133 --> 00:39:13,609 - Tim. Tim Travers. 786 00:39:13,633 --> 00:39:14,633 - Who? 787 00:39:18,031 --> 00:39:18,841 Who? 788 00:39:18,865 --> 00:39:19,936 - Tim Travers! 789 00:39:23,151 --> 00:39:24,209 Who in the fuck... 790 00:39:24,233 --> 00:39:26,955 - Oh, my! 791 00:39:26,979 --> 00:39:28,264 - Whoa. - I hate this town. 792 00:39:28,288 --> 00:39:30,038 I hate everyone in it, so, so much! 793 00:39:32,563 --> 00:39:35,719 Bet ya five bucks I've had a weirder day than you. 794 00:39:35,743 --> 00:39:36,743 - You're on. 795 00:39:37,453 --> 00:39:39,254 You guys have no idea. 796 00:39:41,020 --> 00:39:43,499 - It's gonna hold. - It's too much power. 797 00:39:50,586 --> 00:39:52,003 It's classic Tim. 798 00:39:57,583 --> 00:39:59,179 - You sluts! 799 00:39:59,203 --> 00:40:01,609 - Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. - We do not need the judgment. 800 00:40:01,633 --> 00:40:03,289 Where, where'd you get the coffee? 801 00:40:03,313 --> 00:40:04,313 - Sorry. 802 00:40:14,833 --> 00:40:15,833 Last cup. 803 00:40:17,681 --> 00:40:19,009 Delivery guy must've stolen the rest. 804 00:40:19,033 --> 00:40:20,956 I bet you forgot to tip. 805 00:40:24,493 --> 00:40:26,509 - Fuck you, motherfucker! 806 00:40:26,533 --> 00:40:27,533 - Damn. 807 00:40:28,333 --> 00:40:30,633 So? 808 00:40:31,873 --> 00:40:32,973 How was, uh... 809 00:40:34,273 --> 00:40:35,210 It? 810 00:40:35,234 --> 00:40:36,679 - Amazing. - Incredible. 811 00:40:36,703 --> 00:40:38,359 - Best sex ever. - Obviously great! 812 00:40:38,383 --> 00:40:39,679 Uh... 813 00:40:39,703 --> 00:40:41,146 - Pretty bland, honestly. 814 00:40:43,060 --> 00:40:44,000 Oh. Oh, I'm sorry. 815 00:40:44,024 --> 00:40:45,379 I thought we were done jerking each other off. 816 00:40:45,403 --> 00:40:46,403 It was great! 817 00:40:47,463 --> 00:40:51,766 - In all fairness, a great bonding experience. 818 00:40:52,813 --> 00:40:56,899 And, uh, I learned some things about myself, and... 819 00:40:58,093 --> 00:40:59,093 - Tau! 820 00:40:59,983 --> 00:41:02,959 How about you go get us some more coffee? 821 00:41:02,983 --> 00:41:04,549 Go. 822 00:41:04,573 --> 00:41:05,573 Go now. 823 00:41:06,703 --> 00:41:07,513 Now! 824 00:41:07,537 --> 00:41:09,589 - You're just jealous that no one invited you to the orgy. 825 00:41:09,613 --> 00:41:10,726 Ooh! 826 00:41:18,973 --> 00:41:20,181 - Get. 827 00:41:20,205 --> 00:41:21,205 Out. 828 00:41:27,224 --> 00:41:29,389 - "Go get the coffee, Tau. Hold my wrench, Tau. 829 00:41:29,413 --> 00:41:30,529 Lube is for sissies, Tau." 830 00:41:30,553 --> 00:41:33,403 Well, that's why no one invited you to the orgy, asshole! 831 00:41:38,950 --> 00:41:40,556 And you are? 832 00:41:40,580 --> 00:41:42,169 Whoa. 833 00:41:42,193 --> 00:41:43,003 Whoa, whoa, whoa, man. 834 00:41:43,027 --> 00:41:45,799 - I don't know how you're doing this, but it won't work. 835 00:41:45,823 --> 00:41:48,019 Decoys? Body doubles? 836 00:41:48,043 --> 00:41:49,999 Magic tricks? I don't fuckin' care. 837 00:41:50,023 --> 00:41:52,339 I will do this all goddamn night, if I have to, 838 00:41:52,363 --> 00:41:54,426 because I am a professional! 839 00:41:55,284 --> 00:41:57,589 - Okay, I think there has been a big misunderstanding! 840 00:41:57,613 --> 00:41:58,909 - Shut up! 841 00:41:58,933 --> 00:42:02,176 I have a message for you from The Kingmaker. 842 00:42:04,706 --> 00:42:06,679 - Oh, shit. That guy, um- 843 00:42:06,703 --> 00:42:08,179 - "Mr. Travers. 844 00:42:08,203 --> 00:42:12,169 Do not think of this as punishment or revenge. 845 00:42:12,193 --> 00:42:14,689 The Kingmaker is above such things. 846 00:42:14,713 --> 00:42:16,489 The Kingmaker is a teacher, 847 00:42:16,513 --> 00:42:19,819 and today, he is teaching you the consequences 848 00:42:19,843 --> 00:42:22,750 "of stealing from better men." 849 00:42:24,253 --> 00:42:25,253 There. 850 00:42:26,243 --> 00:42:27,289 I said it. 851 00:42:27,313 --> 00:42:31,167 I read the whole damn message. 852 00:42:31,191 --> 00:42:33,052 And now, I just wanna be absolutely sure 853 00:42:33,076 --> 00:42:35,179 that I'm killing the right guy this time. 854 00:42:35,203 --> 00:42:38,236 So, are you Tim Travers? 855 00:42:39,283 --> 00:42:40,342 - No? 856 00:42:40,366 --> 00:42:41,366 Liar! 857 00:43:03,404 --> 00:43:05,209 Oh. 858 00:43:05,233 --> 00:43:06,829 You're the, uh, the Tim 859 00:43:06,853 --> 00:43:09,510 that wasn't taking anyone's crap earlier, right? 860 00:43:09,534 --> 00:43:10,809 Yeah. 861 00:43:10,833 --> 00:43:13,768 I mean, come off it, right? 862 00:43:13,792 --> 00:43:14,989 Yeah, it's like we're all putting on this performance, 863 00:43:15,013 --> 00:43:15,823 and for who? 864 00:43:15,847 --> 00:43:18,919 Our egos. 865 00:43:18,943 --> 00:43:20,626 Anyway, it was, good on you. 866 00:43:21,643 --> 00:43:24,199 No, you'd have done the same. 867 00:43:24,223 --> 00:43:26,749 - I didn't, though. Which is weird, right? 868 00:43:26,773 --> 00:43:28,999 I mean, maybe the, uh, experience drift 869 00:43:29,023 --> 00:43:32,059 between individual Tims is, is growing. 870 00:43:32,083 --> 00:43:34,009 - Well, a few hours can change a person. 871 00:43:34,033 --> 00:43:35,573 - Yeah, that's what my doctor... 872 00:43:35,597 --> 00:43:38,117 Oh. 873 00:43:38,141 --> 00:43:39,970 - I'll get that. 874 00:43:41,958 --> 00:43:43,458 - Here. - Oh, thanks. 875 00:43:50,815 --> 00:43:52,676 I'm just... 876 00:43:57,031 --> 00:43:58,799 - Oh, fuck! That's hot. 877 00:43:58,823 --> 00:44:01,639 Which is why it will double the energy output, 878 00:44:01,663 --> 00:44:03,286 and also the radiation. 879 00:44:04,513 --> 00:44:06,199 - Well, what about matter? 880 00:44:06,223 --> 00:44:09,829 - Yeah, I think that matters! - No, no. What about matter? 881 00:44:09,853 --> 00:44:11,209 Every time we create a new Tim, 882 00:44:11,233 --> 00:44:14,639 where is the matter coming from, you know? 883 00:44:14,663 --> 00:44:15,473 Huh. 884 00:44:15,497 --> 00:44:18,049 We must be pulling it from somewhere else in the Universe. 885 00:44:18,073 --> 00:44:20,276 The equivalent to 20... 886 00:44:20,300 --> 00:44:21,949 No, no, 30... 30? 887 00:44:21,973 --> 00:44:23,449 Tims. 888 00:44:23,473 --> 00:44:25,069 - Ah, fuck. - That's too many Tims. 889 00:44:25,093 --> 00:44:26,159 Yeah, I'd say. 890 00:44:26,183 --> 00:44:27,769 Thank you, Jason McKee, 891 00:44:27,793 --> 00:44:31,969 for that insightful report on postpartum depression for men. 892 00:44:31,993 --> 00:44:34,699 On to national news tonight, at a Mississippi church, 893 00:44:34,723 --> 00:44:37,819 30 parishioners appear to have been raptured. 894 00:44:37,843 --> 00:44:41,779 Details are vague, but experts are dismissing this theory, 895 00:44:41,803 --> 00:44:45,109 instead arguing for wormhole displacement theory. 896 00:44:45,133 --> 00:44:47,461 In spite of the evidence... 897 00:44:47,485 --> 00:44:48,739 - Shut up. 898 00:44:48,763 --> 00:44:50,880 All right, everybody! 899 00:44:50,904 --> 00:44:52,969 Gather round! Gather round! 900 00:44:52,993 --> 00:44:56,002 All right, make a little semicircle for me. 901 00:44:57,763 --> 00:45:01,489 Close enough. I have some sad news. 902 00:45:01,513 --> 00:45:03,657 Tau Tim has been murdered. 903 00:45:03,681 --> 00:45:05,059 - Oh, no, not Tau. - Who? 904 00:45:05,083 --> 00:45:06,169 - Yeah, very sad. 905 00:45:06,193 --> 00:45:07,819 Anyway, somebody's been picking off the Tims 906 00:45:07,843 --> 00:45:10,159 on the coffee runs, so from here on out, 907 00:45:10,183 --> 00:45:12,529 I am imposing the buddy system. 908 00:45:12,553 --> 00:45:13,553 - Boo! 909 00:45:15,253 --> 00:45:17,899 - Also, this does mean there is no coffee. 910 00:45:17,923 --> 00:45:18,733 - Oh, come on! 911 00:45:18,757 --> 00:45:20,396 - You've gotta be fucking kidding me! 912 00:45:20,420 --> 00:45:22,799 I fucking hate this place! 913 00:45:22,823 --> 00:45:25,410 She was into a multiverses? 914 00:45:25,434 --> 00:45:26,244 Exactly. 915 00:45:26,268 --> 00:45:28,699 And I have this whole theory about why multiverses 916 00:45:28,723 --> 00:45:30,673 are stupid and people like them anyway. 917 00:45:31,603 --> 00:45:34,609 I tried not to say anything, ended up being a dick anyway. 918 00:45:34,633 --> 00:45:35,633 - Well... 919 00:45:36,643 --> 00:45:37,460 What's your theory? 920 00:45:37,484 --> 00:45:39,229 - I mean, obviously you know it already. 921 00:45:39,253 --> 00:45:42,063 Yeah, but... 922 00:45:42,087 --> 00:45:43,549 It'd be nice to hear somebody else say it. 923 00:45:43,573 --> 00:45:46,636 I'm just so tired of hearing my own voice, you know? 924 00:45:47,743 --> 00:45:50,086 That resonates. 925 00:45:51,853 --> 00:45:54,019 The Multiverse isn't different versions of our lives. 926 00:45:54,043 --> 00:45:55,939 It's actually different sets of laws. 927 00:45:55,963 --> 00:45:58,459 I mean, why should one plus one equal two, right? 928 00:45:58,483 --> 00:46:02,089 I mean, why was there slightly more matter than anti-matter? 929 00:46:02,113 --> 00:46:03,916 It's the same as the entirety of history. It's just the- 930 00:46:03,940 --> 00:46:06,346 - The newest way to put ourselves at the center. 931 00:46:07,423 --> 00:46:09,606 To convince ourselves that we matter. 932 00:46:09,630 --> 00:46:12,319 - Why is not mattering so bad? 933 00:46:12,343 --> 00:46:16,009 I mean, why is it so terrifying to... 934 00:46:16,033 --> 00:46:17,419 Not be the most important person? 935 00:46:17,443 --> 00:46:18,443 - It's freeing. 936 00:46:19,303 --> 00:46:22,129 My mistakes are mine and mine alone. 937 00:46:22,153 --> 00:46:23,253 - As are my victories. 938 00:46:26,803 --> 00:46:27,803 - In life. 939 00:46:28,903 --> 00:46:29,903 - In science. 940 00:46:32,166 --> 00:46:33,166 - In love? 941 00:46:43,093 --> 00:46:46,176 I got it. 942 00:46:47,485 --> 00:46:48,294 - What is it? 943 00:46:48,318 --> 00:46:49,128 - Something about missing coffee. 944 00:46:49,152 --> 00:46:50,929 I'm honestly still trying to figure out why our phones 945 00:46:50,953 --> 00:46:51,830 are working like this. 946 00:46:51,854 --> 00:46:54,466 - Someone at Verizon is having a meltdown right now. 947 00:47:13,723 --> 00:47:16,609 Oh, shit! 948 00:47:16,633 --> 00:47:17,443 Yeah, Boss? 949 00:47:17,467 --> 00:47:20,989 You know I do not like to be kept waiting. 950 00:47:21,013 --> 00:47:22,782 Yeah, I know, I know, but it's fine. 951 00:47:22,806 --> 00:47:24,950 Helter? 952 00:47:24,974 --> 00:47:26,139 Helter! 953 00:47:26,163 --> 00:47:28,879 Is the bastard dead already? 954 00:47:28,903 --> 00:47:32,017 This guy goes off-grid for a year, 955 00:47:32,041 --> 00:47:34,435 and then the idiot shows up on a podcast. 956 00:47:34,459 --> 00:47:36,315 - I swear, I, I... 957 00:47:36,339 --> 00:47:37,223 I don't understand. 958 00:47:37,247 --> 00:47:39,346 Do I need to bring in Royce? 959 00:47:43,041 --> 00:47:44,574 - Royce? 960 00:47:44,598 --> 00:47:46,265 Royce. 961 00:47:47,353 --> 00:47:48,439 - Royce is here? 962 00:47:48,463 --> 00:47:50,086 Near enough. 963 00:47:50,110 --> 00:47:53,269 So, do your job, and if I don't hear from you in one hour, 964 00:47:53,293 --> 00:47:56,171 I am bringing in Royce. 965 00:47:58,363 --> 00:48:00,390 Fuck! Fuckin' cunt fuck! 966 00:48:00,414 --> 00:48:02,877 Fucking brother! 967 00:48:02,901 --> 00:48:03,901 Fuck! 968 00:48:05,331 --> 00:48:06,649 - I'd like to point out to the audience, 969 00:48:06,673 --> 00:48:09,376 this is the first pause Tim has taken. 970 00:48:10,303 --> 00:48:11,403 Why are you even here? 971 00:48:12,763 --> 00:48:15,069 I mean, you don't respect any of us. 972 00:48:15,093 --> 00:48:16,309 You've just been ranting at my audience 973 00:48:16,333 --> 00:48:18,376 and me for two hours, torturing us. 974 00:48:19,843 --> 00:48:21,701 Did I do something to you? 975 00:48:21,725 --> 00:48:24,330 Did I beat you up on a playground somewhere when I was- 976 00:48:24,354 --> 00:48:25,164 - No, no, nothing like that. 977 00:48:25,188 --> 00:48:26,569 You just dumbed down the human race a little bit. 978 00:48:26,593 --> 00:48:28,819 - Why is it so important for you 979 00:48:28,843 --> 00:48:32,446 to be smarter than a guy you don't even respect? 980 00:48:34,093 --> 00:48:35,976 I mean, who are you trying to impress here? 981 00:48:42,973 --> 00:48:44,473 What is the point of all this? 982 00:48:45,785 --> 00:48:47,929 Well, isn't it obvious? 983 00:48:47,953 --> 00:48:49,909 If something should go wrong when I turn on the machine, 984 00:48:49,933 --> 00:48:52,939 a record would be a pretty good thing to have. 985 00:48:52,963 --> 00:48:54,889 You were the only one who took the interview. 986 00:48:54,913 --> 00:48:56,626 - With full love and respect, 987 00:48:57,793 --> 00:49:01,006 I hope you die a very painful death. 988 00:49:01,883 --> 00:49:04,159 Aww. 989 00:49:04,183 --> 00:49:05,624 No, no. I still have mine. 990 00:49:05,648 --> 00:49:07,526 - I heard this- - Somebody probably- 991 00:49:07,550 --> 00:49:08,646 - No, no. I told you! 992 00:49:10,400 --> 00:49:11,400 - Hey! 993 00:49:12,451 --> 00:49:16,309 Uh, I think that things might be about to get weird, 994 00:49:16,333 --> 00:49:17,718 or weird, weirder. 995 00:49:17,742 --> 00:49:19,816 Um... 996 00:49:19,840 --> 00:49:22,189 I don't know, I thought maybe it'd be a good idea 997 00:49:22,213 --> 00:49:25,819 to have a way to, you know, recognize each other. 998 00:49:25,843 --> 00:49:29,386 - Why would we need a way to, uh, recognize each other? 999 00:49:30,853 --> 00:49:31,853 - Um... 1000 00:49:33,223 --> 00:49:35,598 Well, because I, uh, uh... 1001 00:49:35,622 --> 00:49:38,516 It's cool, it's cool, it's cool. 1002 00:49:38,540 --> 00:49:40,383 That's, uh... 1003 00:49:42,253 --> 00:49:46,036 I care about, I care, I care about that, too. 1004 00:49:48,374 --> 00:49:50,220 - I... 1005 00:49:50,244 --> 00:49:53,566 It's the, uh, only sticker I could find. 1006 00:49:59,862 --> 00:50:00,862 - I love it. 1007 00:50:06,790 --> 00:50:08,174 Blah. 1008 00:50:19,139 --> 00:50:20,789 - Breathe, baby. 1009 00:50:20,813 --> 00:50:21,976 We're almost home. 1010 00:50:22,993 --> 00:50:23,993 Power core stable? 1011 00:50:24,875 --> 00:50:26,479 If not, we're gonna die! 1012 00:50:26,503 --> 00:50:28,113 Good enough. 1013 00:50:28,137 --> 00:50:29,959 - Is the second particle moving? 1014 00:50:29,983 --> 00:50:32,377 - Yeah, yeah. Full speed in a few seconds. 1015 00:50:34,330 --> 00:50:36,349 Hey, hey, do you smell something burning? 1016 00:50:36,373 --> 00:50:38,441 Eh, it's probably my imagination. 1017 00:50:41,593 --> 00:50:45,546 Iota, I've got this. You go see the paradox. 1018 00:50:45,570 --> 00:50:49,786 I owe you one. 1019 00:50:59,379 --> 00:51:01,672 Jesus fucking Christ! 1020 00:51:04,093 --> 00:51:05,093 What the hell? 1021 00:51:10,333 --> 00:51:12,382 Okay. Let's be cool, man. 1022 00:51:12,406 --> 00:51:14,623 - Whoa, whoa, whoa, please. - You said that already! 1023 00:51:15,564 --> 00:51:18,117 - When? - When I killed you! 1024 00:51:18,141 --> 00:51:19,172 Motherfucker. 1025 00:51:19,196 --> 00:51:21,859 And then I killed you at the coffee stand. 1026 00:51:21,883 --> 00:51:23,869 And then I was in the restaurant with that lady- 1027 00:51:23,893 --> 00:51:26,777 - Fucking Delilah. - And I killed you again. 1028 00:51:26,801 --> 00:51:28,879 - Oh, so, so you're the guy? 1029 00:51:28,903 --> 00:51:30,559 - I'm the guy. 1030 00:51:30,583 --> 00:51:31,653 And you... 1031 00:51:33,292 --> 00:51:34,375 What are you? 1032 00:51:37,691 --> 00:51:38,599 Are you 1033 00:51:38,623 --> 00:51:39,623 a god? 1034 00:51:40,933 --> 00:51:43,219 - Well, metaphorically, everyone's a God, 1035 00:51:43,243 --> 00:51:44,629 from their own perspective, so- 1036 00:51:44,653 --> 00:51:46,999 - Literally! Are you a god? 1037 00:51:47,023 --> 00:51:48,379 - No, no! No, not a god. 1038 00:51:48,403 --> 00:51:50,388 Not a god. Not yet! 1039 00:51:51,246 --> 00:51:54,379 - Behind that door lies our future! 1040 00:51:54,403 --> 00:51:56,209 - Or present, technically. 1041 00:51:56,233 --> 00:51:57,233 - What? Whatever! 1042 00:51:59,872 --> 00:52:02,343 The paradox is within our ability to understand. 1043 00:52:04,573 --> 00:52:06,019 To control. 1044 00:52:06,043 --> 00:52:08,209 Now, at long last- 1045 00:52:08,233 --> 00:52:09,499 - Oh, my God! Get on with it already! 1046 00:52:09,523 --> 00:52:12,799 I was, you dingus! 1047 00:52:12,823 --> 00:52:15,333 Now, at long last... 1048 00:52:16,273 --> 00:52:18,436 Let's go unmake history. 1049 00:52:30,829 --> 00:52:32,194 - Oh, shit. 1050 00:52:34,634 --> 00:52:36,051 Oh, shit! 1051 00:52:40,105 --> 00:52:41,449 - Fuck, fuck! 1052 00:52:41,473 --> 00:52:43,108 Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck! 1053 00:52:54,009 --> 00:52:55,991 Oh, shit! It's gonna go insane! 1054 00:53:04,122 --> 00:53:05,122 - Oh, my... 1055 00:53:11,342 --> 00:53:12,838 - Oh, wow! 1056 00:53:16,347 --> 00:53:18,764 - Don't worry! I'll help you! 1057 00:53:31,099 --> 00:53:32,710 Come on! 1058 00:53:37,574 --> 00:53:38,814 - Wait! Wait, wait, wait, wait! 1059 00:54:22,633 --> 00:54:24,494 I'm still on fire! 1060 00:54:24,518 --> 00:54:29,518 Put me out, put me out, put me out! 1061 00:54:50,626 --> 00:54:51,709 - I, I, uh... 1062 00:54:55,938 --> 00:54:56,938 Help? 1063 00:55:05,604 --> 00:55:06,604 That did 1064 00:55:08,233 --> 00:55:09,233 not go 1065 00:55:10,654 --> 00:55:11,464 great. 1066 00:55:11,488 --> 00:55:13,790 - Just take it, take it easy, okay? 1067 00:55:13,814 --> 00:55:15,366 That's, um... 1068 00:55:15,390 --> 00:55:20,315 That's gonna be bitch a to patch up. 1069 00:55:20,339 --> 00:55:21,349 But you're gonna be all right. You're gonna be all right. 1070 00:55:21,373 --> 00:55:22,373 I just need... 1071 00:55:23,083 --> 00:55:24,286 We just need to think. 1072 00:55:27,477 --> 00:55:32,477 I just, I just need to think. Um... 1073 00:55:35,517 --> 00:55:38,626 I, I, I don't, I don't know... 1074 00:55:38,650 --> 00:55:39,650 I'm sorry. 1075 00:55:45,216 --> 00:55:46,216 - It's okay. 1076 00:55:47,086 --> 00:55:48,086 It's okay. 1077 00:55:52,123 --> 00:55:53,873 Just hang out with me for a minute. 1078 00:55:56,263 --> 00:55:57,263 Please. 1079 00:55:58,462 --> 00:56:00,219 Okay. 1080 00:56:00,243 --> 00:56:01,243 Okay. 1081 00:56:02,934 --> 00:56:04,374 Just one minute. That's all you get. 1082 00:56:08,572 --> 00:56:11,239 - I wish there was a Multiverse. 1083 00:56:14,075 --> 00:56:15,992 So that I could be the, 1084 00:56:17,877 --> 00:56:21,460 the version of me that was brave enough to, 1085 00:56:22,446 --> 00:56:24,029 to tell you that... 1086 00:56:40,057 --> 00:56:43,041 I'm still on fire! 1087 00:56:51,246 --> 00:56:54,432 - Thank you. - You're welcome. 1088 00:57:04,363 --> 00:57:05,419 - Helter? - King! 1089 00:57:05,443 --> 00:57:07,309 He made a sky beam. 1090 00:57:07,333 --> 00:57:11,059 A Marvel fucking sky beam! 1091 00:57:11,083 --> 00:57:12,259 Send in Royce! 1092 00:57:12,283 --> 00:57:16,637 He's already on his way. 1093 00:57:16,661 --> 00:57:19,639 Power's down. Reactor's down. 1094 00:57:19,663 --> 00:57:23,179 Four Tims are dead. The accelerator's still working. 1095 00:57:23,203 --> 00:57:25,906 But, uh, Iota is still missing. 1096 00:57:27,013 --> 00:57:28,636 It's a three-ring shit-show. 1097 00:57:29,563 --> 00:57:30,769 Fuck me. 1098 00:57:30,793 --> 00:57:31,793 Um... 1099 00:57:32,623 --> 00:57:34,306 Why can we still see through it? 1100 00:57:39,943 --> 00:57:43,433 - 'Cause in the future, we get it working again 1101 00:57:45,493 --> 00:57:49,606 and send the energy backwards, just like the matter. 1102 00:57:54,163 --> 00:57:56,026 This has only been a minor setback. 1103 00:57:57,648 --> 00:58:00,216 - Enough! - Huh? 1104 00:58:00,240 --> 00:58:01,376 What? 1105 00:58:01,400 --> 00:58:03,352 - I said, enough! 1106 00:58:03,376 --> 00:58:05,449 I am done. I am, I am out! 1107 00:58:05,473 --> 00:58:07,546 Everything has gotten too, too confusing and too, 1108 00:58:07,570 --> 00:58:09,153 too painful, too... 1109 00:58:12,613 --> 00:58:13,613 Too sad. 1110 00:58:15,733 --> 00:58:16,670 That's it. 1111 00:58:16,694 --> 00:58:17,689 I'm, I'm, I'm out. 1112 00:58:17,713 --> 00:58:20,566 - You can't leave. You are Tim Travers! 1113 00:58:22,123 --> 00:58:24,076 - Well, at least I'm not you! 1114 00:58:25,003 --> 00:58:27,799 - We are all you! 1115 00:58:27,823 --> 00:58:29,356 Separated by a few hours. 1116 00:58:32,983 --> 00:58:35,806 - Sometimes, a few hours can change a person. 1117 00:59:07,303 --> 00:59:08,449 Delta! 1118 00:59:08,473 --> 00:59:09,623 Got your coffee, Delta. 1119 00:59:13,093 --> 00:59:14,771 Keep up with the good work, bud. 1120 00:59:15,734 --> 00:59:17,837 And it's the left clamp. 1121 00:59:21,686 --> 00:59:24,259 May I have the wrench from you? The wrench. 1122 00:59:24,283 --> 00:59:25,616 - The wrench! - Ow! 1123 00:59:27,688 --> 00:59:28,938 - And up! - Woo! 1124 01:00:01,819 --> 01:00:04,236 - I'm where you said to meet. 1125 01:00:05,099 --> 01:00:08,849 He's supposed to be the frickin' expert, man! 1126 01:00:14,400 --> 01:00:19,400 Whoa! 1127 01:00:31,813 --> 01:00:32,813 - Kingmaker? 1128 01:00:35,473 --> 01:00:36,473 Yo, King! 1129 01:00:38,581 --> 01:00:40,369 Yeah, yeah. I know, I know. 1130 01:00:40,393 --> 01:00:42,679 Disrespectful, incompetent. 1131 01:00:42,703 --> 01:00:44,029 Yada, yada, yada, I know. 1132 01:00:44,053 --> 01:00:45,937 - He's talking about Travers, right? 1133 01:00:47,199 --> 01:00:49,009 - Hey, it's no problem. 1134 01:00:49,033 --> 01:00:51,755 Yeah, I tell you what I'm gonna do. 1135 01:00:51,779 --> 01:00:55,729 I'm gonna cut his dick off, and feed it to him. 1136 01:00:55,753 --> 01:01:00,379 I'll send you pics when I'm done, all right? 1137 01:01:00,403 --> 01:01:02,629 - There's more than one of him, or he might be immortal. 1138 01:01:02,653 --> 01:01:05,491 - He might be a god, man! - Shh, shh, shh, shh, shh. 1139 01:01:05,515 --> 01:01:06,979 Hey, hey. 1140 01:01:07,003 --> 01:01:08,003 Relax. 1141 01:01:08,987 --> 01:01:10,669 A few kills under your belt, 1142 01:01:10,693 --> 01:01:14,029 and you think it's gonna be smooth sailin'. 1143 01:01:14,053 --> 01:01:15,053 Then... 1144 01:01:16,033 --> 01:01:17,146 The guilt sets in. 1145 01:01:18,163 --> 01:01:19,609 Can't shoot guilt! 1146 01:01:19,633 --> 01:01:22,216 So, you start seein' things that aren't there. 1147 01:01:24,853 --> 01:01:26,056 Burnout is real. 1148 01:01:27,013 --> 01:01:28,013 Right, fellas? 1149 01:01:29,064 --> 01:01:31,249 - I swear to you, I am not crazy. 1150 01:01:31,273 --> 01:01:34,290 - Don't worry about it, okay? We believe you. 1151 01:01:36,992 --> 01:01:37,999 In fact, you know what I'll let you do? 1152 01:01:38,023 --> 01:01:40,306 I'll even let you watch. Would you like that? 1153 01:01:42,313 --> 01:01:45,325 - I would like that very much, please. Thank you. 1154 01:01:47,263 --> 01:01:48,963 - Let's try this again. 1155 01:02:00,139 --> 01:02:05,139 Very impressive! 1156 01:02:15,043 --> 01:02:16,699 - Need more power! 1157 01:02:16,723 --> 01:02:18,526 Ready transition to the grid! 1158 01:02:18,550 --> 01:02:20,629 - Oh, fuck you, man! 1159 01:02:20,653 --> 01:02:22,721 - Faster! 1160 01:02:35,310 --> 01:02:37,325 Idiots. 1161 01:02:37,349 --> 01:02:40,069 - For the last time, Carol. - I'm not going to harm myself! 1162 01:02:40,093 --> 01:02:42,106 It was a different Delilah! 1163 01:02:43,527 --> 01:02:45,106 Who I killed. 1164 01:02:50,683 --> 01:02:52,372 Fuck Tim Travers. 1165 01:02:53,953 --> 01:02:55,426 No, I don't mean sexually! 1166 01:03:01,303 --> 01:03:03,859 - As I said. 1167 01:03:03,883 --> 01:03:07,066 Behind that door lies our future! 1168 01:03:08,443 --> 01:03:10,526 It's like Mom always used to say. 1169 01:03:10,550 --> 01:03:12,139 "You're not a great person, Tim. 1170 01:03:12,163 --> 01:03:13,489 Hell, you're not even a very good person. 1171 01:03:13,513 --> 01:03:17,779 But what you are is a great scientist!" 1172 01:03:17,803 --> 01:03:19,939 No matter how strange or bizarre, 1173 01:03:19,963 --> 01:03:22,909 we, we follow the evidence. 1174 01:03:22,933 --> 01:03:26,029 Mortal laws no longer apply to us, and in a few seconds, 1175 01:03:26,053 --> 01:03:28,486 even the laws of nature won't apply anymore! 1176 01:03:29,533 --> 01:03:32,209 And I know that you know I know that 1177 01:03:32,233 --> 01:03:34,816 because you know I know that you know! 1178 01:03:38,773 --> 01:03:39,773 Come along. 1179 01:03:40,873 --> 01:03:42,316 Let's go unmake history. 1180 01:03:50,162 --> 01:03:52,338 Holy shit! Oh, oh! 1181 01:03:52,362 --> 01:03:53,958 Fuck! 1182 01:03:53,982 --> 01:03:54,982 No, hey! 1183 01:03:59,367 --> 01:04:01,189 Holy fuck. We blew up the universe. 1184 01:04:01,213 --> 01:04:02,762 - We can't have destroyed it! - Then where is it? 1185 01:04:02,786 --> 01:04:04,781 - Gone! - That is impossible. 1186 01:04:04,805 --> 01:04:05,644 Help me! 1187 01:04:05,668 --> 01:04:07,063 - What the fuck about this day has led you to believe 1188 01:04:07,087 --> 01:04:08,550 that anything could be impossible? 1189 01:04:08,574 --> 01:04:09,384 If the universe were gone, 1190 01:04:09,408 --> 01:04:10,489 then its laws should be gone, too. 1191 01:04:10,513 --> 01:04:11,839 - Why are you talking about this right now? 1192 01:04:11,863 --> 01:04:12,979 - Gravity is still in play. 1193 01:04:13,003 --> 01:04:15,139 Where is that coming from, if there's no more universe? 1194 01:04:15,163 --> 01:04:16,789 - Hey, he's right! 1195 01:04:16,813 --> 01:04:18,679 - What ar you? Okay, he's right! 1196 01:04:18,703 --> 01:04:19,580 Pull me up! What the fuck? 1197 01:04:19,604 --> 01:04:21,619 - Who cares where it's coming from if there's no more Earth? 1198 01:04:21,643 --> 01:04:23,082 - I do! 1199 01:04:23,106 --> 01:04:26,469 You bastard! 1200 01:04:26,493 --> 01:04:28,249 - You just killed Zeta Tim. 1201 01:04:28,273 --> 01:04:32,089 - Well, yeah, but I mean, he was creeping everybody out. 1202 01:04:32,113 --> 01:04:33,113 Right? 1203 01:04:38,743 --> 01:04:40,663 Bad, bad. Bad, bad, bad, bad, bad, bad, bad, bad. 1204 01:04:42,970 --> 01:04:44,479 - That's, that's it? That's the paradox? 1205 01:04:44,503 --> 01:04:47,299 Just an unending black room? 1206 01:04:47,323 --> 01:04:48,323 - Maybe. 1207 01:04:57,763 --> 01:04:58,763 But I think not. 1208 01:04:59,710 --> 01:05:01,519 Now, stay with me on this. 1209 01:05:01,543 --> 01:05:03,769 Imagine the, uh, two conflicting timelines 1210 01:05:03,793 --> 01:05:05,749 are more like differently charged particles. 1211 01:05:05,773 --> 01:05:06,583 - But why would they do that? 1212 01:05:06,607 --> 01:05:08,149 - I said, "Stay with me." 1213 01:05:08,173 --> 01:05:09,739 Now, the paradox brings the two 1214 01:05:09,763 --> 01:05:11,389 differently charged timelines together, 1215 01:05:11,413 --> 01:05:13,429 destroying both and removing the conflicting information. 1216 01:05:13,453 --> 01:05:14,929 - The only place that information 1217 01:05:14,953 --> 01:05:16,279 can be destroyed is a singularity. 1218 01:05:16,303 --> 01:05:17,689 - Exactly! 1219 01:05:17,713 --> 01:05:20,539 Black holes reduce information to max entropy, 1220 01:05:20,563 --> 01:05:23,929 which means that the natural response in nature 1221 01:05:23,953 --> 01:05:26,899 to a paradox is a black hole. 1222 01:05:26,923 --> 01:05:28,909 - So, we didn't destroy the universe! 1223 01:05:28,933 --> 01:05:31,433 We just created a black hole in that timeline that 1224 01:05:33,133 --> 01:05:36,769 destroyed the Earth and, and killed everyone that we know. 1225 01:05:36,793 --> 01:05:37,793 - Oh, boy. 1226 01:05:38,593 --> 01:05:39,403 - Hold on, hold on. 1227 01:05:39,427 --> 01:05:40,639 If we created a black hole in that timeline, 1228 01:05:40,663 --> 01:05:42,289 then how come Zeta Tim, when we dropped him in, 1229 01:05:42,313 --> 01:05:43,123 could still breathe? 1230 01:05:43,147 --> 01:05:45,229 - Fuck off! I don't know everything, Sigma! 1231 01:05:45,253 --> 01:05:47,659 I mean, this week, I entangled and stored particles 1232 01:05:47,683 --> 01:05:49,189 matched them to the physical space of a door, 1233 01:05:49,213 --> 01:05:50,929 invented fucking time travel, 1234 01:05:50,953 --> 01:05:53,162 and may have just found a new way to create black holes! 1235 01:05:53,186 --> 01:05:55,837 So, cut me some fucking slack! 1236 01:05:55,861 --> 01:05:59,029 I mean, maybe, if you were able to cheat your way 1237 01:05:59,053 --> 01:06:01,849 past the spaghettification of an, of an event horizon, 1238 01:06:01,873 --> 01:06:03,979 then you would be moving faster than the speed of light 1239 01:06:04,003 --> 01:06:06,529 and frozen in time, relative to the universe. 1240 01:06:06,553 --> 01:06:09,529 But you would continue to perceive the passage of time 1241 01:06:09,553 --> 01:06:13,759 as an illusion and just stay in that state forever, maybe! 1242 01:06:13,783 --> 01:06:18,586 - So, Zeta Tim will be falling through the void, 1243 01:06:20,233 --> 01:06:25,233 without aging or dying, literally forever? 1244 01:06:25,603 --> 01:06:27,169 - Well, shit. Now I feel bad. 1245 01:06:27,193 --> 01:06:28,339 - An important safety tip. 1246 01:06:28,363 --> 01:06:31,516 Nobody ever go the, the other way through. 1247 01:06:38,023 --> 01:06:42,109 Makes sense to me! 1248 01:06:42,133 --> 01:06:43,133 See, kid? 1249 01:06:44,533 --> 01:06:45,533 Not magic. 1250 01:06:46,603 --> 01:06:47,779 Just power. 1251 01:06:47,803 --> 01:06:49,913 - Sorry, but who the hell are... 1252 01:06:51,168 --> 01:06:52,099 - Oh! 1253 01:06:52,123 --> 01:06:53,060 - Yeah! 1254 01:06:53,084 --> 01:06:56,719 Nice work. 1255 01:06:56,743 --> 01:07:01,279 Arthritis sets in, you gotta start delegating, 1256 01:07:01,303 --> 01:07:02,569 you know, as you get older. 1257 01:07:02,593 --> 01:07:04,149 - If I may, uh... 1258 01:07:04,173 --> 01:07:06,289 Is this all about the stolen plutonium? 1259 01:07:06,313 --> 01:07:09,619 - Yeah. It's about the plutonium. 1260 01:07:09,643 --> 01:07:12,919 How the hell do you forget about plutonium? 1261 01:07:12,943 --> 01:07:14,356 - Oh, that I stole. 1262 01:07:15,253 --> 01:07:18,046 - It's been a weird day. - Weird, confusing. 1263 01:07:19,112 --> 01:07:20,506 Really, really stupid. 1264 01:07:21,343 --> 01:07:25,725 Although, it's about to get stupider! 1265 01:07:29,893 --> 01:07:32,105 Arrogant mortals! 1266 01:07:32,129 --> 01:07:33,785 You're tampering with the very programming 1267 01:07:33,809 --> 01:07:34,673 of reality itself! 1268 01:07:34,697 --> 01:07:36,724 - Holo-Universe. Fuckin' called it. 1269 01:07:36,748 --> 01:07:38,839 - Shut the fuck up! - Who the fuck are you? 1270 01:07:38,863 --> 01:07:39,673 - Good question. 1271 01:07:39,697 --> 01:07:41,783 Who the fuck do you think I am? 1272 01:07:41,807 --> 01:07:43,823 I'm God, you miserable little shits! 1273 01:07:43,847 --> 01:07:44,657 - Now, that's it. I'm done. 1274 01:07:44,681 --> 01:07:48,349 If God actually exists, then I'm out. 1275 01:07:48,373 --> 01:07:49,743 Later, everybody. 1276 01:07:53,500 --> 01:07:56,659 - Hey! Did you just let that guy leave? 1277 01:07:56,683 --> 01:07:58,699 - I don't understand what's happening right now! 1278 01:07:58,723 --> 01:07:59,929 - Me neither. Uh... 1279 01:07:59,953 --> 01:08:03,799 When you say God, do you mean like, like a god or God, God? 1280 01:08:03,823 --> 01:08:05,539 You know? I just, I have some follow-up questions. 1281 01:08:05,563 --> 01:08:07,429 To the statement, "I am God." 1282 01:08:07,453 --> 01:08:12,023 And I think you're full of shit! 1283 01:08:22,543 --> 01:08:24,423 - Just to be clear... 1284 01:08:25,453 --> 01:08:28,054 He did not speak for the group. 1285 01:08:29,747 --> 01:08:30,747 - You idiot! 1286 01:08:42,795 --> 01:08:45,878 Hey! I dunno what's gonna happen now! 1287 01:08:47,165 --> 01:08:48,680 - What are you? 1288 01:08:48,704 --> 01:08:50,528 - Thought I told you. 1289 01:08:50,552 --> 01:08:55,148 I'm the Alpha and Omega that's about to own your bitch ass. 1290 01:09:03,477 --> 01:09:05,644 - Oh, you son of a fuck... 1291 01:09:06,498 --> 01:09:07,632 - Yeah! - Woo! 1292 01:09:07,656 --> 01:09:09,144 Shut up! 1293 01:09:09,168 --> 01:09:10,992 Forgot how annoying I am. 1294 01:09:11,016 --> 01:09:12,016 - Sorry. Um... 1295 01:09:17,733 --> 01:09:19,983 - Do you know what it's like to fall forever? 1296 01:09:21,416 --> 01:09:23,699 Unable to starve, unable to die. 1297 01:09:23,723 --> 01:09:25,069 You go mad! 1298 01:09:25,093 --> 01:09:28,009 You begin to create new realities in your mind, 1299 01:09:28,033 --> 01:09:30,126 so as to not be so completely alone. 1300 01:09:32,212 --> 01:09:34,187 You refine and perfect each iteration, 1301 01:09:34,211 --> 01:09:36,439 until you can run a simulation so flawless 1302 01:09:36,463 --> 01:09:38,209 that from the frame of the beings within, 1303 01:09:38,233 --> 01:09:39,436 the difference between their reality 1304 01:09:39,460 --> 01:09:41,566 and a physical one is semantics. 1305 01:09:43,322 --> 01:09:44,722 And you do it over and over, 1306 01:09:45,913 --> 01:09:47,269 until a perfect recreation 1307 01:09:47,293 --> 01:09:49,493 of your original reality can be constructed. 1308 01:09:51,002 --> 01:09:52,189 That 1309 01:09:52,213 --> 01:09:55,936 is how you achieve God-hood, bitches. 1310 01:09:55,960 --> 01:09:59,419 - So, the universe is just a simulated reality in your head? 1311 01:09:59,443 --> 01:10:00,253 - Yes. 1312 01:10:00,277 --> 01:10:01,838 - Based on the reality that you originated from? 1313 01:10:01,862 --> 01:10:02,672 - Yes! 1314 01:10:02,696 --> 01:10:05,029 - A reality in which you were the Zeta Tim that we... 1315 01:10:05,053 --> 01:10:08,599 Sorry. He dropped into a black hole? 1316 01:10:08,623 --> 01:10:09,469 - Yes. 1317 01:10:09,493 --> 01:10:10,303 - Dude! 1318 01:10:10,327 --> 01:10:12,889 - I created this universe for the sole purpose 1319 01:10:12,913 --> 01:10:14,822 of arriving at this very moment. 1320 01:10:14,846 --> 01:10:17,546 - To tell us that you love and forgive us? 1321 01:10:21,435 --> 01:10:22,435 - No. 1322 01:10:30,355 --> 01:10:33,321 Fuckin' why? 1323 01:10:37,654 --> 01:10:39,110 - Come on. 1324 01:10:42,762 --> 01:10:44,629 It starts with the cause. We will stop- 1325 01:10:44,653 --> 01:10:45,703 - Weren't you just- 1326 01:10:46,614 --> 01:10:49,129 - Yeah. I just got one of those faces. 1327 01:10:49,153 --> 01:10:49,963 I know. 1328 01:10:49,987 --> 01:10:52,869 You would not believe the weird shit I have seen today. 1329 01:10:53,727 --> 01:10:55,249 Illegal Canadians coming down- 1330 01:10:55,273 --> 01:10:58,939 - You buy me this drink, and I'll blow your mind. 1331 01:10:58,963 --> 01:11:00,829 As you know, they can't buy homes- 1332 01:11:00,853 --> 01:11:03,097 - Listen, I... 1333 01:11:05,833 --> 01:11:08,989 Live the American dream, but no, they are poor. 1334 01:11:09,013 --> 01:11:12,259 And, uh, you know, my heart goes out to 'em and my heart- 1335 01:11:12,283 --> 01:11:13,583 - Oh, man, that felt good! 1336 01:11:16,288 --> 01:11:17,635 Oh, yes. 1337 01:11:17,659 --> 01:11:20,346 Yes, yes, yes. Fuck yeah, fuck yeah! 1338 01:11:20,370 --> 01:11:24,056 Fuck yeah! 1339 01:11:24,080 --> 01:11:25,592 Oh! 1340 01:11:25,616 --> 01:11:29,449 Ah. 1341 01:11:31,806 --> 01:11:34,685 Of course, now I wonder... 1342 01:11:40,424 --> 01:11:41,424 - Hm. 1343 01:11:42,795 --> 01:11:43,795 Hm. 1344 01:11:44,902 --> 01:11:47,395 Yes, apparently it is possible to kill God. 1345 01:11:47,419 --> 01:11:48,834 Hm. 1346 01:11:57,850 --> 01:11:59,586 Still feel like I'm forgetting something. 1347 01:12:03,133 --> 01:12:04,909 They're always screaming at me. 1348 01:12:04,933 --> 01:12:07,653 I can't understand 'em. He's gotta do something about it. 1349 01:12:07,677 --> 01:12:10,114 - Can, can I get another one? Um... 1350 01:12:12,077 --> 01:12:13,077 Okay, look. 1351 01:12:19,819 --> 01:12:23,569 Travers. Travers! 1352 01:12:26,002 --> 01:12:27,888 Me? 1353 01:12:27,912 --> 01:12:29,757 - How could I forget something? 1354 01:12:29,781 --> 01:12:32,448 Omnipotence knows no exceptions! 1355 01:12:34,618 --> 01:12:38,018 Unless I didn't create this universe. 1356 01:12:38,042 --> 01:12:39,042 I... 1357 01:12:40,052 --> 01:12:41,469 I just hacked it. 1358 01:12:43,230 --> 01:12:45,230 Which would mean that... 1359 01:12:48,402 --> 01:12:49,402 I'm limited. 1360 01:12:52,311 --> 01:12:54,561 Just another meek little... 1361 01:12:56,162 --> 01:12:57,162 No, no, no! 1362 01:13:01,220 --> 01:13:02,220 Well, maybe. 1363 01:13:09,071 --> 01:13:10,281 Not for long. 1364 01:13:19,854 --> 01:13:21,518 Do these look even? 1365 01:13:21,542 --> 01:13:23,155 Oh! 1366 01:13:23,179 --> 01:13:25,237 Oh, that is really getting old. 1367 01:13:29,616 --> 01:13:31,909 So, um, about what we were talking about earlier. 1368 01:13:31,933 --> 01:13:34,320 Hey, thank you. 1369 01:13:34,344 --> 01:13:35,719 Okay, um... 1370 01:13:35,743 --> 01:13:37,549 So, so you and that Helter guy 1371 01:13:37,573 --> 01:13:39,409 were coming here to kill me because- 1372 01:13:39,433 --> 01:13:40,429 - Stolen reactor. 1373 01:13:40,453 --> 01:13:42,941 Stolen reactor, right. 1374 01:13:42,965 --> 01:13:44,329 I knew that radio show was a mistake. 1375 01:13:44,353 --> 01:13:47,059 But, but just so I'm clear, 1376 01:13:47,083 --> 01:13:49,039 you're not gonna kill me now? 1377 01:13:49,063 --> 01:13:50,329 - No. 1378 01:13:50,353 --> 01:13:53,179 You wanna know the secret to a long life? 1379 01:13:53,203 --> 01:13:55,339 Know your limitations. 1380 01:13:55,363 --> 01:13:59,506 The other you killed my men with his mind! 1381 01:14:00,343 --> 01:14:01,609 Look. I'm outta here. 1382 01:14:01,633 --> 01:14:04,489 I'm gonna go home, call my grandkids, 1383 01:14:04,513 --> 01:14:06,016 and tell 'em I love 'em. 1384 01:14:07,873 --> 01:14:09,742 - Wow! You... 1385 01:14:09,766 --> 01:14:11,056 You, you're married? 1386 01:14:12,193 --> 01:14:14,861 With, with kids and grandkids? That's amazing. 1387 01:14:14,885 --> 01:14:16,459 - The fuck's that supposed to mean? 1388 01:14:16,483 --> 01:14:18,499 Didn't mean to offend, I... 1389 01:14:18,523 --> 01:14:21,949 It's just that you're literally a professional murderer. 1390 01:14:21,973 --> 01:14:22,999 I mean, does your wife know about that? 1391 01:14:23,023 --> 01:14:26,070 She thinks it's hot. 1392 01:14:26,094 --> 01:14:27,094 And it is. 1393 01:14:28,203 --> 01:14:29,203 - Well... 1394 01:14:30,103 --> 01:14:32,759 Good for you, and her. 1395 01:14:32,783 --> 01:14:34,669 Mm. 1396 01:14:34,693 --> 01:14:37,546 - Some people are just meant for love. 1397 01:14:39,913 --> 01:14:42,199 - Some aren't. - Ah, bullshit. 1398 01:14:42,223 --> 01:14:47,223 Abusers, rapists, drug dealers, murderers, politicians, 1399 01:14:47,413 --> 01:14:51,439 pricks on YouTubes, worst people imaginable, 1400 01:14:51,463 --> 01:14:53,719 most still find someone to love 'em 1401 01:14:53,743 --> 01:14:57,559 in spite of being worthless fuckin' garbage! 1402 01:14:57,583 --> 01:14:59,356 And that includes you. 1403 01:15:00,313 --> 01:15:02,496 Now, your problem is that you don't know 1404 01:15:02,520 --> 01:15:06,376 how to love yourself, and nobody can help you with that, 1405 01:15:08,023 --> 01:15:09,676 but you. 1406 01:15:11,837 --> 01:15:12,837 Ah! 1407 01:15:13,783 --> 01:15:15,409 - I loved myself, today. 1408 01:15:15,433 --> 01:15:18,630 - Look, I don't know what the fuck that means, 1409 01:15:19,723 --> 01:15:23,359 but I'll tell you, you wanna learn to love yourself, 1410 01:15:23,383 --> 01:15:28,383 you've gotta find the angriest, ugliest part of you 1411 01:15:28,933 --> 01:15:32,506 and show that son of a bitch they're beautiful. 1412 01:15:35,413 --> 01:15:37,789 - You must have to do that a lot. 1413 01:15:37,813 --> 01:15:38,956 - Screw you. 1414 01:15:41,241 --> 01:15:42,408 I'm beautiful. 1415 01:15:43,330 --> 01:15:46,436 You don't believe me, just ask my grandkids. 1416 01:15:52,873 --> 01:15:53,873 Where you goin'? 1417 01:15:55,513 --> 01:15:57,289 - Following your advice. 1418 01:15:57,313 --> 01:15:58,663 It's time to meet my maker. 1419 01:16:00,223 --> 01:16:03,023 - Hey, you try to talk to that guy and you're gonna die! 1420 01:16:09,103 --> 01:16:10,890 Wouldn't be the first time. 1421 01:16:10,914 --> 01:16:11,873 Oh! 1422 01:16:11,897 --> 01:16:13,486 Come on! Get over it! 1423 01:16:15,853 --> 01:16:17,086 That's why I don't tip! 1424 01:16:21,673 --> 01:16:23,453 What the hell is that? 1425 01:16:27,612 --> 01:16:29,678 - Looks like a buildup of stacked singularities, 1426 01:16:29,702 --> 01:16:30,869 if you ask me. 1427 01:16:31,774 --> 01:16:32,774 - That's... 1428 01:16:34,014 --> 01:16:34,824 Yeah. 1429 01:16:34,848 --> 01:16:37,669 Holy shit! 1430 01:16:40,563 --> 01:16:44,029 - And I think we know, say it out loud together, 1431 01:16:44,053 --> 01:16:45,403 who's starting these fires. 1432 01:16:46,393 --> 01:16:47,740 Illegal Canadians. 1433 01:16:48,911 --> 01:16:53,035 That's right, Illegal Canadians coming down from Canada 1434 01:16:53,059 --> 01:16:54,722 building themselves these fires, 1435 01:16:54,746 --> 01:16:57,284 because as you know, they can't buy a home. 1436 01:17:00,443 --> 01:17:04,273 Look, go grab your mom, tell her you love her. 1437 01:17:12,553 --> 01:17:14,940 - Oh, bad, bad, bad, bad, bad. 1438 01:17:20,294 --> 01:17:21,334 Come on. Pick up, pick up! 1439 01:17:26,263 --> 01:17:27,499 Hello? 1440 01:17:27,523 --> 01:17:29,119 - Hey, uh, Delilah? Yeah, it's, it's Tim. 1441 01:17:29,143 --> 01:17:31,356 The, uh, the, the time travel guy? 1442 01:17:31,380 --> 01:17:34,099 I, uh, I just wanted to say I'm sorry. 1443 01:17:34,123 --> 01:17:35,629 - Oh, this oughta be rich. 1444 01:17:35,653 --> 01:17:36,739 - I just wanted you to know that 1445 01:17:36,763 --> 01:17:39,679 we're clearly not going to be a thing, um... 1446 01:17:39,703 --> 01:17:40,939 - You seriously called to tell me that? 1447 01:17:40,963 --> 01:17:43,909 - And! And to apologize. 1448 01:17:43,933 --> 01:17:46,459 I know I saw a lot of ugly versions of myself today, 1449 01:17:46,483 --> 01:17:47,689 and I'm pretty sure you did, too! 1450 01:17:47,713 --> 01:17:49,429 So, I'm sorry things got so out of control, 1451 01:17:49,453 --> 01:17:50,273 and I'm sorry that I failed. 1452 01:17:50,297 --> 01:17:52,219 It's just something that I do. 1453 01:17:52,243 --> 01:17:55,279 - I don't know why I do it. - Honestly, Tim, it's fine. 1454 01:17:55,303 --> 01:17:56,659 I mean, it was fucked up, 1455 01:17:56,683 --> 01:18:00,063 but there's a middle ground between hate and love and... 1456 01:18:00,973 --> 01:18:02,956 That's us. The middle people. 1457 01:18:03,943 --> 01:18:06,739 - Thanks. I'm gonna try and put all this back together. 1458 01:18:06,763 --> 01:18:08,119 - I thought you said you weren't gonna try 1459 01:18:08,143 --> 01:18:09,189 to make us a thing? 1460 01:18:09,213 --> 01:18:11,419 No, no, no. I meant the universe! 1461 01:18:11,443 --> 01:18:12,649 - What about it? 1462 01:18:12,673 --> 01:18:13,672 - Well, what do you mean, "What about it?" 1463 01:18:13,696 --> 01:18:15,273 Have you looked out your wi... 1464 01:18:16,783 --> 01:18:20,959 - Goodbye, Tim, and maybe try to be nicer to yourself. 1465 01:18:20,983 --> 01:18:21,793 Literally. 1466 01:18:21,817 --> 01:18:24,344 - Believe it or not, that is actually the idea. 1467 01:18:30,652 --> 01:18:32,629 Fuck. 1468 01:18:32,653 --> 01:18:36,766 I love you, baby. 1469 01:18:40,603 --> 01:18:42,363 - So, that's how Bigfoot does it. 1470 01:18:47,156 --> 01:18:48,856 - I choose not to believe in that. 1471 01:19:29,632 --> 01:19:31,049 - I remember you. 1472 01:19:32,393 --> 01:19:35,226 You're the one that said a few hours can change a person. 1473 01:19:37,483 --> 01:19:40,930 Well, you have no idea how right you were. 1474 01:19:43,083 --> 01:19:45,436 Do you know what it's like to fall forever? 1475 01:19:46,423 --> 01:19:47,689 - Skip. 1476 01:19:47,713 --> 01:19:49,729 I know the universe is a creation in your head, 1477 01:19:49,753 --> 01:19:51,529 Russian nesting doll style, and that you're God. 1478 01:19:51,553 --> 01:19:52,430 Royce filled me in. 1479 01:19:52,454 --> 01:19:53,599 I figured out on the way over 1480 01:19:53,623 --> 01:19:55,129 that you couldn't actually be God 1481 01:19:55,153 --> 01:19:57,166 and must've just hacked the system. 1482 01:19:58,542 --> 01:20:02,569 And judging by the unraveling, 1483 01:20:02,593 --> 01:20:04,069 I'm guessing you figured that out, too, 1484 01:20:04,093 --> 01:20:06,259 and you're not taking it very well. 1485 01:20:06,283 --> 01:20:10,750 - I'm unmaking this universe one paradox at a time, 1486 01:20:11,630 --> 01:20:15,213 mounting like gravity into a singular point 1487 01:20:16,790 --> 01:20:20,749 that will break the whole of creation. 1488 01:20:20,773 --> 01:20:21,583 - As one does. 1489 01:20:21,607 --> 01:20:23,779 - I even murdered the younger versions of us, 1490 01:20:23,803 --> 01:20:24,903 just to get warmed up. 1491 01:20:28,003 --> 01:20:29,479 - How did that go? 1492 01:20:29,503 --> 01:20:30,499 - Yeah. 1493 01:20:30,523 --> 01:20:34,739 Well, there was a lot of crying, but you know. 1494 01:20:34,763 --> 01:20:35,763 Children. 1495 01:20:37,747 --> 01:20:40,853 - Damn. Damn, dude, that, that is dark. 1496 01:20:40,877 --> 01:20:42,291 That... 1497 01:20:42,315 --> 01:20:43,309 I mean, I mean that is, that is fucked up. 1498 01:20:43,333 --> 01:20:44,449 Like, even for us. 1499 01:20:44,473 --> 01:20:46,906 - Well, tell that to Potato! 1500 01:20:48,403 --> 01:20:50,359 - Yeah. Yeah, yeah. 1501 01:20:50,383 --> 01:20:52,369 You know what? You're right! 1502 01:20:52,393 --> 01:20:55,489 You're right, and now that I'm, I'm thinking about it, 1503 01:20:55,513 --> 01:20:57,139 maybe the reason that we are so alone 1504 01:20:57,163 --> 01:20:59,926 is because we are all so fucking awful! 1505 01:21:01,723 --> 01:21:02,723 - That's us. 1506 01:21:03,703 --> 01:21:05,723 No. 1507 01:21:05,747 --> 01:21:07,909 No, no, no, no, no, no. That, that's me. 1508 01:21:07,933 --> 01:21:11,239 You are something else, entirely. 1509 01:21:11,263 --> 01:21:12,889 Like, I don't know what eternity did to you, 1510 01:21:12,913 --> 01:21:16,612 but whatever it is, it's ugly. 1511 01:21:16,636 --> 01:21:17,869 It's childish! 1512 01:21:17,893 --> 01:21:20,236 I may be the worst person in the world, but you, 1513 01:21:20,260 --> 01:21:25,260 you scared, small, whimpering glitch in the system, 1514 01:21:25,303 --> 01:21:27,589 you are the worst version of the worst guy 1515 01:21:27,613 --> 01:21:28,789 of all fucking time! 1516 01:21:28,813 --> 01:21:31,923 Second to none, baby. 1517 01:21:32,923 --> 01:21:35,299 - So that's it. That's it? 1518 01:21:35,323 --> 01:21:37,009 You're just gonna burn it all down 1519 01:21:37,033 --> 01:21:39,559 until there's nothing left but a little whining child 1520 01:21:39,583 --> 01:21:41,736 having a temper tantrum because he's lonely? 1521 01:21:41,760 --> 01:21:43,094 - Burn, baby, burn! 1522 01:21:43,118 --> 01:21:44,871 - Is that really what you want? 1523 01:22:23,593 --> 01:22:24,593 - Are you okay? 1524 01:22:26,904 --> 01:22:28,563 Yeah. Yeah, um... 1525 01:22:29,739 --> 01:22:32,686 Sorry. That was literally building forever. 1526 01:22:33,883 --> 01:22:35,333 They left me in a black hole. 1527 01:22:37,963 --> 01:22:39,863 They left me alone, literally forever. 1528 01:22:40,843 --> 01:22:43,669 Yeah, that wasn't cool. 1529 01:22:43,693 --> 01:22:47,463 Not that it matters, but I wasn't a part of that, so... 1530 01:22:48,497 --> 01:22:50,136 - Guess that makes you the best of us. 1531 01:22:51,763 --> 01:22:52,813 - Grading on a curve. 1532 01:22:58,603 --> 01:22:59,603 What is that? 1533 01:23:02,014 --> 01:23:03,289 - Oh, that's the... 1534 01:23:03,313 --> 01:23:04,313 That's the center. 1535 01:23:05,263 --> 01:23:08,089 The universe never used to have a center, 1536 01:23:08,113 --> 01:23:09,613 but, but now that it's broken, 1537 01:23:10,933 --> 01:23:12,583 that's the center of what's left. 1538 01:23:19,183 --> 01:23:20,183 Please? 1539 01:23:22,483 --> 01:23:23,683 Let's find out together? 1540 01:23:25,265 --> 01:23:26,761 - Why not? 1541 01:24:18,130 --> 01:24:19,309 - And you are? 1542 01:24:19,333 --> 01:24:21,469 I am that I am. 1543 01:24:21,493 --> 01:24:25,219 I am that which decided that one plus one would equal two, 1544 01:24:25,243 --> 01:24:26,599 that structured the graviton. 1545 01:24:26,623 --> 01:24:29,329 I am the simulator of your universe. 1546 01:24:29,353 --> 01:24:31,616 - And a dude. Delilah owes us five bucks. 1547 01:24:31,640 --> 01:24:34,519 - "Dude" is an oversimplification. 1548 01:24:34,543 --> 01:24:38,779 My full aspect simply 1549 01:24:38,803 --> 01:24:40,879 exceeds your comprehension. 1550 01:24:40,903 --> 01:24:41,929 - Try me. - All right. 1551 01:24:41,953 --> 01:24:44,209 - What can I do for you? - Is there a meaning of life? 1552 01:24:44,233 --> 01:24:45,439 - Yes. - Seriously? 1553 01:24:45,463 --> 01:24:46,273 - Yes! 1554 01:24:46,297 --> 01:24:48,349 But it has nothing to do with humans. 1555 01:24:48,373 --> 01:24:52,639 The purpose of life is, uh, um, how do I phrase this, 1556 01:24:52,663 --> 01:24:57,229 to maximize a specific numerical output via this simulation. 1557 01:24:57,253 --> 01:25:00,199 I realize that must be totally wasted on you. 1558 01:25:00,223 --> 01:25:01,429 - Not really. It's like a high score. 1559 01:25:01,453 --> 01:25:03,169 - Perfect analogy. 1560 01:25:03,193 --> 01:25:06,889 The meaning of existence is for me to achieve a high score. 1561 01:25:06,913 --> 01:25:09,619 Humanity is a randomly generated background element. 1562 01:25:09,643 --> 01:25:12,319 - So, the creator of all things 1563 01:25:12,343 --> 01:25:13,609 didn't even have a hand in us? 1564 01:25:13,633 --> 01:25:15,019 - But that had to be obvious. 1565 01:25:15,043 --> 01:25:17,239 You're not even near the good part of your own galaxy! 1566 01:25:17,263 --> 01:25:19,975 You'd have to be insane to observe this 1567 01:25:19,999 --> 01:25:22,399 and to think that you somehow had relevance. 1568 01:25:22,423 --> 01:25:24,619 - We broke your simulation. 1569 01:25:24,643 --> 01:25:25,639 - Unfortunately. 1570 01:25:25,663 --> 01:25:29,539 - Then, ipso facto, Tim Travers is the most important person 1571 01:25:29,563 --> 01:25:32,029 in the entire universe, ever. 1572 01:25:32,053 --> 01:25:33,469 Hell yeah! 1573 01:25:33,493 --> 01:25:35,626 - I hope that high five was worth it. 1574 01:25:36,570 --> 01:25:39,109 And now, I have to reset this universe. 1575 01:25:39,133 --> 01:25:40,639 - What gives you that authority? 1576 01:25:40,663 --> 01:25:45,359 - How are you not following this? I am literally God. 1577 01:25:45,383 --> 01:25:49,429 - But what, what does that mean, exactly? 1578 01:25:49,453 --> 01:25:52,009 Like, do you exist as a part of this world? 1579 01:25:52,033 --> 01:25:54,919 Or are you the, the sentience of all matter? 1580 01:25:54,943 --> 01:25:56,869 Or do you exist in a world apart from this? 1581 01:25:56,893 --> 01:25:58,999 - I exist beyond your comprehension. 1582 01:25:59,023 --> 01:25:59,833 - Right, right. Got it. 1583 01:25:59,857 --> 01:26:02,239 Another world that ours is nested in, 1584 01:26:02,263 --> 01:26:04,386 is beyond our comprehension, except that it's not. 1585 01:26:04,410 --> 01:26:06,406 So, in that place, what are you? 1586 01:26:07,594 --> 01:26:08,899 - I am the Alpha and Omega. 1587 01:26:08,923 --> 01:26:10,579 - That is not what I asked, God! 1588 01:26:10,603 --> 01:26:13,832 To others like you, what are you? 1589 01:26:13,856 --> 01:26:15,859 You could call me a storyteller. 1590 01:26:15,883 --> 01:26:17,659 - What does that mean? 1591 01:26:17,683 --> 01:26:21,949 - I create a story and share it with others of my kind, 1592 01:26:21,973 --> 01:26:24,919 for spiritual growth. 1593 01:26:24,943 --> 01:26:26,189 And compensation. 1594 01:26:26,213 --> 01:26:28,999 - Like, like a novelist? 1595 01:26:29,023 --> 01:26:31,129 - In only the most reductive terms. 1596 01:26:31,153 --> 01:26:32,746 - But you have a publisher. 1597 01:26:34,363 --> 01:26:37,069 - It's complicated. Uh... 1598 01:26:37,093 --> 01:26:38,419 Self-publishing. 1599 01:26:38,443 --> 01:26:39,469 Oh! 1600 01:26:39,493 --> 01:26:40,786 He isn't even published! 1601 01:26:41,893 --> 01:26:46,729 - So, so, so you're a, uh, unpublished novelist 1602 01:26:46,753 --> 01:26:48,633 who is simulating a, uh... 1603 01:26:49,843 --> 01:26:51,919 Wait. Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait. 1604 01:26:51,943 --> 01:26:54,649 A simulation is a game. 1605 01:26:54,673 --> 01:26:57,259 But that's, that's what you meant by high score? 1606 01:26:57,283 --> 01:26:58,459 I mean, that's not an analogy! 1607 01:26:58,483 --> 01:27:00,379 That's just you trying to hit the high score 1608 01:27:00,403 --> 01:27:01,982 in a management game! 1609 01:27:02,006 --> 01:27:04,873 - You exist because I say so! 1610 01:27:04,897 --> 01:27:07,542 - You didn't even make it, did you? 1611 01:27:07,566 --> 01:27:09,229 A, a better, more talented God did. 1612 01:27:09,253 --> 01:27:11,839 Then you bought it and plugged in a bunch of variables 1613 01:27:11,863 --> 01:27:14,093 to see what would happen and... 1614 01:27:14,117 --> 01:27:18,139 And we are a retail product for a bored, failed writer! 1615 01:27:18,163 --> 01:27:20,179 - Self-publishing is a respected step 1616 01:27:20,203 --> 01:27:21,559 in the literary process. 1617 01:27:21,583 --> 01:27:24,409 It is not my fault that you don't understand the industry! 1618 01:27:24,433 --> 01:27:27,986 And you need to show me some respect, since I can end time. 1619 01:27:28,010 --> 01:27:30,919 - "Oh, and I'm Time God!" 1620 01:27:30,943 --> 01:27:34,009 Your threat is meaningless. There are no stakes here! 1621 01:27:34,033 --> 01:27:37,489 Just like everything else, this isn't about you. 1622 01:27:37,513 --> 01:27:38,533 - Why are you so... 1623 01:27:40,583 --> 01:27:41,858 Mean? 1624 01:27:42,805 --> 01:27:44,479 - Well, when you die, you can ask your creator 1625 01:27:44,503 --> 01:27:46,219 for an explanation. 1626 01:27:46,243 --> 01:27:50,610 - So, uh, we're gonna remake the universe, right? 1627 01:27:50,634 --> 01:27:52,576 It'll be different. 1628 01:27:53,773 --> 01:27:55,219 No more people. 1629 01:27:55,243 --> 01:27:58,339 Just physics, math. 1630 01:27:58,363 --> 01:28:00,846 Pure, sweet silence. 1631 01:28:00,870 --> 01:28:01,866 - You can't be serious! 1632 01:28:01,890 --> 01:28:03,859 - Do you even need me here? 1633 01:28:03,883 --> 01:28:04,883 - No! - No! 1634 01:28:05,893 --> 01:28:08,047 What's your novel even about, anyway? 1635 01:28:08,071 --> 01:28:11,239 - Oh, um, it's about a rich boy 1636 01:28:11,263 --> 01:28:13,699 who finds himself on the mean streets. 1637 01:28:13,723 --> 01:28:17,899 And by "finds himself", I mean finds himself. 1638 01:28:17,923 --> 01:28:19,579 - Stop, stop. Awful, no. 1639 01:28:19,603 --> 01:28:21,259 - And I, I don't mean just like stop talking. 1640 01:28:21,283 --> 01:28:22,399 I mean, stop writing. 1641 01:28:22,423 --> 01:28:24,649 Go back to what I assume was a perfectly good IT job, 1642 01:28:24,673 --> 01:28:26,388 and be thankful that you have it. 1643 01:28:26,412 --> 01:28:27,412 - Enough! 1644 01:28:28,363 --> 01:28:29,869 This universe is over! 1645 01:28:29,893 --> 01:28:31,369 And when I create my next universe, 1646 01:28:31,393 --> 01:28:33,376 it'll be so much neater than this one. 1647 01:28:35,863 --> 01:28:37,083 And mostly because... 1648 01:28:38,383 --> 01:28:39,556 No Tim Travers. 1649 01:28:41,233 --> 01:28:43,030 No whiny little mother... 1650 01:28:48,613 --> 01:28:50,446 - Wait. What happened? 1651 01:28:51,366 --> 01:28:54,474 Oh, I booted him out of the game. 1652 01:28:54,498 --> 01:28:55,849 Don't worry, though. 1653 01:28:55,873 --> 01:28:58,009 Guys like him can't code for shit. 1654 01:28:58,033 --> 01:29:03,033 - So, about that whole new universe. 1655 01:29:03,323 --> 01:29:04,489 - A universe of me and only me. 1656 01:29:04,513 --> 01:29:06,726 - What about everyone else? - What about them? 1657 01:29:07,753 --> 01:29:09,709 Please, name one person that you met today 1658 01:29:09,733 --> 01:29:11,869 that wasn't just completely awful. 1659 01:29:11,893 --> 01:29:14,749 - But then we won't have a chance to know if we're wrong! 1660 01:29:14,773 --> 01:29:18,964 Rapists, abusers, murderers, politicians, YouTubers. 1661 01:29:18,988 --> 01:29:21,139 They're the worst people ever! 1662 01:29:21,163 --> 01:29:23,629 Most of them will still find love, in spite of themselves. 1663 01:29:23,653 --> 01:29:25,939 And I know for a fact that we can, too. 1664 01:29:25,963 --> 01:29:27,296 - How do you know? 1665 01:29:28,476 --> 01:29:30,383 - Because I did. 1666 01:29:30,407 --> 01:29:32,033 It wasn't long, but it ended... 1667 01:29:34,287 --> 01:29:35,097 It ended badly. 1668 01:29:35,121 --> 01:29:38,903 But for a second there, I knew what it felt like. 1669 01:29:40,903 --> 01:29:42,166 - What did it feel like? 1670 01:29:44,409 --> 01:29:45,409 - Felt like... 1671 01:29:46,453 --> 01:29:47,596 Coming up for air. 1672 01:29:49,723 --> 01:29:51,873 If you've been holding your breath forever. 1673 01:29:53,773 --> 01:29:55,369 - How? 1674 01:29:55,393 --> 01:29:57,859 I mean, while none of us were paying attention, 1675 01:29:57,883 --> 01:30:01,516 you just somehow stumbled into a romantic subplot? 1676 01:30:02,473 --> 01:30:04,173 - A few hours can change a person. 1677 01:30:11,550 --> 01:30:13,666 - I wanna believe that... 1678 01:30:13,690 --> 01:30:15,829 No. No, no, no. 1679 01:30:15,853 --> 01:30:19,336 All this proves is that we are different people now. 1680 01:30:20,263 --> 01:30:22,315 You found it. I, I didn't. 1681 01:30:22,339 --> 01:30:23,339 I... 1682 01:30:25,016 --> 01:30:26,016 I won't. 1683 01:30:29,480 --> 01:30:30,647 Some people... 1684 01:30:33,258 --> 01:30:34,476 Some people are better alone. 1685 01:30:36,913 --> 01:30:37,913 Deserve to be alone. 1686 01:30:41,047 --> 01:30:42,906 People like me. 1687 01:30:42,930 --> 01:30:44,013 People who... 1688 01:30:50,696 --> 01:30:52,066 - I love you, Tim Travers. 1689 01:30:53,203 --> 01:30:54,896 And I don't want you to be alone. 1690 01:31:02,399 --> 01:31:04,732 But that's up to you, buddy. 1691 01:31:10,552 --> 01:31:12,797 - What the fuck was that? 1692 01:31:12,821 --> 01:31:13,821 I... 1693 01:31:15,242 --> 01:31:16,242 Oh. 1694 01:31:17,558 --> 01:31:18,558 Right. 1695 01:31:20,501 --> 01:31:21,501 This again. 1696 01:31:28,126 --> 01:31:31,426 I guess it doesn't have to be. 1697 01:31:34,165 --> 01:31:35,165 Hm. 1698 01:31:42,313 --> 01:31:43,813 Ah, what the fuck. Why not? 1699 01:31:45,085 --> 01:31:47,749 Just... 1700 01:31:47,773 --> 01:31:50,896 Just take one point of infinite energy. 1701 01:31:51,944 --> 01:31:52,944 Ah, yes. 1702 01:31:54,288 --> 01:31:57,889 And then add will. 1703 01:31:57,913 --> 01:31:58,913 Time. 1704 01:31:59,850 --> 01:32:02,444 And that should make... 1705 01:32:02,468 --> 01:32:03,468 Should get 1706 01:32:04,213 --> 01:32:05,561 one 1707 01:32:05,585 --> 01:32:07,302 big 1708 01:32:07,326 --> 01:32:09,569 ba... 1709 01:32:09,593 --> 01:32:10,707 Really? 1710 01:32:32,835 --> 01:32:34,161 - My god, what am I doing? 1711 01:32:34,185 --> 01:32:35,691 What am I doing? 1712 01:32:35,715 --> 01:32:39,000 Come on! 1713 01:32:39,024 --> 01:32:40,108 Ow! 1714 01:32:40,132 --> 01:32:41,261 Ah! 1715 01:32:41,285 --> 01:32:42,285 Ooh! 1716 01:32:44,354 --> 01:32:45,976 Ooh! 1717 01:32:46,000 --> 01:32:47,613 Oh, what was I thinking? 1718 01:32:48,611 --> 01:32:49,622 Oh, my god. 1719 01:32:49,646 --> 01:32:51,346 I can't believe I almost did that. 1720 01:32:52,457 --> 01:32:54,652 I've got a date tonight! 1721 01:32:54,676 --> 01:32:57,148 Tim, what were you thinking? 1722 01:32:57,172 --> 01:32:58,172 Oh! 1723 01:32:59,663 --> 01:33:00,663 Hoo! 1724 01:33:23,860 --> 01:33:25,247 But on the other hand... 1725 01:33:27,119 --> 01:33:28,335 - Dumb ass! - Fuck! 112292

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