Original subtitles

Murderous leach, leave this poor boy's body!

Excuse me, coming through, sorry.

Hey!

Oh, it's you.

I have this under control, Gary.

I know!

I'm just gonna do it so it actually gets done.

Chalk me!

Powder up, Gare.

Can I just get a bit more chalk there?

Huh, I thought that might work.

Well, maybe I'll try it a bit more.

Alright, pal,

Let's get you back to the lab for some tests.

Thanks, Steph!

So listen, case of possession like this means some demon

got its hooks into Dylan and made him its little bitch.

So just look for any, I dunno,

clues to who that demon might be.

Ooh!

Maybe it's an evil shopkeeper who sold him

a cursed Ouija board!

Yeah.

Or, you know, something original.

Hello!

Seems our friend Dylan was going to the

Jezebel Freak concert tonight!

I didn't know they were in town! They fucking rule!

So cool, and mean, and rude.

And Dylan's a fan, look at this playlist.

"Jezebel Freak, 'Murder High School.'"

"Jezebel Freak, 'Murder Technical College.'"

"Debbie Sax"? Who the hell is that?

Oh, she's great!

Yeah, that sounds like it might be up your alley.

Wait a minute!

Gare, maybe that's how the demon got him!

Through this music!

Oh, my goodness.

Uh, Tipper Gore called, she wants her opinion on

what music makes people do back.

Gary, maybe we should go to that concert,

see if anything goes down tonight.

Okay, fine.

But only because it's gonna be the best time of our lives!

You guys gotta jump when I jump.

We'll do that three-way high five, you know what I mean?

Whoa, Gary. What are you wearing?

Rock n' roll clothes. Unlike everyone else here.

Wait, what are you wearing?

Oh, this is the title of a Scottish romance novel I like.

In this one, handsome Duncan MacIvor falls for a young maid,

but there's a catch, she's from the Moor.

How old do you think you'll be when you lose your virginity?

Ladies and gentlemen...

Oh, fucking yes!

...are you ready to get Fre-eaked?

Yeah!

♪ You could learn a trade

♪ Gain some hands-on knowledge ♪

♪ Learn a skill, like how to kill ♪

♪ At the Murder Technical College ♪

Let's keep our eyes peeled, Gare,

see if any of these kids start to turn.

Okay, sounds good!

Yeah!

Somebody hit me in the face!

Are you okay, Riley?

♪ There's no one size fits all curriculum ♪

♪ at the Murder Montessori School ♪

Thank you, goodnight!

Ugh, that mosh pit was shit.

You guys are supposed to push each other!

Fuck you, you old creep!

I'll kill you!

So, anyone turn into a demon?

No Gary, it seems you were right.

But I didn't mind the music.

You know, I found the lyrics contained a lot of

nuanced theories on modern pedagogy.

Ugh, shut up you nerd.

Come on, let's go back stage.

Gary you're stretching my shirt!

Come on. Come on.

Oh, yeah, love being VIP!

Nothin' wrong with being a VIP.

Gare, I just wanna go home, okay?

Hanley, just play it cool for once in your life.

Come on, flip your collar.

Gary, it's a crew neck.

Just flip it!

I can't.

Flip it!

Whoa, whoa, whoa. VIP only.

Do you have passes?

Yeah, here's my pass.

Lemme talk to the fucking band, innit.

Wait, wait, wait!

Wait!

Yeah, Jezebel Freak knows what's up.

Is that a Maid of the Moor t-shirt?

Ha, yeah.

We love those books.

Hey, I love Scottish romantic fiction.

Do you drink tea?

Yeah, but only two kinds.

Earl Grey or Earl Grey.

Nice.

What the hell?

So I ran some tests on that teen but haven't found anything

you don't already know.

What? Yeah, no, that's fine.

You know what?

I cannot believe how shitty that concert was last night.

Like, do concerts just suck now?

I don't know, Gare.

I went to see a pretty raw concert a couple months ago.

Three words for ya:

Billy. Freakin'. Joel.

Ask me how many times he played "The Piano Man."

I don't want to know.

16 goddamn times.

Oh, God.

If I had to sit through what you just described,

I would kill myself.

Concerts used to rule.

This one time, I saw a band where the singer brought out

a chicken, and we were like,

"Okay, do your Ozzie thing, bite the head off."

But no, this guy pulled down his pants and fucked the chicken.

It was crazy.

And then he turned around and the chicken fucked him.

And then I read that at a later show, someone performed

a civil ceremony for him and the chicken.

That's rock n' roll.

Sort of. I think.

Morning everyone.

Oh, he-ey! How was book club last night?

Well, Gary, let's just say the only thing hotter

than the Earl Grey was the conversation.

They've actually got a day off,

so I'm gonna show 'em around a bit later.

Hit up the botanical garden, the shoe museum,

and then tonight, folk fest.

God, Hanley, they're a rock band.

They're not gonna wanna go on your shitty municipal tour.

No, no, no. I'm coming.

I'm gonna show 'em a real cool time.

I mean, you're welcome to come, Gary,

but they were all pretty excited about the shoe museum.

Trust me.

When I'm done with them, the only shoes they're gonna

wanna see are the ones attached to women

who otherwise aren't wearing much.

Either of you wanna focus on helping this

possessed teen first?

Sorry, Steph, we got more important stuff to cover.

Li-ike going to a strip clu-ub!

Oh, wow! Look at these shoes.

And look at these shoes!

I can't believe how much I didn't know about shoes.

Oh, God, this sucks.

Gotta be some booze in here somewhere.

Tea. Tea.

Oh, what's this?

Pre-steeped tea!

What have we here?

Hanley, step away from the band!

They are demons!

That's why they've been hanging out with you and pretending

to be into all your shitty interests!

They been waiting to get you alone,

so they can possess you like they did to Dylan!

What are you talking about, Gary?

I found this on their tour bus.

Look at it. It's a demon.

They're worshipping a demon.

That's Frank's mom.

She passed last week.

We were honouring her memory.

That was his mom?

Uh-h!

Wait, if you're not demons, why are you hanging out with Hanley?

He's a nerd!

Maybe I am, Gary!

But you're a-- You're a jerk!

And you're not invited to folk fest anymore!

Unless you apologise.

Fuck you! And fuck folk fest!

And fuck shoes!

Those were Jerry Seinfeld's cross-trainers.

"Hanley's nice. He's nice."

I'm nice! Right, Steph?

I'm a nice guy!

You want me to answer that?

Yeah!

Gary, you insult people all the time.

Either someone's stupid, or a nerd, or an asshole--

What?!

No, I'm joking when I say that shit!

I'm not being serious.

People around here don't get my dry wit.

I gotta move to England.

Everyone here's a stupid nerd asshole.

Wow, I really checked all the boxes there, huh?

Oh, my God.

I'm an asshole.

Well, I wouldn't go that far, Gare.

Even right now, I've got like this crazy urge

to insult everything about you.

I don't even know why.

I just get tired, and being nice to people

feels like too much work.

Well, it is work.

No, you're right. You're right.

And you know what?

The work starts now!

I'm serious.

Gary's turning over a new leaf!

No more mean Gary. New Gary starts now.

I'm going straight to folk fest.

I'm gonna apologise to Hanley tonight!

Yeah, Hanley's been yapping my ear off

about this goddamn folk fest.

He's all pumped up to see someone named Debbie Sax?

Whoa, Dylan, what's going on?

What's goin' on, buddy?

Wait a second!

On Dylan's playlist, there was a Debbie Sax album on there!

Holy shit.

The demon that possessed Dylan is singer songwriter Debbie Sax?

I gotta get to folk fest.

Dylan, just to be absolutely clear...

Debbie Sax?

Yup, okay, that's it. See you later, Steph.

You look great! New Gary!

♪ I like to walk home in the rain ♪

Oh, crap!

Okay, sword make me better, please!

Okay, everyone, I've recently decided to be nicer to people,

so I'd appreciate it if you didn't make me kill you.

Even though you sort of deserve to die

for having such shitty taste in music.

No, I'm sorry. No, that was rude.

To each his own. To each his own!

Well, I tried.

All ri-ight!

Sorry! Sorry about this!

I'm not being mean, I'm just surviving!

I like your hat. I like your hat.

New Gary. New Gary!

No, Jezebel Freak. I'm not gonna kill you.

I'm turning over a new leaf.

Hey! Hey!

Goddammit!

Listen to me, Debbie Sax.

It has recently come to my attention

that I'm not very nice, so this is your lucky day.

I'll simply arrest you rather than killing you,

if you release all these people and come away peacefully.

Please.

Just maybe stop singing or--

Wa-a!

Goddammit, Hanley! You fucking idiot!

A-ah!

Sorry! I didn't mean that!

You look good, Hanley!

♪ I like to feel the cool breeze ♪

Fucking hell.

It's hard to be nice when everyone is trying to kill you.

Wow, don't like feedback, eh?

Well here's some feedback: Your music is not for me!

Huh?

Hanley, get up. We're going home.

Gary! You came.

Oh, I knew you cared about me.

You are a good guy.

Fuck you.

I came here to apologise and you tried to bite my head off,

you dumb asshole.

I was possessed, Gary!

I don't want your excuses.

I realised why I'm mean all the time.

It's 'cause my job fucking sucks and my life fucking sucks

more than anyone else's.

And that's not naval gazing. That is the truth.

Same old Gary.

Hey, did you see what happened to Jezebel

and the rest of the band?

Oh, God.

What do you think happened to them, Hanley?

They're dead!

They were demons and they attacked me, so I killed them!

A thousand apologies, your majesty!

I killed your nerd friends who stopped being cool 20 years ago.

You're all nerds, by the way!

Shoulda let you die for listening to this

coffee house shit!

You paid money for this?! Fuck you!

You're lucky someone cool felt bad and decided to show up

and save the day!

Hey, it's okay, Gare, calm down--

You calm down! Fuck you!

Eat my fucking ass out you sack of shit nerds!

New Gary is dead! Long live old Gary!