Original subtitles

26 burglaries in 13 days,

all of them in your territory,

and you don't know anything about it!

Hold it! Hold it right there!

We checked on the bad guys, maybe it's a good guy.

Get back! Willy, I love you!

Then you're my friend? You get me out of here.

Please save him, Your Honor. Please.

Goodbye, Gypsy.

Shiller: Another one here.

Here, here, here!

And there, and there, right?

Am I keeping you awake, Baretta?

No, sir. No, not at all.

26 burglaries in 13 days,

and all of them in your territory,

and you don't know anything about it.

I thought you were keeping your ear to the ground, Baretta?

My ear ain't been working too good lately.

What?

That's why I thought I might just...

I took the weekend off

on account of my concentration was just going bejork.

So, when my cousin, uh...

Came in town from... I thought it was a good idea...

Another of the cousins, eh, Baretta?

Yes, the Baretta family has been said to be so large

that hand in hand, they could do

a water ballet around the island of Capri.

Tell me, Baretta, where do you...

where do you find the strength for all these cousins?

Oh, you should have seen this one...

I don't always have the strength, sir,

which is why I had to rest up, take a nap this morning.

That's where you were this morning, in bed?

Right... but I was thinking!

I was thinking. And as a matter of fact, boss,

it occurs to me that

you shouldn't be involved with this,

'cause we're just dealing with... petty theft is all.

Petty theft?

It happens to...

It happens to add up to $12,000,

in my book, that is grand larceny!

Right!

Right! Well, that's...

Time to wake up and tend to business here.

Let me see now. In my area,

by the simple use of deductive logic,

it would seem to me that considering

the elements that we're dealing with here,

television sets, radios, typewriters,

flashlights, pencil sharpeners,

there's only one simple conclusion,

and that would be... juvenile delinquency.

Baretta...

I don't want your deductive logic.

I want you to get on this thing,

and I want you to wrap it up... fast!

Or I'm gonna have your... The best part of me in your soup tonight.

I understand that, boss.

That being the case, I am going to take to the streets.

And, in order to prove my point,

I am going to return forthwith,

not only with the culprits,

but with one of my cutest cousins for you...

Baretta!

Out! I'm going, boss. I'm on my way.

Hey, Tony, when are we gonna have that chili dog?

Uh... Mimi,

are you one of Baretta's cousins?

Woman: Yes? Who?

Who is it? Who is it? Boy: What is it?

I don't know.

It's a color TV.

This is worth a lot of money.

Who left it? I don't know, maybe it's stolen.

Let's get it inside.

Hurry up. And call the others.

I look you every night.

"Now I lay me down to sleep,

I pray the Lord my soul to keep.

If I should die before I wake,

I pray the Lord my soul to take."

Mom, I was a good boy today.

I helped the poor people,

and they were happy, too.

Tell Jesus about it.

And Robin, too.

Oh, I was a good boy.

10.

20.

30.

40¢ change. 10¢ a paper.

So long, Willy.

Hey, Willy!

Stick 'em up and give me all your money.

Tony!

All right, go ahead. I'm ready.

Ow! Ow!

Ow! That's enough. You're hurting me.

I don't want to do it no more. Come on, one, two!

I ain't doing that. You'll hurt me. One, two!

No, listen. If I bring a note from my doctor will you let me out?

All right, wait till I'm ready, now. One... two!

I'm not ready! Ow!

You broke the socket! It don't work no more.

You always let me win. I don't let you win.

You got a customer over there.

Listen, Willy, tonight I gotta go on the streets

and catch some punks stealing around here.

Do you want to feed Fred for me? Sure, I love Fred.

You love everything. He's lonesome.

You go see him, okay? I will.

I especially love Fred. Yeah.

Listen, don't read him no dirty books, okay?

You better get your shoes on the street,

'cause this one's personal.

Somebody doing a whole lot of ripping off

right around here on the home front and they're making me look bad.

Well, baby, you know it makes me look bad, too,

if it's happening on the home front.

If there's any stealing to be done on the home front,

it's gonna be yours truly doing the stealing.

It sounds to me like you're talking

in my $20 ear since it's so personal.

Uh-uh, I'm talking right to your $10 black heart.

I'm telling you get on the streets

'cause come sun up, somebody's gonna go to the slams.

And you're starting to look better all the time.

Smoke that. What you talking about, man

Baby, don't nobody coop the Rooster, you know that.

Take me off the street? My folks won't have it.

We'll tear that place down.

Dude talking about putting the man in the slam.

Ain't this a trip?

I mean they ain't built the racks that can hold me.

Backing up the Rooster. Ain't no way!

You know ain't no way, baby. Play with that for a while.

Talk to your mama about that 'cause she'll...

You see, that's Friar Tuck

fighting with Robin Hood about going over the bridge.

And that's Sherwood Forest

where they all go to hide, after they do something.

You know, my mom wouldn't like Tony to be out this late.

Come on.

Let's get some more snacks.

Don't get tense, now. It's all right.

Well, hello there, mama.

Are you traveling in harness,

or are you single-o?

I'm just passing through, cowboy.

Just passing through.

Watch my beer for me

'cause I got to tend to a little business.

Aah.

Then I'll be back to tend to a little business.

Come here, junkie. Relax, I just want to hit a few balls.

Why don't you ask your girlfriend here to take a cab?

Wait for me at the bar.

You're picking 'em bigger all the time, ain't you?

You know, Candy,

me and you been through this scene a lot of times.

First I run you down,

and then I shake you down,

and then I ask you to hit the streets,

and get a little info for me.

Yeah, but like I'm clean man. I got nothing on me.

Shut up and listen,

'cause you don't never make no sense.

Come over here.

Now, we're going to skip the first act

and the second act and get right down to business.

Somebody's been messing with my terrain.

They've been stealing and breaking up things,

and making me very tense.

And I think it may be one of your folks, understand?

One of your folks feeling lean and mean.

So what I want you to do now,

is hit the streets,

and find that snowbird for me.

Thanks. Come here!

Don't thank me.

I never met a man that I didn't like.

But I don't like you.

You better have something for me, partner,

because I'm tired and bone dry.

Hey, baby, ain't nothing out there but a black horizon,

a pretty moon, and a bunch of bright little stars.

Man, you mean to tell me a bunch of juvie punks

are gonna box me in on my own turf? I'm gonna quit.

There ain't nothing out there, man.

Say, dig, man. Look here.

You think this stuff makes me look too Indian?

You look Indian, I'm Ryan O'Neal.

Tee hee.

That's okay. You go ahead and play Pocahontas.

Just remember I'm the rainmaker.

You don't come up with something pretty soon,

I'm gonna cloud up and rain all over your skinny soul.

You hear what I'm saying? Yeah, I hear you.

All right. Talk that jobie, kimosabe.

You'd give me an inferiority complex

if I didn't have such a domineering personality.

Get out of my car, domineering, and find something for me.

I hear you, paleface.

Always talking that hootchie kootchie.

"And Friar Tuck said to Little John,

'Give me your stave,

and I will smote the knave.

And he will smote. And we will all smote. ""

What you dreaming about? Hi, Tony.

Hey, looks like you guys

had a little party here, huh?

We had fun.

We waited for you...

then we had snacks, too.

I noticed that. You had 'em all.

I made you a sandwich.

Oh, yeah? Great. I ate it.

Oh... well,

that's all right. I gotta go on short rations anyway.

The way things are going...

I might need a job at your stand pretty soon.

I do it, myself.

No, no, I don't mean that. If I don't find these juvie delinqs that are

bothering the neighborhood, Shiller's gonna can me.

Then I'll need a little handout.

You good for it? I'm your best friend.

You know I'd take care of you.

Attaboy! You're better than unemployment.

You don't gotta stand in no lines either.

Too bad you ain't a girl.

It's in the morning!

Yeah, I know it's morning.

I got to open up soon, Tony.

My mom never let me stay out this late.

Get stroking, partner. Come on.

Get that stand open. Handle the business.

Be careful going home.

And no dirty books.

Well, it's morning already.

No point in sleeping, right, Fred?

Not when there's magic in the air.

Give little "Ceciliarini" a call.

Cecilia, my dove.

'Tis is the Italian prince come to pay a call.

What? Morning already?

Why, I hadn't noticed. My goodness, it certainly is.

What the hell? No, no, not you.

Hey, I got to call you back. I'll see you later.

Okay, dummy, give us the money! Come on!

Ow! That hurt me, mister.

Get it out!

Where are you going?

He's breaking my arm!

Punk: Wait!

Come on, man!

Willy! Willy, listen... ow!

They were hurting me!

It's okay. You stay here.

All right! Hold it right there!

You want to fight with a cop? Come on!

Put it down. Put it down!

Get up there and spread 'em, both of you.

Spread 'em!

Both arms, dummy!

I can't, it's broken.

Get it out here where I can see it.

What kind of chicken punks are you anyway?

Trying to beat up a sweetheart like Willy.

I could even forgive you for that,

but with all the stealing you've been doing in the neighborhood,

I'm gonna fry you, do you hear me?

I've got you now.

I finally got you.

No, no, no, boss. I'm sure it's them.

Listen, Baretta, don't tell me what's gotta be!

In this office, we deal with reality.

Both of them just got out of juvenile hall two days ago,

and they were in there for six weeks.

You've still got an open case. Oh, boy.

All right, I'll get back on it boss. I'll get back on it.

Listen, what about that mongrel friend of yours?

Willy? What about him?

I saw that kid's arm, he mangled it.

There were two guys after him with a knife. What would you have done?

It doesn't matter what I would've done.

I'll check with you later, boss. I'll get back on it.

All right. Goodbye.

Fred: Hello.

Officer, are you hiding something? No.

Hello. See, I'm a ventriloquist.

You want to hear something else?

Wasn't that good? I did it while I was smiling.

That's great, right?

Listen, I'm gonna get a mouthful of water,

I'll show you a trick you never saw in your life.

Hello.

Say, hello. Hello.

Do the drunken chicken. Hello.

No, do the drunken chicken. Chicken.

Hey, what's the matter? Your friend came to see you.

Sit over there. Eat the rest of his doughnut.

Look at that, he's eating your doughnut. Look at that.

Come on, Willy, put 'em up real good.

What's the matter, partner?

What's the matter? I gotta get out of here.

They want me to stay.

My mom says never to come to places like this.

So you gotta get me out of here, you're my friend.

I talked to the doctor. You're almost fine.

They'll let you out pretty soon. I gotta go now.

I don't want to stay no more. I got my stand.

Hold up some fingers.

Two.

Four. Some more, Tony, come on.

Seven! I get all of 'em straight. Right.

So get me out of here.

That ain't exactly in my department.

We got to do what the doctor and these people say.

Please, Tony? Please?

It scares me here.

I got my stand. I got my schedule.

I need my own bed.

And they wouldn't let me say my prayers.

You see that?

When I say go,

you're gonna go out through that door,

down the stairs, get in Tony's car, and wait for me.

You don't talk to nobody and you don't stop for nothing.

I'll watch out for varlets and knaves too,

because they got me into here.

Yeah, listen, don't talk to nobody, okay?

Ready? Go fast.

Come here, nut. Come on.

You, get ahead over there,

and watch out for the varlets and the knaves and let's go.

Hi, Father.

Bless you, Tony, for coming so soon.

My pleasure.

If it's about my soul, maybe we better to wait

for the weekend when we both got a little more time?

This isn't in my department, this is in yours.

Oh, terrific. Shoot.

Some things have been stolen, right off the altar.

One of our chalices, a candelabrum.

And that's all?

That's it. A chalise and a candelabra?

Oh, boy.

What kind of nuts am I dealing with here?

They risk their lives to break into a place

and they only steal a couple of things and they leave.

I got the same MO going on all over the parish

and I can't get a handle on it.

You don't know anybody in the church

you could put the finger on, Father?

In the church?

I already checked on all the bad guys, maybe it's a good guy.

TV Announcer: "The Adventures of Robin Hood"

And so we continue our month-long tribute

to the many versions of the story of Robin Hood.

We've presented the classic versions

with Douglas Fairbanks and Errol Flynn.

Tonight, the 1946 version with Cornel Wilde:

"The Bandit of Sherwood Forest."

Tony! Hi, Father.

When I phoned Billy, I didn't realize you'd be here so soon.

Mmm-mmm-mmm.

Robbing the poor box.

Same way, too.

You take some and you leave some.

It's the same MO.

Just like the chalice and the candelabrum.

You figured that out, huh?

Maybe you can teach me a little of your racket.

We ain't found no fingerprints so far,

so I don't guess it's gonna do any good to dust this thing.

Wait a minute.

That ain't a coin.

What's that? That, Father...

that's either luck or fate...

or it's one of your folks at work.

Hey! Pretty boy.

Tony!

My mom always says, "Get at the dirt where you can't see it."

Yeah.

One, two, get 'em up.

Wait a minute. Hold it! Look over here.

My button. You lost your button.

My mom used to sew 'em up but now Mrs. Bradley down the hall does it.

One, two! Come on, let's go inside.

You're acting funny. You know that, Tony.

I haven't done nothing bad.

I didn't say you done nothing bad.

We're friends, ain't we? What are we standing in the hall for?

Everything in perfect shape.

Beautiful.

I remember your mother always used to say,

"Everything in its place and a place for everything."

I keep it nice, don't I?

Yeah, yeah sure.

Hey... honey boy, you wouldn't never...

Steal something...

Or do something like that would you, Willy?

I mean, when we was kids,

we did a lot of stealing and messing around,

but it's different now. You know I'm a cop

and if you stole something I'd have to come after you.

Do you know how you lost that?

Huh?

Do you give money in the church on Sunday?

In the poor box?

Yeah, my mom says to give 50¢ on Friday, and a dollar

in the collection on Sunday.

A buck on Sunday, huh?

That's where you lost it.

Isn't it nice and neat in here?

It's perfect. I do a good job by myself.

Sure. My mom says to keep it neat and clean.

It's neat enough. Plenty neat enough.

I'd trade places with you anytime.

If you threw in Fred too.

Hey, throw in Fred. That's my bosom buddy.

When we was in the Merchants,

Fred used to go into bars when I was drunk. He'd take me out,

walk me up and down so I wouldn't go to jail.

He used to take them pretty girls

right up the gangplank, put 'em in my bunk.

He's my bosom buddy. I gotta go.

Hey, me and Fred. He is your bosom buddy.

So are you. I'll see you later.

Boy, Robin, I'm in a pickle.

Gee, Robin, I don't know.

Baretta's voice: Honey boy, you wouldn't never steal something,

or do something like that would you, Willy?

I'm a good boy, Tony.

Hold it! Hey, stop or I'll shoot!

What's going on?

The Sheriff of Nottingham!

Hey, Janet, what's the matter?

Oh, no. George, George!

Hey, somebody help us!

George! It's okay, baby.

It's okay, it's okay.

Come on, some help! Somebody!

George, get that gun away from me!

I couldn't help it! I come down steps It's about time, man...

Shut up a minute! Stop it both of you!

I'm a police officer.

Let me just look at it. I'm not going to touch it.

You're gonna be all right, I promise you.

Just let me touch it, here. Just relax.

She gonna be all right? I think so.

Put the pressure on. It's gonna hurt a little bit.

It's okay. It's okay.

Let up on it for a couple seconds every minute.

Hang on there.

Now, tell me what happened here.

I come running down the steps No, no, no.

And all of a sudden this dude goes running by.

This guy started running, I had to shoot at him.

Shut up!

I couldn't help it. It happens to everybody.

It happens to everybody. It's all right, man.

Just go cool out. It happens to everybody.

George: It's gonna be all right, honey.

What'd this guy look like? The guy that went by?

Yeah.

He was about your height.

Except much heavier.

Let me think.

He's got curly hair. Curly hair.

Except he was bald on the top.

And he was wearing this old ratty army jacket.

He was a crazy dude, man.

Why do you say he was crazy?

He was crazy, man. He started saying something about

the Sheriff of Nottingham trying to kill him.

Or something like that. I don't know. Oh, Willy.

Oh, Willy.

What've you got? Hello, Tony.

I've been looking everywhere

and all I found was other people looking.

Oh man, me too.

I know he didn't leave this city. He gotta be someplace.

Come on, you old bloodhound. Come up with something.

Get your sniffer working. I'm dry.

We've looked in all the obvious places,

but I just had a thought.

What about when you and Willy were kids?

Well, he was the moose and I was the mouse.

He used to pick me up like a rag doll.

But where did you go and play? Any special place?

We played all over this city. Everywhere.

But wasn't there any one place you'd go and hide.

There was a lot of places where we hid.

But when we were in trouble

we used to play "Run Chief, Run,"

and we'd run to the junkyard and he'd throw me over the fence

and he'd come in after me and then we'd go in the junk

and nobody could find us. That's where he is, Billy. That's where he is.

Hey, Willy!

Run, chief, run!

Here I come.

Apples!

N-nice dog. Hey-ho.

Whoa, nice dog, now. Here now.

Uh...

Apples!

Peaches!

Come on, Willy! You ain't playing fair!

I say... run, chief, run!

Willy: Run, chief, run.

You know I'm gonna find you.

I'm the ace king Run-chief-runner of the world

Apples!

Apple. Willy: Apple.

You dirty rat.

I'm out there running all over looking for you.

You don't tell me which way you are.

No apples, no peaches, no bananas, nothing.

You wasn't playing fair.

Willy: You don't like me anymore!

You think I've been bad! Baretta: Who said that?

You was just being Robin Hood, right? Yeah.

Robin Hood wasn't bad.

He just lived a long time ago

in another country, that's all.

You don't like me anymore stealing.

Nah, I ain't mad at you.

You stole from the rich to give to the poor.

That ain't a bad idea.

Come on. Come on out with me.

We'll go tell them all about it. We'll fix it.

I'm not bad!

I didn't say you was bad, partner.

It's just that in this country, today...

You can't steal from the rich and give to the poor.

Why?

On account of that's the government's job.

That's their job. You don't want to take their job away?

You don't want nobody to take your job away from you, Willy.

You don't want 'em to take your stand away from you.

No, Tony, no one's taking my stand!

Oh, no, honey boy.

I didn't say nobody's gonna take your stand.

Come on with me.

We're gonna fix it.

Come on.

Come on.

Are you my best friend again?

I'm your best friend forever.

Run, chief, run!

Come on.

Do you love me?

I love you, partner.

I love you more than I love Fred.

I'm just trying to figure out

which of you is more trouble, that's all.

Come on, man.

Come on!

Come on!

Hey, how did you get past that nut dog?

Oh, you locked it up? He was gonna eat me, sure I did.

I'll bring some water. You don't need no water for the dog.

Come on, we're gonna go.

Hey, last one over the fence is a toad in the pants.

I'm going! I'm going!

Hit it, Willy!

Attaboy!

All right, hold it right there.

It's okay, relax.

I'm Tony Baretta, Detective. I'm bringing in a prisoner.

Do you recognize me? Here's my badge.

Willy: Tony, I'm afraid of him. I don't want to play prisoner.

It's okay. See?

There's an APB out on him, he's dangerous.

I know all about it. I'm bringing him in.

I got it under control. Just relax.

You can't handle him alone. I can handle him!

What are you tensing up for? Put those things away.

He's my prisoner. Here, look what I'm doing.

We're gonna play a little game now.

It's called the prisoner game.

You know, like the comic books you read.

We're gonna be actors. You act like a prisoner.

I don't like this game. See what I'm doing here?

It's okay, I got the clinks on him. Okay, Baretta, bring him over.

Hey, wait a minute, Willy. Let's go talk to 'em for a minute.

See? Hold it. You tricked me, Tony!

I didn't trick you. Hold on, I'm your friend. I didn't tr...

We're good friends.

We've been friends forever. Did I ever let you down?

Need help? No, I don't need help.

Hold it, Willy!

Halt! Damn it, Willy!

No! Get back...

I love you. Don't you believe me, man?

I've loved you all my life. We've been good friends.

Do you hear me? Oh, Lordy!

Come here, Willy!

I love you, pal. I ain't gonna let you down.

No matter where they take you, no matter what happens,

I'm gonna be with you, do you hear me?

I'll stay with you. I promise with all my heart.

I'm gonna be with you. Do you hear me, man?

I promise you.

Can I go home?

I'll figure it out.

Someway, I'll make it so you can go home.

Cross your heart?

I cross my heart and hope to die.

Did I hurt you, Tony?

No you didn't hurt me.

Hey, hey, come on, sweet pea.

Let's go, okay?

Can I ride in the front seat?

You can ride in the front seat with me.

And make the sirene go.

I promise you, it'll be the best sirene you ever heard.

Come on.

Tony, you up?

I am now, honey boy.

Come on, I told you I'm gonna stay here all night with you.

Go on to sleep now. Go on.

I'm going home tomorrow?

Yeah, we're gonna explain everything to the judge,

then you're gonna go home.

Come on now, sweet pea, go to sleep.

You know I need my own bed?

Excuse me, Mr. Rico.

Explain to me what happened in there, will you?

Look, we have to talk to the judge first.

Then he'll announce his decision in court.

Willy's off the hook? You got him off? It's all right?

Baretta, the psychiatrist says Willy has a problem

determining reality from fantasy.

Wait... you guys are selling him down the river?

He don't have no problem with reality. I've known him all my life.

He knows what's going on. Tony.

Hey, Willy boy. How's it going? Am I going home now?

Yeah, well... pretty soon. We're gonna work it out.

We're gonna fix it, ain't we, Mr. Rico?

All right, gentlemen, I'll see you now.

Excuse me, sir... Your Honor,

my name is Tony Baretta and I'm the arresting officer.

I'm also a friend of Willy's

and I'd like to come in if I could, please.

All right, we shouldn't be long.

It's okay.

There seems to be complete agreement

on the part of the prosecution and defense.

Since most of the stolen goods have been returned,

it would seem to be a simple case.

Is that correct, gentlemen? All: Yes, Your Honor.

Then we can move right along.

We feel, Willy,

that it would be in your best interests

if you were held for observation and therapy

for an undetermined time...

Subject to the review of this court, of course.

That's the psychiatrist's recommendation too.

No, Tony says I'm going home.

Your Honor, you can't put Willy away in one of them kind of places.

I'm going home, Tony, you promised.

Right... sir, you can't put Willy in some observation...

Are you attempting to tell this court what it can and cannot do?

No, sir, Your Honor.

I'm just telling you that's the wrong thing to do to Willy.

This session in chambers is at an end.

Gentlemen, we can return to the court. Hold on just a second.

Officer Baretta, I can have you held in contempt. Bailiff!

No, no, I know. I'm sorry.

I won't get out of line.

Just give me two minutes of your time, Your Honor, please.

Just two minutes?

We're talking about a whole human being here, sir.

Your Honor, you can't put...

Willy away for observation.

If you do, I'll tell you what you're gonna observe,

and it ain't any recommendations.

You're gonna see a sweet, gentle guy

go crazy and die.

You can't put him in one of them places, sir.

He needs to be in his own place,

where there are people that love him.

It's not a matter of playing Robin Hood.

Every child does that.

This man has injured someone,

no matter for what cause. You yourself were injured.

They were after him with a knife, sir.

They hurt him bad, and even then

he just grabbed the knife hand and held it.

Willy's a first offender, sir,

with extenuating circumstances.

I know the law. All I want you to do

is treat him like a first offender.

He has the mind of an eight-year-old.

Treat him like an eight... you don't put an eight-year-old away for a first offense.

He isn't eight! Look at him.

He's a lot sweeter than a lot of eight-year-olds I know.

Willy never hurt anybody in his whole life, Your Honor.

All the time we were kids he never hurt anybody.

When he grew up, his mother died, he had to take care of himself.

He's never hurt anybody in his whole life. Never.

You can't just throw away a whole life

of being kind and gentle on account of a...

A couple of seconds of self-defense.

I know people that would come through that door,

a hundred of them, I promise you, a hundred,

that would tell you how much they loved Willy if you asked them.

Still, someone has got to be responsible.

I'll be responsible.

I'll be responsible, Your Honor.

The State doesn't have to take responsibility. I will.

I'll do it.

There was I time when I thought... I'm sorry, Willy, it's true.

When we was growing up, there was a time, honey boy,

when I thought it'd be better if they put you away in the country.

I thought that'd be the best thing for you.

But I wasn't thinking of what was best for him.

He ain't a... a... a threat to society.

He's a part of society. Like... like...

He's a part of us and we're a part of him.

He makes a contribution, Your Honor.

He took a bunch of wood and boards...

and junk and he put it together and he made one

of the best newsstands you ever saw.

And he plunked it right down in the middle of this city

and he made it work! He was a success where other people failed.

He's clean and neat and organized.

He takes good care of himself.

Everybody likes him, and...

his apartment where he lives,

it's a hell of a lot cleaner than mine

if I cleaned mine for a year!

For the love of God, Your Honor,

I say that with all reverence,

what does Willy have to do?

What does he have to do before he's a person?

What does he have to do before he gets the same rights as you and me?

You and me, with our perfect brains,

that we could go out and live for a whole lifetime

and we would never have half of the goodness Willy has.

And how many people, Your Honor,

I'm asking you from your heart,

how many people would come through that door

and say that they loved us?

Willy's like a bird. Like a free bird,

just flying around in his own time and place,

but if you try to put him in a cage,

he's gonna bang up against that cage

and bang up against it, and he's gonna die, Your Honor.

That's what's going to happen to Willy.

You take him away from us,

and you're going to kill him.

And if he dies,

we're all going to die a little bit.

Please save him, Your Honor, please,

save all of us.

If I knew it was going to be your apartment and chili dogs,

I would've have dressed a little more appropriate.

Have patience, my dove.

This humble chili dog represents the first act

in what will be the great Italian drama of your life.

And the second act?

Hey, Tony! Tony!

Alice the crazy lady is cooking some chicken soup.

She'll be up in a few minutes. A few minutes?!

Maybe your cousin would like some. No, no!

Have you been related long? Put the soup where the sun never shines.

I don't want any chicken soup.

Willy: Chili dogs! What are you doing here?

What is this? A present.

For me? Fred.

Here, go give Fred his present.

Come on, Willy! Attaboy!

Willy, that present didn't come from Sherwood Forest did it?

Hard cash, Tony.

Attaboy! Willy, how would you like

a nice big bowl of chicken soup?

Hello.

To go with the chili dogs?

Yeah... no, I mean downstairs!

Alice! Hurry up with that chicken soup

and the kreplachs. We're having a party!

We're not having any kreplachs!

Alice! I don't want any chicken...

Honey, if you ever have a family reunion,

he'll have to hire Chicago.

Terrific.