Original subtitles

( singing "Row, Row, Row Your Boat." )

SHIT! WAIT! WAIT!

A BIRD JUST TOOK A CRAP ON MY SHIRT!

IT'S ALL OVER YOUR HEAD.

ON MY HEAD? OH, SHIT!

WASN'T JUST ANY BIRD THERE, BOBBY, THAT WAS A TURTLEDOVE.

YOU JUST GOT SHIT ON BY THE BIRD OF LOVE.

IT DEFINITELY WASN'T THE FIRST TIME EITHER.

- HOW SYMBOLIC, BOB. - DEFINITELY MEANS SOMETHING.

I'VE HEARD IT MEANS GOOD LUCK, ACTUALLY.

I WOULDN'T WANT THE BIRD OF LOVE CRAPPING ALL OVER ME.

EXCUSE ME, IT AIMED AT THE WHOLE BOAT.

- MAYBE, BUT IT LANDED ON YOU. - YOUR LOVE LIFE IS DOOMED.

I WOULDN'T SAY ANYTHING IF I WERE YOU,

BECAUSE NONE OF YOU HAVE GOTTEN LAID IN MONTHS,

INCLUDING WALTER AND HE IS IN A PERMANENT RELATIONSHIP.

HOW PATHETIC IS THAT?

IT'S HARD TO WANT TO DO IT WHEN THE PERSON YOU'RE SEEING

IS DESPERATE TO GET PREGNANT.

I FEEL LIKE A WALKING SPERM BANK.

YOU DON'T KNOW HOW TO SAY NO?

I HAVE TRIED ABOUT A THOUSAND TIMES.

AND THAT'S THE LAST TIME I TELL YOU ANYTHING.

EXCUSE ME, BUT I'M A PRETTY GOOD LISTENER.

IN FACT, I'VE BEEN STUDYING

HOW TO READ PEOPLE'S DEEPEST EMOTIONS IN THEIR BODY LANGUAGE.

THE EYES CAN TELL SO MUCH.

WHAT DO YOU SEE IN MY EYES?

I SEE A LITTLE BOOGIE.

THAT'S WHAT I THOUGHT.

AND MICHAEL, WHOSE BALLS ARE SO BLUE--

DON'T EVEN START WITH ME. IF THERE IS ONE THING

I KNOW FOR SURE, IT'S HOW GREAT MY SEX LIFE IS.

MY SEX LIFE SUCKS.

ARE YOU HAVING TROUBLE GETTING AN ERECTION?

NO, THE SEX PART'S FINE.

IT'S THE RELATIONSHIP PART I'M HAVING TROUBLE WITH.

I LOVE WOMEN, I REALLY DO.

BUT EVERY TIME THEY BRING UP KIDS...

MARRIAGE AND THAT SORT OF THING,

I SEEM TO SHY AWAY, AND I WANT TO WANT THOSE THINGS.

WELL, WE'LL WORK ON THIS.

I GUESS I SHOULD TELL YOU THIS OTHER THING.

I CAN'T STOP LUSTING.

EVERY TIME I LOOK AT A WOMAN I WONDER WHAT IT WOULD BE LIKE...

...YOU KNOW, TO HAVE SEX WITH HER...

( clears throat )

AND I EVEN DID IT WITH YOU.

WELL, WE'RE NOW AT A POINT...

IN OUR THERAPY WHERE TRANSFERENCE TAKES PLACE,

IT'S NOT LIKE I THINK OF HAVING SEX WITH YOU

EVERY TIME I COME HERE.

I DON'T EVEN THINK OF YOU AS A WOMAN ANYMORE.

I DIDN'T MEAN IT LIKE THAT.

THE REAL REASON I'M CALLING IS

WE'RE VERY EXCITED ABOUT THIS NEW COMPANY, SOUTH SHORE,

OR RATHER SOUTH SHORE'S COMPETITION, TEPCO SYSTEMS, INC.

YES. IT MADE SOME BOLD MOVES ON THE SUPER HIGHWAY,

AND WE FEEL GOOD ABOUT IT.

YES, IT WAS A SURPRISE TO ALL OF US HERE AT THE FIRM.

LAST WEEK THEY WERE STRUGGLING A LITTLE BIT...

...BUT THIS WEEK WE FEEL THEY'RE...

...COMING ALONG AND YOU KNOW...

THE IRON'S HOT AND WE'RE READY TO STRIKE, SO...

HOW MUCH DO I THINK YOU SHOULD INVEST?

WELL, THAT DEPENDS ON YOUR GOALS...

PERSONALLY, I WOULDN'T GO BELOW 25,000?

2,500 IS PERFECT AS AN INITIAL PURCHASE.

SHOULD I PUT YOU DOWN FOR 2,500 FOR TEPCO?

WELL, THINK ABOUT IT AND I'LL CALL YOU IN A DAY OR TWO

TO SEE HOW...

I'LL WAIT FOR YOUR CALL. BYE-BYE.

( bell dings )

GOOD MORNING. GOOD MORNING.

GOOD MORNING, MR. MONTGOMERY.

GOOD MORNING, JENNY. GOOD MORNING, VALERIE.

WOULD YOU GIVE ME THE SKETCHES FROM YESTERDAY

AND A HOT CUP OF TEA, PLEASE?

SURE THING.

HE IS LOOKING PARTICULARLY GOOD TODAY.

YOU CAN SAY THAT AGAIN.

GOOD MORNING, EVERYONE.

( together ) GOOD MORNING, PROFESSOR MUSHNIK.

I BROUGHT YOU SOME FRESH MINT...

BECAUSE I KNOW HOW MUCH YOU LOVE MINT.

THANK YOU, VALERIE.

IS THERE ANYTHING ELSE I CAN DO FOR YOU?

ANYTHING?

NO, THANKS.

SHE WANTS YOU SO BAD IT HURTS ME.

WHAT HAVE WE GOT HERE, JIM?

HAVE YOU TAKEN A GOOD LOOK AT THAT WOMAN?

WHAT WOMAN?

VALERIE? YOUR SECRETARY,

THE ONE IN THE BODY THAT WALKS IN AND OUT OF HERE.

WHEN WAS THE LAST TIME YOU WENT ON A DATE?

JIM, I DON'T THINK THAT'S ANY OF YOUR BUSINESS.

ARE YOU LIKE ONE OF THOSE GUYS WITH A MOMMY ISSUE THING?

LIKE YOU DON'T WANT TO BETRAY MOMMY?

YOU GOT THE MONEY, YOU GOT THE JOB, YOU GOT THE LOOKS...

WHAT DO YOU HAVE THAT I DON'T HAVE?

JIM, COULD WE TALK ABOUT THIS?

I'M HAVING SOME REAL PROBLEMS WITH THIS CAMPAIGN.

I KNOW WHY YOU GET THE WOMEN TO LIKE YOU.

YOU IGNORE THEM, TREAT THEM LIKE SHIT.

WOMEN LOVE TO BE TREATED LIKE SHIT.

JIM, I'M PAYING YOU TO WORK HERE,

NOT TO PHILOSOPHIZE ABOUT WOMEN.

MY PROBLEM IS I'M TOO NICE. YOU HAVE TO KEEP IT COMPLICATED.

MR. MONTGOMERY? YOUR MOM'S ON LINE ONE.

THANK YOU, VALERIE.

VAL, HOW YOU DOING? YOU LOOK LIKE SHIT.

WELL, YOU ALWAYS LOOK LIKE SHIT.

HI, MOTHER.

NO, MOM, HOW MANY TIMES DO I HAVE TO TELL YOU

NO BLIND DATES?

I'M REALLY HUNGRY. THIS IS SUCH A NICE RESTAURANT.

THIS IS A REALLY NICE TABLE.

WHAT ARE YOU THINKING?

I WAS THINKING HOW BEAUTIFUL YOUR EYES ARE.

THANK YOU. THAT'S SO SWEET.

THANKS.

SO TELL ME ABOUT YOURSELF.

WHAT DO YOU WANT TO KNOW?

WHAT DO YOU LIKE TO DO FOR FUN?

I LIKE TO ROW.

HOW CUTE.

I USED TO DATE A GUY WHO SAILED.

PHIL. HE ALWAYS WANTED TO TAKE ME SAILING,

NEVER WANTED TO TAKE ME TO THE MOVIES,

NEVER EVEN WANTED TO TAKE ME OUT TO DINNER.

HE JUST WANTED TO GO SAILING.

I SPENT A FORTUNE ON DRAMAMINE.

FINALLY, I FOUND OUT WHY PHIL LIKED GOING SAILING.

HE DIDN'T WANT TO BE SEEN WITH ME IN PUBLIC.

HE WAS MARRIED.

YOU'RE NOT MARRIED, ARE YOU?

NO, OF COURSE NOT.

JUST CHECKING.

SO, WHY AREN'T YOU MARRIED?

I HAVE SOME INCREDIBLE NEWS FOR YOU.

YOU GOT THAT PROMOTION. HONEY, THAT'S TERRIFIC.

NO, NO, NO. IT HAS NOTHING TO DO WITH ME.

ARE YOU READY FOR THIS? ALICE IS PREGNANT.

OH...

CAN I HAVE SOME MASHED POTATOES, PLEASE?

THAT'S TERRIFIC, NANCY.

YOU COULD AT LEAST PRETEND TO BE EXCITED.

WHY? BECAUSE SOME GIRL WHO LIVES IN SEATTLE,

WHO I'VE MET THREE TIMES IN MY LIFE, IS PREGNANT?

I MEAN, I DON'T REALLY EVEN KNOW ALICE.

YOU WERE AT HER WEDDING.

OH...

READY? SET? GO!

I'M SPARTACUS!

BOTTOMS UP.

START CLEANING THE BAR.

MY MAN!

DID YOU GUYS HAVE A GREAT WEEKEND, OR WHAT?

I COULDN'T WAIT FOR IT TO END,

- WHY DO YOU SAY THAT? - BECAUSE THEY BORE ME.

DEPENDS ON WHAT YOU DO.

YOU FIND A GREAT GIRL, IT'S NOT THAT BAD.

DON'T YOU FIND IT MONOTONOUS DATING ALL THE TIME, BOB?

WHO SAID ANYTHING ABOUT DATING?

I MEAN THIS WHOLE THING ABOUT WINING AND DINING GIRLS.

IT CLICKS OR IT DOESN'T. IF IT DOES,

YOU CAN TAKE THE GIRL FOR BURGERS AND FRIES,

AND SHE STILL LIKES YOU.

WHY DON'T YOU SKIP THE AGGRAVATION?

WHAT WOULD YOU DO THEN?

STAY HOME, READ, WATCH A MOVIE...

CROCHET, KNIT, JERK OFF, WHATEVER.

WHY DO WE HANG AROUND WITH HIM?

STOCK TIPS.

( chattering )

HEY, WHO'S THE HOTTIE?

DON'T I KNOW HER FROM SOMEPLACE?

IF I KNEW HER, I WOULD REMEMBER.

ESPECIALLY IF YOU KNEW HER IN THE BIBLICAL SENSE.

WATCH OUT FOR THE WATER!

( all laughing )

- HEY, I'LL GET THE OARS. - THAT'S A GOOD IDEA.

YES, YES, YES.

CHEERS.

I THINK WE DID VERY GOOD TODAY.

NOT TOO BAD. NOT TOO BAD.

WE'RE COMING ALONG.

COME ON, WE'RE HOT SHIT.

I'VE GOT A GREAT IDEA.

LET'S TRY OUT FOR THE KINGSLEY REGATTA.

- WHAT ARE YOU ON, CRACK? - YES!

WE CAN WIN.

WE CAN ABSOLUTELY WIN IT.

NO, WE CAN'T.

PATRICK! ANOTHER ROUND OF J&B.

WE WANT TO MAKE A TOAST TO THE KINGSLEY REGATTA!

A TOAST TO THE KINGSLEY REGATTA!

WE'LL WIN IT! WE CAN DO IT.

WHAT ARE YOU LAUGHING AT?

THE THOUGHT OF YOU GUYS IN THE REGATTA.

YOU THINK THAT'S FUNNY?

YOU GUYS STILL DICKING AROUND ON THE RIVER?

YES, WE'RE STILL DICKING AROUND ON THE RIVER.

I'VE SEEN YOU GUYS ROW. YOU'RE NOT THAT GREAT.

TELL YOU WHAT,

TOMORROW MORNING, 8:00,

WINNER GETS A KEG OF BEER.

WHOO!

THAT'S A BET?

OH, JESUS.

HERE'S A BET.

TOMORROW MORNING, 8:00,

WE RACE, LIKE YOU SAID.

BUT THIS TIME...

THE LOSER HAS TO RUN BARE-BUTT NAKED DOWN THE RIVER.

- ALL RIGHT. - LET'S DO IT.

( hooting and hollering )

AH, SHRINKAGE, SHRINKAGE!

FEEL THAT WIND BETWEEN YOUR LEGS!

HELLO! GOODBYE!

GOODBYE.

NO DOUBT, THE MOST EMBARRASSING DAY OF MY LIFE.

I'VE NEVER BEEN SO FUCKING HUMILIATED.

WE SHOULD HAVE VIDEOTAPED IT FOR OUR PARENTS.

YOU KNOW, BOB, WE'VE HAD ENOUGH OF YOUR SUGGESTIONS.

I'VE HAD ENOUGH OF THIS WHOLE ROWING THING.

- I HATE ROWING. - YEAH, ROWING SUCKS.

MAYBE WE SHOULD GO BACK TO GOLF.

OR TENNIS, WE WEREN'T SO BAD AT TENNIS.

WE SUCKED AT TENNIS.

GOD, SHE HAS THE NICEST LEGS I'VE EVER SEEN.

SHE IS SO... BEAUTIFUL!

WHAT A BEAUTIFUL MOUTH!

DOES SHE HAVE ANY TITS?

HEY, WATCH YOUR LANGUAGE. SHE IS PRACTICALLY FAMILY.

YOU KNOW HER?

I'VE KNOWN HER SINCE SHE WAS A LITTLE GIRL.

SHE JUST MOVED HERE FROM ENGLAND.

YOU WANT TO MEET HER? KIMBERLY.

I LOVE PARISIANS.

I WOULD LIKE YOU TO MEET SOME PEOPLE--

WALTER, SCOTT, MICHAEL AND BOB.

- HI. I'M WALTER MUSHNIK. - BOB. HOW YOU DOING?

MICHAEL.

I HAVE SEEN AN AWFUL LOT OF YOU BOYS LATELY.

YEAH, THANKS.

YEAH, RIGHT.

OOOH!

HER FATHER WAS A LEGEND AROUND THIS PLACE.

HE WAS A GREAT ROWER. SO IS SHE.

LIKE US, I TAKE IT, RIGHT?

HAVE YOU BEEN ROWING LONG?

LONG TIME.

OH, YEAH. LONG TIME.

SINCE THE 40'S.

TRUE STORY. WEIRD STUFF.

COULDN'T YOU TELL?

YOUR RHYTHM IS A TAD WONKY.

OH...

ALL YOU NEED IS A LITTLE PRACTICE.

WELL, MAYBE YOU CAN HELP US A WONKY TAD.

THAT'S A GREAT IDEA. WHAT DO YOU SAY?

I THOUGHT YOU WERE GIVING ROWING UP?

WE LIVE TO ROW AND WE ROW TO LIVE.

SO, COACH, WHAT DO YOU SAY?

HOW DO I KNOW YOUR INTENTIONS ARE HONORABLE?

DON'T WE LOOK HONORABLE?

YEAH, WHAT ARE YOU TRYING TO SAY?

WE COULD REALLY USE YOUR HELP.

THIS IS TRUE.

IT WILL HAVE TO BE EARLY.

EARLY'S GOOD.

- WE LOVE EARLY. - FRIDAY MORNING AT SEVEN?

( mouths seven ) GREAT.

- PERFECT. - FINE.

- EARLY BIRD GETS THE WORM. - SEE YOU THEN.

- BYE! - BYE-BYE!

- THANKS, COACH. - TOODLE-OO.

Uhhh!!!

WOW!

UNBELIEVABLE.

OH, MY GOD. I HAVE A TEACHER'S MEETING FRIDAY MORNING.

FRIDAY MORNING AT SEVEN, I SEE MY SHRINK ON FRIDAYS.

I HAVE AN IMPORTANT BUSINESS MEETING.

SO WE'LL JUST HAVE TO CANCEL HER OUT, RIGHT?

( all together ) NO. ARE YOU KIDDING?

( snoring )

( clock cuckoos )

( alarm ringing )

( clock cuckoos, Walter farting )

( multiple bells ringing )

( alarms continue to ring )

( ringing )

A QUARTER TO SEVEN. YOU HAVE TO BE KIDDING!

( alarm ringing )

- WHERE IS SHE? - WHAT? IT'S 7:01?

YOU LOOK GOOD.

THANKS.

I BET SHE FORGOT.

SHE DIDN'T FORGET.

HEY, GUYS. OVER THERE.

GOD SAVE THE QUEEN.

GOOD MORNING.

GOOD MORNING.

ALL RIGHT. LET'S GET THIS SHOW ON THE ROAD.

SHOW ON THE ROAD.

♪ SHOW ON THE ROAD...

ONE... AND TWO...

AND THREE...

FOCUSING ON YOUR RHYTHM.

EYES FRONT. WATCH THE OAR IN FRONT OF YOU.

WE'RE ALL FOLLOWING BOB HERE...

FORTUNATELY OR UNFORTUNATELY.

SIT UP TALL, TUCKING IN... LOWER BACK PULLING TO CHEST...

DOWN AND AWAY...

I WANT YOU TO FEEL IT IN YOUR BACKS, GENTLEMEN.

PUSH WITH YOUR LEGS. DON'T KICK, BOB.

I WANT TO HEAR THE FEATHERING. PLUM THE OARS.

I WANT TO HEAR ONE OAR, NOT FOUR OF YOU.

GOOD WALTER, PICK UP THE PACE.

WALTER, FOCUS!

I'M FOCUSING.

SEND THE FINISH...

EYES UP FRONT. PICK UP THE PACE.

INCREASE THE RHYTHM.

GOD, MAN, I HAVEN'T FELT LIKE THIS SINCE FOOTBALL PRACTICE.

MY BACK IS KILLING ME.

- REALLY? I FEEL GREAT. - YOU'RE SICK.

YOU DID MUCH BETTER.

IF YOU WORKED HARD, YOU MIGHT MAKE THE REGATTA.

WHAT DO YOU SAY?

MAYBE YOU'LL BE OUR COXSWAIN?

NO, I DON'T THINK SO.

- COME ON! - PLEASE?

- WE'RE REALLY DESPERATE. - WE COULD REALLY USE YOUR HELP.

YOU REALLY WANT TO DO IT?

YES, ABSOLUTELY.

IF THERE IS ANY DILLY-DALLYING, THEN I'M HISTORY.

- NO DILLY-DALLYING. - WHATSOEVER.

NEXT TIME WE'LL START WITH SOME EXERCISES.

EXERCISES. GREAT. EXERCISE.

I CAN LISTEN TO HER GIVING US THOSE COMMANDS ALL DAY.

SHE IS NOT A BAD COACH.

NOT BAD? SHE IS EXCELLENT!

I'M STARTING TO FEEL LIKE A JOCK.

I DON'T KNOW ABOUT YOU GUYS, BUT...

I'M HAVING KIND OF A HARD TIME CONCENTRATING.

SHE IS A PRETTY SERIOUS BABE.

SHE IS DEFINITELY ATTRACTIVE.

THE MORE I GET TO KNOW HER, THE LESS ATTRACTED I AM TO HER.

SHE IS LIKE A SISTER TO ME.

REALLY?

I THINK WE OUGHT TO MAKE A PACT RIGHT HERE, RIGHT NOW.

NOBODY GOES OUT WITH HER LIKE, YOU KNOW...

A DATE-LIKE SITUATION.

YOU MEAN NO SEXUAL INTERCOURSE?

EXACTLY.

SOUNDS REASONABLE.

DOES ORAL SEX COUNT?

HMMM...

YES.

WE'RE GOING TO MAKE A PACT...

USING THE SACRED OAR OF TRUTH.

SHE CAN MAKE A PACT WITH MY SACRED OAR OF TRUTH.

YOU ALWAYS HAVE TO BE LIKE THAT?

IT'S ALL YOU EVER THINK OF.

COME ON, GET OVER HERE.

- WE SOLEMNLY SWEAR... - WE SOLEMNLY SWEAR...

NOT TO HAVE SEX WITH KIMBERLY...

...NOT TO HAVE SEX WITH KIMBERLY

FOR AS LONG AS WE SHALL ROW.

FOR AS LONG AS WE SHALL ROW.

SO HELP US, GOD OF THE RIVER.

SO HELP US, GOD OF THE RIVER.

HEY, KIMBERLY.

I WANTED TO THANK YOU. YOU'RE HELPING US A LOT.

IT'S MY PLEASURE.

WELL, I THOUGHT THE LEAST I COULD DO...

WOULD BE TO TAKE YOU OUT TO DINNER.

THAT'S VERY KIND OF YOU, BUT ENTIRELY UNNECESSARY.

I KNOW A GREAT ITALIAN PLACE DOWN THE STREET.

I'M NOT INTO DATING.

DATING?

WHO SAID ANYTHING ABOUT DATING? I'M TALKING ABOUT DINNER,

FOOD, YOU DO HAVE TO EAT, DON'T YOU?

( engine starts )

GOOD MORNING, MISS COX-SWAIN,

COXSWAIN, COXSWAIN, I'M A RHYTHM COUNTER.

SOUNDS SERIOUSLY PERVERTED TO ME.

WHICH SCARF ON THE DUMMY?

THIS SCARF ON THE DUMMY.

SO...

ARE THEY CUTE?

WELL... OH, MY GOD, THERE IS ONE RIGHT THERE!

WHAT ARE YOU DOING?

WANT TO COME IN?

HE CERTAINLY DOESN'T LOOK LIKE A ROWER TO ME.

HE WILL. GIVE HIM TIME.

HELLO.

WHAT A COINCIDENCE, I DIDN'T KNOW THAT YOU WORKED HERE.

SARA, WALTER, WALTER, SARA.

- HI. - HOW DO YOU DO?

WHOO! NICE TO MEET YOU.

SO WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN THIS NECK OF THE WOODS?

HUH? WELL...

THERE IS A GREAT COFFEE SHOP ACROSS THE STREET.

I WAS JUST GOING TO HAVE BREAKFAST.

REALLY? WHICH ONE?

WELL, YES. HOW ABOUT JOINING ME?

I WOULD LOVE TO, BUT I CAN'T...

BECAUSE I'M WORKING.

NO, NO, NO. YOU SHOULD GO.

I'LL STAY HERE AND WATCH THE SHOP

TRY THE BLUEBERRY MUFFINS.

TRUST ME, YOU WON'T REGRET IT.

AFTER TRAVELING WITH THE DEAD AFTER I GRADUATED,

I HAD TO GET MY ACT TOGETHER.

MY MOM WANTED ME TO GO TO MED SCHOOL,

MY DAD WANTED ME TO BE A LAWYER. ALL I WANTED TO DO WAS WRITE.

YOU SPENT THE SUMMER TRAVELING WITH THE GRATEFUL DEAD?

YES, I SOLD THE MUSHROOM BURRITO, YOU KNOW?

ANYWAY, I LIVED OUT OF MY VAN.

AND I READ ALL OF DOSTOEVSKY, TOLSTOY, SARTRE, CAMUS,

IT WAS GREAT AND NOW I'M TEACHING ROMANTIC LITERATURE.

HOW ROMANTIC.

TOO MUCH CAFFEINE!

OUT, OUT, DAMNED SPOT.

MACBETH?

THANK YOU FOR BREAKFAST. YOU'RE WELCOME.

I HOPE YOU CAN GET THAT...

IT'S NO PROBLEM.

I REALLY ENJOYED TALKING WITH YOU.

I'LL SEE YOU ON MONDAY.

"LUNDI", THAT'S FRENCH.

KIM, LISTEN.

WE BETTER NOT TELL THE GUYS ABOUT THIS.

THEY MIGHT GET JEALOUS.

YES. AU REVOIR,

A BIENTOT.

HI, COME HERE. YOU HAVE A NICE DOG!

WHAT'S UP?

OUCH!

THIS IS LOVELY. YOU MUST EAT HERE OFTEN.

NO, I'VE NEVER BEEN HERE.

SIGNOR STARK, ¿Come stai?

IT'S NICE TO SEE YOU AGAIN.

ONCE OR TWICE, A LONG TIME AGO.

THE USUAL BELLINI, SIGNOR STARK?

YES. WOULD YOU LIKE ONE?

TWO. PERFETTO.

SIGNOR STARK, WHAT WOULD YOU RECOMMEND?

THEY HAVE GREAT PASTA.

MM-HMM.

SO, YOU GREW UP IN ENGLAND? WHAT, TELL ME...

NO. ACTUALLY I SPENT 12 DELICIOUS YEARS HERE...

FOLLOWED BY A COUPLE OF CRAPPY ONES.

LONDON WAS THE AFTERMATH OF MY PARENTS' DIVORCE.

IS THAT WHERE YOU LEARNED HOW TO ROW?

NO, HERE.

MY FATHER AND I SPENT A LOT OF TIME ON THE RIVER.

REALLY?

WAS HE ANY GOOD?

YES, HE MADE THE OLYMPIC TEAM.

REALLY? THE OLYMPICS?

YOU'RE KIDDING.

NO.

WOW! DOES HE STILL ROW?

NO. ACTUALLY, HE DIED LAST YEAR.

OH. I'M SORRY.

THAT'S WHY I'M HERE. I NEED TO SELL THE HOUSE.

WHAT ABOUT YOU?

WELL, I REMODEL OLD VICTORIAN TOWNHOUSES.

AND I LIVE WITH A REALLY BEAUTIFUL YOUNG FEMALE

...NAMED LUCY.

REALLY?

SHE IS GORGEOUS.

NICE MUSTACHE.

WHEN I WAS A CHILD, WE ONCE HAD TEN CATS.

TEN CATS?

THAT'S A LOT OF KITTY CATS.

NO TO MENTION KITTY LITTER.

WE LIVED ON A FARM AND MY FATHER GOT THE CATS TO KILL THE MICE.

IF LUCY MET A MOUSE, I THINK SHE'D PROBABLY...

FALL DEEPLY IN LOVE WITH HER AND THEY WOULD MOVE IN TOGETHER.

BELLINI.

E SALUTTE!

TO YOU, KIMBERLY.

THANK YOU FOR DINNER.

IT WAS DELICIOUS.

THANK YOU.

I HAD A GREAT TIME.

ME TOO.

LET'S UH... DO IT AGAIN SOON.

GOOD NIGHT.

GOOD NIGHT.

WAIT...

LET'S NOT TELL THE GUYS ABOUT THIS.

THEY MIGHT GET JEALOUS.

GOOD NIGHT.

I JUST THINK IT'S BETTER IF WE DON'T TELL THE OTHER GUYS,

THEY MIGHT GET...

-...JEALOUS? - MY THOUGHTS EXACTLY.

NO! COME ON! WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT?

THERE IS NO WAY THAT WAS A STRIKE!

THAT WAS SO OUTSIDE. UNBELIEVABLE!

SORRY, I GET A LITTLE ANIMATED.

REALLY?

I KNOW, I'M A LITTLE FANATICAL, BUT I LOVE IT.

WATCH THIS NEXT PITCH. HE IS GOING TO GET A HIT.

NO WAY. HE'S IN A HUGE SLUMP.

COME ON, YOU DON'T FOLLOW BASEBALL?

SOMETIMES, THERE IS NO WAY HE'LL GET A HIT.

I'LL BET YOU.

THE LOSER HAS TO HOWL AT THE MOON.

YOU BETTER LOOSEN UP YOUR VOCAL CORDS.

AHEM, MI, MI, MI, MI.

COME ON, GIVE ME SOMETHING TO HIT!

( howling )

PRETTY GOOD.

THAT WAS GOOD.

DROP THAT TOMATO.

TOMATO?

HI, KIMBERLY.

MY! YOU LOOK GREAT TODAY.

THANK YOU.

WHAT'S WITH ALL THE SPINACH?

I WAS GOING TO TRY AND COOK A SPINACH PIE.

YOU WERE GOING TO TRY AND COOK A SPINACH PIE?

YES. MY COOKING IS ABOUT AS CONFIDENT AS YOUR ROWING.

THAT BAD?

MM-HMM...

SO WHERE DID YOU LEARN TO COOK?

I PICKED IT UP FROM MY MOM.

I DON'T OFTEN GET TO COOK FOR SOMEONE ELSE.

ROWING IS ABOUT AS SOCIAL AS I GET.

OH, DEAR!

THAT SMELLS DELICIOUS.

THIS IS NICE.

SO, KIMBERLY, DO YOU HAVE A BOYFRIEND?

GOD, NO.

I WAS ENGAGED...

AND HE GOT COLD FEET.

AND UH...

POOF!

I DON'T KNOW WHY I'M JOKING ABOUT IT.

IT REALLY HURT.

I IMAGINE.

THAT'S OKAY, I'M OVER IT.

IT'S BEEN TWO YEARS. MY GOD, TWO YEARS,

I GUESS I HAVEN'T BEEN THAT SOCIALLY INCLINED EITHER.

SO, IN ANSWER TO YOUR QUESTION, NO, I DON'T HAVE A BOYFRIEND.

A TOAST.

TO THE FUTURE...

AND TO NO MORE POOFS.

HEY, GUYS, DID YOU HAVE A GREAT WEEKEND?

YES, IT WAS A GREAT WEEKEND!

SO, WHAT DID YOU DO?

LET'S GET THE BOAT.

YES, LET'S GET THE BOAT.

- HELLO, BOYS. - KIM.

- HI, KIMBERLY. - HEY.

ONE... AND TWO...

VERY NICE.

COME ON, BABY!

GENTLEMEN?

MAY I REMIND YOU WE HAVE LESS THAN TWO WEEKS

UNTIL THE QUALIFYING RACES?

ONWARD, TEN AND TWO.

AND ONE...

AND TWO...

... AND THREE...

... AND FOUR...

... AND FIVE...

103, 104, 105...

106, 107, 108, 109...

NINE, TEN...

ONE!

( chattering )

GUYS, A CHANGE OF CLOTHES, FOR LUCK.

GOOD LUCK.

THESE ARE GREAT.

THESE ARE REALLY GREAT.

STYLING.

KIMBERLY, THAT'S REALLY THOUGHTFUL OF YOU.

OKAY, GUYS...

YOU WORKED HARD FOR THIS, YOU CAN DO IT.

ALL FOR ONE, ONE FOR ALL.

ATTITUDE CHECK, -- READY?

ON THREE. ONE, TWO, THREE.

FUCK! FUCK! FUCK!

LET'S GO. LET'S GO.

COME ON!

FLAG!

SIX MINUTES AND 32 SECONDS,

YOU'VE FINISHED LAST...

BUT YOU STILL QUALIFY.

YES!

HER MOTHER SAYS THAT SAMANTHA, THAT'S HER NAME, SAMANTHA,

SHE WAS IN A RELATIONSHIP THAT ENDED A YEAR AGO

AND SHE HASN'T MET ANYONE. SHE HAS A WONDERFUL JOB.

SHE IS FABULOUS LOOKING AND SHE HAS A NICE FAMILY.

I THINK YOU TWO SHOULD MEET.

MOTHER, PLEASE, YOU KNOW HOW I FEEL ABOUT BLIND DATES.

IT DOESN'T HAVE TO BE A BLIND DATE,

I CAN ARRANGE A DINNER PARTY.

- I DON'T THINK SO. - BUT SHE SOUNDS SO PERFECT.

LEAVE HIM ALONE, DEAR.

HOW AM I EVER GOING TO BECOME A GRANDMOTHER

IF MY ONLY CHILD REFUSES TO DATE?

MOM, TO TELL YOU THE TRUTH, I'M ALREADY SEEING SOMEBODY.

GOOD FOR YOU, VERY GOOD.

WELL, AREN'T YOU GOING TO TELL US ABOUT HER?

I DON'T THINK YOU KNOW HER, BUT SHE IS VERY SPECIAL.

DO WE KNOW HER PARENTS?

I DON'T THINK SO.

IS SHE FROM HERE?

NO.

WHEN DID YOU MEET HER?

JUST RELAX, DEAR.

A FEW MONTHS AGO?

A FEW MONTHS AGO? THIS IS SERIOUS.

WHEN ARE WE GOING TO GET TO MEET HER?

UM... YOU KNOW, MOM, I DON'T KNOW.

SOON, I SUPPOSE.

WHAT ARE YOU WORKING ON?

BELIEVE IT OR NOT,

I'VE STARTED TO WORK IN MY BOOK AGAIN.

THAT'S GREAT. YOU SHOULD BE WORKING ON IT.

I DON'T EVEN KNOW WHY I PUT IT DOWN.

PROBABLY BEFORE YOU WEREN'T READY AND NOW YOU ARE.

DO YOU DO KNOW ANYTHING ABOUT FIREARMS?

NO.

YOU TAKE THE STOCK OF THE GUN TO YOUR SHOULDER,

THIS IS YOUR STABILIZING HAND,

PICK THE TARGET, AIM THROUGH THE SIGHTS,

LINE IT UP...

PICK OUT THE TROLL SUCKER YOU WANT TO KILL...

( fire shot )

( troll laughs ) YOU SUCK!

- DAMN SIGHTS ARE OFF. - GIVE ME THE GUN.

YOU HAVE TO COCK...

IF YOU AIM...

( troll ) NICE SHOT!

GOOD JOB.

THANKS.

MICHAEL...

I CAN'T HELP MYSELF.

KIMBERLY, I THINK YOU'RE INCREDIBLE.

I FEEL SO AT EASE WITH YOU.

IT JUST FEELS SO RIGHT.

I'M NOT READY FOR THIS.

WHY?

I'M AFRAID OF BEING DISAPPOINTED,

OR ABANDONED, OR REJECTED, OR MISLEAD.

I'M AFRAID OF BEING DISAPPOINTING...

OR MISLEADING...

YOU KNOW, I'M CONFUSED...

ONE MOMENT I FEEL LIKE I'VE MADE FOUR REALLY GREAT FRIENDS...

AND THEN I FEEL AS THOUGH THEY ALL WANT MORE THAN FRIENDSHIP

AND I DON'T KNOW HOW I FEEL ABOUT THAT.

MAYBE YOU OUGHT TO SLOW THINGS DOWN A LITTLE.

HAVE YOU DONE IT WITH ANY OF THEM?

DONE WHAT?

( girl falls )

ONE, TWO, STRUM.

THERE YOU GO.

( reading French slowly )

WAIT, WAIT, WAIT.

I GOT IT.

THANK YOU.

( sneezes )

( sneezes again )

- ARE YOU ALL RIGHT, KIMBERLY? - YOU LOOK A LITTLE PEAKED.

MICHAEL'S RIGHT. YOU LOOK KIND OF SICKLY.

I'M FINE.

- I THINK WE SHOULD GO BACK. - YOU'RE RIGHT. WE SHOULD GO.

OH, GOD.

- LET'S TURN AROUND, WAY ENOUGH. - GUYS, I'M REALLY FINE.

WE'LL JUST GO BACK.

WALTER, A LITTLE HARDER.

YOU WANT ME TO GIVE YOU A RIDE HOME?

- MM-MMM. - NO?

- I KNOW A GREAT DOCTOR. - GET SOME REST.

I COULD BRING YOU CHICKEN SOUP. IT'S GOT NATURAL PENICILLIN.

I'M FINE. LET'S RESCHEDULE.

- RESCHEDULE. - BYE!

- MY BET... - WHAT?

SHE'S ON THE RAG.

ON THE RAG, BOB? NICE, BOB.

SICK. JERK.

WHAT? I MEANT IT IN THE CLINICAL SENSE.

COME ON GIVE ME A BREAK!

( sobbing )

I THOUGHT IT WOULD BE DIFFERENT,

THIS WASN'T SUPPOSED TO HAPPEN TO ME.

I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW THAT... ( whispers ) THE CONDOM BROKE.

WHAT BROKE, MAMA?

SHE'S THE ONE.

SHE'S RIGHT FOR ME.

SO... ( sighs ) YOU THINK YOU'RE INTERESTED

IN A SERIOUS RELATIONSHIP WITH KIMBERLY?

YES.

YES, I AM.

YOU KNOW, RELATIONSHIPS TAKE WORK, MICHAEL.

COMMITMENT, COMPROMISE.

YOU HAVE TO TRUST...

AND YOU HAVE TO SURRENDER.

-I--I... - WHAT? WHAT IS IT?

I--I CAN DO THAT.

WELL, IT TAKES WORK, MICHAEL. BUT IT CAN BE WONDERFUL.

AND IF YOU UNDERSTAND THIS, THEN WE'RE MAKING PROGRESS.

WOW. MAYBE THAT'S WHAT TRUE LOVE IS.

MAKING PROGRESS IN THERAPY.

( knocking lightly )

HI.

HELLO.

I WAS IN THE NEIGHBORHOOD...

I THOUGHT I'D STOP BY AND SEE HOW YOU'RE FEELING.

I FEEL, UM...

A LITTLE BIT BETTER.

GOOD.

SO, THE 24 HOUR FLU OR SOMETHING, HUH?

NO, NOT EXACTLY.

NO?

WHAT WAS IT?

SOMETHING COMPLETELY UNEXPECTED.

OH.

LIKE WHAT?

UM...

( clears throat )

I'M PREGNANT.

YOU'RE PREGNANT?

WHA--?

HOW--I MEAN, WOW!

WOW!

WELL...

I THINK WE CAN DEAL WITH THIS.

DO YOU THINK YOU'RE READY FOR A CHILD?

( sighs )

SO, WHAT DO YOU WANT TO DO?

I WANT TO MAKE THE RIGHT DECISION.

I SAY, HAVE IT.

I LOVE KIDS.

AND ANYTHING YOU NEED FROM ME...

ANYTHING AT ALL, IT'S YOURS.

THANK YOU FOR SAYING THAT.

I MEAN IT.

DO YOU HAVE SOME SUGAR?

OH, YES.

HEADACHE, TOO?

NO, UM...

THEY'RE ANTIDEPRESSANTS.

SOMETIMES I NEED A LITTLE EXTRA HELP.

WOW! JEEZ! PARANOID.

DO YOU THINK YOU'RE READY FOR THAT--

TO BE A MOM AND EVERYTHING?

BECAUSE IF YOU ARE, IT'S GREAT.

THAT'S YOUR CHOICE.

I MEAN, WHO'S GOING TO TELL YOU WHAT TO DO, REALLY?

IT'S YOUR BODY.

LEGALLY AND MORALLY, IT'S UP TO YOU.

I THINK THAT'S GOOD.

YOU KNOW, YOU'RE STARTING TO LOOK A LITTLE PREGNANT.

( begins to sob )

I MEAN IN A GOOD WAY, YOU'RE FLUSHED.

IT'S-- YOU'RE STARTING TO LOOK...

ROSY... ( sobbing louder )

IF YOU NEED ANYTHING I'LL BE OUT HERE.

DON'T WORRY ABOUT ME, I'LL BE FINE.

I DON'T KNOW THAT I'M READY TO BE A DAD JUST YET.

( toilet flushes )

FUNNY, I DON'T EVEN REMEMBER WHAT HAPPENED THAT NIGHT.

LIFE IS SO CRUEL.

YOU DRINK A LITTLE TOO MUCH, PASS OUT, AND BAM...

HERE COMES LITTLE BOB, OR LITTLE BABETTE RIGHT INTO THE WORLD.

BUT WHAT ARE YOU GOING TO DO?

LIFE IS SHORT, THEN YOU KEEP MOVING, RIGHT?

WOW, THERE'S NOT MUCH CHANGE IN IT.

YOU JUST PLOW FORWARD.

RIGHT? EVERYTHING'S FINE.

YOU OKAY? I'M SORRY. IS EVERYTHING ALL RIGHT?

GOOD. GOOD.

GOOD, GOOD. YOU'RE GOING TO BE FINE.

THANK YOU FOR BEING SO UNDERSTANDING.

NO, IT'S GREAT. IT'S GOING TO BE GREAT.

OKAY.

ARE YOU SURE YOU'RE PREGNANT?

YES.

AND IT'S REALLY IMPORTANT THAT I BE HONEST WITH YOU...

I HAVE TO BE HONEST WITH YOU HERE.

I HAVE A GIRLFRIEND.

I HAVE NANCY AND WE'VE BEEN TOGETHER FOR THREE YEARS...

AND SHE IS GOING TO KILL ME.

I'M DEAD.

DEAD.

YOU KNOW, WE HAVE TO TALK ABOUT THIS.

THIS ISN'T THE RIGHT THING TO DO HERE.

THIS IS AN UNPLANNED PREGNANCY.

YOU KNOW, FOR GOD'S SAKE.

YOU AREN'T ACTUALLY THINKING OF...

HAVING IT, ARE YOU?

I--I DON'T... YOU DON'T KNOW.

I DON'T WANT TO BE A PART OF THIS.

I CAN'T BE. THIS ISN'T FOR ME.

NO, NO THANK YOU.

OH, SHIT. SHIT!

( squeaks )

( phone rings )

HELLO?

HI, NANCE...

NOTHING, JUST CORRECTING SOME PAPERS.

DO I WANT TO GO OUT TO DINNER?

NO, I--I DON'T THINK SO.

SUSHI? ALL RIGHT THEN.

I'LL SEE YOU IN A LITTLE BIT THEN.

OKAY. ( makes kissing sound )

I'VE BEEN TRYING TO SORT OUT

WHAT I SHOULD DO,

KEEPING AN OPEN MIND.

AND I HOPE YOU CAN DO THE SAME.

WHAT I HAVE TO SAY...

IS GOING TO AFFECT ALL OF YOU.

I WANT TO HAVE THIS BABY.

I'M A LITTLE CONFUSED...

WHY DOES THIS CONCERN THEM?

WELL...

NO...

HOLY SHIT.

MY GOD. WHOA!

OH, MY GOD.

YOU'VE GOT TO BE FUCKING KIDDING ME.

HAVE YOU...

HAVE YOU BEEN WITH ALL FOUR OF US?

I'VE BEEN SPENDING TIME WITH ALL OF YOU.

AND I CARE... VERY MUCH ABOUT EACH OF YOU.

AND I'VE HEARD EVERYTHING EACH OF YOU HAS HAD TO SAY.

AND...

WHATEVER YOU DECIDE TO DO IS FINE WITH ME.

I WOULD LOVE, MORE THAN ANYTHING IN THE WORLD...

FOR ALL FOUR OF YOU TO BE INVOLVED.

BUT EVEN IF I HAVE TO DO THIS ON MY OWN...

I REALLY WANT TO HAVE THIS BABY.

KIMBERLY, WAIT...

I'M REALLY FINE.

I'M OKAY.

DID THAT JUST HAPPEN?

HOW COULD YOU GUYS HAVE DONE THIS TO ME?

I THOUGHT WE WERE BEST FRIENDS, MAN.

YOU GUYS ARE TRAITORS.

THIS IS CRAZY.

AREN'T YOU A TRAITOR TOO, MIKEY?

NO, BUT I LOVE HER.

I CAN'T BELIEVE YOU GUYS DID THIS TO ME.

WE HAD A PACT.

IT LOOKS LIKE WE ALL BROKE THE PACT.

FUCK YOU!

I WASN'T THE ONLY ONE.

RELAX.

TRY AND BE MATURE HERE. THERE'S A BIG DECISION TO MAKE.

I'VE MADE MY DECISION.

I'M NEVER TALKING TO THAT GIRL AGAIN, EVER.

WELL, GOOD.

I WANT TO KNOW RIGHT NOW, WHO SLEPT WITH HER?

HONESTLY, ALL I REMEMBER IS SLEEPING.

WALTER!

I'M NOT FUCKING TELLING YOU.

OH, I SEE. I SEE.

SCOTT, YOU DIDN'T SLEEP WITH HER, RIGHT?

PLEASE.

OH, MY GOD. I THINK I'M GOING TO BE SICK.

I DON'T UNDERSTAND,

WHAT DOES SHE GAIN BY HAVING ALL OF US INVOLVED?

I MEAN, AS FATHERS?

YOU KNOW WHAT? IT DOESN'T MATTER.

I'VE MADE MY DECISION AND I NEVER WANT TO SEE HER AGAIN.

COUNT ME OUT, BECAUSE I DON'T WANT TO BE A PART OF THIS.

I WOULD RATHER FUCKING DIE.

I'VE GOT TO CALL MY SHRINK. I THINK I'M HAVING A BREAKDOWN.

I CAN'T BELIEVE THIS.

I CAN'T FUCKING BELIEVE THIS.

I CAN'T BELIEVE THIS GIRL.

SHE'S GOING TO RUIN MY LIFE.

I CAN'T BELIEVE THAT FUCKING SLUT.

FUCK YOU, WALTER.

HEY, HEY! ENOUGH!

GET THE FUCK OUT OF MY WAY.

I'M NEVER TALKING TO YOU ASSHOLES AGAIN.

WHAT ABOUT THE RACE?

LOUISE, MY DARLING LOUISE.

YOU HAVE NO IDEA HOW MUCH I'VE MISSED YOU.

YEAH?

IS THAT WHY I HAVEN'T HEARD FROM YOU IN THREE MONTHS?

THREE MONTHS? HAS IT REALLY BEEN THREE MONTHS?

YEAH.

MY BIOLOGICAL CLOCK SAYS EVEN LONGER.

( chuckles )

I'VE BEEN WORKING AND ROWING A LOT.

- ROWING? - YEAH.

IS THAT WHAT YOU'RE CALLING IT NOW?

YOU USED TO REFER TO IT AS A "CULTURAL EXCHANGE".

IT'S NOT LIKE THAT. REALLY. IT'S...

IT'S ACTUALLY BEEN KIND OF ROUGH OUT THERE.

I'M IN THE MIDDLE OF A CRISIS.

I GUESS I COULD USE A LITTLE LOUISE COMPASSION.

WHAT'S THIS?

YOU'VE HAD A BIG DISAPPOINTMENT IN LOVE.

YOU'VE BEEN DUMPED.

WELL, I WISH IT WERE THAT SIMPLE.

THAT WOULD BE GREAT.

ACTUALLY, I GUESS I'M KIND OF LOST, RIGHT NOW.

CAN I ASK YOU A QUESTION?

SHOOT.

WHAT DO YOU THINK OF BABIES?

( laughs )

ARE TRYING TO TELL ME THAT "THE BOAR"--

"THE WILD BOAR", "THE BARBARIAN",

"THE WARRIOR",

IS THINKING ABOUT SETTLING DOWN?

NO, NOT EXACTLY.

YOU'RE NOT GOING SOFT ON ME, ARE YOU?

NO, NO, NO.

I WAS JUST, YOU KNOW...

( sighs ) JUST WONDERING WHAT YOU THOUGHT ABOUT...

THE IDEA OF RAISING KIDS.

WELL...

AS LONG AS THEY'RE MINE.

I LOVE IT.

GREAT.

CAN I HAVE ANOTHER ONE?

Walter: BABIES...

( lullaby playing - babies crying )

BABIES ALL OVER.

OH, GOD.

YOU WERE TALKING IN YOUR SLEEP.

WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT?

YOU WERE. YOU WERE TALKING ABOUT BABIES.

YOUR BIOLOGICAL CLOCK IS TICKING.

YOU'RE FINALLY STARTING TO COME AROUND.

NO, I'M NOT STARTING TO COME AROUND.

I'M NOT READY FOR A KID.

ARE YOU READY FOR A SERIOUS RELATIONSHIP?

YES. WHAT DO YOU THINK WE'RE IN RIGHT NOW?

I DON'T KNOW. WHY DON'T YOU TELL ME?

THERE'S SOMETHING GOING ON WITH YOU,

BUT I CAN'T FIGURE OUT WHAT.

( sighs )

YOU'RE JUST IMAGINING THINGS.

AM I REALLY?

YES, COULD YOU JUST LIGHTEN UP A LITTLE?

WALTER?

CAN YOU TELL ME WHAT YOU SEE IN OUR FUTURE?

DO WE HAVE TO HAVE THIS DISCUSSION AT THREE IN THE MORNING?

YES, YOU NEVER WANT TO HAVE THIS DISCUSSION,

SO, I WANT TO HAVE IT AT THREE IN THE MORNING.

I WON'T. I'M GOING BACK TO SLEEP.

FINE.

WHAT ARE YOU DOING?

I'M PACKING, IF THAT'S WHAT YOU CAN CALL IT.

LIKE I HAVE ANYTHING TO PACK.

WHERE'S MY DIAPHRAGM?

IT'S PROBABLY FOSSILIZED BY NOW.

IT'S IN THAT UGLY THING MY PARENTS GAVE ME.

WHAT THE HELL IS IT DOING IN THERE?

I DON'T KNOW. RESTING.

CAN WE TALK ABOUT THIS NOW?

NO. WE CANNOT TALK ABOUT THIS. I'M SICK OF THIS SHIT.

WE'VE BEEN TOGETHER FOR THREE YEARS.

I'M SICK OF BEING TREATED LIKE SOME PIECE OF FURNITURE.

- PIECE OF FURNITURE? - NOTHING'S PROGRESSED.

- WHAT DO YOU MEAN? - IF I DIDN'T KNOW YOU BETTER,

I'D SAY YOU WERE HAVING A AFFAIR.

-HAVING AN AFFAIR? - BUT I KNOW YOU...

AND I THINK YOU'RE INCAPABLE OF HAVING AN AFFAIR.

YOU DON'T HAVE THE BALLS TO HAVE AN AFFAIR.

OH, I DON'T HAVE THE BALLS TO HAVE AN AFFAIR?

YOU CAN'T EVEN TAKE CARE OF YOUR OWN GIRLFRIEND.

EVERYTHING'S BEEN GOING WRONG FOR ME.

I PROMISE THINGS ARE GOING TO GET BETTER.

THAT'S JUST NOT GOOD ENOUGH.

I MEAN, JUST GIVE ME A CHANCE TO WORK THINGS OUT.

CALL ME WHEN YOU GROW UP, WALTER.

ADIEU.

- SHIT. - ( door shuts )

I LIKE KIMBERLY. SHE'S GREAT.

I DON'T KNOW IF I'M READY TO HAVE A KID RIGHT NOW.

I THINK SHE NEEDS OUR HELP, BOB.

WHAT'S WRONG WITH SHARING A LITTLE RESPONSIBILITY?

SHARING?

I DON'T KNOW, IT'S...

( knocking )

HOLD ON A SECOND.

- HI. - SCOTT, I'M GLAD YOU CALLED.

I'M LOSING MY MIND.

MY WHOLE WORLD IS CRASHING DOWN, AND EVERYTHING IS JUST...

LET ME GET YOU A DRINK.

HEY, WALTER.

- WHAT'S HE DOING HERE? - WE NEED TO TALK.

GUYS, WE KNOWN EACH OTHER FOR A LONG TIME.

WE CAN'T LET THIS END OUR FRIENDSHIP.

YEAH, WE'VE GOT THE RACE COMING UP...

WE SHOULD KEEP THE TEAM TOGETHER.

BOB AND I HAVE DECIDED TO HELP KIMBERLY.

WE HAVE?

WE HAVE.

WE HAVE.

AND WE THINK YOU SHOULD, TOO.

NANCY LEFT ME.

I HAVEN'T SLEPT IN A WEEK...

AND I WAS A COMPLETE ASSHOLE TO KIMBERLY.

SO, DOES THAT MEAN "YES"?

DO I HAVE A CHOICE?

IT'S A GOOD CHOICE.

( door opens )

YOU SHOULDN'T LEAVE THIS DOOR UNLOCKED.

OH, CHRIST!

THERE GOES THE NEIGHBORHOOD.

Scott: MICHAEL, WAIT.

I DON'T LIKE BEING TRICKED.

JUST HEAR ME OUT. IF YOU DON'T LIKE WHAT I HAVE TO SAY, LEAVE.

COME ON.

LET HIM GO, SCOTT.

I DON'T WANT TO PART OF THIS IF HE'S GOING TO BE A PART OF IT.

WALTER, SIT DOWN.

A PART OF WHAT?

ARE YOU GOING TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE AGAIN?

WE'VE ALL DECIDED TO HELP KIMBERLY.

WE WANT YOU IN.

NO, WE DON'T.

- GROW UP, WALTER. - EAT ME, BOB.

WE'RE FRIENDS. WHAT'S DONE IS DONE.

YOU CAN'T CHANGE THAT.

Scott: RIGHT NOW, KIMBERLY NEEDS OUR HELP.

I DON'T WANT HER GOING THROUGH THIS ALONE, MICHAEL.

I KNOW YOU LOVE HER.

I KNOW YOU WANT TO DO THE RIGHT THING.

OKAY?

( knocking )

- HI. - HEY.

- HI. - CAN WE COME IN?

YEAH.

WE'VE BEEN TALKING, AND...

WE'VE COME TO A DECISION.

WE'RE SORRY. WE THOUGHT ABOUT WHAT YOU SAID...

AND YOU WERE RIGHT.

WE WANT TO BE THERE FOR YOU DURING YOUR PREGNANCY.

Bob: YOU KNOW, TO HELP OUT AND STUFF.

THAT IS, IF YOU LET US.

AS LONG AS YOU TAKE THAT WHITE STUFF OFF YOUR FACE.

I'M SO HAPPY.

THANKS.

I FEEL REALLY GOOD ABOUT THAT.

THIS IS GOING TO BE GREAT.

HOW GREAT CAN IT BE?

I THINK IT'S GOING TO ADD A WHOLE NEW DIMENSION TO OUR LIVES.

ANARCHY. COMPLETE ANARCHY.

COME ON, WALTER.

WE'VE TALKED ABOUT 19TH CENTURY ROMANTICISM,

THE SEARCH FOR TRUE LOVE. THE ONE YOU WANT TO DIE FOR.

NOW WE'RE GOING TO DISCUSS A MORE TIMELY ISSUE,

ONE THAT'S GOING TO HELP YOU WITH YOUR EVERYDAY LIVES.

AND THAT IS, HOW TO DEAL WITH ROMANCE IN THE NINETIES.

OKAY.

FORGET THE PRINCE CHARMING, FORGET, UH...

WHAT'S THE BITCH...? CINDERELLA.

FORGET THE FAIRY TALES, BECAUSE THOSE ARE OUTDATED.

THEY ARE OUT!

THEY'RE FINISHED! ALL RIGHT?

NOW IS THE WINTER OF OUR DISCONTENT.

TO BE OR NOT TO BE. ( rambling )

NOW WE ARE MOVING INTO THE UNEXPECTED.

MEN ARE CHANGING. WOMEN ARE CHANGING.

BE READY. THIS IS THE NEW EXISTENTIALISM.

WHERE'S MY FUCKING CHALK?

THIS IS THE EXISTENTIALISM OF THE INDEPENDENT WOMAN...

LET'S JUST CALL HER "K."

AND THE DEPENDENT MAN.

A LITTLE GUY.

IT'S COMPLETE AND TOTAL ANARCHY.

QUESTIONS, ANYBODY?

WOW, UM, YES?

IS IT AS CRAZY AS IT SEEMS?

THAT'S NOT FOR ME TO DECIDE, IS IT?

THIS WHOLE THING HAS MADE ME-- HAS MADE ME REALIZE,

I REALLY AM IN LOVE.

I REALLY LOVE HER.

SURE I'M PISSED,

AGGRAVATED, HURT,

ALL THOSE THINGS, BUT...

BUT I LOVE HER.

HOW NICE.

TELL ME,

DOES SHE FIT INTO YOUR DEFINITION OF "THE PERFECT WOMAN?"

YOU KNOW...

I'M NOT EVEN THINKING ABOUT IT THAT WAY ANYMORE.

I JUST HAVE THESE FEELINGS.

THEY'RE DEEPER.

THEY ARE REAL DEEP FEELINGS.

I JUST...

I JUST DON'T KNOW HOW TO EXPRESS THEM.

WELL, WHY DON'T YOU TRY.

HELLO, MR. HARTWICK?

IT'S BOB HERE, FRIENDLY NEIGHBORHOOD STOCKBROKER.

HOW ARE YOU? I FOUND A GREAT LITTLE STOCK FOR YOU.

IT'S A SMALL COMPANY THAT JUST INVENTED A MICROCHIP,

THAT ALL THE OTHER MICROCHIP MANUFACTURES ARE GOING TO BE USING.

WHAT? I SOUND A LITTLE FRANTIC?

NO, NO, NO. NOT AT ALL.

IT'S JUST GOOD TO BE ALIVE.

LISTEN, MR. HARTWICK,

YOU NEED TO MAKE SOME MONEY, RIGHT?

AND I DEFINITELY NEED TO MAKE SOME MONEY.

YOU'VE GOT A FAMILY TO SUPPORT, RIGHT?

I KNOW HOW YOU FEEL.

HOW DO I KNOW?

NO, I'M NOT MARRIED, BUT,

YOU DON'T HAVE TO BE MARRIED TO SUPPORT A CHILD THESE DAYS.

WHAT DO YOU SAY?

SO, CAN I SEND YOU SOME INFORMATION ON THIS--

YOU TRUST ME?

GREAT.

THAT'S GREAT.

I'LL HAVE MY ASSOCIATE GIVE YOU A CALL

AND WE CAN GO AHEAD AND PUT THE TRANSACTION THROUGH.

GREAT. THANKS VERY MUCH.

YOU'RE MAKING A WISE INVESTMENT. THANKS. BYE-BYE.

( shouts in excitement ) YES!

( exhales )

GOT TO WORK A LITTLE HARDER WHEN YOU'VE GOT AN EXTRA MOUTH TO FEED.

YOU'RE HAVING A BABY?

NO. I GOT A DOG.

WHAT KIND?

A CHIHUAHUA.

THEY'RE SO CUTE.

I KNOW WHAT WE NEED FOR THAT CAMPAIGN.

IT RELATES TO THE NEW BABY BOOM.

"NEW BABY BOOM"?

I THINK WE SHOULD BUILD THIS CAMPAIGN AROUND A PREGNANT WOMAN.

- FOR A SEDAN? - EXACTLY MY POINT.

THESE PREGNANT WOMEN ARE BUYING THESE UTILITY VEHICLES AND MINIVANS.

HALF THE TIME IT'S TOO MUCH CAR FOR THEM.

ALSO, THEY GUZZLE GAS.

THE SEDAN, ON THE OTHER HAND, IT'S GOT 4 DOORS,

IT'S ECONOMICAL ON GAS, AND IT'S COMFORTABLE.

YOU'VE GOT A POINT.

LET'S GET SOME SKETCHES AS SOON AS POSSIBLE,

AND LET'S PUT A PREGNANT DOG IN WITH THE WOMAN.

PREGNANT.

VALERIE, CAN YOU GET THE REPRESENTATIVES FROM DODGE ON THE LINE FOR ME?

WHAT'S WITH HIM?

MAYBE HE'S FINALLY GETTING LAID.

VALERIE, ARE YOU FREE FOR LUNCH?

- YES. - GREAT.

HEY, GUYS. I GOT EVERYBODY ONE OF THESE.

"THE COMPLETE IDIOT'S GUIDE TO BRING UP BABY."

I THINK WE SHOULD ALL READ THIS.

Scott: I'VE BEEN THINKING ABOUT THE NEW FUTURE,

KIMBERLY'S ALREADY BEEN TAKING HER PRENATAL VITAMINS,

I THINK WE NEED TO START REGARDING HER DIET.

SHE SHOULD BE EATING FIVE WELL BALANCED MEALS A DAY,

LIKE BURGERS, SHAKES AND FRIES, TO PUT A LITTLE WEIGHT ON.

NO, BOB.

SHE'S GOT TO PUT ON SOME WEIGHT.

- NO DRINKING. - VERY LITTLE CAFFEINE.

I'M ALSO LOOKING INTO THE BEST OB-GYN IN TOWN.

I'VE GOT A FEW NAMES AND I'M GOING TO SET UP A FEW INTERVIEWS.

I'VE GOT THE NAMES OF SOME PEDIATRICIANS.

BOB, WE SHOULD OPEN UP A TRUST FUND.

ALL RIGHT. I CAN DO THAT.

WALTER? YOU OKAY?

I'VE NEVER BEEN SO STRESSED OUT IN MY LIFE.

I THINK I'M CLENCHING MY TEETH AT NIGHT.

I'M GOING TO GIVE YOU THE NUMBER OF A FRIEND OF MINE.

A HOOKER?

MY SHRINK, YOU IDIOT.

OH. I HAVE THE NUMBER OF A HOOKER IF YOU NEED IT.

GUYS, IT'S OKAY TO BE STRESSED OUT,

BUT WE REALLY NEED TO LOOK AFTER KIMBERLY RIGHT NOW.

MAKE SURE HER WORLD IS AS STRESS-FREE AS POSSIBLE.

SHE USE LOTS OF MASSAGES.

WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT?

WHAT?

ACTUALLY, BOB, IT'S NOT A BAD IDEA.

SEE? I GOT THE NUMBER OF A MASSEUSE IF WE NEED IT.

I'VE ALSO BEEN THINKING ABOUT NATURAL CHILDBIRTHING.

I THINK A WATER BIRTHING IS THE WAY TO GO.

NO, NO, NO. SHE NEEDS TO GO TO A HOSPITAL.

SHE NEEDS THE BEST CARE THAT WESTERN MEDICINE CAN OFFER.

WHAT'S THAT THING CALLED WHEN YOU'RE BREATHING?

( exhales & inhales rapidly )

YOU'RE AN EXPERT ON CHILD BIRTH?

I'VE BEEN DOING A LOT OF RESEARCH.

SETTLE DOWN, GUYS. IT'S NOT A BIG DEAL.

LET'S GET HER A CELL PHONE SHE CAN CARRY AROUND.

THAT'S A GOOD IDEA.

DOES EVERYONE WANT A BEEPER?

- YES. - YEAH.

I'LL PICK UP THE BEEPERS.

- ( sighs ) - WALTER?

- WHAT'S THE MATTER? - I DON'T KNOW.

MY NECK IS JUST-- I DON'T KNOW,

IT'S LIKE A SHOOTING PAIN IN MY NECK...

MY ASS HURTS, AND MY BACK...

RELAX.

COME ON, MAN. YOU'VE GOT TO TAKE IT ONE DAY AT A TIME.

WALTER NEEDS TO GET LAID.

NO, THANK YOU.

Michael: HEY, GUYS, WE ARE HAVING A BABY.

WE'RE GOING TO BE DADS.

IT'S THE MOST THRILLING TIME IN A MAN'S LIFE.

IT'S OUR-- OUR FIRST...

...CHILD.

WOW!

I HOPE HE'S GOT MY EYES.

AND MY BRAINS.

MY SENSITIVITY.

AND...

( together ) WALTER'S COCK.

WALTER, ARE YOU OKAY?

( gagging )

MEDIC.

IS IT MY WEIGHT THAT'S SLOWING THIS BOAT DOWN?

SPEED, GENTLEMEN.

( mocking )

STRONG ARMS, BOBBY.

MICHAEL, SNAP THAT CATCH.

FROM THE FINISH...

ROW!

SCOTTY, ARE YOU GOING TO TELL US ABOUT YOUR GIRLFRIEND?

KIMBERLY?

YOU ARE STILL SEEING HER, AREN'T YOU?

ABSOLUTELY.

ARE WE EVER GOING TO MEET HER?

I DON'T KNOW, MOM, SHE'S BEEN PRETTY BUSY.

REALLY? DOING WHAT?

WELL, SHE'S HAVING, ER...

- SHE'S HAVING... - HAVING...

WHAT?

SHE'S HAVING A BABY.

- ( gasps ) -SHE'S PREGNANT.

DOES THAT MEAN THAT I'M ABOUT TO BECOME A GRANDFATHER?

WELL, THAT DEPENDS ON HOW BROAD-MINDED YOU ARE.

MY BOSS OVERHEARD ME TALKING ABOUT IT.

HE WANTED THE SEATS. DID YOU SEE THAT PLAY?

( together ) OOOH!

( laughs )

SHALL WE?

IF IT'S NOT TOO EXPENSIVE.

( telephone rings )

YEAH? I WAS JUST CURIOUS WHAT KIND OF CHILDREN'S CLOTHES

YOUR COMPANY'S MANUFACTURING NOW.

HANG ON JUST A SECOND.

HOW DID THAT GO AGAIN?

PUT THE NEEDLE THROUGH THIS LOOP,

PULL THE YARN TO THE OTHER NEEDLE.

KNIT ONE, PURL TWO.

LIKE THAT?

FIVE, SIX...

Father: LOOK WHO'S COMING.

- THAT LOOKS SO GOOD ON YOU. - THANK YOU.

I REALLY LIKE THIS ONE. I THINK IT'S GREAT.

- SARAH? - WHAT?

I FELT A KICK. COME ON.

- WHERE? - HERE.

OH, WOW.

ISN'T THAT THE BEST FEELING?

IT'S AMAZING.

I HAVE TO CALL THE BOYS.

TO A HEALTHY BABY. TO A GOOD, STRONG BOY.

- WHY NOT A GIRL? - SURE.

WHAT ARE WE GOING TO DO WITH A GIRL?

- LOVE HER. - YEAH, LOVE HER.

PROTECT HER FROM PEOPLE LIKE YOU.

HEY, GIRLS ADORE THEIR FATHERS.

GOOD POINT.

WHAT AM I GOING TO DO WITH A GIRL?

TAKE HER TO THE BALLET?

WITH A BOY YOU CAN TAKE HIM TO THE GAME, YOU KNOW?

YOU CAN GIVE HIM A NOOGIE.

GIRLS ARE MORE AFFECTIONATE...

AND MANIPULATIVE.

WHOO.

WELL, TO A HEALTHY AND HAPPY BABY.

( together ) TO A HEALTHY, HAPPY BABY.

WHERE'S WALTER?

WHERE IS WALTER?

NANCY?

- I NEED TO TALK TO YOU. - WHAT?

I TOLD YOU I DON'T WANT TO SEE YOU ANYMORE.

LOOK, LOOK. I'M A LYING PIECE OF SHIT.

I-I-I...

- LOOK, I JUST... - WHAT? JUST SPIT IT OUT.

LOOK, I CHEATED ON YOU. I'M SO SORRY.

WHY ARE YOU TELLING ME THIS NOW?

BECAUSE I LOVE YOU, AND I WANT YOU BACK.

I MISS YOU. I MISS YOU SO MUCH.

THIS WHOLE THING'S MADE ME REALIZE HOW MUCH I MISS YOU.

ARE YOU STILL SEEING THAT OTHER WOMAN?

YES-- NO, NO. NOT REALLY.

WHAT DO YOU MEAN "NOT REALLY"?

WELL, I MEAN, HERE'S THE THING,

SHE'S UM...

WHAT?

SHE'S PREGNANT.

YOU ARE A PIECE OF SHIT! I CAN'T BELIEVE YOU!

YOU COME HERE TO TELL ME YOU WANT ME BACK

AND YOU GOT ANOTHER WOMAN PREGNANT?

SHUT UP. THE BABY MIGHT NOT EVEN BE MINE.

YOU'RE SICK, WALTER! OKAY? YOU ARE SICK!

YOU NEED HELP!

I KNOW-- LISTEN, IT'S COMPLICATED.

THERE'S OTHER MEN INVOLVED.

LOOK, CAN WE GET A CUP OF COFFEE SOMEWHERE?

NO, WE CAN'T GET A CUP OF COFFEE.

WE'RE NOT GOING TO HAVE BREAKFAST, LUNCH OR DINNER.

LISTEN TO ME. IT'S OVER!

I DON'T WANT TO SEE YOUR LYING FACE EVER AGAIN!

GOT IT? OVER!

- LISTEN-- - AND DON'T FOLLOW ME!

- NANCY, THERE'S-- - STAY!

Announcer: Ladies and gentlemen,

this is the feature event of our annual Kingsley Regatta.

Gentlemen, senior fours,

YOU HAVE TEN MINUTES TO LAUNCH YOUR SHOW.

I TRIED TO CALL WALTER ALL NIGHT.

I HAVE NO IDEA WHERE HE IS.

- I CAN'T BELIEVE HIM. - HE'LL BE HERE.

THANKS, WALTER.

( sighs )

HEY, ARE YOU OKAY?

ARE YOU ALL RIGHT?

- KIMBERLY, ARE YOU ALL RIGHT? - I'M FINE.

DO YOU NEED A GLASS OF WATER OR SOMETHING?

DO YOU WANT TO SIT DOWN?

FINALLY, HE'S HERE.

WHERE THE HELL HAVE YOU BEEN?

I DON'T WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT.

-YOU LOOK LIKE SHIT. -WHAT HAPPENED TO YOU?

STRONG FINISH.

TAKE CARE OF HER.

WE'RE GOING TO BE FIRST ACROSS.

...the Leopard crew was last year's winner,

and are far and away predicted to win

the Kimberly senior four...

LOOKS LIKE YOU GUYS ARE DOING A LITTLE HANKY-PANKY, HUH?

WHO THE HELL ASKED YOU?

SO, WHO HUMPED HER?

GENTLEMEN!

The Musketeers, a new crew,

HAVE BEEN UNTESTED THROUGHOUT THIS YEAR SO FAR,

ARE IN LANE NUMBER ONE.

The Turtles, who love to say, as their sign shows,

THEY "DO IT BETTER ON THE WATER",

WILL BE IN LANE FOUR.

The crews seem to be ready, all hands are down.

The wind is somewhat calmer now.

GENTLEMEN, THIS WILL BE THE START.

Lane one pret?

Lane two pret?

Lane three pret?

Lane four pret?

Etes-vous pret?

PARTEZ!

Out of the starting platform-- we have a beautiful start.

It's almost even.

COME ON, BABY.

The Leopards have started to move out,

with the Sharks and the Turtles close behind.

( siren heard )

KIMBERLY!

COME ON!

Well, folks, the Musketeers are really moving now.

Great energy, folks. Great energy.

The Musketeers have put in a new battery.

The crews have just passed the 250 meter marker.

And the Musketeers are fighting their way to close to even.

The Leopards are glued on the Musketeers.

The Musketeers seem to be pulling ahead.

Yes, yes, the finish flag is coming up.

It's down!

( cheering )

The Leopards are beside themselves.

One of them is swearing, the other's crying.

They're crushed by this.

This is a upset.

- HEY? - WAIT.

OPEN THE DOOR.

GUYS, WHAT ARE YOU DOING?

- I WAS SO SCARED. - WE THOUGHT YOU WERE IN THE AMBULANCE.

THE BABY'S FINE.

- WHO'S IN THE AMBULANCE? - SOME LADY, SHE FAINTED.

- SHE FAINTED? - YEAH.

CONGRATULATIONS. YOU'RE FANTASTIC.

YOU WON.

- WE WON? - WE WON?

( all cheer & holler )

Michael: GUYS, THREE MINUTES.

Walter: I'M SWITCHING FROM RUM TO CHAMPAGNE.

Scott: THAT'S GOING TO HURT IN THE MORNING, WALTER.

HAVE WE THOUGHT OF ANY NAMES?

NO. NOT YET.

I LIKE "EDGAR", FOR EDGAR ALAN POE.

I LIKE "WILLIE", FOR WILLIE MAYS.

THAT'S GOOD.

HOW ABOUT "AMADEUS"?

"AMADEUS"? HE WON'T GET BEAT UP IN SCHOOL.

LITTLE WOLFIE...

TO FRIENDSHIP,

AND LOVE...

TO LOVE.

...AND TO PROSPERITY.

TO PROSPERITY.

TO OLD FRIENDS, AND NEW ADVENTURES.

YES.

I WOULD...

I WOULD LIKE TO THANK YOU ALL...

ON BEHALF OF BOTH OF US,

FOR THE LAST FEW MONTHS.

I DIDN'T THINK THAT I WOULD EVER MEET FOUR MEN QUITE LIKE YOU.

NOR DID I THINK I'D EVER HAVE A BABY LIKE THIS.

FOUR TIMES THE LOVE,

AND FOUR TIMES THE COMPLICATIONS.

ANYWAY, TO THE NEW YEAR.

- HAPPY NEW YEAR. - HAPPY NEW YEAR.

( snoring )

( singing softly ) ♪ MAY AULD ACQUAINTANCE BE FORGOT ♪

♪ AND NEVER BROUGHT TO MIND

WE'LL TAKE A CUP OF KINDNESS THEN ♪

♪ FOR THE SAKE OF AULD LANG SYNE. ♪

IF YOU'RE HAPPY WITH EVERYTHING, MR. ERIKSON,

THEN I'D LIKE TO START AT THE BEGINNING OF THE MONTH.

FINE WITH ME.

IS THIS THE MIGUEL RESIDENCE?

I SEE. ( speaks Spanish )

YES, MELISSA, EDGAR ALLAN POE WAS INDEED FOUND

DRUNK DEAD AND BEATEN ON A BALTIMORE STREET.

I'M GOING TO BE IN BOSTON FOR PUMA

ON THE 16TH AND THE 17TH.

( continues speaking Spanish )

YOU'D PREFER THAT I SPEAK IN ENGLISH?

( pager beeping )

I THINK SOMETHING'S WRONG.

THERE'S NOTHING WRONG WITH THIS HOUSE.

NO, I MEAN SOMETHING IS WRONG WITH MY FRIEND.

MY GIRL. MY GIRLFRIEND.

( beeping )

GOD! ( nervous laughter )

OKAY, WE'RE GOING TO RESUME CLASS NEXT--

WE'LL RESUME NEXT WEEK--

"THE RAVEN", "THE RAVEN".

HANG ON A SECOND.

HELLO?

I'M GOING TO BE RIGHT THERE.

( beeping )

OH! OH, IT'S D-DAY!

EXCUSE ME! EXCUSE ME!

IS EVERYTHING ALL RIGHT?

EVERYTHING'S GREAT.

SHE'S POPPING! IT'S DELIVERY TIME.

DELIVERY?

MY CHIHUAHUA'S HAVING PUPPIES.

CAN I HAVE ONE? I COULD REALLY USE A DOG.

TWO OF THEM ARE SPOKEN FOR, BUT IF THERE'S A THIRD,

YOU'LL BE THE FIRST TO KNOW. GOT TO GO.

REMEMBER TO BREATHE.

OKAY. THIS IT IT!

BABY, CAN YOU MAKE IT TO THE FRONT DOOR?

HURRY UP. OKAY.

BREATHE. BREATHE. ( huffs )

( groans )

TWO MORE TURNS.

I'M COMING, BABY. HERE I COME.

YOU'RE HERE.

OKAY, GOOD. OKAY.

I'M HERE. BABY...

BREATHE. BREATHE.

I'M AT THE GATE...

COMING UP THE STEPS.

OH, BABY.

WOMAN WITH A BABY. WOMAN WITH A BABY.

WOMAN WITH A BABY! WOMAN WITH A BABY.

HEY, YOU! GET YOUR HANDS OFF!

I'M SO SORRY! SO SORRY!

KIMBERLY? HONEY?

ARE YOU OKAY?

HI. WE'RE HAVING A BABY.

SHE'S HAVING A BABY.

WE'RE HERE TO SEE DR. TENNENBAUM.

DR. TENNENBAUM HAS THE FLU.

DR. FEINSTENBERGER IS REPLACING HIM.

DR. FEINSTENBERGER?

WHO THE HELL'S DR. FEINSTENBERGER?

I DON'T WANT A STRANGE DOCTOR WORKING ON MY WIFE.

I'M NOT YOUR WIFE.

DR. FEINSTENBERGER IS A GREAT DOCTOR.

HOW FAR ALONG ARE THE CONTRACTIONS?

( huffing )

THREE... FOUR...

YEAH, THREE, FOUR.

WE'RE GOING TO TAKE HER DOWN TO THE TRIAGE ROOM AND EXAMINE HER.

OKAY.

HE BETTER BE GOOD.

( screams )

OH, BLESS YOU.

ARE YOU ALL RIGHT?

HEY, BUDDY! PAY UP!

YOU WANT A JELLY OR A GLAZED?

HERE, TAKE TWO.

- WHAT'S GOING ON? - SHE'S IN THE TRIAGE.

- IN THE WHERE? - THE TRIAGE.

WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO YOU?

I HIT A CAR. HOW DO I LOOK?

YOU'RE NOT LOOKING SO GOOD.

- IS SHE ALL RIGHT? - SHE'S FINE!

SHE'S IN THE TRIAGE.

HEY! HEY! IS IT A BOY?

NO. I DON'T KNOW YET. SHE'S IN THE TRIAGE.

THEY'RE GOING TO COME GET US--

I GOT DOUGHNUTS. I GOT GLAZED, SPRINKLES...

HERE SHE IS!

Loudspeaker: Dr. Feinstenberger, your patient is on the way.

( all talking in a panic )

EXCUSE ME, WE NEED TO GET IN THERE!

SHE'S PREGNANT. WE NEED TO GET IN THERE.

ALL RIGHT. EASY.

I'M DR. FEINSTENBERGER, I'M COVERING FOR DR. TANNENBAUM.

WHO'S THE FATHER?

( all together ) I AM!

WHO'S THE FATHER?

- WE ALL ARE. - ( moans )

FOR LACK OF A BETTER TERM, WE'RE ALL IN SPIRIT.

SPIRITUAL FATHERS? OH...

WE'LL NEED FOUR SETS OF SCRUBS.

GENTLEMEN, THE CHANGING ROOM.

THE CHANGING ROOM.

TO THE CHANGING ROOM.

EVERYTHING'S FINE. KEEP BREATHING.

YOU GUYS? COME ON!

YESTERDAY, I HAD TWO LESBIAN MOTHERS,

TODAY, THIS.

OKAY, HOW ARE YOU DOING, KIMBERLY?

GREAT!

ARE YOU READY TO PUSH?

NO!

CAN WE GET AN EPIDURAL, PLEASE?

SHE DOESN'T NEED AN EPIDURAL.

JUST RELAX.

IS THERE ANYTHING WE CAN DO TO HELP?

YOU COULD LEAVE.

- JUST HOLD HER HAND. - I AM HOLDING HER HAND.

MAYBE I SHOULD READ A POEM.

- YEAH, A POEM'S A GOOD IDEA. - WOULD YOU LIKE SOME MUSIC?

( groans )

NO MUSIC.

ALL RIGHT. GET READY TO PUSH.

- THE POEM'S A GOOD IDEA. - HERE WE GO.

- READY TO PUSH. - PUSH IT DOWN AND AWAY.

( moaning )

( together ) HUT! HUT! HUT!

ALL RIGHT-- AND PUSH!

( all counting ) ONE, TWO, THREE, FOUR, FIVE,

SIX, SEVEN, EIGHT, NINE, TEN.

BREATHE! BREATHE!

GOOD. THE BREATHING IS GOOD.

ALL RIGHT.

PUSH!

ONE, TWO, THREE, FOUR, FIVE,

SIX, SEVEN, EIGHT, NINE, TEN!

BREATHE.

BREATHE, BREATHE.

BREATHE. THAT'S-A GIRL.

THAT'S GOOD.

AND AGAIN.

ONE, TWO, THREE, FOUR, FIVE,

SIX, SEVEN, EIGHT, NINE, TEN. ( moaning )

BREATHE!

I SEE SOMETHING HERE.

I WANT TO SEE SOMETHING.

- WOW! - DON'T LOOK THERE. WHAT ARE YOU DOING?

ONE LAST PUSH. READY?

STRONG AT THE FINISH.

PUSH.

PUSH, PUSH, PUSH!

( moans )

I SEE A HAND.

( all shouting )

IT'S A BOY.

( together ) IT'S A BOY!

( cheering ) IT'S A BOY! IT'S A BOY!

Doctor: GENTLEMEN?

SHHH!

EXCUSE ME, HOW CAN YOU TELL IT'S A BOY?

ARE YOU KIDDING ME? LOOK AT THE SIZE OF ITS WIENER.

( crying )

WHO'S GOING TO CUT THE CORD?

SCOTT?

UH... MICHAEL, I THINK YOU BETTER DO IT.

YES, I'LL DO IT.

BETWEEN THE CLIPS.

GOOD JOB.

DOCTOR, CONGRATULATIONS. GOOD WORK.

IT'S A CUBAN.

HE DOES HAVE MY EYES.

HE'S GOT MY SMILE.

HE'S THE SPITTING IMAGE OF ME.

WHAT?

DOCTOR, WOULD YOU MIND TAKING A PICTURE OF US?

WE WOULDN'T WANT TO MISS THIS.

ALL RIGHT, EVERYBODY...

LOOK HERE.

HAPPY FACES.

YOU'RE ALL A BUNCH OF DADDIES.

LOOK, A LITTLE PRINT, THAT'S YOU.

IT'S BEAUTIFUL. THANK YOU.

YOU'RE WELCOME.

RIGHT NOW, I WISH WE HAD MADE LOVE.

SO I'D KNOW WHAT IT WAS LIKE TO BE A REAL FATHER.

IF IT WEREN'T FOR YOU,

I DON'T THINK THE OTHERS WOULD HAVE BEEN SO SUPPORTIVE.

WHY WERE YOU SO ADAMANT FOR ME TO HAVE THIS BABY?

BECAUSE I CARE ABOUT YOU...

AND BECAUSE I CARE ABOUT THE GUYS.

WHATEVER HAPPENS NOW,

I'D LIKE TO BE A PART OF YOU AND THE BABY'S LIVES.

YOU ALREADY ARE.

WHAT DO YOU THINK OF THE NAME "ALEX"?

I LIKE IT.

IT WAS MY FATHER'S.

WHAT IS IT?

IT'S A BLANKET.

IT STARTED OUT AS A SWEATER,

THEN IT BECAME A BLANKET WITH A SLEEVE ON IT.

IT'S AN ORIGINAL.

I MADE IT MYSELF.

I LOVE IT.

OH, UM...

THERE'S A LITTLE BIT OF--

OH, I'M SORRY.

- NO, THAT'S FINE. - HERE, I'M SO SORRY.

IT'S ALL RIGHT.

ONE FOR THE WHOLE FAMILY. GOT MILK?

I GUESS YOU HAVE TO GET USED TO THAT WHEN YOU'RE A DAD.

I CAN'T BELIEVE I'M A DAD.

YOU THINK YOU'RE THE FATHER?

YEAH, I THOUGHT THERE WAS A CHANCE.

WHEN YOU TOLD ME YOU WERE PREGNANT, I THOUGH YOU WERE...

YOU KNOW, ASKING MY PERMISSION.

- NO. - NO?

THAT NIGHT AFTER THE BAR, WHEN WE WENT BACK TO MY PLACE,

WE DIDN'T, UH... ( whistles )

- NO! - OH!

WELL, SO IT WASN'T BECAUSE I-- NO...

JUST, UH... SO, WHAT HAPPENED?

YOU PASSED OUT.

ARE YOU RELIEVED?

YEAH. I MEAN, IT'S-- I FEEL GREAT.

I GUESS.

I GUESS I WAS STARTING TO GET USED TO THE IDEA.

WELL...

I GUESS I CAN STILL TAKE ALEX TO A BALL GAME SOMETIME, RIGHT?

YEAH. I THINK HE'D LIKE THAT.

THANK YOU FOR THE ENCYCLOPEDIAS.

YOU'RE WELCOME.

ARE YOU SURE I'M NOT THE FATHER?

YES.

I SHOULD HAVE TOLD YOU, BUT YOU DIDN'T GIVE ME A CHANCE.

YOU'RE RIGHT.

I'VE SPENT MY WHOLE LIFE...

HIDDEN IN BOOKS.

I HURT NANCY, AND I HURT YOU.

I'M SORRY.

ARE YOU AND NANCY BACK TOGETHER?

I'M AFRAID SHE DOESN'T WANT ME BACK.

YOU MUST LOVE HER VERY MUCH.

JUST GIVE HER SOME TIME.

I WILL.

ARE YOU SURE THAT'S NOT MY KID?

HE BROUGHT US FLOWERS.

YOU SEE HOW BEAUTIFUL THEY ARE?

HI.

SEE THESE FLOWERS? THEY'RE FOR YOU.

THEY'RE FOR YOU.

FOR YOU AND YOUR MOM.

I SHOULD PUT THEM IN SOME WATER. HERE. YOU HOLD ALEX.

GIVE ME AN ARM.

THERE YOU GO.

I'M GOING TO PUT THE FLOWERS IN A VASE.

THANK YOU.

COME ON IN AND SIT DOWN.

HEY, LITTLE GUY.

HI, THERE. HI.

LOOK. HI.

( begins to cry )

IT'S OKAY.

( continues to cry )

( crying stops )

IS THAT BETTER?

IT'S OKAY...

LITTLE GUY, IT'S OKAY.

I CAME HERE SO I COULD...

TALK TO YOU.

WELL, LET ME MAKE IT EASIER FOR YOU.

I, UM...

I DON'T WANT YOU TO FEEL OBLIGATED.

I REALLY NEEDED THE SUPPORT THROUGHOUT THE PREGNANCY, BUT...

BUT I FEEL...

- AS THOUGH-- - HEY...

I THINK YOU'VE GOT IT WRONG.

YOU SEE, FROM THE BEGINNING,

I'VE BEEN TRYING TO TELL YOU HOW I FEEL ABOUT YOU.

AND I REALIZE THAT I'VE BEEN...

AWKWARD, AND...

NOT VERY CONVINCING.

BUT IT HAS BEEN A VERY UNUSUAL SITUATION,

TO SAY THE LEAST.

AND I'VE BEEN...

VERY CONFUSED.

I'M SORRY.

NO, DON'T SAY THAT.

BECAUSE IN A WAY,

IT'S REALLY BEEN HELPFUL.

I CAN FINALLY ADMIT I'M ONE OF THOSE PEOPLE

WHO'S ALWAYS LOOKING FOR THE PERFECT PICTURE.

AND IN THE END...

I CAME TO REALIZE WHAT REALLY MATTERS...

IS HOW I FEEL ABOUT YOU.

AND HOW YOU FEEL ABOUT ME, OF COURSE.

I LOVE YOU, KIMBERLY.

WHAT GREATER PROOF OF LOVE CAN I GIVE YOU...

THAN TO TELL YOU THAT I LOVE YOU

AFTER EVERYTHING WE'VE BEEN GOING THROUGH?

I LOVE YOU,

AND I LOVE THIS BABY LIKE IT WAS MY OWN.

MICHAEL, ARE YOU SURE?

- YOU DON'T BELIEVE ME? - I JUST WANTED TO BE SURE,

THAT YOU WANTED TO HAVE THIS BABY.

WHAT ARE YOU SAYING?

HE'S YOUR SON, MICHAEL.

HE COULD ONLY BE YOURS.

REALLY?

WILL YOU MARRY ME?

WILL YOU?

- IT'S BEAUTIFUL. - HE'S BEAUTIFUL.

"LOUISE"? I LIKE LOUISE.

YEAH?

- THINK THAT'S ENOUGH? - SIX.

SIX, THAT'S A LOT.

Closed Captioned By: Visual Sound, Inc. Hollywood, CA