Original subtitles

♪

- You're talking to yourself again, wiener.

- Huh?

- God, you're such a perv.

- Me, me, me, me, me.

(upbeat music)

- [Voiceover] We need to stop at the bank,

I want money for the weekend.

- [Voiceover] We are not stopping.

There are plenty of banks near your sisters house

in Santa Barbara.

Well, this is the address.

So where's the fuckin' apartment?

- Bob, watch your language in front of the kids.

- Oh, it smells like a fart in here.

Why couldn't you drop me off first?

- Ellen, honey, why don't we stop by the grocery store

and get some food for you to take over to Debbie's?

- Debbie's mom's gonna have food, Sharon.

- Anyway, food is gross.

I'm trying to lose weight.

- What about you Joshua?

Joshua?

- He only answers to Spanky now, remember?

- And why is that?

- Because he's never had sex and he spanks his meat all day.

- Shut up!

- My God, Ellen, really.

- There's a million diseases out there, sweetie.

Josh is just trying to be careful.

Isn't that right Josh? - Duh, yeah.

(pounding and knocking on car)

- It's Mert!

(both sniffing)

- Hey, Mrs. Green, hey Mr. Green.

- Mert.

- Hey El. - Hey, loser.

- Ellen, you be nice.

Mert, where is your brother?

I want to talk to him before we leave Joshua.

- Sorry, Johnny's upstairs taking a shower, but he wanted

me to tell you that we'll definitely be under his adult

supervision all night.

- Good enough for me, let's get going.

- Yeah, you know you're cooler than mom, right?

- Yeah, don't push it, kid.

Here, 10:00 AM sharp tomorrow.

- Oh, tell aunt Helen I'm so sorry about her head.

- Bye sweetie. - See you, losers.

- [All] Bye!

- Let's drop Ellen off and get the fuck out--

- So your brothers not home, is he?

- No fucking way, man.

We got the house to ourselves, man.

And I've got the porn.

(both grunting) (upbeat music)

- This is gonna be awesome!

Oh, dude, who lives here?

- Oh that's Cindy and June, man.

They're fucking hot!

Check it out, you can look through the keyhole.

- Really? - Yeah, look.

- Alright what are we having? - Nice.

- Oh yeah. - Hot, I like that.

- We should try to fuck them tonight, man.

- Yeah, right. - No seriously, man.

It's about time you got laid!

- I've almost been laid, that one time.

- When?

- With Casey Summerling at camp, I told you.

- Dude, that was like four years ago.

- So?

- So, did you spooge in her googe?

- Not really. - What, in her mouth?

Between her tits, in her ass?

- No, I didn't, but she taught me how to do this 69

style kiss.

- Dude, 69, man?

That's pretty much second base, lame-o.

That doesn't even count. - It so does count.

- Okay, did you orgasm? - Yeah.

- While she was in the room?

- No. - Okay.

Well then you, my friend, have not had sex.

- I'm just gonna get dressed, here, on the couch.

- Come on.

Welcome to the pleasure dome. - Sick.

- Take a seat.

And now for the porn.

- I want to fuck you so bad.

Just call me and I'll be right over.

- What is this, a 1-900 add?

- No, it's Johnny's ex-girlfriend, Pinky.

- [Voiceover] Don't you miss me?

- She's such a freak, man. - [Voiceover] I miss you.

- There's a whole box of these in the closet.

She must've sent one, like, every day while they were

breaking up.

- Please, Johnny!

♪ I've got something special for you ♪

- This chick giving you a boner yet?

- Nope. - Yeah, me neither.

Let's go check the fridge.

- Awesome!

This is the best refrigerator ever.

- Fuckin' A.

Fuckin' A, right man? - Okay.

(both laughing)

(both gulping)

(belching)

- Oh yeah, shit man, I almost forgot!

Look what I found in the trash!

- Oh.

(upbeat music)

- Shwag. - Yeah, I know.

My brother smokes shit.

(coughing)

(both humming a tune)

Alright, good one, are you ready for my plan?

- What's your plan?

- We're gonna go out onto the fire escape

and we're gonna look through the window at those two chicks.

- Stop looking at women through windows, Spanky.

Look at me!

I'm all you need.

- Come on, man!

They were just taking their clothes off a few minutes ago.

They gotta be naked by now.

- You know looking through some window at girls

is totally illegal.

Not to mention just a tad bit creepy.

- No wonder you've never gotten laid, you're gay!

- I am not gay.

- You are so gay, you even sound gay.

- What, I don't gay!

- You sound like Harvey Milk doing a gay porno.

- Fuck you!

You're just pissed because I'm not a Peeping Tom like you.

- Every guys is a Peeping Tom, unless they're gay.

- Alright, I'll go out on the fucking fire escape with you.

Are you happy? - Yeah.

Just don't look at my ass on the way out!

(horns honking)

- I thought you said this was a fire escape!

- Fire ledge, I said fire ledge.

- No you didn't you said fire escape!

- Same fucking thing. - No it isn't!

People don't usually plunge to their death

from fire escapes.

But they do from ledges.

- Stop bitching, man.

(horns honking)

- [Voiceover] I don't see anything.

- You will.

(upbeat music)

- It's a little job. - Nice.

Okay, let's go.

- I like the spandex. - Thank you!

- Come on, man, grow some balls.

You're supposed to get laid tonight, remember?

- Yeah, but not by peeping through a fucking window.

- How do you know?

It could happen.

(indistinct chatter)

(upbeat music)

- Oh my God.

- Is she shaved?

- She's shaved.

This is so wrong.

- I'm sorry man, I gotta go for it.

(upbeat music)

- What are you doing?

Jerking off, what does it look like?

- Jerking off!

- Oh my dick's about to explode!

- What's wrong with you?

(upbeat music)

(farting)

- Oh!

- Who's out there?

Hello?

Who's there?

Hello, I'm calling 911!

- Fuck man, Spank, I'm scared for life, dude.

- The window fell shut, shit, shit!

- Could you use another word, man?

Have some sensitivity!

- I knew it!

What have you two fuckers been doing up here?

- It wasn't me! - I'm sorry, I'm sick!

- How'd you get up here?

Aren't you Johnny's little brother?

The one with the rash? - No.

- Yes you are, I've seen your picture.

- Johnny's letting us stay here a while, while he's gone.

We are so sorry!

- Yeah, and it wasn't a rash!

It was a sports injury!

- You know, I should let you stay out here and fry,

but you can come in through our apartment.

Come on!

I won't bite.

(horns honking)

(upbeat music)

- Dude, I think I hate you right now.

- Will you have some fucking pity on me, man?

I gotta crawl back into the bathroom where the girl I just

jerked off to took a huge shit!

- Hey, June, throw something on, we've got some company.

You two wait right here.

- Mert, you must be so excited.

In a girls bathroom, huh?

Oh look, the laundry basket.

What have we got, panties?

Right there.

Oh panties, you like that?

There's for later.

Oh, they small real nice.

Some stinky, shitty panties, you like it, you like it?

Dude, come on.

It doesn't even smell that bad in here.

Look, the window's open.

(breathing deeply)

It's not like, you know, when my grandpa takes a shit,

I mean, that fucking stuff stinks.

I can't even swallow my own spit for like a half an hour

after he takes a fucking big dump.

Those shitty particles in the air, in my mouth,

it's like I'm actually tasting his poop--

- Shut the fuck up, man!

Shut the fuck up, God!

Aw, it smells like old whale blubber mixed with

puke in here. - Sucker.

- Alright, come on.

Oopsie.

(toilet flushes)

I'd like you to meet my girlfriend, June.

This is Johnny's little brother, Mert, and his friend--

- Spanky. - Spanky.

- Mert, that's a nice name, rhymes with dirt.

- I think we should go, probably.

- No, no, no, no, no, no, no, you two obviously wanted

to meet us, sit.

(upbeat music)

(whipping)

Down on your knees!

Both of you!

- Please don't kill us! - Kill you?

I'm not a killer.

I'm a lover.

Cindy?

- Yes, mistress? - Come.

Have you ever worshiped the body of a woman before?

Would you like to see what it's like?

So this is what you were hoping to see through the window?

Huh, little boys?

Two beautiful, bi women

kissing.

Sucking.

Fucking.

(indistinct murmuring)

Is this what you want?

- Oh, yes, mistress.

- Dream on!

- Oh fuck!

- You could just stand there as we kept it up for--

- Ow! Fuck, fuck!

- Now, are you sorry? - I'm sorry!

- Apologize! - Sorry! Ow!

Please stop. - Get the hell out!

Both of you!

- Come back and visit us again next time.

When you grow some nuts.

- Don't leave me, don't leave me, don't leave me.

- Water. - Where are you?

- Oh God, fuck!

Get it in there! - Man, geeze!

- My face feels like it's made up off dried up mummy skin.

- My eye feel like they're made out of your mummy's

dried up balls!

- Oh, burning.

- You know those chicks are lucky, man.

Two more seconds, I would've bent 'em over the counter

and fucked 'em!

- You would not.

- Oh yeah?

I got a serious case of blue balls right now.

I feel like I got a big clot of cum right at the base

of my nuts.

I need a fucking testicular angioplasty.

Come on, let's go look for my brother's porn.

- Don't you ever run out of semen?

- Nope.

Man, it's gotta be around here somewhere.

Oh, shit.

The gas mask bong, yes!

Oh man, orange fury, dude, check it out!

- What do we have here?

- What is it? - Some sort of package.

- Shit, well let me see.

Here, hold this.

Jamaica?

Oh score!

- What is it?

- It's a Caribbean porno, lame ass, haven't you ever

seen one before?

- What's wrong with American porno?

- It's like chicks in hammocks and shit getting fucked by

donkeys, man.

Man, there's this one where's there's these two chicks

and they're sucking off this big donkey cock.

I mean, it's a fucking tiki torch, you know?

Oh, and then there's this one where there's this midget

and she's got this strap-on, right?

But then she gets this grease and she just greases up

this donkey's ass and then she just shoves her head

right up inside of it.

- Your turn, Spanky.

- Dude, stop.

- Oh my God, you are such a prude, dude.

Like you ain't ever seen two girls sucking off a donkey

dick before.

Hello.

- What's that?

- It's my talking ass cat, fuck bag,

what do you think it is?

It's pot.

- Pot and porno in the mail? - Mhmm.

- Let's put it back, that doesn't make sense.

- No, fuck that!

Here, put this on and we're gonna smoke some pot.

- Okay, but the first time I see any kind of farm animals

on the screen, I am going to turn it off.

(upbeat music)

- Greetings, mon.

My name is Mama Love and I'm here to take you on a

real trip, mon.

One you'll never forget.

That's no ordinary spliff you got there, it's combalumba.

African magic grass.

- That tastes funny, man.

- Brought back from me mother land by me ancestors

on the slave ship.

- Fuck.

- I be growing the combalumba myself.

Mixing it with herbs from up in the mountains.

But, be careful, the combalumba is a powerful aphrodisiac.

- Holy shit.

- It will make you forget everything bad.

And you'll make love like the moon and the stars.

(moaning on TV)

- Hey, you ever think that woman are just perfect men?

And then men are failed women?

Women are so much smarter and prettier and they live longer

and they are way, way cooler.

You ever think that?

- That women are cooler than men?

Of course they are, man.

Men are fuckin' dicks.

I'm a fuckin' dick.

I mean, I am a fucking dick.

- Yeah, you are.

- See, I knew it, man.

I'm fucking horny! - Oh God, me too.

- I mean, I could fuck Martha Steward if she were here

right now.

- I could fuck Martha Stewart's mom.

- Yeah?

Well I'd fuck Martha Stewart's dog and her mom,

and her dad, man.

I'm gonna go check the fridge, you want something?

- Do you have hot pockets? - Yeah.

- Can you make me two, or four, or if you have a couple

boxes just make 'em all and we can eat them together

and then give me some cereal with that too 'cause I like

cereal a lot.

- Awesome.

(moaning on TV)

Look what I found, man. - Oh my God!

- Oh Spanky.

Oh Spanky.

- Look at you over there.

- Lick it, suck it.

Eat the fruit off my body.

- That looks like a wet pussy.

- I think I'm in love.

(rock music)

- Oh my God, you're so cold baby.

- I'm fucking a bagel.

Oh bagel!

Gonna make my big bagel.

- Come and give it to me, Spanky.

(static on TV)

- Dude, did you just suck my dick?

- No.

What the fuck?

Fuck!

(upbeat music)

- That was really freaky, man.

What the fuck just happened?

- What the fuck just happened!

That mumbo jumbo grass just turned us into homos!

Now you gotta do me! - What?

- You gotta suck my dick so we're even.

- I'm not gonna suck your dick.

- Come on, then just lick my balls.

Just two little licks, just a taste.

- Fuck off.

(knocking on door)

- Alright, well, either you're gonna lick my balls

or you're gonna answer the door.

- Uh.

- Calm down, we didn't come here to hurt you.

We came here to apologize.

- Really? - Oh, shit!

- They're here to apologize. - Yeah.

- Yeah, I might've gone a little bit overboard, I'm sorry.

- We'd like to make it up to you.

- Yeah, we're going to a pool party in Malibu,

would you like to join us?

- Here's the address.

- Just bring something to drink.

- We'll see you there, okay?

- Oh, okay. - Okay?

- Ciao. - Bye.

- Are you thinking what I'm thinking, man?

- That we don't have a car?

- No, we got my brothers truck, dumb ass!

No, I just stuck my dick in a watermelon, man.

Let's take that mumbo jumbo shit to the party and let's

smoke it with those chicks, man.

They'll fuck us for sure!

- I think they're lesbians.

- That's the best part, dude!

Lesbians love cock, they just never get it,

that's the beauty of it, man.

Dude, come on, for once.

Let's imagine it, man, real sex!

(choir music)

- You got the keys?

- Right here. - You got the magic grass?

- You better believe it man, and check this out,

I picked up my brothers hand tell.

Man, it's a GPS and a cell phone.

- Where would you like to go?

I'll show you how to get there.

- You can program it to say stuff.

New user, Spanky.

- Hello Spanky, what would you like me to do?

- I want you to fuck my brains out.

- I want you to fuck my brains out.

- That's the shit. - Yeah man, you try it.

- Asshole. - Asshole.

- Lick my crotch. - And then you--

- Lick my crotch.

- And then you can just load stuff in, watch.

Nice ass, I want to fuck you so bad.

- My vagina needs a penis.

- I want you to fuck me in the butt the way I like it.

- Nice ass, I want to fuck you so bad.

My vagina needs a penis.

I want you to fuck me in the butt the way I like it.

- Awesome! Eat my pussy, eat it, eat it!

- Then felch my butt you bad bitch.

- Eat my pussy, eat it, eat it!

Then felch my butt you bad bitch!

- What's that smell?

- Dude, it's animal shit.

Probably gorilla.

My brother's old girlfriend, Pinky, she works at the zoo.

Every time she gets pissed at him,

she smears his fucking car.

- It stinks, we'd better clean it.

- Not me, man, we're taking it to the Bikini Car Wash.

- If you say so!

- You know what happens when you mix gorilla shit

with washer fluid? - What?

- This, gross. - Oh man.

We better fucking get out of here.

- Dude, we still have that shwag weed to smoke.

- Hi, welcome to Bikini Car wash.

Do you know about our sexy specials?

- I would love to hear about what it special.

I mean, other than your tits.

- We have our discount hot chick hose down package.

- Oh, hose me down, baby!

- Or our silver get a boner special.

- Already got one of those.

- Or of course, our full service, solid gold pole dance

style wash and wax.

- My pole could use some dancing, I'll go with that!

- Okay, roll up your window.

- Dude, you're never gonna get laid talking to girls

like that, that's disrespectful.

- What do you know about chicks, man?

Those kind of girls love that talk.

- What a fucking jerk! - I know, asshole.

- Come on girls, let's do this.

- Dude, we're almost out of shwag.

I don't want to have to smoke the magic grass again.

- Fuck.

(sexy music)

- Oh here we go. - Okay, okay.

- See why I like being high for this?

Those are the biggest fucking things I've ever seen.

- I'm gonna touch 'em.

I'm gonna rub them. - Take these pills, man.

- What are they? - They're vitamins

for your dick, take three.

- I need something to wash them down.

- Drink the fucking bong water, hurry up man.

You have to dude, they taste awful when they dissolve.

You got to dude, come on.

(laughing)

- Bong water. - You are so fucking screwed,

you are so fucking screwed, dude.

- What was that?

- It's was my grandpa's ED pills, man.

You're gonna have a boner for like a week.

- You fucking ass dildo.

Why would you do that!

- Wait 'til later when you want to fuck a dog or something.

- I could kill you right now.

- Look at the boobies.

- That makes it better.

- Hey there.

- That'll be 35 bucks.

- $35? - Yeah.

- Give me 40 bucks. - What?

- Come on. - Dude!

- Fork it over.

- That's like half my money.

- That is 10 bucks a boob.

- Thanks. - [Both] Come again.

- Oh, I'll come again. - He will.

(upbeat music)

- You get a boner yet? - Shut up.

- Believe me, Spank, before this night is over,

you'll thank me.

- Oh, oh.

- You think I should talk like that from now on?

Hey, how are you doing today?

Why the hell do you have dildos in your backpack?

- Dude, I found a whole box of those in my brother's house.

I'm gonna take 'em to the party with me and fuck one

of those chicks with 'em, you know what I mean?

Dude, you know what I should've brought is a video camera.

- You're seriously just messed up.

- What my mom says.

My mouth tastes like I ate a box full of pubes.

You want to stop and get something to drink?

- Sure. - Alright.

Let's pull into this liquor store up here.

Hey, I'll just be a sec, do you want something?

- Yeah, a stomach pump.

- I think we should get like a bottle of tequila or

something for the party, give me some cash.

Dude, I paid for the car wash, come on.

- They're not gonna sell you any alcohol.

- Oh yeah? - Yeah.

- Boom.

- This is a fishing license.

What are you gonna buy some bait or something?

- Yeah, tequila's got a worm in it, doesn't it?

- Mert, hey Mert!

I think I got a boner!

Oh God, oh God, oh shit.

Oh God, it's hard.

Got to let it out.

That's better.

There we go, let it breath, let that baby breath.

Oh shit, oh fuck.

She didn't see me.

(rock music)

My big hard boner, she didn't see it.

- Hey there.

Lookin' real good.

Oh yeah, I can see you, but you can't see me, you like that?

I'll come right over there if that's what you want.

I'll come over there and tickle your tits.

- Oh Spanky.

Hello, Spanky, I've been waiting for you.

- For me? - Yes.

I want you to fuck me.

Would you like to talk to me for real?

On the phone?

- Yes, yes please, can I talk to you?

(phone ringing)

Hello? I'm here.

- Hello Johnny, finally.

Where have you been?

I thought you didn't like me anymore.

- Who is this? - Who is this?

Where's Johnny? - He's not here.

- Well get him!

Tell him it's Pinky!

Tell him I am sick of waiting for him to make up his mind,

he needs to come over now!

Now, now, now, now, now, now!

- I'm sorry, I don't know where he is.

I just have his phone.

- That son of a bitch, I knew it!

He put you up to this, didn't he?

Well you tell that bastard that I am sick of his shit!

I'm sorry, don't say that.

Um, tell him I love him.

I love him so much.

I love him so much.

Are you listening to me? - Yeah.

But you're kind of freaking me out.

- Who are you again?

- I'm Spanky, I'm Johnny's brother's best friend

and we're going to a party.

- A party? Where?

- In Malibu.

- You mother fuckin' cock suckin' son of a bastard!

- What did I do?

- That's where Johnny and I were supposed to live,

by the beach!

I hate you! - I didn't do anything!

- You know, fuck your own face!

- What's wrong?

And why is your dick hanging out of your pants?

- Because it hurts, asshole.

Pinky called.

- What?

Fuck, I thought my brother disconnected that number.

- She hates me.

- Don't sweat it, she hates everybody.

Listen, the guy wouldn't sell me any tequila.

We're gonna need to go find somebody to buy it for us.

Give me 20 bucks.

- What happened to the last 20 I gave you?

- I bought chewing tobacco and energy drinks.

- You idiot.

- Come on, just give me 20 bucks.

- Fine.

This time I'm coming with you, okay?

- Yeah, fine, just put your dick back in your pants.

- You know, I'll get you one of these days!

- Jesus, you look like you got a flag pole in your pants.

You know, maybe we should split up and look separately.

- Fine, just please do me a favor and don't buy

anything stupid.

- Spank, it's me.

(hip hop music)

- Oh hey, sir, mister could I please have something from

the store, could you get me--

- Back off, man!

- Oh dude, I'm too wasted for this shit.

- Excuse me, mister, do you have a moment?

- Yes. - I was wondering if you could

go into the liquor store for me and possibly get me some--

- Do you know what time the 165 comes?

- Uh, no.

Do you have a minute though?

- You see, because the 165 I always take it, sometimes it's

not best bus route so this is crowded, sometimes it's not

crowded. - Right, okay.

But before the bus comes do you think you could run

in real quick if I give you-- - No, no.

No I can't do that because, you see, I have to go and visit

my father and my father is a plumber.

He lives all the way up there.

- Okay, but I mean like, it'll take like, literally,

five seconds.

Alright, I'll just give you the cash, I don't even,

like there's not a bus coming.

- No, I cannot do that 'cause I told you,

I always take the 165 and I'll miss the bus.

- Alright, thanks.

- Hi. - Hey!

- Hey baby! - How you doing cutie?

- You need us to get you something from the store?

You need some cigarettes, some beer?

A little cover for your lover, what you need?

- No, thanks, but no thanks--

- I know you're not going anywhere don't you think I'm cute?

- Yeah, but-- - Come on over here,

Strawberry and I want to show you something in the bushes.

- Don't worry, we don't bite.

Right this way.

- Who the fuck are you?

Who am I?

I'm your daddy, mother fucker.

Matter of fact, you look kinda like me.

My Asian brother, change for the strange?

- No. - Alright you have a good day.

- Hey, chief.

- Do I look like a Indian to you?

- Do you want to make some cash, buy me some booze?

- That sounds mighty nice. - Alright.

Here you go. - Oh my.

Bring it little brother. - Take it.

- What you want? - Tequila!

- Tequila?

- Hey Spank, I found somebody!

(sexy music)

- All of it baby, Strawberry don't work for free.

- This is all I got.

- Well, I guess I'll make an exception this time.

You can owe me the rest, now hand that over and pull

down your pants. - For what?

- Your blow job!

Strawberry gonna suck your dick!

From the looks of things, you need it, shit.

- I just want tequila, I don't want a blow job.

- Everybody needs a blow job, isn't that right Princess?

- That's right, everybody needs a blow job sooner or later.

- Come on, don't make me mad, I'll have to come tearing

at you with my nails.

- Take the BJ, it'll be more fun.

- Okay. - That's a good boy.

Now, me and Princess here are gonna suck that little

dick of yours like it's made of candy.

- You like that?

(sexy music)

- Mhmm, you like those little plums?

You gonna love these great big peaches.

Take my pop, girl.

- Oh, God.

Can I touch 'em? - 'Course you can!

Feel the fuck out of those titties, baby!

They're yours for the next three minutes.

- Oh, God. - That's a good boy, now.

Time to head down south, mama's got a whole lot more

to show you.

- Can I do the 69 style kiss?

- Shut the fuck up, white boy!

Kiss this.

- Spanky, what the fuck are you doing?

That's a dude!

- I am a chick with a dick, mother fucker.

I will fuck him up!

- I saved you, I so fucking saved you.

- Dude, I don't want to talk about it,

she took all my fucking money.

- Don't worry about it, man, I took care of the booze.

- You did? - Yeah, I got an old dude

getting it for us right now, man.

- No way. - Spank, you gotta level

with me, did you want to suck it?

- No, what?

- Not just a little?

Not just like, "Oh man you got a hot bod, great tits.

"Wow, chick wiener I think I'll check that out."

- Chick wiener?

What fucking planet are you from?

- From the planet of stop fucking dissing me or I'll fart

on your toothbrush.

Check it out, here's the dude!

Hey!

- Hey little brother.

It's all good. - Yeah?

- Not! - Are you kidding?

- What the fuck!

- Wait. - Come on dude, come on!

- My dick's gonna explode, dude.

- Come on! Fuck!

That goddamn--

That mother fucker is fast!

What the fuck?

- You caused this.

- He's gone, he's gone. - Yeah.

With my money. - Okay, well.

Who the fuck is this guy? - Who knows.

What are we gonna do now, dude?

- Go to the fuckin' party, what else?

Oh, what the fuck?

- Hey sugar! - What are you doing?

- I got you your tequila. - Thanks!

Now what?

- Me and Princess here need a ride across town.

- We're going to a party that way, we'd be happy

to drive you. - Mert!

- If you pay us some gas money.

- Alright, I'll give you five dollars.

- 20! - Seven!

- 15! - Eight!

- 10! - Sounds good to me.

Spank, hop in the back.

- I'm not getting in the back.

- Time's a-wasting! - Come on white boy,

don't you got a party to go to?

- Hi, want to come in back? - Sure.

Okay!

- [Voiceover] Woohoo!

(sexy music)

(reggae music)

- So where's this party of yours, anyway?

- It's at the beach.

- Oh, I love me some parties at the beach, child!

- You want to smoke some pot?

- Mhmm.

- So you want me to finish that blow job we owe you?

- Here in the car?

- I really need the practice.

- I thought you'd have lots of practice.

- Not really, I'm just starting out.

- So you're not a prostitute. - Not yet!

- How old are you? - 25.

Actually, I'm 21, 18.

- No way, Mert's 18, I'll be 18 soon.

- Oh, so you're 17, so am I.

- Here you go.

- Watch out it's mumbo jumbo weed.

- Oh no, no, no thanks, thank you, but no.

- You're so tense.

Here. - Ow.

- Ooh, sorry. - No, it's okay.

- That better? - Oh, yeah.

So what's your name?

- Princess. - I mean is that--

Your real name is what I mean.

- Oh, no.

I wanted to go with Pink Pussy Party,

but someone already took that one.

I'm getting high just from sitting here and breathing.

- Yeah, that's pretty potent shit.

- You're really cute, you know that?

- So are you.

- Oh my God, your dick is sticking out like a spear!

- Yeah, I accidentally took some erectile dysfunction pills

today so, this is what happened.

It hurt.

- It looks like it's about to split open.

- It feels like that, too.

- Oh, poor baby.

Well, let me see if this helps.

- Okay.

- [Voiceover] My bad, my bad.

- There's that mother fucker who stole our money!

- Ow! - Oh, sorry.

- Woo, hey!

- Dude, stop driving like that, it hurts.

- I'm sorry man, I'm not stopping, we gotta get that

mother fucker!

And he's got all our cash.

- Dude, there's something wrong with my dick.

- Alright, great, fuckin' lost him.

- It hurts.

- It's purple. - Let me see, baby.

- No one look back at my dick, I'll just put my dick away.

Ow, okay.

- Is that a fucking cop behind us?

- Where? - Shit.

- Oh shit, if I get arrested my dad will kill me!

- Okay, just calm down everyone, roll down the windows,

get the smoke out.

Okay, take that bag of weed.

- Pass it now, come on pass it.

- And done, it's out the window.

- What the fuck, no, fucking fuck fuck.

- You gotta calm down!

- You just tossed the mumbo jumbo weed out the

fucking window! - I'm sorry.

I thought that's what you wanted me to do.

- Everybody cool. - Fine.

- Pull over here on the side.

- Hold this, hide it. - What?

Shit. - Good afternoon, officer.

What can I do for you?

- License and registration. - Right.

- Where you going to so fast?

- We were going to the grocery store.

I mean a costume party, this is my brother.

We, sh-she's dressed as, um, a prostitute!

It's a costume. - Yeah, I'm gonna win a prize.

- This is a fishing license. - Right.

- What's the matter with you? - Nothing!

I'm fine. - And your registration.

- Fuck me in the butt. - Was that you?

- I didn't say nothing!

- I want you to fuck my brains out!

- There it is! - Lick my crotch.

I want to fuck you so bad, asshole.

- It doesn't seem to be working.

- What is that thing? - Eat pussy, eat it, eat it!

Then felch my butt you bad bitch.

- Everything seems to be in order here.

You have yourselves a nice day.

- Nice ass.

- [Voiceover] Bye!

- I was about to be butt firmed in the slam by a guy

named Tiny.

- Oh, you know Tiny?

- Oh man, I got to sit down!

- No, you need to fuck.

Are you sure this is where you tossed it?

- Yeah, it's around here somewhere.

- I'll help you look.

- Why don't you just leave it?

I'm ready to get to this mother fucker!

- That weed is an aphrodisiac, I'm trying to get him laid.

- What's the big God damn deal?

I get laid every night!

- Maybe one of those kids found it.

- Well, somebody took it.

- Well, let's go after 'em.

Hey, would you guys just wait here?

- You better be quick, time is money honey and your cock

is on my clock.

- Just wait, come on Spank, let's go.

(hip hop music)

Hey! - Hi.

- So, your folks having a party?

- Who are you two, the neighborhood pervs?

What's the matter with you?

- A stomach cramp.

- I think we just saw some of our friends go inside.

- It's my little brother's birthday party,

he's turning three. - Oh.

- I need a stupid guest and so does everyone else.

That's why he doesn't have any friends and everybody

at the party is friends with my sister, Julie,

she's a junior.

And all they do is sit around, smoke pot, and french kiss.

- Really? - Yeah, you want to go in?

Be my guest, I hope the stupid house burns down.

- Well thank you for the invitation.

- You guys smell like BO and reefer!

- I don't smell, you smell!

Where the fuck is everybody?

Would you cover that thing up, man?

- Dude, I can't help it.

(childrens music)

- [Voiceover] One more, keep going, keep going!

Good one, keep going!

(indistinct yelling)

- Freaking stupid bitch!

- You can do it honey!

- Pick up that candy and put it back, bitch.

- Of course, I see the candy, I see it.

- I want to hit it again.

- You know, I think that you're only supposed to hit

the pinata and break her open once, baby.

- Don't give me shit on my birthday, mom!

- Okay. - Who the fuck are you?

- We're friends of your sisters.

- That little bitch, where's my present.

- We didn't bring one. - Are you fucking kidding me?

Give me a piggy back ride, asshole!

(choking)

- Oink like a pig!

(oinking)

- Fucker, where's my God damn present?

- Give him a fuckin' present.

- Uh, oh, here we got this for you.

- Look sweetheart, what do you say?

- Why the fuck anybody doesn't give me cash?

- Thank you, I'm sure that it's just what he wanted.

Do you think I'm a cougar?

Do you like coug's?

Do you want to do a coug?

Julie and the other young kids are downstairs if you

want to join them.

You're invited too.

- Okie, dokie, let's go.

- And guys, don't wake aunt Sue, she sleeps in the back,

but you can always wake me.

- Stop flirting and bring me some God damn cake.

- Of course, honey, I'll get it right away!

- Dude, let's go.

- Would you handle your shit, fuck-o?

We're not leaving 'til we find that mumbo jumbo weed.

And besides, you got a major chance scoring some real poon.

- Poon?

We're at a little kids birthday party.

- Yeah, with no little kids and a basement full of teenagers

smoking pot and french kissing.

If you're ever gonna get that hard on to go away,

you must get laid, understood?

- Understood.

(upbeat music)

- Fuck off, man, Jesus!

Man, you smell that?

- Pot?

- Pussy.

Hey, I'm gonna hit that. - Hey!

- So, magic grass? - Nope.

- Dude, what if the people that picked up that pot didn't

come to this fucking party?

- Dude, they're fucking here, man.

It's just a matter of finding the fucking stuff.

Here.

Hey, do you know where I can find some pot?

- Yeah, like everywhere you look.

- No, it's got like little flowers and stuff in it.

- Flowers?

You smell like sweat and asparagus.

- Yeah, well you smell like a punch bowl full of poon tang!

- In the best way.

- Plant yourself some place, preferably where the girl's

sitting on your face, and then I'm gonna go look

for that pot.

I'll be back in a minute, okay?

- Please hurry! - Just go.

(indistinct chatter)

- Are you alright?

- Yeah, hey, do you have any pot?

- Yeah, Leah has some upstairs, but it's really expensive.

- Thanks.

This whole small tit thing, man, it's really working for me.

- You want a shot?

- Of course I do.

Thanks.

- Any pot?

- Slut? - Sure, my favorite.

I'm so excited!

Let's do it, Steph.

I think we need a couple more people.

- Hey you want to play slut with us?

- Yeah. - Take a seat, yeah.

So, have you ever played slut before?

- Well, uh, it was a while ago.

- We need some people anyway.

Okay, what's your name? - Spanky.

- Spanky, that's kind of a cool name.

I'll just tell you about it.

You spin the bottle and whatever it lands on you do.

You know, like, show your tits or dick.

- I always do that one.

- Yeah, or you know, if it lands on masturbate

or kiss a guy.

- Spin to fuck, suck your neighbor.

- I love sucking my neighbor.

- What about this one?

What's "you get the skank?"

- The skank, she sits and waits for someone to come in

and for five minutes there's only one rule;

that you do whatever you want to.

- Oh.

- Are you guys playing slut without me?

- Can we play, too?

- Sure. - Yeah.

- Come one, come all, the more the merrier.

So who's gonna go first? - Me!

Right here, me first.

- Linda! - Linda!

- Which guy do you want? - Which guy you gonna kiss?

- I choose Marcus.

(all screaming)

- [All] Go Marcus, go Marcus, it's your birthday,

have a party, go Marcus.

- It's my turn!

Oh God, I'm getting high, I don't want to do this.

- Do it, do it.

- Show your dick or titties!

I ain't got no dick.

But I got titties!

Alright, okay, okay, what is it like, Tuesday?

- No, no, no, I think it's my turn.

- Amanda!

- Pick me, pick me.

It's make out with a girl, pick me.

- You just did one so I pick Marie.

- Oh my God.

- You've got big shoes to fill!

They are so hot, oh my God, they are so hot.

Alright.

I need a light.

Yeah, you got me?

Yeah.

- Is that the new stuff?

- That is. - Is that good shit?

- It's the strongest stuff, do you want some?

It is so good.

It's potent, it's like mega-potent, it's like waffle twat

potent, waffle twat.

(all chattering)

That shit is making me so fucking horny.

Just makes me want to--

- Where'd this come from?

- Um, my sister said something about finding it in the

bushes, this shit is really potent stuff, it's good.

It kind of makes me happy, if you know what I mean.

It makes me horny.

- Uh, you guys.

No, I gotta go.

- Makes me horny.

Don't, don't go, Spanky no, don't go.

Spanky, no don't go it makes me horny!

Spanky sit down!

(all singing indistinctly)

(upbeat music)

- Leah?

Leah, where are you?

- I gotta go to the bathroom.

- Okay.

- Get out of my way.

- Your boob is, your uh--

- What?

(screaming)

Oh, this air feels cold.

(indistinct yelling)

- No, no you can't go Spanky!

♪ Spanky you're so fine

♪ You're so fine you blow my mind

♪ Hey Spanky

♪ Hey Spanky you're so fine

♪ You're so fine you blow my mind

♪ Hey Spanky

- Spank, spank, spank!

- You got the skank, yeah.

- Can I go again? - No.

You got the skank, that's disappointing.

I wanted it to be you and me tonight.

- Seriously? - Seriously.

She's waiting back there for you.

You can do whatever you want and that's the only rule.

Have fun. (laughs)

- Hello.

- I want you to take your cock out and stuff it into

my mouth and then I want you to lick my pussy

like a lollipop, can you do that?

- Sure.

- Hello, hello.

Are you Leah?

I'm looking for some of that stuff you found.

- You got a real cigarette?

I'm getting fucking sick of these lights.

- Sorry, I don't smoke.

- What are you, a vegetarian or something?

- Do you have like an older sister named Leah or something?

I'm supposed to meet somebody here.

- You looking for chronic?

- Uh, yeah.

- 10 bucks a joint, I only have three left.

- Three left?

What the fuck'd you do with the rest of 'em?

- I sold 'em, what's it to you?

- That was my pot!

I had to toss it in the bushes when a cop was after me.

- So what, finders keepers! - Finders, keepers?

Give me the fucking joint.

- Piss off tubby, go fuck your boyfriend!

- Give me the joint!

Give 'em to me!

(screaming)

Stop it or I'm gonna tell your mom you're a dealer.

- Don't, dude, that selfish bitch is gonna want 50%!

- Come on, man, we gotta go.

Come on, Spanky!

- Spanky! (both screaming)

- My fucking ear drums.

- You're the skank?

- Shut up, I had a rough childhood!

- Had?

- Did you fuck your sister?

- Don't say that, I did not--

- Spanky, you're my fucking hero dude.

Hey, Ellen, nice tits.

- Don't you dare look at my tits, loser!

- Oh my God, what are we gonna tell mom and dad.

- [Both] Don't tell them!

- Ellen, you're coming home now, okay?

- No, you can't tell me what to do, virgin,

you don't even know how to eat a pussy.

- You don't know how to eat a pussy?

- Oh, God. - Come on, man.

- What about her?

- Fucking leave her, let's go, come on!

- And send in the next guy, will ya?

- This is a bunch of crap mom.

Oh look it's ass and hole.

- Bye bye, thanks.

- What a couple of dicks.

- Come on man, we gotta go.

- What am I gonna do!

- Well, uh, look at the bright side, at least your boner

went away.

- I had sex with my sister!

I can't believe it!

- Dude, alright, well did you spooge on her?

- No!

- Okay, did she spooge on you?

- No. - Then, you didn't have sex!

Like, accidental tongue.

- Accidental tongue?

- Yeah, you know like when you kiss your aunt you push

a little too hard and her tongue slips into your mouth.

- What kind of sick life do you live?

- A pretty twisted one.

I mean, at least I didn't fuck my sister.

- Oh, fuck! - Come on.

- Hey, there you guys are!

Did you find the pot?

- No, some midget chick sold most of it,

but I managed to salvage a few joints.

- What's the matter with Spanky?

- Oh, he fucked his sister.

- Oh. - Shut up.

- Man, get over it.

We gotta get out of here, where's the tranny?

- Oh Strawberry's in the bushes over there with some guy.

We were waiting for so long, you know?

Person's gotta work.

By the way, some crazy girl called on that broken phone.

It was hard to hear, but I think she was asking for someone

named Johnny?

- Shit, she found us! - Who?

- My brother's crazy girlfriend, Pinky.

- Oh, yeah, she said she was kill herself then she was

gonna kill you and Spanky and then just cried a lot

and begged him to tell where we were.

- And? - So I told her.

- Shit!

- She was just so drunk, I didn't know what to do.

- Don't sweat it, we just have to get the fuck out of here.

Stay here with Spanky, I'll be back in a minute.

- I'm a sinner, I'm unclean.

- Oh, no, no, no you're fine.

Hey, most guys have sex with their sister at least once.

- Strawberry, you-who, time to go!

- I'll be finished in a minute, baby!

- I gotta work this neighborhood more often.

- Hurry up, we gotta get out of here.

My brother's crazy ex-girlfriend's showing up.

- That bitch on the phone?

She outta her mother fuckin' mind, child!

- Hurry up, guys, we gotta get out of here before my

brother's crazy ex-girlfriend shows up!

Oh shit, get behind the car, hide, hide, hide!

(tires screeching)

- There you are, you asshole!

Where's your fucking brother, where's Johnny?

- Put the shovel down, Pinky.

- Don't you tell me to put the shovel down, prick!

I'm gonna bury it in his fucking head.

- Bury it in my head, please.

- Get the fuck over here--

- No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no,

you're not thinking straight, Pinky!

- Johnny said he loved me!

I was gonna have his son, we talked about it.

- Don't be such a schmuck!

He doesn't dig you anymore, get over it!

- He's a liar. - Fuckin' A, he's a liar.

Dude's lie.

He just wanted to get in your pants, guys like him always

lie to get with hot chicks like you.

- I am not hot, I'm hideous.

- You're definitely hot.

All painted up with those nipple rings.

- You saw my nipple rings?

- You sent like a box of DVD's to the house with you,

like, taking your clothes off and stuff.

I must've jacked off to 'em like 10 times.

- Really? - Yeah!

Most guys would suck off an elephant's balls to get a chance

at a smoking hot piece of ass like you.

- You are so nice.

- No problem.

- Can I hang out with you guys?

I tend to go a little crazy when I'm by myself.

Like, today I tried to shove my head down the garbage

disposal. - Sure.

Why not, what the fuck?

- I love you.

What's your name again?

- Mert.

- I love you, Merp!

- No, it's, never mind.

Alright, everybody pile in.

- Hi, hi, hi, hi.

(upbeat music)

- [Voiceover] I hope the party's still happening

when we get there.

- [Voiceover] This is Malibu, Spanky,

parties don't ever end here.

Look, it's so big and beautiful, and big!

- Come on, Spanky, hurry up dude.

Oh man. - Wow.

- I want to own this place.

- [Voiceover] Get in line, sugar!

- Think we'll see any celebrities?

- Oh, celebrities!

- I'd like to fuck some celebrities.

- Cindy and June have got some rich ass friends.

- I would so live here.

- Girl, you better you some fuck money so you can

afford it.

Do anal, it pays better.

- Sorry, dude.

- What a bunch of fuckers. - Yeah, fuckers!

- Fuckers!

- Dude, I'm gonna take this tequila over with the other

liquor.

- I'll come with!

- Come on.

Alright, listen, me and Spank are here on official business,

alright?

So don't take this the wrong way, but get lost.

- You're such a sweet talker!

I bet the ladies love you.

- Not yet, but they will.

(indistinct yelling)

- I'll tell you what's about to change.

I'ma have to excuse myself, baby.

Strawberry gonna get her a sugar daddy.

- Fuckin' trannys.

They're probably perfect for each other.

Ow, what the fuck!

- What the hell did you just say?

- I didn't say anything!

- You didn't call me whore flicking fur flying whore

bitch mother?

- What?

What the fuck?

- I need a drink.

(techno music)

- Hey. - Hello.

- Nice!

- Wow.

Good thing I brought the tequila, they are running low.

- Yeah, look on the bright side, you could've brought

a shit load of aphrodisiac pot to the party.

Oh, you did. - I did.

- Let's go swimming.

- Well, did you bring your swim suit?

- Just my underwear.

- That works.

- So, is chlamydia like totally contagious?

- What the hell you talking about?

- Just asking.

- Yo, dude!

- Hey, I'm looking for two chicks, Cindy and June,

they're bi-sexual.

- Oh yeah, I think they're out by the pool.

- You actually know them?

- Yeah, I'm their uncle.

Nice.

Great boobies.

Hey Spank!

- Sorry, dude. - No problem, dude!

- You asshole!

- People joining us. - Oh, hi.

- You know-- - Wish mine were that big.

- No, I like yours.

You know, I was lousy at math and history,

but I kinda like reading.

I know, it's a dorky thing.

- I was lousy at math, history, and most of my other

fucking subjects.

You know what else I'm really lousy at?

- What? - Being a hooker.

I'm a lousy hooker. - It's okay.

- I was a hooker once. - Really?

- Yeah, just that one time.

- I haven't turned one trick since I started

this whole thing.

I'm thinking of going back home.

- Yeah, I think you should.

- You think so? - Yeah.

- I like animals.

Maybe I'll become a vet, or a chef!

- Hey there!

- Well, well, look who made it.

- Surprise, surprise.

- Man, you guys have great tits.

- God. - You want to go swimming?

- We already went.

- Hey, where's your friend?

- Uh, he's over in the hot tub.

I'll go get him, maybe the four of us can party?

- Oh, if that's your friend, he doesn't look like he

needs our company.

- That's Spanky and his, uh, sisters.

- And if those are his sisters then he wants to fuck

the one in the middle.

- [Voiceover] Looks like he does.

- Now would Spanky really want to fuck his own sister?

What do you think, would he Mert?

- I'll be right back.

What the fuck are you doing, man?

- What's it look like I'm doing, I'm taking a hot tub.

Join the ladies.

- You guys got really great tits.

- We just got 'em done.

- Why don't you come in with us?

- Sorry that was my hand!

- I'm going to the bathroom.

- Me too.

- I'll come with you guys!

- Why don't you just piss in the hot tub?

That's what I do! - Gross.

- Nice ass.

- Oh what, you like a little junk in the trunk?

How's the for ya, you like that?

- Dude, what the fuck's your problem?

- What's my problem?

What's your problem, man?

I thought we had plans, Judas.

- Judas?

We had a plan, come to the party, we're at the party.

end of plan.

- The plan was to come to the party and get laid by

Cindy and June.

- I have a girl already. - The wrong fucking one,

lame ass.

What about those two bi chicks and the mumbo jumbo weed?

I got three joints left.

Are you in or are you out?

- Spanky, would you like some champagne?

- I want a real girl.

- Who cares? I get you off.

You can masturbate to me anytime.

- I don't want to masturbate anymore, do you hear me?

- Come back, Spanky, don't leave me.

- I don't want to masturbate anymore!

Did I just say that? - Yeah, man.

That's fucked up, man.

How would you live?

- Hey, I just found this really huge tub upstairs.

Do you want to come? - Piss off.

Spanky's with me.

- Dude, don't talk to me.

Yeah, I want to come.

- Yeah, well you'll be sorry when I'm in bed with those

two lesbos, swallowing their tits.

And I want my copy of ass pirates five back!

- Have you seen Johnny?

- Hey.

- Hey, what else is in the bag?

- Pot and sex toys.

Why, you guys want to smoke?

- Sure! - Yes.

- Okay, alright, finally.

- You like this, this is beautiful.

You ever fucked in a hot tub before?

- Me? Yeah, lots of times.

You?

- Oh yeah, lots of times, like six times.

And I gave head to the entire football team, is that cool?

- I know I've seen you somewhere.

- Sorry.

(screams)

- I'm okay.

- Surgeon general says this might cause horny-ness.

- Come on, pass that thing!

- I will.

(indistinct)

- Yes I do.

You're right, that's really strong.

♪ We just want to get stoned

♪ We don't want to get irony

♪ We just want to get stoned

- I don't know why I just did that.

- Cause you, my dear, are you really fucking high.

- I really liked that.

You guys want to do it again?

Oh my-- - What?

- God. - What?

- Something different about you.

- I don't think he's ever been kissed.

- You are a total fucking virgin.

- No, I've been fucking a lot!

- You are!

Now I want to fuck you.

- I want to fuck you too!

- Right here, right now?

- Let me see your boner!

- Oh my God, that tickles!

- I'm so fucking horny! - Hey, what?

I don't see anything.

- He doesn't have a boner. - Yes I do!

I have a huge hard on!

Just give me one second, I'll be right back.

- I've never done this. - That's okay.

I have, I'll help you.

- I cannot blow this, I cannot blow this.

Shit.

I need a big boner.

Insert penis into vacuum tube.

Pump ball to remove air.

10 to 15 times for maximum results.

- So where's Mert? - I don't know.

- Merty Mert, where are you?

- Hey, should we just light this and smoke some more?

- Yeah. - Whatever.

- That smells so good, can I have some?

- I want to try that. - Try some.

- Come on, buddy.

(rock music)

- 41, 42, 43, 44.

Shit, okay it's time to go fuck.

Where the fuck are my balls?

I need some butter or shampoo or something.

Get the fuck off.

- Hey!

Do you think I'm hot enough to fuck?

Like here, now!

- I'm kind of with someone.

- I am not drunk, whore!

Prick tease, at least I'm not a prick tease.

- Why don't you go to the kitchen and grab yourself

some coffee-- - Piss off!

Go suck your mama's tit, pervert.

I'm sorry. - I'm gonna go.

- Did I say that?

What was your answer?

I think I'm gonna be sick.

- Fuck.

Oh shit, what are you doing?

Hey, somebody's in here!

- Sorry. - What the fuck are you doing?

- What the fuck.

This is my nipple cup and my ass clamp,

and my triple headed dong!

You have my sex toys!

- I found them in Johnny's apartment, would you just leave

me alone! - That is my lucky penis pump!

Give it back! - No, it's stuck I can't get--

What are you doing?

- Give it!

(screams)

- My balls are in the tip of my dick.

- This happened to Johnny once, but that was because

of me.

Don't worry, I know exactly what to do.

- I feel so horny!

(all laughing)

(indistinct talking)

- Baby, you gonna make my day.

Now that's my kind of party.

(techno music)

(soft music)

- Jesus, can you believe how fucked up we were last night?

- I know.

That was crazy.

- Speaking of which, can you see my panties?

- No and I can't find my bikini bottoms either.

- Has anyone seen my panties?

- Mine are gone too!

- Where the hell are they?

I thought they were right over here.

- Mert.

(soft music)

- Hi. - Hi.

- Will you take me home?

I mean my real home. - Of course.

- Thanks.

- No problem.

- See you, baby.

- Bye honey. - Bye.

- Thanks for the great party.

- No, thank you, come back any time.

- Bye.

- Come on, baby, Strawberry gonna make you some pancakes.

(guitar music)

- You're not gonna forget me are you?

- No, I'm not gonna forget you.

- We can still date, you know.

I only live like an hour away.

- Yeah, we can have sleepovers or something.

- I like sleepovers!

- Yeah, me too.

Here we are.

- I'm gonna miss you.

Thank you.

- Bye. - Bye.

(rock music)

♪ I don't mind if you say that you need it

♪ And it's my time

♪ So just go on and keep it

- Bye, Spanky.

Thanks for the ride Mert.

- Sure thing, babe.

You'll always have a special place in my heart.

- Well, can I get your number?

- Not a fucking chance.

- You said you loved me.

- Yeah, well I had a hard on like a stalactite,

I would've done anything to get in your pants.

- You're a fucking liar!

You know, you're just full of shit!

- Of course, I'm a guy. - I hate you!

- Dude, that was harsh.

- Yeah, well she's a crazy fucking bitch and I don't

want her in my life.

- What else do you got going in your life?

You're a fucking pig.

The fact that she made out with you, even laid you,

is a fucking miracle.

- Ouch.

- Where the fuck are they?

- Honey, watch the language.

- Seriously.

- Joshua, where have you been?

I have been worried sick!

- You were supposed to be here 20 minutes ago!

- Hey losers, do anything fun last night, I did.

- Shut up! - It wasn't his fault!

My brother Johnny, he has sleep apnea and he stopped

breathing last night and Spanky, he knows CPR

and he brought him back to life!

And my brother, now he's at the hospital recovering.

- Is that true? My God.

- Proud of you Josh, that's a brave thing you did,

putting your mouth over another man's lips.

- Thanks.

- You mother fucking cock sucking son of a bitch.

You give me shit, I'm giving you shit all over your car!

Son of a bitch, you want to fuck with me?

You want to treat me like shit?

Well, watch this.

- What is that?

- [Both] Gorilla shit.

- Man, look, you guys better get the fuck out of here.

I gotta go take care of this bitch.

No, no, no, no stop, stop!

Oh, come on!

- Good luck with your girlfriend.

Move!

- Pinky, you are one crazy bitch.

(upbeat music)

- Did you?

- Yeah.

- Tastes like shit!

- I fuckin told you she was hot.

- I'm still here for you Spanky.

All of me.

♪