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♪ O, mother, my mother ♪
2
00:00:43,880 --> 00:00:46,359
-Hi. Carm.
- Yeah.
3
00:00:46,360 --> 00:00:50,999
♪ How sweetly your siren song
sounds o’er the sea ♪
4
00:00:51,000 --> 00:00:53,879
♪ If it weren’t for your arms ♪
5
00:00:53,880 --> 00:00:56,919
♪ An orphan I’d be ♪
6
00:00:56,920 --> 00:01:01,279
♪ O, mother, my mother ♪
7
00:01:01,280 --> 00:01:04,760
♪ Cruel mother country ♪
8
00:01:11,480 --> 00:01:13,919
I've a mind to smash
the dead fucker's headstone in!
9
00:01:13,920 --> 00:01:16,119
- Like they did with Saville's.
- I could've been a lion tamer
10
00:01:16,120 --> 00:01:17,439
if I'd took that scholarship.
11
00:01:17,440 --> 00:01:18,999
And I a magician.
12
00:01:19,000 --> 00:01:21,359
He still writes, you know,
David Copperfield.
13
00:01:21,360 --> 00:01:23,319
Weren't just careers
we lost, Carm.
14
00:01:23,320 --> 00:01:24,879
We could've had any man
in this town.
15
00:01:24,880 --> 00:01:26,919
- Or dog!
- Gave our whole lives
16
00:01:26,920 --> 00:01:29,319
to that caf,
and this is how he thanks us!
17
00:01:29,320 --> 00:01:31,959
We won't hand our legacy over
to some undeserving bastard
18
00:01:31,960 --> 00:01:33,439
without a fight!
19
00:01:33,440 --> 00:01:35,399
I'll get Psychic Sandra
to get hold of him.
20
00:01:35,400 --> 00:01:36,839
Tear him a new one.
21
00:01:36,840 --> 00:01:40,319
He won't answer,
the dead coward.
22
00:01:40,320 --> 00:01:43,399
If fayther thinks he's had
the last word by dying...
23
00:01:43,400 --> 00:01:45,399
he's got another thing
coming!
24
00:01:45,400 --> 00:01:47,480
Ooh!
25
00:01:57,720 --> 00:01:59,720
Ooh!
26
00:02:07,600 --> 00:02:09,799
Ooh. God.
27
00:02:09,800 --> 00:02:11,880
Oh...
28
00:02:12,320 --> 00:02:14,359
Ohh. Ohh.
29
00:02:14,360 --> 00:02:15,679
Ohh... ohh.
30
00:02:15,680 --> 00:02:17,759
Ohh! Ooh!
31
00:02:17,760 --> 00:02:21,000
Mmm! Thank you! Lovely!
32
00:02:29,480 --> 00:02:32,199
Okay. Bye, then!
33
00:02:38,040 --> 00:02:40,839
Pick up, Linda!
34
00:02:40,840 --> 00:02:44,319
Steve's told me you've gone to
find a time capsule in a tree.
35
00:02:44,320 --> 00:02:46,959
In a forest
of 20 million trees.
36
00:02:46,960 --> 00:02:50,039
Well, he might have fallen
for it, but I haven't!
37
00:02:50,040 --> 00:02:52,799
And what's all this shit
about a chore ledger?!
38
00:02:52,800 --> 00:02:54,839
We're women, Linda!
This is what we do!
39
00:02:54,840 --> 00:02:56,839
It's what we've always done!
40
00:02:56,840 --> 00:02:58,879
What makes you
so bloody special?
41
00:02:58,880 --> 00:03:00,519
Nothing! That's what!
42
00:03:00,520 --> 00:03:02,439
So stop whinging and moaning
43
00:03:02,440 --> 00:03:04,799
about being a woman
and come home!
44
00:03:04,800 --> 00:03:07,879
The kids said
Steve smells already.
45
00:03:18,520 --> 00:03:24,799
Today's show is about
men's sense of entitlement...
46
00:03:24,800 --> 00:03:27,079
and where it comes from.
47
00:03:27,080 --> 00:03:30,519
I was at a friend's daughter's
ninth birthday recently.
48
00:03:30,520 --> 00:03:32,919
And we were
about to do the cake.
49
00:03:34,320 --> 00:03:36,399
And her little brother came out
50
00:03:36,400 --> 00:03:39,519
with a poo on a plate,
51
00:03:39,520 --> 00:03:41,359
with nine candles stuck in it.
52
00:03:41,360 --> 00:03:44,159
And his mum, my friend, laughed.
53
00:03:45,680 --> 00:03:47,199
And, you know,
it got me thinking that
54
00:03:47,200 --> 00:03:48,639
we don't have
the same level of...
55
00:03:48,640 --> 00:03:50,279
tolerance for little girls'
behaviour.
56
00:03:50,280 --> 00:03:52,999
If a little girl came out
with a poo on a plate
57
00:03:53,000 --> 00:03:55,919
with candles stuck in it
at her brother's birthday,
58
00:03:55,920 --> 00:03:57,799
we would have her
psychologically assessed.
59
00:03:57,800 --> 00:03:59,799
As little girls,
we're asked to smile,
60
00:03:59,800 --> 00:04:02,359
be nice, put that pigeon down.
61
00:04:02,360 --> 00:04:06,599
Is it our reluctance to call out
the bad behaviour of boys
62
00:04:06,600 --> 00:04:10,279
what leads to their sense
of superiority and entitlement?
63
00:04:10,280 --> 00:04:13,439
And is that the root cause
64
00:04:13,440 --> 00:04:14,999
of everything
that's wrong in the world?
65
00:04:15,000 --> 00:04:16,479
Lines are open.
66
00:04:16,480 --> 00:04:18,639
Chemically castrate all boys!
67
00:04:18,640 --> 00:04:21,799
Yeah, you can't keep calling in
and saying that, Becky.
68
00:04:21,800 --> 00:04:24,319
Right. Line two. Agnes.
69
00:04:24,320 --> 00:04:27,959
There ain't gonna be no Eel King
at this year's Eel Festival!
70
00:04:27,960 --> 00:04:30,319
We're havin' a woman instead!
71
00:04:32,680 --> 00:04:34,799
Well...
72
00:04:34,800 --> 00:04:37,160
that's gonna ruffle
some feathers.
73
00:04:41,560 --> 00:04:43,999
Brian on line three.
74
00:04:44,000 --> 00:04:45,879
I don't understand
75
00:04:45,880 --> 00:04:49,919
why you have to have
an Eel Queen
76
00:04:49,920 --> 00:04:52,799
when tradition says
it's always been an Eel King!
77
00:04:52,800 --> 00:04:54,999
Oop. Sorry, Brian. The line
seems to be cutting out.
I can't really.
78
00:04:55,000 --> 00:04:56,399
Shh!
79
00:04:56,400 --> 00:04:57,759
And, lastly,
one final reminder
80
00:04:57,760 --> 00:04:59,559
before I hand over
to the Verderer.
81
00:04:59,560 --> 00:05:01,159
Tony's tackle will be out again
82
00:05:01,160 --> 00:05:03,559
for my live drawing class
tonight.
83
00:05:07,840 --> 00:05:09,599
Great news about the Eel Queen,
Verderer.
84
00:05:09,600 --> 00:05:11,839
Not today, Joy.
I'm not in the mood.
85
00:05:15,560 --> 00:05:19,159
Joy, can I...
86
00:05:19,160 --> 00:05:20,519
- Yes.
- Have a seat.
87
00:05:20,520 --> 00:05:21,799
- Alright.
- Thank you.
88
00:05:34,080 --> 00:05:37,119
- Hot flush?
- Yeah.
89
00:05:37,120 --> 00:05:38,799
I'm on my seventh of the day.
90
00:05:40,560 --> 00:05:43,079
Ooh. I'm sorry about the bell,
by the way.
91
00:05:43,080 --> 00:05:44,599
Shouldn't-- Shouldn't
you just take it off
92
00:05:44,600 --> 00:05:46,519
or maybe put a sign up,
warning people?
93
00:05:46,520 --> 00:05:49,239
No, no, no. Everyone knows.
It's simple.
94
00:05:49,240 --> 00:05:50,759
If we're talkin', no walk-in.
95
00:05:50,760 --> 00:05:52,599
Oh. Well...
96
00:05:58,680 --> 00:06:00,639
- Is that...?
- Tony.
97
00:06:00,640 --> 00:06:02,919
Yeah! Tony, yeah.
I met him in the pub last night.
98
00:06:02,920 --> 00:06:04,479
- Oh, yeah?
- Yeah.
99
00:06:04,480 --> 00:06:06,559
Huh.
100
00:06:06,560 --> 00:06:11,719
They really captured the essence
of him, haven't they?
101
00:06:11,720 --> 00:06:13,519
I hear the caravan's
looking pukka.
102
00:06:13,520 --> 00:06:15,239
- Eh?
- News travels fast
103
00:06:15,240 --> 00:06:17,479
round here, Linda.
104
00:06:17,480 --> 00:06:19,399
Hey. Coffee?
105
00:06:19,400 --> 00:06:21,879
Erm, y-yes, please. Yeah.
That'd be lovely.
106
00:06:21,880 --> 00:06:23,239
Okay.
107
00:06:23,240 --> 00:06:24,639
He's sweet.
108
00:06:24,640 --> 00:06:26,879
"They." Ryan's non-binary.
109
00:06:26,880 --> 00:06:28,559
- Oh. Right.
-He says it like it is!
110
00:06:28,560 --> 00:06:30,439
Taking on the Wokerati
one snowflake at a time!
111
00:06:30,440 --> 00:06:32,079
Giving it to you
straight and unfiltered,
112
00:06:32,080 --> 00:06:33,759
it's The Verderer!
113
00:06:33,760 --> 00:06:35,399
Good morning. Good morning.
114
00:06:35,400 --> 00:06:38,799
I was gonna speak to you
about immigration
115
00:06:38,800 --> 00:06:40,879
on the show today
and ask you,
116
00:06:40,880 --> 00:06:42,639
"With the NHS in crisis,
117
00:06:42,640 --> 00:06:45,439
isn't the taxpayers' money
better spent dealing with
118
00:06:45,440 --> 00:06:49,119
an Englishman's cancer
than an African's AIDS?"
119
00:06:49,120 --> 00:06:50,999
But that will have to wait
until tomorrow
120
00:06:51,000 --> 00:06:54,239
because today we are up
against it with the feminazis!
121
00:06:54,240 --> 00:06:56,039
That's right. You'll have
heard of the Eel Sisters'
122
00:06:56,040 --> 00:06:58,359
ridiculous--
frankly offensive--
123
00:06:58,360 --> 00:07:02,359
idea of replacing
the Eel King with a Queen...
124
00:07:02,360 --> 00:07:04,519
this Eel Festival.
Well, not if I've got anything
125
00:07:04,520 --> 00:07:06,799
to do with it, they won't!
126
00:07:08,840 --> 00:07:11,239
I'm all for equality
of the sexes, you know,
127
00:07:11,240 --> 00:07:13,799
but not if that means
men missing out.
128
00:07:13,800 --> 00:07:17,439
The men of this town
have got nothing. Nothing!
129
00:07:17,440 --> 00:07:19,799
And you take away
their Eel King, well,
130
00:07:19,800 --> 00:07:21,559
that's the type of thing that
can tip 'em over the edge.
131
00:07:21,560 --> 00:07:25,239
And with male suicide rates
at an all-time high...
132
00:07:25,240 --> 00:07:26,639
today I'm asking,
133
00:07:26,640 --> 00:07:30,239
"Is feminism
literally killing men?"
134
00:07:30,240 --> 00:07:31,759
Listen to this.
135
00:07:33,280 --> 00:07:35,119
Crikey.
136
00:07:35,120 --> 00:07:36,959
He had a rally hard lockdown.
137
00:07:36,960 --> 00:07:38,519
- Oh.
- First he lost his sister,
138
00:07:38,520 --> 00:07:39,879
and then he lost his job.
139
00:07:39,880 --> 00:07:41,519
Thank you.
140
00:07:41,520 --> 00:07:43,839
He actually went out
to the forest to end it all.
141
00:07:43,840 --> 00:07:46,519
But then he saw some nesting
birds in an old oak tree.
142
00:07:46,520 --> 00:07:49,639
And he couldn't bear
to do it in front of them.
143
00:07:49,640 --> 00:07:51,799
Ohh.
144
00:07:51,800 --> 00:07:53,559
We were just talking
about your uncle.
145
00:07:53,560 --> 00:07:55,719
Every family
has a problematic uncle
146
00:07:55,720 --> 00:07:57,999
that they have to tolerate
over Christmas.
147
00:07:58,000 --> 00:08:02,159
But Ryan lives with theirs
all year round.
148
00:08:02,160 --> 00:08:03,759
Is everything okay?
149
00:08:12,960 --> 00:08:14,759
If you're still around
Saturday, you should come
150
00:08:14,760 --> 00:08:16,319
to our Cat Speed Dating Night.
151
00:08:16,320 --> 00:08:17,879
Speed dating for cats?
152
00:08:17,880 --> 00:08:20,479
I set up a charity
matching homeless cats up
153
00:08:20,480 --> 00:08:23,359
with the elderly, and we have
a date night in the pub.
154
00:08:23,360 --> 00:08:26,119
-Ohh. That's nice.
-Yeah, it gets really wild.
155
00:08:26,120 --> 00:08:27,959
We had to pay for security.
156
00:08:27,960 --> 00:08:31,039
Biting, scratching, spraying all
over the walls and furniture.
157
00:08:31,040 --> 00:08:33,400
The cats are no trouble, though.
158
00:08:35,760 --> 00:08:37,880
Ryan!
159
00:08:39,320 --> 00:08:42,599
Oh, you should tell those
eel sisters you don't like eels,
160
00:08:42,600 --> 00:08:44,919
or they'll keep leaving them
on your step for you.
161
00:08:44,920 --> 00:08:47,000
Wha--
162
00:08:48,880 --> 00:08:51,239
Don't worry. You'll get
used to the forest grapevine.
163
00:08:51,240 --> 00:08:53,839
Oh, I need to go, as well, actually.
164
00:08:53,840 --> 00:08:55,920
I hope you find your tree.
165
00:08:57,120 --> 00:08:59,319
I'm Joy, by the way.
166
00:09:01,680 --> 00:09:03,319
Jesus.
167
00:09:03,320 --> 00:09:05,399
You'll be telling me
the colour of my pants next.
168
00:09:05,400 --> 00:09:07,480
Beige!
169
00:10:51,920 --> 00:10:55,159
Please, Saint Anthony,
help me to find my tree.
170
00:10:55,160 --> 00:10:57,399
Ohh!
171
00:12:10,040 --> 00:12:12,120
Ohh!
172
00:12:12,680 --> 00:12:16,079
Ohh. You have got to
be kidding me.
173
00:12:26,280 --> 00:12:31,159
Uh, I-I didn't mean find it
on the first day, Saint Anthony!
174
00:12:31,160 --> 00:12:33,240
Oh.
175
00:12:39,920 --> 00:12:42,439
God. Geez.
176
00:12:51,560 --> 00:12:53,119
Fucking hell.
177
00:13:07,160 --> 00:13:08,879
It's time, Lin!
178
00:13:57,680 --> 00:14:00,519
Come, come, come, come, come!
Come on!
179
00:14:00,520 --> 00:14:01,959
- Wuhh!
- Whoa!
180
00:14:01,960 --> 00:14:04,759
Jesus! You scared
the shit out of me!
181
00:14:04,760 --> 00:14:08,079
Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait!
Ooh-whoo! Wait, wait, wait!
182
00:14:08,080 --> 00:14:11,279
I've got pepper spray up here
if you try anything!
183
00:14:11,280 --> 00:14:12,919
Is it coarse or ground?
184
00:14:12,920 --> 00:14:14,479
What? You think this is funny?
185
00:14:14,480 --> 00:14:16,279
A lone woman trapped up a tree?
186
00:14:16,280 --> 00:14:18,199
Wh-- I'm sorry.
187
00:14:18,200 --> 00:14:20,239
It was just a little joke
to try and put you at ease.
188
00:14:20,240 --> 00:14:22,239
Oh. What you doing anyway?
189
00:14:22,240 --> 00:14:24,479
I was, err-- I was giving
the all-clear for the boar.
190
00:14:24,480 --> 00:14:26,279
This is where they come
for their breakfast.
191
00:14:26,280 --> 00:14:29,159
- The-- The boar?!
- Yeah, the wild pigs.
192
00:14:29,160 --> 00:14:31,279
- T-There's wild pigs?!
- Yes.
193
00:14:31,280 --> 00:14:33,039
- Here?! Now?!
- Yeah. Yeah.
194
00:14:33,040 --> 00:14:34,679
And they're
a little bit confused now.
195
00:14:34,680 --> 00:14:37,199
- Oh. Oh. They're confused?
- Yeah, because
196
00:14:37,200 --> 00:14:39,559
I told them it was safe
and then I told 'em to wait.
197
00:14:39,560 --> 00:14:41,239
Because of you.
198
00:14:41,240 --> 00:14:44,439
Oh, c-can you ask them
to wait a little bit longer?
199
00:14:44,440 --> 00:14:46,199
- Oh, they won't hurt you.
- Please!
200
00:14:46,200 --> 00:14:49,279
Okay. Okay. I'll warn 'em off.
201
00:14:49,280 --> 00:14:52,519
Home, home, home!
Home, home, home!
202
00:14:52,520 --> 00:14:54,319
Come on, girls and boys!
Home, home!
203
00:14:54,320 --> 00:14:56,319
Home, home, home!
Come on, boys and girls!
204
00:14:56,320 --> 00:14:59,519
Do you know, you men
should be more self-aware
205
00:14:59,520 --> 00:15:02,239
of how threatening
you can be to lone women.
206
00:15:02,240 --> 00:15:06,999
You know, you've killed
more women than cancer...
207
00:15:09,320 --> 00:15:11,599
...wars, malaria,
208
00:15:11,600 --> 00:15:14,839
and traffic accidents
combined!
209
00:15:14,840 --> 00:15:16,199
Well, I try
and keep myself busy.
210
00:15:16,200 --> 00:15:17,839
- Oh, my God.
- Oh, shit.
211
00:15:17,840 --> 00:15:20,840
- What did I just say?
- I'm sorry.
212
00:15:22,960 --> 00:15:24,759
Well, it looks like you know
your way around a rope.
213
00:15:24,760 --> 00:15:27,159
Yeah, well, it's been a while,
but it all came back.
214
00:15:27,160 --> 00:15:29,079
The porkers wouldn't have
harmed you, by the way.
215
00:15:29,080 --> 00:15:31,159
There only young 'uns.
They lost their mum.
216
00:15:31,160 --> 00:15:33,519
This is where they come
for their morning truffles.
217
00:15:33,520 --> 00:15:35,119
Right. But-- But-- So why--
218
00:15:35,120 --> 00:15:37,239
Some people wanna keep
their numbers down.
219
00:15:37,240 --> 00:15:39,239
I don't really agree with that,
220
00:15:39,240 --> 00:15:41,079
so, er, I try to keep
an eye on them.
221
00:15:41,080 --> 00:15:42,839
Y-You keep an eye out
for the pigs
222
00:15:42,840 --> 00:15:44,199
when they're digging
for truffles?
223
00:15:44,200 --> 00:15:45,319
Yeah.
224
00:15:45,320 --> 00:15:48,800
Oh. That's-- That's nice.
225
00:15:50,560 --> 00:15:52,199
I've not seen you
around here before, have I?
226
00:15:52,200 --> 00:15:53,839
What were you doing up there?
227
00:15:53,840 --> 00:15:57,999
Oh. I was looking for
something, but it's gone.
228
00:15:58,000 --> 00:16:00,599
It was a really long shot.
229
00:16:00,600 --> 00:16:01,959
Oh.
230
00:16:01,960 --> 00:16:03,199
I'm sorry to hear that.
231
00:16:03,200 --> 00:16:04,799
Hm.
232
00:16:04,800 --> 00:16:07,999
Maybe the starlings
made a nest of it.
233
00:16:08,000 --> 00:16:10,199
Maybe they did.
234
00:16:10,200 --> 00:16:12,280
Hm!
235
00:16:15,160 --> 00:16:16,639
Why don't I make you
a nice cup of coffee?
236
00:16:16,640 --> 00:16:17,879
Perk you up a bit.
237
00:16:17,880 --> 00:16:19,919
- Uh-- Oh.
- O-Only if you...
238
00:16:19,920 --> 00:16:21,479
Uh...
239
00:16:21,480 --> 00:16:23,319
- Yeah. Why not?
- Oh, good.
240
00:16:23,320 --> 00:16:27,479
Okay. I'll just, erm, text...
241
00:16:27,480 --> 00:16:29,599
Yeah. I'm just
round the corner.
242
00:16:29,600 --> 00:16:32,479
Erm, let them know...
243
00:16:32,480 --> 00:16:35,200
- Course, yeah.
- ...where I-- where I am.
244
00:16:40,120 --> 00:16:41,199
Here we are.
245
00:16:41,200 --> 00:16:43,280
Oh!
246
00:16:44,600 --> 00:16:46,119
Hm, hm. Lovely.
247
00:16:46,120 --> 00:16:47,239
My veranda.
248
00:16:47,240 --> 00:16:49,239
Ohh. Hmm!
249
00:16:49,240 --> 00:16:52,559
Hmm. Hm. [ Sniffs ] Oh.
250
00:16:52,560 --> 00:16:54,679
Come on in.
251
00:16:54,680 --> 00:16:57,679
It's not Buckingham Palace,
but it's home. Come in.
252
00:16:57,680 --> 00:16:59,479
- Ooh!
- Yeah.
253
00:16:59,480 --> 00:17:01,959
Ha! It's... a cave.
254
00:17:01,960 --> 00:17:04,639
Yeah. I'll get the coffee on.
255
00:17:04,640 --> 00:17:05,839
Wow.
256
00:17:07,960 --> 00:17:09,719
Oh. I'm Linda, by the way.
257
00:17:09,720 --> 00:17:11,759
Oh, I'm sorry. William.
258
00:17:11,760 --> 00:17:13,519
But my friends call me Pig Man.
259
00:17:13,520 --> 00:17:16,600
- Nice to meet you, William.
- Nice to meet you, Linda.
260
00:17:17,560 --> 00:17:20,639
How did you end up
living in here, like this?
261
00:17:20,640 --> 00:17:22,319
Well, fate, I guess.
262
00:17:22,320 --> 00:17:23,839
Followed my gut.
263
00:17:23,840 --> 00:17:25,519
Hm.
264
00:17:25,520 --> 00:17:27,839
Were you in the military
or the SAS or something?
265
00:17:27,840 --> 00:17:29,799
No. I was a numbers man.
266
00:17:29,800 --> 00:17:31,759
- Hm.
- Big job in the city.
267
00:17:31,760 --> 00:17:33,799
But adding up
other people's money all day
268
00:17:33,800 --> 00:17:35,479
didn't amount to much for me.
269
00:17:35,480 --> 00:17:37,279
It felt like
I was squandering my time.
270
00:17:37,280 --> 00:17:40,199
- Hm. I can relate to that.
- What about you?
271
00:17:40,200 --> 00:17:41,279
Numbers woman.
272
00:17:41,280 --> 00:17:43,360
Oh!
273
00:17:44,400 --> 00:17:46,239
Is that your daughter?
274
00:17:46,240 --> 00:17:49,159
Uh, yeah.
275
00:17:49,160 --> 00:17:51,439
Sweet.
276
00:17:51,440 --> 00:17:53,359
What about you?
You got any kids?
277
00:17:53,360 --> 00:17:55,679
No. It's very clean in here.
278
00:17:55,680 --> 00:17:58,599
Why wouldn't it be?
I'm not an animal.
279
00:17:58,600 --> 00:18:00,799
Which is a silly thing to say,
because I am.
280
00:18:00,800 --> 00:18:02,599
I mean, we are animals,
aren't we?
281
00:18:02,600 --> 00:18:04,239
- Hm.
- Animals. Humans.
282
00:18:04,240 --> 00:18:06,559
Who's making the mess
in this world, I wonder?
283
00:18:06,560 --> 00:18:08,399
Sorry. I went off on one then.
284
00:18:08,400 --> 00:18:11,959
No, it's good.
Humans are messy.
285
00:18:11,960 --> 00:18:13,879
I've always been
very house-proud.
286
00:18:13,880 --> 00:18:15,960
Cave-proud now.
287
00:18:20,920 --> 00:18:22,759
- Okey-dokey.
- What the matter?
288
00:18:22,760 --> 00:18:24,919
You never seen a man
frothing milk before?
289
00:18:24,920 --> 00:18:26,479
Erm, yes, I have, actually.
290
00:18:26,480 --> 00:18:28,799
Just not in a cave
surrounded by pigs.
291
00:18:28,800 --> 00:18:30,839
You should get out more often.
292
00:18:30,840 --> 00:18:35,119
There we go. Whoops.
Should be nice and frothy now.
293
00:18:35,120 --> 00:18:37,679
I hate it when there's no froth!
294
00:18:37,680 --> 00:18:39,719
Oh. Damn. I've only got one cup.
295
00:18:39,720 --> 00:18:42,079
Oh. You don't make coffee
for every woman
296
00:18:42,080 --> 00:18:43,359
you find trapped
up a tree, then?
297
00:18:43,360 --> 00:18:44,799
I do, yeah.
298
00:18:44,800 --> 00:18:46,359
But then I have to
kill them afterwards
299
00:18:46,360 --> 00:18:48,520
and bury the cup with them.
300
00:18:54,280 --> 00:18:56,559
- Sorry.
- It's okay. It's funny.
301
00:18:56,560 --> 00:18:57,919
Sometimes I burn them.
302
00:18:57,920 --> 00:18:59,279
- Oh, no. That's enough now.
- Okay.
303
00:18:59,280 --> 00:19:01,360
Yeah.
304
00:19:04,880 --> 00:19:06,439
Oh. Oh, my God.
305
00:19:06,440 --> 00:19:08,999
Nice and frothy, isn't it?
306
00:19:09,000 --> 00:19:11,919
Hmm! Hmm.
307
00:19:11,920 --> 00:19:14,479
Do you like it?
308
00:19:14,480 --> 00:19:17,080
It's always better when
someone else makes it, isn't it?
309
00:19:32,240 --> 00:19:35,559
Carm! Out o' there!
You got enough dildos now!
310
00:19:35,560 --> 00:19:37,640
I'll never have enough!
311
00:19:42,320 --> 00:19:44,279
That is the best coffee
I've ever had.
312
00:19:44,280 --> 00:19:46,359
Thank you.
313
00:19:46,360 --> 00:19:48,439
Oh. The, er--
the porkers should be
314
00:19:48,440 --> 00:19:51,079
having their siesta now,
so it's a good time
to make a dash for it.
315
00:19:51,080 --> 00:19:52,359
Oh, right. Yeah.
316
00:19:52,360 --> 00:19:53,799
Come on.
I'll show you to the path.
317
00:19:53,800 --> 00:19:56,400
Oh, that'd be great.
Yeah. Thanks.
318
00:20:09,800 --> 00:20:12,919
"Plumped up cushions. 46.
319
00:20:12,920 --> 00:20:16,039
Empty dishwasher.
2 minutes, 10.
320
00:20:16,040 --> 00:20:18,679
Talk to neighbour, re: dog shit.
321
00:20:18,680 --> 00:20:22,319
15 minutes, 7 seconds.
322
00:20:22,320 --> 00:20:26,559
Clean up plates.
Two minutes, 30.
323
00:20:26,560 --> 00:20:30,400
Sex with Steve.
One minute, 20."
324
00:20:34,800 --> 00:20:36,800
No.
325
00:20:37,240 --> 00:20:39,360
Lampshades get dusty?
326
00:20:44,280 --> 00:20:46,759
- Hello, Siobhain.
- Abandoning your own children.
327
00:20:46,760 --> 00:20:48,599
You're worse than
Magda Gobbles.
328
00:20:48,600 --> 00:20:50,439
It's Goebells, I think.
329
00:20:50,440 --> 00:20:52,839
And I haven't abandoned them.
They're with their dad.
330
00:20:52,840 --> 00:20:55,639
And I'm sending them
pictures of the moon.
331
00:20:55,640 --> 00:20:58,279
Well, they can't eat
pictures of the moon!
332
00:20:58,280 --> 00:21:00,079
People will judge you for this.
333
00:21:00,080 --> 00:21:01,799
No, they won't.
They won't know.
334
00:21:01,800 --> 00:21:03,479
What do you mean
they won't know?
335
00:21:03,480 --> 00:21:05,359
Well, I'm not telling anyone
I'm married with kids.
336
00:21:05,360 --> 00:21:07,959
I don't want to be asked
about them all the time.
337
00:21:07,960 --> 00:21:09,639
I don't know what
the big deal is, Siobhain.
338
00:21:09,640 --> 00:21:11,239
I'm just having
some time to myself.
339
00:21:11,240 --> 00:21:14,879
Trying to find some time capsule
in a stupid tree?
340
00:21:14,880 --> 00:21:16,519
Yeah, well,
that didn't work out.
341
00:21:16,520 --> 00:21:18,559
I found it already.
The capsule wasn't there.
342
00:21:20,080 --> 00:21:21,479
It's not funny, Siobhan.
343
00:21:21,480 --> 00:21:23,519
Oh my God.
344
00:21:23,520 --> 00:21:25,439
It's really not that funny.
345
00:21:25,440 --> 00:21:27,959
Saint Anthony?
346
00:21:27,960 --> 00:21:30,159
Yes. Who else?
347
00:21:30,160 --> 00:21:32,560
So you're coming home now, then.
348
00:21:35,240 --> 00:21:37,439
- Linda?
- I don't-- I don't know.
349
00:21:37,440 --> 00:21:40,479
But I shouldn't need
a reason to stay.
350
00:21:40,480 --> 00:21:43,119
Dads go away on their own
all the time.
351
00:21:43,120 --> 00:21:44,839
Joe Wicks went off
on his Triumph,
352
00:21:44,840 --> 00:21:46,399
and no one batted an eyelid.
353
00:21:46,400 --> 00:21:49,519
I've had enough of
this whingey women shit!
354
00:21:49,520 --> 00:21:51,799
Just grow up and come home!
355
00:21:51,800 --> 00:21:54,800
And you can fuck off!
356
00:22:09,880 --> 00:22:13,840
Nice to see a bit of old meat.
May I?
357
00:22:17,800 --> 00:22:19,559
What's that? Death notices?
358
00:22:19,560 --> 00:22:22,719
See, the problem
with these newfangled
359
00:22:22,720 --> 00:22:26,359
gender-neutral toilets, Linda,
360
00:22:26,360 --> 00:22:27,879
like many blokes,
361
00:22:27,880 --> 00:22:31,359
I enjoys a big old fart
when I urinates.
362
00:22:31,360 --> 00:22:35,119
But not in front of the ladies.
No. Cos I'm a gentleman.
363
00:22:35,120 --> 00:22:37,319
That's how I were brought up,
you know.
364
00:22:37,320 --> 00:22:40,239
They don't call me Tony Bond
for nothing.
365
00:22:40,240 --> 00:22:43,719
But what someone looks like
ain't always what they are.
366
00:22:43,720 --> 00:22:47,039
Some people looks like
gentleman but are ladies.
367
00:22:47,040 --> 00:22:49,839
And some people looks like
ladies but are gentleman.
368
00:22:49,840 --> 00:22:51,719
Some of 'em are neither.
369
00:22:51,720 --> 00:22:54,999
An some of 'em are both
ladies and gentlemen.
370
00:22:55,000 --> 00:22:57,159
- They move about, you know?
- Hm.
371
00:22:57,160 --> 00:23:01,879
But if I can't ask someone
what they is or what they isn't,
372
00:23:01,880 --> 00:23:04,079
for fear of causing offence,
373
00:23:04,080 --> 00:23:08,079
how do I know who
I'm allowed to fart in front of
374
00:23:08,080 --> 00:23:11,199
when I'm at the urinal
urinating?
375
00:23:11,200 --> 00:23:12,319
Hm.
376
00:23:12,320 --> 00:23:15,159
It's a... nightmare, Linda.
377
00:23:15,160 --> 00:23:18,560
Maybe just don't fart.
378
00:23:21,800 --> 00:23:25,479
What, don't f-fart
while I'm urinating?
379
00:23:25,480 --> 00:23:28,720
Don't fart in front on anyone,
regardless of gender.
380
00:23:33,560 --> 00:23:36,639
Yeah, I-I suppose
I could do that, yeah.
381
00:23:36,640 --> 00:23:38,199
Never really thought
about it before.
382
00:23:38,200 --> 00:23:39,999
- There you go, then.
- Yeah.
383
00:23:40,000 --> 00:23:42,080
Hm.
384
00:23:45,160 --> 00:23:47,839
Don't know
what I'm doing here, Tony.
385
00:23:47,840 --> 00:23:50,719
Oh. You're here to get laid,
Linda, like the rest of us.
386
00:23:50,720 --> 00:23:53,999
I'm really not.
Drink? I'll get them.
387
00:23:54,000 --> 00:23:56,599
You might break something
on the way. Heh heh.
388
00:23:56,600 --> 00:23:58,839
Yeah.
Every woman's heart, eh?
389
00:23:58,840 --> 00:24:01,399
Ah!
390
00:24:01,400 --> 00:24:17,399
♪ Oh, Sally, my dear,
it's you I'd be kissing ♪
391
00:24:17,400 --> 00:24:19,879
♪ She smiled and replied ♪
392
00:24:19,880 --> 00:24:23,559
♪ "You don't know
what you're missing" ♪
393
00:24:23,560 --> 00:24:34,879
♪ Oh, Sally, my dear,
I wish I could wed you ♪
394
00:24:34,880 --> 00:24:40,799
♪ Oh, Sally, my dear,
I wish I could bed you ♪
395
00:24:40,800 --> 00:24:43,600
♪ She smiled and replied... ♪
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