Original subtitles

Please don't tell me you're having some existential crisis about a journal you

and my son used to jerk off to.

Like I said, that journal is the reason I have every issue in my life right now.

It's why my life's spiraling.

Okay, elaborate.

Well, Damon has a thing for my mom.

And I find out that my mom has a thing for Damon, too.

Really? Yeah, Damon actually sent me a snapshot of them talking on this dating

thing. And yesterday they actually met up.

Did Damon tell you that?

No. I went to go visit my mom yesterday and I saw Damon's car in the driveway.

So I have a confession.

When our dating profiles matched, I thought you were just being nice.

Well, I've always had a crush on you.

I just didn't know how to tell you.

Glad the internet did it for me, though.

But you haven't always had a crush on me.

Why would you say that?

Because I'm Seth's mom.

So? Seth has a crush on my mom?

No.

No, he hasn't.

Yes, he has.

And it's always been a joke growing up.

I had a crush on you.

He had a crush on my mom.

We promised each other we'd never do anything about it, but...

Today I'm breaking up on this.

Come here.

I want to show you something.

I haven't been in my son's room since he moved out.

What are you doing?

What? You don't snoop?

No, never.

Really?

We have to go through your stuff all the time.

No, you did not.

Maybe you should find a better place to hide your vibrators.

First place someone's going to look is the panty drawer.

Damon, really?

I knew it.

Your mom is still just as beautiful now as she was then.

Hey, how did you know this photo was here?

Because I'm Seth's best friend and I know everything.

Everything.

And it probably wouldn't be a good idea if his girlfriend saw it look in here.

She wouldn't be too happy about that.

Maybe not.

But look how young she was.

How tight her body is.

Oh my...

I miss the days my body was this tight.

Come on, it still is.

Shut up.

You want to hear something funny?

What? Remember those days we used to come over during the summer and hang out

the pool?

Well, sometimes I'd be laying there with my sunglasses on, looking at you in

your bikini.

Oh my god, you are such a pervert.

Let's just say I've always known that I've worn one.

Wait. We cannot do this in my son's bedroom.

Wait, what do you mean?

Fuck Seth. He doesn't even live here anymore.

Relax.

Enjoy yourself.

I'm playing this moment over and over again in my head for years.

Oh yeah?

Uh huh.

I can't wait to see what you have to do.

Oh my God, that's so sexy.

All those summers at the pool, staring at you.

You naughty, naughty boy.

God, this is so good.

I've been wanting you to do this.

Can you talk like that like when I tell you what to do to me

Mm -hmm.

I can't believe we're actually doing that. You can't? Oh, I've been wanting

do that.

That would be so much fun.

Listen, you can't tell someone.

It's a dark secret.

Yeah, put that in my mouth.

Yeah, I'll do that.

Tears. Tears. I want

this.

I can't fucking breathe

oh yes no

The whole thing, everything.

The whole thing right there in your mouth, right?

Yeah, right there. Nice and deep.

Do you want to do it again?

Let's spill that one. Yeah.

It's

really

good.

Fuck that.

You suck. Yeah.

Yeah.

We're going to know. It's just not enough.

Oh, yeah

I love that. I

like that.

Spray it for me

Hmm.

Dude, dude, dude.

Yes.

Don't know

I can't sleep in a fucking twin bed forever.

One, two, three, four.

Yes.

I can tell you.

I can tell you. Keep going. Keep going.

Oh my god.

Oh my

god right there.

Oh, my God.

This is our secret, right?

Same for me.