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This programme contains
strong language and adult humour
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MRS BROWN CACKLES
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ANNOUNCER: Ladies and gentlemen,
welcome to Mrs Brown's Boys!
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# She's Mrs Brown
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# Agnes
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# That's Mrs Brown
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# Agnes
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# Our Mrs Brown. #
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Hello there.
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The bulb was gone in this lamp,
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so I replaced it.
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Now I can see how dirty
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me feckin' frames are.
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SHE CHUCKLES
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Isn't it amazing
how one little thing you do
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leads to another big thing?
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SHE SIGHS
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See what I mean?!
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Yeah, I know how to fix that.
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Done.
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Grandad, can I get you anything?
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No.
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I'll run you a nice hot bath.
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Leave me alone.
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He's not himself.
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AUDIENCE: Aw.
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He hasn't moved out of
that chair for two weeks.
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It's all right for you -
you only have to look at him.
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I have to put up with
the buckin' smell.
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Hello, Mummy.
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Buckin' "Mummy"?
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Ask me how my day went.
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Cathy, I haven't time for games.
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The house has a fungal infection,
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and I think Grandad is patient zero.
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Just ask me, Mummy.
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Cathy, what is this Mummy crap?
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I answer to many things -
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Mammy, Mam, Granny...
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Ma! That.
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But never Mummy.
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Wait till I give you a laugh.
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What is this, Dermot?
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Friend of mine is looking
to start a business.
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Wants me to invest.
That's his business plan.
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Er, Mammy?
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You never asked me
why my day was amazing.
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Er, Cathy,
because I already know why.
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You've met a man.
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Whoop-a-dee-doo.
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THEY LAUGH
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How could you possibly know that?
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Because you're miserable
most of the time
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and when you're not miserable,
it's because you've met a man.
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Wow. Well, that's lovely, thank you.
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It's the truth, Cathy.
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Oh, he's going to be the answer
to all your problems,
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and you plan your life together.
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And then he'll pump you
and he'll dump you.
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And we'll all have to listen
to Enya for a month
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while you survive on
a diet of ice cream and vengeance.
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His name is Roger.
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LAUGHTER
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Roger the buckin' Dodger.
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As soon as he gets what he wants,
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he's going to head for the hills.
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Mm-hm. It's not like that, Mammy.
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It never is, Cathy,
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till they get you in the back
of a Ford Cortina...
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..and they duff you!
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And then all of a sudden,
before you know it,
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you're walking home in the rain
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with your knickers
in your pocket and...
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And no shoes.
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I didn't know Daddy
drove a Ford Cortina.
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Shut up, Dermot.
I was talking hypothetically.
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Roger and I are going to be
work colleagues.
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Oh, stop saying colleagues, Cathy.
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You've only just met the man
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and all of a sudden,
you've changed, you're different.
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You're even talking different.
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Well, Roger wants to get
on top of my diction.
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LAUGHTER
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As long as you don't get on top
of his diction.
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Do you know what?
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Forget it. Forget what?
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What were we talking about? Argh!
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So, Ma, the proposal -
gas, isn't it?
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Ah, I like it, Dermot.
Well done, Buster.
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How'd you know it was his?
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The crayons were a giveaway.
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Thanks, Mrs Brown.
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Dermo thinks it's stupid.
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Nobody's going to pay to
have their dog walked, Buster.
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I would if I still had a dog.
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Dermot, people are too busy nowadays
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to be giving their dogs
proper exercises.
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That's what I said, ha-ha!
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Well, you already have a job,
with me.
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I happen to know a thing
or two about business, Buster,
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and for that reason, I'm out.
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AUDIENCE: Aw.
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I happen to know a thing
or two about business, too,
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and for that reason, Buster,
I'm going to make you an offer.
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25% and I'm in.
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Yes! Oh, thank you so much,
Mrs Brown.
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You're not serious, Ma?
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I am serious, Dermot.
I think it's genius.
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Ha-ha! Hear that, Dermo?
I'm a genius!
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I didn't say that.
I didn't say that.
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So this is how Einstein felt.
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E equals MC...
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..Hammer.
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LAUGHTER
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Cathy seems in great form in there.
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Yeah, well, we'll see when this
Roger fella dumps her. Ha-ha, ha.
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Though she insists
it's different this time.
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But is it? Apparently.
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It IS different, Mammy.
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Roger's looking to exploit
a gap in the market.
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I've had a few Rogers
exploit my gap in the market.
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THEY LAUGH
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The podcast market.
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Oh, sorry.
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I thought
we were talking about fanny.
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THEY CACKLE
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Podcast is the newest form
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of entertainment
stroke communication,
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airing stroke broadcasting
to an audience
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that can be
local stroke worldwide.
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There's an awful lot of strokes
in that, Cathy.
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Is it a sex thing?
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It's a type of audio programme
people listen to for entertainment.
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A radio show?
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No, podcast is completely different.
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Roger's goal is to give
lots of different women...
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A lash.
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No, Mammy.
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A platform.
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Everybody hears celebrities'
opinions on things,
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but what about real women?
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Nobody hears what they have to say.
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Real women?
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So where do you come in?
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I am the host.
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Roger said I'm really interesting.
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And are you sure
you heard him right?
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Yes, Birdie.
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Well, maybe he said
something similar.
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Yeah, like uninteresting.
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I AM interesting.
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And so's Maria and Sharon.
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I've asked them
to join my panel, too.
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We're recording a trial episode
this evening.
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Well, I don't know who's
going to listen to that, Cathy.
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I mean, I'm your loving mother,
and you bore me to sleep.
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This show will help women, Mammy.
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SHE SNORES
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Well, thanks for the pep talk.
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Cathy, if you want any help...
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What I want and need
is for you three
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to stay as far away
from this podcast as possible.
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Thank you.
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I think we all know
where this is going.
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LAUGHTER
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How we get there, that's the fun.
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DOORBELL RINGS
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Oh, that'll be Dr Flynn.
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Birdie, get him in there, will you?
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SHOUTS: Come in, Dr Flynn!
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What seems to be the problem,
Mrs Brown?
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Him.
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What's wrong with him?
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I don't know -
maybe we should call a doctor.
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Is he showing any symptoms?
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Well, he's very quiet
and he's no get-up-and-go.
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And he's developed an allergy.
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Really? To what?
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Soap.
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It's sad, Mrs Brown.
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Of course it's sad.
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We all think it's sad.
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Did you even go to medical school?
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S-A-D.
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Seasonal Affective Disorder.
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I've seen a lot of it lately.
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We need to act fast.
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Well, now, Doctor, I don't want him
pumped full of mind-numbing drugs.
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Or do I?
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If only it were that simple,
Mrs Brown.
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I think the best course of action
is a change of lifestyle.
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Oh... He needs vitamin D.
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Take him out into the sun. Sun?
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He needs exercise. Walk with him.
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Walk?
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Cook him a healthy, nutritious,
well-balanced diet.
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Diet?
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And even give him the odd massage.
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LAUGHTER
200
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Massage?
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00:07:51,600 --> 00:07:53,680
It's really all up to you,
Mrs Brown.
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00:07:53,680 --> 00:07:55,520
Yeah.
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00:07:55,520 --> 00:07:56,840
What did he say?
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Doctor says you're fucked.
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00:08:05,400 --> 00:08:07,520
But deep down,
in the fulcrum of my being,
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I feel I have more to offer.
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00:08:09,200 --> 00:08:10,800
I don't have a fulcrum.
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Yes, Maria.
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00:08:12,040 --> 00:08:14,120
Oh, my God, yes.
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I can be more than just Maria Brown.
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00:08:16,920 --> 00:08:19,960
And in recognising that,
I somehow kind of...
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It kind of galvanised me.
Does that make sense?
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00:08:22,480 --> 00:08:23,840
What's galvanised?
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00:08:25,120 --> 00:08:29,080
Maria, what you said there
is just so brutally honest
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00:08:29,080 --> 00:08:33,280
and, I think, strikes a chord
with so many women.
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Thank you for sharing.
217
00:08:36,160 --> 00:08:38,200
Oh, here's our producer.
218
00:08:39,800 --> 00:08:40,880
Hello, Roger.
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00:08:40,880 --> 00:08:42,440
ROGER: Yeah, that sounds fine.
220
00:08:42,440 --> 00:08:45,080
Yeah, let's take five,
get our ducks in a row,
221
00:08:45,080 --> 00:08:47,160
shake off the old cobwebs, yeah?
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00:08:47,160 --> 00:08:49,200
Sorry? Take a break.
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00:08:49,200 --> 00:08:51,120
Oh! Thanks, Roger.
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00:08:54,640 --> 00:08:57,080
Was that OK, Cathy?
I hope I didn't ramble on.
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Are you kidding me?
That was amazing, Maria.
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00:08:59,680 --> 00:09:01,440
I'm going to galvanise me fulcrum.
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00:09:01,440 --> 00:09:02,720
THEY CHUCKLE
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00:09:02,720 --> 00:09:04,560
Girls, can you believe it?
229
00:09:04,560 --> 00:09:06,200
We're going to be podcasters.
230
00:09:06,200 --> 00:09:08,520
Yes! I know!
THEY GIGGLE
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00:09:08,520 --> 00:09:09,680
DOOR OPENS
232
00:09:11,920 --> 00:09:13,040
DOOR CLOSES
233
00:09:13,040 --> 00:09:14,920
What a load of shite. Yeah.
234
00:09:16,920 --> 00:09:18,960
MIMICS CATHY: You were amazing,
Agnes.
235
00:09:18,960 --> 00:09:20,800
No, no, you were amazing, Winnie!
236
00:09:20,800 --> 00:09:23,040
Oh, and Birdie,
you were SUPER amazing!
237
00:09:23,040 --> 00:09:25,040
I know! Here, here...
THEY LAUGH
238
00:09:25,040 --> 00:09:27,680
ALL: We're going to be podcasters!
239
00:09:27,680 --> 00:09:29,000
THEY LAUGH
240
00:09:31,280 --> 00:09:33,120
Gobshites.
241
00:09:33,120 --> 00:09:35,720
Who in their right mind
is going to listen to that?
242
00:09:35,720 --> 00:09:37,040
BIRDIE LAUGHS
243
00:09:37,040 --> 00:09:39,040
And the bit about underwear -
244
00:09:39,040 --> 00:09:41,720
I was wanting to cut me ears off.
MRS BROWN CHUCKLES
245
00:09:41,720 --> 00:09:45,320
"Why can't I get meself
a comfortable bra," she asks?
246
00:09:45,320 --> 00:09:47,520
Because you're too lazy
to go into the buckin' shop
247
00:09:47,520 --> 00:09:49,560
and try one on, that's why. Yeah.
248
00:09:49,560 --> 00:09:52,120
Instead, they order them online
249
00:09:52,120 --> 00:09:54,720
and then they whinge and moan
when they don't fit.
250
00:09:54,720 --> 00:09:56,600
What happened to real problems? Mm.
251
00:09:56,600 --> 00:09:58,720
When I was their age,
my biggest problem
252
00:09:58,720 --> 00:10:00,280
was having too many children
253
00:10:00,280 --> 00:10:02,160
and not enough tits to feed them.
254
00:10:02,160 --> 00:10:03,480
LAUGHTER
Yeah.
255
00:10:04,880 --> 00:10:06,920
Same here, Birdie.
256
00:10:06,920 --> 00:10:08,600
I was like a walking dairy.
257
00:10:08,600 --> 00:10:10,400
THEY LAUGH
258
00:10:10,400 --> 00:10:13,640
I couldn't blink but
one of them wanted to be fed!
259
00:10:13,640 --> 00:10:15,920
I remember once,
I went down to the village
260
00:10:15,920 --> 00:10:17,520
and I went into the butcher's -
261
00:10:17,520 --> 00:10:19,560
well, the people were staring at me.
262
00:10:19,560 --> 00:10:22,000
I didn't realise
Dermot was still stuck to me.
263
00:10:22,000 --> 00:10:23,400
THEY LAUGH
264
00:10:23,400 --> 00:10:25,080
Hanging on for dear life!
265
00:10:25,080 --> 00:10:26,480
THEY LAUGH
266
00:10:26,480 --> 00:10:28,120
I remember that, Agnes.
267
00:10:28,120 --> 00:10:29,560
How old was he then?
268
00:10:29,560 --> 00:10:31,160
12.
269
00:10:31,160 --> 00:10:32,200
THEY CHUCKLE
270
00:10:33,720 --> 00:10:35,160
What's that, Agnes?
271
00:10:35,160 --> 00:10:36,440
I don't know.
272
00:10:36,440 --> 00:10:38,800
Will I press it? No, don't!
273
00:10:38,800 --> 00:10:40,080
Cathy'll kill you.
274
00:10:40,080 --> 00:10:41,680
Go on, Birdie, press it.
275
00:10:41,680 --> 00:10:44,160
She is not pressing that button.
276
00:10:44,160 --> 00:10:45,440
I am.
277
00:10:47,480 --> 00:10:48,680
Oh!
278
00:10:48,680 --> 00:10:53,960
Hello! welcome to Finglas FM Live
with The Three Biddies.
279
00:10:53,960 --> 00:10:55,600
THEY CACKLE
280
00:10:55,600 --> 00:10:57,640
And what's your name, caller?
281
00:10:57,640 --> 00:10:59,120
Er, Roger.
282
00:11:03,520 --> 00:11:04,760
Hello?
283
00:11:07,960 --> 00:11:09,720
Hey, Marco?
284
00:11:09,720 --> 00:11:11,360
Would you pay me to walk your dog?
285
00:11:11,360 --> 00:11:12,680
No.
286
00:11:13,600 --> 00:11:15,560
Why not? I don't have a dog.
287
00:11:15,560 --> 00:11:17,080
LAUGHTER
288
00:11:20,000 --> 00:11:21,200
Do you want to buy a dog?
289
00:11:22,560 --> 00:11:24,000
No.
290
00:11:24,000 --> 00:11:26,600
OK, let's say you did have a dog.
291
00:11:26,600 --> 00:11:28,960
You'd pay me to walk it
for you, wouldn't you?
292
00:11:28,960 --> 00:11:31,720
Buster, I'd pay you
just to leave me alone.
293
00:11:31,720 --> 00:11:33,280
LAUGHTER
294
00:11:33,280 --> 00:11:35,960
AUDIENCE: Aw.
295
00:11:35,960 --> 00:11:37,000
How much?
296
00:11:39,240 --> 00:11:41,320
OK, let's go over it again.
297
00:11:41,320 --> 00:11:43,760
Agnes, we've done this 100 times.
298
00:11:43,760 --> 00:11:46,240
Winnie, we have to get
our stories straight.
299
00:11:46,240 --> 00:11:50,240
If I've deprived Cathy of her
podcast opportunity, I'm dead.
300
00:11:50,240 --> 00:11:52,640
And let me be very clear here.
301
00:11:52,640 --> 00:11:55,080
If I go down,
I'm taking you two with me.
302
00:11:57,120 --> 00:11:58,360
Hiya, Ma.
303
00:11:58,360 --> 00:11:59,560
Mark, have you seen Cathy?
304
00:11:59,560 --> 00:12:00,760
No.
305
00:12:00,760 --> 00:12:02,880
Why? What did you do now?
306
00:12:02,880 --> 00:12:04,480
Nothing, I didn't do anything.
307
00:12:05,560 --> 00:12:07,240
Neither did I.
308
00:12:10,880 --> 00:12:12,480
Here, what's wrong with Grandad?
309
00:12:12,480 --> 00:12:13,920
Dermot said he's not well.
310
00:12:13,920 --> 00:12:16,120
Dr Flynn said he needs
to get out of the house,
311
00:12:16,120 --> 00:12:18,200
but the bastard won't budge.
312
00:12:18,200 --> 00:12:20,280
Seasonal Affective Disorder,
Mrs Brown.
313
00:12:20,280 --> 00:12:22,640
A lot of my congregation
are suffering from it.
314
00:12:22,640 --> 00:12:24,120
That's why they can't come to mass.
315
00:12:24,120 --> 00:12:25,960
You keep telling yourself that,
Father.
316
00:12:27,840 --> 00:12:29,760
I don't know what to do
with Grandad.
317
00:12:29,760 --> 00:12:31,800
I could mention him
in my prayers, if you like.
318
00:12:31,800 --> 00:12:33,640
Oh, thank you, Father.
319
00:12:33,640 --> 00:12:34,960
Problem solved.
320
00:12:36,880 --> 00:12:38,880
Did you hear about
Cathy's podcast, Mark?
321
00:12:38,880 --> 00:12:40,040
No, what happened?
322
00:12:40,040 --> 00:12:42,840
Well, you know Cathy was
worried Mammy would ruin it?
323
00:12:42,840 --> 00:12:44,200
Like she normally does, yeah.
324
00:12:44,200 --> 00:12:46,200
Well, as it turns out...
325
00:12:46,200 --> 00:12:47,360
LAUGHTER, CHATTER
326
00:12:47,360 --> 00:12:49,160
Actually, here she is now,
I'll let her tell you.
327
00:12:49,160 --> 00:12:50,680
Quick, girls, look normal.
328
00:12:53,000 --> 00:12:55,640
Oh, champagne all round,
please, Sharon.
329
00:12:55,640 --> 00:12:58,200
I hope you'll all join us
in a little celebration.
330
00:12:58,200 --> 00:12:59,760
Recording went well, then, yeah?
331
00:12:59,760 --> 00:13:00,840
Very well.
332
00:13:00,840 --> 00:13:03,040
Roger called it ground-breaking.
333
00:13:03,040 --> 00:13:04,560
That's fantastic!
334
00:13:04,560 --> 00:13:06,080
I'm delighted for you, Cathy.
335
00:13:06,080 --> 00:13:07,800
And relieved.
336
00:13:07,800 --> 00:13:09,800
SHE MOUTHS
337
00:13:11,480 --> 00:13:13,120
I feel guilty, Mammy.
338
00:13:13,120 --> 00:13:15,560
I was convinced
you'd find a way to ruin it.
339
00:13:15,560 --> 00:13:17,080
Oh, so was I.
340
00:13:17,080 --> 00:13:18,400
Me too.
341
00:13:18,400 --> 00:13:20,080
Oh, thanks a bunch, girls.
342
00:13:20,080 --> 00:13:23,400
To say I'm hurt
is an understatement.
343
00:13:23,400 --> 00:13:25,000
Where are they?
344
00:13:25,000 --> 00:13:27,440
Where are my newest
podcasting superstars?
345
00:13:27,440 --> 00:13:29,400
Over here, Roger. Hey, Cathy.
346
00:13:29,400 --> 00:13:33,960
A toast to the latest
podcasting sensations, huh?
347
00:13:35,200 --> 00:13:39,520
Agnes, you and those two other women
are going to be internet stars.
348
00:13:39,520 --> 00:13:41,200
LAUGHTER
349
00:13:47,680 --> 00:13:49,480
AUDIENCE: Ooh.
350
00:13:49,480 --> 00:13:50,640
She still looking?
351
00:13:55,000 --> 00:13:56,440
They both are.
352
00:13:56,440 --> 00:13:59,440
Just couldn't help yourself,
could you?
353
00:13:59,440 --> 00:14:00,920
It was a complete accident, Cathy.
354
00:14:00,920 --> 00:14:03,480
We didn't know he was
listening, did we, girls?
355
00:14:03,480 --> 00:14:06,600
I had me suspicions when
he said, "Hello, it's Roger."
356
00:14:06,600 --> 00:14:08,040
LAUGHTER
357
00:14:11,440 --> 00:14:14,400
Every time something good
happens in my life,
358
00:14:14,400 --> 00:14:16,760
you stick your oar in and ruin it.
359
00:14:16,760 --> 00:14:18,480
You three better not embarrass me.
360
00:14:18,480 --> 00:14:19,600
We won't.
361
00:14:19,600 --> 00:14:22,240
Now, where was I?
362
00:14:22,240 --> 00:14:24,240
Son, you were at the bar
363
00:14:24,240 --> 00:14:27,960
and then before that,
you were standing there.
364
00:14:27,960 --> 00:14:29,040
What?
365
00:14:29,040 --> 00:14:31,320
BOTH: You get used to it.
366
00:14:31,320 --> 00:14:34,560
Now a podcast with all six
of you giving your opinion
367
00:14:34,560 --> 00:14:37,720
and discussions will bridge
the generational divide.
368
00:14:37,720 --> 00:14:39,760
You see, this has never been
seen before.
369
00:14:39,760 --> 00:14:42,240
On one side,
we have the modern woman,
370
00:14:42,240 --> 00:14:44,480
full of vigour and exuberance...
371
00:14:44,480 --> 00:14:46,920
Don't worry, Cathy,
he'll get to you in a second.
372
00:14:49,200 --> 00:14:52,560
And then on the other side,
we have wisdom, perseverance...
373
00:14:53,680 --> 00:14:55,080
And Mammy.
374
00:14:56,280 --> 00:14:58,840
I'm telling you, Roger,
she will break you.
375
00:14:58,840 --> 00:15:01,560
Well, she seems fairly tame to me,
376
00:15:01,560 --> 00:15:03,120
like a little pussycat.
377
00:15:04,680 --> 00:15:05,800
Meow.
378
00:15:07,040 --> 00:15:11,080
Now, what is the topic going
to be for our first episode, huh?
379
00:15:11,080 --> 00:15:13,600
Toilet rolls. Toilet rolls.
380
00:15:13,600 --> 00:15:15,240
Why are they so expensive
all of a sudden?
381
00:15:15,240 --> 00:15:17,440
Yeah, I'm not really sure... Mammy!
382
00:15:17,440 --> 00:15:20,720
This podcast will discuss
major issues
383
00:15:20,720 --> 00:15:23,360
that women struggle with
on a daily basis.
384
00:15:23,360 --> 00:15:25,840
We should include
kitchen towels, though.
385
00:15:25,840 --> 00:15:28,480
It's not consumer affairs!
386
00:15:28,480 --> 00:15:31,360
Well, look, let's look at this
from a different angle.
387
00:15:34,760 --> 00:15:37,240
What are the topics
that you discuss mostly
388
00:15:37,240 --> 00:15:38,400
on a daily basis?
389
00:15:38,400 --> 00:15:41,920
Social injustice.
Politics. Mortality.
390
00:15:41,920 --> 00:15:43,160
Penis.
391
00:15:44,640 --> 00:15:46,160
You took that
right out of me mouth.
392
00:15:46,160 --> 00:15:47,680
BOTH CACKLE
393
00:15:48,720 --> 00:15:50,440
I love it, Mrs Brown!
394
00:15:51,520 --> 00:15:53,880
I don't know if we'll get
an hour out of it.
395
00:15:53,880 --> 00:15:57,120
Lucky to get two minutes
out of most men!
396
00:15:57,120 --> 00:16:00,320
Zinger! And everybody's applauding!
397
00:16:01,760 --> 00:16:03,160
Roger!
398
00:16:03,160 --> 00:16:06,800
We don't want our show to be about
stereotypical rubbish.
399
00:16:06,800 --> 00:16:08,480
No, Cathy's right.
400
00:16:08,480 --> 00:16:11,840
Women need a forum for
discussion and guidance.
401
00:16:11,840 --> 00:16:15,000
Show me one woman that wants
to hear another podcast about sex.
402
00:16:21,960 --> 00:16:23,360
Come on, Grandad. Oh...
403
00:16:23,360 --> 00:16:25,640
We'll just be going
as far as the garden!
404
00:16:25,640 --> 00:16:26,960
No!
405
00:16:26,960 --> 00:16:28,560
Grandad, don't be so stubborn.
406
00:16:28,560 --> 00:16:30,120
Mark is just trying to help.
407
00:16:30,120 --> 00:16:31,720
I'm staying here!
408
00:16:31,720 --> 00:16:33,080
Hey, Ma!
409
00:16:33,080 --> 00:16:34,400
Hello, son.
DOOR CLOSES
410
00:16:34,400 --> 00:16:35,840
Hello, Buster.
411
00:16:35,840 --> 00:16:37,880
So, how's the dog-walking going?
412
00:16:37,880 --> 00:16:39,840
Ruff!
413
00:16:39,840 --> 00:16:42,040
Very ruff, Ma.
414
00:16:42,040 --> 00:16:43,720
Give us a hand in here, Dermot.
415
00:16:45,080 --> 00:16:47,360
I'm giving it up, Mrs Brown. Oh...
416
00:16:47,360 --> 00:16:49,520
I didn't get a customer all week.
417
00:16:49,520 --> 00:16:51,440
Wasted all our money on this crap.
418
00:16:51,440 --> 00:16:53,520
Buster, you have a good thing
going here.
419
00:16:53,520 --> 00:16:55,480
Rome wasn't built in a day.
420
00:16:55,480 --> 00:16:56,720
How long did it take?
421
00:16:58,320 --> 00:16:59,600
1,000 years.
422
00:16:59,600 --> 00:17:01,080
No way. I'd be too old.
423
00:17:02,720 --> 00:17:04,400
I tried to warn you, Buster!
THEY GRUNT
424
00:17:04,400 --> 00:17:05,760
But would you listen?
425
00:17:05,760 --> 00:17:07,000
No.
426
00:17:07,000 --> 00:17:10,160
Dermot, he needs a mentor,
not a tormentor.
427
00:17:10,160 --> 00:17:12,840
Business is about hard work, Ma.
428
00:17:12,840 --> 00:17:16,120
I didn't get to where I am
today by walking dogs.
429
00:17:16,120 --> 00:17:17,640
Do you hear Elon Musk in there?
430
00:17:18,760 --> 00:17:20,920
It's pointless, Ma.
431
00:17:20,920 --> 00:17:22,240
There's no moving him.
432
00:17:22,240 --> 00:17:25,400
Pointless? It could be worse,
it could be The Chase.
433
00:17:25,400 --> 00:17:27,680
LAUGHTER
434
00:17:31,960 --> 00:17:33,880
Sorry, sorry, sorry.
435
00:17:33,880 --> 00:17:35,480
APPLAUSE
436
00:17:35,480 --> 00:17:36,880
CREW: And action.
437
00:17:38,440 --> 00:17:39,800
It's pointless, Ma.
438
00:17:39,800 --> 00:17:41,200
There's no moving him.
439
00:17:41,200 --> 00:17:42,880
Feck it, I was hoping to
get rid of him
440
00:17:42,880 --> 00:17:44,200
before the podcast starts.
441
00:17:45,360 --> 00:17:46,600
Hi, Cathy.
DOOR CLOSES
442
00:17:46,600 --> 00:17:48,720
Hey, Mark. Hello, love.
443
00:17:51,600 --> 00:17:53,600
She hasn't said
a word to me all day.
444
00:17:53,600 --> 00:17:55,440
That's nothing, Ma. Maria hates you.
445
00:17:57,480 --> 00:17:58,720
She actually said it.
446
00:17:58,720 --> 00:18:01,720
I didn't mean to hijack
the feckin' podcast!
447
00:18:01,720 --> 00:18:03,440
It was an honest mistake.
448
00:18:03,440 --> 00:18:04,800
I know that, Ma.
449
00:18:04,800 --> 00:18:06,840
But try not to cause
any more drama, will you?
450
00:18:06,840 --> 00:18:08,480
Me? Drama?
451
00:18:08,480 --> 00:18:09,800
Oh, my God!
452
00:18:09,800 --> 00:18:12,560
What now?
Grandad's out of his chair.
453
00:18:12,560 --> 00:18:14,240
Buster, how did you do that?
454
00:18:14,240 --> 00:18:16,000
I just asked him
did he want to go to the park.
455
00:18:16,000 --> 00:18:17,800
Throw the ball, throw the ball!
456
00:18:17,800 --> 00:18:20,360
Buster, never mind
the dog-walking!
457
00:18:20,360 --> 00:18:21,920
I think you've found your calling.
458
00:18:21,920 --> 00:18:23,920
Really? What do you mean, Ma?
459
00:18:23,920 --> 00:18:26,680
Dr Flynn said that
there's old people all over Finglas
460
00:18:26,680 --> 00:18:28,000
who have Grandad's condition.
461
00:18:28,000 --> 00:18:30,120
Buster, throw the buckin' ball.
462
00:18:30,120 --> 00:18:32,200
GRANDAD GRUNTS
463
00:18:32,200 --> 00:18:35,000
Buster, this is an untapped market.
464
00:18:35,000 --> 00:18:36,960
You need to get the word out.
465
00:18:36,960 --> 00:18:39,320
Like an advertising campaign
in the newspaper.
466
00:18:39,320 --> 00:18:41,960
Dermo, shush. Business talk.
467
00:18:41,960 --> 00:18:44,640
No, no. No, bigger than that.
468
00:18:44,640 --> 00:18:46,520
And I think I have just the thing.
469
00:18:49,200 --> 00:18:51,440
Buster, get out there to him quick.
470
00:18:51,440 --> 00:18:53,120
He's pissing on me daffodils!
471
00:18:56,880 --> 00:18:58,600
Ladies.
472
00:18:58,600 --> 00:19:01,920
Er, can we get the talent
in here, please?
473
00:19:01,920 --> 00:19:03,560
AUDIENCE: Ooh!
474
00:19:03,560 --> 00:19:06,040
Did you hear that, Cathy?
He called us the talent.
475
00:19:06,040 --> 00:19:07,200
Oh, sit.
476
00:19:08,600 --> 00:19:11,080
How do you want to do this, Rog?
Will I take the lead?
477
00:19:11,080 --> 00:19:13,360
Absolutely not! I am the host.
478
00:19:13,360 --> 00:19:16,800
I want you to think of this like
a football team, Mrs Brown.
479
00:19:16,800 --> 00:19:20,920
Cathy here is our midfield maestro
pulling all the strings, yeah?
480
00:19:20,920 --> 00:19:23,680
Are you sure?
Because she folds under pressure.
481
00:19:23,680 --> 00:19:25,520
Will you shut up?
482
00:19:25,520 --> 00:19:27,720
Cathy will distribute the ball
to all of you
483
00:19:27,720 --> 00:19:29,760
and all you have to do
is score the goals.
484
00:19:29,760 --> 00:19:32,600
So she does the donkey work
in the midfield
485
00:19:32,600 --> 00:19:34,320
and I'm the out-and-out striker?
486
00:19:34,320 --> 00:19:35,680
Exactly. I like it.
487
00:19:37,480 --> 00:19:40,200
Are we doing
a diamond formation or 4-4-2?
488
00:19:41,600 --> 00:19:44,440
It doesn't matter, Mammy!
Jesus Christ.
489
00:19:44,440 --> 00:19:47,000
It does if you're a striker.
490
00:19:47,000 --> 00:19:49,080
The best of luck, everybody!
491
00:19:49,080 --> 00:19:51,440
In five, four, three...
492
00:19:53,000 --> 00:19:54,880
The ball is in,
and the game is on.
493
00:19:56,760 --> 00:19:59,360
Hello and welcome to Debatable,
494
00:19:59,360 --> 00:20:02,280
the new podcast
made by women for women.
495
00:20:04,000 --> 00:20:06,520
# Ba-ba-da-bip-boo-boo! #
496
00:20:06,520 --> 00:20:09,080
Seriously?
We can lose it in the edit!
497
00:20:09,080 --> 00:20:12,080
Continue! Well, let's just dive in.
498
00:20:12,080 --> 00:20:16,200
What's the biggest struggle
facing women in today's world?
499
00:20:16,200 --> 00:20:18,320
Potatoes.
500
00:20:18,320 --> 00:20:19,760
What?
501
00:20:19,760 --> 00:20:22,160
I don't know if you've noticed it,
but I've noticed this -
502
00:20:22,160 --> 00:20:23,840
potatoes are getting smaller.
503
00:20:23,840 --> 00:20:27,000
Finally, somebody has
the courage to stand up
504
00:20:27,000 --> 00:20:29,480
and say what we've been
thinking for years.
505
00:20:31,120 --> 00:20:34,000
Yeah, you get two or three
big ones in the bag
506
00:20:34,000 --> 00:20:35,440
and then you get loads
of little ones,
507
00:20:35,440 --> 00:20:37,360
and it takes forever to peel them.
508
00:20:37,360 --> 00:20:39,400
I just felt it needed to be said.
509
00:20:40,520 --> 00:20:43,000
I think our listeners would
like to hear something
510
00:20:43,000 --> 00:20:44,520
a little more highbrow.
511
00:20:44,520 --> 00:20:46,880
Yeah, eyebrows
are getting silly now.
512
00:20:46,880 --> 00:20:48,960
LAUGHTER
513
00:20:48,960 --> 00:20:50,400
Maria has nice ones.
514
00:20:50,400 --> 00:20:52,000
Yeah. Yes, you do, Maria.
515
00:20:52,000 --> 00:20:55,560
Are they pencilled in
or are they au natural?
516
00:20:55,560 --> 00:20:56,960
I'm lost.
517
00:20:56,960 --> 00:20:58,400
Can we get back to potatoes?
518
00:20:58,400 --> 00:21:00,120
No!
519
00:21:00,120 --> 00:21:01,800
Yes, Maria.
520
00:21:01,800 --> 00:21:04,640
Well, menopause is
a difficult discussion topic,
521
00:21:04,640 --> 00:21:06,800
and I would love to know
what advice the older ladies
522
00:21:06,800 --> 00:21:08,160
might have to offer.
523
00:21:08,160 --> 00:21:09,840
Yes, so would I, Maria.
524
00:21:09,840 --> 00:21:13,240
So, how did you ladies
deal with the dreaded change?
525
00:21:14,680 --> 00:21:16,520
I just got on with it.
526
00:21:16,520 --> 00:21:18,240
That's it? That's your advice?
527
00:21:18,240 --> 00:21:19,440
Yeah.
528
00:21:19,440 --> 00:21:21,000
Yeah, you'll be grand.
529
00:21:22,600 --> 00:21:24,160
The wine helps.
530
00:21:24,160 --> 00:21:25,920
LAUGHTER
531
00:21:27,960 --> 00:21:29,400
What are you doing here, Buster?
532
00:21:29,400 --> 00:21:30,600
Oh!
SHE CLEARS THROAT
533
00:21:30,600 --> 00:21:32,080
And now a word from our sponsor.
534
00:21:32,080 --> 00:21:33,480
We don't have a sponsor, Mammy.
535
00:21:33,480 --> 00:21:35,200
That's what you said
about the jingle.
536
00:21:35,200 --> 00:21:37,400
Roger!
You need to do something here!
537
00:21:37,400 --> 00:21:39,640
We can lose it in the edit, Cathy.
538
00:21:39,640 --> 00:21:41,000
Just continue.
539
00:21:41,000 --> 00:21:42,320
Hello.
540
00:21:42,320 --> 00:21:45,680
Do you have a hairy friend
that needs walking?
541
00:21:45,680 --> 00:21:48,320
A dog or an old person, perhaps?
542
00:21:48,320 --> 00:21:49,960
Question mark.
543
00:21:49,960 --> 00:21:51,680
Well, have no fear -
544
00:21:51,680 --> 00:21:55,640
Buster Brady Canine and
Geriatric Mobility Service is here.
545
00:22:00,520 --> 00:22:03,680
Buster Brady Enterprise accepts
no liability or responsibility
546
00:22:03,680 --> 00:22:06,160
for anybody lost or dead or...
547
00:22:06,160 --> 00:22:08,800
Please contact your doctor
before enrolling.
548
00:22:08,800 --> 00:22:11,080
And now back to the show.
549
00:22:11,080 --> 00:22:12,480
# Ba-ba-da-bip-bip-boo! #
550
00:22:13,640 --> 00:22:14,920
Talk to Mammy.
551
00:22:21,680 --> 00:22:24,440
I would love some advice
on something.
552
00:22:24,440 --> 00:22:28,080
I have a friend, and her mother
is ruining her life.
553
00:22:28,080 --> 00:22:30,600
Oh, that's a tough one, Cathy.
554
00:22:30,600 --> 00:22:31,880
How old is your friend?
555
00:22:31,880 --> 00:22:34,080
Oh, same age as me.
556
00:22:34,080 --> 00:22:35,560
Is she an only child?
557
00:22:35,560 --> 00:22:37,640
No, she has brothers.
558
00:22:37,640 --> 00:22:40,360
My friend tries to rise above it,
559
00:22:40,360 --> 00:22:42,800
but very recently,
she came to the conclusion
560
00:22:42,800 --> 00:22:45,400
that her mother is a selfish,
561
00:22:45,400 --> 00:22:47,040
manipulative tyrant!
562
00:22:51,560 --> 00:22:52,800
Oh, the poor girl.
563
00:22:56,400 --> 00:22:58,520
You know, it can happen.
564
00:22:58,520 --> 00:23:01,200
Mothers can be cruel
without realising it.
565
00:23:01,200 --> 00:23:02,560
Agnes...
566
00:23:02,560 --> 00:23:03,760
Shut up, Winnie, I'm talking.
567
00:23:05,520 --> 00:23:10,120
She probably wants to scream
and shout in frustration,
568
00:23:10,120 --> 00:23:12,040
but I say no.
569
00:23:12,040 --> 00:23:13,440
Nyet.
570
00:23:13,440 --> 00:23:15,240
No, no, no, Mamma Mia.
571
00:23:18,040 --> 00:23:19,080
No.
572
00:23:20,320 --> 00:23:21,440
Give her a hug.
573
00:23:22,880 --> 00:23:24,680
Her mother'll get the message.
574
00:23:24,680 --> 00:23:27,840
OK, I think that's
the perfect time to take a break.
575
00:23:27,840 --> 00:23:29,320
Yeah, I think so.
576
00:23:29,320 --> 00:23:31,040
I'm gasping for a cup of tea.
577
00:23:33,280 --> 00:23:34,800
I wouldn't mind a leek, either.
578
00:23:34,800 --> 00:23:36,000
SHE LAUGHS
579
00:23:37,200 --> 00:23:38,560
I thought that went well.
580
00:23:43,640 --> 00:23:45,440
AUDIENCE: Aw.
581
00:23:45,440 --> 00:23:47,280
Thank you for that, Mammy.
582
00:23:47,280 --> 00:23:48,640
No problem, Cathy.
583
00:23:50,000 --> 00:23:51,560
Oh, shite.
584
00:23:51,560 --> 00:23:53,200
You all right, Agnes?
585
00:23:53,200 --> 00:23:54,840
Roger?!
586
00:23:54,840 --> 00:23:56,240
That soppy bit at the end,
587
00:23:56,240 --> 00:23:58,120
we can lose that in the edit,
can't we?
588
00:24:03,320 --> 00:24:05,760
Here, do you know
the Finglas Dogs' Home?
589
00:24:05,760 --> 00:24:07,880
I didn't even know he was away.
590
00:24:11,560 --> 00:24:12,800
What about it?
591
00:24:12,800 --> 00:24:14,840
I saw Buster Brady
coming out of there
592
00:24:14,840 --> 00:24:17,200
with about six dogs
pulling on his belt.
593
00:24:17,200 --> 00:24:18,920
He went past me like a stagecoach.
594
00:24:18,920 --> 00:24:21,440
THEY CACKLE
595
00:24:21,440 --> 00:24:22,880
So where was he?
596
00:24:22,880 --> 00:24:25,600
Buster? No, the Finglas dog!
597
00:24:27,680 --> 00:24:29,880
You should've seen the church
this morning, Mrs Brown.
598
00:24:29,880 --> 00:24:31,280
Standing room only.
599
00:24:31,280 --> 00:24:33,200
Oh, I'm delighted for you, Father.
600
00:24:33,200 --> 00:24:34,440
Thanks be to God.
601
00:24:34,440 --> 00:24:37,120
No, Mrs Brown,
thanks be to Buster Brady.
602
00:24:37,120 --> 00:24:39,880
He arrived there with
lots of elderly folk on leashes!
603
00:24:43,440 --> 00:24:45,960
OK, everybody,
just make yourselves comfortable.
604
00:24:45,960 --> 00:24:47,840
Good boy. Go get 'em. He-he, he!
605
00:24:50,320 --> 00:24:53,560
Mrs Brown,
I have a surprise for you.
606
00:24:53,560 --> 00:24:55,760
Buster, I don't want
a return on the investment,
607
00:24:55,760 --> 00:24:57,280
I'm just happy to see you succeed.
608
00:24:58,960 --> 00:25:00,720
Oh, what the hell is that?!
609
00:25:00,720 --> 00:25:02,240
Grandad left that in the park.
610
00:25:03,400 --> 00:25:05,680
Here, Buster, give that to Dermot.
611
00:25:05,680 --> 00:25:08,760
He's been giving you a lot of shit
over the last couple of days.
612
00:25:10,400 --> 00:25:12,200
Right, I'll see yous tomorrow.
613
00:25:12,200 --> 00:25:14,080
OK. For podcast number two.
614
00:25:14,080 --> 00:25:15,480
Yeah.
615
00:25:15,480 --> 00:25:17,280
I'm glad he's back, Agnes.
616
00:25:17,280 --> 00:25:18,600
Who? Grandad?
617
00:25:18,600 --> 00:25:20,440
No, the Finglas dog!
618
00:25:23,360 --> 00:25:24,600
SOFTLY: For fuck's sake.
619
00:25:26,600 --> 00:25:28,880
Well, that's it for today's podcast.
620
00:25:28,880 --> 00:25:31,920
Get in touch.
We love to get your questions.
621
00:25:31,920 --> 00:25:35,120
Er, but Cathy, just before you go...
SHE CLEARS THROAT
622
00:25:35,120 --> 00:25:37,720
..there's something I want to say.
SHE CLEARS THROAT
623
00:25:39,400 --> 00:25:42,520
Lately I've been thinking
about, you know,
624
00:25:42,520 --> 00:25:46,320
how things sometimes
lead to something else.
625
00:25:46,320 --> 00:25:48,200
Like everything you say or do
626
00:25:48,200 --> 00:25:51,320
influences something
or somebody else.
627
00:25:51,320 --> 00:25:53,400
I'll give you an example.
628
00:25:53,400 --> 00:25:55,560
I was in our local garage,
629
00:25:55,560 --> 00:25:59,200
and I saw a man filling
his Escort with diesel.
630
00:25:59,200 --> 00:26:01,240
I bet she died did she?
631
00:26:06,000 --> 00:26:07,520
Shut up, Winnie!
632
00:26:08,840 --> 00:26:11,760
He put the fuel in the car
and the car went.
633
00:26:11,760 --> 00:26:15,040
And I saw Buster Brady,
who's a dog-walker,
634
00:26:15,040 --> 00:26:18,920
taking the time to figure out
what was wrong with Grandad.
635
00:26:20,160 --> 00:26:23,040
And, look, me, Winnie or Birdie,
636
00:26:23,040 --> 00:26:26,040
we never intended to do a podcast,
637
00:26:26,040 --> 00:26:27,480
and yet here we are.
638
00:26:29,040 --> 00:26:30,680
Thanks to my daughter, Cathy.
639
00:26:30,680 --> 00:26:33,000
AUDIENCE: Aw.
640
00:26:33,000 --> 00:26:36,040
A mother and daughter relationship
can be tough sometimes.
641
00:26:37,800 --> 00:26:40,000
I know over the years,
Cathy felt I treated her
642
00:26:40,000 --> 00:26:41,360
like a child... Well, Mammy...
643
00:26:41,360 --> 00:26:42,760
Let...
644
00:26:44,240 --> 00:26:45,840
And maybe she's right.
645
00:26:45,840 --> 00:26:48,440
Because, you see,
I never wanted Cathy to grow up.
646
00:26:50,080 --> 00:26:51,400
Every time Cathy's upset,
647
00:26:51,400 --> 00:26:55,400
all I see is a little girl
holding her arms out saying,
648
00:26:55,400 --> 00:26:57,160
"Mammy, pick me up."
649
00:26:57,160 --> 00:26:58,600
She's too heavy for that.
650
00:27:05,760 --> 00:27:07,520
The point is,
651
00:27:07,520 --> 00:27:09,920
I think mothers
expect more of their daughters
652
00:27:09,920 --> 00:27:11,680
than they do of their sons,
653
00:27:11,680 --> 00:27:14,160
and I'm sorry for that, Cathy,
654
00:27:14,160 --> 00:27:16,520
and for a few other things, too.
655
00:27:16,520 --> 00:27:18,160
But I won't change.
656
00:27:20,120 --> 00:27:23,200
To me, you'll always be
that little blonde child.
657
00:27:23,200 --> 00:27:24,920
That's not her real colour.
658
00:27:29,360 --> 00:27:31,440
I swear, Winnie,
I will buckin' kill you.
659
00:27:33,960 --> 00:27:38,040
Standing there,
with your arms open wide, saying,
660
00:27:38,040 --> 00:27:39,320
"Pick me up, Mammy."
661
00:27:40,480 --> 00:27:43,720
And I will, every chance I get.
662
00:27:45,200 --> 00:27:46,560
AUDIENCE: Aw.
663
00:27:48,520 --> 00:27:50,400
Right, let's all go home.
664
00:28:01,400 --> 00:28:03,760
Mammy, you didn't press record.
665
00:28:03,760 --> 00:28:05,920
No, I didn't.
666
00:28:05,920 --> 00:28:07,880
Because that last bit
was just for you.
667
00:28:09,400 --> 00:28:10,640
AUDIENCE: Aw.
668
00:28:13,240 --> 00:28:14,520
Goodnight, Mammy.
669
00:28:14,520 --> 00:28:15,720
Goodnight, love.
670
00:28:19,760 --> 00:28:21,920
Well, you didn't think I was
going to apologise to her
671
00:28:21,920 --> 00:28:23,560
in buckin' public, did you?
672
00:28:24,800 --> 00:28:27,280
Goodnight!
APPLAUSE
673
00:28:27,280 --> 00:28:32,680
# Say hello to the queen
of Dublin town
674
00:28:32,680 --> 00:28:37,920
# As the best mum of all,
she wears the crown
675
00:28:39,160 --> 00:28:42,160
# Mother hen watching all her chicks
676
00:28:42,160 --> 00:28:45,280
# Sassy old lady full of tricks
677
00:28:45,280 --> 00:28:51,200
# It's a safe bet she'd never
let life get her down... #
678
00:28:51,200 --> 00:28:53,320
Goodnight!
# She's Mrs Brown
679
00:28:53,320 --> 00:28:54,800
# Agnes
680
00:28:54,800 --> 00:28:56,480
# That's Mrs Brown
681
00:28:56,480 --> 00:28:57,840
# Agnes
682
00:28:57,840 --> 00:29:00,440
# Our Mrs Brown. #
683
00:29:00,440 --> 00:29:02,440
SHE CACKLES
47517
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