Original subtitles

[**]

The booking schedule for this week is as dry as Aaliyah's chicken!

- Well, I do have a friend

who's planning a gender reveal for her granddaughter.

You okay turning this place into a petting zoo?

Because it's for her pregnant pony.

- If we can't land anything else, I mean, why not?

- Okay, perfect. Yes.

That sounds great. Mm-hmm!

Can you believe the commissioner of Jack and Jane

wants to host their annual banquet here?

- Wait a minute!

You mean that social group that teaches kids how to be stuck up?

- No, they're sophisticated!

And if this goes well, Jordan and I can join

and be connected to the nation's top educational institutions.

- And it sounds like they check's gon' clear, baby!

- Yes, yes, yes! - We don't gotta worry about

no pony droppings, alright?

Music to my ears!

- It's time to plan the luxury party of all parties, okay?

Harvard, here we come!

[Kimberly Laughs]

- Good work, baby!

- Morning, family! - Well, hello!

- Dave and I have been enjoying Lake Michigan on a yacht.

- Yes. - Oh, well, you need

to take me on a yacht next time!

- Oh, you're welcome anytime, Lucille.

- Thank you. [Dave Chuckles]

- Oh, and this is my brother, Alfonso...

- Her twin brother, okay?

So, I can tell when you been...

..dipping your toes in others' Jacuzzis!

- Well, listen, you ain't got nothing to worry about. It's only been a few weeks.

And Aaliyah and I have a great connection.

[Phone Chimes]

Oh, whoa, I gotta go catch this tee time, okay?

- Okay... - Wait, wait up. You play golf?

- Uh... - What's your home course?

- Medinah.

- The top country club in Chicago, Medinah?!

- Yeah, I'm a member there.

You know, we got an opening if you wanna come out there and play with us.

- I absolutely want to play Medinah!

- Ah, alright, that sounds great!

- Hey, Lucille, it was a pleasure.

Babe, I'll hit you up after, okay?

- Okay. - Hey, matter of fact,

got some new clubs in the car.

You may wanna check 'em out.

- Boy, what you playing with? Let me get in the bag!

- Let's go! - Let's see what's in the bag.

[Both Laughing]

- You know, that's sweet. They're getting along.

- I know, I mean, it's great! I'm happy

'cause oh, my gosh, Dave has us everywhere!

I mean, hiking, zip-lining, helicopter rides.

I am tired, Auntie!

Sometimes, I just want to, you know,

curl up in my pajamas and binge-watch Christmas movies.

- Chris-- - Yes.

- Spoken like a true cat lady!

[**]

- How many of these chairs you gonna need?

- Uh, no. Those prison chairs do not match the color scheme.

We will import cushioned white ones.

Can't having butt cheeks falling asleep at the banquet.

- You know, this is really perfect for you, Kimberly.

You found another little bougie community.

- I am not bougie!

- Ha! You eat nachos with chopsticks.

Yes, you are!

- How else are you supposed to eat it?

[Lucille] Hey, everybody!

Look what Jordan and I whipped up.

- Isn't it beautiful, Mommy?

- Um, yeah, Auntie.

Baby's breath is such a last-minute side chick flower.

Can we try again with roses?

- You got some roses money?

- Actually, I do!

This membership is important for Jordan's future.

I am investing in this luxurious party

and sparing no expense.

- Does your cheap-ass husband know?

- Girl, he probably breaking out in hives.

- He is a hive.

[**]

- And then he steps up to swing, right?

And the ball flies right into the hole!

- Oh, ha-ha... - It was unbelievable!

- Wow, well, I'm glad you had fun with my brother.

- The best of times.

You know, I don't understand why you didn't introduce me to him right away.

It's tough to find down-to-earth people these days.

You know, ones that actually like to get out.

You know, most of the people I work with?

They just want to sit at home and watch Christmas movies all day.

- Christmas movies? - Mm-hmm.

- They do say opposites attract, you know?

- Nah, nah, nah, not with me!

You know, you gotta get out and see the world!

You know, get the blood pumping. That's why you and I,

we get along so well, ah!

[He Laughs]

- Okay, well, uh, what else do you like about me?

- What?

You're smoking hot, duh! Have you ever looked in a mirror?

And besides, you look good on my arm!

[He Laughs]

- Uh, waitress? Can I get another one of those drinks?

And make it a double!

[**]

"Alfonso's so smart!

"Alfonso's such a great golfer!"

I could not get this man to stop talking about my brother last night!

- What's the problem?

You said you wanted them to be friends.

- Yeah, but I didn't know it would lead to the ick, okay?

- Yeah.

- And then he couldn't even tell me why he likes me so much

except for the fact that I am "smoking hot".

- Ha! Smoking hot? - Mm-hmm.

- What, are you his first Black woman?

- Right? - Smoking hot.

- I just want somebody who's a little deeper.

You know, not just based off of status, looks, and money.

- Girl. Status, looks and money? Gimme all he got!

Come on. Beam me up, Scotty, with all of that!

- Oh. - Girl, come on.

You know these men are idiots.

- Mm. - Just give Dave another chance.

He might redeem himself today.

- Really? - Yeah!

- Well, he is supposed to take me

to the Museum of Priceless Art. - Okay.

- Where they have Basquat's finger paintings

and the ear that Van Goff cut off.

- Friend, it's Basquiat, okay?

And Van Gogh. Bother!

- Oh, so they were Creole?

- Ooh!

Good thing you're pretty but, you know what?

I'm just glad he likes to take you out, you know, and I will give him that.

- I mean, he does seem perfect,

but I'm really not that into him.

- No? - Mm-mm, and actually,

he was supposed to be here over an hour ago to pick me up!

[Phone Buzzing]

- Uh...

I know where he's at.

- I knew it. It's another woman, isn't it?

- Uh, well, um, you sure you want to know?

- Yeah, I do, I do. - You don't wanna know!

[Overlapping Chatter] - Stop playing, girl!

[Alfonso] You already know what it is!

VIP out here at the Cubs game

with my future brother-in-law!

You the man, Dave!

[Dave and Alfonso Laugh]

You know what it is, baby.

We outside! [Bat Cracks]

- Oh, home run, baby!

Home run!

[Both Shouting]

- You know what, I got this.

You know, ah!

You want me to go handle this for you?

- I got this, I got this!

- I'ma be right back. - Okay!

Okay. ["Take Me Out to the Ball game" Plays]

- Ooh!

- Okay, Auntie.

I need to make a decision on tablecloth color.

Champagne or cappuccino?

- Now, Kimberly, why can't we use the tablecloths we already have?

- The ones with the holes in them?

Those old, ashy things look like they fell off a mummy.

I'm ordering both.

[Alfonso Laughing]

[He Sings]

[Both] Hey!

- Snugglebutt! Just the man I needed to see.

- "Snugglebutt"? - No!

(quietly) Not in front of company, "Thick'ums".

(normal) Anyway, you remember my boy, Dave?

We just had the time of our lives at the game!

Oh, yes we did!

- That's great, babe. I need to order new tablecloths for the banquet.

- Oh, okay. That's great, babe.

But did you see me catch that walk-off,

game-winning home run? Oh, yeah!

- That's great, babe. I need your card.

- Here, go ahead.

Go and take that, go ahead.

No, I'm winning today. Had a good day!

Auntie!

- Yes, nephew.

- Did you see me on TV?

- I was just mad that I wasn't there with you.

- You know what? I promise I'll make that happen next time.

- Uh-huh.

Aaliyah didn't want to go with y'all, huh?

- Auntie, you know Aaliyah don't like baseball.

- Oh, wait. Aaliyah!

I, whoa...

- I can't believe you had the audacity to stand me up!

And with my own brother?

- Li-Li, it's not what it looks like.

- Oh, it's exactly what it looks like.

Yeah, I saw you two all bro'd up in the VIP.

- Oh, no, no... - And you were ignoring all of my calls!

- No, it wasn't like that

'cause it was, 'cause the way it was set up,

the reception had been--

- Okay, you know what, you stay out of this.

- Nephew, that's a good idea. You stay out of that.

Come on over here and have some popcorn with Auntie.

- Look, baby, I'm sorry.

I just, I got too into the game and forgot to call you.

But you know what? The art museum is not closed yet,

so hell, let's get-- - No, no, no, after you pick my brother over me?!

No, this relationship is over.

- I'm just gonna let myself out.

Fons.

Lucille.

- Not like this.

Not like this, Dave!

Not like-- Why would you

crush that man's soul like that?!

He said he was sorry!

- No, he got what he deserved, "Fons"!

Okay, and you know what, this little bromance thing you got going on?

It ends now, too!

- Come on, sis!

- No, no, no, no, you've had your fun!

Leave my sloppy seconds alone!

[She Huffs] - Sloppy seconds?

And he's a Scorpio!

[Alfonso] Why do I have to stop hanging out with Dave

just 'cause he and Aaliyah broke up?

Am I wrong for this?

- Let me think.

Yes!

- Wow!

Wow!

You're taking her side?

That's crazy, Kim!

You see, me and Dave?

We click!

You know, we have fun, and Dave needs me right now!

- I don't care how you try to spin this, Alfonso.

It still doesn't make it right.

- Well, and who is she

to tell me who I can hang out with, huh?

I'll stop hanging out with Dave

when she stops hanging out with Mia, mm-hmm!

- Okay, when did you and Mia date?

[He Gags]

- (shouts) Never!

(normal) And that's not the point.

What me and Dave have is special, baby!

And it's not a big deal!

[Phone Chimes]

- Wingstop texted you, "Are you up?

"Sorry you had to see that tonight."

Don't you think changing Dave's contact in your phone

is a bit extreme?

- Desperate times call for desperate measures.

[**]

- Now, Auntie, this is what I call a centerpiece.

Bravo!

Where are you storing all the other ones?

- The other ones?

Ha! I wasn't wasting my time

making an army of centerpieces only so you could say,

(in accent) "Oh, Auntie Lucille,

"those white roses are so funereal!"

- Well, obviously, you weren't thinking

because one centerpiece will never do!

I need you to make at least 20 so that we can have one for each table!

Now, chop-chop!

- Oh-ho!

- (normal) Oh, you keep talking to me like that,

I'm gon' chop-chop something up alright.

Ha!

- Look, Mommy! Mia brought these cool games

for me and the other kids!

- Oh, honey.

Well, these games are for children

of a different social stature.

I mean, cornhole?

Uh, this has to be far classier, sweetie.

I'm thinking bocce or pickleball.

- Okay, Kim. We're just doing the best we can, okay?

- With what we got. - Mm-hmm.

- And now I know that good help is hard to come by these days.

- Call me the help again

and you gon' need some.

- Oh!

Oh, Eva, what a riveting surprise!

- Kimberly, darling!

[Both] Muah, muah!

- Well, I just stopped in to check out the aesthetics

for the Jack and Jane banquet.

This place won't look like this when my esteemed guests arrive, will it?

- Oh, of course not!

- Thank heavens, you had me worried there for a split second.

- Absolutely, we're in the beginning stages.

I ordered new table cloths and Versace coasters.

You won't even recognize this place come time for the banquet!

(chuckling) Let's go this way.

- 'Cause that...

- Y'all better fix this!

[**]

[Both Laughing]

- Hey, man.

The golf trip of a lifetime is

right around the corner, Fons! - Ooh-wee!

- You know, I should just wait and surprise you.

- No, no, tell me now. I can't handle suspense!

- Well, with my connections,

we get to play with Tiger Woods at the Masters.

Ha-ha! - What?!

I must be dreaming.

- Nah, man. It's gonna be on and poppin'!

I was gonna bring Aaliyah, but--

- No, no, no, no!

Hey, it's alright, bro.

- Yeah. - Hey, there's plenty of fish

in the sea.

- Yeah, you right, you right, you right.

Plus, I invited one of my other buddies instead.

- Hey, any friend of yours is a friend of mine!

[Both Laugh]

- Hey, what's up, Dave?

- Hey, Marques! What's up, baby?

- What's going on, man?

What's he doing here?

- Wait a minute.

You know Marques James?

- I know he stabbed me in the back.

- Aw, here he go. Hey listen, man--

- Whoa, let me guess.

This is like some rival frat thing?

Listen, man.

I don't wanna get in y'all personal business or anything,

but y'all gotta let the past go

if you want to walk into the future.

Hmm?

- I don't know, Dave.

- Y'all can keep beefing all y'all want,

but the Master's trip is over.

It's your choice.

[Both] Alright, alright...

- Check it out, Alfonso.

We've been going at each other for way too long now.

- I wholeheartedly agree.

- Now, I've never said this before.

But we didn't win that championship without you tutoring me.

I'm sorry it took me so long to thank you for that.

- That's, that's all,

that's all I've ever wanted to hear, Marques.

I'm sorry I've held a grudge for so long.

- Alright, man. [Dave Laughs]

- And they say that guys can't do therapy!

Reunited! That's what I love to see.

Alright, we need a toast.

Alright, so fellas.

To brotherhood.

[Both] To brotherhood!

[Lucille] There she is!

- Oh, whoa, whoa, whoa, what are you ladies doing in here?

The banquet starts in a few hours and I guarantee

everything is not set and ready to go.

- Oh, we stay ready. - Ready to rumble.

- Oh, I doubt that!

Mia, mop the floor.

Aaliyah, pick up fresh caviar from the wharf.

Jordan, Auntie, I need you to put the Versace coasters on every table.

Let's get moving, people. We don't have all day!

- Okay, your reign of terror?

It ends now! - Now!

- Now! - Kimberly.

[**]

[**]

- We are wasting valuable time we could be using

to make this place look magical!

- Don't you think we've done enough, huh?

- This is for Jordan and her future!

- Uh, really?

Is it, though?

- Don't drag me into this, Mommy.

I'm just a child being used for free labor!

- Well, the way I see it, you're just worried about those Stepford Wives

not seeing you as one of them.

- That is not it at all!

Okay, maybe a little.

But doesn't everyone want to be accepted?

- We already accept you!

- Listen, you don't have to keep up with them, Kimberly.

They need to be keeping up with you!

- Say it, Auntie. - Yes, 'cause girl,

you are smart, you are beautiful,

and ambitious and kind! [Mia Tutting]

- You're the best mommy in the world.

- That's right, and your biggest treasures are inside.

- Oh, you're just saying this to stop me from being so bossy.

- Yep!

What? You taught me not to lie.

- And those things can still be true, right?

- Okay, I'll lighten up from here on out

and I'll be more myself.

- (laughs) Well, I think that we can forgive you.

Now, I'm gonna go in the back office

and grab some of those centerpieces.

- I'm still shocked that Alfonso

approved all these expensive-ass decorations.

- Yeah, well he's too busy chasing Dave around town to even notice.

- Wait, what?

He told me they were finished.

Okay... - Ooh, oh!

[Mia Chuckles]

- Ooh-wee, ooh-wee, ooh-wee!

Tormenting us and snitching on your husband in the same day?

Oh, you on a roll today, baby!

- Tiger ain't ready for us, boy!

I heard he got a back injury. I think I can get him, uh-huh!

- Uh-oh, round two!

- Who you talking to? - Uh, uh,

uh, this is Jake from State Farm, sis!

Uh, I gotta go, Jake!

Okay, I'll talk to you, I'll talk to you soon.

- You were talking to him , weren't you?

- Okay, look, sis. I can explain...

- No-no-no, 'cause you know how I feel about this!

Do you love him, Alfonso?

- I am not going to answer such a charged question!

Dave provides something to me

that no one else can provide, sis.

- Betrayal?

Just so you can get flew'd out?!

Are you a City Girl now?

Unbelievable!

I mean, you out of all people

know how hard it's been for me since my divorce.

I just thought you knew better than this, Alfonso.

I really did! - Sis, sis.

Wow.

[He Sighs]

[Door Slams]

[**]

- Do you think it's going well?

- Are you kidding me?

Everyone is loving this party!

Kimberly, you did such a great job.

- And look, Jordan even made some new friends!

- So, what's your mom's credit score?

- What's a credit score?

- Probably in the 600's.

[Kimberly] Aw, that's so cute!

How do I look?

- A snatch baby, yes! - Smashing!

- I found this dress at a thrift shop.

[Mia Shushing]

- Y'all, they don't need to know the origin.

I stole these from Aaliyah.

- Wait, what happened? - Hmm?

- Oh! Alfonso's stealing my man,

and my girl is stealing my earrings!

- I was gonna give these back.

- Those are my favorite! - Come on!

- Oh, here comes Eva. - Okay.

You've got this, Kimberly. Be yourself.

- Kimberly, darling!

You look beautiful. - Thank you!

- I must say I am truly impressed with this place.

You know, you really know how to turn a lump of coal into a diamond.

- Well, you know, I just work with what I've got.

- Well, I find it truly adorable.

- Eva, should the opportunity present itself,

what are the odds, say, Jordan and I could join Jack and Jane?

- Well, we're full right now, but I'm sure down the line

something can be arranged.

- That is amazing.

- Well, look. Ladies?

Come meet Kim.

She is an aspiring member.

Oh my word.

Do you see that little girl's hair?

Oof! - Oh, wow. Stunning!

- Stunningly hideous!

And against our dress code.

- Your dress code includes a girl's natural hair?

[Eva] You know what?

A Jack and Jane spot just opened.

They're out and you're in!

As long as you don't devalue Jordan

by letting her waltz around with an ugly bird's nest on the top of her head.

- Uh, okay. I don't know who you think you're speaking to, Eva,

but I'm not about to sit here and let you degrade

a precious little girl and her hair.

- Our policy clearly states--

- I don't give a damn what your policy states,

and if this is how you treat your members,

then I don't give a damn about Jack and Jane either!

Enjoy your party.

[Lucille] Oh, you did it!

Kimberly, yes! That's the way to do it!

Being myself actually felt pretty good.

[**]

- Oof! Where is this joker at?

[Murmuring] Whoop, oh!

There he is, ha-ha!

Hey, man. You know, Tiger's private jet

is leaving for Augusta later tonight!

You got your bags packed?

[Anguished Sigh]

- I can't go on the golf trip with you, Dave.

- What?!

- It's not you.

It's me! Shh!

Shh! Well, it's my sister, okay?

But you.

You have brought so much joy into my life.

I will never, ever forget us!

[Hits Table] - Is that it?

- That's it.

- You know, Fons?

We really could've been something.

- Alfonso!

You ready to tear up the course?

- Hey, hey, hey! Give him some space, man.

- What happened?

- I'll tell you on the jet.

- On the jet?!

[Alfonso Whimpering]

- Goodbye!

- I'm gonna miss you!

- Oh!

Thank you!

Okay, I know this is hard. Okay?

But there will be plenty other Daves. Okay.

- I don't know if I'ma be able to make it.

- Okay, you're gonna make it.

We'll go get a pint of ice cream, cheer you up?

Hmm?

Dave!

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