Original subtitles

[??]

The secret to good eggs

is you gotta cook 'em low and slow, Auntie!

- Oh, please. Everybody knows it's high and fast!

- Oh, like you was in the '80s?

- Why did Ms. Anderson have to give us this science project over the weekend?

- Oh, well that sounds fun, honey.

- What you working on this time?

- The solar system model.

- Oh, good!

Maybe you can use your daddy's head

as a canvas for the planets!

- Oh, and maybe you can get sent to a nursing home.

- Oh!

- Uh, somebody's in a good mood this morning.

- [sing-song] AJ's got a boyfriend!

- What?

- Well, thanks a lot, "Chatty LaBelle".

- Oh, okay, okay.

So, you dating somebody?

- Yeah, I was gonna wait to tell you guys

until I knew it was something serious.

- Well, how long have you been seeing this boy?

- Two excruciatingly-long...

..days!

- Aw, well I'm happy for you, baby.

- I remember my first relationship.

Ah, young love.

- Aw! What was his name?

- Young Love. He was a rapper I dated

back in high school.

Now, he's flying high, looking down at all of us.

- Oh no, he passed away?

- What? No!

He flies planes for Southeast Airlines.

- All right, kids. It's time to head out.

- Oh, Kimberly.

I don't mind taking the kiddies to school today.

Auntie is itching to know more about AJ's new man.

Now, I want all the tea kettle!

Okay, it's just the tea, Auntie.

You drop the kettle, just you want the tea.

The tea, the tea...

Well, I want the tea, the espresso,

and the latte, baby!

- No, no, no, no, no. Bring it on in, bring it on in

right here, ear to here!

No funny business.

No promises, Dad. I am your son.

- Come on, kids. Let's go.

- Get your lunchbox. Bye-bye! - Drink your water.

See ya, come on, or we'll be late.

- My, my, my, my, my.

- It's just puppy love, honey.

- Puppy love? - It's a good thing, yes.

Okay, well if that kid breaks his heart,

I'ma break out my old track spikes.

[Makes Shooting Noise] - Okay.

Easy there, "Insane Bolt".

Let's just keep the peace and your knees intact.

[??]

- Yes, and over here,

we can set up your spades tournament for your corporate game night.

- All of this. - Yeah, it's cute!

But what makes it better than Jagger's Joint?

Wait, Jagger's Joint?

Oh, is that Jay-Z's new restaurant he opened up?

No, girl, that's Jigga's Joint.

Golly, come on now!

You seriously haven't heard of Jagger's Joint?

It's the new hotspot lounge up the street.

It's fabulous!

They have smart tables and toilets

that change colors to match your mood.

They even serve sushi rolled on little tech skateboards

straight to your table!

Sounds innovative.

and delivered over to your table but we sure can

? T-Tootsie roll over to your table

? T-Tootsie roll over to your table! ?

Not the same.

- Okay.

- Well, you know what? I'm sure

we can make this to your liking somehow, you know?

It's whatever you like.

I don't know.

I mean, this is nice for a mom-and-pop hole in the wall,

but Jagger's, it's more, you know, modern.

Well, the hell with you then!

If you don't like this place,

you can do the bouncy bounce and get up out of here!

Come on!

- N-N-No, no, no, don't listen to her, okay?

I know we may not have the tech-savvy decor

like the other place, but trust me.

We know how to turn on the sophistication when needed.

And we can turn up the South Side Chicago when needed, too!

I think we're gonna go with Jagger's place,

but thanks for the tour!

Get outta here before I deep-dish you!

You know what? I can't!

- Girl, how are you gonna go chase...

[Overlapping Arguing]

- Mia, Mia!

Come meet Jagger.

- More like "Jacker".

- He's the one who opened up that new spot up the street.

Yes, so I've heard.

- It is a pleasure to meet both of you.

God, this place is so amazing!

Aunt Jemima would be proud!

RIP.

I just wanted to stop by because I've heard so much about this place

and, like, oh, you are theLucille!

The epitome of Black Girl Magic!

Aw, so iconic!

Looking like a sexy Matrix character!

My place doesn't even compare to the history of Lucille's place.

Ah, I just love Black-owned businesses, huh!

They're just so... Black!

I'ma give him a black eye!

Jagger, you are a sweetheart!

I know you don't run the place anymore,

but I'd love for you to mentor me.

Show me the ropes, you know?

What do you like, what are you into,

what's O.P.P. and how do I get down with it?

[Lucille Laughs]

Jagger, I would love to!

And besides, you know, there's nothing wrong

with a little friendly competition.

There's all love here.

Let me show you around the place, come on!

[Mia] Did he just give a...?

Could you go get your Auntie?!

Auntie is smart, okay? Look.

She can smell phony a mile away, and she ain't buying nothing that man was selling!

Trust me! Trust me, she got this.

- Okay, okay. - Yeah...

- ? L is for Lucille,

? L is for Lucille.

Flash that thing for the people, Queen!

Unh! Come to Jagger's for Watermelon Wednesdays!

[Both] Ahhh!

- You know what? It doesn't... It looks to me like

she done bought it, sold it, and opened up a damn franchise!

[??]

- Jordan, what in the world is going on in here?

I'm creating the universe!

- No, you're creating a mess!

And I told you to put a towel down before using the glue.

Look, you got Uranus stuck to my coffee table.

The universe can't be contained.

Okay, well the universe better contain itself to your room

before I get my asteroid belt.

Upstairs now.

- Man...

- Lord, these kids think I run a daycare and a cleaning service.

- Uh, what in the Big Bang?

Exactly!

I feel like I'm always cleaning up after these kids.

I'm so tired, Alfonso.

- Come here.

Don't stress, baby.

You know, how about I take you to that Caribbean spot you've been wanting to try?

Ooh, Arnold's Caribbean Pizza?

Now, you know that's been on my list.

It's my week off, I'm all yours, baby!

- [in accent] Well, that's a good ting, you know?

- [in accent] Good ting, good ting!

- Hey Mom, can I get some gas money?

[normal voice] Gas money?

Do I look like an ATM machine to you?

No, not exactly.

You're, like, less boxy, more curvy!

All right, that's my cue. Back in a few--

- Now, hol' on. Hol' on, [normal voice] pump your brakes.

What's this on your neck?

- What's what? - On your neck.

Oh, this? Oh, it's probably just a hickey or something--

That ain't no hickey, boy! I know what a hickey looks like.

- You do? - Yeah, from what you do to me!

You was, like, a vampire gripping all over my...

[sputters] Never mind. Stop playing with me.

What is it, AJ?

Uh...

A tattoo.

A tatt--

Permission to tattoo my hands around this man's neck?

Permission granted.

Oh, permission denied!

[Alfonso] Hey!

Get back here.

A tattoo, AJ?

Really, on your neck?

You could at least try to hide it from us like a tramp stamp.

- What is all this noise?

Hey y'all, I've got a meeting with Jagger

at Darnell and Buster's, and I gotta get my game face on.

- Who's Jagger? - You mind your business.

Why is it more tense in here than the OJ trial?

Exhibit A.

AJ here got himself a tattoo on his neck.

A ta--

Have you lost your last brain cell?!

Relax, Auntie. It's temporary.

- Temp-- - Oh, oh, oh!

Well, then I suggest you go upstairs and scrub that thing off

and don't come back down till it's gone.

Well, the thing about that is it's semi-permanent.

So, it won't come off for six weeks.

Oh, it's coming off. Okay?

It might take some sandpaper and some holy water,

but that thing's coming off.

What does it even say?

Uh, it says KJ,

like Kevin Junior,

KJ, AJ.

It's cute, right?

[mockingly] "It's cute, right?"

Who is KJ?

The boyfriend that I mentioned this morning?

Kevin Junior?

So, you're telling me that the boyfriend of two days

is tattoo-worthy?

Didn't you once write my name in wet cement?

Uh, I knew I liked you a whole week first!

Anyway, it doesn't matter!

Am I free to leave now?

[All] Sit down!

Now, as much as I would like to see AJ go pick a switch,

I'm gonna go beat Jagger in Skee-Ball!

Toodle-oo!

- Please don't go! - No, you on your own, Tattoo Boy!

We don't even know this boy.

- Don't even know him.

But you know, your mom is right.

We need to meet him.

Tomorrow, our house for dinner.

Ugh, oh no, Dad. He has a fencing tournament.

Oh, he better hop our fence and get his ass over here!

[??]

[Aaliyah] I don't know about that Jagger kid.

He cannot be trusted.

And something in my intuition is telling me it's not right.

You telling me? I saw him trying to pass off

that tofu rib eye as real meat!

Now, you know I'm a carnivore connoisseur.

[Lucille Laughing]

Oh no, no, no, Jag! Now, listen.

Next time, I got you at air hockey.

And don't you be pinching my booty

when I'm doing my Dance Dance Revolution, boy!

- I'm sorry, Lu Lu! I just cannot believe

that's not a BBL!

I mean, that thang is thangin', Queen!

Oh, what the hell? Come on, do it again!

Oh, pinch it again!

- You're too much, Lu Lu!

God, such a vibe!

All right, I gotta tootsie... roll outta here!

Later!

Unh, unh!

Booty, booty, booty, booty!

Ha-ha!

Later, sistas!

- Bye-bye! Bye, Jaggy!

- Auntie? - Whoo, huh?

You know, uh, Jagger isn't the little naive "homeboy" you think he is, okay?

Now, don't you talk about my Jag like that.

Well, Auntie, it's an act!

I mean, "That thang is thangin', Queen!"

It is performative, and he is fake!

And whack.

Now, listen, young lady.

I've been reading people long before you knew your ABC's.

Jagger is one of the good ones.

In fact, Jagger is my prot�g�!

- Okay.

- Well he's about to be your enemy

'cause I don't like him.

Or worse!

What if he tries to start hosting that tofu rib eye night here?!

Not on my watch, beloved!

Okay, all right, all right, ladies.

I will keep an eye on him, but let me tell you two something.

If you are wrong, you better apologize for slander!

Oh! No, uh, see.

I ain't gonna apologize to no Jagger.

Well, unless his daddy's name is Mick.

- We could sell...sell it! [Overlapping Chatter]

[??]

[AJ] Just be cool, okay? All of you.

Please, don't make it weird when he gets here.

And Dad, don't go asking your 20 questions.

What about 21 questions like 50 Cent?

No, treat it like a long-distance relationship.

- Long distance? - Yeah, I need you to stay a longdistance away from him.

Preferably six feet away at all times.

You hear this boy?

He acting weird already, boy ain't even got here yet!

Alfonso, let the boy breathe.

We're all gonna be cool, right?

- Yeah, I'm cool. I'm cool. - Okay.

You cool? What's up, baby girl?

I'm always cool, way cooler than AJ.

- Oh, my gosh. [Doorbell Rings]

- Sh, sh, sh! - Don't embarrass the boy, okay?

Pleasant, the Williams Way.

- Hey. - Hi.

- How are you? - I'm good--

Where your tattoos at, homie?!

Better not be on your butt!

- No, ma'am. It's on my ankle.

- Ankle?! Ankle, huh? Next to your ankle monitor?

What, you've been to prison?!

- I'm 16!

I heard they like 'em young.

Better not ever get to Cell Block One!

- You got a job?

And not one of them side hustles like my cousin Ray Ray!

I-I work at a bookstore part-time...

Bookstore, huh? Oh, that's code for something, right?

- Mm-hmm. - You a dealer?

You selling that fenty?!

Ooh, like Rihanna's makeup line?

Boy, don't get smart with me, I am not the one--

O-Oh, okay. Okay, baby, baby?

Dial it back-- - I got this!

You a man with a plan, KJ?

- Yes, ma'am.

My plan was just to have dinner tonight--

- Bow, bow!

That's not, no, that's not how we do things around here, buddy.

You don't know you just walked into the lion's den.

Mm-hmm, you don't see them two lionesses right there?

Right there hungry for prey, huh?!

- All right. How about we all calm down

and go pray over our dinner that's waiting in the kitchen?

Sound good?

I'm so sorry, but can you go wait with my dad?

I'll be there in a couple of minutes.

- Surprisingly, I'm more scared of your sister. Ooh!

Mom, seriously, you gotta chill!

Honey, this is chill!

Okay, fine. I'll be nice.

I guess a lie detector test is out of the question.

- What are you... - I'm kidding!

Kidding!

[??]

What in the...

This is my famous bingo night.

Where did everybody go?

And Jackie, where are the other Silver Sneakers?

Oh, they wanted to sneak over to Jagger's place.

Mm-hmm.

Did you know he's hosting a Back to the '80s

and a Beautiful Black Ladies Night?

Don't worry about it, girl.

I'm still here for you.

As long as you got these cheese and crackers,

I'm right here!

But do you got some Metamucil?

- Met-- - Just a little bit.

- Oh no! - Damn, damn, damn!

- Jagger done colonized all the customers!

I can't believe that he would poach my territory like this.

I told you, Auntie.

Hmm, the boy is good, ain't he?

Guess he pinched his way up to the top, huh, Auntie?

Oh.

Oh!

[She Whimpers]

[??]

Boy, you better get your hands off them thighs!

And you better keep your hands off histhigh!

Actually, I was reaching for a napkin.

The food looks incredible.

However, I'm vegan.

[They Laugh]

Vegan at this table?

Boy, you trippin'.

I knew we'd have opposing views since our star signs aren't astrologically compatible.

They only stars you need to be concerned with

is the one's you're gonna be seeing if you don't eat this chicken!

- So, KJ, what are your plans after high school?

Enlighten us. - Please!

Oh, I'm just going where the wind takes me.

Maybe I'll go to college

if I even graduate from high school. - Yeah.

- What? - Besides, brick and mortar schools are dying out anyway.

Soon, everything will be computerized

and we'll be learning on the go.

Then, when I turn 18,

AJ and I plan on getting married,

[sing-song] and we're gonna be hubbies!

Yeah, why wait? Age is a social construct anyway.

- I'm about to construct my foot right up your--

- Babe, can I speak with you for a moment?

Just, hmm...

Here's some Brussels sprouts.

- Boy coming in my...

[mockingly] ? Hubby...

Baby, baby, no!

No!

I know that boy didn't just say the M-word.

Babe, relax.

Me relax?

Me relax?!

You was just the one auditioning for "Set It Off"

just a few seconds ago!

Baby, they're not getting married, okay?

It's just lingo like hubby and wifey,

and the stuff you like me to call you, Snuggle-booty.

- Mm-mm, mm-mm, mm-mm, I don't think it's gonna work.

I don't think it's gonna work, we're gonna have to tell AJ something,

he gotta stay away from that boy.

We have to let AJ live his own life.

What, in a tent on Skid Row with his hubby-wubby?

I do not think so! - Okay, okay.

Let's just give the boy a chance.

Let's go.

Okay, smile.

So, Mr. KJ.

What is it that you like most about my son?

- Honestly?

His heart.

Oh, that is so sweet.

What about his heart?! - Yeah, what about it?

- Baby, baby...

I mean, what about his heart?

He's genuinely kind, and he has a laugh

that sounds like 1,000 angels.

His laugh sound like 1,000 dying hyenas to me.

Anyone who loves my son's laugh is all right with me.

Me, too.

Just wait till you get a kick of that morning breath.

It's hot enough to roast some marshmallows.

Ooh-wee!

I'll buy you a toothbrush.

[??]

- Hey, y'all. - Ooh!

Meet my boyfriend, KJ.

Well, hello KJ.

- Nice to meet you. - You too.

Uh, why y'all dressed like Jagger's Joint ambassadors?

Let me find out you put his link in your bio.

- Oh, for sure. Jagger's Joint is the spot, Auntie!

- Uh, yeah!

They've got the best teen club in Chicago.

And the mocktails?

[Both] To die for!

- Well y'all gon' die if you go there again!

- Wait, wait, let me call this Jagger boy. - What's wrong with Jagger?

- Get this all straight!

- Hey, uh, it's Jagger.

Jagger, this is Lucille.

You've been ghosting my calls.

So?

So?!

I thought we were tight!

Well, sorry, but you got played.

What?!

Because this is a voicemail, biotch! Ha-ha!

Leave your name and any other unimportant details you'd like to share!

That little...

Mm-mm-mm...

Ooh, please tell me you're here to rent the space!

Please, say yes.

Please?

Nah. Mia brought me here 'cause Jagger set up a Korean barbecue pop-up

right next to my restaurant, Lil Kim-chi!

- What? - Dude's been stealing all my customers.

Ugh, he's been stealing our vibe, too!

You got Jagger-jacked too, huh?

Yeah, Jagger jacked me real good.

- You know, I talked to a few others.

He's doing it to everybody on the block!

- Well, good luck with your business.

I'll catch y'all later.

I'm gonna go slash Jagger's tires real quick.

- Get them windows, too!

You believe us now, Auntie?

- Hey! Sister Act 1, 2, and 3! You rang?

Jagger, what's going on?

You've been missing my calls, stealing my customers,

and I thought that you wanted to be my mentee.

Wish I did, Lu Lu.

Unh-unh-unh-unh-unh, it's Ms. Lucille to you!

Aw, so no more booty-pinching!

No, absolutely not!

Not after you tried to shut down my business!

[Gasps]

Shut down your business?

I'm not trying to shut down your business!

I'm shutting down the whole block!

[All] What?!

- Oh, you boomers with your bad hearing.

[loudly] I'm gonna build a strip mall

and fill it with the many businesses I've appropriated

over the years!

Okay.

After all you were saying how much you love Black businesses?

I do my melanated queen!

Especially when I own them.

- Oh, have mercy... - I don't like how he said that.

I put the Gen-Z in gentrification!

Oh, and Lu Lu?

Yeah, that's short for "delulu", not Lucille.

Oh, I'm gonna be rich!

Ooh, so rich. Nom-nom-nom-nom-nom!

Ah, yes! That is them, officers!

They threatened me. Go ahead and tear-gas them, have at it!

Jagger Jones, you're under arrest for money laundering and fraud.

- What?!

Do you know who my daddy is?

- I'm sure you'll find out in prison.

Oh, my goodness.

I can't believe it.

I am so sorry that I doubted you two girls.

But Jagger just seemed so down-to-earth and genuine.

I guess I was just so blinded by his charm

that I didn't realize that he was actually trying to

slip the rug right from under us.

- Yeah.

- Will you ever, please, forgive me?

- Okay!

- Of course, Auntie!

Just believe us next time before the FBI gotta show up!

You know Mia got warrants. - Warrants?!

[All Speaking]

[??]

- Yes, thank you, thank you! - Ooh!

We are back in business, baby!

We are booked for the next two weeks!

- Hoo, and I got four words for that.

Hal-le-lu-jah!

Nah!

Okay, this is gonna be the last time

I leave "Weavie Wonder" and "Wiggie Smalls"

in charge on my days off, period!

Check out my solar system!

- Aw!

- Oh, that's cute baby!

[All Speaking]

- That's interesting...

- Don't lie to me. I know it sucks.

I hate it!

I hate it... [All Shouting]

Ugh!

- Jordan!

There's just a couple planets missing, baby!

That's why I ain't got no kids right there.

If that's the kid, the parents must be crazy!

So, AJ.

When are we seeing KJ again?

Oh, that was so a few days ago.

Huh?

Oh, yeah, we broke up.

- Aw... - [Alfonso] What?!

After all of that drama?

You two made it a big deal, not me!

Oh no, y'all was talking about getting married!

- Oh no, KJwas talking about getting married.

Well, what about this tattoo?

Ugh, it is what it is.

Give it a few weeks, and then it's gone.

Besides, I'm not the first person in the family to get a tattoo of an ex's name.

[coughing] Auntie Aaliyah!

Whoa, whoa, hold on. First of all,

it's supposed to say Jesus, okay?

No one needed to know it says Jes�s.

Lord, this family!

Repair and Synchronization by Easy Subtitles Synchronizer 1.0.0.0