Original subtitles

[??]

[Aaliyah] So, I just got notice

that the owners of my place might be selling,

and if that happens, can I stay with you?

- You need to do better than that if you want my parents to say yes.

It's all about the puppy dog eyes!

- Now, pay attention.

- I get anything I want because I'm unbearably adorable.

Watch this!

[Both] Aw!

Okay, okay, let me try!

[Lucille] Ew.

Uh-uh, mnh-mnh!

- Game time!

- Hey, twin brother!

[Giggling]

I need to ask you something--

- No.

- But you don't even know what it is!

- I heard you practicing from upstairs.

Mnh-mnh.

Mnh-mnh, stop!

Okay, the last time you did them Ol' Yeller eyes,

you was begging Pop not to go back on tour.

And look how that worked out!

- He went back out on tour.

- Okay, so you see, puppy dog eyes,

are only for Jordan!

Plus, Aunt Lucille completely took over my man cave.

- Aunt Lucille completely turned it into a woman cave!

Which is much better use if you ask me!

- Auntie Aaliyah can sleep in my room!

- Okay, where you gonna sleep?

- With you and Mom!

- Oh, the Devil is a lie! He is a lie!

- Oh, um...

- No, no, no. No-no-no!

Don't even think about it.

The man of the house has spoken!

- Oh, okay. Well, hold up. What does Aaliyah need?

- I just need a place to stay, temporarily.

- Oh! You can sleep in my room!

- Oh, well, the husband of the house has spoken.

Well, what about Mia?

She's got that two-bedroom apartment.

- Uh, one-bedroom. She uses the other one

to store her collection of limited edition lollipops.

- Well, if it's just temporary, Mia will be all right.

- Hey, problem solved, okay?

Now, everybody out!

I need everybody up out right now.

I need everybody up out, lunch is on me.

You know what I mean? Don't even worry about it.

Go get you a bite to eat.

Uh, me and my wife need to talk privately.

Okay? Yeah.

Yeah, mm-hmm. - Bon app�tit!

- Okay, bon app�tit!

- Finally, some alone time!

- Now you, I'm gonna ...

- Uh, and don't you let it happen again!

- Is everything okay?

- It will be...

..when you leave again.

- Well, now look. This ain't enough money.

- Okay, all right... - And I need you to get your relationship in order.

I'm way too pretty to be homeless!

[??]

[??]

[Aaliyah] Are you sure you're selling the house?

Well, how much are you selling it for?

You know, I might be interested in buying it.

- [laughs] Go to Hell, girl!

That house ain't even worth all that.

It doesn't even have an open concept!

- Uh, I'm sorry, there's a crazy person yelling outside, yes.

Oh, so I still have to be out by the 15th?

Okay, thanks. Bye.

Trying to take advantage of a single woman--

Okay, it's official.

I'm homeless and no one will let me live with them!

- Well, why don't we go to plan B and ask Mia?

Now, she's been your best friend since kindergarten!

- Exactly why I can't ask her.

You know, I don't want to jeopardize our friendship.

- If I had a place, I'd let you stay with me.

- Aw, Auntie, I'd love to stay in your "fictitious" place!

- And I would just love to have you!

For a day or two.

[Mia] Okay, and that's the end of our tour!

- Oh!

Now, listen.

Showtime!

Do as we practiced.

This time, I want you to channel Viola Davis

without the snot!

- Okay, and this is where our office is.

Now, this is where the magic happens.

- This place is perfect for my reverse-masquerade ball.

- It is for-- wait, reverse?

- Oh yeah, it's like a masquerade ball.

We just don't wear any masks.

[Aaliyah Whimpers] - Okay.

- Dear God, what's wrong?

- I have to move out of my place and I have nowhere to go!

- Oh, the cost of living is just outrageous.

- I mean, where can a single woman

find a nice place to live in a nice part of town?

- Well, you could always buy a bulletproof vest and move to the South Side.

- Um, um, Mia, um, so, um... [Chuckles Awkwardly]

I, uh--

- Oh, spit it out!

Mia, can Aaliyah stay with you in your apartment?

- Yeah, just temporarily. You know, until I find a new place.

- Yeah! You're my best friend.

What are you talking about?

If you need me, I got you!

And wait a minute. Hold on, Auntie. Let me get you together.

Um, I don't live in an apartment.

I live in a townhouse, and I own it.

- Oh, all right, girl.

[Alfonso] Kim!

What is taking so long? We already late!

- I'm almost done, stop rushing me!

- Oh, you say that every time!

I'm leaving you!

[Kimberly] You're what?

- [deliberately] I am leaving you!

- I know he did not just leave.

- Yo, you hungry?

- I'm not hungry.

AJ.

I heard Mom and Dad arguing.

- So? Mom and Dad were arguing yesterday

because Dad left the cap off the toothpaste.

- No, you don't get it.

Dad said, and I quote, "I'm leaving you."

- Oh.

This is serious.

Well, that can only mean one thing.

- What does it mean?

- The D word.

- What's the D word?

- Divorce!

It means Mom and Dad will split up.

Mom will take the main house, and Dad,

Dad will get some old, dirty apartment in a bad neighborhood.

We'll have to go back and forth between them like ping pong balls.

And then, Mom will start dating some weird, creepy guy

who doesn't like us that'll send us far, far away off to boarding school,

where they serve nothing but cold oatmeal

and make you wear itchy uniforms.

Well, actually?

That'll be just you.

I'll be in college by then.

[??]

[??]

Thank you all for coming on such short notice.

I gathered everyone here because I believe

Mom and Dad are getting a divorce.

- What?!

- Oh...

- We have a plan to stop it,

but we're gonna need all the help we can get.

- Well, you might be right.

I did hear them yelling at each other this morning.

- And you know, I saw Kimberly out on the front lawn the other day.

She was snipping them hedges like Lorena Bobbitt!

- Oh!

- Step number one.

We make them remember why they fell in love in the first place.

- We'll shower them with gifts that they think

the other one got for them.

- Now, exactly how are we gonna pay for these love gifts?

- Well, I just spent all my money on this new designer shirt.

- You might want to get a refund,

but I have $5 in my piggy bank!

- [laughing] Well, don't look at me,

because if I had money, I wouldn't be living here.

- Well, I could chip in my bingo winnings.

- Oh!

- What, what?!

Listen!

My mother was the mistress of a very rich man.

I'm their love child!

So, baby doll, I am set for life!

- Ooh!

- So, you just walk around

carrying wads of cash like that?

- Yes!

Never know when you gonna have to pop out and show a--

- Okay, rich girl!

Because of your contribution,

y'all, we might really be able to do this!

[??]

- Please be careful with that box!

Okay, it has my vintage glassware,

and it cost a lot of money!

- Vintage, huh?

- Yes! - So, we'll drop it right there,

and we can call the Smithsonian.

Or you could call an actual mover!

And what is that smell?

It smells like pork rinds and cocoa butter up in here!

- Welcome, bestie!

Welcome!

Welcome to your new home, I'm so glad you're here!

Make yourself comfortable.

Mi casa, su casa!

- Yes! - Okay, I rearranged some things for you.

- I see, you redecorated. Okay! - You like, you like?

- It's very, uh, colorful!

[She Laughs]

So, yes... - That's cute!

- Oh, uh, no. Thatis cute, okay?

Thisis expensive Chinese porcelain.

- Well, excuse the hell out of me.

- That's outdated.

Don't worry girl, I got you!

- Okay, well just throw my little cute lamp into the trash why don't we

since we decorating for Ming Dynasty here!

- And she wonder why nobody want to live with her.

Shame.

Yeah, well... [Clears Throat]

My work here is done.

Okay?

- Man, get out of here! - Okay, all right.

- Thank you, brother! - Goodbye, okay.

All right.

- Hey, friend, friend. - Hmm?

- Where did you find all of these ancient, rusty relics?

I mean, how did you fit it in your last place?

- Girl, that is a timeless piece.

Okay, and I am moving from a large home

into a little, small apartment.

- Oh, no, no. Let me get you together.

It's a called a townhouse, okay?

This is not an apartment.

- Okay. - And you can put all this stuff

back where you found it because, as you can see,

my home has been designed by me, the owner. Okay?

[Uncomfortable Laughter]

Maybe you need to get a little storage unit or something.

- Uh, no. My pieces are meant to be displayed, okay?

Not hidden in a storage unit.

- Well, I can hide it in the trash.

Now, what is this?!

- Whoa! - What is this?

No, no, no, this rug is way too bold, boo.

- No, it is a statement piece.

- No! - It brings the room together!

- Well, I hate it!

[Aaliyah Screams]

- Girl!

- But this... [Evil Laugh]

This is more valuable

than all of your little priceless treasures combined, okay?

Here.

- What is this?

- The homeowner's handbook.

It's crucial that you read it from front to back, okay?

- Okay. - It's gonna have all the guidelines,

you know, everything broken down for you.

Like how much you're gonna pay in your HOA fees, your utilities,

and all the rules and regulations and stuff.

Oh, and right here! This is my favorite part right here. See?

- Oh, what's that? - Shh!

- [whispering] It's the acceptable noise levels.

[normal] Okay? - Okay.

- [Woman on TV] But Fernando, I love you!

[Man on TV] Pero no estoy Fernando.

Soy el twin brother who escaped the psych ward.

Soy Phernando spelled with a "Ph!"

[Doorbell Rings]

I'm coming!

Don't do it girl, mnh-mnh!

Don't do it.

- Delivery for Alfonso Williams.

- Oh, okay. Here.

Thank you.

"To my one and only love, Alfonso,

"sneak out and meet me for an amazing dinner tomorrow night at Lucille's.

"Dress in your Sunday best.

"Don't tell anyone."

Who sent this to my husband?

- I don't know what kind of problems you and your man got going on,

but I prefer to mind my business!

Look, if I was you,

I would show up to this Lucille's place tomorrow night

and find out what's really going on.

[??]

What's going on up in here?

- I thought you were playing golf!

- I was, but the golf course was closed and Kim's at home, so...

- Oh, Kim's at home, you say?

Way over there, home?

- What's all those flowers doing on Kim's desk?

Hmm?

Hmm?

- Uh... What flowers?

- We're getting to the bottom of this right now.

Okay.

"To my one and only love, Kim,

"meet me for dinner tomorrow night at Lucille's"?!

"Dress to impress"?!

Oh...

- Listen, I think it was just a client mix-up.

You know, Kimberly is such a common name, isn't it?

- [chuckles] Not that common.

It's gon' be a scandal up in here,

because I'm about to stomp somebody out...

..in the yard!

[??]

Aaliyah Renee Lucille Williams, come down here now!

- Ah!

What's wrong?

- What's wrong? - Yeah.

- I got a call today from the Homeowners Association!

They called today to say that I'm in trouble because you keep breaking the rules!

- What did I do? I just got here!

- What did you do?

One of the board members

saw you throwing recyclables in the trash!

Huh? You were singing loudly in the common area!

And you were swimming in the pool

with your wig on clogging up the drains!

It's a violation of the rules!

- Wha-- That wasn't me!

I don't know what they're talking about.

- They showed me the security footage, ma'am!

- Oh.

- Wait a minute.

What are you doing in coveralls

with a can of ugly-ass scarlet red paint?!

- I am about to paint my room!

- You can't paint your room without the board's approval!

I mean, you're just a violating violator!

Yeah.

I have decorated my home the way I like it.

Aaliyah, you're not respecting my home.

- Ourhome.

Remember, mi casa, su casa?

- Mi no habla espa�ol, eh!

Look, you're doing too much.l

You got to go!

- Get out? - Out now!

- Out now?! - Pronto, amigo!

Go!

[Mia Huffs]

[??]

- Why are you here?

- Oh, Kim let me move in.

- Oh, Kim wanted you to move in, huh?

Mm-mm, of course.

See, she's trying to distract me

while she be sliding off.

- What?

- Why aren't you at Mia's?

- Oh.

Mia kicked me out for no reason.

- Mm. No reason, huh?

Mm-hmm.

Remember when you spilled apple juice on yourself in the first grade,

and everybody thought you peed on yourself?

- No, I really did pee on myself.

Mia just made that story up

so everyone would think I had apple juice.

- Exactly, she goes the extra mile!

Okay?

- Okay, you're right, but she started it first!

- Hey sister-in-law, you good?

You need anything?

No? Okay.

- Uh, what is that about?

- Um, you don't think, um...

You don't think Kim's been acting a little weird?

- You know what? Definitely.

Yeah, yeah, I mean it was weird that she let me stay

after you said no 'cause she always has your back.

- [stammers] Pow!

- Mm-hmm.

- I think...

..she's cheating on me.

[She Gasps]

- Cheating?

Bro, that's ridiculous. What?!

- Ridiculous? [She Laughs]

Ridiculous?!

Okay, well, we gon' find out tomorrow night!

- Whatever that's about.

Ooh, hi Jordi-poo! [She Shushes]

- Be quiet.

Do you think Mom and Dad have been acting weird?

- Definitely weird!

Hmm.

Something's up.

- Yeah. - Yeah.

[??]

- How as your day? - Fine!

Yours?

- Fine! - Hmm! Mm-hmm.

Any plans for tomorrow night?

- No!

[chuckles] You?

- Oh, nothing!

- Nothing. - Hmm.

[Both Chuckle]

Nothing, huh?

Let me ask you something.

Why...

..would you tell Aaliyah she could move in

when I clearly said she couldn't stay here?

- She had nowhere to go.

What was I supposed to say?

- How about, "You need to leave.

"You can't stay here.

"I don't want you here anymore"?

How 'bout that?!

[??]

No, no, no, the flowers go in the center, Auntie, the center!

We don't want them looking all lopsided!

Mia, Auntie Aaliyah.

Stop giving each other the evil eye and focus!

We've got minutes before they arrive!

[AJ Vocalizing]

AJ!

Tonight is everything!

It could make or break our parents' future.

This has to work!

It has to.

[??]

What are y'all doing here?

[??]

[Kimberly] Hee-yah!

Hah! Where she at?!

- Oh, I thought you didn't have plans.

- Oh, well, I could say the same thing about you.

- Well, right this way.

Come on in and sit down,

and don't mind those pretty flowers on the table.

They're just here to remind you

of how much you love each other!

- What is all this? We forget an anniversary or something?

- I have no idea.

I came to find out who sent you that golf bag.

- Golf bag? - Mm-hmm!

I didn't get no golf bag.

I'm trying to see who sent...you...the...flowers!

- What flowers?

- Okay, just stop all the arguing right now.

We sent those gifts to get you both here.

So just shush, and look, enjoy the moment!

- [singing] Mom, Dad, don't get a divorce!

I need money for all my sweaters and cardigans!

- What the hell are you doing , boy?!

- [normal] Trying to set a vibe here.

- Okay, uh, Kim?

Let me tell you, you are the best bonus sister

I could ever ask for!

Well, actually no, that's a lie.

Mia is!

- I'm not buying it!

- All right, you two!

Aaliyah, this is about their love,

not your drama!

- Come on you two, take your drama outside.

Go outside, now! [Both Bickering]

Go, go, go!

- Now, where were we?

Oh, right. Love.

- Sweetheart, what is this all about?

- I heard you two arguing,

and we didn't want to be sent to boarding school.

- And I don't want to live in the hood with Dad

and shop at the swap meet!

- You know, Black love is worth saving.

- Please don't get a divorce! - Yeah.

[Both] Divorce?

- Honey! Oh, babies, no. We're not getting a divorce!

- And we're not arguing.

- So, you're not splitting up?

- No, boo.

We are stuck together.

- Where would you get an idea like that?

[Mimics Phone Ringing]

- Oh gosh, I gotta get this, this is Taylor Swift calling.

[??]

- This is my desk. - Excuse me!

- My desk area! - I'm trying to work!

- Okay, okay, okay, okay! You know what? You're right!

Okay, I messed up!

All right, I should've taken the rules more seriously,

and I shouldn't have just barged in and did whatever I wanted to.

- Ha! You think?

- And the truth is I really enjoyed living with you and...

Well, I miss you, okay?

Can you give me another chance, please?

- I wanted that one!

[Both Shriek]

- Friend. - Yes?

Okay, look.

I never lived with anybody either,

and this was all kinda new for me and stuff.

So, but...

I missed you too!

- Ooh, my favorite kind! - I know!

[Alfonso] Hey, hey, hey, hey!

Everything good in here, ladies?

- Yes, you can relax.

I'm moving back in with Mia.

- Boom!

- Thank you, Jesus!

Won't he do it?

- Ooh!

- Won't he do it?

Yes, he will!

- Yah! - He gets so dramatic!

[??]

- Oh, I don't know why you hate scarlet red so much, okay?

It is bold, okay?

It is exciting!

- It is the color of a stop sign!

This is a bedroom, not a crime scene.

- Girl, come on. It is passionate, okay?

It is dramatic!

- It is the color of anger issues.

Here, why don't we go with something, you know,

a little more, you know, calm and smooth?

Kind of like this calming blue.

- Blue? - Yeah.

- Really?

But you know what? Fine, 'cause I give up.

I will leave you to paint

your little boring blue walls by yourself!

- Friend... - By yourself!

[She Exclaims]

- What, what, what?

- Bro, where did you even come from?

[Door Slams]

- I'm not leaving here

until you two promise

to sort this out.

Huh?

- Okay, well...

I guess Alfonso was right for once in his life.

Ooh!

Aaliyah, you can paint the guest room any old ugly color you want to paint it.

I guess it's yours for now.

- Deal.

And you will not regret it!

- [mockingly] Okay!

- Scarlet red, here we come!

I love you, bestie!

- I love you, too...

Repair and Synchronization by Easy Subtitles Synchronizer 1.0.0.0