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1
00:01:19,253 --> 00:01:21,289
Griff, what's with
all the stampeding women?
2
00:01:21,487 --> 00:01:24,323
Well, either Enoch the janitor's
dancing bottomless again...
3
00:01:24,488 --> 00:01:27,591
...or Babcock Shoes is having
another sale.
4
00:01:27,789 --> 00:01:28,924
I don't get it.
5
00:01:29,123 --> 00:01:32,092
I've been working in the same mall
with Babcock for 20 years.
6
00:01:32,290 --> 00:01:34,725
What does his shoe store have
that this one doesn't?
7
00:01:38,091 --> 00:01:42,029
-Do you have any black pumps?
-Nope, never carry them.
8
00:01:42,226 --> 00:01:44,695
Then I'm going to Babcock's.
9
00:01:44,893 --> 00:01:47,863
Why does Floyd's business
do better?
10
00:01:48,061 --> 00:01:49,896
You know, Griff, I think it's location.
11
00:01:50,061 --> 00:01:53,364
I doubt it. Babcock's is between
World of Carbuncles...
12
00:01:53,529 --> 00:01:55,965
...and House of Floss.
13
00:01:56,130 --> 00:02:00,301
Well, whatever it is,
just once I'd like to beat him.
14
00:02:00,498 --> 00:02:02,700
Griff, I'm gonna
have to do something crafty.
15
00:02:02,898 --> 00:02:05,201
Maybe you could slip him
a stick of dynamite...
16
00:02:05,399 --> 00:02:08,635
...cleverly disguised
as a Cuban cigar.
17
00:02:08,799 --> 00:02:12,503
You idiot. Where am I gonna get
a Cuban cigar?
18
00:02:15,868 --> 00:02:20,839
Griff, is it me or is there the smell
of Old Spice and bacon in the air?
19
00:02:21,903 --> 00:02:25,407
-Hello, Babcock.
-Bundy, glad you're here.
20
00:02:25,604 --> 00:02:29,174
Though, if you weren't,
sales might improve.
21
00:02:29,338 --> 00:02:30,673
It's so busy at my store...
22
00:02:30,838 --> 00:02:34,409
...that my son here, Little Floyd,
can't study.
23
00:02:34,606 --> 00:02:37,375
If you're looking for peace and quiet,
don't take him home...
24
00:02:37,540 --> 00:02:41,044
...where the Chicago Bulls
are practicing lay-ups with your wife.
25
00:02:44,742 --> 00:02:47,345
An adultery joke. You see, Bundy...
26
00:02:47,510 --> 00:02:50,546
...that doesn't work on a guy
with two beautiful mistresses.
27
00:02:50,743 --> 00:02:53,880
-You didn't hear that.
-Yes, Dad.
28
00:02:54,045 --> 00:02:56,447
Come on, Babcock.
You didn't bring your boy--
29
00:02:56,645 --> 00:03:00,082
Who suspiciously looks
like Dennis Rodman.
30
00:03:00,880 --> 00:03:03,015
--you didn't bring him down here
just to study.
31
00:03:03,214 --> 00:03:05,416
You're right.
This is more of a life lesson.
32
00:03:05,614 --> 00:03:12,020
You see, my son, Little Floyd,
and your son, Little Nobody...
33
00:03:12,216 --> 00:03:15,552
...are in the same Entrepreneurial
Studies class at Trumaine.
34
00:03:15,750 --> 00:03:19,087
And we both have to come up with
a product and a marketing campaign.
35
00:03:21,152 --> 00:03:23,821
And you brought Little Dweeb-o here
to the mall...
36
00:03:25,719 --> 00:03:27,754
...to see how real businesses work?
37
00:03:27,954 --> 00:03:32,692
Yes, and to your store
to see how they don't work.
38
00:03:32,888 --> 00:03:36,892
So you see, son, when you create
your marketing product...
39
00:03:37,089 --> 00:03:40,359
...what are you not going to do?
40
00:03:46,158 --> 00:03:50,095
Don't worry, Bundy, you'll beat me
at something someday, maybe.
41
00:03:50,259 --> 00:03:52,094
Just kidding.
42
00:03:53,126 --> 00:03:54,928
Your wife's uglier than my wife.
43
00:03:57,061 --> 00:03:59,997
-Oh, good one, Al.
-That's it.
44
00:04:00,195 --> 00:04:04,433
If I can't beat Babcock in business,
I'll beat him where it hurts.
45
00:04:04,630 --> 00:04:06,966
In the nads?
46
00:04:07,663 --> 00:04:09,765
Close. His son.
47
00:04:10,497 --> 00:04:12,333
Great. I'll keep the car running...
48
00:04:12,498 --> 00:04:15,435
...while you hit that little guy
with a bag of oranges.
49
00:04:16,866 --> 00:04:18,468
That's what they expect me to do.
50
00:04:18,633 --> 00:04:21,302
No. I'll get my revenge...
51
00:04:21,467 --> 00:04:25,104
...when Bud beats Little Floyd
in his marketing project.
52
00:04:25,301 --> 00:04:28,338
Bud's product, whatever it is...
53
00:04:28,502 --> 00:04:31,072
...will be pure genius.
54
00:04:31,237 --> 00:04:36,342
And now,
the Bundy hands-free page-turner.
55
00:04:53,942 --> 00:04:56,878
This is what you're planning
on marketing?
56
00:04:57,576 --> 00:05:00,846
I don't know why I let you put yourself
through college.
57
00:05:01,577 --> 00:05:04,680
Son, don't you understand?
This project is very important?
58
00:05:04,878 --> 00:05:07,181
I didn't know you cared so much
about my education.
59
00:05:07,379 --> 00:05:09,348
Well, I don't.
60
00:05:09,746 --> 00:05:11,748
This is about me and Floyd Babcock.
61
00:05:11,914 --> 00:05:14,316
See, I've never been able
to beat him in business.
62
00:05:15,048 --> 00:05:18,352
Yeah, so order some nice shoes
and have a sale.
63
00:05:19,049 --> 00:05:21,986
Why would I work that hard
when I have you?
64
00:05:22,149 --> 00:05:25,152
See, Bud, his son and you
are in the same class.
65
00:05:25,351 --> 00:05:28,988
Now, all you have to do is get a
higher grade than him on this project...
66
00:05:29,151 --> 00:05:31,220
...and I'll have my revenge.
67
00:05:31,385 --> 00:05:34,588
See, this is exactly
why I didn't play Little League.
68
00:05:35,886 --> 00:05:39,857
No, son, you didn't play Little League,
because you threw like a girl.
69
00:05:42,755 --> 00:05:44,390
What sells in the '90s...
70
00:05:44,556 --> 00:05:47,459
...is the same thing that has sold
since the beginning of time.
71
00:05:47,656 --> 00:05:49,558
-What, shoes?
-Well, sure, of course.
72
00:05:49,724 --> 00:05:52,627
That's why we're living here
in the lap of luxury.
73
00:05:52,791 --> 00:05:55,928
Bud, I'm talking about sex.
74
00:05:58,359 --> 00:06:00,995
So, what, you want me
to become a pimp?
75
00:06:01,960 --> 00:06:05,163
No, you'd have to be able
to protect your girls for that.
76
00:06:06,694 --> 00:06:07,895
Well, what then, Dad?
77
00:06:08,095 --> 00:06:12,099
Why do I have to think of everything?
You're supposed to be the smart one.
78
00:06:12,730 --> 00:06:14,698
-Hello.
-Hi, Al.
79
00:06:14,863 --> 00:06:17,099
-Peg?
-Yeah, it's me.
80
00:06:17,297 --> 00:06:19,266
I'm just on my way out to find Dad.
81
00:06:20,932 --> 00:06:24,602
Well, when did you leave?
82
00:06:26,966 --> 00:06:27,967
Yesterday.
83
00:06:28,133 --> 00:06:31,069
Well, no wonder the sex was good
last night.
84
00:06:32,601 --> 00:06:36,372
Oh, but don't worry, Al,
I'll be home just as soon as I find Dad.
85
00:06:36,569 --> 00:06:40,506
And believe me,
I am leaving no stone unturned.
86
00:06:40,702 --> 00:06:44,006
-Where are you?
-Well, I just left Tiffany's.
87
00:06:44,201 --> 00:06:47,804
You wouldn't believe how big
some of their stones are.
88
00:06:47,967 --> 00:06:49,969
You ought to see some of mine.
89
00:06:50,500 --> 00:06:54,671
I just felt a big one leave my kidneys
and head for my urinary tract.
90
00:06:55,165 --> 00:06:56,333
Now, look, Peg...
91
00:06:56,498 --> 00:07:00,235
...don't go using this trip as an excuse
to spend all my money.
92
00:07:00,397 --> 00:07:04,001
Al, I am trying to save
my parents' marriage.
93
00:07:04,263 --> 00:07:06,865
This is not about you
and your stupid money.
94
00:07:07,096 --> 00:07:09,999
Now, look, I gotta go.
I'll call you later.
95
00:07:13,461 --> 00:07:15,896
-That was Mom?
-Yeah.
96
00:07:16,126 --> 00:07:17,928
Yeah, she left us.
97
00:07:19,525 --> 00:07:21,661
-Mom's gone?
-Yeah.
98
00:07:22,558 --> 00:07:26,328
-Was it something I did?
-I don't know.
99
00:07:27,390 --> 00:07:28,992
Maybe.
100
00:07:30,357 --> 00:07:32,292
But, look, Bud, the important thing...
101
00:07:32,456 --> 00:07:35,025
...is that you come up with a good idea
for this project.
102
00:07:35,188 --> 00:07:37,824
One that'll beat Little Floyd.
Son, you're my last chance.
103
00:07:37,988 --> 00:07:40,423
My children are my only hope.
104
00:07:40,587 --> 00:07:42,589
Hey, you guys.
105
00:07:44,720 --> 00:07:46,955
My new calendar came in.
106
00:07:47,119 --> 00:07:50,289
The Buns of "USC."
107
00:07:52,551 --> 00:07:55,254
Looks like it's just down to you, son.
108
00:07:55,850 --> 00:07:57,952
Oh, my God, look at these buns.
109
00:07:58,149 --> 00:08:00,986
Oh, I knew I should have gone
to "USC."
110
00:08:03,181 --> 00:08:08,886
Kelly, I think you just "imbeciled"
onto a great idea.
111
00:08:09,579 --> 00:08:11,581
What, sending me to "USC"?
112
00:08:12,312 --> 00:08:14,815
No. Making a calendar like this
for Trumaine.
113
00:08:14,979 --> 00:08:18,115
You wanna make a calendar
of men's butts?
114
00:08:18,310 --> 00:08:21,880
No. I'm talking about doing a calendar
of the girls of Trumaine.
115
00:08:22,077 --> 00:08:25,580
See, all I'll need is a camera
and 12 beautiful women.
116
00:08:25,742 --> 00:08:27,110
Well, let's see.
117
00:08:27,308 --> 00:08:31,746
You have your Lieutenant Uhura doll.
118
00:08:32,840 --> 00:08:34,842
Barbie.
119
00:08:35,373 --> 00:08:37,141
Isis.
120
00:08:37,340 --> 00:08:39,508
Strawberry Shortcake.
121
00:08:39,706 --> 00:08:44,911
Oh, and that little pink sock
you put on your hand and call Missy.
122
00:08:46,837 --> 00:08:48,839
Yeah, go ahead and scoff now, Kel.
123
00:08:49,036 --> 00:08:52,773
But if I put out a casting call
and say I'm making movies for HBO...
124
00:08:52,935 --> 00:08:54,337
...beautiful women will come.
125
00:08:54,535 --> 00:08:57,504
Oh, yes, they will come.
126
00:09:02,299 --> 00:09:03,901
Oh, cool.
127
00:09:04,099 --> 00:09:06,935
Page-turner for my calendar.
128
00:09:44,256 --> 00:09:46,358
That-- That was great.
129
00:09:46,555 --> 00:09:49,458
-That was the best shoot of the day.
-Thanks, bud.
130
00:09:49,621 --> 00:09:51,523
I was a little nervous
about doing this...
131
00:09:51,687 --> 00:09:55,691
...because, well, all my friends say
you're a perverted horndog.
132
00:09:55,852 --> 00:10:00,290
-But you're really not.
-Oh, well, thanks.
133
00:10:01,351 --> 00:10:04,454
By the way, did you drop
your contact lens on the floor there?
134
00:10:04,617 --> 00:10:08,287
I thought I saw your....
135
00:10:17,447 --> 00:10:19,049
Hey, Bud.
136
00:10:19,214 --> 00:10:22,050
Move, you're blocking my shot.
137
00:10:25,945 --> 00:10:28,747
It's okay, Jefferson.
138
00:10:28,911 --> 00:10:31,647
I've got her covered from here.
139
00:10:32,476 --> 00:10:35,346
Oh, man.
140
00:10:36,275 --> 00:10:39,078
Hold it right there.
141
00:10:49,939 --> 00:10:53,976
Well, I believe that we now
have photographed...
142
00:10:54,138 --> 00:10:57,241
...the back of every shoebox
in Chicago.
143
00:10:58,237 --> 00:11:00,105
Just as we intended...
144
00:11:00,303 --> 00:11:03,606
...for that coffee-table book
of shoebox backs.
145
00:11:05,468 --> 00:11:08,238
Well, to the Fotomat.
146
00:11:08,401 --> 00:11:10,269
Run.
147
00:11:14,133 --> 00:11:16,835
What is it?
Al, I'm trying to run a business.
148
00:11:17,032 --> 00:11:19,067
But you wouldn't know
anything about that.
149
00:11:20,198 --> 00:11:24,602
Yeah, like I wouldn't know about you
trying on women's shoes after closing.
150
00:11:26,263 --> 00:11:28,499
You didn't hear that.
151
00:11:28,663 --> 00:11:31,299
Babcock, I just brought you here
to show my genius son...
152
00:11:31,495 --> 00:11:33,430
...and what his class project is.
153
00:11:33,594 --> 00:11:36,797
It's the calendar of the girls
of Trumaine. She's Miss November.
154
00:11:37,493 --> 00:11:41,597
It's not bad, Bundy,
but I'm sure my son can top that.
155
00:11:41,792 --> 00:11:45,462
-What's your project Little Floyd?
-Okay.
156
00:11:45,624 --> 00:11:46,825
I've invented a printer...
157
00:11:46,991 --> 00:11:50,828
...that is simultaneously compatible
with both IBMs and Macintoshes.
158
00:11:51,027 --> 00:11:54,063
It'll revolutionize
the computer industry.
159
00:11:58,434 --> 00:12:01,037
You win, Bundy.
160
00:12:05,106 --> 00:12:08,610
How dare you take my name,
Little Floyd?
161
00:12:08,810 --> 00:12:13,748
From this moment forth,
I shall refer to you only as Little.
162
00:12:15,049 --> 00:12:17,718
That's funny,
that's how Mom refers to you.
163
00:12:21,455 --> 00:12:23,691
You didn't hear that.
164
00:12:27,126 --> 00:12:29,028
Damned if I didn't.
165
00:12:29,729 --> 00:12:34,667
Hey, I just remembered something.
I don't wear contact lenses.
166
00:12:35,934 --> 00:12:38,136
I'll see you
in Astrophysics tomorrow, Bud.
167
00:12:38,303 --> 00:12:40,539
I'll be right behind you.
168
00:12:46,644 --> 00:12:48,079
You guys think she's great?
169
00:12:48,279 --> 00:12:51,482
I've got Crystal Clark
to be on the cover of my calendar.
170
00:12:51,649 --> 00:12:55,686
-You got Crystal Clark?
-Who's Crystal Clark?
171
00:12:56,486 --> 00:12:58,388
Right here.
172
00:12:59,456 --> 00:13:01,725
Al, I've got an idea.
173
00:13:01,891 --> 00:13:02,892
Divorce our wives...
174
00:13:03,059 --> 00:13:05,428
...and move to Saudi Arabia
so we can marry Crystal?
175
00:13:05,594 --> 00:13:07,329
No.
176
00:13:07,496 --> 00:13:09,198
Yes.
177
00:13:09,398 --> 00:13:12,368
But first, I propose we talk
to a publisher friend of mine.
178
00:13:12,568 --> 00:13:16,338
We can take this calendar national,
make ourselves a fortune.
179
00:13:16,537 --> 00:13:20,408
-But we still marry Crystal?
-Oh, sure, sure.
180
00:13:20,575 --> 00:13:23,111
Well, how much are you willing
to invest?
181
00:13:23,578 --> 00:13:24,746
Ten thou.
182
00:13:24,912 --> 00:13:27,915
Great. I'll throw in 10 too.
183
00:13:28,515 --> 00:13:30,984
So we'll have $20,000.
184
00:13:31,151 --> 00:13:35,355
No, we'll have $10,010.
185
00:13:35,889 --> 00:13:38,125
Oh, it was my son Bud's idea.
I want half.
186
00:13:38,324 --> 00:13:40,626
Forget it. Look, Bundy,
I'm taking all the risk.
187
00:13:40,826 --> 00:13:43,829
I mean, what if
this is a touched-up picture?
188
00:13:47,366 --> 00:13:48,968
-Hi, Crystal.
-Hi, Bud.
189
00:13:49,167 --> 00:13:51,136
Well, I'm touched.
190
00:13:51,936 --> 00:13:55,940
And I'm up.
Let's go fax this to the publisher.
191
00:13:57,842 --> 00:13:59,878
So are you ready
for your photo shoot?
192
00:14:00,110 --> 00:14:03,247
Sure. Who were those two
drooling geezers with Little Floyd?
193
00:14:03,981 --> 00:14:06,917
Those-- Those were our fathers.
194
00:14:07,117 --> 00:14:11,822
That was Big Floyd and Big Void.
195
00:14:12,622 --> 00:14:15,558
Crystal, remember how I said
this was gonna be a class project?
196
00:14:15,758 --> 00:14:19,195
Well, I've got great news.
We are going national.
197
00:14:23,365 --> 00:14:26,835
This is gonna be sold coast-to-coast
and all you can say is, "Oh"?
198
00:14:27,002 --> 00:14:30,311
I can also say I'm sorry, Bud,
I can't pose for your calendar anymore.
199
00:14:30,311 --> 00:14:31,473
I can also say I'm sorry, Bud,
I can't pose for your calendar anymore.
200
00:14:31,672 --> 00:14:34,742
What do you mean
she doesn't wanna do it?
201
00:14:35,876 --> 00:14:40,247
Don't you know how much money
I've got riding on this calendar?
202
00:14:40,414 --> 00:14:44,285
-Oh, yeah, I know. You had $10, Dad.
-That's beside the point.
203
00:14:44,484 --> 00:14:47,387
Don't you realize how many
hundreds of thousands of dollars...
204
00:14:47,587 --> 00:14:49,856
...that $10 was going to earn?
205
00:14:50,023 --> 00:14:52,425
You were gonna share how much
of that money with me?
206
00:14:52,591 --> 00:14:55,394
Again we deviate from the point.
207
00:14:56,695 --> 00:15:00,099
Look, Dad, I got her to come over.
I'll talk her into it, okay?
208
00:15:00,299 --> 00:15:04,069
You better,
or I'm cutting you out of the will.
209
00:15:05,269 --> 00:15:07,405
Wait a minute, that's no punishment.
210
00:15:08,305 --> 00:15:11,108
I'm putting you in the will.
211
00:15:12,601 --> 00:15:14,803
You'll owe millions.
212
00:15:16,265 --> 00:15:18,034
Hi, Dad.
213
00:15:21,627 --> 00:15:23,229
Kelly, I don't get it.
214
00:15:23,426 --> 00:15:26,463
Why would Crystal not wanna be
in a national calendar?
215
00:15:26,657 --> 00:15:31,295
I mean, if someone asked me
to pose in Speedos, I'd do it.
216
00:15:31,453 --> 00:15:34,723
Gee, Bud, thanks for the visual.
217
00:15:34,883 --> 00:15:37,853
Kelly, please help me.
Crystal's gonna be here any second.
218
00:15:38,015 --> 00:15:40,918
I have no idea how I'm gonna
convince her to be in my calendar.
219
00:15:41,079 --> 00:15:43,881
Well, why don't you try
being sincere?
220
00:15:44,043 --> 00:15:47,347
What, you mean
like completely honest?
221
00:15:48,274 --> 00:15:51,243
That goes against everything
I stand for.
222
00:15:51,404 --> 00:15:53,606
That'd almost be like talking
to a guy.
223
00:15:54,868 --> 00:15:59,473
Well, that's exactly how she'll feel.
Anyway, I'm gonna go upstairs...
224
00:15:59,631 --> 00:16:04,202
...and finish reading my calendar
of the Buns of "UCLA."
225
00:16:08,358 --> 00:16:12,462
-Hey, Bud. You wanted to see me?
-Yeah, Crystal.
226
00:16:12,654 --> 00:16:16,258
I wanted to be sincere with you about
this calendar and what it means to me.
227
00:16:16,451 --> 00:16:17,986
Okay.
228
00:16:22,380 --> 00:16:24,015
Crystal...
229
00:16:25,644 --> 00:16:29,715
...I don't talk about my brother much.
230
00:16:31,773 --> 00:16:35,009
But, well, Judd and I...
231
00:16:38,035 --> 00:16:41,438
...we were born Siamese twins.
232
00:16:42,631 --> 00:16:45,934
We shared everything.
Well, we had to.
233
00:16:46,528 --> 00:16:51,533
And then came that awful day
when we had to go our separate ways.
234
00:16:51,724 --> 00:16:53,760
I went to school...
235
00:16:53,922 --> 00:16:57,293
...and Judd went into a Mason jar.
236
00:16:59,285 --> 00:17:02,354
We don't expect him
to live very long.
237
00:17:02,548 --> 00:17:07,887
I mean, he's not much more
than an eye and a foot and some hair.
238
00:17:09,310 --> 00:17:13,748
But you see,
I made him this solemn promise...
19098
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