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1
00:01:23,812 --> 00:01:25,047
Family--
2
00:01:25,245 --> 00:01:28,148
And I use that term
with great embarrassment.
3
00:01:28,812 --> 00:01:34,885
--it is now time to unveil the contents
of the Bundy family Christmas club.
4
00:01:35,279 --> 00:01:37,014
Oh, Dad.
5
00:01:37,213 --> 00:01:39,281
You got a festive green one
this year.
6
00:01:39,479 --> 00:01:42,649
Usually you just use one
of your old white socks.
7
00:01:43,146 --> 00:01:46,216
Honey, that is one
of his white socks.
8
00:01:46,413 --> 00:01:49,115
See how it matches his teeth.
9
00:01:49,680 --> 00:01:53,217
Thank you,
Rudolf the Redhead Couch Wit.
10
00:01:53,846 --> 00:01:55,882
Anyway, once a year...
11
00:01:56,080 --> 00:01:58,649
...the working members
of the Bundy family, namely me...
12
00:01:58,814 --> 00:02:01,417
...put aside a small percentage
of his paycheck--
13
00:02:01,614 --> 00:02:03,649
Namely nothing.
14
00:02:03,847 --> 00:02:07,351
--and at the end of the year,
opens it up to buy Christmas presents.
15
00:02:07,547 --> 00:02:09,616
Namely garbage.
16
00:02:09,814 --> 00:02:12,917
Dad, why do we go through
this pathetic charade every year?
17
00:02:13,114 --> 00:02:16,952
You know Mom's jimmied the lock
and spent all the money on herself.
18
00:02:17,448 --> 00:02:20,885
I didn't spend one penny
on myself this year.
19
00:02:21,082 --> 00:02:24,285
Hey, maybe,
we will get some presents.
20
00:02:24,715 --> 00:02:28,319
Then why is there nothing
but receipts in here, Peg?
21
00:02:28,515 --> 00:02:29,816
Well, those aren't from me.
22
00:02:30,015 --> 00:02:31,684
That's just stuff Mom needed.
23
00:02:31,882 --> 00:02:35,219
Five hundred dollars
for JJ's House of Strudel.
24
00:02:35,916 --> 00:02:39,653
Two hundred dollars
for a heavy-duty Buttmaster.
25
00:02:39,849 --> 00:02:43,720
Everybody knows that strudel
goes straight to the butt.
26
00:02:43,916 --> 00:02:46,852
-There goes your Christmas gift, Peg.
-What about us?
27
00:02:47,050 --> 00:02:49,719
Oh, this doesn't affect
your gift, pumpkin.
28
00:02:54,317 --> 00:02:56,219
Merry Christmas.
29
00:02:57,850 --> 00:03:01,120
Merry Christmas. I ought to give you
one of these for Christmas.
30
00:03:04,117 --> 00:03:06,753
Come on, Kel. Let's go.
31
00:03:07,117 --> 00:03:09,720
We'll have to raise our own money
for Christmas presents.
32
00:03:09,884 --> 00:03:11,352
You know what this means, right?
33
00:03:11,518 --> 00:03:14,120
Yeah. The shell-shocked vet
and the blind-girl routine.
34
00:03:14,284 --> 00:03:16,286
That's right.
35
00:03:17,484 --> 00:03:21,422
And this year don't sit there
reading People magazine, all right.
36
00:03:22,851 --> 00:03:27,556
I was not reading it.
I was looking at the pictures, okay?
37
00:03:29,419 --> 00:03:31,454
Your mother's eating us
out of house and home.
38
00:03:31,619 --> 00:03:35,122
I don't expect her to pull her weight.
That would be impossible.
39
00:03:35,452 --> 00:03:36,753
But she's got to get a job.
40
00:03:36,953 --> 00:03:40,022
She's a Wanker woman.
She's not used to working.
41
00:03:40,220 --> 00:03:44,324
I will only put up with one worthless
Wanker woman in this house at a time.
42
00:03:44,520 --> 00:03:46,722
Either she gets a job or you do.
43
00:03:48,253 --> 00:03:50,956
Mom, we gotta talk!
44
00:03:58,853 --> 00:04:02,057
Excuse me.
Do you have any pumps in my size?
45
00:04:02,254 --> 00:04:05,557
Yes, I do, but the Society for
the Prevention of Cruelty to Shoes...
46
00:04:05,754 --> 00:04:07,756
...would not allow me
to sell them to you.
47
00:04:08,321 --> 00:04:11,857
Well, I hope you get coal
in your stocking on Christmas morning.
48
00:04:12,088 --> 00:04:15,692
And I hope you get Slim-Fast
in yours.
49
00:04:16,255 --> 00:04:18,324
Now, we're about to have
our Christmas party.
50
00:04:18,522 --> 00:04:20,557
So would you mind eggnogging
on out?
51
00:04:21,455 --> 00:04:24,558
-Happy Holidays.
-Merry Christmas.
52
00:04:24,755 --> 00:04:27,425
Hey, guys, sorry I'm late.
53
00:04:32,755 --> 00:04:36,626
I had to ditch Marcie down
at the employment office.
54
00:04:37,056 --> 00:04:39,291
God, what a depressing place.
55
00:04:39,489 --> 00:04:41,091
All those people out of work, huh?
56
00:04:41,256 --> 00:04:43,058
No. All those people looking
for work.
57
00:04:44,356 --> 00:04:46,758
Have they no pride?
58
00:04:47,556 --> 00:04:51,327
I'll tell you, if Marcie is so dead set
on a two-income family...
59
00:04:51,523 --> 00:04:53,925
...let her get a night job.
60
00:04:54,290 --> 00:04:56,025
Yeah.
61
00:05:01,891 --> 00:05:06,229
Jefferson, you don't really mean that
about Marcie, do you?
62
00:05:06,424 --> 00:05:10,861
As sure as I'm skimming money
off her mutual funds.
63
00:05:12,525 --> 00:05:15,194
Oh, I'll tell you,
it will be a cold day in hell...
64
00:05:15,358 --> 00:05:18,361
...when my paycheck-in-heels
outsmarts me.
65
00:05:19,291 --> 00:05:23,862
Well, then, prepare to make snow
angels with the Prince of Darkness.
66
00:05:26,359 --> 00:05:27,961
Marcie?
67
00:05:29,059 --> 00:05:33,730
Marcie! I can't believe you followed me
here from the employment office?
68
00:05:33,925 --> 00:05:36,795
-Look, Jefferson--
-Oh, no, no, no. Don't apologize.
69
00:05:36,960 --> 00:05:39,028
The damage is done.
70
00:05:43,026 --> 00:05:45,963
Look, Marcie,
if I can't trust you not to follow me...
71
00:05:46,160 --> 00:05:49,330
...how can I ever trust you
as a reference on a job application?
72
00:05:49,527 --> 00:05:52,063
Well, I already got you a job...
73
00:05:52,260 --> 00:05:56,531
...playing life-sized Ken in the Barbie
Christmas window at Marshall Field's.
74
00:06:02,460 --> 00:06:06,531
Okay, but don't blame me, Marcie,
if your sick obsession with work...
75
00:06:06,694 --> 00:06:09,230
...drives me into the arms
of a life-sized Barbie.
76
00:06:09,428 --> 00:06:10,963
Merry Christmas.
77
00:06:11,127 --> 00:06:13,029
Merry Christmas!
78
00:06:13,228 --> 00:06:15,964
Well, now that the wives
and deadbeats are gone...
79
00:06:16,128 --> 00:06:17,897
...let's start this Christmas party.
80
00:06:18,095 --> 00:06:21,098
Yeah! Yeah! The tree is trimmed,
the halls are decked...
81
00:06:21,262 --> 00:06:24,465
...and Ike has dawned
his gay apparel.
82
00:06:27,128 --> 00:06:29,497
Take that back,
you glorified night watchman.
83
00:06:31,028 --> 00:06:33,464
Gentlemen, focus.
There'll be no brawling here.
84
00:06:33,629 --> 00:06:35,965
This is a Christmas party,
not a wedding.
85
00:06:37,296 --> 00:06:41,367
Besides, we can't start until Griff
gets here from his new part-time job.
86
00:06:50,430 --> 00:06:52,532
Okay, kid,
if you let go of my leg...
87
00:06:52,697 --> 00:06:55,766
...I'll bring you a pony
on Christmas morning.
88
00:06:56,763 --> 00:06:58,465
Excuse me.
Why did you say that?
89
00:06:58,663 --> 00:07:00,932
I specifically told you
he couldn't have one.
90
00:07:01,231 --> 00:07:04,734
And I specifically told you
tips were encouraged.
91
00:07:05,097 --> 00:07:08,067
Come on, Bobby.
The real Santa's at Kmart.
92
00:07:08,264 --> 00:07:10,266
-Merry Christmas!
-Happy holidays!
93
00:07:10,431 --> 00:07:13,100
Merry stinking Christmas.
94
00:07:13,298 --> 00:07:16,835
Hey, Griff,
where's your Christmas spirit?
95
00:07:17,031 --> 00:07:21,035
My ex-wife got it
in the divorce settlement.
96
00:07:21,498 --> 00:07:23,267
Along with the house, the car...
97
00:07:23,432 --> 00:07:26,735
...and my entire collection
of Pam Grier movies.
98
00:07:27,498 --> 00:07:30,735
I knew you were feeling lonely
the last couple of weeks.
99
00:07:30,899 --> 00:07:33,335
That's why I got you
this for Christmas.
100
00:07:34,366 --> 00:07:37,035
"1-900-YUMMY"?
101
00:07:38,932 --> 00:07:44,738
"The bearer of this card is entitled
to 20 minutes of yuletide phone sex."
102
00:07:45,733 --> 00:07:49,704
-Al, you shouldn't have.
-Hey, it didn't cost me anything.
103
00:07:49,866 --> 00:07:53,637
I just cashed in my frequent
hooter miles at the nudie bar.
104
00:07:57,866 --> 00:08:03,172
Al, meaningless, no-strings-attached
sex is the last thing I want right now.
105
00:08:03,367 --> 00:08:06,270
That's the only thing I've ever wanted.
106
00:08:08,068 --> 00:08:09,502
-Oh, wait!
-Let me have it.
107
00:08:09,667 --> 00:08:12,303
Hey, Ike, give me that thing back.
Come on, Ike!
108
00:08:12,501 --> 00:08:14,737
Hey, Ike! Ike! Ike!
109
00:08:14,934 --> 00:08:17,837
Don't be selfish.
Put it on the speakerphone.
110
00:08:22,668 --> 00:08:26,505
Hello, you're cooking with Butter.
111
00:08:31,102 --> 00:08:34,639
Hey, Butter, this is...
112
00:08:35,269 --> 00:08:36,904
...Hot Pants.
113
00:08:38,502 --> 00:08:41,272
Oh, Hot Pants.
114
00:08:41,469 --> 00:08:47,075
Why don't you come closer
and melt little old Butter.
115
00:08:50,136 --> 00:08:53,707
Hold on.
I got to think about baseball.
116
00:08:54,937 --> 00:09:00,977
Hey, hey, Butter.
This is Double-O-Shoe.
117
00:09:01,937 --> 00:09:04,873
Listen, forget Hot Pants.
You need to talk to my good friend--
118
00:09:05,037 --> 00:09:06,172
-Butcher Boy.
-Psycho Cop.
119
00:09:06,338 --> 00:09:09,741
Not you, you potbellied porkers.
120
00:09:10,705 --> 00:09:11,706
Al.
121
00:09:14,571 --> 00:09:16,573
Hi, Butter.
122
00:09:17,438 --> 00:09:19,540
This is...
123
00:09:19,738 --> 00:09:22,341
...Shoehorn O'Plenty.
124
00:09:23,838 --> 00:09:26,207
-Thanks for the ride home, Griff.
-Don't mention it.
125
00:09:26,372 --> 00:09:28,307
Hey, I'm a Dodge man through
and through...
126
00:09:28,472 --> 00:09:32,443
...but that Geo Metro of yours
is a lot easier to push up that hill.
127
00:09:34,739 --> 00:09:38,209
Yeah, but if you want a car that will
just rust away on the front lawn...
128
00:09:38,372 --> 00:09:40,107
...nothing beats your Dodge.
129
00:09:41,639 --> 00:09:44,141
You got that right.
I'll give you that beer I promised.
130
00:09:44,306 --> 00:09:45,774
There's nobody home.
131
00:09:45,939 --> 00:09:49,710
Beer? I'll come down and join you.
132
00:09:50,073 --> 00:09:53,943
Except my mother-in-law,
the Budweiser Clydesdale.
133
00:09:54,306 --> 00:09:57,309
Al, I got to go anyhow, Al.
I promised Butter I'd call her at 6.
134
00:09:57,707 --> 00:10:00,977
You wouldn't want to leave a phone-sex
operator waiting by the phone.
135
00:10:01,574 --> 00:10:05,778
Wait a minute, Al. Butter is more
than just a $1.99 a minute.
136
00:10:05,974 --> 00:10:10,912
She's a real good listener
who really understands me.
137
00:10:11,075 --> 00:10:13,944
And, boy, can she talk dirty.
138
00:10:15,242 --> 00:10:18,778
Well, I still better go.
I got a long push home.
139
00:10:18,941 --> 00:10:22,144
All right, take it easy, buddy.
140
00:10:30,042 --> 00:10:35,114
1-900-YUMMY.
141
00:11:02,244 --> 00:11:06,881
1-900-YUMMY.
142
00:11:12,711 --> 00:11:18,383
Merry Christmas.
You're cooking with Butter.
143
00:11:21,245 --> 00:11:24,681
Oh, no.
144
00:11:29,145 --> 00:11:32,148
CHRISTMAS EVE
145
00:11:41,946 --> 00:11:43,948
GRANDMA - AL - PEG
KELLY - BUD - LUCKY
146
00:11:46,713 --> 00:11:48,114
More.
147
00:11:48,380 --> 00:11:49,948
Come on.
148
00:11:52,247 --> 00:11:55,116
You know, this is fantastic.
149
00:11:55,313 --> 00:11:57,616
I can't believe Grandma
bought us these presents...
150
00:11:57,780 --> 00:11:59,082
...and this beautiful dinner.
151
00:11:59,247 --> 00:12:02,516
It's like she's an older married man
or something.
152
00:12:07,248 --> 00:12:10,484
You know, Peg, who would've thought
that your mom's 1-900 number...
153
00:12:10,648 --> 00:12:12,883
...would have bought us
our first real Christmas?
154
00:12:13,047 --> 00:12:15,984
You know, for a Bigfoot,
your mom's okay.
155
00:12:16,881 --> 00:12:19,184
Oh, Al, let's invite her down
for Christmas dinner.
156
00:12:19,348 --> 00:12:21,717
What, are you nuts?
157
00:12:21,915 --> 00:12:26,553
Don't you know that the holidays are
the busiest phone-sex time of all.
158
00:12:27,182 --> 00:12:30,585
Daddy, aren't you feeling just
a little guilty that most of the money...
159
00:12:30,749 --> 00:12:34,286
...that paid for this food
came from your NO MA'AM friends?
160
00:12:35,315 --> 00:12:37,117
Guilty, no. Hungry, yes.
161
00:12:39,183 --> 00:12:40,718
What I mean is, is that...
162
00:12:40,983 --> 00:12:44,286
...don't you think you should tell them
that Butter is really Grandma?
163
00:12:44,483 --> 00:12:49,088
Pumpkin, unlike marriage,
phone sex is a victimless crime.
164
00:12:50,984 --> 00:12:53,086
Why spoil the good time
of my dear friends...
165
00:12:53,250 --> 00:12:55,485
...and derail our gravy train
at the same time?
166
00:12:56,683 --> 00:13:00,621
Speaking of which, Peg, would you
pop open another can of gravy, please?
167
00:13:03,984 --> 00:13:05,919
Attagirl.
168
00:13:11,384 --> 00:13:14,053
Dad's right. What they don't know,
won't hurt them.
169
00:13:14,252 --> 00:13:17,722
Besides, when you dial those 900
numbers, all you really care about is--
170
00:13:22,951 --> 00:13:26,321
Getting your money back
for dialing the wrong number.
171
00:13:29,552 --> 00:13:30,553
Who could that be?
172
00:13:30,719 --> 00:13:34,356
Maybe one of the neighbors
found out we had food. Eat fast.
173
00:13:37,386 --> 00:13:40,756
All right, I'll get it.
Just pretend like nothing's happened.
174
00:13:43,286 --> 00:13:44,654
Shut up, now!
175
00:13:47,253 --> 00:13:49,088
Coming.
176
00:13:55,953 --> 00:13:58,923
-Hey, Al.
-Hey, Griff, how you doing?
177
00:14:01,921 --> 00:14:05,258
So you're having another
imaginary Christmas dinner?
178
00:14:07,487 --> 00:14:10,056
Yeah, well, it keeps them happy,
you know.
179
00:14:10,255 --> 00:14:11,689
Thanks for stopping by, buddy.
180
00:14:11,854 --> 00:14:14,156
Wait a minute. Wait a minute.
I need your advice.
181
00:14:14,355 --> 00:14:16,991
You know, I've been talking
to Butter a lot lately.
182
00:14:17,188 --> 00:14:22,526
Al, she is more than just phone sex.
She is a beautiful human being.
183
00:14:23,722 --> 00:14:28,460
I never thought I'd say this again:
I think I'm in love.
184
00:14:33,656 --> 00:14:36,392
I think I'm about to blow gravy.
185
00:14:39,456 --> 00:14:43,193
Al, I want to ask her to spend
the holidays with me.
186
00:14:51,590 --> 00:14:53,459
Family meeting.
187
00:14:53,657 --> 00:14:55,125
Al, what are we gonna do?
188
00:14:55,323 --> 00:14:57,759
If Griff finds out
that Grandma is Butter...
189
00:14:57,924 --> 00:14:59,993
...then he and the guys
will stop calling...
190
00:15:00,157 --> 00:15:02,593
...and we'll have to go back
to living on your income.
191
00:15:03,991 --> 00:15:07,194
I hate him.
He's the Griff who stole Christmas.
192
00:15:07,957 --> 00:15:12,328
-I'll kill this sucker first.
-No! No! No one kills anybody here.
193
00:15:12,524 --> 00:15:15,194
Come here. I got a plan.
194
00:15:15,458 --> 00:15:18,027
I want you two
to get some candy canes...
195
00:15:18,192 --> 00:15:20,561
...and lure Grandma out of her room.
196
00:15:20,758 --> 00:15:22,927
All of her, Dad?
197
00:15:23,691 --> 00:15:25,927
Even the dark, mossy side?
198
00:15:26,958 --> 00:15:29,327
Yes. Will you just go do it?
199
00:15:29,726 --> 00:15:33,863
Peg, I want you to go upstairs
and talk dirty.
200
00:15:34,059 --> 00:15:38,297
Oh, Al.
You mean like this?
201
00:15:38,993 --> 00:15:39,994
Thank you, Peg.
202
00:15:40,159 --> 00:15:43,963
The one meal I've had in months
and I won't be able to keep it down.
203
00:15:45,360 --> 00:15:46,794
You said to talk dirty.
204
00:15:46,959 --> 00:15:50,830
Not to me, you candied yam.
To Griff.
205
00:15:50,994 --> 00:15:52,195
I want you to go upstairs.
206
00:15:52,360 --> 00:15:55,563
When the phone rings, I want you
to answer it. Pretend you're Butter.
207
00:15:55,727 --> 00:15:58,596
Then I want you to tell him
that your love can never be.
208
00:15:59,793 --> 00:16:01,595
Well, what are you gonna do?
209
00:16:01,793 --> 00:16:05,330
I'm gonna soften him up
with our finest liquid refreshment.
210
00:16:06,494 --> 00:16:08,930
The man has gravy.
211
00:16:10,928 --> 00:16:13,397
Not just for breakfast anymore.
212
00:16:14,961 --> 00:16:18,265
Al, what if Butter won't go out
with me? What will I do?
213
00:16:18,462 --> 00:16:20,097
-Not call her anymore?
-Nope.
214
00:16:20,295 --> 00:16:22,364
Call her often,
and call her at peak hours...
215
00:16:22,528 --> 00:16:25,064
...and talk for a long, long time.
216
00:16:26,362 --> 00:16:28,831
But never ask to meet her.
217
00:16:28,996 --> 00:16:31,098
Okay, Al.
218
00:16:31,362 --> 00:16:35,532
This may be just the gravy talking,
but I trust your judgment.
219
00:16:37,529 --> 00:16:39,365
Here goes.
220
00:16:52,863 --> 00:16:54,732
Merry Christmas.
221
00:16:54,930 --> 00:16:57,899
You're cooking with Butter.
222
00:16:58,197 --> 00:17:01,267
Merry Christmas, Butter baby.
223
00:17:02,897 --> 00:17:06,468
This is Shoehorn O'Plenty.
224
00:17:08,464 --> 00:17:12,401
You sound a little different tonight,
Butter. What, you got a little cold?
225
00:17:12,564 --> 00:17:17,102
Well, I did.
But I'm warming up now.
226
00:17:17,765 --> 00:17:20,034
Look, Butter,
I know I've asked you this before...
227
00:17:20,198 --> 00:17:22,734
...but this time I really have to know.
228
00:17:22,898 --> 00:17:24,100
What do you look like?
229
00:17:26,965 --> 00:17:31,303
Al, I am really uncomfortable with this.
I don't think I can go through with it.
230
00:17:31,466 --> 00:17:35,236
Peg, Peg, Peg. Just do what we do
when we have sex.
231
00:17:35,399 --> 00:17:38,202
Pretend we're with someone else.
232
00:17:40,466 --> 00:17:42,768
Thanks, Fabio.
233
00:17:44,267 --> 00:17:46,369
You're welcome, Ginger...
234
00:17:47,733 --> 00:17:49,701
...and Mary Ann.
235
00:17:53,899 --> 00:17:56,535
What do I look like?
236
00:17:56,734 --> 00:18:00,437
Well, I am statuesque
with flowing red hair...
237
00:18:00,634 --> 00:18:04,771
...and a booty that your hand
just aches to grab.
238
00:18:07,201 --> 00:18:11,005
-Butter, you okay?
-Oh, yes. I'm fine.
239
00:18:11,201 --> 00:18:15,205
It's just that chronic pain
in the butt I live with.
240
00:18:15,401 --> 00:18:19,171
Hey, Butter, I got to ask you this
before I lose the nerve.
241
00:18:19,735 --> 00:18:21,770
Will you come spend
the holidays with me?
242
00:18:22,468 --> 00:18:27,172
Oh, well, I'd love to, Mr. O'Plenty...
243
00:18:27,335 --> 00:18:30,305
...but it's against company policy.
244
00:18:30,469 --> 00:18:32,871
You see, we phone-sex employees...
245
00:18:33,068 --> 00:18:37,139
...live by the highest moral
and ethical standards.
246
00:18:38,069 --> 00:18:41,606
Yeah, well, I'd make it a Christmas
you'd never forget.
247
00:18:41,802 --> 00:18:43,104
Dinner.
248
00:18:43,303 --> 00:18:44,938
Dancing.
249
00:18:45,136 --> 00:18:50,975
A sleigh ride to the airport Motel 6
where I would rock your world.
250
00:18:58,137 --> 00:19:00,840
I'll be there in a half an hour.
251
00:19:03,404 --> 00:19:06,274
Al, I'm leaving you.
252
00:19:07,070 --> 00:19:09,873
Peg, under normal circumstances,
I'd help you pack.
253
00:19:10,070 --> 00:19:13,240
But there's more at stake here
than our marriage, Peg, there's money.
254
00:19:13,404 --> 00:19:14,605
Piles and piles of money.
255
00:19:14,771 --> 00:19:17,574
I want you to get back on that phone
and do what you do best.
256
00:19:17,738 --> 00:19:19,273
Shatter dreams.
257
00:19:21,372 --> 00:19:25,876
Look, Horn, I've got to be
perfectly honest with you.
258
00:19:26,071 --> 00:19:30,309
You see, I'm a happily married
woman with children.
259
00:19:30,505 --> 00:19:34,576
Very, very young children. Infants.
260
00:19:34,739 --> 00:19:38,476
Hey, I don't mind messing around
with a married woman.
261
00:19:39,805 --> 00:19:42,475
Al, I'll be back by New Year's.
262
00:19:44,539 --> 00:19:47,509
Peg, he's a shoe salesman.
263
00:19:47,706 --> 00:19:50,276
It would be like leaving me for me.
264
00:19:51,207 --> 00:19:52,742
Oh, yeah.
265
00:19:52,940 --> 00:19:55,542
Thanks for talking me down, Al.
266
00:19:56,940 --> 00:19:58,408
Listen, Mr. O'Plenty.
267
00:19:58,574 --> 00:20:01,977
You know, it's easy to get
carried away on the phone.
268
00:20:02,140 --> 00:20:04,542
I mean, but it's all just a fantasy.
269
00:20:04,741 --> 00:20:06,943
You know my husband
may not be much...
270
00:20:07,141 --> 00:20:09,377
...but he does keep me
in bonbons...
271
00:20:09,574 --> 00:20:15,280
...and I don't have to cook or clean
or even know where my kids are.
272
00:20:17,541 --> 00:20:19,710
Yeah, well....
273
00:20:21,608 --> 00:20:24,144
I guess, I can respect that.
274
00:20:24,375 --> 00:20:27,211
Can we still fool around
on the phone sometimes?
275
00:20:27,408 --> 00:20:29,310
Oh, yeah.
276
00:20:30,109 --> 00:20:32,478
We can do it right now.
277
00:20:35,509 --> 00:20:37,711
Al, you've got to listen to this.
278
00:20:37,909 --> 00:20:39,711
No, I don't.
279
00:20:41,709 --> 00:20:42,710
How'd it go, buddy?
280
00:20:42,876 --> 00:20:46,346
Well, she won't go out with me,
but all is not lost.
281
00:20:46,542 --> 00:20:51,014
She reaffirmed the value
of cheap and meaningless sex.
282
00:20:51,377 --> 00:20:55,080
That's a gift I will always cherish.
283
00:21:04,144 --> 00:21:06,913
Hey, hey, guys, listen,
since the wives are downtown...
284
00:21:07,077 --> 00:21:09,179
...feeding Christmas dinners
to the homeless...
285
00:21:09,344 --> 00:21:13,282
...shouldn't we be down at the nudie bar
feeding dollars to the topless?
286
00:21:15,111 --> 00:21:17,980
-Great idea! To the nudie bar!
-Yes!
287
00:21:18,344 --> 00:21:19,979
Where Christmas is nice
288
00:21:20,178 --> 00:21:22,147
And lap dances are half price
289
00:21:22,345 --> 00:21:24,547
To the nudie bar!
290
00:21:24,745 --> 00:21:28,949
-Where you drink down the shooters
-And unwrap the hooters
291
00:21:29,145 --> 00:21:31,014
At the nudie bar!
292
00:21:31,212 --> 00:21:34,915
-Where eggnog's a-plenty
-And the girls are all 20
293
00:21:35,112 --> 00:21:38,682
At the nudie bar!
294
00:21:43,746 --> 00:21:46,181
I recognize those voices.
295
00:21:46,380 --> 00:21:52,786
Butcher Boy, Psycho Cop,
Hot Pants, Ken Doll, Shoe Horn.
296
00:21:53,713 --> 00:21:57,384
It's me, Butter.
23710
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