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1
00:01:20,548 --> 00:01:22,883
Steak again, Peg?
2
00:01:23,818 --> 00:01:26,754
Well, that's four nights in a row.
3
00:01:26,954 --> 00:01:28,055
Oh, I'm sorry, Al.
4
00:01:28,222 --> 00:01:32,092
But steak is all
that Kelly's secret admirer sent over.
5
00:01:33,227 --> 00:01:36,197
I thought we had a lobster
around here.
6
00:01:36,363 --> 00:01:38,165
Wonder what could have
happened to it.
7
00:01:47,107 --> 00:01:51,045
No drawn butter?
What do they think I am?
8
00:01:52,379 --> 00:01:55,115
Bud, would you like
some crème brûlée ?
9
00:01:55,316 --> 00:01:58,986
-No, I don't want any crème brûlée.
-Good. More for me.
10
00:01:59,753 --> 00:02:02,957
Aren't you two curious
about who is sending all this stuff?
11
00:02:03,123 --> 00:02:05,559
I mean, some mystery guy
sees Kelly on a commercial...
12
00:02:05,726 --> 00:02:07,528
...starts lavishing us with presents.
13
00:02:07,695 --> 00:02:09,864
-He could be a maniac.
-Oh, Bud.
14
00:02:10,030 --> 00:02:13,801
Maniacs don't send nice gifts
like roses and chocolates...
15
00:02:13,968 --> 00:02:16,837
...and Chanel No. 5.
16
00:02:19,173 --> 00:02:22,510
I, for one, will not gorge myself
on my sister's misfortune.
17
00:02:22,676 --> 00:02:24,478
As you say.
18
00:02:29,650 --> 00:02:31,318
Hey, guys.
19
00:02:36,390 --> 00:02:39,159
Guess what my secret admirer
brought for me today.
20
00:02:39,360 --> 00:02:42,696
Twelve long-stem roses.
21
00:02:42,930 --> 00:02:45,533
Al, how come
you never send me roses?
22
00:02:45,733 --> 00:02:48,068
I don't like you, Peg.
23
00:02:50,304 --> 00:02:53,107
Anyway, Mom, I was at my audition
for Easy-Off Jeans.
24
00:02:53,274 --> 00:02:57,211
The jeans so tight, you're the only one
who knows you're wearing pants?
25
00:02:57,378 --> 00:03:01,615
Now, this is a nationwide commercial.
I mean, all 13 colonies.
26
00:03:02,583 --> 00:03:04,451
So naturally I was really nervous.
27
00:03:04,618 --> 00:03:08,422
Then all of a sudden this delivery guy
brings me these flowers.
28
00:03:09,657 --> 00:03:11,659
Any pork?
29
00:03:12,393 --> 00:03:14,962
No, Daddy, but the card said...
30
00:03:15,129 --> 00:03:18,866
...that my secret admirer is gonna
come over here today at 5:30.
31
00:03:19,066 --> 00:03:20,968
Tell him to bring pork.
32
00:03:21,936 --> 00:03:23,771
Dad, don't you know
what that means?
33
00:03:23,971 --> 00:03:25,406
He's stalking her.
34
00:03:25,606 --> 00:03:28,175
I know, I've done this to women.
35
00:03:33,013 --> 00:03:34,715
I mean, I mean, I know...
36
00:03:34,882 --> 00:03:37,751
...I watch a lot
of Eric Roberts' movies.
37
00:03:38,686 --> 00:03:41,622
Budkenstein, first of all...
38
00:03:41,822 --> 00:03:45,826
...following your hand to bed
is not considered stalking.
39
00:03:49,763 --> 00:03:53,067
And second of all,
stalkers don't invite you to the opera.
40
00:03:53,233 --> 00:03:54,468
Look.
41
00:03:54,635 --> 00:03:56,770
"L.A. Boom."
42
00:03:57,871 --> 00:04:01,175
That's La Bohème, you pincushion.
43
00:04:01,342 --> 00:04:05,479
Mom, are you really letting Kelly go off
with a complete and total stranger?
44
00:04:05,679 --> 00:04:08,048
Look, Bud, I am a woman.
45
00:04:08,248 --> 00:04:12,152
And we felines have a way
of picking the right guy.
46
00:04:12,353 --> 00:04:15,289
That's why nobody has picked you.
47
00:04:15,489 --> 00:04:18,492
Now, trust me. I know a Mr. Right
when I see him.
48
00:04:19,827 --> 00:04:21,261
Kelly.
49
00:04:21,462 --> 00:04:25,532
-Stitch, what are you doing here?
-Kelly...
50
00:04:26,066 --> 00:04:30,404
...I fear the chrome on the ball hitch
of our love is flaking.
51
00:04:31,505 --> 00:04:34,141
So tell me,
you seeing someone else?
52
00:04:34,908 --> 00:04:37,344
Is there a Kelly Bundy here?
53
00:04:37,544 --> 00:04:39,513
-I'm Kelly Bundy.
-I'm Kelly Bundy.
54
00:04:41,315 --> 00:04:43,050
Thanks.
55
00:04:43,217 --> 00:04:47,121
Just tell me, Kelly. I can take it.
Are you seeing someone else?
56
00:04:48,922 --> 00:04:50,691
Look, Stitch, it's nothing personal.
57
00:04:50,858 --> 00:04:54,328
It's just that I found someone
who knows how to treat me like a lady.
58
00:04:54,495 --> 00:04:59,333
Hey, when we go out to dinner
don't I let you talk in the clown's head?
59
00:05:00,401 --> 00:05:04,872
Listen, Stitch, what my daughter
is trying to say is that...
60
00:05:10,878 --> 00:05:14,348
...she may not be ready
for a commitment just yet.
61
00:05:19,920 --> 00:05:23,090
But don't take it personally.
Hey, I like you.
62
00:05:23,290 --> 00:05:26,894
If you'd be happy with a friendship,
instead of a relationship...
63
00:05:27,061 --> 00:05:29,563
...you can come here
whenever you want to.
64
00:05:43,677 --> 00:05:47,247
I can't believe you guys are cleaning
for a total stranger.
65
00:05:47,781 --> 00:05:50,684
Hey, you find some rich guy
who keeps us knee-deep in steaks...
66
00:05:50,851 --> 00:05:52,720
...we'll clean for him too.
67
00:05:53,654 --> 00:05:57,191
Hey, Al, I think this thing is broken.
68
00:06:00,928 --> 00:06:03,363
Unlike many of your other devices...
69
00:06:03,530 --> 00:06:05,866
...that one doesn't need batteries.
70
00:06:09,369 --> 00:06:11,004
See, you plug that in.
71
00:06:11,705 --> 00:06:13,407
But where?
72
00:06:14,041 --> 00:06:16,777
Well, I could think
of some places, Peg.
73
00:06:19,480 --> 00:06:23,217
That must be
Kelly's gentleman caller.
74
00:06:23,884 --> 00:06:26,220
Oh, Al, a limo.
75
00:06:26,386 --> 00:06:28,055
Take me.
76
00:06:28,255 --> 00:06:30,958
Come on. Peg, I just ate.
77
00:06:31,959 --> 00:06:34,194
He's here. He's here.
78
00:06:39,099 --> 00:06:41,235
I have never been
so nervous in my life.
79
00:06:41,401 --> 00:06:43,437
I'm on the edge of my feet.
80
00:06:43,604 --> 00:06:46,640
Kelly. Kelly.
I'm gonna try this one last time.
81
00:06:46,840 --> 00:06:50,010
-Please think about what you're doing.
-Okay.
82
00:06:50,177 --> 00:06:52,913
I'm thinking. I'm thinking.
I'm doing.
83
00:07:01,989 --> 00:07:04,391
Hello, Miss Bundy.
My name is Robby Bennett.
84
00:07:04,558 --> 00:07:07,194
I believe you're accompanying me
to La Bohème.
85
00:07:11,165 --> 00:07:14,968
-You're my secret admirer?
-That's right.
86
00:07:19,940 --> 00:07:24,344
Oh, you are one cool guy.
87
00:07:29,416 --> 00:07:34,755
Robby, my man.
Come on in, buddy. Have a seat.
88
00:07:35,222 --> 00:07:38,959
Can I get you a drink?
Yoo-hoo with a Bosco back?
89
00:07:39,259 --> 00:07:41,428
A soda would be cool.
90
00:07:41,662 --> 00:07:45,666
And for you, little missy,
shall I warm your ba-ba?
91
00:07:47,034 --> 00:07:49,837
Get away from me, demon seed.
92
00:07:50,671 --> 00:07:51,905
Excuse me, Opie.
93
00:07:52,072 --> 00:07:54,808
-Robby.
-Of course.
94
00:07:55,008 --> 00:07:56,543
Mom, Dad, what am I going to do?
95
00:07:56,710 --> 00:07:59,913
Well, charm him and conveniently
forget to sign the prenup.
96
00:08:00,113 --> 00:08:01,481
Mom?
97
00:08:01,648 --> 00:08:04,284
Well, he's kind of cute.
98
00:08:04,484 --> 00:08:06,653
He's a fetus.
99
00:08:09,122 --> 00:08:10,624
Here you go.
100
00:08:18,131 --> 00:08:20,534
Well, Robby,
just between you and me...
101
00:08:20,734 --> 00:08:22,703
...Kelly always did like
a man in uniform.
102
00:08:22,903 --> 00:08:26,707
So are you in the Cub Scouts
or Little League or anything?
103
00:08:26,907 --> 00:08:28,942
Get over here, dung beetle.
104
00:08:29,142 --> 00:08:30,777
Now, what am I going to do?
105
00:08:30,978 --> 00:08:35,382
Okay, just answer me three questions,
all right. One, how funny is this?
106
00:08:35,716 --> 00:08:38,018
Two, who the man?
107
00:08:38,685 --> 00:08:41,855
And three, how funny is this?
108
00:08:47,895 --> 00:08:51,031
Somehow, some way,
I will get you for this.
109
00:08:51,231 --> 00:08:55,369
Robby, hi.
I think we need to talk.
110
00:08:55,535 --> 00:08:59,406
Isn't that cute, Al?
They want to be alone.
111
00:09:05,145 --> 00:09:07,314
Maybe we should go outside.
112
00:09:16,023 --> 00:09:19,293
Kelly, before you say anything.
113
00:09:27,134 --> 00:09:30,771
Would you excuse me
for just a second?
114
00:09:37,010 --> 00:09:38,245
As I was saying...
115
00:09:38,412 --> 00:09:40,647
...you're the most beautiful girl
I've ever seen.
116
00:09:40,814 --> 00:09:43,817
And I'd like to take you
to my graduation dance.
117
00:09:43,984 --> 00:09:45,619
Oh, Robby.
118
00:09:45,819 --> 00:09:48,422
This is all very sweet
and everything...
119
00:09:48,588 --> 00:09:52,159
...but, you see,
our love could never be.
120
00:09:52,359 --> 00:09:56,763
I mean, it's a maturity thing.
I mean, what are you, like 3?
121
00:09:57,564 --> 00:09:59,032
Twelve and a half.
122
00:09:59,366 --> 00:10:01,368
Well, Robby, I can't date
a 12-year-old.
123
00:10:01,568 --> 00:10:04,938
I mean, sure, when I was 6,
but it's different now.
124
00:10:05,872 --> 00:10:07,808
-Do you understand?
-No.
125
00:10:07,975 --> 00:10:11,678
-I don't understand.
-Well, good, I'm gla-- What?
126
00:10:11,878 --> 00:10:15,415
Do you think I gave you beef
and roses just to get blown off?
127
00:10:15,615 --> 00:10:17,517
The Bennett family motto is:
128
00:10:17,684 --> 00:10:21,221
"We see it, we want it, we get it."
129
00:10:24,992 --> 00:10:27,594
Well, the Bundy family motto is:
130
00:10:27,761 --> 00:10:31,832
"It sees us, insults us,
we kick its ass."
131
00:10:39,973 --> 00:10:42,442
Do you know who my dad is?
132
00:10:42,676 --> 00:10:44,611
Sure. Your father.
133
00:10:46,213 --> 00:10:47,447
Well, yeah.
134
00:10:47,614 --> 00:10:51,885
But he also owns Bennett Enterprises,
which owns Easy-Off Jeans.
135
00:10:53,820 --> 00:10:56,390
So here's the deal.
136
00:10:56,590 --> 00:10:59,760
You're on my arm at the prom
and you get the commercial.
137
00:10:59,926 --> 00:11:02,929
You turn me down
and I promise you...
138
00:11:03,096 --> 00:11:05,866
...you'll never work
in this town again.
139
00:11:12,472 --> 00:11:13,673
Bud, you're my manager.
140
00:11:13,840 --> 00:11:15,776
You're supposed to be opening
doors for me.
141
00:11:15,942 --> 00:11:18,612
Now, what am I paying you
55 percent for?
142
00:11:20,814 --> 00:11:24,084
How was I supposed to know you were
gonna start saying no to men?
143
00:11:25,285 --> 00:11:28,121
All right, so you dance with a guy
who comes up to your navel.
144
00:11:28,288 --> 00:11:31,058
It'll prepare you for later on
in your showbiz career...
145
00:11:31,258 --> 00:11:36,063
...when you're dancing
with Stallone or Cruise or k.d. lang.
146
00:11:39,332 --> 00:11:40,967
Well, I guess you're right.
147
00:11:41,168 --> 00:11:44,271
I mean, it's obvious
that this kid has some power, so...
148
00:11:44,438 --> 00:11:46,473
...I might as well go
to the dance with him.
149
00:11:46,640 --> 00:11:49,176
-There you go.
-And what's the big deal, anyway?
150
00:11:49,342 --> 00:11:51,611
Lots of starlets go out
with younger guys, right?
151
00:11:51,778 --> 00:11:55,916
Cher, Madonna, Liberace.
152
00:11:57,651 --> 00:11:59,419
I mean, it's just a junior prom.
153
00:11:59,586 --> 00:12:03,323
I can do this with my eyes closed
and my hands tied behind my back.
154
00:12:03,523 --> 00:12:06,493
That's sort of like
one of your real dates then, right?
155
00:12:10,997 --> 00:12:12,933
You're fired.
156
00:12:31,485 --> 00:12:34,287
Whoa, look what Robby brought.
157
00:12:38,158 --> 00:12:41,161
She's huge for a sixth-grader.
158
00:12:41,761 --> 00:12:45,165
I heard her talking outside.
I think she just got held back.
159
00:12:47,834 --> 00:12:50,337
I bet you they're fake.
160
00:12:53,240 --> 00:12:56,443
-Fun punch?
-Groin kick?
161
00:13:00,413 --> 00:13:02,782
Okay, Robby,
this is how it's going to be.
162
00:13:02,983 --> 00:13:04,351
You have two hours.
163
00:13:04,518 --> 00:13:07,387
No talking, no touching.
164
00:13:07,554 --> 00:13:09,756
If you ever call me
your "main squeeze" again...
165
00:13:09,923 --> 00:13:12,626
...you will not live to see
your face clear up.
166
00:13:13,527 --> 00:13:15,428
Fine. I only have one rule.
167
00:13:15,595 --> 00:13:17,764
You have to dance
every dance with me.
168
00:13:17,964 --> 00:13:20,267
-Then do I get the commercial?
-Deal.
169
00:13:20,433 --> 00:13:21,835
And wait till you hear the DJ.
170
00:13:22,002 --> 00:13:24,271
I found him in one of those hip-hop
dance clubs.
171
00:13:24,437 --> 00:13:26,039
I hear he's slamming.
172
00:13:35,015 --> 00:13:38,318
Now, you don't mind
if I make a few adjustments...
173
00:13:38,485 --> 00:13:40,453
...to your song list now, do you?
174
00:13:40,787 --> 00:13:44,457
Hello, departing graduates
of Gale Sayers Middle School.
175
00:13:44,658 --> 00:13:47,727
Hello, Principal Alburton.
176
00:13:47,894 --> 00:13:49,829
Oh, Robby. Nice catch.
177
00:13:54,367 --> 00:13:58,738
And now, please welcome
tonight's happening rapping DJ...
178
00:13:58,905 --> 00:14:01,041
...Rockafella.
179
00:14:05,245 --> 00:14:11,418
Yo, yo, yo.
DJ Rockafella's in the house.
180
00:14:11,651 --> 00:14:15,288
Hold the bus. I know that house.
181
00:14:15,555 --> 00:14:19,292
Now, tonight, instead of the usual
phat beats and bass lines...
182
00:14:19,492 --> 00:14:23,330
...I thought we'd slow it down a little
as a tribute to the Walrus of Love...
183
00:14:23,496 --> 00:14:25,899
...Mr. Barry White.
184
00:14:33,740 --> 00:14:35,675
Let's dance.
185
00:14:35,875 --> 00:14:40,347
-But this is a slow song.
-You said, every dance.
186
00:14:47,787 --> 00:14:51,691
DJ Rockafella's sending shouts-out
to all the players over there...
187
00:14:51,858 --> 00:14:53,693
...and all the fly honeys over here.
188
00:14:53,893 --> 00:14:56,529
But I'm giving mad props
to my boy Robby...
189
00:14:56,696 --> 00:14:58,665
...and to his lady of the night.
190
00:15:00,734 --> 00:15:03,470
I mean, of tonight.
191
00:15:14,681 --> 00:15:16,349
Bud, you've got to help me.
192
00:15:16,549 --> 00:15:19,152
Hey, I would like to,
but you fired me.
193
00:15:19,352 --> 00:15:22,322
And I only took this gig
to make ends meet.
194
00:15:22,989 --> 00:15:26,459
Okay, okay, you're unfired.
Now just get me out of this.
195
00:15:26,626 --> 00:15:29,095
-Play something fast.
-Okay.
196
00:15:29,296 --> 00:15:31,031
But I want 80 percent.
197
00:15:31,231 --> 00:15:34,401
And I want a photo of you
and Robby together.
198
00:15:35,135 --> 00:15:36,369
Why?
199
00:15:36,536 --> 00:15:39,039
In case someday I want 90 percent.
200
00:15:40,173 --> 00:15:41,775
Okay, okay, just--
201
00:16:00,560 --> 00:16:03,229
You know, Kelly,
I have a birthday party coming up...
202
00:16:03,396 --> 00:16:05,865
...and I bet you look pretty hot
in a swimsuit.
203
00:16:06,032 --> 00:16:08,668
I think I just might keep you.
204
00:16:10,036 --> 00:16:12,872
Look, Macaulay, this is America.
205
00:16:15,175 --> 00:16:18,044
And nobody owns anybody
in America.
206
00:16:18,211 --> 00:16:22,215
Except for maybe the guy
who is married to Anna Nicole Smith.
207
00:16:23,216 --> 00:16:25,118
You certainly do not own me.
208
00:16:25,318 --> 00:16:29,656
Well, then I guess you don't care
about your career.
209
00:16:29,989 --> 00:16:33,793
Not if it means kissing
your little Power Ranger butt.
210
00:16:37,630 --> 00:16:40,367
You know, I have a mind
to tell your father about this.
211
00:16:40,567 --> 00:16:43,970
Go ahead. My father has
no control over me.
212
00:16:44,137 --> 00:16:48,975
I'm almost 13. I do and say
what I want, when I want.
213
00:16:49,175 --> 00:16:52,879
And now, boys and girls,
Principal Alburton.
214
00:16:53,079 --> 00:16:55,215
I'd like to introduce
a very special guest...
215
00:16:55,382 --> 00:16:59,886
...and the power behind King Robby,
his dad, Bennett J. Bennett.
216
00:17:02,555 --> 00:17:04,424
Hello, son.
217
00:17:06,493 --> 00:17:08,428
Hi, Dad.
218
00:17:09,262 --> 00:17:11,398
-New tie?
-Yup.
219
00:17:11,598 --> 00:17:13,967
Same old belt though.
220
00:17:21,975 --> 00:17:24,477
But we'll talk about that later.
221
00:17:24,878 --> 00:17:27,580
Thanks for the phone call, homey.
222
00:17:28,915 --> 00:17:32,051
-Word up.
-I owe you.
223
00:17:32,252 --> 00:17:36,022
Hey, listen, Kelly gets that jeans gig
and we'll call it even.
224
00:17:36,189 --> 00:17:38,057
Done.
225
00:17:39,025 --> 00:17:40,260
Let's go, son.
226
00:17:40,460 --> 00:17:43,563
Another time-out, Dad?
227
00:17:43,763 --> 00:17:47,500
Maybe. If the belt unravels.
228
00:17:53,373 --> 00:17:54,874
Hey, thank you, Bud.
229
00:17:55,375 --> 00:17:56,876
Any time, Kel.
230
00:17:57,043 --> 00:17:59,779
Hope I didn't embarrass you
too much out there.
231
00:18:00,513 --> 00:18:03,450
-It's okay.
-Really?
232
00:18:03,650 --> 00:18:05,585
Well, let's try this then.
233
00:18:06,920 --> 00:18:09,522
Now, boys and girls, I'd like to read
a little excerpt...
234
00:18:09,689 --> 00:18:11,925
...from Queen Easy's royal diary.
235
00:18:17,096 --> 00:18:19,699
"November 43rd.
236
00:18:23,102 --> 00:18:26,573
Today I developed a rather
embarrassing personal problem."
237
00:18:31,311 --> 00:18:33,513
Won't you at least
have a pork chop, Bud?
238
00:18:33,680 --> 00:18:36,282
No, I don't want any
of your tainted pork.
239
00:18:37,317 --> 00:18:41,120
Does no one but me worry
that Kelly's now dating Robby's dad?
240
00:18:46,125 --> 00:18:48,094
The guy's 20 years older than her.
241
00:18:49,128 --> 00:18:51,764
Are you never happy?
242
00:19:02,542 --> 00:19:05,211
Thank you for taking me
to Madame Butterfly, Bennett.
243
00:19:05,411 --> 00:19:09,082
It's kind of disappointing though.
I mean, there was no caterpillar...
244
00:19:09,249 --> 00:19:10,984
...there was no cocoon...
245
00:19:11,150 --> 00:19:14,687
...there was no struggle to break free
in the spring.
246
00:19:14,888 --> 00:19:17,156
God, you're beautiful.
247
00:19:17,423 --> 00:19:22,996
-Oh, Al, isn't this sweet?
-The sweetest.
248
00:19:24,998 --> 00:19:27,500
Anyway, Kelly, I just want to say...
249
00:19:27,667 --> 00:19:30,470
...that I've really fallen for you
these last few weeks.
250
00:19:30,637 --> 00:19:32,705
You're everything
I've ever wanted in a woman.
251
00:19:32,872 --> 00:19:37,076
You're young and blonde and young.
252
00:19:39,178 --> 00:19:40,413
Will you marry me?
253
00:19:46,486 --> 00:19:48,922
Would you excuse me
for just a minute?
254
00:19:50,223 --> 00:19:54,060
Mom, how do you know
if someone is Mr. Right?
255
00:19:54,260 --> 00:19:57,897
Well, when you're with him
do you hear bells?
256
00:19:58,097 --> 00:19:59,699
No.
257
00:19:59,866 --> 00:20:04,037
Oh, it doesn't matter.
He's rich, marry him anyway.
258
00:20:04,237 --> 00:20:06,372
-Daddy, what do you think?
-Gary.
259
00:20:06,539 --> 00:20:08,875
Yeah. Al Bundy. Remember me?
260
00:20:09,042 --> 00:20:12,145
I used to work for you
when we were poor.
261
00:20:12,812 --> 00:20:15,348
Yeah, we're moving on up.
262
00:20:17,216 --> 00:20:20,286
That's right, to the east side.
263
00:20:27,026 --> 00:20:29,262
Well, how about it, Kelly?
264
00:20:29,963 --> 00:20:32,265
Will you be my wife?
265
00:20:32,532 --> 00:20:35,835
-Well, I--
-Kelly.
266
00:20:37,270 --> 00:20:39,839
Something is still not right.
267
00:20:40,473 --> 00:20:44,110
I can't shake this feeling
that there's someone else.
268
00:20:46,546 --> 00:20:49,582
But in case our love can never be...
269
00:20:49,749 --> 00:20:51,684
...I wanted you to have this.
270
00:20:58,691 --> 00:21:02,695
Oh, Stitch, you are much man.
271
00:21:07,400 --> 00:21:09,035
I'm sorry, Bennett.
272
00:21:09,202 --> 00:21:14,007
But as the Chinese philosopher
Unconscious once said:
273
00:21:15,708 --> 00:21:18,911
"It is better to have loved and lost...
274
00:21:19,078 --> 00:21:22,315
...than to have never seen
Lost In Space at all."
275
00:21:29,789 --> 00:21:33,960
Well, in seven years
she would have been 30.
276
00:21:36,896 --> 00:21:39,032
Think we should tell Dad?
277
00:21:39,332 --> 00:21:42,301
No, I mean, look at him.
278
00:21:42,535 --> 00:21:45,238
When will you ever see him
that happy again?
21461
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