Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated:
1
00:01:15,411 --> 00:01:17,046
Previously on Married with Children:
2
00:01:17,246 --> 00:01:19,815
The family who never feeds me
went on vacation.
3
00:01:20,016 --> 00:01:21,284
Oh, it's not so bad.
4
00:01:21,450 --> 00:01:24,320
No, it's like 20,000 Leagues
Under the Sea.
5
00:01:24,754 --> 00:01:27,924
Except I'm married
to the giant squid.
6
00:01:28,925 --> 00:01:31,694
Exacerbating the situation
was the fact that by day...
7
00:01:31,961 --> 00:01:34,797
...the cruise was geared
towards women who ate like mastiffs.
8
00:01:35,298 --> 00:01:37,233
But by night...
9
00:01:39,035 --> 00:01:41,604
...Al was happy
for a brief moment until--
10
00:01:41,801 --> 00:01:44,337
I can't go out in public like this.
11
00:01:44,535 --> 00:01:47,438
It's all right. No, you can't, sweetheart.
I know you can't--
12
00:01:47,602 --> 00:01:49,871
-Come on, Jefferson.
-You can't go either.
13
00:01:50,068 --> 00:01:51,803
Why? My hair don't look like crap!
14
00:01:53,202 --> 00:01:56,038
And if that shipwreck wasn't enough,
get a load of this one.
15
00:01:56,203 --> 00:02:00,574
-Oh, my God, we're really sinking?
-Oh, come on.
16
00:02:00,769 --> 00:02:04,139
If we were sinking, you think
I could look in this porthole and see...
17
00:02:05,203 --> 00:02:06,938
...fish!
18
00:02:07,137 --> 00:02:10,407
And now back
to Buck, King of All Dogs.
19
00:02:10,603 --> 00:02:13,873
Also known to humans
as Married With Children.
20
00:02:26,205 --> 00:02:30,008
Did I thank you for inviting me
on this cruise, Peg?
21
00:02:31,038 --> 00:02:34,241
Well, as a matter of fact,
you haven't.
22
00:02:34,438 --> 00:02:38,275
Then maybe a simple stake
through the heart would suffice.
23
00:02:39,039 --> 00:02:42,008
All right, look,
this is no time to turn on each other.
24
00:02:42,206 --> 00:02:44,007
We're alone
in the middle of the ocean.
25
00:02:44,172 --> 00:02:47,042
It's a perfect time
to turn on each other.
26
00:02:47,539 --> 00:02:49,241
Why don't you look
on the bright side.
27
00:02:49,406 --> 00:02:53,577
It's a balmy summer day,
we're on vacation.
28
00:02:53,739 --> 00:02:56,943
Well, now we know
who we're going to eat first.
29
00:02:58,440 --> 00:03:00,943
Dibs on the thighs.
30
00:03:05,574 --> 00:03:09,611
Look, you cookie-aisle of a woman.
31
00:03:10,308 --> 00:03:13,377
If you hadn't gnawed
through 12 inches of bulkhead...
32
00:03:13,541 --> 00:03:16,978
...to inhale some jerk chicken,
none of us would be here.
33
00:03:17,174 --> 00:03:20,377
So if anyone's gonna feed
on my husband's dead thighs...
34
00:03:20,541 --> 00:03:22,343
...it's gonna be me.
35
00:03:23,242 --> 00:03:25,211
Thanks, gumdrop.
36
00:03:25,409 --> 00:03:27,244
I can't stand this
for one minute more.
37
00:03:27,409 --> 00:03:30,412
Oh, come on, Al.
It's a perfectly calm sea.
38
00:03:30,576 --> 00:03:33,512
It's not the sea, Peg. It's...
39
00:03:34,143 --> 00:03:35,611
...Gilbert Gottfried.
40
00:03:47,944 --> 00:03:51,314
So I'm on a cruise.
My agent says to me:
41
00:03:51,510 --> 00:03:55,581
"Go on a cruise.
You don't have to follow Sinbad.
42
00:03:55,777 --> 00:03:58,546
And you don't have to follow
Carrot Top.
43
00:03:58,711 --> 00:04:01,180
And you get to eat with the captain."
44
00:04:01,377 --> 00:04:05,014
So am I eating with the captain?
Am I eating?
45
00:04:05,212 --> 00:04:11,451
Am I even on a cruise anymore?
Somebody get my agent!
46
00:04:12,345 --> 00:04:15,515
Somebody get my spear gun.
47
00:04:16,946 --> 00:04:20,549
-I think he's funny.
-Make it two spear guns.
48
00:04:21,879 --> 00:04:24,848
-So, what do we do now?
-We bob around in the sea...
49
00:04:25,012 --> 00:04:28,282
...until the sun bakes us
like cookies.
50
00:04:28,780 --> 00:04:30,582
Cookies?
51
00:04:31,479 --> 00:04:34,049
Quiet, sea hags.
52
00:04:34,613 --> 00:04:37,816
Now, first thing we have to do
is pick a leader.
53
00:04:38,013 --> 00:04:39,748
Who knows the most about the sea?
54
00:04:39,947 --> 00:04:42,049
David Hasselhoff.
55
00:04:43,380 --> 00:04:46,050
Okay, Gilbert's disqualified.
56
00:04:46,247 --> 00:04:49,217
-Anyone else?
-Oh, what difference does it make?
57
00:04:49,414 --> 00:04:54,786
We're just gonna wind up with sea gulls
pecking out our salt-encrusted eyes.
58
00:04:54,981 --> 00:04:57,383
Thank you, Kathy Lee Gifford.
59
00:04:58,949 --> 00:05:01,585
Well, you know, Al really doesn't know
much about the sea.
60
00:05:01,748 --> 00:05:05,152
-So I think we're gonna have to--
-Excuse me, Loch Ness Hairdo.
61
00:05:07,449 --> 00:05:08,951
I know two things about the sea.
62
00:05:09,115 --> 00:05:11,184
Number one, when you flush,
it ends up here.
63
00:05:15,150 --> 00:05:19,321
And two, I watched all 3000 episodes
of Gilligan's Island.
64
00:05:19,516 --> 00:05:23,220
-How do you find the time?
-I don't have sex with you.
65
00:05:23,750 --> 00:05:26,954
All right, then it's decided.
Al's captain.
66
00:05:27,183 --> 00:05:29,285
Well, captain, now what?
67
00:05:29,750 --> 00:05:33,854
Well, as my first official act, I'm
declaring my marriage null and void.
68
00:05:35,518 --> 00:05:38,788
And secondly, I think
we should strike out for land.
69
00:05:42,551 --> 00:05:43,953
Which way is land?
70
00:05:44,152 --> 00:05:46,454
I think it's back there....
71
00:05:47,085 --> 00:05:50,288
Good. Then we're on our way.
72
00:05:50,485 --> 00:05:56,291
Look, this is useless, Al couldn't find
land if he was skydiving.
73
00:05:56,719 --> 00:05:59,455
We're in the hands
of a blithering idiot.
74
00:06:00,019 --> 00:06:02,755
That's Captain Blithering.
75
00:06:03,520 --> 00:06:09,559
Look, perhaps a brief comic interlude
will help lighten the moment.
76
00:06:09,753 --> 00:06:14,425
I hope you can hear my jokes
over the rumbling in my stomach.
77
00:06:15,820 --> 00:06:18,022
Is this thing on?
78
00:06:18,887 --> 00:06:24,426
Right before we went down, I took
a bunch of serving trays as props.
79
00:06:24,588 --> 00:06:27,357
Oh, much better than taking food.
80
00:06:27,821 --> 00:06:30,257
Why couldn't have Gallagher
been the entertainer?
81
00:06:30,454 --> 00:06:33,657
I mean, at least then
we could have had watermelon.
82
00:06:34,188 --> 00:06:36,791
Yeah, like we'd have gotten any.
83
00:06:39,655 --> 00:06:43,059
Well, anyway, Mickey Mouse on acid.
84
00:06:44,689 --> 00:06:48,392
I'm freaking out. Somebody help me.
85
00:06:48,590 --> 00:06:51,693
I'm having a bad trip.
86
00:06:53,957 --> 00:06:57,360
A midget putting a dime
in a payphone.
87
00:07:00,424 --> 00:07:02,359
Clark Gable.
88
00:07:02,957 --> 00:07:05,326
Vincent van Gogh.
89
00:07:09,024 --> 00:07:11,360
Peg, you wanna give this one tug?
90
00:07:11,557 --> 00:07:13,659
Ironside.
91
00:07:19,692 --> 00:07:22,127
No, no. No, Bugs,
don't go into that deserted mine.
92
00:07:22,291 --> 00:07:24,827
Yosemite Sam
just threw dynamite in there.
93
00:07:25,025 --> 00:07:27,828
Oh, God, I hope this is rerun.
94
00:07:29,292 --> 00:07:32,095
God, I hope you marry
someone with money.
95
00:07:33,426 --> 00:07:35,861
Now move over,
I wanna watch the news.
96
00:07:36,392 --> 00:07:39,095
And in close-to-show-biz news,
radio personality...
97
00:07:39,259 --> 00:07:41,494
...and ex-pimple cream spokesman
Wolfman Jack...
98
00:07:41,659 --> 00:07:43,728
...was found bound and gagged
in a dumpster...
99
00:07:43,893 --> 00:07:46,495
...behind Planet Hollywood
last night.
100
00:07:53,360 --> 00:07:58,432
Police found several clues, but instead
opted to go inside where it was warm.
101
00:07:59,394 --> 00:08:02,497
That's the last time
I let you hit someone with a shovel.
102
00:08:02,695 --> 00:08:06,131
In another late-breaking story,
the luxury cruise liner, Sea Dodge...
103
00:08:06,294 --> 00:08:10,198
...went down last night in calm waters
somewhere in the Caribbean.
104
00:08:10,394 --> 00:08:12,296
Kelly, that's the ship
Mom and Dad are on.
105
00:08:12,462 --> 00:08:15,265
The passengers have been
accounted for except one lifeboat...
106
00:08:15,429 --> 00:08:17,864
...purportedly carrying comedian
Gilbert Gottfried...
107
00:08:18,028 --> 00:08:22,433
...and some other people, including
a woman with really silly red hair.
108
00:08:23,562 --> 00:08:29,501
Oh, my God, Gilbert Gottfried
and one of the Judds are lost at sea.
109
00:08:31,663 --> 00:08:34,800
It's not one of the Judds,
you Zagnut.
110
00:08:35,063 --> 00:08:37,899
Kelly, do you know what this means?
111
00:08:38,897 --> 00:08:42,567
Mom and Dad.
Oh, my God, what are we gonna do?
112
00:08:42,763 --> 00:08:46,601
How are we gonna eat?
How are we gonna pay the mortgage?
113
00:08:46,798 --> 00:08:48,866
Our lives are gonna be...
114
00:08:49,097 --> 00:08:51,233
...exactly the same.
115
00:08:52,065 --> 00:08:54,901
We can't just sit here. We gotta get
to the Caribbean somehow.
116
00:08:55,065 --> 00:08:56,399
Okay.
117
00:08:56,598 --> 00:08:59,968
Don't forget to leave
some food for the dog.
118
00:09:00,498 --> 00:09:03,401
-How long are we gonna be gone?
-I don't know. Maybe weeks.
119
00:09:03,632 --> 00:09:06,335
Yo, dog here. Yo.
120
00:09:07,799 --> 00:09:09,167
I'm from the Chicago Examiner.
121
00:09:09,333 --> 00:09:11,668
Are you the people
whose parents are lost at sea...
122
00:09:11,832 --> 00:09:14,435
...with the voice of Iago, the parrot,
Gilbert Gottfried?
123
00:09:14,600 --> 00:09:16,235
-Yeah.
-Soup's on.
124
00:09:16,433 --> 00:09:17,934
-Let's go.
-Come on. Get in there.
125
00:09:18,099 --> 00:09:20,635
-Wait a minute.
-Don't miss that beat. Get around here.
126
00:09:20,800 --> 00:09:22,468
-Let's go.
-What's going on here?
127
00:09:22,666 --> 00:09:25,936
You. We're here to bring the country
live minute-by-minute coverage...
128
00:09:26,100 --> 00:09:28,669
...of your anguish
at the loss of Gilbert Gottfried.
129
00:09:28,866 --> 00:09:30,868
And your parents.
130
00:09:31,500 --> 00:09:32,768
They might still be alive.
131
00:09:32,934 --> 00:09:34,936
Yeah. And Hoffa's eating at Denny's.
132
00:09:37,301 --> 00:09:38,636
Now, wait a second now.
133
00:09:38,834 --> 00:09:41,870
You people can't just barge in here
and invade our privacy.
134
00:09:42,068 --> 00:09:43,436
Kelly, show these people out.
135
00:09:43,635 --> 00:09:47,005
We'll pay you a million dollars
for your exclusive story.
136
00:09:49,335 --> 00:09:51,604
Kelly, get these people a Snapple.
137
00:10:07,603 --> 00:10:11,006
It has been 24 hours. I'm starved.
138
00:10:11,170 --> 00:10:13,372
Me too.
139
00:10:13,770 --> 00:10:15,505
Hey, Al, why aren't you hungry?
140
00:10:15,704 --> 00:10:18,873
Because I've got
a natural appetite suppressant.
141
00:10:20,004 --> 00:10:22,573
Twenty-five years of marriage.
142
00:10:22,804 --> 00:10:27,442
Yeah, and since he doesn't brush,
he can always mine his teeth for food.
143
00:10:28,204 --> 00:10:31,007
Well, I'm starting to get hungry.
144
00:10:31,705 --> 00:10:33,807
Big surprise.
145
00:10:34,705 --> 00:10:36,139
Some captain you are.
146
00:10:36,305 --> 00:10:39,308
If you're not gonna go down
with the ship, at least do something.
147
00:10:39,472 --> 00:10:41,774
Oh, excuse me,
Miss We-Never-Do-Anything-Together.
148
00:10:41,972 --> 00:10:45,208
Well, we're dying together, Peg.
Are you happy now?
149
00:10:46,205 --> 00:10:51,110
Well, just don't look at me
to cheer anybody up anymore.
150
00:10:51,406 --> 00:10:54,209
You bent my props.
151
00:11:01,040 --> 00:11:06,179
As far as I'm concerned,
we can float out here sans comedy...
152
00:11:06,374 --> 00:11:11,579
...and die a miserable,
humourless death.
153
00:11:12,407 --> 00:11:16,945
Now look what you've done, Al.
You've upset the entertainer.
154
00:11:17,641 --> 00:11:19,576
Good. Maybe he'll walk.
155
00:11:20,741 --> 00:11:24,411
Hey, I know.
We could try to catch a fish.
156
00:11:24,642 --> 00:11:27,745
How? We got no rod,
we got no hooks, we got no bait.
157
00:11:34,443 --> 00:11:37,012
We got no rod and hooks.
158
00:11:37,243 --> 00:11:41,680
-Honey, we got this.
-Peg. Peg. Peg. That's a flare gun.
159
00:11:41,876 --> 00:11:45,213
We only use that
when the rescuers try to find us.
160
00:11:45,409 --> 00:11:49,080
Oh, but I don't want them
to see my hair.
161
00:11:51,776 --> 00:11:56,481
Well, now I know why Jacques
Cousteau only has men on the Calypso.
162
00:11:57,410 --> 00:11:59,646
That's not why.
163
00:12:06,811 --> 00:12:09,747
Hey, hey, we've got an oar.
164
00:12:09,978 --> 00:12:12,680
And there's dozens of little fish
swimming around the boat.
165
00:12:12,845 --> 00:12:16,849
We just hit them with the oar
and dinner is served.
166
00:12:18,246 --> 00:12:20,381
Without cooking it?
167
00:12:20,945 --> 00:12:26,084
Why bother? I mean,
cooking just makes them smaller.
168
00:12:31,413 --> 00:12:33,015
Al, just go hit a fish.
169
00:12:33,180 --> 00:12:37,551
Oh, all right. It's always,
"Al, I'm hungry. Al, I'm horny."
170
00:12:38,947 --> 00:12:41,783
Why can't it for once be,
"Al, wake up, it's Cindy Crawford...
171
00:12:41,947 --> 00:12:43,983
...I'm hungry and horny."
172
00:12:46,981 --> 00:12:50,651
-What are you waiting for?
-A red one.
173
00:12:52,481 --> 00:12:56,018
There it is. Gotcha!
174
00:12:56,948 --> 00:12:58,850
Hey, where'd she go?
175
00:12:59,648 --> 00:13:02,084
Where all dead fish go.
176
00:13:02,615 --> 00:13:04,950
To the Red Lobster?
177
00:13:05,649 --> 00:13:09,019
No, nimrod, to the bottom.
178
00:13:09,949 --> 00:13:14,587
Hey, Al, you know, I just remembered
the one thing I knew about the sea.
179
00:13:14,782 --> 00:13:19,954
If you beat a fish to a bloody pulp, it
tends to attract other fish, bigger fish.
180
00:13:20,149 --> 00:13:22,885
Fish with no known enemies.
181
00:13:37,050 --> 00:13:41,021
Well, this is nice.
182
00:13:41,584 --> 00:13:43,853
Does anyone know
how to repel a shark?
183
00:13:44,551 --> 00:13:46,820
Go ahead, Gilbert,
do your impressions.
184
00:13:48,051 --> 00:13:49,920
Okay, Jerry Lewis.
185
00:13:50,118 --> 00:13:53,989
Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah, drum roll.
186
00:13:54,152 --> 00:13:56,855
How much money did we raise?
187
00:14:03,419 --> 00:14:08,024
Hello, this is Miranda Veracruz
de la Jolla Cardenal.
188
00:14:10,586 --> 00:14:13,222
Live at the home
of Kelly and Bud Bundy...
189
00:14:13,420 --> 00:14:15,189
...who are anxiously awaiting news...
190
00:14:15,354 --> 00:14:18,023
...of whether their parents
will be found alive...
191
00:14:18,220 --> 00:14:21,690
...or if their decomposing corpses
will be found weeks later...
192
00:14:21,854 --> 00:14:24,824
...in some South Florida bog.
193
00:14:25,121 --> 00:14:28,458
Bud and Kelly, I know
that this is a difficult time for you...
194
00:14:28,654 --> 00:14:30,589
...but can you tell me
how you're feeling?
195
00:14:30,754 --> 00:14:33,724
And please be as graphic
as possible.
196
00:14:34,488 --> 00:14:36,624
We refuse to answer
this line of questioning...
197
00:14:36,788 --> 00:14:38,557
...until we find out if they're alive.
198
00:14:38,755 --> 00:14:41,191
Well, I apologize
if I seemed insensitive.
199
00:14:41,389 --> 00:14:44,158
So tell me, did your parents
ever abuse you?
200
00:14:46,055 --> 00:14:47,557
No.
201
00:14:47,823 --> 00:14:51,059
Surely your father
must have seen your heinie?
202
00:14:52,789 --> 00:14:54,591
Well, yeah, when I was a baby.
203
00:14:55,956 --> 00:14:58,859
Did Michael Jackson
ever touch you?
204
00:15:01,889 --> 00:15:04,492
Did Bob Barker ever touch you?
205
00:15:04,690 --> 00:15:06,392
-Tom Arnold?
-Roseanne?
206
00:15:06,557 --> 00:15:08,359
George Plimpton?
207
00:15:09,224 --> 00:15:11,526
What is the matter with you, people?
208
00:15:11,724 --> 00:15:14,360
Whatever happened to the noble image
of the fourth estate?
209
00:15:14,524 --> 00:15:16,960
People like Edward R. Murrow
and then Walter Cronkite?
210
00:15:17,124 --> 00:15:18,525
Who?
211
00:15:19,825 --> 00:15:21,093
Walt-- Walter Cronkite?
212
00:15:22,092 --> 00:15:23,760
Don't know that name.
213
00:15:23,958 --> 00:15:27,428
Was he ever touched
by Michael Jackson?
214
00:15:27,858 --> 00:15:30,661
Get away from me, you ghouls.
215
00:15:30,859 --> 00:15:33,362
What was I even thinking,
letting you people in here?
216
00:15:33,525 --> 00:15:37,463
Me and my sister will not sell
our parents out for money. Right, Kel?
217
00:15:37,659 --> 00:15:42,631
Well, then Daddy had Senator
Packwood chase me around the bed.
218
00:15:44,593 --> 00:15:47,630
Or was it Senator Mike Tyson?
219
00:15:48,660 --> 00:15:52,264
Yes, yes, it was both of them.
220
00:15:53,693 --> 00:15:56,129
Okay, Jerry Seinfeld.
221
00:15:56,860 --> 00:16:00,530
Why do people ride buses?
222
00:16:06,061 --> 00:16:08,931
Who are these people?
223
00:16:09,528 --> 00:16:14,000
And where do they find
exact change?
224
00:16:15,262 --> 00:16:17,697
-Hey, can you do Ted Kennedy?
-Sure.
225
00:16:17,895 --> 00:16:20,465
Anyone wanna hold my pants?
226
00:16:21,729 --> 00:16:22,863
Hold my pants.
227
00:16:23,029 --> 00:16:26,399
Look, Peg, it's obvious
we're not gonna be rescued...
228
00:16:26,596 --> 00:16:28,999
...and it's even more obvious why.
229
00:16:29,196 --> 00:16:33,267
Now look, one of us has gotta swim
for help. Any volunteers?
230
00:16:37,097 --> 00:16:39,933
Okay, okay. We should draw straws.
231
00:16:40,097 --> 00:16:43,200
-Did anybody bring straws?
-I have straws.
232
00:16:46,130 --> 00:16:47,798
Thank you.
233
00:16:51,398 --> 00:16:53,200
All right.
234
00:16:53,631 --> 00:16:55,132
Whoever picks the short one--
235
00:16:55,298 --> 00:16:58,034
Like we don't know
who that's gonna be.
236
00:16:58,331 --> 00:17:00,300
--swims for help.
237
00:17:10,399 --> 00:17:12,935
Gee, I can't believe how small it is.
238
00:17:13,266 --> 00:17:17,503
Boy, if I had a nickel
for every time I've said that.
239
00:17:21,233 --> 00:17:25,037
Oh, Al, I'm just kidding,
this is the bravest thing I've ever seen.
240
00:17:25,233 --> 00:17:27,135
You know, honey,
we've been through a lot.
241
00:17:27,300 --> 00:17:30,637
Good times and bad times. And,
you know, if I never see you again...
242
00:17:30,800 --> 00:17:33,603
...I just really want you to know
that I love--
243
00:17:36,600 --> 00:17:40,904
-Boy, he's a fast swimmer.
-Yeah, look at him go.
244
00:17:41,601 --> 00:17:45,105
Well, what do we do now?
245
00:17:45,301 --> 00:17:48,371
Well, there is the matter
of my check.
246
00:17:48,534 --> 00:17:50,703
You see,
just because the boat sinks...
247
00:17:50,868 --> 00:17:53,537
...doesn't mean a comic
has to work for free.
248
00:17:54,335 --> 00:17:57,071
Put a tray in it, Gilbert.
249
00:17:57,435 --> 00:18:00,872
Well, he's right, sweetheart.
Give the man a 20.
250
00:18:02,936 --> 00:18:05,071
Fine. Get me my wallet.
251
00:18:05,270 --> 00:18:09,274
-Okay. Where is it?
-On the ocean floor.
252
00:18:09,603 --> 00:18:14,074
Don't you realize that we are stuck
out here a million miles from nowhere.
253
00:18:14,270 --> 00:18:17,473
It's gonna be weeks
before we see any sign of life.
254
00:18:17,670 --> 00:18:19,305
Ahoy there.
255
00:18:19,504 --> 00:18:23,475
We're a yacht full of congressmen
wasting out constituents' tax dollars.
256
00:18:23,671 --> 00:18:27,208
You need any help,
or liquor or anything?
257
00:18:27,602 --> 00:18:29,322
We're saved!
258
00:18:29,322 --> 00:18:29,337
We're saved!
259
00:18:30,272 --> 00:18:32,240
That's enough. Go away.
260
00:18:32,671 --> 00:18:35,274
It's been two days
since you were rescued, Mrs. Bundy...
261
00:18:35,438 --> 00:18:37,641
...and they still haven't found
your husband.
262
00:18:37,838 --> 00:18:41,942
How do you feel about that?
Cry if you can.
263
00:18:42,538 --> 00:18:45,908
Well, of course, we all want Al back.
264
00:18:46,106 --> 00:18:48,074
We thought he'd washed up
onto the beach...
265
00:18:48,239 --> 00:18:51,643
...but it turned out to be
just a giant jellyfish.
266
00:18:55,306 --> 00:18:57,775
Mrs. Bundy,
if you're husband does turn up dead...
267
00:18:57,940 --> 00:19:00,542
...we're willing to pay you
for your exclusive story.
268
00:19:00,740 --> 00:19:02,708
Really? Well, how much?
269
00:19:02,906 --> 00:19:05,042
Depends.
What did he do for a living?
270
00:19:05,240 --> 00:19:07,342
He was a shoe salesman.
271
00:19:07,540 --> 00:19:12,612
Fifty bucks.
Unless, of course, he abused you.
272
00:19:13,208 --> 00:19:16,011
-How much is that worth?
-$500,000.
273
00:19:16,807 --> 00:19:20,144
Well, you know he did make us drive
around in that Dodge.
274
00:19:20,341 --> 00:19:22,710
And he made us live in this house.
Is that enough?
275
00:19:22,908 --> 00:19:25,411
-Oh, God--
-God, yes. Awesome.
276
00:19:25,608 --> 00:19:27,944
How did you put up with it
all this time?
277
00:19:28,142 --> 00:19:30,211
Daddy!
278
00:19:30,409 --> 00:19:32,411
Daddy!
279
00:19:33,409 --> 00:19:35,111
Thank you.
280
00:19:38,342 --> 00:19:42,313
Oh, Al...vin.
281
00:19:42,509 --> 00:19:47,147
Alvin Bundy.
My late husband's identical twin.
282
00:19:47,343 --> 00:19:51,247
How nice of you to drop by
on such a sad occasion.
283
00:19:51,677 --> 00:19:53,646
How much, Peg?
284
00:19:54,377 --> 00:19:57,480
Enough to make it worth your while
to walk out and never come back.
285
00:19:57,677 --> 00:19:59,479
Five dollars?
286
00:20:00,411 --> 00:20:04,215
-Nice try, Mrs. Bundy.
-And Mr. Bundy.
287
00:20:04,444 --> 00:20:06,280
Who's for rooting through
Oprah's trash?
288
00:20:09,578 --> 00:20:13,415
Well, perhaps some of our viewers
who sit way too close to the screen...
289
00:20:13,578 --> 00:20:15,980
...might find your rescue story
interesting.
290
00:20:16,178 --> 00:20:17,913
Well, it-- It is, really.
291
00:20:18,112 --> 00:20:22,616
I swam for hours and then when
I didn't think I could go on any longer...
292
00:20:22,812 --> 00:20:26,416
...suddenly I was surrounded
by a school of man-eating sharks...
293
00:20:26,612 --> 00:20:30,082
...when miraculously
some dolphins chased them away...
294
00:20:30,280 --> 00:20:32,115
...swam me to safety.
295
00:20:32,313 --> 00:20:37,385
Man and dolphin, working together
against a common enemy.
296
00:20:38,179 --> 00:20:41,016
And did any of them abuse you?
297
00:20:44,847 --> 00:20:46,982
No, they saved my life.
298
00:20:47,180 --> 00:20:49,182
Turn the camera off.
299
00:20:50,147 --> 00:20:52,483
-Hey, where you going?
-It's sweeps, guys.
300
00:20:52,683 --> 00:20:55,519
Unless that dolphin
was Michael Jackson's love child...
301
00:20:55,686 --> 00:20:56,954
...we've got nothing.
302
00:20:59,823 --> 00:21:02,192
Peg, by the way,
thanks for the all-out effort...
303
00:21:02,359 --> 00:21:04,295
...to find me after you were rescued.
304
00:21:04,495 --> 00:21:08,866
You know, I wanted to wait to find you,
but I was outvoted five to nothing.
305
00:21:09,066 --> 00:21:11,268
I mean, four to one.
306
00:21:12,169 --> 00:21:14,538
Mom, you shouldn't talk like that
to Dad's twin.
307
00:21:14,705 --> 00:21:16,774
You know he's gonna tell.
308
00:21:21,312 --> 00:21:24,548
Peg, I'm only gonna say this once
because I'm tired and I--
309
00:21:24,748 --> 00:21:27,518
I think I have a clam in my shorts.
310
00:21:27,785 --> 00:21:30,087
Don't flatter yourself.
311
00:21:30,287 --> 00:21:32,523
No more magazine contests.
312
00:21:32,723 --> 00:21:35,726
As I've said before,
no good can come of it.
313
00:21:41,765 --> 00:21:46,804
Congratulations. I'm Gilbert Gottfried
and you've just won one--
25037
Can't find what you're looking for?
Get subtitles in any language from opensubtitles.com, and translate them here.
Afrikaans
Akan
Albanian
Amharic
Arabic
Armenian
Azerbaijani
Basque
Belarusian
Bemba
Bengali
Bihari
Bosnian
Breton
Bulgarian
Cambodian
Catalan
Cebuano
Cherokee
Chichewa
Chinese (Simplified)
Chinese (Traditional)
Corsican
Croatian
Czech
Danish
Dutch
English
Esperanto
Estonian
Faroese
Finnish
Galician
Georgian
German
Guarani
Haitian Creole
Hausa
Hawaiian
Hebrew
Hmong
Hungarian
Icelandic
Indonesian
Irish
Italian
Japanese
Kazakh
Kinyarwanda
Kirundi
Kongo
Korean
Krio (Sierra Leone)
Kurdish
Kyrgyz
Laothian
Latin
Latvian
Lithuanian
Luganda
Luo
Luxembourgish
Macedonian
Malagasy
Malay
Maltese
Maori
Mauritian Creole
Moldavian
Mongolian
Myanmar (Burmese)
Montenegrin
Nepali
Norwegian
Pashto
Persian
Polish
Portuguese (Brazil)
Portuguese (Portugal)
Quechua
Romanian
Romansh
Russian
Samoan
Scots Gaelic
Serbian
Sesotho
Setswana
Seychellois Creole
Shona
Sindhi
Sinhalese
Slovak
Slovenian
Somali
Spanish
Swedish
Tajik
Thai
Tigrinya
Tonga
Turkish
Turkmen
Ukrainian
Uzbek
Vietnamese
Welsh
Wolof