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Previously on Married With Children:
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Al was all set to watch
his favorite TV show, Psycho Dad...
3
00:01:20,612 --> 00:01:25,383
...when it was suddenly canceled
due to the world's largest singing chicken.
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00:01:25,545 --> 00:01:28,882
Who's the guy whose show is done?
5
00:01:29,046 --> 00:01:32,416
Whose TV hero's on the run?
6
00:01:32,712 --> 00:01:35,915
Who'll be watching VH1?
7
00:01:36,146 --> 00:01:40,850
Loser Al, Loser Al
Loser Al
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00:01:41,346 --> 00:01:44,282
So Al and the men of NO MA'AM
decided to fight.
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But mother nature
proved to be a mother.
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The press must have heard by now.
What could be keeping them?
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00:01:52,046 --> 00:01:54,515
Polar bears, maybe?
12
00:01:54,812 --> 00:01:57,615
And when even Psycho Dad himself
called it quits...
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00:01:57,779 --> 00:02:00,748
...Al and the men of NO MA'AM
had no choice.
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00:02:00,912 --> 00:02:05,183
Gentlemen, NO MA'AM is going to Washington.
15
00:02:06,212 --> 00:02:08,348
And so are we.
16
00:02:28,079 --> 00:02:30,915
Washington, D.C., here I come.
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00:02:34,146 --> 00:02:35,847
See you, Son.
18
00:02:37,346 --> 00:02:39,214
Bye, Dad.
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00:02:40,346 --> 00:02:42,014
See you, pumpkin.
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00:02:42,212 --> 00:02:44,148
Bye-bye, daddy.
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00:02:55,613 --> 00:02:57,081
Come here.
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00:03:00,912 --> 00:03:02,514
Oh, God.
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00:03:09,046 --> 00:03:14,651
Well, I can see by the stars on the wall,
it's time to go.
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00:03:16,212 --> 00:03:18,715
-See you, Kelly.
-Come on.
25
00:03:28,546 --> 00:03:30,214
Thanks a lot, Dad.
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00:03:30,413 --> 00:03:32,682
Now I'll never know his name.
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00:03:34,613 --> 00:03:36,081
Pumpkin, you have to understand.
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00:03:36,279 --> 00:03:40,317
Part of being a parent
is protecting the morals of my children.
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00:03:40,513 --> 00:03:43,349
Okay, move. No, don't move.
30
00:03:43,546 --> 00:03:45,248
Okay, move.
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00:03:45,446 --> 00:03:48,949
Wait, wait. Damn.
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00:03:53,479 --> 00:03:56,416
Now, pumpkin, as you know...
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00:03:57,179 --> 00:03:59,248
...as you know,
Daddy's going to Washington...
34
00:03:59,446 --> 00:04:02,316
...to make America safe
for Psycho Dad.
35
00:04:02,680 --> 00:04:04,114
Now, when your mom wakes up...
36
00:04:04,313 --> 00:04:07,282
...and she will
because she knows I hate that...
37
00:04:08,680 --> 00:04:11,082
...remember, you haven't seen me.
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00:04:12,112 --> 00:04:14,948
So it's like I'm doing you a favor?
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00:04:16,212 --> 00:04:18,014
Exactly.
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00:04:19,346 --> 00:04:21,248
Hey, Bud, did you hear that?
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00:04:21,446 --> 00:04:25,317
Dad wants us to do him a favor.
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00:04:30,246 --> 00:04:33,115
I'll call you. I mean it. I love you.
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00:04:35,046 --> 00:04:38,549
What he means is,
is that if we do you a favor...
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00:04:38,746 --> 00:04:40,548
...then we should get one in return.
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00:04:40,746 --> 00:04:43,149
You know, squid pro quo.
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00:04:45,479 --> 00:04:47,348
No party.
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00:04:47,746 --> 00:04:50,416
-Mom--
-Oh, wait, pumpkin.
48
00:04:51,279 --> 00:04:53,715
Just try to keep the party
small this time.
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00:04:53,879 --> 00:04:55,847
Oh, thank you, Daddy. I promise.
50
00:04:56,046 --> 00:04:59,783
Well, I mean, how much fun
could it be? Bud's gonna be there.
51
00:05:00,546 --> 00:05:02,615
Tell me about it.
52
00:05:03,146 --> 00:05:05,748
-Al?
-Oh, no.
53
00:05:06,646 --> 00:05:09,115
Al, it is 5 in the morning.
54
00:05:09,313 --> 00:05:11,648
-Where are you going?
-Fishing, Peg.
55
00:05:11,846 --> 00:05:13,515
Ice fishing, to be exact.
56
00:05:13,713 --> 00:05:16,215
You never used to like ice fishing.
57
00:05:16,413 --> 00:05:20,283
Am I not permitted to grow
as a human being, Peg?
58
00:05:21,346 --> 00:05:22,947
Well, I don't know, Al.
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00:05:23,146 --> 00:05:27,016
Well, if you don't believe me,
here's one of my ice-fishing friends.
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00:05:27,680 --> 00:05:29,848
Hey, buddy.
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00:05:35,112 --> 00:05:37,648
You ready to go deer hunting?
62
00:05:39,313 --> 00:05:41,548
You mean ice fishing, don't you,
Jefferson?
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00:05:41,746 --> 00:05:44,115
-I voted no on ice--
-Come on.
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00:05:46,346 --> 00:05:49,149
Did I say deer hunting?
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00:05:49,346 --> 00:05:52,049
-I meant ice fishing.
-Yeah, Peg.
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00:05:52,246 --> 00:05:55,849
See, Jefferson forgot that a big part
of ice fishing is getting the bait...
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00:05:56,012 --> 00:05:58,148
...and in this case...
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00:05:58,946 --> 00:06:00,615
...it's deer.
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00:06:06,846 --> 00:06:09,916
Fish love deer.
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00:06:13,446 --> 00:06:15,648
Well, let's go.
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00:06:16,079 --> 00:06:18,882
Hey, guys, ready to go skiing?
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00:06:26,146 --> 00:06:28,715
Excuse us one minute, Peg.
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00:06:32,246 --> 00:06:34,014
Ready, break.
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00:06:43,246 --> 00:06:47,417
So you see, Peg,
after Jefferson gets the deer bait...
75
00:06:48,479 --> 00:06:52,250
...Griff has to ski it
down to the lake...
76
00:06:52,946 --> 00:06:55,849
...where Ike has set up camp...
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00:06:56,846 --> 00:07:01,518
...and Bob Rooney scuba dives it
into the lake...
78
00:07:01,680 --> 00:07:04,949
...to see which fish
are the hungriest...
79
00:07:06,613 --> 00:07:08,281
...telling Officer Dan...
80
00:07:08,479 --> 00:07:13,451
...so he in turn
can smoke signal the information...
81
00:07:14,846 --> 00:07:17,916
...back to me so I can ice fish...
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00:07:18,113 --> 00:07:21,517
...with utmost confidence.
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00:07:28,479 --> 00:07:31,649
Of course. Have a nice time, boys.
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00:07:31,846 --> 00:07:36,051
Let's go. Move them out. Mush.
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00:07:38,680 --> 00:07:44,519
-Catch a big one, Al.
-Oh, I already have, Peg.
86
00:07:54,047 --> 00:07:57,817
Hello, Marcie.
Yeah, they just left for D.C.
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00:07:58,980 --> 00:08:03,418
All right. I'll meet you at the airport
around noonish? Great. See you.
88
00:08:26,613 --> 00:08:30,750
Here we are, boys:
City of Brotherly Love.
89
00:08:32,147 --> 00:08:34,149
No, that's Philadelphia.
90
00:08:34,346 --> 00:08:38,450
-Well, what's Washington?
-A team without a quarterback.
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00:08:41,147 --> 00:08:43,082
You guys are so cynical.
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00:08:43,247 --> 00:08:46,483
Here we are in the capitol of
the greatest nation in the free earth...
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00:08:46,680 --> 00:08:49,416
...and you can't even appreciate--
Everybody down.
94
00:08:58,680 --> 00:09:01,516
Nice room you got us.
95
00:09:01,713 --> 00:09:04,849
Was the John Hinckley Arms booked?
96
00:09:06,346 --> 00:09:08,815
Relax,
we're not gonna be here that long.
97
00:09:09,013 --> 00:09:11,616
Tomorrow we address the Senate,
get Psycho Dad back on...
98
00:09:11,813 --> 00:09:16,451
...strap some fish on the hood
of the Dodge and back in Chicago.
99
00:09:16,713 --> 00:09:18,348
The Big Apple.
100
00:09:21,113 --> 00:09:23,082
I don't want to rain
on anybody's parade...
101
00:09:23,247 --> 00:09:26,650
...but what makes you think we can get
into Congress without credentials?
102
00:09:26,813 --> 00:09:28,815
Sonny Bono did.
103
00:09:32,846 --> 00:09:34,848
Besides, Jefferson said
he can get us in.
104
00:09:35,047 --> 00:09:38,650
And you gotta trust the guy
that's named after a president.
105
00:09:39,446 --> 00:09:41,915
I thought you were named
after Sherman Hemsley.
106
00:09:42,946 --> 00:09:47,017
-Yeah, you know--
-Guys, guys, guys. Let's not argue.
107
00:09:47,247 --> 00:09:51,017
We're in Washington. Let's take
advantage of what it has to offer.
108
00:09:51,247 --> 00:09:52,715
Griff, check out room service.
109
00:09:52,880 --> 00:09:56,650
Ike, fix that TV, so we don't have
to pay for the porn channel.
110
00:10:01,247 --> 00:10:05,017
Hey, Al, don't you wanna call home,
make sure Peg and the kids are okay?
111
00:10:05,213 --> 00:10:08,050
Relax, Jefferson.
Nothing's gonna happen.
112
00:10:08,646 --> 00:10:10,181
Late word today from Chicago...
113
00:10:10,380 --> 00:10:13,150
...where a simple house party
has spread like a virus...
114
00:10:13,347 --> 00:10:16,283
...in what's being described
as a Woodstock without the music.
115
00:10:16,447 --> 00:10:19,250
Police have been put
on tactical alert.
116
00:10:19,414 --> 00:10:25,787
Oh, Santa, I've been very, very bad.
117
00:10:30,147 --> 00:10:32,816
Hey, guys, we got porn on the TV.
118
00:10:33,013 --> 00:10:36,684
We got the clothes on our back.
We got the beds to ourselves.
119
00:10:36,880 --> 00:10:38,281
Dare I say it?
120
00:10:38,447 --> 00:10:41,250
It doesn't get any better than this.
121
00:10:48,380 --> 00:10:51,083
What took you so long?
122
00:10:52,480 --> 00:10:54,349
Ice fishing, huh?
123
00:10:54,546 --> 00:10:56,448
Well, we were on our way...
124
00:10:56,613 --> 00:11:00,483
...and Ike said he had never seen
the Washington Monument.
125
00:11:02,013 --> 00:11:05,317
Speaking of
the Washington Monument--
126
00:11:07,280 --> 00:11:09,683
What is that?
127
00:11:10,813 --> 00:11:15,017
C-SPAN is broadcasting
the Senate page tryouts.
128
00:11:17,880 --> 00:11:19,448
Hey, and what are you doing here?
129
00:11:19,646 --> 00:11:22,149
We came to stop you
from embarrassing yourselves.
130
00:11:30,247 --> 00:11:31,915
Too late.
131
00:11:33,713 --> 00:11:37,350
Now, what makes you guys think that
the Congress of the United States...
132
00:11:37,514 --> 00:11:40,150
...could possibly care
what you have to say?
133
00:11:40,347 --> 00:11:43,317
Don't you head lice realize...
134
00:11:43,680 --> 00:11:46,349
...that the people of America
have spoken...
135
00:11:46,547 --> 00:11:50,284
...and America is definitely
anti-violence. Look out!
136
00:12:10,880 --> 00:12:13,649
Damn postal workers.
137
00:12:16,080 --> 00:12:17,782
Hey, we're from Chicago.
138
00:12:17,946 --> 00:12:20,316
Don't you know
we invented random violence?
139
00:12:23,447 --> 00:12:26,917
I still say that you will never
get in to the Senate.
140
00:12:27,080 --> 00:12:30,884
We will so. Jefferson said
he knows people in high places.
141
00:12:31,080 --> 00:12:33,716
Jefferson knows jack.
142
00:12:34,913 --> 00:12:37,049
When are you gonna stop
telling the buffoons...
143
00:12:37,213 --> 00:12:39,449
...these fanciful Bondian tales
of derring-do.
144
00:12:39,614 --> 00:12:41,716
If you were half as creative
with your résumé--
145
00:12:41,880 --> 00:12:45,717
-Good evening, Bullwinkle.
-Hello, Chopper. Geronimo.
146
00:12:50,280 --> 00:12:51,648
-Long time no see.
-What's up?
147
00:12:51,846 --> 00:12:54,482
Iraq, Iran, I married.
148
00:12:56,180 --> 00:12:58,816
-So, what time do you need the bird?
-0600 will be fine.
149
00:12:58,980 --> 00:13:00,315
-Cool. Over.
-Out.
150
00:13:07,813 --> 00:13:12,451
You know, we are really going to
have to talk about your past someday.
151
00:13:20,814 --> 00:13:24,518
Ladies and gentlemen,
I give you the United States Senate.
152
00:13:31,147 --> 00:13:32,748
Look at it, guys.
153
00:13:32,946 --> 00:13:39,219
This is where it all happens.
The power, the intrigue, the chicks.
154
00:13:41,647 --> 00:13:44,784
Look, guys,
there is no way the U.S. Senate...
155
00:13:44,946 --> 00:13:48,150
...is gonna put aside the important
business of running this nation...
156
00:13:48,314 --> 00:13:51,250
...to discuss something as moronic
as Psycho Dad.
157
00:13:57,480 --> 00:14:02,652
We'll have to table this debate
on the Arab-Israeli peace accords.
158
00:14:03,247 --> 00:14:08,619
The men from NO MA'AM are here
to lobby on behalf of Psycho Dad.
159
00:14:14,714 --> 00:14:18,751
Oh, we are really going to
have to discuss your past.
160
00:14:18,946 --> 00:14:22,483
Would the group approach the chair
and take a seat, please?
161
00:14:23,547 --> 00:14:26,150
Hey, wait a second now.
162
00:14:26,347 --> 00:14:30,051
-Where are you two going?
-Well, up there with you.
163
00:14:30,247 --> 00:14:33,183
You can't think that we're gonna let you
fight for Psycho Dad...
164
00:14:33,347 --> 00:14:35,215
...without us having our say, do you?
165
00:14:36,447 --> 00:14:38,816
Oh, Bullwinkle....
166
00:14:56,480 --> 00:14:59,784
Good morning, gentlemen.
My name is Senator Furman...
167
00:15:00,013 --> 00:15:04,818
...and I am chairman of the Presidential
Subcommittee for Taste in Television.
168
00:15:05,047 --> 00:15:07,516
Hey, Al. "Taste in Television."
169
00:15:07,714 --> 00:15:10,483
-T-I--
-Shut up.
170
00:15:13,714 --> 00:15:16,517
You six are here to argue
on behalf of a television show...
171
00:15:16,681 --> 00:15:19,483
...that was recently cancelled
due to excessive violence...
172
00:15:19,647 --> 00:15:22,283
...namely Psycho Dad.
173
00:15:22,480 --> 00:15:25,450
-Now, who will begin?
-I will, sir.
174
00:15:25,647 --> 00:15:27,916
Remember, Al, short and to the point.
175
00:15:28,113 --> 00:15:31,050
Yeah, and don't say anything
that'll make us look stupid.
176
00:15:31,247 --> 00:15:33,249
No problem.
177
00:15:34,347 --> 00:15:37,483
Senators and senatorettes.
178
00:15:39,947 --> 00:15:43,284
Since man has evolved
from the mighty atom...
179
00:15:43,814 --> 00:15:47,117
...he has searched endlessly
for two things...
180
00:15:47,314 --> 00:15:50,750
...the other is entertainment.
181
00:15:52,447 --> 00:15:56,251
Entertainment was easy
for the simple caveman.
182
00:15:56,447 --> 00:16:00,851
Man brought home food,
woman burn it.
183
00:16:02,314 --> 00:16:06,851
Giant pterodactyl swoops down,
chases woman, she falls in mud.
184
00:16:07,048 --> 00:16:10,318
A good laugh was had by all.
185
00:16:15,414 --> 00:16:18,917
-Sit down, Mr. Bundy.
-Yes, Your Majesty.
186
00:16:21,148 --> 00:16:23,116
Anyone else?
187
00:16:24,014 --> 00:16:26,116
You there with the moons.
188
00:16:26,414 --> 00:16:27,915
Yes, sir.
189
00:16:29,614 --> 00:16:31,215
Well...
190
00:16:31,714 --> 00:16:34,317
...we just think you should
bring back Psycho Dad...
191
00:16:34,514 --> 00:16:39,452
...because he symbolized everything
that's great about this country.
192
00:16:39,647 --> 00:16:43,451
I mean, like, take the time he went
charging into that Indian village...
193
00:16:43,614 --> 00:16:47,418
...that was filled with unarmed women
and children. So he's blasting away--
194
00:16:50,014 --> 00:16:53,518
What the total stranger standing
beside me is trying to say...
195
00:16:53,681 --> 00:16:56,450
...is nobody talks
about the good side of Psycho Dad.
196
00:16:56,647 --> 00:16:58,816
Gentlemen, is it not true...
197
00:16:58,981 --> 00:17:02,751
...that the lyrics to the Psycho Dad
theme song, in part, reads:
198
00:17:02,914 --> 00:17:06,217
"He's quick with a gun
But he loves his son
199
00:17:06,414 --> 00:17:09,817
So he killed his wife
'Cause she weighed a ton"?
200
00:17:13,280 --> 00:17:14,615
In Psycho Dad's defense...
201
00:17:14,814 --> 00:17:18,518
...when he married her,
she wasn't fat, Your Bigness.
202
00:17:24,681 --> 00:17:26,149
Sir.
203
00:17:28,614 --> 00:17:31,417
As a peace officer
who's proud to be a NO MA'AMer...
204
00:17:31,614 --> 00:17:34,483
...I think we have to distinguish
between real violence...
205
00:17:34,647 --> 00:17:35,915
...and cartoon violence.
206
00:17:36,114 --> 00:17:38,483
Yeah, like last night...
207
00:17:38,681 --> 00:17:41,950
...when Dan here emptied his .38
into a crowd of punks?
208
00:17:42,148 --> 00:17:45,651
They knew this man
and his hot lead were for real.
209
00:17:45,847 --> 00:17:50,552
Now, a cartoon Dan, in the first place,
would have to be much better looking.
210
00:17:51,048 --> 00:17:54,284
-I submit this sketch.
-You--!
211
00:18:00,114 --> 00:18:03,551
-Is there anything else, gentlemen?
-Yeah.
212
00:18:03,914 --> 00:18:07,518
Look, I know we could have been
a little more articulate...
213
00:18:07,681 --> 00:18:10,950
...if we had taken notes
like I wanted to do...
214
00:18:11,114 --> 00:18:15,118
...instead of staying up all night
watching The Panty Clause.
215
00:18:17,647 --> 00:18:21,618
But our point here is we know
where real violence comes from...
216
00:18:21,814 --> 00:18:26,686
...and it's not from that magic box
I like to call TV.
217
00:18:26,847 --> 00:18:30,017
Oh, sure, the tube
can be blamed for a lot of things.
218
00:18:30,214 --> 00:18:32,483
Brent Musburger.
219
00:18:32,714 --> 00:18:34,516
Full House.
220
00:18:35,114 --> 00:18:39,252
Any show where overweight
female cops dress up as hookers.
221
00:18:39,415 --> 00:18:42,551
But violence, that's too easy.
222
00:18:42,747 --> 00:18:46,284
We've been brought up on Road Runner
cartoons and The Three Stooges.
223
00:18:46,480 --> 00:18:49,317
But how many of us have run a saw
across a bald guy's head?
224
00:18:50,914 --> 00:18:53,784
How many of us have drawn a tunnel
on the side of a mountain...
225
00:18:53,947 --> 00:18:57,051
...only to watch our loved ones
smash themselves into it?
226
00:18:58,048 --> 00:18:59,416
And you know why?
227
00:18:59,614 --> 00:19:03,251
Because we had parents,
ladies and gentlemen.
228
00:19:03,448 --> 00:19:07,052
Parents who said,
"Don't do what TV tells you to do.
229
00:19:07,248 --> 00:19:11,752
Do what we tell you to do,
or it's five across the eyes--"
230
00:19:15,647 --> 00:19:18,950
Anyway, I say if there's a problem
with TV today...
231
00:19:19,114 --> 00:19:22,051
...it's because parents
aren't saying that anymore.
232
00:19:22,248 --> 00:19:24,917
Take my kids, please.
233
00:19:27,514 --> 00:19:29,883
Thanks for the joke, Jefferson.
234
00:19:30,148 --> 00:19:32,650
Kennedy's on the floor.
235
00:19:33,081 --> 00:19:35,717
Kennedy's always on the floor.
236
00:19:37,747 --> 00:19:40,016
Anyway,
my kids may not be angels...
237
00:19:40,214 --> 00:19:42,917
...but when they screw up,
I don't blame TV.
238
00:19:43,114 --> 00:19:47,419
I put the blame squarely
where it belongs, on their mother.
239
00:19:52,881 --> 00:19:54,783
-And rap music.
-And rap music.
240
00:19:54,947 --> 00:19:57,183
-I like rap music.
-No. No, no.
241
00:19:57,348 --> 00:20:01,686
Guys, guys, I'm talking to the Senate.
242
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So in conclusion, I'd like to say...
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00:20:05,014 --> 00:20:07,817
...the next time you want to find
the source of violence...
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00:20:07,981 --> 00:20:10,583
...try looking
on the other side of the screen.
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00:20:10,747 --> 00:20:12,683
Thank you...
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00:20:12,947 --> 00:20:16,184
...and God save the queen.
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00:20:26,981 --> 00:20:29,216
-What happens now?
-Well, unfortunately, Griff...
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00:20:29,381 --> 00:20:32,618
...the wheels of justice
move very slowly.
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00:20:33,148 --> 00:20:35,817
We've reached a decision, Mr. Bundy.
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00:20:36,481 --> 00:20:39,785
Violence is not acceptable
in a civilized society.
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00:20:39,981 --> 00:20:43,051
Psycho Dad's gone
and this meeting is adjourned.
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00:20:53,415 --> 00:20:55,450
Take it easy, Griff.
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00:20:56,048 --> 00:20:59,584
We might have lost Psycho Dad,
but we will win the war.
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00:20:59,781 --> 00:21:01,716
It's not that.
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00:21:01,914 --> 00:21:05,484
To tell the truth,
I never even liked Psycho Dad.
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00:21:05,714 --> 00:21:08,050
Well, what is it then?
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00:21:08,548 --> 00:21:11,751
I really thought
we were going ice fishing.
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00:21:17,214 --> 00:21:21,052
-Al, if it means anything--
-It won't.
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00:21:22,014 --> 00:21:24,283
-Let's go.
-We will win this thing, Peg.
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00:21:24,481 --> 00:21:27,751
-Common sense will prevail.
-I know, dear.
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00:21:27,947 --> 00:21:30,917
Hey, Peg, hey look at that.
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00:21:43,847 --> 00:21:45,482
Well, thank you, Mr. Bundy.
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00:21:45,682 --> 00:21:48,618
I would have been lost
without my Discover card.
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00:21:49,315 --> 00:21:52,751
Is there anything I can do for you?
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00:21:52,947 --> 00:21:56,551
Well, you can try
to put guys like that in jail.
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00:21:57,014 --> 00:22:00,518
Or cancel Blossom. Maybe that's
where he got the idea to wear the hat.
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00:22:09,348 --> 00:22:12,518
And in our continuing coverage
of the mother of all parties...
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00:22:12,682 --> 00:22:14,650
...the Chicago blowout
has now engulfed...
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...a major portion
of the upper Midwest.
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00:22:17,081 --> 00:22:19,517
The National Guard
has begun setting backparties...
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...in hopes of containing the melee.
21600
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