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1
00:01:15,109 --> 00:01:17,178
Here we go.
2
00:01:19,580 --> 00:01:21,015
Fresh from the oven.
3
00:01:21,182 --> 00:01:22,817
Not that I bake, mind you.
4
00:01:22,983 --> 00:01:26,387
It's just that that's where I hide it
from Al and the kids.
5
00:01:26,887 --> 00:01:28,722
I'll get the forks.
6
00:01:28,923 --> 00:01:33,461
Now, let's see.
Where do I keep the good plastic?
7
00:01:42,636 --> 00:01:44,705
We couldn't wait.
8
00:01:46,140 --> 00:01:49,043
Glad I'm not made
of buttercream frosting.
9
00:01:50,644 --> 00:01:52,079
Mom.
10
00:01:58,419 --> 00:02:01,288
What is the best news
that you could possibly hear?
11
00:02:01,455 --> 00:02:04,058
They're making men in flavors?
12
00:02:05,459 --> 00:02:08,395
Yeah. I got a commercial.
13
00:02:08,562 --> 00:02:10,531
Now, it's not just any commercial.
14
00:02:10,698 --> 00:02:15,236
I am going to be
the new Waist Away Diet girl.
15
00:02:16,537 --> 00:02:18,372
Honey, that is terrific.
16
00:02:18,572 --> 00:02:20,674
Waist Away. That's a good diet.
17
00:02:20,841 --> 00:02:23,544
I've lost hundreds of pounds
on that one.
18
00:02:24,111 --> 00:02:27,781
You know, I am one of those people
that can't lose weight no matter what.
19
00:02:27,948 --> 00:02:30,518
I don't know.
You know, slow metabolism, I guess.
20
00:02:30,684 --> 00:02:32,286
I don't know.
21
00:02:36,657 --> 00:02:38,492
Mom, don't you see
what this means?
22
00:02:38,692 --> 00:02:40,794
This could be my springboard
to Hollywood.
23
00:02:40,995 --> 00:02:45,132
TV, movies, made-for-TV movies.
24
00:02:45,299 --> 00:02:47,868
Movies made from old TV.
25
00:02:48,536 --> 00:02:51,205
Mom, I'm finally on my way.
26
00:02:52,139 --> 00:02:56,277
Hey, Buck, I'm finally on my way.
27
00:02:56,510 --> 00:03:00,748
Mr. Clock, I'm finally on my way.
28
00:03:01,582 --> 00:03:05,419
Bud and the rubber woman,
I'm finally on my way.
29
00:03:09,990 --> 00:03:12,426
I take it Al and his NO MA'AM herd...
30
00:03:12,593 --> 00:03:15,396
-...had a meeting tonight?
-Yeah. Why?
31
00:03:15,563 --> 00:03:18,165
Because there's a bumper sticker
on my car which says:
32
00:03:18,332 --> 00:03:22,536
"Support feminists.
Hairy women need love too."
33
00:03:26,507 --> 00:03:29,310
So tell me, where
is the little knuckle-walker?
34
00:03:30,811 --> 00:03:33,681
With the rest of the husbands
down at the Jiggly Room.
35
00:03:33,847 --> 00:03:35,482
The Jiggly Room?
36
00:03:35,649 --> 00:03:36,917
Isn't that a strip club?
37
00:03:37,117 --> 00:03:40,421
No, it's a school of science
and industry.
38
00:03:40,821 --> 00:03:42,556
Do you all mind if I ask a question?
39
00:03:42,856 --> 00:03:44,959
Do we have to stop eating?
40
00:03:46,527 --> 00:03:49,797
Why do you let your husbands
go to places like that?
41
00:03:49,964 --> 00:03:51,999
Think about the message
that they're sending.
42
00:03:52,199 --> 00:03:56,270
They're saying, you don't turn us on,
so we'll just get stimulated elsewhere.
43
00:03:56,437 --> 00:03:59,073
Well, that's sick. It's disgusting. It--
44
00:03:59,239 --> 00:04:02,009
Oh, my God,
is that John F. Kennedy Jr.?
45
00:04:14,855 --> 00:04:17,358
It's downright insulting.
46
00:04:17,791 --> 00:04:21,362
Marcie, what is the big deal?
All men go to strip clubs.
47
00:04:21,562 --> 00:04:23,330
Not my Jefferson.
48
00:04:23,497 --> 00:04:26,000
You may let the eyes
of your men wander...
49
00:04:26,166 --> 00:04:29,069
...but I am more than enough woman
for mine.
50
00:04:29,269 --> 00:04:33,374
Did you see the headlights
on that last stripper?
51
00:04:37,978 --> 00:04:41,582
How about the tail lights
on the one with the tattoos?
52
00:04:43,217 --> 00:04:46,620
No. No, no, no.
Those weren't tattoos.
53
00:04:46,787 --> 00:04:48,055
Those were my fingerprints.
54
00:04:54,094 --> 00:04:55,796
Okay, you guys go ahead on in.
55
00:04:55,996 --> 00:04:59,633
Now, in case Marcie's in there,
remember, I wasn't with you.
56
00:04:59,833 --> 00:05:02,703
I was working security at--
57
00:05:03,937 --> 00:05:05,739
Wong's Dry Cleaning.
58
00:05:07,241 --> 00:05:11,478
Okay, guys, it's time to face
the wives.
59
00:05:14,615 --> 00:05:16,850
All right, now remember this,
men.
60
00:05:17,017 --> 00:05:18,252
Just as a man's eyes...
61
00:05:18,419 --> 00:05:21,255
...must adjust to the light
when he's been in the dark...
62
00:05:21,422 --> 00:05:24,024
...so, too, must a man's eyes
adjust to his wife...
63
00:05:24,224 --> 00:05:25,959
...when he's been in the nudie bar.
64
00:05:31,699 --> 00:05:35,703
Ergo, do not look directly at them.
65
00:05:43,077 --> 00:05:44,878
Let's do it.
66
00:05:48,015 --> 00:05:49,416
Hey, Peg.
67
00:05:52,086 --> 00:05:54,722
Hi, guys. How was the club?
68
00:05:54,922 --> 00:05:58,058
The same thing.
You know, it's no big deal.
69
00:05:58,892 --> 00:06:00,160
Just a minute.
70
00:06:00,327 --> 00:06:03,230
Now, tell me, what do you guys
get out of going to strip clubs?
71
00:06:03,430 --> 00:06:04,932
We get out of the house.
72
00:06:07,034 --> 00:06:09,069
Seriously, Al.
73
00:06:09,236 --> 00:06:12,306
Come on now, Peg.
Don't let Foghorn Leghorn here...
74
00:06:12,473 --> 00:06:14,675
...make an issue out of this.
75
00:06:17,711 --> 00:06:19,246
It's no big deal.
76
00:06:20,481 --> 00:06:22,249
Oh, hey, guys.
77
00:06:24,351 --> 00:06:27,888
I just got back
from guarding stuff.
78
00:06:28,655 --> 00:06:31,325
-Where have you been?
-Jefferson.
79
00:06:31,658 --> 00:06:33,961
They went to a strip club.
80
00:06:37,531 --> 00:06:40,300
You make me sick.
81
00:06:41,935 --> 00:06:44,738
Jefferson thinks it's a big deal, Al.
82
00:06:44,938 --> 00:06:48,008
So tell us. What do you do there?
83
00:06:48,408 --> 00:06:53,313
Nothing. Sit and watch ladies
dance and jump.
84
00:06:55,015 --> 00:06:58,118
-And are they naked?
-No!
85
00:06:59,086 --> 00:07:01,321
No, they're wearing those....
86
00:07:01,488 --> 00:07:04,091
-What-you-call-its.
-Shoes?
87
00:07:06,794 --> 00:07:09,530
Well, all I can say is that
if I ever caught my Jefferson...
88
00:07:09,696 --> 00:07:12,399
...going into a place like that,
I would do things to him...
89
00:07:12,566 --> 00:07:16,203
...that would make Lorena Bobbitt
toss her cookies.
90
00:07:20,741 --> 00:07:22,876
And what do you do
with those strippers?
91
00:07:23,043 --> 00:07:26,046
-Do you touch them?
-No!
92
00:07:26,647 --> 00:07:30,384
No, we don't do anything with them
that we wouldn't do with you.
93
00:07:31,351 --> 00:07:33,987
And you know we don't touch you.
94
00:07:34,788 --> 00:07:36,557
That's just the point.
95
00:07:36,723 --> 00:07:39,426
Marcie says the only reason
you go there...
96
00:07:39,593 --> 00:07:42,029
...is because we
don't turn you on anymore.
97
00:07:42,229 --> 00:07:44,097
Oh, she does, does she?
98
00:07:44,264 --> 00:07:48,235
Well, how ridiculous is that?
You people don't turn us on anymore.
99
00:07:54,675 --> 00:07:56,577
Anyway, ladies...
100
00:07:56,743 --> 00:07:59,780
...while it may seem that the nudie bar
is a place where men go...
101
00:07:59,947 --> 00:08:03,417
...to watch surgically-altered hooters
sway oddly to bad music.
102
00:08:03,584 --> 00:08:05,085
In reality...
103
00:08:05,252 --> 00:08:09,489
...it is a place where men go
to relax and unwind and...
104
00:08:09,823 --> 00:08:13,193
...watch surgically-altered hooters
sway...
105
00:08:13,360 --> 00:08:15,829
...oddly to bad music, Peg.
106
00:08:17,064 --> 00:08:19,900
Gee, Al, I guess we were misled.
107
00:08:20,067 --> 00:08:22,970
-Sounds like totally innocent fun.
-You're right.
108
00:08:23,170 --> 00:08:25,806
So I guess you wouldn't mind
if we joined you?
109
00:08:28,876 --> 00:08:32,179
-Join us?
-At the nudie bar?
110
00:08:32,579 --> 00:08:35,916
Well, sure.
We wanna relax and unwind too.
111
00:08:36,083 --> 00:08:37,150
From what?
112
00:08:37,317 --> 00:08:41,188
Tearing open them packages
of Ho Hos with your teeth all day?
113
00:08:44,191 --> 00:08:46,126
Exactly.
114
00:08:46,293 --> 00:08:48,462
I mean, no!
115
00:08:49,296 --> 00:08:50,764
Take it or leave it, Al.
116
00:08:50,931 --> 00:08:53,333
Either you take us with you
the next time you go...
117
00:08:53,500 --> 00:08:55,903
...or you are never
going there again.
118
00:08:56,403 --> 00:08:59,006
And just how are you gonna stop us?
119
00:08:59,439 --> 00:09:01,208
We won't give you any money.
120
00:09:05,846 --> 00:09:07,648
Well, that'll do it.
121
00:09:13,320 --> 00:09:16,723
Al, are you nuts?
Taking the wives to the nudie bar?
122
00:09:16,890 --> 00:09:20,260
They're gonna see how we act.
They'll kill us.
123
00:09:23,830 --> 00:09:28,535
Jefferson, first of all, what makes
you think I'm afraid of my wife?
124
00:09:28,702 --> 00:09:31,872
The fact that we're whispering
about this in your garage.
125
00:09:34,775 --> 00:09:38,011
Listen, I got this thing all worked out.
126
00:09:38,178 --> 00:09:40,380
We're going to take them
on Thursdays.
127
00:09:40,981 --> 00:09:43,450
Thursday night?
That's our bowling night.
128
00:09:44,952 --> 00:09:49,456
And why do we go bowling
on Thursday night?
129
00:09:49,856 --> 00:09:53,727
Because at the Jiggly Room,
it's always--
130
00:09:53,927 --> 00:09:56,296
A-cup night.
131
00:10:00,067 --> 00:10:03,737
There's not a doctored yummy
in the house.
132
00:10:04,771 --> 00:10:07,207
Hence, we won't get excited.
133
00:10:07,407 --> 00:10:09,109
But what if we do?
134
00:10:10,510 --> 00:10:13,280
Well, then try to imagine
Jefferson's wife up on stage...
135
00:10:13,480 --> 00:10:15,215
...with no clothes on.
136
00:10:17,017 --> 00:10:20,687
If that doesn't work, try to picture
Jefferson up on stage with no clothes.
137
00:10:23,623 --> 00:10:25,325
What if that doesn't work?
138
00:10:31,732 --> 00:10:33,934
Then you're out of the club.
139
00:10:38,038 --> 00:10:40,340
Hi, I'm here for the commercial.
140
00:10:40,507 --> 00:10:42,576
I'm Kelly Bundy, the Waist Away Girl.
141
00:10:42,743 --> 00:10:43,844
Are you the hairdresser?
142
00:10:46,346 --> 00:10:51,151
No. I'm a professional wrestler
they've nicknamed "The Hairdresser."
143
00:10:51,451 --> 00:10:53,220
Oh, okay.
144
00:10:54,154 --> 00:10:55,655
When the hairdresser gets here...
145
00:10:55,822 --> 00:10:58,759
...tell him that I'm supposed
to be peppy for this commercial...
146
00:10:58,925 --> 00:11:00,961
...so I'd like kind of
a windswept look.
147
00:11:01,128 --> 00:11:03,263
Not too far off the face,
but with the sides...
148
00:11:03,430 --> 00:11:05,999
...with a little bit more texture. Okay?
149
00:11:11,171 --> 00:11:12,639
Done.
150
00:11:14,141 --> 00:11:15,776
Thanks.
151
00:11:20,380 --> 00:11:21,882
Excuse me.
152
00:11:22,049 --> 00:11:23,750
I'm looking for the dressing rooms.
153
00:11:23,950 --> 00:11:27,154
Oh, they're over
in the producer's office.
154
00:11:27,654 --> 00:11:29,656
But he's really stupid.
155
00:11:29,823 --> 00:11:33,393
He had me try on 30 different outfits
before he made up his mind.
156
00:11:33,794 --> 00:11:35,429
Thanks.
157
00:11:38,799 --> 00:11:41,601
Kelly Bundy to the set, please.
158
00:11:44,037 --> 00:11:46,907
Hi, Kelly. I'm your director.
159
00:11:47,507 --> 00:11:50,444
Okay. Okay.
160
00:11:50,677 --> 00:11:53,480
When I say action, I want you
to turn away from the fridge...
161
00:11:53,647 --> 00:11:55,048
...look into the camera, say:
162
00:11:55,215 --> 00:11:57,284
"And, baby, look at me now,"
then sip, go...
163
00:11:58,118 --> 00:12:00,954
...and say the flavor.
Can you do that for me?
164
00:12:01,555 --> 00:12:03,657
Is a bear Catholic?
165
00:12:06,526 --> 00:12:08,261
-Let's get started.
-Okay.
166
00:12:08,795 --> 00:12:10,730
Places, please.
167
00:12:14,868 --> 00:12:17,671
Oh, how will I know
what the flavor is?
168
00:12:17,838 --> 00:12:20,340
-From the taste.
-Okay.
169
00:12:21,441 --> 00:12:24,411
Waist Away Diet Ad, take one.
170
00:12:24,644 --> 00:12:26,279
Action.
171
00:12:26,746 --> 00:12:29,916
And, baby, look at me now.
172
00:12:32,419 --> 00:12:34,154
Cow pie.
173
00:12:41,128 --> 00:12:42,963
That's cherry.
174
00:12:43,930 --> 00:12:45,532
You taste it.
175
00:12:46,633 --> 00:12:50,704
I have. Look, from now on
we'll just label the cups.
176
00:12:50,871 --> 00:12:55,342
Cups? How much of this bile
do I have to drink?
177
00:12:58,578 --> 00:13:00,180
Action.
178
00:13:00,580 --> 00:13:03,683
And, baby, look at me now.
179
00:13:05,986 --> 00:13:07,854
Kiwi.
180
00:13:15,762 --> 00:13:17,898
Cabbage.
181
00:13:30,577 --> 00:13:32,379
Salmon.
182
00:13:44,357 --> 00:13:46,159
Cut.
183
00:14:01,675 --> 00:14:04,010
Well, this is it, dear.
This is where I go.
184
00:14:04,177 --> 00:14:07,547
-Go right this way.
-Right this way, ladies. Right this way.
185
00:14:07,747 --> 00:14:11,418
-Jeez, what a dump.
-Oh, I don't know.
186
00:14:11,618 --> 00:14:15,021
It's better than some
of the restaurants Al's taken me to.
187
00:14:23,430 --> 00:14:26,566
Jefferson, I still don't understand
why you have to dress like that.
188
00:14:27,334 --> 00:14:32,005
I'm a pillar of the community, Marcie.
I shouldn't be seen in places like this.
189
00:14:32,606 --> 00:14:35,442
-Oh, hi, Jefferson.
-Hello, Mai Lin.
190
00:14:39,946 --> 00:14:41,114
That's a relief.
191
00:14:41,281 --> 00:14:43,717
I thought I was the only
dry-cleaner security guard...
192
00:14:43,883 --> 00:14:45,752
...working undercover tonight.
193
00:14:46,386 --> 00:14:50,023
Gee, Al, I can't believe you spend time
in places like this.
194
00:14:50,190 --> 00:14:52,592
I mean, what kind of example is this
for our son?
195
00:15:03,069 --> 00:15:04,804
I gotta go.
196
00:15:05,005 --> 00:15:08,308
Another emergency bypass,
Dr. Bundy?
197
00:15:09,876 --> 00:15:14,080
Yes. Yes, it appears my beeper has
just gone off.
198
00:15:20,120 --> 00:15:21,788
Also.
199
00:15:22,822 --> 00:15:23,823
I'll see you tomorrow.
200
00:15:27,627 --> 00:15:30,330
"Good evening, patrons.
201
00:15:31,131 --> 00:15:33,033
And welcome to the Jiggly Room...
202
00:15:33,199 --> 00:15:35,302
...where we present the finest...
203
00:15:35,468 --> 00:15:38,838
...in yada-yada-yada.
204
00:15:40,273 --> 00:15:44,344
Our first A-cup tonight
is a delectable little dish...
205
00:15:44,511 --> 00:15:47,747
...we like to call Shay Shay."
206
00:15:57,057 --> 00:15:59,693
Now, let's see. Where did we
leave off last week?
207
00:15:59,893 --> 00:16:02,729
We were discussing
health-care reform, I believe.
208
00:16:02,929 --> 00:16:05,765
Oh, yes. I think--
209
00:16:06,232 --> 00:16:08,635
Oh, excuse me, ma'am,
I believe you dropped this.
210
00:16:10,904 --> 00:16:14,674
We were weighing the benefits
of medical malpractice torts...
211
00:16:14,841 --> 00:16:19,245
...against across-the-board
employer insurance contributions.
212
00:16:20,146 --> 00:16:21,715
Yes. I'd like a bowl...
213
00:16:21,881 --> 00:16:25,685
...of your freshest
air-popped popcorn, please.
214
00:16:25,852 --> 00:16:29,889
And I'd like an unflavoured
mineral water with a lemon wedge.
215
00:16:30,056 --> 00:16:32,992
Two beers.
216
00:16:34,194 --> 00:16:36,529
Gee, Al, I have to admit...
217
00:16:36,696 --> 00:16:39,232
...this isn't anything
like I thought it would be.
218
00:16:39,399 --> 00:16:41,935
I know. Usually it's a little more
civilized in here...
219
00:16:42,135 --> 00:16:46,306
...but when talk turns to health care,
damn it, I become an animal!
220
00:16:57,784 --> 00:17:00,920
Ginger or Mary Ann?
221
00:17:02,722 --> 00:17:04,391
Mary Ann.
222
00:17:05,525 --> 00:17:08,895
Gilligan or Mrs. Howell?
223
00:17:10,530 --> 00:17:13,233
Well, that depends. How long
we been on this island?
224
00:17:13,433 --> 00:17:16,169
Al, we have to apologize.
225
00:17:16,336 --> 00:17:18,872
I really thought you came down here
to ogle these women.
226
00:17:19,038 --> 00:17:22,375
But if this is how you're gonna act,
you can have it. Come on, girls.
227
00:17:22,542 --> 00:17:24,778
Oh, no, no, Peg.
No, now wait a minute here.
228
00:17:24,944 --> 00:17:29,649
Don't go. Ike is about to start
a conversation on auto repair.
229
00:17:29,816 --> 00:17:33,319
Now you just stay seated here,
the night's still young.
230
00:17:33,520 --> 00:17:38,458
"And now, the Jiggly Room
presents a very special treat.
231
00:17:38,825 --> 00:17:41,060
She is usually here on Saturdays...
232
00:17:41,227 --> 00:17:44,798
...but this week
she'll be getting married.
233
00:17:45,598 --> 00:17:47,333
To me.
234
00:17:48,935 --> 00:17:54,474
And here she is, the two,
the only Rocki Mountains."
235
00:18:12,459 --> 00:18:14,861
Oh, my God.
236
00:18:17,997 --> 00:18:20,700
Helen, you still here?
237
00:18:21,634 --> 00:18:23,236
Go home.
238
00:18:32,512 --> 00:18:37,250
Would someone please tell me
who on earth would find that sexy?
239
00:18:45,892 --> 00:18:48,895
Men, get ahold of yourselves.
Get a grip.
240
00:18:49,095 --> 00:18:52,398
Who's man enough
to climb the Rockies?
241
00:18:55,001 --> 00:18:56,569
I can't take it anymore!
242
00:18:56,736 --> 00:18:59,506
It's party time!
243
00:19:04,878 --> 00:19:08,915
Boy, Louise is gonna kill him
when he gets home, huh, Helen?
244
00:19:20,660 --> 00:19:25,298
Hey, Al, you think the wives will ever
let us come back to this place again?
245
00:19:28,535 --> 00:19:32,438
It'll be where they dump the bodies
after they gut us in our sleep.
246
00:19:32,872 --> 00:19:35,108
We can't go on dancing
like this forever.
247
00:19:35,275 --> 00:19:36,976
What'll we do?
248
00:19:37,143 --> 00:19:39,712
What we all know we have to do.
249
00:19:39,979 --> 00:19:43,116
-You mean--?
-I'm afraid so.
250
00:19:44,117 --> 00:19:46,719
Oh, Charlie.
251
00:19:47,987 --> 00:19:50,690
Oh, Ike.
252
00:19:52,191 --> 00:19:55,128
Oh, Bob Rooney.
253
00:19:57,196 --> 00:19:59,999
Oh, Al.
254
00:20:01,935 --> 00:20:05,071
Oh, Mr. Lincoln.
255
00:20:08,074 --> 00:20:09,709
Hey, buddy...
256
00:20:10,009 --> 00:20:12,912
...you up for the Jiggly Room
tonight?
257
00:20:14,147 --> 00:20:17,350
No, Jefferson, I'm all jigglied out.
258
00:20:19,419 --> 00:20:22,922
Hey, guys, guess what it's time for.
259
00:20:23,089 --> 00:20:25,024
Armageddon?
260
00:20:25,825 --> 00:20:29,862
No, better. It is the world premiere
of my Waist Away Diet commercial.
261
00:20:30,029 --> 00:20:32,332
Man, when people see my face
in this commercial...
262
00:20:32,498 --> 00:20:36,169
...the offers are gonna rain down
like halves and pogs.
263
00:20:36,502 --> 00:20:39,138
I'm-- I'm gonna be huge.
264
00:20:40,540 --> 00:20:42,141
Will Waist Away work for you?
265
00:20:42,342 --> 00:20:44,744
Ask former heavyweight,
Diane Graham.
266
00:20:44,944 --> 00:20:46,879
Other diets let me down.
267
00:20:47,046 --> 00:20:49,782
So I tried Waist Away.
268
00:20:53,319 --> 00:20:57,256
And, baby, look at me now.
269
00:20:59,425 --> 00:21:01,594
That's not my head.
270
00:21:01,894 --> 00:21:04,030
They didn't use my head.
271
00:21:04,597 --> 00:21:07,967
And remember,
I'm not just a Waist Away client...
272
00:21:08,134 --> 00:21:11,270
...I'm the president
of the company's daughter.
273
00:21:15,808 --> 00:21:21,981
Now, now, pumpkin, you know
that life is full of little setbacks. Now--
274
00:21:22,148 --> 00:21:24,450
You-- You just have
to stand tall and--
275
00:21:24,617 --> 00:21:28,388
And learn to face them
with courage and-- And dignity, huh?
276
00:21:29,555 --> 00:21:35,028
Oh, Al, look what we got
at the Hungry Undie?
277
00:21:39,032 --> 00:21:41,634
Your favorite, Jefferson.
278
00:21:41,834 --> 00:21:44,170
Butterscotch.
20995
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