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1
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I once was lost
2
00:01:22,187 --> 00:01:26,558
But now I'm found
3
00:01:26,754 --> 00:01:28,822
Was blind
4
00:01:29,020 --> 00:01:34,792
But now I see
5
00:01:36,619 --> 00:01:40,123
Who would like to say a few words
on behalf...
6
00:01:40,319 --> 00:01:42,588
...of our dear departed teammate,
Skippy?
7
00:01:42,785 --> 00:01:44,353
I would.
8
00:01:44,551 --> 00:01:46,220
Who's paying for this?
9
00:02:03,484 --> 00:02:06,487
Well, the corpse of honor.
10
00:02:08,783 --> 00:02:10,218
Where were we?
11
00:02:10,416 --> 00:02:13,452
-Saying something nice about Skippy.
-Why don't you do it, Al?
12
00:02:13,616 --> 00:02:17,987
After all, you're the one that found him
wedged in the bathroom stall.
13
00:02:19,082 --> 00:02:22,185
Oh, all right,
like I haven't suffered enough.
14
00:02:23,215 --> 00:02:25,784
Skippy was a pal...
15
00:02:26,015 --> 00:02:28,017
...and our center.
16
00:02:28,714 --> 00:02:30,349
And he was pound for pound the--
17
00:02:31,947 --> 00:02:34,483
Well, he's the fattest guy I knew.
18
00:02:35,947 --> 00:02:40,785
Hey, Al, could you hurry it up?
Halftime's almost over.
19
00:02:40,947 --> 00:02:43,583
And in conclusion, the end.
20
00:02:49,079 --> 00:02:51,882
All right, let's get a little life in here!
21
00:02:52,746 --> 00:02:54,981
Let's party!
22
00:03:04,177 --> 00:03:07,147
-Boy, I sure am gonna miss old Skippy.
-Yeah, what a guy, huh?
23
00:03:07,311 --> 00:03:08,846
Weighed 400 pounds.
24
00:03:09,011 --> 00:03:10,846
How could a guy let himself
go that way?
25
00:03:11,011 --> 00:03:13,013
I don't know.
26
00:03:15,677 --> 00:03:17,412
Hey, guys, the game's back on.
27
00:03:17,577 --> 00:03:21,414
And welcome back on to the Fox game
of the week here on Fox.
28
00:03:21,576 --> 00:03:24,912
But before we here at Fox return you
to the Fox game of the week...
29
00:03:25,109 --> 00:03:28,212
...we'd like to remind you
that you're watching Fox.
30
00:03:28,376 --> 00:03:34,315
We now return you to the Fox game
of the week already in progress on Fox.
31
00:03:34,808 --> 00:03:38,445
You know, if I could go back 30 years
in time, you know what I would do?
32
00:03:38,608 --> 00:03:41,144
Buy a second pair of pants?
33
00:03:42,540 --> 00:03:46,544
No, I'd come up with my own
little celebration in the end zone.
34
00:03:46,741 --> 00:03:48,309
Like the Ickey Shuffle.
35
00:03:48,474 --> 00:03:51,510
Earnest Givens' Electric Slide.
36
00:03:51,673 --> 00:03:55,577
In fact, if I was going to name my
All-Bundy dream team, every guy on it...
37
00:03:55,740 --> 00:03:58,609
...would have to know
how to party in the end zone.
38
00:03:58,772 --> 00:04:03,910
Like Billy "White Shoes" Johnson,
or Andre Rison, Butch Johnson...
39
00:04:04,072 --> 00:04:05,607
...and of course--
40
00:04:05,772 --> 00:04:08,742
Of course, me.
41
00:04:09,538 --> 00:04:11,240
Oh, what I wouldn't have given...
42
00:04:11,405 --> 00:04:15,142
...just to have been able to
spike the ball in, just one time.
43
00:04:15,304 --> 00:04:17,139
But I guess I have to
settle for being...
44
00:04:17,304 --> 00:04:20,274
...on the greatest undefeated team
in city history, hey, boys!
45
00:04:20,471 --> 00:04:22,606
-Hey! Hey!
-Number one!
46
00:04:22,770 --> 00:04:25,573
You guys weren't so great.
47
00:04:35,702 --> 00:04:38,405
You know, fella, there's already
one funeral in here today.
48
00:04:48,901 --> 00:04:51,504
Perhaps you didn't hear me.
49
00:04:51,967 --> 00:04:54,136
I said, undefeated.
50
00:04:54,334 --> 00:04:56,970
You wouldn't have been
if you'd played us that year.
51
00:04:57,167 --> 00:04:58,969
Oh, yeah?
52
00:04:59,333 --> 00:05:01,302
And who are you?
53
00:05:01,500 --> 00:05:03,802
Jack Franklin.
54
00:05:04,000 --> 00:05:07,770
I was halfback
at George S. Patton High.
55
00:05:07,966 --> 00:05:10,135
Patton High.
56
00:05:10,299 --> 00:05:11,834
What's the deal with Patton High?
57
00:05:11,999 --> 00:05:14,434
They were the only other
undefeated school in the league.
58
00:05:14,598 --> 00:05:16,700
We were supposed to play
for the city championship...
59
00:05:16,865 --> 00:05:18,600
-...but the game got canceled.
-Why?
60
00:05:18,798 --> 00:05:21,534
Why? Because they were cheaters,
that's why.
61
00:05:21,698 --> 00:05:23,166
They used ringers.
62
00:05:23,331 --> 00:05:25,600
Guys 25, 30 years old.
63
00:05:25,764 --> 00:05:26,932
You had guys that old.
64
00:05:27,131 --> 00:05:30,201
They were there honestly.
They were stupid.
65
00:05:35,763 --> 00:05:38,666
Well, I think you're
all a bunch of pansies.
66
00:05:38,863 --> 00:05:40,131
Pansies?
67
00:05:40,329 --> 00:05:42,231
Pansies.
68
00:05:42,396 --> 00:05:45,366
Hey, didn't they just change
Patton High's name...
69
00:05:45,529 --> 00:05:48,199
...to Jacqueline Onassis High?
70
00:05:50,562 --> 00:05:51,696
Yeah.
71
00:05:51,862 --> 00:05:56,467
Yeah, and isn't the team now
known as the Jackie O First Ladies?
72
00:05:56,661 --> 00:05:59,097
First Ladies?
73
00:05:59,594 --> 00:06:02,430
I say we still would have
beaten you guys.
74
00:06:02,594 --> 00:06:05,163
And there is only one way
to settle it.
75
00:06:05,760 --> 00:06:07,328
And that is?
76
00:06:11,493 --> 00:06:14,930
So this Sunday we're going down
to the park, play football...
77
00:06:15,093 --> 00:06:18,463
...and settle this thing once and for all.
Isn't that great, Peg?
78
00:06:22,093 --> 00:06:26,297
No, Al.
Great would be if you flossed.
79
00:06:27,891 --> 00:06:31,128
Dad, not that the pride of watching
a middle-aged shoe salesman...
80
00:06:31,292 --> 00:06:33,694
...and friends
geezer up and down a football field...
81
00:06:33,858 --> 00:06:37,195
...until they vomit dust
won't be enough...
82
00:06:37,358 --> 00:06:39,693
...how are you gonna convince
anybody else to play?
83
00:06:39,890 --> 00:06:43,928
Yeah, that's true, Daddy. What if
the other teammates have lives?
84
00:06:44,924 --> 00:06:47,326
I wouldn't worry about that, pumpkin,
if I were you.
85
00:06:47,490 --> 00:06:48,858
These guys all look up to me.
86
00:06:49,357 --> 00:06:51,359
-Not really.
-No.
87
00:06:52,656 --> 00:06:55,592
And besides, the pride of the team
is at stake here.
88
00:06:55,756 --> 00:06:57,524
Most of the guys
are already here, Peg.
89
00:06:57,723 --> 00:07:01,693
You know Rodent and Bob Rooney
and Buster and Speedy.
90
00:07:01,855 --> 00:07:05,359
I called Thad, our quarterback, in
California. He's flying in this morning.
91
00:07:05,521 --> 00:07:08,591
Dad, aren't you
forgetting something?
92
00:07:08,787 --> 00:07:12,124
Well, I'm trying to, son,
but she's sitting right there.
93
00:07:13,520 --> 00:07:16,323
I meant your center, Dad.
Who's big enough to replace Skippy?
94
00:07:16,487 --> 00:07:19,390
That, I am proud to say,
is something I have thought of.
95
00:07:20,120 --> 00:07:21,855
Hup one, hup two!
96
00:07:36,352 --> 00:07:40,322
I gave him some of your mother's
sweat pants she grew out of, Peg.
97
00:07:41,552 --> 00:07:43,487
I even think
I'm gonna break my old record.
98
00:07:43,651 --> 00:07:47,755
And this time
I'm gonna spike the ball!
99
00:07:52,384 --> 00:07:55,220
I just hope our quarterback, Thad,
still has his throwing arm.
100
00:07:55,384 --> 00:07:58,954
What am I saying? Thad's
the kind of guy that never changes.
101
00:08:03,283 --> 00:08:06,186
Hi, Al, it's me, Thad.
102
00:08:11,582 --> 00:08:13,551
Al, you look...
103
00:08:14,148 --> 00:08:16,084
...just great.
104
00:08:18,182 --> 00:08:20,150
Thad, you look...
105
00:08:20,948 --> 00:08:23,384
...like a freaking woman.
106
00:08:26,314 --> 00:08:28,083
-Thad.
-Peggy.
107
00:08:28,248 --> 00:08:30,750
I thought you dropped off
the face of the earth.
108
00:08:30,914 --> 00:08:33,483
Well, not all of me did.
109
00:08:34,580 --> 00:08:35,948
I just love your dress.
110
00:08:36,113 --> 00:08:38,716
And I just love your hair.
111
00:08:39,579 --> 00:08:41,948
-Darling.
-Darling.
112
00:08:45,479 --> 00:08:48,382
So, what are you guys gonna do
with the extra cup?
113
00:08:52,978 --> 00:08:54,679
Oh, I get it.
114
00:08:54,844 --> 00:08:57,080
It's a gag!
115
00:08:57,877 --> 00:09:00,046
Oh, you always were a joker.
116
00:09:00,211 --> 00:09:02,847
That's a good one, Thad.
Well, the ball's in my court now.
117
00:09:18,076 --> 00:09:19,577
Oh, Thad.
118
00:09:21,542 --> 00:09:23,410
I had to do it, Al.
119
00:09:23,575 --> 00:09:26,278
All those years, I felt like a woman
trapped inside a man's body.
120
00:09:26,442 --> 00:09:28,844
I just got so tired of it.
121
00:09:29,041 --> 00:09:31,377
Yeah, but, we--
We all get tired of our cars too...
122
00:09:31,574 --> 00:09:34,143
...we don't rip the doors off.
123
00:09:36,074 --> 00:09:40,245
Now, how are we gonna beat
the First Ladies without a quarterback?
124
00:09:46,906 --> 00:09:49,175
Jack Franklin.
125
00:09:49,340 --> 00:09:51,909
What brings you
to the undefeated neighborhood?
126
00:09:52,073 --> 00:09:55,376
We heard your quarterback
is a woman.
127
00:09:58,771 --> 00:10:01,241
Not bad.
128
00:10:04,172 --> 00:10:07,175
Kind of overdid the ta-tas, though.
129
00:10:07,371 --> 00:10:08,973
That's not our quarterback.
130
00:10:09,171 --> 00:10:11,440
Then who is she?
131
00:10:11,637 --> 00:10:13,639
I don't know.
132
00:10:17,136 --> 00:10:19,439
I'm Thad.
133
00:10:21,070 --> 00:10:23,672
I'm sure.
134
00:10:26,703 --> 00:10:28,338
Still got your arm, Thad?
135
00:10:29,835 --> 00:10:31,237
You make the call.
136
00:10:36,368 --> 00:10:38,937
-Sunday, Bundy.
-We'll be there!
137
00:10:39,134 --> 00:10:41,470
With bells on.
138
00:10:58,766 --> 00:11:01,736
-How are you feeling, Al?
-Feel good, feel strong.
139
00:11:01,899 --> 00:11:03,500
Nothing can stop me today.
140
00:11:03,665 --> 00:11:05,934
Oh, Al.
141
00:11:06,099 --> 00:11:08,268
I feel bad, I feel weak.
142
00:11:10,031 --> 00:11:12,968
Now, honey,
how long is this game gonna take?
143
00:11:13,131 --> 00:11:14,399
And I mean long for me.
144
00:11:14,565 --> 00:11:17,235
Not long for you, which is about
three and a half minutes.
145
00:11:17,564 --> 00:11:20,167
You see, Peg,
the thing is it's meant to be fun.
146
00:11:20,331 --> 00:11:21,966
I mean fun for me,
not fun for you...
147
00:11:22,130 --> 00:11:25,667
...which is shouting instructions
with a mouth full of crackers.
148
00:11:26,897 --> 00:11:28,432
And what's she doing here?
149
00:11:28,630 --> 00:11:32,334
I am here in support
of my sister-in-arms, Thad.
150
00:11:32,496 --> 00:11:35,499
I hope that she wins
and somehow you don't.
151
00:11:36,829 --> 00:11:40,132
I'm sorry, little boy.
Did you lose your parents?
152
00:11:40,295 --> 00:11:42,097
Hey, Daddy.
153
00:11:42,262 --> 00:11:44,464
I have that cheer
you wanted me to write.
154
00:11:44,629 --> 00:11:47,532
Finally, someone here
who's on my side.
155
00:11:47,695 --> 00:11:50,130
-Let's hear it, pumpkin.
-Okay.
156
00:12:04,660 --> 00:12:07,463
Daddy!
157
00:12:08,726 --> 00:12:10,361
To think you weren't planned.
158
00:12:10,559 --> 00:12:15,497
All right, Kelly. Let's go find our seats
before all the good ones are taken.
159
00:12:15,693 --> 00:12:20,297
I am so glad my Jefferson doesn't have
to prove his manhood in this way.
160
00:12:20,455 --> 00:12:23,565
-Where is he?
-At home dyeing my shoes.
161
00:12:23,565 --> 00:12:23,892
-Where is he?
-At home dyeing my shoes.
162
00:12:27,891 --> 00:12:30,327
Well, if it isn't Jerk and the Fatman.
163
00:12:31,891 --> 00:12:35,928
-Ready to get your ass kicked, Bundy?
-Nice colors, Franklin.
164
00:12:36,090 --> 00:12:38,059
You look like
a box of Good & Plenty.
165
00:12:39,623 --> 00:12:41,925
Good & Plenty.
166
00:12:42,123 --> 00:12:44,259
Let's get it on.
167
00:12:50,922 --> 00:12:53,925
Hey, wait for me.
168
00:12:57,055 --> 00:13:00,325
Okay, Franklin, now remember
this ain't high school.
169
00:13:00,488 --> 00:13:03,391
-No cheating, no ringers.
-Same for you guys too.
170
00:13:03,554 --> 00:13:06,524
All right, let's get the referee here.
Yo, ref!
171
00:13:08,521 --> 00:13:10,656
Okay. The coin toss, gentlemen.
172
00:13:10,853 --> 00:13:15,158
Ready, son-- Bud-- Ref.
173
00:13:16,453 --> 00:13:17,721
Where's the coin?
174
00:13:21,019 --> 00:13:23,956
Damn, and I left my purse in the car.
175
00:13:24,852 --> 00:13:27,121
We can't start the game
if we don't flip a coin.
176
00:13:27,285 --> 00:13:29,354
-Call it in the air.
-Oh, God.
177
00:13:29,519 --> 00:13:31,554
Tails.
178
00:13:38,484 --> 00:13:40,687
Tails it is.
179
00:13:40,884 --> 00:13:42,686
It's your kick.
180
00:13:44,884 --> 00:13:47,920
Hey, Al, don't some of the First Ladies
seem a little big to you?
181
00:13:48,084 --> 00:13:49,352
Well, age will do that.
182
00:13:49,517 --> 00:13:52,220
You know, look at Barbara Bush.
183
00:13:52,650 --> 00:13:56,287
Seeing Daddy out on the field of honor
like the first time you ever saw him...
184
00:13:56,449 --> 00:13:58,351
...it must be really exciting for you.
185
00:13:59,482 --> 00:14:01,618
Next on Oprah....
186
00:14:07,216 --> 00:14:09,818
I got it! I got it!
187
00:14:11,448 --> 00:14:14,084
Daddy caught it, Ma.
He's at the 20.
188
00:14:14,248 --> 00:14:15,916
He is in the 20.
189
00:14:16,081 --> 00:14:18,917
He's under the 20.
190
00:14:26,247 --> 00:14:29,050
-Way to block, guys.
-We--
191
00:14:29,214 --> 00:14:31,482
We thought you were gonna go
all the way.
192
00:14:31,646 --> 00:14:33,715
Your helmet did.
193
00:14:35,279 --> 00:14:37,014
Thank you.
194
00:14:38,946 --> 00:14:42,149
Al, there's something wrong.
I don't think these are the First Ladies.
195
00:14:42,345 --> 00:14:45,715
Of course they're the First Ladies.
Who the hell else would they be?
196
00:14:48,111 --> 00:14:49,913
Excuse me.
197
00:14:50,344 --> 00:14:52,346
Anybody here lose
a Super Bowl ring?
198
00:14:56,044 --> 00:14:58,880
Excuse me, sir. I lost one.
199
00:15:03,343 --> 00:15:06,580
All right now, boys, remember,
the honor of Polk is at stake here.
200
00:15:06,742 --> 00:15:08,411
Besides,
we can't let our fans down.
201
00:15:08,609 --> 00:15:12,713
Al, it's cold.
We're gonna go home, okay?
202
00:15:12,909 --> 00:15:15,111
Peg, we're trying to huddle here.
203
00:15:15,275 --> 00:15:17,144
You never wanna huddle with me.
204
00:15:17,342 --> 00:15:20,345
Well, put a helmet and a face mask on
and we'll talk about it.
205
00:15:23,942 --> 00:15:27,245
All right, the hell with our fans.
This one's for us and--
206
00:15:27,408 --> 00:15:30,411
And Baywatch's Pamela Anderson.
207
00:15:37,340 --> 00:15:40,843
Hey, number 56.
You don't look like Morty Fishbein.
208
00:15:41,040 --> 00:15:42,675
Well, I am, you schmuck.
209
00:15:43,739 --> 00:15:45,675
Who'd ever thought
little Morty Fishbein...
210
00:15:45,839 --> 00:15:47,908
...would grow up to look like
Lawrence Taylor?
211
00:15:48,105 --> 00:15:51,275
Think that's something, Eddie Yim
grew up to look like Bubba Smith.
212
00:15:51,471 --> 00:15:53,440
Shut up.
213
00:15:53,638 --> 00:15:54,873
Same old Eddie.
214
00:15:55,039 --> 00:15:58,709
Except now he appears to be
a giant black man.
215
00:15:59,638 --> 00:16:02,208
Hey, Al.
I'd swear that's Rod Martin...
216
00:16:02,405 --> 00:16:04,807
...Hacksaw Reynolds
and Kenny Stabler over there.
217
00:16:05,004 --> 00:16:07,473
Jefferson, there's nobody over there
but pink punks.
218
00:16:07,637 --> 00:16:10,473
And what do Polk High Panthers do
to pink punks?
219
00:16:10,670 --> 00:16:13,105
Pulverize the powder puffs!
220
00:16:13,803 --> 00:16:15,271
Let's rock.
221
00:17:36,095 --> 00:17:39,632
-Had enough, Bundy?
-I have not.
222
00:17:39,795 --> 00:17:43,065
Neither have I. Who said that?
223
00:17:44,528 --> 00:17:47,431
Come on, Al. You okay?
224
00:17:53,894 --> 00:17:55,229
Two-minute warning.
225
00:17:56,793 --> 00:17:59,763
Look, Al, I may not know anything
about the First Ladies...
226
00:17:59,993 --> 00:18:03,297
...but I know a ringer when I see one.
227
00:18:12,926 --> 00:18:16,863
And you, sir, are a ringer!
228
00:18:19,225 --> 00:18:22,195
-Bubba!
-Oh, no.
229
00:18:22,391 --> 00:18:25,928
So just going out
for some milk, huh?
230
00:18:26,457 --> 00:18:27,892
Well--
231
00:18:28,224 --> 00:18:31,427
The Snake, L.T. and Hacksaw
were gonna play.
232
00:18:31,590 --> 00:18:33,358
If I didn't play...
233
00:18:33,523 --> 00:18:36,326
...they'd call me a sissy
and give me the business.
234
00:18:36,923 --> 00:18:38,491
Holy moly, here come the wives.
235
00:18:38,657 --> 00:18:40,725
Talking about
your fearsome foursome.
236
00:18:40,923 --> 00:18:42,257
Well?
237
00:18:42,455 --> 00:18:45,325
Baby, have I told you lately
how pretty your eyes look?
238
00:18:45,522 --> 00:18:49,193
Oh, really?
And what color would they be?
239
00:18:54,655 --> 00:18:56,924
So you are Lawrence Taylor.
240
00:18:57,087 --> 00:18:58,889
And you are Kenny Stabler.
241
00:18:59,054 --> 00:19:01,490
And you are Hacksaw Reynolds.
242
00:19:01,654 --> 00:19:03,689
And you are Rod Martin.
243
00:19:03,854 --> 00:19:05,923
And you are...
244
00:19:07,387 --> 00:19:10,123
...Eddie Yim.
245
00:19:10,287 --> 00:19:13,757
Franklin, you cheating pink weenie.
246
00:19:13,920 --> 00:19:16,455
-So you did use ringers.
-Like we needed them.
247
00:19:16,619 --> 00:19:19,422
You guys couldn't score
with your own wives.
248
00:19:20,319 --> 00:19:22,321
And we're proud of that.
249
00:19:23,019 --> 00:19:24,620
We can score on you.
250
00:19:24,785 --> 00:19:28,088
New game. Sudden death.
And I don't care if it takes all night.
251
00:19:28,685 --> 00:19:31,821
Excuse me, Dad. Your permit
for the field runs out in 10 minutes.
252
00:19:32,518 --> 00:19:37,190
And I don't care if it takes 10 minutes,
which is nine more than I need.
253
00:19:37,984 --> 00:19:40,720
If I don't personally score on you...
254
00:19:40,917 --> 00:19:45,988
...I will dance totally nude at the sports
bar in front of everybody...
255
00:19:47,184 --> 00:19:51,821
...except Thad and the wife.
256
00:19:52,014 --> 00:19:53,755
Then we both win.
257
00:19:53,755 --> 00:19:54,816
Then we both win.
258
00:20:35,312 --> 00:20:39,249
I did it. I did it! Polk rules!
259
00:20:42,778 --> 00:20:44,046
-Dad--
-Out of my way, son.
260
00:20:44,244 --> 00:20:47,514
-You're in my spotlight.
-You spiked it on the 5-yard line.
261
00:20:47,677 --> 00:20:49,212
What?
262
00:21:05,776 --> 00:21:08,546
What is it with you football guys?
263
00:21:08,708 --> 00:21:11,645
You pound on each other,
you abuse your own bodies...
264
00:21:11,808 --> 00:21:13,577
...why do you do it?
265
00:21:14,009 --> 00:21:17,012
-It's a man's thing.
-Yeah.
266
00:21:17,774 --> 00:21:21,578
-Commitment to excellence.
-And it gets you out of the house.
267
00:21:22,374 --> 00:21:25,710
But most of all, we do it for pride.
20165
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