Original subtitles

Stop it, go away.

- Want me to warm you up? - No, I just need sun.

I'm the sun.

- "I'm the sun..." - I'm the sun.

The hunter!

Where? There he is. I've got you.

Do I know what I'm doing?

Do I know what I'm doing?

Is he the right man?

Do you, Alicja, born in 1976 in Poland...

take Sebastian, born in 1966 in Berlin,

to be your lawfully wedded husband?

If so, say "I do."

Definitely. I do!

They met at a tango course, didn't they?

I guess it was 10 years ago.

Ala went to Berlin to learn tango.

And never came back home.

So now this is where we're at.

Woman of my life,

as you delight in your consumerism, do you think everything is fine?

Yes?

May I ask you two questions about life?

- About my life? - Yes.

- You serious? - My first question is...

What kind of person do I want to be?

- Okay. - And my second question is...

What do I want to get out of my life?

If I lost 7 kilos.

Why? It looks great. Gorgeous.

What kind of person do I want to be?

I'd like to be a kinky old fart with heaps of...

Really materialistic, I'd buy all the best stuff.

And what do I want to get out of my life? Even more money.

What is it like to answer these questions?

I want to be happy and...

content, cheerful.

- What did the others say? - Nothing yet.

- No one has replied yet. - I'm curious myself.

That's not important, Ala. How you answer them is.

- How about you? - I said I want to be successful.

With two thousand girls who all adore me.

Two thousand?

I'd like to be a sultan.

A sultan?

- These questions don't help at all. - No.

Three, two, one.

Our playtime is done.

All the little girls and boys.

Tidy up their games and toys.

My grandmother warned my mother

that once a woman has a baby, she can forget about her own life.

You devote yourself to the family and children,

and you're not important.

You accept it automatically.

If that's all you know, you just think that's the way it is.

I grew up in East Germany.

I was a communist.

I thought socialism would save us, save the world.

After the regime change, however, I realized that...

freedom is a precious commodity.

Stop it!

No!

Yes. I've got one of them...

Damn it.

Two more years...

and I've got no chance.

Come on, it doesn't take long.

If your hair's not tangled, it should only take a minute or so.

- Does your head itch? - A bit.

Lice.

One.

Two.

Three.

Four.

I dreamt that you and Dad split up.

- How was that? - Bad.

Five.

Come give me a hug!

- I need to go to the toilet! - No, no, no...

- Did Dad leave me or did I leave him? - You left him.

Six.

Yeah, but...

You didn't come to us, because you knew...

- I knew it was just a dream. - Silly.

That won't happen.

No? Why not?

Because you like each other!

- Only like? - Love.

Yes, you're right.

seven, eight, nine...

seven, eight, nine, ten... coming!

I stopped playing.

Woman of my life, would you like some music?

What would you like to listen to?

Something...

chilled.

Something chilled?

Chilled...

We decided a year ago to try an open relationship,

but haven't told anybody.

We've only talked to each other about it.

I'm following him on that journey.

For us.

If with anyone, then with him.

Green horses.

Galloping by.

From under their hooves.

Flowers burst up.

Frogs in the pond.

Lit a fire.

Up in the sky.

The stars glow in the moonlight.

You spoke to me.

Distant and strange.

You said that our summer

is coming to an end.

Summer...

Who wants to have sex anyway?

It's overrated.

The mint-scented summer breeze.

Raspberry-colored.

Summer...

of green woodland.

Summer...

of cuckoos and larks.

- Come here. - No!

- Come... - No!

Close the door.

Do you feel like the romance has gone?

No, I just...

Do you feel like the love's gone?

Is it?

That we do all this together without loving each other?

No.

I don't know how to put it...

Living together, struggling to make it work...

It's very intimate.

You need to know so much about the other person.

- You really have to lay it all bare. - Yes.

We've been trying this out for two years now.

Two years of asking yourself

if you can watch or bear to see

your husband making out with another woman.

Kissing her, touching her, fucking her.

What would it change?

How would me sleeping with another woman change anything?

We've never actually talked about it like we are doing now.

Yeah. People don't talk about this stuff, and it's stupid.

That's part of...

It's easier not to. It made your life easier too.

- Yours too. - Sure.

Yeah.

Monogamy or freedom.

You have to decide.

I fell asleep a girl and woke up a woman.

It just happened overnight.

I met my first boyfriend when I was 14.

He was eight years older than me.

So with him being older and me looking old for my age,

we were a good fit.

I remember our kind of "physical beginnings".

We did erotic photo sessions,

just discovering...

that special interplay,

being together, one body next to the other.

I was very lucky to be able to experience all that.

Freely.

BERLIN, GERMANY NOVEMBER 1989

You start adult life, and your views change.

I was 21 when the Berlin Wall came down.

Then I went to Rome,

and I saw the Sistine Chapel.

I marveled at Michelangelo's frescoes.

I just thought, "You bastards would've never let me out.

I never would've seen this in my whole fucking life."

That's my trauma.

That feeling of...

not being free.

Sebastian and I have different life stories.

He met his first girlfriend when he was 16.

He married her when he was 20, became a father at 26,

and spent 16 years in a marriage

not being allowed to do what he wanted.

Monogamy was the only option.

He knew he'd lose his wife if he did something.

But I had that freedom. How could I deny him that?

"I experienced it, but you're not allowed."

- I haven't had a date for ages. - Are you going to her place?

- I guess so. Where else? - Okay.

The park?

- That worked fine too. - I think it's a sex date.

- You sure? - I'm not sure, but it looks like it.

You just assume that from the chat?

Fair enough.

She seems pretty set on it.

Pretty set?

- What does that mean? - You can tell that's what she wants.

- Okay. But did she say it? - No.

- Between the words. - Between the lines.

You read between the lines.

- You can tell by how she responds. - What?

- You can tell... - Okay.

- why she wants to meet. - Got it.

This is a historic moment.

If you fuck her, it'll be a historic moment.

- Historic? - Yes, historic.

Isn't that a bit over the top?

- Historic? - No, it's definitely a big step up.

Lighten up a bit, will you?

Why should I lighten up?

- You want me to celebrate it? - Exactly. Done.

All guides for couples in open relationships advise

that you set your boundaries, talk about them, be honest,

and see if you're okay with pushing them or not.

Then the boundaries will expand on their own.

But to begin with, everyone needs a safe space.

Pehlitz is my safe space.

Home too. And what about the car?

- I guess not, you already... - That was ages ago.

Before we had any agreements.

No, but you still did it.

So the car was a safe space too?

- What else, the bikes? - It was my car!

- That's not true. - It is.

It was our family car.

That's all I had to show off.

You want to show off?

Go show off your big scary dick and not your...

Yeah right.

I'm going for a jog.

- Now? - Yes.

A run, swim, then off to bed.

Sounds great.

A nice evening.

With a lot of thinking.

Wife!

- Which shirt should I wear? - Oh no, leave me out of it.

- Wife, I'm leaving. - Bye.

- Are you okay? - Yes.

Great.

Can I have a kiss goodbye?

Yes.

Like now?

You want me to stand by the door waving my hankie?

Yeah, sure. That's what I want.

Give it everything you've got.

Go for it, 30 seconds left.

15 seconds.

Step it up, don't give up.

Keep it up, let's go.

Go, go.

Let's go, guys.

Slow down...

Three, two, one.

When you start talking about it, you come across other people

who are experimenting with their sexuality,

who are curious about different possibilities.

By opening up our relationship, we also opened up our house.

Nice arse. What else can I say?

- Want some wine? - Thanks.

Heart attack.

How are you? You good?

I'm going out for a bit.

It's like mourning.

You're hysterical to begin with,

there's lots of crying.

You just don't want to leave, whether it's a person or a system.

I think one of those roots just let go.

I didn't even have to cut it off.

Jesus Christ.

Finally I can be my crazy, wild self.

This feeling of freedom and love, I can't put it into words.

I'm so madly in love with you.

It feels amazing.

This is our 22nd spring. Well, we have a few each year.

I saved our love.

- Yes, you did. - I did.

You won, you did it.

I'm not a sad winner, I'm a happy winner.

"I'm the king!"

What film was that?

What's the meaning of Stonehenge

Ylvis?

Jesus Christ. Storm on the way.

I've never enjoyed life with anyone as much as with him.

You keep writing clues on my palm.

Then wipe the pen marks with a brush.

You say you ain't afraid of no man.

That if they get us, you'll eat them alive.

That's you all over.

When folly and poverty get me down.

You monkey about and the house is alive.

The spark is back in my eyes.

If only for you, I want to live again.

You're the cure for all evil.

And my hope for the coming year.

Need a hand?

You're the star amid the darkness.

A happiness world champion.

That's you all over.

This life is truly beautiful. I never had it better.

It never occurred to me to end this chapter over this.

- Be my guest. - Sorry.

Be my guest!

- Do you do the same with..? - I eat them.

- Yeah... - These, you too?

No, I don't eat them but I have to scratch it.

Yeah, I scratch it but, I thought it was my leg, you know. It was weird.

No, it's my leg.

Okay.

- Let's fuck the pillow. - Let's fuck the pillow, yeah.

And how is the was this also.

- I did it yesterday. - Ah, really?

The tour party.

Our Eastern neighbors!

Make a wish.

Careful.

There you go.

What we have here is so extraordinary

that it's sometimes hard to believe.

It's an adventure. Who knows what will come of it?

It's great you found a place for it.

It just happened, it was just a date.

After everything that's happened during this time?

All your demons, your fears...

The whole process.

You remember what it was like a year ago?

All these flies...

Do I know what I'm doing?

Is he the right guy?

Has anything changed?

I have.

But not my body. I'm shocked that it still fits so perfectly.

Got it.

- Hello! - Hello!

- How're you feeling? - Well.

- Good. - Very well.

Great. I love you.

Yeah. I think a little bit stronger now.

- Little bit stronger, okay. - Because it's beautiful now.

Okay.

I think I will lose my hair after this thing.

- This is... It's one more night. - It's holiday.

- And it's coming through. - It's... all the hair's gone.

I will love you anyway.

Would you love to marry me? Would you love to marry me?

- Sure. - Sure?

- Of course. - And you?

I say yes.

Yeah, they said yes!

So I take the ring... Let the party begin!

Thank you.

- Where's applause? - This is applause.

Oh my god, a bird was here. Because it's a...

- No, it's not like that. - Of course, kurwa.

No, it's like...

Wait a moment.

Time to kiss...

Time to kiss, time to kiss.

That's sweet.

- Okay, yeah. - Come on.

Yeah, yeah, closer to this...

That you were saying. But you're still sweet.

I wonder which of Alicja's shirts Sebastian will wear tomorrow.

The glittery one.

And one of Alicja's nice hats.

Oh my.

My daughter found a gypsy, and she's dancing with him.

Am I wrong? I'm not wrong.

Where on earth did she find him?

That's just how he evolved. My husband has changed.

I'm so free.

All alone.

In your presence.

It really doesn't hurt much.

So free.

Now it's almost over.

Being free.

Just be free

I'll help you.

I know it hurts a bit at first.

But, hey, don't cry.

Just be free.

- How do you feel? - I feel... free like hell.

Hi! Yeah, my name is Camila,

I'm from Out of Context. Ehm, today I'm gonna be your host.

And... yeah, so home.

I'm just... encourage you to treat it as if it was yours.

- I'll be going then. - Go for it.

- What's up? - When are we eating?

When I'm done here.

- Could you fix ours too? - Yep, will do.

- The sun's gone. - Come over here.

- I'll lie on top of you. - Come over to us.

On your belly.

- There's no space. - Sure there is.

It's really cold here already.

Wow, it gets cold so fast. Oh, sorry.

Cold, cold, cold, cold, cold.

Of course. Put your... Put your...

Put your, put your, put your...

As part of my psychology thesis,

I'm researching jealousy

in polyamorous or non-monogamous relationships.

What does jealousy mean for you?

What's the first thing you associate with that term?

I associate it very strongly with fear.

Very much.

It's the fear of loss, the fear of change,

the fear of being replaced.

Lots of strong fears that I call demons.

You're like a dog.

You're like a dog. Come here.

They, they uh... behaved like dogs.

Hallo, home!

It's fine.

Why you're not sure about?

No, I think this is if we do it now or if we do it in two months,

it will be the same.

- The fears are not about timing. - Yeah.

It has nothing to do with... time.

You have a very cute wish-ah, it's a hair, no wish. Sorry, no wish.

- I won't. - No wishes. No chance to wish.

No chance to wish.

- Yeah, no, I understand... - No wishing time.

Yes, but you know, like, I don't want to do the things in a rush.

Like if, if, if I move here...

I need to feel good with this

and I need to feel that everyone is good with this, you know?

But now we're a little bit overwhelmed, the three of us.

- Yeah. - And...

- I'm not. - A little bit.

- I'm not. - You're not?

- Yeah. - You are also.

You're like in between and you're like dealing with a lot of things.

- It's a total lie. - Yeah.

To say you're not...

We are, the three of us, full of fears and overwhelmed.

- I'm living. - Yeah.

No but we mean, just bring stuff and...

feel how it feels when the stuff is there.

Yeah, but you could, we could do it step by step, you know, it's serious...

- Business. - Bringing, bringing stuff.

Define 'step by step'.

No, just uh... You bring some stuff, you know, like...

You bring your television for example.

Console?

No, I got it.

Ja!

I feel one day we will laugh about this fucking picture.

It's the only way.

When it's burned.

Not when it's burned, we will have it...

"You know back in the day, there was something..."

We'll have it in our sleeping room, and we'll laugh about it.

- Oh my God. - Yes.

- Delete it, it doesn't mean that... - You need to delete my past?

No, you have your past here and here.

- So why to show it? - My past...

So...

you have to delete it.

It's a bit like...

sitting in a waiting room.

And I don't know how long I can sit in a waiting room.

Hello, Sebastian Rost.

And I feel like you've betrayed me.

I can move it towards the elbow, squeeze it, I have control.

I don't have to see it, I can look at you

but still feel what she's doing from my hand here.

I can control what she does,

without having to look at her,

I get that information from what I feel.

If I want to sit her down, my other hand is free for that.

That idea of an evolving dialogue, like in tango,

where you wait or can understand what the other person wants...

No way, I'm still learning the knots.

Now I understand the way she communicates,

or a little better at least.

This exercise teaches you that.

You're the one inflicting pain.

You want to do it, it's uncharted territory.

How much pain do you want to inflict?

How bad you can be...

to someone you love?

- Thank you. - You're welcome.

So! New constellation.

Sebastian, what do you think? You want to keep tying?

- No. No. I can be tied. - You can be tied again?

- You can be tied again? - Yes, please.

Okay. Okay.

- Mm, that's the best part. - Yes.

I see you at home.

We haven't danced for a while.

We haven't danced for a while.

- Are you okay? - Yeah.

Okay, let's stick with tango.

- Right. - My fly is open.

Doesn't matter.

So, we turn...

the other way.

Then we can...

if he behaves himself...

go for a third turn.

Ending here. That's two wide turns, or even three.

From the rotation.

Now what?

Relax.

A little closer for the second sacada.

You've pretty much got the general position right.

You might accidentally not give each other enough space.

Just loosen up and practice.

Sorry, I got lost.

Do you have some cash for the class?

You're not done already, are you?

- But you are sensitive? - Yes.

- Okay. - 'Cause I'm a beginner.

I'm... I can hold it.

But this is... This will be nicest, you know?

You will open your heart, you will be...

Yeah. I'm not afraid of it. Just, just to... to say it.

- I will give you a low dose then. - Okay, good.

- For you is a 150. - Okay.

And from, from there,

depending on how you feeling like in half an hour...

You will decide if you want more or...

- It's... It looks quite a lot. - It's okay.

Okay.

This is like a full dose and this is a little bit more.

Nice. Amor. Let's enjoy.

- Have a nice trip. - Thank you.

Fuck's sake.

You're mad? Okay.

- I'm going for a swim. - Enjoy.

Thanks.

One...

Two... that's it.

Three...

Four...

Five...

Six...

Seven...

Eight, nine, ten.

I surrender.

I feel completely lost.

Out of my way, coming through!

Or I'll run you over.

Yes, please do.

- Can I try it on? - Yes.

Die!

- I hate you at this moment. - I know.

I feel it.

I know you hate me as well.

Not anymore.

There are moments, but not now.

I think that I hate you.

I cannot stand you. I have anger.

I have jealousy.

I have... You know, like... I wish you were not here.

And...

I don't know how to do it.

How to find common ground and find love for each other again

because at the moment it's like... We cannot stand each other.

I would appreciate if you'd speak for you.

Not 'we can't stand', not 'we hate'. Just say what you feel.

- Okay. I cannot stand you anymore. - Thank you.

Right now. And I would love to find common ground that is good for me towards you.

And I don't find a way to... do it.

In the moment...

I don't hate you, I'm really sorry that you're there

and I remember I was there also. I know this feeling.

And for me it's now just... self-love.

For me not to spend time with you, not to have you around me.

It's just to care about me, I have this feeling I have to protect myself from you.

I have understanding for you.

I'm really sorry, I don't love you as Sebastian love you.

So if Sebastian is suffering and uh... you think

that it's your lack of capacity, you're not able to help him because first is you?

- I think this question is ridiculous. - Why?

Because it's not the same relationship.

Okay, but answer.

- You're able to help him... - I don't know. We'll see.

Even if you need to care about yourself?

And Sebastian looks like an... old monk.

- Completely... fucked. - Yeah.

I can't handle it because what situation are we in?

Camila and I can't talk.

- Difficult. - I'm not what I thought I was...

- Don't interrupt. - Okay.

I just wanted to tell you that the way I act at home,

my new behavior, my new definition of myself, my limits,

I act like a child learning to walk, I'll admit that.

Yes, I want to have a nest again

where I can recharge.

That's your limit. But it's also my bedroom, my home, my life.

You're used to me caving in. I always buckle... Let me finish.

I have to be generous and always considerate.

But I can't be considerate right now.

Okay, let's pause there for a second.

Because I don't think that's getting us anywhere.

What is your definition of freedom and what do you need to feel free?

Sebastian said he can love two people at the same time,

that he's able to do that.

I believe he really can, and he has proven that he can.

But our capacity to do so is finite.

In these two people, two great loves that are now...

I'm the love of his life, Camila is the love of his life.

I'm the woman of his life, Camila is the woman of his life.

He wants to stay with her for the rest of his life. With me, too.

He tells us that, he wants that.

He tries insanely hard to make sure it's all really good.

But from observation and what we've experienced so far,

I don't think it's possible.

I think it's almost inhumane

to do it in a way that everyone is truly happy and content.

Each of us has to make compromises. I do, in any case.

And it's a very high price to pay.

We've started the process of opening up our relationship

and we've done some incredible work

and we're both settled on living this way,

it's not about going back to monogamy.

Not at all.

We strived for freedom and...

but I just don't feel free right now.

Man, Sebastian,

how arrogant and stupid are you?

Damn, I'm jealous.

It's stupid not being able to admit you're jealous.

I also used to say I wasn't afraid. What bullshit.

We have this whole spectrum of emotions inside us

and it's totally moronic to try to suppress them.

The question is how we deal with it.

Moving around in the dark

on completely unfamiliar terrain,

I couldn't see where to go at all, or who to talk to.

I relied on it,

trusted it,

and at the same time, I subconsciously knew

at the end of the day, this is the freedom I have,

and not the freedom I give him.

A cozy night by the fireplace would be nice.

Yeah!

Your parents could teach us how to play patience.

Which patience?

That game for two people.

Sure, the game they play.

You sit opposite each other and lay cards until you can't go.

I feel the pull. I want to feel old.

Forget everything.

That got poetic.

I'm coming to you.

In the middle of the night.

I was so upset.

You're arming yourself.

Arming yourself.

To go into battle with me.

Why are you

going into battle with me?

Maybe the sun will go back up again.

Why are you...

Look over there.

going into battle with me?

Beautiful.

"Why are you so pale?" you ask.

"Why does one get wet in the rain?" I say.

How come you know nothing about it.

But see everything?

Why are you

going into battle with me?

Why are you

going into battle with me?

Subtitling: FAST TITLES MEDIA