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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:02,000 --> 00:00:04,080 This programme contains very strong language. 2 00:00:04,080 --> 00:00:07,160 I feel sick. I thought... What did you think? I thought it was a laptop. 3 00:00:07,160 --> 00:00:11,520 How have you got confused between a laptop and a dead cat in a bag? 4 00:00:11,520 --> 00:00:13,240 It's just so upsetting. 5 00:00:13,240 --> 00:00:15,600 It's squidgy. A laptop's not squidgy, is it? 6 00:00:15,600 --> 00:00:17,160 I thought it was bubble wrap, innit? 7 00:00:17,160 --> 00:00:19,920 So a dude pulls up to you, offers you a laptop in a bin bag, 8 00:00:19,920 --> 00:00:21,280 and you think that's a good deal? 9 00:00:21,280 --> 00:00:25,360 That is a good deal. £150 for a laptop, that's wicked. 10 00:00:25,360 --> 00:00:27,480 It's a very good deal for a laptop. 11 00:00:27,480 --> 00:00:29,200 Not a dead cat in a bag. 12 00:00:29,200 --> 00:00:31,480 Why wouldn't you look inside it before you bought it? 13 00:00:31,480 --> 00:00:33,600 What? When you go and buy a can of Coke from the shop, 14 00:00:33,600 --> 00:00:35,480 do you look inside to see if it's got a Coke in it 15 00:00:35,480 --> 00:00:37,720 or does it just have Coke in it? Huh? 16 00:00:37,720 --> 00:00:39,440 Listen, I didn't get a receipt, innit? 17 00:00:39,440 --> 00:00:41,440 So I can't take it back, so... 18 00:00:41,440 --> 00:00:43,240 How are we going to get rid of it? 19 00:00:43,240 --> 00:00:45,840 How do you think we're going to get rid of it? I'll have to do it... 20 00:00:45,840 --> 00:00:47,800 All right. I'm not carrying it this time. 21 00:00:49,560 --> 00:00:51,560 What's wrong with him, like? 22 00:00:51,560 --> 00:00:53,480 Where are you going? To hell. 23 00:01:01,440 --> 00:01:04,080 You're in so much trouble, you don't even know. 24 00:01:04,080 --> 00:01:05,640 You're in trouble as well. 25 00:01:05,640 --> 00:01:06,880 Why, what did he do? What? 26 00:01:07,880 --> 00:01:11,000 Did he stroke the cat? Yeah, he touched it. 27 00:01:11,000 --> 00:01:13,960 What does that mean? Your fingerprints are all over the ting. 28 00:01:13,960 --> 00:01:15,440 Come here, open the bag for me. 29 00:01:17,960 --> 00:01:20,320 Pass it here. Pass it here, yeah. 30 00:01:20,320 --> 00:01:24,320 Don't shake it! Now you can see its face properly, yeah? Look at that. 31 00:01:24,320 --> 00:01:26,920 That cat did not die of natural causes. Horrible, yeah? 32 00:01:26,920 --> 00:01:31,560 When they die of natural causes, they're all, "Meow! Meow!" 33 00:01:31,560 --> 00:01:33,280 Bruv, look at his face... 34 00:01:34,760 --> 00:01:37,320 Something rolled up on that pussycat and murdered him, bro. 35 00:01:37,320 --> 00:01:39,480 The RSPCA are fully looking for you. 36 00:01:39,480 --> 00:01:41,880 Will this affect my National Trust membership? 37 00:01:44,720 --> 00:01:45,920 They might revoke that shit. 38 00:01:45,920 --> 00:01:47,480 Oh, shit! 39 00:01:47,480 --> 00:01:49,920 Listen, don't worry. I'll come visit you in prison, innit? 40 00:01:51,320 --> 00:01:52,760 If Mobeen drives, I'll come. 41 00:01:52,760 --> 00:01:54,360 Yeah, don't bother. 42 00:01:54,360 --> 00:01:55,720 Oh, shit! 43 00:01:57,600 --> 00:01:58,680 Where are you going? 44 00:01:58,680 --> 00:02:00,760 Go, go, go! Get your hands in the air! 45 00:02:00,760 --> 00:02:03,320 Armed police, get your fucking hands in the air now. 46 00:02:03,320 --> 00:02:04,960 Especially you, Mobeen. 47 00:02:04,960 --> 00:02:07,000 OK, OK, OK! Where's your fucking friend gone? 48 00:02:07,000 --> 00:02:09,800 Why has he run off? I asked you a question. 49 00:02:09,800 --> 00:02:11,000 I don't know. 50 00:02:11,000 --> 00:02:14,640 If I had to guess, I'd probably say it's because he's black. 51 00:02:16,760 --> 00:02:17,920 What? 52 00:02:17,920 --> 00:02:20,640 Officer, I don't know if you've heard of this thing called history. 53 00:02:20,640 --> 00:02:23,960 Yeah? But these situations very rarely work out for the black man. 54 00:02:25,720 --> 00:02:27,480 What's in the bag? 55 00:02:27,480 --> 00:02:29,120 What's in the bag? It's a laptop. 56 00:02:29,120 --> 00:02:30,160 It's a dead cat. 57 00:02:31,200 --> 00:02:32,920 Sajid? 58 00:02:32,920 --> 00:02:33,960 You take this one. 59 00:02:38,720 --> 00:02:39,760 Hold on a minute. 60 00:02:40,880 --> 00:02:42,760 Is that Saj from school? 61 00:02:42,760 --> 00:02:45,800 Stuart Little? It is Stuart Little! 62 00:02:45,800 --> 00:02:48,360 Did you call him Lord Of The Rings? Yeah. Here, let me help you. 63 00:02:48,360 --> 00:02:49,880 Get back, get back, hands in the air! 64 00:02:54,840 --> 00:02:56,240 What have you found, Frodo? 65 00:02:56,240 --> 00:02:58,360 It's a dead cat, sir. 66 00:02:58,360 --> 00:03:00,120 What the fuck is wrong with you people? 67 00:03:00,120 --> 00:03:03,120 Fucking hell! Look who's in charge now, huh? 68 00:03:03,120 --> 00:03:05,280 Sajid, listen, man. Why have you got all the shit out? 69 00:03:05,280 --> 00:03:07,160 Are you arresting Ironman or what? It's me! 70 00:03:07,160 --> 00:03:10,360 Risk assessment management meeting dictates this level of response. 71 00:03:10,360 --> 00:03:12,440 The risk assessment management meeting dictates 72 00:03:12,440 --> 00:03:16,560 this level of... Shut up, Sajid. Shut up! Well, sorry and all that, 73 00:03:16,560 --> 00:03:18,720 you could have trained two highly qualified nurses 74 00:03:18,720 --> 00:03:21,360 with the money you spent on training this useless brown bollock. 75 00:03:21,360 --> 00:03:22,960 Don't call me that. Don't call me that. 76 00:03:22,960 --> 00:03:25,560 Listen, yeah? Stop wasting taxpayer's money on this bullshit. 77 00:03:25,560 --> 00:03:27,400 We're the police, we waste taxpayer's money 78 00:03:27,400 --> 00:03:28,720 on whatever we like. Yeah. 79 00:03:28,720 --> 00:03:31,040 Well, you could have got three RSPCA officers... 80 00:03:31,040 --> 00:03:33,200 Hands in the air, now! You, you're under arrest. Why? 81 00:03:33,200 --> 00:03:36,200 Him, why? What did I do? What did he do again, sir? 82 00:03:36,200 --> 00:03:39,760 Someone matching your description is using kids to sell drugs. 83 00:03:39,760 --> 00:03:42,360 He matches the description, so he's coming with us. 84 00:03:42,360 --> 00:03:44,480 Sorry, what was his description? 85 00:03:44,480 --> 00:03:46,600 Brown male, in jogging bottoms. 86 00:03:49,160 --> 00:03:51,720 Oh, well, it could be you, eh? 87 00:03:51,720 --> 00:03:54,560 I think it is me. It's not you! 88 00:03:54,560 --> 00:03:55,880 This is racial profiling. 89 00:03:55,880 --> 00:03:57,600 Go suck your mum's... We know our rights. 90 00:03:57,600 --> 00:03:59,400 Oh, don't play the race card, Mobeen. 91 00:03:59,400 --> 00:04:01,320 I am the race card. 92 00:04:01,320 --> 00:04:03,000 Why would you say... What does that mean? 93 00:04:03,000 --> 00:04:04,800 What does that mean? Why would you say that? 94 00:04:04,800 --> 00:04:08,000 Just so you know, yeah, he was never happy being a Feast. 95 00:04:08,000 --> 00:04:10,680 You always wanted to be a vanilla Magnum, didn't you? Didn't you? 96 00:04:10,680 --> 00:04:12,880 Tell him it's got nothing to do with racial profiling. 97 00:04:12,880 --> 00:04:14,760 This has nothing to do with racial profiling. 98 00:04:14,760 --> 00:04:18,200 It's got nothing to do with racial profiling. Dude. 99 00:04:18,200 --> 00:04:20,120 Careful, sunshine. 100 00:04:20,120 --> 00:04:23,320 It would be a shame if I had a little mishap at work... 101 00:04:23,320 --> 00:04:26,840 ..and accidentally shot you six times in the fucking face. 102 00:04:26,840 --> 00:04:30,600 Accidentally shot you in the face six fucking times. 103 00:04:30,600 --> 00:04:33,640 I've had enough of this shit. Cuff him. No, no, no. 104 00:04:33,640 --> 00:04:38,880 I told you I'd get you back, look at me. 105 00:04:38,880 --> 00:04:41,640 My dick is in your face, what are you going to do about it? 106 00:04:41,640 --> 00:04:43,040 Look at me. Look at me. 107 00:04:43,040 --> 00:04:45,960 Stand down. No more coffee for you in the morning! Christ! 108 00:04:55,920 --> 00:04:57,960 Fuck! 109 00:04:57,960 --> 00:05:00,800 I just don't feel comfortable with the level of tension in your scalp. 110 00:05:00,800 --> 00:05:03,040 You know as well, I reading on the internet, yeah, 111 00:05:03,040 --> 00:05:05,880 they've got this extracts of volcanic ash cloud and that, right? 112 00:05:05,880 --> 00:05:07,760 Mum never took this long to do my braids. 113 00:05:07,760 --> 00:05:10,800 Unless she's turned into Pakistan's version of Mr Tickle, 114 00:05:10,800 --> 00:05:12,760 she can't reach your hair from Karachi, can she? 115 00:05:12,760 --> 00:05:15,000 So you're stuck with your big brother during your hair. 116 00:05:15,000 --> 00:05:18,880 Can't I get a professional to do them? Oi! I am a professional. 117 00:05:18,880 --> 00:05:21,400 I want more volume in here. I need more volume. 118 00:05:21,400 --> 00:05:24,240 I want to get it hench and that, like, try feathering it. 119 00:05:24,240 --> 00:05:27,520 I could even layer it, you know. Or maybe just finish off my braids. 120 00:05:27,520 --> 00:05:29,520 I can hear my hair growing! 121 00:05:29,520 --> 00:05:31,040 Is Eight still in custody? 122 00:05:31,040 --> 00:05:33,640 Is being a weirdo finally a crime? If he was in prison for that, 123 00:05:33,640 --> 00:05:35,880 he'd be in prison for the rest of his life, wouldn't he? 124 00:05:35,880 --> 00:05:38,040 No, the old Bill think he's been selling drugs. 125 00:05:38,040 --> 00:05:40,280 Eight, a drug dealer? That's funny. 126 00:05:40,280 --> 00:05:43,120 That's what I said as well. Everyone knows it's Shahid. 127 00:05:49,160 --> 00:05:50,640 Why do you even know that name? 128 00:05:51,640 --> 00:05:53,640 Have you lost weight? 129 00:05:53,640 --> 00:05:55,120 You're looking trim, you know. 130 00:05:55,120 --> 00:05:56,280 Stop all that, yeah. 131 00:05:57,600 --> 00:05:59,400 Tell me what you know. 132 00:05:59,400 --> 00:06:01,440 The rumour in Year Ten is that Shahid is getting 133 00:06:01,440 --> 00:06:03,480 some of the kids to move his grub for him. 134 00:06:03,480 --> 00:06:05,920 What? I don't know why you can't just snitch on Shahid 135 00:06:05,920 --> 00:06:09,160 and get Eight out. It don't work like that, all right? 136 00:06:09,160 --> 00:06:11,200 I'm telling you now, Aks, yeah? 137 00:06:11,200 --> 00:06:14,040 You stay well away from anything to do with this, you understand? 138 00:06:14,040 --> 00:06:15,560 There is one person in the family 139 00:06:15,560 --> 00:06:17,600 who don't get involved in drug dealing. 140 00:06:17,600 --> 00:06:19,840 I don't do no drugs, sell drugs, who told you that, man? 141 00:06:19,840 --> 00:06:23,120 I don't know what you're talking about. Is that true? 142 00:06:23,120 --> 00:06:24,800 Do you think I've lost weight, though, 143 00:06:24,800 --> 00:06:27,480 because I'd been doing sit-ups and crunches and that, like. 144 00:06:27,480 --> 00:06:28,680 Don't be stupid. 145 00:06:28,680 --> 00:06:30,080 BING! 146 00:06:30,080 --> 00:06:32,320 Kareema is here. Listen, wait for me. Wait for me. 147 00:06:33,960 --> 00:06:36,720 Your hair looks lovely from here, you know. 148 00:06:36,720 --> 00:06:38,080 You're giving me stress. 149 00:06:38,080 --> 00:06:40,200 I did a stress test, and it said I'm dead, 150 00:06:40,200 --> 00:06:41,840 pretty much dead because of you. 151 00:06:44,800 --> 00:06:46,440 Yo, yo. 152 00:06:46,440 --> 00:06:48,320 I want to talk to you. Wa gwa, Mobeen? 153 00:06:48,320 --> 00:06:53,400 Look, I can't stay, man, got to go. Business and that, yeah. 154 00:06:53,400 --> 00:06:55,600 Kareema, what are you doing hang around with that mug? 155 00:06:55,600 --> 00:06:57,200 He's mum's cousin's cousin. 156 00:06:57,200 --> 00:06:58,480 What's your problem, Mobeen? 157 00:06:58,480 --> 00:07:00,320 I don't care who he is, yeah? 158 00:07:00,320 --> 00:07:02,280 Stay well away from him, do you understand? 159 00:07:02,280 --> 00:07:03,600 Why? What are you going to do? 160 00:07:03,600 --> 00:07:06,520 Are you going to braid my hair really, really slowly? 161 00:07:07,800 --> 00:07:09,200 Maybe I will. 162 00:07:10,640 --> 00:07:13,160 Maybe I will. She's weird, man. 163 00:07:30,320 --> 00:07:32,720 They won't keep him here for much longer. 164 00:07:32,720 --> 00:07:34,680 That's what Nelson Mandela's wife said. 165 00:07:34,680 --> 00:07:36,040 Look what happened there. 166 00:07:38,840 --> 00:07:41,240 Blud, they don't even give refreshments in here any more. 167 00:07:41,240 --> 00:07:44,480 Not even a water cooler. I don't know why I pay my taxes. 168 00:07:44,480 --> 00:07:46,560 You don't pay your taxes. 169 00:07:46,560 --> 00:07:49,320 OK, I don't know why you pay your taxes, then, innit? 170 00:08:02,200 --> 00:08:03,760 You OK, bro? 171 00:08:05,440 --> 00:08:07,640 Hey? 172 00:08:07,640 --> 00:08:08,680 WHISPERING: Shit! 173 00:08:10,120 --> 00:08:13,040 It's that guy. WHISPERING: What guy? 174 00:08:13,040 --> 00:08:15,840 They call him the Small Heath sex falcon. 175 00:08:15,840 --> 00:08:17,440 Why? 176 00:08:17,440 --> 00:08:22,440 Because man swoops in, and violates tall man... 177 00:08:22,440 --> 00:08:24,640 ..with kind faces. 178 00:08:24,640 --> 00:08:25,880 I'm a tall man. 179 00:08:27,120 --> 00:08:28,680 With a kind face. 180 00:08:32,160 --> 00:08:34,280 NORMAL VOLUME: What's going on with you, sir? 181 00:08:34,280 --> 00:08:36,320 Come on, man, no judgment here. What was it? 182 00:08:36,320 --> 00:08:40,320 Well, I was pretending to be a ghost. 183 00:08:40,320 --> 00:08:41,640 I beg your pardon. 184 00:08:41,640 --> 00:08:44,800 When people went to visit graves, I'd... 185 00:08:44,800 --> 00:08:47,520 Oh, never mind. Never mind never mind, go on. 186 00:08:47,520 --> 00:08:48,960 I'd go up behind them. 187 00:08:48,960 --> 00:08:51,120 And? And go, "Wooo." 188 00:08:58,360 --> 00:09:00,280 What's going on in here, man? 189 00:09:00,280 --> 00:09:02,400 I think Arnold Schwarzenegger's vegan now. 190 00:09:02,400 --> 00:09:05,200 That's how come he's so active, even though he's so old. 191 00:09:07,480 --> 00:09:12,320 Oh, so boss, Officer Sajid, you're doing such a good job. 192 00:09:12,320 --> 00:09:14,120 You're a good police officer, you. 193 00:09:14,120 --> 00:09:17,080 Wasting more time on innocent people. You all right, yeah? 194 00:09:17,080 --> 00:09:18,760 Listen, watch Terminator Three again, 195 00:09:18,760 --> 00:09:21,760 then you tell me it's not the best one from all the Terminator films. 196 00:09:21,760 --> 00:09:24,600 That one is the wickedest one. Have you given him sugar? 197 00:09:24,600 --> 00:09:27,960 I had two digestives and an orange squash. For goodness' sake! 198 00:09:27,960 --> 00:09:30,600 The guy's a weirdo. Just get him out of here. 199 00:09:30,600 --> 00:09:32,360 Can I stay? Because he proper lets me talk. 200 00:09:32,360 --> 00:09:34,160 Do you want to stay the afternoon? Yeah. 201 00:09:34,160 --> 00:09:35,840 That's fine, yeah, you can stay with you. 202 00:09:35,840 --> 00:09:36,920 What is wrong with you? 203 00:09:36,920 --> 00:09:38,400 If I sell drugs, can I come back then? 204 00:09:38,400 --> 00:09:40,680 You're not a drug dealer, you're a baby. 205 00:09:40,680 --> 00:09:43,640 It's OK. We'll bring him back for a play date another day, yeah? 206 00:09:43,640 --> 00:09:44,880 You fucking piece of shit! 207 00:09:44,880 --> 00:09:45,920 I'm a piece of shit? 208 00:09:45,920 --> 00:09:48,240 Putting my face in the middle, 209 00:09:48,240 --> 00:09:50,560 do you understand? Come on. You all right, yeah? Come on. 210 00:09:50,560 --> 00:09:52,960 Mugging man off and that. Because of my face in my hood. 211 00:09:52,960 --> 00:09:55,320 Shave that beard off as well. Fucking terrorist! 212 00:09:55,320 --> 00:09:57,200 Wow, Islamophobia from a Muslim, yeah? 213 00:09:57,200 --> 00:09:59,920 Officer Sajid, I forgot to mention. 214 00:09:59,920 --> 00:10:02,600 I saw your mum last week. She still says you're a dickhead! 215 00:10:02,600 --> 00:10:04,600 Get the fuck out of my station. 216 00:10:04,600 --> 00:10:06,440 And you know that ghost, yeah? 217 00:10:06,440 --> 00:10:08,920 He's the sanest motherfucker in this place. 218 00:10:08,920 --> 00:10:10,080 Thank you. 219 00:10:12,680 --> 00:10:15,600 I can't do this job any more. 220 00:10:15,600 --> 00:10:17,480 I still don't know why you had to go get him. 221 00:10:17,480 --> 00:10:20,280 What's going to happen to him in between leaving the police station, 222 00:10:20,280 --> 00:10:23,080 and going home? Take your pick. Getting dog poo in his hair. 223 00:10:23,080 --> 00:10:24,560 Signing up to the Territorial Army. 224 00:10:24,560 --> 00:10:27,160 Getting his shoes jacked by that group of 12-year-old muggers, 225 00:10:27,160 --> 00:10:28,800 do you remember that? But them girls... 226 00:10:28,800 --> 00:10:31,240 Tell her how vicious the girls were. OK, stupid question. 227 00:10:31,240 --> 00:10:33,240 Yeah, it was. He's daft and that, yeah. 228 00:10:33,240 --> 00:10:36,080 But he's like family. And we look after family, you know that. 229 00:10:36,080 --> 00:10:38,360 Yeah, us'll all do anything for one another. 230 00:10:38,360 --> 00:10:40,000 Because, like, we are, like, brothers. 231 00:10:40,000 --> 00:10:41,160 Obviously not the same mum, 232 00:10:41,160 --> 00:10:42,960 but, you know, blood is thicker than water. 233 00:10:42,960 --> 00:10:44,760 And he is thicker concrete! 234 00:10:44,760 --> 00:10:46,920 They know what they're talking about, like, innit? 235 00:10:46,920 --> 00:10:49,200 Like, pay attention. It's a set of rules that we live by. 236 00:10:49,200 --> 00:10:50,800 We're basically a lovely family. 237 00:10:50,800 --> 00:10:53,880 It's a kind of code. Yeah, we fall out, 238 00:10:53,880 --> 00:10:57,520 but we never, ever snitch on one another. 239 00:10:57,520 --> 00:10:59,800 How did you get dog poo in your hair anyways? 240 00:10:59,800 --> 00:11:02,800 What it is, if you're wearing a hoodie, right, 241 00:11:02,800 --> 00:11:04,880 and someone puts dog poo in the back of your hoodie, 242 00:11:04,880 --> 00:11:07,560 and then you put the hoodie up, then you've got dog poo in your hair. 243 00:11:07,560 --> 00:11:10,440 It's obvious now you say it. That's why I said it. 244 00:11:10,440 --> 00:11:12,680 Mate, did you bring your own cutlery? 245 00:11:12,680 --> 00:11:14,400 Oh, yeah, I always bring this fork. 246 00:11:19,840 --> 00:11:23,040 Zayn Malik reckons he's from the hood in Bradford. Really? 247 00:11:23,040 --> 00:11:25,320 Yeah, but I'll knock him spark out. Yeah, you could. 248 00:11:25,320 --> 00:11:27,040 I need you to take these for me, please. 249 00:11:27,040 --> 00:11:29,360 There's a squad car waiting right outside school for me, 250 00:11:29,360 --> 00:11:32,000 and I swear they are following me. Can't you just throw them away? 251 00:11:32,000 --> 00:11:33,720 Are you crazy? Shahid would kill me. 252 00:11:33,720 --> 00:11:35,680 You're my best mate, I would do the same for you. 253 00:11:35,680 --> 00:11:36,720 Just go. Thank you. 254 00:12:02,480 --> 00:12:05,520 It's you, bro. Remember you sold me that laptop, it wasn't a laptop, 255 00:12:05,520 --> 00:12:07,200 it was a dead cat in a bag. 256 00:12:07,200 --> 00:12:09,680 It was the wrong bag. Oh, you gave me the wrong bag? 257 00:12:11,560 --> 00:12:13,800 All right. Don't mess me about next time, yeah? 258 00:12:27,840 --> 00:12:29,480 Mobeen. 259 00:12:33,080 --> 00:12:35,800 Bloody hell. 260 00:12:35,800 --> 00:12:39,840 Aks, you know according to this documentary here, now, yeah, 261 00:12:39,840 --> 00:12:43,160 strawberry milkshakes contain an ingredient 262 00:12:43,160 --> 00:12:47,040 that comes from the bum gland of a beaver. 263 00:12:47,040 --> 00:12:48,440 The bum gland of a beaver. 264 00:12:48,440 --> 00:12:49,800 Who is even up the beaver's bum, 265 00:12:49,800 --> 00:12:52,160 looking for ingredients in the first place? 266 00:12:52,160 --> 00:12:53,360 Unbelievable. 267 00:12:55,480 --> 00:12:57,960 Aks. Aks. 268 00:12:57,960 --> 00:12:59,160 What? 269 00:12:59,160 --> 00:13:02,320 Would you drink strawberry milkshake with all these bum glands in there? 270 00:13:02,320 --> 00:13:03,920 I'm good, thanks. 271 00:13:03,920 --> 00:13:05,120 Yeah, same here. 272 00:13:06,520 --> 00:13:07,800 Blowing my mind, this is. 273 00:13:09,440 --> 00:13:11,040 Come here and watch it with me, man. 274 00:13:11,040 --> 00:13:13,480 You probably need this info for your GCSEs, come. 275 00:13:13,480 --> 00:13:15,680 Aks. 276 00:13:15,680 --> 00:13:16,880 Aks! 277 00:13:21,720 --> 00:13:25,120 All right, all right, you don't have to drink it if you don't want to. 278 00:13:27,480 --> 00:13:29,800 Why has Kareema even got these in the first place? 279 00:13:33,120 --> 00:13:34,480 Oh, shite... 280 00:13:34,480 --> 00:13:37,720 I just did what I thought you would have done for Eight and Nate. 281 00:13:37,720 --> 00:13:39,640 I helped her. 282 00:13:39,640 --> 00:13:41,480 We don't snitch on our own people. 283 00:13:41,480 --> 00:13:42,600 That's the rule. 284 00:13:42,600 --> 00:13:44,920 No! It's not... Well, it... 285 00:13:46,440 --> 00:13:49,440 I mean, yeah, but...I'm sorry, it's my fault, OK? 286 00:13:49,440 --> 00:13:50,880 Just don't cry. 287 00:13:50,880 --> 00:13:52,640 Don't cry, OK? It's not your fault. 288 00:13:54,920 --> 00:13:56,400 I have to fix this, all right? 289 00:13:56,400 --> 00:13:58,480 Just wait until I get back, lock the door. 290 00:14:33,320 --> 00:14:38,880 Mobeen's gone off the shade. Do you know what this means? 291 00:14:38,880 --> 00:14:41,600 BOTH: Fight! 292 00:14:43,680 --> 00:14:45,280 Yo, wa gwan, Mobeen? 293 00:14:46,360 --> 00:14:48,160 Keep this filth away from Kareema, 294 00:14:48,160 --> 00:14:51,000 and you even look in the direction of my little sister... You'll what? 295 00:14:51,000 --> 00:14:53,680 Yeah, this ain't your game any more. You retired. So what? 296 00:14:53,680 --> 00:14:56,760 You just want to be an imam by day, and a road man by night? 297 00:14:58,200 --> 00:15:00,520 It's a shame about your sister, you know. 298 00:15:00,520 --> 00:15:03,480 She'd have made a good little drug dealer. 299 00:15:03,480 --> 00:15:05,200 I ain't scared of you, Mobeen. 300 00:15:05,200 --> 00:15:07,520 What are you going to do? 301 00:15:07,520 --> 00:15:08,920 What am I going to do? 302 00:15:08,920 --> 00:15:11,680 Yeah. What are you going to do, Mobeen? 303 00:15:11,680 --> 00:15:14,040 What am I going to do? I'll show you what I'm going to do. 304 00:15:14,040 --> 00:15:18,200 Come here. I'm going to show you. Take that. 305 00:15:18,200 --> 00:15:21,600 Take this leek in your face. Do you like bananas? 306 00:15:21,600 --> 00:15:23,840 How about it? I'm going to give you your five a day today. 307 00:15:23,840 --> 00:15:26,200 You'll get your five a day today. I'm allergic to kiwis. 308 00:15:26,200 --> 00:15:27,600 Oh, are you? Yeah! 309 00:15:27,600 --> 00:15:29,760 Don't, man, don't. 310 00:15:29,760 --> 00:15:31,760 Yes! 311 00:15:31,760 --> 00:15:33,360 Take the kiwi! 312 00:15:34,400 --> 00:15:36,600 THEY SQUEAL 313 00:15:37,840 --> 00:15:39,080 That was sick! 314 00:15:39,080 --> 00:15:40,880 Check you out, you were like Dhalsim. 315 00:15:40,880 --> 00:15:42,840 You proper turned him into a fruit salad, innit? 316 00:15:42,840 --> 00:15:45,120 Are you all right? Mate! Mate! 317 00:15:45,120 --> 00:15:46,160 What? 318 00:15:50,480 --> 00:15:53,000 Bro, I stopped recording, can you do that again? 319 00:15:53,000 --> 00:15:54,760 Who was paying for all these fruits? 320 00:15:54,760 --> 00:15:56,960 His mum's going to have to pay for it, innit? 321 00:15:56,960 --> 00:15:58,560 SIREN WAILS 322 00:16:01,400 --> 00:16:03,960 Oh, fuc... 323 00:16:03,960 --> 00:16:05,840 Not Harper again. 324 00:16:05,840 --> 00:16:08,160 I'm going to ask for a chocolate digestive this time. 325 00:16:08,160 --> 00:16:09,560 Is that important right now? 326 00:16:09,560 --> 00:16:11,280 Thank you for giving me a genuine reason 327 00:16:11,280 --> 00:16:13,560 to take you down to the station. What's that reason? 328 00:16:13,560 --> 00:16:16,120 You didn't see me do... I haven't done anything to see. 329 00:16:16,120 --> 00:16:18,560 Tell him I didn't do anything. What about the fight? 330 00:16:19,720 --> 00:16:22,360 He didn't do anything. Listen, listen. 331 00:16:22,360 --> 00:16:25,360 Have I done anything, though? There was a man lying in fruit. 332 00:16:25,360 --> 00:16:28,240 That is enough. Are you going to kill a man or what? 333 00:16:28,240 --> 00:16:30,880 Not yet. What do you mean not yet? 334 00:16:30,880 --> 00:16:34,600 What's that supposed to mean? No, I didn't do anything. 335 00:16:34,600 --> 00:16:36,360 Did you see me do anything? 336 00:16:36,360 --> 00:16:37,560 Did you see man do... 337 00:16:39,680 --> 00:16:41,800 Get in. 338 00:16:41,800 --> 00:16:43,840 Mobeen! 339 00:16:43,840 --> 00:16:45,320 I didn't do anything. 340 00:16:45,320 --> 00:16:46,800 Step back, or I'll gas you. 341 00:16:46,800 --> 00:16:49,520 I didn't do anything. Why is he covered in bananas? 342 00:16:49,520 --> 00:16:51,160 Because he likes salad. 343 00:16:51,160 --> 00:16:53,360 That's a likely story. Put that phone down. 344 00:17:11,320 --> 00:17:13,440 Officer, please, you have to let me go, man. 345 00:17:13,440 --> 00:17:16,040 They are going to take her away from me. Please, man. 346 00:17:17,320 --> 00:17:19,920 Officer, please, man, there's nobody else at home. 347 00:17:23,000 --> 00:17:25,080 Out. What? 348 00:17:25,080 --> 00:17:26,840 Get out. 349 00:17:26,840 --> 00:17:29,160 You're an absolute waste of fucking time. 350 00:17:29,160 --> 00:17:32,440 What is it? He won't admit it was you that gave him an 'iding. 351 00:17:34,400 --> 00:17:36,000 You lot and your bullshit code. 352 00:17:36,000 --> 00:17:38,480 I don't know why I'm taking these off, I'm sure I'll put you 353 00:17:38,480 --> 00:17:40,080 back in them soon enough. 354 00:17:41,480 --> 00:17:42,720 Am I good to go? 355 00:17:42,720 --> 00:17:44,600 Piss off, Mobeen. 356 00:17:49,600 --> 00:17:51,600 Come here, Aks. 357 00:17:53,160 --> 00:17:55,120 Are you OK? 358 00:17:55,120 --> 00:17:56,600 Come over here, man. 359 00:18:00,800 --> 00:18:03,160 What? 360 00:18:03,160 --> 00:18:05,440 You all right? 361 00:18:05,440 --> 00:18:07,600 Oi! Who done this to my fruit? 362 00:18:09,120 --> 00:18:10,760 Eight did it. 363 00:18:10,760 --> 00:18:12,680 No more paper round for you. 364 00:18:12,680 --> 00:18:15,280 Do you do a paper round here? Sometimes. 365 00:18:22,200 --> 00:18:24,800 Listen, man, people can say what they like about Small Heath. 366 00:18:24,800 --> 00:18:27,520 I love living here, man. They say it's violent all the time and that. 367 00:18:27,520 --> 00:18:29,280 Didn't you have a fight two minutes ago? 368 00:18:29,280 --> 00:18:32,280 Yeah, OK, it was violent then, but that's because I made it violent. 369 00:18:32,280 --> 00:18:34,960 I'm not going to do that again, so you ain't got to worry about that. 370 00:18:34,960 --> 00:18:37,080 Ain't that your boy? Oh, yeah, it's Drizzee 371 00:18:37,080 --> 00:18:39,000 Good to see you, brother. He's a good guy. 372 00:18:39,000 --> 00:18:41,240 It is violent. It's not... 373 00:18:41,240 --> 00:18:43,320 Well, yes, you're right, actually, it's violent. 374 00:18:43,320 --> 00:18:46,480 Do you know why? Because of them. Geeses? 375 00:18:46,480 --> 00:18:48,680 Geese, yeah, get that right. 376 00:18:48,680 --> 00:18:51,920 Geese! Yeah, man, people think Small Heath's violent and dangerous, 377 00:18:51,920 --> 00:18:53,760 Worried about gang-related crime and that. 378 00:18:53,760 --> 00:18:55,720 They want to worry about goose-related crime. 379 00:18:55,720 --> 00:18:58,000 That's claimed the most lives in Small Heath this year. 380 00:18:58,000 --> 00:19:00,400 That's how violent they are. So if they attack me, 381 00:19:00,400 --> 00:19:02,240 I'll be able to throw fruit them, yeah? 382 00:19:02,240 --> 00:19:04,800 If they attack you, throw what you like out of them, mate, 383 00:19:04,800 --> 00:19:07,000 they are dangerous. Oi! Stop that! 384 00:19:07,000 --> 00:19:09,120 Not now, where did you get that from? 385 00:19:10,760 --> 00:19:12,600 Well... Did you rob that from the...? 386 00:19:12,600 --> 00:19:15,240 Put it away, I'm paying tomorrow. It's one of my five-a-days. 387 00:19:15,240 --> 00:19:16,880 Yeah, stolen one of your five-a-days, 388 00:19:16,880 --> 00:19:18,960 there's no nutrients in that, is there? 389 00:19:18,960 --> 00:19:20,920 So you're telling me you're scared of geese? 390 00:19:20,920 --> 00:19:23,520 I'm not scared of the geese, I'm just cautious around the geese. 391 00:19:23,520 --> 00:19:25,880 Do you know what I mean? Why are we walking faster? 392 00:19:25,880 --> 00:19:27,160 SHE SQUAWKS How many times? 393 00:19:27,160 --> 00:19:29,280 Don't make that noise, they'll come over here. 394 00:19:29,280 --> 00:19:30,760 SHE SQUAWKS Can you stop doing that? 395 00:19:30,760 --> 00:19:33,160 He's looking this way now. 396 00:19:33,160 --> 00:19:35,200 SHE SQUAWKS Aks, can you stop that? 397 00:19:35,200 --> 00:19:37,160 I've been diagnosed with ornithophobia. 398 00:19:37,160 --> 00:19:38,200 Stop that! 49311

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