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1
00:01:27,467 --> 00:01:30,567
Let go of my hair, you little psychopath!
2
00:01:30,734 --> 00:01:33,867
Die, commie bimbo.
3
00:01:34,433 --> 00:01:37,266
Now, Bud, I thought
we talked about this before.
4
00:01:37,467 --> 00:01:38,900
- What's that, Mom?
- You know...
5
00:01:39,100 --> 00:01:42,867
...Sneaking up behind your sister,
pulling her hair, pretending to kill her.
6
00:01:43,934 --> 00:01:45,567
Remember the effect it had on Grandma?
7
00:01:47,367 --> 00:01:50,633
Nobody likes it, nobody thinks
it's funny. So cut it out, okay?
8
00:01:50,834 --> 00:01:53,233
- Sure, Mom.
- Now, go to school.
9
00:01:55,333 --> 00:01:58,266
- I hate you.
- Good.
10
00:01:59,500 --> 00:02:00,934
Hey, hon.
11
00:02:01,100 --> 00:02:03,834
- Anything going on?
- Nope.
12
00:02:04,533 --> 00:02:06,367
Sweetie...
13
00:02:06,900 --> 00:02:09,100
Is this your little cactus?
14
00:02:09,467 --> 00:02:13,834
Any particular reason you put it
where the alarm clock used to be?
15
00:02:15,633 --> 00:02:18,233
I thought it would dress up
the room a little bit.
16
00:02:18,400 --> 00:02:20,567
Oh, gee, I meant to tell you
to be careful...
17
00:02:20,734 --> 00:02:23,233
...Before you slammed your hand
on the alarm this morning.
18
00:02:23,433 --> 00:02:25,967
- Well, you didn't.
- I'm sorry.
19
00:02:26,133 --> 00:02:29,133
That's okay, I stopped
the bleeding with your slip.
20
00:02:32,000 --> 00:02:34,033
- Where are the kids?
- Oh, they've left.
21
00:02:34,367 --> 00:02:37,333
Oh, by the way, Bud has
show-and-tell at school today.
22
00:02:37,500 --> 00:02:39,667
The subject is "What Does Daddy Do?"
23
00:02:39,834 --> 00:02:42,734
So when you come home tonight,
if there's a can of beer missing...
24
00:02:42,900 --> 00:02:45,633
...And you can't find the remote control,
that's where they are.
25
00:02:46,533 --> 00:02:49,834
I hope he brings that stuff back tonight.
The Bulls are playing on TV.
26
00:02:50,033 --> 00:02:52,166
Oh, my God, you're kidding.
27
00:02:52,367 --> 00:02:55,600
It's not as exciting as your
Cooking with Clyde the Cajun show...
28
00:02:55,767 --> 00:02:58,367
...But at least it gives me
a reason to come home.
29
00:02:59,633 --> 00:03:02,400
Al, do you have to leave
the refrigerator door open?
30
00:03:02,567 --> 00:03:04,166
- I'm getting a draft.
- I'm sorry.
31
00:03:04,900 --> 00:03:07,533
Maybe I should look
for some food in the dishwasher.
32
00:03:10,233 --> 00:03:11,633
We have no juice.
33
00:03:11,800 --> 00:03:13,734
I didn't buy any.
I didn't have time.
34
00:03:13,900 --> 00:03:15,567
That happens. I understand.
35
00:03:16,400 --> 00:03:19,100
You don't have a job or anything, do you?
36
00:03:20,400 --> 00:03:22,800
Well, I do sandpaper the stains
out of your shirts...
37
00:03:22,967 --> 00:03:25,667
...And battle your socks and underwear
into the washing machine...
38
00:03:25,834 --> 00:03:29,033
...But I guess that is more
of an adventure than a job.
39
00:03:29,233 --> 00:03:30,767
What's that got to do with juice?
40
00:03:30,934 --> 00:03:33,300
Al, there's a store on your
way home from work.
41
00:03:33,500 --> 00:03:35,433
I'm sorry. Why didn't I think of that?
42
00:03:35,600 --> 00:03:37,967
Sure. I don't mind doing the shopping too.
43
00:03:38,133 --> 00:03:40,433
Anything else I can do
to make your life easier?
44
00:03:40,633 --> 00:03:43,033
You could shave your back.
45
00:03:46,100 --> 00:03:48,600
Hey, that hair is there for a reason.
46
00:03:48,800 --> 00:03:51,533
It keeps you off of me at night.
47
00:03:52,233 --> 00:03:53,834
Al, let's not start.
48
00:03:54,000 --> 00:03:57,967
- We were having such a nice morning.
- Yeah, I'm sorry. You're right.
49
00:03:58,133 --> 00:04:00,100
It's just, I got a hard day ahead of me...
50
00:04:00,266 --> 00:04:01,767
...And nothing to eat to get me going.
51
00:04:01,967 --> 00:04:04,367
I'm sorry, honey.
I know, it's my fault.
52
00:04:04,533 --> 00:04:08,400
But tonight, I promise,
there will be food in the house.
53
00:04:08,600 --> 00:04:11,100
- And juice.
- Right.
54
00:04:11,767 --> 00:04:14,934
Those kids. I hate wasting food.
55
00:04:16,633 --> 00:04:19,767
Yes, my little baby.
56
00:04:22,600 --> 00:04:24,166
Have a nice day, honey.
57
00:04:30,300 --> 00:04:33,300
There'd better be juice when I get home.
58
00:04:40,300 --> 00:04:42,934
I don't care what your little ruler says.
59
00:04:43,100 --> 00:04:47,100
I've been a seven since I graduated
from high school.
60
00:04:47,633 --> 00:04:52,367
Well, these are 7s.
The box says nine because, well--
61
00:04:53,133 --> 00:04:55,200
Look, lady, you're a nine.
62
00:04:55,367 --> 00:04:58,266
I can accept it, why can't you?
63
00:04:58,467 --> 00:05:01,800
- You're very fresh!
- No, ma'am, that's impossible.
64
00:05:01,967 --> 00:05:05,200
For the last hour, I've been trying
to squeeze your foot into a shoe...
65
00:05:05,367 --> 00:05:07,934
...When I really should have been
easing them into the box.
66
00:05:08,934 --> 00:05:11,600
So, no, I'd say I'm anything but fresh.
By the way...
67
00:05:11,767 --> 00:05:15,934
...You wanna tell John Henry over there
to give the $100 pumps a rest?
68
00:05:16,333 --> 00:05:19,166
Your ad says "Courteous service."
69
00:05:19,367 --> 00:05:22,166
That's not my ad, ma'am.
That's the former owner's.
70
00:05:22,333 --> 00:05:24,433
He was killed, tragically,
on this very spot...
71
00:05:24,600 --> 00:05:27,233
...When a size nine exploded in his face.
72
00:05:28,734 --> 00:05:30,834
Come on, Arnold. We're leaving.
73
00:05:31,000 --> 00:05:34,800
- I want a balloon.
- You've already got one.
74
00:05:40,533 --> 00:05:43,066
Hey, Al. You mind if I go to lunch?
75
00:05:43,233 --> 00:05:45,934
- You just came from lunch.
- Yeah, technically.
76
00:05:46,100 --> 00:05:48,500
But biologically, I was
in bed with some broad.
77
00:05:50,500 --> 00:05:53,367
Luke, how can you be happy
sleeping with every woman you meet?
78
00:05:53,567 --> 00:05:56,900
I don't know, but I am.
79
00:05:57,533 --> 00:05:59,967
As your friend,
I can't wait till you get married.
80
00:06:00,200 --> 00:06:02,433
Yeah. A wife and kids who adore you.
81
00:06:02,600 --> 00:06:06,000
A wife...
Kids...
82
00:06:06,200 --> 00:06:08,834
The list goes on and on.
83
00:06:09,400 --> 00:06:12,467
It's just seeing their faces light up
in the morning when they see you.
84
00:06:12,633 --> 00:06:15,300
They can't do enough for you.
It's heaven on earth.
85
00:06:15,900 --> 00:06:18,500
No, Al. That is.
86
00:06:19,633 --> 00:06:22,934
Luke Ventura, at your feet.
87
00:06:26,367 --> 00:06:28,567
Do you work here,
or are you just loitering?
88
00:06:28,734 --> 00:06:30,533
Oh, I'm sorry, ma'am. Can I help you?
89
00:06:30,700 --> 00:06:32,600
I'd like to see some shoes, please.
90
00:06:34,600 --> 00:06:36,600
Let me guess.
91
00:06:37,433 --> 00:06:40,867
- Size 7s.
- Yes. How did you know?
92
00:06:41,033 --> 00:06:43,433
All women are 7s.
93
00:06:45,633 --> 00:06:47,867
I know you've been told this before...
94
00:06:48,033 --> 00:06:50,667
...But you have the instep of a movie star.
95
00:06:50,834 --> 00:06:52,600
Really?
96
00:06:53,600 --> 00:06:55,867
Hey, Al. Meet Tawny.
97
00:06:56,033 --> 00:06:58,033
Al's married.
98
00:07:00,600 --> 00:07:02,033
Listen, Al, I forgot to tell you.
99
00:07:02,233 --> 00:07:05,734
I got an extra ticket to the Bulls game
tonight. Court level. Wanna go?
100
00:07:05,934 --> 00:07:08,066
- Hell, yeah.
- Sure your wife will let you?
101
00:07:08,233 --> 00:07:09,467
Let me tell you something:
102
00:07:09,633 --> 00:07:11,834
No woman tells Al Bundy what to do.
103
00:07:12,033 --> 00:07:14,533
Hey, you. Get my shoes.
104
00:07:14,734 --> 00:07:16,400
Yes, ma'am.
105
00:07:18,166 --> 00:07:21,700
We're here today with our
staff anthropologist, Dr. Jim...
106
00:07:21,867 --> 00:07:24,567
...Who discovered a tribe
of women in the Amazon who...
107
00:07:24,734 --> 00:07:28,700
...Like the praying mantis, devour
their males after mating season.
108
00:07:28,867 --> 00:07:30,967
- Oh, my God.
- Ladies.
109
00:07:51,800 --> 00:07:55,033
- Hi, honey.
- Hi.
110
00:07:55,200 --> 00:07:56,967
- Working hard?
- Oh, yeah.
111
00:07:57,133 --> 00:08:00,233
You know how I like
to keep the house clean.
112
00:08:01,367 --> 00:08:02,400
Hard day?
113
00:08:02,567 --> 00:08:05,033
- Yeah, you?
- Oh, yeah.
114
00:08:05,200 --> 00:08:08,834
Yeah, it must have been.
Even the TV's sweating.
115
00:08:10,000 --> 00:08:12,433
Hey, get me some juice, okay?
116
00:08:12,600 --> 00:08:16,367
Oh, that's what I forgot to do.
117
00:08:16,667 --> 00:08:18,867
That's okay. Juice isn't important.
118
00:08:19,033 --> 00:08:21,433
I know you've been busy
around the house all day...
119
00:08:21,600 --> 00:08:23,633
...So don't bother making me dinner tonight.
120
00:08:23,800 --> 00:08:25,400
I got a little surprise for you.
121
00:08:25,600 --> 00:08:27,934
I'm going to the ball game tonight.
122
00:08:28,266 --> 00:08:29,400
Al.
123
00:08:29,567 --> 00:08:31,266
You're not going to the game tonight.
124
00:08:31,467 --> 00:08:33,800
Sure, I am. See, let me explain
something to you.
125
00:08:33,967 --> 00:08:35,233
I work all day.
126
00:08:35,400 --> 00:08:38,467
And when somebody works all day,
they need to have fun at night.
127
00:08:38,633 --> 00:08:41,000
Now, I don't actually
expect you to understand...
128
00:08:41,166 --> 00:08:44,934
...But trust me,
I'm your husband. I know best.
129
00:08:45,233 --> 00:08:47,867
Well, isn't staying home with me fun?
130
00:08:52,166 --> 00:08:53,834
Don't wait up.
131
00:08:54,033 --> 00:08:56,600
Al, you're not going to the game tonight.
132
00:08:56,800 --> 00:08:58,100
I see you misunderstood me.
133
00:08:58,266 --> 00:09:01,467
You must have thought I said, "Is it
okay with you if I go to the game?"
134
00:09:01,633 --> 00:09:03,400
You know, like a question.
135
00:09:03,567 --> 00:09:06,800
- There's no question about this.
- No, there isn't.
136
00:09:06,967 --> 00:09:09,033
- You cannot go to the game tonight.
- Why not?
137
00:09:09,200 --> 00:09:11,400
- Because I invited company over.
- Company?
138
00:09:11,567 --> 00:09:14,400
Who the hell would wanna come over here?
139
00:09:14,667 --> 00:09:17,066
You know that honeymoon couple
that moved next door?
140
00:09:17,233 --> 00:09:19,166
I invited them over.
I thought I told you.
141
00:09:19,367 --> 00:09:21,800
You didn't.
Look, I worked hard all day.
142
00:09:21,967 --> 00:09:25,166
The last thing I wanna do is spend
the evening with people I don't know.
143
00:09:25,433 --> 00:09:27,867
Now, look. They are new
in the neighborhood.
144
00:09:28,033 --> 00:09:30,400
They have lived here for two months
and they have no friends.
145
00:09:30,567 --> 00:09:33,700
We have lived here for 15 years
and we have no friends.
146
00:09:33,867 --> 00:09:36,834
- Al, I wanna have some friends.
- Wait a second.
147
00:09:37,133 --> 00:09:39,867
Are you implying that it's my fault
you have no friends?
148
00:09:40,066 --> 00:09:43,700
Oh, no. It's me who sits
in front of the TV set burping...
149
00:09:43,867 --> 00:09:46,533
...With my hand thrust down my pants.
150
00:09:48,467 --> 00:09:51,066
You keep it cold in this house, Peg.
151
00:09:52,900 --> 00:09:57,233
Al, every night when the kids
go out, it's just you and me.
152
00:09:57,400 --> 00:09:59,934
Can't you see how boring
that is for me, honey?
153
00:10:01,100 --> 00:10:05,100
Look, all I am asking is that we have
some people over for one night...
154
00:10:05,266 --> 00:10:06,600
...And for you to be nice.
155
00:10:06,800 --> 00:10:08,000
Oh, I'm gonna be nice.
156
00:10:08,166 --> 00:10:10,367
How's this for nice?
I'm not even gonna be here.
157
00:10:10,533 --> 00:10:11,900
I'm going to the game.
158
00:10:12,100 --> 00:10:13,200
All right, Al. Fine.
159
00:10:13,367 --> 00:10:16,000
But before you go,
I would just like to say three things.
160
00:10:17,066 --> 00:10:19,567
The bank book is in both of our names...
161
00:10:19,734 --> 00:10:22,133
...The credit cards are
in both of our names...
162
00:10:22,300 --> 00:10:25,533
...And the stores are still open.
163
00:10:37,000 --> 00:10:39,900
Why didn't you get me juice?
164
00:10:51,300 --> 00:10:55,700
- Kids gone?
- Yeah. But they'll be back.
165
00:10:57,567 --> 00:11:00,567
I can't believe you invited
these people over tonight.
166
00:11:00,734 --> 00:11:02,266
I hate company.
167
00:11:02,467 --> 00:11:04,367
Would you for once think about me?
168
00:11:04,533 --> 00:11:06,533
I am at home all day, alone.
169
00:11:06,700 --> 00:11:09,033
You're out there around people
all the time.
170
00:11:09,200 --> 00:11:10,967
- You know, I need some fun too.
- Too?
171
00:11:11,867 --> 00:11:15,033
Oh, sure, on the surface,
selling women's shoes is fun.
172
00:11:15,200 --> 00:11:18,633
But once you cut through
all the hype, the myths, the glamour...
173
00:11:18,800 --> 00:11:23,300
...It's really very much like any
minimum-wage-paying slow death.
174
00:11:25,867 --> 00:11:28,800
Hi, Mom. Dad, can I have $5?
175
00:11:29,000 --> 00:11:31,500
When I was a kid,
I had to earn my money.
176
00:11:31,667 --> 00:11:34,367
Did you ever once think about
trying to earn your money?
177
00:11:35,300 --> 00:11:37,200
Okay, Dad.
178
00:11:37,367 --> 00:11:39,600
You wanna know who
Kelly was with this afternoon?
179
00:11:39,767 --> 00:11:41,400
Who?
180
00:11:46,633 --> 00:11:51,200
You know the kid they call Cobra,
the kid with the sore on his mouth?
181
00:11:51,633 --> 00:11:54,066
- Good job, son.
- Thanks, Dad.
182
00:11:54,233 --> 00:11:57,133
- Where you going?
- Joey's dad's waiting for me outside.
183
00:11:57,300 --> 00:11:58,734
We're going to the basketball game.
184
00:11:58,900 --> 00:12:00,667
Mom said it was okay. Bye.
185
00:12:00,867 --> 00:12:03,734
The Lakers are in town.
He really wanted to go.
186
00:12:05,934 --> 00:12:08,000
Hi, Mom. Dad, can I have $10?
187
00:12:08,166 --> 00:12:10,300
- Who were you with today?
- Nobody.
188
00:12:10,500 --> 00:12:11,834
Does nobody have a name?
189
00:12:12,000 --> 00:12:15,867
You know, Tom, Dick,
Cobra with a sore on his mouth?
190
00:12:16,266 --> 00:12:18,100
Oh, Dad. It's not that kind of a sore.
191
00:12:18,266 --> 00:12:20,633
He just fell asleep
with a cigar in his mouth.
192
00:12:20,800 --> 00:12:21,800
What?
193
00:12:22,000 --> 00:12:24,600
You gave some to Bud,
you have to give to Kelly too.
194
00:12:24,767 --> 00:12:26,967
Remember, Al, no favouritism.
195
00:12:27,133 --> 00:12:29,600
Peg, she's going out with a guy
named after a reptile.
196
00:12:29,900 --> 00:12:31,300
His real name is Stanley.
197
00:12:31,467 --> 00:12:34,367
They only call him Cobra because
he has one painted on his van.
198
00:12:34,567 --> 00:12:35,867
And you find this acceptable?
199
00:12:36,066 --> 00:12:39,133
I've met him, and he's a very nice boy.
200
00:12:42,800 --> 00:12:45,100
That's his horn. Isn't it great?
201
00:12:45,266 --> 00:12:48,667
I guess that's why I fell in love
with him. Bye, Mom.
202
00:12:48,867 --> 00:12:50,900
Bye, honey.
203
00:12:51,967 --> 00:12:54,400
You know, we must have
done something right.
204
00:12:54,567 --> 00:12:57,800
We raised two great kids.
205
00:13:00,433 --> 00:13:02,333
I'm sorry, honey. I didn't hear you.
206
00:13:02,500 --> 00:13:05,000
I was just thinking of killing myself.
207
00:13:06,567 --> 00:13:10,500
Not tonight, honey.
We have company coming over.
208
00:13:10,700 --> 00:13:12,200
It's time for the pregame show.
209
00:13:12,367 --> 00:13:13,500
Oh, no, you don't.
210
00:13:13,667 --> 00:13:15,934
Every time we have company,
you turn on this TV...
211
00:13:16,100 --> 00:13:17,734
...And immediately separate yourself.
212
00:13:17,934 --> 00:13:20,533
Not tonight. You can always
watch a basketball game.
213
00:13:20,734 --> 00:13:23,533
But I couldn't always meet our
next-door neighbors. Now I see.
214
00:13:24,367 --> 00:13:26,400
That must be Steve and Marcy
from next door.
215
00:13:26,600 --> 00:13:27,600
Steve and Marcy?
216
00:13:27,767 --> 00:13:30,767
I'm gonna miss a game for people
named Steve and Marcy?
217
00:13:30,934 --> 00:13:33,300
What's their last name, Gormé?
218
00:13:33,700 --> 00:13:35,100
And that is another thing, Al.
219
00:13:35,266 --> 00:13:38,367
When they're in here, I do not want you
making any snide comments.
220
00:13:38,533 --> 00:13:40,734
- That's why we have no friends.
- Excuse me, Peg.
221
00:13:41,333 --> 00:13:45,367
I thought we had no friends because
I put my hands down my pants.
222
00:13:46,300 --> 00:13:50,033
That's them. Now, Al, another thing.
Do not eat or drink anything.
223
00:13:50,200 --> 00:13:52,700
One of them may have to use
the bathroom after you.
224
00:13:52,900 --> 00:13:54,600
I'm gonna hate these people.
225
00:13:54,800 --> 00:13:56,767
You will not hate them,
they are very nice.
226
00:13:56,934 --> 00:13:59,367
If they were nice, they'd be dead
and I'd be at the game.
227
00:13:59,533 --> 00:14:02,333
- Get the door.
- Get my juice.
228
00:14:04,467 --> 00:14:06,767
- Hello. I'm Marcy.
- I'm Steve.
229
00:14:06,934 --> 00:14:09,333
- You have a beautiful home.
- So do you. Come on in.
230
00:14:11,533 --> 00:14:15,100
- Howdy, neighbor!
- Yeah, yeah, yeah. I hate these people.
231
00:14:15,300 --> 00:14:17,667
Why don't we sit down?
232
00:14:17,834 --> 00:14:19,834
Gee, you know,
I'm kind of embarrassed.
233
00:14:20,000 --> 00:14:21,433
I have nothing to serve you.
234
00:14:21,633 --> 00:14:25,600
Listen, if you're hungry,
there's a store a few blocks away.
235
00:14:25,767 --> 00:14:28,333
Yeah, if you're going,
get me some juice, okay?
236
00:14:28,734 --> 00:14:30,133
Al's only kidding.
237
00:14:30,300 --> 00:14:32,800
He's just upset because
I didn't have time to go shopping.
238
00:14:33,000 --> 00:14:37,633
You know, Steve and I decided
to share the household chores.
239
00:14:37,834 --> 00:14:39,300
Gee, that's great.
240
00:14:39,500 --> 00:14:42,200
You see, Al?
Steve helps around the house.
241
00:14:42,400 --> 00:14:44,567
Way to go, Steve.
242
00:14:46,533 --> 00:14:49,934
Say, listen, who do you like to win
the NBA championship this year?
243
00:14:50,133 --> 00:14:53,200
Well, Al, to tell you the truth...
244
00:14:53,734 --> 00:14:57,533
...Since we got married,
I don't watch much sports.
245
00:14:57,700 --> 00:14:58,934
Marcy doesn't like it...
246
00:14:59,100 --> 00:15:02,433
...And we decided we'll only
do things we both like.
247
00:15:04,000 --> 00:15:06,767
I feel that sports glorify
violence and competition...
248
00:15:06,934 --> 00:15:09,533
...And I don't think it's
psychologically healthy.
249
00:15:09,800 --> 00:15:10,800
When we have a child...
250
00:15:10,967 --> 00:15:14,934
...We don't want it to grow up with that
"winning is the only thing" attitude.
251
00:15:15,100 --> 00:15:18,834
A child is better off
not being exposed to sports.
252
00:15:19,033 --> 00:15:20,834
You gonna neuter him too?
253
00:15:25,400 --> 00:15:27,033
Do you two have any kids?
254
00:15:27,200 --> 00:15:28,834
- Two.
- Where are they?
255
00:15:29,033 --> 00:15:30,600
I don't know.
256
00:15:34,300 --> 00:15:39,433
So, Steve, looks like life is really
shaping up for you two.
257
00:15:39,600 --> 00:15:41,800
How long you two crazy kids been married?
258
00:15:41,967 --> 00:15:45,433
- Two months, Al.
- Well, Marcy...
259
00:15:45,600 --> 00:15:49,567
...Looks like you got a heck of
a piece of clay here to work with.
260
00:15:50,934 --> 00:15:53,100
We've been married 15 years.
261
00:15:53,734 --> 00:15:54,767
What's your secret?
262
00:15:55,100 --> 00:15:58,233
Oh, no secret, really.
Just to be considerate...
263
00:15:58,400 --> 00:16:00,633
...Accept each other for what you are.
264
00:16:00,800 --> 00:16:03,567
Don't point out the fact that
the hair he's losing on his head...
265
00:16:03,734 --> 00:16:06,100
...Is now growing out of his nose.
266
00:16:06,834 --> 00:16:08,600
And his ears.
267
00:16:16,567 --> 00:16:19,867
And accepting the fact that
nowadays it's harder to figure out...
268
00:16:20,033 --> 00:16:23,100
...Where her chest ends
and her stomach begins.
269
00:16:25,934 --> 00:16:27,633
I'll get us some coffee, Marcy.
270
00:16:27,800 --> 00:16:30,033
- I'll help.
- Me too.
271
00:16:30,200 --> 00:16:31,934
You know another thing that--
272
00:16:32,100 --> 00:16:36,100
You know another thing that makes
women such a blessing to us?
273
00:16:36,333 --> 00:16:38,233
It's like when you're sitting somewhere...
274
00:16:38,400 --> 00:16:40,533
...And they come over and they say to you:
275
00:16:40,700 --> 00:16:42,633
"What are you thinking?"
276
00:16:43,033 --> 00:16:44,333
And you start thinking:
277
00:16:44,500 --> 00:16:47,767
"You know, if I wanted you to know,
I'd be talking."
278
00:16:54,033 --> 00:16:56,734
Isn't that an awful lot of coffee
you're putting in there?
279
00:16:56,900 --> 00:16:58,266
Yes.
280
00:16:58,433 --> 00:17:01,433
That's for them. Ours will be good.
281
00:17:01,600 --> 00:17:04,834
You see, if they enjoy eating
and drinking at home too much...
282
00:17:05,000 --> 00:17:07,200
...They never take you anywhere.
283
00:17:07,967 --> 00:17:10,633
With men, if you ask them for something...
284
00:17:10,800 --> 00:17:12,633
...You are never gonna get it.
285
00:17:12,800 --> 00:17:15,200
But if you do some damage
to their internal organs...
286
00:17:15,367 --> 00:17:17,200
...You got a shot.
287
00:17:18,433 --> 00:17:22,000
And if it doesn't work,
what have you lost?
288
00:17:22,166 --> 00:17:25,533
Could you fill this
with tap water, please?
289
00:17:26,166 --> 00:17:28,834
Well, I have to be honest.
290
00:17:29,000 --> 00:17:31,600
So far, Steve has been the ideal husband.
291
00:17:31,767 --> 00:17:33,133
Oh, really?
292
00:17:33,300 --> 00:17:35,600
I bet the first couple of weeks
you were married...
293
00:17:35,767 --> 00:17:37,734
...You went to bed at the same time.
294
00:17:37,900 --> 00:17:38,867
Oh, yes.
295
00:17:39,033 --> 00:17:41,433
Have you noticed how,
in the last month or so...
296
00:17:41,600 --> 00:17:45,567
...He seems to be going to bed
a little later and later?
297
00:17:46,100 --> 00:17:47,967
Why, yes.
298
00:17:49,133 --> 00:17:51,100
How did you know?
299
00:17:51,900 --> 00:17:54,567
You're letting him slip away, Marcy.
300
00:17:54,734 --> 00:17:56,667
You've got a good thing going.
301
00:17:56,834 --> 00:17:59,400
Don't start letting him
have a good time alone.
302
00:18:00,166 --> 00:18:01,900
But we still have a good time together.
303
00:18:02,400 --> 00:18:04,967
Then why is he staying up?
304
00:18:09,467 --> 00:18:12,300
And I'm telling you,
your son is gonna be a sissy mary...
305
00:18:12,467 --> 00:18:15,467
...If you let that woman
take away your sports.
306
00:18:19,867 --> 00:18:21,900
I used to love sports.
307
00:18:22,066 --> 00:18:24,834
Of course you did. You're a man.
308
00:18:25,767 --> 00:18:29,133
But, Steve, you can love it again.
309
00:18:29,800 --> 00:18:32,633
Start with me right now, Steve.
310
00:18:33,333 --> 00:18:37,166
Turn on that TV--
I can't do it for you.
311
00:18:37,600 --> 00:18:42,166
--Turn it on, settle back, relax...
312
00:18:42,400 --> 00:18:45,333
...And watch sports.
313
00:19:00,533 --> 00:19:02,166
You know, lately...
314
00:19:02,333 --> 00:19:05,433
...He's been getting up earlier than me too.
315
00:19:05,767 --> 00:19:07,567
That's not good.
316
00:19:07,734 --> 00:19:09,467
Do you have PMS?
317
00:19:09,633 --> 00:19:11,734
- No.
- Get it.
318
00:19:17,066 --> 00:19:20,066
- Steve!
- Hey!
319
00:19:20,266 --> 00:19:22,000
I thought we agreed.
320
00:19:22,166 --> 00:19:25,600
- No sports.
- Oh, nice shot.
321
00:19:34,333 --> 00:19:37,900
I demand to know what you do
late at night after I've gone to bed.
322
00:19:38,066 --> 00:19:40,467
Are you having fun alone, Steve?
323
00:19:44,000 --> 00:19:47,033
No, I just like to stay up and think.
324
00:19:48,133 --> 00:19:50,166
What are you thinking?
325
00:19:51,133 --> 00:19:53,800
Well, if I wanted you to know, I'd--
326
00:20:02,066 --> 00:20:06,800
Oh, just about how much I love you.
327
00:20:06,967 --> 00:20:09,066
I'm going to the game next week with Al.
328
00:20:10,033 --> 00:20:12,667
My mother's coming over next week.
329
00:20:12,867 --> 00:20:14,767
Yeah? She gonna teach you how to bury me...
330
00:20:14,934 --> 00:20:17,333
...Like she buried her three husbands?
331
00:20:20,867 --> 00:20:22,734
Steve!
332
00:20:23,834 --> 00:20:28,900
Are you implying that their suicides
had something to do with Mother?
333
00:20:33,867 --> 00:20:35,166
Well, if that's your attitude...
334
00:20:35,333 --> 00:20:38,300
...Then maybe I should just
pack my bags and move in with her.
335
00:20:38,500 --> 00:20:41,166
Great. Then I could go
to bed at a normal hour.
336
00:20:43,700 --> 00:20:46,066
All right, Steve Rhoades, let's go.
337
00:20:46,266 --> 00:20:47,500
We're going home.
338
00:20:47,667 --> 00:20:50,633
It's time to redefine our relationship.
339
00:20:50,834 --> 00:20:54,100
Okay. Al, I'll see you
next week at the game.
340
00:20:54,266 --> 00:20:57,700
Peggy, I think we'll be spending
a lot of time together.
341
00:20:57,867 --> 00:21:00,066
Come on, Steve. We've got to talk.
342
00:21:00,233 --> 00:21:02,100
Make it quick.
I'm gonna watch boxing.
343
00:21:02,266 --> 00:21:05,367
You'll watch nothing.
344
00:21:16,433 --> 00:21:19,100
- It's gonna be rough for them.
- Yeah.
345
00:21:19,266 --> 00:21:22,533
Well, it was rough for us, and we made it.
346
00:21:23,667 --> 00:21:25,066
Hey, you know what?
347
00:21:25,233 --> 00:21:26,967
Bud got an A in school today.
348
00:21:27,133 --> 00:21:29,500
- No kidding?
- Yeah.
349
00:21:34,967 --> 00:21:37,600
Hey, let's go out Saturday night.
350
00:21:37,767 --> 00:21:39,734
You know, to eat. Just me and you.
351
00:21:39,900 --> 00:21:41,533
Sure, if you want to.
352
00:21:41,700 --> 00:21:44,300
We haven't been to
The Captain's Table in a long time.
353
00:21:44,467 --> 00:21:48,834
We always like it there.
They have such a nice menu.
354
00:21:52,500 --> 00:21:54,633
You wanna go upstairs?
355
00:21:55,867 --> 00:21:58,300
Thought you wanted to watch the game.
356
00:21:58,500 --> 00:22:00,433
Who cares?
357
00:22:06,900 --> 00:22:09,867
You know, I like the coffee there too.
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