Original subtitles

I think I need you to explain this to me again.

Mrs. Cox called you from prison? She said, and I quote, if you want to find

what happened to Lex Luthor, try a night visit to the Perpetual Crime Cemetery.

So here we are.

Don't you care what happened to Lex?

You know, actually...

It's

a guard.

Look, I don't see anybody.

And I have better eyesight than you. You wear glasses.

Oh, my.

Woe is me.

The

end

is near.

I face the final curse.

Well, Mama, I guess you were right about me all along.

Everything I touch turns to cow patties.

And it's not like I'm not used to it, because Lord knows I am after a whole

entire lifetime of it.

And if it were just me, it doesn't matter. Really, it doesn't matter.

But, Mama, I have gone, and I have lost all the money. And I cannot afford to

keep Sister in the rest home past the end of the month.

So being this how I'm just about is worthless.

As a one -legged bird, dog.

Oh,

my

goodness gracious.

Sir, please listen to me.

Life is a very precious gift.

Every new day that we're alive is another chance for us to be the best we

be. Oh, please.

What would you know about it, Mr. Nothing can hurt me, I don't need money

live? And didn't anybody ever tell you that two primary colors just do not work

together? You can make fun of my appearance if you like.

Or you can talk about what's really bothering you.

Which do you prefer?

Well...

If you put it that way.

Clark? What with Wanda Mayneeding, professional.

Help and all and me getting that very bad advice about how biodegradable golf

clubs were going to be the wave of the future and I needed to get in on the

ground floor. Well, you can see how my life is just, it's just not worth living

anymore.

Clark, I just, I just, I feel so guilty.

My daddy went to an early grave. This one, in fact, this one right here.

all that money, what did I do? Lost it.

One failed. Sure.

Metropolis General Hospital has a referral service for counseling and

There are people there you can talk to. People that can make you see that life

is worth living.

Well, that's easy for you to say.

Well, Mama?

Looks like I'm not going to be joining you and Daddy after all.

At least not anytime soon.

Well, of course we got kicked out. And whose fault is that? I'm not the one

stepped on the only dry twig in the entire cemetery just when that guard

by. But you are the one who believed Mrs. Cox when she told you that Lex

is alive and well somewhere in Perpetual Pine Cemetery.

But A, how could he be alive? And B, if he is alive, what would he be doing

hanging on a cemetery? Does that make any sense? Well, I didn't disbelieve her

or believe her. I'm a reporter.

That's what they do in case you didn't...

C .J., you all right? Yeah.

Well,

you're just about the prettiest thing I've saved so far.

Though the day is young and my experience is somewhat limited.

Who are you?

It's for me to know and you to find out, little missy.

Thunder, this is a story.

A new superhero in Metropolis. Who is this guy?

Clark.

Yeah, I was, uh... Clark, you're a very lucky man.

A couple inches either way, you'd have been under the wheels.

You know, it's a shame about this suit, though.

Not much they can do about tears like that.

What?

He's charging me $32 .50, a small price to pay for being plucked alive from the

snapping jaws of certain deaths.

All right, I want you to track this guy down. Find out who he is.

I want an exclusive.

Well, we should start with that costume. Whoever he is, he didn't buy that off

the rack. And there's a tattoo on his hand. We should check that out, and we

need to talk to Superman.

You go ahead. I'll catch up with you.

Clark, this is big. This is huge. What could possibly be more important than

story of the century?

I have to change my suit.

I'm busy. Tell me if you're open.

Somebody save my sweet little muffin. Can you save her, please? Yes, ma 'am, I

sure can. Is your sweet little muffin a dog or a cat?

A dog. Just a wonderful little dog. Please help me.

Dogs are $29 .95.

Well, it's a small price to pay for being plucked alive from the snapping

of certain death.

Excuse me, Mr. Boy Scout.

Is there not work enough for both of us? Do I horn in on your action?

Can we go someplace and talk? If you want to provide your services for free,

that's entirely up to you. But I personally, I have bills that I have to

Can we go somewhere and have a private conversation?

I'm not greedy.

My rates are real reasonable.

I'm not an ogre. I'll provide a little pro bono work. How about I pay you to

come with me and have a little talk?

And that brings up another point that I have really been wondering about. Where

do you carry things like money in that outfit?

I've tried throwing a little pocket under here, but it's so much trouble. I

to fumble for the zipper. I have to zip it open. I have to zip it closed. I

thought about Velcro, but I'm afraid it would pucker the fabric. It would just

absolutely ruin the lines. What do you do?

If you don't come with me, I'm going to follow you everywhere that you go from

now until the day that one of us die. And I'm going to save everybody. What

you doing?

You don't have to get nasty about it.

My goodness gracious, all you had to do was ask. How rude.

But how could that have happened?

I've been struck by lightning before and my powers have never been transferred.

Don't look at me.

All I know is one minute I was a 90 -pound weakling, next minute I was a 90

-pound Hercules.

I like it much better this way.

Well, I can understand that, Mr...

What should I call you? Do you know that I haven't even thought of a good name

yet? What do you think of Brawny Man?

I'm sure you're going to come up with the perfect name.

But right now, I'd like to have a talk with you about right and wrong. Well, if

you think you know that much more about it than I do.

You can't charge people for saving their lives.

Well, my goodness me.

If that isn't worth something, I don't know what is.

Excuse me, but I'm just applying a legitimate, if somewhat unique, trade to

increasingly service -oriented economy.

I think you'd welcome the help. You may be Superman, but you can't do

everything. Bye now.

Geronimo!

Superman's powers can be transferred.

Electricity and a conductor. So simple.

So reproducible.

And when I can duplicate the circumstances, you and I will have

Lex.

And Superman will be powerless to stop us.

How do you suppose that happened?

I don't know, Dad.

All I know is I wish it had turned out a little bit different.

But, Clark, you did the right thing. You saved a life.

I know, Mom, but you're such a mess.

I mean, this little guy just does not understand the responsibility.

Well, he's new at it. Maybe he'll learn.

I don't think so. You have superpowers because the Earth's sun is yellow. The

sun's heat and energy create clouds.

Lightning occurs only in clouds.

Cumulo nimbus, Klaus, to be exact. Jonathan, this isn't about trying to

out what happened.

Everybody at the planet is running around trying to get this guy's story.

Who is he?

Where did he come from? Where did he get his superpowers?

I'm a reporter.

I work at the planet, and I know the answer.

But I can't tell anyone because I don't want anyone else to know.

Can you imagine? Every single time that Superman touched down, he would be

mobbed by people wanting superpowers.

I just... I don't know what to do.

I know it's kind of unimaginative, candy, flowers and all, but I guess at

I'm just an old -fashioned kind of guy.

May I come in?

Absolutely.

I flew all the way to South America to pick you these lovely flowers along the

banks of the Amazon just to let you know how special I think you are.

I didn't know that daisies and carnations and baby's breath were

kinds of plants.

Oh, they're Brazilian daisies.

Brazilian carnations and Chilean baby's breath.

They were brought to the New World by some very famous explorers.

It was a long, long time ago.

Huh?

Well, please, sit down.

Would you mind if I asked you a few questions?

You mean like an interview?

Yeah.

Miss Lane, you don't mind if I call you Miss Lane, do you? This is a very bad

idea. Tossing out your financial records without shredding them first.

Dishonest people pray for this sort of past.

Well, that's better.

Those were my 94 tax records.

Oh, my goodness.

What was it you wanted to ask me?

Who are you?

Well,

are you from Krypton, too?

Oh, no, ma 'am. I'm from Tennessee.

Really?

Have you always had superpowers? No, no, no. This is sort of a recent

development. How did you get them?

Well, now that is quite a story.

But I'm negotiating right now with some very interesting people about selling my

rights, so I can't give it up for free. I'm sure you understand. But I've been

thinking. Maybe you could publish my fright list so I don't have to keep

repeating myself every time I save somebody.

Have you no shame, Mr... What do I call you?

Well, maybe you can help me with that, too. I can't decide.

I keep leaning towards Magnificent Man.

But how about Splendid?

There's Majestic. How about Glorious?

Vainglorious. What?

I said the main story is who are you and how you got your superpowers.

You don't seem to want to answer those questions.

Well, maybe I might.

You gave me a bunch of money, or then again, you could be my girlfriend.

Hi,

Lois. Oh, I see you have company.

I should have called. No, no.

Come in. Please, do. I want you to meet the man with the superpowers and no

name. This is Clark Kent, my colleague.

And friend.

And friend.

How good a friend.

Good friend.

Very good friend.

Very good friend.

But nothing romantic or anything like that. Well, you keep on looking. One of

these days you're going to find somebody.

You're a handsome boy.

Though I personally suggest getting rid of the glasses. Gets you some contacts.

Oh, oh, oh, and don't forget about my price list.

I'm sure you'll be very happy together.

Bite your tongue.

I was just trying to get an interview.

Really?

Yeah, really.

So, after going to... 16 tattoo parlors, only now they call them dermal

emporiums. I finally found somebody who recognized the tattoo on his hand as the

work of a dermal artiste named Allegra Venom.

I'm not making this up.

But I couldn't get to the place before it was closed, so that's on the list for

tomorrow. I've never been to a tattoo parlor.

Oh, it's an experience.

I don't know. Want to try it? It's coconut.

Thanks.

Yes, that's one of my most successful designs, artistically still.

That would look fabulous on you.

You have such a nice body.

So smooth and hard like college steel.

Did you do this tattoo?

A dermal design on a little guy with a southern accent right here.

I love working on a big canvas.

Oh.

I'll think about it. I mean, Venom.

In the meantime... Yes, a little guy with a southern accent.

Do you remember his name?

Name? You want me to remember names?

Do you keep records?

Well...

Did you have a backup? That was the backup.

Listen, if you can remember that name, I'll try and talk Clark here into

you tattoo the Battle of Midway on his chest.

Windchecker, uh, Woolpepper, Waldecker.

It was Waldecker.

William Wallace Webster.

Waldecker. William Wallace Webster Waldecker.

Here's to my sister Wanda Mae.

Wanda Mae Wingfield Waldecker.

Tell Mrs. Lincoln she has a visitor.

The president and I spent our first night in the White House Friday night.

Abe couldn't get used to having so many servants.

I told him he better get used to it if he didn't want people to think of him as

just a country bumpkin.

That's wonderful, Wanda Mae, but I... Hey.

I'm here. I want you to try to focus on what I'm telling you.

Now that I've got Superman's powers, everything's going to be okay.

You've got Superman's powers?

That's what I've been trying to tell you, Wanda Mae.

Well, why didn't you tell me sooner? We could have used Superman to port Sumter.

I was really, really worried for a while there.

Because, sister, I love you so much.

And I just want to take care of you the way I promised Mama I would.

You're a good boy, Tad.

Wish you could see my costume.

It's orange and blue, and I've got boots that I wear with it. Well, it's kind of

hard to explain, but I can't show it to you here.

Oh, Tad, I'm sure it looks just resplendent.

Resplendent.

Ooh.

Okay, okay, do it.

Here's the church.

I know who you are.

Well, then you do as they say, have the advantage over me. Just the way I like

it. Makes life so much more pleasant for me.

You see, I do know who you are.

And I can make you rich beyond your wildest dreams.

Shoot, I can do that all by myself.

I can do it faster.

Well, aren't you just the sweetest thing to offer?

I think we understand each other.

I reckon we probably do. What do you want?

Three people know how you got your powers. You, Superman, and me.

Oh, my goodness. I knew this would happen if anybody found out.

You want the powers, too, don't you?

I'm a scientist.

I can duplicate the conditions for transfer.

Well, I can see why you'd want to do that, but why would I want to help you?

Because I'm part of the deal.

Well, that's a mighty attractive inducement. But see, I don't feel you're

truly an honest person.

So basically, you got no leverage, blondie.

But you sure are cute when you're mad.

William Wallace Webster Waldecker. He's not married. Both parents are dead. He

has one sister living in an institution.

What kind of an institution?

It's for people who are challenged by reality.

Ha, ha, ha.

One of those.

The family moved here from Little Big Holler, Tennessee, 25 years ago.

Hey, guy, you're not going to believe this.

In trouble?

Need help no mere mortal could provide?

Call Resplendent Man.

When disaster rages.

When destruction surges.

When annihilation crashes.

When certain doom approaches.

Call Resplendent Man. Instant service, reasonable rates.

It's Resplendent Man, strange visitor from the heart of Dixie. Call 1 -900 -01

-RESCUE. He even charges for the call.

How greedy can you get?

How can some guy from Little Big Holler, Tennessee, end up with superpowers?

Did you ask him that?

Of course I asked him that, Perry. He wouldn't tell me.

Well, did either of you think to ask Superman?

Huh?

Can you believe this guy?

Where's Clark?

Are

you

mad?

Yes, I do mind.

I have tried to be patient. I have tried to be understanding.

Get a grip here.

Do I tell you what to do? No, I don't. I'd appreciate the same courtesy from

you.

You will take this to heart.

You will memorize it. You will live it. The strong do not exploit the weak.

The powerful do not attack the defenseless.

And you do not use your X -ray vision to spy on women in a locker room. Oh,

please. What planet are you from?

Try to grasp this.

It's not a really hard concept.

You may not like what I do, but there's not really a blessed thing you can do

about it.

Where have you been?

Oh, I've been, uh, hanging around.

Well, Perry was right. We need to talk to Superman, and the only way I can ever

get his attention is to fall out a window, which I'd rather not do right

tell you. So here I am. You know, I'll be right back. I forgot my mail

downstairs. Clark, this is important. You can get your mail later.

Yeah, but I'm expecting my, uh,

cheese of the month shipment. I'll be right back.

You don't have to fall out of a window, Lois.

Clark and I, we thought that you might be able to help us find out how this

thing happened.

Believe me, Lois, I was as surprised as anyone else to find out there was

another person like me in Metropolis.

But you talked to him.

I wish I could help you, Lois, and Clark and Perry, but I can't.

So, you have no idea how this happened?

When you talked to him, did he answer your questions?

No.

And you don't seem to be answering them either.

I'm sorry, Lois.

I wish I could help you.

But I can't.

No cheese.

See, my daddy thought I could make a better match than with a skinny

But I have never regretted ignoring daddy's advice.

No, not your father. Your brother, William.

William Wallace Webster Waldecker. No, it is a mouthful, isn't it? But then

there was a lot of family.

So he was named William after our daddy's great -granddaddy who lost three

fingers at Antietam.

I don't think we're going to get much useful information this way, Lois. Maybe

we should just go. Great big old alligator.

Oh, the dog was fine, but Wallace was not.

And then there was Cousin Webster, who didn't actually deserve the honor, but

they needed another W.

But, you know, the president and I like to use his nickname.

We called him Tad.

Well, okay, then.

Tad. Have you seen Tad lately?

Oh, yes. He was here quite recently.

Yesterday, I think.

Or maybe it was last month.

Well, when you saw Tad, did he say that he'd had any changes in his life?

Big changes?

Like... he can fly?

Yes. Yes.

Isn't it wonderful?

Our little Tad, free.

Free as a bird. Oh, you know something? He always was a flighty one. Okay, I

want you to stay with me here, Wanda Mae.

Mrs. Lincoln.

Yes?

Did Tad say how he's able to fly?

Yes, he did.

It's time for you to see the doctor, Wanda Mae.

Just two more minutes.

This institution, madam, is not run for the convenience of its visitors.

Now, you listen to me. I don't want those theater tickets. I don't care if

they're free. You take them away. Take them. Get them away from me. There are

theater tickets. Now you're going to see the doctor and you're going to do it

now. How did you get this job? Your people skills are somewhat lacking.

Maybe you'd like your teeth rearranged.

You can try, Brunhilde.

Brunhilde.

Why, stop.

Wanda Mae, how did Tad get his powers?

Superman.

What?

Tad got his powers from Superman.

Thank you, General Grant.

The President will be most grateful.

Someday you will command the Army of the Potomac.

He lied.

Who?

I never thought he'd lie to me.

Oh, what a story this is.

Lois, Wanda Mae is a little bit confused.

Though I'm sure the doctors can help her.

What if what she's saying isn't true?

What if it is?

If Superman's powers can be transferred to humans, that's big news.

Excuse me, I have to, uh...

Did you lie to me?

What makes you say that?

Either you know what I mean or you don't.

I didn't lie.

All right.

Did you lead me to believe something that wasn't exactly true?

Yes.

I wouldn't have expected that from you.

You know, when I kept Kryptonite a secret, it's because it was life

-threatening. This is news. Lois, do you have any idea what would happen if this

information became public knowledge?

Everyone would want superpowers.

Everyone would think that they deserved superpowers. It's a reporter's job to

disseminate the news, not to ponder the consequences of every story. If more

people pondered the consequences of their actions, this planet wouldn't be

the state it's in.

Well, I'm not a philosopher.

I'm a reporter.

And a human being.

Which is more important to you?

I'm only asking you to think about it. Talk it over with Clark.

Clark's a reporter, too.

Both of you have good hearts, Lois.

And good instincts.

I know you'll do the right thing.

Easy. This time you've gone too far.

People almost got killed.

Excuse me? I most certainly did not.

All that man had to do was get out of his car and get out of the way of the

train. Can I help it if he cared more about his classic Mustang than he did

own life?

You have superpowers.

All you had to do was pick up the car with him inside and move them both out

the way.

I would have if you had done it yourself.

You were negotiating with him.

There was plenty of time. The train was way down the track.

What about the people inside the train? You think about them?

You ever think about anybody except for yourself?

The situation was under control. Now leave me alone.

I don't want to hear any more of your carpeting and complaining.

Here you go, my splendid man.

Well, you're going to listen to it until it sinks in.

Your behavior is unacceptable.

want to fight with you.

I just want you to understand what it means to be... You have to understand,

can't just act like there's nobody else who matters but you. Fine. Put him up.

Come on. Put him up. We're going to duke it out.

One of us has got to go. Metropolis is not big enough for both of us.

Don't you see what kind of example this sets?

I don't want to fight with you.

Violence is a very poor solution to combat.

Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay.

You do what you've got to do.

Lois Lane. Where is everybody?

I need somebody downtown right this second. And I mean right this second.

the middle of something.

Lois, I don't care if you're in the middle of Atlantic in a leaky lifeboat.

want you down at 2nd and Main right now.

Perry, this may be big. I have to go. I'll call you back.

Lois!

Excuse me, are you done here?

I don't want to miss anything, but I do have a deadline.

There's no way out.

Though, you might as well join us.

I

don't believe you and

I have anything further to discuss.

How's this for leverage, you little tick?

You have Wanda Mae, you have my sister, I'll break you in half.

If you do, Wanda Mae will die.

I'll find her, and I'll save her.

I am resplendent, man.

Oh, you can find her.

But if you try to save her... Oh.

She lied to you, Wanda Mae.

Now try and focus.

It's 1994.

There's no Abe Lincoln, no Ford's Theater, no John Wilkes Booth.

Everything is fine.

I just love Tad's outfit, don't you?

Except I'm in a cage in a bunker underneath a mausoleum in a cemetery.

knows I'm here except a bunch of very strange people.

Miss Lane, there's really no point trying to convince Wanda Mae she's not

Todd Lincoln.

Though I don't think it was very nice of you to tell the poor thing that Abe had

a bad night at the theater. And what do you expect that rat to do? Shut up and

concentrate. I don't think it has anything to do with concentration.

I think it's the electricity and the conductor playing off each other

Just shut up anyway.

Who are you?

Pan. Dad, can't you get us out of here?

Oh, darling, I wish I could. One day this awful woman has done something to

cage. And if I try to get you out, the cage will explode and you and Miss Lane

will surely, surely die.

Unless she's faking it.

Go ahead.

Bend the steel with your bare hands.

See what happens.

The explosives are motion sensitive, little Miss Lois Lane. Sensors

So don't shake the bars too hard.

I don't think I should risk it.

I think you might have to, Will.

Sensors activated.

She's trying to get superpowers for herself.

And whoever she is, she is clearly not a person who should have superpowers.

not a person who should be allowed out by herself.

Hey, kitty, kitty, kitty.

Come on now. Come on. Looky here. I got a nice one bowl of milk for you. Come

on. Come out of there.

Kitty, kitty.

Kitty, kitty.

This is great stuff, Clark.

I could see another Kurth Award in your future.

Which reminds me, where's Lois?

I don't know.

Last time I talked to her, she said she was on to something big.

Did she say what?

No. But you know, I'm starting to get a little worried. That gal's got...

Quite a nose for trouble.

Maybe I'll go see if I can find her.

I think she's getting closer, Will.

The meter didn't go all the way back down last time. Just shut up. Whatever

havoc she wreaks, once she has superpowers, it'll be on your head. Just

or die.

There are over a million possible combinations, Miss Girl Reporter.

I don't think you'll find the right one in your lifetime, which is getting

shorter by the instant.

Okay, I duplicated cloud -to -ground lightning.

The negatively charged atoms move downward to meet the positively

That's it!

I didn't account for the action of the return stroke!

You know, I'm really not feeling good about doing this. Miss Lane's right, and

Superman was right all along. I've been greedy. I've been selfish.

I just don't think that you and I are superhero material.

Nothing can stop us now, my darling.

What is that?

Ha! If you only knew, you wretched little nobody.

You didn't deserve him.

What are you talking about?

You did this to him. You and that overgrown baby Superman.

You married him and destroyed him all on the same day.

Lex?

This is Lex Luthor, the last real man in Metropolis.

Get back on that plate. Will, you can't do this. Don't you see how dangerous she

is? Yes, I do. I do see how dangerous she is. She's dangerous enough to kill

Wanda Mae. Oh, I just, I hate dilemmas.

I said, back on that plate.

You couldn't kill Lex Luthor, and you can't kill me. She made me do it. She

threatened to kill poor old Wanda by it. You can reverse the transfer if you get

her on that other plate.

You and what army?

Sensors activated.

Go ahead. Hit me. Hit a woman.

You can't do it, can you?

It's not the superhero thing to do.

You can't do it, can you?

You can't fight a woman, you poor sap.

Howdy.

On the other hand, you have no such compunction. Now!

No!

No! Come on, we'll reverse the polarity.

You shouldn't have done that.

Say goodbye to your girlfriend.

No, wait, no!

No, you can't stop it, Superman.

Oh, Wonder May, I'm so sorry!

In ten seconds.

Say goodbye to the would -be Mrs. Smith. Six, five, four, three,

two... System is hard.

Where?

Are you all right?

Are you?

Now do you see why I didn't want anybody to know?

Now where do you suppose that nice blonde lady went?

Lois, how in the world did you figure out the combination?

She seemed to be fixated on my connection to Lex, so I tried the date

wedding. Thank God it worked.

Yes, we do have an awful lot to be grateful for.

How's Wanda Mae?

Oh, Miss Lane, she's fine. Well, she's as fine as Wanda Mae gets.

Who's to say it's a bad life?

You know, if there's one thing that I learned from all this, it's that life

is worth living for as long as you get to, because you never know what's going

to happen next.

Well, you learned something else.

You found out who you are deep down.

You did the right thing when it counted, even though it meant making a big

sacrifice.

I think Superman would say that that's what being a hero is all about.

Well, I'm not so sure it was such a big sacrifice.

To tell you the truth, having superpowers turned out to be kind of a

Well, thank y 'all.

What a story.

Some nobody little guy suddenly wakes up one morning with superpowers, and just

as suddenly, he loses them.

What?

I'd give my pension to know how it happened.

Jimmy. Mm -hmm? I don't want you reading this trash in the Daily Planet

building.

Well?

Well, what?

How do you feel about not telling Perry everything that we knew?

Bad.

I feel bad.

But Superman was right.

Yeah. It's one of his more irritating qualities.

Do you think that that strange woman had Lex's body all along?

I guess so.

What kind of a person keeps a body frozen in a glass case?

Somebody who's having a hard time getting a date?

Well, at least we know for sure that he is dead.

Absolutely. I saw everything go flatline.

dead or alive i don't know what's the difference it's not like he's suddenly

going to regenerate himself

hey

guys can you give me a hand with that i'll take it from here