Original subtitles

Um, I know this is supposed to be art, but, uh, to me, it just looks like a big

car wreck.

I don't see a mother or a daughter.

You guys don't get it. You have to open your mind to the artist's inner

feelings. Oh, hey, wait a minute.

You know, if you tilt your head to the right and squint your eyes a little bit,

you can just about make out Elvis' profile.

I don't see it, Chief. Oh, yeah, yeah, look.

Between these two hubcaps here and that upside -down speedometer.

Yeah. You see it? Maybe the fat Elvis.

Why do I even try?

Art to you guys is like the prints of those poker -playing dogs. Oh, I love

those. Did you ever see the one with the two dogs in the bar throwing darts?

Uh,

Lois Lane?

Yeah? This is for you.

Oh.

Who's it from?

I have no idea.

Dear Lois, please forgive me, but my feelings for you run deep and I'm too

to tell you in person. But I want the world to know that whenever I think of

you, my heart sings.

Your secret admirer.

Don't look at me. I may be from Kansas, but I am not that corny.

That's so embarrassing.

Well, open it up.

So beautiful.

Well, whoever this guy is, he sure has a sense of style.

Lift up that latch.

That's the damnedest thing I've ever seen.

I wanted one of those.

You know, I'd hate to think of what this guy would have sent you if he didn't

like you.

Morning. Morning.

Did the lab call?

Yeah. Unfortunately, the wiring in that box was so badly melted they couldn't

tell anything.

You got any idea who Romeo is?

I haven't been able to think of anyone who likes me enough to send me a... Uh,

I'm still working on it.

Lois, I just got off the phone with the museum. I told them we'd take care of

the damages.

Uh, is something wrong?

Dear Lois, please accept the gift on your desk as an apology for last night.

I am itching to be yours, your secret admirer.

Well, are you going to open it?

I don't know.

You want me to open it?

No.

No, I'll do it.

Beautiful. It's a little tight, but... Major Seeker and Meyer must work here

because nobody else has access to your desk.

Well, that's good deductive reasoning, Jimmy. But you're wrong.

I know what everybody gets paid, and nobody gets paid enough to be able to

afford a rock like that, not even me.

It's just the most romantic thing.

Itching to be yours?

Can you break?

Clark, I'm sure it came from his heart.

Amazing. You went from being afraid to open this box to thinking this guy was

Longfellow in a matter of 30 seconds. Oh, Clark, you just don't understand

romance.

Lois, are you okay?

I think I'm having an allergic reaction to the gold.

It's too tight.

Let me help.

It must have been a cheap setting.

Well, so far, Loverboy's batting 0 for 2.

It's discolored.

It's been dipped in some kind of chemical.

Yeah,

real romantic.

Oh, I guess this is going to be a long day. What? I'm a little edgy. I'm sorry,

Clark. I just can't get this image out of my head of some weirdo sitting in his

living room snickering to his friends about how he's going to get Lois Lane to

fall for him. Well, I guess that's the drawbacks of being beautiful,

and eligible.

What's that supposed to mean?

Nothing. I was paying you a compliment.

Hey, weren't you implying that if I wasn't single, I wouldn't have this

No, I wasn't.

But you probably wouldn't have this problem if you were married. Well,

terrific reason to get married, to avoid harassment.

Long day.

May I help you?

Yes. I was wondering if you could tell by looking at a ring where it was made?

Well, I can certainly tell by looking at it. It wasn't made here. Let me get my

loop.

Gee, you've got some beautiful things.

They tell me they're good.

You ought to take a look at the things in this case.

They're not.

Yuck.

You know, these remind me of this computer nerd I used to know in college,

Randall Loomis.

Followed me around for an entire year like this annoying little gnat, and then

one day I found in my locker a hideous piece of jewelry just like this, with

this note attached to it that said, from your secret admirer.

Clark, that's it.

Randall Loomis.

He must be the one behind this. He still lives in Metropolis. I think I can get

the information you want, but it would help if I could hold on to this ring for

a day or so. That's fine. Let's go.

Thank you.

After years of pining for me, Loomis has finally decided to act on his sick

little fantasies. Turn here.

That's it?

Looks like Randall the Nerd is doing all right for himself.

Have you thought about what you're going to say if it turns out he's not behind

all this? It makes perfect sense.

His intense infatuation for me, his mechanical abilities, and evidently he

enough money to spend on all those elaborate gifts.

People do change, Lois.

This wouldn't be change, Clark. This would be morphing.

Yes?

Hi, does Randall Loomis live here?

Yes, I'm Mrs. Loomis. Can I help you?

Mrs. Loomis?

Of course. Hi, I'm Clark Kent.

Hi. This is, um... Lois Lane.

Randall and Lois are old friends. We were just in the neighborhood, and Lois

thought it might be nice to drop by and say hello.

Isn't that right, Lois?

Oh, well, I'm sure he'd be delighted. I'll be right back.

Maybe it's a different Randall Loomis. It is a common name.

Hi.

You were looking for me?

Hi, Randall.

Do I know you from somewhere?

Lois Lane.

We went to college together.

Oh!

Lois, I didn't recognize you. You look so mature.

And you look like you're doing very well.

Yeah, yeah. I sold my software company last year and retired.

Donna and I are going to travel around the world and then settle down in our

place in Paris.

So what have you been up to?

Oh, I'm a reporter.

A journalist.

Senior journalist for the Daily Planet.

Actually, I'm in charge of a... Almost the entire newspaper.

Oh, that's great.

Well, would you folks like to come in?

No, we can't. Big story.

Deadline. Ooh.

Well, it was nice of you to stop by.

I'm glad to see that you found yourself a good man.

In college, I seem to remember Lois always on the prowl, but she never could

hook up with the right guy.

I hope it works out for you, too.

Thank you.

Let's go.

So, you were on the prowl in college? That man has a very faulty memory.

And did you see her nails?

Obviously press on. I wasn't really focusing on her nails, Lois.

I'm glad you're having such a good time.

What did you do that for?

Well, you let the security system off again, and I just walked right in the

door.

Well, I can never figure out how that stupid thing works.

Well, you've got a master's degree in engineering, and you can't figure out

to turn out an alarm system.

Well, sometimes geniuses have trouble with simple things.

That's what makes us colorful.

How do you feel about the colors black and blue?

I've been waiting five years to even the score with Lois Lane, and I'm not going

to let everything be ruined just because you are too stupid to set a simple

alarm. Okay.

Okay, I'll rig it some way so it's easy to operate. I don't care if you can't,

but I'll just use it.

So how did your meeting go with the terrorists? Don't ever call them that.

like to be called freedom fighters, and they wanted a little...

They want a little demonstration before they'll advance us any money.

They don't trust us?

Victor, we're the kind of people that deal with terrorists. Why would anybody

trust us?

Is that thing ready?

I modified the manufacturer's spraying system and installed... Boring!

Is it ready?

It's ready.

Good.

Now... Think you can figure out how to get into this?

That's another part of your colorful genius persona?

There it is.

Let's go.

I'm sorry, but you should have seen the look on your face when Randall Loomis

said he was selling his software company and moving to Paris. Would you stop it?

You really think I care what Randall Loomis does with his life? I have more

important things to deal with right now. Of course you do.

You're a senior journalist.

You know, you could walk back.

Yeah.

door for i don't know i thought maybe for a moment there maybe what you're

stick your foot out and drag it along the street and stop the car you've been

watching too many flintstones cartoons stay here i'll go for help

You okay?

Are you alright?

Yeah. There's someone who just saw their life flash before their eyes.

What caused this?

I'm not sure.

Some kind of chemical reaction.

Promise me someday you'll tell me how you do that.

Here's the little Dickens.

Whoop.

Don't move.

Why?

I dropped the chip.

Oh, you dropped the chip.

Can you see the chip?

No.

Victor, that little chip...

is worth well over $100 ,000.

And it's irreplaceable, unlike you. So I'd like you to look for the chip again.

Oh, oh, oh, oh.

It was by your foot.

Lucky. No harm done.

Did I ever tell you how much time I spent in prison?

I think you said about five years. About five years. And you know that in that

whole time, I never got one single day off for good behavior?

Huh. You know why?

No. Because I'm just not a very nice person, see? I'm just not a very nice

person. And my problem today is that I just don't feel that you understand

how much this project means to me.

I understand.

I understand.

It'll never happen again.

No. No.

Good. Hey, we've had a long day.

How about I take you out to the old ball game?

Lois! Lois!

Lois!

Lois! Better up?

Someone want to tell me what's going on?

Didn't you read the sports section yet?

Not yet. Why? You're the action shot of the day, Lois Lane. Let me be your

designated hitter, your secret admirer.

What?

I think it's kind of cool the way he tied in the baseball theme.

You know, the whole designated hitter.

Oh, I sure wish somebody would yell out copy boy right about now.

A lot of people tell me I'm too old to be romantic.

And they're right. Do me a favor.

Would you tell Luffaboy to send the candy ground next time?

Was the message on the board very long?

Long? The game was postponed for half an hour.

The fans were going nuts.

Nothing a good way? The boys at the press box called him the prankster.

Me? I suggested a different name.

Pete, don't you have a box score to study?

How did he manage this?

Well, I... With a stolen computer chip.

I spoke to the manager of the stadium this morning. He told me that the

scoreboard was programmed by Stanton Electronics.

Ring a bell?

One of their trucks was caught up in that mess on the street yesterday. Turns

out two computer chips were stolen and replaced with altered chips after the

accident. One controlled your scoreboard. The other was headed for a

lab.

Oh.

So that's it.

Well, that's what?

Well, what happened yesterday wasn't an accident. It was a diversion so someone

could steal the chips from the truck.

Oh. Yeah.

I knew that. And if yesterday was a diversion, it means what happened at the

museum was one, too.

The Regent Diamond is missing from their collection.

50 carats. Let me guess. A piece of it was in the ring I got?

The jeweler said it was cut from the same stone.

You know, it's true what they say.

Love stinks.

I don't get it. He steals a diamond ring and computer chips. What's the

connection? Lois, Clark, you've got to see this.

This just broke into all the news channels.

Good morning, Metropolis.

Hey, I'm sorry to interrupt your little news bulletin there, but what I've got

to say is just more important.

Now, the bomb you see on your TV screens is hidden in the basement of one of the

city's scientific laboratories. And just so everyone isn't inconvenienced, I'll

tell you that that laboratory is located in our city's lovely riverfront

industrial area. All right, somebody get on this right away. I'll go.

Lois, why don't you stay and find out how we cut into the broadcast?

Okay, fine.

As you can see, the... bomb on your screens will detonate in exactly one

15 seconds. And if you're in that area, 14 seconds, you might want to consider

taking an early lunch, 11 seconds. Hey, if you're wondering how come I'm pulling

this loony prank, all I can say is I'm an incurable romantic and I just want to

show the world the explosive nature of my love for Lois Lane.

Okay,

the workers are out. Let's go.

Oh, my God.

Bravo, Superman. Hey, you were super close.

Unfortunately, next time, Superman, super close, we'll have super deadly

results. Bye -bye for now.

You recognize his voice?

Why is he doing this to me?

Hang in there, kid.

Jimmy, come on.

Hey, Juliet.

While you and Romeo here were making a love connection, some guy called and he

said he had some information about who this white kid is.

I think we've finally found the absolute bottom of Metropolis.

Why is it the guys you call in with tips always live in the worst part of town?

What do you think the brochure on this place would say?

Exquisite alley view?

Complimentary roaches on your pillow?

Is this 210?

Elaine?

Yes. This is my partner, Clark Kent. And you are?

Not very friendly.

Sit down.

Oh.

Well, that's okay. We'll stand.

Let's see the money.

What money?

I told the kid on the phone you want to find out who's doing these things until

he's going to cost.

I'm sorry, but the Daily Planet has a standing policy that we don't pay for

information. Then you came here for nothing.

Well, let's not be too hasty.

How much money could we be talking about?

Ten grand.

Ten thousand dollars?

Are you joking?

Does this look like a face that makes jokes?

No. No, not jokes.

Look, I know this guy spent a lot of time with him. All he did was talk about

you and what he was going to do to you. Now, do you want to know this guy's name

or not?

How do you know him?

Your sign on my forehead says stupid.

Yeah. Look, I'm sure we can get the information for Les. These things are

negotiable. You're talking to him. Who's this?

Fine. See if you can talk him down to $20, because that's all I have on me.

Well, money isn't everything.

Maybe we can offer him a couple of nights in a nicer place.

Sure. Maybe we can throw in a harbor cruise while we're at it. Will you get

serious? We're talking about my life here.

Now, let's offer him $100.

He'll take it. Just look at him. He's so pathetic.

He's beyond pathetic.

He's dead.

I just heard. Any idea who this fellow was?

He registered under the name Mick Barrows. We're checking right now to see

that's accurate.

How can you rig up something to electrocute a person over the telephone?

This prankster's one talented guy.

Well, I'm not sure talent's the word I'd use.

Here he is. Mick. Barrows got out of prison a month ago after serving 18

Too bad there's not a button we could push to find out what he was going to

you.

Lois, I was kidding.

Just because Barrows didn't get a chance to talk doesn't mean he didn't give us

a lead.

I don't understand.

Barrows said he spent a lot of time with the prankster. Since he's been behind

bars, it had to be somebody that he knew in prison.

Probably one of his cellmates.

Why can't I think like this?

Well, if it was easy, everybody would do it.

Oh, my God.

Who's Kyle Griffin?

Hey, wait a minute. Wasn't that the guy that was busted about five years ago for

selling high -tech weaponry to the third world? His firm did the selling. He did

the designing.

Why would he be after you?

My first big story was an expose on the illegal arms business.

Led to the FBI arresting 12 people.

Kyle was at the top of that list.

So now he's out and he wants his revenge.

Yeah, but why steal a diamond and a computer chip?

Well, it's just a guess, but they are components of high -tech weaponry. Hey,

guys, listen to this.

One of the buildings that emptied out this morning due to that phony bomb

was Whitmore Scientific Lab.

And they just found out something was stolen.

Yeah.

Yeah, four pounds of titanium alloy and something called cesium.

How'd you know that?

Look, at this hour, all we can do is call this parole officer and leave a

message. With any luck, he'll get back with us first thing in the morning.

Now, Lois, you sure you don't want to spend the night with Alice and me?

Oh, no thanks, Chief. I'll be fine.

I mean, it's obvious Griffin's just interested in annoying me while he

pieces for his next toy.

Do you want me to take you home?

No, I'm fine.

I promise.

I'll see you all tomorrow.

Nobody would care, right?

Everything is fine.

Everything is fine.

Everything is fine.

Everything is fine.

Oh, God, I hate this.

Oh, girl, just get a grip on this.

I've got to get some control.

Lois?

Is that you? Lois?

Listen, I was just ready to go home, and I was sitting here thinking about your

situation, you know, with this prankster and all, and I just thought I'd call

and see if you're okay.

Oh, Chief, I'm fine.

I haven't given it a second thought.

Atta girl. Well, if you change your mind, Alice still has that guest bedroom

made up for you.

Oh, tell her that I appreciate it. That's not much.

Perry?

Oh.

Hi,

we got cut off.

I know.

I did the cutting.

Griffin, is that you?

Oh, you figured it out. And after I went to all the trouble of killing poor

Barrows.

What do you want?

I don't know.

I just kind of want to, you know, torment you the way you tormented me

wrote your little expose and after your reputation's ruined and your life is

sufficiently miserable.

I'm going to put you out of your misery.

Nothing but net I

Know I know it's

late. I'm sorry, but I have pizza and a Mel Gibson movie I know how much you

like pizza and lethal weapons. Oh, I'm here. I am great come in So what should

we start with them at least weapon one or please weapon two or there's three

It's sort of stupid at the beginning, but it gets better.

Is something wrong?

Does something have to be wrong for me to want to spend some time with a

No. No, sorry.

One would be great.

really great.

We should do this more often.

What are you doing tomorrow night? Lois.

Hello?

Hello?

There's nobody there. It's just a wrong number.

Wrong number.

No problem.

That happens all the time in the big city, right?

Lois, you want to tell me what happened?

Nothing happened.

You know, I mean, you know, nothing important.

Griffin called me.

What? What did he say?

Oh, the usual. He said, Lois, hi, how are you?

Long time no see.

I'm going to kill you.

Kill you? What, did you call the police?

Look, I am a professional reporter. This is not the first threat that I have

ever received.

These things, they never pan out. Well, maybe not, but I'd feel a lot better if

you stayed here tonight.

Well, if it would make you feel better, then I guess it... Don't let me twist

your arm or anything.

Clark.

I don't want to die.

Lois, I would not let that happen.

Uh... Yeah.

Mm -hmm.

I love you.

You know, Mel Gibson's really funny in these movies.

Yeah.

He plays a great wild man.

Sometimes I think maybe I should be a little bit more of a wild man myself.

Jimmy even suggested that I wear an earring, but that's not really me.

What do you say?

Okay, great. Tell Chief we're on it.

Thanks. Who was that?

It was Jimmy.

Griffin's parole officer called this morning. The only address he has on him

Griffin's father's toy store.

Toy store? I thought Griffin's father was a nuclear physicist.

Didn't Griffin follow in his footsteps?

Apparently he retired and he's gone into the toy business.

It's not far from here.

How'd you sleep?

I had really weird dreams.

Maybe it's the pizza.

I doubt it. I dreamed that I was a cocktail waitress and Griffin was a

bartender. And all of a sudden, he's trying to shove me in the blender. And

screaming, we don't serve blended drinks here.

Well, let's hope it was the pizza. Hey, that's my breakfast! I'll buy you a

donut on the way to the toy store.

Do you mind if we stop by my apartment first so I can change?

Oh, no. Of course not. I know you senior journalists have an image to uphold.

And this is my workshop.

That's where I make everything.

Oh, oh, now, this, this is my favorite.

It's a phone.

Ah, it's, uh, interesting.

Well, when people return calls on this, they can say, I'm calling you back.

You get it?

Uh, Mr. Griffin, we're here to talk to you about Kyle.

We have reason to believe... Oh, Kyle's a good boy, Mr. Kent.

He just got caught up with the wrong crowd.

Now, here's something you're not gonna find anywhere else.

Because I make them.

See this? This is real red clay.

That's hard to come by in these parts.

I dig it up myself.

Over near Lunar Industrial Park.

Mr. Griffin, when was the last time you heard from your son?

Look, I realize you probably don't want to talk to me about Kyle. I have nothing

to hide, Miss Lane.

I haven't seen Kyle since he got out of prison.

Now, here's something I just came up with. If I were to tell you that I had

titanium, cesium, a diamond, and a computer chip, what might I be making?

Well, any number of things.

Could a weapon be made from these items?

Yeah, it could.

Of course, you'd be missing a power source.

Such as?

Well, if it were a nuclear -type device, a piece of plutonium. The only

plutonium in this city is at the toxic depository.

No, that's not entirely true, Mr. Kent. There is another place.

It's a heavy metals processing plant out on Highway 9, I believe.

We'll split up. I'll take the processing plant.

Thanks. You've been a great help. Oh, it's a pleasure.

You were right. They were just here.

In about 15 minutes, he's going to walk right into your arms.

Perfect. Thank you.

How long is this going to take?

Well, the interior dimension of the plant is approximately 65 ,000 square

Now, with an accelerated dispersion flow, taking into account any leakage

vents... 15 minutes.

Come on.

I'll give you the babe.

If you don't mind my saying so, I think you have great legs.

I think I read somewhere that intelligent men are leg men.

Only boobs are interested in... Well, you know.

Anyway, I think you have very shapely legs.

They're like two...

Perfectly formed carrots.

Stop. You're embarrassing me.

The police found a canister of nitrous oxide hooked to the air conditioning.

Came right through the vents.

Did they take anything?

Yeah, some of our plutonium. I tried to stop them, but I was laughing too hard.

Do me a favor. Look like you did when you smelt the gas, huh?

Jimmy.

Can you take a picture or something else?

Oh, right.

Are you sure the two men took Miss Lane with them?

Yeah, I'm sorry.

That gas stopped us from being much help.

That's okay.

Thanks. You're welcome.

What is it?

Little bits of red clay.

How could you see that from all the way over there?

I have a really strong prescription.

Well, is it important? I mean, anybody could track that in here, right?

Not anybody.

They wear those so the traces of plutonium don't get stuck to their shoes

get outside.

So?

So it had to come from the shoes of the men who broke in here.

Ah, of course.

But where do you find Red Clan Metropolis?

There.

Oh, boy, what a great story this is going to be.

Too bad your paper won't be around to publish it. What's the planet got to do

with it?

Well, my buyers want a demonstration, and so I was like, um, I better decimate

building for them. And then I thought, what better building to destroy than the

paper that sent me to prison? It'll be really nifty.

See, the weapon fires this gas plasma beam that vaporizes whatever it hits.

I don't think she believes you, Victor, but maybe, maybe she will if she

sees it at work up close and personal.

Help Kyle find it. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, Victor.

I don't think you've got any future with her.

It's kind of hard to have a meaningful relationship with a dead woman.

You know, it's disappointing that people at the planet won't enjoy this prank as

much as I will.

Nothing. All that power and nothing happened.

First elbow, Victor.

Even deal melt if it gets hot enough.

No!

No!

Can we get the

pillow?

You're right, Victor.

I do have great legs.

Well, I guess you don't need me.

Not this time.

But don't leave town.

Joe! How does it feel to see your name in lights?

Oh, I wasn't reading that. I was thinking about my next story.

Hey, you two gotta hear this.

Jimmy's got a theory he's been working on.

Go ahead, son.

Uh, well, I've been thinking about what happened, and I couldn't figure out how

the prankster knew you were gonna be at the processing plant.

And then it dawned on me.

His father was the only other person that knew you were gonna be there.

So...

He was probably in on it.

Nice work, Jimmy.

I'm proud of you, son.

I'm going to even let you call the police. Come on.

Lois, these just came for you. Oh.

Diane, what do yellow roses mean?

I don't know.

The only thing men ever give me are directions to their house.

Yellow is for friendship.

From a special friend.

A final thick joke from Kyle Griffin.

Uh, no.

Rose, wait. No, no!

Uh... Those roses cost me 50 bucks.