All language subtitles for Beanstalk.1994.720p.WEBRip.x264.AAC-[YTS.MX]

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[gentle dramatic music]

- Hi-yah!

Hi-yah ha!

[thuds]

[grunts]

In ancient Samaria
they cut off the toes

of those who are caught
breaking and entering.

- But the men, they just wanna
know what you're digging for.

- Oh!

Something's
definitely down there.

It's bigger than any dinosaur,
but its skeleton structure

is far too mammalian
for it to be a dragon.

- A dragon?

- Mm-hmm.

And the lack of pictogram
formations in the area

would make it highly unlikely

that this creature is of
extraterrestrial origin.

- Extraterrestrial?

You're crazy!

Wrap it up and get the
net, we were right,

Doc Winston's certifiable,
she thinks we're looking

for Bigfoot or something.

- Wait!

You can't stop now.

We're about to
discover something

that's never been seen before.

It's the find I've been
waiting for all my life.

It'll prove my
theories are correct.

- What theories that the
Loch Ness Monster surfs?

Look lady, you don't
know what you have here.

Come on, guys.

- Wait, I found something!

- [Construction Worker]
Yeah, what'd you find lady?

[dramatic chiming music]

- What you've got is the makings
for a great pot of chili.

Bon appetit Professor.

[laughing out loud]

Come on, guys.

[loud crashing sound]

- Great heavens!

Humongo Sapiens.

[upbeat orchestral music]

- Man, are my muscles tired.

That's what I get for not
eating my vegetables I guess.

Wait a minute, I just
thought of something.

Big idea number 957.

Sugar frosted veggies.

Yes!

Yes, um, and
caramel cauliflower,

chocolate covered broccoli
and marshmallow spinach.

It's brilliant, I love it.

Hey, Mr. Ladd.

- Hey Jack.
- How you doing?

- Stop don't move.

- Oh, what's going on?

[cricket stridulating]

- You almost stepped
on a cricket.

Are you okay little fella?

Here you go.

So, how's your mom Jack?

- She's okay, she's
working double shifts.

- Oh jiminy, I wish
I could say that!

Business is real slow.

- Yeah.

- I might have to close
up shop around here

if something doesn't change.

- I'm sorry.

- And you know I
can't lie to you.

- What?

- Your idea of putting
in a drive-through,

didn't help either.

- Are you serious?

I mean, it worked for fast food

it should have worked for
your Five and Dine, right?

What can you do?

Oh, wait a minute, I got
another idea for you.

Pet insects.

Huh?

- Hey.
- Yeah?

That's not a bad idea.
- Great.

- They might sell
better than ant farms.

[chuckling]

- What?

What is it you?

Where are you?

[graceful music]

- Really big note to myself,

don't be a geek
around Lonnie, okay?

Hi, Lonnie.

- Hi, Jack.
- Hi.

- My, what a big box you have!

- Oh, I'm taking
these family heirlooms

to the pawn shop
to get some money.

My mom's running short
on our house payments.

- I'm sorry to hear that.

- No, no, it's okay man.

I'll have tons of
mulla in no time,

just as soon as I come
up with my big idea.

- What are you talking about?

- Well, you know, like with
just one really big idea

you can become a zillionaire.

All you have to do is start
your own network like MTV,

or invent something really cool

like those sticky
rollers to pick up lint.

Get it?

It's all right.

Okay, I got an idea for
you, celebrity kickboxing.

What do you think?

- I don't know.

- Okay, so that one needs a
little work, okay I admit,

but I have billions
of other ideas

and I put them on my tape
so my head doesn't explode.

- Let me listen to some.

- Sure.

[tape recorder rewinding]

- [Jack Voiceover] Really
big note to myself,

don't be a geek
around Lonnie, okay?

- Hey, that's a brilliant idea.

- I'm serious, I have some
killer schemes on here.

I even solved the
world's housing shortage.

Get this, industrial size Legos.

No, it's brilliant.

- Hey, dopey.

You spilled cherry
freeze on my report card.

- So, I did you a favor,

now you don't have of the
show it to your parents.

Let's shake and call it even.

- I got straight A's you Smurf.

- Here I thought your IQ matched
your underwear size tubby.

- To be or not to be?

That's the question you
should be asking yourself

you little freak.

What's in here?

- Hey, come on, that
stuff is valuable Danny.

Stop, that's China.

Stop it, you're gonna break it.

- I wonder if cows can fly.

- Oh no!

Yes!

- I'm gonna kill you!

- Oh, hey mom, I didn't
think you'd be home.

- I raced home between shifts,

so we can have dinner
together sweetie.

- Cool, no, no, not
chicken again mom.

- Look honey, they've
shut the gas off

and I want you to
have a good hot meal.

So, be glad we get free
food from the diner.

Now, go wash your hands.

[dance music]

- Uh, one minuscule
problem, there is no water.

- Oh, here, I snitched some
moist towelettes from the diner,

Catch.

- That's just great,
and please tell me

you're gonna pay the water bill

before I have to shower off
one of these things again.

Wait a minute, got an idea.

Big idea number 1010, bath
towel-sized moist towelettes.

This is great, this should sell
better than pests for pets.

Look mom, you're
kinda smart right?

You could work for NASA.

I mean, I know they're looking
for a female astronaut.

- Right, got any more science
fiction stories for me?

- Okay.

You're still kind
of a babe right?

You could be a network anchor.

- Right!

- Oh, come on mom,
anything's gotta pay better

than waitressing at
the Chicken Shack.

I mean, come on, please,
please don't get me

for the love of God,
I have a family.

[door bell rings]
It makes my case.

I'll get it.

- Hello Jack.

- Hello Lurch.

- The name's Leech.

I need to speak to your mother

about the mortgage on the house.

Would you be a good lad and
summon her for me please.

- Well, sure, mom it's Mr. Lice.

Nice suit, which grave
did you rob to get it?

- Nice shoes, attention
all Kmart shoppers!

- It's a fashion statement.

- Hello Mr. Leech.

- Mr. Leach, please
call me Richard.

- Okay, Richard.

- No, mom, don't call him that.

Mr. big and tall here is not
your friend, call him Lurch.

- Jack, that's not the
way to speak to anybody.

Look, Mr. Lurch, Leech!

I'm sorry, I'm a little
late with the mortgage.

- I'm sorry too, but six months
is more than a little late.

- Oh!

- I regret to inform
you, that unless you pay

your balance immediately,
the bank will be forced

to foreclose on your property
at midnight this Friday.

I presume you've received
the letters warning you.

- Um, maybe you could hold
off just a little longer,

if I paid you some of the
money now, I'll go get it.

Jack, come with me.

- Sure.

[laughing]

Oops, sorry.

And then I was chased by
a pack of wild pit bulls,

and as I crossed the street,

I was nearly hit by a
turbocharged armored truck.

- Jack.

- Then they had laser guns,
then they tried to shoot.

- No more tall tales honey,
just tell me the truth.

Did you lose all
of those antiques?

- It wasn't my fault really mom.

Don't worry, I found this.

Maybe it was a crate of
gold headed for Fort Knox

or maybe it's illicit contraband
worth millions up, huh?

- I doubt it.

- mom, come on, stop acting
like the sky is falling,

have a little hope, I
mean, whatever this is,

there must be a reward, right?

Come on, okay, there we go.

- They look like egg plants.

Great, this is just what I need
to pay off Leech, eggplants!

- Well, at least
it's a delightful

change of pace from chicken.

- I got you a surprise today.

- Oh, yes, yes!

You got me the ones with
the high-end back cushions.

Yes, awesome!

Wait, wait a minute mom,
you can't afford these.

- No, tips we're good today.

- Mom, but still mom--

- No, we may be
having our troubles

but I want you to
have everything I can
possibly give you.

- I'm gonna be like
three inches taller.

Give me some skin.

- Alright!
- Yes!

Look out Charles Barkley.

- They're really
cool, aren't they?

- [Ladd] It sure was swell
to see you tonight Rebecca,

and maybe I'll stop
by the Chicken Shack
tomorrow night too.

- Sure.

But I think you'd
be getting tired

of drumsticks and wings by now.

Anyway, thanks
for the ride home.

- Oh, anytime.

And please consider my offer.

If you get in trouble,

you and Jack can always
stay at my place.

- Go for it mom, come on.

- That's very generous of
you, but I can't accept.

I'm just not ready
for a relationship.

- Oh, there are no
strings attached.

Well, maybe I gotta
put it in another way.

I like you a lot Rebecca,

but if you don't feel the
same way, it's okay because.

[cricket stridulates]

- What is that?

- It's just my cricket.

I'm testing one of Jack's
new ideas, pet insects.

- [laughs] I see.

Well, don't let him talk you
into the beehive burglar alarm,

we've already tried that.

Good night Barry.

- Good night, and remember,
there are no strings on me.

- Right.

- Bye Rebecca.
- Bye.

[gentle piano music]

- Big note to myself,
make mom happy.

As my first act as
president, will be to.

- Jack you're talking
in your sleep again.

[rumbling sound]

- No, my name is Bond,

James Bond.

No, no there's no
time for it Robin,

I have a date with
the Cat Woman.

Oh God!

Oh God!

This ark has been
hit, medic, medic!

[mysterious dramatic music]

I don't believe it.

Oh, man!

Man, this is big, mom wake up.

- Jack, you're just
dreaming, now shush,

I have to get up
at five o'clock.

- Mom a gigantic beanstalk
is growing in our backyard.

- Jack!

- Mom, you gotta
believe me on this.

- Jack, I'm not in the mood
for any of your wild stories.

- Mom, would I lie about
something like this?

- Yes.

- Jack, Jack, what
are you doing?

- Come on mom.

- Jack, Jack, Jack!

- See, I told you.

[upbeat orchestral music]

- I don't believe it.

- Oh man, this gives me
a bunch of big ideas.

Note to myself, buy
more cassette tapes,

a whole lot more.

- [News Reporter] The
giant beanstalk phenomenon

still captivates the
nation's attention.

Curiosity seekers from
all over the country

have converged onto the
small town of Rockfield.

- Portland!
- Causing massive traffic--

I'm in the wrong state.

- [News Reporter] But
there is good news

as the town's Mayor Cecil Boggs.

- Ever since the giant
automakers left this region,

this town has been on
the brink of bankruptcy.

Until this miracle occurred,

and know all our hotels
and restaurants are filled.

- Who ordered the beanstalk pie?

- [Cecil] The town is so packed,

people are even selling
parking spaces on their lawns.

- A hundred dollars
for a parking space?

That's highway robbery.

- [Cecil] This
beanstalk has sparked

other ancillary industries.

There's even talk of theme park.

- We're live at the
home of Rebecca Taylor

and the home of the beanstalk.

Tell me Rebecca, what
was your first reaction

when you saw this beanstalk?

- Oh well, my first reaction was

how often do I have to
water this thing [laughs]?

- I've got to warn them.

- [Jack] One, come all,
see the giant beanstalk,

it's only $5, twilight
visits for only 250.

And for $3 more you
can VIP [mumbles]

with a tour of the
house built all over it.

Don't forget to
visit our gift shop.

[upbeat dramatic music]

- Ma'am, ma'am that's $5.

- [Jack] If you're hungry,
stop by our concession stand

for a delicious piece
of Beanstalk Pie,

and a drink of glass of
refreshing Bean Juice.

- Must get a soil sample.

[mumbles] through the sky.

- We have an authentic beanstalk

cereal bowl of candy.

Cash or charge?

- What?

- I'm selling the
dirt around here.

- You shouldn't.

- Thanks, Jack.

- All right man.

- Wish me luck on
my rose garden.

- All right, good luck.

See ya.
- Bye.

- I have a $20 minimum.

- Your name's Jack?

- Yeah, don't wear it out.

- History repeats itself.

- What are you talking about?

- There is a giant at the
top of that beanstalk.

- Yeah, right.

You do know you're whack, right?

- You've got to believe me,
I know about these things.

I am Dr. Kate Winston,
Cryptozoologist.

- Wait, cryptozoolo-, that
means you study dead animals.

- Cryptozoology is the study
of dragons and mermaids

and Bigfoot and
Loch Ness Monster,

vampires, werewolves and giants.

It's the study of creatures
that may or may not exist.

- No, no, it's seems
like its your brain

that may or may not exist.

- We have got to cut
down this beanstalk.

- You know this is a
real fashion statement.

Hey, what's Jack doing
with that crazy woman?

- We have got to cut
down the beanstalk,

before the giant comes
down and destroys us all.

- What do you mean cut
down the beanstalk?

- Exactly that.

He can probably
spell us right now.

You know, fee-fi-fo-fum, I smell
the blood of an Englishman.

This crowd is sure
to attract him.

Now, I'll tell you what,
you get everyone out of here

and I'll throw
him off the scent.

- What's that, garlic
to ward him off?

- No, the garlic
is for vampires,

for giants you need
something far more repellent.

- Okay, like what?

- I don't know, I found this
growing in my refrigerator,

and rationalized it's
potent enough for the job.

- Yeah, yeah, I think so.

- Giants, right!

Let's be logical about this.

- Have you ever
seen a white tiger?

No.

Well, just because
you haven't seen one

doesn't mean they don't exist.

- Oh, this is ridiculous!

The soil is probably
just rich in minerals.

- Not by my
calculations it isn't.

- Okay, okay, the seeds
were genetically altered

by scientists to make
the plant grow bigger.

- Oh, wrong, it's magic!

[crowd screams in fear]

You must open your mind
to other possibilities.

History is full of
references to giants.

In the Bible, Numbers
13, 33 and I quote:

and behold there were giants,

and we were in our own
sight as grasshoppers

and therefore we
were I their sight.

- Right!

And I'm the Jolly Green
Giant, ho, ho, ho!

[crowd laughing]

Next you'll be telling us,

space aliens killed
John F. Kennedy.

- Actually, don't you get
me started on magic boy.

[crowd sighs in disgust]

[laughs]

At any rate, in the 1930s

anthropologist discovered the
remains of Gigantopithecus.

A giant ape.

- [Male Crowd Member]
She's talking to you Leech.

[crowd laughing]

- Is it not
reasonable to surmise

that an entire race could have
evolved from this species?

[chuckles] No body
believed me at first.

This beanstalk.

This beanstalk proves that
all my theories were correct.

- [laughs] What theories?

- Oh!

That there was an
ancient history

when magic and
science coexisted.

It was only a hunch at first
but this beanstalk proves

that the old fairy
tales aren't myths

but they're eyewitness accounts

of events that
actually happened.

- Oh, wow, you're
tall tales are wilder

than the ones my Jack tells.

- Hey!

- Listen Mother Goose,
save your nursery rhymes

for the little brat
who lived in the shoe.

- My point exactly and that
what happened is account,

where do you think Mother
Harper got her shoe?

[laughs]

I can prove giants exist.

I have the fossilized
remains of a real giant.

[crowd sighs in oh]

- Where is this giant skeleton?

- It's back in my mobile lab,

I had to park five miles
away because of the traffic.

- Setup in some tent like
P.T. Barnum circus I suppose.

You get your
collection outta here.

You are the silliest
woman I ever met.

- Yeah, this thing has [mumbles]
more jobs in this town.

- You're bad for business.

Nobody's chopping
down our beanstalk.

Your ideas stink.

- Believe me!

Believe me!

No, you've got to believe me!

- This beanstalk is bringing
prosperity to the town,

people are making
their loan payments.

- Well, does this mean
you'll be giving away

free transistor radios with
every new savings account again?

- I don't wanna be paid
back, I like to foreclose.

- That doesn't seem to be
a good business tactic.

First the free
radios and now this.

- It makes excellent
business sense.

When I own everything,
I'm gonna flood this town

with water and a dam.

I'll create a lake and build
the biggest vacation resort

this side of Vegas
on top of this town.

But to achieve this, I
need to receive dividends

on the generous campaign
donations I gave you.

- What do you want?

- Timber!

- The law is the law Rebecca.

You need a business license

to charge people to
see the beanstalk.

Also I must fine
you for sponsoring

a public gathering
without a permit.

- Cecil, I need this
money to pay my mortgage,

if I pay you now
I'll lose my house.

- I know, I know.

I'm truly sorry.

- Yeah, and I'm truly sorry too,

but you're gonna have to haul
your big fat but outta here.

Look, this is still our
house until midnight,

so get off our property.

[coughing]

- We'll go back and get
our other belongings later.

Hopefully, Leech won't throw
them out into the street.

First we need to figure out
where we're going to go now.

All the hotels are booked.

- Why don't we
stay with Mr. Ladd,

he already offered,
it'll be great.

He's got all those amazing toys.

- No, no.
- Come on.

- We can take care of ourselves.

Besides, I don't want him
getting the wrong idea.

- Hey!

Come on in, I
don't hold grudges.

- Cool.

- Jack, Jack [laughs].

- As you can see, I've
got plenty of room.

- Oh, yeah, real spacious.

Oh, I can see you have a problem

with those pesky vampires, huh?

- Uh-huh.

Would you like some dinner?

- No, thanks.

- [laughs] That's not dinner.

- Oh, no?

- It's a sleeping pill I'm
preparing for the giant.

- Right.

- Did you take this picture?

- [Dr. Kate] Uh-huh.

- Oh, yes silver bullets.

Hey, wait a minute, did
you ever shoot a werewolf?

- [laughs] It was too
dark to see, look.

Got me on the forearm
before I could fire.

- Oh, radical!

Do you know I got a
scar just like that,

when Mathew Wino
went a little too far

and gave me an Indian rope burn.

- That is nasty!

Let me see.

But, I can top that.

- I gotta see this,
come on, let's see it.

- Scuba diving in the Loch
Ness, guess who bit me?

- It's absolutely nothing.

Look what Lucy Fiese did to me

with her blender
in Home EC class.

- Oh!

Oh!

Ghastly!

Ghastly, I can't
top that [laughs].

- I know.

You know, you're the
coolest girl I ever met.

- Oh, thank you.

- I got you both beat.

Have you ever been unconscious

with a cold blade of
a knife slowly severed

through your seven
layers of flesh

and cuts you open
like a watermelon,

and then a slimy creature
is yanked from your insides?

I have.

- Are you serious?

- It's all true.

Doc tried to give me a
C-section when you were born?

[laughs]

- Bravo!

- What a performance, very good.

- On core, on core.

- Extraordinary.
- Yes, what a performance.

- Oh, thanks, you know,
before my husband died

I was trying to make
it as an actress.

Give me some skin, come on.

Yes!

- I know, I was pretty good,

but not as good as the Doc here.

- You think this
giant stuff is a joke.

- What method do you
use, Steno Walsky?

- This is not an act!

All right young man,
feast your eyes on this.

[groaning]

[spooky dramatic music]

Young man, this is the
giant that was killed

when the first
beanstalk was cut down.

I found a giant bean
and a giant stalk

next to it as further proof.

- Really?

That's so cool.

Do you think it's the
giant with all that gold,

and the goose that
laid the golden egg?

- Yes, I have no reason
to doubt it, why?

- I'm just curious.

Oh boy, how am I gonna do this?

- Give me all that money
you made this week.

- Doesn't it bother
you that you're picking

on somebody smaller than you.

- Conscience is but a
word that cowards use,

devised at first to
keep the strong in awe.

- What?

- It's Shakespeare you idiot!

My mom's an English teacher.

- Sheesh, no wonder
you're always so grumpy.

- Just give me the money.

- Yeah sure, here you go.

- Hey, wait a minute,
there's no money in here.

- My God, what's that?

- What?

[upbeat high-spirited music]

I'm gonna get you,
you little freak.

- Catch me if you can
Shakespeare [laughs].

- Yeah, I'm gonna get
you, you little pest.

- I don't think
so Danny [laughs].

- I'm gonna kill you.

- What are you gonna
do, bore me to death

with your poetry reading?

- Oh, you little, come here.

- Let go of me.

Come on, no, I need
that walkie talkie.

Let go of me or
I'll spit on you.

- You wouldn't dare.

- I know what you're thinking,

is he really gonna spit on me?

Well, I'll tell you the truth,

in all this excitement, my
mouth might have dried out.

Being that this is a loogie,
the most powerful saliva

in the world and it'll
totally gross you out.

You gotta ask
yourself one question,

do I feel lucky?

Well, do you, punk?

- I gotta know.

- My mouth is all dried up.

- Oh, you little.

[laughing]

- Ow!

Oh man!

Oh man!

This place is wicked, oh wow!

- Jack.

Jack.

Dear mom, I'm
climbing the beanstalk

to get the giant's gold, so
we can get our house back

and so you don't
have to work so hard,

because I love you, Jack.

P.S, I didn't want you
to stop me if you woke up

so I zipped you up
in the sleeping bag.

Again!

Oh, oh!

Oh, this is great!

Just great!

Wake up!

Wake up, this is all your fault.

Wake up.

If you hadn't filled his head
with the thoughts of giants,

he wouldn't be risking his
life climbing that beanstalk.

Wake up!

Wake up, come on!

I'm Dracula, Prince of darkness.

- Get back, demon of the night!

- It's only me.

- Next time be more careful.

I pride myself on my
ability to leap into action

at the slightest sound.

Where's Jack?

What's this?

He [mumbles], we've
got to stop him.

Don't thank me, I know
what you're gonna to say,

and believe me it's all
right, I'm glad to help.

I've grown quite fond
of the boy myself.

- Hey!

Hey, get back, get
me outta this thing.

Hey!

[dramatic orchestral music]

- Oh man, this
place is fantastic.

It's awesome man, I gotta
bring some of this stuff home.

- I am going to pulverize you.

After I get some rest.

- Look, I told you I'm broke,

but I won't be for long.

There's a fortune up
here just for the taking.

- A fortune?

Well, what do we have to do?

- Yes, I was hoping
you'd help me.

We'll split it 50, 50.

[loud banging sound]

Look out.

Go, go, go, go.

- Oh, something
smells delicious.

What you fixing for
breakfast beautiful?

- Oh you, I haven't even
started cooking yet.

What would you like handsome?

- Oh, just a muffin, muffin.

- [laughs] Woogie, woogie.

- It hasn't started yet?

Well, something smells dandily.

Something smells,

real swell.

What is it?

An amusing yet pungent aroma.

Musty bouquet.

Makes my nose hairs
tickle [chuckles].

- Daddy, I want you to
finish reading me the story.

- All right my little
cupcake, come on.

- Man, looks like Leaver
De Beaver meets King Kong.

Big idea, volume two,
plastic surgery for giants.

- All right, what do
you want princess?

- I thought giants were
supposed to live in castles.

- I guess they did hundreds
and hundreds of years ago

but they evolved just
like us, only slower.

- I'm getting outta here.

- No, wait, don't you see this?

They've only managed to
progress to the 1950s,

that means they're
dumber than us.

We can take these guys
or are you chicken?

- Who you calling
chicken small fry?

- Yeah, here we go.

Now, a big carpenter
towered over the little man,

who was only as small
as a shoe [laughs].

- Hey, I think he's reading
Jack and the Beanstalk.

- The tiny man was named Jack,

and he was a mean and
greedy little devil.

- Hey!

- Jack had stolen
all the carpenter's

most prized possessions,
including the goose

that laid the golden egg
and the magic singing harp.

Who cried, "Save me, save me."

So, the carpenter
grabbed it all back

from the sly demon Jack,

and began climbing
up the beanstalk.

See, see, see the picture.

- Oh, little people are so ugly.

- Yeah, look who's talking.

- Why do they have
such icky smooth skin

and yucky little noses?

- Well, I guess they're just
not as lucky as we are pumpkin.

- For Halloween, I wanna
go as a little person,

they're scary.

[laughing]

- Okeydoke.

Now, the evil Jack
swore revenge,

and began chopping down
the beanstalk with an ax.

Luckily the carpenter
made it to the top

in the nick of time.

Now, here comes
my favorite part.

When Jack finely chopped
down the beanstalk, it fell

on top of him, smashing the
little devil Jack to bits.

[laughing]

The end.

- Hey, that's not the
way the story goes.

- Daddy.

- Mm-hmm.

- Are little people real?

- Well, some folks
think they are.

There's been a number of
sightings of little people

but there's never
been enough evidence

to prove their existence.

Come take a peek at a book
I got from the library.

This is one of your
daddy's favorites,

UFOs, Little People
Another Mystery.

Pretty geek, huh?

Oh, this is a photograph
of a little people UFO,

taken last year and
wait till you see this.

You see, little people,
they don't really look like

their drawn on the storybook.

No, no, they actually
have one eye, one big eye.

And they really
have big long tails,

and I think they
taste like chicken.

- Do you believe in
little people daddy?

- I sure do.

But the government, obviously
covering up their existence.

Darn that President Nixon.

I wish we'd elected
that Kennedy guy,

he may not be as
handsome as Nixon,

but he's a whole lot smarter.

- Hey, you're right, they
are a lot dumber than we are.

- Okay, timeout.

I would like you to stop
filling our daughters head

with such nonsense.

I mean she's gonna
have nightmares hun.

We all know that little
people just don't exist.

- But what about
the pictures mom?

- Well, they're obviously
cheap fakes dear.

Well, you see that.

Everybody knows the
world is just not round.

- Ow!

- Well, serves you
right for being

such a freak about
little people.

Oh, sweetness, what
have we talked about?

Don't sit up straight, it's
gonna ruin your posture, dear.

Come on.

That's better, my
little sloucher.

And you Mr. Handsome Man,
what have we talked about?

Don't eat with
your mouth closed.

Open, come on.

That's better.

I just love you both.

- You gotta take
a photo of this,

I'll stand in for scale.

- Okay, to the right.

Okay, back.

There, right there.

- I wonder what's on TV?

[screaming]

- What is it dear?

- Little people.

- Where?

- There.

- Oh my God!

Oh my God!

- Sweetness do not
listen to your father.

You know, he's never been the
same since he bumped his head

and thought he was a
psychic, come on dear.

- Listen cupcake, one
lousy psychiatrist.

Look look, quick, they're
getting away, see, see!

- Come on, come on.

- Ow!

- See, you see,
here they are, look.

- The giant, come
on, come on, come on.

- They went under there.

- Oh, did I tell you Darlene
Bloodgusto got a nose job?

You don't think that my nose
is too small, do you dear?

- Oh, good, good, run
around the other side,

make sure they don't
get out that end.

They're sly little demons.

- No, no, come on wake
up man, get up, get up.

- Come on over cupcake.

I will prove to you that
little people exist.

- Oh, man, I could really use
a big idea right about now.

Wait a minute.

- I don't see any little people.

The only thing little around
here is somebody's brain.

- Desperate times call
for desperate measures.

Come on.

- Well, take a peek love
bucket and then eat your words.

- In here.

- Nothing.

- I swear, I saw those
ugly little monsters.

- I know you think you did
dear, but you also think

that this rock and roll
bad will last forever.

But I think
somebody's imagination

is just running away with them.

- I saw--
- Take a nap.

- Oh, no.

[screaming]

- I'm gonna get outta here.

- Wait the giant
will see us man.

Oh no, what was that?

- I think I stepped in one.

[groaning]

- Come on would you
relax, they're only bugs.

- Only bugs?

Are you blind?

They're giant bugs, everything
around here is giant

and giants mean business.

If they don't eat us,
they'll put us in cages

like we're Tweety Birds or worse

they'll turn us over
to the government,

to be prodded and
probed like we're ET.

This isn't Grimm's' Fairy Tale,

or the Cyclops from
The Odyssey, Jack.

- The Cyclops?

- Yeah, from the Greek
classic The Odyssey by Homer.

In it the fabled hero Odysseus

encounters this one eyed giant

called The Cyclops on
the island of Sicily.

- Oh, that's fascinating,
would you please tell me more.

- Well, you see
Odysseus was this dude

that was detained
for like seven years

by babe goddess named Cle...

Hey, wait a minute.

You're trying to distract me.

- Oh wait, you know
for a second there,

you looked exactly like
old big butt, Mrs Bun

from sixth grade English
class, it was so funny.

- That's my mom
you're talking about.

- Oh, Barnt, I really like that
name, it suits you so well.

- You're gonna die
you little freak.

Get it off, get it off.

- No, not until you promise
not to try to hit me again.

- I promise, I promise.

- You gotta raise your hand,
and you gotta swear it.

- I swear, I'll never
ever try to hit you again,

now get it off.

- Relax man, relax,
here we go, it's okay.

- Thank you.

- Hey,

I don't like you.

- I don't think I
should be here Leech.

Cutting down this beanstalk
could be a political time bomb.

- It's no good.

I can't hardly put a
dent in this thing.

It's as hard a stone.

- What was that you were
saying about a bomb Mayor?

Ah, yes, explosives
will do the job.

Excellent idea.

Get me some TNT.

- Yes sir.

- Leech, what are we gonna say?

We can't just blow up that
big tree full of beans.

- Tell them we're making
the world's largest burrito.

- All right.

- Ah, this looks interesting.

Little people discovered
living in shoe.

- Daddy, I can't find my dolls.

- Daddy's reading
right now pumpkin.

- Please help me find them.

- As soon as I finish the paper.

Oh, all right.

How can I resist when you
make such a cute face.

- Just call me, G.I Jim.

- I feel like a dork.

- No, no, you look great.

You know you really do
pull off that Kent look,

it's fabulous.

- I have this strange
overwhelming desire
to play house.

This is a stupid idea.

- Come on man, would rather
wear clothes with cobwebs

and cockroach guts
all over them?

This is a Primo plan.

If the giant walks by, we'll
just pose like dolls, observe.

He'll walk right by us, okay?

You're gonna need this to cover
your forehead, here you go.

Come on, put it on.

Now, try it, show me some
of your best Kent poses.

That's great, come
on, strike a pose.

Show me another one, come on
show me em, keep em coming.

Note to myself,
Danny is a bonehead.

That's great, what
time are you picking up

Marcia Brady for the dance?

- Shut up, this isn't fair.

- Hey, first come, first serve.

I found the army
clothes first, come on.

Hey, check it out.

The giant left his milk
money on the table.

- Awesome!

- Come on.

- All right, but I'm not
wearing this stupid scarf.

- This Beanstalk is not only
a danger to air traffic,

its roots are sapping
much needed moisture
from local crops.

- [Field Reporters] Sir,
don't you think that--

I have also received a
report from the military

that A-Wax Reconnaissance
has just discovered a huge,

indefinable energy field
around the beanstalk

that defies our radar
and infrared readings.

If we are not dealing
with magic here--

- Oh no, I think
he's talking about

cutting down the beanstalk.

- Unknown forces.

It must be studied by
our top scientists.

- [Male Field Reporter] Mr.
Leech, do you really believe

there's a giant at the
top of the beanstalk?

- I haven't ruled
out the possibility.

That's one of the other reasons

that I am cutting down
this beanstalk today.

- You can cut down this
beanstalk, stop, stop.

My giant theories
are totally falsely.

A complete fabrication.

There is no giant at the
top of the beanstalk.

I just thought I could cash
in on years of wasted effort

and trying to
promote my new book,

Fairy Tales, An Untold Story.

I'm terribly sorry,
I mislead you.

- No one was
listening to you then,

and no one listening to you now.

- You lied, you
destroyed your reputation

to save my Jack, you
didn't have to do that.

- Yes I did, now come on,
we don't have much time.

- Now, I am willing to
entertain questions.

- Did you leave your dollies
by the Hi-Fi precious?

- No, daddy.

- How about in your toy box?

Oh, boy.

Oh, boy, I had one of
these when I was a kid.

Sorry about that.

- Daddy.

- Ow, ow, stop,
stop, stop, stop.

- I want my dolls daddy.

- All right, okay fine.

Hey, hey, hey.

And what is this?

- It's my doll's scarf.

- I'm surprised
you didn't remember

putting your dollies under
the bookcase precious.

- I didn't put them there,

and where are the
rest of their clothes?

Hey, look.

- Hey.

Hey!

This is one of the outfits I saw

those little people wearing.

I can see them!

- Oh, are you sitting down?

Guess what my hubby told
me he saw this morning?

No, not this time.

This time he said he
saw little people.

- So, goodbye, oh,
Ms. Doubting Dora,

I did see little people.

- Listen.

- I found their clothes
under the bookcase.

Those crafty vermin disguised
themselves as dolls.

Be on the lookout
for G.I Jim and Kent.

- Did you hear that?

Next he'll think he's Elvis.

He's a hoot.

- I will show you

I will show you all.

I am going to catch
you little people.

[screeching and grunting]

- Look, I've got all these
mountain climbing gear,

from when I hunted Bigfoot.

[glass shattering]

Well, we'll just climb
up and rescue them.

- What happens if Leech
cuts down the beanstalk,

while we're climbing it?

- Good point, I
didn't think of that.

What we need is a
really big idea.

- Hey, maybe there's
something on one of these.

[gentle piano music]

- [Jack Voiceover] Big note
to myself, make mom happy.

Make mom happy.

Make mom happy.

Make mom happy.

- All right we made it.

I'm rich!

I'm filthy rich!

- We're rich.

- Oh, we're millionaires.

Wait a minute, where's the gold?

- What?

- Ah, foolery sir, just walk
about the orb like the sun,

shines everywhere.

- Cut the Shakespeare
and speak English please.

- It means we're idiots, your
big idea is a big mistake.

There's no gold here,
not even a penny,

and this stupid $5
bill is worthless.

- Look, I'm upset too all right?

I mean, all I wanna
do is help my mom.

Now what am I gonna do?

I've run out of big ideas.

- Maybe you should
be more worried

about how you're gonna
get your teeth back.

- Danny come on,
remember your promise.

- I promised I'd
never try to hit you.

I never said anything
about succeeding.

- I'm not afraid of you.

I wasn't the one wimped
out in the roach motel.

You know what, you're
just a bag of hot air.

- No, you are.

You're the one with
all the dumb schemes,

all talk and no action.

Maybe I should just
pound you senseless

and sell you over to the giant.

- What?

- That's right.

I'm gonna sell for you
something I can carry,

like a diamond maybe.

I'm taking you prisoner.

- This will never work, Danny.

- Always messing
up, aren't you Jack?

I hope you like heavy metal.

- Now, you were referring to
the plate in your head right?

- I've had enough of your limp.

[groaning]

- Just stop it, we're
gonna need each other

to get out of here, okay?

- You're right, I don't
know what came over me.

- Okay.

- Sucker.

- [Man On Radio] Let me just
say this, I made my mistakes,

in all of my years
in the public life,

I have profited.

[unintelligible noises]

- Wow, well look at here,
a gold coin for G.I Jim.

I'm gonna have to steal
that, because I am so greedy.

[screaming]

No, I'm trapped let
me out, let me out.

[laughs]

You're dead, you're dead.

Hello.

- [Man On Phone] Don't
you think you're too old

to believe in little people?

- Ah, sit on it!

Come here Kent, I have
a surprise for you.

Oh, look money, I
have to have it.

Ooh, help me, help me!

I'm trapped and I can't
get out, help, help!

Oh, no.

No, Mr. Tarantula don't
eat me, don't eat me.

[laughs]

Hello.

- [Woman On Phone] What
kind of a stupid idiot

believes in little people?

- Oh, mom.

I hate little people.

[screaming]

- After I sell you to the giant,

you will never mess
up my life again,

you will never mess up your
mom's life again either.

You'll be out of everyone's way.

[mumbles]

Hey, I finally figured
out a way to shut you up.

- [Jack Voiceover] Note to
myself, Danny is a bonehead.

- Shut up, shut it off!

- [Jack Voiceover]
Danny is a bonehead.

Danny is a bonehead.

- Shut it off, shut it off.

- [Jack Voiceover]
Danny is a bonehead.

Danny is a bonehead.

[upbeat dramatic music]

- Shut it off, the giant's
coming, shut it off.

Oh, man and he looks mad.

- Got ya!

[mumbles]

Okay Kent, where's G.I Jim?

- Listen, I'm gonna
make you a deal.

I have my partner
tied up over there.

I can trade them for like

one of your wife's
earrings or something

- [laughs] No deals Kent I need
one of you for questioning,

and the other perhaps
for dissection.

- No.

- Stop, you're dead meat.

- Well, if it isn't G.I Jim.

- Run for it, I'll stall him.

- I don't know what to say.

- Try I'm in your debt,
for the rest of my life,

for starters.

- I'm in you're debt
for the rest of my life.

- It needs work but you'll get
plenty of practice, now go.

- Excuse me.

Did I hear you
call me, dead meat?

- Yeah, ever heard of
Jack, The Giant Killer?

My ancestors kicked
your butts before

and we'll do it again.

- Ho, ho, ho, that's rich.

Perhaps I should be
calling you GI Joke.

- Ah, very funny.

Listen, Baba I just
wanted you to know

you got this Jack and the
Beanstalk story all wrong.

It was Jack who lived
happily ever after.

He cut down that
beanstalk and the giant

just fell right
down to he's death.

- [laughs] Hardy har har!

And the next thing I suppose
you will be telling me

is that David actually killed
Goliath with that slingshot.

[laughs]

- Oh, actually now that
you mentioned it, yes.

- Enough!

[speaking in foreign language]

You'll pay for this, agreed!

Where did he go?

Ah-ha!

- Jack, go the other way.

Go, come on.

- All right, take this
you little nose bleed.

- Just move, just move.

- I got ya, I got ya!

- Now, cracks the noble heart,

good night sweet prince,
and the flights of angels

sing thee to thy rest.

- Honey, I got him.

You're dead, you're dead,
you're dead, dead, dead.

- Mayday, mayday this is Jack
Taylor do you read me, over?

Somebody answer me please,

I'm at the top of the beanstalk.

This is Jack Taylor, I'm
being attacked by a giant.

- Goodbye brave little Taylor.

- Come on, somebody answer
me, this is Jack Taylor.

- The circuit is armed
let's get that detonator.

- Right.

[beeping sound]

- It is still alive.

- Oh, no this stupid
trouser, not now come on.

- Well, this is
definitely one fairy tale

where the hero lives
happily ever after.

[screaming in pain]

- Jack.

- Your powers of
observation never cease

to amaze me, come on.

Geronimo!

- Boy, its a good thing
I saved this space suit

from when I stowed
away on Apollo 11.

- Apollo 11!

- Really.

I mean Neil Armstrong
didn't think much

of my Moon man
theories, but oh boy,

he sure was a party animal.

- I don't think we're
going to stop Leech

from blowing up the
beanstalk with this plan.

- You know, if you were one

of the seven dwarves
you'd be grumpy.

- It's not like my life turned
out happily ever after Doc.

- Well, the story
isn't over yet,

but it will be if
you stop dreaming.

How is it that you have a son

who can put hundreds of dreams
on a single cassette tape

and you don't even
have one in your heart?

- I don't know.

- Well, take it from
someone older and wiser.

[loud banging noise]

- What was that?

Parker, Vinnie,
Jones check it out.

How long until we have
clearance to detonate?

- Three minutes.

- Excellent.

This is gonna be more
fun than foreclosing

on someone on Christmas Day.

- You know, all you need
is a little imagination.

This plan of mine
is quite ingenious.

And I finally get to
use the sleeping gases

I stock piled when they
threw me out of Transylvania.

Now, feed out that oxygen
line, all right and stay back.

Because this stuff is
stronger than the fog

that knocked out [mumbles].

- Oh, don't tell me
that old story is true.

- Absolutely.

When my Bigfoot expedition
to the Sleepy Hollow regions

of the Appalachians, we
revealed the most remarkable

similarities during the
mountain fog and cryogenic

gases and further.

- Hey lady.

What do you think
this is, Halloween?

- Pleasant dreams.

- I'm gonna get you Jack.

I'm gonna get you Jacky.

Here is giant!

Do you smell me?

- He's gaining on us.

- Not if I can help it.

- Yes!

- [laughs] That's gotta hurt.

- I'm getting too old for this.

- We have clearance
in 60 seconds.

59,

58,

57,

56,

55,

54,

53.

- Oh no, I don't believe it.

Lurch is going to
blow up the beanstalk.

- What are we waiting for go.

- All right, drop it!

- No, get away from me.

- Come on, come on.

- Okay, okay.

- Mayday, mayday,
mayday, mayday.

- Stand back.

Don't underestimate
the power of a waitress

on a double shift.

- Come on lady,
drop the toothpick.

[screaming]

[laughing out loud]

Trespassing, I'm calling
the police, 9072.

- Doc!

Doc, are you all right?

[snoring heavily]

- 41,

40,

39,

38,

- 37,

36,

35,

34.

- I can't go any further.

- Hey, if I not get a
chance to say it later.

We made a pretty good
team up there Danny.

- Yeah, we did.

- Doc wake up.

Wake up!

Oh Doc, wake up, wake
up, wake up, wake up!

- Loch Ness.

- Hey, up here, don't
blow us up here.

- 29,

28

- Come on man can't you see us.

- Come on man, don't blow
us up, we're up here.

- 24,

23,

22,

- Better cover your ears, this
is gonna make a lot of noise.

- Look up, please.

They can't hear us.

- Nice knowing you Jack.

- Five,

four,

three,

two,

one,

we're set.

- Nice try Lurch.

Yes!

- Yes.

- We're not gonna die.

- Let's go come on.

- Jack.

Jack.

- Mom?

Mom.

- Oh, Jack.

- Oh, it's a Kodak moment.

- Mom, I missed you.

- I missed you too.

[snoring loudly]

- Well, Sleeping Beauty awakes.

- Where?

- I was talking about you.

- Oh, thank God, I hate
to miss out on anything.

Jack.

- What?

- I hope you didn't
wake the giant?

- Oh, boy.

- We woke him.

- It's a giant!

- You people look like ants.

Oh, you are ants.

- My theories are correct.

- Come on.

- Oh, yes.

[loud thumping sound]

I was right, I was finally
right about something.

- You led the giant down here,

now it's going to
destroy the whole town.

This is all your fault Jack.

You may be small but
you do a lot of damage.

You are a walking disaster area.

- No, he's not.

He saved my life, and he
saved this whole town.

If it weren't for Jack
there would be no beanstalk

and this whole town
would be totally broke,

and you, you're the
one who keeps saying

fee-fi-fo-fum Leech.

You're feeding off the hard
time that hit this town.

- He's right, if
it weren't for you,

everybody would be a lot
better off around here.

- Yeah.

- You can all just forget
about the Free Radio

when you open an
account at my bank.

- Good.

- Get outta here.

Oh, Doc did you ever
finish that sleeping pill

you were fixing for the giant?

- Right here.

I thought it wise to disguise
it as a sweet of some sort.

I hope he finds it appetizing.

- Well, what is it?
- Yeah.

- It's a gummy boy.

- Oh, it looks absolutely
delicious, thank you.

- Jack wait!

- God, I like that guy.

[people screaming]

[laughing out loudly]

- Little people
pay for everything

with a worthless a
piece of plastic.

This is truly a
primitive society.

[lady screaming]

Sorry.

- [Screaming Lady]
Oh, get out here.

- Wow, little people
indeed [laughs].

They've captured
some of my people

and imprisoned them in stone.

Defeats!

- Hey, over here you big ape.

This town isn't big
enough for the both of us.

Let me rephrase that.

I bet you can't catch me ugly.

- I'll grind your
bones to make my bread.

Come back here, come back here
you mutt, you little vermin.

Mets lose to Giants, all right!

Where are you, you
tiny little beast?

You can run, but you can't
hide, come back here.

Where are you?

Where are you?

[glass shattering]

Give it up, you're too
puny to be messing with me.

- Yeah, I've been
hearing it all my life

and I'm tired of you partner.

- Uh-huh?

Well, you better get used to it,

because where you're going,

you'll be as small and as
powerless as a gingerbread man.

- Is that so?

Well, you don't know Jack pal.

Sometimes people aren't
always what you expect.

Bulls eye, yes!

- Oh, I hate cherry flavor.

[screaming loudly]

- I'm gonna die!

- I got you now.

- Come on pal, let's
go another round,

I'm Jack, The Giant Killer.

- No, no, please.

I believe you, I believe you.

Sir, please don't hurt
me, don't hurt me again.

- Yes, yes!

- Please don't hurt me,
please don't hurt me!

- Hey.
- What?

- Maybe they'll
let me play myself

when they make the movie
the week about all of this.

Jack, let me borrow
your tape recorder.

- You can have it, I
don't need it anymore.

- Big idea number one,
contact William Morris.

Oh wait, wait, I've
got another idea,

I could be a news anchor.

I could start by doing
investigative report

on the beanstalk.

Note to myself,
contact Connie Chung.

- Thank goodness you're okay.

- Hi.
- I was worried.

[cricket stridulating]

We were worried.

Well, what happened?

Where did the giant go?

- Why don't we go for
that cup of coffee

and dine when I tell you.

- Get over here.

Get your hands behind your back.

- What's going on?

- Leech heard your distress
call on the walkie talkie

but still he was gonna blow
up you and the beanstalk.

We're arresting Mr. Leech
for attempted murder.

- Really?

All right, excellent.

- No one's gonna stop me from
blowing up that beanstalk.

- Stop, stop, you'll
kill the giant.

- Let me have that.

- Look, I'm sorry I
called you Lurch okay.

It's just like someone
calling me like dope or smurf.

I won't press charges
if you just chill out.

- Oh, isn't that
big minded of you.

- Stop, you'll kill both of us.

- Nothing would give
me greater pleasure.

[upbeat dramatic music]

- Yes, the winner
and still champion

Jack Taylor, woo hoo.

Hey, Leech, I guess we're
gonna keep our house, huh.

- Jack.
- What?

- Wanna play catch?

- Sure.

- Well, Jack.

I'm off to hunt Bigfoot.

- Jack!

- Oh, God, go, go, go.

[loud explosive bang]

- Come outside please.

- Shh!

- There is a giant beanstalk,
it goes straight down

to the little people.

- Beanstalk?

I don't see any beanstalk.

- No, now nobody
will believe me.

- Hey, look what I found.

[celestial orchestral music]

[moves into upbeat music]