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Previously on Married with Children:
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00:00:04,400 --> 00:00:07,467
I can't believe you'd forget
the most romantic night of our life.
3
00:00:07,533 --> 00:00:08,934
I remember, sweetheart.
4
00:00:09,000 --> 00:00:11,867
And then we shared a Mister Softee.
5
00:00:11,934 --> 00:00:15,867
Oh, yeah. And we've been
sharing one ever since.
6
00:00:17,567 --> 00:00:19,367
Oh, Marcy, what should I do?
7
00:00:19,433 --> 00:00:21,033
You thought about seeing someone?
8
00:00:21,100 --> 00:00:24,266
Well, I have had my eye
on the UPS guy.
9
00:00:26,834 --> 00:00:29,767
No, I mean you and Al should
see a marriage counselor.
10
00:00:30,600 --> 00:00:33,533
Well, if I'm so difficult
to put up with...
11
00:00:33,600 --> 00:00:35,066
...why don't you just leave?
12
00:00:35,667 --> 00:00:36,900
Well, maybe I will.
13
00:00:36,967 --> 00:00:38,734
So go.
14
00:00:38,800 --> 00:00:40,500
Walk out that door.
15
00:00:40,567 --> 00:00:44,233
Turn around now.
You're not welcome anymore.
16
00:00:46,266 --> 00:00:49,467
I will survive.
17
00:01:26,567 --> 00:01:30,867
Yeah, well, Marcy, of course.
He's always threatening to leave.
18
00:01:30,934 --> 00:01:33,333
But somewhere
between the house and the Dodge...
19
00:01:33,400 --> 00:01:36,700
...he realizes
he'd have to break in a new toilet seat.
20
00:01:42,000 --> 00:01:44,500
Damn, I never thought
he'd think of that.
21
00:01:45,567 --> 00:01:46,700
Let me call you back.
22
00:01:48,367 --> 00:01:50,233
So where do you think you're going?
23
00:01:50,300 --> 00:01:52,734
To live the life I should have had.
24
00:01:54,033 --> 00:01:56,900
So, what corner
will you be washing windshields on?
25
00:01:57,767 --> 00:02:00,133
Wouldn't you love to know.
26
00:02:00,200 --> 00:02:01,700
Okay, Al.
27
00:02:01,767 --> 00:02:03,734
Go on. Just go.
28
00:02:03,800 --> 00:02:06,000
But don't take anything
out of this house.
29
00:02:06,066 --> 00:02:09,467
Well, I did kind of want the couch,
but then your butt would have to go too.
30
00:02:10,934 --> 00:02:12,767
Wait a minute.
What am I thinking about?
31
00:02:12,834 --> 00:02:15,033
I almost forgot
the two most important things.
32
00:02:15,100 --> 00:02:16,834
What are we gonna do
about custody?
33
00:02:16,900 --> 00:02:19,300
Well, obviously,
they should stay with me.
34
00:02:19,367 --> 00:02:21,734
I'm the one who spends
the most time with them.
35
00:02:21,800 --> 00:02:24,100
While I worked
to put a roof over their heads...
36
00:02:24,166 --> 00:02:27,033
...but still had time
to listen to their stories...
37
00:02:27,100 --> 00:02:29,734
...to laugh with them,
to cry with them?
38
00:02:29,800 --> 00:02:32,700
Yes, but who stayed up with them
all night?
39
00:02:32,767 --> 00:02:34,233
Oh, God.
40
00:02:34,300 --> 00:02:36,533
I just don't think
I can live without them.
41
00:02:36,600 --> 00:02:38,033
Well, me either.
42
00:02:38,100 --> 00:02:41,333
Well, we'll just have to split them.
43
00:02:41,400 --> 00:02:43,467
You take the little colored one.
44
00:02:45,266 --> 00:02:48,200
I can't watch football
on that little TV.
45
00:02:53,467 --> 00:02:55,500
-Kelly, shovel the snow.
-I don't have to.
46
00:02:55,567 --> 00:02:59,166
Oh, no, Al, the kids.
This could scar them for life.
47
00:02:59,233 --> 00:03:02,967
Don't worry. If they can survive seeing
your mother's bathing suit fall off...
48
00:03:03,033 --> 00:03:04,867
...they can get through this.
49
00:03:12,734 --> 00:03:14,300
-What's going on?
-Nothing much.
50
00:03:14,367 --> 00:03:17,166
Your mother and I are breaking up.
Take care of yourselves.
51
00:03:18,467 --> 00:03:20,500
Don't forget to write...
52
00:03:20,567 --> 00:03:22,934
...or color me a pretty picture.
53
00:03:23,000 --> 00:03:25,633
Hey, why do I get them?
54
00:03:25,700 --> 00:03:27,900
That's the natural order of things,
Peg.
55
00:03:27,967 --> 00:03:31,200
You birth them, suckle them,
take care of them.
56
00:03:32,233 --> 00:03:33,867
We hunt.
57
00:03:35,433 --> 00:03:38,834
Al Bundy, you are making
the biggest mistake of your life...
58
00:03:38,900 --> 00:03:43,900
...not only because you are a brainless,
spineless, soapless idiot...
59
00:03:43,967 --> 00:03:47,066
...but because you have no money.
60
00:03:47,133 --> 00:03:48,967
Oh, yes, I do, Peg.
61
00:03:49,033 --> 00:03:52,900
We husbands always have
our hidden little nest eggs.
62
00:03:52,967 --> 00:03:57,900
Yes. And we wives always know
about that little nest egg.
63
00:03:57,967 --> 00:04:01,166
You know the one you hid
in the vacuum? I bought a new dress.
64
00:04:01,233 --> 00:04:04,633
And I found all the quarters
that you hid in Bud's mattress.
65
00:04:06,367 --> 00:04:08,900
So that's why my mattress
was so lumpy.
66
00:04:10,400 --> 00:04:14,400
I kept dreaming that I was sleeping
on tiny little breasts.
67
00:04:16,834 --> 00:04:18,667
That jingled.
68
00:04:19,400 --> 00:04:21,133
Well, you got me, Peg.
69
00:04:21,200 --> 00:04:24,633
All my little hidey-holes
have been found out...
70
00:04:24,700 --> 00:04:27,166
...except this one.
71
00:04:29,467 --> 00:04:31,700
Fiendishly clever.
72
00:04:32,967 --> 00:04:34,433
You imbeciles.
73
00:04:34,500 --> 00:04:38,100
Don't you realize that's the only reason
we men ever lift the seat?
74
00:04:40,200 --> 00:04:42,533
-Come on, Bud, let's go.
-I'm with you, Pop.
75
00:04:42,600 --> 00:04:45,700
No, you're not. I just need someone
to help me push the car.
76
00:04:49,533 --> 00:04:50,633
Thanks, Al.
77
00:04:50,700 --> 00:04:54,967
For the first time in our marriage,
you're leaving me satisfied.
78
00:04:57,767 --> 00:05:01,934
We wanna send a special
home-shopping hello to Peggy Bundy.
79
00:05:04,200 --> 00:05:05,567
It's been a long time, Peggy.
80
00:05:05,633 --> 00:05:07,133
And speaking of time...
81
00:05:07,200 --> 00:05:10,300
...look at this lovely Martin Lawrence
cuckoo clock.
82
00:05:11,333 --> 00:05:13,066
Isn't that cute?
83
00:05:13,133 --> 00:05:15,133
The second hand has a gun.
84
00:05:18,033 --> 00:05:20,266
It's 3:00, bitch.
85
00:05:26,166 --> 00:05:28,834
Hey, Mom. How you doing?
86
00:05:28,900 --> 00:05:32,100
Oh, not bad for an over-the-hill...
87
00:05:32,166 --> 00:05:36,033
...discarded, stringy-haired loser.
88
00:05:37,000 --> 00:05:39,633
I don't think your hair
looks that stringy.
89
00:05:40,667 --> 00:05:42,533
I'm all alone.
90
00:05:43,367 --> 00:05:44,667
Don't worry, Mom.
91
00:05:44,734 --> 00:05:47,734
-We'll never leave you.
-Oh, no.
92
00:05:52,433 --> 00:05:53,934
I haven't seen her like this...
93
00:05:54,000 --> 00:05:57,133
...since a kid at McDonald's asked her
if she was Ronald's mother.
94
00:05:57,967 --> 00:05:59,166
Bud...
95
00:05:59,233 --> 00:06:02,066
...she really misses Dad, huh?
96
00:06:02,133 --> 00:06:03,700
Well, don't you?
97
00:06:03,767 --> 00:06:05,734
I mean, remember when he....
98
00:06:06,800 --> 00:06:10,700
Oh, and the cute way that he--
He....
99
00:06:12,567 --> 00:06:15,467
But then on Christmas,
when he used to....
100
00:06:17,033 --> 00:06:19,166
What the hell is she crying about?
101
00:06:20,233 --> 00:06:21,567
I don't know.
102
00:06:21,633 --> 00:06:24,100
-I hate to see her like this though.
-I know.
103
00:06:24,166 --> 00:06:26,100
What do you do
when you get depressed?
104
00:06:26,166 --> 00:06:30,300
Well, go out and find a rich man
to buy me stuff.
105
00:06:32,934 --> 00:06:35,834
-Stepdaddy!
-Stepdaddy!
106
00:06:37,867 --> 00:06:40,734
-We better hurry. Time is our enemy.
-Yeah.
107
00:06:40,800 --> 00:06:41,867
So is gravity.
108
00:06:51,533 --> 00:06:55,266
Al Bundy's gone away
I'll have a gag-free day
109
00:06:55,333 --> 00:06:59,734
It always pays to pray
I've never felt so gay
110
00:07:01,934 --> 00:07:05,367
My life is over,
and you're setting off fireworks?
111
00:07:05,433 --> 00:07:09,300
Well, actually, that was old man
McGinty and the rest of the block.
112
00:07:09,367 --> 00:07:12,233
Oh, that reminds me.
The parade's at 2.
113
00:07:13,367 --> 00:07:15,967
I am riding in the big shoe float.
114
00:07:18,100 --> 00:07:20,900
Marcy, think about my feelings.
115
00:07:20,967 --> 00:07:25,033
I mean, imagine if Al was your husband
and he ran off and left you.
116
00:07:25,100 --> 00:07:26,767
I am.
117
00:07:28,533 --> 00:07:29,600
I'm sorry.
118
00:07:30,433 --> 00:07:32,233
You know, Peggy...
119
00:07:32,300 --> 00:07:34,834
...I know this may come
as a shock to you...
120
00:07:34,900 --> 00:07:37,734
...but I never really cared
for your ex-husband.
121
00:07:37,800 --> 00:07:41,633
-We're not divorced.
-Think positive, Peggy.
122
00:07:41,700 --> 00:07:45,133
Well, I can't. I'm all alone.
123
00:07:45,200 --> 00:07:48,100
You know, I've always had a man
to take care of me.
124
00:07:48,166 --> 00:07:49,734
First, my father...
125
00:07:49,800 --> 00:07:52,133
...then my Aunt Bob...
126
00:07:53,333 --> 00:07:55,233
...and then Al.
127
00:07:55,300 --> 00:07:57,300
But now I have no one.
128
00:07:57,367 --> 00:08:00,133
Who's gonna rub my bottom?
129
00:08:02,433 --> 00:08:03,500
Marcy, I'm scared.
130
00:08:03,567 --> 00:08:07,367
You know, I've never had a real
paycheck or balanced a checkbook.
131
00:08:08,166 --> 00:08:10,500
Well, so neither has Al.
132
00:08:11,400 --> 00:08:13,667
Look, Peggy,
you're in the prime of your life.
133
00:08:13,734 --> 00:08:16,200
Your early 40s.
134
00:08:18,400 --> 00:08:20,400
Late 30s?
135
00:08:21,200 --> 00:08:22,500
Mid...?
136
00:08:22,567 --> 00:08:23,967
Early...?
137
00:08:24,033 --> 00:08:25,767
Twenty-nine?
138
00:08:27,800 --> 00:08:30,834
See? You've got your whole life
ahead of you.
139
00:08:30,900 --> 00:08:32,767
It's your turn, girlfriend.
140
00:08:33,734 --> 00:08:34,934
Gee, Marcy...
141
00:08:35,000 --> 00:08:37,633
-...I'm starting to feel better already.
-Good.
142
00:08:37,700 --> 00:08:40,100
Now, you should do what I did
after Steve left.
143
00:08:41,033 --> 00:08:43,100
Pick up men at the airport?
144
00:08:44,500 --> 00:08:46,400
After that.
145
00:08:49,133 --> 00:08:51,033
Is this Al's?
146
00:08:54,667 --> 00:08:56,467
You try.
147
00:09:00,800 --> 00:09:03,400
Boy, I do feel better.
148
00:09:05,867 --> 00:09:08,700
You know,
I have always hated this thing.
149
00:09:10,767 --> 00:09:12,166
I gave you that.
150
00:09:16,266 --> 00:09:17,867
Sorry.
151
00:09:19,233 --> 00:09:21,633
Marcy, this is really helping me out.
152
00:09:21,700 --> 00:09:25,900
Well, listen. After the buzz fades,
just remember that wherever Al is...
153
00:09:25,967 --> 00:09:29,934
...that ungrateful baboon
will be feeling 10 times worse.
154
00:09:48,934 --> 00:09:50,266
Hey.
155
00:09:52,033 --> 00:09:53,934
Look at that.
156
00:09:55,166 --> 00:09:57,033
You've got the moves.
157
00:09:57,100 --> 00:09:59,467
Or the runs.
158
00:10:00,033 --> 00:10:01,467
I'll tell you what.
159
00:10:01,533 --> 00:10:04,567
This is the life.
You know what I did today?
160
00:10:04,633 --> 00:10:05,867
I made breakfast.
161
00:10:05,934 --> 00:10:07,233
Peg lied.
162
00:10:07,300 --> 00:10:09,734
You don't have to make Pop Tarts
from scratch.
163
00:10:12,767 --> 00:10:15,900
-Pretty snazzy place you got here.
-Yeah.
164
00:10:15,967 --> 00:10:18,600
Vista del O'Hare.
165
00:10:18,667 --> 00:10:22,500
Used up my nest egg, but it's got
a pool, it's got free cable...
166
00:10:22,567 --> 00:10:24,800
...and it's conveniently located
right by the--
167
00:10:34,066 --> 00:10:35,700
Airport?
168
00:10:35,767 --> 00:10:37,100
Yeah. Yeah.
169
00:10:37,166 --> 00:10:39,900
But the neighbors don't even hear
the planes anymore.
170
00:10:39,967 --> 00:10:41,900
That's because they're deaf.
171
00:10:42,934 --> 00:10:44,100
Hey.
172
00:10:44,166 --> 00:10:47,000
You guys think
I ought to get Marcy a waterbed?
173
00:10:47,066 --> 00:10:49,667
Yeah.
May I recommend Lake Michigan?
174
00:10:56,233 --> 00:10:58,967
All right, all you babes
in the Tri-County area...
175
00:10:59,033 --> 00:11:03,300
...get ready because
Dr. Al is ready to operate.
176
00:11:03,367 --> 00:11:05,367
Not dressed like that, you're not.
177
00:11:06,166 --> 00:11:08,800
We got to get this man
a new look, stat.
178
00:11:09,467 --> 00:11:12,233
George Clooney, eat your heart out.
179
00:11:13,467 --> 00:11:15,400
You are the money.
180
00:11:23,233 --> 00:11:25,767
You sure women
like these contour briefs?
181
00:11:27,166 --> 00:11:31,400
Oh, absolutely.
You see how they lift and separate?
182
00:11:32,333 --> 00:11:34,867
It's like a Wonderbra for your ass.
183
00:11:37,333 --> 00:11:40,467
Well, they do kind of move
with you...
184
00:11:40,533 --> 00:11:42,300
...and no visible panty line.
185
00:11:43,200 --> 00:11:44,533
Damn, I'm hot.
186
00:11:47,967 --> 00:11:50,467
Hey, son, come on in.
187
00:11:51,200 --> 00:11:52,266
Hey.
188
00:11:52,333 --> 00:11:55,633
Pretty cool pad for a rest home.
189
00:11:57,600 --> 00:12:00,867
Son, come on over here.
Let me give you the tour.
190
00:12:02,133 --> 00:12:04,000
Well, that's it.
191
00:12:05,567 --> 00:12:09,266
-Hold me tight, son.
-Oh, Dad. You miss me?
192
00:12:09,333 --> 00:12:12,433
No, it's the 8:15 from Bangkok.
193
00:12:22,533 --> 00:12:23,734
Nice pad, Dad.
194
00:12:23,800 --> 00:12:26,900
Listen. Mom wanted me to bring over
some of your stuff.
195
00:12:30,734 --> 00:12:32,533
Oh, look.
196
00:12:34,000 --> 00:12:36,533
She shredded my Big 'Uns
into Little 'Uns.
197
00:12:39,533 --> 00:12:41,633
Look on the bright side, buddy.
198
00:12:41,700 --> 00:12:44,433
It'll make a great jigsaw puzzle
on a rainy day.
199
00:12:45,767 --> 00:12:48,100
Look, Miss July's toe.
200
00:12:49,767 --> 00:12:51,867
Doesn't take much to get
him going, does it?
201
00:12:52,533 --> 00:12:55,934
Son, let's me and you
go pick up some foxes.
202
00:12:56,633 --> 00:12:58,166
Gee, Dad, I'd love to...
203
00:12:58,233 --> 00:13:01,266
...but between your new hair
and new ass, I don't stand a chance.
204
00:13:01,967 --> 00:13:04,200
-You got that right.
-Yeah.
205
00:13:07,200 --> 00:13:08,834
Oh, yeah.
206
00:13:20,934 --> 00:13:24,467
You know, I haven't been
in a singles bar in 15 years.
207
00:13:24,533 --> 00:13:28,233
Mom, you've been married
for 25 years.
208
00:13:30,400 --> 00:13:32,300
Gee, I hope I remember what to do.
209
00:13:34,633 --> 00:13:38,934
Oh, yeah.
It's all coming back to me now.
210
00:13:39,000 --> 00:13:41,567
Mom, you can't act so pushy.
211
00:13:41,633 --> 00:13:43,700
Kelly, it's the '90s.
212
00:13:43,767 --> 00:13:46,266
Women are supposed
to be the aggressors.
213
00:13:46,333 --> 00:13:48,266
Yeah, if they're losers.
214
00:13:48,333 --> 00:13:53,333
All you have to do is sit back, unbutton
a button, and they'll all come to you.
215
00:13:53,400 --> 00:13:54,934
That is just sick.
216
00:13:55,000 --> 00:13:57,433
You are setting yourself up
for a domineering...
217
00:13:57,500 --> 00:13:59,633
...sexually aggressive relationship.
218
00:13:59,700 --> 00:14:01,367
Well, duh.
219
00:14:02,533 --> 00:14:04,867
Well, what do you suggest we do?
220
00:14:04,934 --> 00:14:08,266
Lie naked on the hood of a Trans Am
out in the parking lot?
221
00:14:08,333 --> 00:14:10,066
No, not till last call.
222
00:14:11,133 --> 00:14:13,266
Just watch and learn.
223
00:14:17,967 --> 00:14:19,200
See you.
224
00:14:22,467 --> 00:14:26,233
You know, I taught her that
the first day of junior high.
225
00:14:27,100 --> 00:14:28,667
Oh, I'm so proud.
226
00:14:28,734 --> 00:14:31,333
I just hate this place.
227
00:14:31,400 --> 00:14:33,133
Maybe it would be best to just...
228
00:14:33,200 --> 00:14:35,767
...go home
and get in bed with Jefferson.
229
00:14:36,767 --> 00:14:39,767
Well, I'll try anything once.
230
00:14:42,667 --> 00:14:44,734
I mean, you're right.
231
00:14:44,800 --> 00:14:46,367
This place isn't for us.
232
00:14:46,433 --> 00:14:49,066
Look at all these hot young things.
233
00:14:49,133 --> 00:14:52,667
That gorgeous redhead
with that little blond boy.
234
00:14:59,834 --> 00:15:02,066
That's us, Peggy.
235
00:15:09,767 --> 00:15:12,633
Talk about your babe watch.
236
00:15:12,700 --> 00:15:14,567
Make way, boys.
237
00:15:14,633 --> 00:15:19,600
Lifeguard Al
is about to do a little body surfing.
238
00:15:24,667 --> 00:15:27,300
Traffic school, my ass.
239
00:15:28,667 --> 00:15:30,333
I'll fix his ticket.
240
00:15:33,867 --> 00:15:35,033
You're busted.
241
00:15:35,100 --> 00:15:36,500
Her bust?
242
00:15:36,567 --> 00:15:38,900
Yeah, isn't it great?
243
00:15:38,967 --> 00:15:41,333
I tell you, if Marcy
had headlights like these...
244
00:15:41,400 --> 00:15:43,367
...I wouldn't have to go
to traffic school.
245
00:15:50,633 --> 00:15:54,133
Of course, my 4th touchdown
was really my best.
246
00:15:54,200 --> 00:15:56,500
I faked out Porlogo...
247
00:15:56,567 --> 00:15:57,934
...went to the right...
248
00:15:58,000 --> 00:16:01,533
...and sprinted 75 yards
up the middle of the field...
249
00:16:01,600 --> 00:16:04,066
...and then I scored.
250
00:16:04,133 --> 00:16:06,467
Unlike tonight.
251
00:16:09,967 --> 00:16:13,567
Now, why would a lesbian
even go to a straight bar?
252
00:16:40,934 --> 00:16:42,667
I never thought this could happen.
253
00:16:42,734 --> 00:16:45,333
I've actually met somebody
as beautiful as me.
254
00:16:47,266 --> 00:16:49,033
You have a big ego.
255
00:16:49,100 --> 00:16:51,467
It matches my wallet and my car.
256
00:16:52,367 --> 00:16:53,633
Anything else?
257
00:17:05,400 --> 00:17:09,000
Quick, call the paramedics!
This old guy's having a heart attack!
258
00:17:11,433 --> 00:17:14,600
It looks like his diaper
is coming off.
259
00:17:16,133 --> 00:17:18,700
God, I love Mom's new boyfriend.
260
00:17:19,767 --> 00:17:21,300
I don't miss that--
261
00:17:21,367 --> 00:17:23,834
That guy who used to live here at all.
262
00:17:25,734 --> 00:17:27,533
Here, hold this.
263
00:17:28,967 --> 00:17:30,667
Hello.
264
00:17:30,734 --> 00:17:31,934
Daddy?
265
00:17:32,000 --> 00:17:35,166
No, I'm sorry, he's not here right now.
Can I take a message?
266
00:17:36,734 --> 00:17:38,934
It's Daddy, pumpkin.
267
00:17:39,800 --> 00:17:42,533
"Daddy Pumpkin."
268
00:17:44,033 --> 00:17:46,467
And a number where he can reach you,
Mr. Pumpkin?
269
00:17:48,967 --> 00:17:52,600
Sweetheart, is there someone there
I can talk to with a brain stem?
270
00:17:54,066 --> 00:17:56,133
Put your brother on.
271
00:17:56,200 --> 00:17:57,734
Okay.
272
00:17:57,800 --> 00:18:00,900
Hey, Bud, you're really handsome.
273
00:18:00,967 --> 00:18:02,967
I did it, Dad.
274
00:18:09,233 --> 00:18:10,834
Well, thanks for calling, Daddy.
275
00:18:10,900 --> 00:18:12,734
Oh, before I forget...
276
00:18:12,800 --> 00:18:14,834
...a Mr. Pumpkin called for you.
277
00:18:16,233 --> 00:18:17,834
Okay?
278
00:18:18,567 --> 00:18:21,066
All right. I love you, Daddy. Bye.
279
00:18:30,467 --> 00:18:32,300
-Hey, Al.
-Hey.
280
00:18:32,367 --> 00:18:33,533
Come on, Al.
281
00:18:33,600 --> 00:18:37,533
Let's put on those contour briefs
and shake our money makers.
282
00:18:40,166 --> 00:18:43,233
No, I think I'll just stay in tonight...
283
00:18:43,300 --> 00:18:44,667
...and wash my hair.
284
00:18:45,600 --> 00:18:46,967
Wash it?
285
00:18:47,033 --> 00:18:50,500
Just run a DustBuster through
that puppy and let's be on our way.
286
00:18:51,467 --> 00:18:53,367
I've been out every night this week.
287
00:18:53,433 --> 00:18:55,467
I'm tired.
288
00:18:55,533 --> 00:18:58,633
Tired of going out, shelling out
and striking out.
289
00:18:59,800 --> 00:19:02,433
Yeah, well, maybe Al's right.
290
00:19:02,500 --> 00:19:05,667
-Nobody wants to go out every night.
-I do.
291
00:19:05,734 --> 00:19:08,233
Sure you do, because you're married.
292
00:19:08,300 --> 00:19:10,500
Come on, Al.
You're just depressed...
293
00:19:10,567 --> 00:19:13,266
...because you've been turned down
by a few hundred women.
294
00:19:14,600 --> 00:19:18,934
Last night, one kicked me in the groin
with her leg. Her wooden one.
295
00:19:20,667 --> 00:19:23,266
That's because you still got
Peggy's scent on you.
296
00:19:23,333 --> 00:19:25,700
Most women are sensitive
about those things.
297
00:19:25,767 --> 00:19:27,166
Who needs them?
298
00:19:28,233 --> 00:19:30,867
All we really need in life
is our buddies...
299
00:19:31,567 --> 00:19:33,467
...our beer...
300
00:19:34,133 --> 00:19:35,734
...an occasional dirt bath.
301
00:19:37,133 --> 00:19:40,900
And women condition us
to think we need them. We don't.
302
00:19:40,967 --> 00:19:43,100
All we need are each other.
303
00:19:47,967 --> 00:19:49,533
Hi.
304
00:19:50,767 --> 00:19:52,367
I'm one of your neighbors.
305
00:19:52,433 --> 00:19:53,533
Are you busy?
306
00:19:55,033 --> 00:19:56,700
Get out.
307
00:19:56,767 --> 00:19:59,133
-Out.
-You mean you're throwing us out?
308
00:19:59,200 --> 00:20:01,233
-I thought we were your buddies.
-You are.
309
00:20:01,300 --> 00:20:04,033
That's why I'm throwing you
out the door and not the window.
310
00:20:05,767 --> 00:20:08,066
I'm sorry to bother you,
but I broke a heel...
311
00:20:08,133 --> 00:20:10,533
...and I heard
you were in the shoe business.
312
00:20:10,600 --> 00:20:12,667
-Can you fix this?
-Oh, of course I can.
313
00:20:12,734 --> 00:20:14,300
I fix these all the time.
314
00:20:14,367 --> 00:20:17,300
My wife--
I mean, my former wife.
315
00:20:17,367 --> 00:20:19,800
--wears shoes just like these.
316
00:20:19,867 --> 00:20:21,900
Are you divorced?
317
00:20:21,967 --> 00:20:23,367
I can be.
318
00:20:24,200 --> 00:20:26,433
-What's she like?
-Oh, I'd rather not say.
319
00:20:26,500 --> 00:20:30,266
She wouldn't want me talking about her
in front of another woman.
320
00:20:30,333 --> 00:20:32,533
She's the fiery type,
wiggles when she walks...
321
00:20:32,600 --> 00:20:34,567
...can't get enough of me in bed.
322
00:20:35,266 --> 00:20:36,867
Am I talking about her again?
323
00:20:37,533 --> 00:20:38,667
That's okay.
324
00:20:38,734 --> 00:20:40,934
I still talk about my ex-boyfriend.
325
00:20:41,000 --> 00:20:43,300
Would you like to know
what he's like?
326
00:20:44,033 --> 00:20:45,934
Hey, well, let me guess.
327
00:20:46,867 --> 00:20:50,166
Big, mean, built like an ape.
328
00:21:01,867 --> 00:21:03,967
Thanks for fixing my shoe.
24015
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