Original subtitles

Room for a little one?

Right.

Note to my accountant.

One.

Stop whining and get on with it.

Sue, I know you're low -long with my accountant, but I also know you like a

backpack.

Right, memo to Rodney.

I need to ask a favour.

My father telephoned me. He's been offered, well, I don't know what it is,

sort of business deal.

It sounds like a sure thing. That's why he's worried, eh?

What? You'd like me to call him so he can do whatever? He would. So would I.

I don't want him to take the capital into a kind of fraudulent scheme, you

Well, you want me to give him advice, or am I supposed to be some sort of

business health warning?

No, I didn't mean that.

All right, I'll call him.

Now, let's get on with it.

I need to ask another favour.

May I have Sandra?

I know she's half yours, but she's also half mine, and I need my half rather

urgently at the moment.

Well, so do I.

All right, I'll tell you what I'll do.

I'll toss you four.

Oh, very nice.

Heads.

Best of three.

Thanks. Sandra. Best of three. Sandra.

Best of... Sandra!

Oh,

you want another favour?

In a way.

We have a meeting at three o 'clock. Russian debriefing and update.

Dimitri, Arnheim, AIP and so forth. That so forth doesn't happen to include

Marisha by any chance, does it?

Well, what's the favour?

I wanted to talk.

It'd be a strange meeting if we sat around in dead silence for an hour,

it? No, talk after the meeting.

About the so -forth and so -forth.

Yeah. I thought that's what you meant.

Well?

That's private.

It wasn't at the time. It is now.

Dr. Bigot, please.

Hi, Archie. Frank Carver. Oh, hello.

Yeah, Tessa tells me that you've been offered something for nothing, eh?

It's a pretty good deal. Yeah, well... In business as in life, Archie. Favours

don't come free.

There's a report on your desk about a business school in Lithuania.

It's a possible project. Make copies for distribution, including Malcolm Little.

Type up my notes for this afternoon's meeting.

We'll need you to take minutes, OK?

Right.

Who's Marisha Vosnansky?

Lenski.

Why? Well, I already typed up your notes, his too.

You would mention her, his don't.

Ah.

Mind your own bloody business, Sandra.

I didn't say a word. You aard.

Look, don't tell Frank I... Don't say anything, all right?

I thought he was looking a bit worse for wear.

Well, what was she like?

She's an economist.

Seemed to know her job.

Quite likeable, I suppose.

Doesn't it?

Ah.

Well, no time like the present.

I've got nothing on this afternoon.

Well, nothing that can't wait anyway.

No, no, don't wait.

I'll bring my own club.

Okay. Bye, Archie.

What would you pay for prime arable or grazing land?

What? A field.

What?

Cow, sheep, wheat, barley.

The archers.

About 2 ,000 an acre.

I'm blocking this bloke in.

All right, look.

I'll expect you to meet at 7 .46.

You can have the rest of the day off.

I don't bloody work for you anymore.

Something you'll be finding out for yourself soon enough the hard way.

You've lost your way, mate. All the tarts are round the back.

The interest on half a billion, Marshall said. Where is it? I have to beg for

every penny.

Sandra needs a paper clip. The corporation is funding you on a day -to

basis. I don't want your money, I want mine. And you'll get it, but there's the

delicate question of when the money can be released.

Matters have to be propitious.

You mean I have to wait until Mars is in the Ascendant and arrange for the money

to be delivered by the seventh sound of the seventh sound of the... It's not as

simple as that. Look, I'll explain later. I'm desperately late for a

OK?

Oh, sorry.

OK? OK.

Talking of being late for meetings, is your other boss on his way?

No.

What?

Well, he's on his way in one sense.

I mean, he's on his way to somewhere, but it's not to here.

Always best to check, of course, in case I got it wrong.

On his way to where?

Look... When he told me that, he was being my boss.

It's not fair if you ask me to tell you what my boss told me in confidence just

because you're my boss too.

Otherwise, I'd have to tell him things you tell me in confidence as my boss.

Because he's my boss.

OK. If Frank has gone AWOL, why are you sitting there, notebook out, pencil

poised? You called a meeting.

As your secretary, I'm here to take the minutes.

As Frank's secretary, I'm here to say that he apologises for his absence.

Also, as Frank's secretary, I'm here to submit this report on his behalf and to

minute the fact that the meeting has received it.

As your secretary, I'm here to record your comments.

What do you expect me to say?

Declare the meeting over?

So, you phoned him again, huh?

Just before you arrived.

And he's still giving you the same story?

30 ,000 buys me into the consortium.

The consortium buys the land.

We sell on to developers at a tidy profit.

Developers? Anyone in the frame?

No, I think we just wait till the inevitable happens.

Mortimer says that the land is ripe for development.

Bound to happen soon.

I'll bet.

Did he say how much he's putting up himself?

30 ,000, I expect.

Like the rest of us.

My hole.

You sure you're 22, handicap?

Yes, sir?

Mac!

You've been thinking things over, right? Thinking things over, yeah.

I'm seriously interested, Arnie.

Yeah.

Make this lovely young lady around a salmon and cue on Brown.

Salmon and cue.

Please.

On Brown.

Say, he wants the decision sooner.

He says he's giving up his job as a planning officer.

That's right.

Well, what do you think, Frank?

I'd say we ought to do a good thing, Archie.

Tell him you'll have the 30 grand on offer, but you need a little time to

to your financial advisor.

I haven't got one.

Yes, you have.

Me.

Bad luck.

Mum?

Order!

Order! Mum!

Hey, that's the highlight of my day, Prime Minister's Question Time.

He says, you did.

And the other man says, you didn't. Then he refers him to the right honourable

gentleman. Then Betty shouts out, order, order.

And they're all lying in their teeth anyway.

Where's this thing?

Walthamstow. I thought so.

Don't take much of a picture, does it?

Recognise the place?

A sandwich bar.

Cobblers. Eh?

It's what it used to be. Then it was a grocer's.

I'm buying it.

My own business. My own boss.

My own two feet.

More to the point, my own profit.

What about Frank?

Also, my own place. There's a flat above the shop.

What about Frank?

Back down Walton's, though, Mum.

All your old mates from the old days.

Frank doesn't need me.

He never has done, really. I've always needed him.

Not much security in that, is there?

But a little business of my own.

That's security, isn't it?

You can come and visit.

You won't catch me down there.

You're an old bandit, aren't you? Here, 20 quid.

Takes time to get used to a new course.

Yeah, that would have been my excuse.

He'll be in there now.

Yeah, well, don't worry about it. Just go in and I'll pay the 30 grand.

Tell him you need time to think about it, all right?

In the meantime, make the tech out to me.

You'll tell me what's going on, will you, eventually?

Just as soon as I know myself, Archie.

Give us a ring later, will you? I'll be at the office.

All right.

Archie. Hello, Jeff.

Oh, it's mine. Yes, yes.

Thanks.

Cheers. Cheers.

Good round?

Fourteen over. Not bad at all.

Get any time to think?

About your offer, yes.

Can you wait until after the weekend?

Well, I suppose so, but I wouldn't want to leave it longer than that. No? Why?

Well, it's always a good idea to move quickly, sew things up, you know.

The land round there is perfect for development.

Well, you'd know, Jeff, wouldn't you? In your job.

My resignation's in, Archie. I'm moving over to the private sector.

Look, it's a solid investment.

You make a very handy profit.

Buy the new car, new house, travel the world.

Whatever you've always wanted to do.

What I want to do?

Not much there left.

Be nicer to my wife, perhaps.

But I thought she'd passed on.

Yeah.

Most of my ambitions seem to lie in the past.

I'm not the bloody chauffeur anymore, am I?

I'm doing this as a favour.

You get the use of the car, don't you?

I've no doubt you used it today.

I went for a spin.

I bet you did.

I'm looking for a poxy job. What do you think I'm doing?

I don't know what you get up to, do I?

And living off his savings.

Really?

Didn't know you had any savings.

Just as well.

I know it's your money, but just for the moment, someone else has got it.

It's a conversation we were having earlier.

Oh, yes.

I could explain in more detail over a king prawn madras.

No, thanks, Malcolm.

Over champagne and oysters.

No, thanks, Malcolm.

Over the edge of the bed.

No, thanks, Malcolm.

I've seen that look before.

That's your Frank Carver look.

So how much money are we talking about?

Ten grand would do.

Fifteen would be better.

And Tessa's dad is putting up thirty?

Yeah.

She doesn't know about that.

Probably better it stays that way. She worries about him. I am a rabbi, you

know.

A truth withheld. Is that the same thing as a lie?

Okay, let's just call it honouring a confidence.

Sounds safe.

So, how's your new job going?

What you mean is, how is it working alongside Tessa?

Well, let's say we have an understanding.

Which almost certainly means you haven't.

Tessa told me about Marisha.

Yes, well, ten grand, eh?

Talk to her, Frank.

Why not?

You can't lose.

In fact, I'd be surprised if you did worse than double it. Double?

Is it legal?

Yes.

It's legal.

You know.

I know it seems obstructive, but the money's invested.

And because of subsection 3, paragraph 2, via the rules of the account, it

cost almost as much as six months' interest to come out of this debt.

But that doesn't mean to say that a marzipan hippopotamus can't stand on one

and fart at the Alleluia Chorus.

Yes,

I'm afraid it's me. Sorry.

Thanks for the king prawn madras.

You paid.

I did.

And you had chicken tikka masala.

I did.

It's been a magical evening.

I won't ask you to visit my chamber.

Since passion is my folly, you perchance might prove my ruling.

What are you trying to tell me, Malcolm? That romance is dead?

It's business.

I'm sorry, Malcolm. I really am.

Good night.

Good night.

Woe is me, for she loveth another.

Frank? Huh?

Max has told you about his plans, has he?

What plans?

Are you telling me you don't know?

He's, uh... He's buying a sandwich bar down Walthamstow.

Oh, yeah.

I'd heard about it.

What's he doing for money?

Getting a bit of a mortgage.

How? Hasn't got a job?

Well, you're not going to tell him that, Frank, is he?

Carver Group.

General manager.

All on edited paper.

He hasn't worked with you all these years without learning something.

Could you... Could you keep an eye on him, Frank?

You know, discreetly.

Yeah, don't worry about it, Chris.

It's all in hand.

I know I shouldn't say this about my own flesh and blood.

He's my lad and I love him.

But you know as well as I do, there's a good chance that he'll make a dickhead

out of himself.

Every day, if everything goes okay, I'll be king of everything I survey.

You've reached a decision, yeah? It's all I've ever wanted, Arnie.

It's what I'm going to have. My own business.

I'm the boss.

I tell other people what to do and how to do it. You'll leave some stuff.

right about that.

Oh, a couple of pretty little girls pulling the punters.

Talking of punters, shouldn't this be a busy time for you? For me?

Us?

Little secretaries coming in for toast and coffee.

All those commuters didn't have time to have their breakfast. Been and gone.

Half an hour ago, a madhouse.

You couldn't get through that door.

One thing you'll have to get used to.

Early rising.

You'll accept my price, then?

Well, I'll have to talk to my bloke about it first.

But... Well... I'll ring him.

He'll ring your bloke.

Couple of days, we'll be talking contracts.

Dad!

Hey, come here, you. Daddy! Oh, God, you're fat.

You've grown, you know.

Hey, you all right?

Yeah, lovely to see you.

How do you find your way home?

You carry a compass or you unravel a ball of string or what?

You didn't make the meeting yesterday.

No, sorry about that.

Sandra gave you my report, though.

Oh, yeah.

You went up to see Daddy?

Yes, I did.

It's a land deal we've been offered.

A bit complicated.

A lot to talk about.

We played a round of golf.

A long way to go to avoid me.

I wasn't avoiding you.

I was doing you a favour, as requested.

And avoiding me.

Look, Frank, I don't want to talk about Marisha. Good.

Neither do I.

I know you got hurt, but that's not... Sorry, Tessa.

I'm not ready for this. Not really. What I wanted to talk about...

No, this will have to wait another time. No, now.

Give it back.

Since we got back from Russia, neither of us... Come on. Neither of us has said

a word about Marisha.

I thought you didn't want to talk about Marisha.

I don't.

Good.

Neither do I.

Now give me that bloody cake! I do, I do, I do! And I also, also want to talk

about... I

don't

believe you just did that.

Ready to learn that?

This is Mum's room.

Look at this.

Who's in here, then? Me and Jonathan.

Smashing. Come, Dad.

Come on, lads.

Have you had the guided tour?

Yeah, down to the new toilet seat. This is a bed sofa.

Thanks for the head.

For when you come to stay.

You realise the office is empty.

We're obviously here for the night.

Don't worry, we'll get out.

Oh, that's very reassuring.

You've taken the precaution of bringing some abseiling equipment with you, have

you?

Look, I'm not angry about the Marisha business.

That's very big of you. What do you mean, business?

Well, she did put the whole freezer plant project at risk.

Put me at risk?

I know.

Look, tell her. She put me at risk too.

What the hell does that mean?

It means I'm being honest.

About what?

I have.

I'm sorry.

It's just the boy.

I know.

Seeing there are things everywhere.

Yeah.

And there are things. I mean, like, just... Our furniture and our plants.

Everything's, as you know...

In completely different places, in a completely different house.

Take what you want.

You know I don't mean that.

I simply felt there were things between us that we ought to look at.

You know what I mean?

What things?

Are you saying there's nothing to talk about?

Now, look.

I fell in love, all right?

I mean, it wasn't to pass the time of day, you know.

It wasn't because I was lonely.

It wasn't just because I fancied her. I really cared for her, Tessa.

But she gave me the elbow, all right?

Her decision.

There is nothing more to discuss.

Who are you talking about, Frank?

OK.

OK, come on then, let's have it. Come on, what do you want to say?

I saw you with her.

I saw the way you looked at her. So?

I saw... Yeah?

Well, come on, what else did you see? I saw that I was jealous.

Well, I've had my say. Now I'll go.

Oh, really?

And how do you propose to do that?

I've worked for Bamble at a lot longer than you.

Every office, bare key, kept in the top left -hand drawer of every desk.

I suppose I might as well say what I really came here to say. I love you,

I'm in love with you. Sorry, but there it is.

Phone someone.

Can't. Switchboard's gone home.

That'll put it on direct line.

Sandra's got the direct line.

She puts the calls through, remember?

You know, it wasn't because I want... Well, Marisha.

She wasn't just a way for me to... Way of what?

No, no, I need more thinking time.

What do you mean you're in love with me?

What do you mean?

I want to go... Go where?

We're not going anywhere.

On account of you lobbed the bloody key out the window.

Any normal woman who wanted to catch my attention would have slipped it down her

front. I want to go to the loo.

Oh, dear.

One for the road.

I'll find a minicab.

What time's your train?

Ten something.

Ten past, I don't know.

I do wish you wouldn't do that.

What? Play the lost pathetic soul.

I am a lost pathetic soul.

It's your own fault. I know.

That's what makes it so bloody pathetic.

I should be so lucky, lucky, lucky, lucky. I should be so lucky, lucky,

lucky. So lucky, so lucky, so lucky, so lucky, so lucky.

A key.

We're locked in. We can't get out.

The key, Malcolm.

The key?

Okay.

You can, uh... You can, you know, come and stay.

Oh, okay.

Good boy.

Oh, I will.

I think this is the one.

Yes? Take it, take it, take it, take it!

Have you been upsetting her?

No.

It's just that she bottles things up.

I wish, I wish, I wish.

Mum!

Out in the razzle, mate.

Think she's got her eye on that bloke who calls the bingo numbers.

What are you so excited about?

Excited? Have a drink.

It's an early night.

What? Got to drive me to Grimsby.

I've got to be there before breakfast.

I'm not sure I can manage that, Frank.

Bit of business to see to.

Yeah?

What sort of business?

There's nothing to it, you know.

Motorway driving.

Just keep the wheel steady and remember to stay awake.

Grimsby?

What's going on?

I'm not sure I know myself, Max.

What's that a map of?

A road and a lot of fields.

All right.

Listen, what do you want for your birthday?

Eh? It's your birthday, Friday.

No, it's not.

Yes, it is, the 14th.

Friday's child is loving and giving.

Exceptions sometimes prove the rule.

So what do you want?

Blimey, you don't normally buy me anything.

Lucky to get a drink out of you, even when you're earning.

Yeah, but it's the big one, isn't it? The big 5 -0.

It is not. Yes, it is. 50.

49. Can't be.

I'm 49.

49. And shut your face.

If you could count, you wouldn't be the bloody chauffeur.

Yeah, well... I'm bloody not.

I'm sorry.

They should aid us, though.

I'm making a fool of myself.

Oh, what's so bad about that?

When somebody else is making a fool of you, then's the time to worry.

Perhaps your first instinct was right.

Right.

What was that?

That he's more trouble than fun.

True enough.

It just has this knack of making fun trouble and trouble fun.

More of one than the other, though?

Yes.

I'm not sure which way round.

We were apart for six months.

The relationship was over.

In effect.

But I never really felt it was.

Oh.

You know what that sounds like?

What? Love.

So if you love him, you better tell him.

I just have.

What?

How did it feel?

I meant it.

I know I meant it.

I'm sure I meant it.

Rodney? Frank.

Frank who?

Carver. Do you know what time it is?

Yeah, I know what time it is.

I also know you haven't got anything to stay in bed for.

Now, listen, I'm calling about that bedding shop deal.

Yeah, is it set up?

Ready to go.

Good.

Did Arnie accept the price?

Yes.

Good.

Good.

Well, go for it.

Call an ambulance.

Breakfast?

Well, lots and lots of pills.

You will?

Yes, I've got a terrible headache and I think I'm going to be sick.

Is it chicken pox?

No. Is it major?

No.

Is it a hangover?

So each member of the consortium, and he's up 30 ,000, you buy the land, wait

for development to come along, make a profit.

Yeah, you can't miss.

I mean, land like this doesn't come under the hammer all that often, and

someone's bound to want to develop.

Hill and Vale, UK.

What?

That's who wants to develop it, as you well know, Jeff.

And since you work in the planning department, there's little danger of

getting refused permission, is there?

Now, you'll be getting a sizable backhand from them. Now, you want to

cash, buy the land, so you can sting them a second time.

And they won't be doing a deal with you.

They're doing business with me.

But you bought the land.

Well, I didn't need to.

Just this bit we're standing on.

But... I don't think we need to detain you any longer, Jeff.

Well, now will you tell me?

Oh, come on, Archie.

I mean, someone working in the planning department.

Buying land and making a tash for the private sector.

Very smelly.

Had to be a fiddle.

Had to be a way in for us.

Yeah, but you've bought, I mean, we've bought just this?

Access, Archie.

I gave you a cheque.

No.

Access.

It's the only way on to the site.

All that heavy plant.

Trucks, excavators, cranes.

It's the only way in.

You're brilliant.

Yeah, well, sometimes I am.

Sometimes I'm not.

It's funny.

Things at a distance I can see.

Deals.

Things up close I have a problem with.

Tessa? Yeah.

Wow.

And a friend.

A bloke who's worked for me for 30 years. My chauffeur.

I go broke.

He starts making plans.

Pete will surprise you.

Anyway, let's have some bacon and eggs, eh?

Today's the day, Arnie.

You sign your contract, I sign mine, and... What's wrong?

You talked to your bloke, the listener.

You told me you had.

I did, Max.

You told me to accept the offer.

Terrific. So what's wrong?

It wasn't your offer he told me to accept.

It was a better offer.

This is a lie.

Who the hell decided breakfast was bad for him?

The same people who measured drinks in units.

What will you do?

Easy. Sell the access site to the developers. Double our money.

At least.

We can't do without it, can we?

Yeah, wonderful.

No, I meant about Tessa.

Well, she's my daughter. We do speak from time to time.

What does she tell you?

Very little, which tells me a lot, if you know what I mean.

Oh, I think... Well, I think I'm not thinking about it.

But you will?

I think so.

Why?

I like you, Frank.

So what are you going to do?

Sign the pledge.

About Frank.

Give him a surprise.

Frank! Son.

Come in.

But the money Diane invested wasn't mine. I mean, we'd agreed that she'd

the house, so any proceeds, I mean, anything left over is hers.

Yeah, she told me. Hey, she wanted you to have a share anyway.

She said if it was me that wrote out the check, you'd take it.

I'd have taken it anyway.

Well, maybe not.

And this investment, whatever it was, has been successful?

Will be.

How did she seem when you saw her?

She seemed fine.

Did she?

No. Not really.

Gosh, what about... Tessa and I split up. You know that?

Yeah, yeah, I'd heard that.

Well, you know, I've had a few affairs, been married a bit.

A few affairs after, a few during.

But I don't know, with Tessa, it was different somehow.

Knew what I wanted.

Anyway, we split up.

After that, it was somebody else.

For me, I mean.

It was serious, I suppose.

Well, yeah, serious.

Anyway, that didn't work out.

Now Tessa tells me that she loves me.

Look, I'm sitting here...

A hundred miles from the people I love.

And you're asking me for advice?

Well, that's why I'm asking you.

What can I tell you, Frank?

You're looking at a klutz.

Don't be a klutz.

You'll be getting the check drawn on a funny -telling account.

It's all on the up -and -up.

Off the shelf.

Of course, don't cash the check for about a week, all right?

Yeah, well, if they ever start... Yeah, well, if they ever get into trouble,

I'll let you know.

OK. Cheers.

See you. Thanks, Frank. Bye.

Hello, Max.

Here.

What do you think of him?

Don't you think you're getting a bit old for computer dating, Mum?

You should take up crochet or something.

This one says he's an expert at indoor fireworks.

Do you think that's a code?

Oh, don't take on Max.

Wasn't a good bet.

You know...

Bad investment.

Oh, yeah? How would you know?

Carver.

Bloody Frank Carver, wasn't it?

Bumped into him on the way out.

I told him it was a duff boy.

I was just trying to tear him out.

Good try.

Do you know where he's gone?

Well, it could be his club in Pall Mall, or it could be the nearest boozer.

OK.

I had the place looked at, Max.

There was a turkey.

The Department of Health closed their kitchen down twice in a month.

Why did you want it then?

Well, I don't know.

I know a man who does.

Hookie. Make a bob or two on the deal, did you? Look, Max, I can see why you

don't want to believe me.

But the place had nothing going for it, nothing.

What about a goodwill?

Saddam Hussein could muster more goodwill in that dump.

Half the fine this week.

Oh,

come on, Max. You don't want to be a shopkeeper.

Coop up all day at everybody's beck and call, doing the same thing over and

over. A bit like being a chauffeur, really.

Buy me a drink.

Is Frank here?

Not here.

Will be here.

I don't know.

Think so.

Look, I'm not asking you to spy for me. I just wondered where he might be.

It's not easy, is it?

Working for two bosses.

No, it's great. I mean... I mean, I like you both.

But that's part of the problem, really.

Because, I mean, I'm not sure where I'm supposed to be from one day to the next.

I mean, I can work for both of you, but not at the same time.

So, if one of you asks me to do something and the other says don't, I

And if the one that says don't says do something the other won't like, I can't

do that either.

So you'll have to agree not to.

Because I can't.

OK?

Hello?

Daddy? Tessa, hello, Plump K.

Is Frank there?

No, he's... Give him a message, will you?

Say thanks for the cheque and tell him, OK, I won't back it through me. He'll

understand.

Daddy?

I've got to go. I'm at the hospital ten minutes ago.

You haven't run into Frank, have you?

Why? Have you lost him?

Well, I can't find him. It's not quite the same thing.

There was a time when you couldn't manage to avoid him.

What changed?

Good question.

I'm not even sure I'm doing the right thing.

You told him you loved him.

I did.

And was it true?

It was.

But?

Was I saying it for the right reason?

You're talking about Marisha?

Jealous.

Jealous, jealous.

I saw them together. I saw her with him and I... And you don't think

jealousy is a very... noble emotion?

I tell you, it beats the hell out of indifference.

Hasn't he been into the office?

Maybe he's avoiding me.

Oh, when you do see him, tell him from me, thanks. I got the message, and I

won't bank it for a week.

Don't ask me, because I don't know.

Happy birthday to you.

What's all this?

Birthday party.

Cake, candles, funny hats and party games, including the truth game.

Happy birthday to you. Why five candles?

Happy birthday, dear friend.

One for each decade.

I'm 49.

Happy birthday to you.

Love hurts.

It can leave you crying.

Love hurts.

It can turn you upside down. Oh, how love hurts.

So if it's just a game that you're playing, you better

know that love hurts.

There's no doubt about it.

Love hurts, but who can live without it? Oh, how love

hurts, so you'd better run and hide. But remember,

love hurts you just the same.