Original subtitles

Well, what are you doing here?

I wanted some petrol, thought about it, decided on balance the garage was the

best place.

Something that was a stupid question.

So you got your driver's licence back then?

Apparently.

Oh, good.

And how's life?

Since you gave Bede the old heave -ho?

Excuse me, I have a board meeting at nine o 'clock.

Oh, so you're on the board now, are you?

No point in inviting you up for a quick bacon sandwich, then.

No point at all.

Eight, please.

So, you're OK, then?

Not missing the wonderful world of charity work?

No, I'm fine, fine.

Never better.

Good. And I didn't give Seed the old heave -ho. I just felt... Look, I don't

have to justify myself to you.

What about you?

Never thought I'd see you driving a Ford Granada.

That's certainly why the Merc's having its service.

I've got a big meeting on today. Putting together a juicy deal.

Great investment opportunity. No, thanks, Frank. Receipt, please.

You know I tried phoning you a few hundred times.

I was out.

Well, what about it?

Can't you drink one night? Just for old time's sake?

No, thanks, Frank.

All right, fair enough.

You're going out with anyone?

Mind your own bloody business.

Well, never mind.

You'll find another bloke one day.

Mind you, he'll have a hard act to follow.

would be the overall turnover increased from £577 million to £615 million.

Pleasing results before three.

And one that I know that might have been... However, the

recession, de -starting and other rationalising... Next

item on the agenda is Corporation 3R.

Tessa? Tessa?

Your media report, Tess.

Yes.

When I returned to Baumblats, I realized there was an urgent and imperative need

to coordinate our various PR and media activities.

Ironically, a lesson I learned during my time working in the charity sector.

Yeah, I know all that, Norman.

Yeah, but it is solid gold, mate.

They're going to announce next week that they've managed to unload their loss

-making US subsidiary.

Believe me, Norman, I hear things.

No, no, no, no. It's only inside a deal if you own shares, which I most

definitely do not.

Whatever you want to give me, Norman.

By this time next week, you're going to be feeling very generous.

Yep. Okay. Yep. Bye. Bye.

What's this company you're tipping?

F &R Holdings.

Had their chairman in the back the other day.

Amazing what people say in front of the hired help, isn't it?

You're not really the usual run -of -minicab driver, are you, Frank?

Well, no. Before the BCCI scandal, I was the governor of the Bank of England.

I'll be at the house for prayers at 7 .30.

We must stop meeting like this.

Where's your car?

Simon's got it for the week.

I came in the big black one. You know, the one with no back seat.

Sorry.

Funerals have that effect on me.

No? View of the garden?

Yeah, it's south -facing.

I suppose the grass needs cutting.

Probably find a couple of Japanese soldiers who don't know the war's over.

Carpets and curtains are all included.

Great.

And it's 129.

Oh, I know.

I'm prepared to negotiate.

Why are you moving, actually, if you don't mind my asking?

No, of course not.

It's my husband.

He's sort of, um, you know,

Gone. Oh, I am sorry. You mean passed on?

Don't I wish.

No, not passed on. Pissed off.

There's a lot of it about.

Look, I'll leave you on your own for chat.

Get a feel of the place.

I've already got a feel of the place. I think it's infested.

Oh.

It's not so bad.

It's horrendous. It's positively a taste -free zone.

May I see that?

The estate agent virtually admits it.

Modernised throughout.

Everyone knows that means all period detail and charm ruthlessly eliminated.

it's cheap.

I've got to buy something.

Simon has found a flat in Birmingham near the college and he wants his share

the money from our house sale for a deposit.

Stop, Simon.

Who cheated on who?

Well?

Well, it's very, um... The thing is, I've only just started looking.

Do you want to come back with your husband?

It's all right for Simon. He's picked up something cheap in Birmingham.

After all, it was his picking up something cheap in Birmingham that

the trouble.

Well, what now?

A cup of tea or a splash of rest?

Tea first, I think.

Oh, God, why does life have to be such a mess?

Any answer?

What? Just ask God.

Oh, don't expect an immediate response. He's thinking about it.

Guess what?

I saw Frank today.

And?

And what? And nothing.

Well, then why did you mention you'd seen him?

Well, you used to like Frank.

Yes, I did. I do, I sure do.

Then you didn't dump him, did you?

No, my husband did that job very adequately, thank you.

So you're going to see him again?

What would be the point?

Anyway, you know Frank.

He's probably shacked up with some new bit of willing crumpet who waits on him

hand and foot.

Do you want chips or sauté with your sirloin, Frank?

Oh, I don't mind, Grace.

Whatever's easiest.

You choose.

Um... All right, sauté.

You know you're spoiling me, don't you?

Leave off.

I like having you living here, love.

What's this?

Somebody to keep you going till your steak's ready. You need building up.

You mean Mark was for tea?

Take, honey.

No, I could only afford steak for one, and Frank is a guest.

I thought you and me would have a nice band salad.

Mum? She's waiting you out.

He always falls for it, Frank.

Nice, isn't it? It's terrible when you can't even trust your own mum.

Come on, then.

Don't you get on. Did you see Rodney?

Oh, yeah. I collected him from Gatwick. And he says the job's on if you can keep

it under ten grand.

Oh, great.

Great.

Crack open a bottle of vintage magazine.

He'll throw us back in business.

Rodney said ten grand, not two hundred.

Never mind, Max.

Every little helps.

Nice to see you for cheerful, Frank. You were so down all over the weekend.

Was I?

Yeah, well, I suppose I was.

Thought I'd kept it to myself.

There was the odd clue.

Like when you chucked the goldfish out the window?

I was getting on my nerves, swearing round and round like that, staring at me

all day. I liked that fish.

Here, Maxie, guess who Frank bumped into today?

Who? That tether, madam. Grace! Oh, no.

I'm sorry, Frank, but I can't forgive her for the way she dumped you when you

were down and out.

I was never down and out. Of course not.

You just lost your business, your drum, both your motors, all your cash.

You was a regular Paul's winner.

You ain't going to start seeing her again, are you? Get real, Max.

Anyway, how long do you think a woman like Tessa stays unattached?

Oh, you still here?

No, I'm a hologram.

Silly question, really. It's been that kind of a day.

So why are you still here?

Just don't fancy going back to your empty flat and spending another dull

in front of the television.

I think you're confusing our lifestyles. Am I really?

Actually, I'm waiting for a transatlantic call from Marshall

The big white chief? What does he want? No one told me.

And why are you still hanging around?

I've been killing time.

There's a rather special auction at Sotheby's this evening.

Actually, I've got a spare ticket.

Really? If you'd like to come.

What are they auctioning?

Lead soldiers.

Oh.

There's a rather important collection just come on the market.

There are rumours of a royal connection.

There's a mint set of Gordon Highlanders.

I think I'll give it a miss.

Oh.

I bet if I'd had two tickets for the opera, you'd have come.

I'd have come if you had two tickets for Rugby League.

Go on, try it. You might like it.

Hello, Tessa Pickard.

Oh, hello, Marshall. How are you?

Yes, I'm fine, fine. Keeping busy.

Oh, but at 7 .30... Oh.

When did you get in?

He's in London.

Sorry, what?

No, no, I'm not doing anything important.

Where?

All right. See you in an hour.

Malcolm.

This would be a great place if people could get their shit together.

Which kind of goes for the whole country. Good evening, sir.

Baumblatt. Baumblatt.

Baumblatt.

B -A -U -M -B -L -A -T -T.

There, look.

Marsha Mountbatten. That'll be me.

It's as close as most places ever get.

Are you sure, sir?

Trust me.

I've lived with her problem for a lot of years.

I'm terribly sorry, sir.

If you'd follow me, please.

Do you have a menu?

Or are you conducting an experiment in extra -sensory perception?

All right, I give up.

Why did you want to have dinner with me?

I was hungry.

I'm glad, please.

Okay.

Tessa, how do you think it feels when you're the 13th richest man in America

the clerk in the restaurant can never get your name right?

Irritating. That doesn't begin to describe it.

Which is why I want you to come and work for me, personally.

I'm sorry?

Well, that's why I paid so much to entice you back to Don Blanche.

To be your personal public relations officer?

I'm sorry. I'm sure I ought to be flattered, but I don't really see my

making sure you get your photograph and hello everyone.

If you want to become a household name, try recording a duet with Tina Turner.

Hey, I like that.

Lateral thinking. Just what I need. I was joking.

I know.

But it shows me how your mind works.

Tessa, what do you think of the... Baumblatt Foundation.

Don't tell me it's the patent corset with which your grandfather founded the

Baumblatt fortune.

I mean, do you think it's a good idea?

I don't know. I mean, what is the Baumblatt Foundation supposed to do?

Whatever I want it to.

It doesn't exist yet, but it will. And I want you to run it for me. What?

I mean, with what objective?

To tell the world what a fantastic guy you are?

Listen, Tessa, the world's a crappy, hmm?

Oh, dear.

Communism's dead, thank God.

Colonialism didn't work.

nationalism just makes neighbors hate each other for no good reason, which

leaves capitalism.

Just?

Leaves capitalism for what?

To save the world.

Oh, you're going to save the world.

All of it?

Eventually. Maybe.

But I thought we'd start with, well, what can you call them now?

We used to know them as the Warsaw Pact or the Eastern Bloc, and now they're

called the Commonwealth of Independent States, if you don't mind.

I just think of them as those.

poor, confused, hungry schmucks out there who need to relearn what their

ancestors knew when they were still living in caves. You know, how to trade,

what the market is, how it works. I mean, how the whole world goes round,

Christ's sake.

The Foundation will find and nurture entrepreneurs to help them help their

fellow men.

By making money?

Sure. Do you know a better way?

Ever thought of living in the country?

This is not the country. This is Wrightsville.

It's on the central line. Yeah, but compared to Battersea, I mean, it's dead

rural, isn't it?

Mum would love it, hadn't she? She would not. She'd hate it. Miss all those

inner -city riots.

Mind you, from where I'm standing, the view's not bad. Is that Rodney's wife

getting out of the shower?

Have a look at those mixer towels.

Where?

You're getting me at it.

I promise you, Tess, I know nothing about it. You must have cooked with up

the States with Terry Agnew.

What do you think I should do?

I think you should turn him down.

Why? Because you're great doing what you're doing now.

Am I? Yes.

Of course, if you do, Baumgart will probably turn nasty and fire you anyway.

Thank you, Malcolm. You're a tower of strength.

I'm just trying to see both sides of the problem.

Well, they say we can repatriate profits from Russia, but I don't know.

Mind that table, Max.

You're supposed to hold me back, not egg me on.

Ow, you stupid bastard.

Got another one, haven't you?

Plumbers. I'm having extra radiators put in.

It's about Mummy.

We went to see the home yesterday.

Oh, yes, and how did she like it? Well, I mean, Michael and I went. Mummy

doesn't know.

See, I don't really know how to tell her. Oh, sorry to interrupt, Diane, but

really need your advice.

Join the queue.

Can I use the toilet?

Your house, Rodgers. Help yourself.

Here, Rodney.

Do you carry that employer's liability insurance?

Why? Well, then I could sue you for Frank dropping a rad on my foot while in

your employ. I could retire.

Give it a rest, Max. We're doing this for reddies, remember?

Well, then you can buy me a couple of large scotches tonight.

Stilson.

No can do till I make my prior engagement.

A bird?

Chop. Don't you ever stop.

Not till I make it all back, Max.

Russia's wide open, make no mistake about it. The problem is coming up with

cash... and not 50 ,000 jars of pickled beetroot in lieu.

Don't mind me, Chief. Just got to check the valve on this rad.

No, it's only the plumber.

Well, funny enough, I'm a client of Rodney's and all.

Fascinating.

Then there's the transportation problem. The railways are a joke. The roads are

worse. They have highways.

For God's sake.

Are you going to be all day, Chief?

Well, you never know with plumbing.

I mean, Rodney doesn't want two trips in his study, now, does he, Chief?

What?

Yeah, I suppose that would be one solution, but unfortunately I don't

they've heard of Captain Birdseye in Omsk or Minsk or wherever it is.

Voila! Spaghetti alla whatever happened to be in the fridge at the time. My

favourite.

Well, do I take the job or what?

Well, he knows I'm not happy.

Maybe they're not happy with me.

Maybe this is all a ruse to sack me without compensation.

What? Well, you know, I resigned to take this new challenge.

Found that changes his mind.

I'm an unemployment statistic.

I say you're crazy.

Well, you know what they say.

Just because you're paranoid doesn't mean they aren't after you.

Well, suppose he does mean it.

Suppose he really is going to sink half a billion dollars of his own money. No,

he's not that generous.

The foundation will get the interest, not the half billion itself.

Oh, sorry.

So you'll only have 50 million bucks to play with.

Perhaps I'd give my I .T. for those sort of funds.

OK.

Put his money where your teeth used to be. What? The first intercede chair is

nearly up.

Come and help me run this foundation.

Well,

look, Tess, I'd love to, but I'm only on a 24 -hour day.

Tell you what, next Shabbos I'll ask God for a ten -day week.

Hello, Rabbi Warburg.

Oh, hello, Mrs. Hamill.

Now, you know, it's all right.

No, of course I haven't forgotten. I'll be there in plenty of time.

Hmm.

Bye.

Listen, Ted.

It was my taking on all those extra little jobs that helped destroy my

And if you say now Simon's gone, I've got more time. I'd never say that. No,

you were thinking it. Maybe you were thinking it. Look, if Bambert's motives

genuine, starting this foundation could be a lot of fun if you... Do you fancy

him? Give me a break.

Would I fancy him? If you're Jewish, answer those questions in reverse order.

I mean, do you think the way to change the world is to encourage thousands of

little businessmen to spring up everywhere?

Thousands of little Frank Carvers, you mean?

Oh, I don't know.

Might work.

Nothing else has.

Like charities, for example?

Like seed?

Is that all a waste of time?

Tess, I can't answer that for you.

I'm not your conscience.

Since when?

Oh, that'll be my minicab.

Would you get the door for me?

What are you doing here?

Car. Right by Warburg.

Diane, it's for you!

Frank, I didn't know you were... Driving a minicab.

Yeah. Well, I am.

Just for the moment.

Oh, hello, Frank.

Hi, Diane.

Did you know he'd be coming?

Oh, yes, I was. Frank wouldn't want a minicab.

Look, Tesla, I'm sorry, but you're going to have to make your own mind up about

this foundation job offer.

I've got Shiver to attend.

Do you think she'll take this foundation job, then? Oh, I don't know.

Probably.

Eventually.

Think there'll be a job for me?

Come on, what's the story?

Tell me, I'll let you off the fare.

Come on, then.

I'm busy.

Doing what?

Memorising yellow pages for Mastermind?

Anyway, it's only 20 to 9.

I know, but I'm going ugly early tonight.

Eh? You know, steaming, pick out a cock -eyed bird with thick ankles, tell her

you're crazy about beefy thoughts with eyes that look at each other and you're

guaranteed a lust -filled night.

Mind you, you've got to pull early, or else she fatties you're only giving her

tug because all the good -looking ones are taken.

I didn't know you were such a romantic fool.

Yeah, well, all cats look grey in the dark, don't they?

Max, have you ever heard of AIDS?

Course.

But if I can't satisfy a bird without the use of artificial devices, I reckon

I'll jack it in.

Are you coming or what?

No. No, no.

All sounds far too upmarket for me here, but you can post this for me on the way

out.

Why are you writing to the Russian embassy?

Oh, didn't I tell you?

I used to work for the KGB.

Oh, yeah.

I want to know why my redundancy hasn't come through.

How long do you think you'll be?

About an hour or so. Why?

Might as well try and pick up a job while I'm waiting.

Bravo 4 -7.

Bravo 4 -7, set him down in Perryvale.

Anything for me?

Get round to Terminal 2, Heathrow.

God, it's so cold in here.

I should bloody hope so.

How long have you been in this game?

About 20 years.

We started and fished back in Aberdeen, but we didn't like any of the machinery

on the market.

So we began designing our own.

Then the common market came along, and bingo.

How do you mean?

What you're looking at now is about 0 .0, not 1%, of the Meek Mountain.

If I'd have known that, I'd have bought me a barbecue.

Lean enough?

Oh, yeah, I think so.

Nice hot cup of bobble? Oh, now you're talking.

Cheers.

So how long have you been in this game, then, Mr Carver? I haven't heard of your

company before.

No, well, you wouldn't have done.

Bet you'll have heard of my backers. Would I?

Who are they?

Well, if we get to work together, you'll find out, won't you?

Let me ask you something.

Is it possible to turn existing warehouses into coal stores?

Or do you have to build from scratch?

It depends on the territory.

What are you thinking of?

I have a lot of stuff I didn't mention.

So, since the main problem is the percentage of the harvest that gets

before it even leaves the collective farm... You thought you'd build a

facility? Yeah, or help the locals build one. Wouldn't it be rather expensive?

It's all relative, isn't it?

Labour's cheap out here. I've got the money available.

All in all, we should make a decent profit. There is still a considerable

bureaucracy to deal with.

We'll cross that bridge.

The first thing I want to do is to meet potential partners. You know, local

businessmen. And women.

Sorry?

Businessmen and women.

Oh, yeah.

Yeah, yeah, of course.

If you've got some, I'll meet them too.

The trouble is, Russia isn't actually overflowing with entrepreneurs after

nearly 80 years of a communist command economy.

There are always entrepreneurs, Miss Renton. They may not know they're

entrepreneurs, but the minute you start showing them how to make money, they

can't wait to trade in their communist party cards for American Express ones.

How long are you planning to spend here? A couple of days.

Oh, two whole days.

Yeah, I know, it's a rush.

But Russia isn't the only bankrupt ex -communist country on my itinerary.

Although it is the only one I can pronounce.

The thing is, Mr Carver, people here just aren't used to working under

Well, they're going to have to start getting used to it, aren't they?

Let me call the ministry again.

Things are looking up. Oh, good.

Are they going to fix it? I don't know, but at least they've answered their

phone.

Yes, sir.

I've just had a call from Mr. Baum, Blackthorpe.

He says you'll have to start without him. He's a bit tied up.

Oh, yes? What is it this time?

Tea with the president, poker with the Queen Mother, tennis with the Pope? Oh,

no. He's in England.

but apparently he pulled a muscle putting out the garbage.

Fine.

Ladies and gentlemen, I've just heard Marshall Bamblatt won't be able to join

us, so we'd better make a start.

Will you take a minute, Sandra?

To do what?

Sorry.

So, welcome to the Bamblatt Foundation Steering Committee.

Diane, Malcolm, you've both met Dr. Dubenko.

For the record, Dr. Kubenko is a leading expert in development economics, and

we're looking forward to hearing his advice on how we can help the former

communist bloc. Blow it all up. Start it all over again.

Malcolm, you are going to be our formal link between the Foundation and Bamblet,

UK PLC, so any chance of more offices, telephones, things like that?

It's all under control.

Mr. Carver?

Well, that depends whether you're from the secret police or the Ministry of

Economy and Planning.

I'm from the ministry.

We no longer have a secret police.

Of course, if I were a secret police, that would be exactly what I would have

said.

Just what I was thinking.

I need petrol.

A bit of a queue.

Do you have dollars?

Yeah. Okay.

Why don't you fill your lighter while you're at it?

Thanks, I just did.

Not much of a turnout, is it?

I think it is not too bad at such short notice.

Especially as tonight Beverly Hills Cop 2 is on television.

Well, why don't we wait until it gets dark then?

It doesn't get dark for a month.

Well, we may as well start.

Fellow businessmen, I'd like to introduce myself.

I'm Frank Carver.

I'm over here to talk to you about setting up a business enterprise.

What do you think?

Yes, very nice.

We could put a couple of researchers in here.

Except you don't have a budget to employ any researchers.

But you're going to sort that out, aren't you, Malcolm? Well, it's really

something you should talk to Mr. Baumglatt about personally.

Don't worry, I will.

Now, be gentle with me, Tessa. I'm a thick man. You just pulled a muscle.

It could be a slipped disc.

Okay, forget it.

What? What's the point of promising to invest half a billion dollars in the

foundation if I can't get a few thousand for petty cash?

Are you serious about this, or is this just an ego trip?

It's a serious ego trip.

Hey, there. Look.

There. Oh, my God.

There's around 20 ,000 sterling.

I had a good night at the card table.

Take it. Open a bank account.

No, I'm sorry, but we're not going into the second -hand card trade.

I like you, Tessa. Do you know that?

Thank you very much, but that's not the point.

I want proper paperwork correctly drawn up. You sound just like my second wife.

And my first one.

Okay, I'll do it. No, I'll do it. You pay.

My third wife to a T.

Okay, okay, do it already.

Fine. Now, what about the press launch?

What about it?

Any more questions?

Oh, come on.

He would like to know why he should sell his products to you at the price you

set.

I dealt with that.

Look, tell him.

The market will set the price.

I won't be sending them. You won't be sending them.

He wants to know the plot of Beverly Hills Cop 2.

No, no, it's all right. I'm videoing it. How do you speak English?

It's a pretty unnecessary thing to say.

I'm Dmitry Kapolev. I enjoyed your talk.

But I think it lost something in translation.

What do you mean, the bit where I said if you stupid Ivans don't get off your

arses, you'll all be starving to death?

No, I'm sorry. No, no, you're right.

So what do you do, Dimitri? I was trained as engineer, but I have to work

farm to make a living.

Really? How big is it?

Well, it's a bit of a mess, but you've got to admit, it would make a good cold

store.

It's great.

But it's our job to try and get them to unrun all that.

and teach them more useful skills. Are you confident that your resources can

to the people that need them?

Well, I'd like to do my best to make sure it does that.

All right, same to you, mate.

Frank?

We've been dead worried.

Where have you been?

Russia.

You posted my visa application for me, remember?

Hey, thanks.

Oh, is that what it was?

Have you eaten?

Yes. Had a bowl of sweet on the plane.

It's a nice lamb casserole.

Hey, hey, hey.

What are you doing?

It's Marshall Baumblad.

What? Tesla's boss?

No, the other Marshall Baumblad.

Ma 'am!

Tesla's governor's on the telly.

Ooh!

So, if we go in there with our ideas, and they're open to them, I don't see

problem.

It's all going to be a hero problem. What do you expect, you know? I mean,

wasn't built in a day.

So, you really believe that your foundation will make a difference to the

of Eastern Europe?

If I didn't believe it, Robert, I wouldn't do it.

Sounds like a very laudable idea.

Laudable?

Robert, I think the word you're looking for is revolutionary.

Revolutionary!

Well, let's hope it is. Ladies and gentlemen, Marshal Bunblatt, and I'm

that we all wish him well in his endeavour.

I'm just going out for a Chinese if you want to come along.

Me? Why?

Because I've been studying you from across the room and I think you've got a

rude mouth.

You weren't ever a plumber in a former life, were you?

Well...

Heating and ventilation engineer, actually.

How did you guess?

I've been there before.

Excuse me.

So, what did you think? Great. Really, no.

You look also very good.

Do you have any pambloza? Of course, sir. We were advised.

I must say, I was very impressed by your interview, sir.

Yeah, it was pretty neat, wasn't it?

Oddly enough, my cousin in Bucharest is desperately seeking finance for a

Mercedes dealership. Oh, no shit.

Well, as I was saying... A bottle of champagne, please. I have

a brother in Gdansk with a business. I'm

sorry? For Baumblatt Foundation.

On TV yesterday, Kilroy Silk, he said he wanted proposals from Eastern Europe.

I have a brother in Gdansk with a catering company. Mr. Baumblatt also

couldn't accept personal application.

I'm sorry?

I'm afraid you'll just have to write in.

Write in? What?

Polish?

Hello,

Frank. Been fancy staying in Moscow, then?

St. Petersburg, Harry.

Oh, I've been there. It's not far from Disney World.

I meant the one in Russia.

What? They got Disney World there already?

They're coming on a treat, eh?

Five minicabs.

OK. Be about 15 minutes.

Can't see a nice run, Frank.

Derby Street, W1 to Whipsnade. No, no, no, thanks, Harry. I'm saving myself.

Chrissie?

I'm sorry.

You'll have to put your proposal in writing.

Yes.

Yes, I'm sure there's a huge tourist potential in Albania, but we're not

actually sitting here with a sack of money.

Yes.

You'll have to put your proposal in writing.

Goodbye.

Permission to crack up?

Let's call it a day, shall we?

Account customer, anyone?

Bound Black, UK, Broadgate, dropping off Tufnell Park.

Think I might take that one, Harry.

You look tired, Tessa.

I've had a hell of a day.

You're supposed to be gobsmacked.

I know you, Frank.

When you want to feed me, you find a way.

So you don't necessarily want to avoid me then?

You're not important enough to want to avoid.

I saw your boss on television last night.

And? Yeah, certainly got me thinking.

Really? You?

Yes, me.

Yeah.

Took the liberty of putting a few thoughts down on paper.

Setting up a frozen food industry in rural Russia. A proposal for the Banblat

Foundation by Dmitry Kopalev and Francis... Francis?

I thought it sounded more serious.

How the hell did you do this?

We only went public on the foundation yesterday.

Yeah, well, you know me, Tess.

Fast worker.

I bet she has.

Fifty quid says she's been there. No, she hasn't. She's a pro.

And it's a brilliant project.

Anyway, I took the precaution of biking a copy round the Bound Blatts Hotel this

morning just in case.

Frank? Yeah?

I've got someone down here who'd like a word with you.

Oh, right.

You remember Richard Hollis?

Yeah.

How's it hanging, Chief?

Yesterday, I contacted our trade delegation in St Petersburg to see about

setting up a fruit -freezing plant, and the commercial attache, Miss Linton,

said that someone had already been over there talking to local businessmen.

Really?

That's tough luck, isn't it?

Why are you telling me?

Someone called Carver. Common enough name. Frank Carver.

Coincidence.

In any way,

I'm just a plumber, aren't I, Chief?

Oh, point of information, Dickie.

Her name's Renton, not Lenton.

How much did you tell Frank about the foundation?

What?

Well? I don't know.

Why? I told you in confidence.

No, you didn't. You told me. End of story.

But you knew it wasn't for general relief.

He just wanted to know what you were up to. He cares about you.

Bollocks. Anyway, Bound Black was on television two nights ago, and it's in

the papers. It's not a state secret.

But he couldn't have produced this in a day.

He's been to Russia.

Is it any good?

Completely speculative.

catch some half -baked scheme to set up a freezer plant in Russia.

Been out there, corralled some gullible local to put his name forward as

partner, and asked for $3 million, and that's just for starters.

And then he's going to slip to South America with the money? No, of course

So what's the problem?

I don't know.

Nicely laid out.

Probably stolen a computer.

Oh, God.

Looks like it might be a good idea.

Who asked you?

You did.

You nagged me into being on your advisory panel, so I'm advising.

Look, if you're really over him, you can work together.

And if you're not, isn't it time you faced up to it?

He's only done this to get close to me again, you know.

That could be a flattering interpretation of the facts.

Then why?

Because Frank had to make his mark.

Somehow, somewhere, it's what makes them tick.

Ted, what are you scared of?

You and Frank were great together. Oh, and you're really well qualified to

pontificate about relationships, aren't you?

I can't believe you said that. Neither can I. I'm so sorry.

Hey, look, if I'm interrupting something... Marshall, I thought you

Rome. I was. Now I'm back.

I'd like you to meet Diane Warburg.

Hi. How do you do?

You're Tessa's rabbi friend, right?

He knows everything.

Hey, do you think that... Oh, he sent one to you too, did he?

Anyone fancy a cup of coffee?

In that case, I'll just make one for myself.

It's a mystery how you got it together so fast.

Not exactly.

That's a hell of a smart idea.

Do you think so?

Isn't it rather exploitative?

It seems as if he's come up with a scheme and simply found some patsy to

dress it.

Maybe, but it all adds up. And they need jump -starting out there, believe me.

It's early days, Marshal. The earlier the better.

This way we can announce a project while the Kilroy silthing is still fresh in

people's minds.

Plus, there are tax breaks if we commit cash this U .S. fiscal period.

But $3 million?

Believe me, I know Mr. Carver, and his track record is, well, spotty, to say

least.

Now, you're right, Dessa. I am? Sure you are.

But my track record's got a few zits of its own. That's business.

But I know Frank Carver.

I figured you did.

Look, I understand that you don't want some maverick working out of a minicab

office as the standard bearer of the Baumblatt Foundation, right?

Exactly.

So I guess that the best thing is to stick him in the empty office across the

hallway and lend him after a secretary.

What? That way you can keep an eye on him, OK?

Good.

Hi.

How are you?

Frank Carver.

Don't push your luck, Frank.

I just thought it'd be better if we kept everything on a business basis.

Too bloody right.

I see you two have got a lot of catching up to do.

See you. Yeah, thanks, Marshall.

It's all right, Tess.

I know you're still carrying a torch for me.

Yes, a blowtorch. Now, what do you want?

Marshall said something about an office across the corridor.

That office is bigger than mine.

And if you say size isn't everything, I'll... My lips are sick.

Except he did say something about secretarial support.

We haven't got a budget yet, Frank.

But I suppose you can share, Sandra.

Oh, good.

Which half do I get?

You choose.

Well, you know me, Tess.

Precisely. You're not jealous, are you?

Of you, you must be.

This is going to be a strictly business relationship. And if you put one foot

out of line, you understand me?

Absolutely.

Strictly business. No problem.

Right.

I think I'll go and have a look at my new office.

It can leave you crying, love hurts.

It can turn you upside down, oh how love hurts.

So if it's just a game that you're playing, you better

know that love hurts.

There's no doubt about it, love hurts.

But who can live without it? Oh, how love hurts.

So you'd better run and hide. But remember,

love hurts you just as much.

Thank you.