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Hey, Fer!
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Let's see if I've got this right so far.
The family of a High Court judge are
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all found murdered, but the judge
himself's gone missing. We tracked down
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00:00:31,200 --> 00:00:34,959
woman we think he's been having an
affair with, and by now she's been
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00:00:34,960 --> 00:00:36,010
death as well.
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00:00:36,120 --> 00:00:38,830
I don't know if you've got a strong
stomach, Mr Lipton.
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00:00:39,760 --> 00:00:42,920
Well, God, these are appalling.
8
00:00:43,300 --> 00:00:46,240
Well, police photographers can't expect
quality.
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00:00:47,660 --> 00:00:50,430
Notice the couple there, the son and
daughter -in -law.
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00:00:50,660 --> 00:00:52,700
They're still sitting at a chess table.
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00:00:53,240 --> 00:00:56,010
The board and the pieces still laid out
in front of them.
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00:00:56,780 --> 00:01:00,579
Macabre. There's something wrong with
that picture. I just wish I could work
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00:01:00,580 --> 00:01:01,630
what it is.
14
00:01:02,240 --> 00:01:03,800
And then what about the canary?
15
00:01:04,080 --> 00:01:05,130
Exactly.
16
00:01:05,940 --> 00:01:06,990
What canary?
17
00:01:06,991 --> 00:01:11,279
When I found the girlfriend's body,
there was a dead canary lying on the
18
00:01:11,280 --> 00:01:12,330
of its cage.
19
00:01:13,360 --> 00:01:16,610
Well, Teneris aren't noted for the high
suicide rate, Mr Lipson.
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00:01:16,820 --> 00:01:18,920
I'm very dodgy about this whole story.
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00:01:18,921 --> 00:01:22,479
And very dangerous. I'm not sure it's
safe for you to be investigating all
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00:01:22,480 --> 00:01:23,720
violence and brutality.
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00:01:24,540 --> 00:01:26,520
I've covered Labour Party conferences.
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00:01:26,521 --> 00:01:27,559
I'll manage.
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00:01:27,560 --> 00:01:29,960
And I've been meeting with Mr Rathbone
now.
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00:01:29,961 --> 00:01:34,019
Well, stick with it for the moment then,
Maggie. I'm hoping for a good, honest
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00:01:34,020 --> 00:01:35,460
story from this in the end.
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God knows we need one.
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See you, Mr Lipson.
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35 years ago, Terence Rathbone had a
dream.
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He dreamt of a place of magic, fun and
excitement on a high -yield investment
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basis. A happy land where children laugh
and sing and dog turds are a thing of
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00:01:55,410 --> 00:01:56,460
the past.
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00:01:57,580 --> 00:02:02,219
Everyone can share in that dream at Rat
World, a fantasy land for all the family
35
00:02:02,220 --> 00:02:04,039
of non -exportative admission prices.
36
00:02:04,040 --> 00:02:08,299
At Rat World, you'll gaze in wonder at
our life -size animated models of the
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00:02:08,300 --> 00:02:09,350
royal family.
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00:02:10,300 --> 00:02:11,760
They're almost real.
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00:02:12,600 --> 00:02:16,979
For the first time, you can go inside
the palace and watch the queen scrubbing
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00:02:16,980 --> 00:02:21,099
her toenails in the bath and Diana
hurling four -letter obscenities at each
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00:02:21,100 --> 00:02:22,150
other.
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00:02:22,200 --> 00:02:27,360
Andrew going to the lavatory. Yes,
there's something for everyone at Rat
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00:02:27,900 --> 00:02:32,279
Visit Britt Eklund's house of toy boys
for a special puppet show of her
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00:02:32,280 --> 00:02:37,219
favourite sexual positions every half
hour. Then, why not take a trip to the
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00:02:37,220 --> 00:02:41,620
wonderful world of the loony left, where
everything is topsy -turvy.
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00:02:42,329 --> 00:02:46,389
Lesbians frolic in the woods. Money
grows on trees. And Labour councillors
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00:02:46,390 --> 00:02:48,190
to discuss their spending policies.
48
00:02:48,810 --> 00:02:53,210
Yes, rat world. For a dazzling day out
amid nature's miracles.
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00:02:53,470 --> 00:02:56,480
Near Farringbridge in Hampshire,
formerly the New Forest.
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00:03:02,130 --> 00:03:04,050
I don't know what to say, sir.
51
00:03:04,530 --> 00:03:07,330
I mean, the New Forest used to be home
to...
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Deer and ponies.
53
00:03:08,851 --> 00:03:12,589
Conservation of the local fauna was our
top priority, Dickie. We had them all
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00:03:12,590 --> 00:03:14,270
skinned and turned into robots.
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00:03:15,910 --> 00:03:18,090
Extinction becomes a thing of the past.
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00:03:18,630 --> 00:03:21,990
But all these shows and attractions,
this is everything you hate.
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This is what we're trying to eradicate
in the Crucible, isn't it?
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00:03:27,090 --> 00:03:28,190
Yes, of course it is.
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00:03:28,630 --> 00:03:32,890
You shouldn't have had Russell Spam on
board as creative advisor. Still!
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00:03:33,850 --> 00:03:39,509
What can be ironed out? I didn't build
Rat World as the ultimate in tacky
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commercialism. I built it as a monument
for the nation.
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00:03:46,330 --> 00:03:50,129
I'm sorry. I cannot endorse it in its
present form and I cannot publish these
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adverts in the Crucible.
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00:03:51,850 --> 00:03:55,400
Now, if you'll excuse me, I have urgent
things to attend to downstairs.
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00:03:56,310 --> 00:03:59,430
Yes, well, uh... Good morning, Mr.
Rathbaird.
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Yes, Dickie.
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00:04:02,480 --> 00:04:03,660
Good morning.
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00:04:13,000 --> 00:04:19,940
And finally, our resident psychiatrist,
Dr. Lillian Schwarzkopf,
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00:04:20,120 --> 00:04:24,040
for her weekly column on the couch with
lobotomy Lil.
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00:04:25,400 --> 00:04:31,300
Dear Lil, I have just undergone the
distressing experience of a mastectomy.
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It has left me totally shattered and
unable to cope with life anymore.
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00:04:37,940 --> 00:04:39,320
Lil replies,
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Cheer up, lovey, and keep your pecker
up.
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00:04:45,900 --> 00:04:50,419
Okay, so you're a knocker down on most
women, but you're still one up on Marty
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00:04:50,420 --> 00:04:51,470
Kane.
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00:04:53,260 --> 00:04:56,760
Your contracts all expire at the end of
the month.
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They will not be renewed.
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00:05:07,850 --> 00:05:12,509
It is too good for a man whose mission
to El Salvador as political
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00:05:12,510 --> 00:05:15,170
resulted in a horse being sawn in half.
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00:05:16,330 --> 00:05:21,489
I am therefore demoting you to the
lowliest rank possible in a national
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newspaper. As from now, you are show
business editor.
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00:05:26,310 --> 00:05:29,140
Really, Mr. Lipton, are you sure? Not
another word, Greg.
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Out! I've got a lot to do.
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00:05:39,210 --> 00:05:43,269
Joe Russell, probably of which brings me
to what must be one of the greatest
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00:05:43,270 --> 00:05:45,990
single mysteries in modern civilization.
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00:05:46,670 --> 00:05:49,850
Who is it that writes the captions for
the page three girl?
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00:05:50,230 --> 00:05:57,169
What species of deformed mutant can sit
down and compose lines
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like these?
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00:05:59,390 --> 00:06:03,730
Cockney Cawker, Susie Tompkins, 17, is a
real brainy beauty.
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00:06:04,030 --> 00:06:05,990
She's got an O -level in geography.
91
00:06:07,950 --> 00:06:11,630
Well, as we know one thing, her contours
have certainly put her on the map.
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00:06:14,790 --> 00:06:17,730
A tree died for this, Russell.
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00:06:19,250 --> 00:06:22,710
She's a lump of plastic with teeth.
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00:06:23,290 --> 00:06:26,890
The women here are just about as real as
the robots in Rat World.
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00:06:27,270 --> 00:06:29,710
Well, as for now, they're out.
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00:06:30,150 --> 00:06:33,730
There will be no more topless girls in
this newspaper.
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00:06:40,650 --> 00:06:44,970
It worries me more than I can pay,
Russell. I wish I'd never said I'd on
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Dickie Lipton's old medical records.
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00:06:47,870 --> 00:06:52,109
As the actor in Rep, he suffered a
severe nervous breakdown brought on by
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00:06:52,110 --> 00:06:56,150
pressures of playing King Lear and Widow
Twankie on alternate nights.
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00:06:57,470 --> 00:07:02,269
He made a good discovery, of course, and
has been in perfect mental health ever
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00:07:02,270 --> 00:07:03,320
since.
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00:07:03,750 --> 00:07:07,930
Nevertheless, Russell... You've got me
worrying as well now, sir.
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00:07:08,780 --> 00:07:14,999
Who's to say that further emotional
stress, fatigue and confusion might not
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00:07:15,000 --> 00:07:18,960
again push him over the precipice into
the twilight zone of madness?
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00:07:23,320 --> 00:07:28,480
Script A50 brings us up to week 46,
which is one of yours, Tony.
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00:07:28,920 --> 00:07:35,160
Then Gillian's, in which we finally
discover the identity of the child's
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Any points, anyone?
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Yes. I'm not very happy with the master
storyline, I'm afraid, though I've drawn
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00:07:42,860 --> 00:07:43,910
up a few changes.
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00:07:43,980 --> 00:07:48,140
In the first week's episode, Angie kills
herself with a meat cleaver.
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00:07:48,940 --> 00:07:51,680
After her new lover goes off with Kenny
Everett.
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00:07:52,940 --> 00:07:54,940
And Doc Cotton becomes pregnant.
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00:07:56,420 --> 00:07:59,420
After Libby and Gunman occupy the local
laundrette.
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00:08:00,780 --> 00:08:03,190
A plain invitation from the left -wing
council.
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00:08:03,400 --> 00:08:06,820
Also, I've rejigged your script for
tomorrow, Jonathan.
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00:08:06,821 --> 00:08:09,579
The manager gave you the new script
pages to type up.
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00:08:09,580 --> 00:08:11,930
All right, come on. You've no right to
be in here.
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00:08:12,080 --> 00:08:16,319
But I presented my documentation at the
gate. I told you, possession of a BBC
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00:08:16,320 --> 00:08:19,270
licence does not grant you the right to
direct programmes.
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00:08:20,460 --> 00:08:21,510
There we go.
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00:08:21,600 --> 00:08:23,400
This is trial by television.
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00:08:29,230 --> 00:08:33,209
I hope the information I've given you
will be of use in fathoming out the
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00:08:33,210 --> 00:08:34,570
affair at number 15.
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00:08:34,909 --> 00:08:39,570
Oh, I'm sure it will. And I've really
enjoyed our three -hour discussion.
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00:08:39,571 --> 00:08:43,989
Incidentally, some of the other
reporters who've interviewed me thought
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little bit strange.
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00:08:45,210 --> 00:08:46,260
Yeah?
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00:08:46,510 --> 00:08:49,550
Just because you saw a yeti going into
her house.
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00:08:49,750 --> 00:08:55,270
Very valuable, eh? I'm not certain it
was a yeti. It was very dark at the
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00:08:55,350 --> 00:08:58,710
It could have been a yeti or Bigfoot.
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00:08:59,120 --> 00:09:00,500
as it's colloquially known.
133
00:09:00,800 --> 00:09:07,339
Or indeed, some other gigantic species
of ape -related extraterrestrial from
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00:09:07,340 --> 00:09:11,500
another world, say, Jupiter or Uranus.
135
00:09:11,800 --> 00:09:15,960
It was very large, with huge, lumbering
feet.
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00:09:16,320 --> 00:09:19,500
Feet. Terrific. Well, thanks for all the
leaflets.
137
00:09:19,760 --> 00:09:23,699
Incidentally. If you did wish to know
more about my strange sightings and
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00:09:23,700 --> 00:09:27,380
discoveries, why not pop in one night to
our local society?
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00:09:27,620 --> 00:09:31,800
It's the South Peckham and District UFO
and Intriguing Phenomena Society.
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00:09:34,120 --> 00:09:35,170
Spadufoits.
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00:09:36,280 --> 00:09:38,160
And my name's Pooley.
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00:09:38,520 --> 00:09:42,320
P -O -O -L -Y.
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Trevor.
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00:09:44,220 --> 00:09:47,060
Pooley. The first evening I get free.
145
00:09:47,300 --> 00:09:50,430
OK, well, all the best, then, and thanks
for your information.
146
00:09:50,680 --> 00:09:53,930
Nice to have met you, Miss Troon. Oh,
nice to have met you, Mr Loopy.
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00:09:53,931 --> 00:10:00,299
Look, Russell, you're just trying to
confuse me. It doesn't make sense.
148
00:10:00,300 --> 00:10:04,739
How could Dirty Dan's cousin Susie be
having an affair with a former Nazi war
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00:10:04,740 --> 00:10:09,740
criminal? It's quite clear it's Greg's
copy, Dickie. A man named Jim Barnes.
150
00:10:10,660 --> 00:10:14,720
Yes, but Jim Barnes isn't a former Nazi
war criminal. Well, of course he is.
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00:10:15,999 --> 00:10:19,069
What, just because he played a Gestapo
officer in a low, low?
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00:10:20,260 --> 00:10:23,060
No, no, it isn't real. It's just a TV
series.
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00:10:23,680 --> 00:10:25,120
So is EastEnders, Dickie.
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00:10:25,920 --> 00:10:28,980
Yes, but in EastEnders, he's not a
Gestapo officer.
155
00:10:30,000 --> 00:10:32,710
No, he isn't in EastEnders, Dickie. He's
in Brookside.
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00:10:32,711 --> 00:10:38,179
Why should he be having an affair with
Dirty Dan's cousin if she's in
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00:10:38,180 --> 00:10:41,860
EastEnders? She isn't in EastEnders.
She's in Brookside.
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00:10:41,861 --> 00:10:45,119
But you just said she was Dirty Dan's
cousin.
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00:10:45,120 --> 00:10:46,170
She is.
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00:10:48,460 --> 00:10:52,540
How could Dirty Dan's cousin in
EastEnders be his cousin in Brookside?
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00:10:52,920 --> 00:10:56,040
She isn't Dirty Dan's cousin in
EastEnders, Dickie.
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00:10:56,480 --> 00:10:57,900
But you just said she was.
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00:10:58,520 --> 00:11:01,140
No, she's Dirty Dan's cousin in real
life.
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00:11:11,491 --> 00:11:17,879
The picket's on the front gate. It took
me half an hour to get through.
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00:11:17,880 --> 00:11:18,930
The picket?
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00:11:19,200 --> 00:11:21,490
Well, we settled the Sogat dispute weeks
ago.
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00:11:21,660 --> 00:11:22,860
It's not Sogat, Russell.
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00:11:23,460 --> 00:11:24,520
It's worse than that.
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00:11:25,460 --> 00:11:26,510
Much worse.
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00:11:26,760 --> 00:11:31,139
As the crippling strike by page three
girls enters its second week, sales of
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00:11:31,140 --> 00:11:36,039
the major tabloids have tumbled by 60%.
But the girls' newly formed union, the
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00:11:36,040 --> 00:11:40,319
Democratic Federation of Luscious
Lovelies, plans to stay on strike until
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00:11:40,320 --> 00:11:42,300
members at the Crucible are reinstated.
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00:11:42,610 --> 00:11:46,749
General Secretary Mandy Papworth, 18,
said, we're not as brainless as people
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00:11:46,750 --> 00:11:49,970
think. If necessary, we'll take our case
to amputation.
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00:11:50,670 --> 00:11:54,329
And then John Helmender today launched
an attack on a new front by
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00:11:54,330 --> 00:11:59,289
outside the entrance to Rat World, the
multi -million pound amusement park of
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00:11:59,290 --> 00:12:00,970
Crucible owner Terence Rathbone.
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00:12:00,971 --> 00:12:05,589
Thousands of potential customers turned
back, refusing to cross the picket line.
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00:12:05,590 --> 00:12:09,639
The man who started the whole dispute,
Mr Richard Lipton, now being dubbed in
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00:12:09,640 --> 00:12:13,479
rival newspapers the tit -finder
general, who came on the quarter earlier
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00:12:13,480 --> 00:12:15,950
outside the Crucible's premises in East
London.
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00:12:16,160 --> 00:12:20,459
No, I do not prepare to bring back
topless girls in the Crucible. To be
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00:12:20,460 --> 00:12:23,950
find naked bosoms quite distasteful.
Well, stop toasting them, then.
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00:12:25,420 --> 00:12:30,219
Quite distasteful and an insult to
women. I intend to preserve and protect
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00:12:30,220 --> 00:12:33,240
values I hold most dear, the simple
values of human dignity.
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00:12:41,791 --> 00:12:49,479
This page three dispute is getting out
of hand, Dickie. It was with unbridled
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00:12:49,480 --> 00:12:52,899
horror that I heard last night how you
were beaten up in an alleyway by a gang
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00:12:52,900 --> 00:12:56,880
of cavacious cuties. For God's sake,
this must be settled.
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00:12:57,400 --> 00:13:01,619
As a lifelong socialist, I cannot stand
by and see innocent, sexy Sizzlers
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00:13:01,620 --> 00:13:06,059
thrown on the scrap heap. I cannot deny
an individual the right to work, for
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00:13:06,060 --> 00:13:10,579
denying an individual the right to work
is the effect of a bad curry in the
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00:13:10,580 --> 00:13:11,720
bottom of my heart.
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00:13:13,090 --> 00:13:16,889
Without in the least usurping your
authority, I've referred this whole
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00:13:16,890 --> 00:13:20,410
to ACAS, and I trust you'll abide by
their decision.
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00:13:21,290 --> 00:13:22,340
ACAS?
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00:13:23,890 --> 00:13:24,940
Right.
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00:13:24,941 --> 00:13:30,549
Incidentally, I hope you'll let me know
if the strain is getting too much,
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00:13:30,550 --> 00:13:34,630
Dickie. If I thought all this was
turning you into a mindless, gibbering
200
00:13:34,910 --> 00:13:37,050
I'd have it on my conscience forever.
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00:13:37,250 --> 00:13:38,300
More Valium.
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00:13:42,180 --> 00:13:46,439
another report I found snooping around
this morning, I hear. This is about the
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00:13:46,440 --> 00:13:48,610
only place left now you can get any
privacy.
204
00:14:02,251 --> 00:14:09,859
Confirmed that a deal has been worked
out in this dispute, and I've been asked
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00:14:09,860 --> 00:14:11,580
to read the following statement.
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00:14:14,000 --> 00:14:18,080
From midnight tonight, the girls will
resume normal working.
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00:14:19,120 --> 00:14:23,959
In return, the management of the Daily
Crucible have agreed to reinstate all
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00:14:23,960 --> 00:14:28,540
photographs of bare breasts backdated to
the 1st of March.
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00:14:30,120 --> 00:14:34,000
So, there'll be 13 pairs of them on page
three tomorrow.
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00:14:35,720 --> 00:14:41,280
The pay structure will be phased in with
differentials linked to nipple size.
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00:14:42,420 --> 00:14:47,279
And for scaled and highly scaled models,
those with more than one facial
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00:14:47,280 --> 00:14:53,299
expression, there will be an incentive
scheme involving Nick Kershaw's phone
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00:14:53,300 --> 00:14:54,350
number. Thank you.
214
00:14:57,980 --> 00:14:59,720
Which one do you think, Dickie?
215
00:15:00,480 --> 00:15:02,880
Page three, pick, strike, spiked.
216
00:15:03,320 --> 00:15:08,539
Tip Finder General delts no -blows body
blow as Dreamboat Dolly Deal gives green
217
00:15:08,540 --> 00:15:11,240
light to Presspix Fleshpot Jackpot.
218
00:15:12,500 --> 00:15:13,550
Pardon, Russell.
219
00:15:13,551 --> 00:15:14,819
Huh?
220
00:15:14,820 --> 00:15:16,200
Or this one.
221
00:15:16,480 --> 00:15:20,060
Chest Flash Chick Fans Cheer Chart of a
Cheesecake.
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00:15:32,840 --> 00:15:34,460
what you're saying to me anymore.
223
00:15:34,620 --> 00:15:35,880
Don't want to think, Jack.
224
00:15:37,420 --> 00:15:38,980
Shovel with the spread, Dickie.
225
00:15:40,800 --> 00:15:46,379
TV star that spills all in the first
installment of her sizzling bonk and
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00:15:46,380 --> 00:15:47,520
memoirs.
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00:15:48,680 --> 00:15:53,119
Former actress Goldie Finch tells it
like it is behind the scenes and between
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00:15:53,120 --> 00:15:54,170
the sheets.
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Over the next week, I will reveal, blob,
how I put on black suspenders for
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Friar Tuck.
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00:16:05,960 --> 00:16:07,300
to a Dalek.
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00:16:09,100 --> 00:16:15,200
Blah. How I was ravished at a showbiz
orgy by Roland Ratt and Orville the
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00:16:16,660 --> 00:16:21,060
And ended up in a Soho nightclub
snorting copasute.
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00:16:22,880 --> 00:16:26,540
Russell, I don't think I know what
you're trying to do to me here.
235
00:16:26,820 --> 00:16:31,600
I think I can't see that all this is
just a try and make me crack up.
236
00:16:32,040 --> 00:16:34,680
Sorry, Dickie. Well, it hasn't worked,
has it?
237
00:16:35,100 --> 00:16:37,600
Because I know what your game is.
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00:16:38,040 --> 00:16:43,320
I know what a tissue of lies all this
is, Russell. Yes, Dickie. Yes, I know.
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00:16:43,460 --> 00:16:45,120
Because Sooty told me.
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00:16:47,460 --> 00:16:48,700
Thank you, Sooty.
241
00:16:50,660 --> 00:16:55,980
Right. And from now on, Sooty and I are
taking no nonsense from anyone.
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00:17:06,829 --> 00:17:10,868
Yes, we're first with the news again, as
the white -hot crucible brings you the
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00:17:10,869 --> 00:17:14,469
burning issues of the century, the
sensational medical secrets of the
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00:17:14,470 --> 00:17:19,449
EastEnders. Top -level investigative
journalism triumphs again, as we uncork
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00:17:19,450 --> 00:17:24,589
amazing urine samples of the soap
superstars. Yes, it's all in their
246
00:17:24,590 --> 00:17:25,848
Who's threatened?
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00:17:25,849 --> 00:17:26,809
Who's diabetic?
248
00:17:26,810 --> 00:17:28,609
Which well -known character is an
alcoholic?
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00:17:28,610 --> 00:17:32,869
And just who has an embarrassing
complaint that needs two injections a
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00:17:32,870 --> 00:17:33,920
it clears up?
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00:17:34,560 --> 00:17:39,119
Carly Street urologist tests the water
and tells all. All this plus a chance to
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00:17:39,120 --> 00:17:43,339
win a year at Rat World with the dummy
Queen and Prince Philip. Only in the
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00:17:43,340 --> 00:17:46,240
crucible tomorrow. The paper with
integrity.
254
00:17:48,320 --> 00:17:54,480
Words cannot describe, gentlemen, the
outrageousness of this tasteless drivel.
255
00:17:54,760 --> 00:17:59,399
Quite aside from how you came to acquire
these unspeakable specimens in the
256
00:17:59,400 --> 00:18:00,450
first place.
257
00:18:00,720 --> 00:18:05,859
I and the BBC want to know what you
propose to do to make amends for this
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00:18:05,860 --> 00:18:06,910
atrocity.
259
00:18:08,260 --> 00:18:10,400
I understand your feelings, of course.
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00:18:10,780 --> 00:18:15,779
I fully sympathise with them. I can only
ask you to be assured I'm in total
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00:18:15,780 --> 00:18:21,499
command of the situation and that I...
Oh, my God, no, sit down. What are you
262
00:18:21,500 --> 00:18:22,820
doing with that metal bar?
263
00:18:55,800 --> 00:18:58,990
Afternoon. I'm Maggie Trink from the
Daily Crucible newspaper.
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00:18:59,440 --> 00:19:03,460
I wonder if you could spare... Not
today, darling. We're very busy men.
265
00:19:03,760 --> 00:19:05,810
Why don't you hop in like a nice girl,
eh?
266
00:19:06,180 --> 00:19:11,079
Right. I suppose you've heard that the
woman from next door here was found
267
00:19:11,080 --> 00:19:15,240
murdered. Look, we don't know anything
and we haven't seen anyone.
268
00:19:15,580 --> 00:19:17,630
And if we had, we wouldn't tell the
press.
269
00:19:17,720 --> 00:19:19,600
Because they're the scum of the earth.
270
00:19:19,900 --> 00:19:20,950
OK?
271
00:19:24,360 --> 00:19:25,680
Thanks for your help, then.
272
00:19:27,620 --> 00:19:32,199
Let a brick work between these sessions.
Are you using timber or high -tensile
273
00:19:32,200 --> 00:19:34,000
steel for these roof truss collars?
274
00:19:34,520 --> 00:19:35,570
Timber.
275
00:19:36,740 --> 00:19:39,450
I don't give much for your compressive
stress ratios.
276
00:19:41,520 --> 00:19:42,570
See you.
277
00:20:28,750 --> 00:20:33,370
From the University of London, we bring
you Miss Brainy Breasts of Britain,
278
00:20:33,570 --> 00:20:36,550
introduced by your host, Richard Lipton.
279
00:20:36,770 --> 00:20:42,249
And at the end of that run, Stephanie,
you have scored no points today. You
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00:20:42,250 --> 00:20:43,890
passed on 36.
281
00:20:44,270 --> 00:20:48,190
The letters USA stand for United States
of America.
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00:21:01,960 --> 00:21:05,400
Contender, please, Miss Rat World.
283
00:21:08,620 --> 00:21:12,380
Miss Rat World is an 18 -year -old
mechanical robot.
284
00:21:12,760 --> 00:21:17,360
Her hobbies are megalomania, self
-publicity, and lifelong socialism.
285
00:21:17,820 --> 00:21:21,920
Her ambition is to go around the world
and buy it.
286
00:21:23,080 --> 00:21:25,940
Greg, may I have the jar of human
organs, please?
287
00:21:27,880 --> 00:21:33,430
And you have dead... They can decide
whether these are Dirty Dan's
288
00:21:33,710 --> 00:21:36,570
or the duck's kidney stones, or Martin
Cain's...
289
00:21:55,741 --> 00:22:01,029
Right, you can paint the front of it any
colour you want.
290
00:22:01,030 --> 00:22:02,790
This is one here that I did earlier.
291
00:22:02,990 --> 00:22:06,489
And I'm sure if your mummy got one of
these for Mother's Day, she'd be
292
00:22:06,490 --> 00:22:08,869
absolutely thrilled to bits. And the
good thing about it...
293
00:22:08,870 --> 00:22:15,829
It was a mistake anyone could have
294
00:22:15,830 --> 00:22:21,009
made, Mr Rathbone. It seems that when
Dickie came to in the BBC studio set of
295
00:22:21,010 --> 00:22:25,869
the series, Casualty, where we left him
for a lie down, he thought it was a real
296
00:22:25,870 --> 00:22:30,159
hospital. He got out of the bed and
stumbled naked into the studio next door
297
00:22:30,160 --> 00:22:32,500
during a live broadcast of Blue Peter.
298
00:22:33,320 --> 00:22:37,839
We can but hope that the shock of
exposing his genitals to millions of
299
00:22:37,840 --> 00:22:43,459
schoolchildren at tea time will not
impede his return to full health. And I,
300
00:22:43,460 --> 00:22:47,199
my part, will personally ensure that his
rest cure at the London Rat Health
301
00:22:47,200 --> 00:22:51,399
Clinic is made as comfortable as
possible and that he's fully shielded
302
00:22:51,400 --> 00:22:54,360
upset that might unhinge his mind.
303
00:22:55,080 --> 00:22:59,139
Well, I feel as fit as a fiddle again
and ready to get back to work at the
304
00:22:59,140 --> 00:23:02,990
crucible again. And may I thank you, Mr.
Rathbone, from the bottom of my heart,
305
00:23:03,000 --> 00:23:08,960
for your kindness, understanding,
tireless support, and... Impressed,
306
00:23:09,200 --> 00:23:11,300
How they do it beats me.
307
00:23:12,400 --> 00:23:16,579
As from tomorrow, this automated robot
will have pride of place at Rat World in
308
00:23:16,580 --> 00:23:19,500
the new exhibit, Great Flashers of the
20th Century.
309
00:23:19,700 --> 00:23:21,180
Well done, Dickie.
310
00:23:41,900 --> 00:23:47,599
off his master, and a story with some
sordid text. Feel someone's secrets we
311
00:23:47,600 --> 00:23:50,070
have grabbed, famous facts that we have
stabbed.
312
00:23:50,071 --> 00:23:51,189
Now you want to know
313
00:23:51,190 --> 00:23:55,740
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