All language subtitles for Hot Metal s02e01 Religion Of The People
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1
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Harold Jotlin Singer was a giant among
newspaper men.
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The day he accepted my invitation to
become the executive managing editor of
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Daily Crucible, I gave thanks to God and
wept for three hours.
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00:00:17,430 --> 00:00:23,090
For I knew that I was not fit to lick
the back bumper of his Vauxhall Nova.
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00:00:24,090 --> 00:00:25,590
Only a month ago.
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00:00:26,380 --> 00:00:29,320
He went on a brief holiday to the
Bahamas.
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A holiday he was to cut short when he
heard the Crucible's plans to publish
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memoirs of Molly Sudden's gynecologists.
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It is now three and a half weeks since
his plane went missing in the Bermuda
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Triangle.
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And we can only fear the worst, that he
has died a horrific and hideously grisly
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death. But stone dead though he be.
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He is yet remembered and revered, and
this much I promise, come what may, we
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remain, we who cherish all that is good
in British journalism will never forget
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the name of...
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Twelve months ago this week,
multimillionaire Terence Twiggy Rathbone
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the ailing Daily Crucible, then
acknowledged as the dreariest newspaper
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English language.
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A paper so dull, proofreaders had been
known to go into a terminal coma while
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taking the weather report.
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00:02:08,919 --> 00:02:14,660
Within weeks, Rathbone's new editor,
Russell Spam, had revived the Crucible's
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flagging fortunes with a heady brew of
inventive gimmicks.
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racy storylines, and aggressive
advertising.
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Today, Rathbone's plans for a new
evening paper, The London Fog, are said
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well -advanced, along with a special
Braille edition of The Crucible for
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people.
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Mr. Rathbone, rumor has it you may soon
be introducing new printing technology.
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And your plan is to lose 60 % of the
workforce the British way through a
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combination of natural wastage and
industrial accidents.
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I'm looking to reassure your workers.
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British print workers are the salt of
the earth, Dickie.
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I, as a lifelong socialist, have only
their best interests at heart.
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Yes, you claim to be a lifelong
socialist and have done ever since
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back into power at the last election.
Though this time last year you were
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saying, and I quote, all socialists are
a festering canker on the backside of
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society.
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Incredibly out of context there, Dickie.
No, no, no, no.
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I've always been a staunch supporter of
the Labour movement.
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And I've nothing but admiration for this
new royal commission they've set up to
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investigate the insidious right -wing
press barons who are monopolising our
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newspapers.
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The British press has a fine, noble
tradition moulded by the greatest men of
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time. Rothermere, Beaverbrook,
Northcliffe, and... this man,
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whose name will never be forgotten.
45
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Our task now, though Herculean, is to...
Select his successor. In the
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meantime, his spirit lives on at the
Crucible as a testament to the values of
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decency and good taste in modern
journalism.
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Turn that dribble off, will you, Jack?
49
00:04:19,990 --> 00:04:21,170
I'm sorry, Greg.
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00:04:21,709 --> 00:04:24,370
Yeah, 5 .9 inches, yes.
51
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6 .2 inches.
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All right.
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And Prince Edward?
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All right.
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I may suffer him at all.
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Yes, true.
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What sort of man, Mr. Ratburn, will you
be looking for as the new managing
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editor of The Crucible?
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Let me tell you the sort of man I won't
be looking for, Dickie.
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An intellectual figurehead, a sham.
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whose only purpose is to give the paper
a spurious credibility in the eyes of
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the authorities.
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I think you know the sort.
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Television's littered with them. The
smarmy little former announcer with his
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afternoon show thinks he's a journalist
and wouldn't know a news story from a
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lump of dust.
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Oh, we need someone who is strong and
dynamic.
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Someone like yourself, Dickie, who I've
always admired ever since you used to
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read the late -night pig prices on
Chilton Radio.
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Not really, Mr. Rathburn.
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You're a man who doesn't know the
meaning of the word illiterate, Dickie.
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took Sharp and Operator to be taken in
by key polyflattery.
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Thank you very much, sir.
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The principal's editor, Russell Pound,
is getting too big for his boots. He
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needs to be taken down a peg or two, and
you could be the man to do it, Dickie.
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Mr. Richard Lipton will assume his new
position with immediate effect, and I'm
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confident he'll uphold the same
standards of integrity as his
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predecessor, whose name will never be
forgotten.
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He will be frank, vociferous, and
outspoken in every way.
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Yes, and in particular, I'd just like to
say... That's all we have time for
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nowadays.
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Dickie? This is the proudest moment of
my life, to serve underneath a man whose
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tough and gritty skills I've admired
ever since he used to present Birthday
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on Anglia television, dressed in a giant
rabbit suit.
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Just the sort of dynamic force... All
right, Russell, that's enough of that
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flannel. I'm here today with a personal
mandate from Mr Rathbone to clean this
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paper up, starting with this little gem.
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The male members of the royal family,
how do they measure up to each other?
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This is nothing short of pornography.
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Where did you get this information?
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Insiders at the palace, Dickie.
Insiders? What are the insiders? Prince
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trousers?
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Now on, Russell, the Crucible will find
rather more elevated topics to fill its
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columns. Is that clear?
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As crystal, Dickie.
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Nothing could be more elevated than my
next piece of news.
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Today, gentlemen, Ladies, I signed on
the most sensational newspaper columnist
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in publishing history. Someone more
qualified than anyone else alive to
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about global affairs and declining human
morals in the world today.
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Really, Russell? Who's that?
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God.
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God,
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Dickie. Every Thursday starting this
week, God will contribute 500 words
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exclusively to the daily crucible. The
words in this case being conveyed to us
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through a very holy man who is the
almighty chosen prophet on earth.
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Ah, I see.
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You mean a spokesman for the church
putting forward the holy gospel in the
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of a... Lifton.
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Oh, yes, Mr. Rathbone.
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Really?
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Yes, I'd be delighted to, sir.
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This evening.
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Yes, I've been asked to address a
special conference of Polynesian
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editors in John O 'Groats this evening.
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Congratulations, Dickie, an honour
indeed.
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Remember,
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Russell, no fast ones while I'm gone.
I'd as soon slit my grandmother's
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Dickie.
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holy man of God, who was the Almighty's
chosen prophet on Earth, Russell. You
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didn't tell us his name.
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Sergeant Major Ken Lutterworth of the
Essex Light Infantry.
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Yes, I've been imbued with the Holy
Spirit since last February, I think it
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February the 13th.
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I gather God came to you in an
amphibious landing craft.
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Sometimes.
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Fine.
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Well, Sergeant Major, this will be very
useful background for our readers, so
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it's been a real... Yes, well, the key
is, you see, not to let army work rule
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your life.
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00:09:02,220 --> 00:09:05,740
A lot of people in my position, military
procedure, gets into their system.
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They can't shake it off.
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00:09:07,740 --> 00:09:08,860
Would you like a cup of tea?
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00:09:09,320 --> 00:09:10,320
Oh, lovely.
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00:09:10,560 --> 00:09:11,880
Sugar? Yes, please.
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00:09:13,720 --> 00:09:16,980
So I made you a lot of work, Mrs
Brinsdale. Two teas, one with, one
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00:09:16,980 --> 00:09:17,980
the lounge. On the double, thank you.
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Is this more than you?
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No, I'm fine.
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I'm sorry about that.
140
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Yes, it's more like a transcendental
experience, really.
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The material world seems to recede, and
slowly my mind becomes intoxicated with
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God's only knowledge.
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That's when it's best to get it all
down, you see. On to paper.
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Yeah, that's really paper.
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I've got to get tablets of stone for the
typewriter.
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Well, it's all there.
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Any spelling mistakes of mine?
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Not God's.
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He's infallible, of course.
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Of course.
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Well, I'd better skip the cuppa. They're
all on tenterhooks with this back at
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the office.
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00:10:04,210 --> 00:10:07,850
Is that an article by Derek Jameson
there?
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00:10:08,270 --> 00:10:12,450
You know, I think he's so astute and
witty, that man. He really puts his
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on it.
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I don't think I've seen this one.
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Well, you can take it. I'm finished with
it. That's fine. Oh, thanks very much.
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I'll send it right back.
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Um, well, I'd better split now. Um,
thanks for your time.
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It's always a pleasure to meet a really
rational and socially responsible human
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being for a change.
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God,
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that resulted in you being left.
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Today, the first of a series of hard
-hitting articles, God, the creator of
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heaven and earth, speaks frankly in
modern issues.
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Anyone who's thugged terror on streets
with surgical commander arrays, by God,
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that's part of the nature of the matter
world.
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Make no bones about it, the world I
created has become a hotbed of sin.
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As God, here's my five -point plan to
stamp out crime and thuggery now.
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Send in the troops to curb inner -city
violence.
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Who? Deploy crack FAS units at all
soccer grounds.
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There's no gas to be standard issue.
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There you go, Dickie.
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Not a bad one, is it?
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Switchboard's jammed already. People
ringing up to say how much they agree
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God, asking if he can cure their
sciatica.
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It's hogwash, Russell.
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You don't believe all this God rubbish.
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Oh, thank you not to blaspheme in
public, Dickie.
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Especially in front of a born -again
Christian such as myself, or to Jack
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a devout Quaker, all his life.
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Oh. Well, I didn't mean... Sorry, I
didn't mean to, um... So, next week,
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jack it up a stage further. We'll launch
the Crucible's new Pray In hotline.
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Direct to God.
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The almighty Agony Ark. What could we
call it?
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Dear God. Dear God! Good one, Dickie.
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Here it is, sweetheart.
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Right, I make that 17 this morning a
record even for us.
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17, Dickie, 17 what?
190
00:12:12,470 --> 00:12:15,590
Well, let's see if we can spot the
common link, shall we?
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00:12:16,670 --> 00:12:19,290
AIDS riddle hairdresser in tainted perm
shock.
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00:12:20,230 --> 00:12:22,670
AIDS dentist slams false teeth of death.
193
00:12:24,150 --> 00:12:27,510
MNS denies undies and no return AIDS
blow.
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00:12:29,550 --> 00:12:33,910
AIDS scare biscuit barrel ends WI coffee
mornings. Do I need to go on?
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00:12:35,110 --> 00:12:39,340
Highly important. subject, Dickie. All
the more reason for us, Russell, to
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00:12:39,340 --> 00:12:43,700
it in a mature and responsible manner
instead of all this mindless, trumped
197
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gobbledygook.
198
00:12:46,020 --> 00:12:48,060
I agree, Dickie.
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00:12:50,080 --> 00:12:53,940
Only an intellectual beat -him -off of
your acute perception could have spotted
200
00:12:53,940 --> 00:12:56,340
it. I was blind, but now I see.
201
00:12:56,680 --> 00:13:00,200
From now on, we'll adopt an altogether
different, more moderate approach.
202
00:13:00,520 --> 00:13:02,740
It's more as I'd splash, Russell. Get me
there.
203
00:13:04,780 --> 00:13:09,560
London Transport is today playing down
rumours that the public could catch AIDS
204
00:13:09,560 --> 00:13:10,940
on the Metropolitan Line.
205
00:13:11,920 --> 00:13:14,160
I wonder what rumours those could be.
206
00:13:14,680 --> 00:13:19,280
The rumours, published exclusively in
yesterday's Crucible, came the
207
00:13:19,280 --> 00:13:25,800
Underground's chief seat -up hosterer
once shared a Mars bar with a man who'd
208
00:13:25,800 --> 00:13:26,800
been to San Francisco.
209
00:13:28,900 --> 00:13:33,460
Jack, that story makes me ashamed to
belong to the British press.
210
00:13:36,270 --> 00:13:39,650
dwells a visionary who alone can point
out the error of our tawdry ways.
211
00:13:40,410 --> 00:13:44,030
Dickie, from now on, the Crucible's
attitude to this problem will change.
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00:13:44,030 --> 00:13:46,990
going to put our most reliable and
sensitive reporter on it.
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00:13:47,210 --> 00:13:49,730
Jack, give me Greg Kettle.
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00:13:58,250 --> 00:14:00,970
Excuse me.
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00:14:03,070 --> 00:14:07,190
Very well, but shut the door as you
leave. There are set regulations. Great
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00:14:07,190 --> 00:14:08,690
Tittle, Her Majesty's Press.
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00:14:09,070 --> 00:14:12,590
I shall have to ask you to direct me to
the Confidential NHS Records Department,
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00:14:12,690 --> 00:14:13,389
if you please.
219
00:14:13,390 --> 00:14:14,430
I beg your pardon.
220
00:14:14,750 --> 00:14:17,130
These documents are for internal use
only.
221
00:14:17,810 --> 00:14:18,850
So are suppositories.
222
00:14:19,750 --> 00:14:21,550
Might be available to the general
public.
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00:14:21,950 --> 00:14:25,210
I am afraid that unless you allow me
unrestricted access to your files, I
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00:14:25,210 --> 00:14:26,730
have you up under the Official Secrets
Act.
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00:14:27,110 --> 00:14:28,130
Oh, my goodness.
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00:14:28,810 --> 00:14:29,830
Can you do that?
227
00:14:30,990 --> 00:14:32,010
Yes, I can.
228
00:14:35,689 --> 00:14:38,110
Now, one moment, please. Before you open
these files, I have to see your
229
00:14:38,110 --> 00:14:40,330
identification. Yes. Um, yes.
230
00:14:41,390 --> 00:14:43,930
Oh, well, that seems to be in order.
Can't be too careful with these, eh?
231
00:14:43,930 --> 00:14:44,930
fine to see.
232
00:14:49,170 --> 00:14:51,170
What file exactly did you want?
233
00:14:52,550 --> 00:14:54,210
A file of AIDS, stereo.
234
00:14:55,870 --> 00:14:59,570
Sorry. The list of all those people who
have had positive test results for the
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00:14:59,570 --> 00:15:00,570
AIDS virus.
236
00:15:01,430 --> 00:15:02,430
Right.
237
00:15:05,900 --> 00:15:09,060
The government insisted there wasn't
one, so I knew it must be here
238
00:15:24,280 --> 00:15:25,280
Oh, my God!
239
00:15:25,540 --> 00:15:26,540
What are you doing?
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00:15:26,820 --> 00:15:30,960
By the powers of Her Majesty's press, I
hereby commandeer this vehicle. Drive on
241
00:15:30,960 --> 00:15:31,899
as fast as you can.
242
00:15:31,900 --> 00:15:33,480
Oh, but I was just going to...
243
00:15:41,710 --> 00:15:46,110
This man Lutterworth, Maggie, he's
completely loony, Shirley. I mean, the
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00:15:46,110 --> 00:15:47,290
of God, come on.
245
00:15:47,670 --> 00:15:50,110
Well, loonies are our bread and butter,
really, aren't they?
246
00:15:50,710 --> 00:15:54,430
Of course, Lutterworth's no ordinary
loony. There's something very odd about
247
00:15:54,430 --> 00:15:57,390
him. What do you mean? What do you mean,
no ordinary loony?
248
00:15:58,090 --> 00:16:02,990
Well, this is just a theory of mine, but
I think that Lutterworth... No, I
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00:16:02,990 --> 00:16:04,430
better not. I'll wait till I'm sure.
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00:16:05,250 --> 00:16:09,090
Let's just say this could all depend on
an article by Derek Jameson.
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00:16:09,530 --> 00:16:10,530
I'll keep you posted.
252
00:16:11,040 --> 00:16:14,720
Yes, because I... Derek Jameson.
253
00:16:19,940 --> 00:16:23,680
AIDS. The most serious medical threat to
human life this century.
254
00:16:24,180 --> 00:16:27,320
According to government figures, there
are currently some 40 ,000 people in
255
00:16:27,320 --> 00:16:28,820
Britain known to be carrying the virus.
256
00:16:29,180 --> 00:16:33,420
And we've got a complete list of all
their names and addresses at the
257
00:16:33,820 --> 00:16:37,460
Over the next two weeks, as a public
service, we're publishing the identities
258
00:16:37,460 --> 00:16:39,240
all those people the government know to
be infected.
259
00:16:39,770 --> 00:16:43,290
Day by day, they build into a complete
directory for handy use when selecting
260
00:16:43,290 --> 00:16:49,090
your new sexual partner. Yes, who's got
it? You can't do without it. Plus, he's
261
00:16:49,090 --> 00:16:53,530
authoritative. He's outspoken. He's
almighty. Yes, God joins the Crucible's
262
00:16:53,530 --> 00:16:56,190
award -winning team speaking out on the
burning issues of the day.
263
00:16:56,450 --> 00:17:00,490
Divorce. Abortion. How filing squads
could be useful in cutting down road
264
00:17:00,490 --> 00:17:01,490
traffic offences.
265
00:17:01,550 --> 00:17:03,610
They shall all suffer my mighty wrath.
266
00:17:04,490 --> 00:17:07,990
Don't miss tomorrow's white -hot
crucible. The paper with integrity.
267
00:17:39,950 --> 00:17:43,210
Where the hell are you? I've just come
back up from the pub to find the entire
268
00:17:43,210 --> 00:17:45,630
building completely deserted. What's
going on?
269
00:17:46,330 --> 00:17:47,970
We've moved, Dickie. What?
270
00:17:48,470 --> 00:17:50,730
We've moved to new premises in Stepney.
271
00:17:51,510 --> 00:17:53,630
What? In the tea break?
272
00:17:55,130 --> 00:17:56,950
I'm sorry, Dickie, I thought you knew.
273
00:17:57,590 --> 00:18:02,650
As of 5pm today, the Crucible has
transferred completely to the new ultra
274
00:18:02,650 --> 00:18:05,050
-modern Rathouse newspaper complex in
the East End.
275
00:18:05,500 --> 00:18:09,120
I'm the executive managing editor,
Russell. Why wasn't I told?
276
00:18:09,520 --> 00:18:12,820
We had to keep it hush -hush, Dickie. We
haven't tied up all the redundancy
277
00:18:12,820 --> 00:18:13,820
deals yet.
278
00:18:13,980 --> 00:18:15,860
Where is it, Russell? I'm coming right
over.
279
00:18:16,220 --> 00:18:20,380
Fair enough, Dickie, but when you get to
the outer ring of electrified razor
280
00:18:20,380 --> 00:18:25,060
wire, stop, wave a white card or
something, we'll sell out an armoured
281
00:18:25,060 --> 00:18:26,060
get you.
282
00:18:26,120 --> 00:18:29,960
Russell, I've just seen the most
unspeakable TV ad.
283
00:18:31,160 --> 00:18:32,160
Russell?
284
00:18:48,010 --> 00:18:53,570
Excuse me, I'm looking for the new Daily
Crucible building. I think it's over
285
00:18:53,570 --> 00:18:54,570
there.
286
00:18:54,610 --> 00:18:58,330
I was told to wait here in case they
needed me again.
287
00:19:44,170 --> 00:19:45,170
It's like the pickets have arrived.
288
00:19:54,130 --> 00:19:56,230
He's going to call the major earthquake
day.
289
00:19:56,850 --> 00:19:57,729
Thanks, anyway.
290
00:19:57,730 --> 00:19:58,730
I owe you one.
291
00:20:00,570 --> 00:20:03,750
Good, my arm. I'm glad I'm not one of
those comedy boys, you know.
292
00:20:04,950 --> 00:20:06,650
Mr. Lister, what the hell's happening?
293
00:20:07,010 --> 00:20:08,050
Ah, good morning, Maggie.
294
00:20:08,250 --> 00:20:12,140
Well, I was speaking to Lucy last night,
so I thought, why not pop down... to
295
00:20:12,140 --> 00:20:15,440
the local nick for a spot of physical
violence at the hands of Neanderthal
296
00:20:16,660 --> 00:20:18,800
Questions will be asked in the house on
this one.
297
00:20:19,340 --> 00:20:22,860
Listen, Mr. Lecter, never mind that.
I've got something in here that could
298
00:20:22,860 --> 00:20:23,900
blow your mind.
299
00:20:24,560 --> 00:20:25,560
Right.
300
00:20:31,040 --> 00:20:35,480
I think we can safely say this is
another rip -roaring day in the history
301
00:20:35,480 --> 00:20:39,800
Crucible, everyone. The very first
edition produced... entirely using
302
00:20:39,800 --> 00:20:43,440
computerised, state -of -the -art photo
-setting technology.
303
00:20:45,140 --> 00:20:47,180
Total and complete gibberish.
304
00:20:47,480 --> 00:20:51,140
Not a single intelligible word in the
entire paper.
305
00:20:51,540 --> 00:20:54,600
But we were bound to have some teething
troubles, Dickie. Must have been all
306
00:20:54,600 --> 00:20:57,780
that lightning we had last night upset
the phone lines we were using to relay
307
00:20:57,780 --> 00:20:58,779
the copy.
308
00:20:58,780 --> 00:21:00,680
Memory circuits went haywire.
309
00:21:00,940 --> 00:21:04,900
Quite frankly, Russell, I'm not
surprised that any newspaper would auto
310
00:21:04,900 --> 00:21:09,190
-destruct. considering the unfettered
pap you were filling it with last night.
311
00:21:09,430 --> 00:21:13,330
In fact, I think we can justly regard it
as a blessing in disguise that the list
312
00:21:13,330 --> 00:21:19,030
of so -called AIDS carriers turned out
in the end to be completely unreadable
313
00:21:19,030 --> 00:21:23,090
view of this letter I received this
morning from the DHSS.
314
00:21:23,370 --> 00:21:28,770
Letter, Dickie? Yes, which contains a
rather interesting revelation that the
315
00:21:28,770 --> 00:21:33,130
confidential fire purloined yesterday by
persons unknown...
316
00:21:36,040 --> 00:21:40,680
In actual fact, a list of 40 ,000 people
currently waiting for hearing aids.
317
00:21:41,080 --> 00:21:42,080
Hearing aids?
318
00:21:42,240 --> 00:21:46,140
Next, another little editorial
humdinger, Russell. Sit down.
319
00:21:46,660 --> 00:21:50,800
The holy sergeant major who speaks with
the voice of God.
320
00:21:51,060 --> 00:21:56,120
Maggie? Well, when I went round there,
he definitely seemed a bit spaced out,
321
00:21:56,120 --> 00:21:59,580
say the least. And there was something
very dodgy about his tobacco.
322
00:22:00,540 --> 00:22:03,950
So... I managed to get hold of a paper
with some ash on it for analysis.
323
00:22:04,210 --> 00:22:07,710
In short, Russell, it appears that our
friend and correspondent, Mr
324
00:22:07,990 --> 00:22:12,470
recently returned from a posting in the
Far East, is an opium smoker.
325
00:22:14,250 --> 00:22:18,830
Opium? Toast up with a few pipefuls of
that stuff, I'm sure we'd all feel full
326
00:22:18,830 --> 00:22:19,830
of the Holy Spirit.
327
00:22:20,390 --> 00:22:23,510
His brains have probably turned to
poppies in there by now.
328
00:22:23,770 --> 00:22:24,770
My God, Maggie.
329
00:22:25,370 --> 00:22:27,410
We can turn this into tomorrow's front.
330
00:22:28,450 --> 00:22:32,070
Opium junkie sergeant who saw God in a
puff of holy smoke.
331
00:22:34,490 --> 00:22:38,790
Exposed. Honoured Christian soldier's
drug dream dope pipe dupe.
332
00:22:40,730 --> 00:22:42,610
Worker McCall's for his resignation.
333
00:22:43,630 --> 00:22:44,630
RSM 10.
334
00:22:44,690 --> 00:22:48,690
Quit crack Queen's core over shock,
smoke, shame, sensation.
335
00:22:49,730 --> 00:22:51,970
See you in the front of the first four
pages.
336
00:22:52,290 --> 00:22:53,950
This is going to be dynamite, Dickie.
337
00:22:54,590 --> 00:22:56,330
This is the start of a new era.
338
00:22:56,590 --> 00:22:58,070
After today, we'll never...
339
00:22:58,540 --> 00:23:01,860
Yes, Russell, and to mark the occasion,
I brought you a present.
340
00:23:02,240 --> 00:23:04,660
A message from C .P. Scott.
341
00:23:05,400 --> 00:23:06,400
Oh.
342
00:23:07,060 --> 00:23:10,220
Comment is free, but facts are sacred.
343
00:23:10,720 --> 00:23:15,340
As long as I'm editor of the Crucible,
Dickie, this text shall be my Bible.
344
00:23:15,740 --> 00:23:20,560
Good, because as long as I'm managing
editor, the Crucible will be a paper
345
00:23:20,560 --> 00:23:21,720
honesty and integrity.
346
00:23:22,120 --> 00:23:25,660
A paper, Russell, that in future prints
the truth.
347
00:23:49,130 --> 00:23:50,990
And a story with some sordid sex.
348
00:23:51,190 --> 00:23:52,190
A seal.
349
00:23:52,630 --> 00:23:55,970
Someone's secrets we have grabbed.
Famous bags that we have stabbed.
28935
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