Original subtitles

Okay, let's go again, and action.

Fish, Baldor, fish, for I am starving and the children must eat. I'm trying,

Deborah, but they're so far away.

What I wouldn't do to hold a fish in my hand to see my children happy.

I'm sorry, why would I ever want to hold a fish in my hand? Because you're

starving. What's so hard to understand?

Nobody eats fish, Oliver.

You. So far, my biggest directing challenge has been getting Oliver and

to connect.

Guys, I need you to work together, please, because this is the most

scene in the entire play.

It's the apex, the crescendo, the zenith of emotion.

You lost me at crescent roll.

Not crescent roll, crescendo.

Crescento.

Oh, okay, Bianca, phones on silent, please.

Oh, can't. I'm building an empire.

So unprofessional.

Yeah, and with Oliver, mattress farm?

Hello?

Must have been a butt dial.

You're Vikings.

Vikings wouldn't have phones, okay?

Oh, but this would.

He texted me.

Actually, my biggest directing challenge isn't Oliver and Bianca. It's phones.

Everyone's obsessed.

Except for me, see?

I don't even need to check that.

You are nothing.

Mickey

Mouse.

Just kidding, it's Garty Mouse.

Just kidding.

Bye, Dad.

Okay, everyone, turn off your phones so that we can get through this extremely

important scene, please. Bye. Do I have to? I'm waiting for Ben to text me back.

You're right next to each other. Can't it wait until after rehearsal?

Is this rehearsal right now?

Yeah, Mac.

Wish I could, but I have to go live in 20 minutes.

My followers will riot if I don't. And I'm waiting on an important phone call

from my agent about the new Mattress Farm commercial.

Hello, my name is Oliver Olivier. I'm 13 years old, and I'll be reading for the

role of Satisfied.

customer. Holy cow. I love my mattress farm mattress. Holy cow. Holy cow. Holy

cow. I love my mattress farm mattress.

Yeah, we'll be in touch.

Thank you, Susan. Have a great day.

Not like I'm worried, but apparently it's between me and some man named Brian

Schwartz for the role.

Hey guys, I'm Brian Schwartz. I'm auditioning for the role of, um,

customer. Holy cow. I love my mattress farm mattress.

Nailed it, Brian.

Thanks.

grandpa no he's my mother's father we're barely related guys if we can't get the

scene right the whole musical will fall apart oh so we're not allowed to check

our phones but when it's yours i i need my phone for school stuff she's texting

colin you're texting the boy you're not a boy colin from chemistry

chemistry it's not like that it's really not like

that he's just My lab partner.

Lab partner.

No, I don't like him. We have chemistry class together.

Why did the turkey cross the road?

To prove she wasn't a chicken.

Colin is my lab partner and he texted me the other day about science

stuff. And I owe him a text back.

It's not a big deal.

If they can't focus for one scene, how are we going to get through a 600 -page

musical? Easy, champ.

You're doing great.

You're a strong, capable woman.

That Colin again? He bugging you? Want me to tell that creepo to leave you

alone? He's not a creepo. He's just... A super annoying creepo. Here, I'll take

care of it.

No.

Are you really trying to help me? Or are you just trying to use my phone because

you don't have one?

That's right.

Darcy Marie Jarvis, the only non -Amish kid in Tookus who doesn't have a phone.

By choice of my parents, I have to wait until I'm 16, which is just

982 days.

So close.

That's so, so far.

You're lucky you don't have a phone, Darcy. If everyone were more like you,

maybe we'd actually be able to get through this thing.

Look at what Mr. Sniffit posted.

Where's my phone?

Yo, have you ever seen a llama jump over a pool of snakes?

I gotta show you the craziest meme, bro.

Yo.

Where's my phone, bro? I don't know where your phone is, bro.

Where's my phone, bro?

Bro! Bro!

Has anybody seen my phone or did I eat it again?

Everybody, stop everything.

My phone has gone missing.

Where's my phone?

Oh my God, what's wrong? Is somebody hurt? Yes!

What happened? Someone stole our phones.

That was a little dramatic. You don't see anyone else screaming. I am actually

screaming. Me. Everyone you've seen. I am actually screaming.

Guys,

guys, guys.

Hold on.

I don't think anyone stole your phones, okay?

Ta -da. I stole their phones.

What? You can just steal people's phones. But now you can finish the

is what you wanted.

Is that my phone?

Yep. Now that Colin kid can't bother anymore.

Creepo, no creepo, no more.

You're welcome.

Okay.

How did you do that? A magician never reveals his secrets.

Give it back! This is the way it has to be. You will get your phone back after

the scene is finished.

You're a genius, Mac. What a genius idea.

This was not my idea. So humble, too.

That's why I love you. Darcy!

And like that, she's gone.

has our phone?

No. What?

Okay, but what if Mattress Farm calls?

Who cares about your stupid commercial?

I have 514 followers who expected me to go live 20 minutes ago.

They probably think I'm dead. A lot of people think I'm dead. You'll get used

it. What if Ben texted me back? What if Scott texted me back? I think my agent's

calling. Do you hear that? No. Do you hear that? Okay, guys, listen.

Darcy said all we have to do is get through this rehearsal and we can have

phones back. And I can respond to call it.

Call. Miss.

Call.

Where is Darcy?

I wish I knew, but she's gone completely off the grid.

Has it ever bothered me not having a phone?

Not really. I prefer face -to -face interaction.

At least that's what my parents tell me.

Skip's grandma wants to play bingo with friends? Sounds fun.

Not sounds not fun.

Yeah.

One game.

Gift bomb, please hold. Bianca, double tap all of Mac's photos.

I love you too, Mom.

Love, Fence, and Fence with confetti.

Is this even a phone?

I want to cruise through the Bahamas and it's not a scam?

I accept!

Okay. The sooner we get through this scene, the sooner we can get her phone.

let's pull out our script. Our scripts are on our phones!

Dang it.

Not a problem.

We can still do this.

Skip, Bench, there's a hard copy in the library. Why don't you guys go run up

there and get it for us?

What's a hard copy?

What's a library?

Oh, the book room.

Yeah, that's right. I've heard of that place.

Never been.

Go get her script and meet us back here in ten minutes, okay?

Okay. What time is it now? No one knows, Skip. We don't have our phones.

You

ever

been to this part of the school before?

I've never been to most parts of this school before.

I'm scared, man.

I heard two kids went into the book room last year.

What happened to them? Pretty sure the librarian turned one of them into a book

and made the other kid read it.

Hey, we're not just two kids or books.

We're Skip and Bench. We can do this.

You're right.

Hold my hand, Skippy. Of course, dude.

So many books.

have a place.

Hello?

We're looking for a hard copy.

Whatever that is.

Man, I don't do well in situations like this.

I threw up a whole intact churro the last time I was in a haunted house.

Ben? Ben,

where are you?

I don't know.

I'm near the books. This whole place is books.

Oh, no.

Not again.

At school, there's always a chance your phone could get confiscated, which is

why I keep a secret backup phone in the dressing room.

What are you doing in here?

Getting my backup phone.

What are you doing in here? I'm getting my backup phone.

I hate that we have this in common.

Um, Bianca?

Is your backup phone there?

No.

You're back up on there? No.

Who would have known?

Darcy!

Today alone, I have won 17 games of being with friends against Skip's

started an Etsy, watched four movies, learned what NASDAQ is, signed a

to urge Congress to act on climate change.

I love having eight phones!

Do you want me to drive you anywhere?

We've been partying for 20 minutes.

I'm good.

Do you like driving for Nuber, Sharon?

Not really.

Cool.

Mr. Sniffit does post a lot.

Let me see.

Guys, look. I could put my leg behind my head.

Yikes.

Hey, buddy.

It's me, Skip.

Did the librarian do this to you? Are you in there?

Bro? You really are in there.

Dude, it's me.

Colin texted you, but Darcy took your phone, so you don't know what he said.

Exactly. Now you're worried he hates you and thinks you're purposefully not

responding to his text.

About official ad partner business here.

If you say so.

Hey, what's that supposed to mean? What does anything mean when you think about

it? Why don't you just go talk to Colin?

Talk to him? In person? Like a psycho? Terrible idea.

Awful advice.

Nobody talks when you can just text. No, I'm going to stay here and hang out

with you guys.

This is nice.

We never get to hang.

Do you want a pickle?

I make them.

You're speaking my language.

Want some ketchup?

You're speaking my language.

Yeah, I'm going to go talk to Colin.

Oh, thank you.

Hey, Colin.

Oh, hey.

I lost my phone.

Sorry to hear that, but I don't have it. No, not blaming you. I texted you, and

I think you maybe texted me back.

Yeah, I did. And then you sent me, uh, delete my number, you butt fart.

With, like, 25 smiley face emojis.

Butt fart?

Huh.

Yeah, that wasn't me.

Are you sure? Because your name's right above it. My friend Darcy has my phone.

Thought you lost it. It was stolen. By your friend? Yes. And this friend

pretended to be you and called me a butt fart.

You know what? I've got to head out.

Hey, look, it's no big deal. If you think I'm a butt fart, just tell me.

I don't think you're a butt fart. We're just lab partners.

Chill out.

Well, you spelled butt wrong, by the way.

Well, that proves I didn't send it because I'm a very good speller. I could

spell butt fart in my sleep.

Okay, well, I'm going to see you in class.

There's two T's in butt.

Right.

I really need to get my phone back.

I never thought I'd see you again, little dude.

If I don't make it out of here alive, promise me you'll put my grandma back in

bingo with friends.

Yo, don't talk like that, bro.

Promise me.

I will get us out of here if it's the last thing I do. Get up here, Skippy.

Hi there.

Looking for this?

Is that one of the booklets?

If you're in there, say, help me. What is wrong with you guys? This is a play

you just ruined my library trying to find.

Oh!

This is ruining my life. If I don't post, all his followers, and I can't sit

below 500 again!

Tell me about it. I swear, if my grandpa, I mean, Brian,

This farm gig, I will do something drastic.

You said you weren't worried about it. I lied, Bianca, okay? I lied. Sue me.

Where is she? Where is Darcy? Shouldn't you know? Stop copying me.

The call is coming from

inside the stage.

Excuse me?

Six Hawaiian pizzas, no ham, extra pineapple for Darcy Marie Jarvis. That's

Thank you so much. Here you go. Enjoy.

Hey, thank you for the generous tip.

You got it, Fer. Take it easy.

The golden years.

Miss middle school.

Great stuff.

I'll handle this.

Oh, my God, Joseph, we're a pool of snakes.

It's wild.

You don't look too good. Are you okay?

Never been pepper.

Never been Bieber.

I'm fine.

Listen, we need our phones back.

Have you finished the scene? Well, not yet, but then I can't help you. Dorothy,

I need to know if I've gotten any important text messages about science.

from Colin?

Don't worry, I know you. I responded exactly how you would to that butch

We try to get through the scene, but we just can't do it.

Can't do it?

You know who else actually couldn't do it? This adorable little llama. But you

know what? She dug down, and she found her courage, and she soared over a pool

full of snakes.

Torcy. This is a beautiful angel -faced llama.

You are Mackenzie Farris, my best friend and visionary director of the drama

club. So you need to decide.

Are you going to jump over the snakes, or are you going to fall into the pool?

You're really not going to give me my phone back? I'm really not. Good luck to

you, though.

What the heck? I think that llama's going to jump.

I don't understand how doing this scene again is going to help us get our phones

back. Hey, do you want to give that call from Mattress Farm or not?

Of course I do. Oh, and do you want your followers to know that you're alive?

I'm dying to. Then this is what we have to do.

But how am I supposed to do the scene if they don't have it?

It's a book. And also a script.

I know we're all very upset we don't have our phones, but you can use that

emotion in the scene.

Skip and Bench, they're not fish.

They're your phone.

Whoa, whoa, whoa. This acting stuff is nuts.

Oliver, at the bottom of this lake is your call from Mattress Farm.

Bianca. Those children that you're trying to feed, they're not just

They're your 500 followers.

I have 514 followers?

Do you?

Okay. Let's use it and act.

Fetch, Paldor, fetch!

For I am starving and the children must eat.

I'm trying, Deborah, but they're so, so far away.

What I wouldn't do to hold a fish in my hand.

To see my children happy.

I've got one, Deborah.

Deborah, I've got one. You've got two.

Two fish.

Sound the horn, Deborah. For our children shall not starve tonight.

No, Baldorf. Not tonight.

Not...

And scene.

You can act.

You did it. That acting, the directing, Mac Farth, visionary director

of the drama club.

Congratulations.

This was totally my plan all along.

Once the phones went away, we got some real good work done.

So glad I thought of it.

What a genius idea.

So, what's happening with our phones?

Oh, don't you worry.

Your phones were in such great hands.

Bench, call your mom when you get a chance. She's very worried. Skip, I beat

your grandma in Bingo with Friends 27 times.

Impossible. You actually gained seven followers.

You angel.

And, um, my commercial.

Oliver, your agent called.

And?

You got the mattress from commercial.

Oh, goody. But I turned it down. It was a terrible deal, trust me.

When you least expect it, I will find you. And I... Can we have our phones

now? Oh, about that, I would say yes, but I threw them away.

What?

Like, in the trash? Oh, yeah.

My parents are right.

Phones are evil. I did y 'all a favor.

Darcy, where did you throw them away?

In the dumpster by the football.

Move it. Move it.

Ew.

I got it!

And it's dead.

Ew. Ew.

Ew. I found it!

Give me some.

really terrible things to people.

So true.

So, yeah, it's going to be $379 .50.

I'm sure Bianca won't mind.

It's been fun hanging out today.

Good luck with your novel, Sharon.

Thanks. I believe in you.

I do it for the drama.