Original subtitles

All thanks to you, these things I do,

because of you,

because of you.

Is Eric ready yet?

He's saying goodbye to the kids. I sometimes think I'd like kids one day.

you? I wonder what the 21st century will be like.

And I know straps properly because they cut into his shoulders.

I want a word with you.

Oh, here we go.

Let's, um, let's go back to work for Veronica.

Yeah, what about it? I don't want Eric emasculated.

Well, Veronica wouldn't do that.

By you, I mean.

I know life has a pecking order, but sometimes the pecky deserves to be the

pecker for a change.

Do try to wear yourselves out by this evening.

Could you translate that into English?

Translate what into English?

I don't know. She's talking about chickens, I think. I'm talking about you

working with Eric again.

Yeah, that would be great.

Tons of laughs.

Yeah, tons of laughs.

That's what I mean.

Eric's been a steady one there. I don't want you whistling in and putting him in

the shade.

Look, Jean, if he gets sunburnt, that'll be your fault. You ought to get him one

of those little white hats the kids wear.

Hey, can I have Goofy on the front?

Will you listen, the pair of you?

He's never been official, but just because you're pushier than he is, it

comes across as though you're in charge.

I resent pushier.

Anyway, I don't mind.

You do mind.

I don't. Well, you should.

Why don't you get some officer's insignia off of Giles and sew it to his

dungaree? No, no, no, no. They wouldn't go with my goopy hat, would they?

I don't know why I waste my breath.

Here you are.

Thank you. Bye -bye.

Bye -bye, dear sister.

Clear off.

Oh, I've got a solution.

Why don't you come and work with us? Then we'd all know who was in charge.

Oh, quick run, Eric. She's got an iron in her hand.

Morning, Sandra.

Morning.

Morning, Sandra.

It's the Corsican brothers back in harness.

Don't, Eric, please, don't. You'll make Sandra blush.

I've seen him naked.

When was this?

Gene showed me a picture of you lying on a rug when you were 18 months old.

Anything in the post?

Any Picassos want a second coat?

There's this.

What's that? World Wildlife Fund?

Close. It's Elmo.

It's an invitation to the opening of his wine bar. Tonight.

Blimey, he set that up quickly, didn't he? Yeah, he must have chucked opals

about.

Here, we've got to go to this, haven't we? I wouldn't miss it for the world.

Could be the social event of the decade.

Here, why don't you bring Jimmy the Geordie along, Sandra? It's about time

met him.

Here, there's nothing peculiar about him that you're trying to hide.

Perhaps he's the tidiest man in the world.

Perhaps he's hiding in her handbag now.

Are you in there, Jimmy?

Yes, I am.

Please, Jimmy, come... No, don't shout, Jacko. You will damage his tiny

eardrums. Haven't you two got work to do?

That's what I was going to say.

Morning, Mrs Bainbridge. Morning, sir.

Would you both step into my parlour?

Do sit down.

Tea? Biscuits?

Oh, thank you.

That would be nice.

So would you not wasting Sandra's time be nice?

You look very lovely this morning, Veronica.

And so do you.

Right, that's the night that he's over and done with work.

And Mr Morella wants his showroom painted. He's a stonemason.

Oh, we haven't got to shift any stones, have we? Nor paint them. There's the

address. Get down there. Be efficient and be helpful.

Oh, talking about that, Veronica, when you're on a painting job, the customer

often prefers it if there's one painter he can consult in particular.

And, well, I think it should be Eric.

So do I.

That's the way it's going to be.

Oh. Good.

All right, then.

Let's get moving.

Come in, Major.

I'm not sure about the perfume, Veronica.

Change of brand.

Morning,

Sandra.

Very nice of you to drop in.

Don't you speak to me like that. Who do you think you are?

I'm a worker.

And I'll tell you what you are, a drone.

Just keep your beekeeping illusions to yourself, will you? I'm here now.

Well, as long as you are, would you mind going into the paint store and taking

an inventory?

I'm not going in that hole.

It's a cashmere. Well, put some overalls on.

Overalls? You're getting too big for your boots. And what are you doing?

to step into your father's? Oh, quick, Eric, run. There's a ceasefire.

Quick, before I start...

in thought, innit?

All these are going to be on top of dead people one day.

Well, that'll stop them walking the streets, won't it?

Good morning.

Good morning. Are you boys the painters? That's right, sir.

She's the number one painter, and I'm the number two painter.

And I am Mr. Morella.

Come in, come in. Have a coffee and a snack before you start work, eh?

I think I'm going to like this man.

to your cake. You are small boys.

It's a bit late for us to shoot up, Mrs. Morella. Go short out.

I like a man with flesh.

And I like a woman with flesh.

Whereabouts in Italy are you from, Mr. Morella?

Italy. Oh.

Are you having lunch with us?

Well, no, we've got sandwiches, actually.

Sandwiches? How will you get flesh on you with sandwiches?

No.

I am going to cook minestrone.

Four kinds of pasta. See which you like.

Then we will have pork with a big salad.

So, Vincente, you come with me. We will get the pig out of the freezer.

Mind you, mind you. Yeah.

I don't think they mean a whole pig, do you?

Oh, I wouldn't be surprised.

Nice people.

Yeah.

Interesting place.

That's why they brought Cicely with them.

Yeah, I keep expecting to see Marlon Brando sitting in a corner.

You know, with his cheeks stuffed full of cotton wool. No, no, no.

Don't do any Mafia jokes.

Are we working for the Mafia now, are we? Not necessarily, but Cicely and the

Mafia, well, it's no -one in it.

Well, by you, evidently, yeah.

And don't make any gestures.

Gestures are very significant to Sicilians.

So if I scratch my nose, I could be saying, I think your mother looks like a

constipated mountain goat.

Or things like that. The point is, just don't make any gestures, you are.

Come on, Eric, you don't seriously believe... And a very bonjour now to

Bonjour!

Come on, let's start.

Hey, hey!

Remember what Veronica said? I'm the one who says that.

Well, go on, then. Right.

Shall we start work, then?

You're a harsh man when you want to be, Eric.

Well, you wouldn't walk past it.

Elmo obviously likes pink.

It could be quite nice, really.

As long as it's not overdone.

What do you think?

Well, it's pink.

Exactly.

Everything's pink.

I know. That is because it's what I'm in, see?

The pink.

That's how ideas come to me.

Yeah, yeah, they would.

You don't think you should have broken it up with another colour, do you?

No, that's too obvious.

I only wish I could show you me pen.

Why should we want to see your pen?

Because they're pink as well.

Gene's got it. Anyway, come and sit down. I'll put a reserve notice on the

table. Oh.

Where? There. Of course, I was going to have my hair dyed pink as well, but

when you concentrate on good taste, never overdo things.

Christopher! Pink champagne for my guests.

Look, I'm sorry about this, but I've got to go and circulate. Grand opening, up

to me to electrify people.

I think you've done that already, Elmo.

Thank you. Here, Elmo.

Don't stand up against the wall, will you?

Because we might never find you again.

Welcome to Elmo Putney's Wine Bar.

Have a drink, be merry and have a laugh.

Ha ha.

the company and various other things.

Did Elmore write that?

Yes, and he makes us say it.

Thank you very much, Christabel.

Not at all.

Well, cheers, everybody.

Cheers. Did you bring Jimmy the Geordie with you, Sandra?

Is he in there? Are you in there, Jimmy?

What's he on about?

Sandra's boyfriend.

He's so tiny, she has to carry him around in there.

I've always wanted to work with children.

No, he can't come. He's working late.

Oh, same.

Shall we have something to eat later?

Oh, not for us, no. We're still recovering from Mrs Morella's attempts

flesh on us.

How's it going there?

Oh, fine.

Eric's not being too bossy, is he?

You wanted him bossy this morning, Jean.

Yeah. but I don't want him getting carried away with himself.

No, he only hit me three or four times today.

Because you can, Eric.

When he won the ping -pong at Butlins, he strutted round like an Olympic gold

medallist.

This is all because I looked at the waitress, isn't it?

No.

Yes, sir.

Well, here comes the galloping major.

With the galloping nuisance on his arm.

You've come, sir!

I didn't think you would. Oh, I wouldn't have missed this for the world.

Oh, thanks.

First impression?

Hmm.

Oh, Ollie.

Now, that is what I call a joke.

Officer's humour, that is. Thank you. But seriously, sir, what do you think?

Well, I think it's priceless.

Treasure those words, sir. I'll send it out for a cigar for you. Do you think we

could sit down? I'm getting a headache.

Not that sort of headache.

No.

That sort of headache.

Would you mind, landlord?

Oh, certainly, sir. This way, sir. This way, miss.

Madam. Madam.

Christabel, up the crust.

Welcome to Elmo Putney's Wine Bar.

Have a drink, be merry and have a laugh.

Ha ha.

This is the place where everything swings.

The atmosphere, the company and various other things.

Sliced glass.

I must say, Leslie, you look awfully attractive.

I love the... Outfit.

Outfit. It clashes.

With what?

With this pink nightmare.

I don't know why you wanted to come.

Have you developed a taste for slumming it?

Oh, don't be such a snob, darling.

One of the things I liked about Gloria, she was never a snob. What made you

think of Gloria?

I don't know.

Do you often think of Gloria?

Well, sometimes.

After all, we were.

We did.

Dammit, don't you think of your expose sometimes?

Certainly not.

Really?

Must be something to do with being a chap, then.

I don't know what you ever saw in her.

Well... Apart from that.

She's just a good -natured, honest sort.

Common. Leslie.

Well, I'm just about fed up with working -class girls.

She's another one. That's Sandra.

I've always found her very pleasant. Oh, well, you would have.

Butter wouldn't melt in her mouth. You don't have to put up with her insolence

at work.

No, I'm sure she fantasises about me going to the guillotine whilst she sits

there knitting with all the other fishwives.

Come on, Leslie.

Taking you on to Langan later, don't put a damper on things.

I'm sorry, Giles.

I shouldn't be wasting my breath on her.

She's got a surprise coming.

There she blows up.

It's priceless.

You're very quiet this morning.

I'm keeping myself to myself.

There's no point talking to you. You're too aggressive.

Me? You're a one -woman swarm of what?

It was bees yesterday.

Are you accusing me of being ill -tempered? Yes.

We'll be on to timekeeping next.

You won't because you don't know what it means.

I see. So I'm an ill -tempered bad timekeeper, am I? If you like.

I don't like. But as long as you're in an abusive mood, why not add unreliable,

lazy, arrogant, self -centred and a total waste of time?

You've said it all.

Well, you've gone too far this time. You'll leave me no alternative.

You're sacked.

You what?

I'm giving you your notice. Don't be ridiculous.

In case you've forgotten, the sign outside this firm says Bainbridge, and I

one. A junior edition, yes.

Very well. If that's the way you want it, you can hear it from a senior

Mummy, would you come out here a moment, please?

I'm busy, Leslie. What do you want?

I've just sacked Sandra and she won't take it seriously.

Do you expect her to?

Yes. Do you know what she called me?

Unreliable, lazy, arrogant, self -centred and a total waste of time.

Well, it's not too far from the truth, is it, lad?

She has no right to talk to me like that. Sandra, don't talk to Leslie like

that. I didn't. She did.

Now, look, Leslie, I am very busy.

Sort it out at playtime. No, this won't wait.

I'm sorry, Mummy, but you're forcing me into giving you an ultimatum.

She goes or I go.

You really mean that, do you? Yes, I do.

I'm sorry, Leslie. You go.

If you say anything... ..you're not serious.

It was your ultimatum. Yes, but I'm your daughter.

We're talking about business, not family.

Daddy would never have done this to me. Daddy would never let me smack your bum.

I wish I'd insisted, Leslie, because you wouldn't be making such a fool of

yourself now.

Sandra is a little diamond. She works her socks off for this company.

You seem to think of it as some sort of hobby that can be fitted in between

horse riding and playing tennis.

Very well.

I suppose I'd better go home and pack my things.

What are you talking about?

Well, you're obviously throwing me out of the house as well.

I'm doing no such thing.

Oh, I can just live there?

No. You go out to work and contribute to the household budget.

Daddy would never have... You've done that one.

Another day, another ton of pasta.

If that woman feeds me any more, I won't be able to get through that door.

Isn't that right, Corrine?

Yes. Oh, right.

Come in.

I'm sorry to bother you, Governor, only I've brought the interim payment from Mr

Morella. Oh, thank you.

Hope you don't think I'm getting above myself, only I'm acting in a capacity as

the boy to Eric's man.

Cos the woman to Eric's man, Jean, wants him home early, so he asked me to do

it.

How's it going down there?

Sombre colours, but that's only to be expected with a, well, with a showroom

full of angels and epitaphs, eh?

See you tomorrow.

Night, Jacko.

Are you all right?

How did you know that I wasn't all right?

Well, your eyes go dull.

Come on. Come on, what's up?

Well, to tell the truth, I feel a bit guilty.

What about?

I sacked Leslie today.

Oh. Oh, she forced me into a corner and made me choose between her and Sandra.

Well, that's no choice, is it?

Leslie thinks of work as an imposition.

Yeah, but is that my fault?

I'm her mother.

It was Lionel's fault.

All those years of angelitis.

I told her to get a job as well.

She'll do it.

She nearly did it once before, remember?

Oh, yeah.

Until Lionel swept her up in his arms and said, you're coming home with me,

Angel. Yeah.

When I got home, I found him cleaning her shoes.

She's a big girl now, Veronica.

Leslie with a backup.

Well, she could swim the Atlantic Ocean.

Thanks. Jacko.

Incidentally, where were you last night?

You missed being the jolly pink giant.

I thought of coming.

Well, why didn't you?

Well, I haven't got used to being on my own yet. You know, solo events.

You could have come with us.

What? I had matron.

Look, Veronica, this is something you're going to have to get used to.

Come on, you're young.

You're a lot of fun.

Except when you're bullying me at work.

You're attractive.

Not to say downright dissy.

You've got a lot going for you, Veronica.

When we first met, I asked you how long you'd been doing missionary work.

So you did.

I see you're still at it.

See you.

Oh!

I nearly joined the priesthood once.

I failed the medical.

You going home, Tuffy?

Yeah.

No. Do you fancy a drink?

Well, certainly.

And there's only one place to have it round here.

The place where pink elephants go to die.

Chianti for table five, please, Christabel.

Yes, patron.

And while you're here, my greetings message.

Give me a bit more oomph.

Bend over the table more, you mean.

I mean, I wrote that myself. And if it's going to work, you've got to do it

enthusiastically. Well, I do my best.

Back again, eh?

Actual, Mo.

Not the sort of place one can take in in one go.

I couldn't have put it better meself. What do you have?

Two lagers, please.

Lagers? What you trying to do, bring the place down?

Don't you keep lagers, then?

I'll keep a few in for meself.

Give us two of them, then.

All right, go and sit down. I'll see what I can sort out.

OK. He makes it sound like contraband, doesn't he?

Keep your eyes open for the excise man.

Brought Jimmy to Geordie with you, have you? Are you in there, Jimmy?

No, I'm not. Get away.

No, I've not seen him tonight.

I've had a row.

What about?

You, actually.

Well, what have I done?

Well, let's see how Elmo gets two lagers over here, and I'll tell you.

Right, wines?

They're lager, really.

Hey, Trump.

This wine has got froth on it.

That is frothy wine.

All right, what have I done?

It's Jimmy.

Well, he's jealous.

He doesn't like me seeing you.

Sandra, we work at the same firm.

What does he expect us to do, wander around all day with hoods over our

No, it's... Well, we see each other outside of work sometimes, don't we?

We're just mates.

You try telling a man that.

Elmer, we're just mates.

Yeah. And we always will be.

No, try this.

Elmo, Jacko and I are just mate.

Yeah, yeah, of course.

See?

No, the real trouble is we're mates who went on honeymoon together.

Well, that just shows how matey we are.

Oh, come on, Sandra, you didn't know him then.

He doesn't look at it that way.

Northern lads, you see.

Well, some of them. Think you're his and that's it.

Well, what does he expect you to do? Sit at home polishing his miner's helmet

while he goes out on the razzle? He doesn't razzle.

He just doesn't like me seeing you.

It's got nothing to do with Sunderland not being in the first division, has it?

The carton only stayed up by the skin of their teeth.

Jimmy!

I must be a fool.

I was coming round here to apologise to you. And who do I find you with?

Him again.

Oi! No shouting in here. This is a deluxe wine bar.

Mind your own business.

I've got a length of ledge pipe under this counter.

We'll get on with some plumbing then.

I don't want to know, right?

I don't want to know.

Hammer him, Jack. Oh, knock his block.

Shut up.

Oi, Thickhead.

What did you call me?

Thickhead.

Do you want to know why?

Or do you want a totally pointless brawl?

Which you'll probably win anyway, because I'm suffering from a severe case

housemaid's knee.

I really should go after him.

No, no.

When two men fight over a bird, they're like wild animals.

Well, I know I am.

We'll chat his back.

Been a right fool, haven't I?

Yeah, you have, as a matter of fact.

He's a very persuasive fellow, that Jacko.

He can be.

He's right.

If I love you, which I do, I should trust you. Yes, you should.

You should.

He sees relationships very clearly, doesn't he?

Other people's, yes.

Lucia.

What's a beautiful name?

In Italian, it means light.

They couldn't have chosen a better one for you, could they?

My name?

Jacko, in old English, means he who appreciates beautiful things.

You're making fun of me.

No, I'm not. Well, it's not just beautiful things, it's beautiful people.

Well, beautiful girls, actually.

Oh, I'm not beautiful.

Now, that, Lucia, is where you are wrong.

From where I'm looking, through these curtains... Lucia!

See, Papa?

Come on, let's get out of here.

Well, he might be small talk.

You won't have a tongue to talk with if you keep this up.

Oh, you're not on about him being in the... Hello,

boys. Are you finished for the day?

Yes, we're just going home now, Mr Morella. I like the work you're doing.

nice. Very good.

Thank you very much, Mr Morella.

I like things to look nice.

My business, my home.

Very important to a Sicilian, the home.

And, of course, the family.

The most important.

But you know this. You have wives and children of your own.

Oh, Evan, I'm single.

I didn't know that.

I'm married. I'm ever so married.

I've got two children as well. They're my family. I think about my family all

the time.

That's nice.

Take my advice, Giacomo.

Find a nice English girl, get married, and have a family.

There's nothing like it.

I'm in no hurry. He is thinking about it, Mr. Morales.

You've got a daughter, Eric. Two.

Lovely.

A son you can fight with.

Horses play.

But a daughter, a daughter is something special.

You've got to protect.

a daughter.

All the time you keep your eyes open.

You watch because we are men. We know, right?

Have some salami.

No, thanks, Mr. Morella.

No, no, no, not for me, thanks. No, your wife gave me three opens of lasagna for

afternoon break.

She was beautiful.

Like Lucia.

Her father.

was a proud man.

If I had been a bad boy... Still,

I shouldn't keep you talking. Now, go home. You must be hungry, eh? Good

Mr Morella.

Good night, Mr Morella.

Good night, Jacko.

What's the rush? You can't really be hungry, can you? You heard that. That

warning, that was. Yes, I know.

Approach with caution. No, don't approach at all.

You saw what he was doing with that salami.

Oh, that was symbolic, was it?

Oh. Look, Eric, you don't... Oh, God.

Well, we're never going to manoeuvre around there, are we?

Mr Morella, what are you calling in for?

We're warped. Don't be dumb.

What's the matter, boys?

Well, we seem to be stoned in, I'm afraid.

No problem. My sons are at home.

Vicente Salvatore.

Yes, Papa?

Move the van for my friends.

Thanks very much.

Cheers, chaps. Cheers.

Bye -bye. Bye. Thank you.

Oh, God.

God, I can't get into the gear now.

We are not making a getaway. Oh, yes, we are. What, because these little boys

are a bit on the big side? They're huge.

They're awesome.

Look, you gave him the motive with Lucia, and he's got the means. Damn.

All right, point taken. Thank heavens for that.

I'll be making no approaches to Lucia.

Until I've worked out a proper plan of campaign.

Because of you.

Because of...

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