All language subtitles for Brush Strokes s04e02

All thanks to you, these things I do,

because of you,

because of you.

Can I help you?

Yes. What are you doing this evening?

It's none of your business.

Well, if, because I'd like to take you
out.

You're not slow in coming forward, are
you?

Well, there's no time, is there?

You're at work. I'm on my way to work in
times of the essence.

Is this a bet?

No. I'm Jacko.

Look, if you're winding me up... That's
no way to start a relationship, is it,

being aggressive?

No, I really would like to take you out.

Why? Why?

Because I'm walking along the other side
of the road and I see a beautiful lady

and I think, oh, well, I want to take
her out. Now, are you going to tell me

your name or have I got to call you miss
all evening?

All right.

It's Sarah.

So you'll come then? I didn't say that.

Oh, now we know each other's names.
He'll still knock you, doesn't he?

Come on, where do you live?

Ring me.

I'll meet you.

I bet he's done nothing.

Thanks very much.

See you. Bye.

fall of the Roman Empire, isn't he?

I think it's sad.

I keep thinking what it might have been.

What, if I hadn't have gone away for six
weeks, you mean?

Any tea in the pot?

They've taken the kettle as well.

So what do we do, sit here and play
musical chairs?

What, who?

The march to the scaffold?

It's all part of life, rich pageants,
Sandra.

Do you know what they'll put on your
gravestone when you die?

Good riddance.

No. Oh, well.

The truth is, we've got another bite of
the cherry.

Elmo's back from Australia.

What's that got to do with it? Well,
he's loaded. He's found opals. Well, at

least his dog has. So he's going to buy
the firm, I'm going to run it for him

and get paid, and your job will be safe.

Working for you?

Yes. No, it wouldn't.

It's like working for a will -o' -the
-wisp. There's nothing to clutch on to.

You can clutch on to me any time you
like, son.

You know what I mean.

You're very likeable and deeply
unreliable.

Your idea of planning for the future is
what you're going to do this evening.

I know what I'm doing this evening. And
tomorrow?

Depends how I get on this evening.

I'm saving up to get married, Jackal. I
need a secure future.

You're probably right.

I'm not sure whether I'm going to take
Elmar up on his offer anyway.

There you are.

Look, if you're set on leaving me in the
gutter, don't bother about your two

weeks' notice. Go and find yourself
another job. Oh, thanks, Jackal.

Hey, it was fun while it lasted, wasn't
it?

Let's put it this way. The idea was fun.

Wanderer. Oh, hello, Miss Baybridge.

Could I have a word?

Sure.

Let's talk in the office.

Hello, Leslie.

Hello.

Keep going, dearest.

Is Leslie a secretary now?

That's one way of putting it. Sit down,
Sandra.

I would offer you a cup of tea, but it
would take Leslie two hours to make it.

That's all right.

I hope you don't mind me saying so, Mrs
Bainbridge, but Leslie isn't exactly...

Well, she's useless.

She is good at driving temps away.

There's enough fur flying out there to
wrap several baby buntings in.

Come and be my secretary, Sandra.

I'd love to.

That's the trouble with women in
business. They're so long -winded.

Now, when do you think you could start,
Sandra?

Now? I've always liked you.

Leslie, our new secretary.

Oh, thank goodness for that.

Show her where you put everything and
try and make her feel at home.

We usually have elevens at around ten o
'clock.

Oh, yes.

It's nearly that now.

So it is.

Pop out and get me a Danish pastry,
Sandra.

I'm a secretary, not the office junior.

I see.

What would you like?

A Danish pastry, please.

G'day, cover!

Jacko?

Hello, Elmo.

Well, you look very, very... Ah, thanks.

She's started on the painting.

Like the rings?

There's a lot of them. Yeah, well, I...
I was at a loose end, so I dropped down

the jewellers. They spell my name, you
know. Who, the jewellers?

No, the rings.

Look.

Emerald for E, Lapis Lazuli for L,
Moonstone for M, Opal for

O, Elmo.

Well, what have you got on the other
end? Elmo.

Well, why didn't you go to Hull Hog and
have Elmop Utney?

Well, no, that would have meant I'd have
had to have rings on my thumbs, and

that would have been a bit of a
temptation.

If in doubt, always there on the side of
subtlety. I always do, mate.

Have you heard about my offer?

Yes, I have, mate. But to be quite
frank, there's a stumbling block.

What? You.

Oh, chisel, why?

Well, look, Elmer, if we work together
every day, we might jar.

See, that often happens when two giant
intellects clash.

Oh, no, not that you'd run it, and I'd
be the sleeping partner.

Well, where would you sleep?

It's a faceless expression.

it, you run it. Then we meet up every so
often and count the profits.

You really would leave me alone?

Yes, you would have complete anarchy.

With the same thing as anarchy?

Well,

I must admit it's tempting.

I could pay Charles all his money back,
bring Sandra's wages up to date. I could

pay all my back rent at home.

I'm like the sun poking his head out
from behind a cloud, aren't you?

You still stick to changing the name of
Splosh to Elmo Putney's painting firm,

do you? Yes, the only rule, Jacko,
because I thought it up myself.

All right, mate. You know me and deep
ends. When I see one, I have to dive it.

Sorry, sorry.

Oh, great. I'll get things rolling.

So, how about a spot of dinner up at my
hotel suite?

I could lay on some crumpet, and I don't
mean for toasting.

That's witty.

Yeah, I know.

Perhaps you could fix this up.

Oh, I'd like to, mate, but I'm on a date
tonight.

Oh. Well, do you know how rich men go
about crumpet collecting? Because I'm

still not quite used to it yet.

The same way as a poor man.

Only you've got money.

Yes, of course!

Yeah,

it's nice having Flandre back in the
office again.

With Leslie behind that desk, you always
felt like a serf up before the

Baroness. She hasn't demanded her feudal
rights to your body, has she? I shall

be so lucky.

There are a lot of subterranean passions
that you haven't quite satisfied in

your life, Eric.

I'm a married man.

That's what I mean.

Now, promise you won't get overexcited,
but I'm taking the young lady out

tonight and I won't be home for dinner.
I'm not interested.

What's she like?

Nice. Lovely cheek.

Don't be coarse. On her face.

She's a policewoman.

She's a what?

What did you go like that for?

Well, she's a policewoman.

I know, I just told you. Do you want to
end up inside?

Well, I'm hardly likely to invite her
out for a night of crime, am I?

They're never off duty.

She's going to turn up in her right
gear, is she? You know what I mean.

One slip of the tongue and she'll have
you.

Sounds wonderful.

Thank you.

What for?

pinching apples off a squelchy pierce's
barrow when we were at primary school.

It's an unsolved crime to them, Jacko.

Oh, come on, Eric. I'm going out with
the W part of her, not the PC.

She's not going to turn up and say,
Hello.

Is your road tax up to date, is she? No.

But you let anything like that slip out
and you're in trouble.

Well, I've got to shoot.

Here. If I happen to get a bit verbose
this evening and talk a bit carelessly,

your road tax is up to date, isn't it?

Saturday? I'm on duty.

Sunday?

Fine.

Do you like sheepdog trials?

Can't keep away from them. Really?

I've never been to one. No, neither have
I. I do know where there's one on,

though. We could give it a try.

Well, it's original.

Why not?

This is it.

Now, there's a thing.

What's that?

I know this is going to sound
fortuitous, but I've got this sudden

cup of coffee.

You can come in and have one if you
like. Well, that's nice. The canteen

still be open.

You think?

Yeah. This is a section house, you know,
police flats.

On second thought, Sarah, do you know, I
don't really fancy chewing up for a cup

of coffee this time of night.

Good night.

See you Sunday.

Good night, Jacko.

Take a letter for me, please.

Yes, all right.

It's to the secretary, the Devro Tennis
and Social Club, Motspur Park.

Yes? Well, have you written that
already?

It is called shorthand.

Oh, right.

Dear Mr Skelton -Wallace, I take great
exception to your letter of the 21st.

fact that my bar bill exceeds your
arbitrary limit is neither here...

wrong? I'm not typing letters about your
bar bills. I've got work to do.

But you're the secretary.

Yes, the company's not yours.

I see.

This attitude of yours might reflect
itself in your Christmas bonus.

If there is a Christmas bonus, it will
be your mother who gives it to me.

I have influence.

Have you?

Hello, miss.

Hello, miss.

You wanted to see me, Veronica?

Oh, yes, I did. Sit down.

Seems funny seeing you sitting that side
of the desk instead of Lionel.

Everybody says that. All right, I'm not
original, I know.

They'll have to get used to it, though,
because this is where I'm going to be

from now on.

Well, good for you, Veronica.

Thank you.

So, how's life?

Well, I'm going out with a very
attractive policewoman.

No, I meant life outside of the ladies.
You know the one?

Oh, yeah.

Yeah, well, it's a bit seesawish at the
moment, sploshes out of business, but

then up pops the genie of the lamp in
the shape of Elmo offering to buy the

business and paying me to run it.

Oh, I didn't know that.

So I'll suggest.

Well, that makes my offer of your old
job back superfluous.

Oh, you wouldn't want me back, Veronica.
I'm a liability.

That's not the way I looked at it.

You see, with Lionel gone, well, I can
handle the business side, but when it

comes to the actual technical knowledge
of painting...

I need help. It's as simple as that.

Well, you've got Eric.

Oh, yes, I've got Eric.

Well, if I hadn't rubbed the lamp and
held my head in a pot towel... No, no,

course.

Funny, though, isn't it?

Timing in life. It's not very often
right, is it?

Well, I've said yes now, you see. Of
course you have.

And you'll be much better off
financially. I don't have too many opals

around. No, you wouldn't have.

Well, anyway, it's not the end of the
world. I'll survive.

Of course you will.

And good luck with Elmo.

Thanks.

Veronica, have a break. Come on, I'll
take you out for a drink. No, I'd like

but I've got people relying on me now.
I'd better stick to the wheel.

Yeah, of course. I'll see you. See you,
Jacko.

Have a nice weekend.

Look after her, Sandra.

Call your weight lesson.

Sorry I'm late.

Oh, it's all right.

Got you gin and tonic. Great.

Why haven't you faced?

You're supposed to say how nice I look.

Oh, yeah.

So why haven't you faced?

It's just a bruise.

Well, what do you do? Bang into a door?

Fall up a step? Down a step?

Let go of the wrong end of the catapult?
All right.

There was a football match Saturday.

I was on crowd control.

And some hero punched you?

Yeah. Did you get his name?

Afterwards. Can I have it?

No.

Anyway, enough shop talk.

So where's the sheepdog trial?

Bury.

I don't think WPCs should do crowd
control.

I was going to wear my sheepskin coat,
but I thought I might confuse the dogs.

Or upset the sheep.

How often do you do night?

It's a rota. Not on your own? Look,
Jacko. Because I don't like the idea of

that. Oh, dear.

I've been here before.

Every time I go out with a civilian,
this happens.

Jacko, I'm sorry, but I think it'll have
to be thanks and goodbye.

Well, what have I done? You've started
to worry.

The next thing is I'll start to worry
about you worrying, and then I'll be

efficient at my job.

Look, Sarah, have you ever thought...
About changing my job.

Would you prefer it if I worked in a
florist shop?

Well, flowers don't go for you. I like
being a policewoman.

Well, it's no reason to give me the
elbow.

It is.

I recognise the danger signs.

There'd be too much stress flying about
for us to have a good time.

Well, surely there are other duties.

If I wanted to sit behind a typewriter,
I'd work in a typing pool.

Do you see what I mean, Jacko? It won't
work.

Shame.

You came top on my civilian list.

Do you know, you're the only one who
didn't come straight out with the bloody

awful police jokes.

Well, you didn't do any awful painter
jokes.

No.

Humorous couple, aren't we?

keys off for your estate agent.

Thought I'd come round and start
planning our decor.

Ah. No, no, it'd be great.

Look, I was thinking of having a life
-sized oil painting of myself on our

yeah? Look, Elmo, Elmo, this our
business.

I've changed me mind.

You chiseling chiseler, why?

Well, it's Willie.

Oh, here we go, here we go. Well, it's
Veronica, actually. I'm gonna back... to

work for her. She's on her own. Well,
some women can handle it, like those in

the police force, but when I saw her the
other day, she just seemed so

vulnerable. Well, I'm bloody vulnerable.

No, you're not. Well, not in a business
tent.

You're like Asbestos. You can just chuck
money at everything.

And what happened to your lovely rings,
incidentally?

Oh, I had to take them off. Nearly cut
me fingers in half every time I used a

knife and fork.

I'm sorry.

Yeah, well, people are always doing this
to me.

Come on, look. What do you want a
business for anyway?

You should be out there creating the
Elmo Putney revolution.

Setting trends that nobody ever
imagined.

Meeting people.

Making friends.

Yeah, well, it goes without saying I
could have as many friends as I like

but I don't know. It doesn't.

That doesn't satisfy the intellectual
side of me.

Intellectual side? Yeah, I've got a very
active mind. I need something to occupy

it. I've never been a dilly... Tantive.
What is that dilly thing? Tantive. Yeah,

one of them.

I'm a businessman.

Yeah, but not in the painting game,
surely.

Do you know what I see engraved across
your heart?

What?

Boozer. I can hold my beer.

Well, publican then.

Eh? The smell of the ullage wafting up
from the trays.

The tinkling of the optics.

The evocative pop of a crisp packet
being opened.

You see, that's in your blood.

You're right, you know.

You see my blood.

Exactly. Buy yourself a puff.

Yeah. No.

Hang on.

I've just had an interior explosion.

A lot of those since I came back from
Australia.

Must be the change in the water.

Inspiration, mate.

I don't want a pub.

No. You want a bistro. No, I don't want
a bistro. I want a wine bar.

Exactly. And do you know what I'm going
to call it?

Elmo Putney's Wine Bar.

Stunned. It's not bad, is it? I mean, it
says what it is.

When people walk through that door,
they'll know exactly what's waiting for

them. Well, I certainly would.

Oh, no!

Oh, you're going off inside again?

Not many, Benny. This place has been
perfect.

Elmo, now listen. I am not trying to get
you to buy this place.

I want it. I don't care what you say.

I'll up my original offer.

You don't have to.

I'm not daft. A wine bar's got to be
more expensive than a painter's.

Elmo, it's the same place. You're buying
the same premises.

Oh, yeah, of course.

Shake on it.

Are you sure?

When have I ever been wrong?

So, it's back to my hotel suite for
champagne and welks.

Welks? I don't like oysters.

Well, I'd like to, Elmo, but I ought to
go and see Veronica.

Oh, right. Well, look, I think I'll
stick around here for a while. I'll

have 18 more ideas the mood I'm in. If I
hear any explosions, I'll know exactly

where they're coming from, eh?

It's so silly. It's not here.

Schaefer Johnson.

I don't have a spell.

I did go to the Sorbonne.

It's not here.

You were looking under correspondence,
not invoicing.

Well, how was I to know that?

Well, as we're doing the accounts, I
would have thought it was obvious.

Don't you talk to me like that.

You ought to be grateful I'm helping you
at all.

But you're not.

Well, I'm sick of being treated as an
office junior.

Why can't I do that?

Can you do double -entry bookkeeping?

Can you speak French?

No. Well, you'd have to if you were at
the Sorbonne.

We're working in Mossberg Park.

You'll have xenophobia.

That would be undeserved, would it?

Well, I'm pleased to see you two have
chummed up.

Hello,

Jack. How nice to see you. Look,
Veronica, I've had a ponder.

If you want me, I'm all yours.

Oh, that is good news.

Did Elmo change his mind and open a new
discount in the Arctic Circle?

No, I changed my mind. Thank you.

Start Monday? Fine.

Oh, Jacko, there is one thing.

What's that?

ground rules, and they apply to
everybody.

I expect good time keeping.

When you're at work, I'd like you to
work and continue your pursuit of the

opposite sex in your own time.

No long lunches, no dodgy overtime
sheets, no thinking this colour would be

to paint my own flat, no drunkenness on
company vehicles, and finally, just

because I'm a woman, and this doesn't
apply to everybody else, don't take me

a soft touch, Jacko.

I'm a port.

I thought you might be.

I'm working for a tyrant.

Is this the new you?

In business, yes.

This is ironic, isn't it? I come back to
work for you because the other day you

looked so defenceless, so vulnerable,
you conned me.

That's not a very nice thing to say.

Feminine wiles.

All that trembling bottom lip, all that
misty eye.

And I fell for it, me.

I'm on my own, Jacko. I'll use any
weapon I have.

All right, Veronica.

But hear this.

As ye sow, so shall ye reap.

And I will not be treating you as
anything other than a bloke from now on.

I might even start by calling you sir.

There'll be no genteel pleasantries, and
I will be stifling any comments that

might spring to my lips.

That's a very nice blouse, by the way.

And if we happen to go out for a drink,
I'm going to buy you a pint of draft

Guinness. I dare say we'll find some
middle way, you know.

It won't be dull, will it? Not for one
moment.

I'm sorry, Mrs Bainbridge, it's an
emergency.

Oh, dear, what?

Where is Gloria, Jacko's sister -in
-law? Yeah, I know who she is. What

her? She's been on the phone with some
sort of frack -or at her house. She

me to jack her around there. All right,
off you go, then. See you Monday. Yeah.

Oh, thank goodness you've come.

All right, what's happened? What have
you done now?

It's horrible.

He's locked himself in the bathroom and
he's threatening to kill himself.

Come on, Reg.

Reg. Now, don't be silly. Come on, open
the door.

Leave me alone.

That is not Reg in there, Gloria.

Well, next that it was.

Well, who is it, then?

Barry, my new gentleman friend.

Women are not supposed to have gentleman
friends.

If Reg finds out, he'll rip this
building apart with his bare hands.

He knows.

He's abandoned me again.

Gone back to Ilfracombe. You ought to
buy a season ticket to that place.

Gloria.

Look, come on.

Barry. Come on, Barry. You've made your
point. Now be a sensible boy.

She's broken my heart.

Well, I won't do it however much he begs
and pleads.

What does he want you to do, Gloria?

He wants me to go and live in his mobile
home.

Barry, I told you I am not ready for a
permanent relationship.

Reg can vouch for that.

Goodbye, Gloria.

Listen, Barry.

I'm as strong as an ox.

If you don't open this door, I'll rip it
off its hinges.

You try it and I'll chuck your latex
fire in the bath.

Gloria, Gloria, come. Go and call the
police. Go on.

All right, Barry.

All right. I suppose he has filled the
bath with water because it won't work

otherwise.

Don't credit him with some intelligence,
Eric. Barry, are you still there?

What do you think?

Oh, yeah, quite.

Now, listen, Barry.

Try to see Gloria as who she is.

I love her.

They're on their way.

I've got time to change.

Try it. Respect me.

Come out.

I'm getting ratty now.

I've got both bars on.

All right.

No, no, no, no. You keep that big bloke
away from that door.

All right, Barry.

Are you there?

I might be.

I can't. I can't live without you.

Oh, stop him, Jacko. If this gets out,
I'll never be able to look the butcher

the face again.

Why the butcher?

He's new.

Barry, this is Big Eric speaking.

I'm not near the door, but I think I
should warn you that we've called the

police.

What did you have to do that for?

I'm lost.

What happened to the suicide?

Look at that.

I've got a load of bent gear in the van.

Well, so much for being centre of your
universe.

That's delightful, that. He's turning up
at a lady's house with a van full of

bent gear. All right, I'm going.

What happened to you, big Eric?

That's me.

Have you seen yourself?

I'm gone, I'm gone.

Oh, no, start.

Why didn't you nick a decent thing?

Move over.

No, no, no, you're over choking it.
Look, let me have it. Oh, that's lovely.

He thinks he's a Ferrari mechanic.

No, it's over -choked. I'll choke you in
a minute. Little mush!

The reason he's called Big Eric is
because he's swelled when he gets angry.

And in case you forgot, the reason we're
here is...

For you, the suicide, madam.

He's in the fan.

Oh!

Now, come on, sir.

Let's talk about it.

No, I'm fine now.

Much happier in myself.

Thank you.

Thank you?

I know you.

You're Barry Weston, aren't you?

Aye, that's right.

Have a look in the back of the van, will
you?

Oh, Jacko.

Oh, hello, Sarah.

I'm ever so glad it's you because this
isn't exactly what it seems.

I'm sorry, Jacko.

Come on.

I told you she'd be trouble.

Shut up.

Be positive.

Be positive.