Original subtitles

Sometimes I sit here feeling alone.

No one to talk to. I got no telephone.

Don't take nothing, darling.

I'm going.

Oh, it still can't be done to us, all right. Try and stop me.

Steve, do something.

You should have played the game, big man.

Stop, darling.

Stop.

You want to play rock, do you, baby?

Yes.

Stop!

Well, that's about it, really. I mean, we brought him back here, called the

police, they took him away.

But you did go in alone, before the police arrived.

Well, I had no choice. He was doing a runner.

So without you, he'd have got away.

I suppose so.

And I understand there was a bit of a tussle.

Well, no.

Ken was lucky to get out alive.

Did you sustain any injuries?

No. Oh, pity.

What about the photographs, I mean?

Well, you don't mind if I take a few photographs?

Of course you don't. It's great.

Our readers are going to love this, Ken.

Local hero and all that.

You could go for the David and Goliath angle. You know, a man alone fighting

international foxy men.

He's from Ilkeston.

Right.

If I could slightly have you in profile.

Um...

Cleaned up?

Everything?

Everything.

They won't be needing that anymore, will they?

I was there as well, you know.

You wouldn't think so, listen to you lot.

The man alone facing an international problem, Farrah.

It's good publicity.

Look,

it was Ken's case.

I mean, you were only there to watch the back door.

Yeah, but if he'd come out the back door, I'd be an hero then, wouldn't I?

Yeah, but he didn't, did he?

I'll never get a case of my own.

I can't small watch the back door for me.

My, my, Robert. It's a carbon fibre, you know. Takes more than a fancy kit to

make an angler.

Nine. Wing use.

Peg 11.

Put one of those in.

Cheers.

Nine.

Stand no.

Peg six.

Put one of those in. No.

Good stuff, Rocky.

Remember everybody on their pegs by 09 .30. Harry, can I have a go on the bank

or something? This is really boring.

Gosh, where are you?

Oh, can't Alex have a turn?

She's looking after Mrs Ashforth.

Where's Kent?

He'll be pulling his right somewhere, don't you worry.

All out for the pump today.

You've done us proud, Harry.

Oh, thank you, Malcolm.

Ashforth Carpet's security contract comes up soon.

Oh, really?

Everything goes smoothly today. Well, let's just say it won't do CBS's chances

any harm. Say no more.

I must say, I wasn't expecting so many of you.

Oh, show of force welcome.

The first rule of security.

Oh, we haven't left you short -handed elsewhere.

Oh, heavens no.

This is just a fraction of our security staff.

It's a thriving company, you know, CBS.

And you run all this on your own? Yes.

Well, no, no. Well, I do have a partner, Ken Boone.

You might have heard of him.

He's something of a local celebrity.

Well, is he here today? Perhaps I could meet him.

Absolutely. Well, 0920, he'll be at the main gate greeting the judges.

Looks like someone's got the right idea.

It's all right for some, eh? Aye.

Harry.

Ken.

Sorry, Harry. Bit of a heavy night.

This is Ken Boone.

Malcolm Ashforth.

Ashforth Carpets.

How do?

Let's move on, shall we?

Yeah.

Peg 19.

And fill that in.

Is that the lot?

19? There's only six more of them in the room of us. Why so many stewards?

Harry's trying to impress Ashford.

Do you know what he's got me doing? Only babysitting the wife.

I bet she's an ageing bimbo with a little yappy dog in tow.

Typical comment from a woman.

Hello, love. I'm Mrs Ashford.

Is my Malcolm here?

Yes, he's with Mr Crawford.

Right, lead the way then.

You might need a clue.

Samson's been so looking forward to his little day out.

You're overreacting, Harry.

He hardly even noticed me. He wouldn't have noticed you at all if you'd have

kept your mouth shut.

He gives a bad impression, Ken. I mean, look at you. You haven't even shaved.

It's a fishing competition, not come dancing. You're up all night, weren't

Drinking with that lady journalist.

I tried to get away.

Oh, yes, I bet you did, yes.

Look, if it makes you feel any happier, I'll go home and get me Sunday best,

don't you? Oh, no, you don't. You can't go now anyway.

Why not?

I told him you were working undercover.

Undercover? Yes.

A fishing competition. Well, I had to say something, didn't I?

Well, go and get a shave.

Mr. Arthur will be briefing us in a few minutes.

Hurry. Come on, Ken. You'll enjoy it when you get going.

This is a common old garden housefly, maggot, such as you find on a piece of

rotting meat.

This is legitimate bait.

This, however, is a wasp grub and strictly forbidden.

Pass him around. You can take a close look so you'll be able to spot any

cheating. Excuse me.

Now, look, Harry.

It's about time I started getting more responsibility around here.

I'm supposed to be a junior partner because...

If things don't start to change soon, I hate to say this, I'll have to start

thinking very seriously about my future.

I thought that would get your attention.

Rocky.

Stan Knowles.

Eh? Peg number six. He hasn't put his address on. I'll do it in a minute.

You'll do it now.

All entry forms have to be in by noon. It's the rules.

Fine.

What? He might need a doo -doo.

Mr Knowles.

Look, I'll just clear this out of your way a second.

Look at my swim.

How could I have had a bite?

Sorry.

All you can say is sorry.

I mean, what do I have to do to get peace and quiet round here? Send help.

They've locked me in.

Old barn scratchly.

Under the sand cuttles.

Daniel.

This is intolerable.

I'll come out and see a steward.

Steward!

Someone's having you on. But it's in children's handwriting.

He could be in trouble.

I threw a bottle under the sea once with a note inside saying I'd been

shipwrecked.

No, you bloody cunt.

But what if it's still a joke?

Of course it's a joke.

I mean, they can't even write properly.

There's kids writing, Harry. Well, there you are then.

There's kids messing about.

But it could be in trouble. How could you?

Now get back to the competition and stop sodding about.

Sorry about that, Malcolm.

Are you all right, Harry?

Go away, Rocky.

I'm undercover.

It's important.

Look, if you thought someone was in trouble, you'd try and help them,

you?

If I could.

And if you found a clue, you wouldn't just dismiss it without investigating

would you? Get to the point, Rocky.

I found this butt in the river with a message in it. Someone asking for help.

Well, it's a joke.

I thought I think we should check it out.

Well, let us know how you get on.

What? All by myself?

Goodbye, Rocky.

All right.

I mean, we can't disturb the great Ken Boone, can we?

Not if I think it's important.

But no, I can't be right, can I? I'm only Rocky.

Yes, that's right, in a bottle.

And something about being locked in a barn in Scratchley and, um, Sandcastles.

I know, that's what I told him.

All right, Ted, thanks a lot. I just thought we'd check it out. Ta -da.

Well, what did he say?

Well, after he'd finished laughing, seriously, he said there's nobody been

reported missing and that kind of stuff gets found in the river all the time.

Not a police matter.

I'm sorry, mate, but it's only a note, isn't it? I mean, it's not much to go on

on its own.

Oh, another big one, boys!

Oh -ho!

You'd better go home, fellas.

I'm sorry, mate.

I'll just be out of your place in a minute.

Phil, you're hiding much on here?

Sorry, sorry, mate.

Where are they going?

I don't bloody know, but as far as I'm concerned, they can bloody well stay in

there.

Ken, am I steering right?

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

I knew it wasn't a hoax.

I mean, if it'd been kids messing about, they'd have written that they got

kidnapped by pirates or something, wouldn't they?

Locked in a barn.

And it couldn't have come far, because no water had leaked into the bottle yet.

And the cap wasn't even rusty or anything.

No.

Now, said scrappily, that's about right.

The barn's got to be close to the river, so he could throw the bottle in.

What sort of a barn?

Could be a farm.

What about sandcastles?

Rocky. Do they have sand by the river, Ken? Rocky.

Yeah?

Shut up, Lee.

What if he makes a noise?

Someone might hear him.

Who's going to hear him?

Out here.

Are you asleep, Ken?

Yes.

I saw this film once where these two boats in a rainbow got eaten by a giant

octopus. Is that right?

Yeah.

They tried to beat it off with the oars, you know, smashing its tentacles.

I bet that made its eyes water.

No. Just wrapped them around the boat and dragged them under.

Horrible.

It must have been.

Ken! What?

Look! If it's an octopus, tell it to come back later. No, look!

You get the back door.

What? The back door.

It's a barn, mate.

They ain't got one.

I know that.

Is there anybody there?

Daniel? Daniel?

Daniel? Daniel?

Daniel?

Come on, mate.

Now what are you doing?

I'm going to ask for directions.

Ask who?

How can you ask for directions when you don't know what you're looking for?

Ah, yes, but you're forgetting the first rule of detection, aren't you?

Is that right?

To get answers, you have to ask questions.

Even if you don't know what the question is?

I'll think of something.

All right, all right, what are you going to say when they open the door?

I'll introduce meself.

Yes.

Then I'll explain what I'm doing here.

What, you... You found this message in a bottle, and, um... Look, I'm sorry,

mate, but I'm not having a go, but you haven't really thought this through,

you? All right.

Maybe I haven't.

But at least I'm trying to do something about it, not just sitting there

criticising everybody else. Now, I've got a feeling about this case, and I

to go to whoever lives in this house, and I'm going to ask them if they can

us. Is that all right with you?

Yeah. All right. Good.

Yes? Good afternoon.

I wonder if you could help us. We're looking for a barn.

A barn?

Yes. You see, we're investigating a disappearance.

A child.

You've lost your child?

No. No, not our child.

No, it's... We don't know whose child it is, really.

That's why we're investigating, you see.

To see if there is a child.

And we wondered, as you lived round here, if you had seen one.

A child?

No, a barn.

Are you from the police?

No. No, love, nothing like that. We're just wondering if there was an old barn

round here. No, there's nothing like that round here. I'm sorry.

Can't help you. Now, if you don't mind, this garden is private property. I'll

thank you to leave.

Yeah, we're sorry. I promise you we... Nice one, Rocky.

Now, that's just the sort of thing I mean. You've got to use the proper

channels, not rush in, trampling over other people's private grounds.

You don't always use the proper channels. You have just alienated a

useful witness.

I mean, she wasn't exactly helpful, was she?

She was just suspicious, that's all.

Just thought we were a couple of strange men.

Well, she was right.

It's really hotting up now, eh, Harry?

Oh, yeah, absolutely.

So what do you fancy, then?

Well, I hadn't really thought.

Mammon is on Mulhern.

First -class fisherman.

Yes, I've had my eye on him.

Fine rod action.

What do you say, then, Harry?

Small wager?

Bite things up a bit?

If you like, Malcolm.

What shall we say, then? Small 50 on Mulhern?

50 pounds?

Not too strong for you, is it?

No, no, no, no, no, no, no. It's all down.

50 it is.

Any luck?

Not a bite.

All bloody day.

You haven't seen any old barns round here, have you?

Nothing. Not a nibble.

Not that that's anything new.

I don't believe there are any fish in this bloody river.

Probably all gone to the competition.

Um, you haven't seen anything like... No, never.

No one's had a fish out of this stretch in all the years I've been coming here.

No, I was going to say, have you seen anything that looks like sandcastles

here? Ask him if he's seen any octopuses.

Sorry? Oh, should we say wild geese?

Let's look at this case so far, eh?

Right. So what have you got?

A message and a teddy bear.

Yes, and what's unusual about the message?

It was in a bottle.

And where's the bottle?

I tucked it.

I shouldn't have done that, should I?

No. Evidence.

So what haven't we got that we should have?

Backup.

No.

Provisions?

No.

Disguise?

No, not a disguise, Rocky.

A client, mate.

Ah.

You see, you're the detective and the client at the moment.

And that's not good.

It could be better.

I'm not doing very well, am I?

Seems pretty harmless to me.

On the other hand, it's like she was right.

Don't be all day.

Well?

It don't matter.

I mean, they're going the wrong way for a start.

I don't care if they're going out to sea.

He's a private eye and he's got the bear.

Do I have to spell it out for you?

Just keep an eye on them.

You'd better go and find my brother. He'll know what to do.

Don't worry, we can handle it. He's got his own men to look after.

He can't afford to take any risks.

And ignoring Joseph is always a risk.

How are you, Malcolm?

Much out, Harry.

No, no, no, not that you brought lunch, did you?

Joseph.

How's the investments, Malcolm?

Confident?

You know me.

Am I over anything else?

Oh, sorry, Harry. This is Joseph Newsome.

Harry Crawford.

Can I get you... No, thank you, Miss Crawford.

I've got rather a lot on just at present.

Excuse me.

It'll be Harry. Say him again.

Yes, yes. Say him again.

What did he say exactly? He was looking for an old barn.

Where is he now?

Still on the river.

Steve's keeping an eye on them.

Them? Yeah, this Ken Boone bloke, and another one, younger, long hair.

He must be Crawford. Who?

Look, over here.

He's got a partner, Harry Crawford.

Harry Crawford?

You know him?

We've met.

Daniel?

Daniel?

You see, Ken doesn't understand how difficult business can be.

Indeed. You know, the cut and thrust of running a successful business, the long

hours, the personal sacrifice.

Yeah.

Do you want one for the road?

Excellent idea, Harry. You do the honours, eh? Nature calls.

Have one on me, eh?

Right.

You know what to do.

Harry, Joseph Newsome. We met a moment ago. Oh, yes.

This is my associate.

Vincent.

Pleased to meet you.

Sorry I had to rush off earlier, but you know how it is.

Yes, yes, you're obviously a very busy man.

Investments, wasn't it? That's right, yes. What about you, Harry? What line

you in? Oh, security.

Yes, I've got a card here somewhere.

Hang on, wait a minute.

Here it is, yes.

Crawford Boone Security.

Yes, industrial, retail, investigations, you name it.

Investigations? Yes, yes, well, that's more in the line of my partner, Ken

Boone. He's a bit of a local celebrity.

You might have heard of him, I don't know.

Is that right?

Yeah. And you're a friend of Malcolm's?

Well, more a business associate, really.

Oh.

In fact, I mean, that's why we're here today. You're working for Ashford?

Yes, it's a big job. I've got some of my best men, haven't I? And this job, it

wouldn't have anything to do with a certain competition, would it?

Yes, it would, and I think I might safely say that we... Who's there?

What was all that about?

I don't know.

You tell me.

Lieutenant Tim, look.

Yeah, but he's not locked in, is he?

Those kids.

Throwing bottles in the water, wasting my time.

Got them.

Trouble. The kids got out.

Now that is dangerous.

But he's left you another note.

Getting more ambitious? Please help. Please.

Well, maybe it's a different kid.

Same handwriting.

I feel totally stupid.

Well, your instinct was good.

It's just me brain that's useless, I know.

It's just a matter of experience.

Look at it and see where you went wrong, eh?

First, messages in bottles.

There's Treasure Island stuff.

Kids are at it all the time.

Sandcastle should have told you that.

Secondly, check out your facts. When we called the police and they said there'd

been no children reported missing, we should have abandoned the whole thing.

Obviously, they wouldn't have reported it by now.

Ken. No, if you want to be a detective, you have to learn by your mistakes.

Now, if I'd been in your place, I would have known it was a hoax. Ken.

Do you want to be reasonable?

For both.

Come on, Danny.

Game's over.

Is it all in? Mm -hmm.

Ash four?

Oh, yeah. Oh, that's odd.

Give us a list.

Juan Ruiz.

Who?

Daniel.

Bolted from the outside.

Whoever he is, he's not the best cure for a hangover I've ever had.

Look at this.

I had one of these.

Only not so fluffy.

Arnold his name was.

Why? After me gran.

You had a gran called Arnold?

No. I'll tell you what you mean, no.

That was her surname, you see. My mum's maiden name.

Did you have a rabbit?

No.

I had a bear, though.

Yeah, I had a bear.

Have you run a bear, though?

This kid hasn't.

I can't believe we've been caught out like a pair of stupid bloody amateurs.

OK.

Malcolm, where have you been? I thought we were going to have lunch.

You had a bite of milk, didn't you, Harry?

Yeah, yes, I did, yes.

It came back yet?

Afraid not.

Oh, bloody typical.

This must go all the way down the stairs.

That'd be silly. It isn't cold yet. Yeah, well, we've been doing this for

Look out.

I like you, Harry.

Eh? You're a nice man.

You're a nice man too, Malcolm.

Can I tell you something?

Yeah.

I'm going to lose it.

Yeah. Ashport Carpets.

Old business. My lovely home.

Even Patty.

If she finds out.

What did you say?

I'm ruined, Harry.

The contract.

You can still do the security for us.

We just can't pay you, that's all.

Come on, Rocky, jump!

I've seen them. What?

Sandcastles.

Rocky, look, the old barn.

You're on the right track.

You take the back door.

The door's at the side, mate.

Follow me.

Daniel?

Who the hell are you?

Well, you're not the one we're looking for, that's for sure.

Don't you know who I am?

I'm Tiny Tim.

I know you.

Didn't you make a record once? Something about tulips.

I'm the county darts champion.

Darts match?

Oh, at the pub. I've seen the posters.

It's not just a match. I'm supposed to be defending my title.

Then someone doesn't want you to play.

Not someone.

A girl called Joan Newsome. Who's he?

Local bigwig. Runs a book on the side, you know the type.

If I win tonight, he stands to lose a small fortune.

Sent his heavies round last week to make me an offer I couldn't refuse.

And? I refused.

You can guess the rest.

What's all this got to do with Daniel?

Who's Daniel?

He's who we're looking for.

A young boy, about six, dark hair.

How you doing there, Rocky?

I think we're going to have to saw the whole window off.

What type's your dark sweats?

Oh, what's it matter? I can't play now.

We still might make it.

I can't, not without Mr. Jim.

Jim? Who's Jim? Mr. Jim.

He's my bear.

Little fella about this big, blue scarf.

Not long now.

I'd be glad to get out of here.

Babyfitting's not exactly my thing.

We won't eat anything.

Little brat.

He's scared.

Good. Then let's keep him that way. He might do as he's told.

Newsome won't like it. Tough.

Go on, go and check on the light bulb. Make sure he's behaving himself.

He's right, you know.

By then we'll be long gone with our money.

Steve!

Had to be better off with a couple of girl guides.

Do you want to stay here?

One, two, three.

What the... Right.

Now let's find Mr. Goon.

We'll have to tell her sooner or later.

But preferably later, eh?

I'm surprised she hasn't found out already.

I'm very good at covering my tracks.

Besides, there's just a chance I won't have to.

But I'll follow.

Always wait till the last turn of the card, Harry.

This afternoon I placed a bet.

Well, lots of bets.

And lots of names from every penny I've got.

Horses.

Darts.

county championship, which starts in precisely one hour.

You risk your whole life on a darts match? No.

On the sweetest throwing arm I've ever seen.

I'll give you a toast, Harry.

To my salvation.

Tiny Tim.

Are you sure he's in there?

The old barn's crassly. That's what the note said.

No, Mr.

Jim. Daniel had him. You find one, you find the other.

Do you want me to take the back door?

No, no, I think we should stick together.

Go on, then.

Go on, then.

Mr. Jim!

Who are you?

I got your letter.

Come on, son.

Leaving already, Em?

Tea, anyone?

Cucumber sandwiches?

You've some.

Daddy!

What's going on?

Once Kate looked me in the hairline.

I had no choice. He saw everything.

You locked a six -year -old child in the cellar.

Only because he got out of his room.

What if he told someone what he'd seen?

The men chased me.

Listen, thanks for the hospitality.

And you are?

Ken Boone. I know your name, Mr Boone. I want to know what you're doing in my

house. They rescued me.

Oh, well, in that case, I'm grateful.

But you can see that no harm's done.

I'll deal with it now.

Yeah, OK, fine.

We'll be off.

Tim says.

Ah, well, in that case, perhaps we ought to call the police to sort this out.

And say what?

I kidnapped my own son.

Well, and he chained himself up, did he?

Well, let's ask him.

If you'd taken as many dives as Tim has, you wouldn't want the police involved

either.

Our champion of the people has picked the wrong side this time.

No heroic headliners here, Mr Boone.

Just a sordid little squabble about the size of a bribe.

I'm playing.

There's a lot of people who stake their savings on me.

Good, come on.

Look, we are leaving.

I don't believe even you would let him use that with your boy watching.

Take Danny upstairs.

Well, don't just stand there.

I can't stop him going.

We can stop him playing when he gets there.

If you have any more bright ideas, Rocky, count me out. The boat should be

here somewhere.

Come on, Pete!

Come on!

Hello, boys.

Still no luck.

What's that?

Our getaway vehicle. Well, it was.

Bloody hell.

Oh, come on, my beauty.

Gotcha!

We'll explain later.

But I just got a bike run. Early hour.

Sorry, mate. It's an emergency.

Let's go.

Keep it steady now, boys.

They've got a boat.

My seat's up front, Dave.

The first match will now be played between

Geoff Kellett and Bob Turey.

The Tim Watkins game will declare a walkover unless the player makes an

appearance immediately after this game.

Can you hear something, Ken?

Pull it over there. OK.

Try it for everybody, Vince.

They'll

never

make it.

I'm going to ride this pony till the sun goes down. I'm going to ride

this pony till the sun goes down. I'm going to ride, I'm going

to ride.

i designed it myself you know it's beautiful it represents the triumph of

over fish

Everything's gone.

How much?

Everything.

I'm afraid, ladies and gentlemen, that we still have no word of Jonathan

Walkins, so we have no other choice but to give his opponent Keith Southern a

bye into the fire.

Would have cleared all my debts in one go, but no, nothing.

You have my sincere condolences, Malcolm. Thank you, Harry.

And don't worry about our invoice for the competition.

Harry.

You're a diamond.

The end of the month will do for him.

Invent the border!

Take him on board.

Talk to clever little teddy bear.

That's right.

Say, little gentleman, I think we're sort of gay.

Ken! Ken!

Look at this!

What a beauty!

Ounces. Well, in the absence of, well, any other fish, it gives me great

pleasure to pronounce Tom Mulhern the winner of this year's Paddy Ashforth

Trophy. Paddy.

Em,

you need 40.

Double ten. Come on. Come on, ten.

Yes!

Check. Check.

It's double seven.

Where's the thanks?

Thanks be to God.

He ruined the fishing competition.

All the fish got away.

You have to give it some bloat with a minnow.

Ten stewards there were, but to count one fish.

Thanks, mate. Oh, no problem, eh?

Nice one, Mr Jim. Yeah.

Is it just me, or has everyone gone mad?

Kim!

I've been looking for you.

My editor wants to do an in -depth piece.

The mind of the private eye.

How about it?

Well,

you're talking to the wrong man, actually. This is the man you want.

should interview him.

Belinda Crowther, Rocky Cassidy. A great detective.

In the making.

He's my friend.

He's my buddy till the end.

Thank you.

Thank

you.