Original subtitles

Sometimes I sit here feeling alone No

one to talk to, I got no telephone

Morning, girls.

I wonder when you turn up. Do me a favour, darling. Go and just have a

will you? Have a peek.

Look, we know you know him.

Yeah, I am just looking.

Laura, where's that rotor for the shopping centre? And where's Harry?

Lunching with that solicitor.

Look, I'm... Caroline Mortley.

Well, let's hope she's paying us, not the other way round.

I don't think it's business.

You went out of here like a schoolboy on a hot date.

Mm -hm.

Kent, you're dripping everywhere.

I love it.

Miss, what are you looking for?

It's supposed to be on blue.

Merci. Thank you.

I always try and bring my special guests here.

I like new meals, don't you?

Yes, yes, it's... Well, it's very... Very French.

This is rather difficult for me, Mr Crawford.

You see, it's... It's a bit personal.

Mr Crawford.

Harry.

Please, Harry.

Harry.

I'll be absolutely straight with you.

I'm afraid I've invited you here in rather false pretenses.

Have you?

I don't need a security service as such.

What I need is help.

I wouldn't be so worried if it was just me, but... But there's my daughter,

Emma.

She's only 16 and...

It's a song.

He's a reporter on the Nottingham Evening News.

They're Starhack, apparently.

I can only imagine they're trying to dig up a story on me.

One of the trials of my profession is that I'm in the public eye.

I would have no respect for Pruess in these news papers.

He's been outside my house, outside my office.

For all I know, he's probably outside Emma's school right now.

You need protection, Caroline.

Oh, if you could help, I'd be so grateful.

Talk to him.

You know, in language he understands.

Of course.

Well, what does she think we are, a bunch of heavies?

Oh, don't be ridiculous, Ken.

It's not like that.

I'm not running around after some bloody lawyer just because you fancy her. I've

got enough on me plate. Fancy her?

What do you mean, fancy her?

Go on, admit it.

That's why you took this on, isn't it?

The trouble with you, Ken, is you've no strategic vision.

Can't you see that networking with an influential local solicitor is going to

bring this firm a lot of business?

Networking? That's the new name for it, is it, mate?

You know, Ken, you're like a dinosaur.

Women can be business associates and friends these days without being sex

objects, mate.

Right, mate. Well, if you want to network, do it on your own. Count me

Oh, come on, boss. Hanging around school gates. I mean, you're making me look

like a dirty old man.

Try changing your Mac, Bill. Look, I could get more out of Greta Garbo than

that, kid. Don't forget there are two ends to this.

I want to get that woman and you're going to do it for me.

I'm not a babysitter, Harry. It won't be for long.

Yeah, but a teenage girl.

Are you worried about your image?

Right.

I did about time you had your hair cut. For what?

Hurry.

Come in. Thank you. Hiya.

Please, make yourselves at home.

Emma?

Could you come down a minute, darling?

It's called ambience, Rocky.

Just come down and be pleasant.

That's all I'm asking.

Why are you doing all this?

Do you think I'm going to talk or something?

She's worried about her exams, so she may be a bit shy. So best behaviour.

This is Harry and... Rocky.

They're going to be keeping an eye on you. Well, Rocky is.

If that's starting from now.

I was supposed to collect some history notes from Kate after school, but

waited for me again outside and I was so frightened I came straight home.

Well, Rocky can take you over there now on his bike.

Yeah?

You mean a motorbike?

Well, you're not scared of bikes, are you?

I'll just get my jacket.

No cause for concern, Caroline.

Rocky's a good lad.

He's very safe on the road.

All right, so you've pulled Rocky off the shopping centre job.

I just hope you're going to charge her a fair whack. 50 quid an hour, innit? The

going rate for solicitors.

Ken, sometimes you have to speculate to accumulate.

How much, Harry? How much?

So, Rocky's tied up for a few days. I mean, what's that really costing us?

Ken, this is an investment.

An investment that'll pay dividends.

Yeah. Who for, Harry?

You know, Ken, you've got a one -track mind.

All you can think about is bloody money.

Caroline Mortlake is a lady, and I would not insult a lady by discussing...

Harry, the florist's on the phone.

Says he can do the whole two dozen in red, and he wants to know what you want

the card.

The whole two dozen in red.

Rosy, Harry, eh?

Quite an investment, mate.

Oh, Emma, get off.

OK, look, now, remember what I was saying, what your mother said. Look, if

you're going to be late, phone me and I'll come and pick you up, OK?

Bye.

Oh,

you can't be too careful these days, can you?

All sorts of nutters hanging around school gates.

Yeah.

I think, um, I think your sister's in the same class as my Fiona.

Oh, she's not my sister.

Oh.

I see.

No, no, it's all right. You see, I sort of work for Emma's mother.

Oh, do you now?

I don't think Miss Bradshaw likes her girls running around with older lads on

motorbikes. No, hang on a minute, you don't understand. Look, here.

Look, I've been hired to sort of keep an eye on her. Oh, right, security, yeah?

Yeah. You see, there's this reporter.

Well, I've got no time for the gutter press myself, mate.

No kidding.

Bit of a giveaway, mate, innit, eh?

Tatty Mac, clapped out old rust bucket.

Look, you want to try and keep up appearances on my wages. Yeah, well, you

to try and get a different job then, eh? One that doesn't involve harassing

young school kids.

Yeah, he's just a chubby little bloke, really. I sussed him straight away.

I think he got the message.

Good, cos I've got better things for you to do, starting with this lock, right?

Oh, no.

You're supposed to be at school.

It's mostly revision time now.

I thought we'd have a quiet lunch.

Grab a pizza or something?

Oh, well, this is Ken.

He's my boss, you see, and... Well, he wants me round here all day, don't you,

mate? No, no, no, no. This can wait plenty of time.

It says I've got an helmet.

Sorry about the colour.

No, no, don't do this to me, you bastard.

No! No! In bed with the blonde, that was our deal, wasn't it?

Robert

Boone

Security?

Yes, sir.

Can I help you?

I want to see the Joker in charge of this establishment, and I want to see

now! Um...

I'm Ken Boone.

If it's to do with the shopping centre, I can explain.

Look at that.

Look.

Look, look, cut right through.

I was nearly killed thanks to you. I swear to you I had nothing to do with

Oh, yeah.

Listen, I've been in the newspaper business for 15 years and no half -baked

private eye has ever lent on me and gone away with it. Oh, not so much of the

half -baked, right? Do you want to be in the paper, do you, Mr Boone? Nice

picture. No, no.

OK, I get hired to take care of this woman and her kid, all right, but

16 -year -old schoolgirls is hardly ethical journalism, is it? Tell you

-year -old schoolgirls, shall I? The little buggers ripped my bumper off.

well, whatever they've done to your bumper, Emma Mortlake's hardly capable

cutting your brake cables, is she?

No, but you are, aren't you, Boone, eh? Eh?

If the money's right, ask no questions, that's how you operate, innit? No, I do

not. I think you want to start asking Caroline Mortlake the right questions.

Now, Ken, please let me do the talking. We don't want to give any unnecessary

offence. No offence. We're going to have the old bell knocking on our door any

minute. Ken, please, please.

This reporter that's been following you and your daughter around, Bill Webster,

this morning had his brake cables cut on his car.

You know anything about it? Ken!

No, I do not.

Well, he's got the notion that we, acting under your instructions, are

responsible. I don't think you've been telling us everything.

Caroline, what Ken's trying to say is... Harry, I wanted a bodyguard, not an

investigation. I thought I'd made that clear.

Well, why didn't you make it clear to the evening news, eh?

I mean, why are they investigating you?

I recently brought a successful libel action against the Evening News on

of a client. I admit, I went for the jugular.

Got the owner, Eddie Morgan, £40 ,000 in costs and damages. They've made no

secret of the fact that they're out to get me one way or the other.

Well, who did Webster's brakes?

I've no idea.

Well, maybe somebody else has got a grudge against him.

Who was this client you were acting for in the libel case?

Oh, come on, we can always find out.

His name's Steve Reeves.

I've heard of him.

Quite possibly.

He's a bit of a local entrepreneur, but you probably know him in his other

capacity.

You satisfied now, Ken? No, not really.

Blundering in there like the Spanish Inquisition.

I thought you was very helpful, considering.

It still doesn't add up.

I think I'll have a word with this Steve Reeves bloke.

Terrific. Thank you, Doreen. And as today's lucky winner on the morning

we'll be sending you an exclusive Steve Reeves T -shirt and, of course, not

forgetting a doobie on a key ring. Never forget your doobie, Doreen.

This one's just for you.

You'd better make that an extra large, I think, for our Doreen. She sounds a bit

of a porker, Penny.

And where's my bloody coffee?

On its way, sweetheart.

Oh, and the boonies are right.

Hello, Ken. Nice to see you. Hi.

What can I do for you?

Well, it's about Caroline Mortlake. She was your solicitor, wasn't she? That

libel case you had.

Evening news. Indeed she was, yeah. Hang on a sec.

Yes, it's goodbye to love, but when you've got to go, you've got to go. So

with the old and on with the new. And let's smooch in style to Christaburg,

in Red.

Uh, where were we?

Caroline Mortlake.

Oh, yeah, I have to tell you, that woman is a hell of a lawyer. She took Ed

Morgan to the cleaners.

What was the libel about?

Clothes, the usual tub of fleas.

According to the evening news, I'm in the habit of taking sexual advantage of

some of the more ardent members of my female fans.

All I can say is they've never seen my fans.

Well, I mean, you must have felt bad about it to sue them.

No, not really. In this business, no publicity is bad publicity.

Courts, media, we're all in the same circus.

Eddie just pushed his luck too far. I collected.

Thanks to Caroline.

What did you think of her? I mean, as a person? I didn't really know her as a

person, Ken. She was my lawyer. End of story.

Right, that's enough of that. My old mum always told me to steer clear of

scarlet women.

I like my...

Pretty

neat.

Far from perfect.

I've been making a few inquiries about you, Kenny.

Ex -fireman, bit of a local hero, really, aren't you? Oh, how the mud

fallen.

I'm getting a bit tired of your nasty little hint. That's a bit, it's my

speciality. What the actress didn't say, it would appear simple, that sort of

thing.

How do I know you didn't cut your own great cape?

Now, why would I want to do that, Kenny?

Sling some mud at Caroline Malt Lake. That's your job, isn't it?

Are you so sure she's the innocent white lamb in all this, are you? All I know

is that she won a libel case against your boss, Morgan.

Come off it, Kenny.

I mean, libel actions are an occupational hazard for newspapers.

This one was nearly a year ago.

Yeah, well, why is Morgan still... Ah, ah, ah, sorry, old chap.

If you want to find out any more, you ask him yourself.

I shall see you, of course.

No!

Hi, I was looking for Mr Eddie Morgan.

His office said I might find him here.

Is he expecting you, sir?

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Well, in that case, Claire, Mr Morgan is at his usual table with the lady guest.

Mr Morgan, I'm Ken Boone.

Oh, are you indeed?

Yeah, can I have a word with you, please?

What's your next move, Mr Boone? You come to do my breaks now?

Look, I want to know who did Webster's cables just as much as you do.

I also want to know what you're doing having lunch with the woman you're

supposed to be harassing.

Oh, it was her idea. I reckon I've strained her out on a few points.

Well, like what?

I mean, no -one's telling me anything.

You got some time to spare?

Yeah.

You don't know Caroline well, do you, Mr Boone?

Always a mistake, that, working for someone when you don't know quite what

they're capable of.

You've really got it in for Caroline, haven't you?

I have my reasons.

Let me just show you, Mr Boone.

I used to employ over 60 men here.

I could have found work for 100.

What, you mean you nearly bought this? Yes, I did.

Rival bidder got me at the last minute.

So I'm a bloody property developer.

Well, that's business, isn't it, eh?

There'll be other sites, no doubt.

It's a matter of principle, Mr Boone. I want you to understand that.

Someone found out what my offer price was going to be and told my rival, so he

upped it and won.

Exactly three weeks ago.

Now, there was only one other person besides myself and my accountant who's

with me for 20 years who knew what my offer was going to be, and that was my

solicitor.

Caroline Mortley.

I watched her in that libel action. She was straight, she was good, so I hired

her myself.

Didn't she let you down?

In a big way.

I intend to see that woman struck off, Mr. Boone.

So much for your principles, eh?

That sounds very much like a personal vendetta to me.

There are some things that I take very personally indeed.

If this goes on, what will people think?

Mug sticks, Harry.

I don't think I can handle it much longer.

I don't even have to look anymore. He's always there.

Just leave it with me, Caroline.

If you don't put off and leave Mrs. Mortlake in prison, I'm going to call on

law. No, if she was in favour of calling the law, she wouldn't need you, would

she, Harry?

Harry, I want to change things. We've got to wait until there are miserable

little rats like you. Would you care to repeat that, Harry, just in case I have

any more mechanical misfortunes?

I must speak with you, Harry.

I'd listen to him if I was you, Harry.

And I'd move this heap of tin before your luck runs out.

Are you threatening me, Kenny?

No, I'm not.

Listen,

I've spoken with Morgan.

It seems that he's only...

I've obviously chosen a bad time.

Then why don't you get lost?

Upstairs, sweetheart.

I'll see you in a minute.

What do you think you're doing coming here?

What do you think you're doing with that girl?

Do you want a biology lesson? Because if you don't, I think it's time you went.

You wanted me to stay away so that you could spend time with that bimbo.

Grow up. It made sense.

It does now.

I had lunch with Eddie Morgan today, Steve.

He told me just why he's so keen to prove that we're lovers. Do you realise

what he had in mind would get me struck off? It wouldn't do me a lot of good

either, would it?

You knew.

You knew!

What else have you been doing behind my back?

Did you really imagine that the height of my ambition was to get my face on a

lot of cruddy T -shirts?

I thought we were... I'm going somewhere, sweetheart. You're not going

it up for me.

What can we do?

We, sweetheart, are history.

I don't think you've quite taken that on board yet, have you?

I should have known.

Even my daughter said you were a parrot.

You're a lawyer.

Sue me.

All right, here we go. Nice little goodnight kiss, please. Come on, come

no, all right. Got you by the door.

Hello. Smile, darling.

Smile. What does she want?

You told me you'd finished with her.

You miserable little bastard.

Stay away from me and my daughter, or next time I'll drive right over you.

How are you feeling?

I've been better, Kenny.

I've been better, yeah.

What's up?

Cheers, Kenny.

Look, it's Ken, all right? I'm sorry.

What was going on back there, then?

Unrequited love, Kenny. Sorry, sorry, Ken.

That's what that is.

It drives people to do all sorts of funny things, doesn't it?

Take old Eddie, for instance.

Scorned by the one woman he really wanted.

It's sad, isn't it?

Well, Morgan fancied Caroline Morley.

I never told you that, old son.

Well, I don't get it. What's he want to follow for?

You're a detective, Kenny. You tell me.

Come on.

Do us a favour.

The Development Company.

That picked Eddie at the post.

I've got a sleeping partner.

Who? The same as Caroline Mortlakes.

Steve Reeves.

She sold out Morgan for that DJ.

S -E -X.

That's what this is all about.

And all I need is a little picture to prove it. And look at it.

Or a little Emma Mortlake to say that's a picture of my mummy's boyfriend.

I get it.

All is fair in love and war, Ken.

And this, I'm afraid, is both.

Help me, Rocky. I'm so frightened. Emma, get off, will you? I won't tell you

again. What's going on in here?

Um... I think perhaps you'd better leave.

Yeah, right.

Sorry, Mummy, I was just having a bit of fun.

Yes.

Well, you twist them round your little finger for as long as you can, my

darling.

Are you all right?

Go to bed.

I'll be fine.

Look, Laura, you've got to help me out.

You keep getting me in all these situations.

Takes two to tango, Rocky.

Well, I don't want to tango. I don't want to do anything.

All right.

Do you want me to talk to Harry for you?

Look, I've got this idea.

Why don't you come round there with me and pretend to be me girlfriend?

I'll talk to Harry.

What's wrong with pretending to be me? Because I'll run.

Where are you going then, Kenny?

I'm going home, which is where you should go. I talked you in, you're

Yes, I shall do that, Kenny.

Sayonara. What?

Sayonara.

Ken. Ken.

Ciao.

How could she do it?

I mean, a bloke like that?

A bloody disc jockey.

That's hardly an important issue, is it, eh? Why shouldn't a solicitor get

involved with a DJ?

She must be five years older than him at least.

God, I don't believe you at times. What is it you called me, a dinosaur?

Now, there's nothing wrong with good old -fashioned values, Ken.

So degrading for a lady.

Ken! Hospital on the phone.

I bet you don't get this on the NHS.

Shut up, Harry.

Thank you, sir.

I don't look for surprise, Mr Boone. Even Callow's press barons take care of

their own.

I feel you, mate. All right?

I've had a few bad heads in my time, Ken, but this one really takes the

There's no fracture, thank God. There's more by luck than good judgment.

Do you see the blood?

I'm sorry, Ken. I don't think it was you.

Yeah, we'll be glad about that.

I don't think it was Caroline either.

Yeah, well, we're obviously looking at this the wrong way.

Give you three guesses, eh?

You're spitting his eye for me, eh, Ken?

Ken, what are you doing here?

I thought you'd know, Reeves.

I expect you thought I'd get blamed for it again.

Not with you, old chum.

Bill Webster did a nice job on his car, eh?

Doesn't ring a bell, I'm afraid.

Last night outside the bowling alley, someone tried to crack his skull.

Hey, don't look at me. I was home all evening. I was tucked up in bed.

That's right.

We were here together all evening.

Piece of advice, old chum.

Don't go believing what a certain lady lawyer might be telling you. A woman's

scorned. You understand the situation, Ken. They get emotional.

No, I don't understand the situation, old chum. But believe me, I intend to

out.

He's in the hospital.

That reporter. He was attacked last night.

Oh, Mummy, it's not your fault.

Now, there's a picture.

Hello, sweetheart.

I thought perhaps you and I could have a bit of a chat.

It was you, wasn't it?

Emma, why don't you go and get us all some ice cream?

Don't eat ice cream. It's fattening. Please, darling.

Just go.

Hello.

One of those for me.

Sorry, I need all of them to grind into a certain person's face.

Sounds serious.

Do you want a lift?

Yeah. Yeah.

There you go.

OK.

Doesn't feel quite the same as Rocky's.

Well, no, it's a different model.

A bit older.

Oh, looks like you get one after all.

Terrific. Bloody hell.

You're going to have a real shiner there.

No two ways about it. Get off. Sorry.

I think me, Rocky and Ken should go round there with two baseball bats.

Shut up, Emma.

Yeah, there's been enough trouble.

You phone my office, ask Rocky to get over here pronto.

There's the number.

It's really not necessary.

Shall I go and bring the sleeping bag?

Yeah, go on.

Don't you think it's time we called the police?

I can't.

I'm too involved.

Well, perhaps you'd like to tell me what it's all about.

Yeah, that's what he said.

Pyjamas, toothbrush, change of clothes.

Yeah, you'll probably have to be here for several nights.

I met Steve about a year ago when I acted for him in a libel case.

So that bit was true?

Oh, yes.

Sorry I lied to you, Ken. I honestly...

thought that all Eddie Morgan was interested in was exposing my... my

with Steve.

Well, why on earth shouldn't you have an affair?

That's what I thought.

I really thought that Steve was just this happy -go -lucky DJ.

I had no idea he had ambitions as an asset stripper.

I forgot to mention that.

How do you know about Morgan's deal?

I was...

But I would never have told him anything confidential, never.

When Eddie told me what he suspected, I thought it was mad, outrageous.

If he'd been sold out, well, it wasn't through me.

And then, last night, Steve told me I was wrong.

How do you mean?

The day the offer price was fixed, Steve took me out to dinner.

You know, candlelight.

Too much wine.

Then, when I was in bed,

he stole some papers from my briefcase.

Simple.

You mean he actually got involved with you, deliberately?

To set me up?

Probably.

I'd like to think he fell for my charms, but that's rather naive.

Oh, no, come on. You don't have to be gallant, Ken.

I think he saw a lonely, middle -aged solicitor with rich clients and an empty

love life.

Pathetic.

Come on.

Don't put yourself down.

It hurts.

It bloody well hurts.

Did you tell Morgan what Reeves had told you?

Do you think he'd have believed me?

He honestly thought I actually told Steve about the opera price in bed,

probably. You know, pillow talk.

Well, perhaps he was jealous.

Eddie? No.

Just a thought.

What's wrong? Nothing's wrong.

You've been...

My bedroom second on the right by the way just in case you get scared on your

own in the dark What the dog that scares me Emma now? Thank you What if I get

frightened?

Cuddly teddy bear I thought

you'd

never get here

There's someone I want to introduce you to.

This is Laura. She's a big girlfriend.

Rocky, I thought you were going to be up front from now on.

Emma, is there a moment to go for a quiet word?

Sure.

Don't burn it.

Reeves set Caroline up. Then he dips into her briefcase, looks at the

confidential documents.

She didn't tell him a thing.

Yeah, well...

So she says.

Yeah, I've always thought she's a bit stuck up, but basically straight.

You'd be fancy being taken in by a bloke like that.

That's what's bothering you, isn't it, eh? The woman you fancied running off

with some crummy DJ.

Not the ridiculous Ken.

Well, what are you going to do about it, eh? Sit there and earthen your pride,

because unless we do something, Reeves is going to get away with the whole

thing. Oh, no, he bloody isn't.

Give me a hand.

Thanks, Mr Boone.

I can look after myself.

I do hope so, because Bill Webster's still in hospital.

Steve was with me all night, I told you. We know what you told us.

Then stop bothering me, OK?

This is what he did to me.

You're lying.

You know that I'm not.

Leave me alone.

It could be admissible in evidence.

But it could also be dangerous.

I've got no scruples left on this, Caroline. That's my reporter in the

And it's my solicitor. He's been knocking about.

Well, that's that all sorted out, then.

How are you going to get in?

Ah, yes, that could be a bit tricky.

I think I can solve that for you.

The sooner that bastard's behind bars, the better.

Ah, lovely. Thank you.

I could get used to this, you know, Ken.

Peace and quiet, decent grub, clean sheets, nuns.

Well, if you're thinking of staying in here, you won't be needing this, will

you? What are you doing with that? Don't you trust me then?

Go on, get out of here.

We're going to slow it right down.

This next one is for all of you out there who are in love.

Can I see your passes, please, gentlemen?

Yeah, sure.

Pratt? Yeah.

House and Gardens.

Doing an interview with Steve Reeves.

OK.

All right, all right.

We're going to go over to IRN for the latest news. And remember, if you can't

good, be careful.

I'll wait downstairs.

Rainbow Radio, how may I help you?

You've got to give me time to think about it. I can't just betray him.

He'd go crazy if he thought I'd even been talking to you.

Well, you know what he's capable of, don't you?

You've got no choice.

You give me a ring.

That's got both my numbers on, all right?

Cora, I thought you'd gone to the bank.

What's going on?

Nothing.

I think you're telling me Porky's sweet, huh?

What's all this stuff about not wanting to betray me? I didn't tell them

anything, Steve, I promise I didn't. I told them to go away.

I love you, you know that?

And you won't be needing this, will you?

They told me that reporter didn't have a knife, that it couldn't have been self

-defence. But it was, wasn't it? Oh, yes, it was self -defence.

If he'd printed that silly scandal, I could have screwed up with the company.

couldn't have that now, could I?

You mean you just attacked him?

Sweetheart, a man snuffles in the dirt for a living.

He deserved it.

I could have smashed his brain to a pulp.

Under the circumstances, I think he got out of it quite lightly.

I think that's enough, don't you?

All right. You bitch!

Did I do all right? Yeah, you did fine.

The police are going to be well pleased.

Okay.

I should be relieved when the inquiry's over. Well, at least now it'll be your

word against that of a criminal.

Let's hope they'll be sympathetic to my case.

I'll do all I can to help. You know that, don't you, Caroline?

Yes, I do.

Maybe some good has come out of this mess.

Finally, eh?

Whoop! There we are, then.

All right.

There you go, boss. Half the pressing. Oh, wow.

That's that, then.

I would like to propose a toast to all our futures.

Cheers.

Talking of the future, Caroline, we must have lunch together sometime again

soon. Yeah.

Yeah. We must do that sometime.

I'm afraid I'm going to be a bit busy, though, for the immediate future.

But I do want to thank you, though.

For all you've done. I was really impressed by the way you handled Emma.

Yes, well, Rocky's a good lad.

Yes, they do tend to be a bit boy -mad at her age.

Though having her looked after by a gay -minder was an inspiration.

A gay -minder?

Laura! Laura!

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