All language subtitles for Boon s06e05 The Barefaced Contessa

Sometimes I said, yeah, feeling alone No

one to talk to, I got no telephone

That'll be a deposit of 60 pounds, thank
you.

And you want to try 12?

Well, we usually deliver in a fortnight.

It's all right.

What about the temple?

I'm home.

You have a seat.

Let's get back.

Hold mid -party for 355.

And now we will have left.

A presentation for potters comprising
six cups and six saucers

in the Stafford Clouds design.

This heirloom piece is decorated with 22
carat gilding and comes in a

presentation box.

So, can I start the bidding at £500?

£500, thank you. £520?

£520? £540?

£540? £560? £580?

She's taking her time, Ken.

They've got a catwalk show to do.

They'll be here.

Showing off, cutting it fine.

Why don't you just concentrate on your
milking?

Milking? Yeah.

Milking this charity for every penny of
publicity.

At least I got here on time.

You said you'd be late.

Here you are with the first half. She
stood you up, will it?

Thank God that's over.

Oh, these shoes are killing me. No pain,
no gain, Mother. We cleaned out every

checkbook and purse.

First the appetizer, now the main
course. Yeah.

Now we can concentrate our efforts on
Ken.

You drive, Mother.

I'll count.

You've got those little pound signs in
your eyes again. I'm proud.

All major currencies accepted.

Which reminds me, we're late for the
auction.

I don't know why Darling King can't take
you to dinner like a normal bloke. At

least you'd be paying the bill. Trust
me.

You're good if I splash out a bit for
charity.

Planning on blinding him with your halo?

When, at least she has plans to spend
some money on this worthy cause, unlike

some people.

Our contract was

issued at a reduced rate.

You said that without moving your
wallet, Harry.

It doesn't have to be much money.

Just enough show to win Ken's
confidence.

Couldn't you do that in bed? It'd be
cheaper.

You've no heart, you. Only a cash
register.

And it says no more than a hundred.

File those under miscellaneous.

Remember what I said. Up to 100 and no
more.

Keep my hand on me, hate me.

I thought that was Ken's job.

You're not too old to be smacked, you
know.

Hiya.

Good beer.

Hi, Jane.

Sorry we're late. The show went better
than I thought.

Isabella, Laura's got some seats for you
down there.

Oh, good. Come on, Isabella.

See you later, mate. 260,

270, 280, 290, 300.

That's that tie I gave you.

At home?

At home.

Ken, I want this especially.

To project a united corporate image.

Harry, we're CBS, mate, not FBI.

Besides, gene pool, really.

Silk.

Childiness, but not.

Since the elephant eats... an endangered
species.

What are you on about?

All the other time we've been putting in
with Gene, I'm the contestative Cesare,

or however it is you say it.

Thank you.

100 pounds.

You've been shopping with her, shopping
with her. She needed a hand, all right.

Cinema.

Can't we have bills to pay?

We've got contracts to fulfil.

Look, you're supposed to be my partner.

Thank you, Mr Crawford.

150 pounds has been bid by Mr Crawford.

Any bounce on Mr. Crawford's very
generous offer.

£150, I bid by Mr. Crawford.

£150, all down at... £160.

All down at £160.

Sold to the Contessa di Cesare.

Thank you.

What did I tell you? Give over. It's a
good investment. We've all done a bit of

our own fundraising.

Come on, you feel like giving what she's
doing to us here. Looks like Crawford

needs the kick of the rose.

Wouldn't you find a skip?

You're supposed to be in the car park.

I'm supposed to have a lunch break as
well.

Well, I don't care what you say, Harry.

I think it's really romantic.

It's like, you know, it looks like love
to me.

It looked like love the last time.

Alison used to call them the Siamese
twins.

So it lit the lips.

If you like.

It is possible for someone to change in
ten years.

It was like watching the hangman open
the bloody trap door when she ditched

So you did to Ken for the Count of
Chisori?

No, no.

Oh, no, he wasn't around then, no.

No, she just upped and left. She never
told him she was going.

She must have had a reason.

Yeah. He drove a sports car, not a
motorbike.

What did Ken do when he found out?

I never told him.

Better get back to the car, Paul.

Oh, no.

Never went to the pictures with him.

The Count was more the opera type.

You never call him by his Christian
name?

Dracula.

Anyway, how could I see a film through
two black eyes?

Oh, don't. Not only Jim.

His first name was Vincenzo.

Sir, for short.

I don't really know how you can joke
about it.

Because I escaped.

You're quite good at that, aren't you?

Can I have a sausage, honestly?

Yeah.

Thanks.

You know, he was lucky.

What I took was pin money compared to
what I was entitled to. Change of money,

you mean?

Oh, he didn't think he was violent.

Thought he was passionate.

His jacket's in the coleslaw. Oh.

Excuse me.

Can I help you, mate?

This is Rumpelstiltskin calling Big
Cheese to read me over.

They

left

in a hurry, what's up?

Trouble in the car park. Can I have the
160 quid to pay for the oven?

I said no more than 100, didn't I? And I
said we needed to flash some cash.

Hand it over.

Let them a cheque.

It'll bounce.

Have you ever written one that didn't?

He didn't bother with any of the other
cars, just jeans, and then he took off

an old banger.

Not a scratch on it. Why only hers?

Why not? It's a valuable car.

So is this one.

I'll go for this one, myself.

Why?

You say what you like, but it seems very
odd to me.

I don't see why. It's a very clarky car.

You know the pick of the car park,
Contessa, didn't you?

But you only seem interested in your
car.

I think it's high time you came to the
point, Contessa.

If you don't mind, Ken, I'd like to tell
you in private.

I worked in a car.

I wish you hadn't said that.

I couldn't bear to watch him rebel in
it. I'm sorry.

You will be.

So, basically, this car belongs to the
Count?

Yes. I bought it with some of the money
I took.

Stole to get away from him. His pride's
wounded.

He knows I haven't got the cash, so he's
making a play for the car.

Well, give it back to him.

It's mine. I earned it for crying out
loud.

Compensation. We need it for the
business.

It isn't good publicity to roll up in a
skoda.

It's all right to roll up with your neck
in a brace, isn't it? It won't come to

that.

Or maybe you'll just put your arm in a
plaster.

He's right, Mum.

He won't do that. Not until he gets
impatient.

And I won't let it get that far.

Look, I'll just have to come to some
arrangement with him, that's all.

But the next few weeks we should start
seeing some profit.

We've got a lot of orders.

It'll be fine.

He's basically a petty man. I can deal
with it.

Don't worry.

I'm off.

I've had enough of it for one day.

Bye.

Go on up.

I don't worry about keeping her safe.

Sins of the mothers, eh?

Our ears taste the same.

As what?

As we did ten years ago.

You obviously haven't washed behind them
since.

Come on, I've got to go.

Harry's waiting.

It'll take him half an hour to wind the
car up. Yeah, I know.

I've got to help him push it.

Yeah, I'd like to help him push it.

I thought all of the chauffeur was
allowed to sit in the front.

Harry, you're beginning to give me
earache.

Yes, well, if she took her tongue out of
it once in a while... What?

I don't trust a can.

I think you should watch her.

So do I.

I think they're in trouble, Peg.

My problem is I can keep an eye on Jean,
but I'm in trouble to look out for

little fella.

Well, me, I suppose.

Well, why not?

I mean, I know you watch her like a
hawk. Oh, yeah, yeah.

Well, do you want to know the details?

Go on, then.

Once upon a time... there was a big, bad
wolf.

Enzo.

I warned you.

I said he was a mistake. Don't panic.

We'll have to get out now.

Slow up.

Ken's hooked.

And Enzo can unhook him.

All he has to say is, Buongiorno, Ken.

Do they set you up through their fake
dating agency, too, or what?

We won't let him get to Ken. Just like
we didn't let him find us.

He's not as green as he's cabbage
-looking, Isabella.

Mum, he's a lovesick baker, not the
masked avenger.

All right.

He's been cleverer than we anticipated,
but we can handle him.

And Ken?

It's a matter of juggling. Oh, yeah.

Couldn't be simpler.

All you need is balls.

Thank you.

So which do you prefer, crunchy or
chewy?

I'm not bothered.

Would you rather miss out the middleman
and head straight for the liver salt?

Yeah.

What are you doing?

I don't care, Laura.

You can call me, will you, and tell him
I'm at the hotel and that he was right.

Yes, yes, that he was right. Look, and
get Rocky over here, will you? I might

need some help.

No change, Doug.

Don't you believe no change?

What's that? I've got no change.

Well, then, keep it, keep it, keep it.

Thank you.

Enzo.

Please.

And so?

What the hell are you up to?

Don't you mean what are they up to?
Don't get clever. You're the one that's

stealing the car, not them. As a
representative of the McCagney Marshall

Agency, I'm in fact repossessing this
vehicle on behalf of the art firm it was

taken from.

Repossessed? I can't get the popsy thing
to start anyway.

I suggest we discuss this somewhere more
private, like businessmen, instead of

all in wrestlers.

Hmm.

You didn't break my heart, Isabella.

Nothing so kind.

You put it through the ravioli crimper.

Enzo, please don't. No.

You were lightning, Isabella. Lightning
from a cloudless sky.

From a dating agency. Yeah, but of all
the dating agencies and all the yellow

pages in all of London, I had to walk
into your mother's.

Oh, Isabella, she adores you.

They're con women. I don't rather work
in this clothes bit. Most likely it's

old emperor's new clothes idea.

Charge for goods you never deliver.

We call them double trouble.

Bloody good, Harry.

Mr Crawford.

They're as elusive as the scarlet
pumpernickel.

That's credit flat -listed.

Under 32 different aliases.

Of course.

The hire firm only finds out about this
little lot after they've driven off in

the vehicle.

Once the idle pen pushers have made
their mistake, it's up to the skilled

technicians like myself to recover the
property.

Look at the bloody game to these two.

And they cheat.

We have no past, only a future.

You call me, I'll come looking again.

Even if I have to fly with the four
winds, sail across the seven seas,

we'll be together.

Not

handsome.

You were never handsome.

Rugged.

Now you're even more... Crumpled.

Oh, dead over.

Even an ex -fireman couldn't put out
this old flame.

Oh,

your taxi.

If I sit here long enough, it'll go
away.

I doubt it. Come on.

Isabella's waiting for you. Tornado.

All right, all right.

Oh.

Got to come inside.

A list of her aliases.

A list of names on a bit of paper,
Harry. A dirty bit of paper.

What's this?

Exhibit B.

Credit blacklisting.

Do you believe this bloke Owens, then?

Kenny's got all the paperwork. He's got
reams of it.

Why don't you front her with it, then,
out there?

Instead of coming in here telling tales
behind our backs. Because I wanted to

tell you first.

You enjoying all this, are you?

Well, maybe he's just using you to get
at her.

Kenny wants to repossess the car, not
put her feet in concrete.

He's only got his word for it. Against
hers.

You'd better leave.

I can smell the money. We've never had a
plant kick so well. I tell you, if you

can remember any other old flames we can
look up and flee, it'll be quids in.

Half the work's done before.

Mum?

What? You're not listening.

What? You're not listening. I'm making
plans here. Aren't you interested?

We're not getting the money off, Ken.

What?

What's gone wrong?

I have.

We're not going through with it.

It was your idea to come here. You said
he could be rolling in it by now. He's a

partner in that security firm, Mum. A
partner.

He can't jack it in.

Think about his money.

We made enough through the clothes scam.

It's a sideline, Mum. We came here
specially to take him.

I've had a change of heart.

Someone shot an arrow through it.

Feels like it. Cut the corn with a wing,
crap mother. There's no way you can do

this.

What are you going to tell him?

I don't know yet.

The truth?

The truth?

Well, I can tell him half the truth.

I just have to hope that's enough.

She's all set to take your partner to
the cleaners. Get out of my drawers!

So, what we have to do is get her,
Harry.

It's Mr Crawford to you.

And all I have to do is get Ken out of
this mess.

And how exactly are you going to do
that, Mr Crawford?

Light a candle to St Jude?

Just let me do it my own way, right?

Fine.

So what's plan B, then?

It's a motorbike he rides, not a white
horse. Look, it stops here. I've made

decision. I? What happened to we?

Was that reserved for Sir Ken? You don't
understand.

I can't do this to him. I won't do it.

That doesn't mean I can't.

You'll do as you're told.

Oh, will I?

I've been looking for you.

I think there are some things I should
tell you.

How about the truth, for a start?

I'm not used to doing that.

Harry is, though.

What did he tell you?

Only about 30 odd false names you've
been working under, for starters.

I haven't any excuses.

You haven't got a legit fashion business
either.

It's only a way of making a living.

It's dishonest.

I didn't hurt anyone.

I just dented a few wallets, that's all.

Until now.

It's only these past few weeks being
with you.

I don't want to hear it.

I want to tell you.

Come on, Enzo, you dozy bastard. Hello?

Enzo? It's me.

Look back and I just see me doing all
the wrong things for all the right

reasons. There are other ways of earning
a living.

Like what?

There was nothing I could have done. I
had Isabella to think about.

I thought you didn't have any excuses.

It's not an excuse. It's a fact.

And us? Are we a fact?

You know how I feel.

Do I?

care about is you and me.

I want to be with you.

It strikes me what you want and what you
get are two very different things.

And tomorrow we tell your mother.

No, Enzo. You promised me. I told you
how possessive she is.

You both seem like we're running away.

It's called elopement.

Please.

I don't deserve you.

That's true.

Especially after all I've done to you.

Stealing your money.

I told you, it's our money. It doesn't
matter.

Not now.

I want to pay you back.

Make up for it.

Oh, you'll pay me back with a half share
in the rest of your life.

You still lied to me. I could have
denied it all, but I didn't.

I couldn't.

Because this time I want to stay... with
you.

I don't know.

It's always the same.

Me and women.

Sometimes I...

I think I walked round with a dirty
great placard on my back, saying, kick

But it isn't like that.

Will you tell me what it's like, then?

The only way I could see to make you
trust me was to tell you what a bloody

I am.

You can't make me trust you.

I think you better stay.

Oh, I hate sleeping.

It gives me a headache.

I thought that was supposed to be my
excuse.

I'm surprised you didn't wake yourself
up. You were snoring so loudly.

I thought there was an earthquake in
progress.

No, that was last night, wasn't it?

What do you want for breakfast?

Um... You.

Hello? Mum?

Just checking up on you.

What time do you make it?

Ten?

Ten.

So, when do you think I'll get here?

Alright, see you in about half an hour
then.

Okay.

Okay. Bye.

30 minutes?

Enzo?

You awake?

Enzo?

Time to get up.

Enzo.

I thought handsome princes were supposed
to be woken up with a kiss.

I think that's frogs. Come on.

Should really be sirloin.

Hey.

Sirloin. For a steak out.

What are you looking for?

My other shoe.

Here. Oh.

It's two minutes later than the last
time you looked.

Why are you so jumpy? I won't be happy
till we're on our way, Enzo. Till I know

we're safe.

Come on.

The maid will be here to tell me out any
second. And your taxi. Where is it?

My wallet.

In your jacket pocket.

What's the matter?

Jean?

Enzo. Enzo. I let him... I let him hear
a thought.

I thought it was you.

Well, are you all right?

What's the money?

What's the money for me? Me, Mum?

What money?

Is this some friend of your ex's?

I think it's about time you called the
police, don't you?

But she isn't hurt.

Look, he's playing rough with her.

After what you told me, that counted to
you.

You want all that to happen to her?

He's not going to get any money.

Well, let me help, eh?

Let me do something.

I can get hold of some money, pay him
off, get rid.

No, no, I said no.

Oh, no, please, no money.

I don't need your money. I don't want
your money.

Just leave it.

Leave it!

I'm only trying to help.

You've always managed without running
before.

I can get you some money.

No.

No, I think it's better.

I give it to you. You can deal with it.
You need never know.

How much do you need?

No, Ken, I can't. How much?

Too much.

Maybe 5 ,000 pounds.

Five.

Right. Right, I'll see what I can drum
up.

You keep quiet about this. Oh, it's a
word.

Thank you.

Thank you.

High -speed chase up the M4.

You drive up the hard shoulder, you see,
box them in. It's a bit like stock car,

Ray. They try to ram their way out, but
once you've got them... Shut up, woman.

Get going.

It's awful, that's what you have to
think. It's amazing what you can do with

mix of scaffolding and a cold tank. Shut
up, shut up, shut up, shut up. Just

drive.

I'm sorry, Ken. Can you say that again?

You heard me. But why?

I need some money. I need it in cash.

Can you find a buyer?

But Ken, white lightning.

Just take it, will you? Get what you
can. Bring it back here.

It's like the Lone Ranger selling Tonto.

What, his Indian sidecar?

Just do as you're told.

Sell it.

Ken? Hello, this is 417101, Ken Boone
speaking.

Sorry I'm not in at the moment.

How much?

Sorry? And he says it's got to be in
cash.

Yeah, in used notes.

Oh, she is bloody ambitious.

Who is?

The barefaced contessa.

She's a con artist, Rocky.

She's conning Ken.

Well, why don't we just tell him?

Stop her.

Because he won't listen.

Not now.

What we've got to do is we've got to
catch her red -handed.

Listen, what about Ken?

I mean, he's waiting for the money.

How am I going to get round that?

Look, take the bike. Hide it. Just keep
it out of sight.

But what about the money?

Five grand?

Yeah.

Well, when you're fishing for sharks,
Rocky, you have to use a lot of bait.

Go on.

Harry? Yes?

Here, put it in there.

Do you recognise the briefcase?

What do you think you're doing?

I'm putting everything I've got on 13
black.

Yeah, I'll be there, love. Don't worry.
OK.

So it went to a good home, yes, mate.

Can I borrow?

It's all there.

I'll pay you back, you know.

Is it enough?

Yeah.

Do you want me to come with you?

I don't think you'd be too pleased. Oh,
stuff him.

It's you.

You said he threatened you. I'll be all
right.

He doesn't want trouble.

Just the money.

Thanks, Ken.

You take care.

She's taking the money, Harry.

Over.

Ready to go?

Everything's sorted.

Better get a move on, Mum.

It wouldn't have worked.

You said so yourself.

Better for him if we leave now.

We're on the way, Harry. Over and out.

What the hell are you playing at?
Highway robbery.

What? Move your car.

There's a toll to be paid. Give me the
money.

Money? What do you think you're doing?

Recovering stolen property.

Nobody asked you, pigpen.

We watched you take the money off Ken.

Keys.

Money!

Talk, mate.

You win some, you lose some.

Ken, I've sent out the contract for next
week's dog show.

Rocky said you'd taken the pick -up
address. I'll call back. Can you have it

with you so I can get organised?

See you.

Ken, I thought it would be easier to
talk to your machine.

It isn't.

I can't explain.

I tried and I just made things even
worse.

So I'm going.

You'd never have been able to trust me.

I'm doing what I'm good at.

Running off.

It'd hurt you more if I stayed.

I love you.

would call it a war now.

You all right?

Yeah, I just wanted to say I'm sorry.

Well, me likewise.

Why? You were right.

Well, still say I'm sorry.

What a turn -up, eh?

All that last -minute honesty.

Again. Do you know, she left a message.

I can't ever see you again.

I suppose she took the money just to
remember me by.

I know it was only a technicality you
stopped her driving away with it.

She took it.

Come and help me unload this trailer.

What's all this, Harry?

Harry, how the bloody hell did... Ask me
no questions and I'll tell you no lies.

Well, come on.

Don't just stand there.

Let me look it out.

All right. Hey.