Original subtitles

Thank you.

Thank you.

I'm going now.

childish sulking cuts no ice with me.

You do?

Yeah, that's right.

I've got four gallons of assorted paint for you. Okay, I'll give you a hand. Mr

Boone? Oh, blimey, I've only been here one night and I'm getting a post.

And I might have guessed it, first one's a bell.

Line of the times. When I first took the job, people said you could light up

when they saw me. Now they run for cover.

You just moved in?

Yeah, I'm renting it off the Bagnalls. Well, I say I'm renting it. I mean, I've

come to some agreement with them where I do it up for them, littering free.

Rather you than me. A lot of hard work there.

Mm -hmm.

I'm Ken, by the way.

Patrick Dunn.

Don't say it.

Pain of my life.

Well, Patrick, I would offer you a cup of tea, but I have no electricity.

Another time, eh? Right.

Good luck with the renovations. Yeah, thanks.

Where do you want the paint?

Ah, the old beggar finally got short of the place, eh?

Morning, Jim. Morning, Mr. Chair. Everything all right?

Fine, thanks.

How's it going?

Oh, she's fine.

Well, how many operatives did you have in mind, Mr Pritchard?

Well, as you can see, it's quite manpower intensive.

Well, there are a lot of doors, but I'm sure we can make it secure.

The main headache is the central section, F5.

That's the bulk concentration of collateral.

Ah, the expensive stuff.

Quite. There's weights machines, rowing and cycling equipment and golf

simulators and scuba.

Golf simulators?

Yes. We're premiering the latest Japanese line.

I'm very keen on Godmyself. So, really, now, Mr Image, we're not at all keen on

the googly bouncer look.

Oh, absolutely.

Our watchword is authoritative but unobtrusive.

We've got this rather interesting notion on profile.

See, our central theme is sport and health.

So, we thought the security operatives could be wearing track suits.

Oh, I don't think our staff's equipped.

No, no, no, we supply the suits.

Oh, well, in that case, there's no problem.

Good. Now, age.

This really is most important.

Sport and health.

We'd like your youngest employees, particularly the chappy in charge.

Well, we've always found that the more mature the man... No, no, no. Sorry.

It's on this one.

Sport, health, youth.

Well, we do have one young, fit, athletic executive on our staff. Yes.

A good memory is an essential tool for the modern businessman.

It can be readily improved by the simple steps laid out in the previous chapter.

Don't remember, then? OK.

Could you come into the next office, please? There's somebody I'd like you to

meet. Come on.

Gropham and Security.

Oh, hello.

Yes, I'd like to make an appointment to meet a Mr... Boom.

You've missed a bit.

Rocky, you all right?

You look well to me.

I think... I think Harry's just promoted me.

Really? Do you know what he just called me?

No. An executive.

Executive.

Bring in a couple of coffees and whatever you need, please. Yeah.

Oh, Harry, a Mr Dewar phoned.

Job for Ken.

Oh, give me the details.

See you at lunchtime.

Oh, you're not going to like this.

Blimey!

Look, I think why you gave up the boat for this.

I got sick of the rats, Harry.

Besides, this is a beautiful old house. Look at it.

It's going to cost you a bob hotel.

Don't tell me about it. I reckon I'll just about afford to do up down here and

outside.

But upstairs is another matter.

Well, I might be able to help you there.

What, are you going to roll your sleeves up and give us a hand?

Well, in my state of health...

Can you lend me some money, then?

Why, yes.

Full of tricks like that I own, Ken, yeah.

What, then?

I've got a client for you. No, Harry, no. I am on my sabbatical. I'm not

any of that. I've got far too much to do here.

No, listen, Ken, listen.

This job is perfect for you. It's just a straightforward follow -and -report

job. A couple of nights stakeout and catch up with the building work during

daytime. It's a piece of cake.

You see...

Oh, I like them.

It's my wife.

Oh, yes?

I find this very difficult.

I'm not used to talking about my private affairs with complete strangers.

Well, I assure you, Mr. Dew, anything you say between these four walls will

well, strictly confidential.

Yes, well, it might be paranoia, you see.

I'm not at home much.

I work a lot of nights here at the dairy, and one has time to think,

perhaps become over -imaginative.

The point is... How can I put this?

You think your wife's having an affair with someone?

Yes. And I wondered if you people could... Well, I'm not

really sure what you people do, but if you could...

I'll do my best.

Whatever you do, be discreet.

It's a hanky -panky job, Harry. You should have warned me. You know I don't

doing that stuff.

Oh, come on, Ken.

The work's work.

Hearing spouse, get the binoculars out.

Spying on people.

Yes, Mr Dewar, your wife is having it off with the gas man. Now, about my fee.

Oh, come on, Harry, do me a favour.

Well, I'm glad you can afford to be so choosy.

Especially with a cash drain like that cottage round your neck.

Harry! Yes?

Harry, I think we've got a problem.

What is it?

It's these track boots.

They're all one size.

Really, really small.

Well, I can't be bothered with every problem.

That's what being an executive entails.

Making decisions.

Taking responsibilities.

Where am I going to find 15 blokes under five foot five in four days?

Use your initiative.

Try the colleges. They break up this week.

Hey, that's not a bad idea, you know, when you think about it. Polite, small,

young security guard.

Hey, Rocky.

Yeah? No druggies.

And no funny haircuts.

Oh, these are a problem, Harry.

Listen, I'll do this job, okay? But I'm not sitting out all night on my

motorbike. I need to use your car.

What's part of it when it's at home?

Having trouble?

Yeah,

seems to have completely teased up.

Oh, dear.

I know a man with a garage just down the road. I'll bump in and set him up.

It's very good.

It's all right.

Don't bother.

Oh, it's no bother.

Hateful when these things pack in on you, isn't it?

I'm just going to the shop.

I'll bring him back.

Won't be long.

Sorry, Harry.

Come on, I'll make you some tea while Stan fixes it.

No, it's all right. No bother.

Oh, what a funny man you are.

I'm not chasing you, don't worry. Actually, I'm very happily married,

You're quite safe with me. But I'd welcome some company.

Come on, tea outside.

I've been wrote to, you see, to give a talk on English literature.

Well, I was rather nervous, I suppose, that I had a few drinks.

I decided to soften them up with a little joke.

I said, I'd like to talk to you tonight about keys.

You know, some people don't know what a key is.

Well, the look the vicar gave me could have stopped Big Ben.

So, um, you do quite a lot of charity work, do you, for the parish?

Oh, dear, you make me sound so dowdy.

Oh, no, far from it.

It's just that John, my husband, has to put a lot of work in on his business.

Leaves me with a lot of time to fill.

Well, he ought to be a bit more careful.

Charts would be a fine thing in this neck of the woods.

More tea?

Um, it's done.

Who's Quickstan?

Looks like someone had vandalised your distributor.

Yeah, I'm a chum. I'm sorry.

Call it a tenner.

Great, thank you.

You're welcome.

See you then, Mrs Dewar.

Well, I guess I'd better be going.

What a pity. I was just enjoying our chat.

Well, maybe I'll see you again sometime.

Yeah, yeah, maybe.

Oh, Ken, how could you? On the first day, it wasn't entirely my fault, mate.

came straight up to me.

She's obviously very lonely.

But to blow your cover like that! All right, don't go on.

You're going to have to join me on the job now. I can't be seen again.

Oh, I suppose you're right. Besides, Melissa knows your car now. We'll have

use Laura's. Oh, Melissa, is it?

Well, we'd better hurry up, hadn't we? Spots to keep an eye on her, aren't we?

You're wasting your time. Anyone who's spent more than five minutes with that

woman knows she's as straight as a die.

Sorry I kept you.

I miss you.

What do you want?

Me?

Oh, I've got a murder of a hot bacon and tomato sarnie.

Well, you won't get it, mate.

It's very basic, that corner shop.

What have they got?

They've got corned beef and cheese.

Forget it.

A piece of cake, you said. I could do all my work during the day. When am I

going to get my plastering done?

I can't do night shifts all the time, obviously.

Obviously.

I don't know why you don't do your work at night, Ken. I mean, you haven't got

any neighbours, have you?

I haven't got any electricity either.

I wouldn't know where I was plastering.

Life in the fast lane, eh?

Eh?

Sitting for hours and hours on end in a car watching a house.

Again, vaulting away.

Oh, it's only a few days, Ken.

No, I don't mean this particular job.

I mean this life in general, eh?

Well, three school years and ten, that's what you're supposed to get, eh? Sounds

a lot, doesn't it, when you're 17 and suddenly, bang, you're 30, then bang.

Just when you get over the shock of that, you're 40.

You'll get in mode, Lincoln.

Well, it only seems like yesterday I bought my first bike, you know, bombing

the M1, thinking I was Marlon Brando.

Yeah,

I don't know what you mean.

I'd afford popular.

Of course you did.

Picnics in Washington, Superman. A different girl every month was great.

Do you reckon they do pickle with that cheese?

Yeah.

Here.

I hope our business is all right. We're both stuck out here.

I hope Laura and Rocky can cope.

Just ask them how tall they are.

I don't like to.

It seems a bit personal, you know.

Right.

Well, let's get this show on the road then, shall we?

i'm sorry we're really looking for men that's sex discrimination is it

you bet

How long's she been in there?

It's 15 minutes the last time you asked me, so it's been 20 minutes now, and to

save you asking again, it'll be 25 minutes the next time, and after that,

be half an hour. There's no need to get shirty.

Well, we'd better go and have a look inside.

Here she is now.

What's that?

Let's get somebody with her.

What do you think, Eric?

Looks like he's gone off to work.

Slips into town to see a fancy one.

Hey.

Who's that?

Gary Lopes.

Very handy things to have. That's her brother. He works in there.

Oh, right.

Clever clogs.

Anyway, I'd better get after her.

I'm coming with you. I'm getting bed sores in here.

Yes, well, just make sure she doesn't see you again. Right, right.

It's a waste of time, mate. She's feeding the ducks.

Perhaps poor old Jew is having his midlife crisis.

Thank you.

Oh,

this is

depressing me. Keep your eye on her, Harry. Where are you going?

Get hot, Doug. I'm starving. Will you?

Hey, Kent.

Yeah? Get me a 99, will you?

With hundreds and thousands.

All right.

What do your case notes say about him, then?

Clever clogs.

Well, I followed him to a little hotel in Langley.

Little love nest, possibly.

I don't know. I'll check it out tomorrow. How'd you get on?

I followed her to her home, where I waited for two hours.

Well, you were lucky.

I've been tracing her out for miles.

If I'm going to stay on this bloke's tail, I'm going to need another car,

It's costing a fortune in taxes.

We'll use one of the vans.

There's no point in throwing good money away.

Very impressive.

Very thorough, I must say.

How do you get the plans to the app?

I have my ways.

Involving a certain posh lookalike.

Nice work if you can get it.

You sure you don't want backup, you're in?

You do your job properly, I won't need it. Don't you worry about us.

So what's the guarantee?

30 ,000 minimum.

Sweet. But maybe more.

Probably a damn sight more.

Love it.

And the bird?

You take her miles from anywhere, and you throw her away.

Thank you.

Anything wrong, sir?

My key, I've locked it in the... That's all right, sir. I've got a master.

Sorry, I was down there.

Just give me a shout when you're finished and I'll do your info.

Thanks for your trouble.

This is the official pass.

And nobody, but nobody is allowed in without one.

But be polite.

Because if they haven't got one, it's more than likely down to some cock -up

administration. What a surprise.

Did you say you had some kind of pass? Yeah.

Sort of government identification.

When I phoned them up, they claimed there was no such department.

Oh. And what's this map you've found to copy?

I got it done at the hotel.

They never said a thing.

Ha! Ha!

Ha! Ha!

Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha!

Ha! Ha! Ha!

Ha!

Ha!

and I want to keep tabs on him.

Yeah. Well, just get in touch with me on the walkie -talkie, and I'll be

straight down there to sort it out, all right? Well, isn't that reassuring?

What did you want to be when you were a kid, Harry?

And I don't most of the time.

No, seriously, you know, like most kids want to be engine drivers, astronauts.

What did you want to be?

A comptometer operator.

What?

Oh. You should advertise for them in the paper.

Wanted. Comptometer operators.

I never knew what they were.

Well, what were they?

I don't know, I never found out.

You just sounded so, oh, I don't know, important and technical.

You're an overachiever, that's what you are, Crawford.

What did you want to be?

Seriously. Oh, seriously.

I wanted to be a fireman.

Oh.

Oh, you're a sound man, Ken.

So, where did we go wrong?

I don't get you.

Look, we've been here.

watching a lovely lady to see if she's cheating on her husband.

You know, obviously, at some time, they must have been deeply in love with each

other, and now he's got us, two middle -aged men, watching her every move.

I mean, there's a point somewhere along the line where you can actually say that

is where it went wrong.

Who's this?

It's Romeo.

I really hate these jobs, Harry.

I really do.

Here we go again.

Sorry to call you so early, but you couldn't do a check for me, could you?

A firm called Bug Busters.

I don't know, I tried a pound book.

Morning, Harry. Where's Ken?

Shh, get in the van.

Oh, that's nice. Come all the way out here with your breakfast for you. Shh,

in the van. Go on.

It doesn't make any sense at all.

Either we've stumbled on some of the keenest fumigators in Great Britain...

Mrs Dewar is running a house of ill repute.

It's time in the morning.

For the local rat catcher?

She'd have to be very dedicated to her work, wouldn't she?

Now, there's only one thing for it, Rocky. You'll just have to go in there

see what they're up to.

Talk sense, Harry.

I can't just march up to the front door, knock on it and say, excuse me, I work

for a security investigator. I believe you're running a knocking shop.

Don't be so crude.

You're a motorist whose car is overheated. You saw that somebody was in

Please, could you have some water for the radiator?

Don't blame me when I'm late for work.

Yes.

Excuse me, is my son still here?

Your son?

Yes, he came here a while ago for some water. It's our car.

Overheated.

You'd better come in.

Don't even breathe, ladly sonny boy.

Come on, move, you toilet.

What is this, a bleeding convention?

What was I meant to do? He's dead.

He was waiting outside in the car for him.

Why didn't you tell us you had somebody in the car with you?

I didn't want to get him involved.

Yes? There's a Mr Mayers to see you.

Mr Mayers?

No, I have no appointment in my book.

Mr. Mears is from the Ministry of Agriculture, Fisheries and Food. He says

rather urgent.

All right, send him in.

Mr. Dewar, I'll see you straight away if you'd like to go through, sir. Thank

you very much. I'm expecting an important call. Would you route it

Mr. Dewar's office?

Certainly, sir. Thank you very much.

Come in.

Morning. Mr. Mears, take a seat.

Two minutes.

I'm tired.

Listeria. That's impossible.

Our refrigeration system is second to none. Our product is stringently tested.

Mr. Dewar, it really is purely a routine inspection.

We have to eliminate any possible source.

Especially a concern as large as yours.

Well, of course, I'll do all I can to help you.

And you will.

Um, excuse me.

Yes, Dewar.

Mr Dewar, you don't know me, but I'm here with your wife.

I think she's got a little message for you.

John, there are two men here.

You've got to help.

John, they've got a gun.

Kind of joke.

For God's sake, John, I'm serious.

Please do as they ask.

Not bad news, huh?

No, why?

There's something dreadfully wrong.

I had to call the police.

Oh, I wouldn't do that if I were you.

Why?

Well... This...

In a radio pager.

The chap in your living room has one of these too. And if I press this button,

he will know that you have been uncooperative.

Do you understand?

Oh, my God.

Do you understand?

Yeah.

Good.

Now, it's wages delivery day today, I believe.

Oh!

Hey, look!

There's no need for that.

Everybody's cooperating.

Shut it, Baldy.

Just think about your radiator.

That's all of it.

On the way out, you go to my car, the green Range Rover, by the front gate.

I'm taking you for a ride, as they say.

Look natural, and if anyone stops it, remember, then you'll be on the button.

Morning, Mr. Dewar. You're home.

Oh, Jim.

Yes, that's right. Everything all right?

Not one of the cleaners has lost her purse, because we're not used to.

Lost her purse?

I'm walking off with the wages.

Well, that's me for the high jump, then.

Come on, let's go.

Excuse me, are you not taking your car?

No, Jim, no, business brunch. I might have a few drinks.

Business brunch, is it? All right, my son.

Your stop, I believe.

A bit far from civilization, but I'm sure you'll manage.

All right, all right.

Town's that way, I think.

Oh, you were a bit gullible about the radio pager, by the way.

They just don't work that way.

Well, I must fly.

Done. Come on.

Hey, where are you taking her?

You've got what you wanted. Just leave her here.

I want you.

That thing held.

Ken, they were alarmed.

We've got to call the police.

I thought we were done for, Ken. I really did.

They're planning a hit on the dairy, Ken.

They must have somebody in there.

That's Lyle.

I watched him do it.

Where's Melissa?

They took her with them.

God, I feel so stupid. I call the police.

Ken, it's no good. They've torn the phones out.

Come on, follow me.

Hey, where do we go again? There's a police station. We've got to find Lyle.

Right.

He checked out yesterday evening.

Surprise, surprise.

Look, if anything happens to her, Harry, I'm going to feel totally responsible.

Oh, come on, Ken.

It's hardly your fault.

Fine kind of investigator I'm turning out to be, aren't I? I mean, I watched

happen, Harry.

I mean, I couldn't even smell a rat right underneath my nose.

She has an affair with a bloke like that, she's asking for trouble. Yeah,

husband works all the hours God sends.

All she had to look forward to was these talks down the booking institute.

I mean, no wonder the charms of Mr Lyle turned her in. Well, I suppose she

wasn't. I know what a great -eyed villain he was.

No.

Hey, you realise we're talking about her in the past tense?

Down there in that van.

Go, Unit 4.

What about the other man? You should have waited. He's got the money. Leave

to us.

You will have alerted him.

We don't expect him to turn up here.

What are you talking about?

There's trouble.

Documents in the glove compartment.

Exactly, Mr. Dewar. You don't plan a job like this and happen to show your

victim where you're going. Then, happen to drop him near a police station so he

can blow the whistle by himself.

What do you mean?

He means he's stitched his mates up.

If this man gets away with my money, Inspector, your job is on the line.

He seems a lot more worried about his money than his wife.

Can't believe it, that bastard. Getting away with it scot -free. No, wait a

minute. What is it?

What were your first impressions of Lyle?

Well -heeled, smooth.

Yeah, not a town lad at all, eh?

Country type.

Range Rover, green wellies, all that stuff.

Well, how did he get his hands on a report from the Ministry of Agriculture?

I'm a Lyle. Look on the map where those crosses are.

I'm building.

Yeah, I'm going to call the booth, Harry. We're getting over there.

Well, let's hope we're on to something.

It should be about 100 yards up here.

Well, it won't hold me breath.

Well, it has to be. We've tried all the others.

It seems deserted.

I don't think he's here, Ken.

I think he is.

Hold on.

What do we do now?

We go around that way.

I'll go down there.

Gotcha, Mr.

Lyle.

Good afternoon.

Good afternoon.

This is private property.

Oh, yes.

Private, is it?

Yes, it is.

And if you don't leave immediately... You're going to call the police?

I shouldn't bother Mr. Lowther on their way.

Who are you?

His name's Ken.

Ken Boone.

He does a nice line in Distress Motorist.

But I suspect he's not quite all he seems.

If I may say so, Mrs. Durer.

Neither are you.

Blimey. Are you sure you know how to use that?

Could be awfully messy finding out.

We are done.

Well, darling, this place is going to be surrounded with policemen very soon.

But don't take too kindly to armed robbery.

But I did manage to get paid.

What is it?

Money.

Heaven knows what kind of a mess this is going to be in.

Ah, there you are, Crawford. Mr. Pritchard, I can't tell you what we've

put up with. But I must congratulate you. You really have an excellent young

staff. The lorry has been absolutely magnificent.

Mr Pritchard, telephone.

Telephone, right.

Mr Caterby, it is boiling in that tent. It's against the factory's act to work

under conditions like these.

Well, that hardly applies to you, does it, Vicky?

What do you mean?

You're not working, are you? Now, come on, get back to it.

It's very masterful.

Yeah, well...

When you've looked down the barrel of a sawn -off shotgun, I'm afraid the likes

of Vicky Mouthpiece don't hold much terror for me.

Come on, you'd better show me what you've been doing while I've been away.

Well, do you know, in a funny sort of way, I've enjoyed all this.

Oh, you mean positive at last?

Makes a change from the manic depressive I've had to share a car with for the

past three days.

Who, me? Yeah, you.

Well, I'm really pleased for you.

Who, Melissa?

Love conquers all, does it?

Something simpler than that. Oh, of course. Adventure.

Yeah.

Yeah, I suppose you're right.

Fancy a cup of tea?

Yeah. Come on.